#Can't get rid of me yet.

[aloyxtilda]

Me surviving and coming out of a mental health crisis like...

This cold lesbian artist with a heart of stone is back! Time to paint more gay art and get some shit done. 💪😎😏💙 💵💰☕☕☕

No time for love when there is money to be made! 😌💵💰 Still a hopeless romantic tho. 😏🌹😘

#mental health #Still alive! #Can't get rid of me yet. #Lived to see Trump was indicted. Worth it. #Suicide help line saved me! 988 in America. call it if needed. Its free. #boss lady #ready to kick some ass #refreshed #no time for love when there is money to be made! 💵💰😏 #🌹 Still a hopeless romantic tho. 😌

[sergle]

will you also be donating/selling your clothes? ( just curious, sorry if you answered already ! )

no prob, I haven't answered this one yet!! so, I'm probably going to try and get a lot of my Newly Loose clothes altered? before I consider hocking them. also, I was really STUFFING my tits into some of my clothes to start with, so they may fit me even better now, not worse! there are alsoooo definitely certain pieces that I wanna hold onto more tightly than others. but if I've got a pile of dresses/tops that are too big and I don't wanna deal with fixing them, I may make a post to sniff out if anyone wants them.

#just in general since a lot of ppl with a similar ish body type to mine do follow me. #again I'd probably sell but clothes are less expensive than bras #so I could also just give them away and have ppl only pay for the shipping #I don't know for sure yet! I haven't made clothing plans bc I can't try on my clothes yet #until I can lift my arms over my head w/o getting Scared #as soon as I have enough mobility to try on my wardrobe w my New Body then I can start making plans to get rid of some shit #sergle answers

[dramarants]

i only want love triangles if it's whatever fucked up polygon junmo kicheol and euijeong have going on

#the worst of evil #ranting #idk how to articulate how juicy it is #junmo's fierce protectiveness of his wife - he trusts her but can't help his jealousy fear or frustration while trapped in the situation #euijeong hurting but putting her own life on the line worried for her husband while unpacking the memories of her first love #she can't help but sympathize with kicheol and what he's endured; haven't seen much of how she feels rn but it must be c o n f l i c t e d #(not necessarily even in a romantic way but wanting to root for a person chasing their goals who was once so important to you) #(all while grieving her mother without the support of her literal goddamn spouse by her side) #and kicheol. also grieving and trying to establish a place for himself and his crew yet drawn to junmo despite the red flags #his panic and desperation when jungmo bled out on him which must have triggered his own memories of losing taeho #junmo who has every reason to despise kicheol barely concealing his general rage but protects him like it's second nature at every turn #all while conflicted as a bystander to atrocities (and now willfully leaving another cop to die to protect himself his wife and the mission #getting mentally and physically pummeled left and right just bc his superiors demand it from him #all to please euijeong's family by using the promotions to prove himself and get rid of the stigma weighing him down #like !!! #and haven't even touched on kicheol wooing euijeong against his buddy's wishes and in such a pure heart fluttering way #accepting the risk for a second chance to bathe in the bright light she used to shine on his life #OMG AND BIBI'S ENTRANCE!! junmo realizing her interest gives him leverage and agency but struggling to use it to his advantage #it's soooo messy and i'm obsessed #that funeral arc is gonna haunt me for years #as is the tension during the pat down which def was supposed to be like a gang pride/dignity/lack of power against the jp folks thing #also testing their relationship and responsibilites as leader subordinate #but felt charged around whether kicheol would protest or junmo would accept the manhandling in totally different 👀 ways #goddamn i wrote an essay and this doesn't even scratch the surface of the meat of the show #tldr; i have many many feelings and for once the 'love triangle' isn't making me gauge out my own eyeballs #it's about power it's about raising the stakes and revealing things about the characters w/o dominating the plot

[theotherrichardpapen]

nigel & alex - to be haunted by your love

henri nouwen // like minds (2006) // death - melanie martinez // pope alexander - crywank // her mother's kiss - eugene carriere // sometimes i fall asleep thinking about you - catarine hancock // the song of achilles - madeline miller // achilles lamenting the death of patroclus - gavin hamilton // lee martens

#am i happy with this? no. am i posting anyway? you bet your ass i am #another largely experimental post so take it with a grain of salt #honestly i could've just posted the achilles comparison part on its own and liked it better #cause that's really the part i wanted to get to #BUT the song lyrics are so load-bearing to this post. they started the whole thing. so it didn't feel right kicking them to the curb #so you get the whole shamozle lmao #anyway this post is more or less a take on the idea of when people say no one ever truly dies so long as your memory of them lives on #so long as you always carry your love for them in your heart #and how it's always meant to be a good thing you know? a positive thing #but what happens when it's not. what happens when their memory is a weight you drag forward? when that love is a haunting #when an absence becomes a presence in of itself #and you wish you could be rid of it. but you can't. and now they're in everything you do. they're everywhere you go #a permeation over every aspect of your life? how are you supposed to handle that kind of feeling #in the end this was more or less me scratching an itch wondering what life for alex was like after nigel was gone #and how fundamentally nigel does end up gaining immortality by living on in alex's memory #and arguably by becoming a part of him too #maybe my brain just hasn't fully recovered yet from being sick 🤡 #like minds #murderous intent #nigel colbie #alex forbes #web weave #quotes

[gregoftom]

mannnn who up tearing up over the sticker scene

#txt #i just starting thinking about how terrified greg must have been :((((( #he made a mistake and why would tom protect him now when he can pick and choose so much more freely who he wants #logically i'm sure he knows matsson is indeed pissed over what he did but he doesn't hate greg at least not enough to get rid of him #yet that kind of phrasing he believes in an instant bc he's in such a state of fear you can see it in his eyes in his movements #he's so afraid he's gonna go right back to being homeless to his last 20 bucks and no one will save him. no one will love him. no one will #care. but tom!!!!!! oh GOD tom!!!! says i got just enough capital!!!! i got you! and then says I GOT YOU AGAIN! just so greg didn't miss it! #you hear me? i got you!!! i'll keep you! #can i come with you nero? YES YOU CAN THATS NOT EVEN A QUESTION #and the sheer. like. shock. of being chosen like that. greg is just staring at tom as he plucks the sticker off #stock fucking still as tom puts it on even swaying slightly with the gentle force of tom putting the sticker on him bc he #can't quite believe it for a second #then he breaks into a dopey sideways smile and tom tells him gently again i got you. #you got me? even after everything? even after i made a mistake? even though i hurt you? even though i tried to make my way #and failed? even after i slapped you? even after i fought back in the bathroom? you still want me? #it just. man idk it hits me right in the kokoro....

[bowofbalance]

Due to the fact that I'm going to California again (in the airport now) I'm finally giving in. I'm rewatching birthmarks.

#it's the I don't get along with my family episode #i reserve it for the most serious cases #plus im not allowed to get rid of my checked bag for another hour so i can't even buy myself lunch yet #not until after security #lunch is at this point canceled and will be for dinner instead #i hate travel :( #literally ignore me

[spaciebabie]

i should have never been allowed ta leave that hospital alive

#spacie spoinks #i was born w/my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. my heart stopped beating. my mother went inta cardiac arrest. #god tried vehemently ta keep me from being unleashed on the world and yet here i stand #How does it feel ta have failed so miserably you eternal fuck. #You can't get rid of me. #i was an accident and god was like 'no wait put it back this was not in The Plan' #'oh god its being birthed fuck fuck fuck fuck fu-'

[steakout-05]

i think having TF2 as a special interest really early in my childhood influenced so many things about myself and my identity.... my gender is big men my sexuality is big men and my sense of humour is big men. i even named myself after the "very tiny and scrawny but still big" big man and i think about all the big men in TF2 on a semi daily basis,,,,,, anyway yeah i like the men in TF2 :)

#tf2 #this post is nigh incomprehensible #this is the true effects of autism...... having such a big special interest that it literally influences half of your entire sense of self #i think this is why i feel gender euphoria playing crusty old source games #like i literally feel so connected to TF2 it's crazy #i'm currently listening to a TF2 YTPMV and have it in the corner of my screen and my brain is just going ''ahh... the song of my people'' #i look at scout tf2 and i go ''he is just like me!!!'' #man's got adhd and likes being an asshole to the other team on the battlefield and if that isn't relatable i don't know what is #i also occasionally play as engineer and i always put my sentries in the most bitchy spots ever #like you're taking a stroll over to the point and you're like ''oop. level 3 sentry that i can't get rid of because the fucker behind it- #-won't stop helicopter parenting it. welp.'' that's my gendar #scout main to engineer main redemption arc to scout main villain arc because my sentries kept exploding pipeline #that made absolutely zero sense. #i usually play on training mode because i'm too shy to play on casual again yet and let me tell you #the amount of times i've yelled at the engineer bots because they just won't build a damn dispenser next to their sentries is insane #like maintaining a sentry would be SO MUCH EASIER if you just built a dispenser nearby. like. #when you play engie you start to not even worry about your health anymore because you're too concerned with your metallic kids to care #it's like ''oh i'm at 2 hp. wow. OH SHIT MY SENTRY GOT HIT ONCE AND LOST A SINGLE BAR OF HP I NEED TO HEAL HIM!!!!! MY SON!!!' #and you never end up dead somehow because dispenser #and when you do die it's like torture looking at the spectating cam and seeing your sentry get shot at and not being there to help it #it's like ''nooo... my son.... please i need to heal my son..... i can't bare to watch'' #i should invest in a wrangler.... hmmmm...... #anyway this post is... so autism! it's great we love to see it! #autism #i'm very tired yet feel very energised.... i'm having a neurodivergent moment hang on #spy sappin my executive functioning #my brain is literally just 3 scouts and 2 engineers doing do si do with 'erectin a river' blasting really loud at the moment #YIPPEEKIYAHIYAAAAAHYKIYO - my brain when special interest

[vamprnce]

oh wow thanks instagram for the useless ai garbage! I'm definitely going to keep using your app! 😊 /s

#text #i get on and they switch the damn search bar for this 💀 #tried searching up if you can get rid of it and i can't find a way to (yet) #but this is making me get rid of my account atp :/ #not like my art/posts were doing that great lately anyways

[ayakashibackstreet]

No, no, this is fine. I can't bring myself to look at this wretched thing anymore and I'm at least a month behind schedule but this is fine. I will graduate, this is totally fine. I couldn't be more fine. This is fine. I am fine. I am so fine.

#the moment my supervisor messages me I am dropping dead on the spot #mum told me to 'just add a few sentences to it to get rid of the anxiety' the way I usually do #but lads. I don't think it's working anymore. #I'm 17 pages into this damn chapter #and I can't even see the end #I wrote an outline for this subchapter #but so what? #I still have one to go after that #and they're taking an awfully long time #and they're awfully long in general #gahhhhhhhh maybe the pinched nerve /was/ caused by stress after all #if I ended up going to that PhD programme it would legitimately kill me #and GOD I still am yet to submit abstracts to those damn conferences #do I even /want/ to put myself through that? God help me

[spoopy-sloth]

I am very pleased to announce that I did not, in fact, join the 27 club :)

#they can't get rid of me yet 〜(￣▽￣〜) #yay! #my text

[miercolaes]

i did the counting and apparently i have about a disney dalmatian movie one liners to post at some point.

#♱ vero stfu. #i am also now pondering whether or not to clear my following list #it's not something personal against these blogs but it's a lot to handle #i can't keep up with 150+ followers #some weren't even active in the past 5+ months #for those with whom i talked : you're not getting rid of me just yet! #but people i haven't interacted with i'm sorry

[blondiest]

going to make my own version of those "that girl" videos that used to go around on tiktok (which were basically aesthetically-styled disordered eating so far as i could tell tbh) but mine will be me eating stuff like hard-boiled eggs slathered with mustard & enjoying it with a degree of enthusiasm that viewers find off-putting. my "that girl" trait will not be yoga or drinking five gallons of water a day or even having nice hair or clear skin, it will simply be my joie de vivre or however it's spelled

#i used to eat hard boiled eggs w mustard on them all the time in college bc they had them in the vending machines #and they also had packets of mustard #and i forgot my lunch like every day lol #so that became my lunch #it's a humbling experience to eat a wholeass hard boiled egg in public with like. no knife to cut it in half btw. like you just have to #take bites and it's fine but you feel silly and inelegant #it does not help if you are very gender nonconforming at the time but like. aren't trying to be. jfhfhfjgh #<- was really bad at fitting in during college bc i had super short hair and wore men's jeans and sweaters from goodwill #all of which are actually swag things to do btw but like it doesn't feel swag at all if you like. are actually trying to fit in #and are just very bad at it #and genuinely cannot connect the dots on Why Girls Don't Want To Be Your Friend (it CAN'T just be that you're getting read as queer. right?) #(because that would be so messed up if it was because of that.) #[narrator voice: it was because of that] #anyways this is off the rails bc it was supposed to be about eggs and my love of them but #a lot of people say that college is better than high school. and for me it WAS by a lot but it still was really hard in a lot of ways #i felt deeply isolated. i went to an ag school in the middle of a midwest state and studied STEM #in high school i associated with basically only queer art kids (not a huge high school and a lot of us weren't out yet but. y'know.) #and then in college i felt very out of place #and towards the end of college i decided to try and take a stab at looking more traditionally feminine. grew out my hair #got rid of my bangs #it was fine #i definitely noticed that people treated me much nicer once i had long hair and women's clothes that actually fit me #and i was like okay yeah so i guess i just should try to pass as straight then. that seems like it'll be easier #during the pandemic i gave myself bangs again. just a lil bi girl swag yk. and then last august i got my hair cut into a real short bob #and i immediately felt so much more like myself. idk how to explain it. but i was just like not meant to be feminine in that exact way #i'm honestly still pretty feminine presenting overall but #i love the fact that if i wear my hair messy now it looks kinda boyish. and if i style it nicely it looks girly. #i feel like i have options yk. and i still don't think i get read as queer now tbh? though i'm bad at knowing these things #but i don't feel like i'm HIDING anymore #WOW THAT WAS LONG SORRY LMAO

[winterbeheaded]

what if i said i was thinking of adding an alt fc ..

#i can't get rid of nina all together yet but she's been pissing me off tbh #would anyone be interested cuz if not wuts the point but #very riley of her

[regicidal-defenestration]

Do you ever read a book and realise how it's going to make you exponentially worse

#finished the monsters we deserve by marcus sedgwick in (according to the handy timer on my library's ebook reader) one 46 minute session #am not normal about it! #like it's possibly a letter. we don't know who from or who to but it's written KNOWINGLY like the narrator will correct their own grammar #the narrator will point out their own use of a comma in the very first lines and that WILL come up again like I am categorically not okay #about 'a fairytale (comma) ending' #it's about an author who hates the book frankenstein it's autobiographical in the same way Lemony Snickett books are if that makes sense #it asks the question 'was frankenstein the monster? is he still the monster if he's real and his ghost stands in front of you just a puppet #it says okay if mary shelley made the monster frankenstein to what extent did frankenstein make mary shelley #did she know what would happen to it how it would get misinterpreted over and over in adaptation? #and if you hate a book like HATE hate a book how do you get rid of it? you can't destroy your copy how do you destroy the very Essence Of #The Book because the narrator's an author he can't ban the book or burn it because he Knoqs what that leads to and yet... #the phrase 'frankenstein made a monster' can mean many things at once #it's also about - and this is key - what if there was a fucked up cabin in France #I think I've mentioned before how reading pterry left its mark on my writing #but reading this reminded me of how year 8/9/possibly 7 me read pretty much every book by him in my school library #which has Definitely influenced me too

[thatgirl4815]

Ok, not sure how much I believe it, (and I could very well be grasping at nothing) but consider this 👀:

Now, maybe it’s an innocuous detail, but Pete ducks his head after this kiss.

What if, for just a moment, he was pulling back? Like he realized what he was doing and tried to catch himself, before it was too late. Like this was his last attempt to spare himself of the poisonous temptation that is Vegas. But the temptation won out.

Idk. The longer I look at it, the more I start to believe it. 

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #vegaspete #vegas x pete #Now be honest with me #how obvious is it that I've rewatched this way too much? 👀 #Trust me I know #it's becoming a problem #but it's a problem I don't intend on solving anytime soon #sorry not sorry #If I'm going down this VP hole the rest of you are too #you can't get rid of my delusions just yet #think I might just make this canon in my head #vegas and pete #vegas theerapanyakul #pete saengtham #vegas pete