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kafkaoftherubble · 6 months

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昨晚明明早睡了，今天却还昏昏欲睡。

Unfortunately, Fionn had nightmares last night and they somehow bled into my dreams. I still don't know how that works, and it doesn't happen often; dream science research isn't my domain, and the brain is still quite a strange thing—so I don't know why such a thing sometimes happens. Why would a ""ghost's"" dream influence a physical being's dream?

I don't think you should apologize anymore. I'm not mad at all, man! Hell, my perpetual eyebags and dark rings around my eyes had intensified because of this fitful sleep and I think I'm cute! Yes I prefer my brain to be freshened up to do its thing, but I also won't say no to looking a little cuter than usual!

And! It's not like neither of us are lucid dreamers. Neither of us could control our dreams (I don't feel like learning to do that either. Where's the fun in that? I already have daydreams). Nightmares aren't a fault of character or a weakness or something. It's mundane. You're good.

Plus, even before bedtime you're undergoing that again, isn't it? I wouldn't be surprised if those demons refuse to let you escape and invade your sleep. I mean, the shits they say to you are so full of sadistic glee; they really enjoy your suffering. If I were having that much fun tormenting someone, the last thing I want is to let my fun go before I really have my fill.

None of the previous Lyns had ever thought of it this way, I think, but I'm starting to wonder if your Penance episodes are just how OCD works on you. I always thought OCD is our problem, not yours or the Others'. I thought you were not afflicted with it, because you're separate from me. You're—in the most reductive, but not necessarily wrong, sense— just a hallucinatory voice in my head, at the end of the day.

And yet... Maybe...

I mean, to you it feels like some sort of atonement, right? Even though you hadn't done anything wrong. Or that you're actively trying not to let them win. But you also go in there and willingly let Them hurt you, hoping that this will make you a person someone would like. But as They called it, you're never gonna be accepted because, to the wider world out there, you aren't a person. "I" am a person. You don't exist to them. Which is weird, because "I" have no self, meaning I'm shaped by whoever and whatever interacts with me. And no one interacts with me more than you. You and I share the same head. The people out there shape me too—influencing me as psycho-causal processes do to each other—but they don't live in the "bubble" I live in. You and the others do. And out of all of you, you live the longest and are the one who's been my partner for the longest, whether we had wanted it or not.

Honestly, if there's anyone who should apologize... Oh, I know you don't like hearing me apologize! But! If you're gonna annoy me with your "I'm sorry I ruined your sleep" shit even though it ain't your fault, then it's fair game for me, too! Hahahha!

I think... A lot of previous "I" had already regretted making you shoulder all the pain we ever needed to endure, growing up. We wanted nothing to do with emotional upheavals that weren't nice that we just let you suffer it in our stead, so we could remain mentally pristine and functional and rational and... generally not fail so hard as to attract another beating again.

We made you suffer them because you're the kindest. Because we all know if it's remotely possible for a person to endure that much and still not become vindictive and hateful in bouts of rage, you'll be the closest to achieving it. You were the safest choice. The only one who would do so without resenting us—any of us.

So what's wrong with a little nightmare from you disrupting my sleep every now and then, huh? It's merely an effect of our actions in the past. A just consequence; the normal function of cause-and-effects. A large chunk of your nightmares was because of our decision way back then as children. Many of your demons originated then, and the subsequent years, all the way to early adulthood. Sometimes, even now.

Don't apologize, Fionn. It's actually kinda annoying that you didn't affect my dream out of a grudge but out of non-malicious accidents. Keep being too good for me, and I won't even know what to do with you anymore! Oh yes, it's a threat!

You're good. You're a really good Voice. I find it unfair that you don't have a body, so I'm trying to be good by emulating you in some ways. Or taking your advice.

Shall we take a nap later?!

WAIT THAT DEPENDS ON HOW MUCH WORK I HAD DONE TOO NOOOOOOOO

#a piece to the rubble

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protectbrowngirls · 2 years

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Hello! I hope you are okay. I kind of need some advice about something. It’s not a brown-specific issue although I am brown, but I just don’t know who to ask about it, so I hope you don’t mind (if so, please just discard this ask, that’s okay). So, I have OCD. No one around me knows about it. Not my friends, not my family, no one. I haven’t talked about it to anyone because well, I feel bad about it. I don’t want to go into details but basically today I ‘showed’ one of my friends some of my symptoms, and when I tried to ask for like. ~reassurance~ (without ever mentioning OCD), he did reassure me but he also called me crazy. I *KNOW* for a fact that he didn’t mean it in a bad way - we’re friends, we tease each other like this all the time, it’s never malicious. But of course, from my point of view, I already feel crazy and ashamed of my MI, so it kinda hurts to be called crazy by someone who doesn’t even know about it, someone who I trust. And then I had a breakdown about how everything about me was unattractive or whatever. Sorry, I know it’s a lot. But I don’t really know what to do about it. I know that if I tell my friend that as a mentally ill person I don’t appreciate being called crazy he would 100% understand, but I don’t want to tell him about my OCD because well, I’m ashamed, so that’s not an option. Thank you if you’ve made it that far hahahha. Wishing you all the best

I’m doing well, thank you! I’m juggling a lot of commitments, but that’s par for the course at this point lol. You're welcome to talk to me about broader non-brown issues. Being brown makes them all brown-specific issues :)

I think it’s really mature of you to be able to see things from both your and your friend’s perspectives. Of course, like you said, it doesn’t make being called “crazy” sting less – it’s understandable that you would feel hurt. But on the other hand, remembering that your friend isn’t being malicious may make it easier for you to cope with, and respond to, faux pas like this.

I want to push back against your implication that setting this boundary with your friend requires you to tell him about your OCD. Understandably, setting boundaries can be really challenging, and if you don’t have much practice with it, it’s easy to feel like you have to justify every boundary you set or defend your boundaries by overexplaining. But this isn’t the case. It’s totally alright to set a boundary without explaining why.

In this case, setting a boundary around not being called crazy might look like this: “Hey, I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t call me crazy in the future. It’s a word that really hurts me [optional: and makes me feel ashamed of myself].” If he asks why it hurts you, you can choose how much information you want to divulge, ranging from “I’d prefer not to talk about that; it’s really personal and I’m uncomfortable sharing details with other people” to “I’m just sensitive about mental health and mental illness, and it makes me feel bad when my friends speak negatively of mentally ill people” to “I have a mental illness, but I don’t like talking about it. Please don’t ask me what illness I have or other questions about it.” If he pushes the issue, you can repeat the same thing: “Please stop asking me about this, it makes me feel really bad.” And if he still continues pushing, then, well, he’d be a shitty friend.

You have a right to ask people not to harm you, and you also have a right not to divulge information you’re uncomfortable sharing. This seems like a good opportunity to explore what the intersection of those two rights could look like, given your friend seems receptive and well-meaning. This isn’t to say that this will be easy; setting boundaries often is not. But I also think it’s important to learn how to advocate yourself, particularly as someone with a mental illness. And that starts by taking baby steps, like asking a good friend not to use a derogatory term around you.

#mental illness #mental health #OCD #boundaries #ask #anon #advice

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dangermousie · 4 years

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OK, why is his family so uniformly awful? I mean, his mother is insane! Who thinks “you know what my kid needs to deal with his cleanliness ocd? have a bunch of people party in his house when he comes back, because he also freaks out about crowds. It’s perfect! Surprise!”

Who doesn’t love a good panic attack collapse to cap the day with? But then the heroine rescues him and we get adorable stuff like this.

But this is even more adorable because not only does not want her to leave his sight in general, he’s making her sit outside the bathroom during his shower and hahahaha omg.

He’s totally using being sick as an excuse to be babied which is adorable.

We are not even getting into his supposed need to hold on to her in the bus because I am too busy being amused that he’s almost cracking the ceiling.

Hahahha I love this fluffy bit of fluffy fluffiness.

#kdrama #clean with passion for now #yoon kyun sang #kim yoo jung

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girlwithbird-blog · 7 years

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Okay, I'm looking to get a cockatiel. I've been looking into them for WEEKS now, but I still feel unprepared, and I really want to get some actual first-hand knowledge from a person. I'm really not sure what to ask specifically! ^^; Any tips you'd give me, this being my second bird--after a budgie--and my first cockatiel? (Any knowledge at all would be helpful! from recommended cage size to what might be a good healthy diet!~) Please and thank you~~

hey darling!!! god sorry its taken me forty years to get to my ask, i’ve been so swamped at work IT SUCKS

THIS IS GONNA BE LONG

OKAY, HERE IS THE INFO I CAN GIVE YA FOR A COCKATIEL:

1) ALWAYS ADOPT. i know you see that cute birbo in the pet store window, but please, PLEASE, refrain from purchasing him. there are currently THOUSANDS of homeless birds in north america alone that need you to be their guardian. i know you want to save that baby from the pet store, but doing so continues the cycle. they’ll just replace him and the horror continues.

2) GET THE BIGGEST CAGE YOU CAN AFFORD! do not listen to what the pet store clerk says (lol i worked in a pet store and straight up i would discourage people from birds EVERYDAY and tell them to rescue and that none of our cages are big enough, and they listened and adopted and im surprised the boss didn’t find out and fire me HAHAHHA) i would go to a bird specialty store to find your cage - you want to make sure it is durable enough, the bar spacing is correct (for a cockatiel you want them no more than half an inch space, theyre little and you dont want them to get stuck!!) i suggest powder coated cages, they’re easiest to clean the poop out of!!!!

3) GOOD DIET IS SO IMPORTANT. STAY AWAY FROM SEED!!!! seed despite popular belief is not very good for them. it causes fatty liver disease and can make them ill and shorten their lifespan. (rose is now put on milk thistle-it buffersthe liver, as from the shit sanctuary she was from… god knows what she ate so now im in the process of getting her liver spiffy clean!) a good PELLET DIET is SO, SO SO SO IMPORTANT. and dont be discouraged, it is very hard to change a birb from seed diet to pellet. so you have to change it over gradually and honestly, it can take a year to get that done. rose is picky as hell, but i found a pellet she likes which are the Zupreem fruit pellets. they’re not the healthiest, but they’ll do as now she is eating by herself. i used to have to hand feed her ALL THE TIME like the diva she is.

Here is a list of good pellets!! (from best to ok)

- Goldenfeast Goldenobles (quinoa based instead of corn, i wanna change rose to this when she’s ready!!)

- Harrisons Fine High Potency (start with high potency and then go to adult formula - gives em the nutrients they need for switching. corn based, and not my fav but it is vet reccommended but id say goldenfeast is better as corn aint that great)

- Pretty Bird (fruity and like, kinda okay? its better than zupreem lmfao but its very sweet, and makes their poo colourful)

- Zupreem (available at most pet stores, comes in fruit, veggie, nut, and natural flavours. what Rose eats and its a pretty good food. i believe its corn and soy based, not the best, and there is sugar in it, but its a good starter for your bird as they will most likely eat it because its colourful and sweet!!! from having Rose on a pellet diet - her plumage looks AMAZING)

all those brands come in different size pellets, i would go with the SMALLEST as it is easier for them to eat, and if you mix it with seed it kinda blends in hehe

4) DON’T JUST FEED PELLETS. A birbos diet should be 80% pellets (give or take) and 20% fruits, veggies, grains, and good stuff!!!! making a chop is a good idea, and you can freeze it and take out some everyday for their breakfast/dinner!!! Rose is very picky, and a rescue may be too, but do some research on what good fresh foods are good for birds!!! rose’s fav are zuchinni, peppers, pasta, scrambled egg (shes obsessed with egg) and chinese snow pear!!!

5) LOTS OF TOYS, AND THINGS TO DO!!! PIMP out their cage with dope toys, various perches and material (AVOID SAND ONES, HURTS THEIR TOES. get natural wood, rope (if u know they wont shred and accidentally eat it) and various thicknesses!!!) and im not saying spend a fortune (whcih i have with rose omfg) undyed popsicle sticks are amazing, paper, toilet paper rolls, cardboard etc they LOVE. but also, a good store bought toy is nice too!!! but most you can make from home!! plus i have a store where i have handmade toys, ill be posting more selection too!!

6) BE PATIENT WITH THE BABY! they most likely won’t warm up to you RIGHT AWAY (i mean they might, depends on their personality!) so do not feel discouraged if they dont want to play or cuddle right away. and heck, they may not even like cuddles. they’re as much as individuals as we are as humans. rose is usually attached to my shoulder all day, but some days honestly she just plays by herself and doesn’t want me to play with her HAHAHA. when you bring them home, introduce them to their cage and let them hang inside and get used to it. sit near them and chat and offer some millet and let them come to you. its a whole new world for them, so allow them some time!!!

7) and the most controversial topic… TO CLIP OR NOT TO CLIP? okay, my two cents on clipping goes as written. if it is safer for them in your house, please get their wings properly by an avian vet or an experienced staff memeber at a bird specialty store. clipping them incorrectly can cause balance issues and confidence issues and trust issues. NEVER CLIP THEM YOURSELF AS THEIR OWNER. THEYLL BE PISSED AF. and most likely scared of you. if your house is unsafe -ie people coming in and out, small space, lots of windows, forgetful people that leave windows open, PLEASE CLIP THEM. it will save their life and prevent any deadly accidents.

if you HAVE THE SPACE. and know that they will be safe, and you believe they will be okay, leave them flighted!! it is much easier i must say having smaller birds flighted as they won’t be as cramped in a house as a big bird would be. Rose is flightless as she chews her flight feathers, but they are growing back. and even if they all did, my place is way to small to allow her to fly properly so i would keep her clipped for her safety. also, if there was an emergency - such as a fire - it is much easier to evacuate a flightless bird than a flighted one. i have really bad ocd when it comes to impulsive thinking and i obsess over how i would get rose out in a fire all the time… so keep a pillow case by the cage, and if god forbid that happened, grab your baby, toss em in the pillow case (protects them from smoke inhalation) AND HIGH TALE THEE FUCK OUT OF THERE. and that would be easier if they are clipped… just food for thought.

anyway i hope this helped you and others maybe too!! im sorry this took forever to get to, my lifes been insane. please do TONS OF RESEARCH TOO and look into rescues. if you need any more help let me know my love

#cockatiel #cockatiels #bird care #bird help #birblr #asks #bird facts #petblr

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fangirlinginleatherboots · 7 years

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dnt.r.blg

mom, right as she gives me a burger: haha oh no we’re eating meat on a friday in lent haha we’re so bad

me, with religious OCD and religious psychological trauma: hAhAHHA YEAAH

-eats it anyway

-is currently very sick to my stomach and nearly switched with a little in a liqueur store because having forbidden things is bad

:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

#hahHAHAHHAHAHHAHA WHY DID YOU HAVE TO POINT THAT OUT MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM #im gonna go shower to wash off the sinnnnnnnnnnnnn #bootsie's adventures

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hatchibomitar · 7 years

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Heyo I just had a quick question for you, is hoarding exclusive to OCD? I'm a little concerned I might have issues with hoarding but I don't think I have OCD and I have always assumed they were exclusive so I'm a little confused.

nah i don’t think it’s really exclusive to it. it’s super possible to have only one symptom of a mental illness but not have the actual thing. like i have a lot of bpd symptoms personally but it’s definitely not enough both to constitute as a “diagnosis” (but i dont rly care abt) BUT it also doesn’t mean i have the disorder itself. so i definitely think you can have a hoarding issue but not have ocd! i think actually the real Definion/Diagnosis of ocd is that even if you have all the symptoms possible, it only is ocd when it impacts your life and stops you from living normally. ok this is just confusing sorry haha

No i don’t believe that it’s exlcusive aha, you can have any symptoms of anything but it doesn’t necessarily mean you have it :-) i understand your worry/confusion and i also actualy realy understand having hoarding issues, it’s a really scary thing to not be able to Stop yourself from doing things and that sorta goes for every mental illness but it rings especially true for me for all my ocd symptoms. im sorry hahahha i keep going on tangents if you are confused then tl;dr no they’re not exclusive and you’re ok haha

#if this makes no sense pls send another message and i'll make a shorter one hahaha #im so scattered rn #mental illness #kaidvice #anon #askies

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dreamarieblog · 7 years

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AIRPODS.. WORTH IT?

READ IT IN 2 minutes

Goooood AM lovelies!

Today we’re changing gears to something I have been using everrryyyyyyy single day.

AirPods.

Now I’ve had my AirPods for a few months, which has given me plenty of time to figure out the positives and negatives.

Let’s back up. What are AirPods? AirPods are the new WIRELESS ear buds by Apple. Yes, wireless. No wires. SO no getting twisted in your purse or around your purse while you’re trying to multitask while walking through the mall.

AirPods will run you $219.00 CAD.

Worth it?

Let’s chat.

PROS

+ NO WIRES. THE ENTIRE REASON I PURCHASED AIRPODS. Guys, I HATE wires and clutter. Definitely thanks to my OCD ways. Honestly though, who else HATES unravelling your balled up earphones from your pocket or purse, then after countless times the wires start to break down? Hate.

The wireless AirPods are truly as amazing as it sounds. NO MORE BALLED UP ANXIETY PROVOKING WIRE MESS.

+ Secondly, I LOVE multitasking. Getting phone calls done in the car or while I’m walking around is where it’s at. The wires with my old ear buds would constantly get caught on my purse, kitchen drawers, chairs, necklaces, earrings, jackets, zippers, I mean honestly.

+ These AirPods have changed me. You guys I pop those AirPods in, and I CAN LEAVE MY PHONE on the counter while I do errands AROUND THE HOUSE. The connection is incredible. I can be upstairs folding laundry and my phone be somewhere downstairs in the kitchen. Productivity is skyrocketing I tell you.

+ I also love the feature when you take one of the AirPods out to talk to someone in REAL life, it automatically pauses your music.

+ Next, the AirPod charging case. I absolutely love it. While the AirPods are put away they charge in the case, which is definitely pocket size.

+ Lastly, the AirPods have a locating option. So for those of you who will probably lose one of the pods or BOTH in a pile of clothes on your bedroom floor or in your car, simply locate them using your iPhone. They will play a loud BING sound until you find them.

CONS

+ I’ve found that my battery on my phone evaporates when I’m constantly using my AirPods. It’s not jaw dropping but I’ve been noticing a difference and attribute it to the bluetooth connection. This of course is my OWN Apple genius diagnosis hahahha but something I’ve noticed.

+ With the charging case, you DO need to charge it at night. The worst is a dead case AND AirPods. Not every night, just when you think about it.

+ APPARENTLY you can’t use them on planes… cause of Bluetooth or something. Why haven’t we figured this out yet why can’t we use bluetooth earbuds on the plane? Someone please tell me.

SO…. Worth it? ABSOLUTELY.

1000000%

I would buy them time and time again.

If you have ANY questions at all please do not hesitate to comment below or email me!!

xxoo Drea Marie

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#AIRPODS.. WORTH IT?

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