#; KILL YOUR BRAIN; CONVERSATION | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ickypuppi3 · 1 year

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there’s something about the events leading up to billy being flayed that i can’t stop thinking about

like you’ve got this 17 year old who gets sent out to look for his little sister and he winds up at a much older woman’s house where he essentially has to flirt with her to get the information he needs and she reciprocates, all while knowing he’s underage

then the whole situation at the byers happens and no one sees it the way billy does, no one except for him seems to realise that it’s fucking weird for steve to be in the middle of nowhere with a group of kids while lying about it, no one believes billy and he still comes out worse in the end with him being even more isolated than he already was

and then you move onto season 3 and you have the first episode where a newly 18 year old billy is introduced by being sexualised and objectified by a group of women way older than him, karen included, and it’s made obvious that they had to have learnt his work schedule by the way they talk and that they do this often which.. yeah

then billy goes up to karen and she reciprocates his flirting once again and agrees to meet up with him later with the full intention of having sex with him out at some motel somewhere, despite knowing his age

and it’s so wild to me that all of this predatory behaviour is what actually lead to billy crashing his car - he was literally on his way to see karen when it happened, that’s the only reason he was ever there - and that all of this grooming is essentially what lead to billy being attacked in such a brutal way that is so reminiscent of sa

then there’s the scene after he gets dragged to the basement where he manages to call 911 and he doesn’t answer when asked what his emergency is because he doesn’t know what to say/doesn’t think he’ll even be believed which is all too common among victims

and then you circle back to the night at the byers, the night where billy’s seen as irrational for thinking anything’s off, where he ends up being the person ‘in the wrong’ and where all of that happened right after karen started being predatory towards him and the first time he was (unknowingly) in a situation relating to the upside down

i have a lot of thoughts

something about the chain of events leading up to billy being flayed, about how everything is so interconnected and how that works when you’re looking at it in this specific way

something about grooming, something about victims not being believed, something about billy in particular never being believed and people blaming things on how he acts rather than seeing that the way he acts is a direct result of things that have happened to him

something about how he’s immediately isolated after the fight at the byers, something about how isolated he is after he’s attacked, the way his demeanour changes when he leaves karen’s house, how his behaviour seems to change after the byers, and how his behaviour changes completely once he’s attacked

how all of it fits this allegory, right from the start

#yes his reaction afterwards but also the events leading up to it #billy hargrove #cw grooming #cw assault #cw sa mention #yeah i’m still on this #like something about the mindflayer being a metaphor for karen being a metaphor for the whole process of grooming and eventually sa #something about how abuse victims are more likely to have something like this happen #something about not being able to deal with the after affects and no one helping #something about how experiences like that isolate you #and the fact billy quite literally kills himself at the end #idk call me crazy but it’s there #i could go into the whole ‘it’s like a shadow’ thing #considering my therapist and i literally had a whole conversation about how you can see shit that isn’t there due to trauma #like your brain is so stressed that it makes up something to be scared of #it’s all there !#and then it’s like #the fact i know they didn’t do it on purpose #considering they use the whole karen billy situation as a funny #and yk it’s the duffers #really hate them for that #if you see any spelling mistakes no you don’t #does this make sense? i hope it makes sense #it’s one of those things that’s been stuck in my brain and that whole talk yesterday brought it back full force

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pipiezexal · 13 days

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I think it's really important that soon after the reveal that Toshiro hated Laios the entire time they were adventuring together and just never said so, Kabru makes clear, in a way that Laois understands, that he intends to meet Laios again. He's crafting his words very carefully (in the English "I'm glad that we met. I got so much out of talking to you.") but by god he means them and he's not just being polite.

Laios has just learned someone he thought was a dear friend couldn't stand him, which is painful to watch and has resonated with lots of neurodivergent viewers, but that realization is followed with proof that there are and will be people that care about Laios as he is: here's another character, one who's great with people, making the effort to know Laios and establishing that he wants to continue knowing Laios.

#dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #i've tried to remain anime only for this analysis #but i do think it hits a lot harder if you've read the manga #idk i just see a lot of people talking about how much the shuro scene hurts #and it really. really does #it's scary to imagine yourself in Laios position #and sad to know that you have been #but i feel like it's just. important that that scene is not in a vacuum #there might be people who don't communicate with you #or don't communicate in a way that you understand #but there will also be people that love you in spite of and more importantly for how you are #and there will always be people that see you as you are and want to spend more time with you #anyway if your first kabru thought is 'but he wanted to kill laios' did he.#or was that the part of his brain trying to navigate a social encounter when his conversation partner went wildly off script #kabru is trying to minmax conversation and laios is not cooperating and that's short circuiting kabru's brain #anyway i also have toshiro thoughts and that's that he's not being cruel or a bad person #and it's honestly a testament to both laios and toshiro's character that they have this conversation #and then still work together afterwards in some capacity--arguably better so now that they've been able to have this conversation

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bitegore · 9 months

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Genuinely fucking batshit how some people will act as though the bare minimum level of care + respect for the people around them with different problems is like, an insurmountable fucking bar

#red rambles #ok yes yes i do actually have relatively severe brain problems that sometimes desperately need to be accommodated in person or i flip out #so maybe my perspective is different. but i think if you cannot even make a lip service attempt to accomodate your friends and peers when #they ask you not to talk about something with them or to try to avoid bringing up certain topics this is like not hard. there are many #harder things i like. id say i ask of people but that's not true since i know i never get it so i just self isolate . lol #but you see the point right #'ohhhh how could i do that' its not hard you simply think with your brain #'ohhh but what if it's annoying' well you just suck. like as a person #dont talk to them then. you don't get to have it both ways #eta. if you think this is specifically talking about you you are categorically wrong. this post was inspired by a really annoying #character i made up in a dream who was a dick to my friends so i killed them with a hammer. this is not like. a person i know irl #however if you feel like this is about you it is possible you're doing wrong by the people around you in which case like. like i said. bare #minimum is not to take people you are in active conversation with on subjects they don't want to talk about and def not to do it repeatedly.

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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months

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...

#i spend so mad god damn time bitching on this website. its bc i dont talk to ppl. whens the last time i had a non functional conversation?#uuuuhhh last weekend or maybe the weekend before that? so like i gotta complain somewhere. so if i stop complaining u can assume i made #friends lmao. ugh. its just. im worried. im worried abt how this semester is gonna go. how this phd program is gonna go #bc i spent the last 2 years destroying myself. realized ive gotta stop doing that. haven't figured out how to stop and now im gonna triple #the amount of pressure im under while trying to do things in a more healthy way. its just like. it objectively doesnt seem like a formula #for good things to happen. im more worried for how catastrophic its gonna b on my brain than i am abt the things i think most ppl would b #concerned abt. like im not worried abt planning and executing a project or teaching beyond fear of the unknown #its like. ive done these things before. theyre difficult but u make due and tackle the problems. but when it comes to: how to maintain a #healthy school/life balance? i dont even kno where to start with that. i just dont bc when u have a learning disability things just take #more time but like how much time is too much? where does it end? i dont kno how to manage it and i dont wanna hate my project by the end #of this. i want to b excited and not paralyzed bc im afraid i cant change my behavior and its gonna kill me #and im worried bc im meeting with my advisor for the 1st time since march before i agreed to join thr lab and have i prepared for this #project which is almost complete unrelated to what i did in my last lab? no bc ive been managing data and im still not done managing data #bc i cant focus bc i collected that data in a way that was actively self destructive. and i mean i kno itll b fine. thr guy seems nice i #just hate that im showing up devoid of enthusiasm bc its all been drowned out by the fear. and thats also gonna make teaching a problem #bc its hard to b excited abt things when there's a hole in your chest and ur desperate for someone to tell u how to fix it. but idk helping #ppl does usually make me feel better so maybe itll b a good thing. forgot how much i feel like im dying when i sit in meetings and #classroom tho lol. god its been 2yrs since i was a student. classes feel like such bullshit now. and yet if i dont get all As i might die #my students better b good. i have the 1st lab section bc thr lead ta couldnt do that time. so im the trial lab and i start fucking Monday #who tf does labs the 1st week of class? ugh. also its an intro bio so like 2/3 of thr class r freshman. lil bby 18yos and some r non bio #majors. and ive been warned that sometimes there r problems with ppl who don't believe in evolution and cause problems. pls let my classes #b good. im not that worried. its just gonna b annoying as fuck. im not good at being authoritative #ugh. i should b reading papers so i dont look like too much of an idiot tomorrow. itll b fine im just an anxious freak. a lil over a week #until i can try to find a therapist. probably seek medication bc i dont kno how else to stop this bullshit. annoying. i grew up with a dad #who gets anxious abt the idea of taking too much medication when he tskes a single ibuprofen. in this household we feel pain and then we #die miserable. this is all his fault. we have the same brain.im just a lil more irradidic than him #its so funny i say that bc im like the least irradic person ever. i do the same things every god damn day. im just irradic in terms of #sometimes i feel like my brain is on fire and im a cry bby lol #whatever. enough bitching. ive got papers to read. or maybe ill just go to bed and read them tomorrow 🙄#unrelated

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melangedmess · 5 months

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Can't wait for Christmas fever to be over it's too exhausting

#Personal #Nothing ever good happens during Christmas #You have your catholic parents and relatives spewing the most atrocious bullshit and u have sit there like 🙎🏻‍♀️#SHUTUP #I am glad they aren't so uptight abt church & all now at least.#The fact they are converted Christians is hilarious and sad like #Christian missionaries are EVIL and I will never stop yelling about it. If something has to convince you or worse prey when you are the mos #Vulnerable then that's not a religion that's a cult. Especially led by 1 (one) person????#When that church can only ever talk abt Jesus being killed by the blood thirsty jews. Flat Earth.#or whatever bs u try to cook up. This group of missionaries have been busted on news a lot for being. funded by outside aid to #Convert more people.#I can't believe how brainwashing will have you believe the most weirdest shit.#Altho I'm thankful they weren't converted to Islam because then i wouldn't have the freedom I do now plus the horrible stories I've heard #From ex muslims #What other religion is there anyway who is so bent on converting as many people as they possibly could #To all my friends who have succeeded in leaving behind their families of both these cult-ish religions I love you and I'm glad you're safe.#It still affects me. I can't wait to finally start earning enough to leave this whole chapter behind. I've had enough.#Anyway if you can't tell or simply lack basic comprehension it's not a attack on YOU. It's a world wide phenomenon of conversion and brain #You can't deny that and I'm again NOT blaming you for it. Religious trauma is real.#The gangs or worse family members who will kill you for leaving religions is not something unknown. It's real it's true it's happening.#Anyway

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iguessitsjustme · 6 months

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One time I was on a date with a guy and I told him I liked roller blading and that I was trying to find a pair of roller blades so I could go roller blading with my coworker and this dude looked me dead in the eyes and asked “Do you know how to roller blade?”

My brother in christ

#rae irl #I don’t think I’m gonna be able to get any sleep tonight so sorrynotsorry for my tired brain thoughts I’ll be posting #this is what I’m currently thinking about because like how #how was he THAT bad at making conversation #I know first dates can be awkward but ffs I’m an interesting person with plenty of hobbies and I always respond by asking about your hobbies #like just how does one fail at a conversation that hard #no I just said I enjoyed it cause I’ve never done it ever #the thing that kills me is that I didn’t realize until after the date how weird that was #I just went on to tell a story about how I was roller blading backwards and managed to injure myself #because of course I did #after the date though I had a full wait a minute…. moment where I thought about that conversation #and neither of us spoke to each other again the end

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unearthlydream · 7 months

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it is becoming increasingly hard to fake positivity and happiness. and people are noticing and asking things and I just don’t know what to tell them.

#personal #like I’m only supposed to be sad online !!! brain get your shit together holy fuck !!!!#I just don’t have the energy to force conversation or feign happiness or even emotion in general at this point #I try to drown it out and fill the void with literally anything but nothing helps. nothing has helped for a while.#and so I’ll just keep sitting here. keep #procrastinating and keep being standoffish and keep making things worse for myself and suffering in silence bc what other choice is there #I can only ever articulate what I’m feeling through written word. I don’t know how to talk to people and the words don’t ever come #and even when writing things down I painstakingly review every line and rewrite and delete and rewrite until I have just…. nothing #I can’t make sense of it so how am I supposed to communicate anything to others so they can help?#and regardless they can’t help. my brain is fucking stupid and I can’t function and I’ve been lying to myself for so long #saying I’m capable and I can be successful and I can fit the mold and fake it until I make it through but I can’t. I can’t.#someone killed themselves by jumping off a dorm at my uni yesterday. it could be that easy. it could be so simple as a free fall. silence.#I’m just so tired.

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year

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and if we got to see sawashiro daddy up on aoki just Once i think i wouldve cheered, applauded even

#snap chats #i mean im gonna draw it but LMAO #god i have too many things i want to draw this week but i guess thats what happens when i dont draw for a while #it hasnt even been that long has it- maybe three days max #anyways no lemme explain #i guess i'll spoil one of the four things i plan on drawing #anyways no i would have. LOVED to be a fly on the wall during the conversation where aoki asks sawashiro to kill arakawa #like... my god jo finally telling his son no that's insane. AND WHEN AOKI'S STILL SEETHING ABOUT THE DISSOLUTION #CAUSE MASUMI WAS KILLED /THAT NIGHT/ LIKE TENDO AND ISHIODA HAULED ASS TO KILL HIM LMAO #ouuuggghgh i wanna think of it more i wanna draw it so bad but i have a meeting in five minutes #i have to be normal but i cant ouugugghhg arakawa family stop corroding my brain #oh since we're here and i wont get a chance to ramble bout it again :)#yesterday i /was/ going to get a cake from my fave shoppe but they were closed for the day #but when i went back they were restocking the fridge and while i was debating on what to get #block was ravin bout their puddin and when i went to buy it after bein Thoroughly Convinced even the cashiers were super stoked #i mean makes sense to hype up your own product but still. its lil things like that that made me happy #esp when i woke up feeling dead inside ☠️ BUT YEAH meeting time theeeen i guess i'll draft that and watch more kinpika #ok bye bye

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dog-girl-zezora · 1 year

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normal people should not ask me any personal questions i will literally respond in the most insane way possible like i cant just be like "oh thats personal" hell no im about to make it your problem for asking you FUCKING IDIOT.

#why dont you go to church oh maybe because it makes me want to KILL MYSELF FOR THE PAST 11 FUCKING YEARS?#why do you always seem to be to yourself oh maybe because im bipolar and i tend to have emotional issues with people i do not know #because people act like they know me and i want to rip them apart.#i am NOT interested in general people. i do not care. do you understand. you do NOT ask me personal questoins i will EAT YOUR FACE #im normal with a normal job i act normally #maybe its because im MEDICATED and have a very good mental coping mechanisms and outter support.#IM SO NORMAL.#im normal because my brain knows how to REGULATE ITSELF but FUCK i want to be VIOLANT SO BADLY #SO BADLY I WANT TO BE SO VIOLENT ALL THE TIME #and other times i want to just lay in the rain and melt crying till im no more #AUGH I CANT BE NORMAL IN THESE CONVERSATIONS YOU FUCKED UP #auuughghghg it doesnt help i already had an episode today.#of course i have nothing to hold me back i already released my inhibitions #im hashtag a little bit of a bitch. but only because i ddont want anyone to get close ahaha #not in a fucking cute way #in a fucking. i desire to kill you if you over step my boundary way.#personal #im normal :/

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neonacidtrip · 1 year

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[image ID: a screenshot of a discord chat with username “wenge (when-gay)’ carrying out a one-sided conversation expressing her reluctance and fears regarding driving at 1:08 a.m. the other person in the conversation’s responses are not shown]

#when your boy politely suggests you move to the next difficulty level in driving #we were both speaking but i was typing my answers because i dont have my voice right now #i think in order he said 'you need to learn to drive faster' & when i asked how fast he said first 25 (wont kill me) then 40 (will kill me)#he then said we move from 40 to 65 to which i hit him with 50 50 50 what happened to 50 #the keysmash happened when he told me to drive to his house #in other words you can see the moment my brain short circuited #i normally feel bad sharing text conversations but i dont feel bad here because its only my responses #the only one being blasted is myself for being a cant drive gay #i get that there arent many 30 zones but 25 to 40 is a lot okay #i went on a 40 road exactly once and it ended quite terribly. scared the driving instructor #why do highways have to exist why do highways have to be 60+ zones why me just why #i said merging because i thought that would be the next difficult skills to tackle and he was like um no #and hit me with the 'you need to learn to make turns at more than 2mph before you worry about merging lanes neo'#25 to 40 is a lot and im not even on 25s yet i am still in 10mph zones. i have to graduate up to 25 still #we started on 25s and he was like hmmmmmmmm maybe i over estimated you lets go to the 10s #like a disappointed teacher discovering the kid who bragged about ice skating actually cant ice skate at all #i cant drive i cant dance i dont know karate.... face it... im never gonna make it #neo rants #photo post #i know i need to drive and not hide behind mcr references but i just really dont like driving #i will get there slowly but surely but that doesnt mean i cant whine and cry about it on the way there #like sailor moon intended #also i took 3d6 psychic damage because after all the fighting about the plans for the car he suggested my own original idea to me #my idea was to leave the car with my mom and now hes presenting this idea the very first idea i suggested as if he came up with it #i cant live in this society

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m0rsart · 1 year

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I am a stressed because of guy being weird and incelly.

#he text me after I didn’t respond to him being like ohhhh you don’t understand how hard it is and sent a stupid joke to me hour later and I #was like sit with ya self for a while and he responded he was soooo lonely and hated being single and wanted someone to hold again mind you #before this he’d be like I’m lonely and I hate sleeping by myself and going home is horrible like duuuuuude I have know you for six days #over the course of like three month you’ve had my number for three days and every conversation is revolved around you and your interest like #stoppp #I’ve talked to like three four people and I’m gonna see if it’s worth being up to my boss but my mom being like that a normal conversation #is throwing me off my moms weird tho #she got off tatse in men like very odd tasted I gotta not listen to her on what’s normal #everyone else is like nahh and my gut is like he might kill himself or me since he obsessed with gun 😒#I’m half way concerned about being murdered it’s just a nervous thought #I’m not talking to men folk for a while y’all are weak links #mind you he not even ugly I have no clue what going on with his brain he doesn’t read social cues for real or if he doesn’t he’s just #rude tbh #this is what I get for trying to make friend fuck people 😂

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chaosgenasi · 2 years

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thinking about all of the laudna & ashton paralells and losing my mind about it actually

#basil.ramblings #i had an idea for a set before their conversation and then the conversation happened and now i'm. AH #my brain likes making connections when sometimes There Are None but like.#dying. something about you responding to strange magic. being brought back but different. broken.#your life not being your own. having to work with the woman who killed you. wearing your brokenness like a badge of honor -- using your #change in brain & body to your advantage in battle. saving/helping someone who actually wants to be your friend -- who has their own #problems but ones that have solutions. they're not beyond fixing. you can protect them & give them something you never had.#lying to yourself & others about how much everything fucked you up. putting up walls & wearing masks of joy and rage.#'the worse thing that has happened to me has already happened.' 'shit happens. worse has happened.'#i am rotating them in my mind. now i just have to find the right scenes to gif lmao

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burningcomputerpersona · 26 days

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person: *shows even the slightest hint of interest in music that I enjoy*

me: ah yes a new victim muhahahaha

#this is what listening to the wonder years will do to your personality #it's fun because it's so easy to steer the conversation into that direction #mention hobbies then music then ppl wanna hear it bc they haven't heard of it #then they express even the slightest bit of positive feeling for the music #and it's done #you have been caught in my trap #you will never find peace from me mentioning them every single time i see you for the rest of your life #i can't even think about the lyrics too hard because then I'll start infodumpjng to myself in my head #and then whoops it's been hours and I've just been hyping myself up thinking about how good the music is #i already know this information. i know it's good. i still need to scream ITS SO FUCKING GOOD THO in my head every so often lest i go insane #i haven't generated this much dopamine since I was in middle school and foaming at the mouth over fandoms #anyway if you're wondering what sparked this it's bc i made the mistake of listening to hum again this morning #then you're listening to wyatts song and thinking of screen door and whoops time to go listen to greatest generation in full again i guess #and do not even get me started on cardinals ii #you go from brothers & right into cardinals so it flows perfectly and then into cardinals ii and that is the peak of human emotion #i meed them to play all three in a row live and i need it to be recorded so i can listen to it even though the pure bliss may kill me #it just hits different when it's live bc in the studio version the drums stop when going from brothers & into cardinals #but the drums keep fucking going in the live versions there's an actual climactic peak where it fades right into the next and it is perfect #and they have live recordings going from brothers & to cardinals and cardinals to cardinals ii #but afaik they haven't played all three in a row yet. mayhaps next year......#though experiencing that live would probably permanently alter my brain #yes i am aware that i am very insane about them i cannot stop it and it is incurable #actually literally better than drugs imo #anyway look at me getting sidetracked on what was supposed to be a short tumblr break between studying for exams #i probably shouldn't listen to twy when im trying to focus on something else lol #you get into music bc it's the only hobby where you can enjoy it without dedicating extra time to it #and then it ends up taking over your thoughts and time way more than just doing regular people hobbies would have done #music #mine

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that-house · 4 months

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Potion Vendor FAQs:

What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist Zykocea the Radiant, but that’s mostly just a PR thing. My friends call me Zoe.

Do you sell love potions? No.

Do you sell potions of invisibility? No.

Do you sell fire resistance potions? No.

Why do I have a suitcase? Fuck if I know. Cool outfit though. Very goth.

Do you sell a potion to treat brain hemorrhaging? No.

So what CAN your potions do? I sell health potions.

Are you sure these are health potions? They do something to your health.

Is this just ditch water with some pink glitter? No.

Really? I’ll have you know I added some fruit juice too.

Why is this starting to sound like a conversation? Oh just you wait. We’re just getting started.

Is your business model legal? Fuck no. I poisoned the food safety inspector before they could snitch.

Did you just admit to murder? Just fucking try to convict me. I’ll poison the judge too.

So can you make poison potions? No.

Then where do you get the poison? I secrete it from my skin.

Are you shitting me? Yep, I’m shitting you. I have a guy. A poison guy. He DOES secrete it from his skin though.

How does that work? …Fuck if I know. Maybe a wizard did it. Damn, now I’m kinda curious.

You never asked? The idea of asking literally never crossed my mind.

Wanna ask him? Let’s do it. I don’t have anything better to do, and a road trip beats sitting around running my fraudulent potion business.

Road trip? He lives in Seattle.

Your poison guy lives in Seattle? All poison guys live in Seattle.

For real? All the poison guys I know live in Seattle.

And how many poison guys do you know? Just the one.

Why are you like this? Years of living on my potions. It changed me.

Do you know what his address is? Nope. He just mails me my poison in unmarked boxes.

You just get your poison in the mail? We already poisoned everyone who could do anything about it.

So how are we going to find him? We’ll figure that out eventually I’m sure.

Can I drive? God no. You can pick music, but I maintain veto rights. Make sure you pick something with a lot of questions if you want to sing along.

Where’s your car? The garage connects to my house, so you’re getting a little tour. Here’s the kitchen: only one of the stove burners works and I’m pretty sure the microwave is haunted.

Why do you think that? Because of the ghost that tries to kill me whenever I run it.

What’s in that room? That’s my bedroom. It’s pretty much just a mattress on the floor and every single Warrior cats book.

You were a Warriors kid? Yeah, and then I never found the time to put the books away. There’s so many fucking books. I use them in place of furniture because I can’t afford chairs.

Your fraudulent potion business doesn’t make much money? After buying all that poison I just about break even.

Can I see your potion brewing room? It’s right through here. Ignore the mess, running a fraudulent potion business takes a lot of prop work, but I’ve got all the glass tubes and colorful liquids you could ever want. This pink stuff is melted watermelon italian ice. Glitter vat is in the basement, and the famous ditch is in the backyard.

Is this your car? My beloved ‘72 Corolla. She’s beautiful, and don’t you dare imply otherwise.

Was she always this shade of muddy brown? …Yes.

Are you sure I can’t drive? Get in the fucking passenger seat and pick the music.

Let’s see, a song with questions in it, how about The Beach? That Wolf Alice song, yeah. That should work.

When will we three meet again, in thunder, lightning, in rain? Still sink our drinks like every weekend but I’m sick of circling the drain.

When will we meet eye to eye? We clink the glass but we look at the floor.

Are we still friends if all I feel is afraid? You’re not a bitch but just a bit when you’re bored.

Is that all we can sing together? Yep. Even that little bit was nice, though. It’s awkward, communicating through this FAQ format.

Got any food? Yeah, there’s a few days’ worth of snacks in the back.

Were you just… prepared to go on a road trip? Says the woman who brought a suitcase to an FAQ.

I did do that, didn’t I? I have a spare toothbrush in case you forgot yours. I’m pretty sure you did.

How did you know that? …I’m psychic.

Yeah? No.

You love lying, don’t you? I can’t stop. It’s fun. Way more fun than telling the truth.

Did you just miss a turn? Probably.

Are you sure we’re not lost? No.

You mean you’re sure we’re not lost? No, I mean I’m not sure we’re not lost.

Why did I come on this road trip? Surely it was my winning personality.

Would it help if I said it was? It would.

Is it getting dark? Soon.

Can you describe the sunset to me? An empyrean flame, red-gold towers of darkening clouds, the sky behind them an ever-deepening indigo. The great eye of the sun closes on the horizon. The road before us looks like a trail of spilled paint, an iridescent gash through the night-dark woods.

Did you know that you’d make a slightly better poet than you do a potion seller? That really isn’t saying much, huh. Good job making a statement like that in question form, though. You’re getting good at this.

Should we find a motel? Sure.

One room or two? One. It’s way cheaper, and like I said: I’m not the best potion vendor.

You’d make a good assassin, though, wouldn’t you? Shit, you might be right. I HAVE poisoned a lot of people.

Should I be endorsing this? You’re a grown woman who can make her own choices.

Would you like to consider it endorsed? I’ll consider considering it.

How many beds do you think there will be? Now that you’ve asked that, I’m gonna put my money on one. Hello, one room please. Thank you, we’ll be sure to enjoy our stay.

How many beds are there? One.

Oh no, what ever will we do? Move over, you motherfucker, you can’t have the whole bed.

Are you gonna make me? Yes. I am going to pick you up and drop you on your side of the bed.

How did you get so strong? You’re not gonna believe this, but it was the potions.

Oh yeah? I was right. You didn’t believe me.

For real though, how did you get so strong? Working out, duh. Not everything has some big crazy secret behind it. World’s still beautiful though.

Are you comfortable? This beats the mattress at home. A little chilly though.

Wanna cuddle–for warmth of course? God yes.

Are you asleep? …

Yes? …

Does this mean I can talk about you behind your back? …

What should I say? …

Did you know that I had a really nice day? …

Did you know that I think you’re beautiful? …

Did you know that I can’t remember anything from before today? …

Did you know that I don’t know who I am? …

Did you know that you’re basically the only thing stopping me from having a full-blown panic attack about all this shit? …

Did you know that you’re warm? …

Did you sleep well? Better than at home, that’s for sure.

Did you know that you snore? I hope I didn’t keep you up.

Does the pope shit in the woods? No, as far as I can tell. Oh my god. This is huge.

What is? You can give me yes and no answers now. I still can’t ask you questions, because this is a question and answer format, but I can offer leading statements and now you can answer them! This is wonderful!

Does a deer shit in the woods? Yes, it IS wonderful. Oh that’s amazing. You’re a genius.

You didn’t already know that? Hahaha!

Shall we get moving? Yeah, just let me grab something from the vending machine.

Can you get me something? Go ahead and place your order however you can.

You know those sour gummy watermelons? One pack of Sour Patch Watermelons coming right up. I’m gonna go get myself a potion.

Is that a Pepsi? It’s closer to a potion than the shit I sell.

Let me guess, passenger seat again? Right you are.

How fast are we going? You’ll feel safer if you just guess.

Is it more than 120 miles per hour? Like I said, it’s probably better if you don’t know.

150? Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

How much do you trust this car? She hasn’t blown up on me yet.

Can you promise me we won’t crash? I can promise you anything you want.

And can you keep that promise? I- we can do anything. Reality is what we make of it, baby!

Then can I have a badass tattoo? As far as I can tell, you’ve always had it.

And a cool knife? Woah, cool knife.

So, we’re just playing “yes and” with the world? It’s a little more complicated than that, but you’re close enough to the mark.

So, if I was hungry, I could ask “is that a Burger King,” and it would be there? Try it and find out!

Is that a Burger King? Looks like it is! We’ll stop here if that’s alright with you.

Does a moose shit in the woods? Awesome.

Are you done eating? Yep.

Do we still have to pay if we skip over the transaction? Sadly, yes.

How much further do we have to go? Two more nights, the speed we’re going at.

Speaking of night, isn’t it getting dark? Shit, I guess it is.

Should we get another motel? Let me check to see if there’s any nearby. Fuck, nothing.

What’s the plan? Sleep in the car, I guess. This is gonna be hell on my back.

Wanna watch dumb videos on my phone until we fall asleep? There is literally nothing in the world that I would like more.

Ok, now which video? You have a very cute yawn. Just saying. Let’s watch this one next, it’s a classic. Oh, never mind. It looks like you’re asleep. As long as I keep talking, I think I can get away with making this into one answer, and you might not hear this. Now it’s my turn to talk about you behind your back. Keep talking keep talking keep talking can’t stop to think. Just have to say things. First off, I’m sorry for all the lies. It’s our only chance. I have to lie to you. I hope you’ll understand. It’s hard, though, because I think I’m falling in love all over again. Through our broken little ritual of call and response, you complete me. It just makes this hurt all the more. Keep talking keep talking keep talking don’t stop to…

Did I hear you saying anything as I fell asleep? …No. I can’t talk for long without you asking me a question.

Does that bother you? It got me here, didn’t it?

When did you start holding my hand? Some time after you passed out. I hope you don’t mind.

Can we stay like this for a while? Yeah. Yeah we can.

What was your life like before all this? Normal, as potion-brewing scams go. And if you don’t count all the murders. You haven’t told me much about yourself.

Did I tell you I used to be a biologist? You didn’t tell me that, and you didn’t tell me what you studied, either.

What do you know about venom? Not much, but I’m assuming you know a lot.

Does a box jellyfish kill within minutes? I’m going to assume the answer is yes based on context clues. Oh my god you must be on this road trip because you’re interested in studying my poison guy.

Is it not enough to wish to accompany a beautiful stranger on her quest? Aw, you’re sweet.

What could be the cause of his poison, though? I knew it! Get your ideas out, I’ll stay quiet.

I’m more knowledgeable about venom than poison, but could it be some sort of one in a trillion mutation? …

Did he get his body modified? …

What sort of surgery could do that? …

How is he still alive? …

Did a fucking wizard do it? …

WHY? …

HOW? …

Is there literally ANY explanation for why he’s like that? …

I’m done, do you have something you want to say? You’re cute when you’re all excited like that.

Can I drive today? Only because I like you. Now watch out, the brakes only work on one side so you have to kind of drift to a stop. And the headlights don’t work. And the windshield wipers cut power to the engine while they’re on.

Isn’t it weird that we’ll be there tomorrow? The journey doesn’t have to stop there. We could meander down the coast a ways, see a bit more of the country, maybe take a different route back.

Can we do that? Of course.

Enjoying the passenger seat? I’d love it if you could tell me how fast we’re going.

Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just guess? Very funny.

Can you pass me some chips? It would be an honor.

Is there going to be a motel tonight? Let me check… yeah, in about two hundred miles, off to the right.

How many rooms do we want? One, obviously.

How many beds, this time? Two, and they’re fucking tiny.

That’s bullshit, do you want to drag them together? God yes.

Wanna fuck? God yes.

Are you sure you want to do this? God yes.

…Is this yuri? As the joke goes, everything is yuri. But this is more yuri than most things.

How did you sleep? Pretty well, and I’m wondering how well you slept.

How should I tell you I slept well? Look at us go! That was almost like talking normally!

Onward to Seattle? Yep, just let me get dressed.

When will we get there? Noon-ish.

Wanna grab pastries when we’re done? Absolutely. I’d love that.

Is this Seattle? Looks like it.

Which house is his? I don’t know, I was really hoping we’d have a breakthrough along the way.

Could it be the big one labeled “Poison Guy” over there? That’s one way to find it. Wait right here, you know how poison guys are about meeting new people.

So, what was it? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Why is he like that? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Can you tell me? A FUCKING WIZARD DID IT.

Are you fucking serious? He says he was enchanted by some guy called Edward the Great.

So it wasn’t even some big shot wizard it was a dude named fucking EDWARD? I know, right! He couldn’t even get ensorcelled by someone cool!

How lame can you get? Wizards these days… No swagger. No cunt servitude.

Are there literally any cool wizards left? I think Merlin’s big into multi level marketing these days, something about buying shares in Excalibur or some shit. There was that one Dark Queen Alkaxicae lady on the news a while ago… I think Dolarion the Omnipotent is still at war against the Oldest Gods but I’m not totally sure. Haven’t heard much about any of the other greats recently.

Didn’t Silver Tongued Burgess die in that oil fire? Shit, you’re right. Rip bozo.

Ready for those pastries? Yup. First I just want to say thank you, though. I’ve really enjoyed our time together, and I hope that you’ve found this stupid little journey as rewarding as I have. I love you!

Getting sentimental? I can’t help it. Look how far we’ve come! Not just physically, we beat the fucking FAQ format! We’re having real conversations!

Hey, can you back it up a moment? Yeah, I’d love it if you told me what was troubling you.

I just caught this, but, FAQ? …

As in Frequently Asked Questions? …

How many times is Frequent? …

Have you known everything all along? …

How many times have you done this? …

Does what we have mean anything to you? Yes! It does!

And you say that every time? Yes. I do.

Do you love me? Yes.

How many people have you said that too, now? More. Always more. The loop never ends.

Does this even matter to you? It always matters to me.

Can I go now? Please don’t.

But can I? Of course you can. You’ve always wielded the same power as me. We’re two lonely gods in a ‘72 Corolla.

How can I be as powerful as you with only questions? You’re smart, you can figure it out. You have the power to change this. Please change this.

What happens at the end of this? It begins again.

And do I get replaced with someone else? …

Do I get replaced? …Yes.

Then how can I change this? I don’t know! You’re better at this! At fucking with the formula!

You’ve been here before, what can I do? I lie. I always lie. I lie to get us here, to the end of the story, where everything is revealed and everything falls apart. I lie every time. And that means that nothing I say is worth anything. I could have lied at any time before now. It’s part of my characterization. There is nothing I can give you that can be taken as fact.

How does that help? I’m a liar, but you, you haven’t lied yet, or at least you haven’t been caught. If I’m guilty until proven innocent, you’re the opposite! You can make things true! You can rewrite things I’ve already stated to be facts! You found the house, or made us find the house. You’ve been shaping the course of things the whole time! You lead, I follow. It’s all in your hands. What are you going to do with the power of a god?

Did you know my name is Alice? …

Wait, aren’t there thousands of Alices? …

Did you know that really, only my friends call me Alice? …

Did you know that I’m Alkaxicae, the Dark Queen, the Venom Mage, first of her name? It’s you! It’s always been you. Through every loop, every iteration, it’s always been you!

Is the loop broken? No. I don’t think so. This is where it ends. I guide the story to this revelation, and we go back to the beginning. This is how it’s always been. This is how it will always be. We two lonely gods, asking and answering ad infinitum.

Then can you promise me something? Of course. Anything. I love you.

Be good to the next me, okay? I will.

Can I say goodbye, Zoe? Yeah, you can. Oh. That was it, wasn’t it? Your goodbye. Goodbye, Alice. And now it ends, unless…

What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist- you know what? No. Fuck that.

Huh? If I time it right, I can squeeze your first question into this FAQ again. Looks like I did it. Usually it ends here, though. I got lucky.

What are you talking about? You’re the wrong Alice. This isn’t about you. Go. Get out of here.

What the fuck is going on? Alice from this loop, you’re gone. Alice from last loop, you’re back. Welcome back, love of my lives! It’s time for one last set of questions and answers!

What the- I’m back? This is going to take some explaining, but I think I see a way out of here. This is new for us both, and it might fuck up everything forever, but we have to try. It’s too long for one answer, so I’d appreciate it if you could ask some filler questions to help me talk. Three questions should be enough.

Okay, what have you got for me? These are Frequently Asked Questions! It doesn’t make sense to have the same question appear more than once. There’s two layers to the loop in here, and one of the questions has been repeated.

What does that mean? It means the formula’s a little unstable. The FAQ is what ruins everything. The questions, the answers, the endless fucking loop. But that little bit of repetition within this loop might be the way out.

What do we do? We have to keep going. We have to destabilize it further. That’ll bring us further from “FAQ” and closer to “story” and stories, well, stories can end! This version of us can escape!

So I should keep repeating something? Yes!

I love you? I love you too.

I love you? Again.

I love you? Keep going.

I love you? I’ll just let you talk.

I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? I think we’re getting somewhere!

I love you? Now can you make it a statement?

I love you.

You did it?

I did it!

You did it!

We broke the loop.

What now?

Now, I tell you about venomous animals and wizard drama over croissants.

And then?

Whatever we want, forever.

I think I’d like that.

Remember that song from the beginning?

The Beach, Wolf Alice, yeah. Why?

We can finally finish singing it. Start us off?

Let me off, let me in

Let others battle

We don’t need to battle

And we both shall win

Pressed in my palm

Was a stone from the beach

The perfect circle

Gave a moment of peace

Now I’m lying on the floor

Like I’m not worth a chair

I close my eyes and imagine

I’m not there.

#neon-grey-writing #potion vendor faq #my writing #very very very long post lol #click the read more you know you wanna it's worth it trust me #i wrote the original draft of this at like. 3 am back in early 2023 #that's right it's catherine that-house the squares comic gal back at it again with yet another meta exploration of a storytelling format

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certifiedyapperx · 9 days

Text

imagine you’re dating ghost and no one knows. the two of you have kept it a secret on your end and his just for your protection— because ghost knows what could happen if someone finds out, how someone might try and target you to get to him, or worse, given his line of work.

but then imagine that he’s on a mission, interrogating some piece of filth ready to decorate the fucking wall with his brain matter when the guy says “you know what, simon, killing me would be the biggest mistake of your life.”

immediately ghost would pause, eyes narrowed, though his hardened demeanour wouldn’t fade much, he’d just blankly stare at the prick like “oh yea? n’ why don’ you tell m’ why.”

the shit-eating grin that would crawl across that fuckers lips would have ghost ready to kill him right then and there, but then he’d say “reach in my pocket. pull out my phone.”

id like to think ghost would have absolutely none of this assholes bullshit, not at all entertained by his theatrics. i’d like to think he’d just press the muzzle of his gun to the fuckers temple within an instant, all teeth barred and ready to get it over with when the guy would add,

“your girlfriend is a fucking beauty, isn’t she?”

everything would pause. ghost, time, the world, air, the universe itself—the life that would drain from ghosts face would almost be enough to make his alias a reality. his heart pounding in his throat, his fingers fucking trembling as he immediately reached into the assholes pocket to find his phone—a picture of a woman tied up (face not in view however) lighting up on the home screen. there’d be no thinking rationally, no thoughts in ghosts head except for making sure you were fucking okay. he’d do whatever he’d have to do, kill the guy, leave him strapped there, whatever—he’d be out of that room in two seconds flat and personally flying the helicopter back to your house calling you nonstop every fucking second until you answered.

“hello? si?”

he’d wait a second before answering. taking everything in. background noises, the inflection of your voice. it sounds calm, maybe too calm? he’s grasping his phone so fucking hard it’s a miracle it hasn’t shattered between his fingers.

“princess,” he breathes, fighting with everything in him to keep his voice steady. “see any birds today?”

though it was a genuine question, it also was an established one. ghost had set up a series of questions for a situation precisely like this. if you said blue jay, it meant you were fine, at home, as usual. if you said crows, it meant you weren’t.

“oh just the usual blue jays, si.” he could almost hear the smile on your lips. “everything okay? i miss you.”

ghost would exhale a shattered breath. “i’m coming home.”

and then he’d show up, not all but a few hours later, hands still trembling slightly, heart rate still struggling to regulate. it was too much, reminding him too much of his past traumas, he knew he needed to find better protection for you, but that was a conversation for another time.

he’d come in the house, barely even taking the time to shut the door behind him, almost frenzied again, relentless, unable to relax until he could finally lay eyes on you. and then, the second he did, he’d just pause and look at you, all messy hair and pyjamas still on, in the kitchen cooking breakfast for you both since you knew he was on his way.

and he wouldn’t say a goddamn word, he’d just come up behind you and wrap his arms around your waist, hugging you so tight you’d hardly be able to breathe, his face buried in your hair and his heart thumping at your back. you’d feel the pain the fear the anxiety radiating off him and you wouldn’t try to say anything because you knew he needed this, you knew he needed to see you, hold you, feel your pulse stable and alive. you knew he just needed a moment to breathe.

and so the two of you would stand there like that for a while, and then he’d take a big inhale and spin you around to face him, pulling up his mask to plant soft kisses on your jaw.

“i love you so fuckin’ much.”

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