#( that’s why i never got time to logging on my tumblr blogs or even discord )

[ariahime]

i’ve decided when i’ll come back but i get the feeling around that time, i might get busy with works so hopefully i can try come back to writing on tumblr.

#self. txt #( reminds me why i could get away from writing for months because i was extremely busy with works ) #( so idk why i get that feeling again ) #( aaaa i remember - i was busy for months because even after im home - i still need to do my works ) #( that’s why i never got time to logging on my tumblr blogs or even discord ) #( those were my ‘i don’t have life except works or rests on weekends’ phase )

[chloeangelic]

addressing the drama (with receipts)

I wanted to have my ducks in a row before speaking out instead of just responding; I’m not doing this to change anyone’s opinions - it’s really not possible change someone’s perception of me even if it’s based on falsehoods - but I need to do this so I know I’ve said and shown what needs to be shown, and people can do with it what they please. 

To the readers and writers who have blocked me, unfollowed me, and mutuals who have stopped talking to me over this - I’m really, really sad you didn’t come to me first and give me the opportunity to explain what was going on. I understand if you wanted to distance yourself from drama but I also need you to understand that this was not discourse-drama I willingly got myself into. This was a month of frequent harassment and slander that eventually turned into bullying by a group of people using false info, hiding behind side blogs and anons, and I hoped it would blow over but it never seemed to stop. With anons turned off for most of the last two months, people have gone to my friends’ inboxes instead to harass them about me (and insult them in the process), and I can’t do this anymore.

I feel so alienated and disliked in this community that I can’t go on the dash without feeling like I shouldn’t interact with anyone out of fear that they’ll get uncomfortable seeing me in their notifs. People keep saying they want the community to get better and then they jump on the bandwagon of vague posting and RBing without taking a second to verify the claims, clearly not realizing how much hurt it causes to perpetuate it. If you’re reading this, I  hope your name isn't the next one they pull out of the hat when they want someone new to push off the platform. 

Explanations, timelines and receipts below. 

-

For anyone waiting for an explanation regarding the posts and anons about me that have circulated for weeks, or waiting for receipts proving or disproving that I’m a mean girl who spends my time talking shit, here you go. I am so beyond hurt, I don’t even know what to say. I’m floored, I’m so disappointed in this community and I’m so sad. In the last two weeks, I stayed up until 4am one night receiving screenshots of posts and anons about me, I cried, I tried to understand why this has happened to me, and I have sat here day after day with no answers. 

If you think I’m being melodramatic, try losing a quarter of your mutuals and having a bunch of people block you when you’ve had either no interaction with them or they’ve all been positive, and see how that feels, on top of constant rumors about you being a terrible person when you know you’ve barely had any negative interactions with anyone on the platform. I can’t be on tumblr any longer without exonerating myself and putting it out there that all of this has been one gigantic mess based on lies about me, seemingly compounded by grievances people have against Gracie (some one whose personal conversations have nothing to do with me). Either I do this, or I log out forever and only post on ao3, cause I feel like the fucking grim reaper here. Posts about me being an awful person are still circulating, despite the original post being deleted and the follow up stating that the OP has talked to me and they have apologized.

I’m not naming names in this. I will be using person A/B/C/D to make it less confusing. I’ve removed identifying information from the screenshots because even though I’m hurt by these people, I know that they will get dogpiled and harassed if I identify them, and I want it all to stop. Several have apologized to me and I have accepted. 

Sometime in December, rumors started circulating that there was a “big/elite writers discord” where they talked shit about small writers (I’m not in any discords specifically for writers and I have never heard of such a server). At about the same time, person A - someone who was very active in my own, now-deleted discord server, started frequently vagueposting about me, calling me a mean girl and, intentionally or not, made it seem like I was part of this “elite group of writers”. This is someone who I have never had a negative interaction with and who seemingly out of nowhere decided that I call myself elite and I’m a terrible person. 

Person B had some grievances with myself, Iris, and Gracie it seemed, so they went to person C and accused us of talking shit in our voice chats. I assume person A and B have talked about me at some point and validated each other’s claims, but I can't know that for sure. Person B messaged me from a burner account and apologized, then seemingly deleted the account after I responded.

Gracie frequently posted about us three chatting, and although I understand this might have felt alienating to some, many writers are open about having group chats with each other. All we did was write, edit, and Gracie sometimes made memes. We talked about non-fic stuff often, and when Gracie had an issue with other writers and she was upset, we talked about it. That’s what friends do. She knows that I believe those situations were handled poorly. One of those situations came to light recently - I had a very pleasant conversation with the writer involved, and we are still in touch.

I have spoken to person C, who posted the most “popular” smear post about me and some of my friends. They retracted their statements and profusely apologized to us, admitting it was based on stuff they heard from person B, showing me screenshots of the conversation. However, their original posts are still circulating through reblogs despite being deleted from their account. 

Person D also posted about me and my friends, however their post was sort of ridiculous, accusing me of spending more time replying to anons than writing. I found this funny, but the way they slut shamed my friend was absolutely not humorous, and dragging a random writer in to criticize them was a strange attempt at adding fuel to the fire. 

-

And for the receipts, 

I blocked person A after seeing a handful of vague posts clearly about me, and after they interacted with every single rude anon posted about me that I saw. I think that’s reasonable, no? I’m not gonna post screenshots of their posts cause I honestly just don’t want to look at them again, they make me feel kind of sick if I'm honest, but if anyone doesn’t believe me, they are welcome to DM me and I will send. 

Person B messaged me, admitted to partaking in this mess, and apologized. This is part of a LONG message:

Person C apologized over message and called me on discord. We had a conversation clearing things up, they deleted their posts and wrote a public apology. 

If you need any proof that person B’s claims were, in fact, baseless, look at this exchange between person B and person C after person C had cleared things up with me.

Person D honestly just creeps me out, cause what the fuck is this? Fine if you don’t like me based on my writing or my persona on here but… Why the witch hunt? 

ETA: Person C asked person D to take down their post and they never responded. This was sent prior to that, I know the full context, I just thought this specific part was worth sharing to show how vile some people allow themselves to be behind burner accounts.

What kind of behavior is this? This was from a sideblog, and I don't know what their main account is. It creeps me the fuck out knowing this person is lurking somewhere in the community.

I have hated every moment of this. None of this has been fun for me. This has completely fucked up my motivation to write and my enjoyment of it, it has made me anxious, it has messed with my self esteem, and it has made me want to log out of Tumblr and not come back. 

Please, I beg, if you have an issue with me, just come to me and I promise I will have a conversation with you. You can’t tell people’s tone over anon and I don’t think that’s a good way to have a conversation, especially one about something that should be solved in private, so they remain off, but my DM’s are open. 

I'm so sick of seeing vagueposts and trying to decipher if they're about me. Having to do that a bunch of times messes with your head.

I'm not sure what to do moving forward, but I needed to say my piece. I don't want to talk about this again, I want to put this behind me. I seriously hope this doesn't wreck my last remaining want to share my writing on here.

Thanks again to everywhere who has supported me in my DMs and comments, you mean the world to me 🤍🤍🤍 And if you found yourself duped by all this but change your opinion on me now or eventually, I won't hold a grudge, and I'm happy to speak again and pick up where we left off.

[jscwrites]

Please Follow this Backup Blog for Vendetta-IF

Hey guys, it's jsc, the author of Vendetta. I'm making this blog to backup all of the stuff I've posted over on the vendetta-if blog because I can't access my main account. Until I can access my account again, this will be the blog I'll use to interact with all of you and post updates. And in the worst case scenario, this will become the main blog.

So, please, follow this blog as I will be posting updates and answering asks like usual here. Also, for those who want to share their fanarts and other fanworks, please tag this blog too so I can see it. I'll also start reblogging some posts and asks from the Vendetta blog here in hopes of preserving them as much as I can. So, be prepared for a little blast from the past as we walk down the nostalgia road, I suppose.

I'm really sad because just earlier today, I checked my followers count and saw that we were 30 followers away from reaching 4K Followers in the main Vendetta blog, and I was thinking about what to do to celebrate it. Plus, there are also so many awesome fanarts and asks that I don't want to just be gone, which is why I'm making this blog to reblog all of them.

For those who are new and wondering what my story is all about, please check out the intro post I've reblogged. I might need to make another intro post in the future if I never get access back to my account, but for now, I hope it'll suffice.

IMPORTANT LINKS

[ORIGINAL INTRO POST]

[VENDETTA BLOG ARCHIVE]

[DEMO | Latest Chapter: 6 Part 1 | 272.8K words total] 

[FORUM] 

[PATREON] | [KO-FI]

[DISCORD]

CHARACTER RELATED MASTERPOSTS:

[CHARACTERS LIST]

[ARTBREEDER PORTRAITS] [ROs] [Other Pt. 1] [Viktor] [Other Pt. 2]

[CHARACTER PLAYLIST]

ADDITIONAL LINKS

[PUBLIC SIDE STORIES LIST]

[AO3 WRITTEN FANWORK] -> Currently 3 works

For those who are interested in what happened, I'll tell the details under the cut.

So, a few hours ago, I decided to open my iOS Tumblr app to check on notifications and stuff, as I usually do. But instead, I got hit with the Tumblr error messages over and over as it keeps trying to load in.

At first, I just thought it was my cellphone Internet connection, so I tried logging in on the desktop. At first, after I input all of my login credentials, the page loaded, but it brought me to the viewing page of my Vendetta blog as a non-user. I tried again, and this time, it said that my account got terminated. I never got any email from Tumblr about this, and it came as a shock because I just used my Tumblr earlier today to reblog some fanarts with no problem and I have never really used my account for other non-IF related stuff.

So, I scrambled to ask my members in Discord whether my Vendetta blog is still up, and thankfully it still is. But, my main account is somehow gone. The problem is, my Vendetta blog is actually a sideblog to my main account, jsclarissa.

As you can see here, when I tried searching for my main account, it says "Ghost blog! This blog does not exist." despite me having used that account to respond to comments and send asks to other authors before.

I have sent a support ticket to Tumblr support and also tweeted them on Twitter. I really hope they can give me my account back as I'm pretty sure this is some kind of technical issues on their end. I'm just worried about how long it would take them to respond and of course, the worst case scenario that it actually got terminated, so, I'm making this account.

Even if I got my account back, I'll still reblog stuff from the main blog here and maybe I can finally have a more personal blog where I can talk about stuff that is not really related to Vendetta.

#intro post #important announcement #writing update #if: vendetta #if vendetta #vendetta if #if game #if wip #dashingdon #choicescript #interactive fiction #interactive novel #interactive story #interactive games #cyoa #cyoa game #choice of games #hosted games

[nolantalks]

Ahhh I was waiting for this new stalker to post about it. After all, I need more evidence of them stalking me to report to both tumblr and authorities. Also love how she ignores her own words. Wasn’t this the same person that claimed they didn’t know me but then recently said they did and we were on the same sites? Interesting how they talk about reality and facts changing to my liking but it’s ok when they do it?

I do love how she likes to ignore the fact for years and on multiple occasions and blogs I’ve stated multiple times I had people log onto both my discord and tumblr accounts to ‘fill in’ for me. They forget I’ve kept meticulous records of every single interaction I’ve ever had as well as evidence of the people that love to make up lies having their own problematic actions and behaviors. I also am very good at keeping things to myself until they are needed or it’s the best time to reveal it AGAIN.

After all it’s known that this person has a grunge against me, some pathetic vendetta they just won’t let go of for some reason. Which is why it wasn’t hard to figure out who they were as they seem to obsesses over one specific character of mine. That one character has only ever had drama on one site and with one person how is now pretty much my online BFF and has been for years now. Though there was a hanger on that was obsessed with ignoring all the facts just to go with their version of the truth. Which is actually what this stalker is doing. That along with other things my friends and I have found out has made that easier to narrow down this person. It helps you claim you never went by male pronouns as it was between three people and one was a man that stole from my group to open one that exploited people for money under threats then regretted it.

@nolanaccountability @mariemcreau mmmm I really should make a blog that is for your accountability shouldn’t I? The drama you created, the pedophilic like kink you have for fetishizing gay men that don’t even look of legal age, not to mention the stalking even before this year.

I also love how you call it an accountability belong and yet you have nothing on there that is actually about accountability. What you have are a lot of posts showing you’re stalking me and other people you want to fool yourself into believing are me just because they don’t openly hate me. And then you run a narrative that shows actual evidence and other proof that openly states a lot of the stuff you’re dying to make people believe are lies are well documented and shown in various places and years old and not something that is only just now being said.

It’s funny how you and that other crazy stalker are so gun ho about digging through the archives of many blogs, many servers and tracking down every last little bit of me that you can. And yet, you decide not to do that whenever someone brings you a story that has no evidence or proof, you try to make excuses that it’s been so long that there simply isn’t anything and yet your actions show there is always some kind of record you can twist. You also refuse to go through all the past posts from years before show evidence that you’re lying and being lied to.

The mental gymnastics twisting and bending of the truth you do is almost admirable in an insane obsessed fan kind of way. It both really interests me in wondering why you are so obsessed with me and how easy it is to tell a blog to post something to answer the anons they got that hints to look at my blog here and you come running haha. But also how little I actually care. Even if you are who it appears you are, I never spoke to you outside of three like 2 minutes convos and you just inserted yourself into drama you had nothing to do with and then spun into you being a victim. But it is interesting why you’re so obsessed, you’re not one of my exs, you definitely act like a couple of stalker ones I had both male and female.

I’ve gone years with no drama other than people that are also obsessed with me dragging up the one bit I had from 10 years ago. Then went away and largely were exposed. I’ve only ever used my alias of Nolan UNLESS asked to by others which yes, happened quite a few times. Yes, I have friends who want me to post with them but also not so close that they are willing to deal with drama from people like you who have now life outside of wanting to stalk a random stranger. I am anything if not a rational person that is happy to have a sit down conversation and help others if I can give it.

[dreamenby]

I don't think you're active anymore, I don't even know if you'll ever see this but it's Fletcher, or at least that's what I used to go by. It's been a long time, I know, and it's probably useless now but we never really got any closure and it has been bugging me these past couple years. It would be pointless to explain exactly what happened and why I had to break up with you when I did, especially since we're both at such different stages of life now. However let me say this, you're my fondest memory when it comes to my ex partners and I genuinely miss our friendship and the way we worked together. I also think things would be much different if we met at a different time. That time was just...not a good point of my life. In fact it was the worst point of my life and I didn't know how to tell you about everything that was going on. I thought you deserved better and that's why I left. I know you messaged me a while later when we briefly talked again but I never read that message and I do regret it. I wish I read it and tried to fix things but yet again, I thought you deserved better. In hindsight, it was selfish of me to make such a decision alone, without ever asking you for your thoughts. I had good intentions but that doesn't matter, I ended up hurting both of us and for that I apologize. I sincerely hope your life is going great and I want you to know you'll always be in my heart. Even if you'll never read this, it was much needed to say everything and I'm sorry for not saying it earlier.

it’s been months since you sent this, and i’m not sure if you’ll ever see that i replied, but it doesn’t feel right to me to just leave this in my inbox to dust.

i haven’t been on this blog for ages now, i don’t even remember the last time i logged into tumblr in general. a post about tumblr on twitter lead me here and that’s how i found your message.

fletcher, i do have to say, you did hurt me a lot back then. i was in a really vulnerable state in my life, but so were you, and yeah maybe if we had met in a different time it could’ve gone differently. i still remember the piercing pain of the initial breakup, but more vividly i remember seeing a post on one of your friends’ page with a screenshot of you talking about having met someone new and having plans to meet them and how happy you were. and this was a couple of weeks (?) after you broke up with me due to your mental health.

i felt betrayed at the time, but maybe it did also help me to get over you because instead of being sad i could now just be angry. i don’t hold any grudges against you; obviously i don’t know the whole story either and maybe i misinterpreted it all. but the experience as a whole taught me a lot about what i wanted and needed from a relationship and how i maybe wasn’t ready for it at the time.

i do have many fond memories with you from when we met and miss our friendship and the way it worked, and i genuinely hope you’re living your best life and doing well nowadays 🧡

(if you ever happen to find this and want to talk more, i’m active on discord — nin#2608)

[serenedash]

I started rambling about my experience with kh and then it turned into khux and then it just turned into me rambling about Ryou and my art journey????? enjoy I guess,

it’s very long but there’s art in there :)

It’s funny to think about my kh journey as a whole tbh, I grew up watching my mom play video games, which included kh1 and 2. I wasn’t allowed to play the playstation2 we owned BUT I did have a gameboy so the first game I played was CoM (after my mom finished it ofc,) so I guess you could say I’ve always been passionate about kh “””side games””” lmao but I did fall off of kh very quickly bc again, I wasn’t allowed to play our PS2 and also I Am A Terrible Gamer I’ve Never Finished CoM I’m sorry you all had to find out like this, but then 358/2 came out when I was in middle school and!!! I didn’t care and I didn’t play idk why lol

Anyway, fast forward to high school I’m like 15 and my older sister, who HAS been keeping up with kh, has a wallpaper on her phone of roxas and ventus. And bc I haven’t kept up I say “nice roxas wallpaper” and she says “thanks but it’s roxas and ventus” and I proceeded to get so mad that I was determined to prove to her that her wallpaper was just roxas twice and then I fell down the BBS rabbit hole and suddenly I was reading about vanitas and then I’m reading the fan translations of the BBS novel and I’m crying??? I am sobbing???? and that’s how I actually got into kh for real lol we are vanitas stans before we are people,

It’s so funny how I thought I was some kh super fan, knowing all this stuff that I spent so long reading and rewatching cutscene movies, but I never once, SOMEHOW NEVER ever came across khx. It’s so absurd and bizarre I seriously have no idea how I never once encountered khx prior to khux. I suppose that has to do with the fact I wasn’t involved in the fandom? In early high school I had stepped away from fandoms as a whole and I didn’t have any interest in really posting content or interacting with fans anymore bc of how burnt out I was from a previous fandom,

but khux released! and I was so hype and excited for it! on launch day I was a senior in high school, I had ran around to every “nerd” and weeb I could find in school to ask them to join my party and fun fact about me is I have crippling social anxiety I literally refuse to start conversations irl so holy shit I was OUT HERE doing the MOST

My player just originally had my name (Matt) but everyone in my party had fun names so Ryou was born! High school was one big yugioh phase for me and ryou bakura is one of my favorite characters ever so it was just the logical name choice lol I quickly started creating Ryou, the character, as well. I was also leaving my homestuck phase and that + vanitas obsession made This character design (art circa 2016)

If y’all are familiar with my kh oc’s you might notice that keyblade now belongs to my kid Monty LOL

Anyway that got scrapped quickly for the chip and dale outfit (which is where Ryou’s trademark goggles are from <3) Goggles have been a staple of my character designs for a LONG TIME so like, it had to be done, (that’s a separate ramble about a separate oc tho)

OG Ryou was an interesting guy; he was a young party leader with this overwhelming responsibility on his shoulders bc of his status as a party leader. In his original story, he also struggled heavily with darkness, much like Terra but for Ryou it was more that the darkness was controlling him and not like a source of power like it was for Terra

A big part of early Ryou I kept, however, was the crushing awareness of loss. One of my party members (the strongest one at the time,) had left without saying a word and I was very confused and hurt. This was around the time the ephemera plot was happening so I decided to incorporate it into Ryou’s story; having him experience losing a friend to darkness since it’s so normal for wielders in Daybreak Town to just disappear, and this would unintentionally become a theme for both me and Ryou as khux friends would just randomly disappear.

I was desperate for khux at this point and I decided to watch the fan translations for khx and GOD, god, was I obsessed. I couldn’t stop thinking about the foretellers. And I’m not going off about that here bc I already did that, but I actually started entering fandom again! I did it slowly, I started on tumblr before this blog was made altho it was me sending anons to the few khux related blogs I could have lol a friend convinced me to get twitter where I got involved with the ffxv fandom, which led me to the kh fandom and eventually the khux fandom there which is what REALLY got me going on khux.

I joined discord servers, most of the servers I’m in are khux related, and from there I joined the khux oc rp (shout out to anyone there who might be reading this lol here’s some art from the beginning of the rp,)

It’s SO FUNNY how the RP influenced me so heavily. I hadn’t RP’d in YEARS, I used to have a strict no oc rp policy, but here I was? And the funny part is, I had barely developed Ryou. I had scrapped his original story and all I had was POST WAR Ryou so I literally had to reverse write him; I had only ever written him as a depressed, guilt ridden adult, but it was a fucking blast and I have such fond memories of this rp when it was active,

But anyway, this encouraged me to get more serious about art! I started drawing, writing, cosplaying, and roleplaying when I hadn’t done any of that stuff in a very long time. The first time I ever drew a background was for a deviant art khux competition actually LOL

also! I always think extremely fondly of the drawing I did of Aced in the keyblade war. It was also one of the first backgrounds I ever drew and it felt like my real starting point in the khux fandom. It got a ton of notes on here and someone wrote a tiny fic in a reblog which just made me SO HAPPY like it really felt like people were noticing me :) I was going to draw a matching Ira but!! I just never did!! One day tho, it’s on my art bucket list to redraw this along with Ira,

Aside from my personal growth, khux was great for my social life ngl, I made SO MANY friends online and got to meet a ton of people irl over the years! It’s crazy to think about all the people I now know and talk to? It honestly makes me really emotional. I’ll never forget taking the train into NYC and meeting up with discord friends. Going to conventions and talking with people about the latest khux update? Absolutely insane and those were some GOOD TIMES, if I thanked every khux friend or even just person who made an impact on me then we’d be here for a LONG TIME,

Fun fact, for my Lauriam cosplay all I needed to buy was the wig I just owned his outfit LOL also? Probably retiring that cosplay ngl people treated me like absolute garbage when I wore him and it led to a lot of confidence issues for awhile ngl. That’s probably one of the only memorable negative experiences I have with khux; it was great when khux people recognized me but for kh fans that weren’t in khux? They were FUCKING MEAN??? fuck kh fandom at large, I only care about khux fandom,

This leads me to another huge part of my experience in khux fandom: THEORIES!! I used to write SO MANY and oh my god my brain was so full all the time. It was a huge appeal for me in the fandom; I had been previously writing theory posts in the RWBY fandom and it just migrated over to khux for me lol I had done a ton of theorizing around Lauriam tbh, it was really the only reason I liked his character at all bc initially I did not care about the dandelions, anyone who wasn’t Skuld I was like “please leave Now thanks”

A funny part of khux fandom I never intended to be apart of is the MEMES, I really only started doing memes as stress relief bc college had me so busy all I had time/energy for was these quick little shit post drawings.

The first meme I made, file name “invi despair” LOL we need to get her a girlfriend smh anyway, I think in my senior year of college I did a bunch of rapid fire memes all in one month bc the stress of finals was getting so bad afdgfhdgf as far as I know my impact on this fandom will be my memes bc all I do now is enter a kh/khux server and introduce myself and I go “yeah I draw art. here’s a meme” and everyone goes OH YOU, honestly I am nothing if not a clown

I’ve talked so much idk where I’m going with this. Khux is just a good game even if the gameplay actually kind of really sucks yknow lol but it was the first game I played where I like, REALLY got into the meta and the mechanics. I used to read so much on the mechanics and watch youtube videos on which medals were worth pulling for. I was never a whale or a top player exactly, but I could rank well if I tried lol I’ve made it to the top 100 for solo rankings, my party has made it to top 10, and in pvp I’ve made top 300. I’m not the highest level in my party but FUCK do I know how to manipulate this game LOL

And with all that hard work, the strategies, the theorizing, the content I’ve made-- it’s been my life for 5 years. I’ve logged into khux almost every single day. At the end, I have logged 1820 days in khux out of 1910 days. Kinda crazy. Crazier I’ve never spent money on khux either lol the only “money” gone into it was one time my mom gave me a google play store gift card and I used it on my birthday for a VIP xemnas medal which eventually made it to regular pulls anyway but it was nice and a little treat :)

I’m not a gacha fan, I don’t care for it, so I don’t think I’ll be touching another gacha again. But for kh? This was pretty fucking awesome, even if it sucked a lot sometimes LOL It was worth it for the people I’ve met most of all I think. I would honestly be a completely different person without khux and that’s REALLY insane to think about.

#the khux hyperfixation is REAL #but yall knew this about me #there's so much more I could say but it's 2am and this is long enough already #im rambling

[marcilled]

5 years

It was 5 years ago today that a humble little minecraft server first opened its gates. 5 years ago, I started @quixol​ with a team of 8 friends. Today, only 4 of those original friends are still on our Staff team, and the server is a shadow of its former self.

There’s a lot I could talk about with Quixol, but before I get into it, I just want it to be known that this is a highly personal post from me. This isn’t an official announcement, but seeing as I’m an admin, it’s definitely of pertinence if you are someone who is a part of the Quixol community.

If you’re new to following me, or just don’t know what I’m talking about: Quixol is a trans-friendly minecraft server started by me and a few pals back on November 16, 2015. It’s primarily populated by folks from here on Tumblr, and is an LGBT+ only community. Over its 5 years, it’s gotten over 1600 unique players. And... Well, there’s a lot of history that took place during and after that, I can’t hope to summarize it here. You can see more on the about page on our blog.

So, yeah. Today is the 5-year anniversary of Quixol. Pretty big deal! And... we have nothing in store for today to celebrate that huge milestone. Pretty big bummer. The prior 4 years, the anniversary was the single biggest celebration of the year. We typically tried to schedule large server updates to coincide with the anniversary, just to make it feel that much more special. So, on the day that marks a whole half-decade of being online, why do we have no plans? It’s a long, complicated story. I’ll only be able to tell you my side of it. Everything written below is from my perspective, and doesn’t necessarily reflect how others think or feel.

Regardless of the lonely feeling on the server now, I just want to say, I’m really glad I could host such a fantastic community for so many years. Thank you everyone who has made the past half decade so special.

Long retrospective below (plus, discussion about Quixol’s future):

-----

Where to begin... All I can say at the start here is, don’t expect anything coherent, I typed this up while sleep deprived just the night before posting this, without much forethought of what I’d say in it. I just feel I need to get these feelings off my chest before I can mentally move on, you know.

Before I delve into this, I just want to put this sort of disclaimer at the top here: Despite how gloomy I make things sound throughout this post, Quixol is and was an amazing place, that I’m so glad to say I got to play such a pivotal role in. I wouldn’t trade my time here for anything. It’s been an honor to serve as an Admin over such an incredible community. I’ve seen countless new friendships forged, plenty of laughs and fun times to be had... I’ve even known several couples that met through their time on Quixol, I’ve known several people that came out or discovered more about their identity/gender/sexuality while on Quixol. It’s a great community, despite its flaws, and what we did over these past 5 years is nothing short of spectacular. I’m forever thankful for everyone who helped make this place as special as it is- you’ve all been such great friends. Thank you.

While I may speak a great deal about some of the lowest lows that happened on Quixol, you better believe it had some of the highest highs as well. Keep that in mind, so you know why I’m spending this much time and effort to commemorate this server that I’ve called home for so long.

I’ll start here with a rough timeline of Quixol... I’ll even include some screenshots for you all.

Old World (Nov. 2015 - Mar. 2017, mc 1.8 - 1.9)

Quixol began back in 2015 like I mentioned- whitelisted at first, but moved on to being unwhitelisted at a later date (I believe it was summer of 2016). Hundreds of people joined after the whitelist was removed, in just the first month or so. We owe that initial success to how much our blog post about the server got shared around, it served as a nice advertisement for the server. It was only posted to tumblr, so everybody who joined then was from the same sort of social sphere of 2016 tumblr. It was pretty lively, and we made lots of friends very quickly. A lot never logged in again after the first initial burst, but a fair amount stuck around.

The server started on minecraft version 1.8, which was before the end update that introduced elytra & all the controversial combat changes. Most people never even saw the server on this version, though, since it was still whitelisted when we updated to 1.9. The world we used back in 2015-2016 eventually got deleted at a later date, however we did provide an archive of this old world to download, it’s... somewhere on our blog, you can go find it if you poke around a bit. (Assuming the download hasn’t been removed from the website I uploaded it to, which would make sense since it’s just 20 gb sitting on some server doing nothing).

While there was plenty of merriment, there was also the fair share of drama. I can’t even hope to recall all the drama that happened in 2016, but one of our og mods got banned completely after the rest of the staff sort of woke up to the realization they were incredibly abusive. There’s lots of other stuff that happened then- I wish I could tell the “full tale” as it were, but it would be so long-winded that almost nobody would bother to read. Plus, my memory isn’t very good, so I would need to dig through old blog posts, discord messages, screenshots, etc etc to jog my memory... way too much work.

Protos (Mar. 2017 - Nov. 2018, mc 1.11 - 1.12)

2017 came around, and that’s when we updated the server to 1.11 and created a new world (Protos). That update happened on March 26, 2017- I remember because march 26th is my birthday, and the other staff made a cute little celebration for me on that day and I literally cried from how happy I was. It was the nicest thing anyone’s done for me in a long time. (God, I miss those times.)

A lot more happened during this time period, and honestly I’d consider the period in which Protos was our main, active world to be the most consistently active the server has ever been. It wasn’t always exploding with activity, but the people who joined and played during this time were consistent. And we had a relatively consistent influx of new players.

There was a lot more drama that happened during this time... More staff members left, mostly of their own accord (but never on a wholly positive note). Drama amongst some of the veteran/long-time players, arguments over how to interpret and enforce our rules.

Regardless of the troubles, I’d say this period was overall quite positive for Quixol. We even brought in our first batch of new staff members during this period.

Ghalea (Nov. 2018 - Present, mc 1.13 - 1.15)

I believe late 2018 was when we updated the server from 1.12 to 1.13. We rushed the update to this version quite a lot, which was a shame since it ensured the server had an egregious amount of bugs to work out, and lots of missing plugins/functionality. With this update, we made another new world (and, our current main world): Ghalea.

Regardless of buggy behavior, we managed to hit what I believe is the all-time peak concurrent player count we have ever gotten, which is something like 54-56 players playing at the same time. The server chugged so hard, I’m surprised it didn’t crash. All of those parties were so stressful to put on, but at the same time, incredibly fun and fulfilling to see when lots of people showed up and had a good time.

Funny, though: despite the success of the server, 2018 and early 2019 are the closest the server has ever gotten to absolutely tearing itself apart from internal staff drama. By early-mid 2019, several staff members ended up getting banned one after the other. So that left us with very few staff by that point (only 6 active staff, myself included, if I remember correctly).

2019 should have been a great year for Quixol, seeing as it was what many people referred to as the “minecraft renaissance”, “the great minecraft revival”, etc etc etc. However, the drama amongst the staff, coupled with drama in our personal lives, and just an all around lack of staff members to kick things into gear, resulted in a pretty lackluster year compared to the previous 4 years.

Despite all of that, we worked tirelessly to complete our greatest project yet, Chroma Park, just before our 4th anniversary on Nov 16th, 2019. It took a whole team of builders to complete, and several months in preparation/building.

With such a grand project completed, you would expect it would result in a flurry of new activity on the server... unfortunately, it ended up being almost the opposite. Because we called upon our “build team” to help with it, (several talented veteran players who volunteered their building skills), nearly all of our active players suffered some serious burnout after the major project they just completed. Lots of people just weren’t feelin’ up to minecraft anymore... And, that spelled the beginning of the end, really.

The culmination of this was that, going into 2020, activity on the server just... plummeted. Then, we all know what a shit year 2020 turned into. That just furthered feelings of burnout. I made another personal post about this, back in April- explaining why I had been relatively absent from the server for a while. It goes into more detail about the “hiatus” at that time, what caused it, why it continued so long, and how my personal feelings were at that time. Give it a read if you want. It even goes more in-depth about some of Quixol’s former staff, and how toxic behavior from them may have negatively impacted the community (especially in 2018-2019).

So, basically nothing has happened on Quixol in 2020... I took the time to update the server from 1.14 to 1.15 back in July, just so that the server was on a more stable version of minecraft- but all the effort poured into that resulted in basically nothing happening. Barely anyone even noticed, because it was such a minor update focusing on bug fixes. I hoped it would get the ball rolling again, but it just wasn’t enough.

While I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel just yet, I decided it was for the best if I put any plans on the backburner for a while, and focus more attention on building infrastructure back up again. I spent some time researching sysadmin stuff, and looking into upgrading my PC. I set up a new discord bot that we’re currently using on Quixol, & have in a few other discord servers I’m active in.

Then, I got tossed one of the most difficult months of my life in a long time pretty recently. It’s very recent/fresh, but suffice it to say, a decent chunk of what made it such a horrible month was related to drama within the Quixol friend group, particularly... me being a shitty friend. I made another post about this a while back, but I won’t link it since it’s a bit vague and not super relevant to what I’m talking about here. Just know, September this year pretty much demolished any feelings of hope I had for continuing work on Quixol.

So, that leads us to... Today. The 5th anniversary of Quixol.

Where did it all go wrong?

Now that I’ve laid out as quick a summary of the past 5 years as I could, I want to talk about some of the mistakes we made along the way. The people that made Quixol what it is, and how that history always seems to tie me down.

To tell you the truth, saying that “it all went wrong” sounds horribly pessimistic to me. Sure, I felt pessimistic going into writing this, but... Just looking back on everything we’ve accomplished, there’s never really a point where it “went wrong”. Moreso, Quixol has had its fair share of flaws baked in from the very beginning. But, perhaps those flaws are what made it what it really is. I can’t go back and change the past, and neither can you. Perhaps the best we can do is just accept Quixol for what it is, and acknowledge its shortcomings while allowing ourselves to feel happy about the good memories we do have.

While I’m not going to cast away every pleasant memory I have of Quixol, I must admit I find so many of them tainted and forever changed, just because of how many people entered this community, made their stay known, then left or were cast away on a sour note. There are countless people that were a huge part of Quixol, of my life, my friends, that I don’t speak to anymore. People that hate me. Maybe even some that I hate.

If I go back and think fondly of those times, I remember how the people in those memories largely don’t think fondly of me anymore. I remember all of my mistakes, all of the ways I could have avoided that outcome. All the ways I could have worked with those friends, to work out our differences, to just fucking communicate. Sure... some of those friends, there was nothing I could do for them. Nothing I could do to make things work. But, all the same... it stings, thinking of everyone I used to know. Not knowing who is still a friend, or who simply has no need for me anymore...

So much of Quixol’s history is tied up in knots this way. Complicated webs of emotion, suffocating in the tethers to its past. So many things built on the server, just wasting away, never to be touched again... New players won’t even know it. They don’t know, can’t know the history behind those blocks that were placed. It sounds a bit silly talking about it this way, but that’s how it feels to me. There’s real history behind each of these blocks, all of the little farms and structures and silly signs. So much of it, nobody even knows. But it wears on my heart, knowing all of that history, and feeling so disconnected from it. Feeling cast away by the people who forged those memories.

It’s a disconnect that’s always hurt, to me. Maybe I’m just too sentimental, nostalgic. Maybe I cling to the past too much. But it feels impossible to ignore... So much of what made Quixol what it is today was left there by people who want nothing to do with me, us, anymore. What does that say about Quixol? About me...? About our group?

There’s a lot I could say about this, but it’s stuff I’ve mentioned before. I hang on too tightly to the past, and am often too critical of my own mistakes. But, sometimes the past is just the way it is, and there’s not much that can be done about it. Regardless, I find myself feeling regrets about every little thing that went wrong, and thinking about where all those people are now... Maybe one of them is even reading this right now. If you’re out there, hey. We can still talk. I’m not going to hold a grudge on you forever. It’s ok.

My influence

Since Quixol began in 2015, I’ve tried my best to be nothing more than an “Admin” of Quixol... not the “owner” or “lead admin” or “founder”, just “admin”. I hoped I could encourage the other admins to be leaders in their own rights. While each of the admins we’ve had has been great leaders in their own respect, I feel that every one of them has been, unfortunately, tied down by my influence to some extent.

In most aspects of life, I’m a very timid, indecisive person. I’m incredibly anxious, and lack confidence to a worrying degree. However, a different side of me can be seen in the safe, comfortable environment that Quixol provided for me. Surrounded by friends and people who I felt really got me, I became comfortable enough to show some level of confidence in myself... In all honesty, for a long time, I was never able to recognize this self confidence for what it was. I really was not, and mostly still am not, used to feeling confident in myself or my own abilities. Like, at all. So when I actually feel good about myself, like I actually know what I’m doing... Well, for a really long time, I didn’t even process it as such. I just felt like I knew the right answers, and that was it.

On Quixol, this often manifested in a specific way... Being proud of my own knowledge & skills with minecraft, I would insert myself into any discussion about Minecraft, the server, or just anywhere I could, and offer up my knowledge, opinions & help. This hardly sounds like a problem, but... The problem was just in my unwavering presence. I was everywhere on Quixol, you couldn’t escape me. I dominated the space with my presence. Not that I interrupted people (usually...?), I just would try to put myself anywhere a conversation was happening, assuming it was, like, appropriate for me to do so on some level.

Whenever I chimed in with my thoughts, eventually there became this sort of air of almost... superiority about it. This feeling that my word was “final”, or that I had some layer of expertise on everything, and that if I said what you said was right, that was a pretty good indicator you were on the right track. I didn’t pretend like I was infallible, and I don’t think anyone ever saw me as that. But the perception was generally that if Vivian says it, that holds weight to it. Perhaps this is somewhat unavoidable of a staff member, but... it was this way even amongst the staff.

I never really realized that I was creating this environment within the community, because it happened rather slowly. But as things moved along, other staff began to pick up on this (perhaps subconsciously). Including even the other admins. Quickly, my own insistence on doing things a Specific Way, became “the Right Way” to do things on Quixol... Whether I intended it or not.

Now, this is something I didn’t know until quite recently, but I actually have OCD (undiagnosed, but it’s glaringly obvious to me at this point). My ocd comes out in minecraft, and specifically Quixol, quite a lot. I have very ritualistic ways of doing things, whether it be while building a project in-game, to managing specific parts of the server- we have a very detailed format in which update logs are written, and I have very specific rituals related to updating plugins on the server, taking backups, etc. Even just the way I play survival minecraft has sorts of rituals in a way, like specific patterns in which I place torches. I’m not too educated on ocd, so excuse me if I’m using some terminology of this wrong, or if I’m spreading some sort of misinformation about it. This is just my experience.

Anyhow, with the extremely regimented way I manage things on the server, coupled with my constant presence in things, you can understand how this might lead to other admins, who have their own mental illness issues, to become very averse to doing a lot of admin-related duties. After months and months, years, even, of this sort of stuff... and... yeah. That leads to where we are now.

With my selfish behavior in the past, I’ve unintentionally created this staff environment where people are reluctant to make their own decisions, show their own creativity, etc. And that must feel incredibly frustrating if you actually want to do something to make a difference on Quixol...

I’m not even accounting for all the times I’ve butted heads with the other staff before, either. While much less frequent, I’ve definitely had arguments with folks in the past. And with the great amount of influence I hold over the server, it takes a lot of courage to stand up to what I say.

I’ve always resented that I hold this position of power over everyone else, and tried many times to address it. However, I don’t think I ever quite had a full picture of why things were this way. Now, I think I understand it better. Sadly, it feels too little, too late to make any significant changes without uprooting pretty much everything we have set in place already. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m being too pessimistic here... But, this is how I feel at the present moment.

I’m sincerely sorry to any current or former staff members, who have wanted to do something great for Quixol, but felt they could never convince me to go through with your idea... Or who felt pushed away from doing something they otherwise would’ve liked to, just because the attitude I gave, the environment my presence created, made you feel like you weren’t good enough or qualified enough to do it. You are good enough. I’m so sorry that my actions made you convinced otherwise...

I will say, this sort of mindset of mine, that I have to be the Most Right about anything relating to minecraft, or any hyperfixation/special interest of mine, has caused problems elsewhere, too. I talked about this in another post I made. I’ve only really come to realize all this stuff within the past few months, but I’ve been a really terrible friend to a lot of people. I never even realized until recently just how often I struggle with empathy, and how that’s colored so many of my friendships. Needless to say, it’s affected things on Quixol before, sometimes without me even realizing it.

My influence over the community also means if anybody’s relations with me in particular ever become marred, it must inevitably result in them leaving the community because there’s simply no escaping me. There’s not really anything I can do about this, though, aside from doing whatever I can to become a kinder, more

I’m far from a perfect person, and my imperfections seeped into so much of what made Quixol what it is. However, it’d be silly to suggest that I’m the singular reason that Quixol is flawed, if anything, that would be another form of arrogance- assuming that I singlehandedly shaped the way Quixol took form. No, it was always a team effort, and every single staff and community member held great influence of their own.

The Future

This part is probably why many of you clicked on this post... You want to know what’s going to happen to Quixol. You likely noticed I’ve been referring to Quixol in the past tense a lot in this post. Honestly, I’m not sure why I did that, it just felt the most natural to type it that way. But, I will be honest- the future of Quixol right now isn’t looking very bright.

This is a personal post, so I don’t want to deliver any sort of formal announcement about plans for Quixol here, especially since I haven’t run this post by the other staff before posting it.

For the past 2 and a half months, I’ve been taking a very long break from Quixol. Much greater than any previous break of mine... I’ve neglected to even log in for weeks at a time. I still keep an eye on the discord server, and check the mc <-> discord bridge channel to see which players have been logging in. But I have little to no motivation to play, even just casually.

While I’d love to give you some fun cool news about how this hiatus is ending soon and I have a million and one projects planned, that simply isn’t the case. I’ve gotten to this point where I’m rethinking everything about myself, who I am, and what I’m doing with my life. Surely, I can’t dedicate all my time and energy to running a minecraft server for the rest of my life, even though I do care deeply about this community. But at the same time, it’s not really my call to shut down Quixol, and I’d hate to pull the plug just because of my own lack of motivation.

So, for the time being at least, you can probably consider Quixol to be on a sort of “indefinite hiatus”. I am generally the one to update plugins, do major server updates, etc., and I likely won’t be doing any of that any time soon. I fully entrust the other staff to handle that stuff if they really want to, and I’ve expressed that to them already. But as things stand, nobody else seems to want to pick up the torch right now. Shit is rough for pretty much everyone, and we’re all equally burnt out. We’ve all grown up quite a lot since Quixol began, too. So... Don’t expect anything anytime soon.

If there are any updates, they’ll come in our Discord server first.

As for me, personally... I just need time away from all of this. It’s clearer than ever to me that I have a lot of personal problems I need to work on, and I think that the cozy safe environment provided by Quixol didn’t challenge me enough to really address those issues. I need time to focus on myself & my own growth. At the same time, I also feel like I need more experience being a part of a team, instead of just running the show. I’m not getting the kind of enrichment I need from running Quixol, so I’m trying to turn my attention elsewhere.

I’m doing this not because I want to abandon you guys, or because I feel like I want/need to move on from this community. It’s just... Something I need to do, for myself. And I’ll still be around, I’m still gonna be posting to my tumblr & twitter and stuff, and you can still reach me on discord. I’m just focusing my time elsewhere for once.

What does that mean for the future of Quixol? I don’t really know yet. But, for now, it’s not going anywhere. It’s just... also not changing anytime soon. Not even a little bit. I’m sorry to give you this disappointing news, but I hope you all understand.

I miss the good times on Quixol, too. I really do. Maybe we can share them again sometime? Who knows...

For now, that’s all.

It breaks my heart that we don’t have anything glitzy and glamorous to do to celebrate Quixol’s 5th anniversary... But it would be asking far too much of the staff to set anything like that up right now. Maybe we can have some sort of celebration later...? I dunno.

I hope you’re all staying safe & healthy out there. Thank you so much for reading this. I love all of you.

Happy birthday, Quixol.

#vivi bleats #txt #Quixol #long post

[ragnaofazure]

Characters that were, or never were.

((Hello! This is a list of characters I have actually played on or off the site (like Discord), wanted to or considered quite strongly but never followed suit to do so or whatever.))

((It will all be under read more; this is a long post! If you are interested? Have fun discovering who was in any corner of my repertoire! The list should not be that extensive! I will reblog it if I added anyone new I could recall and forgot to initially should that happen. These are mostly in some form of chronological order with added notes about what their place is with me and more.))

Yu Narukami - (Persona 4)  

Additional note: (Have to biasedly put him first at the top and say how he was my true first muse here, lasted literal years. All my experience comes from him and his blog. He reached nearly 1k followers between both regular and not safe blogs, my true labor of love lost to me deciding to deactivate the blog. Some know me from him originally! You all know who you are!))

Sal (or “Syake”/”Syake-san”) - (Wadanohara and the Great Blue Sea)

Additional note: (My first attempt at a second character and his blog did kinda work for a while, getting a lot of interactions during the original Funamusea craze back in the day. First time playing a truly well evil character and learned lots. His blog eventually died down and faded, but it was an experience I haven’t forgotten.)

Nepgear - (Hyperdimension Neptunia)

Additional note: (A standalone blog attempt again, flopped hard due to how the fandom seemed to have it’s problems on the RP side as well as my own personal reservations (met some couple of awesome people there still around me today though!). One of the most ways to trash a character by a series that had a bit of an identity crisis in the writing department as the years went on. Still not over how hard they literally screwed this good girl over. Every single time.)

Iku Nagae - (Touhou Project)

Additional note: (Part of an incredibly failed multimuse project (that Nepgear was the face of and part of as well for that matter after her blog flopped) and she never got to really experience light of day. I had only the idea of how I wished to portray the character and I still do, but at the same time, I have no idea if it would have earned me the most interactions, admittedly. All due to how passive she is.)

Varus - (League of Legends)

Additional note: (Me having a thing for characters with tragic stories of loss? Are doomed as if fittingly to pay for their sins and as a cost for the tools to live and revenge? He spoke to me way before Ragna. I knew how I wanted to write him, give him flair given his character, which other Champions I wished for him to interact with soon... I had a much clearer idea. But ultimately, also part of the doomed multimuse blog that never took off.)

Goomy - (Pokémon)

Additional note: (No gijinka, only small, sticky bby that I debatably would never allow to evolve and, of course, could talk. Best Dragon type line to ever exist don’t even @ me okay. It’s just... cute. The anime really made it stick out and I loved it. I always also have loved essentially weaker characters and creatures a lot, thus... It resonated with me greatly and idea of how I was going to go about him (yes, had decided on male for it). Again, multimuse failed, so he went away with it.)

Karol Capel - (Tales of Vesperia)

Additional note: (Weak that could be truly strong when overcoming his fears, and that resonated with me given how I consider myself a coward in real life. I also have a thing also for playing characters everyone finds annoying to make them look better when they should not be as disliked too. And once more, multimuse, gone with it, never found a place to remotely discover if I would have also wanted to play him at large either too.)

Elphelt Valentine - (Guilty Gear)

Additional note: (I don’t need to say anything, most of you knew her enough! Blog flopped hard and I couldn’t find the activity I desired. Why I played her? Just... bubbly sweet girl that didn’t want to act on her capability to be deadly as a Gear and only wished for happiness, I liked all that sugar with that depth I tried to give her. As of recent times, Tumblr locked me out and I could not log back in. I sort of took it as a message as to why I maybe shouldn’t try with secondary blogs to a big degree.)

The Masochistic Admiral/Commander/Master(?)/Doctor(?) - (Kantai Collection-Azur Lane (Maybe even Fate and Arknights???) )

Additional note: (So this is a nameless original Admiral/Commander character by the artist known as “Yamamoto Arifred” (look up on danbooru tags under Kantai Collection alongside). I absolutely fell in love with this guy. How I wish it was possible to play him further then I did, I revisit the art work every so often and every day I recall why I liked him so, so much. He’s just beyond amusing, wacky, outright insane and nonsensical in many good shapes and forms. But he only wants one thing: All under him to succeed and become the best they can be under his very questionable yet effective command. I could go on and on but this is already long enough. Standalone blog, flopped due to lack of activity.)

Thief (”Touzoku”) Arthur - (Million Arthur series)

Additional note: (Super unknown series, super unknown plot, I only met all the characters via the available and uncared for fighting game... And her backstory plus design gave me so many ideas I wanted to play around with as a thief wielding a goddamn Excalibur. Of the first characters I said I wanted to play on impulse alone, but who would have cared? Where could she have fit? It was the bigger discouraging thoughts. I have some icons still... But as always, the hesitation from impulse in itself.)

Hassan of the Serenity - (Fate Prototype/Fragments - Grand Order)

Additional note: (Best Assassin, best girl, only Servant that has brought me to tears in this extensive series, for the love of anything holy let her be happy I swear to God, everything about her cuts me so deep, I can’t deal with it every time I think about it ...I’m calm. But really. She touched me so, so deep. I was normally indifferent for so many years about Fate until I stumbled upon the Prototype duology, and subsequently, the Fragments side. After learning her origins and more, her wishes... I can’t state it enough. I am passionate about this girl. She deserves the world. And I would have loved to give her the best if I got to write her.)

Peri - (Fire Emblem Fates - Heroes)

Additional note: (What everyone sees as an annoying, questionable character and way more, I see as yet another pick for me with great potential to try and develop to be liked more by many, for she is not completely disposeable. I had ideas and wanted to take her further while still having her not lose the tendencies she has, because that would be breaking and disregarding character, but sadly, Peri never as much as left my constant thoughts then trying to privately sample around for myself, would have loved to, though. Very.)

Sigurd - (Fate Grand Order)

Additional note: (Amazing design, amazing voice... Literal definition of: “Do it for her”, loves his partner despite their fate... Incredibly underrated man. He is simply the best and I was interested in finding footing to play him, as he deserves to be noticed more for just being... Simply amazing. There is not much more to say than that, he is cool and that is final. Don’t even fight me on these cold, hard facts.)

#ooc #Long post

[autumnslance]

Heyyy! I have a question! But first I would love to share how I love your work ^^! It's mostly why I come to you with this question... See, I uh- would love to have the courage to share my writing, and my OCs to the world. But I never found the courage to. Do you have any tips? Or do you know any good tags where I can show my work at, so that one day I will just "accidentally" press the submit button? ^^'

Thank you~!

Honestly, I still feel anxious about sharing my stories and blurbs. I still feel like my OCs are pretty basic and not super interesting for others to read about.

But they're my characters and I like them anyway, so I'll keep writing about them. Even if takes me time to put some things out. I've always needed to write and share what I write, and sometimes that need overwrites the fear and anxiety--but it can still be hard.

And you know me, this rambles, so have a cut--

I have a buncha prompts and Ao3 threads with an "unnamed generic WoL" that were in some ways me testing the waters, figuring out what worked. Eventually the "unnamed WoL" in those bits leaned more and more towards being Aeryn, until I was just now writing about my own WoL (and her friends) directly without apology. But even then...Even knowing people like my characters, even knowing people like my OC/NPC ship somehow, it can be a struggle

One reason I like prompts and challenges is they make me write something and post without dwelling too hard on it, in theory. That "Rak'tika Rendezvous" piece? I've been sitting on that for at least nine months. I have other WIPs and Drafts, some even older than that! Some are unfinished--and some I'm just too nervous to post, like that one, which was edited often and heavily revised at least once.

I could just leave my writing in a drawer or a doc folder on my hard drive--and for many years I did. I discovered fanfiction in my teens on some of the earliest sites and webrings in the 1990s. It was a different existence; I didn't have a home computer or know how to make accounts or post. I just wrote, having realized the stories I told in my head could actually exist on paper. Literally, at the time. But they also are all gone, not archived anywhere or saved where I can find them again.

Roleplaying helped me, in learning how to make characters and write about them, and then posting about them. Tabletop, LARP, and online, I've done it all. I got pretty good at editing chat logs into something readable, and sometimes even looking like a story. The forums and Livejournals they were posted on were meant for the specific communities I was in--friends catching up on story beats. My WoW server (Shadow Council) had a community-run website, RP-Haven, for years. I posted modified RP logs and stories about my WoW OCs there; a bit more open than my immediate RP group/guild, but still people whose interests I knew were somewhat shared. So the move to posting on Tumblr and Ao3 for me feels like another step, for a wider audience of people who inexplicably like what I write about. It's been mostly positive in my experience, but I write fairly innocuous stuff and my audience is still pretty small and contained.

The internet has changed over time, so any baby steps process will be different. On Tumblr, sharing writing is a lot of knowing how the Search and Tag functions work. So far as I know you can keep something in Drafts indefinitely, until you're ready to hit that "Post" button. Tags should be simple, direct, and consistent, and only the first 5 show up in the general tag search (though can pull up on your blog easily when going to that tag). Which is why I always go "Final Fantasy XIV", "whatever challenge I'm doing", "NPC Name", "own writing tags", etc. I end up following and getting followed thanks to the FFXIVWrite challenges in the last 3 years, where we're all throwing down whatever springs to mind within a 24 hour deadline to break those anxiety-induced perfectionist habits that keep people from posting. Many folks rewrite/revise their entries later, too, because why not?

On Ao3 a draft can only exist for a certain amount of time, before it auto-deletes or you have to post it to save it from oblivion. I don't know if changing the draft extends that deadline; I don't tend to save things in drafts in Ao3, keeping those in GoogleDocs. Knowing tagging on Ao3 is also a thing (I've yet to figure out as fully). Sometimes I'll share a draft from Gdocs with a friend or two for feedback and encouragement before posting ("That Green Umbral Wind" was one, and "Please" was because hooboy).

Pillowfort is a lot like Tumblr, but has features like making a post non-rebloggable, and also any edits to the post reflect in reblogs. There's a bit more control of one's posts there. Also communities, which are like collectively following a public feed people can post or reblog directly to. Pillowfort's also still smaller/less used than Tumblr, and gives out invite keys regularly. Sometimes starting small, with more controls over how it's seen and shared, can help with the anxiety.

I'm also in a largish writing Discord where there are channels for sharing snippets of one's writing, and people can react with emojis and discuss it in the related channels. That's always nice for feedback, for brainstorming, for encouragement. There are even rules now about self-deprecating and putting down your own work--it doesn't help you or anyone else to put yourself and your writing down. We're all learning and growing the more we practice and try new things, like any other art.

You can only get better by keeping on writing, but there's only so far you can get without any feedback. Even if it's just a Like/Kudos, someone read and cared. Comments and tags like "I like this line" or "I love you wrote X part" or "I like how they interact" can really help figure out your strengths, maybe what of the other bits could be worked on more, and of course bolster the confidence to simply keep posting. Trusted friends or finding good beta readers to ping things off of can make a difference, depending on how you write.

But in the end, it's making the love of your OCs and wanting to write matter more than that fear/anxiety. Giving yourself the freedom to make changes when needed, to know it's not written in stone and can be edited, or even rewritten and reposted when you know you can do it better--I see it often. Sometimes you sit on something for awhile tweaking it until it's ready, sometimes you yeet a new piece into the void as soon as you finish typing.

Knowing that if nothing else, on a day when you need to, you can go to that page on your device and reread that thing you posted and remember you still love your characters, even years later, and maybe even think of something new to write for them.

#blogging #writing #characters #about me #roleplaying #OCs #Anonymous

[wiisagi-maiingan]

Wait what dragon game

Anonymous said: Over a DRAGON game???? I wasnt here for that whole ordeal but I feel like even with context that would still seem super fucking ridiculous            

It was over Flight Rising, which (for those who don’t know) is a virtual pet site where you collect dragons, dress them up, give them little pets (familiars) etc. Very simple and straightforward, and something I’ve been playing for almost 4 years now. I even run a discord server for it.

The issue is that there was this one familiar, one that I was very uncomfortable with for a lot of reasons, all centered around the fact that it was named W*ndigo. With the asterisk, of course. I thought about trying to get it changed, but the only forum thread about it had been dead for two years by the time I found it and the reactions to the op’s request were extremely bad. So I stayed quiet on the site and vented to my friends and panicked whenever I saw that damn thing in the game.

In June (?) of last year, someone actually messaged my blog here about it, a non-Native person who was looking to revive the thread and wanted to know if I could boost it. I very happily did so, and then I threw my two cents in on the thread as an actual Native person who also wanted the name to be changed.

Shit happened. The reaction was, yet again, very bad, including someone blaming Natives for the poverty crisis and our lack of influence in politics. Staff ended up deleting the thread without comment and without giving any explanation. Needless to say, I was less than happy.

So I started a new thread in early July. I very carefully laid out all the reasons why the name was bad, from cultural insensitivity to inaccuracy to the impact (or lack thereof) that changing it would have on non-Native players), with links to more information at the end. You can actually find a copy of that here, since one of my friends was smart enough to back up the thread on a document in case it was deleted.

The initial response was actually really good. People were kind and respectful, and we got a ton of support, including other Anishinaabe people and other Native people in general jumping in to offer their own input. Then, as it tends to happen in these situations, people started being assholes.

We got accused of not actually caring and just throwing support in blindly because many of us weren’t active on the forums, there was the general complaints about ~special treatment, "slippery slope” arguments in regards to other familiars, claims that that world’s w*ndigoag are different than Earth ones (???), complaints that none of my sources were from academics as if Native people’s lived experiences aren’t good enough, people switching from supporting to being against a name change because I was just too mean :(((, someone fucking saying "I feel [. . .] that this is still a race issue that is trying to be brought up"like no shit, a lot of people pinging mods for no reason, and a whole bunch of other racist bullshit. It got to the point where mods stepped in to delete any off topic replies, which I appreciated because they got real racist real fast. Here’s some screenshots.

Along with the bullshit on the thread though, there were people talking about it off-site. There was a ton of drama in other servers that were just people talking shit about me (and my friends in those servers defending me), there were submissions on an anonymous FR drama blog, and a shitton of tumblr posts about it.

One of which was this one. Where the op tried to subtly accuse me of faking being Native using things from my blog that were all removed from context (like me saying that I don’t want to be called Native American).

While the op apologized when I called them out, the other people doing the same shit (including someone on that thread calling me emotionally manipulative) did not and never acknowledged the hurt they caused me and other Native people. Even now, a good 7 months later, there’s still people complaining about it both on- and off-site.

Please keep in mind that all of the above shit, including everything linked and screenshotted, happened in the span of less than a day because staff deleted the thread that evening (after I had already logged off of everything for a breather) and then announced that they were changing the name of the familiar and all its related items.

Which is fucking awesome but got another horrible wave of hate, including a discussion thread that is still up and locked even though mine was deleted instead of locked for some ungodly reason.

So yeah. That’s the story.

#Anonymous

[jackkodiac]

Oh boy this is fun. Extremely long post ahead. Beware of ooc drama.

@holydestruction

"If someone has an issue with another mun, please do not send yourself ‘‘anons’‘ or have your friends send ‘‘anons’‘ as an excuse to try and attack/punish other muns."

Neither I myself, nor any of my friends know who sent the ask. I avoided answering it for 3 days because Ollie and I had not finished discussing the final outcome. I went into Ollie’s DM’s SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE of this ask to try to finally clear the air and have some kind of answer. The ask made me uncomfortable, and the 2 previous ones had as well. It had been sitting unanswered for 3 days before everything blew up. 

"Once someone has blocked me I keep it at that and respect their wishes, and i normally don’t give a fuck about the petty vagueposts on here--in fact, check my rules for how i generally approach situation."

Please show me where I apparently vagueposted about anyone??? I didn’t even tell my closest friends about the problem until today (5/2/2020) when I was informed of this callout post, let alone make vague public complaints about you OR Ollie. I blocked you knowing you would likely block me soon anyway. 

"However, if someone is coming up to me saying that people are posting things like this, and bringing private matters public while spreading misinformation then I’m going to respond."

No I’m pretty sure I didn’t air any dirty laundry, unlike you? I spoke the truth; in the end I did not get a choice. I got an ultimatum. And I dropped the subject after that ask. Good to know you have someone stalking my blog for you though.

You posted a screenshot of my ask response; a request to have the subject dropped bc I was hurt by a situation I couldn’t do anything about. How horrible of me.

"Hi yeah since you blocked me and Ollie is rarely on Tumblr any more cause of this exact shit right here, and you’re trying to vilify the mun OVER FUCKING WORD BARBIES, I’m stepping in to tell you top stop playing the fucking victim when I have chat logs of you trying to hold Ollie emotionally hostage."

Like I said, I blocked you knowing you would block me eventually anyway. I blocked him too, because I figured the same thing. He specifically stated to me in his last Discord message, and I quote: “After this conversation, I really do think it’s best that we don’t talk again.” So I blocked you both to deter the possibility of accidentally engaging with either of you again. As. Requested.

Also, it hurt knowing you have full reign to npc his character when I was denied even the possibility of npcing a *background relationship*. So yes. I blocked you. I could not forsee us ever interacting in a positive manner, so I cut my losses.

I am not sure how you think I’m “playing the victim” as if I wasn’t also hurt by his words and actions? There were no winners in this argument and you blaming all of it on ME is the actual vilifying.

Also good to know that wanting to talk about something instead of being told I have to end it on the spot with no explanation is “holding someone emotionally hostage.” I guess I will just have to avoid discussions with people ever again bc talking ooc is evil now!

"Ollie tried multiple times to contact you over this issue because they wanted to stay in contact."

This is actually true! Ollie contacted me to talk about general things as well as the topic of our characters a few times over the last month. I did the same thing just as often. He would contact me to say hi and ask how I was doing, we would small talk. I would contact him to show him pictures of my cat bc he liked them! We would small talk. Occasionally we actually would start to discuss things. Then we would either get busy, go to sleep, or have to go to work, and the discussion would end. Other times we had to stop because one or both of us was too stressed out over various factors and the topic was strenuous.

"Every time, you brushed them off begging Ollie not to have them break up because, as you stated, that was the only thing you had to look forward to that made you happy."

I did not brush him off EVERY time. Sometimes we started to get somewhere. He asked to stop talking just as often, if not more times, than I did. And while I did say the ship was ONE of the only things I was looking forward to, I did not say it was THE only one. The epidemic has been stressful on everyone, and with both of us being “essential workers” the external stress is even harder. I enjoyed having something to talk about when I got off of a hard day at the warehouse. I wasn’t ready to let go of that when HE even offered to have them work it out in the first place. 

"You then ghosted them for days that rolled into weeks, and Ollie would have to contact you AGAIN."

Correction: I left Ollie ALONE for days at a time, after he would request it. He would leave my messages unanswered just as often? But I didn’t complain about it, because that is something he has always done. We don’t always have time to stop and talk. He would get stressed out and I would drop the subject AT HIS REQUEST until he brought it back up. I think that is actually considered respecting someone’s space.

"Do you know what that is, acyl? That’s putting the responsibility of YOUR HAPPINESS onto OLLIE over a FUCKING ROLEPLAY SHIP, ACYL."

And yet, his choice to make both of us retcon/cut down months of character development between both our muses ISN’T putting the responsibility of HIS happiness on ME? Ok. If you say so.

"Ollie explained to you now stressful and anxiety inducing roleplaying had become, and how miserable they were roleplaying this character for reasons that I’m not getting into and don’t matter right now. The point is, ollie explained how they felt."

And just as many times, I expressed that he did not have to continue writing. He said he was leaving tumblr and going to restrict rp to Discord. I said Ok I can work with that. He said he wanted to drop the character. I said Ok I can work with that; I have had many partners drop muses or leave the rpc before, and this issue has NEVER arose in all 5 years I have been writing this blog. The characters have either been killed off by the original mun or allowed to be npc’d in a background relationship. (Ie, implied that they occasionally hang out or talk. No large modding of anyone else’s characters.) Not once has someone started a huge ordeal over this.

"You then got MAD AT OLLIE, and LASHED OUT because Ollie deleted their blog, and told them that OLLIE SHOULD HAVE CONSULTED YOU FIRST???? AS IF YOURE ENTITLED TO THEIR BLOG??"

I was never once mad at Ollie. I was shocked and hurt by the last message Vwig had dm’d to Crow on tumblr before Ollie deleted the blog. I was concerned for Ollie over what had caused this sudden change. I had just gotten off an 8 hour shift at work and seen the aftermath, and I went into Ollie’s DM’s on Discord asking what was wrong. The previous night, when the characters had been fighting, I asked Ollie multiple times ooc if he was ok. I asked if he was bothered and he told me no multiple times. He said it was all ic and he was perfectly fine. I dropped it and the next I heard from him was THAT. I asked what was wrong, what had happened. I was concerned for my friend who just previously said he was ok. He said he didn’t want to rp vwig anymore and we started to talk about what to do since he was leaving the community. Not once did I say he had to ask my permission to delete his blog. I asked why he didn’t talk to me first about what had upset him, but I did not tell him he had to have my permission.

"YOU DO NOT OWN ANY RIGHTS OR GET TO HAVE ANY SAY IN WHAT OLLIE DOES WITH THEIR PROPERTY, NOR DICTATE WHAT OLLIE DOES WITH A HOBBY MEANT TO MAKE THEM HAPPY AND RELAXED. YOU DO NOT HAVE THAT CONTROL OVER OLLIE."

At no point did I ever express that I did. I expressed concern over his change in demeanor. 

"You DO NOT get to do nothing but guilt trip Ollie to try and make them do what YOU WANT. You DO NOT then get to try and use anger to INTIMIDATE Ollie into doing what YOU WANT. You DO NOT get to ghost Ollie after they try to reach out, and pin the blame on them. You DO NOT get to try and vilify ollie because YOU DIDNT GET YOUR WAY."

Good to know that expressing my own discomfort, and concern is suddenly all of these things. Good to know that trying to find out why we can’t work things out all of a sudden is manipulative.

Good to know that internalizing my pain over this fight and going out of my way to avoid talking about it to literally anyone in order to avoid vilifying him in any way is me trying to make him look bad.

"Ollie stated why they were uncomfortable with you NPCing their relationship, and it is your responsibility to RESPECT it. Even if you disagree, it is THEIR CHOICE."

Just as well, I stated why I was uncomfortable with retconning months of writing and development. But apparently it is not his responsibility to respect that and try to come to a compromise. I am the one supposed to only respect him and not expect him to respect me back.

TLDR; You claim I am out here slandering and defaming someone I have never once mentioned in public about a private issue. Yet you name drop and vilify me in a callout post, yourself. You are being a hypocrite, and I would appreciate it if you did not mention me again. Have a nice day.

#ooc #ooc drama #long post

[nolantalks]

Sorry I’ve been busy and quite honestly not logging into this account for a long time as I’ve been switching between my RP mains and characters when getting on. But got a few messages and decided another short answering session is in order. forgive any typos I'm on mobile a d don't actually care about it screwing up because i type to fast for it, keep up iphone.

Are they are stalking your social media pages?

Not mine, but the person that no life or lawyer having jadedglory psycho is actively stalking with her pedophile friend. It’s a social media that pedophile found and threatened to blackmail him with if he didn’t smut with her or admit she was the ultimately marvel nerd. From what he tells me, he keeps it up and will randomly change the info with stuff that happened between when he was a teenager til now but make it look recent. since he knows and he is right that she continues to stalk it and share it. Funny the pictures haven’t been updated in a decade though, probably should have been their first clue that account wasn’t really active. Now I know it’s hard for them to read without completely spazzing out like the 4 year old losers they are. But they seem to think I’m like 9 different people and had that other blog ran by that thing which also has no life collect the info and pass it around. However I’ll say it again as I’ve been saying it for years I’VE NEVER GONE BY OTHER ALIASES!! I know it’s hard for them to read as their eyes are old for people pushing mid 40. Their one shred of connecting me with the person who is their victim grooming victim is the fact that at a recent point in time we’ve used the same discord. It’s also known that I have and encourage the making of multiple discord accounts. It’s also well known and documented as early as 2015 that I’ve let multiple people use a specific discord account of mine……. You do the math. Hahaha.

For those that need hand holding, yes, I’ve not been the only one using one discord account since its creation. I originally stated after my second S attempt during the first time I ran my abilities roleplay I had a friend run it for me, this friend even admitted to the members at the time that they were me but would act as ‘Nolan’ so that the troll army hailthehelpful unleashed on me wouldn’t think it won. She saw first hand the disgusting things I was being sent. Then I did jt again to a friend I made though Hollow Grove yes the same man who also helped another friend of ours advertise his Star Wars site a couple of years ago. He also helped the guy find RP buddies by joining servers with his own account as this friend’s pedo stalker was reading everything he posted on the now ‘community’ discord account I guess jt can be called.

Add about three more friends to that then you get to the guy whose personal info was leaked. That’s one of the reason I’ve been active like insanely active on tumblr’s RPC but all these dramatic 40 year olds have only found me on like 2 groups. I’ve been using my other tumblr RP discord account. Now why did I give this guy the discord? Why not, given it to quite a few others. I did it because he said he was going back to jcink and back to the old groups he loved being in, fandoms. His pedophile stalker is ALOT like him they have many of the same likes, dislikes, personal traits, style of writing and coding, and fandom. The only difference is while he keeps it humble, his stalker hunks she’s too ahit and will smite anyone that goes against her since they are a narcissist. So I gave him the log in and told him to have fun. Use it as a shield from his actual account and that he can run to when his stalker goes after him. Not even I predicted it would be his first forum going back, unlucky bastard. but he is bold I'll give him that, id never join that group, The Greed is it? but he apparently wanted to and has gotten onto the group and into speaking with both the stalker and the psycho. funny they cant tell its him, I thought they knew him oh so well.

anyway, right now this guy I met named kev has it under his control. i still sometimes log onto it as its my dumping account now. its where i put my discord layouts, self programmed bots, and dump sone of my links for drama and coding templates.

so have fun psycho stalker @jadedglory cry, scream, rage about this being wrong. the evidence is there and I've said it multiple times years ago. how else does your tiny mind think that your friends victim and myself have been able to join groups and remain so active all this time? because your dumb ass has been single minded focused on one account well now two. don't you have a life? a man? or woman or a hand? Sure don’t got no lawyer. like you need help in many many ways that go beyond psychologically. Some of us over here playing chess while others think it’s checkers and playing themselves hahaha.

anywho, time to get back to baldur's gate that G got me addicted to. But just a few hours, i got a meeting at 11 and admin work to do.

#rpt #crazy gonna crazy

[toloveawarlord]

Author Interview

Eeeek! I was tagged by @alloveroliver and @claire-maccarthy Thanks for the tag!

Name: My blog name is listed as Ruka, but my real name is Bekah so you can call me either. When I first made this blog, I wasn’t comfortable sharing my name online but now, I don’t mind.

Fandoms Now: 

Ikemen Revolution, Ikemen Sengoku, Ikemen Vampire, Obey Me, Nightmare Harem, Several Shades of Sadism, Midnight Cinderella, Romance MD, Star Crossed Myth, Kings of Paradise, Scandal in the Spotlight, Kissed by the Baddest Bidder, My Wedding and Seven Rings. Probably a few more that I’ve got on my phone and log into once in a blue moon.

Want to do in the future:

Any of the Cybird games (they own my soul and wallet), So many voltage games I plan to start in the future, too many to name.

Where you post:

Mostly tumblr but I have an Ao3, Fanfiction and wattpad account (under the name moriartyswife)

Most popular One-Shot:

“The Cost of War” I wrote this one for the Ikemen Discord Writers and it’s definitely one of my favorites as well.

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story:

“And So They Met” which stars my little baby Alara at 6 years old coming to the mansion under bad circumstances and being adopted by Comte and the boys.

Favorite Story You Wrote:

Can I choose? As far as one shots go, Made a Made is by far a favorite of mine. Multi-chapter... how can I choose between my babies!? Personally, I love The Red Army Princess and The Black Army Mischief Maker. I have to name them both because there made as two sides of a coin, my first ikerev next gen. Eden and Finley will always have a special place in my heart.

Story You were Nervous to Post:

All of them  I could probably say Telling Luka. It’s a mini series about Emery dating Luka and getting pregnant with Jonah’s baby. I was afraid of how it would come across. It seems to be pretty popular so that’s good.

How You Choose Your Titles:

It’s a roulette, I throw a dart and just go with it... Just kidding. I try to make all my titles have some meaning within the story. It might be a description of something that happens, or have something to do with the character themselves. Most of my titles tie in to the story. Sometimes with one shots, it’s just word association, but typically, I try to make them mean something.

Completed:

I have 141 One Shots completed.I do have other things for other fandoms posted on my other writing accounts, but for this blog, that’s all I have for now.

Incomplete:

I have posted 77 chapters of various multichapter fics. All of those and add in the amount of OC’s I have in the works which is over 100 (not including all the ikerev next gen babies). Plus, I have some one-shots and requests to fill so I have a lot coming up. 

Do you outline:

Yes and no. Most of the time, I wing what I’m writing. I jot down ideas and things that might happen in the future of the story when they come to me. It’s less of an outline more like a pile of notes that I forget that I have until after I’ve written it. I do get ahead of myself when I’m writing, so I’ll grab a little piece of paper and write down some dialogue or scenes that come later in the chapter. And there are rare occasions were I’ll write out an entire chapter, but that’s very rare.

Coming Soon/ Not Yet Started:

I have 3 new Ikevamp Ocs coming in the next few weeks. Amelia Earhart, Mina Van Gogh, and Asha. I’m not sure what order they’ll come in, but they’ll be making their debut soon.

As for Ikerev, Atticus Kingsley is getting his story, which I’ve been nearly completed with for a few months now. Also, my witch Sage is going to be having her first chapter published.

Also there are some Voltage fics I want to publish. I have a romance md first chapter for Hosho’s daughter but I’m unsure if I’m going to post it. Some star crossed myth and Kings of Paradise are on the backburner but I want to post them as well.

AND OBEY ME! I’ve already made 12 ocs for the game and I have a few stories started. My little succubus is definitely my favorite.

Do you accept prompts?

Yes, but I rarely do them. Sometimes if I get in the mood, I’ll start working on them but I just have so many ocs and stories to work on that requests get forgotten about. That doesn’t mean I’ll never do them, it just means that it will take a while. I used to stress about requests a lot. Please feel free to send me a request as my box is always open but I don’t fill requests often. It’s a little hit or miss, because I switch between what I’m obsessively writing, so you kind of have to catch me with whatever I’m posting the most about at the time.

Upcoming Story You are Most Excited About:

Mina Van Gogh! I’ve worked super hard to make the story as accurate as possible, doing research. It’s a story more focused on platonic relationships at first, although she does have a suitor (Charles) but that is not in the foreground in the beginning of the story.

What do you use to edit?

A human being. I don’t do near as much editing on these fics as I do with my original writing. Unless something needs a major overhaul, I simply write what I want and check for mistakes before posting. If I’m looking for a word, I’ll google and search through the Thesaurus for a synonym. Nothing fancy here.

As for actual program that I write with, I used to exclusively use word. Now, I tend to use Tumblr and save the post as a draft. It’s super easy to access from anywhere and I can type on my phone if I want to. I’ve made the mistake more than once of tumblr glitching and eating my posts, so it’s not the most ideal situation..

Writing Set up:

Up until July of 2019, I exclusively sat at my desk. I get distracted very easily, so having a workspace that I only used for writing worked wonders for me. Now that I can’t sit for very long in hard chairs (thanks herniated discs), I usually sit in an arm chair with a little box to put my feet up on.

Most the time, I write with headphones in and listen to piano/instrumental music. Occasionally, I’ll pick one song that fits the story but I find myself singing along and getting distracted if there are words.

Do You Use a Beta Reader?

I have my best friend read over for any mistakes, so I guess, yes. Sometimes if she is busy, I’ll let Word read it out loud to check for missing words.

Where Do You Get Your Writing Inspiration?

From everything. Reading, other writing, tv/movies, real life. I’ve said before that a lot of the speech and actions of the children that I write are based on things I’ve witnessed while working for 10+ years with young children. Talking about the fics with friends also helps. They can help to figure out an ideas.

I would say that a lot of the time, it just comes to me. I’ll be writing something completely different and then an idea will come to mind about another character or story. Like poof, it’s there.

Can we get a quote from an upcoming WIP? Have a few!

Obey upcoming fic:

Verena knew how incredibly lucky she was to have his attention, his touch. Though he cared for all his incubus and succubus but never had he done this. Observing and critiquing, but not joining. “Lord Asmodeus, I-um-”

“No, no. All I want coming from these lips are those sweet, delicious sounds of pleasure.” Golden eyes were filled with delight. This was new, a succubus a completely blank canvas begging to be painted in his colors. Her mind lingered in a muddled state of uncertainty. “I’ve not used an ounce of my charm and yet you’re grinding your hips against mine, clinging to me tightly. You don’t want me to let you go.”

Her cheeks flushed red. It was like she had turned on autopilot, unable to stop her own body from wanting to drown in him. “Please…“

The word drenched in absolute urgency for more.

Ikemen Revolution New OC: Wren Blackwell

“Uncle Fenrir! Uncle Ray!” The ten year old’s voice echoed through the small building laced with surprise and joy. Abandoning his schoolwork for a chance to spend time with his two uncles. Amber eyes sparkled up at the two. Rarely did he get a visit from his family.

Fenrir beamed a grin at him, accepting the welcoming hug. “Reece, ya got taller!” He stopped by any time he came down to the ports, pitching in to help if Wren needed it.

Which meant today must be business. Never did Ray come by her work without warning. Placing down the files in their proper piles, Wren maneuvered through the chaos to emerge from the office. “Reece, you can go out for a break.” She didn’t want him to hear any military discussions, lest he want to join.

“Come on, I’ll buy ya a treat if it’s alright with your mom,” Fenrir offered to the eager boy, glancing to her for the okay.

It was like looking at two needy puppies. “That’s fine.” As Reece raced out the front door, Wren called to the ace with a serious tone. “No guns this time. I’ll kick your ass if you even think about it.”

She received a salute paired with wicked grin. “Yes, ma’am.”

“This time?” Ray questioned, emerald eyes moving from the vacant doorway to his sister.

Ikemen Vampire New OC: Juniper Haywood

Juniper tugged at the door handle, heels digging into the plush carpet as she put all her strength into trying to open the door. It refused to budge. Locked? Unlikely. It must have something to do with why the door only appears at certain times. Now, she was surely stuck until the stars aligned again.

Here’s what she knew.

The hallway led to a mansion. How? Unclear. Why? Also unclear.

In hindsight, there was very little that she actually knew.

**********

Tagging: @plumpblueberry @rikumorimachisgirl @mythiica @emeraldtawny and anyone else who wants to do it! ^_^

#author interview #i write things #sometimes #ikemen revolution #ikerev #about me #ikemen vampire #ikevamp #obey me #other otome games

[mdelpin]

Gratsu Bingo 2019 Prompt: Play AO3 | FF.Net

Natsu Smiles

Summary: Gray was relieved when Natsu confesses that he's begun writing fanfiction as a way to help him not miss Gray so much while he's away at college. But as months go by and Natsu's smile begins to dim, Gray fears he might not be able to save Natsu from himself.

Trigger Warning: In later chapters, there will be mentions of cutting, and there will be talk of suicide. This chapter, however, is pure fluff.

Chapter 1

“Hey Babe,” Gray spoke into his phone, excited to finally get to talk to Natsu for the first time since he’d left for college. It had been a long week, full of orientations and the beginning of his training schedule.

“Gray!”

Gray could almost touch the excitement in Natsu’s voice, and he immediately became homesick. He could picture the way Natsu’s eyes lit up when he smiled, and it made him ache to touch him. They’d never been apart this long since they’d started dating a few years earlier.

“The one and only, I finally got a break to myself, and I couldn’t wait to hear your voice,” Gray gushed sounding like a lovelorn idiot and not caring one bit, “What have you been up to while I was gone?”

There was a pause and then a nervous chuckle, “Promise you won’t laugh?”

“No can do, but now I’m really curious, you been thinking about me?” Gray asked.

“Yeah, I miss you,” Natsu’s voice was sad, but he continued, “Do you remember Lucy?”

“Yeah sure, the blonde.”

“Mhm, well she suggested I try writing as a way to get my mind off you for a bit, so I did.”

“Writing, huh? That’s cool, what did you write about?”

“Remember that anime I was really into? I wrote a fanfiction about it, and I posted it online.”

“Fanfiction? I leave for a week, and you turn into a girl,” Gray teased, but he was secretly glad. He’d been worried that without him there to force Natsu to go out and socialize sometimes he’d just sit home and mope about him being gone. Writing sounded like a good thing.

“Shut up, guys can write fanfiction. A few people liked it, and they commented on it, it was kinda cool. They liked something I wrote, can you believe it?”

“Of course I can, you’ve always had an awesome imagination. Can I read it?”

“Sure, I posted it on fanfiction.net, my username is firedragon777. Anyway, tell me everything!”

So Gray did, he told him about Lyon, his roommate, who was also there on a hockey scholarship. He told him about the grueling practice schedule, and the terrible food, and what his room looked like but mostly he told him how much he missed him, and how he couldn’t wait to see him the first break he got. They hung up ten minutes later, feeling happy, but also frustrated at not being able to see each other.

Gray logged on to fanfiction.net and looked for Natsu’s story. He thought it was good, but what he loved the most was being able to hear Natsu’s voice in the words. He grinned and left a ridiculously sappy comment that would probably embarrass the hell out of Natsu when he read it and went to bed with thoughts of his lover floating through his tired brain.

xxx

School started almost before he was ready, and it was much harder than he’d expected. The added pressure of having to keep his GPA up while having to adhere to his team’s practice schedule kept him in constant stress. He wished Natsu were there with him, he always slept better with him in the bed.

They emailed back and forth, but their schedules didn’t mesh up for long phone conversations very often. Today had been a particularly grueling day for Gray, and he needed to hear Natsu’s voice, so he forced himself to take a break between practice and dinner and call him.

“Hey Babe, Is this a bad time?” Gray greeted as soon as the call was picked up.

“Hi, No, I was just looking up some stuff online,” Natsu said, sounding a bit distracted.

“Resorting to porn already?” Gray teased, knowing porn made Natsu uncomfortable.

“Gods no, that stuff is gross. I’ve been talking to a few other writers, and we’ve been thinking of starting a writing group on Tumblr, maybe Discord.”

“I have no idea what any of those are.”

“Me either, that’s why I’m looking into them. Discord sounds interesting. It’s like a chat thing for gamers, but it has video calling. Maybe you can get it too, and we can at least see each other from time to time.”

“That actually sounds like a great idea, I’d love to see you right about now. I’ll check it out once I get back to my room.”

“Rough day?”

“Yeah, any day without you is rough.”

“That was pretty smooth.”

Gray chuckled, “I have my moments. So the writing thing is still good?”

“Yeah, I’ve published a few other things.”

“Oh, man, I didn’t know. I’ll check them out later.”

“You can subscribe to me, then you’ll get emails whenever I post anything.”

“Okay. Damn, I have to go eat dinner before the dining hall closes for the night. I love you.”

“I love you too, bye!”

Gray hurried to eat, looking up Discord on his phone while he sat at the table. He decided to install it on his laptop when he got back to his room. He really wanted to see Natsu.

xxx

“Can you see me?” Natsu asked once he saw Gray’s image come up on the screen. He waved excitedly.

“Wow you weren’t kidding, he really does have pink hair.”

“Natsu, this is Lyon, my idiot roommate. Lyon, this is my boyfriend, Natsu. Now go away so I can enjoy seeing him for the first time in a month.”

With a wave Lyon left the room, closing the door behind him.

“Wow, his hair is really white,” Natsu couldn’t help but say.

“You know that’s ridiculous coming from you, right?” Gray rolled his eyes and just stared at his screen. “You’re looking good babe, wearing a bit more clothes than I was hoping for. I always picture you naked when we talk.”

Natsu laughed, “I bet you do, Zeref always leaves the fucking thermostat too cold, and he bitches if I move it.”

“He still working nights?

Natsu nodded, and Gray just wanted to reach out and touch him, what he wouldn’t give to be able to somehow go through the screen and just magically appear at Natsu’s house.

“You look tired, Princess,” Natsu noted, observing the dark rings around the other’s eyes.

“Yeah, they’ve been running us ragged. We have our first game soon. What about you? How’s school going?”

“It’s fine, nothing too hard yet. I’ve been working on the writing group. We have a blog, and I’m playing around, trying to learn how to create a website. We’ve been talking about organizing events too.”

“No offense babe, but that sounds like a lot of work. I thought you were in this for fun.”

“It is, and I am, but you know me, I like learning new things. It’s a little stressful though, there are a few people in there already, and they don’t all get along.”

“Natsu, don’t go in all crazy like you always do? If it gets to be too much just let go, okay?”

“It’ll be fine, you worry too much. Anyway, show me your room,” Natsu changed the subject, and Gray let him. He walked him around the room, showing him where he lived.

“I can’t wait for you to come here next year, we can get a little apartment off-campus, it’ll be awesome! I’ve already started asking which are the best buildings.”

“That does sound nice, I miss you sneaking in here to sleep while Zeref is at work.”

“We didn’t always sleep,” Gray reminded him with a wolfish grin.

“No, we didn’t,” Natsu smiled and held his hand up to the screen, and even though it was girly and he felt dumb, Gray did it back.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

To be continued...

A/N: I'm gonna be honest with you, I had no plans to write any more new stories for the Bingo but something happened last night and I just had to get some stuff out. So this was born late last night while not being able to sleep and stressed out beyond measure as to whether a friend would wake up again or not.

This story has nothing to do with anything ftlgbtales related (or any of my other blogs). This is more drawing on my limited experience in fandom and how it can tear you apart if you let it.

It will be in Gray's POV, mostly because I'm trying to understand how my husband might have felt when I first joined the Fairy Tail fandom. Think of it as my penance for doing that to him. The man is a saint.

I have not decided on the ending yet and I have no idea how many chapters it will be. I had originally meant to do a one-shot but this is where I left it 4AM and when I was rereading this morning I could not bear to spoil it with anything bad. Can't vouch the other chapters will be as fluffy.

#fairy tail #gratsu #gratsubingo2019 #gratsuweek2k19 #ftlgbtales #ftfanfics #this one will be dark folks #my edits

[beyondthetemples]

Multimuse RP questions!

{{ I couldn’t figure out which RP blog to stick these on (since I have like. nine), so I figured I’d just skip to the Answering Part over here. =w=

Found here: https://memesfortheroleplayerssoul.tumblr.com/post/163688858676

is there a muse that you wish gets more attention? Honestly? Dove. There are a couple of people who've said they love reading about her, and I'm so absolutely eternally delighted for them, too deeply appreciative for words! A couple friends I met via rping her, and a couple friends I met in Certain discord servers, but that's about it anymore. But she's my baby, you know? I love her, she's amazing, and I wish more people took the time to write stories with her, because she just has so much potential! I mean, yeah, for angst of course, but also for healing and comfort, for action and fantasy, for mystical and mundane plots alike. She's so multi-faceted and fascinating to explore, I just... well, maybe it's more selfish in that I need help exploring some of the more mundane stuff with her. Because if it doesn't really Have Relevance to a Particular Plot, I generally won't wind up writing it, let alone publishing it. :P But this answer's already too long; I could rave about Dove for hours! All I'm trying to say is, I wish more people cared about OCs.

if you HAD to choose, who’s your favorite muse? Favorite to RP with? Far and away, Dove! Favorite for crack RPs, Srentha or Leyla. Favorite canon character is a GIGANTIC toss-up between Raven and Lapis. Favorite characters to explore for personal reasons are Ryou Bakura and Blue Diamond, but I have a hard time bringing myself to actually WRITE about them, for some reason...

is there a muse that not a lot of people roleplay with? (Besides the ones I haven't advertised? ^^';;) Maybe Phobia? She has only ever existed in comic canons-- though she WAS in the Teen Titans Go comics too! (The original series, not the... bastardization). Anyways, she's a much lesser-known muse. And my muse for her is wildly unreliable, she's a volatile and abrasive character, and my inspiration for her has run dry for awhile now...

if you HAD to choose, who’s your least favorite muse? Phobia. o_o See above, actually.

which one of your muses have you been playing the longest? Prooobably Dove? She was the one I started rping with, of course!

which one of your muses has the most ships? Ships in their canon, or ships in my rps? Because you're talking to a demigray here; I don't really do romance? But in my stories, Dove has 3 ships (all at different times in her life). In rps, Dove has been kinda-contemplating-it shipped a couple times, but never got to the point of, you know, kissing... and in fandom, Lapis probably has the most.

what is each of your muses’ otps? notps? ~ Dove and Srentha together~ (Don't have notps for them.) ~ Kary: food? sleep? Her canon boyfriend Eric ~ Leyla has a qpp named Toby in the stories. ~ Raven: I'm demonbirds trash. I don't even know how that happened, honestly. (Notps include B|BRae and, while not as strong of a NO in the jlvtt canon, ter/raven.) ~ Lapis Lazuli: OTP with Peridot! Intensely notp with jasper. ~ Blue Diamond: OTP with Yellow hardcore, no notps to speak of. ~ Phobia: Utterly unexplored??? I think she voluntarily abstains. ~ Ryou: OTP with Joey (thank my girlfriend for that one)! Notp with Yami Bakura, it’s absolutely 100% possibly my most violently-disgusted NOtp yet. Also with Diva because... What The Fuck??? But I won't rant about that just now. ~ Jess: I haven't really done much shipping, though Mistress and Trick are a hella canon, deeply bonded breeding couple. ~ Evangeline? Sorta-OTP with my gf's character Taex, though it's not exactly a ~romantic~ dynamic. Notp with Srentha, probably, considering she'd try to kill him, given the chance, and she’s pissed at Dove for marrying him.

why were you drawn to each one of your characters? Okay, listen, you can't just ask something like this and expect an easy answer! I could write an Actual Legitimate Essay on EACH ONE, because I only write a character when I'm Extremely Highkey Personally Emotionally Inspired by them!

UPDATE: I tried to summarize, I really did! But there's just so MUCH, and it turned into an essay on its own. --> https://beyondthetemples-ooc.tumblr.com/post/189837029682/why-were-you-drawn-to-each-one-of-your-characters

Summaries go like this: Dove is brave, complex enough to delve deeply in and constantly discover new facets of, and inspiring enough to create a positive experience while doing so. Srentha is fun, positive, and passionate, and legitimate ADHD representation. Leyla is a chill miracle child of creativity and quiet passion. Raven is the reason I'm still alive and perfectly reflected me at about age 14, so I have a very deep personal connection to her. Kary is so fun to explore because she's my polar opposite, as a temperamental pyrokinetic who revels in chaos and really just wants to have a good time. Evangeline is everything Dove suppresses, brought to life, so she's fun to explore as an extension of Dove! Lapis has a lot of struggles to explore and has done a lot of healing and growth that I'd like to expand on someday. Blue Diamond and Ryou Bakura were basically literally me, so I can explore the trauma and healing from their perspectives in a safe space. And Phobia? I just wanted to put characters' mettle to the test honestly, and see what would happen.

which muse is the most fun to write for? Oh, Srentha, absolutely hands down! Dove does have the best close-friends casual-fun kind of rp relationships, though. And Mistress the Mismagius has this sardonic teasing sense of humor that always makes me smile, especially with Murky (Murkrow).

is there another muse you’ve been thinking of adding or writing for? who? Oh stars, I don't need another one. =w= I've been... struggling to get my Ryou blog actually up and running for a long while now. Nobody new has inspired me lately, but I'm pretty stuck in my fandom ways.

what is something everyone should know about your muses before interacting? I stick it all in their bios! But, let's see... Dove: Even though she's Raven's half-sister, she keeps it DESPERATELY hidden, and nobody IC is supposed to know about that. Srentha is very deeply rooted in Azarathean pacifism and won't do much in battle besides help people retreat. Leyla has her father's heart condition and can't do anything too active. Kary will rarely use her powers, as conjuring even a simple spark stings her scar badly. Lapis is more than her toxic relationship! Blue Diamond is NOT the dictator she once was! Ryou does NOT want the spirit of the millennium ring in his life anymore! Jess just... sticks mostly to Sinnoh and rarely ever leaves. And Evangeline has a palpable evil aura about her; she makes SURE of it.

what’s a weird headcanon you have for each of your muses? Dove hates pie. Srentha loves colorful things. Leyla will cover everything in glitter if you let her. Kary will do anything for some good food and/or a nap. Ryou's hair is untamable. Lapis doesn't guard her gem as carefully as she should. Blue Diamond may be more emotional, but she won't sing about it as frequently as other Gems. Raven... doesn't wear underwear?

which muse has the most aus or verses? I mean, the Lapis I was writing for was 97% canon divergent. Evangeline only exists as her own person (and not merely a partition of Dove's mind) in a DCUO-compatible timeline. But I don't really do aus or verses otherwise; it's just more stressful for me.

can you sort your muses from youngest to oldest? Sorting based on the ages I'll generally play them: Leyla (8-14), Dove (15-25), Kary (18+), Ryou (19+), Srentha (20+), Jess (22+), Phobia (23+), Lapis (5k+), Blue Diamond (10k+).

which muse is most willing to fight another muse? Oh, definitely Kary. (She won't fight Dove or Leyla, even if there's a really good reason. And Srentha has this weird power of defusing her. But anyone else, she can easily be provoked to fight on a dime.) Or maybe Evangeline, who will fight anyone at any time for any reason whatsoever?

do your muses get along with each other? Evangeline gets along with nobody. Dove/Srentha/Leyla are all a very tight-knit family, and Kary considers herself Dove's sister and Leyla's aunt. I've thought about what might happen if Lapis met Blue Diamond, but I don’t have the faintest idea of how that'd go? I did start an RP once where Lapis met Dove, and I planned to have them bond over homesickness and purpose-seeking, but then I lost the ehd I had that prewritten on, and never had the heart to try rewriting it. Ryou and Jess kinda exist in their own universe's bubble. (Jess has a whole cast of Pokemon creature muses she very much gets along with, though~)

would you ship any of your muses together? who? Dove and Srentha are hella-canon endgame already, that's been decided for like 12 years!

for each muse, is there a character you wish had a blog so you could interact with them? You know, I've never really been one much for wishing like that. I do wish Dove had a stable Raven again, since both of my all-time favorite Raven rpers have left the rp circle... but that's about it, really.

have you ever considered making a multimuse/is it easier having a multimuse? I mean, my Pokemon blog has like 19 muses built into the breeding center... 8F But no, I prefer to keep my drafts, rps, and tag systems for each muse on separate sideblogs. Tumblr's tags break WAY too often to shove them all in one place. (And with a sideblog, I don't have to log in and out every time I want to check for replies!)

which muse is the most problematic towards other muses? Toss-up between Phobia and Evangeline, obviously. Blue Diamond is a reformed Gem, the way I play her. (I don't care what anyone says, THAT'S CANON as HELL too!) But Evangeline actively goes out of her way to hurt and/or sacrifice people to her own ends,

which muse is most likely to make new friends? Probably Leyla, though now that SU has sent out a message across the Gem universe that Gems are welcome on Earth, Lapis could wind up meeting quite a lot of new acquaintances. It's much harder to befriend her, though. Srentha has a lot of charismatic energy too, and he’ll go out and make friends with anyone, given the chance.

which muses’ fandom do you like the best? Ahhh, don't make me CHOOSE like that! ;; Fandom like being a fan of them, or fandom like, liking the other people in the fandom? Because Steven Universe, Teen Titans, and YuGiOh all have incredibly special places in my heart, while having Their Issues amongst the fandom... Pokemon seems to be the best mannered fandom though, especially amidst the RP community.

is there someone playing the same muse/s as you and you really look up to them? Ohgosh, well there's a blog called, I think, melancholeyes?, that plays Blue so well, it's like reading canon scenes. I did see a blog that played a Ryou I respected, but I can't remember their name... and of course Larissa and Pix played great Ravens, but each a different version.

which muse do people send the most asks for? Probably Dove, thanks in large part to Caleb!

which muse is most likely to have kids? Leyla is already Dove's kid, so... 8F

is there a rule that someone keeps breaking for your muses? Not to my knowledge, but my rules aren't strict anyways.

can you sort your muses from weakest to strongest? ...Oh, stars. How am I supposed to sort them? Well, let's try this.

Weakest to strongest in combat (based on their style of choice): Ryou, Leyla, Srentha, Phobia, Evangeline, Jess, Kary, Dove, Lapis, Blue Diamond, Raven. ( * i switched raven and blue diamond around SO many times. both are immensely powerful with god-like abilities, but raven can literally destroy reality itself. so...)

Weakest to strongest by strength of heart and character: Phobia, Evangeline, uh... Kary? Srentha...? Uh... frICK THIS ONE'S HARD. Because they're all so strong in their own ways. Probably Leyla? Next tier is probably Blue, Lapis, and Jess, and Dove, Raven, and Ryou are highest tier.

which muse are you considering deleting? Phobia, and maybe sometimes Blue. (I actually... never got a single RP or follower on Blue. I'm still debating if I really WANT to rp as her, at least on Tumblr, knowing how toxic the fandom can get around the Diamonds...)

most importantly, are you having fun playing each one of your muses? Pretty much! Especially Dove, Srentha, Leyla, and Raven!~ Raven's wit and clipped verbiage can be tricky to for me sometimes, but all it takes is a little tlc on her dialogue, and it doesn't slow down my enjoyment one bit. :} And when I'm in a Pokemon-hyperfocus mood, writing the Pokemon team is ALWAYS a blast! (Especially the Pokemon; their personalities are so dynamic together.) With muses like Lapis and Blue, and even Kary, the mood for their emotionality waxes and wanes, but I don't write for them unless I'm in The Right Frame of Mind to KEEP UP with them, you know? I never push myself in an rp until it's not fun anymore; at least I know where my writing burnout limits are.

Phobia and Evangeline are both sadistic, and when you're a compassionate person, that can be very hard to write out in the painstaking detail of my style. But sometimes my mind just Won't Shut UP about 'Vangie unless I WRITE IT OUT. Which is a good exercise of course, stretching my horizons and all that, and I do love writing the drama and conflict they stir up.

But beyond the momentary discomforts, I'm just so eager to explore their lives and minds and adventures, so yes, I absolutely DO have fun writing for each and every one!

#ooc rebloggables #questions list