spoonfulloftea28

[spoonfulloftea28]

the thing about me is that i don't forgive and i don't forget.

[spoonfulloftea28]

I'm alive!

so a lot and at the same time not much has happened this past year, I'll just continue from where I left off...

you know the girl that I liked? well as it turned out she was a very mean lying person. she lead me on, fucked me up mentally and I still haven't recovered. She told everyone I was her "queenie" while she was simultaneously hooking up with like 3 guys?? I knew about one of them being her friend and I remember the day they went out she told me she was going out with a friend for some drinks (here that basically means you go and drink with a friend somewhere random) and we constantly texted, she was even telling me how annoying the dude was, meanwhile that was literally a date and she was the one that agreed to it. then she stopped texting me and I was really worried, turns out she was just having too much fun with him... but that guy wasn't the one that made me not want to live anymore, the thing she did that hurt the most was when she went out with a random guy, two days before our date, got drunk with him, hooked up with him and then he got her in some weird "kinky" shit (he cut her arm, she cut his face, they spat in each other's mouths) and she took a photo of him spitting in her mouth and set it as her wallpaper and then changed it when we went out and the cherry on top was the fact that she told EVERYTHING to my so-called friend and he told me about it 2 weeks later when they got into a fight... so not only did I lose a girl, I also lost a friend. so thanks a lot for that girl!

the last I heard from her was in February when I sent her 3 voice messages while I was drunk in a club, yelling at her and asking her why she did what she did. in the morning we talked about it and she told me that what she did was the worst thing she had ever done and that she should've just communicated with me that she wasn't ready for a relationship and that she didn't think she'll ever be really mentally stable enough for a relationship, at least in the next year and she apologized and blah blaa blaaa... a week after she delivered that bullshit she got together with some guy and they've been together ever since. I don't think the whole situation would've messed me up as much as it did if it weren't for that last guy because that just means that I wasn't good enough for a person as shitty as her, so how could I be good enough for someone who would've treated me right?

anyway, I spent my summer distracting myself from feelings by going to tons of concerts/festivals and now I'm so detached from what I feel, that I don't even know if I'm sad, it's great (I am in immense pain because of it, I just want to feel something).

but to end this misery of a blog on a good note, I stopped drinking and smoking so that's something!

see ya!

[spoonfulloftea28]

p!atd ending is so wild, i mean not surprising and it should’ve happened 2 albums ago but also p!atd holds so many memories and the music just makes me feel so nostalgic… i genuinely don’t think i am the same person i was 4 years ago. not in a “i’m growing up way” but i feel i’ve genuinely changed so much and grown so much that i am not the same person. that was someone else. someone so afraid, someone who tried to be liked by everyone no matter the cost… i am glad i’m not who i used to be.

[spoonfulloftea28]

drunk thought:

so many people around me yet i still feel so alone…

#drunk posting #vent post

[spoonfulloftea28]

life sucks fr.

this week i was home alone and i had some friends over and the girl i like came over and we had so many nice moments, i played guitar for her, we fell asleep holding hands and now she hasn’t responded to me in two days and it just makes me so sad that we’re not going anywhere even tho we know we like each other.

[spoonfulloftea28]

currently drunk with my friend and i love itttt she’s so fun!!

#blog post #drunkposting #wine drunk #drunk posting

[spoonfulloftea28]

life update!!

i started work a week ago and i love it!!! really living my robin from stranger things dream since i scoop icecream mostly lol!

met up with my crush 2 days ago for like 30 mins and it was so nice! we talked the whole time and aahhh she’s so pretty!

got a horrible sunburn at the seaside so i couldn’t move properly for 4 days which was horrible and now the skin in my body is peeling and i hate it.

that’s actually pretty much it.

#blog post #work stuff #lgbt #lesbian #stranger things #seaside

[spoonfulloftea28]

CRUSH UPDATE

aaanyway… got drunk on saturday cause it was my best friend’s bday and well was so wasted i told the girl i like, who used to have a crush on some guy but she told me last week she likes me, but i guess i didn’t make it clear enough that i like her too so anyway we’re going on a date soon when we make official plans🎉🥳

i’m really happy abt that oh my god i like her so so so much she’s so amazing gosh!!

#wlw #blog post #lesbian #biseuxal #lgbt #lgbtq #date #gay panic

[spoonfulloftea28]

okay time for a little life update!

at the doctor’s was great, the doctor was so nice and he always is and the results were good, however this was my second to last visit at this doctor, next year i’m gonna have to do to those mean old doctor for adults and i hate that…

i got a 3 (or as you americans would say, a C) on my math exam and i only have to get one more grade and i’m done with maths for this school year! however i did fail my photography exam and i failed it again on monday so next thursday is my last chance to get a positive grade or i’ll fail this class and i’ll have to take a reexamination in june/summer and i really don’t want that and my family would be so disappointed and i couldn’t handle that. i still have to be questioned literature and i’m doing that tomorrow. also i got a 2 (or a D if you prefer the alphabetical grading system) when i was questioned english (like grammar and stuff) and that’s so embarrassing cause i got a 4 (or a B) on the test, but it’s okay bc i have a 5 (an A) from before so now my average grade is a 4 and i am completely fine with that considering i didn’t open my books the whole year. ooh also i got a 4 on my final grade when i was questioned geography so i’m done with geography for life! that’s so cool!

about an hour ago i called the café i wanna work in and i scheduled an appointment for tomorrow at around 3:30 so that’s gonna be awesome if i get the job! also really hope they don’t pay the minimum cause i really don’t wanna settle for less than 6,50 €/h net. anyway if everything goes to plan i’ll be working in the ice cream parlor and i’ll be just like robin from st lol!

and also a happy pride month to all who celebrate! <3

#blog post #school #life update #lesbian #lgbt #wlw

[spoonfulloftea28]

currently waiting at the doctor’s, i hope i don’t miss my bus.

tomorrow i have a maths exam and i’m pretty nervous bc it’s the last math exam of the year and i can’t let myself fail it cause not only would that be fucking embarrassing but it’d also make me so stressed to study that again and also geography, photography and the literature we need to know and analyze. proper nervous not gonna lie. only a few more weeks and i’m done with school. i hope i get a summer job soon so i can go camping with some friends and so i can also afford my bday party.

xoxo, gossip girl.

[spoonfulloftea28]

when i move out i seriously don’t think i’ll ever let my mom see my apartment and that really scares me. why can’t she just let me be me?

i’ve been listening to Matilda by Harry Styles a bit too much.

sad cause she used to know how to show me love… that was almost 8 years ago…

[spoonfulloftea28]

i think i’m going to have severe substance abuse issues when i grow up because basically my whole family has them and i know i’m the type of person to get addicted easily. like i tried cigarettes once and now i literally can’t stop smoking…

[spoonfulloftea28]

our dad left with his gf yesterday at 10pm and now he isn’t picking up to any of us (i have 3 siblings). guess i’ll just study maths and we’ll see when he arrives lmao

[spoonfulloftea28]

okay so you know the girl i liked? well i asked our mutual friend if she likes someone and apparently she likes some guy… i should’ve known lmao, i start liking people way too fast and i get attached way too fast, but it’s okay, still fun to have a crush on someone tho!

#wlw #wlw post #lesbian #bisexual #lgbtq #girl crush #sad but ok #slaytheday

[spoonfulloftea28]

i met up with the girl who’s my good friend’s matt’s classmate and who i’ve been talking to for some time now and we flirt (i think?) all the time. we all (me, matt and her) met for only a few minutes cause i needed to catch my train but oh my god she is so beautiful!!! i actually can’t think straight (get it? cause i’m lesbian?) she’s so beautiful :,)

#wlw #lesbian #lgbt #lgbt story #gay panic

[spoonfulloftea28]

good night <3

[spoonfulloftea28]

going to my dad's tomorrow

I'm really tired right now and i still need to pack some things also we have an English exam tomorrow, i really hope i don't get a lower grade than an A because that would be sooo embarrassing for me...

i really don't have much more to say anymore...

words are pointless, to be honest.

really love the smiths <3

#blog post #exam #lgbtq #the smiths