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spiderh0rse · 6 days

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stark's mind notes part 5, e21-25

e21

reads a bunch of papers on psychology

feels like his constant stream of detours has a groundhog day vibe to it

may. may think he is actually in a time loop

thinks MAYBE the soldiers will have a map. They don't.

so excited at some backpacks. Might have food or maps! They do not.

makes a complicated quantum mechanics reference and acts like it's everyday knowledge. Where's that one xkcd comic

recognizes that the analogy was a little much

kind of forgot the soldiers were trained to kill because of how bad they are at it

doesn't know where he's going with his trains of thought or Anything but thinks it'll keep him sane to talk about random things

calls an elevator a lift....

"the thing for the thing that uses the thing"

familiar with the fantastic four

proclaims that he's very ditzy right now.

shoots someone without being entirely sure if they're a marine or not.

compares himself to greedo star wars. Complains that this makes him the villain, then walks over his part in the rescas, and decides it's fitting aside from his attempt at redeeming himself

GUNK on his SUIT (misc. fluid) (hates it)

thinks he'd throw up if he had to float in the air again

baffled at his first instinct with building is to use alien corpses and not barrels, with how he hates the gunk. Concludes he's unhinged at the moment.

"powerful... power!"

his HEV suit is not a faraday cage

jokes around about roleplaying as maintenance/pest control

makes a cowboy movie cliche reference

whispers to himself when sneaking around some marines. Diagetic? Is he actually talking? The eternal question.

e22

pretty sure the military has a nuclear bomb on hand and that Would be a worse outcome

decides he can attack from a blind spot and that'll make killing however many HECU there are will be easier

gets louder once he's below them

plotting so hard about peak murder efficiency

delighted at his murder efficiency

not sure why Black Mesa leaves barrels lying around

sending the marines explosives in the elevator

reasons that the aliens are confined to Black Mesa as otherwise the military would be in higher priority targets

elevator plot failed :(

"hey it's me gordon freeman" he says to the marines he's about to kill

still SO rude to the marines

OH I FORGOT HE SAID THIS. admits outright if it weren't for the regular distractions and looming threat the military provided, it's very likely he would've killed himself a while ago

now equates his reason for living with saving other lives

finds the "free man" title tacky

yells at the guard insisting Stark leave him behind. Wants to save his life so badly

not happy to give in to that request.

too stubborn to stop fighting

being close to the flamethrower output is painful

a bit dizzy after killing the gargantuan. Collapses for a moment

does outright say "yeah" when asked if he's Freeman

actually his Freeman impression here is decent other than referring some guard to the dying one

clutching onto the rocket desperately as a source of hope

e23

thinks string theory is impossible to rationalize

has only been to sectors A, C and D.

Mumbles discourteous things about Black Mesa under his breath

claims he can deal with his ambitions being crushed

thinks the military probably knows Black Mesa's layout better than he does right now

familiar with game theory

seems to believe in Zero Sum, which posits that all benefit creates an equal loss somewhere else. In essence, there is a finite amount of good fortune to go around that can never be added to, only redistributed

the railcart runs at 20kph

faux-flippant about a button doing jack shit to help his situation

does not want to know what it's like to be a battery

knows where circuit breakers are meant to go

would rather not swim through corpses. Given reason: it's unhygienic

"black mesa, where the automatic functions are fine, but the malfunctions are finer"

starting to enjoy shooting things. Compares it to taking a nice drive.

used to be GREAT at track and field. Adequate at shot put.

reclaims a sense of dignity by killing a vortigaunt

only now questioning why the aliens are here

wishes he had someone who knew their way around

hopes Dr. Vance is doing alright. Thinks Dr. Kleiner can handle himself. Says this in a kind of hesitant way.

puzzles out what killed some marine and then berates himself for doing that

NOT a chess player

e24

thinks chess as a metaphor for military strategy is a bit stupid

considers himself stupidly lucky

upside to having an alien infected area: none! but amends that. They aren't actively trying to stop him from firing the rocket and attack the military

could leave some marine behind but reasons that he needs to kill the guy before said guy can kill him, even when he's got a safe distance and multiple corners

decides he'll kill every marine he sees from now on.

would accept the marines if one of them tried to help him now, but he'd resent them anyways.

cannot push a crate suspended in midair by a chain. It doesn't Budge.

worried about an ambush in a seemingly safe location

compliments some headcrabs for killing a marine in an ambush. "Super sneaky" makes a return

says there's no use crying over spilled blood

familiar with Alien

"score one for mindless lever-pulling"

paranoid now! He says. He has blatantly been paranoid for ages

type zero? Not sure what he means with this classification system.

blows up some soldiers thinking they were something else. Doesn't mind.

rapidly growing fond of his railcart

plans briefly to let infighting thin the horde, then decides that nah he'll do it himself

immediately takes a sonic blast to the ears

alien kids these days...

sees some corpses, apologizes to them, tells them he's going to sit with them for a minute. Presumably keeps looking at them while he's down there

e25

Desc: he's having issues keeping up with things around him

doesn't know why he's talking to a dead body

considers himself in debt to the entire world. Anything less than fixing literally everything is treason in his mind

in so much pain. May be internally bleeding

appreciates the suit. It's still good as new, or lightly used.

lamarkian evolution,, ah i guess it's evolution to resist existing threats to survival? Stark talks like it's evolving immunity to bullets

jokes about a corpse and then immediately rolls it back, saying that history would not look kindly upon his doing that. babygirl no one is watching you

the military is playing music over the VOX.

Stark questions if it's real or not. "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" btw. He suspects they're trying something

his arms are shaky and a tad weak

surprised at the music over the VOX right now. It doesn't sound like something the military would like

wishes he could smoke right now

bothered by the idea of bugs on his suit. INCREDIBLY bothered

"and I'm a pacifist" uh bud "or at least a passive aggressive domestic terrorist who knows he has to protect himself with lethal force" these are DIFFERENT THINGS pal and you've never struck me as a pacifist

doesn't want to eat from the rail line food stop. Knows he SHOULD but just. Doesn't.

tonal whiplash of triumphant swell of music at the time he finds a body confuses him badly

familiar with the twilight zone

hesitates to enter the woman's washroom

can barely yell right now

doesn't want companions right now

willy wonka song,, imagination or w/e it was called

checks a locker for CDs of music he likes

he doesn't remember names of his coworkers anymore unless they were close to him or assholes

not able to deal with shotgun recoil right now

hates how roundabout navigating Black Mesa is

needs to rest, but refuses to. He has to launch the rocket. Hes running entirely on adrenaline

knows once he reaches the point where his body gives out on him, all the ceaseless violence won't stop

questions his sanity

he's clearly making some kind of reference here but i don't get it

#stark's mind #vincent stark #mindverse #rmanotes

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reallydumbdannyphantomaus · 2 years

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Reset

chapter 2 babes! i'm thinking this will only be like 10 chaps. anyway, enjoy! (ao3) (1)

Chapter 2

Loop 2

Jazz pounded on his door. “Danny, if you’re not ready in 15 minutes, you can take the bus to school! I’m not waiting!”

A time loop. A goddamn time loop. This would happen to him.

Danny sat up, resting a hand on his chin. He and Sam and Tucker had talked about time loops before, what they would do, but that was mostly focused on the Groundhog Day type of loop, where the day being repeated is otherwise innocuous. This loop, on the other hand…

The end of the world. Or, at least, the end of Casper High. That’s what would happen sometime around the end of the school day today.

“Okay,” he said. “What do I know?”

Well, it was ghost related. Figures, really, in the ghost capital of the world, but his ghost sense went off right before the explosion in both loops.

Differences between the loops? Well, the obvious one was that Paulina and Valerie didn’t fight in English, but did that mean they were in the loop, too? Or had one of the subtle changes he’d made throughout the day change that part as well?

It didn’t matter, he supposed. If Paulina was in the loop, she’d be useless. Valerie could be helpful, but he’d almost certainly need to be Phantom for some of this and that always made working with Valerie difficult. Best course of action was to contact Sam and Tucker, let them know what was going on, then investigate what the threat was and stop it before it got there.

Simple.

He pulled out his phone and sent out a quick text.

To: Sam, Tucker

hey so i think im in a time loop

From: Sam

for real???

From: Tucker

????

To: Sam, Tucker

yeah i lived today twice already. the bad news is that the day keeps ending with the school exploding

From: Tucker

WHAT

danny I’m too young to die

To: Sam, Tucker

been there done that

From: Tucker

To: Sam, Tucker

anyway its got smthn to do with ghosts so im taking the day to investigate

any ideas?

From: Sam

go to clockwork dude

To: Sam, Tucker

OH YEAH

time ghost

this is why youre the smart one

ill let u know how it goes

From: Tucker

good luck dude

don’t die again

From: Sam

let us know if u need anything

Danny locked his phone, then sent Jazz a quick text that he had a ghost problem to deal with before transforming and sinking through the floor of his room, all the way down to his parents’ lab.

Whenever he went into the ghost zone, it always took him the better part of an hour to adjust to all the green. It was overwhelming in its ubiquity and too long of an excursion always left him with a headache. He understood the ghosts invading Amity Park a little better each time he visited.

Clockwork’s lair was at the far end of the zone, away from most other ghosts. Clockwork had once told him that this was a restriction placed on him to keep him from being too powerful, one of many. The Observants were in charge of making sure Clockwork didn’t go rogue and shape the world to his liking, limiting how often he could affect the time stream, in what ways, for what purpose. Clockwork, for all his power, was a prisoner.

(“That’s ridiculous,” Danny had said. “You’re out here trying to save the world and preserve the timeline.”

Clockwork looked away. “I wasn’t always.”

Danny didn’t ask.)

So when he approached Clockwork’s lair, only to be rebuffed by a shimmering force field, he wasn’t surprised. Upset? Yes. Concerned? Yes. Afraid? Obviously. But after all of Clockwork’s meddling during the Dan fiasco, the Observants had been extra cautious about not allowing him to interfere.

The Observants would let the world end to ensure Clockwork was punished, it seemed.

Danny frowned. No, that didn’t make sense. Clockwork had been ordered to kill him once, to save the world. What pissed the Observants off was that he’d instead chosen to save both the world and Danny. So maybe then this time loop was enough for him to save the world, but the Observants didn’t want Clockwork to meddle any more than that? Or something like that, anyway.

Ugh. Why did everything involving Clockwork have to be so cryptic and complicated?

“Now what?” he said.

He wasn’t any closer to figuring out what was going on. He was alone in the middle of the ghost zone, no allies in sight, enemies sure to find him soon…

Wait. Enemies?

Danny scanned the area. Sure enough, no one was around. This was normal for Clockwork’s domain, but he usually had to fight someone on the way from the portal to here. Skulker chased him past the Infinite Vortex. Johnny 13 tried to get him to smoke with him. Ember wanted to test out her new songs on him. Frostbite wanted to hang out.

He’d seen no one. The ghost zone was a ghost town.

He held his breath and listened for the sound of someone. Anyone.

In the distance, he heard what sounded like marching.

When he flew toward it, he recognized the direction he was heading in. It took him ten minutes worth of flying before he placed it, though, and he could only hope he was wrong.

As the sound got louder, he knew he wasn’t.

“Oh no,” he said as he approached Pariah’s Keep. “Oh fuck.”

Thousands of skeleton ghosts—Pariah’s army—stood and thudded their swords into their shields as they strode forward in organized units. Above them, from the balcony of his castle, stood Pariah Dark himself, Ring of Rage on his hand but Crown of Fire nowhere to be found. Small mercies.

Behind him knelt the Fright Knight. Last Danny had heard, the Fright Knight was working with Vlad, and yet, here he was with his old master.

This was bad. This was all very, very bad.

“Intruder!” The cry rang out from the assembled army. Danny jolted as a number of the skeletons reached out and pointed at his hiding place. “Intruder!”

“Kill the interloper, Knight.” Pariah’s voice never rose in pitch, yet it carried itself across the battlefield and settled itself as a knot of ice in Danny’s spine. He’d barely survived the last fight with Pariah when he’d had the exoskeleton and the rest of the ghost zone on his side. What chance did he have now?

Danny turned and fled.

Right into the Fright Knight’s sword.

“Sorry, ghost brat,” the Fright Knight said, twisting the sword in Danny’s chest. Danny choked on blood and ectoplasm. “But I don’t have time to play with you today.”

The world faded out again.

“Val, I’m heading to bed. Have a good day at school, sweetheart. I’ll see you for dinner? My shift starts at 8, can you be home in time?”

Valerie drew in ragged breaths. It happened again. She’d seen the world—or at least Casper High—get blown up twice now. That was too real to be a dream. She—everyone had—

“Valerie?” her dad said. “Are you awake?”

“Yeah,” she said, forcing the word through her tight throat. Then again, loud enough for Dad to hear. “Yeah! Sorry, I’ll, uh, I’ll be home for dinner.”

“Good. Good morning!”

Valerie choked down a sob. “Good morning, Dad.”

Valerie gave herself one minute after her Dad closed the door to his bedroom to freak out. One minute to cry and lose her mind. Once the clock on her beside ticked over to 7:18, she took deep breaths, wiped down her eyes, and got to business.

What did she know? She pulled out the dream journal she kept by her bed and turned to an empty page. Sometime during the last class of the day, Casper High would be attacked. This last loop saw her in the classroom instead of outside the principal’s office, so she saw the green glow approach just before the end. Ghosts, then. It was always ghosts, wasn’t it?

The first time, Paulina had started a fight with her. The second time, that didn’t happen. Had she somehow changed the outcome just by knowing what was going to happen? Or was Paulina stuck in a loop with her?

Valerie groaned. As useful as it might be to have some help with whatever was going on, she half-hoped that Paulina wasn’t involved. Her ex-friend wasn’t exactly at the top of the list of “People She’d Like To Be In A Time Loop With” after all.

She chewed on her lip. However, if Paulina was in the loop, it could mean that Danny was, too. They were all in the same place during the first loop; could all three of them be in this together? If so, it might even be worth dealing with Paulina. Danny was easily in the top three of her time loop list, right there with her dad and Star. Maybe the two of them could work together and let Paulina do whatever.

She stopped writing. This was all speculative now. The best way to figure anything out was to head to school. If Danny and Paulina remembered, they were bound to be acting strange.

She started to take off her Dumpty Humpty sleep shirt, then paused. What better way to signal to anyone else caught in the loop that she was stuck too than coming to school in her pajamas? It stuck out enough that someone reliving the same day would definitely notice her. Plus, it would save her some time.

So, instead of showering and changing, she swiped under her pits with deodorant and headed off to school.

Neither Paulina nor Danny were in school today.

On the plus side, that pretty much confirmed that they were stuck in the loop. They hadn’t missed the last two loops, after all. On the downside, now she looked like an idiot for no reason.

She didn’t even realize that they weren’t there until lunchtime. It wasn’t like she shared a lot of classes with them, and she didn’t have their schedules memorized. Only once she saw Tucker and Sam eating alone, Dash and Kwan laughing with Star, but not Paulina, did she realize that they weren’t there. She hit herself in the forehead. Of course. If you keep reliving the school blowing up, you’ll probably avoid the school. That made sense. It wouldn’t work, of course, but it made sense.

She should go check on Danny. The poor guy was terrified of ghosts; reliving a deadly ghost attack must be his worst nightmare.

After fifth period, she slipped out the back door of the school, summoned her Red Huntress suit to the surface, and zoomed toward FentonWorks.

She slowed as she neared the building, always easy to spot with the hulking metal contraption on top (Danny said it was the Ops Center; Valerie said it was ugly as sin). Peeking through the downstairs window, she spotted Dr. Maddie Fenton welding something at a workstation in the kitchen while Dr. Jack Fenton helped himself to a massive ham sandwich.

No sign of Danny.

She hovered up to the window outside his room. It was dark inside; she couldn’t make out if the shape on his bed was just his covers or if he was huddled inside. She rapped her knuckles on the windowpane. No response.

There wasn’t time for this.

She yanked the window up, busting the lock. The suit really was amazing; she’d never been so strong before. Slipping inside, she could see that the bed was, in fact, empty. Oh well. The window would be fixed when the loop reset.

“Where could he be?” she whispered to herself. Not upstairs, not downstairs.

Maybe… the basement?

She opened Danny’s door and slunk through the hallway, hugging the shadows and stepping toe-to-foot to muffle her footsteps. She needn’t have worried: a horde of elephants trampling through their living room wouldn’t have distracted the Fentons from their work.

She crept down the stairs into the Fentons’ infamous lab, lit by the same green glow that preceded the explosion in the last loop. Danny was, again, nowhere to be found.

Did he leave? Just… run away? No. He wouldn’t have left his family behind. He wouldn’t have left Sam and Tucker behind to die.

Would he?

As she turned to leave the basement, she heard a clattering sound behind her. Spinning back around, she saw skeletons, a horde of skeleton warriors, crawling out of the open portal.

She would deny it to the day she died for real, but she did scream.

She pulled out her ecto gun and began blasting away, but there were too many of them. Soon, she was overpowered, trampled under the boots of long-dead soldiers called to fight again.

One of them stepped on her head. She heard a squish and then there was nothing.

Paulina didn’t want to go to school.

School was going to blow up anyway, and there was no point in her getting blown up with everyone else. It wasn’t even a bomb or anything; no, it was a ghost attack, of-fucking-course. It wasn’t like she could do anything to stop it.

So she was staying home. It’s not like there was anyone else here to notice.

She texted Dash, Kwan, and Star and told them not to go to school. They asked why. She couldn’t think of a good answer. Not one they’d believe. She said she was sick and needed company. Star said she couldn’t afford another absence. Dash said he had a really important presentation today that he couldn’t miss. Kwan said he had something special planned today. They all promised to come visit after school.

Idiots. There wouldn’t be an after.

She laid in bed, feeling sorry for herself, eating a tub of low-fat sugar-free frozen yogurt and watching shitty romcoms on Netflix. Not for the first time, she found herself fantasizing about a bowl of real Rocky Road ice cream, but Alma was on strict orders from Paulina’s mother not to let anything with sugar in the house.

The hours passed slowly. Sam and Austin drove off to Princeton. The dancer learned to be true to herself and open to love. One of them had a bear, she was pretty sure. Maybe?

She dozed off at some point. When she woke up, her back was starting to hurt from laying horizontal for so long. She ate more disgusting frozen yogurt. She watched a game show that she forgot the premise of immediately. Looked at the clock. It was almost 3:00. It would be soon.

She threw up her frozen yogurt in the toilet.

Her friends were going to die.

Then she heard it. A boom so loud and powerful it shook the foundation of her house. Tears slipped out of her eyes.

“Oh god. Oh god. No. No!”

She looked out her window. In the streets, glowing skeletons marched, killing anyone who stood in their way. She watched as dozens of the idiotic agents of the Guys In White flew in on their ridiculous jetpacks and began firing away. But for each skeletal soldier that fell, five more took their place. The agents were soon overwhelmed, dragged down to Earth and ripped apart.

Paulina threw up again, this time on the floor. She was screaming and crying, she knew, but it all felt distant. Like it was happening to someone else. Like the skeleton breaking down her door wasn’t coming for her, but some other Paulina.

When they cut off her head, she didn’t feel a thing.

#danny phantom #valerie gray #paulina sanchez #danny fenton #dp fanfic #my fic #time loop fic #reset #hehehehhehheheheeeheehehehe.

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skitariiposting · 1 year

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Hi everyone, weird post here.

I have been made aware by one of my contemporaries that I am apparently caught in a time loop.

I didn't initially believe them until I was sent a link to a twitch stream I apparently made "yesterday," which I have no memory of and doesn't appear on my computer, but does on my phone for some reason. Considering I was planning on doing my "first" live stream today and streaming the binding of isaac, I think that's a red flag that I'm in a time loop.

Watching back through the stream, there's a point where someone says something about me posting something 'yesterday' aaaand the link doesn't appear on my end. Alex can see it, and it's a tumblr post of me thanking people for showing up to my first stream. Apparently, there's a bunch of duplicate posts on my tumblr that everyone can see except me. Sorry about that, guys. I was just as confused as everyone else was, I'd guess <:(

Luckily, Alex has agreed to keep telling me I'm in a time loop each day from now on until it is broken, as they've got nothing better to do. Thanks Alex.

This is... an interesting conundrum. It seems like a reverse version of Groundhog Day. I'm reseting to the same day over and over again, but everyone else is moving. This means I'm likely not going to be able to do cool things with it or learn some big moral about love or something before the loop ends. Darn.

On the bright side, I know generally how time loops work, and so long as Alex keeps updating me every day, I should be fine. It'll just be a little awkward, I guess. I believe the loop is relegated to only me and things I've interacted with, like my phone and computer, as the day on my phone is different from the day on my computer, and both are different from the one in my car, though I'm assuming now that I've touched my car it's been infected by the loop as well.

I can't keep a journal because it's likely that it'll get reset as well. Any suggestions on how to keep myself in the know about the time loop besides Alex texting me every day?

#skitposting

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gamergirlboy · 3 months

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January 2024 Game Diary

Dredge

Alan Wake’s American Nightmare

Fishing Vacation

Quantum Break

Nightmare Frames

Dredge

Dredge is a game I picked up in the winter sale of last year as part of the indie game kick that I’ve been on. I saw “horror” and “fishing” and was like yeah, that’s for me. I did like it quite a bit but I found the story bits a little… underwhelming. It wasn’t bad, just pretty typical for anyone who likes “ocean is full of horrors” type media. The NPCs are all foreboding with their talk of “things happening at night” and whatnot, and I was like cool, stuff happens, yeah it’s a horror game (I’ve played so much survival horror over the past few hours so I may be a bit desensitized). I did like the ship customizing a lot, and the drawings of all the fish I found were delightful. I also enjoyed plundering shipwrecks for treasure, although most of what I found was the same junk over and over. That did make the relics I found that much more exciting, so maybe that’s not a terrible thing. Stellar Basin was easily my favorite section, although it took me some time to figure out what I was meant to do, mostly because I didn’t figure out how ship upgrades worked until I had spent a few hours wandering around with the standard engine. The glowing fish and algae combined with the large creature looming underneath kept me intrigued enough to power through until I figured out how to keep the creature from attacking me. Overall I would say I liked it! It’s a neat little game that could’ve used more content, but for the price I would say it’s worth it if you’re looking for cozy horror. 7/10

Alan Wake’s American Nightmare

I became a bit of an Alan Wake superfan last year around February when I decided to play the first Alan Wake game on the assumption that the game was kind of bad but funny. I streamed it in discord to my friends and we enjoyed the dated expressions of the characters and the low budget Twin Peaks experience that the town of Bright Falls provided. It ended up having more points in its favor than I expected - it takes place in the Pacific Northwest - which works so well for me in terms of horror -, the characters are genuinely lovable and funny (Barry, not Alan really he is a bit of an asshole), and exploding the darkness with the flashlight was satisfying if not a bit tedious after a few hours. So I played this game, then Alan Wake 2, then Control… and now I love the Remedyverse, the universe that connects all these games.

THIS game kind of sucks, but because this company apparently owns my ass now I played it anyway. It is short, and the premise of the game is you’re basically playing a monster of the week groundhog’s day episode. As someone who has watched X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Supernatural, I consider this trope tried and true. Alan Wake wakes up in Arizona and has to figure out how to defeat Mr. Scratch and escape the loop. Every character in the loop is a conventionally hot woman, one of which is hypnotized and actually tries to fuck Alan. It’s pretty crude and sexist, but unsurprising from an older game. It does manage to encapsulate the Remedy charm despite its shortcomings, with television sets and projectors spread out throughout the levels showing snuff films of Mr. Scratch himself committing evil deeds while negging Alan. This was easily my favorite part, and you can see how Remedy had begun experimenting with live-action film in video games long before Control and Alan Wake 2 came out. I think if you absolutely love the Remedyverse this game is worth playing, especially because you can pick it up for a few bucks in a sale. Is it a masterpiece? Absolutely not, but I don’t regret playing it. 5/10

Fishing Vacation

I bought this game for the same reason I bought Dredge - it was tagged as fishing and horror on steam. It was also $1.99, and somehow even shorter than AWAN. I had a good time playing this for the 2 hours it took me to get 4 out of 5 of the endings, but it really is a bite-sized game. In the style of a very simple gameboy advance game, you and a childhood friend of yours go to visit a fishing cabin that you used to visit as children. You go fishing. Weird things happen. Whether you find the three keys hidden in the lake and open the basement up or not changes the ending. It’s cute, it’s an alright game. If you feel like playing something a little weird for 20 minutes to an hour I’d say go for it. I don’t even feel comfortable giving it a rating because of its shortness, but I will say playing shorter games has been nice because it allows me to appreciate the tiny studios that produce them. There is a special type of creativity behind these microgames that I can appreciate. I played Iron Lung last year and while this game isn’t quite as good, I did enjoy the creepiness in the same medium I experienced games in as a young child.

Nightmare Frames

I am new to point & click games. Last year I finished my very first p&c game, “The Excavation of Hob’s Barrow”, and I bought this game immediately after because I was craving more. This one did not disappoint me - the second time around anyway. I started playing it immediately after Hob’s but lost interest due to how different it was. A few months later I picked it up again when I was bored and found that it was actually a pretty solid game. I like p&c puzzles and these did not disappoint. The story is better than I expected, the character development is solid, and the visuals work well for me. It takes place in 1980s Hollywood, and funny enough you are playing as a writer named Alan who has become disillusioned with his career as a horror writer and craves fame. He resents the work he has done despite being beloved by many of the people he encounters. He wants more, and that desire ultimately leads him down a dark path. Would recommend to horror p&c fans, 8/10!

Quantum Break

This game is also kind of sort of in the Remedyverse (Remedy no longer owns the rights). I realized I had a code for it on my Humble account and figured if I already own it, I might as well give it a shot. It is an action game, with episodes of a real TV show slotted between each chapter. It’s kind of fun! It is very weird! I like the parkour, I like the romance between Jack and Beth, and the fact that it is a video game that feels exactly like a 2010s cop drama (I’m thinking of Bones) is neat. The episodes were well done for a video game for sure, but they did not especially capture me. I wanted to keep playing the game! The shooting and time powers Jack has were what I was enjoying, and I didn’t want to stop doing that to watch what was happening in the background. Also the graphics are more impressive than you’d expect. It really feels like Xbox put more stock into this than they should’ve (I could not get over how expensive looking this game is), because I really cannot fathom who this game was actually made for besides freaks like me who want to soak up every drop of the Remedyverse, but I liked it for what it is. I think because it’s so weird - the random Night Springs episodes for example, or the fact that it feels so much like you’re in a tv show - feels like it would not really appeal to the average gamer. It seems like a game that wants to be a lot of things.

I would not spend $40 on it, but I would say it’s worth playing if you love all things Remedy. 6.5/10

#remedy #dredge #alan wake #fishing vacation #quantum break #nightmare frames #horror games #game recs

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ragnarlothcat · 1 year

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For the wip title game!! Nothing compares to you or if someone has beaten me to that, knows best !! I love hearing you talk about your fics 🥺🥺🥺

My neglected groundhog day fic!!! Can you believe that when I started it I thought I'd be done in a couple months? You won't believe how much I've thrown out since I started it. Fun fact: I wrote 40k words of it in the past tense before I realized present sounded way and better for a time loop fic and rewrote the whole thing and now I'm stuck in it forever (Anakin and I have a lot in common that way!)

Anyway, thank you! I wrote a few thousand words in August that I don't hate, I just need to finish all the scenes. I've got an Anakin and Padmé conversation that I'm struggling with 🤔 I think I fundamentally struggle to imagine an Anakin recovering from a breakup in a non-deranged fashion. So instead, here's Anakin badgering poor Rex for the millionth time. The poor guy really gets the worst of Anakin's unhinged ranting in this fic.

groundhog day 8

Anakin awakens to bright sunlight streaming through his window and a bitter taste in his mouth. He knows nothing has changed, that he’s still in the same day as always. He knew it the minute they cleared that warehouse and the Force remained frustratingly silent around him.

The Force is the reason he’s here, is the reason the world stays the same while Anakin struggles and rages against it, and yet it refuses to explain itself. It wants something from him, doesn’t it? Then why won’t it come out and say it? The Force grants him visions of his mother’s murder, but can’t spare a second to tell its son why he’s being punished?

It seems Obi-Wan isn’t the only one keeping secrets.

Are you saying you’ve never lied to me? Anakin hears, Obi-Wan’s voice a nagging, lecturing echo in his mind.

It’s not the same thing, Anakin says to himself, to the room, to the very Force that binds the universe together.

Obi-Wan, or the version of him that he hears whenever he’s doing something he knows Obi-Wan would disapprove of, is creating an equivalency that isn’t there.

He and Obi-Wan lived together for ten years. Anakin survived puberty alongside Obi-Wan. He should be thankful Anakin spent as much time lying as he did, because he can guarantee Obi-Wan wouldn’t have wanted to hear the truths of a teenage Anakin.

It’s just that he and Obi-Wan are supposed to be friends. Equals, now that Anakin’s been knighted, now that Anakin has a Padawan of his own. Anakin hasn’t had so many friends since joining the Jedi, but he had friends on Tatooine. He knows what friendship entails.

(Kitster never would have faked his own death in an elaborate attempt to save the Supreme Chancellor’s life.)

But Obi-Wan hadn’t trusted him with the details of his little deception. He had, in fact, deliberately misled Anakin for the sake of the mission. Anakin would never do that. He’d never keep anything that important from someone he cared for.

Anakin pads into the main room, something niggling uncomfortably in the back of his throat. There are different levels of secrecy, Anakin knows this. He’s had to keep missions quiet from Ahsoka, because Ahsoka is a child and cannot possibly be exposed to the depths of the galaxy’s sleaze.

Sometimes Anakin keeps things to himself, everyone does. But nothing like what Obi-Wan has.

Anakin would never betray him.

The Force feels tight around him, or maybe that’s just his own frustration, swirling around him like smoke. Anakin said that time would help him heal, and he meant it. He’s suffered so much loss during the war. So many men have died under his command. He feels each one like vibroblade to the chest. But he can’t linger on every death, on every tragedy, on every mistake that costs him—

He finds his bantha mug upside down again on the counter. He flips it over and strokes its ceramic fur and stares into its beady little eyes.

The other two are gone. Anakin’s bantha is all alone.

He puts it back on the shelf and frowns into the empty room.

The door chimes and Anakin hurries over to retrieve Rex. Obi-Wan got into his head last night, that’s all. Anakin knows he’s in the right, because what Obi-Wan did is inexcusable. His lie destroyed the foundation of their friendship, and for what?

Anakin opens the door and steps back to admit Rex, who takes in Anakin’s state of undress and destroyed rooms with his usual expression of vague concern.

“Rough night, General?”

Anakin sighs. “Is there another kind, anymore?”

“Sir?”

“Never mind.” Anakin grabs his shirt off the back of the sofa without looking and shrugs it on. “I have a question for you, Rex.”

“If it’s about why I’m here, you asked me—”

“No, I know you’re here to remind me about the council meeting. And I do appreciate that you keep coming out of your way.”

“Keep?”

“My question is this—come sit, Rex,” Anakin says, dropping to the sofa and gesturing at the chair across from him.

Rex sits, his armor creaking and his eyebrows drawn together.

“I want to talk to you about honesty, Rex. About keeping secrets.”

“Is this about General Kenobi?”

“No. Or, well.” It is and isn’t about Obi-Wan, like most things these days (this day?) “I do understand the need for secrecy sometimes. After all, at least 10% of our missions haven’t been sanctioned by the council.”

“Sir.”

“And I know sometimes you keep things from me.” At Rex’s baffled silence, Anakin presses on. “For example: you’ve been keeping the shameless and crude behavior of the 212th from me.”

The crease between Rex’s eyebrows grows more pronounced. “Which shameless behavior in particular?”

Is there more? Is he going to find sabacc cards printed with dirty pictures of his master?

No, he reasons, Cody would have burned those. “Their…affection for Obi-Wan,” Anakin says, avoiding any mention of Obi-Wan’s ass, lest Rex also become distracted. “And I don’t blame you. You knew I’d be upset, and you didn’t want me to strangle everyone in the 212th. I understand.”

Rex blinks. “I wasn’t deliberately keeping it a secret, sir, I just didn’t think it necessary to discuss.” He coughs and shifts. “Are you going to strangle everyone in the 212th?”

Anakin considers this for a moment, then shakes his head. He has a busy day ahead of him. “Maybe later. The point is, that’s the kind of secret that I understand. You’re loyal to your brothers, even when they’re being sleemos.”

“I don’t know about sleemos—”

“But you’d never betray them. You’re like me that way, Rex. You’d never, say, fake your own death and let Fives mourn you.”

Anakin knows Rex. Anakin trusts Rex. He’s seen the way he is with the other men, with Ahsoka, with Cody, even.

“I—” Rex takes in Anakin’s expression and sighs. “No, but if I were ordered—”

“Exactly.” Anakin folds his legs under him. “You understand the difference. You understand the value of honesty. Of friendship.”

Rex isn’t squirming, because soldiers don’t squirm. Even Anakin has mostly had that trained out of him by now.

But the way his eyes dart across Anakin’s face conveys the same idea. “I can’t comment on the nature of your friendship with General Kenobi,” Rex says, “but yes, I do agree that people should be honest with each other. Within reason.”

“Have I kept things from Obi-Wan?” Anakin asks, rhetorically, because Rex does not look eager to participate in this thought exercise. “Of course! But these were things he was better off not knowing, or that were none of his business. But he had the audacity to suggest that they were comparable, or even relevant.”

“Um,” Rex says.

“But if Obi-Wan, my perfect Jedi master” —with his perfect robes and his perfect hair— “is claiming we’re both equally dishonest, maybe I need to show him how wrong he is. I need him to see that I would never treat him the way he’s treated me.”

“I hesitate to bring this up, but you do have a meeting very soon.” Rex glances at the floor and then back up. “You aren’t even wearing shoes.”

Anakin grabs his boots and shoves them on, and then curses and puts them on the correct feet. Why is this bothering him so much? Who cares if Obi-Wan thinks Anakin’s keeping secrets? Even if he is, it’s not like that cancels out Obi-Wan’s betrayal.

And besides, Obi-Wan won’t even remember the conversation they had last night. He won’t remember their trip to the lower levels. His conversation with Ahsoka. The mugs.

Anakin straightens his tabards furiously and stands up. It doesn’t matter in the slightest.

“I’ll show him,” Anakin bites out. “I’ll show them.”

“Them?” Rex asks, standing too.

Them. Obi-Wan. The Council. The Force. Anyone who would even suggest that Anakin’s offenses are anywhere near what Obi-Wan has done.

If honesty is what Obi-Wan wants, what the universe wants, then honesty is what they’re going to get.

#ask game #anon #i do love this fic #this anakin is a lot #is he in character?#i have no idea anymore #but i'm sure writing him anyway

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15ktherapy · 6 months

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okay wait recap. so george and sapnap have been playing fortnite. i only watched a bit because i was busy too, but seemed fun and george will go live tomorrow to react to the ghost video

dream is live doing parkour and a few minutes into the stream he was like brb i forgot something and then showed up on the h3h3 podcast to do a bit about them making fun of dream's music. i didn't listen to it fully because i hate that guy but it seemed like it went okay besides ethan trying to set him up with a holocaust joke. and then he went back to his stream and talked a bit about lil nas x's birthday (xqc rode the mechanical bull dick really well and dream accidentally whomegaluled pink pantress). and he said some things about needing a follow up surgery from his first surgery and he'll talk about what it's for at some point. and then told a story about needing to hav his appendix taken out which happened on the same day as the pulse nightclub shooting so the hospital he was at was busy dealing with the shooting victims and couldn't operate on him and he was sent to the children's hospital instead (i think he might have told this story before). and now he's playing parkour again. oh and he also talked a bit about his new project and really hyped it up and the next video will be another "filler video" and it'll be a sort of groundhog day like speedrunning challenge with snf

sweetjesuus

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kelmcdonald · 1 year

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How is it already April?

crossposted from my newsletter.

Thanks to everyone who came to Emerald City and stopped by! While I did recover from my sinus infection before going, my throat/voice didn't come back until like a week or 2 ago.

This month I'm redoing the Fame and Misfortune live reading. If you don't remember, when I did it in February my mic was broken. I have a new mic! So take two of the live reading is happening! Tune into my twitch on April 22nd at noon PST.

This month is also the release month of The Lizard Prince and Other South American Stories. This is the last Cautionary Fables and Fairytales volume. Iron Circus told me they will get the warehouse at the end of the month. Then it can start going out to backers and stores!

Also, I want to give a shout out to my pal Matt Wilson's Zoop campaign, Imposter Syndicate. It's about folks who are hired to take over supervillian mantles after a supervillian dies or goes to jail. It has 11 days left to fund.

Also this month's full moon movie is The Wolf Man, the one for the 40s. If you'd like to join we'll be watching it on April 6th at 4pm PST. Just click here to join the discord.

As always I'll be streaming art on Twitch. My schedule is currently the following:

Tuesday 8pm-10pm PST

Wednesday 8pm-10pm PST

Thursday 6pm-9pm PST (during the Iron Circus Geekshow)

March kicked my ass. Between Emerald City and being sick, I had a lot to catch up on. Both from Seven Seas, Iron Circus, and my comics all had a stack of work to finish up. Honestly, I'm kinda depressed about the fact that I still haven't been able to finish Blue Moon. While Spike is understanding about the delays (given that organizing crowdfunds for her is part of the delay), I'm frustrated at the lack of progress.

I'm also kinda frustrated with my art lately. Last month I mentioned I might have to put You are the Chosen One on hiatus after the current chapter, but I think I might switch to every other week. It's only way I'm gonna have time to push myself on it the way I want. Regardless, I'd rather wait for Chapter 3 to wrap up before making that schedule change. Until then. I'll just be tired I guess.

But because I don't know any better, I started learning Japanese from Duolingo and Rosetta Stone. I appreciate that they are small enough lessons that I can do them little bit by little bit. Anyway, while working this is what I've been watching and reading:

History of the World Part 2 - I basically grew up on Mel Brooks movies. I've seen all his movies before graduating high school. So when Hulu said it was making a History of the World Part 2 series, I had to watch it. I didn't quite know what to expect, but had to check it out. Like many sketch shows, the sketches are hit or miss. But when it's funny it's REALLY funny. Johny Knoxvill plays Rasputin in a jackass parody that shows all the way Rasputin is killed and it's so much funnier than it has any right to be. It's definitely worth a watch if you like Mel Brooks.

Palm Springs - This is another comedy where I didn't know what to expect. Groundhog Day but starring Andy Samberg didn't strike me as super original but the trailer looked funny, so I put it on while drawing. It was not only funny but much more heartfelt than I expected. Andy Samberg's characters starts the movie as having already been in the time loop for a long time. He has to relive a wedding he's a guest at over and over. The movies starts when the sister of the bride gets trapped in the timeloop with him. Having two people in the time loop gives it more interesting dynamic than the usual timeloop story. Both characters' different approach to the timeloop adds push and pull to the relationship. And it is just really funny.

Tár - Right before Emerald City Comic Con a youtuber I like, Maggie Mae Fish, made a video about this movie. And how it examines how people abuse power. The basic summary of the movie is Tár is a conductor at the top of her field and she keep abusing her power, mostly to sleep with/date/groom young attractive women that work for her. It's an interesting movie because if it was about a man it would be a cliche. But because Tár is a woman, the movie can focus on the details and specifics of her abuse of power. There is a lot of attention to detail that helps the movie work on another level. I think if I say anything more, then I'd end up getting into spoilers/would basically be writing an essay about it.

Wolf Pack - I thought this was a sequel to MTV's Teen Wolf. And it is not. It has the same show runner and effects team, so it LOOKS like it should be connected to Teen Wolf, but instead it's much more serious. Which is kinda a shame. The show is kinda stiff in its seriousness. There are interesting bits here and there, like all the werewolves only get one werewolf power unless they are all together. But in its attempt to be series, it also tries to throw in one too many twists and then ends the show by taking a sharp turn into ableist messaging.

Witch Hat Atelier Volume 1 by Kamome Shirahama - Last month I mentioned I've been listening to the podcast Mangasplaining. This and the next pick are the first of what will probably be several manga I check out based on that podcast. I had been recommended Witch Hat Atelier before and just put it off because time. Mangasplaining reviewing it was the final push I needed. They basically mentioned that magic in this series is 100% a metaphor for art. And appropriately, the art is just so beautiful that it's inspiring. I think it and Ghost Cage were part of what made me think I need to take the time to level up my art.

Delicious in Dungeon by Ryoko Kui - This series I read a bunch of before the pandemic and then the library stopped being up to date on it/interrupted me checking em out regularly. If you aren't familiar, it's about dnd style adventurers exploring a dungeon and experimenting with cooking the monsters they kill (so they don't have to go back for supplies). It's almost over so I went and grabbed the books I hadn't read yet (like 5 I think). This one is really cute and I've liked how the plot has developed from the original premise to something with more complicated.

Ghost Cage by Nick Dragotta and Caleb Goellner - I picked this up because I know both Nick and Caleb. They had the first few issues at SDCC and I made a note to grab the trade when it's out. The premiss is this little robot guy has to fight personifications of what humans use for power (above is Fossil Fuel). The art is the real star of the show. It looks cool as hell and it is the star of the show. The paneling is really rad and interesting. Like I said with Witch Hat Atelier, it left me inspired to try and up my art.

Backpacking through Bedlam (Book 12 in Incryptid series) by Seanan McGuire - The Incryptid series is about a family of Cryptozoologists. This books picks up right after a semi cliffhanger from the last book. It's kinda hard to talk about it on its own. I liked it but I kinda wish it and the book right before it were one book.

That's everything I've been from me this month. I hope I can get a little more time to focus on stuff.

#newsletter #kelmcdonald #comics #werewolves #twitch #the city between #you are the chosen one #witch hat atelier #nick dragotta #ghost cage #tar #history of the world part 2 #palm springs #delicious in dungeon

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foeyayshippingweakness · 1 year

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WIP Folder Gamer

Tagged by @suzie-shooter

Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it.

oh my god, all of them? because there’s a lot of goddamn wips,,, then in no particular order:

big brain bnha pen pal aizawa platonic yandere mode vs toshinori reitober collection 10 years babon alex gets sold out guren snowed in yalex dp snippets yalex reason for living stuck in a lift no glory yalex soulmate au prompts yalex dominion au the death of an assassin yalex truth serum yalex neighbor au yalex febuwhump collection yalex amnesia au reitober shuttlecock noragamj kaishin adachi tohru adayu post-canon ghost au the man in the basement start up MAD AI but I love him dlmbo pt 2 electric boogaloo bodyswap au badzawa choi bois silent criminal ginko merchant volo galactic boss cyrus seven dimiclaude firefighter au ghost!yassen dp yalex snuff torture!au yalex lost love au nightmares and daymares chuguo rainy day weirdo study habits orphanage au s2e1 jailed au large flowers manchester christmas markets whodunnit au yalex uh oh alex rider umbrella dk thawne reveals himself au 5 times otto octavius lets peter go (and the 1 time it was the other way around) bar time travel quentin beck badzawa shigadeku arcade skbf strangers from hell miyusawa cut exorcist soulmate prompts zhen hun instead of brain there is obikaka chuguo hunger games au ghost!ian gongzi YASHIROOO SENSEI POTO rk series zeke tqqeiiowu traitor!deku ian maybe has rights komahina danchou chisaki hawks 5 + 1 damian yalex altar i am not into watersports au yalex prison infiltration au yalex hanahaki au what on earth alex knows something yassen doesn’t know yalex crush yalex reincarnation au yalex mission fic my boy my boy my boyyyy yalex close-contact serum vampire!yassen pt2 electric boogyloo yalex cannibalism au living room lawrusso BITCHASS VECTOR harringrove flower and muzz ballroom dancing venomous tomarry got me shook fitzward (the feels) natsume assassin’s creed bram stoker’s reservoir dogs hannigram snapped danno blakefield (GHOST AU) the outsider feral dimitri the scorpion and the frog chuguo uwu snk time travel witcher yan nantian obikin time travel chuguo amnesia guro chuguo groundhog day fengyu blood donation fluff in which shen wei doesn’t seem like he’s breathing squidgy baby dystopia TPN coraline au 5 times tony’s suit didn’t listen to peter (and the one time it did) rolling thunder hetalia self-insert ineffable husbandos nope town of salem the best android au zoom three musketeers pew pew pew morra holy fuck oh! holy backyard mad king kahl STILES (heart) WayWay SQUIP fright night CC/WBC IZAAAAAAYAAAA-KUNNN StaB StaB StaB Cain or Cas alibaba hello neighbor my own wizaad newmann guuuregory dippin dots corpse party kurooon whammy darkpilot patrick hockstetter UNABOM Buzzfeed Unsolved push-ups trollhunter fucking shit frosthawk green-eyed monster DLMBO2 who the fuck’re you in the eye of the storm this used to be a ziggy stream fluffy meachums

I probably missed a bunch just because. some of them are labeled by pairing, some by fandom, some by ??? and sometimes I just can't be arsed LMAO

Tagging @dirigibleballoon, @noneedbebest, @fatcatsarecats

#not sure who to tag so have at it #but im popular in my (hardest of hearts)#so many of these are honestly 2k away from completion not to mention for extreme rarepairs #it’s bc i’m in ever fandom ever #i definitely missed some i KNOW it #i title most of my yalex fics with yalex but actually some of them aren't labeled like that #why?#no goddamn clue #but it overtakes the list haha #uhhh whoever sees this post I tag you you’re it #but also no pressure at all okay?

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fantasies-fairytales-n-fics · 1 year

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Code Blue Ch. 3 "Hysteria"

Summary: Josie is discharged from the hospital and goes home to more than one upsetting situations. A treasure hunt begins but someone deters it, temporarily. A close friend comes for Josie. She learns shocking information. Lee is in trouble and is in need of saving, but can he be? Quite the reunion takes place.

*Warning* language, mentions of child death, injury, alcohol mentions, angst, mentions of traumatic events(ptsd), mentions of infertility, mentions of anxiety, mentions of organized crime

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist

Salem, Massachusetts

February 2, 2023 - Earlier in the day

"TAXI!!!" You hollered while vigorously waving your hand in the air. It was 9 am as you ran out to the hospital parking lot watching a cab pulling away from dropping someone off.

The winter groundhog day was actually quite warm and sunny to where you could get by with the thin waist length jacket you wore. You were in a rush to get home, charge your phone and get on your laptop to search for the debonair doctor Lee. In a way, you were glad this was happening as it you distracted you from thinking about your brother, otherwise you would just go crawl in bed and hibernate until his future funeral was over.

It was just you and your mother Margaret now. You were 30 years old and still lived with her but only so she wasn't alone since your father had passed a few years ago. Besides, you had no significant other tying you down which was by your choice. One too many let downs had been enough for you to handle so you made the family businesses a priority along with your love of writing. Fantasies, fairytales and romance novels were your thing, although you loved a good horror story as well. Living in the witch city certainly had it's perks and influenced a lot of your material. One thing that came with writing was research and you were damn good at it. Finding Dr. Pace would...should be a piece of cake.

The cab dropped you off and you went racing into the house.

"Mom! I'm home!"

As you shut the door, there stood your mother at the bottom of the stairwell on her phone....and something in the kitchen was burning.

"Hey! Mom, what are you doing?? You're supposed to be resting, not trying to burn the house down!"

You ran into the kitchen and foolishly yanked the flame filled cast iron pan filled with charred bacon off the stove. Screaming in agony, you instinctively dropped it onto the floor.

"Fuck!!"

You ran to the sink while sucking on your fingers and desperately submerged your hand under a cold stream of water. About five more F bombs dropped from your clenched mouth as you stared at your already blistering palm.

"I'm sorry honey! Are you alright? I was only trying to make some breakfast for you. Let me get some ointment...."

"You couldn't have waited until I got home? I called you this morning and told you I would be here soon mom!"

"Alright. Well I am just going to go up to my room then." she huffed and stormed up the stairs.

You just stood there, peering down at the splattered grease and broke down in quiet sobs as you leaned over the sink. The smoke, the smell, the burning of your hand, had all triggered your memories of the explosion. In that moment, you became so angry at Jason for the lifestyle he chose that resulted in his death and could have killed you too. You dreaded what was to come of it soon enough as you would have to face the investigating detective who tried to speak with you, but Britt would not allow it because of the condition you were in at the time.

After soaking your hand for a few more minutes, you went to the bathroom and wrapped your palm in gauze, then trekked up the stairs to your room to get your laptop. First and foremost, you plugged your phone in. Then....you heard your mom crying.

You crept inside her room and found her taking clothes out of the closet and someone sitting on her bed. Megan, the younger sister that you did not acknowledge because she only came around when she wanted something, such as a boyfriend of yours. Otherwise, she was whoring it up in Boston somewhere. You were fuming inside to see her as she did not even care for Jason at all. Most likely she was there to hit her mother up for money as there was an abundance of it from the businesses and also from your father's will that he left all of you.

You glared at her as she ignored you and played on her phone.

""Mom...I'm sorry. I did not mean to snap at you. Are...you ok?"

Your curly haired redheaded mother rolled her eyes and turned to you.

"No Jo, I am not O..K. How could I be? My son is...and now I have to find something for him to wear and plan a funeral but what do I dress someone in who was in the mob?"

"Do you think I was oblivious to his so called profession? Or that you knew about it? And were almost killed too?"

She, along with most of the town and police department were definitely not oblivious to what Jason was involved in. Mafia, mob, organized crime...call it what you will, it all meant the same thing and your brother had been in it up to his neck for many years. You just happened to be collateral damage merely by being in his orbit.

You paced about, wanting to scream as you couldn't take it when your mom got into these moods.

"Ok...I can see you need some space right now, so I am going to go to my room for a bit, and then I am leaving. You seem to have everything you need here."

Your sarcasm was deep as you left, glowering at Megan in her stupid little clashing beret.

Your phone was now half charged and you powered it on. 3 new voicemails appeared in your notifications.

"Hey Josie, it's Britt. Obviously your phone is dead as it went straight to voicemail. Call me..or text, whatever. Just let me know how you're doing. David is worried about you also so give him a shout out too, K? Love you. Talk soon."

"Hello Miss March, this is Detective Butler with the Salem P.D. following up about the incident on pier 55 yesterday. Please give me a call at your earliest convenience to set up a time to take your statement. Sooner than later is best. You can reach me at 555-7268. Thank you."

"Ugh!!" you reeled. He was just going to have to wait. What did it even matter now anyways? Your brother was gone and the last thing you wanted to get involved in was matters of the mob.

"Hi there Miss March. This is Dr. Bloom. I just wanted to follow up with you to see how you are doing. Hopefully well. Feel free to reach out if you have any concerns...and again. I am sorry for your loss. Bye."

"What in the hell was that?" you whispered. Do doctors call to check on patients? Not that you knew of...and you had just seen him three hours ago.

You blew it off and hopped in the shower, dressed and fixed yourself up, then grabbed your laptop and phone charger, stuffing them in your bag and took off. Anywhere but there was good for you to do your doctor hunt.

You headed straight for Britt's downtown apartment since you knew this was her day off. Of course the gorgeous 5'9 40 year old brunette who looked 30, had a snazzy penthouse on the top floor of a place called the Metro Court but she certainly could afford it with her Chief of Staff salary. She deserved it though because she worked her ass off and was damn good at what she did as she was an OBGYN. She had chosen that path when she found out she could never conceive a child, so she wanted to help others out. It was something you could identify with as well, but yours stemmed from an accident years ago.

As you got out of your car, you glanced up at the twenty story high rise which made your stomach do a flip. Heights off almost any kind, you couldn't do or you would freeze solid and have an anxiety attack, which this fear was caused by a ride at an amusement park. But oddly, you didn't have a problem with riding rollercoasters...as long as it wasn't anything to where your feet would dangle out in the open. You had to be boxed in or it wasn't happening. You had been to the famous Cedar Point once in Ohio and rode the Power Tower. Biggest mistake ever... Everyone sits around this gigantic pole in their own chair with your legs hanging in mid air and then it starts moving up, then at some point, it just drops and flies back up, over and over.

Your body had frozen as the panic set in, and it was bad. You screamed and cried as if you were being murdered, while your friends laughed. The ride attendant couldn't decipher your terrified screams from everyone else's joyful ones, so you had to endure it, and you've been traumatized ever since.

Up the gazillion flights of stairs you went, as another issue you had was elevators. You had claustrophobia and any small space would have you flat on the floor in seconds. Your sinister sister once locked you in a pitch black crawl space when you were both teens and let you scream and cry for over an hour before your mother came home. Megan quickly unlocked the door and denied having anything to do with it, that the door must have gotten stuck. She paid for it though, much later when you kicked her ass after school one day with no witnesses.

You finally reached Britt's door, huffing and puffing as you knocked.

"Omg Josie!! Hiiiii!!!" She threw her arms around you as you both did the little jump up and down dance while laughing.

"Hey you!" a familiar voice sounded from behind. Dr. David Conrad, Britt's brother and also your drop dead gorgeous other best friend. Tall, dark and handsome with piercing blue eyes, also older than you at 38 ...and all just like the stunning Dr. Pace. It was no secret Dave had it bad for you but you were not willing to cross that line and risk your friendship with him in case it didn't work out. It wasn't easy though because he was just perfect in every way. One of the most kind, caring and compassionate individuals that you had ever known. But this Lee guy...you had never felt so drawn to anyone in your life, not even Dave....the pull was undeniable, at least on your end and you had to find out why.

Dave came right to you and picked you up in a spinning hug.

"How's my girl? I am so sorry about what happened sweetheart. I would have been there for you, but I was out of town. I rushed as fast as I could to get here. Britt told me you were coming here so I just came here to wait. Don't ever scare me like that again, you hear me?"

His words and tone were so heartfelt and sincere. You knew he was in love with you but you also knew he would never tell you that. He too was afraid of jeopardizing his friendship with you. You felt like such a fool because he was every woman's dream and yet you kept him at arm's length. Sure, people say being great friends first bud some of the best relationships but after all you had been through in that department, you were just too scared to test the waters because it would kill you if you lost him. You did love him, you just weren't in love with him.

"Hey, don't worry! I know you would have been here in a flash if you could. Your here now and that's all that matters." You stroked his cheek and smiled.

"You're the best, you know that? So...I am grilling out on the patio, taking advantage of this unusual warm weather. You're gonna stick around right? We can all get our drinks on and try to have a little fun? Just to try and ease your thoughts some?"

'I..I..well...I actually have some things to go take care of...but I guess I can stay for a little while since I haven't seen you in a minute." His grin matched yours as he spun around to make you a drink. His famous midnight margaritas, although it was only high noon. You and he named the popular drink that after many nights of horror movies on his couch. One of those nights, you mentioned that you were in the mood for a margarita and it was midnight, and he happened to have all the ingredients so he got up and made them, and then it just became a tradition with a name.

He handed you the icy beverage and then went to the patio to finish his ridiculously good steaks.

"Someone's sure happy to see you." Britt said in an insinuating manner. She knew of her brother's feelings. Most people did.

You rolled your eyes at her. "Ugh. Britt. Don't. He will find someone someday. That person is not me. Although, it baffles me. All these gorgeous doctors at SGH and they're all single."

"That's because they have no life." she chuckled. "Same for me." Her face changed to sadness as she looked down.

"So...how are you doing with all this?"

"I...I'm fine? Why wouldn't I be? Except that I am worried about you."

"Maybe because you were in love with my brother."

"Well...he didn't love me and now he's gone and...Josie...I don't want to talk about that ok? So what's with all the stuff?"

She was good at deflecting, so you broke down and decided to tell her what you were up to. After explaining it all to her, only the parts about finding the bracelet and wanting to return it and thank him, she gave you the dreaded look you knew you were going to get.

"So, like I know you better than anyone, and I also know when you have a thing for someone. I also know of the train wrecks of relationships you've been in and that you're trying to steer clear of that, so why on earth are you doing somersaults for a man you have only known for like 5 minutes? And don't deny it, I can hear it in your tone and see it in your eyes. The way you talk about him. I'll tell you right now, you need to get in your car and drive as far in the oppsite direction form him as you can. He's bad news Josie."

"What? How?? He was so kind and understanding."

"Because he's a doctor. That's his job."

Now you were just getting pissed. "So you're saying it was all an act? That he's an asshole or something because I may have only known him for the 5 minutes you speak of, but his eyes...there was...something in them...and it was not that of what you say..."

"It's called lust. You're beautiful and every man knows it."

You laughed sarcastically. "Ok, if that's what it was, then why isn't he chasing after me?"

"Ok...look. He called the hospital about an hour ago and requested for time off to take care of some business. The man's a workoholic and has weeks upon weeks to use so I allowed it, but not for that reason. He's a hot mess Josie. Dealing with things you do not need in your life."

"Excuse me but I will make the decisions of what I do and don't need....Shit...I'm sorry. I don't mean to be hasty. I know you are only looking out for me...but it's not like I haven't dealt with hot messes before. Hell...I"M one." you giggled.

"Maybe so, but did you forget you're trying to stay away from all that or did you hit your head in that explosion? If you knew what I know, you would think twice. So I'll tell you."

"No...you won't! Whatever he is going through is none of my business, and honestly it's none of yours either unless it is affecting his ability to treat his patients."

"I fear that it could. There are days I can tell he had not slept, his eyes all blood shot and sucking down his red bulls, and his mood swings will give you whiplash. He's so irritable lately and as I said, he works too much. I have suggested to him in the past to take time off, but he refuses so when he asked for it, I gladly accepted because he needs to get his shit together before an accident or mistake happens with a patient. Josie...he had a son who died and..."

"NO I SAID! Don't tell me this, it's not your place." You literally put your hands over your ears and walked away.

"You need to know before you get in too deep. There was a car accident. The boy was only five years old and he wasn't buckled in..."

"Stop!! No wonder the man is a complete wreck and you're standing here calling him a hot mess and bad news. I am going to go find him to return his bracelet wether you like it or not. So are you going to tell me his address or do I have to drive to everyone I find on google?"

"Ok..OK....calm down. Geez. I know where he's at right now and he'll probably be there at least two weeks so I am only going to tell you if you stay here tonight and think all of this through. Dave came all the way here to be with you Josie. He left an important conference...for you. The least you could do is spend a little time with him and go in the morning. Dr. Pace needs his space anyways. He's at his old home where he lived with his son. He was renting it and the people up and left, leaving the place in a disarray so he's going to be there a long time cleaning it and fixing things. One day won't hurt you to hang out with your best friend, you know, the guy you've actually known more than 5 minutes?"

The woman could certainly pose a good argument and you knew you wouldn't win. You also knew she was right so you agreed to wait. Your heart was broken over what she vaguely told you. Now you knew what you saw in his eyes.....pain.

You woke up at 1 am in a sweat from a nightmare and couldn't breathe. But it wasn't about the explosion...it was about Lee. As you laid your head in your hands and closed your eyes, you strangely heard Lee's voice in your head. "Just breathe Jo."

You sat up straight, eyes still closed and sucked in a deep breath, then blew it out slowly.

"Ok...ok Jo...breathe...you cannot have another panic attack...not now." you mumbled under your breath. Of course you hadn't taken your meds like Dr. Bloom had persistently told you to do.

When you got this way, your entire rationalized thinking capability was non existent. Why were you like this? So befuddled? After the episode with your mom and surprisingly seeing your succubus sister, you were flat out frazzled and so was your hand still as it stung, but that wasn't enough to get you in such a frenzy. It was him....it was all him. The dream was horrible. Lee had been hurt and you were trying to get to him but you couldn't. It had to all be related to what Britt told you and the fact you were trying to find him but had to wait. The thought of seeing him again had your stomach filled with butterflies. A feeling no other had ever caused. You screamed internally of frustration and whipped the blanket over your head, finally falling back asleep after a few minutes.

Lee's old home- 1 am.

Lee was three sheets to the wind and in a maudlin mood. A mood to reminisce and he knew just where to go. The attic. It had all of Jacob's things stored in boxes. He pretty much had to pull himself up the ladder in his stupefied state to accomplish his destination.

All he could manage to do was stumble around while using the flashlight on his phone as there was no light in the attic. Corner after corner was stacked with boxes and he couldn't remember which ones were his son's as it had been years since he had went up there. He could never bring himself to do it and now, the one time that he wanted to, he still could barely do it due to his blind drunken state.

As he turned around, he saw the pile belonging to his son. The sight was so overwhelming that he gasped and stepped backwards.

But there was nothing there but the open doorway he just climbed through. Down the wooden ladder he tumbled, crashing to the floor below which knocked him out cold.

February 3, 2023

You awoke bright and early at 7 am. There was no way you could make yourself sleep any longer. You snuck into Britt's room and woke her up by plopping onto her bed with a laugh.

"Ok...it's tomorrow, now spill it. What's his address?"

Britt moaned and yanked the blankets over her head. "Noooooo...go awayyyy. It's too early and my head is killing me."

"Well who's fault is that miss beer pong champion?"

You had all played games and drank last night, although you drank yours in moderation so you would be ready for today.

"Tell me or I am going to jump up and down in your bed like a kid on a trampoline!"

She whipped the blankets down. "OK OK, please don't!"

You ran and got a pen and paper off her dresser, then hopped back onto her bed in an Indian style position with an anticipated grin on your face as she groaned from the bounce.

You scribbled down the address and directions, then jumped up and rooted through her closet for something to wear as you both were the same size in clothing. Then off to the shower you went so she could go back to sleep. Once you were done, you quickly texted a still sleeping Dave to tell him thank you for everything and that you would see him soon. Down the twenty flights of stairs you went and got into your car. A classic silver Monte Carlo SS with chrome wheels. You loved the older style sports cars. Even bicycles. The one you had was blue and looked like it belonged to Almira Gulch and should have a captive Toto on the back in a basket.

Off you went with your tires squealing. Your lead foot was inspired by Jason who rode a motorcycle and was always burning rubber. Your car had the absolute best sound system too so you turned on Sirius XM and cranked it up. The song was so fitting too for what was occurring and it was one of your favorite bands as well. Def Leppard. Hysteria.

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The window down, you sang along.

"I gotta know tonight, if you're alone tonight. Can't stop this feeling, can't stop this fire..." Your thoughts went straight to Lee. What the hell had done to you?

It was now almost 9 am and the drive would take you about 30 minutes with the morning traffic. You prayed that Lee would already be up. The butterflies were swarming through your stomach as you pulled onto the street his house was on. You turned off your music and slowly drove as you searched the house numbers. There it was. A large two story home with a large porch with stone pillars and a swing.... and the front door was wide open. There was also the coolest classic muscle car parked in the driveway.

You got out with the bracelet in your pocket and carefully shut the door as you gazed up at the open doorway that held blackness behind it.

"Breathe Jo..." you whispered and went up the steps. The closer you got to the entrance, contents of the home became visible from the sunlight shining in. Your heart dropped as you saw Lee laying in the middle of the floor with a bloodied nose.

"Jesus!" You rushed to him and dropped to your knees. He was unconscious, or so you believed. You began to panic as you called his name but got no response. You flipped him over and checked his pulse but failed to find it.

"Lee! Can you hear me? Come on, wake up please!" you shouted frantically as you patted his cheek over and over.

What you did next is all you could think of to do before you were going to grab your phone and call 911. CPR, which you had absolutely no idea how to do.

Leaning down, you opened his mouth and placed your lips over his, but as soon as you did, you felt his warm breath softly flow onto your cheek from his nose....yet you remained in an immobile lip lock with him as you couldn't move. You did not want to move. His lips were so incredibly soft and you liked the way they fit perfectly to yours. It felt like a union of soulmates for the first time as you foolishly believed in that stuff. His breath was tainted with whiskey and you now understood why.

You broke the seal of your joined lips and hovered over him, lost as to what to do for him.

Suddenly he gasped and began to sit up with his eyes in a squint from the sunlight.

"You...You're...here..." he whispered as he gazed at you like you weren't real.

"I...Are...you alright? What can I do? Do you need me to call an ambulance?"

All he did was stare at you, then spoke one word.

"W...water."

You stretched your neck up and glanced all around for a kitchen or bathroom.

"Ok..ok. Don't move. I'll find you some."

You shuffled to your feet and found the kitchen and grabbed the first thing you saw for a cup. A child's thermos. You snatched the top off and filled it, then scuffled back to him.

"Here...it's all I could find." you said as your shaking hand offered it to him.

He drank it as his eyes remained fixed on you, then his head lowered as if he was ashamed to be seen in such a state.

You sat trembling in a silent hysteria, trying to hold down yesterday's lunch. Words were out of reach as your brain fumbled for them. Finally, you spoke.

"Wh..what happened? Are you alright?"

He glanced up at the open attic door, then brought his sapphire orbs back to you.

"I...fell. It was...dark and I..." He sighed as he closed his eyes. "Basically, I was shit faced and lost my ability to navigate. How...why... are you here....miss....March?"

"Please...call me Josie. I. I wanted to...." You couldn't stop looking at the blood. "You're hurt... bleeding. Please, let me get something to clean you up."

All you could think about was if you had came last night, maybe this would not have happened to him.

"Thank you...but it's not necessary. I did this to myself. Do stupid things, get stupid results. I will live." he lightly smiled.

You gave him a meek smile. "Well, you didn't deserve that. That's quite a fall.

"Indeed. So...are you going to tell me why you are here or how you even found me?"

"Oh, yes. Sorry. I...I wanted...I found something I think belongs to you and...I also wanted to thank you for what you did for me."

"Something of mine? How could that be?"

You reached in your pocket and pulled out the bracelet, dangling it in front of you. "It..it was under the table in my hospital room..."

His eyes widened as he stiffened into an upright position. "My...bracelet..." he whispered in disbelief.

You handed it to him and he held it as if it would break. "You...you have no idea what this means to me...I..I never thought I would see it again. You came all the way here to give me this?"

"Well....yeah. It looks expensive. I..I tried to fix the clasp. I think it will work now. It was the least I could do after what you did....sitting with me and all."

His mouth hung slightly open as his eyes darted about your face in awe. "I...I don't even know what to say....th...thank you...Josie." His soft delicate tone was so sincere.

"You're so welcome. I am glad to see you so happy." you said in a timorous voice.

His head slightly tilted at your words. You both stared at each other in silence for what seemed like minutes. Shyly, you lowered your eyes.

"You...you have a little...something right...." he touched his lips as he gazed at yours.

Quickly and self consciously, you wiped you mouth and your fingers revealed some blood from him. Oh god, you thought...did he remember? You wanted to crawl under a rock and never come out.

"I...I had...patted your face to try and wake you and must have...gotten some blood on my hand...then...touched my face..." you rambled in the most awkward stutter. How lame did your explanation sound? The grin that formed on his mouth told you he fucking knew. The panic was creeping up into your chest from sheer embarrassment. For fucks sake, how did this man make you so damn frazzled and nervous. Between the butterflies and this feeling, you had no answers, just that not a single soul has ever made your body react this way.

You were certain he was going to call you out on it, but he didn't. He seemed to notice your fear and didn't want to embarrass you more than you already were. Of course he probably noticed it, the fact that you knew you were 50 shades of red right now. You could feel it.

He then got up. "Let me give you some money for returning this to me and for fixing it."

"Oh god no, Lee, I do not want your money. I just wanted you to have that back. It is obviously something of great importance to you and expensive like I had said before."

He turned with a dazed look. "H...how did you know my name? Which brings me again to the question of how did you find me?"

You didn't want to give Britt up, although you actually kind of did after the way she had downgraded him...but...you could see her point now after finding him in such a dire state.

"Google." you simply replied with a fib. You were going to search him anyways, so maybe it wasn't such a stretch of the truth.

"Oh..." he also simply replied. "Yes, it is very expensive but it's value to me is nothing of cost."

He held it in is palm and gazed so deeply at it. "It was a birthday gift from someone special."

His tone was of sheer sadness as his face then corresponded. You knew then it was from his son.

Stupidly, you said it. "You had a son, it was...from him?" Open mouth, insert foot is all you could think.

He lightly gasped as his eyes sprung up from his hand. Then he just flat out said it.

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"Oh god...I..I am soooo sorry. Please forgive me Dr. Pace. It is so none of my business."

Lee took a few steps towards you. "Please...call me Lee...and do not be sorry. It's not like it's some classified secret. I'm sure google can tell you that as well."

His eyes diverted back to the bracelet as he took it and tried to put it on his wrist, failing miserably.

"M...may I?" Your hand reached out to him.

There he was, staring at you again. He held the bracelet out to you and held his arm there in an answer to your question.

You sheepishly took it and wrapped it around his wrist. Tremors rolled through your fingers at the touch of his skin while you tried to clasp it. He must have felt it.

"Here....you hold the end and I'll hook it." His voice was understanding and his smile comforting. "There. Back where it belongs thanks to you."

"I am going into the kitchen for more water. Would you care to come have some? Or some juice? Sorry, it is all I have right now."

"Sure." you squeaked and followed him. As he came to the archway to the kitchen, he leaned on the wall, appearing dizzy and then he just dropped.

"Jesus Lee! Are you alright??" you knelt beside him and rubbed his arm. "Let me take you to the hospital, please! You obviously hit your head and have a concussion."

He brought his arm up, laying it over his forehead. "No...please no. They cannot know..."

He then took your hand. "Who's the doctor here?" he smirked. "I didn't hit my head, only had the wind knocked out of me when I fell...and I'm severely dehydrated. I now the symptoms."

"And I also know doctors are not supposed to diagnose themselves. Britt told me that."

"And she also told you about Jacob. She knows all about what happened, not google. Am I right?"

You closed your eyes in shame. "Ok, ok I may have stretched the truth some but.."

"Jo...calm down, it's ok. I am not upset."

Now you were the one staring at him.

"What?" he asked in confusion.

"You...you called me...Jo..." You also remembered he called you that when he told you to breathe when you awoke from your dream and imagined his voice. Did you imagine it?

"Annnnd? That's your name isn't it?" he chuckled.

"Well...yes, technically but...no one but my mom and Jason ever called me that...well...me too when I talk to myself.."

"You talk to yourself? I think maybe you are the one with the brain injury." he chortled in amusement.

"Ha ha. You got jokes, so you must be ok."

Your hands were still entwined and his smile faded as he was lost in your sun like eyes....You felt his hand lightly squeeze yours and then he began to tell you about Jacob....

@redeemer46

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