mywritesaremylove

[mywritesaremylove]

Bucky Barnes

Drabbles: 

Latina Girlfriend 

#bucky barnes #bucky fanfic #bucky fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic

[mywritesaremylove]

Bucky Barnes x Latina Woman

He just sits back and observes. He doesn’t question things, he just watches because even though he has never seen or heard what you're doing, he doesn’t want to make you feel weird for what’s normal for you. 

Secretly starts learning Spanish. 

When you get pissed you start cursing in Spanish, no one understands it but him. 

You yell out a curse word in Spanish at Steve for eating your last orange, which leaves Steve confused and scared but Bucky just starts laughing so hard. 

After that, you learn he learned Spanish fluently and start having conversations together in Spanish. 

It’s funny now because he now shit talks Sam in Spanish and no one understands but you. 

Starts gossiping in Spanish with each other. 

Loves eating the food she makes. 

His new comfort food is sopita de fideo, especially on cold days. 

He can kill a whole tray of tacos by himself. 

He thinks it’s funny when she calls everyone random nicknames in Spanish.  (Wanda - mamas, Sam - pendejo, Tony - menso, Thor - cabron, Loki - nopalito, Bruce - salsa verde, Clint - pajaro, Natasha - linda, Vision - tomate) 

Loves when you call him cute nicknames in Spanish. (“mi vida” is your go to)

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x latina #spanish #bucky x bullet point

[mywritesaremylove]

One Day At A Time

I’ve always hated myself. For as long as I can remember. My memories go back to 4 years old and at that age, I remember hating myself. I thought other people did too. I always thought that the people who said “I love you” were saying it, just to say it or saying it out of habit, it never felt real to me. I felt as if no one cared or wanted to care about me. No one wants me. No one loves me. I hate myself. I’m ugly. I’m fat. My scars are gross. I’m too tall. I’m not skinny. I’m weird. I’m below average in everything. I’m dumb. These are all things I’ve said or thought about myself and this is just a short list. I never felt as though I belonged anywhere or with anyone. 

I want to change that.

I’ve always wanted to change myself but it never worked.

I always wanted to be that person with good friends and family that made me feel safe and loved. I always wanted to feel “beautiful”. I always wanted someone to love me.

I always wanted to love myself.

I guess that’s what I really want, to love myself. I just don’t know how to do it. I’ve tried and I’ve always failed. How do you love yourself? Maybe it is a skill you learn as you grow up. Maybe it’s just something people just want to forget is living in their brain.

I want to love myself now. And everyday from now on I will try. And I guess I will keep starting over and over again for as long as it takes because I am worth it.

I am worthy.

I am worthy of love and affection. I am everything everyone has said about me and more. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of positivity. I am beautiful. I am smart. I am wanted. I am needed. 

I will love myself one day at a time.

#original writing #original work #one page #oneshot #love yourselves #love yourself #self love

[mywritesaremylove]

I'm Not Fine

How many times a day does someone ask you “how are you” or ”how are you doing” in a day?

And how many times do you say “I’m fine. Thanks. How are you?”

People don’t want a real answer when they ask you. It’s just a greeting, no one wants to know. And how many people would actually care if you gave them a real answer?

I’m not fine. I just say I’m fine because I don’t really want to say “I’m not gonna kill myself but I’m not okay.” So I just put on a fake smile, nod my head, and say what the socially acceptable script says to say.

I can’t think of a time when I was genuinely fine or okay. I just...exist.

Then one day, I just felt like I was drowning.

This all came from me realizing I’m a person I don’t like. That I never liked. I always said I would change. Said I wanted to change. I can’t even count how many times I said “today is the day”, the day has never come. I always never truly me. I was always what people wanted me to be. Always the girl who played it safe, never got out of my comfort zone. I never spoke up.

I fantasized about what it would be like to be anyone but me. Maybe because I never met me. Whenever I have let me shine through just a bit, it seems people don’t like her. Make jokes about her. Even my family. It's just a continuous hell loop in my head.

I think people just want others to be like the “average” person. People say it’s okay to be different, they tell you that everyone is free to do what they want, but the second someone turns their back, that’s a different story. “She clearly gained weight”, “her skirt is too short, the bitch is asking for something to happen”, “what was she thinking about when she got her hair done”, “eww, does she even know how to do her eyebrows?”

Why is it like this?

Why is it when someone finally shows that they do something completely normal, people are shocked just because it was done in public. They act like they don’t do the same things behind closed doors.

I’m just tired of not being the me I always wanted to be. I’m going to try now. I’m going to seriously try to be me and not what people want me to be or expect me to be.

She is now my past. I made the decision that she is dead. It doesn’t mean I’m not going to miss her in one way or another but I now know I don’t feel like I’m being drowned or can’t breathe.

I’m scared but relieved.

I finally feel as free.

#original writing #original work #i'm not okay #my feelings #depressing shit #just me #personal #im not strong enough #im not fine #i just want to be me #emotional #emotional shit #oneshot #one page

[mywritesaremylove]

I Miss Him

He was my best friend.

 I don't understand why. 

Why? 

Why is he gone? 

He is...was so young. Only 20 years old. His birthday is this month on the 28th and he will never have that beer he'd been excited to buy himself and drink. He's always been such a good kid, so innocent. He would tell me he wanted to go crazy for the first time in his life on his 21st birthday and he won't ever have that moment. I will never see his adorable baby face. I will never see his huge smile. I will never play with his curly hair. I will never see him running around my house like a little kid. He was the type of person that can light up a room instantly. He could make you smile on your darkest hour. He was like my little brother. 

Now he's gone and there's nothing I can do. I can't hear his voice. I can't ever hear his singing voice again. We used to be the four of us and now there's three and it’s not the same. We don't laugh as loud anymore. We don't smile as bright. Something's missing with us. 

I didn't want to go to his funeral because I was afraid it would make it real but I went anyway, for him. For his family and for our friends.  I wanted to be strong and I couldn't. After the burial I practically ran to my car. I just sat and cried. I couldn't do anything else. I then heard two of my car doors open. It was the other two. We all sat in my car, sobbing. We held each other in the backseat. The three of us were devastated. We all miss him. I'm sad I'll never be able to tell him all the things I should have told him.

I love and miss my not so little, little brother.

Love,

Your forever sister

#oneshot #to my little brother #i love you #i miss him #original writing #original work

[mywritesaremylove]

My Reason To Stay

A song called Reason to Stay by Drew Ryn is what inspired me to write this.

I wrote this song a while back when I was a teenager, seventeen years old. When I was younger I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I had the perfect parents, the perfect siblings, the perfect grandpa, the perfect home, the perfect little town that everyone loved because it was so quaint, but for some reason I was still so sad. I wanted to end it. I wanted to end it all. 

One day I finally decided I wanted to go through with it. I decided the last thing I wanted to see was the full moon that was just three days away. The day before Mom had to go work at her shop, Dad was working overtime, our sister was at a friends house doing a school project and our brother was at baseball practice and pizza with the team. Mom left you with me, my three year old baby sister. It was like you knew. You told me in your tiny voice, “Don’t go. Don’t go”, I was confused at what you were talking about. I was just sitting with you, I made no indication of getting up, where was I going? 

Then the next night came, after dinner I told Mom I was going to take a walk but as I started walking to the front door you started throwing a tantrum. You were such a good baby, you never did that before. I had never seen you do something like that, you were kicking to get out of Mom’s arms. Everyone was confused. You were kicking, screaming, crying and when Mom put you down, you ran to me and threw your arms around my legs, crying “Don’t go. I don’t want you to go. Don’t leave. Don’t go”. When you cried that, yesterday somehow made sense to me. 

You somehow knew. You knew. You, my three year old sister, knew.

 I grabbed you in my arms, sat on the floor and broke down in tears. I held you while we both cried. Our family just looked at us, not knowing what happened. Mom asked if I was okay, I just told her I had a bad week and I was going to put you to bed, that she didn’t have to worry about it. 

When I walked out of your room you instantly started to cry again. That night you slept in my room, you slept on my chest. I felt your breath on my skin. The next morning I woke up before you, I just layed there staring at you. How could you have known? I never even voiced that I was going to do it. You woke up and looked at me with your big brown puppy-like eyes and asked “You don’t leave?” I kissed your head and told you that I was never gonna think about leaving, ever again. 

Now you're sixteen, and you’re my best friend. We tell each other everything. When you were eleven Dad died and I was right there with you, holding you while you cried. When I left home, I called, wrote letters, sent pictures, sent packages, I did everything I could.  When our brother and sister left home, I called everyday because I didn’t want you to feel alone. I’m so glad that I get to watch you grow into a beautiful, unique, intelligent, strong woman. I’m glad I got to hug you when you got your learner’s permit, I shouted with you when you got your license. I’m happy I get to talk to you about boys. I smile when we text every day. 

Without you, my baby sister Grace, I wouldn’t be who I am. I wouldn’t have graduated high school, gone to college, I wouldn’t have met the love of my life at that college, I wouldn't be engaged right now. I loved seeing your huge smile and your eyes light up when I asked you to be my maid of honor. You are my best friend, my sister, and my savior. My baby sister Grace, you have no idea what you have given me. You have given me a life. A life full of smiles, laughs, giggles, travels, and lots of love. 

I hope you never go through that feeling. I hope that you know you are special. I hope you know that you know deep down, you saved my life.

I love you. 

You were my reason to stay, my Gracie Girl. 

#oneshot #my girl #sisters #my reasons #original work #myreasontostay #my reason for living