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#Ergh never mind. Not much i can do about it tbh.
satans-knitwear · 2 years
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I just want to feel good 😩
Treat me ~ Tip me
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completeotometrash · 4 years
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Matchup
@i-sleep-like-napoleon
I'm a female on the libra-scorpio cusp and a Slytherin, I'm kind of a mix of ENFP and INFP. Appearance-wise, I'm 5'2, i've brown eyes and caramel brown hair. I also wear glasses and I'm also quite tanned from being out in the sun all the time. Personality-wise: - I can be really enthusiastic about stuff I'm really interested in, such as history (especially world war history), sciences (but physics is trash to me) and anime (I'm a closet nerd hehe) . - I can be really ambitious and competitive, and I would sometimes place unrealistic expectations on myself, leaving me mentally exhausted and stressed, but like i place these unrealistic measures on myself to strive to be the best - I do try to chill and take it slow, but you know, sometimes i just can't 😅 - I'm quite an open book to all my close friends - I also tend to be really possessive, like I dont like people purposely trying to steal my friends (it happened a lot of times before) and i hate it when someone randomly butts into a conversation i'm having with anyone, especially if it's a deep conversation - I can be really awkward around people i don't click with, but around people i click with, i can be pretty wild and will be able to hold conversations with. - I tend to procrastinate a lot, and people say i look intimidating but i don't feel like I'm intimidating. - I can be really sensitive to other's emotions and i tend to put others before me, so like my close friend always told me that i'm too much of a giver, like I try to please everyone else and ignore myself - My love languages are physical touch and quality time - I can't stand people who are attention seekers or just aim to be public nuisances as i feel that they're just really irritating and it gets on my nerves, especially those people who are just doing stupid things to be popular (which is lowkey why i think tiktoks dances are dumb, like seriously i dont get the hype, but i do like tiktok meme videos tho) - I listen to a lot of different genres of music, but i especially love classics (mozart and chopin are my favourites) and pop. - I can really insecure at times, because i always feel that every other girl out there is better than me and i'm just a plain and ugly, and partially because i got bullied when i was younger about my appearance - I like dressing up and putting on makeup occassionally, but i do act like a tomboy most of the time (ie. I hate skirts, like i really dont like them and i have no idea why, but jeans are supreme). - I also love playing the piano and singing as well, even though i'm not that good at it :D - People tell me that I'm very curious and persistent, constantly pushing until i get answers, but i do know my limits. - I'm also very passionate about things I love, and i would do anything to protect people that i care and love. - I'm also very affectionate and supportive towards my close friends and people i love. - I do have trust issues and I often feel like i do not deserve love and that I hate people who betray my trust. - I'm ok with pda, but not anything overly affectionate, like hand-holding and kissing is ok, but not making out 😳😖 - I also tend to be pretty forgettful, and i'll not eat for hours to get my work on hand done (whoop pretty unhealthy but :0) - I'm also really sarcastic when i want to be, and i can't hold a poker face to save my life (i swear i always start laughing like 2 seconds in) and I tend to sass people a lot, especially if I've had a bad day - I'm also pretty fiesty and I hate people stereotyping me for my gender (i.e like when someone says that "oh you're pretty good for a girl") like what does my gender have to do with my ability? Like there is zero correlation - My sense of humour is kind of twisted at times but i really love memes and i tend to crack inappropriate jokes sometimes - I've been told that i come across as really flirty to some guys but it's because i can be really touchy feely to my friends - I'm also quick to anger, especially if i have a bad day, i hate people who nag and i hate people who put down others- I'm kind of touch-starved, so i really like hugs and cuddles, but I'm also ticklish so my friends tend to tickle me when hugging me - I can be a daydreamer at times, like I would get stuck in my own fantasy world when i shouldn't 😂😂 - I'm also a drama queen around my friends, I dont have a lot of them in real life because of some rumours that others spread, so i only have a close circle of friends i really treasure and would do anything for them - I also tend to bottle up all my anger and negative thoughts, and would sometimes like explode on others even though I don't mean to - Sometimes I don't really think before I say or act, which is why sometimes I can come off as a bit rude or unfeeling but it's just me and my impulsiveness 🤪 Fun Facts: - i really love food, especially sweets (dark chocolate and dango is my life) - i really hate horror movies (I'm usually pretty brave, but horror movies just get to me so much ergh) but i love chick flicks and adventure flims - I'm also a hopeless romantic, which is why even little romantic gestures can make my heart flutter - My hobbies are reading, writing and shooting (only air-rifle though) - I used to be pretty athletic, I still am, but to a lesser extend now, because i injured my left knee playing volleyball in the past. It's on it's road to recovery, but it still hurts quite badly when i overexert myself. - I love artic foxes and cats, dogs are too energetic for me 😅 - I'm also a sneaker hoarder and I love collecting and wearing sneakers hehe, heels are like torture devices for the feet i dont care even if they make me taller - Coffee over tea anyday, no offense to peoples who like tea, but a fresh cup of brewed coffee is one of the best things in the world 😚 - I'm really terrible at drawing, I'm not gonna kid you. When i was younger, my art teacher threatened to fail me because im really terrible at drawing. 😂 - I'm also very injury-prone and a bit clumsy, which caused me to have bruises occasionally - I'm kinda bad and math and physics, but like if you take your time to explain to me then I'll understand a bit more lol, my best subject is like chemistry
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Thank you so much for the request! Hope you enjoy.
Although I was deeply torn between another character, I believe the suitor you’d be best with is: Sasuke Sarutobi!
I honestly feel like a relationship between you two would be like an, “opposites attract,” type of deal. But despite this, you two still would share a lot of common interests! Unlike all of the other guys, he understands you. He was born and raised in the same time period as you! He knows everything a normal person would from the 2000′s, he’s watched movies, listened to similar music, enjoyed memes, and understands references! Sasuke has made it very clear that he too, is quite the history guru. His former job in modern times was being a scientist. (Although it was never mentioned, I strongly feel like he enjoyed anime before he was sent back in time.) And he loves to not only learn, but teach what he knows! You two have a relationship unlike any other, which is a truly special thing. If there would ever be a time where you want to rant or discuss anything about the future, he would gladly listen!
Sasuke is not very good with his emotions, and is very stoic and self-kept. Seeing you and your expressions and how different you two are is pretty refreshing to him. He doesn’t find you intimidating whatsoever! (More adorable than anything). If you were ever frustrated at him or the world, he knows how to take it without making things worse, (most of the time). Always stays calm and has no problem being the first to apologize. He listens to how you feel and gives his best advice. Rare of you to ever get mad at him, he’s a pretty chill person that doesn’t seek attention or act like they’re better than anyone. He’s not too sure how to help you with your insecurities. Shows his love through actions rather than words, but still gives the nice occasional compliment on how you look or on your personality. (He truly does love you, thinks of you as being better than perfect.) He doesn’t mind that you’re the same way. Also isn’t bothered by you being possessive at all. (Doesn’t really talk to girls other than you unless he has to.)
Loves going and doing things with you. Whether if it’s walking around town or playing games in the castle! (Thinks you being competitive is adorable!) Understands if you just want to stay home and relax. He’s very introverted and doesn’t really understand social ques, so just being alone with you is something he would take any day.
Although he doesn’t show it, he loves pampering you! Enjoys cuddles as well. (Everyone seems to discuss on how he and his s/o would recreate the upside-down Spiderman kiss.) Will just randomly pull up romantic movie or TV show lines, and vines. A secret softy! (But only for you).
Overall, I think this would be a really healthy relationship! Only problem being how bad he is at expressing himself. (Which can be fixed over time.)
Other Possible matches: Masamune Date (almost picked this one tbh), Mitsunari Ishida, and Kennyo.. (Fuck I can’t remember his last name. Someone please educate me.)
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letsdiscoverkitty · 5 years
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Review Update 07/03/19
I am going to try to keep this short and in bullet points. I will also label it with a trigger warning (although we all know that never works) just in case. The review itself was with my consultant and T yesterday afternoon; it could have gone better but it also could have been a lot worse...
- To put it in short: things are not working as they are. - They had basically decided everything before I went in so it was more a case of “this is what is happening” rather than discussing the options with me... - I’m currently at my lowest weight, although things are now ‘stable’ in that it is not dropping anymore, my bloods are low in all expected areas but nothing terrible. I am “existing”. Barely managing to get through the days. living in a mind fog/haze. Floating. Mentally I am struggling a lot to simply function but yeah I am here. I am alive. I am not crashing and burning so I am fine. - There is apparently no point stringing out work with my T any longer as it is not proving to be helpful and might be doing more harm as I am unable to make the changes that I need to in order to engage with therapy (which yeah I get) - They concluded that there needs to be a shift in my care with the focus being put on physical health as I seem to be very stuck in a rut and the side effects/physiology of my current weight is proving to be a big barrier that I can’t push past on my own. Sadly my T cannot offer the support that I need in order to face this, so things have to change. - T thought IP might be an option for a short admission but my consultant is pretty against it and said that, from my ‘data’, it shows that I do much better in the community and that was all that was said on the matter. - Anyway, this basically means that I am losing therapy. - There is going to be a month cross-over where my care is shifted over to seeing an EDP who can hopefully help a bit more in terms of “action”. T will tie up the last bits of work we have been doing; we have my formulation and beginning of MANTRA, which will not be lost....although the EDP wasn’t there and no one knows what her case load is like/what will be possible/when so it’s all up in the air as usual. - The service is getting a load of MANTRA books ordered so they are going to give me one as soon as they arrive for my own reference and for future possible bits. - I will then be working with an EDP for a ‘couple of months’ to focus on weight/physical monitoring/action/change/meal plans/eating etc. - They have promised that they will review after a few months to see whether I would benefit from going back to seeing s psychologist (they cannot say if this will be my current one or not (cries - I am devastated to being losing her ))  - Consultant kept reiterating that no one can do it for me. That I have to do it for myself. No one is going to give me a meal plan or tell me what to do or how to add things in or increase - i have to do it myself. (well if it’s that simple then why the hell am I still stuck here x years on...ergh sorry) - I made it clear that I need to have that review after a period of work with the EDP as the last thing that I want is to go along the same road I have before in the past when the sole focus has been WG and no psychology and I “do the least that I can to keep people off my back” and then crash because I am still so stuck. She tried to reassure me and said that she is a big believer in “care pathways” being individual and that she agrees that I need that input but that right now it cant be the focus as my health is too much of a risk and barrier. She noted how “frail” I look, which I thought was a bit out of sort for her but *shrugs* - She is contacting my GP to organise a prescription for Aripiprazole to augment with my Venlafaxine. She did not want to touch the venlafaxine as apparently I am on a vv high dose for my weight.  - My parents sadly couldn’t be there but they sent a letter along and although it didn’t do much, I think it at least gave them a bit more insight into how things are beyond my usual “good girl” front.  - I am seeing her again in 2 months to see how things are going and then hopefully the next review will be to see about psychology.
I am still in such a daze and none of it has really sunk in (I think I have said everything?? tbh I can’t really remember...my mental functioning is not the greatest rn). On my way home (in the dark and cold and rain) my car had multiple malfunctions and I was honestly so close to just breaking down...but I held myself together enough to phone my parents in tears (they are having a few nights away, not planned to overlap with my review but mum had leave to use up and they need a break) and luckily it eventually came back to life and I slowly managed to make my way home. I contacted our mechanic (we knew my car needed a service as its cut out a few times recently but last night was the worst and was terrifying and really dangerous) and he is coming over this afternoon to have a look at it. We think it is the engine...sigh. Needless to say it was NOT what I needed yesterday. I was also planning to go out today to help keep myself busy as my parents aren’t back until tomorrow evening but that plan is out the window due to the car situation so it’s a day stuck at home for me. Im feeling so out of touch with reality rn and I know I am rambling on and I don’t make much sense but yeah I just wanted to update and get some things out. I feel quite, idk, not abandoned but I just get the feeling that the service is sick of me and doesn’t want to have to deal with me anymore (which I don’t blame them for) but yeah if it were as simple as “just do it for yourself” then don’t they think I would have done so before now...I have tried so hard for so long and recently I have just been feeling so deflated/lost/exhausted/tired (stuck record syndrome). My parents are at a loss. They feel completely let down by services and the support available and they don’t know what else to do or where to turn. I hate how much pain and hurt I am putting them through. I hate everything about my existence and being. I am an inherent failure. Me being around does so much more harm than good to so many people. It’s not that I don’t want to change, because I DO, but there is some barrier that is quite simply blocking everything right now and I can’t see past it. I can’t see a future. Anything. Im sorry, I don’t know what I am rambling on about anymore, and I should probably stop. This was going to be a very short update but it is now a classic essay, sorry. Im just so tired and want it all to stop. Im sorry. Thank you for reading this if you have, you deserve a medal. and again, I am sorry.
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aquarianlights · 6 years
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Depending on how tomorrow goes, I may or may not go MIA from every single social media site and texting app that everyone knows me on without any notice but this. I’m not really telling anyone. Posting a mass update here and maybe fb later. But even if tomorrow goes “well” or anywhere in the “good” category...I may be too overwhelmed to be talking to anyone or on any kind of social media for a while. Hours, days, weeks. If it goes poorly, expect me gone for at least a month. If I’m still alive by the end of that---which I should be, coz I will have Echo right by my side and he will never leave my side again and I will do everything in my power to push through and be positive and be a good dad for him---then I will eventually crawl back onto social media. But my queue may run out for the second time in my entire time since I made this blog like 6-7+ years ago. It’s only run out once so far and that’s because it wasn’t maxed out and slowed down before I got institutionalized once and that was a longer stay than normal. Normally I manage to get out before my queue runs out and then ...”treat myself” with a queue filling binge of positive stuff and foxes and glittery things and nerdy things and all things christmas and cold weather. Just general stuff I like...packing it full, coz it’ll usually be on the very last few posts by the time I get out, but no one will have noticed my absence coz it won’t have run out.
But the personal space I will need from how intense this could potentially be...is terrifying for me. I usually go to social media to cope. Somehow, this is so terrifying, that stepping away from social media, stepping away from my friends, and venturing out on my own and putting myself in rather dangerous situations would be my best way to cope. Other than pouring my hours into research and schoolwork... I do have plenty of medical texts to read that I haven’t had the time to do more than skim over [stares longingly at them all].
The amount of overwhelming this is ....is just... it would break a neurotypical person and shred them to pieces. For me? I’m not sure what it will do. The good thing about my particular neurodivergency is that I don’t have much of a conscience to work with (I thought the auditory hallucinations were what everyone was referring to as a conscience until professionals finally told me that’s not what a conscience is and upon further research found I didn’t have one which is great for this situation but damn). I
This could potentially be the hardest moment of my entire life, but I won’t know that until I’m lying on my death bed. This could potentially be the biggest mistake I ever make, but I won’t know that until I’m lying on my death bed. This could potentially be the best thing that ever happens to me, but again... I won’t know that until I’m lying on my death bed. As of right now...at the age of 26...on the date of February 24th, 2018. . .this WILL be the hardest day of my entire life to date. This will be the hardest thing I will ever have to do in my life, no matter the outcome. I’m not scared; I’m sick. I feel like it’d be a better idea to kill myself than go through with this. I’d get to avoid the whole thing.
I hate how logical that is.
And I hate how there’s literally not a single counter argument to it and not even one downside. There WAS one downside and that was that my friends would grieve and/or care but the two people who I was worried about caring/grieving and it affecting their lives have thoroughly proven it won’t and that they do not. That’s not pessimism or anything. That’s just cold, hard fact. Yeah, it’s a sad fact. But. . .it’s fact nonetheless. And I gotta look at the truth one way or another. Facts don’t change just because they’re not in my favour.
I really do hate how logical suicide is right now.
And I really do hate how there isn’t a single counter-argument to it. And how I have absolutely no one in my corner right now and how I have to support every single one of my friends despite the fact I have told them over and over again that I can’t be there for them and to stop and to back the fuck off with their damn problems, because I’m going through too much of my own stuff to help them with theirs. There’s only two people I will put aside my ridiculous mountain of issues that could possibly lead to my death and hopefully will to help...One has proven she is and always has been in my corner no matter what she’s going through. And the other has proven that she is definitely unreliable and won’t be there for me no matter how hard I try for her. The first one... She is the strongest person ever and she will get through my death. She will. She’s been through worse. The second one won’t care even in the slightest or even notice. I’m pretty sure she’d be relieved and happy, tbh. Lol. She’d be out there thinkin’ “FINALLY, DAMN” lolololol. I know I would be. Like, I know I WILL be when I finally do it and get to move on to the next plane of existence and get those brief moments as an infant where you’re not able to speak or communicate in any way because you have all your memories from your past life? Yeah. I’m gonna be fucking throwing a party in whatever form of a crib or bed type thing my new planet and new species has. I hope to fuck my new species is a lot more peaceful than this one. And I hope they’re more advanced and more intelligent. I guess that depends on my karma and I have no clue where my karma is at right now tbh coz I’ve done so many EXTREMELY horrible things in my life, but I’ve also done almost the exact same amount of EXTREMELY amazingly genuinely GOOD things in my life at this point that it practically balances it out to 0 so I’m just all [shruggy emoji] on whether the omnipotent fate aliens would demote or promote me during reincarnation. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Man. Tomorrow may just kill me. Hell, if I don’t kill myself before I start the drive tomorrow, I have 2 1/2 hours of driving to think about killing myself every single goddamn second during the drive there...and if, for some weird reason, I don’t have my dog on the way home...... I will have another 2 1/2 hours to think every single second about killing myself. And how the fuck easy would it be to do on Blood Mountain? I’m p sure my car takes via the route that goes over Blood Mountain. People die on Blood Mountain just driving normally.... All I gotta do is push the limits a little. Not hard to die on Blood Mountain...lmao. Not hard AT ALL. I hope my GPS takes me that way coz that’s when I start recognizing where I am and know I’m getting SORT OF close-ish I guess??? and then that idea of suicide just sounds WAY better so...not a bad idea to take a BUNCH of pills in the town right BEFORE blood mountain and then speed through it when I can’t feel my fucking feet on the pedals and am nodding off at the wheel so that I drive my car right through a guard rail or over the side of the cliff OR right into the rock wall. Yep. That sounds p fucking fantastic. Ugh. I have the worst ideas regarding car deaths and I can never do it coz I don’t wanna total my car.... Lmao. The only thing that stops me from doing it is coz I don’t wanna total my car and being a med student, my mind goes through the entire list of “what COULD happen” and how slow of a death if no one finds me and this and that and calculations and blah blah blah and palatalization and amputations and blah blah BLAH and ruining dreams for if I am FORCED into living and BLAH BLAH BLAH and car suicide is the absolute WORST idea for someone who NEEDS a bright, fast, chaotic, able-bodied future if they are forced to live omg lmao BUT....I mean, I have so many other methods in my head that I know practically all the things and I’ve tried so many ways now that I just know what I can and can’t handle and I think tomorrow is gonna be the make or break. But having Echo in the car with me after being broken..........will force me to stay alive. Which will suck so badly. But I will have to also compartmentalize all my pain and my negativity so that he’s not even MORE stressed out than by all the commotion of the situation and then by this crazy car ride and by most likely throwing up in the car.
ERGH.
I need to stop thinking about this and distract myself but I also need to rest my joints so I guess I’m gonna watch a documentary.... something nice and calming but also stimulating... I just wish people didn’t talk so monotone when narrating documentaries. Especially when it’s about the supernatural and extraterrestrials and government experiments and stuff. Like COME ON, NARRATORS. GET EXCITED. GET INTO IT! FOR FUCKS SAKE, THERE’S A REASON PEOPLE GET PUT TO SLEEP BY DOCUMENTARIES AND IT’S NOT THE DOCUMENTARY....IT’S YOU! THE NARRATOR! YOU’RE THE ISSUE. GET INVOLVED. GET HYPED ABOUT THE INFORMATION! GET PASSIONATE. FOR FUCKS SAKE, IT’S COOL STUFF. FUCKING ACT LIKE IT, YA DAMN MONOTONE, ROBOTIC NIMROD. Ergh. Someone needs to sign me up to narrate a documentary. I used to speak at public rallies about puppy mills all over my county to educate the masses during high school because I was enraged about it and TRUST ME when YOU’RE having FUN WITH IT or ENRAGED BY IT or THINK THE INFORMATION IS COOL and REALLY GET INTO IT...........SO WILL YOUR AUDIENCE. It’s not the information that’s boring. It’s not the documentary that’s boring. It’s not the subject material. IT’S THE NARRATOR. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO PAY ME JUST LET ME DO THEIR DAMN JOB CORRECTLY SO I CAN SHOW THEM HOW TO DO THEIR DAMN JOBS SO THEY CAN LEARN. FUCK.
dfkhdglskagjdshlkg Omg.
No okay now I’m gonna get angry at a documentary narrator for not doing their job correctly. Lmao. Gotta watch something uh.... Passionate. I guess. But that doesn’t require too much focus. But doesn’t numb my mind. Star Trek. I always default to Star Trek. Jfc. I guess I’mma pop on some Weyoun heavy episodes while I wait for the “all clear” on my joint timer thing so I can get up and exercise and do some fucking research and maybe pleasure-read for a bit before more joint resting because long drives and lots of heavy lifting is a big no-no and I’m not supposed to but things aren’t gonna pack themselves. Things aren’t gonna sort themselves?? LIKE??? Fuck it’s gonna be SO hard leaving majority of my material possessions that have so much personal value to me. :/ Argh. I don’t even have the ability to take them in order to sell them. I don’t even have that kind of strength or time. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
EDS is a fucking bitch, man. Fucking BITCH. T-Therapy better fucking cure EDS. Like. They’re all on board with it. 4 of my specialists are. And I’m meeting with my HRT doc next week. This coming week. So.... we’ll see. She cordoned off 2 appointments for me for all the things. Sigh. 
Oh right. Yes. Joint rest.
I’m bad at this. I hate resting. I really do. I hate being stationary. I hate not being able to do stuff. I HATE THIS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH EDS is a fucking killer for people with former suicidal depression who had had it all their life and it had apparently been fixed by meds and now suddenly it’s back like WOW fuck EDS. Ugh. And I’m getting all these phone calls from my docs as my tests come back telling me I need to change my diet to avoid this and that and change this and that like whole HUGE lifestyle changes but adding “We’ll go over the full thing at our next appointment, but I STRONGLY ADVISE...” I’m like, “Well bitch as long as you tell me it’s just advise and not a MUST, I want a damn biscuit okay. Fuck your no gluten.” But then again, I have a stomach ulcer so I can’t really eat ANYTHING right now so wah. [whines]
FUCK. KILLIAN. LIE DOWN. STOP TYPING. I NEED SOMEONE TO FUCKING WHACK ME WITH A FUCKING RULER OR SOMETHING LIKE THE NUNS USED TO DO IN MY PRIVATE, CATHOLIC SCHOOL. LMAO.
[stops now...for real this time...but reluctantly and rather bitterly]
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runtosleepdreamer · 7 years
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Supernatural Survey 😊
Got tagged by @cas-watches-over-you - dude thanks so much for tagging me this was pretty darn fun and awesome!! 😘 1. What season did you start watching Supernatural? 
I actually have no idea… I don’t even remember the proper story anymore cuz despite it not being several years it was still quite a few years ago when I was still in.. middle school perhaps? That my school mates were talking about it and I asked my elder sibling who showed me random episodes, going by the least violent ones so I wouldn’t get nightmares.. so yeah I have no idea what season I first saw or what season was out exactly when I began watching random episodes. I only stared watching properly since last year 2. Who was the first character you fell in love with? 
Sam… he’s such a goddamn puppy that it’s hard not to like him!!! 3. Who was a character that you hated at first but grew to love?: 
Omg so many. I remember making a post about how the writers kill iff characters that were initially annoying but right as they started growing on us - bam. Dead
But ok maybe the first example was Bela… she actually was of course starting to grow o me by the time she died.. but the character that comes most immediately to mind because of how strongly I hated them… was Rowena. God she had been simply infuriating - I hated her so much for manipulating Crowley and threatening whatever good relationship he had with the Winchesters, that I wished she would die… but then come season 11 I fell absolutely I love with the woman 4. Which character would you most want to be in a long-term relationship with? 
Eep I have no fucking idea… fuck idk.. mm I never during my daydreams imagine myself with my fictional characters but if I had to choose… ugh maybe. Ok Dean is loyal and Sam is a puppy but idk it feels weird coming in between them… Cass is pretty amazing but… ugh fuck it maybe oh ok why not.. Charlie? Yeah. Charlie for sure, she’s amazing, pretty damn amazing with technology, I sure as hell wouldn’t mind her teaching me how to hack or everything about Star Trek or whatnot, seeing as I’ve never watched them (le gasp, the outrage! I know I know) Or hell maybe even Sam cuz he’s pretty soft and everything (but also great in bed obviously) idk I can’t imagine myself with Dean cuz he would be more awesome with someone who can actually take care of themselves for real you know? Whereas Sam has always paired nicely with women in a domestic life - though they did end up dying… gah idk 🤷‍♀️ 5. If you could go on a date with just one character, which one would you choose?:
Dean. Easily Dean there, cuz even if it’s one date, I’m sure he’ll make it worth it, sexy or not because he’s a damn attentive guy.. 6. What would you do on that date? 
A first date or like after a few? Cuz if it’s after a few I wouldn’t mind a nature hike cuz goddamn do I love those… but for a first Idk I’d feel too self conscious. Maybe a good movie… maybe the beach… some cuddles and some good food and talking quietly to each other in the night under the moon and stars with a soft breeze 😊 7. Which character would you most want to be like?: 
Hm. Any strong female roles out there? Yeah that seriously narrows it down but real talk.. I’m torn between Charlie and Rowena.. ugh maybe Charlie. She’s pretty amazing and nice and fun… though I honest to god can’t imagine myself ever LARPing… 8. Which character would you most want to see brought back from the dead?: 
Right now, Castiel. But since (SPOILERS duh) we already know he’s coming back… Crowley!!!! 9. Which character would you most like to punch?: 
Oh that’s a long list there buddy. Uh. Lucifer? Yeah. As of the season 12 finale.. definitely Lucifer. 10. Who is your absolute favorite character?: 
Dean 😁😍😘 11. Which “Big Bad” do you think was the worst?: 
uh torn between Amara and Metatron. God I kinda hated season 11 because of her, it was a bit of a drag to get through but god Metatron was so. Damn. Annoying. 12. Which character are you most like?: 
Oh god I have no idea, they’re all way too amazing people for me to compare with them. Uhhh maybe… eep Idk Lisa? 😕 idk I’m not even sure if I’m brave much tbh but if not her then.. idk maybe Chuck before the end of season 5? 😐 idk 13. What death hit you the hardest? 
Honestly because I kinda already knew about everyone who was going to die until season 12, because like I had to catch up with the show and that meant big watching 11 seasons before the 12th came out. So that means 11 seasons f knowing who already dies for the most part… but I guess.. ok Charlie, idr if I knew she died but it hurt me a lot because I hated the fact that she died, and even more so what it did to the boys. And then every time Dean died, mainly seasons 3 and 9’s finale, and goddamn how broken up Sam got about it at those times… fuck those killed me but I guess they were more of the heart wrenching scenes then death specifically that hurt me. 
But of course. Cass. Cuz I had obviously. So. Not. Seen. It. Coming. I barely managed I avoid screaming and after… it took me a couple of hours to even remotely get to mouth shut 14. What season finale hit you the hardest?: 
Season 9 and 12, reasons stated above^^^ especially 12 cuz hiatus!!!!! 15. What are your ten all-time favorite episodes?: 
well fuck me cuz now I gotta most likely look up the names of the episodes
Mm. 
First one easily is season 9 episode 13 the purge (thanks google) because of how it ended. Ok Ima stop there cause season 9 was an emotional turmoil that I’d rank as love cuz of the angst. But the case itself was pretty neat. 
Uh god I can only remember specific scenes. Ok uh
“A very supernatural Christmas”(?) “Plucky Pennywhistle’s Magical Menagerie” “Hell House” “Ghost Facers” “Fanfiction” “Jus in Bello” “Bad day at Black Rock” is that ten yet.. “Alex Annie Alexis Ann” idek I just really love some scenes specially “Free to be you and me” and of course “Changing Channels” god this was so damn hard 16. What’s been your favorite season?: 
9!!! Aaaangst! 17. Who is your favorite angel? 
Cass easily 18. Who is your favorite demon? Crowley :) 19. Who’s your favorite evil character? 
Favorite? Then Ima go with Crowley again 20. Do you have any Supernatural ships?: 
Mm this blog I try to keep ship free but if you wanna check out my side blog for the answers, I’ll be happy to message you on this one ;) 21. Who’s your favorite supporting actor?: 
Can’t remember any right now but they’re all amazing… oh how about Garth!!! God he’s such a sweetheart - and still alive! But oh Jody is amazing too…! 22. What’s your favorite quote from the show?:
“I’m proud of us” it’s the main one at the top of my head but there are so many other brilliant ones. I have a tendency to lean towards the emotional ones made to each other (Dean, Sam, Cass) such as above from Dean to Sam, his ending speech in season 8’s finale “There ain’t no me if there ain’t no you!” 😭😪 and Cass’s - what he thought was his - dying speech to Sam and Dean mostly as well as Mary to an extent in 12x12 23. If you could cast one famous actor in an episode of SPN, who would you choose? 
Katie McGrath? She was - and is - my woman crush 😉 lol she’d be an awesome witch or hell even huntress or screw it even another Bela 🤷‍♀️ 24. If you could write your own episode, what kind of creatures would you like to see included?: 
Unicorns. Interacting with Dean. Idk.. uh honestly what have we not seen? Cuz I wouldn’t mind just another case that stumps the boys because it’s an almost unheard f monster, those are fun and new 🤷‍♀️ but maybe… omg some version of the Loch Ness monster. Idk it’d be interesting to see to have to deal with that.. or maybe what was it.. tree nymph and… what are the creatures who reside in the water called? 25. Who’s your favorite girl that Dean’s hooked up with?: 
Omg um… ok that girl that he sorta shacked up with when he was a demon in season 10..? …Yeah probably her So I checked and her name is Anne Marie!… 26. Who’s your favorite girl that Sam’s hooked up with?: 
Eileen - she was a huntress, so could take of herself, and Dean as just an absolutely amazingly (supportive) teasing elder bro about it 27. What are some of your favorite convention moments?: 
Omg I don’t think I’ve seen enough to decide but… I think whenever J2M comfort each other. Those are just so soft and sweet and give us an insight to their friendship that just 🤤😍 28. If you were going to guest star (or be a recurring guest star) on SPN, how would you want your character to be described?: 
Well fuck me I’d love to be a badass huntress cuz it’s something I’m obviously not IRL… or maybe someone who isn’t aware of the Supernatural world until the boys come along and then I prove really useful for heir research because of something and then somehow I get dragged into the world and I’m actually pretty good? Yeah, there’s a pattern there isn’t it 29. What do you hope to see in the next season?: 
Apart from Castiel and Rowena and Crowley alive? Idk Jack not being the next big bad, hopefully a break from big bads for the boys and after they get Cass and Mary back and hopefully just leave Lucifer to rot in the alternate universe, just go on some cases and take some time to cool down you know? 30. - 40. If you had to choose… Bobby or John?: 
Bobby!!!!! I mean hell yeah I would seriously love to see how the boys would react if John came back, but that would probably ensure that a lot of drama and fights would be quick to ensue as well, so yeah. Bobby Bela or Ruby? 
Well ok I liked the first Ruby because as Katie Cassidy went, we didn’t know for sure Ruby was not to be trusted. But overall Ruby was pure evil.. and I actually felt bad when Bela died while I didn’t for Ruby - felt relieved when Ruby died actually -so yeah. Bela Jess or Madison?: 
erm… Madison, maybe? Jo or Lisa?: 
Jo… I actually shipped her with Dean more than I ever will with Lisa, truth be told Charlie or Kevin? 
Ergh both but.. Charlie first? Balthazar or Ash?: 
oooh they were both good.. but.. maybe Ash? Cas or Crowley? 
Ooh Cass but ugh Crowley is definitely a close second! Ben or Claire? 
Claire Jody or Donna? 
Jody :) Sam or Dean?: 
Mm Dean first, but of course Sam next immediately I'ma tag: @deanwinbean @thewincestfeels @atmaandauraofdean @doctor–idiot @deanandcastrash @all-i-need-is-destiel And y'all don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, it’s totally cool 🙂
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aquarianlights · 6 years
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1-10 hehehe c:
*cracks knuckles* AH, I’M SO GLAD YOU ASKED. Heh. Heh. HEH. IT’SSSSSS CHRISTMAS TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (I type this as I’m listening to Enya-esque Gaelic Christmas songs from the 1800′s. My heart. Omfg.)
1. Favorite Christmas tradition?
We have so many, honestly. It’s the only holiday we have traditions with. It’s a seriously significant day for me and would honestly give me hope every year throughout my childhood. If I could just hold out until Christmas, I would be okay. Because Christmas was the happiest day of my life. Always. I think my favourite is watching all the old stop-motion Christmas films towards bedtime with the couch pulled out into a bed in front of the fireplace that had a fire going with the tree off to the side glittering and shimmering. Since I was born, my parents have never lived in a place that didn’t have a fireplace. Not even the house I grew up in in Florida. That’s what I immediately think of when I see this scene in my mind, despite the fact it has taken place other places.
2. White lights or colored lights?
Oh, psh, that’s not even a contest for me. :p You should be able to answer this one for me, actually. Hahaha. ANYONE who has known me for 2 seconds would be able to answer this one. COLOURED LIGHTS, OFC! The more colour, the better!! There’s an app out that can control the pattern of your light flashing to do it in all these different light-show style flashing and up and down movement and stuff and aw, man, it’s so fucking cool! Idk how it works, though. Ergh.
3. Real or fake Christmas tree?
Okay, so, my roommate has as big of a love for Christmas as I do. Well, ALMOST. And we agreed on p much EVERYTHING Christmas and it was so happy and stuff until we went with the family to buy the tree. All four of us. . .in the store. . .Me, my other three roommates, him included. Only missing one member of the family there, but he’s not a roommate of ours; just a friend. So he wasn’t included in the household tree picking. Lol. But anyways. . .My roommate and I have never disagreed on ANYTHING regarding Christmas. Chelle asked us “So...looks like fake ones are less expensive, so...Which one do you guys want?”
At the exact same time, my roommate and I shout out two different answers. Him, “Fake”. Me, “Real”. And we just both stared at each other in sheer horror. And then got into a heated debate. Lmao. I mean, he made some pretty decent arguments. . . So, yeah, we are getting a fake tree this year and that makes me HORRIBLY sad. . .because this will be the very first Christmas I have ever spent without a real tree and the smell of pine flooding the house and to get to feel the texture of the branches when you walk by..... Sigh. Real. Christmas trees have to be fucking real. . .otherwise, what’s the point? :/
4. Favorite Christmas memory?
Oh my god, I have WAYYYYYYYYYYYY too many. I think it’s a tie between when I first got my N64 when it came out. . .along with the game Pokemon Stadium. And Echo’s first Christmas.
Memory 1: When you’re little, you get up REAAAAAAAAAAAAALLY early to open your presents on Christmas. Everyone in the neighbourhood did. And I had that kinda childhood where I was friends with all the kids in the neighbourhood within my age range and on Christmas, I was actually allowed to go out and see them and have them over and stuff. So after I opened my N64 and Pokemon Stadium, we literally had an open door policy. I say literally because the front doors and the back sliding glass doors leading out to the pool and patio were permanently pushed open. I ran around the neighbourhood gathering all my friends and we all came back to my house and got in my living room and there were four controllers and a handful of us so we took turns battling each other in Pokemon Stadium all morning. It was so much fun. Our parents got together, too, while we played and had wine and stuff and when we were done playing, our parents had us make cookies and ice/frost them and it was a lot of fun
Memory 2: Not as elaborate of a memory. . .Simple, but pure and good. Echo’s first Christmas. . .he saw snow for the first time. That’s when I got that picture of him as a puppy of him howling on the trampoline that got really up there in the notes on here (coz, y’know, he was the cutest pupper alive lol and that picture did his cuteness in his puppy ugly years justice). He was SO EXCITED by the snow but also so frightened. At first, he started barking at it. He would get close to it and bark at it and back up. Finally, he stuck his paw in it and SCREAMED and started running (I had his leash and harness on obvs) and the dummy ran straight into the snow. . .snow piles that were taller than him. So he was like. . .hopping like a bunny through the snow. You’d only see him and hear him when he hopped up in the air. Then he’d fall back into a snow pile. And he was screaming the whole time. (Pomeranians are VERY vocal and they will scream at anything that is new to them when they are young. I learned this via absolute horror and shock because he jumped off the couch when he was a pup for the first time and it wasn’t a big drop or anything just a small hop. . .and when he landed, he was perfectly fine, but nonetheless. . .his tail tucked between his legs, he started SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER, and skittered into my mom’s bedroom and squeezed under the bed. I thought he was fucking dying. Nope, turns out that’s just how all poms are. Lol.) I was running after him this whole time trying to get him to pick him up out of the snow but I kept falling in the snow, too, coz it was past my ankles and I don’t have any boots or pants equipped to handle that. I’m from fucking Florida! Lmao. Anyways, I eventually caught up with him and put him on my trampoline to dry him off a bit before taking him back inside to dry him off for real. And that’s when I snapped those two highly photogenic pictures of Echo on the trampoline during his puppy uglies. . .covered in snow. . .but cute af. He also learned that he quite enjoys sticking his snow into snow piles. . .moving it around a bit. . .pulling it out. . .and then immediately furiously digging/burrowing. Lol. ANYWAYS. . .I got him back inside. . .dried him off and everything. . .and since he was kinda wet, he did that dog thing where he skittered around the house as fast as he possibly could. . jumping on all the furniture, knocking things over, running in literal circles. . . When he FINALLY calmed down. . .I had him open his presents. I had wrapped them easily enough to where he could open them himself and I actually have a video of his first Christmas with him opening his presents somewhere but I can’t find it! D: But, anyways, he was SO GODDAMN CUTE opening all his presents!!!!!! He would just tug on the wrapping paper with his snout and put his little fluffy paws on it and push and tug simultaneously. . .and he would slowly rip the wrapping paper off while snorting. And it was the cutest fucking thing. I do this every Christmas for him. I wrap his presents very loosely and make sure to get him a cookie. This year, I’m gonna be getting him an Ugly Christmas Sweater, an LED Christmas Collar, a new year-round collar, a few new toys with squeakers, a special cookie like always, some of his favourite training treats from when he was a puppy in his favourite flavour, and a shiny new dog tag with his new address on it. :3 I’mma put his Christmas collar on with the lights blinking and put his ugly sweater on him before he goes to open his presents this year. And record that. Coz it’s the best sight. c: Our family member who is just a friend and doesn’t live with us works at Petco and he already confirmed they have ugly christmas sweaters in Echo’s size and they have the Christmas collars I’m thinking about. . .So I’m heading over there as soon as I get back and I’m taking Echo into the store and we’re gonna go searching for his presents and let him sniff out which toys he wants and stuff. c:
Okay okay I’m rambling SORRY. YOU CAN’T GET ME TALKING ABOUT ECHO. YOU KNOW THIS. LMAO.
5. Favorite Christmas song?
Of all the traditional ones, Pachelbel Canon. That was actually one of the first two-handed piano pieces I successfully learned how to play in lessons when I was little. I always master Christmas songs quicker than anything else on any instrument because they’re my favourite. The newer ones are okay, I guess. They’ve really got to do it right. . .because writing Christmas music nowadays is just. . .Idk, it doesn’t really catch on. Coz we had that era. We had it. And now we listen to all those old songs even if we aren’t people who would normally seek out older songs (I’m definitely not that kind of person!). But, wow, I love all the traditional Christmas songs. I have my pandora on the Traditional Christmas station. Same with my spotify when I use it. And my Sirius XM radio stays on the channel that they convert to the Traditional Christmas channel for the month if dec
I think the only current group that has done Christmas music correctly in the modern music scene is Trans-Siberian Orchestra, tbh. And their Christmas music. . .all of it. . .actually should come in a tie for first with Pachelbel. Tbh.
6. Have you ever had a white Christmas?
Once. Literally once in my entire life. And it just so happened to be Echo’s first Christmas. I had dreamed of having a white Christmas since I was a little boy. Ofc, I never saw snow until I was like 13 or 14 for the very first time. So I had no idea what a white Christmas really entailed growing up coz I had never seen or felt snow before. But Echo’s first Christmas was the only white Christmas I’ve ever had. . .and it was the most beautiful day. I had such joy with my dog that day.
7. Favorite Christmas treat?
Holiday chocolates. Specifically, those orange-shaped chocolates that only come out during Christmas time that you have to slam against a hard surface to break them into slices. . .and when you open it, it looks like it’s been sliced and pulled apart like an orange. And it’s orange/citrus-infused chocolate. Which happens to be my fave. . .I got three of them as presents so far this year coz everyone knows I freak out when they’re in stores but didn’t have any money to buy them this year. They came out with a new flavour, too! So someone got me that one. Strawberry-infused chocolate. Still looked and sliced like an orange when slammed against a hard surface and broken. . .but it was delicious. And I’ve had two orange-infused ones. I still have a whole orange-infused one left, I can only eat like 1 slice at a time. Very rarely 2. So they last for a pretty long time with me. Lolol. I know there are other holiday chocolates. . .but I can’t think of them. Oh, ALSO, the candy-canes that are fruit flavoured. Specifically, the jolly rancher ones. Mmmmm! Stock up on those. Aw ye. Heh. :p
8. Do you have a favorite Christmas tree ornament?
I have way, way, WAY too many, omfg. I have so many favourite ornaments. And so many of them hold extreme sentimental value to me. There is legit no way possible that I could pick just one. Nope. No way. There’s no way I could pick like. . .just five or ten or something, either, tbh. Lol. There’s so many........ Although. . .if I absolutely HAD to choose. . .like, if there were a gun to Echo’s tiny little head and I had to choose to save his life. . .I would choose my Lady & The Tramp one.
9. Do you go Black Friday shopping?
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT!!! Lmaaaoooo. Bruh. Never. Never in my goddamn life will I ever go Black Friday shopping. Absolutely not. A) Because I have worked too many black friday’s in retail. . .specifically in malls. . .and it is absolute hell and I have never been so stressed and past my limit at my jobs in different retail stores. And B) Because why the fuck would you go deal with all that bullshit. . .long-ass lines. . .People literally camping outside your store waiting for you to open so they can flood the store and destroy EVERYTHING. . .fighting. . .getting hurt. . .things breaking. . ..getting angry and upset. . .getting stressed past your limit trying to get to the items you want in time before everyone else does in this chaotic every-man-for-themselves race. . .Like, seriously? No thanks. Why the FUCK go to Black Friday when we have Cyber Monday???? It’s literally the same exact thing. . .just online. That;s it,
I’ve always kinda just judged people who go to Black Friday sales coz a) they’re causing the employees hell just by participating and b) where the fuck is the common sense in that when you can do it completely stress-free and from the comfort of your own bedroom or a coffee shop or wherever you want!
Cyber Monday is where it’s at, guys. Don’t cause employees that are forced to work Black Friday even more hell by participating in that chaos and fueling the fire. God forbid you accidentally take out your stress and rage on the cashier without even realizing it. Cannot even tell you how many times that happens on Black Friday. Can’t even tell you how many of us literally had to take 5 minute breaks every hour or so because of how psychologically/emotionally damaging it was. So.....yeah, no. Lol.
10. Favorite Christmas movie?
I actually can’t say I have one, tbh. Like. . .I don’t get super, super excited by any particular Christmas movie anymore. I used to get excited over almost all of them growing up. Especially the stop-motion ones because they were close to cartoons and  I wasn’t allowed to watch cartoons growing up. They were banned in my household. But honestly. . .You could even pop in one of those fucking Hallmark Christmas movies where the plot is exactly the same for every single one of them and I will act surprised every time the plot turns out exactly the same as every other Hallmark movie. Lmmmaaoooo. 
I can’t actually think of one in particular that stands out over the rest. I love them all. Some more than others, some not very much at all. But they all still qualify in the love category.
EVERYTHING Christmas is in the love category for me. FUCK.
Thank you so much, fren!!!! You just literally made my night. I am a hap kit. :3
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