prettyhighforawightguy

[prettyhighforawightguy]

High! 👋

Hellow 👋

#terrible puns #bad jokes

[prettyhighforawightguy]

Bad Classics Jokes II

Q: Why did Alexander the Great raze the cities he did?

A: Well, one was a pack of Thebes, the other he was just Tyred of dealing with.

W: What's the name of the novel about the youth and exile of Sparta's greatest sculpture?

A: The agoge and the ekstasis.

Q: Why did Pericles ask that he no longer be depicted in sculpture?

A: He was worried he'd get a big head.

Q: How do we know that Old Persian used an inclusive rather than exclusive "or"?

A: Cyrus the Younger shouted, "Victory or death!"

Q: What do you call it when Minos shows you around his place?

A: A mini-tour

Q: What do you call it when Minos shows you all of the Cretan fish mosaics?

A: A minnow-tour

Q: What do you get when you put Pasiphae in Jurassic Park?

A: A Minosaur

Q: What do Minos and a quarantined Spanish lab have in common?

A: They both need a lab-rinthe

Q: What do Leonardo DiCaprio and Damocles have in common?

A: Don't Look Up

Q: What do the Sword of Damocles and I have in common?

A: We're both holding on by a thread

Q: How are the Sword of Damocles and I different?

A: The sword's thread is woolen, mine is hemp.

Q: When was Euripides' Phaethon first performed?

A: 420 (this isn't really a joke, more a funny coincidence #blazeit)

Q: What's the difference between Phaethon and Icarus?

A: One flew too close to the sun, the other flew the sun too close

Q: What's Atalanta's favorite party game?

A: Apples to Apples

#bad jokes #terrible puns #classics #mythology #ancient greece #greek mythology

[prettyhighforawightguy]

What do you call it when a mime scores against you?

A mute point.

#bad jokes #terrible puns #mimes

[prettyhighforawightguy]

Bad Classics Jokes I

Q: What do you say when you "accidentally" seize the acropolis of Thebes?

A: Cad-mea culpa.

Q: Why do you never hire a mule to do anything?

A: Because they half-ass everything.

For most stories, the primary figure is the "protagonist." But in Sophocles, the primary figure is the Antigonist.

Q: How are the Peloponnesus and Rhode Island similar?

A: They're not fucking islands.

Q: How are the Peloponnesus (of 404-371 BCE) and Rhode Island different?

A: The Peloponnesus is fucking islands.

Q: What do you call it when an Athenian leader is sitting at the Piraeus, shaving down your shoes with your house and car keys, and spouting English poetry?

A: Pericles pouring Ketes, paring cleats par le quays.

#classics #ancient greece #mythology #plays #greek mythology #classical studies #bad jokes #terrible puns

[prettyhighforawightguy]

Hadst thou not fucked with us, thou wouldst have remained thyself unfucked. However, seeing as thou hast thyself fucked with us, see thou thine own self fucked now in equal measure.

Thou hast fucked about and, in so doing, discovered the truth of the old proverb: thou hast found out.

[prettyhighforawightguy]

On Sports Movies

Are you being won over by your team of plucky misfits, or is it Stockholm Syndrome? In this essay, I will...

#sports #the replacements #bad news bears #the benchwarmers #angels in the outfield

[prettyhighforawightguy]

Listen, when I'm complaining about my splitting headaches, I don't want to hear about how bad yours are. They're MY-graines, not OUR-graines.

#Migraine #chronic pain #headaches

[prettyhighforawightguy]

Recent riddles from a Beholder's Lair

Everybody knows all the best riddles, so I made some unique ones for a recent session. My players figured them out pretty quickly, but they seemed to enjoy them. Figured I'd leave them here in case anybody was interested!

Viscous treat, protected by bone. I will eat it once I've made us alone. What is it?

What hunters do and grain relies on, that of bean to heavens climbs yon, I set little this in you, with your bones it I will brew. What is it?

It is shared with your brother, and also your son. Your wife may have none of it, it sheds and you're gone. The color of moonrise when harvesters rest, upon it have drowned mighty men in my nest. What is it?

When surprised you catch it, or after you rest. You can see as it crawls deep inside of your chest. It kills you when shallow, consoles you when deep. Was yours 'til you entered, now it's mine to keep. What is it?

I see beauty and none other can. What am I?

ANSWERS BELOW!

Answers:

Marrow, Stalk (Stock), blood, breath, Beholder

#Riddles #D&D #dnd

[prettyhighforawightguy]

Just figured I'd run it up the flagpole, see who salutes. Turns out no one ever does...

Why did we stop posting vague punk lyrics with no context? I'm sorry, but, I'm not sick but I'm not well, and I will not elaborate on that.

[prettyhighforawightguy]

Current Oneshot Ideas:

A party consisting of a Roman centurion, a priest of Mercury, a centurion, and Judas Iscariot, out to stop a cult of necromancers from raising their lich, Jesus, from the dead.

A Christmas Peril: either the party is the ghosts trying to defeat Scrooge, or the party plays the various incarnations of Scrooge from across the multiverse (McDuck, Muppet [Michael Caine], creepy CGI [Jim Carrey], etc.) teaming up to stop the necromancer that won't let them sleep.

A party that is the crew for Odysseus' ship. Odysseus is the BBEG.

An all bard campaign. The players? David Trohl (goliath, college of valor, drums) David Cross-Bowie (hobgoblin, college of glamour, vocals/keyboard), Freddie M'Orc'ury (aasimar, college of eloquence, vocals/guitar), and the warforged bassist: Bott Pilgrim.

A LotR campaign where Gandalf is level 15, Legolas/Gimli/Aragorn/Arwen are level 10, Merry/Pippen/Sam are level 5, and Frodo is a commoner with INSANE magic items.

#forgivemehestheonlybassplayeriknow #michaelcainescroogeisSOconfusedthattherearenomuppets #tohellinaneasterbasket #whoneedsplotwhenyouhavepunnynames #shortswordofwarning #(cursed)ringofinvisibility #mithrilchainmail #talismanofpuregood #youknow #forthelightofelendil #10hitpointsbutblingedtooblivionandback #dnd #d&d #oneshot #campaignideas

[prettyhighforawightguy]

tfw you make a tumblr to blog about punk, weed, and D&D, but you keep getting too high while listening to punk and playing D&D to blog about punk, weed, and D&D.

#d&d #ttrpg #dungeonsanddragons #pretty fly for a white guy #nerdynecromancy

[prettyhighforawightguy]

Sometimes I think to myself, "I wish I had a way to shout my socialist thoughts into the void without it affecting my future chances of employment in this capitalist hellscape," and then I remember *this website*

#whoneedstherapyihavetumblr

[prettyhighforawightguy]

So close, and yet SOOOOO far

The thing with so much of fascist logic is that they're often SO CLOSE to being right, then they pull the e-brake and turn HARD into a wall.

"We're being oppressed!"

Yes. Yes we are.

"There are forces in the government trying to keep us poor, ignorant, and divided!"

Yes!

"We need to unite..." Almost there! Keep going! "...against [oppressed and marginalized group]!"

*throws chair across room*

#politics #ImakejokesbecauseImterrified #f*ckn*zis

[prettyhighforawightguy]

Why did we stop posting vague punk lyrics with no context? I'm sorry, but, I'm not sick but I'm not well, and I will not elaborate on that.

#punk #flagpole sitta #myspace