#GRANTED MY MOM WANTED TO KEEP IT A SECRET FOR SOME STRANGE. BIZARRE REASON | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

brokenmusicboxwolfe · 3 years

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Talking to Mom today about everything I didn’t get done today....

Me: Well, there’s always tomorrow.

Mom: Not always.

***sigh***

(Gonna keep my venting where it belongs....below the cut.)

And so I find myself wondering if this is just Mom’s usual combo of being a stickler for accuracy and having a casually, cheerfully pessimistic nature...or if something specific has her down.

While I puzzle that, I find myself thinking “Gee, she has a point. I’ve been feeling like I have no future anyway.”

And people wonder why I say my smiling and loving mom is horrible at being reassuring or encouraging. I used to ask her to just lie to me and tell me things would be okay when I was worried or scared, but it’s just not her nature. I mean, if I was really sick and asked her if she thought I might be dying, she’d say “Probably not, but maybe. It’s possible.” Which oddly isn’t very comforting.....

Maybe that’s why the characters I daydream up are so good at saying things like “It will be alright” or “You can do this” or “That was amazing”. I can imagine up the things I never get to hear. Oh, and the hugs that even when she was here to hug didn’t come naturally.

She doesn’t really get it, you know. Why would you need to hear these things? Words can’t effect the future or alter the past, and you shouldn’t need someone effect how you emotionally cope. Certainly you shouldn’t need praise to know whether you did well. Your emotions are your own.

It’s her nature, you see. Like her absolute disinterest in small talk or gossip. Her coworkers used to tease her saying she was the least curious person they ever knew, which annoyed her. She was curious about things, just never ever about other people’s private lives. To her, I think we exist in emotional, self sufficient, bubbles, individual worlds that can be seen from a distance but effected very little through the space between us.

Trouble is, for me whils we are individual worlds, we are also worlds that don’t always have everything needed for life to thrive. Most people are always lobbing figurative rockets towards each other, sometimes bombs but sometimes needed supplies. Much as we may fear getting blown up, we hope for those supplies. And the more explosive impacts we take, the more we actually need those benevolent rockets to recover. We aren’t completely emotionally self contained, but systems of worlds.

But maybe once your planetary surface is blasted to raw rock, no longer pretty and inviting, no one wants to waste their time sending supplies and all you get are the malevolent firing potshots for the laugh of blowing more bits off. Maybe then being self contained would be better.

I wish I were more like Mom, never craving or hoping for some sort of external positive reinforcement. But we are wired differently, and sometimes I ache those seemingly unimportant little words.

Still, if I got them I wouldn’t probably know how to deal with them. For instance, do you accept compliments or praise? Growing up my parents just expected and took for granted I would behave a certain way and could do most things well, and whenever I failed there must be a good reason, so there was no need to comment much. Teachers flat out said that good grades and behavior were their own rewards (BS, I STILL have sticker envy of the slow classes), and they only commented when I did poorly in order to delight in their bizarre victory over me.** And do you know what it meant whenever peers said something nice? It was always, ALWAYS, as set up for a bit of bullying. “Nice hair” would be followed, if I was fool enough to thank them, with “for a rat’s nest!!” and howls of laughter...

And the dirty secret of life is adulthood changes nothing. Oh, a few people get lucky. Somehow they find the right friends, they get repect for the things they do, or maybe someone even falls in love with them. But not everyone. The people with power over you, the people in your close circle may change, and who you might consider peers may widen, but it’s the same thing over and over for some us.

Will I go to my grave craving someone to say “It’s going to be okay” or “Great job!” or “I’m so proud of you!” or even just a simple hug when I’m crying? Or will I finally figure out Mom’s trick not ever feeling a need for such things?

I dunno. Today I just kinda would have settled for a “Yes, tomorrow might be better”, true or not. My hope supplies are running really low right now and a rocket with a little would go a long way......

**NEVER believe teacher’s pet bullshit. Teachers often develop is strange hostility to smart students, especially ones that that don’t kiss ass, or are peculiar, or independent minded. I remember being shocked and confused in elementary school when I realized some of my teachers actually felt threatened by me. ME, who never in my life wanted to hurt anyone’s feelings or show anyone up, who did my damnedest to never do my best.

If you are exceptionally well behaved, even if it is out of anxiety, that makes it worse. Everyone hates the nice, polite, and quiet kids. If you stick to a code of ethics there is a resentment, this assumption it’s an act, a mask they need to rip off. Nothing like having a teacher interogate you for days trying to get you to confess to a misbehavior you never did, because “everyone else” did it so you must have too, to make you realize what they really think of well behaved kids.

In my experience most teachers are like bullying cops, eager to nail you for something, anything, so they can feel better about themselves. Good teachers exist in theory, but there was a reason this straight A student fantasized about blowin’ up the fucking school building!

#my day #family #mom #encouragement #tomorrow #rambles

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makeste · 4 years

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BnHA Chapter 250: Why Is This Family Not in Therapy

Previously on BnHA: Fuyumi invited everyone over to Camp Todovid for a wholesome family meal because what could possibly go wrong. Kacchan and Deku proceeded to spend the evening blinking distress signals at each other in Morse code while Natsu shoved breadsticks into his purse and skedaddled after getting mad at Endeavor in a completely unexpected turn of events which absolutely no one could have foreseen. After dinner, Shouto had a heart to heart with Fuyu (and then Deku) about whether or not he was ready to forgive his dad, and meanwhile Endeavor said a prayer for his very dead son Touya. Poor Touya. He was such a nice boy. You know what he really used to like? Messenger bags. He’d put the oddest things in them, too. I wonder if Touya would still enjoy collecting strange and disturbing things in bags if he was still alive today. Alas. We’ll never know.

Today on BnHA: Some guy named Takami who just got out of prison decides to show up out of the blue and fucking kidnap Natsuo because WHY NOT. But before that happens, we get a nice scene of Kacchan and Deku sitting down with Shouto and Fuyu, who finally decide it’s high time they talked about THEIR SECRET DEAD BROTHER seeing as LET’S BE REAL, THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS DINNER TO BEGIN WITH. So basically, (1) he’s definitely dead! For sure! 100% deceased!, and (2) Natsuo apparently blames Endeavor for his death, lol no big. Deku and Kacchan are for some reason super fucking chill about hearing this, and then Endeavor comes over and is all “TIME TO HEAD BACK” and omg I’ve never hated him more. And then as they’re driving away from Todofield Hall, Takami shows up and is all “HEY ENDEAVOR LOOK I KIDNAPPED YOUR CHILD AND I’M GONNA KILL HIM!” and holy shit but Horikoshi is just fucking with us now, though.

(As always, all comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added some ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

all right manga, do your worst. I’m completely spoiler-free on this one. watch it not even be a flashback, after all of that lmao

(ETA: lol I read these two asks after I read the chapter and they’re pretty great:

honestly this week wasn’t that bad, though! the worst part of it was the whole “only 13 pages again” thing honestly. next week, though, it looks like we’ll be in for some fun times. oh goodness.)

so it appears night has fallen on Todofield Hall, and hoooooooooly shit you guys, are they. are they all gonna have a sleepover at Shouto’s house, because fdszllk I. I’m gonna. ldskfjla

(ETA: [kicks Endeavor in the shins] why do you hate fun!?)

who is talking?? are these prison stripes??

so is this the Takami guy narrating, then? just like we all predicted last week. ???

(ETA: so I saw all these people going “wtf is this Hawks’s dad??” and I was like “lol what” and it took me longer than I’d like to admit to put two and two together, but anyways, long story short, “Takami” just so happens to be Hawks’s recently revealed surname (with the same kanji and everything -- 鹰見). so while every instinct in my body is screaming at me “gtfo no way they’re related”, it is an extremely bizarre coincidence, so uh. ?? I got nothin’, basically.)

WHAT THE FUCK

IS THIS GUY STALKING THE TODOROKI HOUSE. ABOUT TO BREAK INTO TODOFELL IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT WHILE MY CHILDREN ARE ASLEEP!? CAN THEY JUST NOT CATCH A BREAK

also I will never understand villains who get all smug about being captured alive. “your one mistake was not killing me when you should have!” like okay, so you’re admitting you’re a piece of shit who should have died, and that the hero totally could have done it, but they were nice enough not to so SHAME ON THEM, apparently

anyways I really don’t understand what’s going on at all lol. some guy looked up to Endeavor and then got himself captured by him for some reason. let’s continue I guess

oh lord it keeps getting creepier

-- oohhhhhhhh shiiiiiiit, is this fucker about to air Endeavor’s dirty laundry?? is that what this is about?

AHHHHH

NATSU SWEETIE WHERE ARE YOUR SELF-PRESERVATION INSTINCTS?? IT IS NOT SAFE! and also what the fuck, does Endeavor just not have any security in his home at all? surely he must, if for no other reason than the fact that HE HAS KIDS and he’s not always at home! I have to imagine that any pro hero with a family understands that they’re a potential target for villains and would take precautions. I wonder if we’re about to see this sneaky guy get wrecked

(ETA: nope, Endeavor really has no security whatsoever and Natsu got snatched while waiting outside for his Uber. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he was too busy missing his brother and being sad to remember that he actually has a quirk himself. c’mon Natsu.

-- actually, come to think, props to Horikoshi for once again bucking the trend and having a guy be the one who gets kidnapped and becomes the damsel in distress. I’m just going to assume that had Fuyu been the one to get captured, Endeavor wouldn’t have even heard about it until he received a text from her with a picture of the guy encased in ice and a caption asking “so dad, uh, what should I do with this?”)

BUT FIRST, WE’RE CUTTING BACK TO THE TODOROKI KITCHEN, WHERE TODOBAKUDEKU ARE CURRENTLY HAVING TEA WITH FUYU BECAUSE SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME YESSSSS

hhhglkohhhhh myyyyy godddddd

I KNOW!!! WHAT’S WITH THAT! WE’VE WAITED 250 FUCKING CHAPTERS PUTTING UP WITH YOUR SLY-ASS HINTS ALL “ALL RIGHT THEN, KEEP YOUR SECRETS” but is it finally time now? IS IT??!

Shouto says it’s not exactly an easy topic to bring up, and okay, fair. buuuut also, this is the same child who ambushed Deku in a corridor back when they barely knew each other and was all “let me tell you all about my dad’s quirk marriage and how he abused me and my mom and how I got this scar” so like. what exactly do you consider “easy to bring up” though

OH MY GOD IT’S HAPPENINGGGGGGG

we’re getting DETAILS. ABOUT. TOUYA’S PAST fkdslfh holy motherfucking shitballs someone pinch me

she says it happened right after Rei got hospitalized, which yeah, we all figured based on the middle school uniform in the photo. so that definitely pins down his age then, doesn’t it? Shouto was six when that happened, so if Touya was in middle school he’d have been between 12 and 15. so it’s very likely then that he was 14, the exact same age as Fuyu, so therefore THE TWIN THEORY IS CONFIRMED! WE DID IT TUMBLR

anyways back to being sad though, because

can someone please hug this child?? what are you all even doing?! do you not see his face?? jesus christ

oh no oh my god are you serious are you

okay, before I go on to the next panel and commence FREAKING THE FUCK OUT, I need to stop here though, because the thought that the Todos actually were in the process of healing nine years ago and could have potentially been spared years of additional pain had it not been for this tragedy is. just. I fucking can’t. I need a minute here. god

anyway. so now on to the freaking out though, because

:) :))) :))))))) huh. you don’t say

(ETA: hmm in hindsight I promised freakouts and then all I did was go “:)” but please understand that the “:)” conveys so much more inner freaking out than words could possibly communicate. just picture me screaming and waving my arms around like a Kermit the frog gif okay.)

look at this you guys. this revelation is so stone cold fucking sober that it even got Katsuki to make an actual normal face for the first time in god knows how many chapters, wow

by the way, words can hardly express how much I appreciate that Katsuki is sitting here chilling out drinking tea with the rest of them and listening to this tale of woe and empathizing like a normal, well-adjusted person, though. I will never take that for granted. thank you character development gods. y’all are bros

anyways the face in question that Natsu was making is so fucking sad, and just. THEY ALL NEED HUGS. why is this family not in therapy

NO!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU SON OF A BITCH!! JUST LIKE THAT YOU’RE RIGHT BACK ON MY SHIT LIST, ENDEAVOR!! CHRIST ALMIGHTY ARE YOU SERIOUS, SO WE’RE REALLY JUST GONNA LEAVE OFF THERE? “LOL SO YEAH, NATSU STILL THINKS DAD KILLED OUR BROTHER AND THAT’S WHY ALL THE TENSION” and Deku and Kacchan just nod like that is in any way a satisfying explanation rather than an INCREDIBLY OMINOUS STATEMENT which only goes and raises about A BILLION MORE QUESTIONS OMG. “oh okay, so he hates your dad because he thinks that he murdered your mysterious other brother we’re only just now hearing about. say no more. no further context necessary” fucking --

listen, you two. where the fuck are your investigative skills?? SOME SCOOBY SQUAD YOU ARE!!

oh my goodness gracious

listen guys, things I was not expecting to check off my character development bucket list today: Katsuki joining the Fuyumi fanclub and bonding with her over recipes. I wasn’t even aware that was on my list. BUT IT SURE WAS, AND IT’S CHECKED NOW AND I LOVE IT

also love that Shouto tells Fuyu to just text the recipe to him, and then he will share it with Katsuki. because they are best friends

also Deku is the only one here with any manners at all but oh well. we all been knew

(ETA: though to be fair, Katsuki asking for the recipe is about as big a compliment as one can give to a chef, and it kind of serves as a combination “thanks for the meal” and “everything was really good” tbh. shit, now I want her recipe.)

fdlkjfg

... [reaches out to gently touch the panels] so soft

-- BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S EVEN SOFTER?

[faint sound of my heart imploding] ah

oh my god his face

and Katsuki’s face too. boy are you jealous. to think you were all “WHY THOUGH!?” coming here, only to walk away from it all with a kickass new mapo tofu recipe as well as a new person to add to your secret list of people you would literally die for. awwwwwww

and Shouto. omg. this is the most bashful panel I’ve ever seen. what a blessed chapter

anyway so now they’re all driving away (back to school?? I think he said?) and Endeavor’s talking to them about their upcoming schedule. so I guess they are heading back to school, then

anyway so he wants them to work the weekend as well as two weekdays? damn that’s a lot of class to be missing, he’s asking them to skip literally half the school week (since they have Saturday class too)

wow you guys look at this panel

takeaways from this: 1.) I honestly would have thought Deku would be the one tutoring other people in English, if anything. as of the midterms, he was above Shouto in academic rankings, but more importantly he’s also the biggest All Might fan on the planet, and All Might spent a lot of time in America in his youth and presumably speaks decent English himself, so you’d think Deku’s English would be passable just from his obsession alone. but I guess you just can’t beat that fancy private school education

and the other takeaway: Katsuki doesn’t like being squished in the backseat of a cramped Japanese car with Deku and Shouto. this one is absolutely shocking. I’m gonna need a moment to process this for sure. anyways poor Deku, he’s probably getting so many elbows to the ribs right now. I hope he elbows back

(ETA: actually the fact that Katsuki is apparently sticking his head out the window here in addition to complaining about the cramped conditions makes me wonder if he’s actually getting carsick. my poor baby do you need some dramamine.)

guys, meet Endeavor’s chauffeur

so anyway this is a bit sudden but I have a new favorite character now. life is funny like that. does he remind anyone else of Major Armstrong

wow Endeavor is answering the question seriously

okay but shit, I really fucking love this answer, though. he’s so matter-of-fact about it. because the thing is, the question isn’t really “when did you start baby-sitting a bunch of kids”; it’s “when did you actually start caring about something other than yourself?” and the answer is that it happened when he finally reached the top and realized the responsibility that went hand in hand with that role. it forced him to finally look past just himself, and to think about what it really means to be a hero. shit, I feel another essay coming on, but it’ll have to wait for some other time lol. we still have to see if Natsu’s going to make it out of this alive

anyway so now Armstrong is chuckling and saying that status really does change people huh, and they’re driving on into the night

OH SHIT

THAT’S A NICE SON YOU’VE GOT THERE, ENDEAVOR. IT WOULD BE A SHAME IF SOMEONE... okay you know what, I’m not sure where I was headed with that joke, but in any case I can’t finish it because this isn’t funny at all actually, this is actually SO FUCKING BAD oh shit oh shit

NATSUUUUU

oh no he’s so scared oh fuck. fuck. he’s only 19, he’s just a kid still. god. why do I always get so worked up over these parts. what am I doing reading a shounen manga if I can’t handle seeing kids in peril. HORIKOSHI PLEASE BE KIND TO MY BABIES

holy shit

okay, is this implying that Katsuki was sticking his head out of the window in that previous panel?? I realize more important things are happening and this is hardly the time to dwell on this, but jesus christ my kid is out here trying to get himself decapitated. boy what is wrong with you

anyway so now something is going "pop” and I have no idea. ??

(ETA: lol I guess it was Endeavor? you know, how Endeavor sometimes just goes “pop” for no reason. that’s just the sound someone makes when spontaneously bursting into flames.)

far be it from me to start whipping out analogies about a mama bear and her cubs, but. damned if that ain’t what’s happening though. motherfucker, you mess with his kids? so would you like to die fast, or slow

so now some weird fucking shit is happening to the car, and I guess it’s this guy’s quirk again?

wow my man, so you’re really attacking the car with the three protagonists with SOMETHING TO PROVE in the backseat. you really do have a death wish

(ETA: on top of that, attacking the car mere minutes before the winter break ends, and with it, the deadline for “defeating a villain quicker than Endeavor.” HMMM anybody got some popcorn?)

now Endeavor is shouting “LET HIM GO!” because that’s what superheros shout when someone is being kidnapped

lol poor Natsu looks kind of awkward now

like, don’t get him wrong, he’s still scared for his life. but also he’s starting to get a bit of that same feeling that Katsuki and Deku were getting in the last chapter, like he’s suddenly found himself right in the midst of some grade A melodrama from which there is no escape. anyways don’t mind him, he’s just going to chill here in this big pile of bandages and see where this goes

so Endeavor is all “........... YOU’RE FROM SEVEN YEARS AGO!” and honestly that’s impressive. I guess the quirk is a pretty memorable one, though

wow now they’re suddenly being all coy with this guy’s name? what the hell

?? Natsu bud, I feel ya, this really is some awkward shit right here

ohhhh!

that’s the name of the chapter! well all right then, so at least that much makes sense now

so now Ending is apologizing to Endeavor, and wow, tons of essay fuel in these next two panels here

“you had so many things that I could never get” doesn’t this sound remarkably similar to Deku’s speech to Kacchan during their second fight at Ground Beta? huh

and also, I think we are slowly dancing closer and closer to the Thing Katsuki Lacks That He Needs To Learn From His Internship From Endeavor. what do you guys think? I have a lot of thoughts about this, but again, I’ll save it for another post seeing as shit is hitting the fan right now and all

OH SHIT

ARE YOU SERIOUS, OF ALL THE TIMES TO HAVE ANOTHER THIRTEEN PAGE CHAPTER! HORIKOSHI YOU ARE FUCKING KILLING ME HERE

well shit. okay so when he says “don’t make the same mistake twice”, he’s clearly talking about Endeavor letting him live the last time they met, but also I can’t help but feel like there might be some kind of double meaning here as well. the fact that he went from theft to kidnapping and attempted murder, on top of him mentioning earlier about how he went digging into Endeavor’s past, makes me wonder if he could possibly be trying to recreate a specific set of events. or is that crazy??

but just, hear me out. what if something similar to this went down before, with Touya perhaps being taken hostage by a villain (though it couldn’t have been the same guy because the timing is off, and also Endeavor didn’t recognize him right off the bat), and Endeavor making some critical mistake which resulted in him failing to save him, and Natsu then blaming him for that and holding him responsible for the death. honestly that makes the most sense to me, since I would think that “literally murdered his own kid” would be kind of a deal-breaker as far as the rest of the family ever reconciling with him. so yeah, this could get very interesting here

(ETA: hoo boy, so I’ve been browsing the bnha tags a bit, and it seems that a lot of people are interpreting the hints in this chapter very differently from me lol. I admit I could certainly be wrong about the “don’t make the same mistakes” bit having a double meaning. but like, do we really believe that Endeavor just straight up murdered his son and got away with it, or that it was covered up or something? or that he drove Touya to suicide? I think it’s much more likely that Touya pushed himself too hard, or that he accidentally got caught up in one of Endeavor’s attacks, or something along those lines.

what really struck me, though, was that a lot of people actually seem to be hoping for it to come out that Endeavor really is responsible, though. like, to the point where they’re prepared to be outraged if it turns out he’s not, and this part of the story doesn’t end up conforming to the narrative of Endeavor just being a sinister cartoon villain. and like, I don’t really know what to say about that. except that I really hate this idea that if an abuser is ever portrayed as something other than a heartless monster then it’s super-problematic and/or just bad writing. that Endeavor not murdering his son = Horikoshi endorses child abuse. or something. anyways I don’t have the spoons to really throw my hat into the ring here, but basically my opinion is that life is rarely just black and white in that way, and this story reflects that, and I think it’s absolutely the right call to make and is actually very good writing and I respect it.

and also like, it’s not some all-or-nothing thing here where he’s either a perfect saint, or the worst person to ever exist! what he is is a man who made some terrible choices in the past and abused and hurt the very people he should have loved and protected the most. and what he is, also, is a man who has realized the awfulness of the things he’s done, and is trying his best now to be a good person. what he is is a human being. and acknowledging that doesn’t mean that you condone the abuse; it simply means that you acknowledge that people are made up of more than just the worst things they’ve done in their lives. that’s it.

anyways, for all of my “not gonna through my hat into the ring” nonsense, I’m doing a pretty good impression of exactly that, so I’ll shut up now. damn you Endeavor and your controversy-sparking ways. what kind of psychopath looks at the fucking BnHA fandom and says “not bad, but you know what this place could use? more discourse.” you knew exactly what you were doing, you fiend.)

anyways I’m going to hope and assume that Natsu isn’t actually about to meet his end here at the hands of this bestriped man and his peculiarly thematic villain name and sinister bandage arrows (are they bandages?? maybe not since they seem pretty solid and he’s threatening to stab Natsu in the eye with one. idk). and for all of my joking earlier, this guy actually does appear to have a real, genuine death wish since he keeps talking about how Endeavor should have killed him before. so in addition to all this other drama, toss in an attempted suicide by cop as well! this fucking arc, man. goddamn

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deadwalked · 3 years

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“Dan’s such a womanizer.” Michael’s eyes darted across the room as he watched his step-dad chat up yet another strange woman he brought home. He might’ve been young but he had a loose idea of what sex was, he wasn’t naïve.

Madison had been minding her own business, working on her homework for the evening. As much as she understood Michael’s own frustration towards Dan, sometimes she couldn’t believe some of the things that came out of his own mouth.

“I know he has a lot of dates, Michael, but you don’t need to be rude.” She frowned slightly.

“He just wants to replace mom.” said Michael. Madison looked horrified. “No, he doesn’t. He loved mom.”

“Bullshit.” His older sister sighed. Michael was stubborn and he was angry, and try as she might to sympathize with him some days, it was difficult because she found his behaviour abhorrent. The blatant disrespect was too much sometimes.

“I’m going to my room.” she said, gathering her things before heading up stairs to her room. Michael looked baffled but he shrugged it off. Who could understand Madison anyways?

~~~~

Dinner was awkward and tense. Dan and his date kept flirting, and when they did, Michael would either pull a face or make gagging noises while Dan shot him stern glances. Eventually he firmly told him to stop and Michael started to behave but he was sulking about it.

Abbey was just happy to talk and eat and she asked Dan’s date all sorts of questions that she found rather endearing. But Abbey was always endearing, everybody just loved her.

Madison didn’t talk much but she was never much for talking, for she was a quiet girl. She wasn’t outgoing and bubbly like her younger sister and she wasn’t loud and brash like her younger brother and that was fine.

After dinner was over and everyone cleaned up, Dan put on a movie for them but Michael decided to go to his room. Abbey was more than excited and she curled up beside Dan as she always did, and Dan had his date on the other side. So clearly he was getting all the affection. Madison kept quiet and smiled to herself.

She might’ve not liked him as much as Abbey but she was respectful and she couldn’t quite grasp why Michael was always so rude. She understood he was upset about the divorce, about their mother’s passing, and to some extent, some acting out was normal, but she felt Michael crossed too many lines. She couldn’t justify being that rude.

Sometimes she wondered if she should speak up, but often times she held back and kept Michael’s rudeness confidential, perhaps more than she should, but it was only because she felt it’d hurt Dan’s feelings, and well, he hadn’t been all that bad of a step-dad in her eyes.

He might’ve had his vices like alcohol and smoking, but she hadn’t seen him get wasted, which was pretty amazing considering the fact he truly drank enough some days to get utterly smashed yet he was bizarrely coherent.

No slurring, no off-balance, nothing. She wanted to chalk it up to high alcohol tolerance but no one was that tolerant of alcohol, it was ridiculous, but there were many things about Dan she found strange, things that didn’t make sense, but she said nothing, because she’d sound crazy if she did.

Take for instance his bizarre ability to hardly feel pain. One time he burnt himself on the stove only there was no burn, no evidence he ever had been and he never pulled his hand out of pain like a normal person would. The only time she saw him in any real pain was oddly enough the time he got a splinter in his finger. It made no sense.

In the early stages of dating her mother, she noticed he never came out in the day. Ever. Someone, likely Michael, made a joke that he’d burn if he did and Dan sort of laughed, a kind of laugh that was nervous, which was an odd reaction. Would he truly burn? She shook her head. No, maybe he was just a nightlife party boy, after all, once he settled down with Mary, he came out in the day more.

A vampire, she muttered. Michael had accused him of being one, it was one of his wilder ideas. She shook her head. Truly he had gone too far with that one.

~~~

The movie was over and Madison had barely paid any attention to it, she had been so lost in her own thoughts. Dan’s date had said her goodbyes and Abbey was put to bed. Michael might’ve been asleep or maybe he was still awake, reading comics or playing his sega genesis, probably the latter.

He loved his video games and the sega genesis was the last Christmas gift he got from their dad before the divorce, so the thing meant a lot to him.

Dan sat on the couch, deeply engrossed in a book. She’d hate to interrupt but she had so much on her mind and well, everything was coming to a boil. It never felt healthy to let her emotions build up like this, she couldn’t take it anymore. Michael had been such a bother from day one and she was just not tolerating it anymore.

“Dan,”

Her voice was soft and hesitant but he lowered the book and smiled, which made her feel all the better, but the smile quickly turned into a concerned frown. He always could read emotions all too well, but Maddie wanted to think she was just being obvious. She got nervous, her fingers began fidgeting with the hem of her sweater.

“What’s wrong, Maddie?” His voice was as concerned as his expression and he sounded so inviting, as he always did. Maddie blamed his English accent, that was what charmed her mother, she was certain of it.

“It’s Michael, it’s just..” She shook her head. “I think he’s a bit much sometimes.”

Dan laughed as he set the book aside. “Is this about what happened at dinner?” Again, she shook her head. “No, it’s about him. I mean, ever since you came into our lives, he’s just been angry, and I get it. But he goes too far, and he’s been saying things to me about you that...” Dan waited patiently for her to finish her sentence, though he had a feeling about what she was going to say. “That bother me.”

“Like what?”

“He..he blames Mom’s sickness on you.” She was not prepared for the pained expression on his face and she felt horrible. “God, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

She about to get up to leave when he tugged on her arm. “No, no, no, Maddie.” He pulled her into a hug with ease and she just found herself enveloped in him, she could smell the faint smell that lingered from his last cigarette and the cologne he wore and the smell of fabric softener, all three scents clinging to the fabric of his sweater like she found herself doing just now.

They weren’t always affectionate but times like this were an exception. “He’s just always so rude, I don’t know why he can’t keep some of his opinions to himself.” She felt a pair of soft lips upon her forehead. Dan was always so comforting, hell, he even made the horrible smell of cigarette smell, something she abhorred, seem comforting at times because it reminded her of him. How strange.

“He’ll learn, I’ve been trying.”

“I know, you try very hard and he doesn’t appreciate it. I don’t get it.”

He smiled, at least one other person appreciated him, granted Abbey appreciated him very much and he was grateful for that, but it was always nice to have more than one child show gratitude. “He’ll come around.”

That’s what he always told himself but it had yet to happen, some days he wondered if it’d happen at all. “Do you think so?” she asked and Dan hummed in response, his fingers brushing away her hair from her face. “I’m not so sure.”

“You mentioned earlier he’s been saying things about me that bother you? Was there anything else?” He heard her deep sigh, like it was a burden she had been carrying all this time. “Yeah, he..he says a lot of crazy things like you’re a womanizer who just tosses his dates like tissues, he says you drink too much, which..” She bit her lower lip nervously as she paused and Dan caressed her cheek.

“I don’t want you to feel nervous when you come to me about these things, I’m not going to get angry with you over your concerns.”

Sighing, Madison mustered up the courage to continue. “Which you kind of do, but he’s never tactful about it, and that’s not the craziest thing he said, god, it’s so stupid.” Madison laughed, looking rather incredulous about the whole thing. “And what’s that?” “He thinks you’re a vampire.”

Dan went silent. The boy was exactly right and that’s what disturbed him. Maddie noticed his silence and became uncomfortable.

“What?” How was he going to explain this to her? How nuts he’d sound.

“Nothing, it’s just a silly thing to say.” “Right.” She became more at ease but she was still confused. Why would he go silent? Was he keeping something from her? Oh, like the fact he was a vampire. Maddie, you sound ridiculous. And Dan had been perfectly honest, she had no real reason to believe he’d keep secrets.

Or would he?

#drabble.#long post.

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horror-movie-blog · 6 years

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HMB: The Night of the Hunter

Original Publishing Date: February 6th, 2018

So apparently this is considered to be the 2nd best movie of all time (let's hope the director's mom wasn't a tiger mom). That's right, right next to Citizen Kane. Strange thing about Citizen Kane, despite being labeled the best movie of all time, not that many people I know like it. Which, you know, is to be expected in this time and age, but the strange thing is these people aren't the type of people who would discriminate against a movie for being "old" or "black and white". And yet, they don't like Citizen Kane. To me, it's the Overrated Effect, and when you're labeled as the best movie of all time, of coarse there's only one direction you're movie will go, and that's down. As for Night of the Hunter, yeah, kind of the same thing. Now, before I dive into this film, it's important to state that this really isn't a horror film, despite it appearing on the Top Ten Rotten Tomatoes Horror movie list. Yes, there are suspenseful, creepy scenes in this film, and it takes a lot of inspiration from German expressionist horror, but this is the type of movie that best be called a thriller, not a horror film. But I already sunk an hour and forty minutes into this film, so what the hell, I'll review it. The movie is about a young boy, named Paul, who has to keep the where about's of his father's stolen money a secret. One man, a creepy preacher named Harry, bunked with Paul's father in prison, and over heard him sleep talking about the money (though he never said where it was). Harry's plan is then to get closer to Paul's family and find out where the money is hidden. Everyone falls for his preacher like charm, except for Paul, who could see past the man's facade. As the story develops, tragedy strikes, adventure ensues, and Paul and his sister Pearl must escape the mad man Harry. Let's talk about what I liked about the film. The best thing by far is Harry, played by Robert Mitchum. He's so disgustingly charming it's hard to not fall for him. Although, as much as I liked his performance when he was playing it straight, whenever he had to be "insane", it kind of came off as goofy. Like, really goofy, his screams sound like cartoon character sound effects. But like I said, whenever he had to play the sane man, good God, did he suck you in. And the second thing I liked about the movie was the direction and cinematography. I like German expressionist films for it's harsh shadows, creepy composition and bizarre sets. Granted, this film wasn't that extreme, you can tell it was deeply influenced by these themes. If the praise came solely based on the visuals, then it's praised earned. My favorite scene is when we see Harry on horse back in silhouette. Want to win me over? Have a silhouette in your film. And boy... Was that a tasty silhouette. Okay, not let's talk about the things in the movie that sucked. When it comes to child actors, you what the main problem will be; their acting. Yes, there are really good child actors and their performances should be praised if they get the job done. The kids in this film, did not. And here's the thing, I can forgive bad acting if it doesn't distract from the story. But since so much of the film is emotional, we rely heavily on a good performance to convey these emotions. The kids did not do that. Without getting into spoilers, there's a part at the end where Paul had to deliver a powerful "no". And I swear to God, it was so painfully script read it was almost funny. And that was suppose to be the peak of the drama. I hate to say this, but their acting kind of did ruin the movie for me. Also, there's the huge plot hole in the film. So I'm going to have to spoil the film, so skip this paragraph if you still want to see the film. Ready? Okay, don't say I didn't warn you. So here's the thing; Harry kills the children's mother and goes after them because the money was stuffed away in Pearl's doll. They escaped him by canoeing down the river. They stop by on land twice for food and stuff. On the second landing, they meet a nice old lady and stayed with her. Seems okay, right? Except... Let me put it this way, if someone was trying to kill you, and you're trying to escape that person, what would be your first thing you do if you meet another person? Would you just ask for food and leave? Or, and I'm just spitballing here, but would you tell this person "Help! Og God Help! Someone's trying to kill me! Here's his name! Get the police!". There's no wrong answers to this; actually yes there is and the movie got this question wrong. And here's the thing, it's not like doing this would detour the story; the story goes down this lane, it's just that all common sense if absent in these children's minds. This is a movie that thinks children are dumb. When Harry meets up with the kids a second time, when they are living with their new foster mother, Pearl just runs up and hugs his leg. This was after he tried to kill her, twice! And remember when I talked about Paul delivering a phone in "no" at the end of the movie? Yeah, that was when Harry got arrested. For whatever reason, Paul didn't want his attempted murderer to go to prison. Why? This makes no sense! I'm sure the movie had a "thematic" reason behind it, but even when there's a theme behind stuff it still needs to make sense! But I'll tell you want my biggest peeve with this movie is. After all the horrible stuff these kids been through, what is their reward at the end of the film? Nothing. That's right, nothing. Oh, I'm sorry, some stupid religious mumbo-jumbo about not having sin. Which is fine, if that's the focus of the film, but it isn't. The film wasn't about the guilt of the children holding onto their father's stolen money, it's about escaping Harry. If they just spent more time focusing on that element, then maybe the ending would have felt complete. But it didn't, they didn't even get to hold onto the money. What a load of piss. So here's what I'll say about The Night of the Hunter. It's a good film, just by visuals alone. The story has holes, but not enough to sink the ship. The kid's acting is terrible, and at times distracting, but Mitchum's performance counters that. And I will say, for the time this movie came out, this was pretty ballsy. The villain is a preacher who thinks everything he does is justified because of his dedication to the lord. This came out in 1958, granted it wasn't the height of American religiousness, but damn close to it. So the film is admirable, it should be studied, but Top Ten horror? Second best film of all time? Hell no. Not even close.

#the night of the hunter #horror movie blog

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