polzkadotz

[polzkadotz]

“I should have let him kill you,” Jean said.

Neil:

#the sunshine court #tsc #aftg #all for the game #jean moreau #neil josten #re-reading for the fourth time and seeing that line with this intonation and I refuse to be the only one :3

[polzkadotz]

Jean's little I will endure is just his I Will Survive 🏳️‍🌈 mantra and I don't need to elaborate on it

#jean moreau #all for the game #aftg #the sunshine court #tsc #I'll think anything to make my baby's pain a little lighter to witness cuz OUCH. OUCHIEEEEE

[polzkadotz]

[on the verge of having a complete breakdown] i need to make some kind of list or perhaps sort things into categories

#lmao #about me

[polzkadotz]

damn... how does one process grief on mood stabilizers lol

#I say holding onto anger and anger only I eat anger for breakfast #my lunch is rage with a side of anger #and I'm still not full aaaaaaaaaaaa #almost bit my cousin's head off yesterday because the air fryer stopped heating up and he Asked Me. Did You Make Sure It Was Plugged In. #IRA INSTANTÂNEA

[polzkadotz]

it's kinda weird that I had 6 months of being really okay, then life looked at me and went, "Yeah bitch, your reprieve from suffering is about to end" and killed my favorite family member lmao 🥴

#anyway rip grandpa. hope your afterlife is full of the beers you didn't get to drink while alive #I'm about to start making the most fucked up jokes ever because I can't cope without humor #just a Lil post to warn this corner of the internet because I have literally nowhere else to talk #it's 4h33 but can I sleep? absolutely not a wink

[polzkadotz]

#me on meds but i'm just vibing with it #video #animals #cats

[polzkadotz]

Hi I hope you’re doing better <3. I found this ‘ask me about a wip title’ ask game on your blog but couldn’t tell when it was from, but if you’re still doing it I’m curious about the Elphaba! Andrew au?

It's a christmas' eve miracle, I opened up my tumblr tab AND! I got an ask!!!! A WHOLE QUESTION!!!

I am feeling much better. Kindly thanks for the wishes, I'm sure they were the reason.

The ask game you talk about was HELLISH to find, but I finally did it!!! The post itself is from the 7th of April, 2021 which,,,,,,, sounds SO wrong, because the idea for it was actually from two thousand fucking nineteen (it was rejected for a zine that I didn't even stick around until the end lol), but alright-o tumblr dates! If you say so!

Unfortunately, I never got to write anything for it, and the tiny summary I was able to find is...........................

Vaguely a Wicked AU. Andrew, also popularly known as the Wicked Witch of the West was the scapegoat that helped Kevin The Good (Kevin the Kool) defeat the Wizard of Oz and rise to power. However, the public are still generally opposed to the idea of talking animals living amongst them. With the help of the Wicked Wizard of the East (Aaron), they use the summer castle from Andrew’s boyfriend, Neil (who’s currently and permanently a scarecrow, but nobody really mentions it) to temporarily house the animals until they find somewhere safe to live. Not all of them leave, particularly a plethora of foxes: they see the conditions that the castle is run and decide that Enough is Enough. Basically, an AU where a bunch of anthropomorphized people adopt Neil and Andrew as part of the family and they won’t take no for an answer.

No wonder this shit didn't get picked lmao But I'm not gonna lie, the whole time I was searching for the post, I kept thinking about Elphaba!Andrew and Glinda!Neil, hm..................

#asks #my writing #I haven't written anything since my mental breakdown in august #so..................................... its weird to be having creative urges again! but welcomed! #also I'm so sorry nonnie the meds completely eat away at my ability to remember things and I just... #couldn't remember how long it had been since I last opened tumblr LMAO #vaguely wicked au #i'm gonna make that this shit's tag lmao

[polzkadotz]

Adhd will have you too burnt out to eat or shower but give you the hubris to decide you can homebrew an entire d&d system on the back of a receipt

#lmao

[polzkadotz]

animals are so right about nuzzling your face into things

#agreed

[polzkadotz]

Foxes are so funny. Every single culture that has encountered a fox has pointed at it and gone “I don’t trust that fuzzy bastard.”

#lmao

[polzkadotz]

I AM NOT HAVING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS ANYMORE 🥳🥳🥳🥳

#asas open their mouth. bullshit is spilled. #why didnt I advocate for myself earlier and got meds aaaaaaaaaaaa

[polzkadotz]

hello, I'm actively Suicidal™ at the moment, so I'll be Pining this post and editing it for those who want to keep tabs on me! ❤️

asas is NOT TOO SUICIDAL! I've been taking my meds and I'm being very good about it. The only abnormal thing I've noticed is that they definitely flattened every single fucking emotion I could have. Also all my thoughts as well. It's been real quiet in my head, which is unnerving lmao

We're almost at the end of the tunnel now, I think! (24/08/2023)

#asas: making a loud as fuck siren noise #take care of yourselves ❤️ #also: they put me on two meds right of the gate and! one of them! is gonna make me sing evanescence for 2 months #liiiiiiithiiiiiiuummm don't wanna lock me up inside liiiiiiiiithiiiiiiiium don't wanna forget how it feels without

[polzkadotz]

oh the mental relief I feel when I get even minimal vibes that someone hates me

#asas open their mouth. bullshit is spilled. #like. yes I'm despicable. thank you for confirming that by not reacting on a chat with like. 500 people. #editing the tags 30 mins later. still not even an emoji reaction

[polzkadotz]

.

#gonna be venting I guess lmao #this is what happens when you delete your twitter account I guess lol #I'm getting real tired of being me but above all of being someone struggling with substances. it's hard to be kind to myself #especially because I feel like I dont deserve it #I'm burying myself in debts I barely talk to my friends I'm trying to build routines but it all falls apart the MOMENT I relapse #I've self-harmed for the first time in years I've been more suicidal than ever and I can actually see my body breaking down #and it's hard to care about me cuz well. I've never cared about me. and every time I talk to the people I love I try to put on this front #bc I don't want to upset them or make them worry about how unwell I actually am #and honestly...... I'll be so surprised if I survive until the rest of the year. I honestly don't see myself surviving past my nephew's bday #and that's... two months away? how can it be two months away already wow time really flies when your a piece of addicted shit #not the best way to refer to myself but Oh Well lmao #I'm sorry I'm not a good person to be around friendos. And I'm sorry if my death is gonna affect you/traumatize you but like #me dying would make the life of a LOT of people better. and I think it'd make me happy to go out by doing a good deed I guess lmao #anyway #here's wonderwall

[polzkadotz]

birds cant serve cunt

#lmao #animals #birds

[polzkadotz]

(ugly crying) i love my friends i love my friends i love my friends i love my friebds i love my fr

#same

[polzkadotz]

sorry for being hateful it's just that there's hate in my heart :/

#lmao #about me