#Anyway. Going to get fucked up enough to be willing to speak to another human being.

[transhawks]

I remember that Hori referred to Hawks (and Ochako) being a 'light of hope' in 2021. It's also interesting that it was Hawks who commented on Ofa and how it connects people's hearts. Do you have any thoughts on this?

I think that arc was very dark for Hawks specifically and the anime's rendition of it is very dark. However these chapters... in 323-325 it is a bit different. It's where I think Hori was honest and where I do think Hawks and especially Ochako are at their brightest, narratively. So, uh, to go back to my writing for Graduation Day, I remember debating whether to analyze this scene because I thought it was relevant. I eventually decided that six thousand words is enough and to spare y'all, but let's get into it because I think it confirms my thesis that vulnerability is needed for connection in BNHA.

Ochako's first panels in 324 have her saying, admitting actually, that she cannot reassure people. She acknowledges they're all scared and worried.

This was the best thing she could have done.

The deification of heroes was something that led to the system they have now. Somewhere in the glitz and hero rankings people forgot these are regular people.

We see this repeatedly as an issue of identities - why Toshinori seems a shell of himself outside of All Might, most of Enji's issues boil down to him not knowing how to be Enji versus Endeavor and screwing his family up for it, and Hawks is...well, everything about Hawks is about being a Hero rather than a person, which is why Horikoshi had him kill someone literally named "humanity".

Ochako doesn't allow this to go on. She makes it clear they're all scared, they're all people who want safety, comfort, and want to be clean from mud and dirt, same as any other. It's why she's one of the Savior Kids; she's geared to try and humanize the other side. It's why she's paired with Toga. See below, as she thinks of Toga while giving a speech.

Essentially she reached the people in that crowd by reminding them who Deku is - a kid with way too much on his shoulders, a person just like them. Not a symbol, not a quirk, like AFO is treating him as. A boy. Or "regular high school kid" - yeah, I should have put this in Graduation Day, lol.

Symbols aren't meant to be fragile or have to come out from the rain. Deku does because he's a person.

So what about Hawks?

This isn't the last time Keigo is going make metaphors about One for All. Remember the line so many people read in bad faith about him comparing Endeavor "linking" people together too? He was talking about connection, pure and simple, realizing that much of his own motivations and Inasa's are connected through Endeavor, or their perceptions of him.

Truly, it's just him remarking that seeing society as holistic, as a whole rather than a part, is the key to solving their issue.

I think the emphasis on showing your soul, ugliness and cracks and all is one of the keys to reaching the villains. Something that doesn't position them as moral superiors, which is where Keigo failed drastically with Jin. He didn't give him a good choice at all. He also wasn't willing to be fully vulnerable with him. But I also think there's another dimension to this. More and more I think Horikoshi is actually criticizing individualism and the idea of "the great man". In his depicting of bystander system that has become an issue from society delegating acts of kindness and heroism to an actual career, I think he's critiquing the idea that one person can shoulder that burden.

It shouldn't be a person but a village, so to speak. It says a lot that the characters we know as villains are both seeking connection but also saying, in the depths of despair, that their individual will can change the world.

I still interpret this scene as Dabi deep in denial. Uh oh, he actually FELT something, time to double down and reiterate he doesn't give an actual fuck when truth is he DOES, he just doesn't want to. Otherwise he has to FEEL.

Anyway, the emphasis on the single person and single convinction is another one of those clues I think Horikoshi is leaving us about the "Great Man theory".

The great man theory is a 19th-century approach to the study of history according to which history can be largely explained by the impact of great men, or heroes: highly influential and unique individuals who, due to their natural attributes, such as superior intellect, heroic courage, extraordinary leadership abilities or divine inspiration, have a decisive historical effect.

I remember balking when I read this. Maybe it's because here in the West, there's little uhh agreement over Napoleon being heroic. Maybe it's because my history teachers were unsual but I've never really seen anyone seriously consider Napoleon heroic. There always seemed to be agreement he was a power-mad tyrant who took advantage of the Revolution to enact a military coup and then actual progress made by the Jacobins. So the fact chapter 3 of BNHA has Mic quoting him as a great hero was always weird. At the time of my first read through, I wrote it off as maybe Japan doesn't take this approach to Napoleon and the Revolution. One person's tyrant is another's hero, you know? But more and more I think Horikoshi has been debunking Great Man Theory with his manga. First off the premise of Great Man is usual that the Great Man is born, that his Greatness is congenital. That there's a natural aptitude for greatness, like superior intellect, etc. BNHA is absolutely refuting that, has from the first page. In fact the characters who get into the trap of believing they are born "anything" are shown to be trapped or not in a good way (see Redestro, or see Tomura and Keigo believing they are born to destroy/have dirty wings respectively). So much of who Deku has become is supposed to change this idea of biological predisposition to greatness.

Even Dabi, who has struggled against the circumstances of his birth, falls into the trap of believing some people are born with everything and are born to everything, essentially internalizing the worst of his father's own beliefs.

The story isn't kind to people who give us this rhetoric - that depending on others is wrong, or weakness. It's why Deku had his arc, after all.

Which brings us to my second point - the story isn't the triumph of individuals against evil. It's about people coming together. That's why Ochako and Keigo had their moments of realization in 323-325.

It's not about one person. It's about people.

Lastly, and this is conjecture, but there's a curiosity to the Great Man theory from a cultural standpoint. Now each culture has its Great Man to some extent. I've spoken about how All For One is likely trying to emulate Oda Nobunaga with his Demon Lord talk. But the emphasis on individual actions over collective ones, the commercialization of heroism, and the idea of competition breeding innovations/results are distinctively Western Capitalist ones. And in...a clumsy way, I think Horikoshi has been hinting at this being part of his own criticism.

Did you ever notice how the Japanese anime has them say "Hero/Hiro"? It's an imported word. Japanese has other words that mean hero, like yusha or eiyu, which have different meanings that all relate to the English hero as either a brave person (yusha) or a person of greatness/importance (eiyu). Why then use hiro, a foreign word as the title for this career?

Because the hero system is canonically imported. And so perhaps are the ideals it brought with it.

#asks #bnha meta #hawks #ochako #bnha

[yandere-fics]

♡ Selene Finds A Way To Keep Her Sister Darling Forever ♡

(I didn't know how to end it properly so i just didn't. Anyways lemme know your thoughts.)

Selene really did adore having you to come home to at the end of the day after she was out drinking and fucking around, her little sister who would always be there for her, sure you weren't blood related but you became family after she rescued you from the attacks of another god during the war, she had thought about putting an end to you herself, she was rather defensive of her territory but as soon as she turned around and saw you shaking but still profusely thanking her after she had killed the other god she knew she couldn't bring herself to kill you, gods were supposed to be tall but you, well you were the size of a human too weak of a god for her to be able to live with herself after killing you. She couldn't allow you to ever become a threat to her land though and so she offered you to be her little sister that way you could live on her territory without her needing to worry if you might try to usurp her one day.

After the war she fell into a slump because of the curse, relying solely on drinking and women to get by assuming you would also leave after the war because of how much blood was on her hands and how much of a miserable person she was to be around but you stayed. At first she really wanted to drive you away, she didn't need you either, in a thousand years she'd have her soulmate so bothering to care about others until that happened, you stayed put though and eventually she gave up on pushing you away, only pulling you closer as time went on, she would keep you by her side forever, soulmate be damned you were the most important to her and if her soulmate couldn't understand that then they'd have to go.

The changes started to occur a few months ago though, she noticed things she shouldn't about you, how nice it felt when you sat in her lap because she was so warm and you just needed to steal a bit of her warmth on snowy days, the little sigh of relief you let out when the hot water hit you in the shower and she wondered what other sounds you made when she was out of the house and you could finally do whatever you wanted without worry of being heard, how much she wanted to pounce on you when you'd go to the lake with her while she was shifted and she could see you bend over to pick a flower... She couldn't even fuck a woman without picturing you were in her place anymore, the first time she pictured you as she came and moaned your name she actually was extremely disturbed and did not speak to you for days but in the end being away from you was driving her crazy and she had to do something in order to relieve this and so she started stealing your panties and jerking off with them.

That also wasn't enough though, she wanted you to have her cum on you which lead to her doing some not ideal things like giving you stuff just to help you sleep heavier so she could enjoy some time with you, afterall she was your sister so nothing she could do to you could be bad right? You'd have to forgive her if you ever found out, everything between her and her sister was justified, especially when it felt so good. She knew she came alot and so as much as she wanted to she couldn't pull your panties off and jerk off on you cause you'd know in the morning just from the large quantity so she had to jerk off into her hand first and then take a bit and finger it into you, just enough so you weren't suspicious in the morning when you felt stickier than usual, she wished she could do this while you were awake but it had to be when you were asleep, she would still want you in her life even after her soulmate so if you knew you'd likely try to leave when it got closer to the curse breaking which she wouldn't allow.

She was completely willing to reject her soulmate just for you when the time came until two weeks ago when you brushed past her in the kitchen and she could instantly feel the curse was over and you were her soulmate. It all instantly made sense to her as to why you seemed much more important than her soulmate, the one thing she had longed for, it was because you WERE that soulmate. She couldn't stop herself from lifting you onto the kitchen counter and instantly drilling you until you lost all the thoughts in your pretty head, even as you squirmed and protested she couldn't bring herself to care about your comfort at the moment, all those months of frustration of not being able to just straight up fuck you were finally being released all at once, besides even as you tried to push her off your pussy clenched around her so she could tell you just wanted her to go even harder secretly, you liked this silly noncon fantasy you were doing so she was more than happy to oblige.

It was extremely upsetting the next day however, after she'd pounded you to exhaustion on every surface of the house that you didn't exit your room or speak to her at all, she left you alone for the time being though and went back to fingering her cum back into you as you slept because you were likely just worn out, there was no way you could be angry at her, nothing your sister and now soulmate did to you could be wrong but maybe she hadn't explained you were her soulmate enough before you fucked and that's what you're upset about, in which case she'd need to remedy that by wine and dining you.

She didn't usually like having people in your house because then they'd get to see her pretty little sister and might turn out to be your soulmate and then she'd lose you forever but she'd brought in a chef from the temple dedicated to her soulmate because she knew they wouldn't have ulterior motives and would want to make this first date very successful and told them to make all of your favorite dishes, she didn't know which one you'd want tonight but that didn't matter, you could have any of them and then eat the leftovers later or something.

You fought her when she dragged you out of the room towards the dining room where she'd set the table really fancy just for you but you quieted down when she growled at you and forced you to sit at the table. Your noncon fantasy was cute at first but now it was just starting to get on her nerves, it was all cute and fun to pretend she's forcing herself on you occasionally but there had to be a balance, she needed at least some affection from you. You didn't get more affectionate when she made sure you knew she was your mate though, you told her you wanted to reject the bond, you two couldn't possibly be together, she was a bad person for forcing herself on you the other night and while she demanded you to give up that stupid fantasy, you wouldn't relent though and the chef ran out of the house pretty much as soon as the dishes were done because they knew she was at her tipping point even if her idiot little sister couldn't realize that.

"You ungrateful brat, I do everything to keep you happy in our home but you can't just be nice for a single fucking date. I wanted to wine and dine you but this new bratty streak of yours is making that impossible. What must I do to get you to realize, everything that happens between mates is right. You're my sister so anything I want to do to you can never be bad." She flung you over her shoulder and carried you to her room ignoring your meager attempts to get her to let go and dropped you on her bed.

"Let me go asshole." She tutted, those words really don't belong in her pretty sisters head, she'd make to to thoroughly retrain that mouth of yours after she showed you that you were entirely hers first though. She ripped your clothing off and pulled down her pants beginning to jack off over you like she did almost nightly except now she no longer had to make sure it didn't shoot all over you.

"You wanna hear something funny, dove? I've been stuffing you with my cum for months now while you slept," You whimpered, shaking your head back and forth aggressively like you were trying to will yourself to believe she was lying but you knew she wouldn't lie about that. "I kept wishing you were my soulmate so my seed could take root in you. I bet you'd like that, you'd get off on having your sister 'forcibly' impregnate you, stuck with me forever, I bet that's one of those little roleplays you have in mind. Don't worry I'll fulfill that wish dove."

"N-no, I don't want it, p-please stop."

"We'll make such a great family dove, don't worry I'll rub lotion on your belly every day so it doesn't hurt and pay extra loving to your tits when they get sore. You won't refuse my affection then cause having me near you will feel oh so soothing. I know you like your noncon fantasies, but you know what fantasy I like better, dove? A stockholm syndrome fantasy." She finished on your chest sighing contently as she watched the fear in your eyes as she grew hard again instantly. "Don't worry, I'll stuff you full every night just so it can come true little dove. Just wait patiently."

#yandere oc #yandere lesbian #yandere x reader #yandere x y/n #yandere scenarios #my oc selene #tw.noncon #tw.incest #tw.pregnancy #tw.pseudocest

[eldritch-spouse]

I hope you see the Pin, cause I'm invested.

If we were trapped in lust, how about we become an Oiran to survive? 

Quasi Oiran, so to speak, since I wouldn't be on Oiran traditionally but moreso in spirit. 

Now a few things to note about Oirans (the Apothecary Diaries did a very good job at explaining this, so I'll use that): Unlike regular Yujyos (prostitutes) who need to find a customer every night, the best of them rarely ever take clients. The less an Oiran (a high-ranking yujyo) works, the higher her perceived value will be. All Yujyo are taught a bit about poetry and dancing at a young age; those without potential are immediately put to night service work after their debut, while those with potential continue with their education, spending their time with customers merely drinking tea. As their conventional skills and wisdom increase, so does their price, and they will accept requests even more rarely. Eventually, it comes to a cost a year's worth of salary to just share nothing but a cup of tea with such an Orian. Among them are even a few who would never come to know a customer's touch up until the day they are bought. They're priced so highly because they're an untouchable flower; once plucked, they lose half their value.

Some stuff would probably need to be tweaked in order for this to work, but here is a route I think could be taken.

So you land in lust! (Preferably as a virgin cause that can be used later.) Like a rational person, you start hauling ass as soon as you can gather yourself cause you don't want to be snu-snu-ed to death. Hopefully you can stumble across a nice enough high-ranker who would be willing to help you out—for a price, of course. Now, this could depend on the high-ranker because if they don't immediately take our virginity, we could sell it for a high price because in the Pinnie universe, a human's virginity is like ambrosia, but I don't really see that happening since who would pass up the opportunity, you know? But anyway, in return for their protection, we could make a deal to bring in three times the amount they bring in a year. There are many human fuckers to pick and choose from, so it wouldn't be too hard to get the bag. Before we make our debut, we should train in the arts like Yujyo do. We could use dance or singing for normal customers, and for customers with a taste for finer things, we could use poetry, calligraphy (you see what I did there 😏) and aktpainting, which is the painting of nude people. But of course I'll have sex with my customers so they keep coming back, I'll just try to engage with them in thay way sparingly so that they can become addicted. After we make our debut, hopefully we can make enough money to hire some wrath demon bodyguards, and then we can truly make our way up the ranks to become an Oiran because we may have our pimp, but I don't think they can hold our hand and protect us all the time. If a customer is being too pushy, we can just call in our guards to have their ass booted 🤷🏽‍♀️. It's very likely that our guards and pimp will become obsessed with us but if we were smart enough to make it thus far it will be no trouble to play demon wrangler. And if by a slim pubic hair of a chance we can get an angel to keep all of them in check, we would be set for life.

So that's it!

The reason I think it would be a good idea to become an Oiran is because, let's be honest, in lust where it's all about fucking, we wouldn't be too popular to make someone believe we're trying to out-whore them but popular enough to get that sweet, sweet money. Another reason why I thought it could work is because Concubi place an importance on virginity. I'm not sure if it applies to how many times you slept with someone, but by being a 'flower' and a human at the same time it could attract a lot of customers, so why not use it?

(I hope all of this made sense since I'm not a native speaker)

[It sort of made sense. I don't know much about the nuance of these cultures, so I'm not going to dip into that side too much.]

Making it in Lust is hard, especially as a virgin. Even if someone with a modicum of power takes enough pity on you to offer you a leg up, there's always the risk of it going downhill. It depends on your luck, cleverness and, oftentimes, ruthlessness.

Someone similar to an oiran, in Lust, would have a difficult time.

Even if there are many concubi (and other types of fiends/non-demonic inhabitants) who get into the mysticism and attributed rarity of a female companion like that, getting off endlessly on that temptation to leap across the table while the two of you have a conversation over tea... There are also many crowds eager to debase and "corrupt" you, to turn you into a senseless whore like themselves.

You're never truly safe either way. Some of your regulars may become eerily attached and possessive of you, maybe even threatening to toss you out to the demons who give you leery stares as you walk because you refuse to see them more often or to touch them.

Keep in mind that blueballing a concubus isn't really a good idea, unless they make it clear they're into that. Because otherwise, you're holding a steak to a lion's mouth and constantly yanking it away before they can snag it. Eventually, they'll get tired and bite some of your fingers off along with it.

Your life in Lust will be one led with extreme caution.

#general tce

[chimchiri]

I would LOVE to hear more about your wonderbolts hcs.

I don't see enough people talking about them, which is a real pity because I've been obsessed with them for 10+ years lol

(Side note, fucking in love with you Fleetfoot human design she's so cute)

Anon you made me SO DAMN HAPPY WITH YOUR ASK YOU DON'T REALIZE HOW MUCH!!!

I love the Wonderbolts. So so much. And it's such a pity there isn't more fanart or fanfic with them.... Especially Spits and Fleets. But yeah absolutely ask me or tell me things about the WBs I LOVE IT.

Since Fleets is the one you mentioned why not go with her?

Ever since Rainbow Falls and seeing both her and Spitfire being ruthless in regards of winning (to the misfortune of Soarin unfortunately), I hc her as extremely competitive. I do that with all the WBs anyway, but I feel Spitfire and Fleetfoot and Rainbow, once she joins, are on another level. All the WBs love to win. It's a necessity to be kinda obsessed with flying and driven to win. But Fleets and Spitty? They live to win.

In regards to Rainbow I headcanon that, once Rainbow gets over her status of a Newbie and is seen as a true equal, she and Fleetfoot argue, compete and go head to head a lot of times. They will always one up each other. Be it a simple adhoc race on a vacation trip or them challenging each other to the chubby bunny challenge during lunch. They will compete for anything and everything. Usually it's Spitfire who has to put an end to it before it gets too crazy and they actually burn or break something.

That fits into Fleetfoot's general character I love which is that I hc her to be goddamn insane lmao. She is basically a warlord. She's not afraid to go crazy and is most definitely the one with the most experience in terms of drugs and alcohol. She just takes any risk which includes spontaneous hookups with either guys or girls on the many parties she goes to or loves. Honestly she's basically a fuckboy. Which doesn't mean she doesn't care or doesn't show empathy. She's willing to go to any length when one of her friends is down. But she's not one to open up easily herself.

Also I like to think she doesn't have many romantically intimate relationships and prefers simple hookups. Which intensified once High Winds (or Windy because I think it's a cute name) joined. I like to think Windy was the newest member before Rainbow joined and it lead to Fleets having a mental crisis lmao. I love Fleets crushing on Windy but keeping it to herself and not making a move on her. A sorta self-made one-sided romance.

And speaking of who joined when. I like to hc that Fleets is Spitfire's oldest companion next to Soarin. Soarin and Spitfire go way back to when they were younger. They're literal childhood friends. But Fleetfoot is after Soarin the oldest WB regaring years of service. Which makes her second in command to Soarin when Spitfire is either sick or gone for another reason.

Honestly I could talk about them for days. I love the WBs. I love Fleets. I love Spitty. Soarin. Rainbow. Windy. Surprise..... I love 'em.

#You made me so happy I immediately wanted to draw her again.... #lil fleets... #I love her #I love almost all of the WBs... #honestly never hesitate to send any asks about them... #there is not enough appreciation for them #I LOVE THE WBS #I love all their flaws #I love them as a team #I love them as a sorta family as well #also in any AU where I hc Rainbow as an orphan (which is like half of them) I also love them taking her in and bringing her #to private events as well.... #me crying about them #I need to rewatch the episodes and read the comics again.... #wonderbolts #soarin #spitfire #mlp spitfire #mlp fleetfoot #fleetfoot #rainbow dash #my art #ask chim

[magicalmanhattanproject]

Soul Eater Au.... TWO!!!!!

Part One Here

Last post was how members present themselves to each other, but not everyone is telling the whole truth. Here's some more of it.

Did any of y'all pick up on how almost all of the Hispanics are trained as meisters, including most of the weapons? That's no accident.

Centuries ago, the great witch Vegetta created the first weapon, granting an otherworldly being called Rubius the ability to shapeshift into any weapon at will. Their relationship... was fraught. You can ask any of the Hispanics and they'll give you a slightly different version of events, but everyone agrees that Vegetta and Rubius went through several breakups, during which time Vegetta started converting human and near-human lineages to weaponhood. Once humans started learning to wield those weapons to fight witches, Vegetta decided that he was curious to see where it would go and founded a school for meisters and their weapons. However, he's still bitter about his on and off again relationship with Rubius that's currently on a dry spell and so he emphasizes that teamwork is important, but you should never rely on anyone except yourself.

At this point, Vegetta considers himself retired. He has a paper agreement with his students that he can live in peace as long as he doesn't use his witch powers which he so far seems happy to abide by, but no one is quite willing to talk about what would have to be done if he broke his side of the deal. He genuinely isn't planning to though. Diamond swords are enough to deal with mobs and getting into a fight might wreck his lovely house.

Speaking of weapons with meister experience, Roier has learned more than a trick or two. He doesn't like to show off, but when Bobby was in genuine mortal peril on an airship, he wielded Jaiden for the first time and wiped the airship out with stunning precision and speed. Jaiden's memories of that day are mostly a blur, but she does think she remembers Roier even managing to wield himself and her at the same time – something that weapons rarely even attempt outside of showing off specific skills in tournament type situations.

Quackity is the only Hispanic who wasn't actually trained at Vegetta's academy. Probably. Pending learning more about ElQuackity. Either way, Cellbit isn't entirely comfortable around him after the whole Cucurucho chainsaw incident, but he can recognize that Quackity's weapon form isn't quite identical to the one Cucurucho used to torture him. There's something ever so slightly off about it. Kinda like how ElQuackity is from Quackity...

Anyway, there is another witch on Quesadilla Island. Witches have long been in hiding with meisters hunting them alongside more mundane mobs and young witches rarely last long. Old witches that have learned to hide their magic though, they can keep surviving for quite some time. Philza is an expert on surviving. The only living soul who knows he's a witch is his son Wilbur. He's even managed to keep the truth of his nature hidden from Missa.

That being said, Fit has his suspicions. It's impossible for a meister and a weapon to keep themselves on the same wavelength to work together without sharing something of their souls with each other and Fit has a lot of experience with people keeping secrets and a lot of experience getting them out of people. That being said, he hasn't lived this long without knowing when to stop prying.

Back when they were both getting used to the single parent life, Phil had a daily quest to take Chayanne and Tallulah caving. Chayanne got attacked by mobs and Phil had to decide between going down to help him and protecting Tallulah. In the moment of panic, he wielded Chayanne to kill the mobs and get both of them out of danger. Since then, Chayanne has been desperate to learn how to be a proper weapon while Phil flat out refuses to wield him again. Chayanne argues that the rules are that weapons must always protect their meisters and Phil argues that fuck the rules he will always protect his son.

With Missa not around, Phil enlisted Fit to teach Chayanne enough about being a weapon to keep himself alive and also to be available for Phil to wield in an emergency. The setup also gives Ramón more playmates and another fiercely protective bodyguard, so Fit has no objections and no desire to jeopardize it by prying into history Phil isn't interested in sharing. Well, he has no objections but he'd be lying if he said he didn't have some concerns about the way his recoil directly impacts Phil's wing, but, in Phil's words, "I'm not getting any more grounded."

#sorrelposting #qsmp #qsmp soul eater #okay it's 2 am and i'm sneepy #i'll do the brazilians and the french tomorrow

[thenearsightedmicroraptor]

People have been waxing up and down walls about this submarine thing and it feels stupid to add to the debate but I'm gonna do it anyway because I have a perspective on the whole thing that I want to elaborate on

I am celebrating. I recognize that it is morbid to celebrate a human being's death, and many people have been wringing their hands talking about how they don't support the idea of billionaires but they don't want them to die!

Do you know why I want billionaires to die?

It's because they have removed themselves from any other god damn consequense on Earth. There's nothing we can do! We can't take their money, it's in investments. We can't burn their house down, they have the money for every security measure on earth, and even if we could, they'll buy a new one and it won't even make a dent in their economy - nothing is irreplaceable. We can't lobby, we can't vote, at every corner, they're there, pumping more money into getting to keep their money. We can't jail them (prisons are backwards and should be abolished but that's another talk) and we can't take their stuff. We can't take their stuff!! That's the whole point! There is a reason the phrase "having more money than god" speaks to me so much. They have left the perils that us mortals still have to weasel through, they have made it to some fucking abstract, intouchable godhood where nothing we mere mortals can do will touch them. They have barred off every consequense they could possibly suffer, they have made sure we have no way to touch them.

The only lasting consequense left for these people is death. That's the only denominator that they haven't managed to buy their way out of - though they're trying, with advanced healthcare that only they can afford, and, y'know, having access to clean water and healthy food and living in places that aren't subsceptible to natural disasters. These people even could have bested the uncaring crushing weight of the ocean if they had been willing to pour the proper amount of money into it - their undoing was, in fact, to not use enough money to make a proper submersible!

So anyway.

These people have been killing, hoarding, abusing, and destroying countless lives on their way to be excempt from every consequense that could possibly touch them.

I am celebrating because I want billionaires to suffer consequenses for their actions. And these people have put themselves in a situation where the only lasting consequense they can suffer is death. It is the first and only stairstep. The world is the dog that they have taught not to growl as a warning, to not snap as a warning, to not raise its bristles as a warning. The world is the dog that is not allowed to show any warning signs. The world is - we are - the dog that has been given no choice but to suffer, quietly, unobstructively, and more and more and more, forever - our only other choice is to maul. And then get punished for it.

So when I see a bunch of billionaires pay obscene amounts of money to willingly be put into their billionaire buddy's homemade saw trap and it closes on them, I am going to fucking celebrate. When something that they cannot punish, such as the crusing weight of the North Atlantic Ocean, finally makes it so that just a few of these people are no longer intouchable? Then I am going to fucking celebrate. And I'll continue to celebrate for as long as it takes. Until they take the growling seriously and learn to stop pulling my fur.

#this kinda veered into abstract long-form poetry #idk if posting this is a good idea but fuck it. it's my blog. #anyway in other words i can't believe you people don't ever fantasize about beating jeff bezos to death with a steel pipe how do y'all cope #i want billionaires to give up their wealth and if they don't do it then i want them to die. your choice. #oceangate #current events #anyway my heart goes out to the hundreds of refuges who died near the coast of greece #death cw

[quietly-by-myself]

An Earthly Cosmological Redshift - Chapter 9 - Human Vice

Masterlist

Please read this chapter only when it's mentally safe for you to do so. Fearon has hit rock fucking bottom here.

CW: addiction (alcohol and benzos), hangover, references to consensual spice, suicidal ideation, talk of suicide, Fearon has a suicide plan here, talking someone down, outdated language for the LGBTQIA+ community, systemic homophobia, guns

===

Fearon awoke, head pounding. He knew the feeling well. It was the effect of alcohol and benzos. The combination would kill a human, but Fearon wasn’t human.

No.

He wasn’t human. His eyes filled with hangover tears. That was the worst part of his nights he spent forgetting. 

God, what had his life come to? Those pills that Galileo had given him to manage his anxiety had changed his life. Galileo had changed his life. Everything had changed. He found himself jumping around with his wealth on a plastic card at a bank that he paid off. Bar hopping, fucking men when he could, and dating for a couple months at a time.

For the third time that month, Fearon found himself swearing up and down to quit.

He held his head in his hands, tears falling from his eyes. Fearon was careful to not cry too loudly. Attention was the last thing that he needed. He didn’t remember a damn thing from the night before

A knock came from the door, but he couldn’t keep his tears back as he looked up, not willing to hide his face from the human who came through the door.

“It’s time to vacate-” the human’s voice trailed off. “Are you okay?”

The human’s voice was full of concern that Fearon didn’t deserve. Fearon would be away from this bar by the next evening. There wasn’t any point in caring for someone who would eventually kill himself.

When Fearon didn’t respond, the human came over to him. The human came and sat next to him on the bed.

“Can I help in any way?”

Fearon shook his head. The idea was cemented in his mind. “You don’t need to care about me, human. I’m going to be gone in a few days anyway.”

“Gone, in which way?” the human asked cautiously.

“Silver bullets through my head ‘gone.’”

The two sat in silence for a moment. “Can I have your gun?” the human eventually asked. 

Of course, the human knew that someone like Fearon would have a gun. For some reason, Fearon pulled it from his holster and handed it to the human. He didn’t care if the human shot him with it. 

Instead, the human put the gun aside, just out of Fearon’s reach. “Can you tell me why you want to go?”

It was the first time in maybe the couple hundred years that Fearon had been alive that he’d genuinely been asked what had happened to him. Not really that, but Fearon, for so long, had been the one carrying burdens, not the one getting to share them with someone. 

Somehow, in his hungover brain, Fearon found the courage to speak for the first time.

“My life is shit. I’ve been addicted to these damn pills since my sire gave them to me to help with my anxiety. I can’t fucking get off of them. Whenever something bad happens, I turn to them. Them and alcohol. I can’t keep a steady relationship. I don’t have a home. I’ve hit rock fucking bottom and I can’t keep going like this.”

The human considered him for a moment. Did he not know that medicine worked the same on vampires as it did on humans? Or perhaps the human was judging him. Fearon knew he was weak for falling to such mortal vices. From mafia underboss to drug addict that couldn’t keep anyone around him to save his life.

He was smart enough not to mention the underboss part, but maybe the addict part could get the human off of his back. There wasn’t any way out of his addiction. He knew it. He was going to be like that forever.

“There’s not an easy answer to that, is there?” the human eventually replied.

“No, there isn’t. There’s no way out.”

The human shook his head. “There’s a way out, but it isn’t easy and I understand why you’re struggling.” The human sighed. “I have a friend here - he’s another bartender. It was morphine for him. He’s clean now, but he started off working here in a pretty bad state. It’s… it’s possible, but it isn’t easy.”

Fearon looked at the human in awe. Addiction wasn’t talked about so easily, not by people who weren’t familiar. It was a sort of societal dirty secret, something that everybody knew existed but nobody wanted to talk about. Vampire society more so than human, especially. 

“All I’m saying is that I’m not you. I don’t know what you’ve been through. But my boss makes a point to help people who need it. If you want to get up off your feet, kick the pills, you’re welcome to stay here, in the upstairs of the bar, while you’re getting clean.”

Did Fearon want to get clean?

The answer was yes. He would do anything to get off the damn pills, to stop crying into his cups every night.

The image of Galileo popped into his mind. 

Galileo would call him weak, but Galileo wasn’t alive. Fearon wasn’t his anymore. He was free. Free to do what he pleased.

“Oh yeah. You said you’d pay me to be your bloodbag last night.”

Fearon laughed a little, despite his tears. That sounded like something he would say while drunk.

“I mean, if you’re willing, I don’t have a way to feed right now. I don’t like the word ‘bloodbag.’”

The human laughed a bit in return. “At least ask my name first.”

That shocked Fearon into silence. Right, he’d forgotten to ask the human anything. God, he was so selfish. So awful. So cruel. Galileo was right about him. His dad was right about him. He would never be anything more than a brute. A cruel, reckless, horrible monster.

“Jules,” the human said, interrupting Fearon’s thoughts. “My name is Jules.”

“Okay, then.” Fearon forced his undead lungs to take a deep breath. “Are you sure that you don’t mind?”

“Honestly, I need the money.” Jules laughed a little. “Having someone to talk to every couple days doesn’t sound half-bad either.”

Fearon nodded a bit. It was all so overwhelming. He didn’t really feel so intensely awful anymore. Was he really just lonely? Did he really just want someone who would listen to his problems? The thought made him feel pathetic, but he was certainly feeling better, just from telling someone that he was struggling. 

He never expected a human to be the one he’d speak to. He never thought a human, with all their religion banning anything that might alter the mind, would be so relaxed about it. Then again, Jules was a bartender at an illegal bar. Normal humans didn’t end up brushing shoulders with vampires so easily. 

“Does the offer still stand, that I can stay here?”

Jules perked up. “Yeah, of course. I can ask my boss if his doctor friend takes vampires.” Jules shrugged. “There’s a lot of us humans that enjoy the company of vampires. That, or we enjoy alcohol.”

“Bars have been hard to find. Only speakeasies like this. Have you humans finally banned alcohol?”

“Yeah, the Church doesn’t want us to have anything that alters our mind. They’ve gone batshit recently. I think it’s because one of the Cardinals got attacked by a vampire last year. The vampire’s dead. It was a nameless, if I remember correctly.”

Fearon raised an eyebrow. “Someone’s still out there making nameless?”

Jules nodded. “Of course. Aren’t there always?”

“Not typically, no. But that’s besides the point.” Fearon sighed. “My head is killing me. How soon do you think it’ll be before I can see the doctor? I-I don’t want to go back to the pills.”

“I’ll talk with my boss. I have to get back to work, but Fearon?”

Fearon didn’t remember telling the human his name, but he didn’t remember a lot of things from the night prior. 

If he didn’t remember anything, why did he regret it?

“Yes?”

“Don’t tell people you’re a homosexual so easily. The Church kills people for that now.”

Fearon’s heart sank. He’d rambled to the bartender about his love life, hadn’t he? Fearon found himself flushing a bit. “I apologize if I said anything unbecoming.”

“Don’t apologize. I’m one too. I understand, which is why I’m warning you. People are a lot more hostile than when you were a human, probably.” Jules shrugged. “I don’t know how old you are and I certainly wasn’t alive then.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

Jules went to the door, but went to check the blinds first, ensuring they were closed. He went back to the door, pausing a bit.

“Take care. I’ll be back later tonight to see if you need to feed.” Jules put on a silly grin. “Make sure to have your money ready.”

Fearon was a little caught off guard, but he laughed awkwardly. “No problem. Thank you.”

Fearon turned to the bed, looking for his gun, but realized that Jules had taken it from him. It was probably wisest. Fearon didn't trust himself with it anymore.

Now, what was he going to do?

===

@i-can-even-burn-salad, @whumpsday, @pigeonwhumps, @oddsconvert, @sparrowsage, @darkthingshappen, @honeycollectswhump

#addiction #hangover #suicidal ideation #talk of suicide #outdated language #gun tw #systemic homophobia #whump #whump writing #whumpblr #whump fic #whump community #an earthly cosmological redshift

[thessalian]

Thess vs A Global Laughingstock

So for those of you who aren't aware, this bloody country is still going around in circles about the Rwanda Bill. Catch-up and updates follow:

What the fuck is the Rwanda Bill? Well, y'see, the current Prime Minister, Rishi Sunak, has decided to really appeal to the racist right-wing asshole voter - the kind of nitwit that voted for Brexit because of "those damned foreigners" - by dealing with "illegal migrants" once and for all. For a definition of "illegal migrants", see also "refugees" - people who are fleeing from their country of origin because their country is unsafe. The UK Nitwit Brigade keep bitching about, "They really should stop in the first safe country they find!" and ignore anyone who explains that people are only willing to pay literal people-smugglers to cross the English Channel in very small unsafe boats for very good reasons - like, they have family here, or can speak the language, or all of the above. The whole problem is that there aren't enough safe legal routes for refugees to take to get here, so they take what they can get. Anyway, the three-word slogan currently dominating the noise from 10 Downing Street is "Stop The Boats", and after discussions about things like "literally shoving the small boats back towards France with fucking gunships, inevitably causing them to capsize and drown in the process" were shut down by "lefty lawyers" who care about human rights and, y'know, not drowning innocent people. So then came the next step: "Deport them all to Rwanda".

Why Rwanda? Fuck only knows. I'm assuming it's to do with an awful lot of money. Though weirdly, we seem to have paid them more than they've paid us.

What's the problem with Rwanda? Well, it's been deemed an unsafe country by the European Commission of Human Rights, to which we still belong - it's not an EU thing, it's a European continent thing. The only two countries in Europe-the-continent that aren't a part of the ECHR are Russia (yes, it's classified by the UN as a European country) and Belarus. Neither of which have ever struck me as all that interested in human rights on the whole, honestly. Anyway, Rwanda's run by a despot, and whatever Sunak meebles about how "It's totally safe now!", the ECHR - and our own Supreme Court - have been calling that bullshit out for awhile.

So your Supreme Court said the Bill is illegal. Why are they still talking about it? Because Sunak, apparently having glommed onto this as the thing that will save his arse at the next general election (coming at the end of this year), is trying to write amendments into this fucking thing that will somehow circumvent any and all human rights law, and somehow ignore any human rights law it can't circumvent (like, all of them). This Bill is full of things like, "Oh, our civil servants will just ignore ECHR law and process things like we tell them to!" and "We'll get 150 new justices to rubber-stamp the deportation papers like good little puppets!" and holy fuck, it's kind of disgusting.

So ... and I realise you've answered half the question, but... How is this making the UK even more of a laughingstock than it already was to begin with? Well. Currently the Conservative party that came up with this bullshit is tearing itself apart. Some want the bill as it is. There's a whole cluster of rebels who want to vote it down because it's "not hardline enough and not punitive enough" when it comes to stripping human rights from refugees (and they're also the ones insisting that we have to leave the ECHR, which is part of the laughingstock thing because I don't think we want to be in the same boat as Russia and Belarus). There are a very few moderates who are actually accepting that this is never going to work and saying "enough is enough; drop this already". Meanwhile, one of Sunak's people is going, "If you don't vote for this, start looking for another job". I am only very slightly paraphrasing. So in the run-up to an election, the Tories are fighting like rats in a sack. Add to that the fact that if this thing manages to pass the Commons, it still has to pass the Lords, who have no horse in the election race (they're appointed, not elected) ... and a lot of them are lawyers. Lawyers know very well what will happen if we keep attempting to violate (or actually succeed in violating) international law. They probably won't like that idea very much. So once again, the absolute fucking irony of the "lazy unelected shit-lumps in the Lords" maybe saving our international reputation is beyond compare. ...But that's nothing compared to what Rwanda's doing.

...I am afraid to ask. Well, apparently Rwanda has been offering us (us as a country, that is) our money back. See, we've already paid Rwanda scads of money for even setting up for this doomed-to-failure bit of bullshit, as previously stated. And apparently this is getting so ridiculous and so very obviously blatantly violating international law that the president of Rwanda of all places has offered to give back a significant amount of money just to get his name and that of his country out of the whole mess. I have to wonder at what point Rwanda just goes, "You know what, no - if you don't want the money back, fine, but we're out of this shit".

I'm still terrified for refugees. I don't know what happens with this because seriously, there's no fucking way to tell what anyone in this government is going to do from one minute to the next. But I can still hope that we don't end up leaving the ECHR, because I don't really know what happens if we do that just to be able to send poor miserable people to fucking Rwanda. I mean, beyond the UN also giving up on this whole country because the UN doesn't like the idea of deporting people to Rwanda either. I mean, given the anti-trans sentiment in this country, and the fact that they're already being assholes to the disabled by cutting their benefits if they don't work from home to "do their duty" (yes, that is exactly how the government put that) ... I'm foreign, disabled, and not cishet (though I pass, and I guess that's something but I HATE IT SO MUCH THAT I HAVE TO), and this country already hates me. Take away basic human rights, and whatever replaces it is going to fuck me over very, very hard.

Gods, this place is a fucked-up mess.

#Thess vs the Tories #Thess on politics

[lunaprincipessa]

ENTRY FIFTY-THREE

Trying my best not to think of you, but of course, that's exactly when you haunt my mind even more.

I wish you would've been honest with me. This has all been so disappointing. 💔

You do know hiding information IS lying right? It's the act of presenting a false reality while supposedly exonerating yourself from any wrongdoing because you didn't directly speak the lie itself. Want more detail?

There are two main forms of lying. Falsifying and concealing. When you falsify something, the truth remains hidden while untrue information is offered up in its place. Concealing is when a person withholds the truth without actually saying anything that's untrue, which is what you have engaged in with me. Why?

Help me understand these next three things. I'd like to know. Please...

1.) Why did you see me as nothing more than someone whose only purpose is to keep you entertained while your girlfriend is at work?

2.) What was going through your mind when you didn't want me knowing about your girlfriend, even after I said I'd wish you both well if you ever got with someone?

3.) What was going through your mind when I expressed hesitation to be in a relationship with anyone in general because I feel like people today don't take their real-life relationships serious enough because they don't want to sacrifice the attention they get from strangers on the internet? What was going through your mind when I said that, knowing that's what you may have been doing?

I was trying to show you good people still exist in this world without hidden agendas. I was trying to show you not all women are toxic. I was trying to show you generosity and gentleness. I was trying to show you, and I had nothing but good intentions in doing so.

I cried for you, I cared for you, I thought you were facing all of that hardship and trauma alone... And you had a girlfriend catering to you the entire time. I wish you wouldn't have kept secrets. I feel so stupid right now, and I have you to thank for that. 😔

I even opened up to you about all of the lies, abuse, cheating, rape, and the overall disrespect that I've endured from men throughout my life. Did you not hear a single word I spoke or did you just think I haven't been through enough yet?

That being said, maybe it's best not to have your reasons in the end. Who knows if what you would say would even be the truth anyway. That's another shitty aspect of lying that hardly anyone talks about. Maybe you would say something sincere but can it be believed? The Boy Who Cried Wolf and all that jazz.

Last but never least, full transparency: "words reveal only who we want to be, but our actions reveal who we really are." And you have shown me who you really are. And for the first time since I met you, I am happy and thankful that you're far away from me.

I wish you good health, but I truly hope to never hear from you again. Just the simple act of talking to you turned me into something I never wanted to be. I never wanted to be the woman that a guy hits up when his girlfriend isn't home.

With the way I can love a man, with the way I can take care of him, with the ways in which I can commit, I know for a fact that I deserve so much more and so much better than being a little backup plan.

There's something else I'm hoping for, aside from our paths never crossing again. I hope you realize what you have and you stop taking advantage. I hope one day you decide to be faithful to your girlfriend in every way, in every area of life because it is a fucking privilege to have someone who is willing to go to work to make sure you have what you want and need in life. I would give anything for that. I also hope you decide to stop talking to females, period, until you have the decency to be open about and proud of your woman, to the point where nearly the entire country knows you're with her and you appreciate the things she does for you.

I hope one day you realize women aren't play-things. We are human beings. If you don't have good intentions with us, then leave us be. That simple.

More thoughts later.

#when your lips do nothing but hide truth your kiss is the curse

[bloodgulchblog]

For the fic ask game- Smoke 'em if you got 'em for 4, 7, and 11

Alright let's go!

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

I have... a lot of favorites. You guys know me, I live for jokes and I love my own jokes.

But I think my actual favorite right now is not a joke, it's the mirroring of "Maybe I'll tell you, someday. If we're still friends," between Johnson and the Arbiter in chapters 2 and 3.

CHAPTER 2:

THEL: You know what I've been and done. JOHNSON: I do. But you don't know what I've been and what I've done. THEL: And what is that? JOHNSON: Outside the scope of our little agreement. Maybe I’ll tell you someday, if we’re still friends.

CHAPTER 3:

THEL: To die in battle for one’s convictions is honorable. There is a comfort in this. Our honored dead are remembered for their deeds. It is the best we can hope for in death. JOHNSON: Is it different now? THEL: Now? JOHNSON: Seems like everyone over there had to have a mighty big change of convictions on real short notice. Does that change things? THEL: ... THEL: Yes. Maybe I’ll tell you, someday. If we are still friends.

The wording/cadence is slightly different between the two characters because they speak differently, but Thel reusing Johnson's phrasing this closely is meaningful.

They're both saying "this is too personal/painful for me to discuss with you, but maybe we can be good enough friends later." Johnson says it as a joke, but Thel echoes it back as an affirmation of something he's willing to commit to.

That speaks to the central hope/anxiety of the whole fic. Are we going to be friends when this is all over? Is anyone going to make it through this? Will humanity and the Sangheili go right back to killing each other, if they survive at all?

Also, importantly, because I'm me and I love sadness, it fucking hurts. We, the audience, know that "someday, if we're still friends," never happens because we know that Johnson dies on the Ark.

7: Where did the title come from?

"Smoke 'em if you got 'em" is an old military phrase going back at least to WWII, it's a means of dismissing people to take a break (and smoke cigarettes if they have any.) I probably picked it up from some war movie or another, I hadn't investigated it before now but dropping the first 'em is because 1) I thought it flowed better as a title and 2) ...probably because I've seen Spaceballs, that's the way it's phrased in a joke in that movie.

Anyway. When it's not a joke, this has always had a slightly ominous tone to it for me, probably because of wherever I picked it up from using it that way? Smoke 'em if you got 'em, use up whatever comfort you've saved because this is the big one and odds are you won't be around to need it after. Last one out, hit the lights.

It felt appropriate for the uneasy period of quiet the slipspace journey to the Ark forces these characters into.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

JOHNSON. Johnson. Johnson.

I love Johnson, I love getting to write him and think about him. I didn't realize how much I was going to love that when I started this. Johnson is criminally underconsidered in Halo fandom (or at least I think he is). He has lived such a long, strange, sad life. He's not just a funny guy, he's careful and smart and resourceful and good at playing his cards close. He's been in this war from the start at Harvest, he saw the war that was before the Covenant and it wounded something inside him, he's known John since John was a teenager, he's one of the first humans Thel met as an ally...

Avery Johnson is a meaningful character with a lot to think about, and he gives more damns than entire lists of other Halo characters I could name.

It's been a privilege to spend some time in his head and make myself even sadder about him.

#smoke if you got 'em #sgt johnson #the arbiter #writing #asks

[overwatchfics]

y do u keep denying my tracer with a male s/o / readerr do you actually fucking hate men that much? Did a man rape you and make you go to women? there's so much AFAB this and afab that like why do you have to waste your talent on one audience make my tracer x male reader and my mind will be changed. why do you hate men and male anatomy you fucking slut

I humbly remind everyone to read my rules before putting something like this in my inbox

RULES |requests closed|

Anyways

What is your problem with me dude. You want AMAB/ Male reader then to go find someone who's willing write it or write your damn self. I legit have 7 brothers, I was raised mostly by men, and I myself am not AMAB so I don't want to butcher the anatomy for it. You bring up sexual assault? Whether I was a victim or not isn't your fucking concern and not a case of SA are conducted by men. You are in no place to demand me, I write what I want to write, if you want something badly enough, work for it. You speak of men as in male adult when you conduct yourself like a snively bored child. If you are a male, you are more boy than man. Come back to tumblr when you make it out of elementary school. Before that, maybe consider there is another human behind the glass, I don't understand your disposition against me, but I hope whatever is driving you to be bitter and vile ceases and you learn you get nothing in being rude to another person.

I truly don't understand what kind of satisfaction anons like these get. I only ask if you agree with his statements, I kindly request that you unfollow my page and do not associate with me. Those of you who enjoy my content are welcome

[khodorkovskaya]

From now on.... men can go their own way.

Fuck men, we can all have better times with our friends anyway.

If a man sends a half arsed message or a shitty one, then shame on him for being an absolute dick head. He can fuck off. Honestly it only shows their own worth so they might feel hard done to or like theyve done nothing wrong at the end of the day, but in all honesty it's just a true reflection if them and their morals and standards. It says a lot more about them than it ever will about any of us hurt girlies.

It takes nothing to be kind, kindness is free

Friends are forever and always

yess let's gooooo

speaking of messages and how it reflects guys' morals, i wanna tell you something else really frustrating about my ex. so you know how i said that he was really bad at replying to messages, didn't care about my social media and stuff?

side note just to explain why him being on social media was so important to me: i have a food reviews account and it's a hobby of mine, it's v silly and i used to make little videos of me trying different foods. it was a whole thing and i always got a lot of comments from my friends about it. but my ex never cared! and i get it, not everyone has instagram. but i was really passionate about this food blog and put a lot of effort into the silly little videos i used to make. and id often be like "did you see my new video?" and he would sigh and roll his eyes. and then sometimes id show him my videos and he would be so annoyed. he literally had no respect! and yeah, it was all very silly and stupid, i never claimed that this food reviews blog was like deep and artistic or whatever. but it was important to me!!! he could've at least pretended that he cares, you know what i mean?

another side note: i grew up on social media so im very used to chatting to my friends all the time and posting instagram stories as i go along my day and stuff. and a part of social media culture is sending memes and funny/cute photos to people to show affection, right? like we always send things to each other like "haha this made me think of you". again, it's stupid, but it's a thing people do. and i would sometimes send him cute photos of kittens or bunnies or whatever like "hey, this is us <3" and again, he didn't care. and he never made an effort to maybe think like "huh, this is important to her, this is how she shows affection, maybe i should be a little more considerate instead of dismissing her stupid cat pictures". like it's the bare minimum!

anyway, whatever.

so back to what i wanted to say. when i left him, he suddenly started being active on social media and he would reply to my messages instantly. all of a sudden he started sending me cute photos of animals and even photos of foods to try like "hey, this would be neat for your food reviews blog". like he immediately did a 180!!! turns out showing basic human decency and basic respect towards my hobbies and communication style wasn't that hard after all, huh?

so naive little me was like "ohh maybe we could get back together". so i invite him to the cinema to test the waters, yknow. and after the movie we had a talk. and he was like "yeah, look at how much effort i put into trying to get you back these past couple of weeks". and that's when it hit me. showing interest in my hobbies is an "effort"? enjoying talking to me is an "effort"? and the way he showed that "effort" was by simply liking my instagram posts and replying to my messages in less than 24 hours. the tremendous "effort" he was talking about would take him 2 seconds of his time. and that was already more than enough and too much for him???

so yeah, the amount of effort a guy is willing to put into communicating with you really says a lot. replying to your text is too hard? double-tapping a meme you sent him is too hard? sitting through a minute long video of you is too hard? well fuck that! as you said, kindness is free. respect is free. caring for your significant other and making an effort is free! and if that's too hard? well fuck that!

[gobbluthbutagirl]

going on desktop to post this which is something i have not done in so long that as it turns out i had been automatically logged out due to inactivity. anyway i had to have a readmore and i guess if you read more you’ll see why on account of this is so fucking embarrassing. but i think perhaps i need to be put down so bad it makes me look stupid. and here’s why: i straight up ditched my family in santa monica last night. we had a hotel room that was nicer than my apartment and i left it and i walked a mile to the train station and rode a train and then another train for approximately 90 minutes to get back to my apartment. and i don’t even know why i did it. i think something inside of me just snapped or broke or whatever and i realized i simply do not want to speak to any of these people ever again. and it’s not like they’ve even done anything to me. i do not know what is wrong with me and i have been avoiding their attempts to contact me all day. and they are now almost back to the airport and they have not seen me in some 22 hours. and i don’t know what the hell my problem is. but i do not want to see them ever again. and it’s not like i can say that because i mean they’re about to fly cross-country and what if i said that and then their plane crashed and they died. how could i ever live with myself(said while unsure i can live with myself as-is).

but it’s like. i already barely speak to my mom and have no plans to return to south carolina ever. it would NOT be difficult to just cut contact with them all completely. and i’m sure everyone is already wondering what the hell is wrong with me due to me ditching them in santa monica and i don’t know. it just seems right to have their last memory of me ever be a betrayal. also not to brag but i think i might be leading a more hopeless existence than anyone else in all earth’s history has led ever. and i kind of hope my job fires me so i have a valid reason to kill myself. and it’s also my grandma’s birthday which is really the most unfortunate timing ever but i have already gotten a passive-aggressive text from my mother reminding me that it’s my grandma’s birthday and i will be neither responding to that text nor wishing her a happy birthday which is another great reason for everyone to hate me. and i think they should make a suicide hotline that you call and then the guy tells you that you SHOULD kill yourself because if such a thing existed it would either push me over the edge or make me so mad that i would no longer be wanting to kill myself and either way i would win because i would no longer be feeling like this.

and here’s something really funny. i didn’t even have today off originally. i had to go back and request it off later because i found out their flight wasn’t leaving until like 11pm. i used my vacation day for this. i got PAID to let two garbage bags sit on the floor for six hours because that’s how long it took me to stop crying long enough to take them out. i don’t deserve to get paid for that. i deserve to get KILLED for that. and everything about my life just sucks so much. it just sucks SO much. and i am not willing to put in ANY of the effort required to change that right now because why even bother. what’s even the point. i have suffered for so long and so relentlessly that if anything good ever DID happen to me i wouldn’t even know what the hell i was supposed to do with it. and the last time i viewed myself as a human being the year was 2008 and i was 11. and this is why “i started a joke” by the bee gees is my all-time top track on spotify

[souridealist]

so a couple of different stories I've enjoyed recently were rattling around my head at the same time, and then my wife encouraged me (sang Hmm) and now I present to you: the final fantasy vii party watching Hazbin Hotel

(contains Hazbin Hotel spoilers, and also, is probably incomprehensible if you haven't seen hazbin hotel. also I haven't finished rebirth yet so it's possible this alludes to some stuff in the original game that rebirth has yet to cover, I don't know)

they have to stop for at least twenty minutes after "more than anything" because Barret is gone. he's gone. full-on sobbing on the couch. goes through half a box of tissues while aerith pats him on the shoulder. only the fact that marlene is asleep saves her from getting snuggled for an hour.

ever after he will tell you his favorite character is Charlie out of how hard he is relating to Lucifer yeah.

Aerith's favorite is absolutely Angel but like. in a way where she initially just though he was hilarious and she loved his lack of fucks and then episode four hits her with "It's not an act! It's who I need to be!" and she's just sitting there on the couch like WOW OKAY WAS NOT PLANNING TO GET CALLED OUT BY AN ANIMATED SPIDER TODAY

Tifa's favorite absolutely one hundred percent actually is Charlie

she just really likes the cheerful warmhearted compassionate girl

who says fuck

and was raised in a miserable slum but still sees joy in life and chooses to reach out to people

and has long braided hair down her back

that's just a character she finds really appealing is all

Red at the back of the room very quietly choosing violence: "There's a surprise."

(for all that Aerith rags on Cloud for being an idiot, I'm not sure she actually manages to run this math)

speaking of Red he kind of finds the whole thing extremely human and bemusing but when asked to pick a favorite he thinks it over very carefully and decides on Husk

and given how bad Husk actually is at maintaining the disaffected thing, yeah Red is telling on himself a little too

Cloud is actually not having a great time because between the really frank sexuality and the bleak humor the show is pretty significantly beyond his comfort level but he's not willing to like. actually admit that.

he also really hates Alastor. nobody but Yuffie actually likes Alastor but Cloud in particular just absolutely refuses to countenance that a single thing Alastor does could be anything besides him playing every single other character completely heartlessly and insincerely and to their detriment

neither the general anti-Alastor consensus nor the mass booing of the Vees is what has Cait Sith going "ha ha ha hoo anyway I'm gonna go wash the moogle, aye?"

that's episode six, when he finds himself actively bowled the hell over with envy for Emily's innocence

he still catches enough of the last two episodes to catch Alastor's total breakdown in the finale about coming to care for these people

hoO! he has something to do anywhere else suddenly! goodnight guys good talk good show

meanwhile Yuffie's entire reason for being the single pro Alastor representative is that she appreciates that he's got style. in, you know, a creepy old man way

she absolutely does not understand significant chunks of angel's dialogue but she is RAPTLY interpreting the context clues

Cid is honestly just waking up for the songs (yuffie is in charge of kicking him when his snoring gets too loud) but he does genuinely like the songs

he actually enjoys Adam because he likes that musical style best and also finds Adam funny, and like. the guy is funny. but Tifa and Aerith are both judging him a little

he does NOT notice this

he does have another favorite when asked and it's Sir Pentious. it's the blimp, he respects a good blimp.

Vincent is hanging out at the back of the room but everybody kind of assumes he isn't paying attention until someone looks over during "Out for Love" and realizes he is silently but openly weeping into his collar

he already liked Vaggie best but after that one he's really attached

rate of party members who eventually end up humming at least one song from the thing: 100%.

#final fantasy vii #hazbin hotel #posts for an extremely specific crossover audience #that reminds me I should bring back the cloud duck post

[thegeminisage]

i don't know how i'm supposed to simply do a tng update when there was SPOCK but obviously last night (tonight as i type this, but it's late, so this post is going up while i'm at work) we watched unification part i & part ii

tng update:

🌈SPOCK🌈

okay, i'm normal again

part i: BITTERLY disappointed that all we got out of this episode spockwise was one blurry photo and him coming in right at the end. i had a feeling they'd do that. i guess now i have to talk about the nonimportant nonspock parts of this episode 🥱

ive decided i hate sarek's new wife. what business is it of hers if spock objects to sarek in public? if sarek didn't have a problem with it why make one? evil stepmother fr. why did sarek marry another human anyway does he have a fucking fetish or something...at least she was too old to get knocked up. i was reading about ages on the wiki today and amanda was only TWENTY YEARS OLD when she had spock. sarek would have been 65. i know vulcans age way different so it's not as creepy but STILL. girl, wait until you are old enough to drink

speaking of sarek...i went back and forth feeling terrible for him and wanting to attack him with my bare hands. under one hand he is on his deathbed and obviously very ill and miserable and suffering deep regrets over past mistakes and it's hard not to have sympathy...on the other, maybe if you wanted less deathbed regrets about your relationship with spock YOU SHOULD HAVE TREATED HIM BETTER! bitch.

also, whatever he and picard had going on was homoerotic. "we're part of each other" why do they talk about the mind meld that way in tng and not in tos. why did picard feel up sarek's hand on his deathbed the second his wife looked away. hes got a history of homewrecking since he (i know) had his affair baby wesley with beverly. so Whats Going On

picard forcefully obtaining the klingon ship. i LOVE when he gets to be a bitch

ROMULAN RACEFAKING??? a proud star trek tradition at this point i guess but it was truly awful to behold. DEEPLY disappointed sela did not later lick the paint off his ears as the klingons implied she would. smh

i like also how riker blew up that whole ship and nobody batted an eyelash. he really can just do whatever

part ii: SPOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the first time i cried was when spock himself came onscreen at the end of part i. then just as soon as i collected myself he mentioned jim kirk twice in the space of 30 seconds and i lost it again. we are literally bridging the gap between tos spock and spock prime from aos rn and i Dont like it.

Very Sad his dad kicked it before they could reconcile. but i saw his microexpressions when picard delivered the news. i missed them more than you can possibly imagine

i did love though that he started viewing picard as like a proxy sarek. imagine having daddy issues with a guy who is 75 years younger than you. lowkey they also had a little homoeroticism happening. "cowboy diplomacy" sure whatever

riker and the four-armed pianist 10/10 i hope they fucked. i'm so glad we wont he riker roulette and it wasn't creepy. also only riker could successfully flirt with a women after killing her husband in a spaceship battle <3

i'm a little iffy on spock's uhhh whole deal in this episode. he's lik yeah i chose the vulcan way of life these romulans are gonna have way better lives after their vulcan enlightenment but meanwhile he's criticizing sarek for his obsession with logic to the exclusion of all emotion (which is what he decided in tmp, that you need both) and also the vulcan way of life has done huge damage to his relationship with his father as well. so which is it?? idk, maybe he's not doing well because of sarek dying and all but he seemed like he was in a very "im not willing to acknowledge that i have emotions because rn theyre causing me pain" sort of mood. buddy :(

then again, it IS a tng script. we can only expect so much. it wasn't so inconsistent that it took me out of the episode but it did bother me a little because i just don't understand why he's willing to devote the rest of his life to this cause...he seemed to imply he had emotional reasons but what were they?? we will quite literally never know.

what's wack to me also is that in nineteen years romulus is gonna be GONE. like it's just going to be gone. eaten up by the sun or whatever. if someone had a baby right now on romulus that baby would not be old enough to drink before the sun swallowed them. so everything spock is doing is for nothing.

sela in this episode was really funny. "i hate vulcans." so true queen. i mean i don't care about her at all but that was hilarious

data doing the vulcan nerve pinch!!!!!!! that was so fun. i don't think it requires telepathy to do, just super strength, but i guess if you do then that makes no sense. it made me happy though.

the end when spock melded with picard to quasi-meld with his father and almost wept was me crying for the third time...i couldn't stand seeing him cry!!!!!! i can't believe sarek really just died without ever reconciling with him but i kind of like it better this way bc what sarek did was his own fault not spock's. so spock got closure and sarek. didn't. rip dude

okay. this concludes. the SPOCK UPDATE. tonight: a matter of time. and TOMORROW........the undiscovered country. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

#personal #star trek blogging #tng lb #i really wanted gifs from this episode but i only found one gifset and it wasn't the moment i wanted. any of the moments i wanted. #i would like to try and make some myself but i hate making them and i'm bad at it and also i'm running cs4 #we'll see i guess :(

[moisummertime]

Soooooo this week I finally back to my sleep schedule, enjoying itsy bitsy of naps, and have all my shits just back to as it used to. The smoke season actually help me a lot. All I need to do is just to surrender, let go, and forgive. That everything happened because they supposed to work that way. It's in past anyway, what else you can do? grieving? stay angry? in denial? avoiding it? One thing I always try to trust is action. whatever underly those actions someone choose to take, at the end whatever they do matters the most because they choose it. Remember what they said, "Action speak louder than words." I don't want to argue, get angry, or just being sad af all the time. I want to just keep using love as verb, as action, but I def have short temper so yea I consider that as one of form of love? lmao. Now what I want is to manifest the kind of person I want to be and be with. You put things into words, it becomes prayer. And I hope God hear this because yep, Im done playing. Thank you for sending me another ultimatum in life. I get back on track, God. This is something that I just recently found that this is important. I want a partner that willing to go on counseling with me. This is a big time realization after a whole month learning more skills on being a better partner. I had no idea that it's so fucking difficult to have a relationship yet so many people don't even work that hard for it. They don't even take care of themselves well, how they will be a great partner for you? The complexity of human relationship is whoa... so much layers. You bring your whole life into it and try to navigate it together and work on it together... for as long as you are willing to do it. I don't consider myself a quitter, but when I decided Im quitting, there's no way back. I'll be totally numb and it's even harder to restart everything. So that's pretty much why after I broke up with Zach, I burned down so many bridges with so many people, men mostly. No one from my past is allowed to have access to my current life. I built this peace above so many painful experiences they caused me. Honestly, I don't mind losing people. Although now Im trying to be softer on this one, sometimes it's still tough. Because you will never the same person once someone gave you a plot twist that change the whole things in so many different layers. But this year, since I try to approach things with love and understanding, which also that means I'll be giving so much with no return nor expecting it at all, it's kinda tough since it challenge what worked for me before. It's kinda put a soft reset on my system, and now Im trying to update it the way windows update do it.

I consider myself a give and everyone just telling me to stop. It drains me, and I had to agree with them. My issue is that I always end up being the one that invested so much without a fair/equal effort in return. When they said that love should be unconditional, well, I can but throwing unconditional love without getting the same thing in return, who wants that? I saw so many couples seemed to have a loving relationship, but it's all on surface. no one knows what is hidden behind those sweet display. whether it was a constant work, fights, tears, idk. No one knows the layers that was hidden. but one thing, they make it seems like it works for them. they at least work together to put things great for the eyes of others. Most people know I talk a lot about my struggles. I never really try to hide it. Being vulnerable in the eye of public is seems scary but somehow for some friends, they found it relieving to see that they're not the only one struggling with their demon. One of my friend from volunteering work in Uni struggled a lot, and when she knows I also not well enough we start to connect again and make fun of our misery. Joke is def a bad coping mechanism, but god I've cried enough, I just wanna laugh a bit. another friend said that I am an emotional slut but confident enough to be just super open about those shits. I do have a private journals which I usually use to talk about more stuff in deeper level. I put the name, the date, the details, how I feel about that, I don't leave any details behind. which is kinda annoying me to know that I remember every detail of everything. And Honestly, when I gave this, I expect the same thing in return. I don't want to be the only one vulnerable and open alone. and I fuuuuuuuucking hate it when I have to ask something in return. Men, please be sensitive and sensible. But one thing I like most is being respected. You can disrespect me in bed, but outside bedroom you need to be respectful. I don't know why men these days have a very low respect towards women, me especially. Okay I think that's my rants for today. Im gonna eat some pineapple :3