rockinginneverland

[rockinginneverland]

As someone who the last few days has been crying, I agree. This truly is important to remember and do.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but please let your self cry and feel and hurt. let the pain leave your body. the longer it stays there, the more it will hurt you.

[rockinginneverland]

See it’s the fact that more and more lately I’ve been angrier and angrier at the idea of romantic love or romantic relationships and I find myself frustrated not being able to understand this obsession with it or just sometimes the idea of romance grossed me out, there are many types of love but this society os obsessed with romantic love though they just like calling it love thought love is a vast term. When I was younger, must have been middle school maybe, I used to write letters for my friends and I would write quotes about how much they meant to me and how important they were but I guess somewhere along the way I stopped because I soon realized that people looked down on me for it because in their eyes I must have been in love with whomever I was giving letters to and they were scandalized by the prospect of a girl loving another girl romantically, though even if they was the case which it wasn’t but even if that was the case why would that have been wrong? I never looked at someone romantically and I part of me always knew I must be asexual and later on aromantic even if at the time I didn’t have a name for it. So I guess I grew up not knowing how to show people outside of my family members affection because I was afraid it would be mistaken for romantic love, my kindness for flirting, my attention for interest in perusing someone romantically, I also want to add that I didn’t know then that I was autistic. So you see there’s always been this confusion in me on how to show love, show affection, angry at the pity stares people use to give me cause I’ve never had a boyfriend and years where going by and I was still single, of being asked when was I going to have a boyfriend and later on when was I getting married or if I wanted to. I remember one time my brother asked me if I was asexual and I remember saying that I wasn’t because I wanted a boyfriend which is bullshit because you can be asexual and have a boyfriend, not feeling romantic attraction towards someone is being aromantic, which like I mentioned I discovered I was too farther down the line. I felt alienated because I was never looking to date someone or had an interest in it but all around me that’s what people where doing but I will say I was longing from companionship though I guess people would automatically take that as romantic though is not, though I guess society has made that the default.

I hate saying that I’m aromantic asexual not because I’m ashamed of it but because I hate people’s reaction towards it, as if it’s heartbreaking to realize I don’t feel sexual nor romantic attraction towards people as if I’m broken for not feeling it as if I will never be complete because of it… as of how can’t I not want a boyfriend… how am I supposed to get married if I don’t go out there and meet people… why is it not cool, bet… why it always pity on people’s eyes or not believing me when I say I don’t feel sexual or romantic attraction… as if is not confusing enough for myself as it is to have to describe what it means to not feel something that you’ve never had in the first place, how do you explain the lack of something? I’ve always felt lonely really and now the more I realize how to me friendships have always had much more weight than romantic relationships because I’ve never cared for them, or how even sometimes I find myself questioning my feelings because of how ingrained this idea of romantic love is in society and then being angry with myself for invalidating my own feelings when I know them to be true. They say the first thought you have when it comes to something is what you’ve been taught you believe and the second is your reaction to what you believe to that subject of matter and now I understand why there is a war sometimes in my mind because society has taught me and made me believe that a woman and a man cannot be friends so I when I’m reading a book and I love these 2 people and the relationship they have, always friendships, my brain always has to throw this thought at me… oh so you ship them? As in romantically?… it angers me because that’s society speaking not me so I need to reiterate how there nothing more than friends even though I shouldn’t because why is it romantic love the default? And why is it that is only valid for these 2 people to be friends, man and woman, if they each have partners? Because otherwise they would fall in love with each other… BULLSHIT… it’s almost 6am and here I am rambling about romantic love and being aroace and how hard it is to let go of believes that have been engrained in our minds and how frustrating it is for me now that I finally found what I truly believe in and my true feeling on the matter, how I love friendships more than anything and how when reading books those are the ones that stick the most specially those that are so deep and beautiful and raw that people have the need to ask if they are romantic even though friendships can be just as strong and beautiful and raw as romantic relationships, how they can just be friendships and be all that… because those are the types of relationships I want… the ones that are everything but don’t have an ounce of romance in them, the ones that people want to romance code because that can’t just be friendships… I like those friendships because they defy societies views and expectations when it comes to relationships and what is deem romantic… see I’m petty sometimes. See in books relationships like this would be Fenrys and Aelin for example. Just friendship and the bond they have is just as strong and beautiful and raw and deep as the romantic one Aelin has with Rowan. A beautiful friendship nothing more, nothing less. I fuck with those relationships, the one line Aelin and Fenrys but then again some people reaction towards it turn me petty and make me angry to see how you only believe is posible because one of them already found a romantic partner, their romantic soulmate forever because other wise you would be the first to ship it and ask if the single one has feelings for the other instead of just understanding that the relationship between these 2 people can be just a FRIENDSHIP…

So I’m here at 6am being angry and frustrated with romantic love and wanting to throw hands because of how suffocated it makes me more and more each time… see some days I can picture it in theory but never in practice… I’m just tired of romantic love being the center of attention when it is not the only type of love there is… I want to write letters to people and have it just be affection not romantic just my way of showing I care, my way of showing I appreciate you… like k appreciate the moon and the stars and the clouds and how I love the owls and the foxes and the cats, how I’m in love with all that but never romantically… why would that be the default?

So here I am not knowing how to show love or affection feeling angry at romantic love and feeling lonely and tired and wanting companionship and deep friendships and how even though I’m disgusted sometimes with romantic love I’m not with love because there are many times of love… so I guess I will fall in love with myself and with museums and the world and nature and letters and writing and people but never romantically, no never romantically…

[rockinginneverland]

ENG/УКР

I’m Lucien, seventh son of the High Lord of the Autumn court🍁

- Я Люсьєн. Сомий син Вищого Лорда Двору Осені 🍁

[rockinginneverland]

It's the "I want to kiss you" except there's no "but" and they kiss for real 😌 also them hugging, because I'm weak and I love Kit and Ty too much 🩷

[rockinginneverland]

served my duty as an autistic artist and made a bunch of autism creature reaction images

[rockinginneverland]

Baddies 😈

[rockinginneverland]

anyone wanna become best friends and care for each other and talk all the time and have fun and be less lonely together

[rockinginneverland]

One blink for yes. Two for no. Three for Are you alright? Four for I am here, I am with you. Five for this is real, you are awake. Six for liar.

[rockinginneverland]

See throne of glass is one of my all time favorite series and I have read throne of glass 3 times now and crown of midnight twice, besides those 2 books I’ve never re read the rest of the series and I don’t know if I ever will because I still cry over empire of storms to this day. What Aelin and Fenrys went through and the beautiful friendship they have tugs at my heartstrings and my soul aches, I’m writing this because I in fact started crying because I saw some fan art so if you’re able to re read empire of storms, my respects to you cause I’m still emotionally scarred

Thank you

#books #books books books #books i love #i love books #my comfort characters #throne of glass #fenrys moonbeam #aelin galythinius #friendships #fantasy books #emotionally scarred #re read #empire of storms

[rockinginneverland]

You’re never too old to collect figures.

You’re never too old to be in a fandom.

You’re never too old to play video games.

You’re never too old to listen to music.

You’re never too old to enjoy things.

[rockinginneverland]

imagine azriel sending you this selfie in the middle of the work day :/

[rockinginneverland]

Today's painting is being brought to you by me being a masochist.

"I don't have time for anything complicated" I kept telling myself as I was choosing the clothes that I knew will take me 10+ hours to paint.

Enjoy day 4 of @azrisweek !

[rockinginneverland]

See it’s the fact that more and more lately I’ve been angrier and angrier at the idea of romantic love or romantic relationships and I find myself frustrated not being able to understand this obsession with it or just sometimes the idea of romance grossed me out, there are many types of love but this society os obsessed with romantic love though they just like calling it love thought love is a vast term. When I was younger, must have been middle school maybe, I used to write letters for my friends and I would write quotes about how much they meant to me and how important they were but I guess somewhere along the way I stopped because I soon realized that people looked down on me for it because in their eyes I must have been in love with whomever I was giving letters to and they were scandalized by the prospect of a girl loving another girl romantically, though even if they was the case which it wasn’t but even if that was the case why would that have been wrong? I never looked at someone romantically and I part of me always knew I must be asexual and later on aromantic even if at the time I didn’t have a name for it. So I guess I grew up not knowing how to show people outside of my family members affection because I was afraid it would be mistaken for romantic love, my kindness for flirting, my attention for interest in perusing someone romantically, I also want to add that I didn’t know then that I was autistic. So you see there’s always been this confusion in me on how to show love, show affection, angry at the pity stares people use to give me cause I’ve never had a boyfriend and years where going by and I was still single, of being asked when was I going to have a boyfriend and later on when was I getting married or if I wanted to. I remember one time my brother asked me if I was asexual and I remember saying that I wasn’t because I wanted a boyfriend which is bullshit because you can be asexual and have a boyfriend, not feeling romantic attraction towards someone is being aromantic, which like I mentioned I discovered I was too farther down the line. I felt alienated because I was never looking to date someone or had an interest in it but all around me that’s what people where doing but I will say I was longing from companionship though I guess people would automatically take that as romantic though is not, though I guess society has made that the default.

I hate saying that I’m aromantic asexual not because I’m ashamed of it but because I hate people’s reaction towards it, as if it’s heartbreaking to realize I don’t feel sexual nor romantic attraction towards people as if I’m broken for not feeling it as if I will never be complete because of it… as of how can’t I not want a boyfriend… how am I supposed to get married if I don’t go out there and meet people… why is it not cool, bet… why it always pity on people’s eyes or not believing me when I say I don’t feel sexual or romantic attraction… as if is not confusing enough for myself as it is to have to describe what it means to not feel something that you’ve never had in the first place, how do you explain the lack of something? I’ve always felt lonely really and now the more I realize how to me friendships have always had much more weight than romantic relationships because I’ve never cared for them, or how even sometimes I find myself questioning my feelings because of how ingrained this idea of romantic love is in society and then being angry with myself for invalidating my own feelings when I know them to be true. They say the first thought you have when it comes to something is what you’ve been taught you believe and the second is your reaction to what you believe to that subject of matter and now I understand why there is a war sometimes in my mind because society has taught me and made me believe that a woman and a man cannot be friends so I when I’m reading a book and I love these 2 people and the relationship they have, always friendships, my brain always has to throw this thought at me… oh so you ship them? As in romantically?… it angers me because that’s society speaking not me so I need to reiterate how there nothing more than friends even though I shouldn’t because why is it romantic love the default? And why is it that is only valid for these 2 people to be friends, man and woman, if they each have partners? Because otherwise they would fall in love with each other… BULLSHIT… it’s almost 6am and here I am rambling about romantic love and being aroace and how hard it is to let go of believes that have been engrained in our minds and how frustrating it is for me now that I finally found what I truly believe in and my true feeling on the matter, how I love friendships more than anything and how when reading books those are the ones that stick the most specially those that are so deep and beautiful and raw that people have the need to ask if they are romantic even though friendships can be just as strong and beautiful and raw as romantic relationships, how they can just be friendships and be all that… because those are the types of relationships I want… the ones that are everything but don’t have an ounce of romance in them, the ones that people want to romance code because that can’t just be friendships… I like those friendships because they defy societies views and expectations when it comes to relationships and what is deem romantic… see I’m petty sometimes. See in books relationships like this would be Fenrys and Aelin for example. Just friendship and the bond they have is just as strong and beautiful and raw and deep as the romantic one Aelin has with Rowan. A beautiful friendship nothing more, nothing less. I fuck with those relationships, the one line Aelin and Fenrys but then again some people reaction towards it turn me petty and make me angry to see how you only believe is posible because one of them already found a romantic partner, their romantic soulmate forever because other wise you would be the first to ship it and ask if the single one has feelings for the other instead of just understanding that the relationship between these 2 people can be just a FRIENDSHIP…

So I’m here at 6am being angry and frustrated with romantic love and wanting to throw hands because of how suffocated it makes me more and more each time… see some days I can picture it in theory but never in practice… I’m just tired of romantic love being the center of attention when it is not the only type of love there is… I want to write letters to people and have it just be affection not romantic just my way of showing I care, my way of showing I appreciate you… like k appreciate the moon and the stars and the clouds and how I love the owls and the foxes and the cats, how I’m in love with all that but never romantically… why would that be the default?

So here I am not knowing how to show love or affection feeling angry at romantic love and feeling lonely and tired and wanting companionship and deep friendships and how even though I’m disgusted sometimes with romantic love I’m not with love because there are many times of love… so I guess I will fall in love with myself and with museums and the world and nature and letters and writing and people but never romantically, no never romantically…

#my thoughts #6 am thoughts #aromantic #asexual #aroace #Romance #anti romance #rambles #my feelings #my thinking #Love #friendships #i hope people see this #don’t be mad at me please #my experiences #aspec #actually neurodivergent #actually autistic #aromantic asexual #queer pride

[rockinginneverland]

So it’s quarter till 5 and my ass is awake because insomnia but listen I thought of something

So there’s this word in Spanish that us Mexicans use that’s apapacho and it’s basically to give someone comfort by hugging them and caressing them and just holding them tight right but is deeper than that is also known as caressing with the soul. Like when someone is giving you apapachos or they are apapachándote it’s this comforting, soothing vibe you get

So that being said tell me Gavriel from TOG would give the best apapachos? He literally radiates warmth and calmness and he has kind eyes and he’s so soothing, he is a ray of sunshine, so please tell me he wouldn’t give the best apapachos. If I need comfort I would go to him in a heartbeat, him and Fenrys

So that’s the post, the we are still awake at 5am post

Thank you

#my thoughts #5amposting #comfort character #Gavriel #fenrys moonbeam #i can’t sleep so here’s this post #comfort words #spanish language #throne of glass #fictional characters

[rockinginneverland]

Something for the aros and aces out there. Happy Pride!

[rockinginneverland]

i love asexuality i love asexuals with a complex relationship to sex i love asexuals with a very simple relationship to sex i love asexuals who's definition of asexuality and aromanticism blend together and arent seperate i love asexuals who's asexuality is just a very minor part of their identity i love asexuals who's asexuality is a very big factor of their identity I LOVE ASEXUALITY !!!!

[rockinginneverland]

Eris: *points at Rhysand* That’s the smug bat. Rhysand: *glares* Eris: *points at Cassian* That’s the dumb bat. Cassian: *huffs*  Nesta: Then what’s Azriel? Eris: That’s my bat.