gee dad, idk maybe the reason that you can't answer how i'm doing when people ask isn't necessarily because you don't know where i work, but because i don't want to tell you how i'm doing because you never fucking cared/asked before.
what was your answer when i was living close by and you weren't talking to me? Or were people not actually asking after me then either? Was i just not interesting to *anyone* before I moved, or what?
maybe take the fucking hint that i don't want to tell you about what i'm doing for work, and lay off. Maybe ask about my hobbies, or what i'm doing for fun. Maybe ask about what i enjoy relaxing with, what shows i'm watching. Oh wait, you don't actually want to know about those things. you want to make sure i'm being a Successful Child so you can use me as a status symbol, and since I won't give you the information to be able to do that, you're having problems making yourself feel validated.
Well tough shit, none of it is any of your business and maybe just back off on the work questions. even if I had a job I wouldn't want to tell you about it because i don't want that to be the only thing you ask me about and it continues to be the only thing you ask about when you talk to me, even though i straight up said i didn't want to mix my personal and professional life even a little bit and thus don't want to talk about it with family.
maybe we could judge me for more than just the career decisions i'm making, perhaps we could see me as a whole human being with merits and personality outside of how i perform in a capitalistic society. Maybe you could want to get to know me as a person.
but you don't. so i don't feel like sharing.
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realized i can probably give every vkei scene/style a style savvy style and then tagging these musicians w styles will be much easier if i know what scene theyre part of. i would appreciate any input (thts not “this isnt necessary why are you putting these styles in boxes” like i know things can be fluid but this js for personal reference)
art kei - dont know enough
cosplay kei - quirky (<- not a style in style savvy, i made this one up for weird runway fashion + clothes that would be sold under purple moon in style savvy)
iryou kei - edgy probably?
kirakira kei - dont know enough about this scene
kote kei - gothic (often looks like fetish goth which style savvy doesnt have. SAD!)
koteosa kei - dont know enough
kurofuku kei - dont know enough
loud kei - edgy
menhera kei - dont know enough but probablt edgy
misshitsu kei - dont know enough
nagoya kei - i know but im not sure. bold?
okeshou kei - edgy
oshare kei - edgy. maybe pop? can they be pop?
pikopiko - dont know enough
shiro kei - kinda dont know enough but probably gothic maybe?
shironui kei - edgy
showa kayou kei - doesnt fit in style savvy and i dont usually rb such bands anyways. would be edgy if i cared to tho
soft visual - gothic (but lowkey!) maybe theyre bold sometimes too
tanbi kei - gothic
wafuu - eastern, edgy (i cant remember which if any game calls the style Eastern, and i worry the tag looks bad on my part out of context, but i could always be using the far worse-sounding Oriental title)
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I think I forgot to post a scoping update this week. I forgot multiple things I was supposed to do on Friday, so I guess that shouldn't come as a surprise. What happened on Friday? Did Friday happen at all?
The entire month of August doesn't quite feel real. The whole summer feels like it's neverending, but also passing by in the blink of an eye. I'm sure that's partly because of my grandpa's passing, partly because of remodeling the bathrooms, which has been a bigger upheaval that I realized it was going to be even though I didn't really need to do much myself.
I feel like I'm waiting for life to go back to normal. Like I'm waiting for just a single day where I can stay home all day and have no distractions or claims on my attention, where I can just hole up in my room and actually buckle down and work on writing and scoping homework. Because it seems like, even when I have a few hours in between workmen coming to the house, or going to my grandma's for a meal, or a thousand other responsibilities and errands that aren't supposed to take much time, I blink and those hours are gone and I haven't done anything more productive than catch up on my Tumblr dashboard.
Tomorrow I'll be eight hours behind on what's supposed to be my scoping schedule. And I'm probably not going to have time to do much, if any, homework until Thursday this week. I'm getting horrible flashbacks to college, even though my current deadlines are completely self-imposed. It's that feeling of finding yourself balancing on a ball that's rolling down a hill, and you can't stop or you'll fall flat on your face, but you also can't catch up or slow down. It's like a very calm, subdued panic, if that makes any sense.
I don't really have much of a life, and yet I still have no time to do anything. And I'm still running on only 5-7 hours of sleep a night, which is entirely my own fault, but if I stopped earlier each night, I'd only have even more to catch up on the next day....
I probably just need to go to bed. Things usually seem slightly more manageable in the morning, even if that's bleary-eyed at 5 a.m. and none of the circumstances have actually changed a jot.
Oh. And I'm on Chapter 15.
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I am beyond frustrated right now. [Personal vent below because I just need to scream into the void.]
I offered my time, effort, and work free of charge and spent hours upon hours in planning and working with them only to be told they went with someone else who turns out they are not only paying but took my ideas to for them to work from!! I am beyond angry and hurt and god!! Why are people such assholes sometimes?!
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