#(and what abram is and isn’t apparently comfortable with and scared of)

[emry-stars-art]

please can u tell us more of ur thoughts on branding.

can u tell us ALL ur thoughts on branding.

can u tell us all your thoughts.

ANGST ANGST ANGST ANGST

Why yes I CAN tell you my thoughts! but this post will stay pretty much about the branding, even tho there will be other points you can notice below; unfortunately I have limited space and time on these posts. One thing at a time for my brainnn 🙏

Also. This is another “there’s too much going on here for me to cover it all” concept, so this is actually in two parts just to make sure it doesn’t get too ungodly long 😂 and one day there’s a bunch of stuff I want so badly to write about it! For now, I’ll put the link to the second post [here] as well as at the very end for your reading convenience

Find the royal au writing masterpost here 💕

(This was supposed to be for showing the brands; it turned into an explanation of some of the physical effects of things that happened in Evermore and the direct aftermath.)

Ahem. So Riko’s pretty determined to make it as difficult as possible for Abram to sneak away again, blend into other places. The best way to do that, obviously, is to brand him to his court as he had the rest.

Abram expects that. He’s completely prepared to have this done, it’s all but inevitable. He’d been dodging his number III for far too long now. Even Day has the II still on his own cheek - Abram can deal with it. Riko’s too proud not to let it heal nicely. He needs his court to look as neat and uniform as possible.

Still hurts like hell.

But after, when Abram wants nothing more than to be completely alone until he can see properly out of that eye, Riko orders him to strip down. Abram doesn’t - his time in Palmetto and with Prince Andrew took away Abram’s only survival technique. He’s known good people now, he knows how a person is supposed to be treated and he’s learned at least some degree of self-respect. Nathaniel relied on a day-to-day understanding that he could die in any terrible, inhuman way at another’s whim. Abram knows better. (It ruins him.)

Of course, Riko gets his demands met anyway. They have to hold Nathaniel down to get the second brand on him. This one isn’t for show, though perhaps that was a thought in Riko’s mind - branded cattle is hard to steal and easy to identify. Mostly it’s the beginning of pushing onto Abram that he isn’t more than property, he’s a work animal and he’s expected to act like it. And Riko doesn’t care that this one heals as neatly. Since it’s not going to be for the public eye, Riko can let it fester and infect as long as it stays recognizable. As long as Abram can look at it and remember what it is and what it’s there for.

When Abram is brought back, when Day is with him in that cart, it’s another thing he begs for the prince not to see. The muzzle and the brand. At first Day is confused; “The prince will want to see your face, Abram. You know he won’t care. It’s just like mine.”

But Abram shakes his head. Says no. No, the other one. Please don’t let him see.

Maybe Day doesn’t fully realize what that means until he forces that bath on Abram. Abram doesn’t try to hide it; he’s already told Day about it, and if there’s anyone that will take Evermore cruelty in stride it will be Day. (That doesn’t mean Day isn’t enraged to see it. Healed ugly, even still a little inflamed from rough fabrics and no care. He knew Riko was always mad with power; this was something else entirely.)

So Day heeds Abram’s pleas and doesn’t let Andrew see the brand. It’s always covered in bandages. When Andrew begins to help with Abram’s care, Day tells him he shouldn’t remove that bandage. It would cause Abram a lot of pain. Andrew tries to ask about it, but Day gives him the same answer as with the strange little punctures in Abram’s face: he will tell you if and when he wants to. And again, Andrew cannot argue.

By this point I think Andrew and Day have reached an agreement. Abram’s eyesight is getting clearer by the day, and Andrew understands how serious Day is about both his and Abram’s safety. But Day agreed that as long as Abram can confirm he recognizes Andrew, Andrew is allowed to help when Day is unavailable.

So when Andrew is sent for, told that Abram has reopened some wounds or torn some bandages and won’t let any of the medics touch him, Andrew goes.

Abram is calm enough by the time he arrives. He lets the prince check the wounds, nodding allowances between each article of clothing and bandage that Andrew removes. And by then they may as well shower too, while Andrew is there. He’d like to try and do what he can for Abram’s hair.

Even then Andrew doesn’t remove the bandage. It falls off on its own under the stream of water. Andrew feels the slight tensing of Abram’s stomach, the way he pauses. For a second, Andrew can only stare, struck dumb with anger. Then, slowly and very carefully, he pushes the bandage back over the brand. Hardly breathing.

“Abram. What is that.”

And Abram tenses more. He can see enough now to place a good guess as to where Andrew’s eyes would be, himself wide eyed and suddenly fearful. (For a moment, the prince’s apparent calm response made Abram think that he’d somehow already seen the brand, which wasn’t impossible considering the circumstances. But his tone now, the ice in his voice as he confronts Abram on it - it feels like all of Abram’s worst fears have materialized there in front of him. Of course Andrew would be disgusted. Princes deserve better than damaged goods. Andrew deserves better.)

“I’m sorry,” Abram says automatically, which is the last thing Andrew wants to hear. “I’ll - you don’t have to anymore, just get Day -”

“Abram,” Andrew says again sharply, which is not the right thing because Abram flinches and pushes Andrew’s hands from him. He’s up and away from the hole-riddled bucket that serves as the infirmary’s makeshift shower almost immediately and finds his things half by memory and half blurry sight. Andrew wouldn’t want someone like him around, even as a guard. Especially in this state, when he can’t perform his duties at all.

Abram finds his way to Day’s room. Even with Andrew’s voice after him as he leaves the bath and infirmary altogether. Thankfully, it isn’t long before Day has returned from a routine check of the outer walls - Abram cannot handle being seen by the prince again, he’s shaking and slipping further from reality by the minute. Day takes one look at Abram in the hall and brings him into his room, trying to calm Abram enough to tell him what’s happened. Eventually, he pieces it together when Abram apologizes for making Day’s work for naught. You kept it from him this long time and I ruined it. Don’t let him be angry with you, it was my fault, just let him do what he wants and -

But Day won’t hear it. He figures out what it’s about, he tries to reassure Abram that it was a misunderstanding. Day knows for a fact, like any sane person and then as a person that knows Andrew, that the prince is not angry with Abram for having a brand or anything it was supposed to represent. He had been angry like anyone was angry to see it. Like Day had been. Day had just been much better about hiding it.

Abram isn’t in a state for rational thought or explanations. The panic and crying exhausts him, but nothing Day offers can comfort him. He won’t take the bed or couch or even the chair, too far in his head about Andrew finally seeing him for an animal. He ends up curled on the carpet near the fireplace, asleep by the time Andrew manages to find him. (He’d gone looking out by the gate, along any path Abram might have taken to run. It was either good or very bad that he didn’t find him there.)

Day answers the door and Andrew opens his mouth at the same time he scans the room, then stops. He sees Abram and tries to come in, but Day stands firmly in his way.

“Is he all right?” Andrew asks before he can stop himself. He messed up, this is his fault. He needs to be sure he hasn’t caused any real harm.

“Physically, yes,” Day says tersely. “But he’s asleep, and I will not be waking him yet. Out, in the hall. I need to speak with you.”

[part2 here]

#BIG BROTHER KEVIN DAY #he gave Andrew the wildest most unexpected ‘if you hurt my brother I’ll destroy you’ talk in history #and I love that for everyone involved #(even tho it was mostly Kevin doing some culture translation re: brands) #(and what abram is and isn’t apparently comfortable with and scared of) #I just think usually Andrew would be INCREDIBLY unimpressed and bored with Kevin’s long talks #but when it comes to Abram at this exact moment #he has no choice but to listen to whatever Kevin says #it’s not like Andrew is the person abram first thinks of when he needs comfort about evermore (yet at least) #day still knows better than anyone else in palmetto #hm are my strong emotions about kevin and Neil sibling vibes coming through yet #nah I’d better do more with it #ANYWAY #fan art #my art #aftg #all for the game #neil josten #andrew minyard #kevin day #royal au #asks #anon #my writing #hmm might have to make the brand bigger in consequent drawings #cows beeg #Abram is small

[littlespoonevan]

RIGHTYO since you offered to make my day how about either "5. In the back seat of the car", "23: Reunion" or "14: in public" for andreil? :D I couldn't decide so whatever you like the best

asjkdhfks Tina, I don’t know how you managed to pick the three prompts that are all so tempting asjhd it took me forever to decide one which one to go with but amnesia aus are my secret weakness and I felt like it would be sO PAINFUL with these two, I couldn’t help myself

I feel like this got so long it should probably be on ao3 instead but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  lmao I hope you like it!!!!!

23. Reunion

*

From the very beginning, Andrew has been cautious inhis relationship with Neil.

It’s a self-preservation tactic; even before Neilstarted wanting him back he knew he couldn’t have this. He’s always beensilently waiting for the day Neil will be taken away from him.

He just didn’t expect it to happen like this.

Temporary retrograde amnesia.

After their game, the backliner that had beenhounding Neil all night had caught him off guard right as Neil had taken offhis helmet, barrelling into him and knocking him to the ground. Neil’s head hadbounced off the hardwood floor of the court with a sickening crack and Andrewwould’ve likely ended up with another assault charge under his belt had he notbeen so concerned with the fact that Neil wasn’t immediately waking up.

Now he’s sitting in the hospital waiting room,feeling anxiety roll off his teammates in waves and choking down his own furyas the doctor explains to them that Neil appears to have lost his memory as aresult of his head injury.

It’stemporary, she says.

Wecan’t say for sure when he’ll get his memories back,she says.

Supportand patience is what he needs from you most right now,she says.

Hedoesn’t seem to remember anything from the last two years, at least,she says.

The last one is what piques Andrew’s interest andhe’s immediately pushing himself out of his chair, intent on making a beelinefor Neil’s room.

“Andrew, they didn’t say we could go in yet!” Wymackcalls after him, sounding exasperated and exhausted.

“He doesn’t remember,” Andrew says, not bothering tolook over his shoulder as he makes his way to the door of the waiting room.“He’s going to run.”

That seems to spur the foxes into action and there’sa mini stampede behind him as he charges down the hall to Neil’s room.

Neil is in bed with a nurse checking one of themachines he’s hooked up to when they arrive. He seems calm from the outside butAndrew recognises the wild look in his eyes. He’s panicking. He’s trying tofigure out how to escape.

“Neil,” Matt says beseechingly and Neil stopsfidgeting where he lays, eyes wide as he focuses on the crowd in his doorway.His gaze travels from one of them to the next and Andrew’s stomach churns whenthere’s no flicker of recognition on Neil’s face as he looks at him.

He hangs back as the others crowd Neil. They allstart talking over one another before Aaron begrudgingly points out thatthey’re going to overwhelm him. He shoots Andrew a sidelong glance as he saysit but Andrew doesn’t return it.

He listens for a minute or two as Matt takes up therole of explaining to Neil what’s happened but he can’t stomach it for verylong before he’s storming out of the room and out of the hospital altogether.He sits on the bench out on the sidewalk instead, a cigarette clutched betweenhis trembling fingers.

He’s not sure how long he stays out there for – aslong as it takes him to burn through six cigarettes – before he’s joined bysomeone.

Nicky knows better than to sit next to him but herounds the bench so he’s standing in front of Andrew, hands stuffed in thepockets of his jacket to ward off the chill.

“Aren’t you going to come inside?” he asks after abelated silence.

Andrew raises his eyes to look at him, offering himno answer other than another drag of his cigarette.

“Andrew, he’s your boyfriend,” Nicky says, voice fraying at the edges and finallylosing some of his patience.

“No, he’s not,” Andrew replies dully and Nicky huffs.

“Now isn’t the time for your stupid riddles aboutyour relationship,” he snaps, expression turning pleading. “Andrew, he’s hurtand he’s fucking scared and he won’t believe anything we tell him. He thinkswe’re just feeding him back the cover story he thinks he’s fed us.”

“And what do you want me to do? He doesn’t remember me,” he says through grittedteeth. And that’s the crux of the matter, isn’t it? Neil is here but he isn’t.He doesn’t remember Andrew; he doesn’t remember anything. And Andrew feelsunbalanced, unsteady, like the wind has been knocked out of him.

He- he lovesNeil. In whatever fucked up way he’s capable of feeling love. And he’s gottenused to it. The affection, the comfort, the steadiness he feels with Neil’spresence by his side.

And in one fell swoop it’s been taken away from him.

What’s he supposed to do now?

Nicky’s expression softens like he understands andAndrew hates that too. He hates that Neil’s made him vulnerable, that Neil hasmade him more open. Even if it’s just a sliver.

“Andrew,” Nicky says quietly. “Even when you twohated each other, you were able to convince him to stay. Can you just try?”

Andrew squares his jaw, stubbing out his cigarette onthe bench before standing up. He doesn’t say anything to Nicky or pause to lethim follow but Nicky seems to recognise his acquiescence for what it is andkeeps his thoughts to himself as they make their way back inside the hospital.

The rest of the foxes are waiting outside Neil’s roomwhen he comes back inside and he doesn’t slow to talk to them before he’spushing open the door.

Neil looks up in surprise at the sound of Andrew’sentrance and Andrew can feel his eyes on him as he casually drops into thechair beside the bed.

Holding onto his calm has never felt quite asimpossible as it does now with Neil watching him with a curious gaze but Andrewforces himself to remain impassive.

“You’re not Aaron,” is the first thing Neil says andAndrew quashes down the hope that festers in his chest. He and Aaron aren’tdressed the same and, as oblivious as Neil can be, he’s perceptive when itcomes to details he thinks might be important. It’s not recognition and hecan’t let his mind believe it to be.

“Astute observation,” he says blandly.

Neil continues to stare at him, eventually asking,“Why did they send you?”

“They’re under the impression you actually listen tome.” The truth is, it’s always been the other way around. Andrew always listensto Neil, even when it goes against his better judgement.

“Listen to you about what?”

Andrew finally lifts his head to meet Neil’s gaze andit hurts. It hurts to see the blankexpression, it hurts to see the spark of interest that’s usually evident inNeil’s eyes missing, it hurts to see there’s no affection that Andrew’s grownso accustomed to.

“They think I can convince you not to run,” he says.

Neil visibly startles at that, expression suddenlymuch more guarded than it was before. “What?”

“You’re on the third floor of the hospital. There’san elevator to your left and a stairwell at the end of the hall to the right. Thereare cameras but they have blind spots – I’m sure you’d figure those outquickly. You’d get to the exit but you wouldn’t even make it to the highway beforesomeone would find you. So,” he says plainly. “Don’t run.”

Neil is watching him with a calculating look now andat least it’s something familiar.Andrew has seen this look before. Not for over a year, but he’s still seen it.

“If you know me as well as you apparently do, youshould know I’d find a way,” Neil says after a too-long pause.

“Abram,” Andrew says softly, gut twisting at the wayNeil’s entire frame stills at the word.

He looks at Andrew, and Andrew decides to answer hisunspoken question.

“You’re not Nathaniel anymore. You don’t rememberNeil. But you’re always Abram.”

“Who told you that?” Neil asks, voice quiet to maskhis panic.

“You did,” he tells him. “A year ago. When you wantedme to trust you. I’m giving it back to you now. Trust me.”

Neil squints his eyes as though he’s trying to workAndrew out. The joke’s on him; Andrew can’t even work himself out. “Whathappened?” he asks eventually.

Andrew feels like releasing a sigh of relief but hesuppresses it. “Your mother is dead. Your father is dead. Your uncle killedhim. All his associates are either dead or in prison. You’re under Moriyamaprotection. You officially have permission to play exy for the rest of yourlife. It’s over, Neil.”

Neil releases a slow breath, digesting theinformation, before he finally meets Andrew’s gaze with vulnerable eyes. “It’sreally over?”

Andrew nods once and Neil closes his eyes.

They don’t talk for the rest of the night but Neil doesn’ttry to run and Andrew stays. It’s at some point in the middle of the night,with Neil asleep and the room dark save for the glow from the heart monitor,that Andrew finally allows the fear to settle beneath his skin as he turnsNeil’s keys over in his hand.

He’s scared.

He’s scared Neil won’t remember. He’s scared of Neillooking at him like he’s nothing, like thisis nothing. It’s never been nothing and Andrew has only just admitted tohimself – quietly, in the deepest recesses of his mind – that this iseverything.

He cranes his head back, closing his eyes andreleasing a careful breath.

The walls are collapsing in and he’s not sure howmuch longer he can keep them standing.

*

Neil has been in hospital for four days.

He still feels odd, referring to himself as Neil, butafter his conversation with Andrew, Matt had brought him his passport anddriver’s license to show him. It feels odd but at the same time somewhatfamiliar. The same feeling you get when something is on the tip of your tonguebut you can’t quite remember what it is.

Andrew hasn’t been alone with him since the firstnight and doesn’t stick around much even when the other foxes are there. Neilhasn’t asked but he can tell their relationship is different to the one heshares with everyone else.

Andrew had been the one he’d believed the firstnight, the one who seemed to know how to actually get through to him. Neilnever envisioned he’d let someone close enough to him that they’d know him thatwell but evidently, Andrew is an exception.

(Not to mention, the little slip ups everyone hasbeen making tell him all he really needs to know.)

A few of the other foxes are with him now, talkingabout how the doctors said Neil could be discharged tomorrow since he seems tobe recovering well – besides the whole amnesia thing.

“Oh. Neil,” Matt says, getting out of his chair andgoing to the corner of the room. He grabs a small duffle bag, coming over toNeil’s bed. “We brought some of your stuff just in case you do get to go home tomorrow.”

Matt drops the bag into Neil’s lap and Neil tugs atthe zipper to open it. It’s mainly clothes but what he presumes are his phoneand his keys sit on top of the pile. He takes them out one at a time, firstturning the phone over in his hands and inspecting it. He’s not surprised whenit doesn’t jog his memory but he can’t help feeling slightly disappointed.

He picks up the keys next, going through each one onthe ring. Kevin tells him the first three are for the court before Neil can evenask and he hears Nicky punch Kevin’s shoulder, telling him to let Neil try andfigure it out on his own first.

Neil doesn’t pay attention to them though, looking atthe other three keys. One is a car key – for what car, he has no idea. Theother two are similar and he guesses one must be the key for his dorm room.

“What’s this key for?” he asks, choosing one of themat random.

Nicky moves closer to inspect the key, letting out anamused noise. “That’s for the house in Columbia. Damn, I didn’t know Andrew wasthat serious. He must’ve given it to you when you guys were there this summer.”

Neil frowns. That doesn’t sound right.

“He didn’t.”

“Hmm?” Nicky asks.

Neil looks up, the tail end of a memory at the cornerof his mind. “He didn’t,” he repeats slowly.

Thekeys, the trust, the honesty, the kisses.

“He gave it to me last year, at the start of theschool year.”

Nicky’s eyes widen at that. “Back then?” he asks in disbelief.

“Nicky, not the point,” Dan cuts it, fixing Neil witha serious expression. “Neil, do you remember?”

The doctor had told Neil his memories could all comeback at once but he’s still not prepared for the onslaught that hits him, twoyears of memories flashing through his mind’s eye and pressing against the insideof his skull. It’s like a tidal wave and Neil shuts his eyes as he tries topiece through them all.

Some of it is a bit jumbled up but at the centre ofat all…

He looks up, unsure how long he’s been silent as hemeets the hopeful expressions of Dan, Matt, Nicky, Allison and Kevin. “Where’sAndrew?” he asks quietly.

“He’s back at the dorms with Renee,” Allison answersafter a beat and Neil’s fingers tighten around his keys. The weight of how muchthe past few days must have impacted Andrew hitting him full force.

He reaches for his phone, tries to turn it on andlets out a frustrated breath when he realises it’s dead. He looks up, findingNicky’s gaze. “Call him.”

“Neil, do you remember?” Matt asks, repeating Dan’searlier question.

“Yes,” he says impatiently, directing his next wordsto Nicky. “Call him.”

Nicky’s mouth drops open in shock before he springsinto action and fumbles for his phone in his pocket. Matt says something aboutgoing to get a doctor but Neil ignores him, full focus on Nicky diallingAndrew’s number.

It takes too long for Andrew to get there and Neil spendsthe time sitting through an examination from his doctor, answering questionsand getting frequently irate as they continue, eyes trained on the door to hisroom.

When Andrew finally arrives, pushing through thefoxes blocking the door, Neil feels his breath catch in his throat.

Andrew is watching him, visibly keeping a tenuous strangleholdon his emotions, though Neil thinks no one can really tell except him.

“Andrew,” he says and he hopes it sounds different.He hopes Andrew can hear the difference.

Andrew doesn’t react and Renee ushers the foxes outof the room – Neil makes a mental note to thank her later.

“Come here,” Neil tries again, softly, with feelinghe normally reserves for the privacy of their own room.

It gets Andrew to move though. He walks over to thebed on stiff legs, stopping just by Neil’s hip. Neil sits up, meets his gazehead on and raises a hand. He lets it hover in the air first, right by Andrew’scheek, but Andrew doesn’t flinch or move or sayno so Neil carefully lays his fingers against Andrew’s cheekbone.

Andrew’s eyes are ablaze and Neil wets his lips. “I’msorry I didn’t remember you,” he whispers.

There’s a split second of still and then Andrew ispulling him into a crushing hug.

Neil releases a shaky breath, hands clutching at theback of Andrew’s jacket.

“If you ever do anything like that ever again, Iswear to god, Josten-“ Andrew tries to threaten, pulling back for half a secondbefore he’s hugging Neil again just as fiercely as before.

“Okay,” Neil soothes, burying his face in Andrew’sneck and breathing him in. “Okay,” he repeats.

Neil can feel the tension slowly seeping out ofAndrew’s bones the longer he holds on and when Andrew finally sags against himNeil raises his head, gently bumping their temples together. “Lie down with me?”he requests.

It takes a bit of manoeuvring but eventually Andrewis lying on the bed with him. Neil is turned on his side, head pillowed on thespot where Andrew’s chest meets his shoulder while Andrew’s fingers curl lightlythrough his hair.

Andrew is quiet, staring up at the ceiling, but it’snot the peaceful kind of quiet they’ve both become used to. Andrew is deep inthought and Neil only needs one guess to figure out what about.

“Hey,” he says softly. “I promised you I wouldn’tleave. I meant it.”

Andrew’s hand stills in his hair for a moment but hedoesn’t look at Neil when he speaks. “I told you to stop making promises youcan’t keep.”

“I can keep it,” Neil protests, pushing himself up onhis elbow and leaning over Andrew too look at him.

Andrew stares at him, jaw working. “Two hours ago youwere in no fit state to.”

Neil huffs, feeling frustrated as he tries to thinkof the best way to explain where his mind’s been for the past few days. “Nobut- you were still the one I trusted the most. You were still the one I wascurious about.”

Andrew continues to look up at him, silent and stonyas ever.

“Why do you find it so hard to believe I could fallin love with you?” Neil finally whispers and he watches the way the words makeAndrew come undone. Just a little bit.

Andrew’s throat bobs and his eyes search Neil’sexpression like he’s looking for an escape. “It’s hard enough to believe once. Idon’t expect it to happen twice.”

Neil’s chest aches at that because how can Andrewstill not understand? How can he still not see it? He takes a second to let therevelation wash over him before he meets Andrew’s gaze again. “Yes or no?”

“Yes.”

Neil leans down, connecting their foreheads beforetheir lips but when they do kiss he tries to pour everything into it. All thethings they don’t say out loud. All the things they don’t even say tothemselves.

He pulls back after a minute or so – neither of themare in the right headspace for any more right now – and he settles his headback on Andrew’s chest, seeking out Andrew’s free hand and playing with hisfingers. Andrew’s other hand returns to his hair and Neil feels contentment slowlysurround him once again.

“I promise I’m not leaving,” he says one last time.

Andrew doesn’t reply but he doesn’t pull away either.

The silence between them now is fragile, uncertainafter too many confessions, but Neil lets it be. Instead, he focuses onrefamiliarising himself with his sense memory.

Taking in the smoky scent of Andrew’s clothes,listening to Andrew’s quiet, measured breaths, lips turned in to remind himselfof Andrew’s taste, eyes fixed on the strong line of Andrew’s jaw where his faceis turned towards the ceiling once again and, finally, he feels.

Touching the callouses on Andrew’s hand, feeling thetingle down his own spine as Andrew’s fingers card through his hair, envelopinghimself in the warmth that emanates from Andrew’s body.

His entire world could be erased but this. He doesn’tthink he could ever forget this.

*

#andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten #the foxhole court #aftg #my fics #meme thing #happyminyards #asks #apparently there's no scientific proof that re-familiarising ppl with stuff from their life can trigger their memories but whatevs

[themostrandomfandom]

Hi JJ! First things first I want to thank you for your fabulous blog, it has really made rewatching glee much more interesting! I also have a question, I just watched 2x14 "Blame It On The Alcohol" and I noticed that 1. Brittana seem a lot closer in this episode than in the previous ones, and, 2. that Santana doesn't participate in the game of spin the bottle. I was wondering what you thing the reasons for both of these things are. Thanks!

Hey, @tryingtoohardddd​!

First off, thank you! I’m glad you enjoy my blog.

Second, I find that Brittana’s apparent closeness during thisepisode and Santana’s unwillingness to participate in the Spin the Bottle gameare interrelated phenomena, both having to do with the fact that, at the timeepisode 2x14 takes place, Brittana are essentially in uncharted waters when itcomes to the status quo in their relationship.

If you care to join me for some rambling, it’s all under thecut.

_______________

First, let’s recap some Brittana history up to this point:

I promise we’ll eventually circle back to your questions.

Sometime prior to the start of S1, Brittana commence asecret sexual relationship.

Within the confines of said relationship, the girls aresweet, affectionate, and doting with each other. Brittany, who is a highlykinesthetic person, interprets this physical intimacy, demonstrative as it is,to mean that she and Santana are in love. However, whenever she tries to broachthis subject with Santana, Santana verbally shuts her down, claiming that theirsexual encounters are emotionally meaningless and that she and Brittany are platonicbest friends, not girlfriends.

Though Santana is adamant about the supposed insignificanceof her and Brittany’s sexual encounters, Brittany can’t help but feel in her heartthat Santana is wrong. She can tell by the way that Santana treats her whenthey’re alone together that Santana is in love with her—the same as she knowsthat she is definitely in love with Santana.

Unfortunately, at this point in her development, Brittany isstill highly submissive to Santana, and she fears that if she pushes the issue,she will scare Santana off, losing her entirely. She knows she has to play bythe unwritten but binding set of rules Santana has imposed on theirrelationship and that, if she steps out of line, Santana will freak out.

Santana’s rules for their relationship are perhaps equallyconvoluted and simple:

Sex is not dating, and they are not girlfriends, just bestfriends who like to have sex.

The sex doesn’t mean anything.

Still, no one should know that they have sex.

If anyone does know that they have sex, then they should derive some socialbenefit from their secret being out: girls should be intimidated, guys shouldbe titillated, and everything should add to their cool “slutty, popularcheerleaders” mystique.

Sex with each other is allowable as long as they both also have sex with malesexual partners on the side.

Said male sexual partners should be superior or equal to them in popularity.

Everyone should know that they are having sex with these male sexual partners.

Everyone should know that these male sexual partners are completelyreplaceable.

They’re not to be monogamous with any one boy.

All dating needs to stay casual—nothing steady or committed.

They’re not to allow their relationships with boys to interfere with theirrelationship with each other.

Don’t get pregnant.

Don’t fall in love.

Take down female rivals for boys not from jealousy but because boys are socialcapital and robbery is a crime.

Don’t give socially inferior boys the time of day.

Remember that appearances are paramount.

Brittany spends S1 acquiescing to Santana’s demands. 

Santanasays sex isn’t dating, so Brittany agrees that sex isn’t dating. Santana says thatin order for them to sleep together, they also have to date boys on the side,so Brittany dates boys on the side. When Santana wants herself and Brittany tobe close, then they’re close. When Santana panics and wants distance betweenthem, then Brittany backs off and watches Santana flail, throwing herself atNoah Puckerman and Finn Hudson in a desperate attempt to reassert her“heterosexuality.”

The same cycle repeats over and over again ad nauseum:

Santana fights against her true nature, forcingherself to have sex with boys, even though she isn’t really interested in them.

Brittany follows Santana’s lead because that is whatSantana encourages her to do.

Because she is generally uncomfortable in herrelationships with men, Santana tends to treat her male sexual partners with baselinehostility.

This stonewalling between Santana and her malesexual partners complicates and eventually destroys her relationships withthem.

Santana, in her frustration and upset with boys,eventually turns to Brittany for comfort.

Because the girls aren’t in the habit ofdiscussing their feelings openly, the only means by which Brittany can comfortSantana are physical.

The girls have sex.

Sex with each other proves much more satisfyingfor them than does sex with random boys to whom they are not emotionallyattached.

For a time, Santana forgets herself and happilyfalls into her relationship with Brittany.

The girls secret themselves away, becomingincreasingly affectionate with each other in private.

Inevitably, something happens to remind Santanathat “straight girls like her” shouldn’t prefer sweet lady kisses with theirfemale best friends to sex with male partners.

Santana panics and attempts to prove toherself—and, by extension, to Brittany—that she doesn’t value her sexualrelationship with Brittany over her sexual relationships with boys.

In her panic, she verbally downplays herrelationship with Brittany and attaches herself to whatever socially acceptableboy will have her.

Santana fights against her true nature, forcingherself to have sex with boys, even though she isn’t really interested in them.

The cycle continues, as before.

Because we don’t know when exactly Brittana start sleepingtogether, we can’t say for certain how many times this cycle plays out betweenthem in total. However, we see it unfold at least a couple of times during S1,notably in microcosm between episodes 1x13 and 1x15.

The cycle starts anew in episode 1x15 but interestingly doesnot progress as it has previously.

Instead, between the end of S1 and beginning of S2, Brittanaget hung up on steps #9 and #10, going for a very long time without datingboys.

In fact, we have no evidence to suggest that Brittany sleepswith anyone other than Santana between episodes 1x10 and 2x03, and the onlyboys she “dates” during this time are ones with whom her relationships areinherently nonsexual (i.e., Wes Brody, a child, and Kurt Hummel, a gay man).

In the meantime, Santana’s sexual relationship with NoahPuckerman cools off circa episode 1x13, and after her one-and-done sexualencounter with Finn Hudson in episode 1x15, she has no other male sexualpartners that we know of throughout the remainder of S1 or beginning of S2,meaning that between episodes 1x16 and 2x06, Brittany is most likely also Santana’sonly sexual partner.

If we overlap those two windows, then it would appear thatBrittana are most likely sexually monogamous with each other between episodes1x16 and 2x04, a timeframe which encompasses the end of their sophomore year,entire summer vacation, and the beginning of their junior year, over the courseof several months.

Because the girls are monogamous with each other for solong, Brittany starts to feel as if maybe Santana is coming around to the ideaof them being girlfriends. She has been burned for getting her hopes up in thepast, but she can’t help but wonder if this time won’t be different, given thattheir patterns have shifted.

In episode 2x04, Brittany musters her courage and suggeststo Santana that they make their relationship more official, albeit in aroundabout way (“We should do a duet together”). She is cautious about askingfor what she really wants, but she also believes that she has good grounds onwhich to ask, Santana’s recent affections considered.

Of course, she is devastated when Santana shoots her down inthe harshest way possible (“I’mnot making out with you because I’m in love with you and want to sing aboutmaking lady babies. I’m only here because Puck’s been in the slammer for about twelvehours now, and I’m like a lizard: I need something warm beneath me or I can’tdigest my food”).

In that moment of rejection, Brittany’s heart breaks, andshe realizes that she can’t keep going on in the same way that she had gone onbefore.

For the first time, Brittany takes Santana at her word.

If Santana doesn’t want them to be dating, then they’re notdating, and that means that Brittany is free to date somebody else—in thiscase, Artie Abrams, whom she seduces, has sex with, and subsequently breaksup with, all in episode 2x04.

Note that when Brittany starts dating Artie, it representsthe first time in Brittana development that Brittany has initiated anattachment to a male sexual partner sans Santana’s prompting, another deviationfrom her and Santana’s typical cycle.

Brittany’s original motivations for dating Artie have moreto do with getting a rise out of Santana than they do any genuine attraction orinterest in Artie on her part. However, after Brittany learns that sex ismeaningful to Artie, she starts to reconsider her whole approach torelationships and realizes for the first time that there could be other peopleout there willing to meet her needs if Santana can’t or won’t.

That said, at this point, Brittany is still deeply in lovewith Santana and relatively emotionally unattached to Artie, so when herinitial relationship with Artie crumbles, she is more embarrassed than she isupset or regretful, and she happily returns to Santana for the next severalepisodes, scarcely giving Artie another thought.

But for as easily as Brittany gives up on Artie, Artiedoesn’t give up on her, and as her relationship with Santana takes a dip backinto steps #11-15 on the cycle (circa episode 2x06), Brittany becomes more opento the idea that she might like to be Artie’s girlfriend if she can’t beSantana’s.

Even though Brittany doesn’t feel the same way about Artiethat she does about Santana, in episode 2x08, she starts dating him in earnest.

Honestly, though he is by no means her first male sexualpartner, he is very much her first real boyfriend, and her relationship withhim differs from any relationship she has ever had before. In time, she growsto value the transparency she has with him. That she and Artie can beopenly affectionate with each other, talk about feelings, and acknowledge thesignificance of their sexual encounters means the world to Brittany. UnlikeSantana, Artie actually seems proud to have Brittany as his girlfriend, and hedoesn’t try to foist her off on other people no matter how real things getbetween them.

To Brittany, their relationship comes as a breath of freshair.

Unfortunately, the fact that Brittany even has arelationship with Artie is misery for Santana.

Despite her initial jealousytowards him in episode 2x04, Santana never really considers Artie a rival forBrittany’s affections prior to when he and Brittany officially start dating inepisode 2x08.

Sure, Brittany had had sex with lots of boys in the past, butshe had never had a real boyfriend or even acted like she wanted one before sheand Artie became a thing. Both she and Santana had always remained emotionallyaloof from the boys they had hooked up with. That was their basic mode ofoperation. They could fool around with however many football players theyliked, but they always went home to each other at the end of the day. InSantana’s mind, that was the way things had always been and the way they wouldalways be.

Consequently, after Santana quashes the early Bartierelationship, she figures that she has made her point and that things will “goback to normal” between her and Brittany thereafter. She never expects thatBrittany and Artie will start dating in earnest, let alone that Brittany willdevelop feelings for Artie. Seeing Bartie not only together but happy comes asa total shock to her. She has no coping mechanisms to deal with losing “her girl”to a male rival, and especially a socially undesirable male rival like ArtieAbrams.

Brittany dating Artie breaks all of her and Santana’s rules.Artie isn’t popular, so he doesn’t boost Brittany’s social cred. He also isn’treally a side thing, so Brittany being with him isn’t a corollary function toher and Santana’s relationship. He quickly becomes Brittany’s main partner,supplanting Santana, which is something that has never happened betweenBrittany and Santana before.

When this great shift occurs, Santana feels jealous andhurt, but she doesn’t know how to express her feelings, not when, by herestimation, she isn’t supposed to even be feeling said feelings to begin with.

Her inability to process her frustration and griefconcerning Bartie eventually translates into her displacing her negativefeelings about them onto other happy couples.

Since she can’t lash out at Bartie in the way she longs to, Santanagoes after Finchel, Fuinn, Fabrevans, and Pizes instead. Between episodes 2x08and 2x12, she acts as a force of relational devastation, waging physical,emotional, and even biological warfare against various couples in the glee club,cutting down egos and hearts left and right, exposing infidelities, and sewing distrustand discord wherever she goes.

While to everyone else, and even the general viewingaudience, Santana’s actions look like haphazard villainy perpetrated for noother reason than that she is a bully with a mean streak a mile wide, Brittanyknows what really underlies her destructive tendencies.

Santana is hurting, and because she’s hurting, she wantsothers to hurt, too. She thinks she is going to be alone forever, so she can’tstand to see other people paired off in romantic relationships. She feelstrapped inside an iron closet, frustrated by the fact that she can’t be withthe girl she loves, and convinced that if she tries to come out, she’ll loseeverything she needs to survive, from her popularity to her fierce reputationto the love and acceptance she gets from her family. She is sixteen years old,and she is already certain that she will never know what it is to be happy—thather life is essentially over before it has even really begun. Underneath allthe anger, what she really is is heartbroken. In her mind, her true love is lostto her, and, at the end of the day, she feels she has no one to blame butherself.

Seeing Santana suffering in that way does a number onBrittany’s heart. For as rewarding as Brittany finds her new relationship withArtie, Santana is still the love of her life, and Brittany’s impulse is alwaysto uplift Santana in whatever way she can.

—and, at this point in their relationship, the only way shecan is through physical intimacy.

Brittany and Santana are not yet to the place where they cantalk about their feelings, so the only way that Brittany can think to showSantana that she still cares about her and that she’ll never leave hercompletely alone is through making love to her.

By my best estimate, the cheating probably starts sometime circaepisodes 2x11 and 2x12.

While both episodes see Santana in stressful situations, episode2x12 in particular represents a true emotional low point for her, a day whenshe is surrounded by happy heterosexual couples doing cutesy things witheach other while she is alone, and the people in her social circle repeatedlytell her that she is both unwanted and unlovable.

Under this emotional duress, Santana lashes out, not onlyattacking Lauren Zizes and sabotaging the Fabrevans relationship but going on atirade against the whole glee club, making herself wildly unpopular with theNew Directions.

She is in a downward spiral, and no one seems to noticeexcept for Brittany, who rushes to her side to comfort her (“Maybe try rockingback and forth. People do that in movies”).

It doesn’t require a stretch of the imagination to supposethat this scene segues into more intimate encounters between the girls, andespecially as we know that they are already back in the habit of sleepingtogether by the time episode 2x15 takes place.

Now.

Recall that circa episode 2x06, Brittana complete yetanother one of their cycles, returning from step #15 to step #1, with Santanarunning back to Puck in response to the gay panic she felt following the eventsof episodes 2x04 and 2x05.

Brittany starting to date Artie then seemingly fits as step #2.

However, as discussed above, as the Bartie relationshipprogresses and develops beyond any of Brittany’s previous hookups with boys,for the first time in their history, Brittana start fully deviating from theircyclic patterns.

Not only does Santana fail to maintain even a superficialrelationship with Puck or any other boy beyond episode 2x06, but Brittany doesn’tdrop everything to be with Santana once Santana makes herself sexuallyavailable to Brittany again.

From episode 2x08 forward, Brittana move “off script,” nolonger following their former steps.

This move occurs early on in the season, meaning that by thetime episodes 2x12 to 2x14 take place, Brittany and Santana have completelylost their bearings.

By this point, Santana is scrambling, frantically trying toget back to the way things used to be.

While Brittany was dating Artie and she was single, Santanadidn’t know how to cope. In general, she was standoffish with Brittany, unableto even maintain a friendship with her while their sexual relationship was nolonger viable. Now that she is back to sleeping with Brittany again, Santanareturns to what she knows. She is “allowed” to be with Brittany if she alsomaintains a sexual relationship with a boy, and maybe if she maintains a sexualrelationship with a boy, her relationship with said boy will offset Brittany’s relationship with Artie, and she and Brittany will once again becomeeach other’s primary partners.

Santana wants to get her and Brittany to get back to steps#1 and 2 because that’s what she knows and that’s something she can live with,so in episode 2x13, she starts dating Sam Evans.

Sam is not necessarily the most popular boy in school, buthe is the most popular boy Santana can get at the moment, and he’ll do in apinch. He’ll allow Santana to sit in his lap and make out with him in public,so even if they aren’t having sex, the madding crowds will mistakenly believethat they are, a misconception that Santana can work with from a PR standpoint.Sam is also fairly submissive, so Santana can push him around when she needsto. Since he is on the out and outs with Quinn and Brittany is off the market,Santana is the most popular girl he can hope to land—and he does care aboutpopularity at least on a superficial level—so he’ll have to put up with hershenanigans or else be single, which is an unattractive option to him.

Going after a boy in order to establish equilibrium in herrelationship with Brittany is a familiar move on Santana’s part and somethingshe has done many times in the past.

However, in this case, the formation of Samtana doesn’tactually reset the Brittana cycle as Santana supposes that it ought to. Eventhough she and Brittany have resumed sleeping together and both of them haveboys on the side, their relationship still isn’t exactly how it used to be,largely because both of them are still breaking their old rules.

For one thing, Santana isn’t actually sleeping with Sam.

In later seasons, Sam claims that he lost his virginitywhile working as a stripper in S3, which means that he most likely didn’t havesex with Santana in S2.

For another thing, Brittany is still dating Artie, not justfooling around with him.

Furthermore, neither girl is deriving much social profittheir respective relationships with their male sexual partners.

In the past, the girls only associated with boys who wereequally as popular as they. Now, they’re both dating boys who are inferior tothem in popularity.

Moreover, for the first time, their male partners have theexpectation of monogamy within their respective relationships.

Brittana are also not weaponizing their sexual relationshipwith each other for social gain. Instead, they’re keeping their sexual encounterswith each other a secret for fear of upsetting their boyfriends.

Again, the whole situation is “off script,” which makes thisperiod of time a particularly volatile and transformative one in Brittanahistory.

Between episodes 2x12 and 2x15, the girls are playing anentirely new ballgame.

Never before have they both had actual boyfriends, andespecially not at the same time. They have also never been each other’s “sidedishes.” Previously, they were always each other’s main relationship, with anyand all relationships with boys functioning as secondary to their own. It’sstrange to them to have to negotiate their relationship around therelationships they have with boys, as opposed to the other way around.

Consequently, they have never felt their friendship asstrained as it currently is. Even though they’re back to having sex, it isstill difficult for them to figure where they stand in terms of their bestfriendship.

Santana, in particular, isn’t sure that Brittany valuestheir bond as much as she does, and she fears that if she asks Brittany torecommit to her, she risks Brittany choosing Artie over her. Her sense thatArtie may be more important to Brittany than she is causes her to feel nervousin Brittany’s presence, and especially as she becomes increasingly aware of atruth she has long attempted to suppress in herself—namely, that she is deeply inlove with Brittany and doesn’t know how to be happy without her.

The situation compounds itself.

The more Santana feels she needs Brittany but can’t fullyhave her, the more miserable Santana becomes. The more miserable Santanabecomes, the more Brittany attempts to comfort her. However, since the comfortBrittany offers always has to be maneuvered around the Bartie and Samtanarelationships, it ultimately contributes to Santana’s sense that she can’tfully have Brittany and is “losing Brittany to a boy.” That sense causesSantana to feel miserable, perpetuating the pattern again.

This stress and misery come to a head for Santana in episode2x14, which brings us up to the limens leading into the Hurt Locker, and,finally, to a place where we can answer your questions.

Let’s start with the second question first, as its answer ismost straightforward.

Why doesn’t Santanaparticipate in the Spin the Bottle game at the Rachel Berry House Party Train WreckExtravaganza?

Santana’s unwillingness to play this game very much relatesto the fact that she is currently operating “off script.”

At this point in her development, Santana looks at allsituations in terms of potential gains and losses. When faced with the choiceto take action, she considers if she will win, lose, or draw, and she typicallyonly proceeds if she feels that she can win or at least come out even.

In her mind, the purpose of party games is to accrue socialcapital. In order to maintain or advance their social statuses, popular kidshave to show off their ability to hold their liquor. They also have to make outwith the right people where others can see them doing so and exude a certainnonchalant vibe, demonstrating a willingness to break rules and hang loose. Theway they behave at drinking parties is all highly calculated, a balancing actinvolving well-measured risks and payoffs.

As Santana sees things, this particular game of Spin theBottle provides her with no opportunities for social advancement, mostly due towho is involved.

Barring Quinn and Brittany, she is the most popular girl atthe party, and she is already dating the most popular boy available to her, soit is not as if kissing anyone in the circle will help her to climb the socialladder. The glee kids already view her as a rule-breaker, and they know thatshe is willing to make out with both boys and girls, so there would be no shockfactor involved in her playing.

Best case scenario, she would end up having to kiss someonewhose popularity was on par with her own, like Finn Hudson, Quinn Fabray, or NoahPuckerman. Worst case scenario, she would end up having to kiss someone shefound abhorrent and/or who was infinitely less popular than she, like LaurenZizes or Artie Abrams. More likely, she would end up having to kiss a “nobody”somewhere in the middle, like Mike Chang or Mercedes Jones, whose popularity pHbalance runs neutral. Popular, unpopular, or neutral, none of thosepossibilities would help to boost Santana’s street cred in the way she’d like,so why risk having to kiss a loser—and especially when, if she were to join thecircle, she might also end up having to kiss Brittany in public, which, at themoment, is something she is emotionally unprepared to do?

Back in the day, prior to their early S2 shakeup, Brittanawere willing to make out with each other in front of an audience, insofar asthem doing so would benefit them socially (see episode 1x15). They probablyattended at least a few bashes where they kissed each other to titillate otherpartygoers. In those situations, the kissing was all part of their PR campaign—somethingthey did to prove that they were sexually adventuresome, rebellious, cool, andfun. The kisses they shared then were undoubtedly different than the sweet ladykisses they shared in private, all about the sex and not about the feelings.They were engineered for the male gaze, and both Brittany and Santana knew howto use them to achieve maximum social profits.

That kind of kissing was “on script.” It fit within Santana’srules. Both Brittany and Santana understood what it meant and didn’t get ittwisted.

But now they’re “off script,” and Santana isn’t sure thatkissing-for-an-audience is something they can still do. For one thing, they bothhave boyfriends now, so they don’t really have a reason to titillate randomboys. For another thing, Santana has been finding it harder and harder tocontrol her emotions around Brittany lately, and especially in situations wherethey are being physically intimate, so she isn’t sure that she could “be cool”kissing Brittany, even in front of a crowd. If she kissed her too passionately,people might take notice. Then again, if she kissed her too weakly, peoplemight also notice, and Brittany might confront her about it (“What gives?”),and things could get weird. She’d be damned if she did and damned if she didn’t,and all because she can’t obfuscate or suppress or ignore her feelings in theway she once tried to.

As I discuss elsewhere,

Before the events of episode 2x08 or even episode 2x04, Santanacould make out with Brittany at parties and not have to worry about what itmeant that they did so. They could just be them—friends who occasionally fuckedeach other—without Santana having to wonder about feelings and futures.

But after episode2x08, when Brittany gets a boyfriend?

Santana does haveto wonder and she does have to worry about what public kisses between themmean. Yes, Brittana have a private sexual relationship going again by the time episode2x14 rolls around, but “dancing in the dark” is one thing, while putting theirinteractions with each other on display in front of a crowd is something elseentirely. 

Whereas before, Santana knew the exact meaning of Brittana making outin public—i.e., that it was a social gesture which functioned to accrue themsocial capital—now she has no way to categorize such an interaction.

While Santanafeels comfortable taking body shots off Brittany’s abs in this situation, shedoesn’t feel comfortable with the prospect of kissing her. She can know for certainthat body shots are a purely sexual thing, whereas a kiss would mean somethingmore, and, moreover, something more infinitely unmeasurable.

Perhaps ironically, when Santana felt assured that her sexualrelationship with Brittany did mean something but wasn’t yet ready to admit asmuch, she could pretend it meant nothing. But now that Santana isn’t sure whather sexual relationship with Brittany means and she stands on the verge offinally admitting that she wants it to mean something, she durst not pretendthat it means nothing, for fear that that might actually be true, in Brittany’scase.

In the past, Santana always maintained that theirbest friendship and their sexual relationship were two completely separatethings, and that neither one of them had anything to do with romantic love(“I’m not making out with you because I’m in love with you and want to singabout making lady babies”); however, the fact that Santana could not maintain abasic friendship with Brittany once Brittany started dating Artie speaks to thefact that, for Santana, a link exists between sex and friendship with Brittany—essentially,at this point, she cannot have one without the other.

So.

Given that she stands to make no social gains by playing the gameAND that playing the game could lead her to have an awkward and emotional publicencounter with Brittany, Santana decides to abstain. 

Her goal is to hang back,acting too cool for school until the activity shifts.

Unfortunately for Santana, even though she’s not playing, the gamestill takes a troubling twist when Brittany and Sam end up kissing. 

Santana’s reactionto their kiss is kneejerk, and it reveals just who it is that Santana is reallypossessive of between the two blondes.

Hint: It’s not Sam.

Watching Brittany and Sam kiss upsets Santana on multiple levels,not only because it draws attention to the fact that the old rules for theBrittana relationship aren’t being adhered to but also because it causesSantana to feel deeply insecure. Brittany obviously likes kissing boys, and shecan—in Santana’s view—be happy bouncing from partner to partner. But Santanaisn’t like that. She is miserable kissing boys, and she languishes being apartfrom Brittany. Seeing Brittany smile into a kiss with Sam “Trouty Mouth” Evansis agony for her. Despite her protests, when she slaps at Sam’s head to breakup the kiss, it isn’t him she’s jealously protecting.

It’s Brittany.

So cut to our next—your first—question.

To what can weattribute Brittana’s increased closeness during episode 2x14?

Back when S2 was originally airing, fans viewed episodes2x08 to 2x11 as a “Brittana drought,” with the girls having so few interactionsduring that time. Eventually, episode 2x12 brought a single but poignant Brittanainteraction, though episode 2x13 saw things cool off again. Finally, episode2x14 marked the full end to the drought, with the proverbial floodgatesopening, and Brittana everywhere.

Not only were Brittany and Santana back in their two-shot,but Santana was taking shots off Brittany’s abs and Brittany was comfortingSantana on stage after the “Blame It on the Alcohol” performance. Fans wereoverjoyed to see the ship back together, but we also wondered how to accountfor Brittana’s sudden new-old closeness, which had been so noticeably lackingfor most of the season to date.

The answer lies in the emotional patterns behind Brittana’scheating behavior, which we have previously discussed.

By episode 2x14, Brittana have resumed their sexualrelationship—only this time on the DL, behind the backs of their respective boyfriends.

The cheating is a poor fix to their problems.

Santana is miserable because she wants Brittany all toherself but can’t have her, and she can’t bring herself to acknowledge herwant, not when the implications of her doing so would be so staggering.

Of course, Brittany is equally distraught because she isaware that Santana is miserable and has a good idea as to why, but she feelsthat she is stuck in a holding pattern, unable to change the situation, one wayor another.

Brittany can only offer Santana physical comfort, knowingthat what she is offering is ultimately not what either one of them reallywants. This physical comfort then complicates the Bartie, Samtana, and Brittanadynamics, all in different ways.

Santana encourages Brittany to rationalize their cheating,so Brittany does, even though, in her heart of hearts, Brittany knows that what they’redoing is wrong. She just can’t bring herself to pull away from Santana, notwhen they’re still in love with each other, never mind that, at this point, shealso has feelings for Artie (albeit different from those she has for Santana).

The worse both girls feel, the more they turn into eachother, convinced that it is better to not have enough rather than to have nothingat all.

In short, everything between them is messy.

—and alcohol only compounds that messiness.

The Rachel Berry House Party Train Wreck Extravaganza istruly a watershed moment in Brittana history, as it brings so many feelings tothe surface for the girls.

Brittany sees weepy, drunk Santana socially flailing,throwing herself at Sam even though she doesn’t really want him, sobbing abouta “blonde and awesome and so smart” girl who is eclipsing her. Brittanywants to be able to say, “Santana, I’ve always been yours, and I’ll be yourgirlfriend if you’ll let me,” but, honestly, she has had her heart broken alot, and now Artie’s in the picture, and she isn’t sure what she should do.

In the meantime, Santana watches helplessly as Brittanykisses first Artie and then Sam, seemingly flaunting an attraction to boys thatSantana is all too aware that she has never herself felt. The drunker she gets,the more she realizes that she is destined to end up alone with no boyfriendbecause she can’t keep a man and no girlfriend because she is too scared to admitthat she wants one.

By last call at the Berry’s minibar, Santana is thoroughlyin crisis. She just wants Brittany back, but she is so scared, not only of thepotential social consequences for coming out but also that Brittany will rejecther.

Deep down, Santana fears that she is unlovable, just likeeveryone has always said she is.

Cut to the next day and the “Blame It on the Alcohol”performance, when we see Brittana at peak closeness—and, by no coincidence,also at their peak distress.

As I describe elsewhere,following their routine, the glee club assembles onstage to face Mr. Schue. Ashe talks to the kids about their performance, Santana starts to break down, andhere’s the play-by-play of why and how she does so:

Phase 1: Santana notices thateveryone else on stage seems to be paired up with each other while she isalone. 

Phase 2: Santana notices that Brittany and Artie are paired together inparticular. 

Phase 3: Santana tries not to think of how she’s so lonely and nobodywants her and she’s going to be alone forever. She fails. 

Phase 4: Santana starts to cry. 

Phase 5: Mr. Schue says something about death rates, causing Santana tocry harder. 

Phase 6: Brittany runs her fingers through Artie’s hair, and Santanasees her do so. Everything gets worse. 

Phase 7: Santana’s crying becomes uncomfortably visible. Mr. Schue asksif she is okay. 

Phase 8: Santana is not okay. 

Phase 9: But Santanaclaims she is okay because what else can she do? 

Phase 10: Brittany knows that Santana needs her, so she pulls Santana infor a hug and kisses Santana’s cheek, never mind that they are in public withboth of their boyfriends watching. 

Phase 11: Brittany tries to impart to Santana that she wants Santana andthat Santana isn’t going to be alone forever because Brittany will always be there for her. 

Phase 12: Some part of Santana gets it. Kind of. She relaxesinto Brittany’s arms. It is a temporary placation but still highly significant,as Santana is starting to realize that she can’t live without Brittany and thatmaybe it is time to face her fears so that she can have a chance at beinghappy.      

So that’s the closeness that we see in this episode: BothBrittany and Santana are arriving at their breaking points. The center cannothold in their relationship. They can’t keep being each other’sgirls on the side. They have to address the feelings that they have for eachother. They can’t keep pretending that everything is okay when it’s not.

They’re both scared, so they cling to each other.

It will take until the next episode—none other than episode2x15—for Brittany to summon her courage and ask Santana to talk to an adultabout their situation, and, by that point, Santana will finally be ready to sayyes.

Anyway, I’ve talked a lot now. Thanks for the question! Hope this helps.

#Crazy Brittanalyst answers #tryingtoohardddd #Brittanalysis #Brittanalyzing #2x14 #BIOTA #This is one long jabber kids