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w0w0zella · 6 months

Note

So i tried to map out the description of the fight and came back with some questions (sorry for any misinterpretation)

How does Joe sweep Bugbo's leg? Does he push him away and does something or is he really flexible?

Why does hoppo side with Bugbo?

How did the argument begin? Does Joe confront bugbo? How would the argument go?

Why does Bugbo try to take the notepad away from Joe?

Does Bugbo feel bad about Gerbo?

Bugbo's personal thoughts on the situation?

When did Joe's shirt fall off during the fight?

Brief description of the fight?

Here's the process of you wanna know

Thank you so much for answering my asks^^^^I'm sorry if I was a pain to deal with

Thanks!

HI okay. THANK YOU FOR YOUR DEDICATION TO THIS AU. you honestly have more dedication to it than me lol i am sorry if any of the info is Wrong or Fucked up, i dont really think the lore through i just go with whatever feels the most correct in the moment. thank you so much also this is going to be a long post (one that i already had to write Once And it DELETED ITSELF) so my apologies

"How does Joe sweep Bugbo's leg? Does he push him away and does something or is he really flexible?"

i did a little Drawing of this just for you friend

basically its the classic Pinned to the ground with legs on either side of him,, Until bugbo gets cocky. puts one leg up to get a better grip,, and Boom. joe uses whatever is left of his Brain power to do this so

"Why does hoppo side with Bugbo?"

i just think that hoppo is better friends with bugbo and gerbo than with joe. i think that if she came back and saw what had happened, she'd assume that it was joe's fault somehow. "How did the argument begin? Does Joe confront bugbo? How would the argument go? Why does Bugbo try to take the notepad away from Joe?" i dont really know any specifics, but i have this plot outline that might help ^_^

"Does Bugbo feel bad about Gerbo?"

he does feel bad that he's Gone,, but he doesnt really think he's at fault. hes kinda in denial about it. like he knows that he did something Incorrect but hes pushing it away cuz he thinks he's this Perfect role model or smth

"Bugbo's personal thoughts on the situation?"

honestly? i have no idea. he's a really fucked up character and its hard to tell how he's feeling so. Come up with it yoyurself,,,. (big heart emoji)

"When did Joe's shirt fall off during the fight?"

it doesnt "fall off" per se, its more like. he loses his tie and the button up becomes open. i think that during the fist fight, bugbo either grabs joe by his shirt which causes the buttons to open, or punches him in a way that Nicks his shirt and makes it open and then the tie becomes undone when bugbo starts choking him.

honeslty i didnt think it through super well cuz i mostly just like the idea of joe looked all rugged and fucked up at the end of the fight and having his shirt open and tie missing was the best way i could convey that.

"Brief description of the fight?"

i think i've already written a couple of these and theyre. ss. somewhere on the bugbo murderstuck tag. apologies, i do not have the energy to write another one right now lol. just a note, a lot of the time between bugbo meeting up with joe face to face and the physical fight starting is just bugbo and joe dissociating while standing next to each other. they arent always communicating.

and yeah the meat cleaver Does just come out of no where. Wateverm. Fuckin. Its cool. lol

THANK YOU FOR THE ASKS MAN,, you can straight up just dm me on tumblr or discord if you want more info, im more than happy to provide. thank you so much :D

#bugbo #bugbo murderstuck #bugbo murderstuck au #long post #FUCKING HEL!! SO MUCH WRITINGHh #giggles loudly :3c #thank you so much

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abbacchiosbootyblues · 4 years

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Why is this the most relatable thing

#when boyfriend asks if im okay #and im definitely not okay #but i say yes #(im always not okay what will answering honeslty do???)#it doesnt help that my mom only comes over when she needs to tell me how much ive fucked up my life #lol ill live #maybe ill feel better if i smoke some more weed :^)#i finally had a reason to wake up today and mom said #lmao never mind

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violetnotez · 4 years

Text

HC: Being Super Fluffy and Giving Them Lots of Love!

Anonymous: Could I request something for Izuku, Todoroki, Shinso and Bakugo. They're doing their own thing and are super concentrated or something and reader is just so entranced by them and they're so glad to have be able to call them their boyfriend and reader just gently cups their face and gives them and the most love filled, soft kiss cause AGH THEY'RE PRECIOUS TO READER! 😭 You can totally ignore this if you don't wanna 😂😂😂 I just feel so soft rn

Ahhhhh this is adorable anon! Honeslty some days I just wanna give these babies the biggest hugs UGHHHHHH

Also I changed up my layout a little to be more “aesthteic”, so sorry it it looks different! Do you like it? Drop me a comment on this post or inbox about which style you like better (the usualllll vs. this one!)

Buy Me A Ko-fi! | Masterlist

Pairings: Izuku x reader, Shoto x reader, Shinso x reader, Bakugo x reader

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ

I Z U K U

You and Izuku are having another study night, your body sitting next to his

Obviouskyyyyyyyy this boy does nothing but study smh

But you had completely given up- your brain had shut down after an hour and now you were just half listening to Midoirya mumble and half just admiring your adoarble boyfriend

You honestly miss seeing him look so domestic- you always see him in his uniform, his hero suit, and occasionally his All Might PJs on the weekends

But it feels like agessss since you’ve seen him in proper clothing

He looks just so cute in his teal sweatshirt, his scars peeking out of his sleeves as he wrote random equations on his paper

And his mannerisms are just so adorable-his tongue is poking out of his lips as he tried to work through a math problem, his eyes squinted in concentration and freckles dusting his cheeks like stars

How did you get so lucky getting someone so sweet and cute as him?

“If two goes into this fraction then possibly the variable will be isolated once I subtract the four-” hes mumbling under his breath, his voice so comforting against your ears

You lean your head against his shoulder, the scent of him just barely noticeable but so intoxicating-

AND HES SOOOO WARMMMM

“’Zuku?” you asked tiredly, a lovesick smile plastered on your face

The sound of your voice breaks Izuku’s thoughts, his brows softening as he looks down at you

“Yes puppy-oh, are you getting tired? You look pretty sleepy...maybe we should take a break-”

omg why is he so sweetttttt

You just feel so calm, so comforted with Izuku it felt like your chest was just filled to the brim with love for this boy

Without warning, you leaned up to Izuku and kissed him softly on the lips, your head feeling like it was spinning from butterflies

AHHH HE COMBUSTING TOO THO

Once you pull away, Izuku’s cheeks are as bright as cherries and you cant help but smile, cause seriosuly no matter how many times you kiss him he ALWAYS gets flustered

“You know I love you right?” you tell him, butterflies filling your stomach as he looks down at you withe wide, green eyes

COMBUSTING IZUKU IS DECEASED REPEAT IZUKU.EXE IS NO MORE

“o-of course! I-I-love you too!” he stuttered out, his nerves so intense that his tongue was like lead in his mouth

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

S H O T O

It was just one of those crappy

CRAPPY NIGHTS

You couldnt sleep, it was too hot, you were uncomfrotable, your ,ind was racing

And once you DID fall you course had a gut wrenching nightmare that left you panting and sweating from fear

WHAT THE HECK BRAIN

So time for some good ol’ Shoto cuddles

And that’s how your now cuddled up into Shoto’s side, his body keeping you nice and cool

This boy was literally the sweetest- even though it was like1 in the morning, he couldnt care less about that and just focused on you

He quickly knew something was wrong when you were waiting in the doorway, his strong arms encasing you in atight hug

“Y/n dear, are you feeling alright? Whats bothering you?”

You just snuggled yourself deeeepppp into that boy cause he felt so comforting, his voice was velvety

also how does he always smell like detergent and expensive ass cologne like yessir thats the scent for meeeee

He quickly ushered you inside his room, his hands gripping your shoulders firmly

Literally all fears from that dream melted away with Shoto- his energy was so unbelievably strong and protective, it felt like nothing bad in the world would ever happen cause Shoto was there, and he wouldnt let anything bad happen to you

Also- seeing him in a plain white tee and black shorts literally could have made you swooned, cause god this boy really looks hot in anything huh?

He didnt judge you in the slightest about the dream, just offering for you to spend the night with him

Your head was cuddled into his firm chest, that intoxicating detergent-cologne-rich boy smell making your insides feel fluffy like cotton as his hands quietly brushed the hairs away from your face

He’s ask you small question, like “Are you comfortable dear?” or “Is that dream still bothering you”, just little things to make you feel more safe and open to talk to him

Shoto never wanted you to feel like you had to hide anything from him, and the effort really showed

You were know getting sleepy but the overwhelming feeling of appreciation and love for Shoto was exploding out of you

At this point you just wanted to show your undying gratitude to your boyfriend for being so unbelievably adorable and sweet

You shifted yourself, propping yourself slightly on his stomach so you could look at his face

damn this boy really got blessed with all the good genes huh?

You ran your fingers lightly against his skin, relishing the slight changes from cool to hot, your hands cupping his cheeks and feeling both sensations course through your body

Once you felt him sigh from content, you took it up a notch, leaving feather light kisses on his sheeks, his brows, his eyes, his scar...any avaliable skin you marked with yours

“Love, may I ask what you’re doing- you should be sleeping right now, its quite late-”

“I wanna show you I love you tho...” you sent the boy a pout, a deep chuckle rumbling through his chest and vibrating throughout your body

“But I already know you love me,” he grinned sheepishly cause god your just so adorable, like a puppy desperate to give their owner attention

“Well-I still want to show you,” you stated, your voice slightly thick from sleep as you continued to kiss the rest of Shoto’s face

All this boy could do was lean into his pillow, his hands finding themselves on your waist cause he knew you were gonna do this until you were tired

He wasnt complaining though- you being cuddly and cute like this literally rocked his world in the best way possible

“You know- your very endearing when your half asleep”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

S H I N S O

Shinso is probably the most hardcore gamer you know

It was late in the night, and this guy was still going at it, now playing a game of Mario Kart on the TV, the screen bright against his features

You had gotten tired of the video games, just deciding to watch your boyfriend play instead of being the one to play

And god were you happy with THAT decision

He just looked so...adorable, his body clad in a tight black tee and baggy gray sweats, once foot straight and one foot bent as he sat on the floor playing

His hair was unruly as ever, sticking out in every direction

HIs eyes were completely enraptured by the task in front of him, scanning the screen

He was just so cute, lookking so intense yet so sleep deprived

it was adorable how badly he wanted to beat the player playing against him

And then he went a licked HIS LIPS

IN THE MIDDLE OF PLAYING

Your face erupted in red cause

OMG

HES JUST SO HOT AND PRETTY AND UGHHHHHHH

You waited unpatiently to the last round, the music picking up pace as he sped to the finish line, hes cart victoriously earning 1st place

The dude didnt even cheer, just the most self absorbed smirk plastered on his face in pride

THAT IS WHEN YOU POUNCEDDDDD

You quickly plopped yourself gently into his lap, your thighs cradling his sides

“Aww whats the matter kitten, not giving you enough attention?”

Yours hands fell against the softness of the black shirt and oh thank godddddd its so thin, your digits trailing upward and feeling the slight ridges of his muscles underneath the fabric

“No....its just- its not fair for you to look so cute while playing games and I cant cuddle you....”

“Heh, I look cute?”

This boy really cannot fathom how you find him so endearing, and now you just want to prove it to him

“Mmhmm,” you answer a smile on your lips as you cup his face in your hands

HIs hair is so tickly against the tips of your fingers, his broad chest radiating heat throughout your body

Your start to leave quick kisses on him, starting from his checks and working in towards his mouth, but not quite kissing him square on the lips

The closest you get to kissing him is on the corners of his lips, leaving electric sparks against his skin

The boy is desperate now

You cant just do that to him

“Aww cmon darling, dont tease me like that” he sends you a cocky grin, his pointer finger gently tilting your chin and pulling you into a deep kiss

SHINSO IS A GOOD KISSER FIGHT ME ON THIS

Once you pull away, your head is just spinning cause goddddd this boy is just a blessing

“Let me play one more round, and then we’ll head off to bed, alright?” he asks, his free hand now cupping your cheek

You sigh in content, your hands wrapping around his waist and snuggling into his chest, a warm, smoky smell like cedarwood drifitng to your senses and lulling you to relax

“Okay...”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

B A K U G O

“Im winning this damn bear for you-”

“Katsuki no you already wasted $15 now lets go-”

“Im WiNiNiNG. ThE DaMn. BEAR- SO SHUT IT AND LET ME CONCENTRATE >:(”

You have been standing here for 10 minutes now, Bakugo determinnneddddd to win this gigantic teddy bear for you from a claw machine at an arcade

You feel so bad about it, but honestly, its turned into a personal grudge from him now

HES DETERMINED TO WIN IT AND MAKE YOU HAPPY

While your watching him you cant help it but find him adorable

Hes wearing a plain black tee and jean jacket, something he NEVER wears but looks so good on him?

This boy could be a model fight me on this

His face is the cutest tho-

You can tell he’s absolutely pissed cause he expected to win the animal way sooner than this, his eyebrows pointed downward and his teeth gnawing at his bottom lip

and then

AND THEN

THIS BOY FINALLYYYYYYY GETS IT

He’s trying his hardest not to start cheering cause he really just did that (after wasting $25 but ya know we’ll overlook that)

Your so happy too and that triumphant look on his face just melts your heart

cause he may be a cocky asshole but hes YOUR cocky asshole

“Ha- see told you I’d win it!”

Whatverrrrrr- you roll your eyes, your hands already snuggling the big bear up to your cheek

ITS SO SO SOFT AND SQUISHY YOU MIGHT CRY FROM THE CUTENESS

Your mind is already thinking of where to put it in your room (names too??) but then you look up at your boyfriend and UGH you could literally melt on the spot

cause he looks SO PROUD and SO SOFT- his hands stuffed into the pocket of his pants as he gives you the smallest, happiest little smirk everrrrr

Your just feeling so grateful for the boy in front of you right now, that you put the teddy bear down and wrap Bakugo into a hug

Bakugo always acts like he doesnt want physical attention, especially in public-

But you know this boy lovessss to be touched, so when he returns the hug and gives your sides a small squeeze your weakkk in the knees

AND HE SMELLS SO GOOD

Always like caramel and something rich like firewood

You give him a quick kiss on the back of his neck

AND HOLY SHIT

HES COMBUSTING

Thank god the arcade is dark cause you would totally see his blush (something he will deny)

You pull away a smile on your face as you tell him thank you,

And

*le sigh

of course he ruins the whole cute moment you two had by saying, “Whatever-your the one who wanted the damn thing even though your too old for that shit-”

Just remind him of the All Might figures he secretly had stashed in his closet and he will combust again

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ

Taggings:

Everything Taglist:

@bunnythepipsqueak @pasteldaze @ionlyspeakinmyheroacademia @notadrian @hithoeshi @sizzlingbarbarianglitter @sunnie-nugget @shoutosteakettle @we-mentally-unstable @sm0kingcrack

Izuku Taglist:

@pyrofanatic @askgiggles @ask-giggles1303 @local-space-quexn @ihavenolife842

Shoto taglist:

@teddybear-jelly @mishtimitsuri

Bakugo Taglist:

@pyrofanatic @kai-charm

Get Tagged to My Taglist Here!

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endlessbrokenthoughts · 5 years

Text

/Blinded Love\

Kim Woojin🐻

There was times like these that you loved you best friend Woojin too much. Your shift had just ended and let me tell you ther ain had not stopped ever since you walked out, but as you were reaching down to close the shutter of the shop your phone dinged.

Woojin🐻: Stay where you are i’ll collect you <3

you laugh at the use of emojis Woojin used. For a man who had a wealthy family and kept up with the latest use of i phones he still never knew how to use the emoji keyboard.

After a quick reply back saying a thank you and okay, you stood there. The passing sounds of cars and the night lights blurred your vision, it was peaceful.

“Get in loser” You heard Woojin shout over the pouring rain, smiling over at you, you pull your hoodie over your head and ran to the car too which woojin was pushing the door open for you as he leaned across the passengers side.

“Oh Woojin thank you so much!” You beam at him as you shake your head a bit before glancing over at him.

“Tha’ts what besties are for am i right?” He laughs and starts back up the car and before you know it your driving off.

That’s right. Best friends. That’s what ye were. Ever since he helped you pick up your barbies that those mean girls threw away 18 years ago.

You give a small laugh, not knowing what to do in this situation. Because the love of your life was simply blinded by your love towards him.

. . . .

“Well did you tell him yet?” Chan had chirped behind you as his hands made their way around your shoulders. Closing your locker with a sigh Chans face fell. Every Monday this happened, Chan would come up and ask if you told Woojin your undying love for him but you always chickened out.

“No Chan” You sigh as your grip your books harder to your chest.

“Honeslty Y/N if you dont tell Woojin then im going to te-” But Chans quickly quite as your hand covers his mouth.

“Did you just lick my hand?”You throw a hand at him as you wipe the aplm of your hand off his jumper.

“Im not letting this go y/n, im going to science ill see you at lunch.” He gives you a quick high five before hes running through the crowd of students who were also pushing and shoving.

. . . . . .

After your four periods of classes its fianlly time for lunch were you sat with all the boys, closing your locker door after getting your books, your heart jumps out of your chest as woojin stands there leaning aganist another locker enxt to yours, just like always a bright smile is on his face.

“Well hello there” Woojin says as he throws a hand over your shoulder and oushing you into his chest, you quickly blush at the sudden contact between you and Wooojin but its gone just as fast as it came.

“im sooooo hungry” He says as he practially drags you to the cafertiera, maybe i should tell him today?

Wait maybe not its a school day?

“Woojin slow down your legs are too long” You complain as your school bag falls off your shoulder. He laughs at your clusmyness but is quick to help you with your books that youw ere holding in your arms.

“No Seungmin there my pokemon cards give them back to me!” Felix cries out as you sit down ext to him, his hands flying everywehre are he gives out to Seungmin who seems to be unbothered just sitting there casually drinking his boba drink.

“Okay and I told you I dont know where they are” Seungmin replys back. Felix groans his head falling onto your shoudler.

“Ahh Y/n noona hes so mean give out to him.” Felix says as he picks up his banna milk.

“Seungmin buys Felix new pokemon cards” You say to the unbothered boy across from you.

“No”

“yes”

“N-”

“Okay felix during the weekend we can go out and Ill buy you knew pokemon cards oaky” You give the boy a sweet smile in which he yells out a quick yes of happnies.

“Y/N you want anything?” Woojin says as he points to the line at the top of the cafertia.

“Ehmmm surpirse me” You sweetly say, a smile grows on Woojins face as he practailly skips over to the line with other students.

“Your literally eye raping him” Chan eye rolls as he sits down across from Felix.

“Dont roll your eyes at me Christopher” You argue to him as he just laughs before taking a bite into his sandwich.

After a couple of minutes of the boys fighting playfully and occisoanl jokes Woojin finally takes a place next to you. Handing you your y/f/f and a carton of strawberry milk (or at kind I’m sorry).

“Thank you woojinnie” you say as you give him a quick side hug, somehow when you turned back to talk to the boys Woojin was frozen In his space from the small interaction that somehow warmed his heart.

Your conversation with Hyunjin ended ye we’re talking about that science test you took last Friday and how you did so bad in it. Turning your head your eyebrows furrow as you look at Woojin.

A prominent frown settled on his face, eyes glaring at the screen below him. He seemed pissed.

“You okay?” You whisper over to him as the rest of the table went on with there talking. Leaning over to him you notice that someone seemed to be sending a very angry message as everything was in capital letters.

Woojin looks up quickly and his phone was quickly shoved into his back pocket. You frown at this. Since when was Woojin secretive.

“So woojin hows Irene?” Jisung chirps in, taking a big bite of his rice, the whole table falls quite as everyone stares at eachother.

Irene?

Who the hell was irene?

“U-uh” Woojin stutters as he looks over at you, his heart broke as he seen your face you looked so heartbroken.

Everything was too loud, the thumping sound of your heart being the only thing you could hear at that moment.

Chan’s quick to notice and comes up with an excuse for you to leave.

“Hey remeber that project we have yeah let’s go now!” He starts and before you know it your being dragged out of the cafeteria your eyes still on Woojin.

He has a girlfriend?

. . . .

Days have passed since you last seen anyone. Days since you last texted Woojin but definitely not since he texted you.

‘Are you okay’

‘Why aren’t you talking to me’

‘Did I do something’

Yes you broke my heart. But you clearly didn’t reply to them.

‘Why are you acting as if we’re in a relationship.’ Sent at 02:35am

That one had got you, you always taught Woojin had at least an idea of the fact you loved him. But at this point you knew this boy was absolutely blinded.

Knock! Knock!

Growing you roll off your bed before throwing a jumper over your head and making your way to the front door.

Your hand turns the knob of the door before it’s rudely pushed open and in walks Woojin.

“Listen I don’t know what your problem is but talk to me! Please” He angrily says as he runs his hands through his messy hair making it even messier.

“I don’t kno-“ you start but your startled once Woojin kicks the side of the couch placed on the left of him, you jump at the sudden action completely taking back by everything that’s happening.

“Your in love with Chan aren’t you?” He says

You almost laugh at him.

“What no woojin?” You shake your head at the thought.

“THEN WHAT IS IT, DONT YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND ANYMORE?” His voice raises again as he seems to get no answer from you.

“No woojin I don’t want to be your friend an-“

“WHY Y/N GOVE ME A GOOOD EXPLA-“

"CANT U SEE IT WOOJIN" I shouted at him my eyes tearing up, woojins eyes widned at me as i shouted at him clearly taken back.

"CANT U SEE THAT IM IN LOVE WITH YOU"

There’s silence.

"for so, so long your my best friend, and you always read me so well but for once your blinded by this,over and over you chose someone else over me when im the one who truley cares for you “ You look down at the wooden floor beneath yo

"you have no idea how many troubles I went through just because I simply can’t shake off the fact I love you. Yet you talk about your newest hookup to me contanslty, I’m always with Chan because he encourages me to tell you how I feel. Don’t you see how i hesitate everytime you ask me who I like, its because it was always you Woojin, i never liked Chan or that guy Soobin who asked me to formal I only told you taught so i could put your mind on ease. I was always so tempted to tell you, but i know you dont care you never will. You never did.” You finish

I look up at Woojin, tears flowing out of my eyes but as my eyes met his,his face said enough about your confession and he simply left.

You stood there in disbelief, your front door being slammed shut cut you out of your day dreaming. Woojin just walked out after you confessed to him. Because it was simply the only thing he was good at.

#woojin #kim woojin #woojin imagine #stray kids imagine #stray kids angst #stray kids masterlist #lee felix imagine #chan imagine #seungmin #kim woojin imagines #stray kids soft hours

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c0deine17 · 7 years

Text

1.10.17 - to be continued..

1.10.2017

Nothing. I have nothing.

And youd think after all these years id have something. But I have nothing. Im speechless I have nothing to fucking say except, holy fucking shit you did it. You got the fuck up packed your shit and moved to another fucking state. And tbh I dudnt think you would but look were we are now, you didn’t come home last night and when I saw your best friend today she did not say a fucking thing about it. Im not stupid but fuck am I surprised, not surprised umm I don’t even know the fucking word for it umm after you leaving in may and then coming back in September, now it’s the 1st of October and you tell me yoube been thinking about going for 6 months? This is huge, and I cant get my fucking head around it and its scaring me because I don’t know how im going to be, well wow you leave in the morning I mean your still in the state now as im typing this but you haven’t even left yet and im fried as fuck and juicey on a Sunday night while im at home and while the kids are here,. Something I swore id never do is get juicey around the kids and wow well would you look at this, and your going for fucking 18 months, the 3 months were hard enough this year as it is and I did everything and everyone I could to forget about you and do you think anything worked? Nope.

Im scared to think what will become of me, will I be okay? Will I end up worse than I was in 2015 nwhen I found out about you and tayla and ended up in fucking 2 west at frankston hospital? Will I keep the kids in my care? Will I lose them because of the drugs and the drug screens that dhs want me to do? Do I still go to headspace? Will I get kicked out and lose the house? Will I even be strong enough to go on or willi end everything and slit my wrists in the shower? Because ghonestly that’s all I have been thinking about allday, I don’t want to be alive. Do you think everyone in the world goes through these times in their life? What about wifes and husbands who have been together 20 years and the wife finds out the husband is cheating and they have children together?? Me and you have 2 kids and you leaving me pregnant with your daughter was not as bad as leaving me as a single mum of a newborn and a 2 year old. But honeslty I don’t know how I did it cos these days I think back and I really don’t know how the fuck I did it. I had a newborn and just got eliott home from dhs and every Thursday to Sunday I was smoking with james and mali and still managed to feed the kids and give them everything they needed,. How? I really don’t fucking know, I really don’t. but I did it.

From may to September, when you left that Sunday afternoon in Somerville, you went to get a 10er, and you never came back and I didn’t hear a fucking word from you until the police knopcked on my door and handed me paperwork for a fucking intervention order and a fucking statement from you. After that, it was a Friday arvo I was sitting in daniels garage fucking smoking pipes with zoe as we did every big week, well zo didn’t but I did cos I just wantedyou out of my fucking head and then it happened you fucking walked back into my life and the kids as nothing ever fucking happened at all, and honestly you were good you seemed like you had grown up and then all of sudden after a week, I saw the real you and the shit started all over again, the morning you took my phone and read my msgs I knew you hadn’t changed or grown up you were still you, and since then, when you went through my phone, nothings been okay and I think this is a big part of why he is leaving, why you are leaving and why you think moving states is the fucking answer.

All I said to you was: “Adelaide isn’t the answer, moving state is not the fucking answer boo.”

But as much as he sat here that night and told me that my opinion is important to him and that he cant make this choice on his own he didn’t come home last night, and I haven’t heard from him.

Another thing Friday night when I fucking did all I could to get your best friend ty to hang out with me just so I could get to seaford to see you, well didn’t that take a fucking turn and a half. Its been a year since ive had juice, I stopped taking it cos I didn’t think I could look after the kids on it I fucking had a charge at tys and I was fucked up. And all I wanted ty to do was fucking go next door and get you and let you know that I was there. Well by the end of it at about 3am ty finally gave the fuck up and went and got you and what the fuck happens? As im blabbering onto nicci because im a juicey cunt and not knowing what im saying ty walks back in and you walk in with the most dirtiest look on your face and I actually cant remember who told me or how I found out? I really cant lol, but anyway CHARITY is in your room and you were ticking shit off ty, LOL. But yet you grabbed my phone and continued to flip about MITCHELL HUNTER.

I still have the BIGGGGGEST crush on him for all those reading and still going to continue to read along, (its good I promise)

But yeah I was fucked and I just found out that you had a little crackwhore in your room, wow and you were flipping aboutmitch? Please bitch, please.

(im actually fucked, I don’t know where im going with this I cant remember, shit son)

Fuck where was i.

Okay give me a minute because im juicy and fried im confident so im going to message charity on facebook, haha, I will copy and paste for youse. Okay so ive got the convo open and I don’t know what to say?

If your reading this you can tell that my head is all over the place and that nothing is making sense. The sad thing is I have been writing about Bailey since 2013 and if I gave everyone accsess to my online blog then wow, youd know everything about him, but honestly I have written in so long I tried to write tonight but I just got fucked up and started writing this shit instead, if youer still reading thank you. In reality no matter what it is I always seem to get through shit, even thon when things happen I feel like it’s the end of the world and that im gonna die I always get through it and I amaze myself.

From my experience, the first month is always the hardest and trust me still to this day I look at my phone every morning hoping there is a missed call or message from this loser and every morning as much as I hope there is, there never is.

I miss my nan a lot. And theres not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her.

Im not coping at all, and I haven’t even heard from you its now11.24pm, and I am fucked up but that’s okay because wherever you are your sweet and im here not wanting to live anymore but really I don’t even know why im feeling this way, what happens when wifes find out there husband of however many years was cheating the whole time and they have to pack up their kids and their lives and basically everything they know and just walk away? Ive always wondered how people walk away and never look back if I knew how to I promise you I would have not looked back when I fell pregnant to jye in 2015, but yet its now almost the end of 2017 and im still wrapped up about you and hurt and I cant seem to do anything else but wonder what your doing but really you don’t even deserve to be on my mind at all but yet somehow your still there and I feel bad for the kids and fuck I cant do this anymore.

But the worst thing is that after all these years I wasn’t even worth a goodbye I wasn’t worth coming home too. Too many times I have kissed him and then said see you soon babe and he doesn’t come home, I don’t get a phone call, a message nothing, Im just left here not knowing anything and fuck I wish I didn’t feel as deeply as I do for him but after 7 years and all this bullshit I aint worth a goodbye,and that’s what hurts the most.

#bmeadowsp

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