#I call myself bi but really..

[dykefaggotry]

me every few years swinging between using bisexual and lesbian bc I thought a middle aged actor was hot

anyway. this is a coming out post. again. lesbian 👍

there will probably be more every few years and at this point that's just my lot in life

#sexuality and gender aren't real I don't fucking know yall! #but we are trying on lesbian again I feel like I'm more settled w myself and understand lesbian history better to feel comfortable here #last time I was pushed into identifying as a femme by my ex and that felt so bad that I took issue w calling myself a lesbian in general #and then michael sheen comphet hit and it was over #as well as not being able to conceptualize wanting to transition and still be a lesbian #but we've come back around into the endless confusing circle of gay to pan to bi to lesbian to bi to queer to lesbian again dhajshdj #it's fine you know? all I know is I'm always a fag and that's all I really need #plus there was the factor of my girlfriends comfort but we have Talked #anyway that's all to say. Who Fucking Knows #but I always wind up back here at some point lmao

[blcssom]

some yearning/pining plots i’ve been obsessed w/ lately..... 

she’s been watching a lot of slice of life/shojo anime so i don’t wanna hear it :’ ) 

( mutuals only: PLS feel free to dm me if one calls out to u !!! literally i’m ready to read it and weep )

☼ childhood sweethearts reunited except muse a was the one in love with muse b growing up while muse b dated muse a’s best friend !!!!!! like they literally resigned themselves to being the permanent third wheel ( sounding board for both of them, couples therapist, maybe even in their wedding party depending on the muses ??? ) but now muse b and the bestie are divorced/broken up and both seeking comfort and even tho muse a is still friends with the ex they cant help but shoot their shot with muse b ???? right ????

☼ mentor x mentee ship except for the longest time its just the mentee pining while the mentor sees them as more of a kid sibling ???  but then something happens or time passes and suddenly they start to see their mentee as a ~ romantic interest ~ and are v fucked up abt it !!! and maybe the mentee has moved on or maybe they’re still pining but their mentor is as confusing as always xxx

☼ i love a raincloud x sunshine ship where the sunshine muse is positive that they’re slowly chipping away at the ice around raincloud’s heart just for the walls to go up again and discourage them but it iS actually working and lil raincloud is fighting for their LIFEEEEE

☼ ice prince(ss) who thinks they’re incapable of love and the golden retriever who sees the good in them anyway :’ ) obvi with lots of angst with the retriever trying to get them to lighten up and the ice prince(ss) trying to drive them away so they don’t get hurt !!!!!!! we love an angst of misunderstanding

☼ i’m so obsessed w/ the idea of two people who are clearly in love with each other but their pride is getting in the way so they’re trying to get the other person to admit their feelings first………………… idk it just hits y’all the psychological warfare is g o l d !!!!

#the way i can tell u which anime each of these is from #outing myself as an otaku ig but honestly nothing makes me feel as alive as a good shojo anime #if u have any recs by all means pls #but anyway on a v serious note i really do want these plots so !!! gimme #( wishlist. ) #( chatter. ) #( starter call. ) #ish ??? idk #rp plot #indie rp #rp plot bunny #indie bi rp #rp plots #plotting call #indie plot

[mommyashtoreth]

Idk how big of a thing this is or anything but it is extremely funny to me how many people I see who headcanon Aziraphale as gay and Crowley as bi (or pan or whatever), or even treat those readings as somehow "canon" (comparisons drawn between Crowley and Dr. Who being "nonbinary pansexual metaphysical beings played by David Tennant" or whatever). It speaks to such a specific fandom stereotyping of bisexual people, especially bisexual men (or man-shaped creatures), that I'd honestly be offended by if I weren't such a living breathing example of it

#for the record i don't have any sexuality headcanons for them myself bc i don't really imagine them being attracted to anyone but each other #i call them both 'gay' as like an umbrella term but Gay As In Homosexual isn't really my intent there #since both of them are nonbinary and can present as any gender idk if that's gay or bi or pan or whatever. doesn't matter to me #open mick night #good omens #gomens #aziraphale #crowley #good omens headcanons

[queen0fm0nsterz]

Reading my fave thin man and lady fic. Kicking my feet a lot because tbh. Sometimes a sad man really is just a weird woman's science project in a way that is so homoerotic

#carols.txt #when i tell you i've been re-reading this single one shot religiously every single month for almost three years I mean it #《straight》 ship so good we call it queerbaiting #LMAOOOOOO #call it yaoyuri the way these old people r tragic and doomed by the narrative or whatever #listen as a bi person on the aroace spectrum whatever this fic was trying to convey really strikes a cord #while its not the same as my own this characterization of them is so intriguing. im so hooked on it #^^ one thing i think this person really nailed was thin man's immaturity (stemming from his emotions oftentime being too big to control) -> #and the desire of attention that comes with said immaturity while also having the lady be both cold (normal) and intrigued in a way that -> #that really fits her character. curiosity is one of the many facets that make up her character that don't get explored much and i think its #done so well here for like no reason💀 THIS AUTHOR COOKED TOO HARD YOU GUYS #like ofc she wouldnt send him away. shes studying him under a microscope. even though hes annoying as hell #thin man is plagued by sassy man syndrome in this which is really fucking funny cus it lasts a total of 3 seconds before she finds him out #PLUS THE TALK ABOUT THE TOWER AND THE WORLD... AUGHHH #i need this author to give me their brain NOW #AUGHHHHHAAGGGHEEHH #everyone needs to start doing thinlady the way this person was doing it #this is the biblically accurate old people (in case my theory abt baby lady having been in the pale city is wrong) #live laugh love. its my birthday. spoiling myself a bit. goddamn.

[vague-bisexual-crimes]

I’d say this is how I’m gonna be when I get my Heartstopper tattoo but this is how I’ve BEEN since I made the appointment so

#heartstopper #alice oseman #osemanverse #I need a bi flag #i have a mini rainbow and a mini progress flag but no bi #but that’s more of not running into one and not really calling myself bi for a while #but now I’m bi #I mean I always was #you get it #you know what I mean

[homophyte]

it is interesting to me that ive seen lately (n yknow this is subjective and likely not any real social force just what ive seen) many queer people simultaneously talking about taking back and embodying unpalatable and ‘unmarketable’ queerness (the recent return to the terms faggot and transsexual come to mind) which i think is pretty evidently shaped by the conservative moment were in of demonizing queer ppl and especially gnc and trans people as predators--it reads as a return to queer isolationism in the face of external hostility, imo--while at the same time ive seen a lot of rallying around the “original” 6 stripe rainbow flag as opposed to any of the purportedly ‘factional’ flags of different queer identities, with the assumption being different identity flags divide us while the rainbow flag encompasses everyone and its kinda fascinating to me bc the rainbow flag is probably the single most marketable and palatable and uncontroversial symbols of queerness which has been seamlessly uptaken by those who wish to sell it back to us as gets pointed out every pride month with all the cringey pride merch.... i dunno you could maybe take that as a point of hypocrisy and claim the queer community is itself in a conservative moment rn where its returning to a sense of history and historical continuity (perhaps even out of that sense of external threat) or even that the queer community has for some time been in a conservative moment given the like, decade of identity discourse and lashing out at any people deemed to not have a sufficiently established history or however we should categorize the bihets/ace discourse/transtrender-tucute discourse/pan discourse/bi lesbians discourse (because lets be frank its essentially all the same discourse just keeping up its momentum by leapfroging from one target to the next) which i think is, like, SOMEWHAT true but not entirely? its more interesting to me, in any case, as an expression of a conflict the queer community is facing given that current state of affairs RE antitransness and that very recent history. like, the simultaneous need to retreat to a safe sense of community which is welcoming to the very things the outer world is demonizing ie mutable gender, complex or contradictory experiences of gender, gender expression which is hostile to the cis binary, but also the ways in which it has to grapple with those discourses which have largely defined the community infighting for again the past decade. its queer people begging the question ‘how can we make the queer community welcoming to the girlfags and genderfucks and tboys who are being threatened when we have spent so much time making the queer community a hostile place for anyone with a non-conventional or not easily (or even just palatably) sortable sense of queer identity’. and the answer it seems to be grappling with at the moment is like, welcoming all that diversity of experience but being absolutely averse to naming it. yes we love all the fuckery with gender and sexuality never be marketable but like, ew, why are you calling yourself [insert microlabel here]. you can be genderweird but you cant call yourself genderweird. you can only exist as queer in the broadest possible way (the all-inclusive gay pride flag!) but if you try to name the specifics or use those identity labels weve been fighting over for years youre doing it wrong (the progress pride flag is now ugly and cringey and ‘too much’). i think theres something also to the way (at least on this site) transmisogynistic discourses have really taken hold as legitimate (though yknow i wont downplay how much a problem transmisogyny has like. always been in queer spaces no matter what) in the name of protecting n defending trans people. like its just regurgitated transmisogyny but its being mobilized supposedly in the service of helping trans people. idk its definitely getting a little late for me to string this together fully coherently but theres a throughline there, in the ways certain ideas are being consolidated and reified as ‘yes were more progressive now!’ when i think theres definitely something to question there in terms of like...are we? are we actually? are we doing better by the people were trying to help or are we setting strict standards and forcing ppl to adhere to them again?

#myposts #this is long and honestly probably Nothing #i dont even really have a way of proving its the same group of people saying both things except fro anecdotally seeing it #and even thats not proof either is a real social force with like power. i could be entirely wrong on every count here #but i do think theres something to the idea that like #as ive seen said #yknow 'ace discourse never ended you all just accepted ace people didnt deserve support and then moved on w those views internalized' #i think thats more broadly true for like. all those discourses i mentioned. and for the transmisogyny i alluded to #but honestly i dont even want to name the specific phenomenon im talking abt there bc those people. scare me. #but yknow ill say it ive felt way more pressure lately to not call myself pan than i did at the height of pan discourse #before it became cringe to care about it and instead of actively shitting on pan ppl we moved on to passively doing it #ive largely started just. calling myself bi to avoid the arguement. which i predicted i would have to do years ago #and now look at me doing it! not really a fluke that its happening now. i think #which isnt to say were moving 'backwards' per se but that these ideas are not now and never have been really challenged #so weve just internalized their logics--reactionary logics--and its having an interesting effect now that we need a progressive community #for our safety. #now we cant say anything about it because to bring it up is jeopardizing everything weve built and the people were keeping safe! #cause we dont count as people deserving of safety were disruptors who only belong when we dont make noise. idk. or thats how i feel #again i dont really know if this is true at all im more just...thinking through it i think #basically like what im seeing--i think--comes from simultaneously that need to be unmarketable in the face of hostility #coming into conflict with a decade of momentum to make queers solely marketable. and i think thats producing some interesting--but sucky #--discourses in the current moment #last disclaimer that i might and am likely totally wrong! okay lauren out. post send *nervous sweating*

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

If there is at least one thing I can credit FE for doing better than Tales in localization, it's not trying to actively go out of their way for an entire game to avoid subtext or direct text between two men that is romantic or implied romantic. Funny when it's so present that the attempt doesn't even work; infuriating that it was attempted to begin with.

So as much as I often have issues with some of FE's localizations, at least they have a leg up on loc Tales for that.

#DCB Comments #imagine changing entire sentences and vocal tones just to try to avoid it #if anything I'd say at least in FE the locs just... keep what's there like #they could've toned Soren and Houses Yuri down and they didn't. they just kept their lines or in some cases #especially with Houses Yuri I'd say leaned into them #have to specify bc Houses Yuri got to keep his bi agenda. Vesperia Yuri had the unfortunate issue of #the loc not wanting to keep his gay and trying reeeeally hard to avoid it #including altering entire sentences to avoid any woe is them misunderstandings about men having feelings for each other #meanwhile Houses Yuri is free to call men cute and lo and behold everyone loved that for him #they removed and altered a LOT of Vesperia Yuri's personality traits #(including any ability to express real sadness or fear bc woe is them if he's not a cool edgy man) #but they also really changed his tone toward Flynn PLUS some of what they say to each other #and twisted it to make it sound like Yuri was either angry or wasn't actually emotional abt him #forget the way they brought Grant George in for the DE release and made him sound just completely DEAD with zero personality #like. I can tolerate playing Houses dubbed despite my gripes with it (story based stuff) #it didn't feel like they were trying to alter LBGT+ aspects and they even for some rly leaned into it #basically if you haven't played Vesperia Yuri is... really gay coded. the loc pretended not to notice #in fact he's queer + gay coded bc and doesn't fit male gender norms and the gacha games LOVE that with his hair/outfits #Rays mind you is JP only bc it was shut down very quickly in the west and Vesp Yuri's story in Rays is uh #basically it centers around Flynn he loses his shit to protect Flynn and they do the usual like #don't-admit-it's-gay-outright in fictional media by using the ''Yuri's important person'' shtick #but he activates a special power in the middle of utterly raging to get Flynn back from their enemies #funny thing? that game never made it to that arc. I was told in about five months the western ver would've gotten that #but in some way I'm glad it didn't bc who knows how they would've tried to spin that #It's BAFFLING to me how you can get characters in Tales like JAY but the locs shake in their boots at the idea of queer gays #but given how allergic fictional media is to admitting a male character is gay -gestures to Ike and Vesp Yuri- #I'm not surprised I'm just actually angry that the locs try to censor homosexual relationships as much as possible even when they barely ca #if anyone does know Vesp Yuri and is confused on why I'm calling him gay coded despite what the dub did with Judith feel free to ask #bc I do ship them a little bit myself! but I just recognize that canon wise I really can't see him as anything but gay-demiromantic #but again at least FE locs don't shake in their boots anymore abt same sex pairs including men (side eyes Lucius/Raven)

[kinkyrius]

How many kinseys are you, if you don't mind me asking?

Don't really know honestly, I'm mostly attracted to girls at the moment but I think at least some of that is coincidental. The major axis of attraction for me is not gender, but more proximity to transness. Trans people are so hot.

I think in terms of actually being in a relationship with someone, I don't think I'd mind as long as they understood Gender and I didn't have to explain myself to them.

#I think if I had to label my sexuality it would be something like “t4t bi lesbian” #Though there's a reason I don't really do labels or anything beyond saying I'm trans #Anyway most of this is hypothetical #The only person I've actually had sex with so far is a friend who's a cis (fem)boy #So calling myself a lesbian is a bit of a stretch #I am curious what prompted this ask though

[butchez]

tbh i may be bisexual ..... i find individual men hot often enough that "lesbian with exceptions" probably doesnt cut it at this point but IDKKKK i like being a lesbian so bad. i love looking at unattractive men and immediately going oh yeah im a lesbian. and i love women of course thats not under question. but i could be bisexual if the situation called for it

#not touching the bi lesbian label with a 10 foot pole btw im simply questioning. hypothetically. #i think my ultimate criteria is just like . u need to be woman-coded. whatever that means to you ❤️ #jude talks #either way ill still call myself a lesbian bc even if i find some men hot i dont really wanna bother dating them 👍

[for82sy]

i need to rant and please don’t ignore all my posts, please pay attention to them.

warning : // homophobia, bullying, r4p3, assault, and a few things.

1), i feel like people don’t understand that i have a hard time liking men and being w men. when i say, i can’t get used to it, they think it’s a joke. they think i’m “joking” when i say, i cannot feel comfortable around them. every time i always think they’re gonna hurt me or beat me up.

2), i also feel like no one is listening to me. i can’t feel attracted to men. i can’t imagine myself having a boyfriend. i can’t picture myself being friends with them. i can’t do ONE thing without thinking negatively. i know not all men are like this and i am NOT generalising them either, it’s just that since i’m severely bullied by most of them, i get really scared thinking they’ll hurt me.

3), due to issues, i don’t understand the difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction. i know this is stupid but im really confused and i have hard times understanding stuff so im just really ugh. i am sure i identify as aroace bc i just don’t like the attraction and it feels disgusting to me.

4), when boys have a crush on me, i get a ick really quick. when most boys would go up to me and say they got a “crush” on me, i fr cant tell if they’re being fr or lying. most of them don’t even say they’re serious but next thing I know, they talk shit and say horrid things about me. and most of that counts as s3xųal bullying (?) cause they harass me everywhere, hurt me, give me bruises, etc. this is why i cannot imagine myself w a man. i’m frightened.

5), when they act all sweet or when i reject them. if one comes up to me and i say no. they get all angry and start saying “you’re so [remark on how i look]” or “i never liked you anyway [horrid name]”. most of them call me that cause apparently i identify as neurodivergent. even worse. they knew about it somehow???”

6), i HATE how i can’t be w men. i get sometimes board when i only like girls and wish I can ditch labels but I don’t FEEL like that. yesterday, I went hotel and saw this white boy who was attractive. lesbians can find men attractive without wanting to date them right? you know when the realisation hits you cause you can’t feel like that cause that isn’t who you are.

7). i want male validation ofc but i identify as sapphic cause i only like women. but how to become friends w a man without having to feel like you wanna date him but that’s truly how you don’t feel? yeah. pain. comphet is getting my ass 😹

8). i am currently planning to stay single forever. i literally cannot handle myself being scared w men. what happened to me? i used to feel so comfortable w them but the bullying... 😕 + i’ve seen how women get abused and rap3d which scares me even worse. i’ve been sexually touched before by a man and at that same night, i dreamed of being rap3d. for no reason. deadass.

so when that my irls be saying, “you turned yourself gay”, “your fault”, la la la, it ain’t my fault. fuck them and tell them to fix up.

but end of my rant, thank you for listening to all that racket 😹 .

#lgbtqplus #lgbtq community #lgbtq #girls who love girls #asexual #lesbian #sapphic #lgbtqiia+ #bisexual #pansexual #non binary #and I still gotta rely on unattainable men to convince my attraction. i can’t stop forcing myself to be with men #i cannot accept im different too. i really wanna cry sometimes because i just wanna feel comfortable.. #since my so-called “supportive” mom and family outed me #mislabeled me #misgendered me #cussed me for my sexuality and said “you gotta try it out w man” just know you don’t HAVE to #if you want to know if you’re gay #you don’t have to. just like how ppl don’t have to kiss ppl of same-sex or a different gender to know if they’re bi #or to have sex w someone to know if you liked it w a straight man !!!!! #but man i’m seen as a disgrace #im not suprised lmfao 😹 #wish i was normal #and cishet

[intertexts-moving]

frankly idgaf about this disk horse + mandatory disclosure that im not a cop u can do what u want forever u can usr whatever words u want for urself forever love & peace on planet earth. etc. however it does feel disingenuous to say "dykes & lesbians who r only attracted to women's experiences are not & never will be unique there's no dyke who only is attracted to women experience that isn't also experienced by bi ppl / bi dykes / whoever else" when like... there is very much an alienation involved in growing up or just existing while not being attracted to the gender u are societally supposed to b attracted to. some experiences are not in fact universal. and while the idea of sexuality -specific 'spaces' is fundamentally silly and pointless to me i also think it sucks to say 'there is no lived difference between being a woman who is not attracted to men [or the implied counterpart 'there is no lived difference btwn being a man who is not attracted 2 women] vs being a woman who is." like. maybe for YOU there isn't!!!!!!!!! which is 2 say of course that this does feel like perhaps an aha pouncing on wording! type of post, & i wouldn't make it normally. because. as mentioned. this literally only matters if youre terminally online + real world works differently. & idgaf. but the author of the post im vaguing DOES really have the tone here of 'you are stupid and obviously wrong if you think being a lesbian is any different than being bisexual.' which frankly feels overgeneralizing & vague 2 the point where i'm driven 2 make a stupid little tumblr post about it.

#SIGH. roswlel queer dishourse in the year of our lord 2023... surely not. #txt #neg #my credentials here r that im an aro dyke. <- it is more complicated than that i grew up thinking it would b gross 2 be a lesbian and awful #and bad. called myself bi for ages because that felt less awful even though i was exclusively attracted 2 girls. had 2020 moment realized #u could be a nonbinary lesbian mind was blown permanently open. now ive found a couple guys cute or intriguing so like. shrug. #dont really vibe w the label bcos of the gendered connotations sadge. there r dykes in my head though. #only thing that actually has ever been important 2 me irt attraction has been. transness or gender nonconformity but theres no easy #shorthand for that other than t4t </3 #anyway. sorry for the incoherent irritated post on a tuesday night!!!!!

[friedloverballoon]

Bisexuality *is* everything in between

Not a super tagged post because this is just an observation and I don't want loads of people to lose their shit over something I haven't even fully decided (if this gets attention, use actual arguments in the replies instead of insults because it just make your point look bad if you can't back it up without calling me stoopid 💖), but when I've talked to the people who defend xenogenders and overspecific mspec labels, I've noticed that a large majority of them default back to one specific argument after actually talking with me about why those identities make sense.

I'm mostly referring to mspec labels with this one, because that's where the argument usually comes in, and it usually comes after bringing up history of bisexuality and what it actually means, as well as analyzing when the sexuality goes away from being determined by gender and trails into personal preferences territory.

Basically, the argument the people I'm talking to tend to usually circle around to "they're just kids figuring themselves out". If anything, that argument sounds like it's only further delegitimizing all this mspec stuff as just an "immature phase/thing that kids do". And, even further, how the hell does it help kids figure themselves out when there are more and more being piled up onto them? Especially when some of them literally have the exact same definition?

Like, as a bisexual myself, I'm well aware of all the nuances in sexual orientation. It took me an abnormal amount of time to just let myself actually be bisexual because my preferences didn't sound like the strict definition of what I was told bisexuality was as a teenager. I think the modern LGBT community has a problem with labels and feeling "out of place" being bisexual when they are indeed bisexual and describe feeling almost guilty about it. I've heard three different people in my own life describing how they feel like calling themselves bisexual isn't enough compared to other people's version of saying "I would date someone regardless of their gender", and they come from all different sides of the mspec debate and still have that similar concern. The nuances don't force you out of being bisexual and into a more obscure and badly defined label, (I thought I was omnisexual for a bit at one point), being somewhere in between homosexual and heterosexual is already a difference on its own, and that should prove that, even though a lot of misinformation goes around with this word, bisexuality is a spectrum. You don't need a word for every single dot on that spectrum, it already has a name for a reason. Plus, sexual orientation is about who you love, not how you do it. It's based on gender, and claiming that polysexuality is an entirely different sexuality than bisexuality is just wrong. Because you love the exact same genders, there are just miniscule differences in how. As if every human doesn't experience a different approach to dating anyway.

Also, I should add, if anyone's thinking about pointing out any hypocrisy here: yes, I also did go through a "figuring myself out" time, and it was much harder than it needed to be. Unlike the people who use that argument, I'm not—and never did—putting out even more false information about pre-existing sexualities (bisexuality, hello), or coming up with more sexual "orientations" that aren't actually orientations at all. And spinning bisexuality into a "parts > hearts" or spreading this idea that they care more about the gender of a person they're dating than the person themselves is just crazy, because there are bisexuals from decades ago who have no idea what you're talking about and are now unknowingly in a weirdly specific box.

#lgbt discourse #mspec discourse #bisexuality #battle axe bi #even if i don't really call myself any online discourse terms #the battle axes will want to hear this chile

[catboy-joyfriend]

i love being a gay man who is also a woman who likes women its very slay of me i think

#i generally still call myself bi but my sexuality really is the same kind of fucky my gender is

[arklay]

oh i didn’t say it here…so um ❤️🧡🤍🩷💜

#leah.txt #and with that goodnight :] #not that it really matters to say cause i’ve always been sapphic since the day i was born lmao but yeah !! had lots of realisations & #putting feelings into words like earlier this week? it just felt like every fell into place & it made so much sense. i feel so like…just #content with myself now. i kept questioning things. i kept feeling as though i was an imposter for calling myself bi but i couldn’t pinpoint #why. so i just feel really happy & really like yeah i’m a lesbian !!! i did like a lil ramble ont priv on twitter before i ended up deleting #it & had convos in dms with the besties & apparently i’d had the exact same convo saying the same things almost two whole years ago so…yeah #thought i would find it hard to change like label i use for myself cause change is always so hard but i just felt excited? i felt happy #i felt like i wasn’t like…lying? anymore. not that i ever was it’s just i always had this feeling of somethings off & now that’s gone… #plus after the fact of saying it & being affirmed in my feelings um i kept having more realisations from growing up & unlocking memories & #it’s so funny cause it’s like it was literally always there i just never realised. anyway didn’t mean to ramble i just meant to go hey then #dip & head to bed cause i have a doctors appointment on the morning askdjsk but it’s really exciting for me idk there’s lots of thoughts but #i’ll shhh cause i’ve gone on for long enough lmao

[lepakonpaska]

caution, gay joy and rambling in the tags ⚠️

#first of all me and my boss are going to a pre-christmas party hosted by another local queer owned tattoo studio #i went to their walk-in early this year and everyone was SO lovely so i'm super excited!! #it's just gonna be a night of drinks and snacks and hanging out with fellow queer artists :') #i will literally never ever get used to the fact that this is just. a thing that's part of my job. #hanging out with artsy gays professionally #wild. #also my girlfriend (who hopefully hasn't succeeded in her mission of finding my tumblr yet) is so amazing i can not deal with this #time LITERALLY flies when we're together and everything feels so easy and natural #she called me a treasure and i kept blushing for the rest of the day. god i love being gay #speaking of. really really unsure of where on the bi-lesbian line i stand again #because like. i can see a man and go 'oh he's gorgeous' and stuff #but only when they're unattainable to me #like this one youtuber rn. very hot but part of the charm is probably that he's on the other side of the world #(jordan adika btw. very funny i love the stuff he makes) #but trying to imagine myself actually being with a man? hm. #me and my gf were cuddling earlier this week and started talking like 'could you imagine being in this position with a man' #and my reaction was like '...........u know what. nah' #so ????? just going by queer lmao #also thinking of switching from she/they to they/she! not a huge change i just Feel Like It #personal

[biteapple]

got this weird thing always where im always wondering if im a gay man or a bi dude-kinda or a bi girl-a-little-bit or a gay man-also-woman-a-bit, and its like. whenever im like "OKAYY I DONT CAREEEEE MAYBE I DO LIKE GIRLS" .... IMMEDIATELY my thoughts about liking women are gone like. when im trying to appease that. and then im like "hmm maybe i DONT like girls??" the thoughts about liking girls comes back

#and GENUINELY... COSMICALLY... if i really want to date a woman i would love to just allow this for myself. and am trying to #and whenever i try to its like ''yeah nevermind man it wasnt even anything'' #so when i do go ''oh okay i guess it was nothing'' the desire to like women comes back #and maybe its a case of ''putting it off the table makes me want it more'' .. but its like.. when i say ''ok im bi'' its gone. #its like hey. come back. what happened i said i liked it. gone. until i accept that its gone. and then its back. chameleon type shit #permanently grass-is-greener type of living... please.. #ALSO.... this happens with ''being a little bit of a girl'' because then im like ''ok cool man im a girl now. yup'' #but when i put this into action i HATE IT and VEHEMENTLY need to go back immediately #and then when i go back im like ''but what if i WASNT just a guy..... hmmm...'' #and its like that bit from courage the cowardly dog where baby muriel wants her mac and cheese 500 different ways #and is never happy when you give it to her #when i MOST think about ''being a girl who is bi'' is when i feel THE MOST like a gay man #& when i think about and put into practice ''being a gay man'' i CANNOT enjoy it due to the ''what ifs'' #its like i have to do a schrodinger's sexuality on myself #genuinely really dont mind what my sexuality and gender is as long as im happy and YET.... its like chasing my own tail with myself #its funny because what i do know is that i love masculine terms i love being he/him'd i love being called a man i love my body on t #but... ''what to call this other than blanketly 'transmasc'.. if anything'' and ''who do i wanna fuck about it'' are like going in circles #and NOT to say people need anything more specific than just being transmasc or just saying ''im gay'' or being blanketly queer or anything #and maybe i need to take a page from that if its giving me grief. but ... *gestures vaguely*