didandmerant

[didandmerant]

dissociation culture is having a panic attack over forgetting your entire childhood, save for a handful of memories

.

[didandmerant]

Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority”

and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say “if you won’t respect me I won’t respect you” and they mean “if you won’t treat me like an authority I won’t treat you like a person”

and they think they’re being fair but they aren’t, and it’s not okay.

[didandmerant]

"If you had a disorder as serious as DID, we would notice."

You did notice, you just called it by a different name.

When you noticed us acting different, you called it

childish

standoffish

unpredictable

too sensitive

insensitive

dramatic

manipulative

intentionally being difficult

When you noticed our amnesia, you called it

irresponsible

flakey

forgetful

not listening

not trying

unreliable

lying

When you noticed us dissociating, you called it

spaciness

daydreaming

not paying attention

not caring

stonewalling

acting stupid on purpose

wasting time

being lazy

People love to say they care about people with mental illness, and then disbelieve anyone who has one because they've already passed judgement on them.

[didandmerant]

Dissociation culture is trying to work out if the headache is caused by stress, dehydration or dissociation and then ending up with an answer of all three.

.

[didandmerant]

You don’t get to decide how my story ends. I get to do that, despite everything you did to try and break me. I will write my own ending. 

[didandmerant]

Crying when you are angry it's the worst

No I'm not crying because you are right or you have upset me its a natural response to a big emotion

Fuck off

#actually osdd #actuallydid #actuallytraumagenic #alters #did #did alter #did community #did osdd #did system #dissociative identity disorder #osdd community #osdd alter #osdd system #osdd host #did host #swearing

[didandmerant]

We losing chunks of our life again and it's terrifying

#actually osdd #actuallydid #actuallytraumagenic #alters #did #system #osdd 1b #dissociative identity disorder #osdd #traumagenic system #rant #rant post #vent #vent post #did alter #did host #osdd alter #osdd system #osdd host #did osdd #did system #did community #osdd community

[didandmerant]

ALL SYSTEM ROLES ARE HARD.

can we stop comparing different roles as worse--

(all of this from person experience)

HOSTS have to go through everyday experiences and have to deal with all that stress

COHOSTS have to try and front when hosts can't and pick things up and handle the stress

GATEKEEPERS have to hold memories and decide life changing things! The stress of deciding who gets what, knowing if you get it wrong so many people could get hurt

TRAUMA HOLDERS have to hold and relive through traumatic memories daily

CARETAKERS have to support a system even when it's hard. the pressure to try and help a bunch of traumatized alters while also being traumatized

LITTLES who have to deal with so much stigma, who could be completely hurt and can't even live through a proper childhood experience

PERSECUTORS who struggle day in and day out trying to help, trying to heal, only to get called evil and harmful

PROTECTORS who have to go through traumatic situations and try to save a system from harm

INTROJECTS who have to struggle with source seperating and helping an entire system with memories that they don't relate to

FRAGMENTS who aren't even fully developed, who can live through one thing over and over again

INTERNAL SELF HELPERS who have to try understanding it all just to keep a system running

MANAGERS who have to manage an entire system while trying to listen and stay safe

NONHUMAN ALTERS who struggle to identify with anything

DEAD ALTERS that came from near death experiences and have to live with that day in and out

SYMPTOM HOLDERS who have to go through all the worst parts of having something everyday

SEXUAL ALTERS who have sexual thoughts they don't want

ALL ALTERS who deal with identity issues and struggling with having a stressful full time job that could affect a life forever.

ALL ALTERS who have to deal with fakeclamining no matter what they do, struggling with trying to say it's okay and they're valid

like stop 👏 saying one is worse 👏

stop saying 👏 one group has it worse 👏

systems are built off of trauma. it's stressful for everyone involved, not just one group.

it's a system, that's it's whole thing. a bunch of parts working together, all carrying and doing the same amount.

-Vincent

[didandmerant]

[didandmerant]

*experiences symptoms when no one is around to see me* I have got to stop faking for attention

[didandmerant]

We haven't been posting much and one of the reasons is that one of our abusers has found a way to contact us, we went no contact ever since we ran from them, and it has been scary to come back online

It feels like they will find this and find us

It's scary living in fear and I'm so sorry if you relate to this

Because we have been so stressed everything has been blurry, today is a good day and i can tell who I am but i am having a hard time remembering anything

It feels like all the progress we have made to have less memory barriers have been lost, all because one person send one email

I hate that they have this power over us

-henry

#system #osdd 1b #dissociative identity disorder #actuallydid #actuallytraumagenic #osdd #traumagenic system #did community #did osdd #trauma #tw trauma #abuse #osdd alter #osdd host #did alter #did host #osdd community #actually osdd #rant post #rant #vent #vent post #dissociative alters

[didandmerant]

Sometimes self care is being messy.

We lived in a house that was more of a museum and we were a visitor.

We couldn't touch anything or let anything dirty, we couldn't let any marks that we lived there.

So yeah our room is a mess rn but when i see that chair with unfolded clothes and a cup of water i was too lazy to put away i smile.

We can exist here, we can live and take out time handling things.

-Lucas

#system #osdd 1b #dissociative identity disorder #actuallydid #actuallytraumagenic #osdd #traumagenic system #did memes #did community #did osdd #rant post #rant #vent #did host #did alter #did system #osdd alter #osdd system #osdd community #dissociative alters #actually osdd

[didandmerant]

We never really had money since we ran from home to scape our abusers.

But now they are cutting back our hours and we already work a minimum wage job.

I'm so worried we won't be able to pay rent and will have to either live on the streets or move back with our abusers.

We've cut back on so much, the only reason we have wifi is because we need it for work.

I don't know what to do.

-Lucas

#vent #actually osdd #actuallydid #actuallytraumagenic #did #did alter #alters #did community #did osdd #did system #dissociative identity disorder #dissociative alters #osdd alter #osdd host #did host #actually traumagenic #rant

[didandmerant]

I'm tired of the narrative that trauma makes you kind.

Trauma fucked me up, it made me angry and it even made me toxic so i could survive it.

The fact that i chose to unlearn those behaviors and became kind is my merit, don't give that to my trauma/abusers.

-Lucas

#trauma #tw trauma mention #tw trauma #swearing #tw swearing #actually osdd #actuallydid #actuallytraumagenic #alters #did #did alter #did community #did osdd #did system #dissociative identity disorder #dissociative alters #osdd system #osdd 1b #osdd #osdd alter #did host #osdd host #traumagenic system

[didandmerant]

Let's play a fun game called am i paranoid or did this happen way too many times?

Either way you lose!

-Victoria

#vent #actually osdd #actuallydid #actuallytraumagenic #alters #did #did alter #did community #did osdd #did system #dissociative identity disorder #paranoid #osdd 1b #osdd system #osdd #actually traumagenic #traumagenic system #osdd alter #osdd host #did host #dissociative alters

[didandmerant]

i'm getting close to someone and I'm worried that they will go away if i tell them I'm in a system

- henry

#actually osdd #actuallydid #actuallytraumagenic #alters #did #did alter #did community #did osdd #did system #dissociative identity disorder #osdd alter #osdd 1b #osdd #osdd system #osdd problems #did problems #traumagenic system #actually traumagenic

[didandmerant]

Ok so I little rant on the difference between C-PTSD and PTSD from someone who is a phycology student and has C-PTSD.

PTSD comes from a distinguished event (or events) that were traumatic, for example being in a car crash.

C-PTSD on the other hand comes from constant trauma, so someone who was in the war or lives with a abusive family, they were constantly in a state of "emergency". It isn't one memory but a long time (months or years) of abuse/trauma.

-Lucas

#ptsd #cptsd #actually cptsd #trauma #actually osdd #actuallydid #actuallytraumagenic #alters #did #did alter #did community #did osdd #did system #dissociative identity disorder #traumagenic system #actually autistic #osdd alter #osdd system #osdd 1b #osdd host #osdd