All I Can do is Give You Space
I told you I wanted to know the truth
about how you’re feeling.
the answer being complicated,
all I can do is give you space in my mind.
And for what little it helps,
you have a mansion in my mind right now.
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Dropped Papers
You noticed I dropped my Exhibits while I was trying to find An exact phrase to reference
And you judge me as disorganized
I noticed you.Acting on a misperception
I noticed compliments given unevenly and your silence on errors On one side
I do not hold against that side the errors they made. I question the ones you choose to note.
I did you notice how ableist you were. But I do not judge…
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Propping Up a Body
When one feels this awful
It’s hard to remember
If this thought has scrolled a page before
I cannot tell you how many times
I have propped up a dead body
with pills and hope and time.
That body a puppet driven
By commitment. by determination. by restlessness. by trauma.
by fear.
Self care is a lie And escape so that the world should not feel bad for pushing us.
The workplace is one…
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Don't Let Me
Got me?
I get me,
Gripped tight enough to bruise.
When I am wise-minded and rested
I can tell the difference between
trauma and determination.
Most days I take medication for a sleep disorder.
Fighting a battle on multiple fronts,
I don’t know how, I pick myself up,
My worst enemy is the enemy of my worst enemy,
And don’t they say,
The enemy of my enemy is my friend
My worst enemy
is…
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Black and White Done Under Blue Light
Success is ‘done.’
35 years in,
And I see,
In a fleeting moment
Away from the light,
Why I am perpetully blue.
An accomplishment only exists for me at its death
Because during its life,
I am fighting to breathe.
Living in that mindless
Doorstep of consciousness
Blind in the name of survival
Too pained and exhausted to be anything close to successful.
I am looking at the roots
Of my…
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Slither
Based on events of November 17, 2023, and reflections on disability living that resulted.
I remember that at one moment
I remembered the women lingering
around my connection
she keeps meeting my gaze
but my mind can’t find her.
When she finally cracked and said “fall,”
memory began to slither,
a snake, dismembered just below the vital organs,
I walk, still.
and will fall again,
and I wonder as I move,
not for my fate.
Would the minds resting
on an able body,
and resting…
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Sitting Across From A Ghost
All that comes to mind is, more.
More presence in less space.
The stereotypical desire of women I am told
I am teaching my self over time
to grow more
acceptance
confidence over fear
determination over depression
to put down these words feels false today
rosey and naive and I have existed in this place before
just waiting to be swallowed by these hallow concepts
but, they lacked…
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May 17th 2019
Low income USA
MAY 17, 2019 / LEAVE A COMMENT
The quiet tenant
who pays rent right on time each month
known for her strolls
rain, or shine, or snow, or 2 hours post colon removal.
Rarely an enemy, often too much a friend
deathly afraid of failure,
starving to be more than what others see
while lacking a mirror.
Education sought. but like a jumping CD,
the same questions repeat upon…
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Discovering June 10, 2019
originally written 5 years ago
All the things I want run heartlessly
knowing my legs cannot follow
the aggressive calls, from the stairwells,
every closed door that weighs at least 5 lb,
the bathrooms, the whole concept is cursed,
kitchens are passively out to, at the very least, mortally wound.
Everything screeches irritated,
“Not welcome here.”
not even segregated.
Just not welcome
like so many categories,…
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The Thoughts That Stop by.
I am wasting time that I could be using
To relax, revive
The spark of creativity at my fingertips
Kidnapped and held hostage
By overwhelm and exhaust.
I am an organized person,
Buried by my chaos of things,
Of ambition, goals.
Every minute is murdered.
I’m not dying, I’m nonchalant.
And while a promotion,
I am not ready to lose momentum,
After finally rebuilding my feet.
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Performance Diversity
People want to pray for us,
Saying that we matter,
Playing “they matter.”
When.
If you look toward the skyline
You will see
The sterilized woman
The institutionalized boy,
The “retard” left to die
Because it
Took too many resources
To care.
But now because people prey
And chant in the name of diversity
Few changes have been made,
We work just as hard as before,
And somehow…
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Suspect Class
No state shall
deprive any person
of life, liberty, or property without due process of Law,
Nor deny any person within its jurisdiction
equal protection of the law
But, who you are,
Dictates who gets deference,
And who is protected.
And the cover says
My disability,
Dictates my
Ability,
Thus,
The state can discriminate,
If discrimination makes sense.
But my disability has made…
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My favorite new site!
Accept my invite & Get 4 freebies!
https://temu.com/s/NZKi6Gh5921Efi
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Constitutionality
In the Harvard case, the court decided that racism,
in higher-ed,
is dead.
while less than half the students
are people of color-
a lot, lot less.
but, racism, might as well say it is flatline dead.
cold body, rotting corpse, dead.
the majority says affirmative action promotes racial stereotypes and racism against those who are “advantaged by it”
but, affirmative action is a band aid put…
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Seeing Shadows Again
Off behind me,
But gaining steam
From tears yet cried
It will come,
And yes, pass too,
But the haunting of shadows,
Memories,
Shoots me every damn time,
Old wounds open
and weep like queens,
Giddy with power over me
I heed,
Bow,
And beg,
Why does see you soon
Hurt
Like death, every time?
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It Isn't Toxic Waste, but It'll do
I made chilli,
Not Nalle from a can,
But an echo of Momma’s toxic waste masterpiece,
However weak the sound.
However weak the taste.
I am slightly closer to her.
And I know the missing will come,
As much as I want to ignore death
My chilli is close enough
to make me cry
I want to get it better,
But toxic waste is an art,
and art takes time.
For now pure waste will do
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