#BC THAT SUCKS AND IS NOT NORMAL OR HEALTHY

[addicted2skinny]

How can I hide my ed from my therapist so she doesn’t take away my concerta

hi hi <33 thanks for trusting me with this issue, I'll do my best to help you out! Please note tho, that all advice I'm giving is just personal experience and what I would do. I don't know your specific circumstances so it might not be fully accurate or something like wise.

TW: ED & hiding it below the cut! DNI if you want to go/are in recovery and fully WANT to recover. (Note: I AM pro recovery, I'm just not ready for it and this person also doesn't seem ready either)

— First, I'd definitely suggest that you're positive about food and calories. At least try to. When they ask you how you've been, how your relationship with food & your body is going you need to make them believe that everything's alright. Try to talk openly about your favourite foods and choose foods that are high caloric/normal to eat on a daily basis (so don't choose rice cakes or diet coke as those are often associated with eds)

—If your therapist offers you food, take it AND EAT IT. Don't try to spit it out, vomit when you're still in the clinic/house of your therapist or decline it. I know it's painful and you'll probably hate yourself for doing so but trust me, it's better than getting into a psychiatric ward bc of your ed.

—Act better around your friends&family as well, try to go out and eat with them. Take pictures of the food (important!) and show them happily to your therapist. You can always burn the cals later on in the day or fast for the following days after the meal with your friends& family.

—If you have to, gain a little weight. I know it sucks to reset your progress, but I myself gained five kg purposely in recovery, mainly so the therapist is convinced I'm healthy and lets me go.

—You need to start acting like you're Scarlett Johansson, Emma Watson, Leonardo DiCaprio or whoever, act ALL THE TIME. It can't be too obvious like you've suddenly changed 180° in your sleep, but if you radiate a positive attitude about food and your body, if you talk greatly about your physical&mental health it'll be much more believable. If you have to, try to change your appearance a bit as well, for me make-up worked wonders as I always looked (and still often do) pale, tired and sleep deprived whilst starving.

—Take good care of yourself nonetheless! Even if you refuse to eat when you're not with your family/therapist, having a good skin care and hair care routine really changes a lot.

—Try not to overdo it too much, as they might catch onto your lies. Start with slow changes in your mood or talks about what you've eaten and then slowly improve to greater changes of the course of several weeks. It has to be as believable as possible for your therapists and supervisors that you've chosen life now and how happy you are once you'd reach a healthy relationship with food again.

—If you struggle with putting up the act or if you're a bad liar, try staying away from ed media like tumblr, twitter, telegram and any ed triggering shows. Just because you'll abandon your account for a bit doesn't mean you'll never come back to it.

I hope that I could help you or anyone else at least a little bit. Keep in mind again that this is just based on my personal preferences and experience, so it might or might not work for you. Please take care of yourself, I believe in you!🫶

If anyone else has any advice/suggestions, feel free to comment/reblog! <33

#tw ed but not sheeran #4n4tips #4n4t1ps #tw 3d vent #ask #i wanna be tiny #i wanna lose weight #i want to lose weight #i will reach my ugw #i need to lose this weight #4norexla #ed relapse #anor3c1a #anorexies #ana problems #ed rant #ed dieta #ed tmblr #tw ed sheeran #eating disoder trigger warning #tw eating issues #disordered eating mention #disordered eating cw #tw disordered thoughts #4n4rexia #4n4blr #4n4m1a #4nor3xia #4n0rexic #🕯️as a feather

[pansyfemme]

you ever have a dream where you’re screaming and crying and breaking down at someone you’re not even that mad at irl. can i have a moment of rest

#god those dreams suck ass bc i wake up feeling like shit #i havent had a breakdown in 6 months. that sounds like a joke but thats a new record for me. i have a lot of mental health issue #but like i keep feeling like im failing my recovery bc i keep having mega depression dreams but wake up feeling fine ? #like im normal im healthy im doing fine but i dream that im not so constantly

[grey-has-rusted]

what they don't tell you about life is that it's hard. woe is me

#ramblings #yes. i logged onto tumblr just to complain. #i have not been having a good time irl </3 #guys am i cooked? i wake up everyday with a heavy sorrow in my heart. #i am sad all the time even though i enjoy the wonders of life. #i laugh and smile and talk and learn. but im still sad. #it also doesn't help that i have psychotic tendencies and episodes #'go for a walk. that's a healthy coping mechanism' bro i can't even go outside bc i will get lost and walk for hours and almost- #unintentionally kill myself #it sucks. it all sucks and i say things that don't make sense either. apparently. allegedly. #i just want a functional brain. i would be so unstoppable if it weren't from my brain maybe i could actually function like a normal person #and hold down a job and be consistent with my hobbies and passions and actually maintain friendships #ong ive been so lonely too #i haven't bothered making friends anymore bc i know i won't be consistent and i dont wanna waste anyone's time #that's just really unfair #and i rely so heavily on videogames and fiction to get me through the day #bc it makes me feel less lonely. yeah i know i sound lame 💀 #anyways- see y'all in another year when i remember tumblr exists

[densewentz]

exhausted health update because I have to rant somewhere lol

So we're ending day 12 of my mysterious right-sided numbness. It's moved from just my torso all the way down my right leg to my toes, so now I'm just hobbling around half numb rip. And now the torso numbness feels like im being vacuum sealed or something, just a horrible tightness and lack that makes it impossible to ignore. Went to the ER the other night and had 2 panic attacks within the span of the several hours I was there, got my bloodwork redone and a cat scan which all came back with a big Nothing on them. They told me I needed an MRI but that I'd have to go through my Primary Care and after I told them my primary wouldnt see me until May they referred me to a new primary not in my network so that's been a dead end rip. So far everyone is pointing at my horrific anxiety as the cause but not one doctor has actually offered me help for the anxiety despite me having the active panic attacks in the office lol. My Primary wont see me for several months despite the severity of my current condition and none of the mental health programs I've reached out to will get back to me so for now I'm just. Existing in this anxiety Ouroboros where my anxiety causes my numbness which causes anxiety which causes numbness. I'm trying stupid home remedies to try and minimize the active anxiety attacks but so far we've just been circling around alternating Holy Basil, Benadryl and literally just drinking Rum and going to sleep, which sure all help my anxiety a little maybe but also make it almost impossible for me to function normally during the day. This is making art difficult so commissions are going slow which is obviously making me more anxious lol. I also am home alone most of the week managing the household, which is made more difficult since right now the numbness in my foot/leg makes it dangerous for me to drive and difficult for me to get around my house to do daily tasks. Idk man I'm just tired as all hell and I seem to vacillate wildly between full anxiety breakdowns and depressive/dissociative episodes. At any rate during the week I'll just be constantly calling and harassing every doctor/therapist I can get a number for trying to find someone who will be able to either address my anxiety directly or can at least get me into an MRI to rule out MS or anything else that ISNT anxiety. I'm going to become the bane of the medical profession for a while. Wish me luck!

#personal #dense rants #medical stuff #ive been really absent headed and floaty today so im a little concerned im heading into a full dissociative episode but #guess we'll see #i moved from my temporary space in our spare room back into my normal room so that'll be interesting #and my weighted blanket idea backfired since i can only find my 30lb and not my 15lb #and the 30 is a little too constricting when im already half numb #my knee also feels like gelatin so walking has become.... precarious #but it is what it is i guess #here's hoping it goes away eventually #if anyone has any other weird back alley ways of handling their chronic and extreme anxiety hmu bc im basically ready to try anything lol #if nothing else i got the satisfaction of giving the double middle fingers to every family member and health professional #who couldnt FATHOM that all of my test results came back as a big No for diabetes #because as a fat girl obviously that's the only possible thing it could be #like im not even pre-diabetic im literally healthy as a horse aside from the numbness thing #so suck on that health and diet industry

[nevada-got-screwed-over]

Actually I don’t think I’ll ever forgive how Wash’s disability and subsequent ‘cure’ was handled.

#beans speaks #personal #rvb #red versus blue #the Carolina and wash plotline was a lil ehhh bc I don’t think they gave Carolina’s attitude abt his new limits a healthy foil #like it would have been see easy to have Dr Grey or Wash himself parallel her fear and frustration #and it could have gotten into such character depth too! #shine a light on her past trauma with losing people/them getting hurt to show that a lot of her perspective is ultimately selfish #which isn’t ‘wrong’ it’s normal considering what she’s been through but she needs to respect wash’s autonomy! #I haven’t seen 0 but. I heard. they gave him a. a fucking AI and it was all yippee he’s fine #as though that doesn’t go against like a major personal boundary of Wash (not a big fan of ai in his head) while also ignoring the whole. #yeah we just have to deal with this. it’s not fun and it’s gonna suck sometimes but it doesn’t change our love or respect. #sorry if I sound insane I also haven’t watched that season in a while and I’m. a lil. wooo tonight y’know #like as a disabled person w a progressive condition that is stopping me from doing things I used to be able to do #and will continue to limit my abilities as the years go by #it makes me wanna tear someone limb from fucking limb

[no-one-hears-me]

really thinking about how my only options are to continue starving and stay skinny or eat but gain weight. I can never be normal

#ed tw #today I saw a video of someone showing what her friend eats #and it was a whole pizza and then pasta and whatever #how are some people capable of doing that #realistically some of it is my fault bc I've slowed my metabolism by restricting too hard #and the only way to fix it is to eat more BUT that will cause weight gain #and yeah I can lose it but I'd rather not gain any in the first place #also I'm genuinely not able to eat that much anymore #today I ate a fairly small amount of food and my stomach starting getting uncomfortable halfway through #even though that was the only thing I had in awhile. idk #I'm kinda proud that I can't eat anymore but that's kinda cringe idk #anyways. I really just wish I could eat normal amounts of food but still have a really low weight #I don't want a healthy weight tbh so yeah it makes sense that I can't eat healthy portions #still sucks tho #ALSO it sucks that alcohol has calories but tbf I don't need to drink much if I haven't eaten anyways #and my tolerance has never been high actually bc I don't drink that much #Sera

[toonfinatic]

Seriously considering breast augmentation in the future

#bras are a PAIN. i have no breasts so they just slide off my shoulders #and a lot of shirts that would otherwise fit look super weird because theres nothing to hold them up #like my clothes shopping already sucks because im short but shirts and dresses just DONT FIT WELL EVER #especially since my hips are wide. i love dresses but they never ever fit #like i just want normal size breasts. mine just never developed #obv its expensive but idk maybe one day i'll have money. i need to fix up my teeth too though because they legitimately #cause me health issues no matter how much i brush them bc they are so tightly in my mouth that i cant even floss half of them #and i have been recommended to get my teeth fixed bc of all that. so thats the priority #but ughhhh can i just have money. i want to be able to actually wear clothes without tailoring the shit out of them #and to have healthy teeth #give me 10k euros rn

[un-pearable]

cal :(

#i NEED to keep playing fallen order (got survivor as a holiday gift and it is Taunting Me #however i’m a) bad at it #and need my bro there to help bail me out of fights (and it’s more fun w someone to chat w) #and b) i’m at a particularly difficult fight segment im GURANTEED to suck at #and c) i’ve hit the WORST stage of my emotional investment where i *cannot experience the media w the character i care about bc i feel too #strongly and instinctively avoid it so i don’t feel* <- normal healthy thing #anyway. cal :(

[chemicalbrew]

octopath 2 and smt4a are both such good timesinks jfc

#i know I'll probably be complaining about them both till the end of time if i ever finish them #but for now whenever i sit down with either I'm like HEHE turn based fighting joy #with a healthy nostalgia smack for smt4 specifically #i sucked ass at it but time really smooths out flaws in your brain huh #the fucking music in 4/4a... unmatched™ #zero.txt #anyway all this is to say that i put like 9 hours in one and 5 hours in the other #and bc they're just different enough they both keep alluring me despite being decently long RPGs I'd normally beat one at a time #girl help #i also might just be happy to do proper turnbased after doing nothing but platformers/mashy action games for months :)

[dokyeomini]

girl help how do i maintain healthy eating habits and not slip into an ed relapse

#im trying to eat healthy and lose a bit of weight bc this just isn't feeling good and my pcos symptoms did get better after i lost a bit #but every time my brain just wants to gl to extremes #like i know no balance this sucks #ed tw #all i know is i can't be cutting out anything completely bc then i'll keeo cutting things out #it is so strange to observe my brain reacting to just the feeling of hunger or eating certain foods #like... almost nostalgic? #and im just trying to notice my thought patterns and they're so weird still #i don't think i will relapse in behaviours i think that's very unlikely #but the thoughts? so interesting how little they've changed #well this is the last post i'll make abt this probably bc .... who needs to read this #but im just.. trying to figure out how to eat normally...... #i think the key might be to eat healthy as a way to be kind to myself #not as like .. a punishment like i usually have done

[kkujo]

out of tags bc i rambled but i wanna add on that often gym culture is a rlly supportive and confidence building environment and there's so much positive gym content but unfortunately some ppl do take it in the wrong direction and it becomes like. toxic gym bro culture. we do not like that. take care of ur health physical and mental first and foremost always!!!

#like there are so many rlly nice gym videos with people being helpful and supportive and just really nice #i've had ppl approach me in the gym and start rlly pleasant convos and it's just such a supportive environment to me #but you gotta know what to avoid w content bc a lot of people are weird abt it and promote unhealthy behaviours and fixate on dysmorphia #which. i understand from experience and dysmorphia SUCKS. but it's not healthy to be obsessing over that type of mindset yk?? #also the gym you go to will probably make a difference ig?? like my gym is a really nice environment i find #but ik some gyms people are more rude or constantly filming and for some ppl that's just gonna make it a horrible environment #it depends where you go i think. grateful that my gym is normal tho. i've only had to tell off teenage boys for filming me one (1) time #and even then i was polite i was like hey can you not get me in ur shot pleaseeee 😁 and thankfully he was like omg yeah sorry #so. could've gone a lot worse bc. teenage boys. but i don't think he was intentionally pointing the camera at me yk 😭😭 #you just have to have the confidence to stand up for urself if people are filming and you're not comfortable being on it #which is hard asf omg the anxiety was so high but he was respectful thankfully. and i rarely see ppl taking pics in my gym thank god #ANYWAY. DONE RAMBLING NOW THANK YOU FOR LISTENING. #it's just smth i'm strongly passionate abt and i don't talk abt it too often bc ik some people don't like the topic and i totally get that

[nomaishuttle]

uninstalled all the dating apps which ws like 8nof them . in the morning ill tell the guys i was talking to that i overestimared how ready i was and hopefully theyll understand andnjust drop it

#i dont feel stable enough for like . any relationship platonic or romantic andnit fucking..rly sucks bc i want to have friends but like #with what happened with daj the other day im like. i dont think i can be like . idk. ik daj said it was ok and she understood but im so #upset that i lashed iut abt that and i keep trying to get into therapy but i fucking..cant find one. at all #im trying to be more reasonable witj mymoney and i know like. i need therapy bc i Need to work this out and i am not able to work it out #with myself. i need to see a professional abt this . so ik it wouldnt be frivolous to spend money on a therapist if i cant find one in #network. bc the in network thrapists dont accept/dont specialize in working with patients with bpd which i like. thats..my issue. im almost #posiitive. ive done a lot of research and it matches up with like . all of my experiences #ik everybody feels unstable after a breakup buti genuinely like. i dont feel whole. and im looking back on how i treated myself and thiught #abt the relationship and its like. i stopped talking to all my friends i stopped talking to my family i literally dropped out of school i #moved across the country i dropped any interest that we didnt share i literally like. i gave up fucking everything and thats not. healthy. #and he never aksed me for that and its not fair of me to resent him for me doing that bc he nevrr asked me to #but i feel like. everytime i think abt him it feels like im being torn in half like . i put him on so incredibly high of a pedestal i #literally thought of him as perfect that was..recurring. and when i was upset with him i took it out on myself horrifically and thats not #normal . and jow thinking abt him literally physucally hurts bc theres still that part of me that thinks hes perfect and that im a mistake #and a failure and i didnt Be connor right. and then theres a part of me that . doesnt think of him that way #and its just like. aughhf. even outside that relationship im looking back on past friendships and how like..obsessive i get with them #and then when they 'betray' me i just. immediately turn on them and like. thats not normal.. #and my sense of identity is um. Well you guys have seen. you know. #ive looked into it a lot and i rly think i have it and im not like. 100% positive but i feel like even if i dont itd be good to work with a #therapist who Has experience with that. since the experience is so similar. yk. idk #i just feel insane and i feel like bod would make like. so much of my life and the way i act and the way i react to things like..it makes #sense when i look at it as if i have bpd. and if i dont it literally seems completely irrational and erratic like. IDK. so basically i need #a therapist who can work with that but none of the ones in network specialize in that and then i was researching and found out a lot of #therapists specifically Dont work with bpd patients and like. judge their peers who do for woriing with bod #which is 1. Actually disgusting 2. Straight up stupid 3. Terrifying. so i only want to work with a therapist whi explicitely says I #specialize and work with patients with bpd 👍 but i literally could only find 1 and theyre out of network and its 15p for visit and id #prefer to do weekly visits if possible but thats . 300 per paycheck for therapy . biweekly itd be better but thats still 150. and i have to #save up for the trip home and then the new apartment immediately after #and i have to get credit card . #and in an ideal world id hold off on the therapist until i get my new apartment so that i can fully focus on coping with myself and learnin

[floofyfluff]

starts crying because i thought too hard about friends, who i had barely had a few weeks to get to know before pandemic hit, bringing me thanksgiving dinner from 10 feet away door dash style. i know this i was just a regular thing to do but id 1. just moved for the 10th time in 7 years like three months before the panini. to Yet Another state. 2. recently given up on art and decided the smart thing to do was get licensed and start working as an emt. in the pandemic. like a person with No Fucking Brain. while further deciding to go back to school bc i guess i spent enough time in the infectious ravioli to think i could stick this out for the long haul BC REALLY COULD IT GET WORSE (it can always get worse). and thus hadn't spent extensive time with anyone that wasnt intimately involved in making morbid jokes about the "meat lockers" outside all the hospitals (in case we ended up like nyc. Which we didn't by sheer icu-bed-per-capita, but only sorta). and also you gotta laugh or cry and they Were meat lockers. so you laugh.

but anyway i hadn't seen these people for months and they made a whole dinner and brought it to me and that's why i'm still in chicago.

#im very tired so many people always die in december for no reason #probably for some reason but i'm not smart enough to know it #but also its like damn i do enjoy seeing patients on a consistent basis as compared to what i used to do where i never see them again #and just assumed they were left for dead in an overcrowded nursing home #but its weird to have a healthy 62 year old come in for enough post ops you get to know them #and then suddenly they are found dead in their bed bc sometimes life sucks #so if someone brings me food i start crying #@the little polish lady i'd met once and who brought me so many anise flavored waffle cookies today i love you and its your fault #bc i am normal and regular and would not have stabbed myself in the eye if i didn't have two small cats who needed me by august of 2020

[pepprs]

resenting my mom thought of the day: why should we have to accept that this is how life is gonna be and she’s never gonna change. like girl go to therapy stop fucking bullying your kids 😭😭😭😭

#purrs #like why is it on US to always have to be the ones to be nice and kind and learn the coping mechanisms. maybe stop giving us reasons to #cope. maybe learn basic human compassion. maybe understand how your actions and reactions impact other people. like this fucking sucks #delete later #mothers tw #also thinking abt that one time she said how i have book smarts but not common sense (bc i push for independence and autonomy and have to #fight her tooth and nail to make my own decisions) and my sister (who has a fucking learning disability and anxiety and ocd and depression #that impacts her ability to be independent and make her own choices) has common sense but not book smarts (DID I MENTION SHE HAS A LEARNING #DISABILITY!) and implied later on in the convo that our brother has both and that’s why she loves him. LOL!!! what a normal family what a #healthy relationship between her mother and her kids! awesome and cool and epic and wonderful. we have got to get out of here #like the way i feel so fucking helpless. LOL!

[saltinesinsoup]

ouhg ahg owie yeowch!! sinus pain

#jaytalking #jayventing #me when. i have sinus issues once again #need to. schedule an appointment with a specialist tbh #like. tested negative for covid the other day while still feeling like this. so unless it's a cold my sinuses are just fucked again #yayyyy i <3 having a headache for the whole day it's my favorite thing in the whole world i love being so tired i love when my face hurts #hoping i feel better tomorrow. if not i will be talking to my mom about it or smth bc i want to rip my face off just a bit #urghhhhh i just Want to feel normal i don't want to feel like Shit why does my body do this to me #AND LIKE. ITS JUST THE SINUS PRESSUREN HEADACHE #and also a sore throat #but genuinely ough. sinus pain has been like an on n off thing for me for some time now and i'm sick of it #i honestly can't remember the last time i felt genuinely healthy (though that might be the winter speaking. but i feel like the sinus stuff #has been fairly present. like minimal on some days but still there.) #i simply am. tired. of this shit. and i want to suck it out of face or like pop it like a pimple #idk man i'm just so done with it right now #(mainly because it got worse today again haha)

[jejciu]

having genetically yellow teeth fucking SUCKS I hate my smile AND I can't wear red lipstick. It's awful. Every so often I try to research the professional whitening at dental clinics and not only it's always ridiculously expensive but there's even NO GUARANTEE if it will bring a noticeable effect nor how long will it last lmao. Its so awful and I can't believe I will be stuck with them forever

#They're healthy they're clean they're not like that because of red wine or coffee...... They're just fucking genetically off white #It absolutely sucks bc my sister for example has normal white teeth lmao #Whatever I normally try to ignore it but I felt like putting on red lipstick and I look so bad :-( I hate my looks so much god #maurycy talks