imnotfeelinlucky

[imnotfeelinlucky]

i wish i could be a normal person and not. hurt people i love.

im genuinely sorry but i dont think theyll forgive me

#cw vent #vent? #bpd vent #cluster b safe #bpd #personal vent

[imnotfeelinlucky]

it’s fairly common for abuse victims to return to abusive relationships or to seek out new abusive relationships, this is a fairly common trauma response and one that i personally have a lot of experience with.

this doesn’t mean any abuse they experience after returning to an abusive scenario is their fault, the fault still lies with the abuser.

[imnotfeelinlucky]

soberness is unbearably painful

#i cant fight any longer #cluster b safe #bpd vent #dissociative identity disorder #bpd #narcissistic traits #antisocial traits #cw vent

[imnotfeelinlucky]

sick of people watering down mental illnesses online.

people who are severely mentally unwell are likely to do things that are unhealthy, irrational and sometimes just completely fucked up. that is the reality of severe mental illness, especially if left untreated.

we may do things that are harmful or damaging to others, this doesn’t make us dangerous or evil, this makes us ill. if you cannot handle the fact that fucked up people might do fucked up things as a result of their severely shattered mental state, then do not surround yourself with people who are mentally ill. don’t make your inability to accept the severity of my mental state into my fucking problem.

[imnotfeelinlucky]

me a few years ago: why do i feel like i just came into existence when i was 12 or 13? why do i not really remember my childhood very well? why do i have such a horrible memory in general? why do my identity and behaviors vary so drastically?

me now: oh

[imnotfeelinlucky]

what’s that? you like one of my special interests too? go fuck yourself.

[imnotfeelinlucky]

i have never grown up mentally

even after years of growing up i am still my inner child anxious, hurt, depressed, confused, dissociated there is always something wrong with me. just like how i was when i was a child i have never healed when i should have

#vent #cw vent #tw vent #cptsd #did #npd traits #autism #cluster b safe #trauma

[imnotfeelinlucky]

npd makes me the most jealous fucking person on the planet. someone will draw something and instead of being like "oh that looks great!" i will get irrationally upset because i can't draw like that. or my friends will hang out with other people and i'll get angry and defensive because that means they don't like me anymore and i'm not good enough.

[imnotfeelinlucky]

behold; how the public sees cluster b personality disorders

-"omg haha ur crazy thats so hot"

-evil abuser disorder 1

-evil abuser disorder 2

-"whats that?"

[imnotfeelinlucky]

OHHH ID SQUARE UP WITH SERTRALINE TOO.

Plural culture is SSRI meds being not very nice and causing everyone to go bye bye and have wack ass communication and make the previously front stuck host a zombie

-a very annoyed and nervous co host who is STRUGGLING and ready to have a fist fight with the medicine sertraline

.

[imnotfeelinlucky]

A friendly message.

If you stop interacting with a system when an alter fronts, with no reason given as to why, I encourage you to explain. Coming from a headmate who has been intentionally avoided on countless occasions for being “dry” or “uninteresting”, it does hurt. If you do not like or feel comfortable with a headmate for a specific reason, that is okay, but I cannot stress enough how important it is to communicate your feelings with them or someone who can inform them.

And to my friends who have experienced this, I am sorry. You are appreciated here.

[imnotfeelinlucky]

[imnotfeelinlucky]

[Image ID: A flow chart with two branches. The starting point reads "does this character have problems." One branch leads to "yes" then "make them worse," while the other branch leads to "no" then "give them some." End ID.]

[imnotfeelinlucky]

rant/vent, swearing

bpd culture is hating the fact it's gatekept by age. "only people 18 and over can have the diagnosis"

yeah and i experienced symptoms as early as 13 and you left me to fucking rot. maybe if it was recognized, maybe there could've been an intervention/therapy to not let it get this fucking bad. you ruined me."You're just a teen in puberty" shut the fuck up. i was denied basic healthcare for depression because of that exact fucking sentence and i almost died. i was also told that endometriosis under 18 doesnt exist. TAKE TEENS SERIOUSLY FOR FUCKS SAKE. i am an adult now but still. just because you're not ""a finished""" person (i hate that phrasing as well) doesn't mean you cant have serious issues.

.

[imnotfeelinlucky]

if you get it you get it

#mental health #mental stable #uh #i am very sane #bpd #actually bpd #narcissistic traits #cluster b safe #dissociative system #depression #generalized anxiety disorder #major depressive disorder #uh fuck insomia #what else #mental breakdown #?? #breakdances #fucks someone #cums #idk #what the fuck are these tags

[imnotfeelinlucky]

He's so expressive haha

#HES SO BABYGRILLLLL HGAHGA I( ALOV T KKLJJ

[imnotfeelinlucky]

Joey Wheeler failing to get a fistbump compilation