i hate nerves and anxiety. oh nooo i am scared of acting like a weird bitch to remedy this i will act like a weird bitch
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hi, it’s bee again <3 i am back babey !!! looking for new edblr moots :3
intro-
✿ 19 yrs, they/them
✿ queer
✿ obsessed w nutrition, the band los campesinos, going 2 the gym, & summer fruits
✿ 🍃 smoker
✿ in college 4 poetry, philosophy, & psych/soci (though potentially moving into nutrition/dieteics !!)
✿ not new 2 the world of eds
! not pro ed ! just using this space to vent & cope. if you’re triggered by my content please dni/block me ! i want you to stay safe <3
tw - sharing stats below
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hw: 160
cw: 116
gw: 113
ugw: 99
h: 5’6”
cbmi: 18.5
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losing weight is easy for me. losing weight is easy for me. losing weight is easy for me.
fat just melts off me. fat just melts off me. fat just melts off me.
food is disgusting to me. i am never tempted and never give in. food is disgusting to me. i am never tempted and never give in.
my body is tiny, breakable.
i am perfect.
i am thin.
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i need to get worse. when i go home for break, i need everyone to SEE how sick i am. i need to be thinner. to be frail, breakable. scary.
maybe they’ll take me seriously then.
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my reasons
to have an hourglass figure
to be able to wrap my hands around my waist
so my partner can hold me like a fragile thing
so my stomach shrinks and i get full easily
to not seem fat when having a treat or eating a lot
to not eat more than everyone around me
to wear smalls. and extra smalls.
to wear size zero jeans
to have dainty & thin poet's hands
to always gravitate towards the healthy choice
so i'm educated on nutrition
to have thin thighs
to have a thigh gap
for all my old clothes to be loose
to look pretty in skirts and dresses
to look small when wearing oversized things
to have people notice my weight loss
"oh my god, go eat a sandwich or something!"
to be associated with gatorade zero
to be a lightweight when i drink
to sit on my partner's lap without crushing them
to be the same size as my partner
to share clothes with my partner
so people will joke about picking me up
to be pretty
to feel light
to have a flat stomach naturally
to get dizzy when i stand up
to always be a little bit cold and have people offer their jackets
to be able to resist the munchies
to be able to do the wrist check easily
so people will ask me "how i did it"
so people will take my sadness seriously
“you never eat!”
+ constantly updating
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i know i’m complicated to be around but like ??? my disorder is not my fault ??? can the people in my life please stop treating it like it’s something i can just snap out of oh my god
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at work they gave us t-shirts and i grabbed the last small. when there were 3 other way smaller and prettier people behind me.
i feel sick. i feel so stupid. why the fuck did i think i deserve a small.
everyone behind me probably thought i was SO funny. this pig really thinks she can fit into a small?
i wanna throw up. i feel like shit.
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