#ANYWAY glad i'm doing better now bc i was really going through it in early 2020

[zukkaoru]

going through some of my old poetry google docs and. why did i write a h.igh s.chool m.usical fic in the same doc as internalized homophobia and religious guilt are making me think i deserve to die poems

#tw internalized homophobia #tw religious guilt #tw suicide #actually if you want a good portrayal of my mental state directly before covid hit #here it is #no but literally the doc goes #i have to leave this town or i'm going to kill myself (poem) -> h.sm fic -> i hate myself for being a lesbian (poems) #??? #ANYWAY glad i'm doing better now bc i was really going through it in early 2020 #i was isolating myself and wanting to die before the quarantine era ever started #tw self loathing #tw homophobia #idk if this needs other tags or not #i'm doing much better though now i promise #i no longer hate myself for being a lesbian!! major character development!!

[lupeloto]

mickey birthday ficlet🥳

i wrote a little drabble about mickey’s birthday morning in the gallagher-milkovich household. it’s quick and maybe slightly ooc bc fuck it we hall but yes here you go!

The Sun is peaking through the light gray curtains draped across their bedroom window. Ian stands in the doorway, mesmerized by the way it shines against his husband's pale skin, the brightness making his long eyelashes flutter slightly. He had planned to let Mickey sleep in on his special day, but it had been a couple hours and Ian had already made breakfast, so he decides to wake him up in an extra special way.

However, he finds himself paralyzed in that position, admiring the beauty of the curves in his toned arms, the stubble scattered across his face, the light dusting of freckles that Mickey never even really noticed he had before Ian started doting on them.

"Fuck you starin' at, Gallagher?," Mickey opens one eye slightly, not moving from his position on the bed.

A smile spreads across Ian's face, "Oh nothing, just a very special person on his very special day..." Ian know he sounds corny, but he doesn't care, besides, he knows Mickey loves it.

"Huh?" Mickey question, rubbing his eyes and turning over on his back.

Ian makes his way over to the bed, placing his legs on each side of Mickey's waist, straddling him. He reaches his hand down every so slightly beneath the waistband oh his boxers, "Happy Birthday," he says with an endearing grin that Mickey can't help but respond to with an even wider one.

At that, Ian pops up, "Alright, come on, I made breakfast." He reaches his hand out for Mickey, a smug smile spread across his face.

"You fuckin' tease." Mickey scoffs, placing his hand in Ian's and letting his husband yank him up.

"So what do you wanna do today?" Ian asks, as if he doesn't already have a whole day planned, knowing Mickey would try to brush off the day as if it's just like any other one.

"Dunno, man, kinda forgot about it anyway," Mickey shrugs, hesitating before continuing, "Didn't really do that stuff growin' up. Most I got on my birthday was a comment from Terry about how glad he is that I'm another year closer to getting out of his way and some little homemade gift from Mandy most years."

Ian yanks him closer, one hand on his hips and another cupping the back of his head, scanning his face with slightly sad eyes. He attempted to maintain a neutral expression, but he isn't exactly known for "playing it cool."

"What?" Mickey spits, "Don't gimme that pity shit, man," he shakes his head, looking down and attempting to pull away. Ian, however, strengthens his grip and brings him back,

"I'm not pitying you, Mick. I'm just happy that I've got you now, that's all. You haven't lived till you've had Ian Gallagher's special birthday breakfast, that's all I'm sayin." He shrugs with a cute one-sided grin. Fuck, Mickey loves him so goddamn much.

With that, Ian turns Mickey around, covering his eyes with both hands, his large hands practically covering his entire face.

"Jesus christ, Ian, is this really necessary?" Mickey asks, but Ian can feel his grin against his hands.

"Shut up, yes it's extremely necessary."

"Better not open my eyes to a fuckin' baby and a crib or some shit."

Ian ignores him until they reach the kitchen, uncovering his eyes to reveal his whole birthday setup. There's a homemade streamer, clearly made by Franny, that reads "Happy Birthday Uncle Mickey" in sideways, messy lettering. There are a couple of paper-bag wrapped presents under the banner and a full breakfast set-up at the table with a stack of banana pancakes, topped with whipped cream and sprinkles, a pot of fresh coffee, and one little blue balloon tied to the chair. Personally, all that sweet shit so early in the morning makes him a little nauseous, but he knows Mickey has always liked sweet shit, so he whipped something up.

Mickey fails to fight the smile that takes him over as Ian stands to the side, clearly proud of his ensemble. He knows Mickey isn't one for flare or big celebrations, but he had to do something,

"Franny made the banner," he smiles shyly, "Forgot that when I told her to make one for you, she would write "uncle" in front of it."

"Yeah I can see that," Mickey laughs, "It's fuckin perfect," he turns to Ian, his hand coming up to caress his cheek, "You know you really are the softest motherfucker I know?"

Ian closes his eyes playfully, "Mmhm, you love it," he kisses Mickey gently, "Happy Birthday, Mick." He studies the pattern of freckles on Mickey's face a moment longer, his eyes scanning up and down before pulling away and lightly shoving Mickey towards the table, "Okay gimme a full pancake review. Don't spare me," he says dramatically as Mickey rolls his eyes before taking a seat.

He takes his first bite, moaning dramatically.

“Okay I get that they’re good…but that’s scarily close to you orgasm face,” Ian jokes.

“What can I say, you bring it out in me, Gallagher…” he raises his eyebrows with a smirk before returning to his pancakes. Ian smiles to himself as they finish breakfast, admiring the look on Mickey’s face, admiring that he is the one who put it there. It’s fucking perfect.

#this is corny as helllll i know but whateverrrre #mickey gets happy birthdays from here on out and that is THAT #ian gallagher #gallavich #shameless #gallavich one shot #mickey milkovich #gallavich fan fiction #gallavich fic

[harryfeatgaga]

ok so I'm thinking about being in a movie w our fav actor in the world: harry 🤩 and for the purposes of this concept ofc there's going to be some spicy scenes involved 😌 and maybe you're a bit newer to the acting scene and and you know this stuff is going to come up, but it's just a bit nerve wracking bc it's harry and he looks like that and you've always had a little crush on him 😌one day you're eating lunch together in a common area on set and he asks how you're feeling about things so far, and you say everything is really great but there's maybe a few things you're nervous about and he would immediately lift his head and say "please let me know if i ever do anything you're not okay with, it's really important to me that you're comfortable and feel safe with what we do" and you nod, really glad that's something he takes so seriously 😔then he asks what scenes you're nervous about even though he already has a pretty good idea, and you say "you know... the ones where we're kissing and- doing other stuff" and he's trying so hard not to smile bc he can tell you're actually a little freaked out, but it's so cute the way you blush and won't quite meet his eyes 😌 but first he's ofc gonna try and make you feel better so he says "it's really nothing to stress about, the intimacy coordinators are amazing and they make sure you're okay with everything we do" and you nod, still looking down at your food, and say "but i still feel like I'm just going to embarrass myself, you know? it's easy to run lines by yourself, but you can't really practice this kind of thing" and he nods, wanting to make sure you feel heard, and bc he really does understand 😔

he remembers how stressed he was about this kind of thing when he started acting, and he wishes he would have had someone to talk to like this 😔 then he gets a little idea 😌 he says "i have a bit of an idea, and it's completely okay if you don't want to do something like this, but if you're worried about how the pacing or whatever will go, we could definitely practice it a few times before we actually shoot the scene? that way there's no surprises, and we'll be a little more prepared" and you're shocked that he cares enough to suggest something like this, but also very into the idea 😌 you agree, and then he drops the subject so you don't get too freaked out bc he's nice like that 😔 that day you both get to go home early bc they're working on other scenes, and harry ofc walks you to your car 😌 he says "so about our talk earlier..." and you're blushing immediately, trying to hide how flustered he makes you so you say "yeah?" and he goes "I mean, I've got nothing going on for the rest of the evening, so if you're up for it we could do some practicing 😌" and you are also very down for that so you agree 😌 you end up going back to his place, and you're feeling a little awkward but he does everything he can to make you comfortable in his space, offering you water and anything you need :( you end up in his living room looking through the script, you run a few scenes where it's just taking to get warmed up, and then you flip to the first kissing scene 😌

it's pretty passionate, your characters are supposed to be confessing their love for each other so ofc it's a big deal 😌 you look up at each other, not exactly sure how to say "anyways let's kiss" but then he takes over and says "why don't we just go for it? let's just run the whole scene, and it's ok if it's a little awkward, I think it's best to get a full run through to see what we're working with" and you think that's a pretty good idea, so you start the scene 😌you get into it pretty quickly, and before you know it you're supposed to be kissing 😌 you stop and look at him, and say "and now we're supposed to-" and he says "I know, we don't have to if you're not feeling it though" and you shake your head saying "no, we can do it" and then it's a few seconds of looking at each other before he just goes for it 😌 he 100% takes your face in his hand to tilt your head however he wants it, and he puts his other hand on your waist 😌 and he is a good kisser, like so good you almost forget what you're supposed to be doing for a second, but then you snap out of it and do what your character is supposed to do 😌 so you both get really into it, and then you pull away a little flushed and say "it's says- I'm supposed to be on your lap for the next part, but if you don't want to do that here we can just-" and he says "I'm fine with whatever you want to do" and you think for a second before swinging your leg over his and getting settled in his lap 😌 he has his hands on your hips to keep you steady, and in this position you're up close to his face so you're noting how pretty his eyes are 😌

he sees you smile a bit and he says "what?" and you say "you just have really pretty eyes" and that makes him blush 😌 then you say "you know, if 16-year-old me knew she would someday be making out with harry styles, I think she would lose it" and he laughs saying "oh so you had a little crush on me?" and you nod, and he's soooo cheeky about that 😌 then he says "well if it makes you feel better, i had a crush on you too" and you're very surprised and don't really believe him, but he says "I'm serious, when i found out you were in this movie I freaked out, and I think I was probably more nervous for the kissing scenes than you were" and you're just staring at him like 😶 and then say "and now that you know me?" and he says "if I'm being honest, i like even more" 😌 you say "that's good, because i still have a massive crush on you" and then you're both just so smiley 😌 he says "think we should run it again?" and you nod, even though the script is the last thing either of you are thinking about😌 he takes initiative again and and puts his hands on your face, you have your fingers in his hair at the back of his head 😌

he clearly likes that a lot, letting out a few little whimpers against your lips when you play with it 😌 he licks against your bottom lip, making you shiver and open up for him 😌he's gripping your hips so tight, trying to pull you closer and closer, and finally you grind down on him a little and he groans 😌 when it starts to get a little heated he pulls away and he's a little out of breath when he says "we should probably stop, or something really embarrassing is going to happen" and you giggle, running your hands up and down his chest when you say "I don't think it would be embarrassing" and he's all "well not for you!" and then he sees how needy you still look, so he says "but we could do something for you... I bet you're soaking through your panties right now" and he grins when he feels you squeeze your thighs together 😌 he says "want me to take care of that for you?" and you've barely nodded before he's flipping you over and crawling up over you 😌 he kisses you again, this time fully pressing his hips down into yours, and you can't help the little gasp you let out 😌 he kisses down your neck, trying his best to find any sweet spots, and then you feel his fingers sliding down your tummy 😌 soon he's at your waistband, and he hums softly asking if he can touch and you nod so fast, so he slips his fingers in and brushes them against you 😌

he murmurs "just like i thought, you're soaking for me" and he circles his fingers around your clit 😌 you're squirming around and trying to kiss him again, but he keeps moving his face away to be a pest 😌 you groan and say "will you just kiss me?" and he says "since you asked so nicely 😌" and then he gives you a few minutes with his lips on yours and his fingers working you up before he says "how would you feel about me kissing somewhere else?" and you have to close your eyes bc it's just too much 😌 so he moves down, kissing along your skin as he goes, and finally he pulls your clothes off 😌 he kisses around your thighs, getting you all worked up and sensitive before he gives you what you want 😌 he holds your hips down to keep you in place so he can do his thing 😌 and he really is just making out with you, making such a mess of things 😌spitting on your clit to hear you whine, and using his fingers to spread you open so he can really get in there and suck on you 😌 he senses you're kind of trying to be quiet, so he lifts his and says "make some noise for me, or I'll have to stop" and you gasp out that you don't want him to stop, and try to let out some nice noises for him 😌 every time you moan he moans right back, and you can feel the vibrations which only makes it feel better 😌

soon you're gripping his hair and trying to push him closer, and he gives a particularly hard suck on your clit that makes you gasp 😌 running his tongue over anywhere he sees is sensitive, using his grip on your hips to pull you closer to his face 😌 he sees your muscles starting to tense up and he knows you're close, so he doubles down and does everything he can to make you cum 😌 you grasp his hair tighter and your legs tense up in his hold, but he's strong enough to keep you open for him 😌 he works you through it too, and soon you're trying to push his head away because it's too much, so he turns his head to kiss your thigh before he comes back up to give you a kiss on the lips😌 you're breathing so hard and your heart is pounding, and he barely gives you any time to process what just happened before he says "so yeah, anytime you want to practice just let me know" and you playfully shove him for being such a pest 😌 but you can't be too mad at him bc he's a pest who knows how to use his tongue😌

NOT YOU WRITING THIS WHOLE ASS ICONIC FIC IN MY ASK RN?!?!?!??!?! LIKE??!?!?! QUEEN?!??!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK IM LITERALLY SOOOOO OBSESSED WITH THIS WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKDJNCHUJDCHUJIK?!??!?!??!?!?!

#harry concept #fave concepts

[maxwell-grant]

So, thoughts on Better Call Saul last season ?

....................................................................................

..............Okay, so

I'm still not having an easy time dealing with the fact that this show is over. I started watching Breaking Bad with my mom circa 2013, right as the 5th season was ending, and soon afterwards we'd started watching Better Call Saul together when it first began airing in 2014. I quite literally grew up with this show from adolescence to adulthood, it just always being there, something me and her would look up to every year or so. There's really nothing else out there that's comparable to this, in terms of my experience with it.

My first school assignment with video (pretty much the first time I ever filmed a project of any kind) was me doing a parody of that "That's why I fight for you Albuquerque!" commercial, and that was way before Better Call Saul began airing. This character's just been a part of my life for so long, I moved through homes 4 times and even then, there was always looking forward to watching Better Call Saul on the couch with her with every year or so. It was just always there, and it never felt like it was gonna leave.

I know I'm being dramatic but, man, it really feels like the end of an era to me, because it is. Just, 9, almost 10 years, coming to an end.

I guess I don't have as much to say now as I did last post considering I've been reblogging BCS posts and dropping thoughts in the notes but, here goes:

Oh man was I scared when Lalo Salamanca crashed through the laundromat's rooftop, killed Gus and proceeded to take over Los Pollos Hermanos as well as the franchise with his own vlogging spin-off. I was a little unsure that Lalo could carry his own show but, Tony Dalton really made it work, and Cocina de Lalo really sweeped the Emmies this year so, can't argue with results, y'know. I know the fanbase was kinda mixed on the Hamlin & Salamanca Graveyard Smash episode but it definitely felt like a major step-up as far as LGBT representation in this universe.

Anyway, rest in piece king. Besides getting a ghost boyfriend, you ended up ruining like 4 relationships and causing your lawyer to go off the deep end so badly he ended up creating the world's most pathetic monster that would eventually bring down Gus for good so, congrats Lalo Salamanca for winning the cartel war purely by dicking around.

I'm glad that Giancarlo won that TV Icon award apparently based almost entirely on his performance in that wine bar scene because, Jesus, talk about an all-timer way for us to say goodbye to Gus. I'm glad that they never showed Gus again, that was the perfect note for the character to leave us forever on. Again, victory has to be bittersweet, and he has to get the choice to walk away from this, only he doesn't really get a choice.

Giancarlo's ability to wordlessly convey volumes of inner turmoil was so good, I love so much about Gus' presentation and how non-verbal it is in the moments where it matters most. Also love that they somehow worked in a way for Gus and Lalo to Villain Monologue at each other prior, 10/10.

I kinda missed Jonathan Banks this season, but Mike was such a fixture in the early seasons of the show (and back then, the only part that interested me, I was a little too young and restless to stay awake for much of the lawyer business in Seasons 1-3) that, I get why he had to take a backseat. Dearly loved all of the Mike scenes in this season as well. Also, still miss Michael Mando, and if anything is gonna get me to rewatch this show (and it's far from just one thing), it's gonna be getting to see Michael Mando as Nacho again and really appreciate the character and all he brought to it.

I wasn't actually looking forward that much to seeing Walt and Jesse again because I was kinda afraid that, with BCS already kind of being seen as living in Breaking Bad's shadow, that it was gonna be this whole thing and, honestly I was fine with them not showing up at all. I thought the RV scene was neat and didn't think much besides that.

But then that Kim &Jesse scene happened and suddenly I remembered that, oh yeah, I fucking love Jesse Pinkman and he's one of my favorite characters ever, and here he is interacting with another of my favorite characters ever, and oh God Aaron Paul's doing such an amazing job at playing S1 goofball Jesse, this can't be easy, and oh this scene is so incredibly meaningful and of course they're gonna have Jesse Pinkman deliver bullshit monologues about Baby Jesus and his idiot friends while completely unaware of the massive weight of the narrative ready to pounce on him from behind, and of course it's Kim who has to pass the torch to him.

I was of the opinion that El Camino wasn't really something that had to exist but, nobody in their right minds would complain about getting another hour plus of Aaron Paul as Jesse Pinkman, completely on his own, getting to claw for a set-in-stone freedom one last time. That said, I deeply love this being the last we ever get to see of Jesse Pinkman. This kind of fleeting glimpse into what he was, what we first knew him as, his innocence and humor here heavy with the weight of everything that's going to happen to him.

Crushing but strangely liberating at once, to see Jesse like this and to know for sure that, at the very end, away from his parents and Saul Goodman and Walter White and those fucking nazis, he will finally find his freedom and walk away with the closest this universe can give you in regards to a happy ending, just as Kim did.

(By Breaking Bad Irony)

And on the OTHER hand, I deeply loved that Walter White's final scene was a microcosm not just of the fly episode (which in itself was a deeply significant microcosm of the show), but also of his entire character and role in Saul Goodman's life. He shows up, makes mountains out of molehills, desperately tries to fix problems while making them infinitely worse, acts like a pedantic arrogant jackass the entire time, complains about his chronic inability to make decent life choices, and then just casually devastates the only person around him he can still bully, before leaving others to deal with the noise.

I love that, compared to his guns-blazing semi-redemption at the end of Breaking Bad and the bittersweet flashback at El Camino, to Better Call Saul, there is nothing redeemable about Walter and his lifetime of regrets, there is only the fallout of all he destroyed. In the end, Saul Goodman's big shot was just Worse Chuck, and nobody has anything but contempt for his name here. Rest in shit Heisenberg, nobody even dignifies you with your cool made-up name anymore.

We absolutely had to get a Chuck flashback and, in an episode heavy with the idea of regrets and time machines, of course this was gonna be Jimmy's. Maybe the one chance he ever had, to turn things around with Chuck, the one time Chuck ever reached out to him for a change, maybe the one time Chuck could have changed if only a little, and so could Jimmy.

Chuck is rightfully remembered as such a pain in the ass and even one of the reasons people disliked the show, and the current response to him always seemed to be 50/50 between "Chuck was a monster that ruined every chance his brother had at being good" and "Chuck was right about literally everything that Jimmy was and would be" but, I liked that his final scene just punctuates what an awful, awful tragedy it was for the both of them to turn out like this, that they both could and should have done so many things differently, that they both deserved better than to destroy each other like they did. That, more so than Walter or Howard, Chuck is Jimmy's biggest regret and the one he'd been dying to confess the most to.

If the running idea across most posts I've written or reblogged about this show is that Better Call Saul is a ghost story, there was really no other way this show could have possibly ended without the exorcism of it's greatest, most pervasive and dangerous ghost: Saul Goodman. And maybe Saul Goodman's never really gonna be banished for good, the prison mates will surely never let their hero die (and isn't that what Jimmy wanted Saul to be? A hero, the guy with the slingshot?), but we know better, and more importantly, Kim knows better. There's only one person who still knows Jimmy McGill, and it's the only person that matters, because this was a love story.

There was really no other way this could have possibly ended for Jimmy and Kim and, I love that in the end, the poster boy for dodging the law and it's consequences, the character who made a living out of slipping away scott-free, the King of Getting Away With It, was the ONLY major character in this world who ended up facing legal consequences for what he did.

Just, fucking Saul Goodman being the only major character in this universe who goes to jail and stays there, and of his own volition no less. They couldn't kill him, and they couldn't let him go free, he had to get a unique fate and that was it. They let him "win" and get 7 years, show that he very much could have just gotten away with it, but he didn't, because he changed, because he had to prove he'd changed, because it had to mean something.

Man am I glad that I just happened to download a couple of songs off the BCS soundtrack a few days prior to watching this, because when that final smoking scene started playing the track "Shared Smoke" that also played in the smoking scene in the first episode, I was SO glad to be able to recognize it.

I hope they don't do more spin-offs but, I would absolutely watch anything these people did. They made so much of what seemed like such an unworkable premise it's nothing short of magic.

It was a love story, first and foremost. It was also a ghost story. It was a crime drama. It was a lawyer show. It was a comedy. It was a horror show. It was a story about people becoming the worst versions of themselves. It was about the best versions of ourselves coming through at the last minute. It was a downfall and a redemption. It was the beginning of a legend and the end of an era. It was everything that could have possibly been expected of it and it was a million other things it had no right to be. It was a FUCKING SPIN-OFF and it held a grip on our souls and it's gonna be greatly missed.

Would have still liked to see Huell one last time though. Hope he's doing fine in Louisiana.

#better call saul #breaking bad #bcs #bcs s6 #bcs spoilers #peter gould #vince gilligan #bob odenkirk #tony dalton #rhea seehorn #giancarlo esposito #michael mckean #aaron paul #bryan cranston #youtube stuff

[daylightaftertherain]

i was listening to Renegade by Big Red Machine (ft.Taylor) and like OMFG i literally have so many emotions over it being sooo wilmon-coded. LIKE EACH AND EVERY SINGLE LINE is just so them to me and im losing my mind ashdjgk

like the lyrics just radiate late s1 and early s2 simon pov energy- of him just not knowing the immensity of the pressure wille is under but also wanting to so desperately understand what wille expects off of him and for wille to just GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER SO THAT SIMON CAN LOVE HIM😭😭😭 i just might make a more coherent post on my thoughts and feelings but for now i would loveee to hear ur analysis :]]

bestie!!!! agree with all of your points 100%, and I'm so glad you gave me a chance to ramble about renegade. I fucking love that song and it is seriously one of the most wilmon coded songs ever

anyway here's an obscenely long verse by verse analysis bc I have nothing better to do rn and you've unlocked the insanity of my spending over a year obsessing over this song

okay first of all renegade tells the entire story of yr chronologically from simon's pov if you really think about it, so that's how I'm going to approach it

second of all, just the word "renegade" screams wilmon. it means "a deserter from one faith, cause, or allegiance to another," or "an individual who rejects lawful or conventional behavior." ajskhdkjashdjhsjdhkjs ??????????

I tapped on your window on your darkest night The shape of you was jagged and weak There was nowhere for me to stay But I stayed anyway

this gives s1ep4 vibes, what with the window imagery (august tapping on windows), and wille's "jagged and weak" state of mind. and the fact that simon fell asleep sititng up, because he felt like there was "nowhere" for him to stay, since he had to keep an eye of wille, so he "stayed anyway."

And if I would've known How many pieces you had crumbled into I might've let them lay

this to me could either be simon regretting briefly getting himself invovled so deeply with wille, but still sticking with him because he loves wille. or, simon realizing how much shit wille has to go through with his title and the environment he's been raised in, and thinking back to the argument they had in s2ep4 (ish? I'm not quite sure when they had the fight I'm referring to), where wille says simon's the one who can't accept who he is. it's simon thinking about how he probably would've "let them lay."

Are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these? And let all your damage damage me And carry your baggage up my street And make me your future history

first line is simon's first thought when wille tells him they only have to wait for two years in s2ep2, because they're past talking about the future, not when wille's already gone against his own promises and left simon alone (to simon, at least). next two lines kinda explain themselves, it's simon saying "don't you realize you've hurt me?" but, the "make me your future history" line is soooo good when you think about it with wilmon, because after s1ep6, their relationship became just "history," but after the s2 finale, they are literally making history, so it kind of foreshadows the jubilee speech.

It's time, you've come a long way Open the blinds, let me see your face You wouldn't be the first renegade To need somebody

first line is again foreshadowing for the speech, and wille has seriously come a long way over just two seasons. "open the blinds, let me see your face" has so much meaning behind it, what with the curtain imagery and the way the curtains were the only thing that could've protected their privacy, so "let me see your face" could be the feeling of the whole world demanding to know who simon was, since he was the only recognizable person in the video. but, I like to think about in another way too. wille hides behind a public persona, just like a pair of curtains, so "let me see your face" could also be simon pleading with wille to show the real version of himself.

"you wouldn't be the first renegade/to need somebody" could be talking about wille's therapy sessions, especially because queer people have always been renegades, but wille also being a queer royal?? and the way queer royals have existed throughout history and probably needed someone the way wille and simon need each other and a support system and someone to talk to in the way wille has boris now??? also the way the two lines are separated with "you wouldn't be the first renegade" being one line and "to need someone" being another and how that validates wille's queer existence first and then tells him it's okay to need someone regardless of who he is???? I'm going to jump off a cliff jfc

Is it insensitive for me to say Get your shit together? So I can love you

this. THIS. simon fell for wille just as hard, and he was in love in s1. I'm not accepting any arguments against this. this is him asking wille to figure himself out first and figure out what he wants before simon allows himself to properly love him again. poetry.

Is it really your anxiety That stops you from giving me everything? Or do you just not want to?

ashjgdkjhsgdskh okay so we know wille has anxiety, but we also know he's not completely helpless, like the boy can power through and be confident if he wants to. so this is so significant, since simon has seen the parts of wille that are willin=g to fight, the only thing that's stopping him is himself. and the "do you just not want to" has s2 simon vibes, but specifically episode three and four.

You fire off missiles 'cause you hate yourself But do you know you're demolishing me? And then you squeeze my hand as I'm about to leave

I might've already talked about this but this is just the entirety of the s1 "breakups" with wille pushing and pulling simon in and out, and how simon's a little more broken every time he gets rejected after allowing himself hope. and the "because you hate yourself" line is so ???? wille breaks thing off over and over because he feels like he has to, as the crown prince, but he also hates his title. simon on the other hand, sees wille as the monarchy, so wille hates himself. that means even as he "fire[s] off missiles" aimed at the crown, he's just demolishing himself, and hurting himself hurts simon.

And if I would've known How sharp the pieces were you'd crumbled into I might've let them lay

the difference between just pieces and sharp pieces comes into focus after the denial, because if simon still keeps trying to help wille piece himself back together, he'll be the one with bloody cuts all over his hands. that's why he breaks things off, and tells wille to do it himself. it also reminds me of the glass pieces of the snowglobe, and wille trying to put it back together (there's a whole other post about this I'll make later).

Open the blinds, let me see your face You wouldn't be the first renegade To need somebody

To need somebody To need somebody To need somebody To need somebody

"I could be free. with you." "this is how it is. this is how I feel. but you have to do what's right for you." the repetition of "to need somebody" and wille building a stronger support system through his friends and his therapist and the way simon also needs somebody too and wille's becoming someone simon can rely on and-

Is it insensitive for me to say (let all your damage damage me) Get your shit together (carry your baggage up my street) So I can love you? (And make me your future history)

*deep breath* *screaming* the first line is simon telling wille he doesn't really care if he's being insensitive, because wille hurt him. the seocnd line is that talk aboutside simon's house in s2ep5, with wille finally getting his shit together and metaphorically caryring all of his bagge up simon's street and laying everything out for him. and that's how simon falls for him all over again, starting the path towards the two of them making history together. *screaming*

(It's time, you've come a long way) is it really your anxiety (Open the blinds, let me see your face) that stops you from giving me everything (You wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody) Or do you just not want to?

OUTRO TIME :D it's the jubilee speech in a nutshell, basically. wille's come so far from everything he's gone through, and "it's time" for him to make his stand. at first, it looks like he's not giving simon everything when august is about to replace him, but he gets up there, and "open[s] the blinds," letting everyone see him for himself, but turning after he comes out to smile at simon and letting him see his face. "you wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody" wille's the first out queer royal, and behind all of that, he has people who he needs and who need him, and he and simon have each other. "or do you just not want to?" wille doesn't want to hide, keep secrets, and hurt people anymore, and he says that in his speech. wille ends it with doing the one thing he wants - telling simon and the world that he loves him.

#idk if you asked for something this long winded but here you go? #I have more points to make but that would make everything way too long and convoluted 💀💀 #young royals #renegade #ask #iworshipsappho

[hikari-ni-naritai]

Healing in SB was kinda ass cause they were in the middle of changing everything, especially when they made role actions a thing but god. Did you ever see the old system? To have swiftcast on healers you needed THM level 37 so anyone who didn't do that was fucked for raising. Why did people want that back it was a nightmare!!!

Personally love healing in new content cause it's way more actually healing, especially with the savage/extremes requiring you to be good at healing instead of like, hit the heal button on your dps class. The only thing that DPS removal really sucks for to me is older content, cause you just have no buttons to hit. Which makes me wonder how ARR was for you on Aoi? Hope you dont mind all the questions and such I haven't been able to talk about it with people for too long. (also sorry for shitting on Hinterlands I can't remember it besides sharlayan with big Alexander, I didnt even remember he's not there normally oops)

God yeah I've heard about the old system, sorry healers but you're not playing optimally if you haven't leveled thaumaturge and I'm not letting you into my coils static. Absolutely insane. I'm glad that's gone lol.

ARR was like, fine! Aoi spent arr on summoner but I took scholar into dungeons before 50 for faster queues (can't do that now since they don't share gear and sch is woefully undergeared) and mostly I just realised "oh god I don't remember how to heal oh fuck". Healing is my least played role by far, I've never even tried an extreme with it. Maybe I should try that when I go through and grind them all out for mounts.

Playing smn is kind of frustrating that early though bc once you get uh. Whatever that thing is. The skill that turns into dreadwyrm trance. It sucks bc it doesn't make your ruin instant cast, so the last ruin always is unbuffed bc the buff falls off before the cast finishes. But you have to cast it anyway bc you can't cast the summons until the buff runs out so you'd be clipping way into your gcd if you waited.

Storywise though, ARR isn't bad! The thing about arr is that it feels a LOT more like a final fantasy game. Which is weird coming from me, who has played like. Half of one other final fantasy game. But I just have this really really vivid idea in my head about what the vibe of a final fantasy game is, and having finished endwalker I'm SURE I'm right bc endwalker has an extremely final fantasy ending, done REALLY well. The vibe is mostly abandoned in the expansions but ARR is fucking rife with it. And it's the sort of thing, I feel, that works better in like, a standard final fantasy game, rather than an mmo. So it's good that they've developed their own ff14 vibe for the expansions, but I think it's only reasonable that arr was made like this. I think it's better than people make it out to be when they say shit like 'the game actually gets good in heavensward.' Like no it was good the whole time actually. Heavensward is just better. Don't give people the expectation that arr will be bad, bc then when they play it they'll think it was bad. Yknow? That's my thoughts on arr.

I forgive you for the hinterlands <3 and you are welcome to send me messages whenever you like!

#ffxiv

[1d1195]

okay ngl with the pics you posted it does give young teacher vibes BUT there's nothing wrong with that at all! I SWEAR one of my high school math teachers wore that EXACT outfit on the bottom right and im getting flashbacks lol But one again its not a bad thing, if it makes you feel good and you feel comfortable in it, THATS ALL THAT MATTERS! plus they look cute!

Also Im so sorry that people in high school made you feel like you were below them just because you didn't have certain clothing items :( It truly IRKS me when people do that! I despise it! Not everyone can afford trendy clothes or keep up with trends! Plus even if people can afford them that doesn't mean they have to wear them! the clothes and items that one may have to do make the person "better"! Ugh i hate that you were made to feel this way :( even if it may not affect you rn that is still so shitty to go through! But Im glad college was where you discovered many things!

Now my style currently does not exist lol Currently in my era of trying to tap into my feminine side again(another long story for another time lol) along with trying to love it for the way it is! But my usual everyday go to is either a baggy t-shirt/sweatshirt/hoodie with leggings or shorts bc its hot where i live! My campus is huge so it just makes it easy to walk in. Plus i love that leggings now have pockets like i LOVE when women's clothing have real pockets! Anyways when I "dress up" i love wearing dresses and skirts! I love florals and I kinda love eccentric patterns too! Thrifting is something i enjoy too and i often find hidden gems! But I also do love going towards an alternative aesthetic too! Im emo at heart so i cant let that go lol plus i love a good platform shoe lol Idk if you've seen the show The Nanny but my style sort of mimics hers minus the animal print lol Side note that show is where I found the first British actor I had as a child lol

oh you're not prying! I will definitely be adding that to my application lol It's fun to be a bit petty and mean once in awhile!

The concert was for Kelsy Karter and The Heroines! I really enjoyed it! It was a small venue so I love how intimate it feels and she performed so many of my fave songs! Im sorry your weekend was exhausting :( Hopefully spring break will give you the break you deserve! AND THE ECLIPSE WAS MADE FOR THE SPACE GIRLIES! Im glad you got to enjoy it!

No you are like funny! I love when you include it in your stories!

My day today was not good bc my period came early and I was so sad about that lol But im okay rn lol BUT hope you had a wonderful day!-💜

No it's okay. It's super embarrassing sometimes tbh hahahaha my style is very boring. Yeah being a poor girl was tough but it's alright. I have a shopping addiction now to make up for it.

Your style sounds so cool! A bit of everything! I love that!!! You really get it all and that's cool. It's nice your rediscovering your feminine side! I def had a tom-boy phase myself. I told my sister I was going to wear sneakers to my wedding (before it was trendy) and she made so much fun of me and threatened me. But now you can't get me out of wedges 😂 I LOVE pockets!!!! I've actually never seen the Nanny outside of pictures.

I love that for you! So nice you had a good time. Sorry about your period. That's no fun :(

I'm alright! Very much looking forward to my break. I'm kind of not feeling so hot rn at this moment either and i'm very excited to go to bed. I'm nursing a ginger ale rn lol I feel like I wasn't very responsive the way I wanted to be but I'm feeling drained and as much as I wanted to write more I think I just need to go to sleep.

thank you for your message as always 💕

xoxo

#💜

[catlady-ily]

dear diary;

sorry for the lack of updates! it's been a mix between busy and uneventful lately and overall i've just been tired.

not too much happened on wednesday - i had some pretty boring classes, but i hear my sport teacher gave us permission to flip off any of the boys from the other class if they catcall us while we're running. i love this sport teacher, he gives me a C just because i actually try in that class (every other semester, i got Ds bc i kinda suck at sport), so that's pretty cool!! and, other than that, i ended up cutting myself again. not sure why, just did.

thursday was a little bit more eventful i think?? idk - we had an icas test first period for english. icas is this testing for extension students and im not entirely sure why we do it, but it did mean not having a normal english lesson, so i can't exactly complain. during math class, something rlly funny happened - so at some point, the teacher explained something, which like always, was followed by a collective "ohhhh" from the class. but for some reason this time everyone started moaning!! and the teacher's response was "well i'm glad you all enjoyed that 😭. after school my family went to ikea!! not completely sure why, but i did get some candles!! i love ikea candles. and the food there - i ate a lot, rlly proud of myself!!! i love ikea.

friday was, well, a bit scary. i started the day by waking up early to finish a science poster that didnt even end up being due that day- halfway through drama class (which is going rlly well btw!! i'm rlly enjoying our performance so far), a lady came to take me out of class for the rest of the lesson and i didnt know why until she took me to her office and sat me down. turns out she was the youth support officer at the school and someone had made her aware that there were cuts on my arm. basically i ended up telling her the full truth, why i started initially, that i wasnt sure why i started again now, it was just scratches with some scissors, etc. then she said she would have to call my mom and let her know for the sake of my safety. although i begged her not to, she ended up calling my mom anyways, and i basically just started hyperventilating and crying a bit bc i was rlly rlly scared she'd be mad. luckily, she didnt seem to be angry at me, just a bit shocked bc she thought i'd been going so well lately and sad bc she didn't want me to be hurting myself. that afternoon she spoke to me about it and said the same thing. she then said she had to tell dad, i begged her not to, but she said that it wasn't something she could hide from him. so, she told dad, and i sat there absolutely terrified the whole time. anyways, it went ok, dad said the same thing that mom did, and they both said that we can maybe talk about it together another day.

saturday and sunday were exhausting - i worked in the mornings (on saturday i had to stay an extra hour because one of the new coworkers wanted to go home a bit earlier) and then in the afternoons i was so tired that i really couldn't do much. i hear from my coworker that she loves working with me bc i work hard and i always get stuff done (contrary to our other coworker, who's older than me and just kinda mopes around the whole time) and that one of our superiors is also rlly happy with my work!! im rlly glad to hear this, means my efforts are paying off :3

my eating's getting a lot better which is amazing!! im no longer hungry all the time, and i think im getting some good food in >w< only goes upwards from here!!!

oki i have to leave for school now, so i'll end it here!

love, kitty 💕

#dear diary #personal diary #diary entry #imtryingmybest #im trying to romanticise my life idk whether or not it’s going well #girlboss

[starryevermore]

Omg hey how are you doing? ❤️ I haven't been on here in ages. I miss the time around end 2019-maybe June 2020 because that was my prime time in the fandom. I wasn't a huge fan of the 25x25 project so I kinda lost interest in SnC and their friends (idk if they're even friends anymore nobody interacts with them from what I've seen). I took a break from this blog but now that they're back with the ghost stuff I'm interested again. I'm so glad they stopped filming with Jake and Corey, the girls bring such a great atmosphere to their content and they matured so much I very much appreciate it. I don't really keep up with everyone else I occasionally see a tiktok of Aryia on my fyp doing covers or promoting his song but otherwise I'm out of the loop. It's kinda sad how everything fell apart 😭💔

I'm currently debating of changing my blog here because even tho I like SnC it's not my prime interest atm. The thing for me I go through so many phases I feel like I can't be a blog soley for one thing. Like I was into Criminal Minds for months until the end of May. Now I'm obsessed with an Italian rock band called Måneskin, thanks to Eurovision (I highly suggest for everyone to check them out they're amazing 😭❤️ I even started to learn Italian lmaoo) So who knows what I'm into in the next months, I know I will lose my mind when the new Stranger Things season comes out later. I don't really know what I should do with this blog maybe I'll start out fresh.

Anyway I just wanted to check in bc I saw the threads from yesterday. I miss you guys, its such a shame that basically everyone left here 😭

Hey!! I'm good, how are you? God, I feel that "prime time" so bad. I didn't join until April 2020 I believe, but my prime was definitely like May through July/August. Personally, I enjoyed 25x25 when it first started but as they kind of moved away from what the point of the series was (like about the time they went to Vegas), I got less interested. But I'm really into the paranormal stuff they're doing again. I didn't realize how much I missed it until they brought it back. I'm also glad they stopped filming with Jake and Corey. I feel like if they had done that, it would've just been the same stale content that they were giving back in late 2019/early 2020. At first I was a bit hesitant about the girls since I know Kat always got easily freaked out during Sam's rituals (which is understandable! I'd do the same!) but I was worried it would be another Jake and Corey 2.0 kind of thing but just with her and Stas. But they've surprised me with how calm they've been, and I really enjoy them being in the videos. And oh my god I feel that. I'm constantly torn between wanting the "good old days" of when everyone was together, but I just keep reminding myself that the last couple of videos we got with most of the friend group together just didn't do it for me. Better to enjoy the past than to have a bad present, or something.

And you should def bring in some of your other interests! Lowkey, I would've abandoned this blog if I didn't start posting about the mcu/seb/chris. Remember, this is your safe space and you can do whatever you want with it! Honestly, the best thing you can do is just go multifandom. That way when you cycle through interests, you can just say "hey, I mean, this blog isn't dedicated to one thing anymore, and I can do whatever I want with it". And you'll be surprised by how many of your followers are also into your other interests! Like, I knew the MCU was a big fandom, but I was still shocked at how many of my mutuals were also into the same things as me. And I know of at least a couple who are into Stranger Things/Måneskin/Criminal Minds. And you'll get new followers too from those fandoms who are into those things! So go ahead and start posting for them! And, just speaking for myself, even if I'm not always into the same things as you, I still love seeing you on my dash!

Lmao, lowkey felt bad spamming with all of my bottled up feelings, but yesterday was just a big day for me finally opening up about things irl and I had to get some things off my chest over here too 😂 And I know, there are so many people who have left or just aren't as active anymore (and that's fine! they have their reasons!), but I also miss the way things used to be. Honestly, idk if I'll get to that level of connectedness that we were all at in 2020 again, even in my newer fandoms cause I just get scared I'll get attached and then they'll leave and I'll have to start all over again 😭

#signed sealed delivered #xplrsworld

[himbowelsh]

Well now I need touch starved Liebgott something! I always imagined Webgott to work the other way around. Y'know Web being unused to hugs and Lieb having no sense of boundaries. But I'm really intrigued by a concept of switching it up.

hello i’m in tears bc this took so long to write, but...  enjoy an extremely touch-hangry boi.  be warned, for copious amounts of obscenely soft cuddling.

Long story short, it goes like this.

David’s just finished an article, two hours ahead of the frankly unreasonable deadline sent by his editor; he collapses on the couch, promptly kicks his sock-clad feet up on the coffee table, and slumps against Joe’s side.

Joe goes very still.

At first, David thinks it’s because of his feet. Joe can be weird about things like that; he values cleanliness, and “not acting like fuckin’ animals in the house, Jesus, Web”. All the things David was never allowed to do growing up in his family’s Manhattan penthouse  ---  like leave dishes out or discard his clothes in messy piles  ---  are exactly the sort of things that drive Joe insane. He kind of relishes doing them, just to see the twitch Joe gets by his eye, and for the way he grips his hips roughly when he growls at him to “quit leaving your shit everywhere”. David’s natural sloppiness leaves Joe needing an outlet for his frustration… and their shared bedroom is kept very clean. It works out great for both parties.

So, sure, it’s probably just the feet on the table… he thinks for a grand total of eight seconds, before looking up to catch Joe’s eye.

His boyfriend’s gaze has gone impossible soft. It takes David’s breath away, a little, because Joe isn’t like that as a rule. He’s sharp edges and broken glass, jagged teeth and bladed grins. He’s harsh as sandpaper and smooth as steel. He’s frustrating, and his gentle moments come and go like fickle summer storms.

To be fair, impromptu cuddling on the couch isn’t like them either… but David needs it tonight, and stepping outside the bounds of their normal relationship can’t be the worst crime in the world. He holds Joe’s gaze for a moment, questioning and careful… but, instead of pulling away, Joe just takes a moment before sighing. His arm wraps around David’s shoulders, pulling him close.

“Rough night, Web?” he asks, an undercurrent of implication in his voice. This ain’t like you. You alright?

“You have no idea.” David rests his stubbled cheek against Joe’s chest, sighing deeply as the tension slowly drains from his muscles. Joe is hesitant to react; his actions, even as he rubs up and down David’s shoulder, lack his usual fearlessness. Joe can grab his ass in the middle of a crowded bar, or ruffle his curls just to get on his nerves… but this casual intimacy is uncharted territory for him.

He needs a distraction from his own head. David’s got just the thing. “How would you,” he sighs, “like to hear about the plight of Heteractis anemone? Because I just wrote four thousand words on it.”

“Heter— huh.” Joe sighs into the crown of his head, ruffling his curls. “Pretty sure Guarnere caught that once.”

“Knowing him, he’s still got it,” David replies. When Joe laughs, it reverberates in his chest, a low rumble in David’s ear.

“Yeah, alright, Web. Tell me all ‘bout your anemoles.”

“Anemone.”

“Yeah, what’d I say?” Joe presses his grin into David’s hair. “Amenemes.”

“Anemo-- damn it,” he mutters, burying the words against his boyfriend’s chest. Joe laughs even harder… and, like it or not, the sound it a balm to David’s frayed nerves. Even better are the strong arms which wrap around him, fully encompassing his shoulders and pulling him against Joe’s body. It’s… more than he was anticipating, more than they probably need, but it feels nice, and he doesn’t want to pull away. David melts against him, curling his legs with Joe and letting himself drift off. Fingers card gently through his hair; his boyfriend’s warm breath caresses his temple… and being this close feels so good that he forgets to remember it isn’t ordinary at all.

If he looked up at that exact moment, he might have found Joe enjoying it even more than he was… but David, as usual, preferred to sail away.

-------------------------------------

That really should have been the end of it… but after their night of unexpected intimacy, it’s like a dam has broken.

Joe does it at unexpected moments. While David is flipping pancakes in the kitchen, he comes up behind him and wraps his arms around his waist, chin looping over his shoulder. They just sort of… stay there. David is so surprised that he ends up charring the pancake, which Joe eats anyways, because he’d inhale charcoal if he was hungry enough… but while his boyfriend is wolfing blackened pancake lumps down his throat, no explanation is offered. David doesn’t know how to ask.

He’s brushing his teeth; Joe comes up behind him and holds his hips, just staying there for a few minutes. He’s reading a book in bed; Joe lies down, curling into his side like an automatic reflex. They’re watching whatever B-rated action flick Joe just insisted on going to see at the Cineplex, and Joe holds his hand the entire time.

Calling it strange is an understatement. It’s fucking bizarre.

Which isn’t to say Joe’s been shy about physical contact before, because he hasn’t. He’s just always been measured with it. Joe doesn’t hold back from touching people, grasping their shoulders or clapping them on the back… but he never goes overboard with it. His touches don’t linger. He’s a handsy person by nature, but David never considered before that he weighs every touch before giving them out. 

If that’s the case, what’s changed? Why has he suddenly become so free — even apparently craving — touches he’s never asked for before?

David doesn’t know much about the scientific method, but any good journalist can test a hypothesis as well as a lab tech. Early one night, before either of them have gone to bed, he sits down next to Joe on the couch and sets the remote in his boyfriend’s lap.

“Anything but reality TV,” is all he says, and Joe smirks as he turns the station to some late night show.

He’s paying attention; David is not. Instead, his attention is fixed firmly on Joe, not even trying to hide it. The curve of his profile, the shadows along his neck and collar, the way he always lounges when he sits… like he’s trying to take up as much space as possible. Something about him seems inexplicably, undeniably lonely.

David leans over and wraps an arm around Joe’s shoulders. The reaction is expected; Joe goes tense, like he’s trying to figure out what the hell is going on. David counts back in his head:  ten… nine… eight… seven…

Before he gets to five, Joe’s relaxed into him. Easy as that — it’s like teaching a puppy to eat food, or a baby to cry. Joe and touch go together like authors and caffeine. Touching is easy for him, but being touched is the most natural thing in the world.

A flame kindles to life within David’s chest, and soon it’s warming him from the inside out. He can’t keep a fond smile from his lips. After a moment, his hand strays up to Joe’s hair, threading gently through the well-maintained strands. Joe’s always had a weakness for having his hair touched, and tonight is no exception. He makes a tiny, content noise and leans into David, the tension slowly draining from his body. It doesn’t take long before he’s leaning against him, head balanced against David’s chest. Arms still around him, David holds Joe tenderly, caressing his hair while occasionally pressing kisses to the crown of his head. Joe’s heartbeat is steady, his muscles lax. David charts the gentle rhythm of his breathing until he’s sure his boyfriend has dropped off to sleep.

When he looks down, a wave of tenderness washes over him. Joe Liebgott with every guard down is a thing to see. He so rarely looks peaceful. There’s something restless about Joe, a relentless hunger thrumming just beneath his skin, determined to break free. He’s always had an edge of urgency to him… but now, dozing against David’s chest, he looks without a care in the world.

He ought to be this way all the time. He deserves to be happy all the time. God help him, if David has any say in it, Joe will be.

“Is it my birthday or something?” Joe asks, when David, completely unprompted, begins massaging his shoulders. “Shit, don’t tell me I’m another year older and just forgot.”

“Not for another few months, old man,” David replies. On reflex, Joe tries to twist and grab him, but David’s massage doesn’t let up; after a minute, he relaxes into it, slumping further back against David’s chest.

“You been acting weird lately,” Joe declares — as though David needs to be good, and as though he wasn’t the one acting weird to begin with. “Everything fine at work? You didn’t… gamble away our savings to the mafia, or promise Sobel our firstborn kid or something? If you got news for me, Web, I can take it without a bonus massage.”

“Why do you think — wait, we’re going to have kids?”

“Head in the game, Web. What’s going on?”

At once, he’s glad Joe is facing the other way, because David’s not sure what he could say otherwise. He frowns at Joe’s back muscles, kneading into them with a bit more force than necessary. Sure, he’s been… more physically affectionate these days. Joe no longer has to seek it out, because he gives it willingly… and even if touch doesn’t come naturally to David, the obvious way Joe eats it up when his touches linger in public or they draw close to each other in private makes it all worthwhile. Joe seems happier nowadays, so clearly it’s working fine.

Why’s he getting interrogated now?

“Am I not allowed to touch you?” he asks. “Just because I want to touch?”

“You ain’t a touchy-feely person. Never have been.”

“People change.”

“Not you.” Joe’s observation is too neutral for David to justify flaring up at it. “Come on, Web. What’s going on?”

He’s silent for a long moment before summoning a reply. “I want you to be happy,” he declares, finishing off Joe’s back massage with a caress of his neck. “I want you… to feel loved.”

Joe is silent for a beat before turning his head to look back at him. “That’s all, huh?”

“Yeah,” David huffs. “That’s all.”

It’s hard to make out Joe’s expression when one half of his face is cast into shadow, but David spots the amusement in his eyes… and something else, too, something softer that he can’t put his finger on. It sparks a familiar warmth in his chest, and he smiles.

“Well, don’t stop on my account,” Joe sighs. There’s no warning before he’s leaning back against David’s chest, but David’s ready this time. He opens his arms, embracing him as they go. Slowly, Joe relaxes into the comfort of his touch, and the world feels a little warmer.

#webgott #david webster #joe liebgott #joseph liebgott #my writing #Anonymous

[kirishwima]

I'm glad to hear you're having so much fun! I'd like the RFA boys (including V, my fave as well ♡ ) reaction to MC who's super outgoing & fun in the chatroom (cracking jokes with Seven, teasing & complimenting the others, jokingly flirting & fangirling over Elizabeth 3rd) but doesn't show up to the party bc she's like super shy & awkward in person, especially since she's nervous about meeting them for the first time? How would they handle it? Sry this is oddly specific & many thanks ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭ ❤

awe i really like this idea! id probably be just as shy tbh lmaosince you specified MC’s gender, I’ll write this with a female MC! ^^

ZEN:

* He’s seen MC before the party as she’s visited his home, but he was so shocked to see this cute shy girl on his front door, so unlike the bubbly person he’d got used to in the RFA chatrooms!

* He figured it’s just nervousness because she’s meeting him for the first time and tried to make her as comfortable as possible, reminding her that he’s still the same person as the one she’s talked  to in the messenger, but it does little to ease her nerves-MC’s stiff as a brick, stuttering short responses to Zen’s questions

* Eventually he decides to take a bolder approach-as they’re sitting on the couch sipping tea, he takes a hold of MC’s free hand and interlocks her fingers with him, bringing them up to his heart.

* “Do you feel how fast it’s beating?” he asks, his face a flush of furious red to match his eyes, “you’re the cause of it. I’m just as nervous as you are, and the only reason I can hide it so well is because of my acting skills, so please...don’t be so nervous around me. Let’s make each other feel more comfortable.”

* MC promises she’ll try, and slowly but surely manages to ease up a little around Zen, enough at least to talk normally with him (she will however McFreaking Faint if he so much as hugs her which, let’s be real, is totally valid)

* Talking to Zen has been accomplished, but going to the RFA party, where she’ll have to face dozens of strangers at once...is a completely different matter

* The day of the party, Zen woke up much earlier than she did, getting everything ready for the big day, his nervousness manifesting into an excited energy. 

* MC on the other hand...wasn’t having it. The moment she woke up her stomach churned, her skin pale with terror. She couldn’t do this, it was impossible, she just can’t up and go to this party, she can’t face all these strangers at once she can’t-

* Zen immediatly noticed her anxiety, and tried his best to talk her out of it-assured her he’ll be with her the whole time, and that the rest of the RFA would have her back as well.

* If he saw that MC was still nervous, he’d hold her hand in his, and tell her it’s okay if she doesn’t want to be there, if she wants to take it slow in meeting everyone else, but that if she decided to come, he’d protect her like her knight in shining armor. 

* At the end of the day, the choice is hers, and he’ll support it no matter what

JUMIN:

* The situation is somewhat similar as Zen’s-meeting MC before the party helped her get used to him, and with such big matters like Elizabeth the 3d dissappearing at hand, she had little time to let her shyness sink in-she had to be there for Jumin, and that took the most priority in her mind.

* When all was said and done however, and she’d finally gone back to the apartment to prepare for the party....her legs turned into jello, her stomach twisted uncomfortably in her belly as she realised just what would take place the next day.

* It wasn’t even just the party and the guests, it wasn’t just that she’d be meeting the rest of the RFA-Jumin had invited his father, his father’s girlfriend, all those cameramen....goosebumps appeared on her skin just at the thought of it

* She felt horribly guilty when, on the day of the party, instead of waking up and getting ready, she laid in bed curled into a ball, her breath hitched in her throat.

* Even checking the time became stressful-what was the rest of the RFA doing right now? Would they hate her for ditching them like that? Would Jumin despise her?

* She couldn’t say she wasn’t expecting a call when the hour of the party neared. Jaehee was the first to call, frantic as to why MC wasn’t there yet when she ‘was the star of this event’ according to Jumin. She let MC know just how busy the venue was, something she could judge for herself just by the hustle and bustle she could hear in the backgroung of the call.

* “I’m sorry Jaehee I just-I can’t make it. I’m really not feeling well, I’ll-I’ll send an apology to the guests after the party. Please greet them properly for me.”

* Jaehee couldn’t get another word in before MC hung up, her fingers shaking as she ended the call.

* Moments later she received another phone call, this time from Jumin.

* She expected him to yell, to ask her how she could disappoint him like this, why she’d betray his trust-

* What she didn’t expect was the sound of a moving car as Jumin answered the phone, worry ebbed in his voice.

* “MC? Where are you, what’s wrong? Jaehee said you’re not feeling well, I’ve let her take care of the guests and I’m heading your way. I haven’t managed to contact V yet and ask about the apartment’s location but I’m working on it, do you think you can meet me at the nearest street to the apartment? Do you require medical assistance?”

* He was bombarding her with questions, and she could picture his face perfectly-loosening his tie as his throat felt constricted, a scrunch forming at the bridge of his nose as his lips form a thin line, his tell-tale sign of worry.

* “Jumin I-” she couldn’t lie, not to him. “I can’t-there’s so many people coming, so many cameras, and I know I promised I’ll be right beside you, and I don’t want to betray that trust I just-I can’t do it. I’m not comfortable with this, you saw how I was just with meeting you, what if I make a fool of myself at the party?!”

* Jumin remained silent for a long moment before replying, his voice gentler than she’d ever heard it before.

* “Darling, you could never betray my trust. I love you and believe in you wholeheartedly, and would never want to put you in a position you’re not comforatble with. If you feel that the party will make you nervous, then we simply won’t go. I can deal with Sarah and Glam Choi in a different way. What matters the most to me is you.”

* This boy loves MC, no questions asked. He’ll do whatever will make her happy and comfortable ((even if it makes poor Jaehee suffer orz))

YOOSUNG:

* This boy...has literally gone through hell and back for MC

* And he’d do it 100 times over, because even if he hasn’t met her, he loves her. Not for who he thought she’d be, but for who she is, and for who she helped him become.

*He’s so excited to meet her at the party, he even left the hospital early simply to be there for her...

*....Only MC is no where to be found.

* Immediatly he feels his heart drop. He’s so worried something happened to her, maybe that evil organisation got to her-maybe-

* He wastes no time in calling her, rushing out of the party venue, ready to grab Seven by the collar and get the location of Rika’s apartment out of him if he must so he can find MC.

* When MC answers, he’s shocked by the quietness of her voice, how it sounds like she’s almost trembling as she speaks. He asks her what’s wrong, if he needs his help, and she breaks down, telling him the truth about how nervous and shy she is, how she doesn’t feel like she can come to the RFA party.

* Yoosung...really gets it. He was quite similar to MC until not so long ago!

* “Okay. If you don’t want to come, then you don’t have to”, he says, and MC feels as if he’ll hang up after saying this, probably to never speak to her again, “but I’m coming to you. You’re my pre-girlfriend remember? And-listen, I’m shy too. I’d be shaking like a leaf if I were to talk to a girl on the phone at any other instance! But you changed that. You helped me become a better, braver person, and I’m still changing and evolving, thakns to you. So...let me help you change as well? Please?”

* Who can say no to this boy, srsly

* If MC’s fine with it, he’ll meet her for coffee (Although to be fair she’ll probably have to drag him back to the hospital YOOSUNG IT’S NOT SAFE TO BE OUTSIDE AFTER SUCH A SURGERY i have to break the fourth wall as a med student to say this aA)), and he’ll help her slowly meet the rest of the RFA, one at a time

* ...He’d probably leave Seven for last though lmao

SEVEN:

* I mean, neither of them was going to go to the RFA party anyway lmao

* Let’s, for the sake of this scenario, assume that they’re both attending next year’s RFA party, after the hacker incident!

* Seven’s so excited, he’s picked what suit he’ll wear weeks before the party, happy to be enjoying this with his beloved.

* MC however...doesn’t seem all that thrilled.

* He knows she’s shy-it took her so long to open up to him, he genially thought she hated him at first! She’d barely glance his way, her cheeks burning a fiery red that easily beat his hair colour the first time they’d kissed, and it took a long time for her to simply get used to his presence around her.

*He knew what it’s like to be a different person online, so he’d never judge her for it-besides, he knows both her online persona and the shy girl in front of him are the same person, just how his happy-go-lucky attitude on the messenger is just another side of him too.

* He tried his best to hype her up for the party, told her about all the pranks they could pull on Yoosung and Zen, how he’d hack the speakers to Rick Roll everyone if she wanted him to, and for a while, it seemed like she was a little excited about it to.

* The night before the party however, as Seven brought his suit out to show to MC (or maybe he brought out another cosplay to troll her lol), MC broke down, tears striking her face as she shook her head, saying she can’t she can’t do this, can’t go to a room full of strangers and act happy, she’d be so nervous she’d vomit, what if she makes a full of herself-

* Seven stops her, placing a hand on her shoulder and gripping her gently to snap her out of it.

* “We don’t have to go if you don’t feel comfortable. MC, I never, never want to pressure you into anything, and I’m sorry if I made you feel like you have to go. Listen, we can spend the day just us two, we can meet the rest of the RFA at a later time and explain it to them, we don’t have to go, you hear me? I just...I want you to be happy. That’s that.”

* She shook her head. “No but-you were so excited to go, I don’t want you to miss out because of me I’m-”

* Seven laughs with a roll of his eyes, bringing his hands to wipe the tears off of MC’s face. “Do you hear yourself? I’m not missing out on anything, except the moments when I’m not with you, silly. There’ll be another RFA party time and time again, but if you never want to go to any of them, then I won’t go either. Besides...we can always troll the RFA from the comfort of our home too” he shrugs, a devilish smirk on his lips.

* He’ll definitely try and help MC to slowly come out of her comfort zone, but he realises such a feat takes time, and he’s not about to push her into a situation she won’t feel safe in. He’s happy so long as they’re together, be it at the party, at home, or at the ends of the earth.

V/JIHYUN:

* Again, for the sake of the scenario, we’re talking about a future RFA party, after everything’s been settled. 

* It’s the first RFA party he’d go to in a long time, and he’s just so happy to be there with MC by his side, to make new, wonderful memories with her.

* He has to admit, when he met her he was taken aback by how shy she was-the way she spoke to him via messages, it was nothing alike to the way she stuttered as she greeted him (granted, she did think he was nothing but an AI so *shrug*)

* He was so insanely patient though, approaching her slowly, at her own pace, until she was comfortable enough around him to just be herself. He’d never wanst to upset her, and would honestly wait forever if it’s what she needed.

* So when he noticed her apprehension about the party, he didn’t think much of it-he’d talk to her about it, try to make her as comfortable as possible, tell her that both he and the rest of the RFA would be there for her no matter what.

* It seemed like she agreed, as she smiled and nodded, but that all changed the day of the party.

* V woke up with a smile on his lips, ready to face the day, only when he patted the bed next to him for MC she was no where to be found.

* He frowned, but figured she might’ve woken up before him, the nervousness for the day keeping her up.

* He was more than shocked to find her in the kitchen, tears threatening to spill from her face as she looked down into her cup of coffee.

* He’s there for her in a flash, cupping her face between his hands, kissing her eyelids as he whispers soft affirmations to her.

* “Honey, no, what’s wrong? Please don’t cry, please..”

* It took a while to calm her down, and even then feeling the tremble of her body as she spoke made his heart ache.

* “I’m sorry V, I’m so sorry I-I know you were so excited for the party but I just-I’m not ready for this. I tried, I’m trying to push myself, to be more open and social so I can be the girlfriend you can proudly bring with you to parties and gallery openings and stuff but I’m-I’m not ready” she concluded with a defeated sigh, another sob threatening to escape her lips.

* V kissed her, once, twice, held her in a tight embrace as he rested his chin on the top of her head.

* “Baby, I don’t care about any of that. If you don’t feel comfortable going to the party, then we don’t have to go, and that’s that. I don’t care about galleries or parties or anything of the sort. I care about you.” He leaned back holding MC by the shoulders as he smiled, fondness clear in his eyes. “I care about you. I love you. I do want to help you slowly get out of your comfort zone, if anything then only so you can see how much kindness can exist between strangers, how much more of the world you can experience when you put anxiety aside, but I never never want to pressure you into anything.”

* He means it. This boy just wants his girlfriend to be happy, parties be damned.

* He’s absoloutely content to spend the day cuddling MC and watching old movies; he trusts the rest of the RFA and knows the party will be just as successful even without the two of them there.

* He will do his best to slowly help MC with her shyness, and maybe, eventually-they’ll proudly stand side by side at a future RFA party.

Sorry this was sort of long lol, hope you like it!

~Send me scenarios/headcanons for mystic messenger character(s) to react to!~

#lmao i always turn into a big sap when writing for V hes just such a cutie #im glad hes your fave too though!~ #mystic messenger #mystic messenger headcanons #mystic messenger prompts #mysme headcanons #mysme prompts #jihyun kim #mysme V #mysme Zen #mysme 707 #Luciel Choi #Saeyoung Choi #Hyun Ryu #Jumin Han #Yoosung Kim #Anonymous

[clumsyclifford]

i have followed your advice and listened to what well isn't exactly happy but at least upbeat music yesterday and for a bit it picked up my mood so thank you for putting that idea in my head and also for sending love ❤

i believe in you and your tea obsession too i'm sure you can still manage 73 cups

KHSKDMSLDKXJD sure love i'll just hack your webcam i mean seeing you sounds better than seeing kiernan shipka anyway

love that for you, you deserve nice days 💕 hope you managed some work over the weekend. ooh alright noted i'll refrain from asking about your cl*sses again it is very understandable to not want to talk about them. i have the same thing when someone asks me about my bachelor thesis so yeah i get it

thank you for indulging me i like planning hypothetical weddings or just generally planning things though i too really don't want an actual one. ooh i remember we talked about this a little before and you had a very pretty red dress in mind. so i guess a fitting colour scheme for everything would be red and white with maybe black accentuations. i would like to wear either sth like lisa gaskarth's wedding dress or sth resembling alex' suit (i was already in love with her dress but then i watched their wedding video and now i can't chose between both their outfits bc i love them) early fall is perfect it's the best season (with spring but less bugs so literally perfect) helen's gotta play some kind of important part bc i found your blog bc of her and also just bc she's helen. a tea station. bella Your Mind. this is why we're getting married. oh and i would like to have tulips somewhere please. i can't wait to see your 20 sth weddings truly love that for you 🙈

reasonable answer about the hand/nose kisses however have you considered the cuteness of someone peppering kisses over their significant others face and in that nose kisses being included. for example imagine let's say lashton in the morning. ashton is up bc i imagine him to be the weird kind of person that wakes up early just because and he decides to be a bother and startes just randomly kissing luke wherever he can to wake him up and then luke grumpily wakes up and demands proper kisses and to continue to be a little teasing bitch ashton refuses to kiss him on the mouth at first and instead kisses his nose. it is cute in my head. though hand kisses are unmatched actually so i don't even know why i'm arguing for the nose kisses. also i'm fairly sure i must have read this concept in some fic and am plagiarising it my sincerest apologies i did not mean to copy whoever wrote sth like this before. god my brain is weird af today i'm gonna go to sleep. good night, love you very much and hope you're well 💕 -fiancee

oh nice!!!!! i’m glad it worked for a little bit at least. what songs did you listen to i’m curious to know

dfkjgdfmj thank you tbh i’m not doing super well i have days with no tea but then i have like four cups in a day so like? i have no idea. also though, i just realized we are more than halfway through this month?? how the fuck?? is that possible??? jesus christ didnt february JUST start. what is going on

fgkgjkdfj okay cool deal, you don’t ask about my classes and i won’t ask about your thesis

!!!!!!! omg okay yes i STRONGLY support these fashion choices also dgfkhljdlmj OF COURSE helen has to be an essential part you’re so right alright well @calumcest no pressure but what role would you like in my and fiancee’s wedding, weigh in <3 as for tulips i am ABSOLUTELY down they are super pretty this is so CUTE!!!! fiancee i love this wedding so much on vibes alone i cant wait for it to not happen

mmmmmm but that’s not nose kisses then, that’s just. kisses. thats just general kisses. also that sounds like a prompt from one of those lists and also vaguely familiar but tbh maybe it’s just a General Brand of Fluff don’t worry about it ldkfjgkdfj (not to be like you’re probably thinking of one of my fics but that made me think of the disconnected one so? maybe that??)

anyway! i am well! thank you! love you <3

#j chillin #i am drinking some juice #and listening to music #and kinda chillin! #i wrote a fair amount of the Long fic yesterday #which was very satisfying #i have learned a great trick. which is #i attempt to write other AUs that involve lots of research and thought #i get extremely fed up with doing that research and thought #and then i come back to THIS au and it feels like a breeze in comparison #also megs drew me a relationships web map and a timeline #so that was. fun #i love her #fiancee anon #anonymous #ask #answered

[getthefckouttahere]

hi there!! not sure if you’re still taking requests for the dirt, but if u r, i’d love to request a fic with the reader and nikki! maybe nikki has asthma and hides it from everyone on your bc he doesn’t want to seem weak or whatever, until he has an attack one day and the reader has to help him through it + the fluff that ensures. thank you

A/N: yo dudes i'm sorry this took so long but i’m back and probably worse than everi rushed to finish this so i could post it today of all days, coz it’s fiesta salsa quincinera queen raini rodriguez’s birthday (yes and mine) and how better to celebrate that than post a nikki fic?anyways i hope you enjoy it and i’m sorry if it’s not that good hhhhalso special thanks to @lifesasickjoke for co-writing this,, ily girl you the best

WARNINGS: asthma attack (in which idfk how they work or how people deal with them), mild swearing, very small mention of smoking, drugs and smut, thats it?

WORD COUNT: 1,079

-

“Fuck’s sake, Nikki, can you get off your ass and actually do something? Or are you too high to care?” you groaned, seeing his body sprawled across the pull-out couch as you walked into your living room.

You could feel the combined annoyance and stress being blown into Tommy’s birthday balloons when you saw that there was only an hour left until Heather was supposed to bring him back in time for his surprise party. And who better was there to organise it than you and your very own lazy ass of a boyfriend?

“Huh? Oh. No, I’m sober. Just took a little nap” he murmured, seemingly irritated to be woken up. You didn’t care though, as every squeak that came from the couch he was shuffling on only drove you nearer to insanity.

Besides, you weren’t even that close to Tommy. If his birthday party turned out to be a complete and utter failure, Nikki was the one that would get the blame.

“Great. Get up then.” you said, releasing the untied balloon in your hand so it could fly and slap him on the face.

“Alright, alright.” Nikki groaned, lifting himself off of his seat and making his way over to you.

“I guess I could go help Heather with the cake-”

“We already did that.” you snapped back, nodding your head over to the table in which you and Heather spent the past 3 hours on getting right.

“Fine. The snacks then.”

“Done that too.”

“Music?”

You didn’t even need to say anything to make him realise that music had been blasting out your record player the whole time.

“Whatever, just- help me with these balloons.” you sighed, throwing him a pack of balloons with the hand you weren’t using to blow your own set.

Brushing aside Nikki’s stutters of trying to find a way out of the job, you walked over to replace the record, but the coughing you heard after a few puffs of air did concern you.

“I told you to quit smoking a while ago.” you joked, making your way back over to the couch he had decided to make himself comfy on again.

“I only smoked…once…” Nikki tried to joke back between coughs.

“It’s amazing how you managed to steer clear of the stuff, hanging around the boys all the time.” you sneered.

“That’s why I got all the heroin.” he perked, managing to regain his breath as he tied the balloon up and started on another.

But the more he coughed and the paler his face got, you felt guilty for putting him in the situation. Sure, you’d never actually seen Nikki like this - the opportunity to blow balloons up doesn’t come every day - but what concerned you more was that you’d never seen anyone react this way.

“Y-you can take a break if you want, babe.”

“N…no it’s…fine…” he wheezed, pulling his hands away from his mouth to get his breath back. It didn’t seem to help in any way. He tried to slow his breathing down, but it only made his wheezing worse. The determined look on his face only got you more worried, especially when you saw that he was trying to brush it off and continue blowing the balloons up.

“Nikki,” you said sternly, grabbing his wrist gently to pry the balloon from his grip.

“My…my bag…” he aimlessly waved his arm to the backpack he had placed on the side of the room, which you immediately flew over to at his request.

“What d’you want, love?”

“Small…wheeze…tube…thing…”

Your hands fumbled through the bag and immediately caught their grasp on a solid, cylindrical object which you pulled out and rushed back to him with.

Before you had the chance to ask if it was the right thing, he snatched it out of your hands and immediately put it to his mouth.

“God I-I’m so sorry I didn’t- why didn’t you ever tell me?” you rushed.

“No, it’s fine. Not a lot of people know about it.” he answered after taking a deep, relieved breath.

“Well, were you planning on telling me?”

“Of course I was! I just…didn’t know how or when. I didn’t wanna scare you off this early in our relationship.” he awkwardly chuckled to ease how sternly you were staring at him.

“And I suppose Tommy and the rest of the guys know about this, seeing as you’ve known them for all these years?”

“No, I’d never tell them anyway. It’s not that important.”

“Nikki, you almost died right now and you’re saying it’s not important?”

“Okay, I did not die per se, my lungs just blocked themselves more than usual.” he tried to joke again, but this time you actually let out a little giggle.

“I mean, it’s not like I’m severely asthmatic. I could definitely live without the stupid inhaler.” he jeered, throwing the inhaler to the other side of the room to further prove his point.

“You could’ve died from blowing balloons.”

“Please, there are far more important things that I can do.” he smirked, wiggling his eyebrows like he normally did when he wanted to start something.

“Oh really? Like what?”

Your giggles were cut as soon as they started when his hands flew to cup your cheeks to pull you closer, connecting your lips in a way you’d never kissed him before.

It was small at first, with a few quick pecks, but as the kissing got deeper you knew his intentions.

Your heart fluttered as he hoisted you onto his lap, hands resting on your hips while yours wrapped around his neck, but then he pulled away so quickly.

“Fuck- babe I love you, but you’re quite literally taking my breath away.” he gasped, chuckling with you.

“That’s alright, but it would be quite badass to have ‘death by sex’ on your gravestone.” you giggled, sliding off of him and lying down instead.

“I really am the worst boyfriend.” he huffed, flopping down beside you.

Turning yourself around, you hooked our arm around his waist and trailed your hand up to his hair, braiding it lightly like you normally would to calm him down.

“You’re really not, Nik, you’re the best boyfriend I could’ve ever asked for and I’m glad I found out about this sooner rather than later. You know, from finding your dead body or something.” you chuckled again.

“I guess so. Thanks babe.” he sighed and chuckled, letting himself melt into your arms.

-

TAGS: @heavymetalprincessa @shameless-pope @thathappylandfill @lifesasickjoke @slowandangry @calumstuffs @iluvmesomemarvelndc @4evervoid @kawennote09 @anxious-diabetic @drowsebaby @motleyfuckingcruee

#my crackhead ass is back #literally do not know how to take ANYTHING seriously #but here we are #the dirt #motley crue #anon requested #nikki sixx #douglas booth!nikki sixxx #nikki sixx x reader #nikki sixx fan fic #nikki sixx fluff #douglas booth x reader #douglas booth fan fic #douglas booth fluff #the dirt fan fic