Tumgik
longmanethemarauder · 2 years
Text
Reblog if it's okay to befriend you, ask questions, ask for advice, rant, vent, let something off your chest, or just have a nice chat.
2M notes · View notes
longmanethemarauder · 2 years
Text
Counsellor: What's the most reliable way for us to contact your parents?
Harry:
Harry: Do you have an Ouija board?
217 notes · View notes
longmanethemarauder · 2 years
Text
literally anyone: i hate your mother.
sirius: are you flirting with me? i think you're flirting with me.
45 notes · View notes
longmanethemarauder · 2 years
Text
Y/n:"WHAT THE FUCK"
Natasha:"What'd you do now."
Y/n:"THE FUCKING-..wait..WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME THAT DID SOMETHING?!?"
Natasha, shocked:"It wasn't you for once?"
Y/n:"YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!"
Natasha, still shocked:"A-alright then, what happened?"
Y/n:"The kitchen is filled with water filled solo cups.."
Natasha, slightly frustrated:"..*sigh*..."
Y/n, mumbles:"and it wasn't me..this time"
Natasha:"..."
Natasha:"..TONY!!!"
313 notes · View notes
longmanethemarauder · 2 years
Text
Bisexuals be like one day I dress like a lumberjack the next day I am goth the next day I am feminine the next day I am comfy the next day i am masc the next day I am
5K notes · View notes
longmanethemarauder · 2 years
Text
*at Remus and Sirius' wedding *
Preacher : Repeat after me
Sirius : After me
Preacher *looking at Remus * : Is he serious?
Remus : he is very sirius
James *snorting* : Oh deer
Lily *rolling her eyes* : guys this is your wedding day -
Remus : I'm a were
Peter : *chokes on champagne*
Regulus :
Regulus : When did i become a part of this? I had a one bedroom apartment and solitude. I was happy
5K notes · View notes
longmanethemarauder · 2 years
Text
regulus : what the hell is wrong with you?
james : not the language!
regulus : what the fuck is wrong with you?
james : i'm so disappointed in myself that i actually thought you could do better.
688 notes · View notes
longmanethemarauder · 2 years
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media
13 notes · View notes
longmanethemarauder · 2 years
Text
Loki: I accidently spent to much me time...................
Thor: ?
Loki: well, apparently it was six months and everyone thinks im dead! (:
Frigga: Loki! you know that much time alone with your thoughts is not good for you!
Thor: better than his thought being around other people 
2 notes · View notes
longmanethemarauder · 2 years
Text
Blue Raspberry, or, Oh No! It's Jotunn Mating Season! (Loki x Reader)
Summary: A continuation of the series where I write my take on my favorite fanfic clichés.
It's a heat wave at Avengers campus in New York, and Reader is desperate for relief. When she suspects that one of her teammates has a way of beating the heat, she goes on a quest to find it that leads her to Loki. The only problem is that Loki's in a bit of a situation of his own, and it's not the heat that has him feeling a bit blue...
Author's notes: These one-shots are meant to celebrate frequently used story tropes. The intent is to add new stories bi-weekly unless life gets in the way. Please feel free to comment with your favorite fanfic clichés, and I'll add them to the list!
Pairing: Loki (Marvel) x Female Reader
Content Warning: 18+ smut ahead (Reader is of age) with the tiiiiiniest bit of 🍑 content
---------------------------------------
“It's Jotunn mating season. And I can’t fight it. Not any longer.”
Tumblr media
You first knew something was wrong when you started seeing frosty patches all around the Avengers compound. Just one, in the kitchen at first, explainable, somehow, you thought. After all, this building was full of miraculous oddities. But then you saw them in the gym, on the floor and on the rack that held the weights. Then you saw them in the upstairs common area - the television’s remote was frozen solid to the coffee table. Pretty soon you saw them almost everywhere - on door knobs, on chairs, and occasionally you even saw a window frosted over.
You might not have normally made much note of these occurrences, strangeness was your business as an Avenger after all, had it not been for two unique facts:
The first was that campus had been relatively empty those last few weeks, with many of the senior Avengers off-world with Nova Corps, and the rest touring the globe on a campaign of peace and safety. Other than normal non-enhanced staff, it was just you, and Banner, and Loki.
The second unique fact, and perhaps the most relevant one, was that it was the middle of summer. In upstate New York. It was sweltering. You were sweltering. The whole idea of frost seemed rather inconceivable.
As part of an energy reduction campaign, Tony and FRIDAY had set the campus’s thermostat to precisely 76 degrees Fahrenheit, and there was no changing it. You found it was an acceptable temperature for desk work and for lounging, but you were used to much milder climates than New York summers, and after only ten minutes outside, or ten minutes of exercise in the gym, or even ten minutes walking around the expanse of the campus, it was almost impossible to cool off. You found yourself taking cold showers to wash away the accumulated sweat, and standing in front of the open refrigerator door until the polite but firm voice of FRIDAY warned you of your energy consumption.
The mysterious icy patches proposed a tantalizing mystery. Perhaps someone had discovered a way to bring the chill inside - something that wouldn’t raise any of FRIDAY’s alarms. Maybe you could even get in on that action, you thought. And so you began your investigation.
Bruce seemed like the obvious choice to have some sort of personal cooling device. He had the skills to make something like that - pretty easy for him, you assumed - and the motive. After all, if you were hot, you couldn’t imagine how overheated the Hulk must be. Plus, he had the kind of rapport with Tony where you thought he could get away with just about anything. But you watched him, for many hours, almost the whole day, in the full heat of the sun beating on the campus’s enormous windows… and nothing. No sign of frost or cooling. In fact, the way that he unbuttoned his mauve shirt suggested that he was perhaps just as uncomfortable around the machinery and bunsen burners in his lab as you were after a run.
So that left Loki as the next logical candidate. He had been on a streak of good behavior those last couple years, but you didn’t put him beyond a contraband air conditioner, or even some sort of magical ice packs. He seemed somewhat more impervious to temperature fluctuations compared to the human Avengers, but even he was known to break a sweat after…
It was just then that it occurred to you that you hadn’t actually seen Loki in several days. It wasn’t uncommon for you and him to train together (his balletic ways of fighting challenged and elevated your scrappy self-taught form) or go for runs on one of the compounds tracks (his easy pace with those long lean legs was always a sight- you had to really push yourself to match him). You had also grown accustomed to his chiding, playful taunts haunting the halls and the dinner table. In your preoccupation with the heat, you hadn’t even noticed his absence.
And that’s when you began to worry. Thor was usually responsible for keeping an eye on his brother - for Loki’s sake and for everyone else’s. But Thor had gone off world, and perhaps you and Bruce had been negligent in making sure that Loki was relatively happy and well.
You tried to think back to the last time the you’d even seen him. It was two days prior, and you were standing in the kitchen having just shut the freezer door after FRIDAY’s chiding, robotic remarks. You’d retrieved a popsicle after your run, your favorite kind from childhood, high-fructose corn syrup be damned - Blue Raspberry. You remembered it distinctly - trying to beat the heat, wearing only a sports bra and your shortest running shorts, watching the surface of the lurid blue treat cover with frost before licking is slowly with long laps of your tongue. You did this over and over again, just waiting for your body to cool down, still glistening with a sheen of sweat.
It wasn’t until you’d slowly devoured over half of the thing that you noticed Loki standing in the entryway, watching, looking slightly uncomfortable. When you noticed him you caught his eye and held it, not sure what to do. Maybe he wanted a popsicle. Maybe he found your lack of dress indecent. Maybe he was just mad that you hadn’t asked him to go on your run. Whatever it was, your brain was too foggy with heat and exercise endorphins to ask, so you just stared at each other until you were snapped out of your revery by the sensation of the popsicle’s sticky liquid slowly dripping down your arm.
Startled, you lapped it up with more long licks of your tongue, and stuck the remainder of your treat into your mouth entirely, slurping and sucking on it hard to remove the accumulating juice on the treat’s surface lest it drip further. You heard Loki groan, sort of a deep whimper, before he ran off and left you to cool down in solitude. Those Space Boys are weird, you remembered thinking, but quickly forgot about it. After all, if you were to analyze every peculiar interaction you had with the collection of weirdos known as the Avengers, you’d simply never get anything done.
You decided you’d bring Loki a popsicle. A sign of good faith, and perhaps a bargaining tool. You’d give him one of your popsicles in exchange for a few minutes in front of whatever freezer situation he’d contrived. You knew processed sugar was relatively new to him, so it might actually work.
When you reached the door to his rooms you could see the distinctive fractal pattern of ice starting to grow around his doorframe. You knew you’d got your guy. You prepared for the sweet bliss of contraband AC and gave his door three swift taps with your knuckle before it slid open.
“Ha! Busted,” you said, used to trading quick quips and playful banter, ready to be vindicated for your suspicions.
But Loki’s arm grabbed you, and pulled you in his room before you could even think, much less protest. The door slammed behind as you struggled to comprehend what you were looking at. Every piece of furniture in Loki’s room was edged with the crystalline glimmer of frost, and on the floor was a path of tracks on an icy white ground, like footfall in the snow. And standing there, beside you, was Loki, shirtless and clammy, and rather blue in the gills. He looked wracked, and uncomfortable. His eyes were tinged red, like he hadn’t slept in days, and his usual pallor was even colder than normal.
“What do you want?” It was half growl, half choke and he glared at you with those bloodshot eyes of his.
“I came to bring you a treat, and check to see if you’re alright. Loki, are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” he reached out to grab the frozen snack from your hand, his chilled fingers brushing yours, “Thank you. Now you should leave.”
“Loki, you’re freezing! What’s going on?” You ignored his words, and instead reached up to touch his forehead, then his cheek with the back of your hand.
Loki let out another groan, not dissimilar to the one he’d released days before in the kitchen, “It… It’s embarrassing, now please go before I… Before I lose control,” and with those last two words something inside Loki released, like floodwaters cracking a dam. His eyes turned crimson, and his pale, sickly skin shifted to a robust blue - the color of a clear summer sky. Brilliant and gleaming. Marks trailed along his skin, adorning his chest and face and arms with intricate, curving patterns.
“What… what is this?” You stammered as he stalked even closer to you, backing you up against the chilled door.
“This…” his head hung low, brushing the cool tips of his fingers against your flush and nervous lips, “It's Jotunn mating season. And I can’t fight it. Not any longer.”
Loki’s thumb pressed on your mouth’s opening, and you let him slide inside, your lips now parted, partly from astonishment, partly from relenting to his thumb’s soft pressure. Your mind raced recalling the slurry of facts and fictions you’d been told about the demigod in front of you. It had been hard to parse the man from the myth, especially after a thousand years of stories making him larger than life. You’d heard he was adopted. You’d heard he wasn’t quite Asgardian. You’d heard he’d had a rocky falling out with his father. You knew the old stories of Odin’s battles against the Frost Giants. All of the pieces were coming together. The secret Loki must have been hiding for so long. It broke your heart a little, but also thrilled you. It was a rare occurrence in your line of work to be genuinely surprised by something.
You closed your mouth around his thumb, relishing in its chill against your tongue, and the icy tinge of his fingers along your jaw.
“When I was young, I was told brutal stories of Jotunn warriors whipped into a frenzy every fifteen hundred years, when the cosmos were aligned just-so, their appetites became insatiable, and they spread across the nine realms, taking whoever they pleased to satisfy their primal need to breed,” he tossed aside the snack you’d brought him, and placed his hand on the curve of your hip instead. He drank in the scent of you off your hair, moaning into a whimper once more, “I do not wish to take you, but these urges are becoming hard to quell on my own. My biology is taking over. Leave now or submit yourself to my whim,” his hand already tugging at the waistband of your pants.
Everywhere he touched you, you felt a sweet icy release from your blistering condition. Instead of pulling away, you leaned into him, acquiescing.
Loki pulled down your pants on one swift motion, leaving you bare from the waist down, As you stepped out of your shoes, he removed your top, exposing you to the decidedly cool air of his room, making your sensitive skin prickle with delight and arousal.
With a firm and steady pressure, Loki pressed on your shoulders, urging you to your knees to kneel in front of him, his lower half clad, for the moment only in grey, standard issue Avengers sweatpants. The bulge was pronounced, formidable in its cloth trappings. You pulled at the elastic hugging his sharp cerulean hips - partly from curiosity, partly from growing desire. It had been so long since you’d indulged with another, your duties making it difficult. And you had to admit that you’d spent more than one night alone in your room thinking about Loki’s broad shoulders, and thin hips and sharp jaw, and what he kept hidden underneath all of that black leather.
You were not disappointed.
Loki only left you a moment to admire his glorious erection before he was guiding it into your mouth and pressing it towards your throat. The chill filled your mouth with wanton arousal. It was so much more satisfying than Blue Raspberry. He ran his brisk fingers along your scalp, grabbing fistfuls of hair. You braced yourself, hands on his hips and forearms flush against his thighs. The warmth growing between your legs contrasting deliciously with his wintry skin.
You relaxed into the rhythm of him pushing and pulling you from him, slower at first, then reaching a fervent pace - his animalistic groans reverberating in your core, making you slick with elation at the unexpected turn the afternoon had taken. Your eyes watered from his size, his speed, and his temperature. Your hot spit clung to him, condensing, not unlike your frozen treats. Before long, Loki’s grunts became deeper and more rapt, he pressed himself into you as far as he could go, nearly gagging you with his desire as he let loose, coming with great wails into your gaping mouth.
Almost before you could swallow or blink back your tears, Loki’s hands were on you again, grabbing your upper arm, leaving a chilled pink impression, pulling you upright, leading you, and throwing you against the bed.
You broke your fall onto his mattress with your hands and knees trembling with confused anticipation, hot slick between your groin. If you didn’t know better you thought your skin might be actually steaming from the flush of your body in Loki’s frigid presence. Your experience with other men would have you thinking that this was the point where your amorous interactions would be finished, leaving you horny and unsatisfied, but nothing about Loki’s actions left you feeling like he was done with you.
Loki’s chilled hand ran down your spine, and you could feel his still somehow still erect tip lightly kiss your eager entrance. He grabbed your hair at the same time he entered you with one deep, forceful thrust. You moaned in unison, deep and desperate. The velvety cool contrast of his penis sliding against your slick, sultry walls was as thrilling as it was luxuriant. As he pulled out and pushed in again, and again, and again your knees began to tremble - your pinned body’s only supports against Loki’s muscular weight were beginning to weaken from the full, chilled pressure he was pushing into you.
Loki relaxed his grip on your hair, dropping his forehead low, gently touching the nape of your neck. He puffed hot breaths on your spine in an increasing rhythm that opposed the frosty brushes of his cheek and forehead. Your fingers gripped at his snowy white sheets as you braced against your inevitable fall. Your moaning into the mattress became whinier and his grunts into your back became more insistent.
Loki leaned back, running a hand down your back, spreading an exquisite chill along with it. He stopped for a moment at the base of your spine, then added his thumb, drawing it down, slowly to your other entrance until there was a firm, bitingly cold pressure at your opening.
All he had to do was press gently to send you over the edge into euphoria.
The delightful contrast of temperatures playing across your body, and the weighty fullness of your cunt pushed you to elation. Your own glorious undoing in the hands of a Frost Giant. As you squeezed and clenched around his cock, Loki followed, letting your spasms pull him deeper as he let loose his second burden inside of you, filling you up once more.
When Loki pulled out you collapsed, still face down in his sheets as you slowly leaked and calmed your satisfied breath, cheeks flush, but the places where his skin had so recently met yours still remembering the refreshing, frigid chill. Loki sank into the bed beside you, catching his breath and placed one long, toned arm on your back, pinning you there, as if your legs could ever regain the strength to carry you anywhere ever again. But the brisk weight of him was as comforting as it was possessive. AC and the cold air of the freezer were distant and intangible delights, but Loki was real, and he was physical, and he was the most beautiful blue.
The reality of your act was settling on you then. His alienness was an abstract concept before, but there he was, in all his outer-world glory, big and beautiful and unique in this world. You stared at him through the blur of your afterglow, trying to memorize the lines on his skin through your haze.
“You’re staring,” he half-growled, eyes still closed. He dug his fingers onto the flesh of your rear, a little harder than was playful.
“You’re beautiful,” your words slightly muffled by ecstasy and his sheets.
Loki eased his grip and rolled his head towards you, opening his eyes so that his red gaze met yours, “You don’t fear me? Not even like this?”
“It’s a little late for that,” you smirked half into his sheets, “No. I think you’re exquisite.”
“I’ve often thought about you. Late at night. But I told myself you were off-limits,” his gaze was intense but sincere. You were so used to him hiding his feelings behind humor.
“How long is Joutunn mating season?”
“It lasts for one more week at least.”
You smiled slowly, lazily, “Just as long as this heatwave.”
“Well then, it seems we’ve found relief from both of our predicaments,” he rolled on top of you once again, hips low so you could feel him grow wanting once again against your leg. He kissed at the base of your neck then across your back, ticking you with the frosty tip of his nose.
“Loki!” You bubbled up a laugh, “Aren’t you satisfied?”
He shifted his weight, bringing his lips back to your ear.
“Oh darling, you should know by now that satisfaction is not in my nature.”
If you liked this, please comment and reblog!
You can find me on Ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aesir_Alchemist/pseuds/Aesir_Alchemist
503 notes · View notes
longmanethemarauder · 2 years
Text
he’s left handed?
Hiccup: I swear, no matter how long I've been friends with people, there's always someone who's surprised that I'm left handed
Tuffnut: You're left handed?!
Hiccup:
Hiccup: *Punches a wall*
769 notes · View notes
longmanethemarauder · 2 years
Text
*Playing twister*
(Hidden world) Tuffnut: Right hand red
Astrid: *Ends up on top of Hiccup*
Hiccup: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?
Tuffnut: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice
371 notes · View notes
longmanethemarauder · 2 years
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
6 notes · View notes
longmanethemarauder · 2 years
Text
some people ride the crazy train but im the driver
1 note · View note
longmanethemarauder · 2 years
Text
peter: i bet i can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth
susan: you're a hazard to society
edmund: and a coward. try twenty
121 notes · View notes
longmanethemarauder · 2 years
Text
Tony: Thor doesn’t really understand Earth fruit. He thinks they are all apples. Watch this.
Tony, holding up some cherries: Hey Thor, what are these?
Thor: Tiny apples.
Tony, points at some pumpkins: And those?
Thor: Halloween apples.
628 notes · View notes
longmanethemarauder · 2 years
Text
Peter: Mr. Loki, my friends and I found a snake is it poisonous?
Loki: No that snake is not poisonous at all
Harley: *picks up the snake which bites him. He begins to spasm and foam at the mouth*
Loki: however this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let’s get it right next time lads.
360 notes · View notes