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coccyodynia · 1 year

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things:

four years and a few days ago, i entered treatment for dual diagnosis care to treat my mental health and drug use

for about 4 straight years before that, i’m not sure i was sober for more than an hour at a time

i was really heavily using benzos and always mixing them with an extreme amount of alcohol

frequently confused as to who i was then, how people perceived me, and how i’m still alive

i’m extremely grateful i went to treatment, because if i hadn’t had some kind of intervention, i dont think i would have survived another year like that

i still really really struggle with relapses

and in the last two years i’m not sure i’ve managed to have a clean streak longer than 3 months

but i am trying

my drug abuse ended up being the last straw for some important people in my life, who would eventually leave my life bc of it

anyway moving on to other topics

i finally saw justin this week, for the first time in three months

it’s been a pretty weird 3 month period of not really knowing where we stood bc i couldn’t keep my feelings to myself, and he needed a break from that i guess

i understand it will never again be like it was when we first started talking

and tbh that really kills me, but i’m very grateful he’s a part of my life still, in some way

the connection was immediately really strong from the start and i really credit him with helping me a lot

he was probably the first person to verbalize “i’m here for you”, and actually follow through with that sentiment

meeting him almost exactly one year after reid left my life is probably worth mentioning here but whatever

ive finally been able to start seeing my therapist again, and i meet with her monday

right now she can only schedule me every other week, which is a really hard adjustment for me to make tbh

since october of 2019 i probably have had therapy at least once a week

im really struggling with staying sane bc my job has become an incredibly stressful place for me, which didn’t used to be the case

like work has always had some level of stress, sure, but this last month or so, i have been getting physically sick from the stress, crying at my desk every day, etc

but on the other hand, i’m also having these really meaningful yet overwhelming moments of gratitude for being where i’m at

like yeah nothing is perfect or even close, but i have created a life for myself that works most of the time

im finally experiencing a level of safety and security that i have honest to god never felt before, and i did not even know that it could improve this much

growing up i didnt have any sense of safety or security at all, which i didn’t realize until very recently

in the last year or so working with nicole (my therapist), i have finally learned that the things i was subjected to as a child were not normal, and that it was traumatic

about 6 months or so ago (possibly less), i learned i have complex post traumatic stress disorder

i had pretty much known for over a decade that i was borderline, before i was officially diagnosed

but i didn’t even have an inkling of an idea that i could be experiencing CPTSD, so when my therapist gently told me i was, my world view realllyyyyy started to shatter and shift

it has been very very difficult to come to terms with tbh

anyways i really miss writing and photographing and making art so i hope to return to that soon

i’m at work rn and i should probably start doing my job before the bosses get here so ta-ta for now thanks for reading this insane post

#things

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2jaeh · 3 years

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Bubble ♡︎ | Na Jaemin

Genre : Fluff humor

You’re subscribed to Jaemins bubble, excited just like every other fan to recieve his message for today until his new messages don’t seem like the others.....

-—————————————————————————

“What’s taking so long ?” You stared blankly at the LYSN* app while stretching your legs onto your leather couch.

You switched over to the Twitter app and scrolled through your timeline, briefly reading through whatever was the latest topic on nctzen Twitter. One tweet caught your attention which made you chuckle out loud

Nananotifs: “I’m pretty sure Haechan finally threw Jaemin’s phone out of the dorm window bc.......”

All Nanadoongies gathered on Twitter to complain about the absence of Jaemin especially since he was the only one who hadnt reposted Chenle’s beloved pup Daegal.

You sighed and switched back to the LYSN app and noticed you were able to send one more message to Jaemin before the app blocks you off until he sends a new message.

Y/n: nana I miss you please say something

JAEMIN: y/n did you eat today ? I’ve missed you!

Your eyes widened at the immediate message you received from your ult. Was is coincidental ? Ofcourse it was, they don’t get notifications from fan messages do they ?

You immediately switched over to Twitter already seeing the bubble update account sharing Jaemins new message along with the entire timeline screaming over his activity.

~boominana: “how dare he act so normal I’m gonna cry !!!!”

~jaeminjenos: “post a selfie Jaemin don’t be shy”

~dreamies023: “he’s probably busy guys let him post when he wants to”

The last account was right. Jaemin was probably so busy. It was nice that he still found time out of his schedule to message nctzens and that’s what you loved most about him.

Y/n: Jaemin you’re stressing everyone out on Twitter lol let us know you’re doing ok we love you !

JAEMIN: am I ? :/

Was it a delayed message ? You shook your head and decided it was probably just another glitch on the app.

Y/n: yes stop ghosting us !

JAEMIN: ghosting ? ㅋㅋㅋ so dramatic

You froze. There was absolutely no way that from the tons of messages he would be recieving right now that yours would be the one he read and responded to.

The interaction made your heart race and quickly switch over to Twitter, it was probably chaos right now wondering what Jaemins messages could mean.

Silence.

Everyone on the timeline moved on from Jaemins first message and there were no updates on the messages you had just received from him.

PING!

JAEMIN: y/n ~ are you not going to answer me ? How am I ghosting you :(

This could not be real. You felt a lump in your throat as you checked over your other bubble subscriptions which all seemed fine except for his. You had no idea how to feel or what to do.

Y/N: this is weird. Send me a selfie so I know you’re actually replying to me and not a bot -_-

About 15 minutes went by and you stared at the open chat. He had read your message but there was no reply.

“Humh it was a bot after all” you huffed, about to close the app when your phone pinged and you saw Jaemins name pop up.

A voice note.

“Hey y/n, I hope I’m saying your name correctly hehe So long story short I think the chat glitched and your name and profile pic added itself to my own bubble. Weird right ? Mark Hyung told me I should send a voice note because it will make you believe me a bit more and .....well we would know if you posted on Twitter which CANNOT happen hahaha you understand right ?”

What was happening right now.

You pinched yourself to make sure you didn’t accidentally fall asleep on the couch and start having a very eerie realistic dream.

JAEMIN: I know you’re shocked rn but I really enjoy reading your replies haha it was the best part of my day and well I couldn’t help myself today. I wanted to tease you lol

Y/N: wait so how long has this “glitch” happened for ?

JAEMIN: hmmm....about a month now I think...after you renewed your account I think hehe

Y/N: what ??? Omg I’m so embarrassed......

JAEMIN: there’s nothing to be embarrassed about trust me. I’ve read everything czennies have sent me haha I find it amusing.

You exhaled deeply and scrolled through some of the messages you have sent him during this month and thankfully none of them were cringeworthy.

Y/N: so...now what? Should I speak to app support and fix this....unsubscribe or something....

JAEMIN: LOL youre really funny. Imagine finding out you can speak to someone from your fav idol group and you want to call tech support ...LOL so funny Mark Hyung is laughing

You felt your cheeks heat up at the image of Na Jaemin and Mark Lee laughing at your messages.

JAEMIN: please don’t be embarrassed y/n ! I only did this bc well I have your profile now and you’re really cute.

This was NOT happening.

Y/N: Uh......

JAEMIN: what do you have a boyfriend ? ....

Y/N: no I don’t I’m just....it’s nothing never mind

JAEMIN: LOL so cute! So do you have Kakao ?

Y/N: you want my number ? Why ? .....

JAEMIN: to talk to you obviously! What if they fix the glitch and I’ll never be able to talk to you again..

Jaemin wanted to talk to you. He was trusting you wholeheartedly to add him on his private account. Did he have an idea of the kind of person you were ? How could he possibly risk his career to a nobody ?

Y/N: I do have kakao it’s YN_0023.... Jaemin I won’t say anything but are you sure this is okay ?

JAEMIN: yeah I’ll video call you and we can talk about it ...adding you now. Clear this chat after you get my text!

VIDEOCHAT ?

Is he absolutely insane ? Maybe the voice note was fabricated. Maybe this was some weirdo trying to prey on innocent fangirls. Maybe -

Nana00: heyyyyyyyyy :)

Y/n: hi Uhm is this ...Jaemin ...

Nana00: yup (inserts a pic with your username on a sheet of paper)

Y/n: holy shiiiiit

By now you were already pacing across your entire apartment trying to come to terms with what was going on in your life right now. It became a force of habit to constantly check Twitter and make sure by chance somebody mentioned a glitch of some sort or SM announcing that the app is under construction or SOMETHING.

‘This couldn’t be real’ you thought.

Nana00: lol you’re so funny so are you free to video call ?

Y/n: Uhm......are you sure that’s a good idea ?

Nana00: yeah I mean firstly I would like to know you’re real too lol and also I want to know if I can trust you with this information.....it’ll be quick I promise

Y/n: well....okay give me 10minutes please

Nana00: lol sure :)

After scrambling to your bathroom to make yourself a little presentable as if you just won a video call event for your ult, you finally set on a laidback look so it doesn’t look too obvious that you put a little effort in.

You decided to prop your phone on the mini tripod on your desk so the lighting from your bedroom window in front of you bounced off your skin perfectly.

Y/n: okay I’m ready. I’m a little shy so.....sorry if I can’t talk much...

Nana00: you don’t sound shy when you talk about me on bubble hehe ;)

You buried your face in your hands and groaned. The embarrassment was still eating at you and Jaemin was not letting you live those messages down.

Ring Ring Ring......

You saw your phone light up and Jaemins kakao profile picture fill your screen.

With a shaky finger you press the recieve button and watch as the pixelated video start to clear up, presenting a very smiley Na Jaemin.

“Hi there” he said in his high voice and a bright smile on his face. He seemed to be sitting at his desk as well, hair still wet from either a rainy day or a shower.

“Uhm hi” you replied shyly and waved awkwardly.

“So this is the face behind the bubble profile huh”

“I guess so” you replied. It seemed as though you were calm and collected but on the inside you were screaming. Screaming that you were conversing with one of your favourite people right now.

“Good! Sorry to ask this again but did you clear the chat on bubble ? We have to be careful with that” he said in a concerned voice.

“Yeah I did after you sent the pic I finally realized it was definitely you so I went ahead and did it” you quickly said, kinda embarrassed by how fast your words came out.

Jaemin chuckled.

“You still doubted me after the voice note?”

“Just a little”

“You’re so adorable it’s ridiculous you know that ?” He gleamed and neared the screen, his deep brown eyes focusing on yours “ where are you from y/n?”

“Well I live in a lot of places but my hometown is _______. I learnt most of my korean while studying here in Osaka weird enough” you shrugged.

You moved to Japan for your first year of university since it was where you sort of grew up as a kid and took up extra korean classes once settled in the city.

“Osaka ?? Wow I love Japan I can’t wait to go back! Well now I kinda have an excuse to go” he winked sending your heart into a frenzy.

You giggled shyly “is this the fan service everybody talks about ?

“Fan service is a job....this is different I’m sure you know that y/n haha”

“All of this because of my profile picture ?”

“Well” Jaemin bit down on his lip as his eyebrows turned into a frown

“I obviously saw your pic and thought you were very cute but a big part of it was your messages and how you would always message me when I most needed it.”

“My messages are very random” you chuckled.

“Still made me smile throughout my day and that means a lot” he said and ran his fingers through his hair “so it’s kinda selfish of me to say, but id like for you to update me...personally”

“Na Jaemin are you asking me to be your own personal bubble account ?” You raised your eyebrow.

“Yeah pretty much” he shrugged “I’ll repay the subscription when I see you Osaka.”

#Jaemin au #Nct fanfic #nct dream #na jaemin #NCT fluff #NCT scenario #Jaemin fluff #Dreamies #nct dream imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop au #kpop fluff #kpop imagines #nct #nct x reader

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naturesgender · 3 years

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hey folks this is gonna be a really really long post, i just kinda gotta write some stuff down, idk if anyone is gonna see this but if you do i’m gonna try to do the thing where there’s a cut and you can press “keep reading” if you wanna see the whole thing but idk how to do that so if it doesn’t work i’m sorry in advance!

*i think i figured it out, it should work! just put it there so u wouldn’t have to scroll past the whole thing if u didn’t wanna read it cause it’s rlly fuckin long lmao i love u all <3*

ok so

i am not Clinically Depressed i don’t live w/depression i don’t struggle with it on a daily basis i am generally a pretty Not-Depressed person

however

i am doing my best to get better at not ignoring the times when i *do* feel depressed because “i don’t actually suffer from clinical depression so this isn’t even that bad!” or “a lot of my friends feel like this on a daily fuckin basis and that’s really awful for them so i should always prioritize their feelings over mine all the time” or “these are stupid reasons to be depressed anyway” or “even though it’s really really hard for me to get out of bed right now there are people who sometimes Cannot get out of bed and i am not one of those people so it’s all good lol” or any of that shit cause (news flash) i am not the greatest at taking good emotional care of myself, and although i have gotten better at letting others take care of me, i still have lots of problems feeling comfy doing that if they’re not also letting me take care of them (which is a whole other issue that i’m not gonna get into rn)

so with all that in mind i just kind of wanted to get it down in writing and like Acknowledge the fact that during this past semester, mostly during the past month, i have been the most generally depressed i’ve been for a long time, maybe ever. i was definitely depressed in freshman year and was having some pretty Not Spicy Thoughts (nothing *super* serious dw) and that definitely wasn’t fun, but that was like a different brand of depression. back then the main reason i was depressed was bc i had no friends (or at least none i felt i could really be close with) and i was struggling to make the transition to high school and i didn’t really feel like either of my two-friends-who-i-didn’t-feel-i-could-be-close-with cared about me at all. this is a different brand. i’m very lucky to have a lovely group of very close friends who i can trust and who i mostly feel i can rely on (although when it comes to relying on my friends, the problem isn’t that i don’t feel that my friends are reliable bc i know that they are and i know they love me!! i trust that they would help me!! the issue is that i don’t often feel like it would be fair to ask them for help, but like i said that’s a whole other issue just wanted to clarify that the issue is not with my friends it’s 100% with me and i know that). i have a pretty good social life as of rn, and even though we’re all dealing with this shitty shitty pandemic, my friends and i have found ways to stay connected and we videochat and play games and i love them so much and i’m so grateful for them and they make my life infinitely better. so the social aspect is not the issue here in the same way it was in freshman year. the issue here is that i seem to have lost most of my driving force.

here is a list to help me acknowledge things

i turn 18 in exactly a month (january 7th) and although i know that i don’t just *poof* into an adult, i am still terrified of losing my childhood (much of which i have already lost due to very poor memory and my anxiety quashing the ability to be weird the way that i am/the way that i want to) and i don’t have myself together in the way that i wanted to by the time i reached 18/senior year/graduation/Adulting Time

online class is hell, the work has only gotten harder, i sit at my desk and stare at my computer screen for over 10 hours a day and don’t move and get lots of headaches and feel very understimulated, there’s always Something i haven’t done, and i can’t find it in me to give any shits about school in any way shape or form

except for maybe practicum i care about practicum i always care about practicum

i have basically no money and my gap year is coming up and i can’t get a job right now and i might not be able to get a job this school year at all and i am terrified of not being able to make enough money to give my friends the safe space they need, i need to support them, they need people who will Love Them, i want to give them a home i want to be a home for them and i am fucking terrified of not being able to make it happen for them

and for myself but also not really

like i definitely want this and i’m super excited to live with them but i’m also scared to leave home but i also know that they Need to leave home and i want to give them what they need!! and we’re gonna have such a good time!! and we’re gonna be safe and we’re gonna be whole and we’re gonna be loved and we’re gonna be a family!! this needs to happen i need to give them this we need to make this

i don’t wanna make it seem like i don’t wanna live with them, i do, i really do, i love them to pieces, i love them with all i am, i can’t express how much i love them, and i’m really really really excited, but at this point i’m mostly scared

having been diagnosed with (mild) adhd does not make it any easier to focus or sleep and i cannot fucking focus and i haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in weeks

there’s so much shit that i have to do hanging over my head, mostly it’s scheduling i’m trying to schedule my life basically (which sounds crazy but it’s less intense than it sounds i’m just trying to give myself more structure) but that’s a really overwhelming task and every time i try to make a schedule i can never stick to it so i have a lot less faith in it this time around

my sexuality and gender and thoughts about surgery/transitions/etc remain unclear and the only thing i’m sure of is that i’m demiromantic, but that doesn’t do shit about unrequited romance, which hurts like a motherfucker, and i don’t even truly know if it *is* romance that i’m wanting and there’s nothing real that i can do about that either

still feeling like shit about my body in a lot of different ways, not gonna get too far into it rn

the pandemic + online school + drudgery of classes + general unmotivated feelings + no changes in routine + a lack of structure + same environment 24/7 makes every day feel the fucking same and i’m sick of it

i’m stressed about vassar results coming out tmrw and i still have to write like at most 8 different college supplements before december 23rd (2 weeks)

i haven’t really sat down and done anything i’ve Enjoyed for a while and not had a Responsibility hanging over my head

basically i’m tired and anxious and overworked and lonely and lacking a driving force and really really fucking angry at everything and all that combines to make me pretty damn miserable! and as a result of all of this, my self-care is slipping and then my room doesn’t get clean and my bed doesn’t get made and i don’t get dressed or make myself proper meals or brush my teeth or sleep and that just makes it worse

and i want to talk about how i do definitely still have plenty of happy moments and good things and there is still a good amount of sunshine, i’m not *completely* miserable, but the minute i start thinking about that, i start to think that whatever sunshine there may be automatically cancels out any gray that there is, which is not a good place to be because i don’t want to fake being happy (i’ve never been good at that anyway which is probably a good thing) so i’m trying to acknowledge that hey! things are pretty shitty!! but please keep in mind that even as i type this, most of me is saying things along the lines of “don’t share this don’t post it don’t complain you don’t have it bad you’re fine you need to take care of your friends you can’t feel these things just snap out of it and you’ll be fine” so this is a pretty big step and a lot for me to just Put Out Into The World

i spent a while trying to think of other things that i could add here but i don’t really think there’s much else to say. i’m not sure where to go from here. i don’t have any magic solutions so i am trying really really hard not to let myself slip into complete giving-up-i-will-not-get-better space and it helps to just Know what’s in my brain. i don’t know if i have the mental energy to try to “fix” any of these issues right now, i just think i needed to start by writing them down. now i have them and i guess i’ll see where i can go from here. sorry this post was super long for anyone who may have chosen to take a look

that’s all <3

#tw mental health issues??#i honestly don't know this is just me dumping my negative feelings into a super long post #so if u are not in the right head space to read that (totally valid) then plz avoid/ignore!#feel free to ignore even if u are in the right headspace honestly this is mostly for me #if u do happen to read it i do ask that u let me know that u have read it if that's ok? i'm sorry hhhh i just really don't like not knowing

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getallemeralds · 5 years

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So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

#leo chirps #leos reply #system shit #i dont think i covered EVERYTHING #and im not sure how coherent this is #but i tried! :D #Anonymous #ask #pat.txt

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firebirdsdaughter · 5 years

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Special Valentines Day Post...

... Zi-O 22 subbed.

Okay, maybe special in name only.

... I’m kinda scared, actually.

In no order:

GTFO Kuro Woz, I’m mad at you right now.

Poor Sougo gets Rider Kicked out of the Mirror World. Poor baby. DX

GEIZ! HONEY! BABY! You’re fine, stop it! God, why are you like this? I mean, I love you, but... Honey. Stop. Tsukuyomi, smack him. Actually don’t, that wouldn’t help.

God he’s so dramatic, though. I mean, it’s Geiz. Can’t do anything by halves here.

Okay. Wow. That was... Actually kinda a jerk thing to say, Tsukuyomi. Talk about not helpful. So he was wangsting a little, you didn’t have to go there.

Like, Geiz is upset bc he was looking at things purely as a, well, soldier, and briefly considered going through w/ Shiro Woz’s idea to stop the attacks and other people getting hurt, and is clearly being like ‘I’m such a terrible person for this.’ He expresses this to Tsukuyomi, and her response is ‘Yeah, Sougo didn’t even think about it.’ Like... I’m sorry, what? He’s clearly hurting over this already and all you say is basically imply ‘yeah, you’re not as good as Sougo’???? I will totally buy that she didn’t actually mean it that way, but that was very much how it sounded. You really couldn’t say something like ‘Sure, maybe you thought about it, but you didn't go through w/ it, why don’t you consider that?’ Man, no wonder he’d turned away from her when they camerawomen pulled back...

And then she just follows it up w/ asking about if he thinks Sougo will become Puma Zi-O. Tsukuyomi, how about comforting your friend a little? You’ve apparently got enough compassion to save the life of the person who murders your father in the future, but you can’t be bothered to show any for someone who is allegedly your childhood friend? Sweetie, I love you, really, but... Really?

Especially since it’s immediately followed by Ryuga attacking someone else. Like... Yes, I don’t agree w/ Shiro Woz’s plan, it probably wouldn’t work and sacrificing an innocent person is never a good course. But I can totally understand Geiz, esp given his background, thinking about it, given the circumstances (since there’s apparently no other way to beat Ryuga w/out a Kamikaze attack). He deserved a better response than essentially being told Sougo was a better person.

Again, I absolutely want to think she didn’t mean it that way. But that was what it sounded like to me.

Speaking of Sougo... Eh, he’s fine.

Alright, I may been a little annoyed at Tsukuyomi rn, but her and Geiz’s reactions in this scene remain gold.

Geiz just closing his eyes like ‘someone please shoot me...’

Also, the urge to punch something is just emanating from him in waves...

Sougo’s just lying there giggling like ‘whelp, no way out of this one...’

I... I thought you guys established this in the previous ep...

Oh, I’m sorry Tsukuyomi, you care now? Okay, okay. I’m being overly critical, I know. That earlier scene just really hit a nerve for me.

Sou is really cute, and also really good at the ‘sad puppy’ kind of look.

Geiz teleports to the front door again.

THANK YOU SOUGO. See? THAT’S a good response, Tsukuyomi. Not something that’s basically a guilt-trip. You want to mention it after, fine. It’s something to consider in the ‘will Sougo become Puma Zi-O’ brainstorming, absolutely. But you could’ve at least tried to reassure him a bit first, so it doesn’t, you know, come across as you telling him he’s a bad person compared to Sougo.

Again, I’m really sorry for going on about this one little thing. Like I said, hit a nerve.

Has Sougo tried to sacrifice himself at this point? Like, I don’t doubt he would, but... I guess she’s just saying theoretically? Or she’s referring to the ‘take me out if I go evil thing?’

Oh, wait, I guess he did try to kill his future self. I don’t know if that counts, though.

This is sweet and all, Tsukuyomi, but I’m still mad about what you said to Geiz.

I think ‘subjects’ is just gonna be Sougo’s little cute-though-also-obnoxious personal tic...

Now really starting to wonder if the ‘reason’ Sougo becomes Puma Zi-O was just... Always destined to be tied to Geiz somehow? I have wild and unlikely theories, but...

Angry puppy is yelling at sad puppy.

Seriously, as long as it’s also Sou I can’t feel threatened by Mirror¡Sougo.

Still trying to get used to Shiro Woz.

So... Did he write that, or... Did it appear? If you wrote it... Well, like I said. He’s strangely tolerable for this episode.

Oh, yeah, and:

WAGA KYUURANGERS.

Make up your mind, dude. Are you for helping, or not?

I still say bring back Woz.5.

Well... Technically he’s Kamen Rider Ryuki... Was... You know what, not gonna go into it. I already spoiled Ryuki up the wazoo in my Raw post.

I’m not even listening, I’m just watching him make the Shinji faces. XD

dude, it’s literally an evil, warped version of you. I’ve met the real you, he’s a sweetheart. Even Ron liked him. And Ron didn’t like anyone.

I love how every time we see this fight now, it’s just Geiz sitting down somewhere watching Shiro Woz get blasted. Which is a valid pastime.

Puppy debate! ^^

Mirror¡Sougo has the cutest ‘evilly confused’ face ever.

Still hoping for the thing to be that being a king doesn’t necessarily mean ‘ruling over’ people? If that makes sense? Like, he could be called the ‘King of Time’ bc he’s got powers over time, and it’s cool, rather than ruling it? Like, and I know many people didn’t like it, but, the way Daigo was nicknamed ‘King’ in Kyoryuger? He wasn’t a ‘king’ King, but he got called ‘king.’ If that makes any sense whatsoever.

See, I definitely believe she cares about him very much, but she really choose her words poorly in that scene, and I feel like she should apologise for that. Just a ‘I wasn’t trying to imply you were a bad person or Sougo was better than you, I was just considering what this meant for him in regards to Puma Zi-O.’

Aaaagh! There I go again! Man, that one line just really got under my skin somehow...

Love how it does, like, a little laser-pointer effect.

WAGA KYUURANGERS.

In my defence, I wrote the most recent chapters of It Is The Clock’s Pendulum before this episode came out.

This scene is very serious, and heartbreaking, and sad. Geiz is my favourite.

...

I am losing it at Another Ryuga just chilling over by the tree.

Shiro Woz.exe has stopped functioning.

Weird sound effects when Sougo shows up???

Still wish they coulda given him more of a reaction. He does kinda do the sad puppy look, I suppose. Still.

Also wish Tsukuyomi could have had a better response to Geiz earlier... Can I just pretend those things happened?

How did he see the future? Did he just... Turn into Zi-O II on the way over? What does that even MEAN?

Sougo: ‘Fuck this timeline!’

The brief Woz-Fight is still funny. during this episode, I’d actually prefer that Shiro Woz win. But just for this episode.

I would always prefer that Woz.5 win.

I love how Geiz just... Doesn’t deHenshin. Like, He and Tsukuyomi are trying to follow this battle, but he just... Refuses to drop his transformation. For whatever reason.

Seriously? Your sword has your face on it and it compliments you? Who made these?

Yeah, Geiz is just literally blaming himself here. What do you mean ‘this time’ though? I guess... You mean all the times it was Woz? I actually think we can totally blame this on Woz, too. Though the Kamikaze stuff might have been a trigger, I’ll admit.

No, wait. What am I saying. This is obviously Decade’s fault.

The fact that it literally is is the best part.

Tsukuyomi, would it kill you to not let Geiz blame himself for everything this episode? -_-

Though I guess this is the ‘Tsukuyomi is suddenly weirdly angry’ scene...

Like... I’m really starting to think this is personal. I guess this is the power he used to kill her father? Pity we never brought that up before.

Though now that I think about it, that could be it. Puma Zi-O did use some sort of time-stop-manipulation ability when he dusted Dad, so that might be why she’s reacting like this.

Geiz, on the other hand, is really unsure.

Tsukuyomi, are you really that shocked that people have darker sides to them? You never met Kisaragi Gentaro, you have no excuse for (apparently) assuming Sougo has no traits that would ever lead to him becoming Puma Zi-O in some way.

Though I am admittedly not clear on what exactly those traits were... I guess his habit of being wily and the fact that wanting to be ‘king’ comes w/ wanting power? So... Ambition is evil here? I dunno.

I guess it’s all or nothing w/ Tsukuyomi. Though she could specifically be referring to ‘We have to actually decide whether or not we’re gonna kill him’ rather than saying ‘we should kill him.’ TV show cliffhanger tactic, make everything round more threatening than it actually is.

It’d be interesting if she and Geiz do switch up, though. Bc he’s the one who was super black and white (no references to any Wozes intended) about it at the start. ‘If I even think you’re going to turn into Puma Zi-O, I’m taking you out,’ and how quick he was to go for it in the Genm arc. But here... He seems really uncertain still (probably not helped by the fact that Sougo did this to save his life), while for Tsukuyomi, a line has clearly been crossed. It’d be an interesting way to twist things up if they do go that way.

Oh, yeah, and the two times Tsukuyomi talks at the camera this ep are still creepy.

I’m winder if the look Geiz just gave her was meant to be a ‘wtf?’ look. Bc it kinda looks like one? It also could be something else, I dunno. Maybe he’s just looking serious.

SHUT UP KURO WOZ.

I love how we don’t even see him, Kamen Rider Kikaider just freaking steals the shot.

Also, hi Kikaider!

Why is he punching me, though?

Freaking Zi-O II Watch is freaking huge in the end cap.

Kamen Rider Zi-O takes notes from LuPat and only schedules this actor for two episodes.

Man, he’s very good looking, though. Even in that outfit. Bet he uses the wrench to transform.

The fact that this ep ended w/ Tsukuyomi, of all people, apparently saying they need to kill Sougo (like I said, could just be a cliffhanger scare-tactic), then it goes to the preview of Sougo running around w/ some sort of ‘studying’ bandana on (I assume it’s studying bc the summary said he’s cramming for finals, essentially. Or midterms.) talking to some dude in a yellow turtle neck and a denim jacket that’s just a little too short. Whiplash.

Oh, wow, he’s from 2121? So that makes him the first/only future Rider we’ve had that’s from after the year that Geiz, Tsukuyomi, and the Wozes come from (in any timeline)!

Also interesting, bc it means he definitely won’t be around in any way in 2019. Not even as a baby.

Oh, hey, Sworz. I... Honestly almost forgot about you. Sorry!

This preview is trying to make me think the boys are competing, and I refuse to accept it until proven.

Or if it is, maybe it’s friendly. Or maybe it’s just ‘let’s both fight this thing, and, I dunno, one of us can take it down.’

My guess is Sworz is talking to Shiro Woz, but my knee-jerk reaction was ‘no, I don’t want to play a game w/ you.’

That’s all, folks! Virtual pond cake for anyone who read all that.

Anyway, I’m sorry I had such a reaction to that one line (well, two, kinda) of Tsukuyomi’s. It reminded me of a bad experience I had once and just really got on my nerves. I promise I still love her, and I know she does care about Geiz. I think some of her reaction to the Zi-O II power may have been bc of (well, I at least presume he was) her father? Bc remember, Puma Zi-O used the time powers to vaporise everyone, and he pushed her into the trench to protect her? So this may be her being like ‘I want to believe in him, but that’s the power that I literally watched kill my father, so now I’m freaking out.’ Also, it’s a beloved style of cliffhanger for any sort of tv show to make things sound more threatening than they really are. I dunno if Toei even remembers that (WHO IN TIME IS GOGGLES THE DEAD PERSON?), but that’s my initial thought.

Geiz looks super unsure, though? Like I think a line was crossed w/ Tsukuyomi now, but the line started crossed w/ Geiz. And I feel like it’s been getting... Uncrossed? Like, he started this so certain of what he needed to do and what was going to happen (I still think his plan was to go back, do it as quickly as possible, then get out before he had a chance to think about the fact that 2018 Sougo was still technically innocent, bc he knew he’d be too conflicted if he did), but he’s been steadily becoming less convinced of it? So, like, even now, he’s the one who’s still thinking they can still change things? Oh, well. We’ll see.

Special treat for anyone who actually read all this way (or just skipped to the bottom; in that case don’t read any further! No JK, you’re fine, I ramble a lot, I’m sorry), is a random concept/theory I had: What if Sougo’s recurring dreams when time is ‘altered’ (Shinobi, and now Kikaider no I will not stop) indicate that he’s somehow... Super connected to time? Like... If it were electricity, he’d be a conductor, or something? But then, like, Geiz and Tsukuyomi aren’t like that, but they’re like... ‘Anchors.’ Like, there are people who are sensitive to time, and kind of ‘flow’ w/ it, but then there anchors who keep them/it moored/grounded or something? Feel like this was a thing in Den-O, but I don’t remember the details. But, like the reason Sougo is able to get all these ‘time powers’ is bc he’s so sensitive to it? But it also means that it’s really easy for him to get... I dunno, absorbed by the time flow? And, like, Anchors can’t get all the wild powers, but they also are either impossible or significantly more resilient to the time flow? So, like... The wouldn’t get erased/absorbed (at least, not right away/as fast) if they like... Fell into the time stream? Augh! I’m bad at explaining. Point is, Sougo nearly gets absorbed into time stream, but the other two pull him back bc they’re anchors and they ground him in a particular time/location/time plane.

I don’t think that made any sense.

#Kamen Rider Zi-O #it's just partially based off their personalities too #anyway #i rambled a lot so not much to say here #remain impatient for Birthday Sentai #have I mentioned I love Geiz?#more than everyone else apparently #no I'm being mean #anyhow #my precious tsundere son #Timey Wimey Rider

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ariistocracies · 6 years

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adelaide kane. cisfemale. she/her. — did you see { scarlett forrester }, i haven’t seen the { twenty-eight }year old in a while! you know, they’re a { meteorologist }, and have been living in jersey city for { eight months }. some say they’re { capricious & censorious }, but i think they’re { poised & eloquent }. regardless, i’m glad { scarlett } is here.

STATISTICS:

full name: scarlett cordelia forrester nicknames: scar or scarlett gender: cisfemale sexuality: pansexual / panromantic occupation: meteorologis birthday: february 14th, 1990 hometown: savannah, georgia spoken languages: english and italian hogwarts house: ravenclaw

BACKSTORY + PERSONALITY:

off the bat scarlett is a southern girl through and through .. born and raised in savannah, georgia for her whole life and the only reason she could handle living in the south was bc savannah was relatively a bustling city more than just ... immense farmland that surrounded on the outskirts when u get further and further outside the city so it made her time there relatively better

scarlett absolutely hated living in georgia .. not a v big fan of the heat and as someone who’s incredibly liberal in her beliefs, being suffocated by her extremely conservative parents and in such a highly red state , she always felt like she was destined for bigger things than what georgia had to offer her

not to mention she lived under the thumb of her parents which ?? sucked majorly bc her mom and dad were some odd mix of modern and old ideologies ?? scar tolerated her dad more than her mom tbh but not by a lot bc he refused to believe climate change was real lmao.. he was an english professor at georgia southern university who specialized in biblical studies and greek works and had heavy beliefs that he tried pushing on to scar like .. tried policing which book she would read and hated that she would consistently read things by oscar wilde and other famous victorian authors bc of the underlying themes of homosexuality and scar was like ,, fucking get over it gdi

like he lit didn't want her reading harry potter bc he felt as though it made a mockery of the bible with its references and wizards n shit so scar is just v.. tired of her parents. like they lived comfortably bc of her dads tenure position and her mom owned her own beauty salon that was p successful so it’s whatever

her mom named her after scarlett o’hara bc gone with the wind was one of her favorite movies and her dad was :// so he got to choose her middle name and he’s lame and chose cordelia bc she’s the perfect daughter in shakespeare’s king lear but lmao how’d that turn out

but her mom always had this weird thing about money where she wanted to flaunt it and have people think they were wealthier than they were ?? wanted so desperately to fit into that whole southern debutante society bc she came from a working class family and they didn't have money for that kind of stuff

so unfortunately for scarlett and her younger sister virginia ,, their mom lived vicariously though them and pushed the two girls into beauty pageants once they were trained to the degree she wanted up until she could force them into debutante season and try to make them into two lovely southern belles

uHHh scarlett absolutely hated it ?? wanted nothing to do with it but she was young and no matter how much she vocalized her dislike for them , her mom shushed her and told her she didn’t have much of a choice so scar was like lmao wait until i turn 18 .. so yeah scarlett went through the likes of etiquette and what it means to be a lady and some of it is still engrained in her which she hates but it’s there and she’s bitter about it

literally scar and her sister were those little girls with huge curls and sequined dresses and bright lipstick . it was a mess tbh but the transition from that to debutante was intense and it gives her war flashbacks tbh

but one thing that came out of it was that scarlett joined the competition of miss gerogia teen usa and won .. which is wild enough but fake it to u make it am i rite laid ease !! but that’s not even the wild part bc from that ,, when she was 17 scarlett moved on to miss teen usa which was a different type of hell and scarlett fully believes the whole thing is an inner ring of hell thing that everyone will experience sooner or later but anYWHO !! scarlett hates herself bc she ended up winning the 2009 cycle of miss teen usa

it’s weird though bc there’s a disconnect from pageant scarlett to what she actually is like ?? especially in high school when all this was going on and she was considered widely popular by her classmates bc of winning georgia teen usa and then miss teen usa but she rejected it ?? had a secure circle of friends and minded her own business . smarter than people anticipated for her to be and kept up with clubs that fit into her schedule like the schools production club which put on the morning announcements where she was a presenter and just the biology club and just .. ignored boys in general bc lmao they all sucked and just wanted to get their dick wet

lmao her parents were 👀 bc scar excelled in the scientific fields and was interested in pursing anything science related in college .. her dad was butthurt bc he’s like but scarlett !! biblical studies !! and her mom was butthurt bc scarlett !! what about miss america !! and when she graduated scarlett was like lmao sike !! told her parents she was majoring in meteorology / atmospheric sciences and u know dad i read harry potter and i loved it !!!!

so naturally her parents were outraged and while they didn’t blacklist her from the family , they never called her when she was in school and vacations were oddly quiet and scar feels bad bc now their sole focus in on virgina and making her the ideal daughter that scarlett wasn’t so rip virginia

u can bet that scarlett went up to nyc for college at coumbia and her ass loved it !! loved the bustling city of new york and just generally glad that she was able to get out of georgia and just escape the heat lmao ,. also her parents but she fucked with the fall and winter seasons. plus she managed to get an internship at a news station and she fits right in bc her pageant days come in handy for charming people and getting them to like her so sis secured some good letters of recommendation !!

it helps out bc when she graduates she’s offered a position in some small town in rhode island and she accepts it bc u have to start somewhere and from there she settles for a year or two before she’s bounced around numerous times .. each time to a bigger city bc of her hard work ethic and dedication .. plus it helps that she’s conventionally attractive and knows how to work a camera and ppl love her when she’s on air

about eight months ago scarlett is contacted by the news station she interned at while in college and they tell her that their tv meteorologist moved stations to over in chicago so they offered her the position p much and scarlett was like !! i get to be back in new york !! except lmao sike bc it’s expensive so scarlett decided jersey city is the next best thing so rn u probably see her doing the weather on the news and she loves her job

never talks about her beauty pageant past so if u want to embarrass her then pls do sjfdsjk she’ll just brood and sulk if anything .. but overall she’s a p chill person who is actually p chatty and can be incredibly persuasive since she knows her way around words and has a bit of a silver tongue .. but for as much as she likes to talk to ppl she’s very tough to get to open up about herself of get into a friendship w her

v critical and blunt about her thoughts just from putting up with her parents bullshit and especially bc her dad is butthurt over her being a meteorologist bc he’s just stupid and thinks climate and weather are the same .. but generally still comes across as v poised and ladylike just bc it’s so engrained into her from all the pageants and what not so thanks mom

has the complete opposite of resting bitch face jdsljk i guess resting pleasant face ?? she hates it bc it can often bite her in the ass bc people take it as just being super kind and never shutting up and telling them their life stories and while she enjoys talking to ppl she has to be in the right mood .. so issa struggle

has a backbone of steel and it takes a lot for her stubborn ass to change her mind so if she swallows her pride and ever apologizes then know it’s a big thing for her jdfslk will she ever truly escape her miss teen usa ?? who knows !! hopefully not bc having her groan about it brings me joy so someone make her suffer

#jrsy.intro #i told myself this would be short but lmao #*dj khaled vc* congratulations u played urself

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swagirii · 6 years

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NY JM Concert

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I was really tired to begin with because I do not live in NY. I live 3 hours away from NY. So I just planned a whole day to be spent at NY. This part is like annoying probably so you can skip it if you want HAHAHA but I had to work until 1 am on Friday night and slept for like 3 hrs and caught the 7 am bus to NY. I slept for another 3 hrs in the bus and got there. Ate dim sum MMMmmmm my first time :-) but how do you not get the liquid to be all over your plate. I’m such a noob. and went shopping at soho WHERE SWINGS AND GIRIBOY WERE THE NIGHT BEFORE but I was shook because a shirt was like $50. so I left and went to time square and went to line store remEMBER this is all new to me because I’m like a country girl who raises cows for a living. loljk. idk. pls ignore. anyway so... after that I was pretty exhausted and it was like 4 pm ish. Met up with another friend (so now a party of 3!!!) and decided to head over to the concert place.!!! omg so excite. I wasn’t really excited at first because I was pretty tired from the whole day but while walking to stage 48 like I was getting excited LIKE HELLO I WILL MEET JM IRL AND NOT ON COMPUTER EVEN THO IT FEELS LIKE A DREAM RN

So I got there and the line was pretty long even though it was like 6:00 well I guess I don’t know how long concert lines are because this was my first concert. ;-; and meet&greet people got to go in at 6:45 pm. So we went in. and they did this extra search of our bags and touched under my boob to see if I had a gun. (even tho nochang can just kill me with his chingchangchong) and threw my water bottle and my friend’s hard boiled eggs away (LOOOOOL). we got there and the meet&greet was some booty tbh. OK BEFORE I WAS GONNA SLEEP IN THE BUS WHILE GOING TO NY, I WAS THINKING OF EACH THINGS I WAS GOING TO SAY TO EACH MEMBER OKAY BUT THAT WAS ALL RUINED BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE “meet&greet” and just take a group picture and gtfo. ._. So it was our turn and my friend was the first in line for the group so she went in all awkward like “hi...” BECAUSE IDK C JAMM LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE C JAMM ON THE INTERNET. LIKE THEY ALL LOOK THE SAMEEEEEEEEEEEE I CAN’T. IT’S TOO REAL. and she stood next to C Jamm and he was like “wassup wassup” HE’S SO NICE AND HUMBLE like he’s the cutest potato thing. and I think I was standing next to Swings? I don’t even remember, because I was wildly searching for Giriboy like I CAME ALL THE WAY TO SEE YOU WHERE ARE U I need to hold your hand IDK ASDKFLASDJFA;SDF. and Swings was just trying to make us stand so we can all be in the pic. then I saw Giriboy behind me like on the step kind of thing AND HE DIDN’T HAVE HIS GLASSES AND WAS WEARING A BLACK BUCKET HAT and kinda looked like

THIS WITHOUT THE GLASSES and like hello every1 he was NOT WEARING GLASSES !!!! I CAN’T so I was like omg.......... and he just kinda looked at me so I was like “I’m a big fan of yours!!!!!!!” and THEN ALL OF MY FRIENDS GOT ENCOURAGED AND WAS LIKE ME TOO me TOO and he just kinda nodded as a thank you multiple times. :( I WANTED TO HEAR HIS VOICE ok sike. im gonna chill. but still highkey regret that i was not being extra during the “meet&greet” because the staff were like don’t bring ur phones no selfies BLEHLAHELBLEHLA BLEAH ok whatever good bye and i didn’t notice any1 else during the picture bc i forgot abt them soz

and the concert didn’t even start until like 8:00 pm and i was mad bc they kept playing hiphop music other than JM like i was ready to go rain shower idk and some ppl blocking the view in front of me my friend asked if they could squeeze us in bc we couldn’t see and they completely ignored me after the first word. :-) well they moved after that so its ok but anyway... like whatever :)... the show started with osshun gum and im sorry but ive been out of this scene for so long like i forgot who he was like i know hes from high school rapper but i didnt even watch the show :-) rip but he was so cute i know hes 1 year younger than me like HES A BABY (bgm: shes a baby zico) and he was dressed “normally” too so he looked like a normal person and it was just cute ok but i didnt know his songs so i felt bad.

the next person was han yohan OMGGGG U KNOW I ACTUALLY LOVE HAN YOHAN BECAUSE IDK LIKE IM INTO THOSE ROCK THINGS NOW and he played curt cobain BECAUSE IM CURT COBAAAAAAIN 300 km, I’m Sorry, and then later super saiyan with black nut OMSDFKLASJDFKLASDJFASKGJSD F ok. Enough said. This is better explained with the live. goodbye. I just love. and hes the only one who actually sticked w the schedule that was pre released before concert lol

and then it was the love of my life giriboy and he was supposed to perform zoa... wybh and then hogu but he started doing mix it up but whatever i was shouting like crasy so WHATEVER OK and he did all these weird cute moves... like icant believe it happened in front of me. i feel like its a dream. :( i hope he does it again in my dreams. and did hogu then ended.

i was proud to shout all the lyrics (NOTICE ME)

then it was nochang like omg i love him because for the longest time i thought he didnt wanna be on stage because idk... gossips and his interviews... but he was the best on stage he looked like he really enjoyed and we were like TUUUURNNNNN UUUUUP ok but tbh no one knew his lyrics... bc they’re too sophisticated4us but he did emancipation, ching chang chong, and turn up and he was wearing all black again. but took his hat off a couple of times. his head is pretty. he actually stuck to the schedule too omg i feel like giriboy was not feeling well or something :( or he was more concerned about his single

then it was black nut omg YOU GUYS KNOW HOW I HAVE A THING FOR SKINNY GUYS im just kidding but i love black nut and he killed it today with his porn hub shirt on hahahahaha first he did honmono which i dont rly kno because i been living in a cave for so long and then it was silky bois like BOIIIIII HE DID THE AUTOTUNE THING LIKE HE SANG IT but it was good and hes the only one that was all smiley throughout the concert and remember he always used to wear sunglasses but like no sunglasses today and like... he was the best eye contacter :’) omggg so cute and then he did 100 like kill all of em i was screaming

then it was bill stax OK LIKE I KNEW NONE OF HIS SONGS IM SORRY BUT I FORGOT HIS NAME CHANGED TOO RIP :’( I NEED TO BE GONE FROM THIS WORLD and then we did giddiyup? like that song with the horse with c jamm and nochang it was lit because that’s like an old song and everyone knows that EXCEPT NO ONE SCREAMED 수컷말쉿 except me like WHERE ARE YALL but anyway... then it was c jamm he did know and puzzle which was like... idk those songs... i really need to get on my game maaaaneeesss

and then swings was being v soft today and was like this is for the ladies and did 듣고있어? and some other SONG THAT I DON’T REALLY KNOW THE NAME OF BUT THOSE WERE SWEET SONGS AND IT WAS NICE BECAUSE HE WAS BEING FUNNY WITH ALL HIS GESTURES LIKE KISSING FROM HIS HAND like where all this confidence come from i need some and then he did bulldozer which was #lit i kinda wish he did 양아치 or 괜찮아 but it didnt happen its ok

then it was da whole crew with sushi rain showers and carnival OMG WHEN CARNIVAL STARTED WITH GIRIBOY i cried ok i didn’t but i almost cried because just. like. IM HEARING IT LIVEEEE HELLO i was shook. and sushi was ok except they added some extra lyrics for the live i guess and i kinda didnt hear the lyrics and rain showers was lit as alwaaaaaays

they didnt really talk like esepcailly giriboy because i know he doesnt talk in general but its like in american so i guess he was done. i hope hes happy

#me #giriboy

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possibilistfanfiction · 7 years

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im feeling lowkey sad and you have this great ask where someone was like what's the gayest thing that's ever happened to you and it's rly sweet and i cant find it do u happen to have it lying around somewhere possibly i could use the pick-me-up

i do not but i have More gay things it’s cool i gotchu. sometimes stevie girl (the best dog in the world) cries when i get home bc she’s so excited & then puts the crown of her head on the middle of my chest to be pet. last thursday olivia & i watched handmaids tale together & she let me ramble for like 30 mins abt how amazing the recursion in it is. when i was in nyc for a night last week i had an interview which went well & then i went to my friend’s apartment & we had beers & watched glee & buzzed my hair bc i wanted to & then i got up at 6 am the next morning & talked to cole on the phone while i caught a bus back to baltimore & it was raining where we both were, some kind of same-ness. we’ve known each other & loved each other in some kind of big way for years & that allows for small soft wants & fears & hurts & how remarkable is it to have someone like that? abbigail is moving back east so i’ll see her for my birthday in two weeks. my friend emily just went to a memorial service for her favorite college professor & the same weekend she was back on campus there was also a lettuce eating competition so. my point is that, even when things seem terrible, or low, or shitty (& i’ve 100% been there, i’m there all the time still) there’s just a big weird soft world out there. dogs & ppl who make ur chest feel a little less like stones & moments where nothing makes any sense at all but u have to laugh bc who tf even schedules a lettuce eating competition? there are big sweaters & rainy days & the ability to watch the first three eps of the handmaids tale obsessively. there’s wine & cappuccino & bagels & falafel & ive had all of these in the past day but i also Love them so that’s cool. the world is big & terrible but it’s also full of tiny pockets of laughter & calm & the kind of soft warm that’s like your favorite tshirt straight out of the drier.

& look–i turn 24 in two weeks, which i literally never thought would happen. stevie is panting rn bc she got excited over her toy just siting on the floor & its warm bc it’s spring. i have finally figured out how to properly shape my brows. lana is recording songs abt the texture & heft & grit & beauty of life. cole & i get to fall in love w another lorde album this summer. i move to nyc in a month. there is just. so much. life is so much. stevie just curled up next to me in bed. it’s warm enough to wear shorts later. it’s quiet, it’s full. my friend maddie & i share a birthday & last year i bought her a star.

#princebenningfield

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hufflepirate · 7 years

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I’ve had a kind of weird week, so I’ve been thinking a lot abt self-care? So, when I first started hearing about self-care as an idea I had a lot of misconceptions and didn’t really know how to apply it and sometimes made things worse trying to make myself better? So I’m gonna write out some of the things that work for me now when I’m doing self-care and taking self-care time for myself.

For me, self-care is more about respecting and listening to my body and instincts than it is specific actions. Like, initially I just saw lists of like ‘take a bubble bath!’ ‘read a book!’ ‘eat a good meal!’ and that’s all good and well, but just Doing Pleasant Things is no good when I do them desperately and for the wrong reasons.

Self-care, for me, means reminding myself that I’m a finite being who’s allowed to have limitations. It means that when my body says ‘I am too tired to keep doing this’ I say ‘ok ur too tired to keep doing that’ instead of saying, like ‘ok but also u pulled all-nighters all the time 5 years ago ur not that old yet wtf’ or ‘other ppl are still working probably what is wrong with u?’ or ‘too bad ur prob making that up and anyway we gotta do the thing’ or ‘tough noogies have some coffee idc that u have a stomachache it’s only for a little while longer u can puke when this is done.’ Self-care doesn’t always mean that I go get a full 8 hours of sleep, but it does mean that I take my body’s needs seriously. It means I get to put my needs at least on par with whatever it is I’m trying to get done, instead of below it. It means thinking holistically and remembering that whatever task I’m doing, I’m doing it as a specific, embodied human with specific talents, abilities, strengths, weaknesses, interests, and limits.

Self-care means staying in tune with the rhythms of my life. It means knowing how my own REM cycle works and taking it into account when I decide when to go to bed and get up and whether to nap and how long and all of that. It means remembering that my life is more than a specific day and I need to live like I also want to be healthy 3 days from now and that if I push myself too hard and then collapse on the next free day I have, I’ll never actually enjoy myself. It means backing down when I have a headache and figuring out if I’ve forgotten to drink my usual amount of water or if I’ve missed my usual morning caffeine or if I’ve not slept long enough or spent too much time in front of a screen or missed out on social time and over-stressed myself or whatever else.

Self-care also means living with Future Me in mind. Future Me needs me not to push myself to collapse rn. Future Me will benefit if I do the 12% of this task I’m probably up to, even if Future Me thought I was going to get 50% of it done today. Both Present Me and Future Me will benefit from eating some vegetables. Even if ‘eating some vegetables’ means a sandwich on the go with lots of lettuce bc I still haven’t been to the store, Future Me will still appreciate the veggies. Future Me will not appreciate the way she feels if I refuse to sleep and make myself do tasks poorly, painfully, and ineffectively and eat nothing but cookies instead of taking the time to find better food. Even if doing all the work I imagined I should would mean leaving no work for Future Me to do, not doing all the work I imagined I should will mean Future Me is strong enough to handle the work I leave for her, instead of collapsing into mush. Future Me pretty much always turns out to appreciate that.

Self-care also means giving Future Me some credit. She’s stronger than I think she is, so while I can and should help her by doing what I can now to take things off her plate, sometimes just helping Future Me be strong enough to cope is good enough. Often just helping Future Me be strong enough to cope is good enough.

Self-care, for me, also means always having a set of possible standards I’m ok with. I think a lot about that Ron Swanson thing ‘don’t half-ass two things, whole-ass one thing’ and I think generally it’s pretty good advice, but also, sometimes u have 2 things and u have to do them. Sometimes u have 5 things and u have to say this is the one I care about enough to whole-ass and then I’ll half-ass these 2 and quarter-ass this one and worry about the mess in the kitchen some other day also u can pay money for ppl to bring food to ur house. Self-care means reminding myself that I literally can’t do everything all the way all the time and letting myself make new plans that respect that. It also means letting myself over-achieve on those goals a little bit, as long as I’m focusing on the stuff I care about. Self-care means not letting myself feel like I’m just getting dragged around by the world instead of making my own choices. Obviously, I still feel dragged around sometimes, but deciding to do a little when I can and that different standards for different tasks at different times is ok helps a lot.

Idk, this is pretty vague and not nearly as specific as ‘I felt crappy yesterday so I did some yoga and took a shower and wore comfy jeggings and worked from home instead of leaving my apartment’ but I could have done all of those things and still come out of it feeling crappy.

It worked because taking the time to feel my body and breathe deeply and reconnect with my physical being helped me trust my own instincts/self-knowledge after an emotionally tumultuous and mood-swingy week. It worked because telling myself that I was allowed to take a shower purely because I wanted one and not because it was the time on my how-to-not-be-offensively-greasy-around-others schedule was telling myself that the feeling of wanting a shower was real in the moment even though I usually hate having to shower, and that I was allowed to want that and allowed to give myself that. It worked because jeggings and a bra under my t-shirt make me feel like I’m dressed and give me that Dressed And Out Of Bed confidence/competence boost, but are not much less comfy than pjs. It worked because I got some work done instead of none, and because it took the pressure off. It worked because I had reframed doing 25% of the work I’d wanted to for the day as doing 25% more than if I had stayed too anxious to start any of it and frittered the day away feeling bad about myself and waiting to Magically Start something I wasn’t up to in that state of mind anyway.

So that’s a lot of rambling but anyway there it is. I ordered a pizza box tonight because I should have gone to the store more than a week ago and still haven’t, and I’m gonna eat it for at least 1 more meal before I go to the store and maybe 4 meals, idk yet. I’m sore from yesterday’s incredibly basic yoga video bc I haven’t done any in months and don’t really work out beyond walking places when I can get away with not driving. I’m not exactly the poster child for yoga-and-vegetables holistic living. But, like, when doing those things is part of Treating My Lived Experience As Valid I can do them without feeling guilty for all the times I didn’t and I can respect myself for making other choices at other moments like taking a nap and ordering pizza, which I’m actually still feeling super duper good about. I did slightly more than the minimum amount I wanted to get done and ended up meeting my middle goal for work this evening, and I’m super excited about those cinnamon bread sticks I’m gonna eat for breakfast tomorrow.

#personal #why is it so long why am I so rambly #my tumblr's been doing stupid and weird things with readmores so not doing one sorry y'all #feel free to scroll on/ignore but like...#idk I've been wanting to write it so I did

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hoebagbasicbitch · 4 years

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the sweetest omegle convo i’ve ever had

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say STAND WITH HONG KONG AGAINST THE CCP!

You both like the regrettes.

You: hi!

Stranger: hiii

You: skjakjf my search for the regrettes has never turned up anything until now

You: im so excitel lol

Stranger: RIGHT

Stranger: same

Stranger: wait are u from twitter lmao

You: we are a small but proud fanbase

You: no i am not

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: even crazier then

Stranger: so true

You: do u have any other socials

Stranger: I have insta! what's urs

You: phoebelink.art

You: hbu? i'll follow u

Stranger: omg I love ur acc

Stranger: I just followed u <3

You: thanks!

Stranger: :))))

You: don't be alarmed if i start peeping thru ur posts to see what other music u listen to i'm desperae for new artists

Stranger: omg no ur ok!!

Stranger: do u want rec

Stranger: recs

You: love them but u can only listen to the regrettes and swmrs for so long

You: yes pls!

Stranger: do u...like wallows

You: yes

You: they are coming to my state in august for a festival and i'm so excited

Stranger: oh shit

Stranger: wait what fest is in august

Stranger: I thought they were all earlier

You: hinterlands

Stranger: where's that

You: it is mostly country music but there's some indie shit

You: it's in iowa so it's all hicks lol but i will suffer to we wallows live

Stranger: oh shit

Stranger: why have I not heard about this

Stranger: im so confused rn

You: idk

You: it's a smaller sort of festival and it's like in a cornfield

Stranger: damn

Stranger: im bout to go

You: bet lol

Stranger: im like the biggest wallows stan its so bad

You: ahaha

You: the real question is did it happen before or after 13 reasons whyg?

Stranger: when I stanned?

You: ya

Stranger: they actually didn't even become wallows until right after 13rw

Stranger: but

You: oh whoops

Stranger: it was after, but I've never even seen it

You: got it that's more what i meant lol

Stranger: I started liking them through a mutual friend

You: valid

Stranger: if u have never seen them, they're the best

You: i'm not a stan but i do really like their music

You: i have not seen them live but i'm a huge regrettes stan

Stranger: gotcha

Stranger: as u should be

Stranger: tbh maybe Lydia will go!

You: i fucking hope

Stranger: she goes to a lot of shows w them

Stranger: bro

Stranger: speaking of her

Stranger: at my wallows show last month I like saw her and waved at her n then she came and sat behind me

You: WHAT

Stranger: like literally. right behind me

Stranger: and I was too scared to say anything

Stranger: :)

Stranger: every time she would laugh she'd like laugh in my ear

Stranger: cutest laugh ever bro

Stranger: her and

Stranger: whoops

You: i saw her live in cleaveland this summer and if corona doesn't cancel it i intend to see them when they tour with the struts

Stranger: wait

Stranger: when is that happening

You: this summer

You: their site has all the dates

Stranger: wtf

Stranger: I didn't know they had us dates

You: they updated it i think cause coachella is getting moved im pretty sure

You: they're just opening but i am for sure buying pit tickets and i will ahve to learn to love the struts haha

Stranger: oh shit

Stranger: wait

Stranger: theres only like 3 dates

You: if they cancelled i will be very sad

Stranger: :( which one are u supposed to go to

Stranger: thats how I feel about my wallows shows, I think they're gonna be postponed/cancelled

You: the one on may 31

You: for me it is still on the site

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: that might be ok

Stranger: I think wallows cancelled their show for may 31

Stranger: they took itoff their website but haven't said anything

You: hmmm

You: we must hope for the best i guess

You: a mosh pit does seem like a prime place to catch corona tho lmao

Stranger: tbh I don't care

Stranger: which is probably bad

Stranger: but lile

You: it would be worth it

Stranger: idk my only happiness comes from touring so

You: yeah i have plenty of bands who i love but they kind of stay in place they don't really tour

Stranger: damn really

You: and unfortunataly i don't live in cali so i can't ever see them live

Stranger: felt

Stranger: I wish I lived in cali so bad

You: and that's on only liking grunge surf punk bads

Stranger: were u like a stan when they did the Fonda show afterparty homecoming thing

Stranger: I've never had such bad fomo in my life

You: i don't think so

Stranger: oh my god

Stranger: it was crazy

You: usually i don't like concerts cause they make me disociate lol but i just let it happen for lydia night

Stranger: oh shit really

Stranger: I love shows

You: no like they are very fun

You: it just is like an out of body experience haha

Stranger: damn

Stranger: idk I never have that

You: it's like an anxiety thing i think

You: it just happens it's kinda odd

Stranger: it's weird I have like bad anxiety about most things but somehow I have like none at concerts

Stranger: like im just the best possible version of myself idk

You: i feel that

You: like in certain situtions i definitely just don't feel it at all

Stranger: right

You: there are so many bands i would give a limb to see live thouhg

You: like one of my all-time favs is SWMRS ugh love them

Stranger: yupppppp I love

You: and hot flash heat wave opened for the regrettes when i saw them live

You: so good

Stranger: omg stop

Stranger: im jealous

You: but i have a whole list of bands to see live on my bucket list

Stranger: I feel like I've lucked out and I've seen almost all of the people I want to see

Stranger: well like all of my favorites

You: that's nice

Stranger: that being said im crazy so I like to see people 5+ times but

You: my main thing is i'm kind of new to the genre like only been super into it for two years but

You: that is still fun tho

Stranger: oh gotcha

Stranger: wait how old are u

You: 16

Stranger: oh and u said u live in Iowa right so I feel like maybe not a lot of people go there

Stranger: aw ur baby

You: ahaha

You: the alt scene is very dead here

Stranger: true

Stranger: tbh no one comes to my state either

Stranger: bc its so far out of the way

You: what kind of area are u in

Stranger: florida

You: ah

You: so the opposite of cali lmao

Stranger: yup

Stranger: yet im prob gonna go to cali when wallows have a show there

Stranger: lmao

You: wirth it

Stranger: yes

Stranger: I also might go for harry styles but idk yet

You: he's coming to iowa i think but i might b wrong

Stranger: omg really

Stranger: u should go

You: yeah we have a fat arena but i don't think i can afford tickets

Stranger: :(

You: i don't have a job RIP and i;m not getting one anytime soon cause all the businesses are closed

Stranger: damn yea I felt that

Stranger: I do have a job but im not going rn

Stranger: like im making them leave me off the schedule

You: probably smart

Stranger: bc im so scared of getting my mom sick

You: yeah that would be shitty

Stranger: yup

You: my mom works for the school district that i go to and my dad works from home so we are all chillin but that prolly sucks

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: yeah thats good

Stranger: my whole family is staying home

You: we don't have a stay in place order yet but we haven't left the house in weeks basically either

You: my school is about to get cancelled too

You: it's just not good for anyone

Stranger: about to??

Stranger: is it not cancelled yet

You: well spring break got extended to april 13 but the superintendent is making an announcement on friday apparently

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: yea here it's closed until the end of the year

You: its tough for us cause we are supposed to go online but our district can't afford it

You: like we need to close but only 40% of kids have internet acess

You: so they can't

Stranger: oh fuck

Stranger: idk :/

You: i'm lucky to have it tho

You: me wasting my precious internet acess on talking to adults on omegle lmao

Stranger: LMAO

Stranger: treu

Stranger: true

Stranger: oh well

You: i just want to relive middle school while i'm quarantined ya know

You: i was not monitored as a child bahabha

Stranger: omg

Stranger: same

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: I used to be on here all the time

You: like how am i not dead

You: genuinely thinking about all the shit i did in like 2012,,, what??

You: who let me near the family computer and then just didn't look over my shoulder

You: anyway i should probs go to sleep

You: it was nice talking to you tho!

Stranger: omg u too!!!!

Stranger: sorry it took me forever to respond

Stranger has disconnected.

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