#I DONT KNOW WHAT JOB I WANT

[electoons]

I love the college of winterhold. everyone there is casually deranged and there's like an alarming number of students and staff who threaten you immediately when they meet you. it's always one of the first questlines I do. which makes it even funnier when you get made the arch-mage of the college. I'm level 12 and got through this questline knowing exactly 3 spells. what do you mean you want me to lead the college. this school CANNOT be an accredited institution

#i ask if anyone wants this job and everyone starts whistling and checking their phones #their magic phones. theyre scrolls #mia.txt #tes #skyrim #oh wait no i forgot j'zargo wants the position and actively wishes you were dead so he can be archmage #and nirya as well. you know what maybe its a good thing im the archmage because im never there #i drop in every few weeks for 10 minutes then leave. the place pretty much runs itself right #reddit says “they have a bullying problem” yeah i know i married him #and he's the new archmage's special little princess and he can do whatever he wants forever. call the police about it #dont bring your piddly ass problems to the archmage shes busy girlbossing (committing widescale atrocities) #(update to clarify the princess is enthir. short king scored a 6'5“ dommy mommy orc with the biggest strap in tamriel congratulate him NOW) #(huge W for the bisexual mer community #L for skyrim as a whole because they were both already insufferable enough on their own and now theyre making each other worse)

[yuridovewing]

i really hate how the fandom’s excuse for jayfeather’s shitty behavior (and outright medical malpractice in certain cases. looking at the time he refused to help squilf in labour bc he couldnt be bothered and later blamed her for how bad it was) is “well the clan was ableist to him growing up, so fuck them!” ok how does that excuse him screaming at and berating the cats that didnt do any of that. or the babies.

#or ‘’well hes snarky and mean! we dont get snarky and mean characters!’’ what are you talking about everyone in this series is an asshole #im also a bit bitter bc you know if he were a she cat then he’d get tons of animations of ocs killing him #ppl (fanon and authors) really really want jay to be this underdog whos just grumpy at best #but in reality hes like. one of the head honchos in the clan. he holds a ton of power over people #sure sometimes the narrative doesnt WANT that to be the case but hes literally gods messenger boy #and is in charge of medical care #maybe im just very familiar with shitty doctors/nurses who abuse their patients and excuse it with ‘’but im stressed :(‘’ #but this character never was endearing to me even before the team switch #jayfeather is not your beaten down blorbo in a shitty retail job hes the nurse making a tiktok about how cringey pregnant patients are #also i just. really despise ‘’but theyre traumatized :(‘’ as an excuse for abusive behavior #did you ever think maybe some of his patients like twigkit were traumatized by his behavior?

[esdeaths]

Are you telling me that the "legendary battle" gloreth waged against the monsters was just a child raising a play sword against their shapeshifting best friend because her village was scared of them and now an entire civilization is built on the ideaolgy of a glorious knight fighting a great evil thats only based on the fear of a very small group of people 1000 years ago

#nimona #can you guess what i just watched? #i thought it was pretty alright #but the more i think about the implications the worse it becomes #the warping of history to benefit a narative those in power tell the people #idk this part just really struck me #they did such a good job with the transition of actual gloreth to the idolization of her #the juxtaposition of a child with a wooden sword #scared and wanting to be accepted by her community #and the imposing statue wielding a golden sword in the middle of the city #it was all about fear #we dont even know if the “monsters” are multiple #or just a single lonely girl #wanting to also be accepted by a community #the implications this movie presents is just aahhh

[doobledabbadoo]

got around making some more htf ocs!! i honestly cant stop theyre too fun to make actually

#dooble moment #my art #cw happy tree friends #cw htf #happy tree friends #htf #htf oc #htf ocs #GOD i love making ocs for this show so much #like. theres so many fun character ideas you can incorporate into the show #dont question the ethics of cerise’s attire. shes far from the most moral character #ive wanted to develop scurry a bit more to not make him just an orange generic tree friend #but i think just giving him a lot of things to do shows that hes a lil disorganized & yk what? #we love a disorganized king #also love the idea that scoffy & scoldy are like. HUGE rivals when it comes to their jobs #but theyre good friends outside of work #maybe even lovers? who knows!

[lovesickeros]

can.. can I ask for an affectionate reader with characters who aren’t normally like… used to the love? like, not just through words but physical affection like hand-holding, kisses, hugs, all that shebang. probably with a few people like yelan, ei, basically any character that is either cut-off from society or seems socially distant or isolated. 😞

☆ affectionate reader with yelan, ei, & furina

[ 4.2 Archon Quest spoilers ]

× yelan

Varies between how you display your affection, to be honest. Just like being affectionate with people? She's cool with it as long as you don't pop by while she's working (mostly because she'll end up dragging you into it for a bit of fun). I don't think she's all that touchy feely herself, but she'll absolutely get you gifts instead– like pretty knick nacks? She'll make sure to snag any she thinks you might like. Like a good meal? Sure, she'll take you out to one of the restaurants in the city, doesn't matter how expensive. Her treat. If you do prefer physical gifts rather then being taken out, you'll eventually get used to the random unmarked letters and packages showing up where your staying pretty often. It's obvious to know who it came from even if she never signs anything.

Flirty reader, though? Whole nother can of worms and now it's a challenge. The more confident you are the more interested she is. The other acolytes would absolutely seethe at the idea but she has no hesitation at just straight up flirting back– she's as charismatic as they come and she's got a poker face that's basically impenetrable. She'll probably also make a bet to see who cracks first (she always wins, unsurprisingly). Probably won't get dragged into any of her schemes this way but if you ask politely maybe she'll consider it, anyway.

The smell of freshly brewed tea and the clatter of dice across wood was a common sight at the Yanshang Teahouse– less common was the woman secluded in the far corner, her lips pulled into a grin that flashed fangs and a look that would scare off the most confident of men.

She'd normally try to scope out any new blood that'd made the mistake of stepping into her teahouse and was equally stupid enough to accept a gamble against her just for the thrill of it, but she was far too absorbed in the warm body at her side, one of her die clasped tightly in their hand as she guided them through the motions– they had a knack for it, she had to admit. The thought made her preen, the clatter of the die as it rolled across the table giving her that subtle, familiar rush.

Even if she knew exactly where it'd land.

"Six. Hm, maybe you're just lucky," She muses, plucking the die from the table and holding it up to her eye like a prized jewel, "Or maybe you're not as innocent as you'd have us believe." There's a sharp glint in her eyes at the prospect, but everyone else has the sense to keep their heads down and their words to themselves as she tosses the die herself.

"So why don't we find out and make a bet, just between you and me?"

× ei

Varies between Ei and the Shogun, because you'll probably be seeing either as much as the other. Sometimes you gotta really squint to tell who it is sometimes, but you get used to it. Both are fairly similar, though, in that their first instinct (especially in public) is to tense up like you're about to attack them or something. Difference is Ei eventually relaxes after a solid minute of trying to process your sudden affection and, if no one else is around, she might even reciprocate. Just don't tease her for being a little stiff and awkward about it, she's trying. That's what happens when your only company is a robot and uh. Nothing. For like 500 years. She's trying. Raiden, on the other hand, is just about as awkward as you can imagine. She's polite (blunt) about it because Ei is fond of you and also you are. The Creator. But she's not really built to deal with personal relationships and so she doesn't know how to deal with affection.

..Depending on what you do you may or may not blue screen Ei hard enough that she retreats back to PoE

Ei usually isn't fond of sitting still, unless it's to meditate. At least then she goes in with a purpose, something to achieve– but now, she's just focused on trying not to make a fool of herself. Her muscles are starting to ache from how hard she's tensing, though, in an effort to sit as straight and still as possible as their hands glide through her hair, weaving it into a single braid.

She can just barely hear the subtle lilt of their voice as they hum– and though it is soothing, it is also..very distracting. She can't focus long enough to try and meditate, too lost in the gentle rise and fall of their voice and the care they take to braid her hair. If she'd had a heart, she'd sure it'd be beating so wildly against her ribcage they could hear it.

But then it stops– their hands fall back to their sides and their humming falters. She freezes, too, racking her brain for any slights she must have committed. Instead, she is met with a calm, tender touch on the back of her neck, making her inhale sharply.

"Am I making you uncomfortable, Ei? You're so tense.." She has to grit her teeth to stop herself from bowing so low her head presses against the ground, her hands folded in her lap, clenching instinctively. "..No, Divine One." She answers simply, trying to contain the adoration swelling in her chest.

Yet as much as she tries to relax, to ease their worries, she finds that she cannot.

"Hm." That small murmur, a simple sound that nearly made her jump, was the only warning she got before they scooted closer, wrapping their arms around her stomach and resting their chin on her shoulder with a grin she would liken to Miko's, if she dared to make such a comparison. "Really?"

She swears she must've been feverish at the affection, lightheaded and dazed until she thought she might simply perish at the brush of their hands against her own.

Much to her embarrassment, however, she doesn't realize she's instinctively pulled back into Plane of Euthymia until she sees the familiar dull purples engulf her vision once again.

Though only a small solace, it seemed a little..brighter, this time.

× furina

Varies between pre 4.2 and post 4.2 archon quests to be honest.

Pre 4.2 she comes off as very vain– of course the most Divine would see fit to spoil her with affection! She deserves it, and is obviously their favorite! Just don't look too hard because she's terrible at hiding how flustered she actually is. Absolutely goes home right after and screams into her pillow for at least thirty minutes minimum.

Post 4.2 she's a lot more openly bashful and flustered. She's really not used to affection and even the smallest show of it has her folding immediately. Now that she doesn't need to worry about being found out she's a lot more receptive to affection. Cup her cheeks and compliment her and her knees are buckling. Like. Especially weak for compliments and praise (she deserves it. please spoil her).

She swears she must be hallucinating– she had been having trouble sleeping recently. But..no. The visage of the Creator was as real as the sweat beading on her brow as she stared at them for a long, awkward moment. Should..she let them in? But then they'd see the pathetic state she was in, and the last thing she wanted to do was make a fool of herself in front of them-!

Her choice was quickly made for her, anyway, as she let out an undignified squeak of surprise when they suddenly tugged her forward into their chest, enclosing her in a hug.

Her first reaction was to freeze– her second was becoming absolutely flustered, her cheeks flushing a soft pink and her mouth closing and opening as she tried to find her words.

"I– ah..um." She stumbled over her words instead, floundering like a fish out of water. Yet she felt a distinct sense of emptiness wash over her when they finally pulled back, looking a touch sheepish. "Sorry, sorry– you just looked like you needed a hug."

The silence spoke for itself, her shoulders tensing slightly. But the way the concern and affection bled through their voice made her waver, her hands trembling as she let out a shaky breath that almost sounded like a sigh.

"It's..It's fine! Fine, I'm fine." She repeated, trying desperately to ignored the way her voice cracked and how hot her face felt– though it was more an attempt to affirm herself that she was not thinking about how warm they felt, how much she..actually enjoyed the hug. She wasn't thinking about it all! Absolutely not!

..Maybe a little.

"Just warn me next time, please?"

#asks #sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin impact #fic tag #genshin cult au #genshin impact cult au #yelan #furina #ei #THIS DIDNT SHOW UP IN MY INBOX UNTIL LIKE #NOVEMBERBIM SORRY IM ANSERRING IT SO LATE?????? #tumblr working right is a miracle that will never happen #anyway can u tell i have. biases. there r so many characters I wanted to write for this (shenhe.........) but I forced myself to limit it #to 4 for my own sanity and everyones elses #also didnt know if u wanted just yan or sagau so I went for my specialty 🧍‍♂️ #was gonna include my beloved cryo archon but decided against it #ei the pathetic lesbian that u r....mwah #I'm sorry this took so long it took me 50 yrs to figure out yelan.. 😭 #i am still not confident abt my characterization of her but shes so good at her job even im confused abt her #reading her lore crying and sobbing in the corner. shaking her like a can of soda #checks note idk uhh cocky doesnt let herself form personal relationships charismatic uhhhhhhhh #idk dont ask me i just started praying and hoping for the best here #i think she'd get a kick out of getting reader into like. fudging rolls and shit. create an absolute menace out of reader #set them loose and see what chaos happens #just kicks back and watches it all unfold internally laughing her ass off #i didnt know whether to just do headcanons in uh. bulleted list or like #full on drabbles

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

okay so normally when i make informative posts about current news, i try to always link a source for it (i tend to rely on the guardian) or at least explain the source of it.

but i dont know if the government are planning to publicise this or quietly implement it so im hesitant to give details on where i got this info. im just gonna say it was from someone/s who works in the department of work and pensions, and hope that my prior post history speaks well enough of me for you to trust that this isnt misinformation.

i dont like doing this but i think this information is too important for me not to share it and said info is fucking disgusting.

starting in march, in the uk, if you ask at the job centre for a voucher for a local foodbank, you are going to be turned away.

under the current system, if you go to a job centre that has a food bank referral service, the staff will fill in a slip (theyre advised not to call it a voucher but tomayto tomarto you know?) and refer you to a local charity which will allocate you food according to the slip.

that ends on march 1st. after that, they will just hopefully signpost you to other services that can help you get an emergency food parcel. that will likely involve you having to travel somewhere, potentially on a public transport, costing you more money that you dont have. and that does not guarantee that you will get the food you need either that day or at all.

our government does not care about its citizens, but especially not about us who are poor. they see the working class, the impoverished and the homeless as subhumans. they see us as what new right sociologist and white nationalist libertarian charles murray coined the underclass.

and you know this because of how the current system will be working from now until the end of february because if youre gonna stab someone while theyre bleeding to death, you might as well double tap it, ay?

from now until february 29th, you now must have an interview so that they can be "sure" that you need that food.

bear in mind that this does not cost the government anything. they are not losing money because of this service, if you want to call it that.

and that interview? that could take up to 3 days; its whenever they have a timeslot within 3 days of your asking. you could go in and say "i have no money and i have no food, i havent eaten for days, please help," and they could tell you to come back in three days, and then not even give you that slip of paper anyway.

this could kill someone. yes, it takes longer than three days to starve to death, but if someone is struggling that much to need help acquiring food, theyre gonna have more problems going on. people might choose food over heating and freeze to death; they might decide to eat food thats gone off and end up dying from it because they couldnt call 999 because they didnt have electricity; they might decide to try and injure themselves so bad that they have an extended stay in hospital as a way to get food and die in the process; they might not have eaten in weeks and starve to death.

but hey, if you do pass the interview process, youll get the referral you needed up to three days ago and a discussion about how better to manage your finances, because hey, youve already stabbed the stabbed person two more times, why not twist the fucking knife?

#uk politics #ukpol #british politics #britpol #britposting #food banks #long post #job centre #i dont know what to tag this as #i also dont like posting this without more details on the source of the info #but i dont know if the government are planning to publicise it and i dont want to risk them getting in trouble #rishi sunak #tories #fuck the tories #conservatives #conservative party #anti tories

[moonlume]

tumblr said draw something bad so I did but I'm mad I still didn't feel anything

#man i started tagging this and i cant even bring myself to do it. hashtag art hashtag illustration hashtag capitalism. #sorry to be sadposting... tumblr is the only place i can admit ive actually been really really struggling with my love for art... #i should be grateful. i should be thankful for the fact that i can do art as my job. i shouldnt be whining about it like this. #but theres a hole in my soul where my joy for creating used to be and i dont know how to fix it. i want to love to draw again. #its been like this for probably over a year now and i dont know what to do. i cant abandon everything ive been working on for 7 years. #im also unemployable. so its not like i would dare to quit moonlume...but i just want to find joy in it again... #but capitalism has dug its wretched claws into my skull so badly that everything has been feeling incredibly soulless. i hate it. #anyway. might delete this later. its unprofessional but this is the one website where i can let go of professionalism for 5min and be human. #i dont hate what i do and i really am thankful..i just i wish i wasnt so stressed about making everything look good and perfect and sellable #but at this point its subconsciously connected to my survival that every time i think about drawing i stress myself out before i even start #ugh idk. neither here nor there. cant quit but dont feel connected to my work but cant change what i do or i will alienate my audience 👍

[humanmorph]

i forgot i had wanted to draw this until i heard "i'll make you eat those words!!!" in the recap at the beginning of pal33... surprisingly fun honestly : )

#i think i did an ok job. i dont even go there(sonic) #what is the sonic/fatt fan overlap.i bet youre out there. come on #coriolis sunset #rosa art #did this take too much time.yeah but also im sick and have fuckall to do the next few days so whatever <3 #palisade #palisade spoilers #i guess but i think if you saw this w/ no context you would be fine. like. #fatt #i know its sonic that says ill make you eat those words. i just think shadow is cooler.so cori has highlights like him #the haircut isnt quite what i had in mind (looks too much like amy...) but i. wanted the little spike

[arsenicflame]

at this point if a post implies s1 izzy was homophobic in any way its lost me. we have moved past the need for homophobic + gay izzy interpretations

#i mean i never liked them lol #nothing izzy did read as homophobic to me- at worst it was a guy who was very aware of what being outwardly queer in their lives could mean #and thought hiding it was a good option and that others should do the same #most of the time he just wanted people to do their fucking jobs #and he had issues with ed/stede obviously but again. i dont think it was the gay bit he was having issues with there #hes just a guy whos had to live closeted all his life and doesn't know what to fucking do around all these people who are so open about it #so reckless about it; don't you know its dangerous? #nyxtalks #ofmd #izzy hands #israel hands #it is too early to be having these thoughts but still. its a bad faith interpretation to me now

[autisticlee]

is it an autistic experience to ALWAYS be the one in a friend group who gets left out, alienated, secretly disliked, then kicked out of the group?

#autistic #autism #actually autistic #autism things #asking autistics #i want/need a friend group but it ALWAYS GOES BAD!!!!!!!! AND ITS SOMEHOW ALWAYS MY FAULT?! idk what im doing wrong. people suck. #but i need people and i hate that about me. why cant i split myself in half a few times #or learn how to do group activities alone....like playing tennis. going to the amusement park ive wanred to go to since i was a kid. #drive alone on long trips where i will fall asleep but talk to myself so i dont or something. walk on the park trails alone where people #get kidnapped and stuff when alone. go to a convention and cosplay a group of characters alone. one for each finger.... #if you cant tell im being sarcastic. and doing a bad job. sighs. i hate that i have to do everything i need/want a group for alone because #i cant make friends or make groups keep me in them. assuming because im autistic and they hate me 🙃 #eother that or im a piece of shit and dont realize it!!!!! how am i supposed to know when no one tells me!!!! 😭😭😭😭 #so is it actually me and my fault or is it because im autistic and people just do this to us for some reason #autism stuff

[geosaurus]

Get Your Life Together AU

#kaiji #kaiji itou #akagi #akagi shigeru #FKMT #edit: updated this illustration bc some of the rendering was bothering me #if you dont know what Kaiji is just pretend these are my OCs bc they might as well be for how unrecognizable they are. Also read/watch Kaij #why did i draw an AU where Kaiji gets his life together & becomes a tattoo artist and f.t.m Akagi is there? anxiety i guess?? #i've been unemployd as flck and my coping stratergy is that i terraform my blorbos #i know tattooing is kinda tabooin japan bc of yakuza but kaiji and akagi are pariahs so why not. not like he can keep a normal job anyway #it puts him in the flow state he craves but instead of gambIing away ungodly amounts of money he just draws a w ee d leaf on kazuyas a s #i put thought into the tatoos and stickers etc i want to explain them but i doubt anyone would read all that. but please enjoy the details #HEY HERE'S A FUN FACT ABOUT THIS POST #it wasn't showing up in the fkmt fandom tags for a while so i complainted to tumblr about it bc i was feeling petty #apparently tumblr looks through all your tags and all the individual words within your tags to see if its sensitive material #so i went through and changed words until it showed up in the tags #and then changed some back to see what would keep it in. and i know for a fact that one of the sensitive words was f////t///////m #so thats cool.

[guideaus]

i was looking for 'hikaru's 'idk :(' moments in hgsn and i realized its rarely there besides kinda the above pages until vol 4. i really think yoshiki ended this arc in vol 2 with "i'll have to teach him." and then proceeded to not really teach him anything or even question hikaru again, lol

by volume 3, yoshiki's stabbing hikaru bc he's given up after hikaru fucking up again😭 the events between "i'll have to teach him" and "let's look into it", yoshiki really just hangs out with hikaru (but now knowing he isnt the original hikaru) and assumes accepting him as a friend and letting him take out a hostile ghost or two solves the initial problem of hikaru not entirely having the same perspective of humans.

only hikaru putting an effort in to stabilize yoshiki's mental state in return for earlier gets yoshiki back to actually trying to think about the problem with hikaru's support

i know people are joking he's also currently avoiding thinking abt other events going on (dead guy on news, the fate of the old guy) and i think thats similar, lol. yoshiki's not fully able to handle it all with just him and hikaru. he goes from "i'll have to teach him" after laughing off smth hikaru did that he didnt like to "lets look into it" after establishing boundaries. i think he's definitely developing in that regard, and maybe more if other characters aid them..?

#personal #the summer hikaru died #hgsn #cue vol 4's investigation arc. yoshiki finally decides to think abt the fact his new bestie is not human #i think hgsn does a good job of having the conflict progress the story. yoshiki ignores matsuura's death and asako being so close #makes him confront hikaru. he couldve looked the other way if not for that #not to say hikaru's completely innocent. in vol 2 when he's vague abt the hand thing hes knowingly dancing around what he wants #bc he thinks yoshiki'll say no (unintentionally putting yoshiki even more off). the scene is important bc yoshiki does at least #tell him no in a way. instead of initially brushing it off like hes done before #*innocent in that timeframe i mean #leading to hikaru's rip-his-guts-out scene. making a show to make it up to yoshiki #dont get me wrong tho theyre like barely coping w things FHSDJSD hikaru just fucking nerfed himself to appeal to yoshiki's #emotions when we have tanaka with ~ghostly~ knowledge hiding a fancy sword to lop his head off. they dont know shit #i think it is interesting watching them deal w things... tho hikaru definitely takes way more damage LMAO

[reigningmax]

not people getting mad at max for not publicly shaming or shit talking his dad?????

#my post #what the fuck do you want him to say #'my dad is a dick and shouldn't have said anything'????? #cause THAT would have gone down well sure. #'he should be critical of his dad' #its not his job to do that publicly to satisfy you :) #his trauma is not for us to judge how he deals with lmao #do i hate jos? yes. do i think just cause we do that max should too? no. and do i think people on tumblr get all high and mighty about #parental relationships? also yes #it is not YOUR dad is it? you want to tell your dad off publicly? go ahead #he doesnt have to do it just for publicity sake #you dont know what happens behind closed doors bro!!!

[suntails]

job market misery

#job interview happened. it. went so unbelievably well and then Hours later i get an email that they already offered to someone else #my life is a joke im getting so desperate. my property taxes just DOUBLED nobody in my house has stable income and im stressed #its been months of nothing in animation so i work a desk job but im getting less than half the hours i was promised #like i want to pivot my career i want to do something else im not even picky on what. i thrive in logistics and coordination type roles #but ive applied to 150+ jobs with Nothing. hospital i have an in with? Nothing. gov jobs? Nothing #im willing to move at this point. i dont care. i want to work i want to be stable and boring and happy again. #if someone has advice pls im listening. if someone knows places thatd hire a girl with an animation degree and proj admin experience. #im so miserable too bc it was the ideal role. it was a creative coordinating role i wouldve been PERFECT. they even SAID i was AUGHHH #seriously like i know it seems desperate but im serious if ppl have advice or ideas or leads lmk. my savings areeeeee taking hits

[lobotomyladylives]

I think bpd is a bullshit stigmatizing label thrown at women to pathologize what is very obviously a response to prolonged childhood trauma and would be better labeled as C-PTSD. that being said my god I am bpd as fuck

#my sister just snapped at me bc i said i dont want to do a ton of physical labor for the job she signed me up for which apparently does i #in fact involve a lot of it. and her being mad for even that moment sent me spiraling so badly & i had the reaction i often do where #i start hating both her & myself terribly & want to isolate forever #i think she hates her new job & is taking it out on me but it doesnt matter bc i cant handle being yelled at #and the fact thst it took me till adulthood to realize thats bc i associate it with my father is crazy. yeah its just the cptsd like #everything else. and whats nutso is how i continue to think my trauma Wasnt Bad Enough for ptsd . #just bc he didnt beat the shit out of or molest me i feel like i dont even have a right to be this fucked up #not that it was only him. being bullied at school really did not help. i guess now that i think about it the problem is that until #i was a teenager i literally did not feel emotionally secure anywhere. home or school. always the ticking of a bomb in the bg #the inevitable moment my dad blew up over nothing or i overheard my peers talking about what a freak i was #i dont know why it still hurts to think about. im so far removed from it my life now couldnt be more different #well thats the stupid fucking thing about childhood isnt it. those are your very first experiences with the world & other ppl #i do know my view of romantic relationships was irrevocably poisoned by my parents & that is never going to be undone. so cool

[quietwingsinthesky]

the last unicorn post from earlier has me thinking about the master. that yana is still in there, you know? is still someone he was, if even for a brief flash across the life of a time lord. there’s no way to unlive that life. there are ways to twist it later, sure, to make utopia into hell on earth. but the life was lived. in much the same way that the doctor can remember, can feel, the love he held onto as john smith even as that life is ripped out of his hands. the doctor choose denial and then grief and then to shutter it all away. and so john smith died, and so professor yana died, and the doctor and the master live on. the doctor has done this before, and he lives in orbit around humanity, trying to keep the best parts of them and hold them deep enough to take root (which he can pretend he gets to choose, as a time lord. as a human, it all floods in and can’t be dug back out.) but what about the master, right?

to borrow a turn of phrase: i think there are two time lords left in the universe, and they both learned how to regret.

#regret here meaning less feeling the emotion of actual regret obviously because time lords do not actually funxtion on unicorn rules. they #already get sad just fine on their own. no humanity needed for that. #but i dont know. i just dont think he brushed it off so easily. i think he did a hell of a job convincing himself he did. #and what better way then to twist his own great works and destroy the species he was working so hard to save at the end of the universe. #but what about the knowledge that he *could* be that person. that somewhere in him exists a version that wanted to save people. #a version that is painfully too much like the doctor. even. now is that part worse or better than the human part? #but if past regenerations are ghosts i think yana deserves a haunt. #anyway maybe ignore this one im rambling about nothing here #theres just. i dont know. what if you were the last of your kind and in surviving you made yourself Not Like Them in a way you’ll never #escape. #i mean doctor who is just so concerned with all these plots about hybrids and children of the tardis and clones and What Makes A Time Lord. #but they’re so obsessed with it in just. a very Lore way. is what it feels like. we get brushes of more like with jenny and how she’s #physically a time lord and the doctor denies her that inheritance. a shared suffering… #but me myself im just fascinated with the doctor and the master as the time lords who survived. but they survived Wrong #its. its. children of gallifrey that don’t belong to her anymore. you know? #i dont care if river’s got time lord dna!!! or the metacrisis is physically human!!! i dont care!!! talk to me about what it means beyond #their blood and bones!!! what’s it like to have your sense of self stripped from you like that!!! #what’s it like when so much of you is the shed skin of time lords past. but one of you was human. one of you was painfully *humiliatingly* #human!!! #enough about how much dna you need to count as a time lord. i want to know how much they can mutate until they can’t be recognized as one. #does that make sense?