#I know anon message meant to be silly

[jeeaark]

Pls tell Greygold I love them and would die for them if asked

Greygold don't want anybody to self-sacrifice for any reason pretty please and thank you <:'D

#greygold #I know anon message meant to be silly #but Greygold got emotional so- NO SACRIFICES ALLOWED #and I was listening to a lot of sad songs SO- HAD TO RAMBLE/PROJECT SORRY #you ever listen to that baldur's gate 'I want to live' song one too many times? #Greygold would like everyone to live if possible please #But also Greygold is a hypocrite and would without hesitation also die for the people they love SOaskdjfaldjf

[thought--bubble]

Taking a little breaky break

This is just a heads up for my small little group of people on here. I have come to call my friends. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm going to be taking a much needed respite from tumblr and probably discord, too. I am feeling lost, sad,overwhelmed, and confused.

I know it sounds silly or whatnot, but all of this stuff is overwhelming and depressing, and I feel sick when I open this app at this point.

The best word to use, I guess, would be winded, maybe?

I joined Tumblr in Sept 23, and at first, it was really fun, a much needed escape from my daily never-ending list of crap to do.

I unfortunately learned how crazy this fandom can get early on and the hard way. I had hoped that that was just a one-off due to my newbie ignorance and took it as a lesson learned for myself.

But it's starting to feel like the drama never fucking stops. It just keeps going, and nice people, kind people, just get dragged and ridiculed for seemingly no reason. I will pathetically admit that I am a sensitive soul, and the things I've read and seen have seriously negatively affected me.

When people are catty regarding people they don't like or that don't like them, I can usually reconcile that to a particular degree. People are, in fact, people. Not everyone is going to vibe with everyone, and people will make jokes at others' expense, and it isn't exactly mature, but it happens.

That is what I expected when I heard this was coming. Some catty shit slinging between people who don't like each other.

But that isn't all this was, and I'm having a really hard time with that. I even thought, "Oh maybe some moderately rude jokes here and there where you know cultural differences and stuff could account for that" like I'm from the northeast and we can be harsh out here. So something that may be offensive to someone from another area may be looked at here just as a joke made in poor taste.

I know I myself have made jokes or whatnot, but you would think certain things would be off limits.

I thought I could combat the negative with positives. Silly jokes, little messages filled with love, but even that isn't working at this point.

My heart hurts, and my brain hurts.

And all this stuff has made me question myself. I had a block list a mile long for the longest time. Filled predominantly with people I had never spoken to because I was scared, nervous, I didn't want to accidentally interact with a post of someone who would be upset that I did, I unfollowed blogs I liked based on this same principle. I just desperately did not want to make someone mad or uncomfortable and find myself back in some weird mean anon tornado.

I tried to sus out who would be bothered by my presence and who wouldn't. I can't even know if my thoughts on who may or may not be upset by me were based on my paranoia or a perception i developed or was potentially affected by outside sources.

Now, i just don't know what the hell is going on.

Sorry for the word vomit. Just wanted to be honest. There are some of us out here who are just standing around with question marks over our heads.

Maybe it's because I wasn't here for a lot of that other weirdness. Maybe it's because of early events that shaped my experience on this app, but I for sure 100% need a break.

I'm an odd duck and love this app mostly because it's the only site I've seen where others actively fan-girl over my favorite Ewan character.

But right now, not even my love for Will can keep me on this app, and for those who know me, that's truly saying something.

This post is not meant to badmouth anyone at all. Honestly at this point I couldn't bad mouth anyone because I'm fucking lost on who anyone really is or how they really feel about things, dude I'm just plain lost.

Thank you to those who have been kind. My apologies to those I may have judged or assumed things about based on who the hell knows.

I hope that when I come back, I can open this app without yet another person that I like having a post of them being torn apart. Or a post of a story that I had heard being told in a completely different way and throwing me for a complete loop.

For now I am going to watch Will edits on TikTok and maybe read via Ao3.

Love and healing vibes to all.

#To my lovelies #I'll be back #I'm just not sure when #hotd fandom

[waywardstation]

since we had Valentines Day (or Palentines Day) just the other day I've been thinking of how the Twins had dealt with that day back in Unova:

As someone who believes that they aren't too much into romance at all (they love trains and battles) they get easily flustered when they get approached with presents on this day. But since Palentines Day gets more and more popular I can see them preferring this over any romantic gifts. And they are holding presents made by children in the highest regard.

Seeing little kids come up to them to show their appreciation for them and/or trains fills them with joy and they sometimes joke to each other that one day they might have these kids as successor or Depot Agents at work. They also always have a little something as a thank you for the kids on them.

Elesa has made it a habit to gift Emmet a card with the best (or worst according to Emmet) Valentines pun and Ingo a card with the cheesiest message to fluster him on that day. The twins know it's not meant in a romantic way just her playfully teasing them.

Yes yes anon! Shaking your hand, I also headcanon that Ingo and Emmet are not all that interested in romance haha

I love the thought of them getting gifts of appreciation on the day though ;w; Lots of cards and drawings and other things!! (And I’d like to think they get handed presents for their Pokémon too!)

And as for all of this with Elesa, it’s funny because I have a few paragraphs for Rain Check (the Palentines day fic I’ve been working on for forever, and STILL didn’t get done this valentines cause I’ve been so busy ^^;) that describes this almost perfectly:

(Keep in mind a lot of wording here will be updated)

—————

“Does that sound like something you used to do with flowers, where you came from?”

Ingo continued to methodically loop the ribbons between his calloused fingers. Black over White. Yellow over Black. White over Yellow. Black over White. Through the holes.

Through the holes…

The holes were big. (in)(this)(one.)

(Elesa) would always surprise him and (Emmet) at work with (the biggest arrangement of) flowers (on Valentine’s Day. The extravagance had always been emphasized with a card, covered in gaudy, hand-drawn hearts) and wrapped in an elaborate style of bows, but offset (with the card being terribly inappropriate for the occasion - usually for a retirement party or a 60th birthday - where she had gone in and written over the card’s message with pen.) It usually contained (a terribly corny Valentine’s joke,) and a (short but ) genuine message appreciating (their friendship - the whole thing was a silly tradition she had stubbornly yet lovingly repeated ever since she had become friends with them in their childhood.)

(She had never once sent it to their offices - Elesa always thought it was hilarious to have the extravagant gifts hand delivered to fluster) the two of them (in front of the whole station, where people passing by would dote over the public gesture, and a few nosy individuals would even pry. Oh, how she’d laugh at them as they recounted to her how embarrassing the whole ordeal was, before taking them out to dinner and a movie after their shifts).

(The)(punctures)(stretched)(painfully,)(and) Not much was left behind.

She would always surprise him and the other one at work with flowers. Wrapped in an elaborate style of bows, but offset. It usually contained a genuine message appreciating… the two of them.

…

“I… apologize Miss Akari, for I am not sure.”

—————

I love these thoughts anon, you and I think very similarly!!!

#wayward’s asks #wip wednesday #<- not really but I’m putting it with my other snippets #love these ;w; #and as you said anon I like to think Ingo and Emmet have things for kids in the station too #always have candy and gear station buttons in their pockets to hand out!!! #Ingo and emmet probably get so many chocolates and stuff too that they distribute everything they can’t take home with their depot agents #and Ingo and Emmet’s Pokémon love love love all the flowers they have to take home haha

[gabessquishytum]

Arranged marriage au in which Prince Dream’s hand is given to King Hob in marriage to seal a peace treaty between their two kingdoms in order to prevent war. However, Dream is secretly meant to use this marriage as an opportunity to assassinate the king and take over the kingdom, all but giving it over to his parents. Dream is fine with this plan (he might keep the kingdom for himself though, he hasn’t decided yet), but then he actually meets King Hob, who ticks all of his boxes and also falls in love with Dream at first sight. Oh dear.

On their wedding night, Hob is willing to wait out of respect, but Dream pulls out all the stops to seduce him (all in the name of lowering his guard, and to further cement Dream’s position when he kills him in a few months and takes over), only to be turned into a babbling mess as Hob proceeds to completely take him apart, all with nonstop looks of adoration. It’s the most intense sex in his life, and it nearly weakens his resolve all on its own.

But then, Hob follows this up with day after day of giving Dream both constant attention and complete freedom. He is perfectly content to allow Dream to do absolutely nothing if he chooses, just sit there and look pretty, but the exact moment that Dream decides to speak up and contribute Hob will listen to every word and give it every due consideration. If Dream tries to distract him from his duties by whining and begging for attention, Hob will immediately see to his needs, but will somehow at the same time continue to see to his rule with a gentle and firm hand. Dream becomes more and more genuinely obsessed and loathed to give this up, and soon it stops being an act for him.

(Also, Dream didn’t know this, but Hob’s kingdom is rather hedonistic and very comfortable with public sex. They do their best to hide it from foreign dignitaries so as not to offend their delicate sensibilities, but the first time Dream seduces Hob in front of the court (in an attempt to weaken his position in front of his courtiers and also because he was itching for more sex) they were met with either 1. looks of fond indulgence normally reserved for acts of innocent flirtation, or 2. looks of outright desire and lust, some even taking this as permission to also hook up with their partners. Dream never knew this was something he was interested in, but now that he has it he’s utterly ruined for anything else)

Dream’s parents grow more and more impatient to hear word that their son-in-law is dead, so that they can go “comfort their son in his grief”, and finally are invited to come celebrate their first anniversary. When they get there, to their dismay they see an alive and well King Hob, looking with hearts in his eyes at Prince Consort Dream on his lap. Dream looks like the cat that got the cream, utterly content and satiated, but his parents can read the hidden message in his gaze; they’ve lost their top assassin and the prize kingdom, if they try to kill his husband he will come after them, family be damned.

-🪽anon

(There’s probably room in the middle there for some light drama, as Dream feels guilty over his former plans to kill Hob, maybe Hob knew already or maybe he didn’t, but I’m here to provide smut and fluff and let others do what they will with it 😁)

I love nothing better than a slutty assassin <3

Dream comes from this long and prestigious line of famous assassins/royalty. Super rich, super powerful, always looking for more. (Anime fans, think of the Zoldyck family from hxh. Dream already has the aesthetic!)

Dream is the most ruthless and the most beautiful, and he has quite a reputation... but Hob agrees to the betrothal anyway. He definitely looks at Dream and thinks "aww, I can fix him!!" And he's kind of right? But he also makes Dream immeasurably worse, because the two of them fall in love.

I love to think that Hob knows about Dream’s plan, but he doesn't care - he just gives Dream a pat on his head and tells him that he's such a silly boy, it doesn't matter! Hob has killed dozens of people, he'd be a hypocrit if he got mad at Dream for this. And he knows that the only way Dream will kill him now they're married is through orgasm related cardiac arrest <3

They're fucking so much its actually a bit concerning. Hob loves being railed by his consort, over his own throne is a particular favourite. Dream’s parents hold out a small hope that their son genuinely is trying to fuck his new husband to death, but nooo. He's just channeling his murderous rage into making sure that Hob can't walk properly. More than once Hob has seen to paperwork or matters of state with Dream’s cock pounding him at the other end. If he does extra good with his statecraft then he gets Dream’s cum inside him, and maybe a little break before the next round <3

#🪽anon #the sandman #dreamling #nsft

[the-lonelybarricade]

Hi LB, I woke up this morning and read another one of your recs which I fell in love with and I wanted to express my gratitude for all you do.

So here it is. Thank you for everything you do for this fandom, not just the beautiful and inspired work you create, but how you never miss an opportunity to uplift other artists as well, how you seem to take note and remember work from even the smallest artists, how everytime someone compliments you you never fail to redirect part of this love to shine it onto someone else and their work.

Becoming a good writer is something that can be honed but the kind of goodness you have it cannot be taught or faked and I may not know you personally but I'm absolutely certain you are a gift to everyone lucky enough to be in your life as well. Thank you for spreading some of your light to this corner of the Internet and thanks you for all the wonderful writing you have shared and will share in the future.

Enjoy your bank holiday and Easter weekend.

Goodness, Anon 🥺

I've reread this so many times and I've been at such a complete loss of how to properly articulate what this meant to me. I came into this fandom very soon after ACoSF came out, when the ship war was really starting to take off and the Feyre/Nesta stans were vicously at each others throats. It felt impossible to be in any space that wasn't rampant with hate for some other group of fans. And very early on I decided I wanted to be intentional about fostering a positive space in the fandom.

I've by no means been perfect, but I've made a very deliberate effort to keep my blog void of anti content for any ship or character. And as my account has grown (which has been a very humbling and mind boggling experience), I've tried to use it to spread positivity in a fandom that feels so intent to tear at each other's throats. I wanted to contribute to a community that focused on uplifting each other.

This might be the first time I've been transparent about that goal, I guess because I'm concious of patting myself too heavily on the back and/or subjecting myself to scrutiny. But it was really lovely to see this message, because it's gratifying to feel like the concious effort I'm making is recognized. It's also been an extremely rewarding way to make fandom friends!

I'll also say that I'm definitely not the only blog who's taken this approach. So many of my good friends also curate uplifting spaces, and I've been so fortunate to fall into a community of writers and artists that support and hype up one another 🥰

Then there's the wonderful blogs like @acourtofkindness and @elainsflowergrams that go out of their way to spread kindess and positivy - thank you both for all you do 💕

And thank you, anon. This was such a lovely message. It made me feel seen in my silly, little efforts to make this fandom a brighter place. And I hope you know that it's also the work of people like you, who take the time to send such kind messages to others, that contribute to making this little corner of the internet feel like a happier, more positive place. I hope you're having a wonderful bank holiday/Easter Weekend as well!

#lovely people being lovely

[chvoswxtch]

hahaha i’ve been sending you silly little anon messages every now and then for weeks! but i decided i wanna come off anon for the celebration!! <3 so huge congratulations on 2k miss court 💘 you deserve it so much.

i would looove a margarita based on the lyric “i loved you in spite of the deep fears that the world would divide us” (from dancing with our hands tied hehe) with the one and only frank castle <3

you deserve every single one, and more, of your 2000 followers!!! thank you for writing, thank you for indulging us in our fantasies, and thank you for being so unwaveringly kind through it all 🌷cheers to many more 🥂

my marvelous mia 💚,

thank you so much for your kind & lovely words, and thank you so much for joining me at the bar. cheers to you, darling. 🥂

also sorry this is super angsty I don't know what happened but when I read that lyric and re-listened to the song, this is what my gremlin brain came up with

blurb below the cut

dancing with our hands tied

i loved you in spite of the deep fears that the world would divide us

“You…you don’t know what you’re sayin’.”

Frank couldn’t look at you. It would be easier to walk away if he couldn’t see the look in your eyes; a broken reflection of his own disappointment and disgust. 

“Frank-“

“I am what they say I am. I did all those things. Hell, did more than they even know ‘bout.”

Frank wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince more right now that him leaving was the best idea; himself or you. The world knew the Punisher was alive. That meant that everyone who ever wanted their own vengeance against him knew he was no longer a ghost to be whispered about, but a monster to be foolishly hunted. 

If his head was the prize, your heart was collateral damage.

This was what was best. It would keep you safe. 

But fuck if it didn’t hurt. All he wanted to do was hold you, but how could he do that with his hands still stained red? How could he taint your skin with someone else’s blood that lingered beneath his blunt nails? 

Sooner or later, you’d realize what he really was, and he’d rather you walk away than run. 

“Frank, will you please look at me?”

He couldn’t look at you, because then he would want to stay. He’d want to be selfish, and give into his own delusions of a second chance. A livelihood that wasn’t so violent. Four walls filled with nothing but you and him. A sacred promise around your left finger. Maybe even a goddamn dog. 

You had appeared out of nowhere, like a mirage of an oasis in the desert, and Frank didn’t want to remove his cup from your heavy handed pour of love and affection. You were the sun in the center of his universe, radiating pure warmth that melted the layers of frost surrounding his abandoned heart, and now he was helplessly trying to shove it back into the freezer.

Frank closed his eyes when he caught you moving out of his peripheral vision, letting his head hang in shame between his shoulders as your delicate palm cradled the back of his head. Your other hand gently caressed his cheek, pulling him in closer so that you could touch your foreheads together, and Frank fought like hell to keep the floodgates from bursting open as he gripped onto your waist like a lifeline.

“I want you to listen to me. I know exactly who you are, Frank. And I still love you all the same. There is nothing you could ever do that would change my heart. I know you’re afraid, and I understand why. I know being with you comes with risks. I knew that from the very beginning. But Frank…I’d take five minutes of madness with you over a lifetime without you. The safest place I have ever been is with you. So please…please don’t leave, baby. Please stay. Just stay with me.”

Frank leaned in to capture your lips in a soft kiss, pouring every word he couldn’t speak into your mouth, holding you so tightly to his chest, he thought you might merge into one single being.

You wanted him. You loved him, despite everything. You didn’t want him to let go. You didn’t want him to leave.

You wanted him.

As the two of you stood there grasping onto one another in the middle of the living room under the glow of the moonlight, Frank realized what a fool he’d been.

He couldn’t leave you if he tried.

#frank castle #frank castle x you #frank castle x y/n #frank castle x reader #frank castle x female reader #frank castle x fem!reader #frank castle x f!reader #frank castle request #frank castle blurb #the punisher #the punisher request #the punisher blurb

[beartitled]

Hello bear! Uhm i am very sure that you do not remember me but i'm the anon who asked if you were on a caffeine high to get extremely pretty detailed drawings.

I read your explanation! Your motivation! Your thoughts on it! Your way of doing it! And i took it to heart. I really did. And you helped me, a lot. You have wonderful advice.

I was struggling to find a good artstyle and was questioning my abilities as a artist a lot so when i cam upon your blog that your artworks i was memorized, admiring, loving your art.

When i first saw your art i thought it was just cute and simple and not much about it, just another cute artstyle that is extremely pleasing to look at so i got curious so i dug into your blog more and more and more until i seen that every single one of your drawings had small details, small details that give the drawing.. more.. more to it.

Every drawing that i have seen from you so far is cute happy, funny and warm. Every single of your drawings is meant to bring a smile on peoples faces, you make your drawings for the world to see and they smile at them. I have not interacted with you that much but you are what you draw, you're funny, happy and you make someone feel comfortable and warm. I looked a lot at your drawings and it gave me motivation to continue art, to try new things and even if no one else notices the details i put in thats okay because i see it, i see the details and im happy with it. I look up to you bear, you are a very cool polar bear that i have ever known. Stay cool!

Bear no you promised *sob* not to cry *sob* when reading your asks *more sobbing*

Learn how to *le sob* accept kindness *turns into a sobbing puddle*

I do remember you 🫵❤️

I’m so glad that my art rumble was helpful, it warms my heart man ❤️💕💓

This whole message just legitimately makes me smile so hard

Seeing people getting joy from my art is such a delightful feeling

Getting messages like this just feels unreal, because you can’t really fantom the fact that you can inspire

I just 💥 drew a silly bear 💥💥 and people appreciate it 💥💥💥 aaaa?¿?💥💥💥💥

I’m incredibly delighted that my art makes you feel that way, it’s a very charming point of view

And mega happy that you also see the beauty in putting small stuff that nobody notices

You know, when people don’t notice those details, you’re just glad you put it there, but when someone finally notices them, it’s even more rewarding (it’s a win win situation ✨:D)

I wish you best of luck on your journey, stay awesome too 🫵❤️

(*gives you a little motivation cookie*🍪 that’s for later >:D)

#bear answers #I love rumbling about art too #so seeing ppl enjoying my paragraphs of talk brings me tons of joy 💓💕❤️ #if yall wanna hear me talk about art stuff or any tips #feel free to ask 🫵❤️ #it way or may not lead me to write a scientific doctorate in tags #/half silly 😈 #ok maybe not scientific my smol bear brain has limits #but there’s a 50/50 chance for me to write a ton of text >:D

[alexsays-no]

your regulus literally changed my life. you, your art, make it easier to accept my gender. i see him and im like . me!!! thats me!!! im so sorry people are entitled and wrong and you get hate. but just know that the hate from them is infinitesimal compared to amount of love that pours from my heart for him. :')

Anon, let me give you the biggest hug!!!♡♡♡. I'm so glad my silly drawings are comfort to u ♡♡♡ I'm so glad you can see yourself in them, and let me tell you, the person you are making, is the person you are meant to be ♡♡¡ thank you so much for the message, this made my day ♡♡♡

#alex answers

[the-bloody-sadist]

#we don't support peer preasure in this house

Love your hashtag above.

Can I ask how do you deal with hurtful comments on your fanfics from someone you consider a friend? Like I know if some stranger send hurtful comments it felt bad but damn when someone you know said the same thing it felt worse. Early this year I was kicked out and blocked from an animanga lover group when they find out that I wrote mlm fanfics from major shounen series (naruto,bnha, aot, jjk). This what they said :

“I'm convinced you must have never had friends before because all of these relationships are perfect depictions of what PLATONIC friendship is. If you want a gay story support ACTUAL gay couples like in BL & GL manga. Do you know how frustrating it is to see people move mountains for a non canon ship that’ll never happen then ignore actual gay manga’s and anime’s in BL & GL anime/manga...."

What do you think? Even until now, I'm still feeling a bit guilty for liking non canon mlm and wlw ships from shounen series. But when I found your blog and read your posts, I felt way better. Especially that answer of yours to anon who asked is it weird to love mlm& wlw more than wlm. Thanks for sharing your hard work (analysis, fanfics, arts, reviews).

Sorry for my rants and for my weird feelings.....

Ohhhh this is so precious please don't apologize for sending me this ask, I love feelings and hearing about other peoples' experiences with them and how my art/accounts have somehow been relatable because of that.

The peer pressure in fandoms is absolutely insane and convinces me that the social aspect works the same as any high school full of bullies. There WILL be mean girls, there WILL be cliques, and if you're a creator like me, you're going to be a MAGNET for like ten different types of them.

As for how I deal with hurtful comments, I was raised in an environment that constantly shamed me. I was controlled from all sides on what I could draw, write, and consume, so I'm used to being shunned by those who "love" me because of what I'm interested in! Because of this, the hate comments were what I EXPECTED going in and the positive comments were actually the things that threw me for loops. Hurtful comments only had the power to nag at me when I didn't have an audience (or friends) to bounce them off of so they wouldn't keep popping up as a "do I actually do this, though?" "am I actually bad for this?". But now they don't bother me; they give me the chance to either make a troll reply or spice up my friends' group chat for the day.

As far as a FRIEND leaving a hurtful comment??? I have so much sympathy for you. I am SO sorry they treated you that way.

When I make friends, I tell them openly what I do and to what extent. This way, I gather the type of people I want and push away those who don't. If they think it's not okay, they're silly.

Those friends who kicked you out of their little club? SILLY. They think they're so pure and moral for gatekeeping what can and can't be done with creativity and passion. They won't ever know what it feels like to live as freely as you do. In the end, their opinion is an opinion that is largely not shared by the logical, rational public. Any professional in the art/film/writing industry can tell you that much. How else are we supposed to make stories? Have a little IMAGINATION!! DAMN!

I'm saying a lot of this because it's the best thing to tell yourself when you read things that are clearly meant to make you feel shame when you haven't done a single thing wrong. Since this is Tumblr and I can ramble to my heart's content, maybe it'll help you if I also point out the specific tools that have been used in that message they sent you. Sometimes a good breakdown of tactics is all it takes to remind yourself you're not in the wrong.

"I'm convinced you must have never had friends before" AKA "you're so ignorant" - invalidating your experiences to crumble any foundation you might've had to stand on if you wanted to argue back. Starting off with this helps them cut you down so your self-esteem is lowered.

"these relationships are perfect depictions of what PLATONIC friendship is" - their opinion is being stated here as a fact, as if the entire world agrees with them and there's no other way to see it. First of all, this means NOTHING to the shipping world, since it exists largely to turn friendships into romances. Idk what they wanted to do with that one.

"If you want a gay story support ACTUAL gay couples like in BL & GL manga" - I'm not sure what kind of burn that is. SUPPORT ACTUAL GAY COUPLES LIKE THE REST OF US!! Okay snuffledumpkins. Guess nobody taught them how to MULTITASK!!! GUESS WHAT? I CAN SUPPORT ACTUAL GAY COUPLES *AND* NON-CANON GAY COUPLES, FREAK! WHAT NOW, HUH??? Being serious though, this is an attempt to define for YOU what ''''''true gay couples'''''' are (ACCORDING TO THEM), when this is an entirely fluid meaning and can be applied to whomever you'd like in fiction. This is THE PURPOSE OF FANFICTION.

"Do you know how frustrating it is to see people move mountains for a non canon ship that’ll never happen then ignore actual gay manga’s and anime’s in BL & GL anime/manga...." AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA! (inhales) AAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH imagine being so stupid that you don't know how much better LGBT representation can be in fanfiction and non-canon works than in actual BL/GL works. Imagine thinking that the only way you are allowed to enjoy BL/GL relationships is through canon couples, otherwise you're not helping the cause. Here's the biggest thing to remember: they don't give a fuck about the cause. They are using that language as a way to shame you. Oh you think these friends are in love??? You must not support LGBT people in real life. You must not support ACTUAL stories about ACTUAL gay people.

The logic jump is LAUGHABLE.

Ughhhh, what a long rant from me. But your last paragraph absolutely WARMED my heart, minus the part about feeling guilty. Let me just...[shines spotlight down on you][metal screech][picks up megaphone] YOU ARE NOT IN THE WRONG FOR WANTING FICTIONAL FRIENDS TO FICTIONALLY FUCK EACH OTHERS' BRAINS OUT!!! YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT THIS MATTER, HOWEVER, ARE VERY UNDERSTANDABLE AND SHOULD NOT BE INVALIDATED, BECAUSE BULLYING IS A DIFFICULT THING TO DEAL WITH AND CAUSES VERY COMPLICATED FEELINGS REGARDLESS OF WHAT IS RIGHT OR WRONG. YOU ARE A WONDERFUL PERSON AND YOUR FICTIONAL PREFERENCES DO NOT DEFINE YOU. BE FREE, LITTLE BIRDIE! SHIP THE MASSES OF BOYS AND GIRLS IN RELATIONSHIPS THAT ANIME LOVES TO TEASE ON PURPOSE WITHOUT ACTUALLY FOLLOWING THROUGH WITH A ROMANCE SUBPLOT BECAUSE THEY'RE COWARDS!!!! THEY CAN BE ACTUAL GAY COUPLES TOO! BECAUSE YOU SAID SO! AND THAT'S OKAY!!!!

[puts the megaphone down][coughs]

I hope that helps. :D Thank you for the ask, and much love to you! It means a lot that you appreciate my work and my analyses and my opinions enough to ask me about such a painful subject.🖤

You are, in fact, quite normal for your opinion, and my entire audience would agree.

#sadist’s answered asks #THE MASCULINE URGE TO BEAR HUG SOME OF MY ASKERS #a lot of you guys need some better friends #never be afraid to block rinse and hunt #by that I mean like #block people who don't deserve your attention #rinse your mind of their FILTH! #and then hunt for actual cool people #like me! no just kidding I'm so stupid #I AM the doofy who knocks #also stop reading these hashtags

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

More TEXT CONVOS!! (Also I want you to know that you can disregard the drabbles ! I just hope you're doing well and taking care of yourself  💗💗) 💺 anon

🍊) My little (brat) princess

🍊: I hid a bag in our closet. If you find it, do not open it. 🍒: Well now I kinda want to look for it 🍊: Please don't. 🍒: :( 🍊: I'm serious. 🍒: What even is inside? 🍊: It's a surprise.

🍒: About to take a bath, alone 🍒: No one here to wash my hair for me 🍒: Or leave kisses on my neck and shoulder 🍒: Or run their hands down my body 🍒: HOW ARE YOU AT THE FRONT DOOR ALREADY??

🍊: My love for you is like diarrhea 🍊: I can't hold it in 🍒: Am I supposed to say something nice?

🍊: How would you feel if I shaved? 🍒: Please just tell me you didn't 🍊: Well... 🍊: Yeah I was just kidding love 🍊: WHY DID YOU TELL LEMON WE'RE GETTING DIVORCED?

🍒: How much until your cute ass gets home?? 🍊: I'll be there in less than an hour ❤️ 🍒: Prepare yourself because the moment you step in I'm gonna jump in your arms and attack your pretty face with kisses 🍒: I can't wait to cuddle and hear you complain about the mission 🍊: I'm so in love with you

🍊: [1 image attached] 🍒: Screaming, crying, shaking, shitting, pissing, banging my head againts the wall, ripping my hair out, clawing out my heart, slamming my fists on the table 🍒: You look lovely

🍒: Hello my mandarin 🍊: We're not doing this

🍒: I think Tan hates me 🍊: Excuse me? What made you believe that? 🍒: That was meant for Lem 🍊: Why would you tell him you think I hate you? 🍒: Because he's very funny and I love to gossip with him 🍊: I'm funnier than him actually. And that still doesn't answer my question 🍒: You didn't ask me to be your valentine :( 🍊: That's because we've been married for 8 years, I assumed you're already my valentine 🍒: You have to ask :( 🍊: Fine. Will you be my valentine? 🍒: Yes :) [Tan reacted with ❤️]

[Unknown number]: Hello my beautiful wife. I am curently writing this message to apologize and ask for your forgiveness. Please unblock me. Yours, Tangerine. 🍒: ENOUGH

🍋) Silly goofy guy

🍋: How's my favorite person in the world doing? 🍒: What did you do? 🍋: Jumping to conclusions I see 🍒: Lemon what did you do? 🍋: Promise you won't get mad 😆 🍒: I promise 😊😊😊🔪😊😊 🍋: I broke your heels 🍒: ... 🍒: Well did you at least take some photos?? 🍋: You know it 🤪 🍋: [5 images attached]

🍋: Should we play minecraft? I wanna finish our train 🍒: Tan said he doesn't want to :( 🍋: Tell him to mind his business

🍋: I was drinking bubble tea and choked on the balls so I spilled the drink everywhere 🍋: Now Tan won't even look at me

🍋: I've been looking for my gun for 2 hours only to realize I don't have it anymore 🤣🤣🤣🤣💃🥳😆😼😼

🍒: He's my little anal ☺️ 🍒: ANGEL 🍒: ANGEL I MEANT ANGEL 🍋: THE WAY I SCREAMED 🍒: DON'T SHOW THIS TO HIM 🍋: HE'S LOOKING AT ME NOOO 😭😭

🍊🍋🍒) The fruit bowl

🍒: Do you ever just 🍋: Yeah, but 🍋: Yk? 🍒: Damn man I sure do 🍊: Is this why you two created this group chat? 🍋: Actually it's so you can like and subscribe 🤯👽❓ 🍒: But first, a word from our sponsor!! 🍊: I'm so done with you both

🍋: Should I dye my hair? 🍊: Absolutely fucking not 🍒: Pookie no it won't look as good as it does now!! 🍋: Love you guys 🫶 🍋: I already bought the hair dye 🍊: WHY DID YOU EVEN ASK? 🍋: I'm in a silly goofy mood 🍋: So green or blue? 🍊: I will smash your head through a window 🍒: LEM LISTEN TO US!! 🍋: Yo I kinda look like the joker

🍒: [2 images attached, it's photos of Tan and Cherry hugging] 🍒: These look so good! 🍒: Lem best wingman AND photographer 🍋: Fucking finally. It was getting annoying 🍊: Would you stop it already? 🍒: Yeah, it wasn't THAT bad 🍋: [1 image attached, text convo of Tan talking about Cherry to Lem] 🍊: DELTE THST RIGHT FUCKING NOW 🍒: 🤣 🍋: Oh I know you're not laughing Cherry 🍋: [1 image attached, text convo of Cherry gushing about Tan to Lem] 🍒: THAT'S MESSED UP

+ bonus 🍊: Made her laugh today and I can't get it out of my head 🍊: It's driving me nuts 🍊: I must've looked fucking stupid the way I just stared at her 🍋: Talking about her again? 🍊: Who else do I ever talk about you nob 🍋: So did you ask her out? 🍊: What do you think? 🍋: I'm thinking no because you're a pussy 🍊: Fuck off

🍒: Ok so I was talking to him earlier today and he just put his hand on my shoulder and got really close to my face but I feel like he was mostly looking at my lips. Maybe it was just my imagination 🍒: Anyway, does he do this to everyone? 🍋: Girl

hii angel!!! I really do want to be able to write them for you, I’ll keep them in my inbox and will def try to do one of them, but if not, keep them noted down and I’ll get around to them eventually 💓💓

THESE ARE SO FUN!!!?? loved them all, especially..

^ why would he tell us if he doesn’t want us snooping??????

^ lem would be the mediator, trying to rationalise tan not to shave (even if he was messing) he doesn’t want to see his bro with a baby face

^ ALL OF THAT😭😭 and then, you look lovely. I HAVE A PICTURE IN MY HEAD AND I NEED TO ADD IT bc it works well and obviously bc it’s hot 😩😩😩😩😩😩

^ tan would be acting like he doesn’t know lem😭

^😭😭😭😭😭 we just have random half conversations (but we each no exactly what the other is thinking) and it just annoys tan sm. “what did you think about that thing?” “that was so crazy. what did you think about that other thing? not that thing but another thing?” “holy shit man, but did you see?” “RIGHT? and then?” “omg😭”

^ lem got the receipts 😭😭😭😭

^😭😭😭😭 “bc you’re a pussy” and “girl” lmao

#ask #💺 #tangerine headcanon

[ahundredtimesover]

The Light of Dead Stars (09) | KSJ

Pairing: Seokjin x (f.) Reader; side Seokjin x (f.) OC; side Reader x Namjoon

Genre/Tags: arranged marriage, fake romance, boss/workmate aus; angst, drama, fluff, smut; slow burn

Chapter Warnings: Foul language; alcohol consumption, being passed out drunk; hurt and crying (18+)

Chapter Word count: 12.3k

A/N: Thank you for joining these idiots’ frustrating journey and loving them through it all. Here’s my favorite chapter for you to enjoy! 💕

Also, thanks to anon for recommending Sunday Crossword by J.Maya, and to my lovely friend, 🍧 anon - How Can I Love the Heartbreak by AKMU fits in that last scene. 

Series Masterlist | Muse Moodboard | Setting Moodboard

Status: Complete

Series summary:  Your unconventional arranged marriage with your company’s President, Kim Seokjin, is necessary, practical, and simple - both your families benefit, and he minds his own business and so do you. But when a slip-up causes his parents to believe that you and he are in love, you have no choice but to pretend you are, especially with the trip to France for his brother’s wedding coming up. When you get back to Seoul, things start to change, and Seokjin is faced with the most difficult decision he has to make.  

The moon was full last night. You think it’s a silly game that the universe played on you.

How many stars does it take to light up the sky? Jin had asked when he took you to the Han River after you recovered from your infection. But all you need is one moon.

He made you think a lot then. If he’d already felt something for you that time, maybe he was trying to tell you that it could be him. 

Beautiful but closer, you recall. You should’ve thought harder and seen through the quality time and affection much earlier; maybe it wouldn’t have caught you off guard, maybe it wouldn’t have hurt this much.

The truth is, you’re unsure what hurt the most. 

You two were going somewhere, and for a marriage built on a lie and a romance that you faked, it was quite ironic that all you wanted was for him to be honest. But that mattered a lot - you were both lying to everyone else, that’s why it was important that you weren’t lying to each other. 

The sequence from that time you got the message from your brother, to the thought that Jin was probably still seeing Seri behind your back, to learning that he wasn’t but that he still lied about her, and then finding out that he’d been in love with you this whole time… it all felt too much. Perhaps one to two would be bearable, but all of that and all at once? It was too much for your stubborn, guarded heart to take. 

He looked sorry, sure, but it doesn’t take away from what he’d done and what happened. How long was he going to keep it all from you? If you did reciprocate, did he plan on eventually telling you everything? 

Perhaps it hurts as much because you trusted him. That’s when it starts going to shit, actually - once you trust someone, you give them the power to break it. And he’d done just that. Every action of his meant something more to him, and you’d been going on unknowingly, thinking he was trying to get over Seri, without knowing there were other motives to how he’d been acting with you recently. 

You release a long breath as you continue to make sense of everything and all that you’re feeling, as your brother advised. You called him last night after you calmed down a bit since he’d been messaging nonstop after you hung up. 

“Just give yourself time,” Hoseok said. “And give him time, too. I don’t know about him but it’s been a while since you got into a conflict like this with somebody you cared about as more than a friend so don’t rush it. You don’t want to say something you’ll eventually regret.”

You took that to heart, which is why you decided against telling your best friends about it first since the wound is still fresh. It’s also why you couldn’t sleep and only realized when you woke up this morning that you left the TV on a sports channel on mute. 

Your brother’s right; you’re quite rusty when it comes to managing personal conflicts. But then again in the past, you always made yourself small and was the one who gave way so the issue wouldn’t get bigger, and that’s why it was hard to stand up for yourself during the times it got too much, and why you forgave too easily, and why you buried the pain for the other person’s comfort. 

It took long before you could unlearn those, and it just sucks that Jin is the least deserving of this treatment, but you just find it hard right now to understand his side. 

You move around the bed and hug the pillow, finding another comfortable position so you could try to fall asleep again - which is really what you plan to do all Sunday - when there’s a light knock on the door.

“Mrs. Kim, it’s me.” 

You quickly open the door to see Mrs. Kang with a tray of beef bone soup and rice, and the scent is enough to make you forget the crisis you’re in even for just a short while.

“Oh, you didn’t have to bring it up here,” you say, taking the food from her and placing it on your desk. “I could’ve, uh, well…”

“I just figured that you wouldn’t be leaving your room for a while after last night,” she says quite shyly. “Mr. Kim hasn’t left his room, too, and—”

She stops at your wide-eyed reaction. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cross a line. It’s just, uh…”

“You heard us last night?”

She nods.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Kang, if we disturbed your sleep. Seokjin and I aren’t in a good spot right now. But I appreciate you bringing this over, thank you.”

She looks like she wants to say more but she stops herself, and you appreciate that, too. She bows and leaves you to your meal, and like you hoped, the tasty broth and soft beef brisket calm your mind and your body a little bit. It’s probably already the highlight of your day and you’re barely halfway through it.

Almost an hour later, you open the door to leave the tray outside, when across the hall, you see Mrs. Kang take a tray from Seokjin as well. 

He sounds gruff but you hear him clearly. “Has ___ eaten?” He asks.

“I’m just about to ask for her tray back, Mr. Kim, but she looked pleased with what I prepared.”

“Okay, good,” he responds. “Ask her what she wants for dinner and you can prepare the same for me. We’ve still got beef and prawns, some scallops and squid that she might like. Thank you.”

You quickly close your door and wait for the knock before you return the tray.

“What would you like to have tonight?“ Mrs. Kang asks.

“Just naengmyeon,” you respond. “And some boiled pork, please.”

The older woman sees you glance at the door across the hall, and any fear she had last night that you and Seokjin would be over fades a little. 

You still clearly care for each other, choosing the other’s favorite dishes to be served because you know how much food makes you both happy. She just wishes that it wouldn’t take too long for both of you to realize just how much the other cares. She hopes it’s not too late for the two young people she’s come to care for like her own.

You’ve never been so bored in your life. Usually, you enjoy idle time - you get to just scroll through your social media for some dish or product inspiration, or read a book. But neither is working in keeping your mind preoccupied, as it constantly shifts to the man across the hall, probably gaming or watching TV. 

You try to recall everything you did in France and everything you did after. Thinking about them now, maybe you could’ve been more observant so you could tell exactly when things started to change, but you were going with the flow and spending half the time enjoying yourself there, and the other half feeling guilty. He had been the one who made sure you got to savor your time there and reminded you that everything was going to be okay. 

Any hints of more or different on your end from them didn’t seem to matter much. Sure, you got to see just how hot and handsome he is; you got to see his playful nature. You felt just how comfortable it was for both of you, and you told hold him as much, but they all seemed quite trivial - nothing to completely shift your thoughts or make you rethink everything. You wonder what it was that did it for him, and you wonder how differently things would’ve been if he told you about it then.

You try to enjoy dinner but can’t help imagining Seokjin’s excited face. His cheeks go out and angle a certain way since he has a tendency sometimes to stuff his mouth with food, especially if it’s his favorite. He has this satisfied smile, too, like all is well now that he’s eaten. You try to rid yourself of those thoughts but it proves to be more tiring; you’re glad it helps you sleep better that night, though.

The next morning, you purposely take longer to get ready, knowing that Seokjin has a schedule to follow and must leave the house at 7AM. During the times when you can’t get up that early, you agreed that he could just leave without telling you and you’d drive yourself to work, and that’s what happens, as you hear him walk down the stairs and call out to Mr. Lim. You do have a feeling that he knew you wouldn’t want to be riding with him, though. 

You head to the driveway to get in your car when Yoongi standing by it startles you, knowing that Seokjin needs to have his assistant for his usual rundown of his schedule every morning.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” You look at the man curiously.

“I’m here to take you to work,” he replies, his face a little softer than usual.

“Did Seokjin ask you to do this?” You frown.

“No, I offered.”

“Here to apologize on your boss’ behalf and advocate for him, is that it?”

“I’m his secretary, ___. I follow orders and do what he says, but I’m also his friend, and as his friend, I call him out on his bullshit,” Yoongi explains. “I did so when he started developing feelings for you, and even more when he lied about Seri resigning.”

“So you knew all this time? Doesn’t that make you complicit?” You argue.

“No,” he huffs. “It makes me respectful of my boundaries and the relationship you both have. But like I said, I’m still his friend and I hate seeing him act like he’s losing everything good in his life because he screwed up.”

“Why are you here then? Doesn’t he need you more?”

“I spent my Sunday listening to his voice messages; I think I’ve heard what he wants to say. I just felt like maybe you want to do that, too, with someone who also knows his side,” Yoongi reasons. “And also, just in case you’re not in the mood to drive; we can take the Genesis. But if you are and you prefer to be alone, that’s fine, too.”

You think about it for a bit and decide it’s not such a bad idea. It’ll be better to have someone else on the wheel in case you space out. 

“Okay, then,” you say, walking past your humble Elantra and getting in the passenger seat of the SUV.

Yoongi doesn’t say much as he drives out of the gates and the neighborhood. He lets you drown in your thoughts with the soft music in the background as you look out the window and appreciate the clear sky. It’s when you’re close to downtown when he asks if you’ve had breakfast and if you want to pass by a cafe. You agree; you need something delicious before facing Jin  in this morning’s executive committee meeting.

You’re seated at the corner of a family-run cafe. Yoongi wanted to take you somewhere less busy and he said he found this while walking around this part of town one time. You sip your coffee and hum in satisfaction at the savory crepe that you ordered, suddenly remembering the one time that you and Seokjin found a place in the alleys of Saint-Tropez that sold crepes similar to this.

“How, uh,” you clear your throat, “how is he?”

“Pretty much what you’d expect of someone who screwed up and got into a fight with the person they care about the most,” Yoongi responds. “Guilty, apologetic, a bit hopeless and helpless. He laid in bed the whole day yesterday; didn’t pick up his game console, nor the remote. Well, that’s what he said. He also didn’t mention work once. That was kinda the biggest tell.”

“Is that, uh, is that normal?”

“For a Kim Seokjin? Not normal at all; you know how he is. You’re probably the only other person who knows him best, and that says a lot,” Yoongi tries to smile. “But when it comes to his relationships, I wouldn’t know. Jin hasn’t been in one since that woman from college, and he and Seri barely fought, if they ever did. Or it just wasn’t serious enough for him to tell me because he never did. But with you… I guess I was the first and only person he called.”

“I’ve also only told my brother,” you sigh. “Well, because I learned about Seri from him and he would’ve panicked if I didn’t call back. He also can’t just fly here to fight Jin on my behalf. I feel like my friends would have a lot to say and there’s just so much on my mind right now.”

“You can talk to me if you want, or not, it’s really fine,” Yoongi says. “But I also wanna know how you are.”

“Confused. Hurt, mostly. I don’t like being lied to; that’s one of the first things I told Jin,” you sigh, recalling how you’d listed all the basic things you didn’t want from the men in your life and he’d remarked that your standards were too low because those should be a given already. “And I guess from his feelings to the whole thing with Seri and what they initially implied… I was under the impression that we were both figuring things out along the way. It was him and me facing the world together, you know? And I’m just really upset about it that I don’t know what to say to him nor do I know what I want him to say to me.”

“Is that normal for you?”

“I… actually don’t know,” you sigh. “I haven’t been in a relationship for years. I don’t know how this new version of me takes things like this, what it wants or what it needs to move past it.”

“Seems like you’re both on the same boat, then,” he says, earning him a nod from you. “And normally I’d say you should talk and figure it out together but this is new territory for both of you. You won’t know how to fix things without knowing how to fix you, and that means you and him, separately. You don’t have a past as a couple or even as friends to fall back on at times like this.”

“I know, and that could really mean anything. Whether things go back to normal or not… that’s, uh, that’s what we’ll learn, I guess,” you respond. 

Yoongi nods this time, thinking of the worst. With your trust broken, he doesn’t know how you’ll handle it or how you’ll respond to Jin, if you’ll even let him make it up to you because there really is no precedent for this, given your unusual married-but-not-in-love relationship. But Yoongi will help in whatever way. As the person who spends the most time with you and Jin together, he knows that the happiness you give and get from each other is something special enough to fight for. 

You both go back to the car to head to the office, and it’s not long after when you ask him what he thinks about all this, particularly about Jin’s decisions on everything.

“Jin would’ve been honest about how he felt with you but he wanted to make sure that it wasn’t just the wedding fever or the fake romance thing. And he wanted to cut ties with Seri first before he’d done anything with you,” Yoongi explains. 

He turns towards you at the stoplight, looking into your eyes, something you don’t recall him ever really doing, and you know just how well he means by trying to say things on Jin’s behalf. 

“___, I know he’s not perfect. He’s done questionable things and I won’t use his being rusty in relationships as an excuse, but you also have to know that he didn’t want to hurt her even more the same way he didn’t want to hurt you, and I know that counts for something to you.”

It does, a lot more than you expected it would, so you nod and give him a smile.

Yoongi says he’ll drive you home but you insist, saying you’re feeling better and don’t want to tie him to your schedule when he should be assisting your husband. Yoongi accepts and says he’ll pass by your room to give you the car keys, and you go about your morning, trying not to think of having to see Seokjin in the conference room later.

You work on the emails that piled up over the weekend and review your report before heading to the conference room and taking your seat in the area on his left. He arrives 5 minutes later, 10:00 on the dot, and begins the meeting with none of his usual greetings or check-ins with the directors. His expression isn’t the usual one, either. It’s more serious yet blank at the same time. 

The directors provide key updates as is done every week. For each person who speaks, Seokjin looks straight ahead, towards the screen where data is being presented, while taking notes on his tablet. At the call of your name, he waits for a few seconds before he turns to you.

He looks at you the whole time you report. You can see it from your periphery since you’re looking at everyone else across from you and towards your left, trying not to linger on his face. You respond to your senior director’s question and glance at Jin, briefly meeting his soft, apologetic eyes before he turns to the screen, with the serious expression back on his face. 

It’s not the meeting you’re used to where he has many clarifications, hence why it would often drag on until past lunchtime because there are many things he wants to iron out. Today, he lets everyone just talk and ask questions, which aren’t many, since they also seem to be a little on edge with their President’s disposition. He doesn’t seem angry, but he also doesn’t seem to be in the mood. 

Seokjin ends the meeting after 2 hours, saying he’ll email each one with further questions and clarifications by 4PM so everyone still has time to revise them. You wait until 5; he doesn’t send anything to you. 

You decide to work until early in the evening, choosing to have your dinner in the cafeteria instead and then heading for home by 8:30. You arrive with Seokjin’s car not in sight, and you figure that he’s staying late in the office again. 

You both find ways to avoid each other. You spend the next 2 days going on site visits with your teams in the farms then you hole yourself up in the lab, observing and assisting the staff as they work on the recipes for the curry set of products. On those days, you leave for work later than Seokjin and come home earlier. You tell your best friends that you’re busy, that's why you’re unresponsive in the chat group, and that wouldn’t be the first time. 

Hoseok calls you every night just to make sure you’re okay. Your husband hasn’t reached out, you say, and you’re not exactly sure if you’re waiting for him or if you’re glad that you don’t have to deal with him yet. You’re still working around the story in your mind. All you know are from the things you pieced together and based on what Jin said, which you didn’t allow him to do much of. 

“I know I said to take your time but you’re gonna have to speak to him at some point,” your brother advises. “He’s still your husband and you’re still colleagues. This is gonna boil over soon enough if you don’t do something about it.”

“I know,” you sigh. “I’m just confused about a lot of things. I’ve kind of calmed down a bit. I’ll talk to my friends this weekend and I don’t know… figure out how to move forward.”

“That’s at least something. But hey, you choose yourself at the end of this, okay?” Your brother reminds you. “Whether it’s with him or not, you choose you. Always. I love you, little sis. I’ll see you soon.”

You return the affection, thankful that he’s still looking out for you even if he’s in another country. Your younger sister, too, even if she’s thousands of miles away. Miyeon may not know everything that’s going on but she doesn’t fail to send you encouraging messages every week. The fact that she gets to do so much good and live her life as a scientist in Canada is enough to remind you that you did what was right for you and your family; that she didn’t have to make the choice you did to marry into the Kim family and protect your own.

It’s the next day when you’re busy reviewing proposals for new products when Sejeong knocks and enters your room and proceeds to take a seat in front of you.

“Hey,” you say, returning her charming smile with a forced one from you.

Her face falls a little bit at the sight. 

“Are you and my brother fighting?” She asks with a sullen expression on her face now.

“Me and Seokjin? Why would you think that?”

“Because he has the same sad, blanked out face like you’ve had this whole week,” she pouts. “He hasn’t been teasing or smiling, and I’ve barely even seen you. What’s going on?”

You’re stumped for a bit, unsure how to respond. Sejeong doesn’t know the whole story, and you don’t want to bring her into this mess in any way.

“Ah, well, you know how it’s been a tough couple weeks. For all of you, actually. And you know him, he takes work so seriously and things like that just really affect him.”

“Enough to have it affect his marriage, too?” She wonders. 

“You know how arguments happen when people are under a lot of stress,” you sigh, knowing you’re not entirely lying. “We’ve never fought since we got married so we’re kind of just feeling things out, letting things settle. I think that’s best for us right now.”

“Okay, I trust you. He’s not talking about it and well, he’s always been like that,” Sejeong huffs. “He’s a lot more private than people think. He was never really one to share his emotions about anything but still, I haven’t seen him like this since he and his ex broke up and that was like, a decade ago. I never knew how to help him get through tough things like this.”

Seokjin’s ex. He’s never talked about her and you never asked. It’s telling how the breakup is the incident that’s always referred to, and now you’re wondering what really happened, but you’re also unsure if you’re ready for whatever it was.

“I’m sorry,” you say, feeling like it’s all you can tell her.

“Don’t be. Whatever it is, I hope you’ll both figure it out. Seokjin cares deeply, you know? He’s not perfect but he cares so much, more than he can handle sometimes,” she manages a grin. “And I know this is silly to ask but can you, uh, make sure he’s okay? I worry about him a lot since he’s never really open about his struggles but yeah, not forcing you or anything.”

“Okay, I will,” you manage a half smile, too. There are ways to ensure that without being the one who does it directly. 

“Alright. Thanks a lot, ___,” she stands up. “And uh, don’t worry. My parents won’t know about you and my brother.”

“Thank you, Sejeong. I don’t want them to worry and I’m sure neither does he.”

She nods then leaves. 

You go to your group chat with your friends and ask them out to dinner, knowing that you need them tonight more than ever.

“I’d like to say I should’ve seen it coming but also, fuck, I didn’t see that coming,” Jungkook exclaims as he munches on his pork belly from your favorite barbecue place that all 4 of you are eating in his apartment. “So this whole time, he’s been in love with you and you were just going on like things were normal? And that Seri resigned because he’s in love with you? And you’re angry because he’s in love with y—”

“Yah! You made your point,” you kick his shin. “And he said he was falling in love with me. There’s a difference.”

“No, there isn’t. You’re just being dumb,” Dara says. “That’s kinda like, softening the blow, I guess, considering that you were adamant about not being in a relationship and still being hung up on Namjoon. And the fact that you did the deed before all this revelation and I still need the deets.”

“I am not still hung up on Namjoon,” you correct, but backtracking at her knowing face. “I mean, not as much as before. Obviously, there’s that past that I haven’t gotten around to completely letting go and resolving so, yeah. And can we focus on the issue at hand please and not the sex?”

“The sex is a part of the issue, you dummy!” She spits. 

“Where does that leave Joon, then?” Jimin asks. “And where does that leave you and Jin?”

“I don’t know, honestly,” you sigh. “I haven’t heard from either of them and especially with Jin, I don’t know what he’s thinking, or what else he’s feeling. And I’m not gonna be the one who’ll reach out.”

“Are you still mad, though?” Jimin wonders. “Like, anger is an acceptable first reaction. But what about now?”

“The shock’s worn out a bit but there’s still a lot to process - what he feels, what I feel. I mean, I was taking my time and now I feel like I have to speed it up just because he already knows what he feels and I just don’t like not being on the same page. He and I always were.”

“But what else are you confused about?” Jungkook asks. “You clearly feel something for Mr. Boss Man Husband. And he’s in love with you, and you can be, too. I mean, yeah you have this grand plan of divorcing and shit but honestly, that sounds pretty stupid right now compared to all that’s going down at this moment.”

“It’s still an option,” you respond.

“Okay, but that was before all this. Before he broke up with Seri because he wants you. Now my man’s gonna be alone for the rest of his life and not until you make up your mind about Namjoon, if, by some miracle, he even decides to come back, then so will you,” he counters. 

“I wouldn’t really mind,” you roll your eyes. 

“Yes, you do. Because I know deep down, you want to be loved, you want to be cared for, to have someone you can enjoy this life with, and there’s nothing wrong with that!” He says passionately this time. “Those assholes took so much from you and I get it but—”

“Exactly, Kook! They took so much from me and I loved them,” you choke. “I haven’t even given much to Jin but he already hurt me. What happens when I do? What do I have to live through and survive this time?”

“Okay, not that I defend the lying because I’m still gonna give him shit for it,” Jungkook replies, “but he’s clearly way better than those fuckers. And fine, even if it’s not Jin, or the heck, it can even be Joon but what I’m also trying to say is that ___, you deserve love and yeah, it may hurt a bit but the right one won’t hurt all the time. I just hope you won’t have your wall up forever and actually see that some things and people are worth getting over your fears for.”

You let your best friend's words settle. This is a man who watched you grow up even if you lived 130 miles from each other, the one who saw the worst and best of everything about you once you became an adult; he even got arrested for yes, beating up your ex, and you know he means what he says that he just wants the best for you, in whoever or whatever form that might be. 

Because he’s also right - you do want that love, you want that care. You worked hard to be where you are now and you want to enjoy it with someone who wants the same things as you. But as you learned, it’s not always easy.

“I just don’t know what to expect with Jin,” you sigh. “With Joon, I’ve come to expect it, you know? We have such deep care for each other but I expect him just being away, or not following up on his promise yet. Better that I know than not at all.”

“That’s valid but you also wouldn’t know until you work it out with Mr. Stupid Handsome Husband. Listen to him or talk to him, and maybe reach out to Joon, too. It’s about time you also decide what you want from him,” Jungkook responds, earning him a nod and an affectionate lean on his shoulder from you.

“Just to be clear, you’re not in love with ___, right?” Dara asks Jungkook, who visibly chokes along with you. “I mean, you had an impassioned speech and I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t misinterpreting it or anything.”

You’re laughing now, and it’s a good distraction, really, as you constantly shake your head.

“Just to be clear - no,” Jungkook responds. “I want to be babied and ___ hates it. She wants a strong, independent man and that’s not me.”

“You’re right, you’re a literal man-child,” you playfully roll your eyes. 

“Now since that’s settled,” Jimin gets everyone’s attention, “what are you planning to do now?” He asks you.

“I guess… give Jin a chance to say what he wants to say, if he plans to,” you sigh. “And maybe call Joon or something, see how he is and maybe he could help me figure things out.”

That last bit wouldn’t take long, you find out. Later that night, as you lay in bed and wait to fall asleep, you get a text message you weren’t really expecting. It’s from Namjoon.

Seokjin drags his feet up the stairs, and like everyday since Sunday after your fight, he looks at your door and waits a few seconds before he heads to his room. 

It’s that silly little hope he has that you’d exit at the right time when he’s outside and he could see your face that isn’t on his phone screen. Those photos from France have been his saving grace this whole week; without them, he doesn’t know how he would’ve survived, knowing the terrible state of your relationship.

The first and only time he was able to look at you was during Monday’s meeting. You delivered your report well, as you always do, but he was too much of a coward to comment or email you for questions. So many times since then, he wanted to just go inside your room and talk to you - about food, about work, about this video he watched, about you, about what he feels… and how sorry he is for making every stupid decision he could ever make since he realized he’s fallen for you. 

He wants to apologize for everything, tell you that he meant what he said about being in love with you, something he hadn’t expected to feel this fast or this certainly. He wants to ask for another chance, to ask what he can do to prove to you that he’s nothing like your exes who would just lie and cheat and take advantage of you, to ask how you can both move forward, together.

He’d find the guts to exit his room and stand outside yours, but at the very last moment, he realizes he can’t do it. There’s always that chance you’ll hear him out and speak to him, and that may mean forgiving him and letting him in again. But there’s also a chance that you’ll want out, that you’ll say you’ve made up your mind and you don’t want anything to do with him anymore, and he’s not ready for that.

But he’s been such a mess all week. Yoongi talks to him every night. Taehyung visits him in his office every morning and invites him for dinner and drinks and whatever; even to play golf over lunch just so he’d have something to look forward to, but it’s really hard to be excited about anything. He usually ever really gets excited even about the simplest things with you. 

But he also knows he’s been letting himself go a little too much. He’s quite absent-minded at work and it takes him hours to get focused, leaving him staying in the office until the late evening just to get something done. He’s been trying to figure out how best to approach you, on what he should say to make things clear to you - that he’s sorry, that he wants you, and that he’ll make it up to you.

He finally finds the strength to do it tonight. He had dinner at Taehyung and Hyun-a’s place and they were the ones advising him how to deal with conflicts and arguments like this. 

“You just have to go through it, hyung,” his brother had said. “There’s really no simpler or better way. You just have to tell her in whatever way you can. Find out how she will listen and let her know you mean every single word.”

So that’s why he’s here, knocking on your door and cutting off your question on who it is. You’re at least here and you’ll listen, but he’ll make sure not to make it any more difficult for you.

“I won’t come in, I promise,” he says, leaving the door open just enough for you to hear each other. “I just want to say what I’ve been meaning to say all week but just didn’t have the guts to because I’ve been so scared. Is that okay? If you don’t want to, just let me know. I, uh, I don’t want to force you into anything.”

He hears you shut the TV off and when you don’t say anything else, he continues.

“I was gonna send you voice messages but I kept deleting them because I sounded terrible,” he chuckles, ironically tinged with sadness. “And you could just delete them I guess and I’d never know so uh, I decided to just do this instead. It’s kind of nerve-wracking; my hands are actually shaking right now. It’s like that though, right, when you care about something and someone? Everything is scary, losing them is scary. And I could just feel that that’s so close to happening with you.”

His throat is dry and his heart is beating incredibly fast, but he remembers what his brother said about just doing it because there’s literally no other way. Jin can spend the rest of the weekend wailing over what happens after.

“I guess it was somewhere between exploring the streets and discovering new things, to your snoring at night, to the comfort of your presence and your smile,” he continues. “It was just so easy with you; it was comfortable and natural and it’s so silly to think that we were supposed to be acting but during our time together, I didn’t feel like I was playing a role. I was just being myself and that felt amazing, you know? It felt new and different and liberating.”

It’s something I miss terribly, too, he doesn’t say.

“I thought maybe it was the wedding fever but I just knew something had changed. And a part of me hoped and maybe believed for the briefest moment that they changed for you, too, because it somehow felt real. Or maybe that was just my heart and my mind convincing me because the truth was harder to accept - that you didn’t feel the same way, and that there’s no place for me in your heart that you’ve been rightfully guarding. And for good reason. I hurt you before you even let me in and that’s not a good way to ask someone to love them back.”

On the other side of the door, you’re rooted on your bed, knees propped up as you hug them for comfort. This is the most that you’ve heard him speak about his feelings, and they’re all quite overwhelming for you. 

Maybe he felt the comfort you felt with him, too, perhaps that’s why he says it seemed like something changed for you as well. You were in awe of his beauty and his charm, the way he looked so free and electrifying in so many ways, but you knew there was no place for any of that. It all felt straightforward to you - you only had each other to hold onto, to confide in. It felt natural because it was, in a way that was different from what he was feeling. 

Maybe it was on you, too. Because you didn’t reinforce enough what it all was. Maybe you made him hope without knowing it. 

But he still chose to lie when you got back here, when he said it was all okay with Seri, when he didn’t tell you the truth about why she left. And you believed it all, and it seemed so hard for him to tell you things when all you wanted was his trust and his honesty. 

“Things were simple with Seri because I didn’t ask for more and neither did she, but I guess she was waiting for me to make it official and I just didn’t have enough reason to. I guess I was being blind to that, too, because it was easier since things were convenient,” he goes on. “This is gonna sound so cliche but the past months with you showed me what I’ve been wanting and missing all this time, and to feel all that with you - little by little and then all at once - was all I needed to make the decision, and I’m so sorry that I lied about it, about her and me and why she left.”

His voice starts to shake as he recalls the fight from last week, how hurt and betrayed you looked, how for a moment you thought he was seeing her behind your back and breaking your trust. 

“I’m so sorry that I gave you a reason not to trust me, that I’m maybe making it difficult for you to trust someone again. Or think that someone can’t be good for you but I want to be that man, ___. I’m not perfect and I still have a lot to learn but I’m going to work on them. There’s nothing holding me back now.”

“I do,” you finally say, surprising him.

He wasn’t expecting you to say anything, even if he wished you would, but now the possibility of what you’ll say is making him hold his breath and feel like his heart is about to break into thousands of tiny pieces. 

“Tell me, we can work it out,” he croaks.

“Namjoon, he’s, uh. He called me yesterday, said he got an offer at this Art Institute,” you say, your voice trembling at the information. “He’ll do monthly travels but the base is in Incheon. It sounds like a good opportunity for him and he gets to be back home.”

“That’s, uh, that sounds great, ___,” Jin says after what seems like a minute or so. “That means there’s a chance for both of you, huh? Finally, right?”

“We’re gonna talk about it, actually,” you say as a consolation, though you’re unsure what that would do. “He’ll be in Hong Kong next week for a conference and I plan to meet him there. I’ll head out during the weekend and see him, discuss things.”

You hear him constantly clearing his throat and sniffing, and a crying Jin is a sight you don’t want to see or even think about. But he’d just laid his heart out and you’re breaking it while it’s at the palm of your hand as he offers it to you, and you’ve never felt more ashamed of yourself for doing this to a man whom, deep down, you care deeply about.

“I’m so sorry, Jin,” is all you could say.

“You have nothing to apologize for, okay? He means so much to you and I understand that. Just, uh, just let me know when you’re leaving, alright?”

“I will,” you reply, unable to stop the tears from falling now. 

Somehow saying something as certain as this makes it all so real, and it’s breaking your heart, too. 

“Okay,” he mumbles. “Go rest now. Goodnight, ___.”

He closes the door before you even get to respond. And even from behind it, you could hear his heart breaking even more. 

You wake up the next morning still feeling tired. As has been the norm, you didn’t sleep a wink last night after that exchange with your husband. It was tough hearing his voice crack, and you can just imagine how much it took for him to even talk about his feelings and even more, to support you in something that might as well cause him to lose you for good. 

The bed pulls you back down, as you want to lay in here longer, but you agreed with Dara that you’d join her in her yoga class since she insists it’s gonna help you clear your mind a little bit, given all that you’re thinking and feeling. 

You get dressed and head out, glancing at Jin’s room that’s surprisingly open. There’s some clanking you hear and with how last night transpired, you just know that he wouldn’t be leaving his door open like this.

So you walk towards it, almost tiptoeing like you’re sneaking in, not wanting to scare him or anything. But instead, you find Mrs. Kang rummaging through piles of clothes on the couch. 

“Hi, Mrs. Kang, is everything okay? And where’s Seokjin?”

“Hi, Mrs. Kim,” she bows. “Mr. Kim was called for a meeting by his father. He was in a hurry and didn’t have time to look for his wallet and he asked me to look for it, uh, here.”

She looks around and sighs, and even you could sense her disappointment. She’s been Jin’s caretaker since he was a teenager and she’s mentioned so many times before how she always appreciated the elder Kim always being neat and organized. She never had to worry about misplaced clothes or personal belongings, unlike this place that’s so far from the Seokjin you both know.

It’s not the messiest but as per your husband’s standards, this is a hellhole. Coats and trousers are hastily placed on the couch when you know he always fixes them for dry cleaning every week. His trash bin is full and some crumpled papers are on the floor when he usually empties it out every 3 days. His bed is messily unmade when he’s a stiff sleeper. Yet what catches your eyes the most are the whiskey bottle and  empty cans of beer on the side of his couch.

Seokjin may have a fairly high alcohol tolerance but he considers himself a casual drinker, doing it mostly during business events or dinner for the purpose of socializing. He isn’t the type to drink by himself with the intent on getting drunk. And well, the sight tells you otherwise. 

Mrs. Kang sighs and looks at you apologetically, though you’re unsure what it is she’s sorry for. She picks up the trash and you kneel to help her, but she stops you before you can continue. 

“It’s not your job to clean up your husband’s messes, Mrs. Kim,” she tells you.

“Is it not?” 

“No. Your job is to love him. That’s what gets his butt off the bed so he could clean up all this,” she smiles, and you can’t help the little giggle that escapes you. 

But you turn serious when you think about what she says. 

Love. It seemed so easy for him to feel that about you. You wonder if you’d just been so numb and oblivious to it that you didn’t realize it was staring at you, living with you, breathing next to you. 

“What if I don’t? Or don’t know how?” You mumble. “To love him, I mean.”

“Sometimes the heart feels before the mind can process it,” she says wisely. “I think that’s how it is with you. Seokjin used to love so naturally, so joyfully, so deeply. It’s been a while, but I’ve never seen him laugh or hurt this way.”

You merely nod and smile, not wanting to get into this right now because you wouldn’t know how to tmanage your emotions if they do get too much. So you turn and fix the bed, fluffing the pillows and pulling the duvet covers over them. You find Jin’s wallet lodged between the bed and his night table, so you pull it out and hand it to Mrs. Kang so she can send it to your husband through Mr. Lim.

You bid her goodbye and meet up with Dara for your yoga session followed by a hearty lunch and a shopping spree on her end for an upcoming family vacation she’s taking. 

You finally tell her what happened the night you and your husband had sex, and give her enough details so she could tell you what signs you missed. There was more passion and intensity and desire you overlooked and mistook for him just wanting to release his stress. 

“There was more loving than fucking,” Dara had basically screamed in the store for everyone to sideye both of you. “And I know that it’s been a while since you felt that, if any of your exes even did, but the fact that you thought it was different with Jin in some way should’ve already told you that it wasn’t your usual bang.”

You let her “analysis” settle and then decide to hang out at Jungkook’s place after so Dara could try to beat him at some game while you and Jimin talk about work gossip that doesn’t involve you. You go home after dinner and try to sleep, but the fact that Jin hasn’t gone home since this morning is putting you a bit on edge. 

You’re actually quite nervous to message him, not knowing how he’ll respond to you after last night’s conversation. So you watch crime shows on Netflix until you get sleepy, and once you feel like you’re about to enter deep sleep, a loud banging almost jerks you out of bed. 

Fear creeps into you for a moment before you remember the state-of-the-art double security system that Jin had installed after you mentioned that you’re more afraid of robbers than you are of ghosts. You put on your robe and cautiously open the door, and you’re startled again after another loud thump.

Out in the hallway, you see your husband being dragged by two men, and from the silent curses and laughter, you assume them to be Yoongi and Taehyung. You follow them into the room where they dig up their last bolts of energy to get your husband onto the bed, dead weight and all. They both tag-team again to get him to lie on his back so he doesn’t suffocate, and then catch their breath after what seemed like a marathon that they ran.

“Rough night, huh?” You say, startling them before they make out that it’s you. 

“He’s not gonna fucking hear the end of this,” Yoongi groans. 

“How much did he drink?” You ask, seeing the sorry state of your husband. He looks absolutely terrible. 

“More like how much and how long,” his brother scoffs. “And well, he drank a lot for a long time, but I guess he feels better since he got to release all his anger and frustration.”

“Tae, does he look like he’s better to you?” You frown.

“At least he’s not wailing and shit,” the younger man shrugs. “But uh, he told us about last night… And I’m sorry for how all this happened. I shouldn’t have suggested faking it.”

“There was no other way, okay? Your brother’s the one who slipped and well, we’re here.”

“Yeah, he slipped and fell in love with his wife. What’s the worst that could happen, right?” Yoongi says, wincing at your shocked face at the subtle dig. “Sorry, I’ve been dealing with him like this an entire week and it took so long for him to talk to you until that Namjoon guy got to you first and now he’s… well,” he turns to look at his friend. “He’s like this.”

“It’s okay,” you sigh. “It’s quite a lot for both of us and those around us.”

“Yeah, well, love hurts. You both know that enough,” he huffs. “Anyway, I’ll get me and Tae some water. I’m exhausted from dragging Jin’s ass from the bar to here.”

Yoongi leaves you with Taehyung who puts his arm on your shoulder. “How are you holding up, sis?”

“Terribly, but not enough to pass out like your brother.” You turn to the man next to you. “What happened, Tae? He doesn’t… drink. But we found bottles and cans of alcohol in his room earlier.”

“Hyung doesn’t really have vices. Well, aside from work. But when that’s drowning him and his heart’s a mess, he doesn’t have anything or anyone else to turn to,” Taehyung explains. “Whiskey knocks him out. He says it’s been hard to sleep the past week and I don’t blame him. It’s been tough.”

You hum, not knowing what to say, walking towards Jin to remove his shoes and socks instead to keep you preoccupied.

“Is Namjoon your ex?”

“Uh, not really,” you stammer. “I mean, we had something going but we were never in the same place at the same time. And now we could be, that’s why, uh, that’s why I’m seeing him next week to talk about it.”

“Ah, that’s why,” Taehyung hums. “Hyung didn’t give much background about the guy but he kept saying you’re going back to him and stuff. He kinda lost it then.”

When you don’t say anything, Taehyung continues. 

“He and his ex, Nabi, were together for 3 years. He considered asking her to marry him but her ex came back and she left him for that dude. It’s been tough for hyung ever since.”

So that’s why Seokjin never talked about his past relationship, why his family always talked about 10 years ago as the last time they’d seen him happy, why maybe it’d been hard for him to fully commit to Seri, among other things, and why the news about Namjoon is hitting him this hard. 

“I… I didn’t know that.”

“I know. He hates talking about it; he hates talking about himself, actually. Not like me, at all,” he chuckles. “But hyung keeps himself at a distance from people, and he’s so good at it that you wouldn’t really know it. And I didn’t realize it until you.”

“What… what about me?”

“I used to think that what he had with Seri was something, you know? But when I asked her what her favorite dish of my brother was, what he liked to eat, she couldn’t answer. I mean, 5 years and she doesn’t know the most intimate thing about him? And I don’t mean the birthmark on his butt.”

“Didn’t ask for the image, but thanks, I guess,” you scowl.

Taehyung gives a cheeky smile but continues. “I thought that was on her but no, it was on him. He didn’t feel comfortable enough to share something so personal and intimate about him with her. He thrives in comfort, in stability, and they started in the complete opposite.”

“Your brother and I started based on a lie, Tae. We’re no different.”

“Are you? Did any of the laughter or the affection or anything else feel that way?”

At your silence, he offers you a sincere smile. “I love my brother and I’ll vouch for him until there’s nothing left of me, so you can take this with a grain of salt but I really think that if you’ll let him, he can truly make you happy.”

Right on cue, Yoongi enters the room with a glass of water for Taehyung and another one for Jin, which he places on the night table.

“Were you just outside listening?” Taehyung asks.

“Yeah, seemed like a pretty serious conversation and I didn’t want to interrupt,” Yoongi shrugs.

“I’ve been so fucking thirsty!”

You smack the younger man at his loud voice and tell him to quiet down.

“Nah, hyung will be asleep for like, 18 hours max. Don’t worry about it; he’ll just be really hungry after.” 

You nod and thank them again, and they leave you alone with a passed out Jin, painfully unaware of all the thoughts in your mind. 

It’s quite ironic how you felt like you were slowly getting to know him after France, because Taehyung was right - the laughter and affection weren’t lies. And then when things fell apart, you felt like you didn’t know the man. But now, as he continues to hurt and let himself go, it’s like you’re getting to know him, all over again, all at once. 

You’re getting to know the pain and fear underneath, the worries and failures. You’re getting to know how little he lets people in, and how much of himself he’s willing to give to those he wants more of. You’re getting to know how he loves. It’s unfamiliar, it’s a little unnerving, and you don’t know if you’re ready for it.

You take a washcloth and dip it in a basin full of lukewarm water. You wet his arms and his hands then dry him after. You wipe away whatever invisible thing there is on his face with cold water this time, still amazed at how he can look handsome and peaceful despite his current state. You leave an aspirin on his bedside and try to go to sleep. It’s 4AM, and you just hope you have enough energy and courage to face him in the morning.

You do see Jin in the morning, after you wake up at 11 and pass by his room, but as it turns out, he does sleep for 18 hours. 

It’s 6PM by the time he reacts to your leg-pulling and constant calling of his name, propping himself with his elbows and complaining that you’re so loud. 

“I’ve been loud since 12NN, and that was 6 hours ago. The hangover soup and dak galbi are now cold,” you pout.

“It’s 6PM?!” He gasps, checking his phone and scowling at the dozens of messages and calls from Yoongi and his brother. “What ha— I, uh, you’re… you’re here,” he stammers, as he finally takes in your presence. 

It feels like it’s been so long since he’s last seen you. It’s officially been the worst week of his life. 

“Where else would I be? The guys dragged you here at 2AM since you’ve been passed out at the bar for hours. Did you rent the VIP room so you could drink and sleep?“ You frown, arms crossed now. “And I’ve been trying to wake you up because you haven’t eaten yet nor taken your vitamins. And yesterday, Mrs. Kang cleaned up after your mess, with all the empty cans and bottles on th— what?!”

You’re scowling at his calm, smiling face, which is totally misplaced.

“I just missed your voice,” he says.

“I’m being serious here, Seokjin.”

Your stern voice and use of that specific name cause his smile to fall. 

“I’m sorry,” he sighs. “Not to the guys though, since I’ve done my share of caring for their drunk asses but I’m sorry if I woke you, or kept you up, or got you worried.”

Your turn away at the last word, not wanting to give much away. Of course you’re worried, but you’re also still quite upset and well, very much confused. 

“I’ll heat your food and bring it up here. You should take a shower. I’ll be back up in half an hour.”

He nods and stands up too quickly, losing his balance, and you’re quick enough to catch him before he falls on the floor. 

With your arm around his waist and his arm around your shoulder, you’re the closest you’ve been in a while. His heart is beating fast and so is yours, and you look at each other briefly like a terrible dramatic scene from a TV show before you look away.

“Aish, be careful. You’re hungover and you slept for more than half a day, you’re not that well,” you scold him.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles again, gaining his balance now as he makes it to the bathroom with your help.

You leave him alone and heat his food. You knock before he tells you to enter and then place the tray on his bed. 

“Eat with me,” he says. “Here, take my spoon.”

He deflates at your lack of movement but you accept the offer and sit on his side, taking the other bowl and halving the food with him. You did prepare a meal for 3, after all.

It’s tense and a little awkward, something you’re not at all used to with Jin. There’s always a joke or a teasing remark or a meal idea, not silence and side glances and the clanking of utensils against the ceramic bowls. 

“You should stay home tomorrow.” You give in first. “Give your body time to rest and recover.”

“Okay,” he responds, surprising you that he doesn’t relent. “And I’m sorry again, and thank you. You didn’t have to take care of me last night and right now.”

“I’m still your wife, Seokjin. I still have a duty.”

You say it so coldly, so certainly, as if for the first time, you’re playing a role.

“You don’t,” he sighs. “You’re not bound to anything, or to me. You don’t have to be. And even your care, I— I lost the right to receive it after what I did. I’m sorry again.”

He doesn’t look at you, and it’s suddenly so hard to breathe. He’s not being defensive or desperate. He’s just being accepting, and you don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.

“What do you want from me now, Jin?” You ask after a beat of silence. “What am I supposed to do with your confession? What am I supposed to feel?”

“I want you to love me back, ___. That’s what people hope for when they confess their feelings,” he responds defeatedly. “But I can’t demand that from you, not when you don’t trust me. Not when you’re still guarding your heart and waiting for someone else. You… you’ll have to want me, too.”

The words are heavy, almost final. Like an ultimatum that you don’t know how to respond to. You wish you did.

“I don’t know, Jin, I don’t know what to do with all this.”

“Then just take it,” he pleads. “Because I don’t know what to do with it either when it’s just all here”—hand on his chest—“hurting.”

You turn away, afraid he’d see the look on your face. That guilt, that sadness, that confusion and fear you want to get over.

“I’m… I’m supposed to go on that trip and meet Namjoon,” you remind him. “That’s on Friday night.”

“So you could talk about things, right? Figure out how you two could work out?” He says after a while.

“I guess. I mean, it was always going to be hard because of his lifestyle, and now, because of—”

“Because of me. I get it.” He offers you a smile, perhaps the simplest and most generous one he could give. “You should go on that trip. You deserve to be happy, ___.”

You nod and start cleaning up, unable to stay here any longer. He tells you that he’ll take a leave tomorrow but that he’ll spend the rest of tonight working out just to try to feel better. 

He thanks you again then calls you before you step outside.

“I’m accepting a company award on behalf of my father on Wednesday. Do you, uh, do you think you can come?”

“I, uh, my dad has another procedure on that day. I was planning to stay with him since my mom can’t and it’s just gonna be me and Hoseok with him.”

“Oh, alright, no problem.” 

He tries his best to maintain the smile, but it falters too quickly for you not to notice it.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, ___. It’s just some award.”

It turns out, it’s a pretty big award, which is given to the company that rated highest not just in sales but in global impact and culture as well. It’s given during the most prestigious national ceremony for corporations, something you’d only heard about. 

It’s quite the private event despite it being telecasted; Seokjin’s parents were always the only ones invited. But this time, they had to fly to New York for an emergency meeting, leaving their eldest to represent the family here. 

You hadn’t known how big of a deal it was until Jimin sent you the link for the live telecast, telling you that he overheard one of the directors ask Jin in the elevator if you were coming since you took a half-day leave. 

It’s a shame, the director had said. That’s a pretty special award to your family.

Your husband had reasoned that you had to look over your father in the hospital and that’s always been a non-negotiable for you. That’s true; that was one of the first things you told Jin when you were discussing the “terms” of the marriage. It’s also true that your brother is home and a few hours of you accompanying your husband wouldn’t be that big of a deal. 

Your only consolation is that you’re at least able to watch it. But you think it’s more of a punishment than anything - the food looks delicious - or perhaps a way for you to ease the guilt, or maybe make it worse. 

“You’re regretting it, aren’t you?” Hoseok nudges your shoulder as you both sit on the couch of the VIP room since there were no more available private ones. “I know that look, ___. You rarely have it, so I know it’s hitting you hard.”

“I just can’t get the image of his face out of my head,” you sigh. “The way his face just fell and I actually considered going but then I thought - press, socialize… I have to act like everything’s okay. And I kinda chickened out.”

“Did you see him this morning?”

“Before he left. I said good luck and apologized again and he just smiled, like the kind where he’s trying hard to make it believable.”

“Like the one he has on now?”

You turn to the screen of your laptop and spot Seokjin in his slick black suit, one that you accompanied him to get from the tailor a few weeks ago. He’s bowing, shaking hands, greeting the fellow guests, and he just looks so… empty. His cheeks don’t even get close to his eyes when he smiles. He looks stiff and a little dazed, though he constantly looks around, as if waiting, looking for someone. 

You can’t look away, and you watch him walk to his seat. The camera doesn’t pan to his area as the program begins. There are speeches and then a performance when dinner starts, and while that goes on, you’re welcoming your father from the operating room.

He’s still a little groggy but he’s able to greet you and huff out a scoff.

“What are you doing here?” He asks. “Shouldn’t you be at your husband’s event?”

You scowl at your brother because you know he told on you. 

“You have an operation, Dad. And I need to be here, all the more that Mom couldn’t make it.”

“Precisely, because it’s not major,” he points out. “Plus, it’s why I have a son in Tokyo who can fly in anytime.”

“You mean that’s why you have a daughter in Seoul who can drive here anytime,” you argue. “I’m still your child.”

“My only married child,” he corrects. “Arranged or fake or whatever, Seokjin is still your partner. You stand by each other whatever happens, between you or around you.”

“You literally just said it’s fake,” you frown.

“And you try to make it work if you can; that’s how it can be real,” he counters. “That’s an option, you know?”

You turn away, and both he and Hoseok know that your father hit a nerve. Your parents may not know everything, but they do know enough. They’ve seen you dodge men - good men - and back out from anything that could be a potential relationship, holding onto Namjoon because it was safe, it was familiar, and for many years, you felt that it was the best you could do.

“You and Seokjin weren’t a match made in hell, ___. If you don’t consider the romance, what you two have is what any married couple could only dream of - respect, trust, an uncanny ability to make each other laugh,” your father smiles. “A deep care that’s more than romantic or grand or lustful. There’s friendship there, and that means a hell lot more than you think.”

You turn away so you could discretely wipe the tear that falls, pouting at your father and saying he’s probably still high on his anaesthesia. He merely laughs and closes his eyes, leaving you with your brother’s knowing look.

“Didn’t think he had the wisdom in him,” Hoseok laughs. “But you know he means well; definitely doesn’t hate Jin as much as he used to after treating you so well.”

“Seokjin’s actually difficult man to hate,” you admit. “I mean, I don’t hate him. I’m just scared, I can say that now.” 

You lean on your brother’s shoulder as he sits next to you, watching the telecast with Seokjin now being called on the stage.

If you were there, you would’ve spent dinner time with him enjoying the dishes. You would’ve people-watched and taken weird photos in your fancy clothes. You would be tickling and playing with his hand during the speeches. And you would be taking his photos and giving him a thumbs up sign like the stage wife that you are while he’s in front, giving his speech that you didn’t know he was going to make. 

“I, I miss him,” you utter, as you watch him constantly looking around in the audience, on the sides, and something inside you just knows, as you think about the invitation on your desk, that he’s looking for you. “Fuck, I miss him so much.”

You arrive home around 10, after having dinner and coffee with your brother. You’re surprised to walk up the foyer stairs and find Seokjin on the kitchen counter, drinking a glass of juice. 

“Hey, you’re home,” you say, surprised he’s back so early.

“Yeah, I left after the awarding,” he hums. “Nothing else to do there.”

“Oh, okay. Uh, nice speech, by the way,” you smile.

“You were there?” He asks excitedly, and you hate that you have to hurt him like this.

“Oh, uh. Live telecast, actually. Dad’s operation finished right before your speech. I’m sorry.”

“Right,” he replies, his smile faltering. “How is he doing?”

“He’s okay. He’ll go home tomorrow and then go back to the doctor in 3 months, but they said there’s not much to worry about anymore. He just needs to exercise and not be stubborn with his meds,” you chuckle. 

“That’s good,” he says, sounding a little too formal for your liking. “Uh, you’re uh, leaving on Friday, right? For Hong Kong?”

“I am,” you mumble, not ready to talk about this with him. If you’re being honest, you’re not ready to think about the trip at all. 

You return his gaze, as if words are being said between you but unlike before, you don’t know what they mean. There’s apology, sadness, longing, and you can’t help but think that you mirror them, too.

“Okay. Everything’s ready? I asked Mr. Lim to drive you to the airport so just let him know what time you’ll leave. I’ll be here then, to wish you goodbye.”

You’re only able to nod, returning the goodnight that Jin mumbles, and watch him walk up the stairs and softly close the door of his room.  

You feel the weight of the upcoming trip pull you down. It’s odd, not feeling that much excitement about it when you remember a time when you’d always be waiting for Namjoon’s call, for his letter, for that offer that would bring him home, or for any arrangement that would make a relationship between both of you finally happen. But not this time, as it gets clearer what you’re losing, as the day you see the man you’ve held onto for so long draws close. 

Namjoon is a memory, a dream at one point, but he hasn’t been your reality for years, as your brother had told you earlier. You were holding onto him because you thought that was the best you could do, even if he wasn’t around, because he made you feel wanted, even from miles away. He’s your safe zone, Hoseok reminded you, and that may mean not getting hurt because you know what to expect, or in the long-run, that may mean keeping other people out.

You drag your feet up the steps and glance at the closed door across the hall. Behind it is the one who, like your brother said - wants you, loves you, and he’s here. That’s something to think about, isn’t it?

You pointed out Hoseok’s change of allegiance, but he corrected that he was always on your side. Seeing how you’ve been the past weeks just clarified what that meant, but it’s up to you to make that decision.

Seeing Namjoon is important to you. This time, you know it won’t just be a casual catch up but a talk of what would now become of you. There’s so much history between the two of you - of love, forgiveness, sacrifice, and you can’t just leave that behind. You’ll be losing something whatever you do, and you didn’t hold onto his promise only to cut short of knowing if he’ll keep it, if it’ll work out, if it was all worth it in the end.

Mr. Lim picks up your luggage from your room and heads out to put it in the car. You follow after, wondering where Jin is because he’d left his door open. You walk downstairs and find him standing in the living room, hands in his pockets, and a smile tinged with sadness on his face. 

“You have a safe trip, alright?” He says. “Could you, uh, could you let me know when you land?”

“I will,” you smile.

He nods, his gaze lingering, before he takes you in a hug. “Take care there, okay?” He whispers. “Don’t eat just anything because you can still get an infection.” 

You respond with a tightened hold around his waist. It feels like it’s been so long since you last held him, got close to him, felt him. 

“I will,” you whisper.

He tenderly kisses your forehead, lingering, and somehow this feels different. 

“You’ll miss your flight. Go on,” he lets go. “Goodbye, ___.”

You wave back and get inside the car. Why did it feel exactly that - a goodbye?

As you head towards someone and leave someone else behind, somehow it’s the latter you can’t stop thinking about - Jin, and his soft eyes that were trying to tell you something. Jin, and his bread cheeks and his sweet smile and his infectious laugh that you miss. Jin, and the comfort of his voice and the tenderness of his touch.

He’s all you’ve been thinking about, but with just a few hours away of seeing Namjoon, you try to fill your mind with him; this is a long time coming, and you know you have to focus on this trip to get that closure you know you need.

You remember the envelope with his letters, and the ones you’ve written since coming back from France. It’s in your carry-on luggage, and as you search for it in between a few of your clothes, you find something else. 

There’s a brown envelope with a note plastered on it, and you can easily identify your husband’s handwriting.

I know what this trip would mean. You’ve talked a lot about seeing him again and making plans this time. And much as I can’t deny what I feel for you, I feel like it’s too late. You deserve love, ___. I hope what I can give is enough. In case it isn’t, then I’m gonna have to let you go.

You scramble to open it and see the contents inside, and your heart drops at what you find - divorce papers, signed, Kim Seokjin.

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[strawbubbysugar]

Hiii, (princess lawyer anon here) not trying to start anything but i saw an anon upset over what I said (i assume it was about me cuz Im kinda,, the only one who fits their description,,) and I just wanted to say I don’t really appriciate them trying to make me like a villain,,, that kinda hurts to be misinterpreted so intensely,, I wasnt targeting them, there was like.. 5+ people both on the blog and in the story comments that said the same thing, so I really wasnt like,, targeting them or really even thinking of their reply when i wrote what i wrote if im being very honest,, I thought what I said was funny, and not meant to be condescending. Especially since both me and Bubby sorta made the same defender joke,, Sorry, I didn’t like how it felt in my chest reading those messages, if you understand what I mean,,, kinda actually had me tearing up ajdhsjsjdh to explain why it was so long winded if I can try and show i didnt mean it maliciously; I wasnt trying to over explain, I was info dumping because Im autistic and got excited,,,, but I do get that a lot, I really dont mean for it to come off as like im over explaining or condescending or whatever the right word is, im sorry. and this story meant a lot to me,, I just wanted to share my thoughts like everyone else and join in on what i thought were jokes, not over explain things and make people uncomfortable, im sorry,,, sorry for clogging up your box with all this nonsense, I just felt really upset and hurt and didnt know how else to address them since they’re anon,,, andjdjdj sorry if im doing it again rn </3

But, let me end on a positive note cuz I hate coming off as negative!!! Love u Bubby and love the latest chapter, im sorry if i caused any tension for you. Im really excited to see what both pry/ncess my beloved and Sun look like on the wedding day in their pretty outfits <3 I especially loved the funny parts with Sun covering his eyes, hes so silly goofy coded and I love your writing 💕 it never fails to make me laugh, smile, tear up, everything /verypositive And dont let anyone tear you down, I loved So(u)l it still lives in my head rent free and Im absolutely loving Bethroned!!! And also, as an autistic person, I love how you write your y/n’s because I feel like i can really relate where i sometimes struggle with that in other stories 💕💕 thats all, i spent like two hours trying to word this right so i need to stop now for my hearts sake, mwah mwah /silly

Oh Angel thank you for the kind words!! I know nobody in this situation meant to come off as anything but genuine. I’ll post this so that the two anons involved can hopefully find some closure with the situation. I won’t be answering any asks about it anymore but I wanted to make sure you felt seen and heard. :)

Peace and love on planet earth muah muah

#ask #we are all so autistic here it’s ok misunderstandings happen all the time #:) both of you are absolutely fine and nobody meant any harm #<3 #situation settled! #on another note #people’s opinions on the sea?

[endlessthxxghts]

Going anon because I don’t want you to focus on who sent you this (although I’m sure something I’ll say might give me away <3), but rather, I want you to focus in on your amazing self.

Something I like to do in my daily practice is write down a few things of what made me most happy that day… but for purposes of this, I’d like you to tell me which fic (can be multiple) that you wrote makes you the most happy!

Ignore the notes, ignore the traction — which fic of yours makes you the most happy and warm and all the good feelings, and give an explanation (however long you want) as to why❤️

A lot of times, especially in a world like this where the internet and other’s creativity is so accessible, we forget to give our own selves the credit we deserve. This is my way of sprinkling around that little bit of gratitude.

I hope you have a beautiful day wherever you are.

Never short on love for you😘

Heheheheh okay I’m gonna cackle and reveal a secret real quick. If anyone has gotten this message, it was actually me LOLOLOL & now that I’m getting it back from someone makes me laugh BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WHOEVER DECIDED TO SEND THIS TO ME?!🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

And for my answer (in no particular order!)🩶:

Routine. I don’t know how to explain why I’m so proud of this one. This one was in part of that secret santa event that @/pedrostories held, and so I think it was the fact that this was a story that I couldn’t just let die in my WIPs folder😭. And also because this was meant for someone and for a prompt that specific someone gave (@/alwaysbethewest much love!!!), I truly didn’t want to disappoint. I wanted to give my all. And in doing so, this pairing ended up latching themselves in my heart and in my soul in a way that I never want to get rid of. I love these two so much. The vulnerability they have with each other, the raw emotion and love. It just. It came out so beautifully. And sometimes I can’t believe my silly little brain had something to do with it.

Tell Me More. This fic in particular holds a really emotional place in my heart. It was written out of a headspace in which I was needing a bit of comfort in multiple aspects of life, but mainly I just wanted a little bit of comfort in having someone who truly accepts me for all that I am. So although this one was written purely out of self-indulgence, I also gain major comfort in the fact that those who have read this story can find some comfort in it as well — whether it’s because they relate personally or just find the beauty in unconditional love, it makes my heart full.

Solace. This one is my first Din fic, and honestly, I’m so so so proud of it because this is the first time I truly and wholeheartedly felt pride towards something I’ve written. And i know I’ve had a bunch of you always reassure me that what I do write is good, but this is the first story where I truly didn’t need anyone’s reassurance but my own. I’m so proud of this one. Also because Din has a really really special place in my heart, and being able to write this story so fluidly (I wrote this entire story in one sitting!) just fills me up with so much happiness.

To whoever sent this to me, I love you and I appreciate you <3

Also I’m still sending the message out to people because I love a cute gratitude moment <3 I’m sorry if I haven’t gotten to you yet ah😩. Whoever sent this to me, feel free to send it out to others as well!!! You are my official messenger 🫡 LMAOOO.

#💌: endless answers <3 #what are you proud of? #give yourself credit too!!

[dearweirdme]

The Taennie stuff is a distraction tactic. We know all the reasons why. But besides that, we also know, it's a just silly. There are no super secret signs. Whatever the reason, the walk was meant to be public -- across and outside the fandom. There is no reason why, after that, two rich, successful adults in their late 20s in a committed relationship would shift to vaguely coded instagram messages. Also, it's not PR if no one knows it's happening aside from fringe fan groups. I work in PR -- there are plenty of ways to use the walk without every appearing together or mentioning each other again. All either needs to do is mention love, romance, a great date spot, anything dating adjacent and the dots will connect. But neither did. So, yeah I can see why he wouldn't want to release this song earlier. Because it's so absolutely lovely -- from concept to execution and deserves to be admired on its/his merits. And there would have been more mainstream commentary or passing mentions about his "rumored relationship"; about "is this the Taennie origin story?!" (esp since they work in the same industry and have known each other for years) than these random intense hold outs who need to believe everything revolves around them and their beliefs.

Taennie aside, I also think it just makes sense coming after Layover. Layover was such a tight, cohesive universe. Critics acknowledged that as one of its strengths. It was how Tae introduced himself to us as a solo artist. The vocals, the vibes, everything was just sharing himself as an artist. And this just feels right as a continuation from that. One thing Tae is going to do is see the big picture -- like how he thinks of how everything works together (vocals, color choice, setting, clothing, hair, etc) to how he sees all the different pieces (the whole layover promo period, how he is constructed this most enlistment period!) working together. The man has vision!

Anywho, just my two cents.

Hi anon!

Great insights, thanks for your two cents!

To me all this ‘Taennie stuff’ we’re getting now isn’t actually that. I think there has been no seeding of anything, and that it’s mostly Taennies making a fuss and Tkkrs responding to that fuss (at times a bit panicky maybe). Taennie has scarred a lot of us, so whenever we now see a Taennie mention we get triggered (not me personally by the way, I feel very chill).

Taennie as a whole basically worked. Because this reaction of Taennies to a few mere insignificant things, is exactly what you describe. It takes very little for everyone to go all up in arms again.. and that is why Taennie will forever (or for as long as he wants/has to) be a cover for Tae.

#taennope #fandom shenanigans

[sardonic-the-writer]

Egos react to you giving them a gift. Probably something like, a new game for Mark, a piece of his merch or a mirror for actor, a thing of fun shaped/colored caribiners for Illy, a hair clip for Wilford, a message box for Dark (?), cute lock pick for Yancy, a roomba for Anti (to do chores), and an engraved toolbox for engineer. But those are just some of my ideas. No pressure!

Anon these gifts are all fucking perfect. Im astounded at how accurate all of these are /pos

━MARKIPLIER ☆

If you got him a new game, man's would refuse to open it unless you were with him on stream. Even if it's the shittiest game ever, Mark would still smile and laugh, popping it in to play with you immediently, making sure to hug you first

━DARKIPLIER ☆

Instead of a message box, I imagine you got him a typewriter. One of those sleek black ones. It just gives off such Dark vibes, just imagining him sitting at a mahogany desk typing things with a small smile while thinking of you.

━ANTISEPTICEYE ☆

Holy fuck Anti did the biggest fist pump you've seen him do when he found out you got him a roomba. Just made the facial expression equivalent to ">:D" becuase now he had to do less chores 😌

━WILFORD ☆

I would imagine you got him hair curlers as a joke to mock his silly pink afro, but what was meant to make you all laugh instead made Wilford happier than you thought. (Which in turn made you happy as fuck.)

He gave you the biggest bear hug and now wears those curlers every night

━YANCY ☆

Yancy never intends to use the lock pick for lots of things. He only keeps it becuase it reminds him of you <3

The only thing he's ever considered using the set on is when you come to visit, so he can hold you again (before inevitably getting tackled by guards)

━ENGINEER ☆

No one ever sees him without his precious mailbox. Ever. It's like he sleeps with it in his arms, tracing the little message you etched for him in the side.

The markings are sloppy and hard to read, but he loves the shit out of them anyways

━ACTOR ☆

Instead of giving Actor some of his own merch, showing up in his merch would be a gift. Actor would be so flattered and smug, going like "that's my face on their shirt you see that?"

It's better than if you got him a mirror. Becuase he would be too busy looking at himself to thank you sjsndknsjf

━ILLINOIS ☆

You gave him little caribeiners shaped like cartoon characters you know he loved to watch growing up (i.e. Wile E Coyote and Roadrunner) to which he responded with a ".o." face

He hangs them on his backpack, never daring to use them out of fear they'd break. Makes sure to shine the metal parts of them as well :)

#anti x reader #antisepticeye x reader #antisepticeye #dark #darkiplier x reader #darkiplier #dark x reader #mark x reader #markiplier x reader #markiplier #mark #engineer mark #engineer mark x reader #illinois x reader #illinois #yancy x reader #yancy #anti #actor mark x reader #actor #actor x reader #actor mark #wilford warfstache x reader #wilford warfstache #wilford #wilford x reader #egos #egos x reader #markiplier ego

[saintrocklee]

For the prompts (I’m probably super late I’m sorry OTL) “it’s not my fault, it’s 4am and you’re fucking yelling at me!” For Kakuzu please! Also your writing is amazing and I hope your muse returns pronto! Good vibes from me to you ✨

💰 kakuzu x reader 💰 supernatural (ish) AU part one | part two | part three | part four warnings: brief mentions of past abusive relationship. finger sucking and minimal sexy thread times. also - this is a special guest episode, as a treat. special message to the anon who requested this literally 72 business years ago: i am so sorry. i hope this was worth it. ily.

this is part four of my kakuzu prompt series. i recommend reading parts one, two, & three (linked above) before indulging.

The next day you’re distracted. Very distracted. You were typically pretty well put together but you felt as if your head was stuck in a permanent fog. Last night played on a loop in your mind, and you know ... you know Kakuzu had almost kissed you.

I broke my rules for you.

The apple you’re looking at slips from your grip and you blink back to reality. Embarrassment curls up your spine as you glance around to see if anyone saw. When you’re sure no one noticed, you bend to pick up the fruit and add it to your basket. You were doing some light grocery shopping, but so far you’d bumped into two different people, walked down the wrong aisle multiple times, and now you were dropping things.

God, you were like a teenager all over again. Just a silly little girl with a crush. You honestly hated the word, it didn’t seem to adequately describe your situation or your feelings. An infatuation? You were definitely attracted to him. You liked talking to him. You wanted to know more about him. And most importantly of all, he made you feel safe.

Next time, girl.

The shame curling in your gut from being clumsy was slowly being replaced by a simmering, now familiar heat. What did he mean, next time? Did that mean when he saw you again, he’d ... what? Kiss you? Explain? Kill you?

You know the latter is completely untrue, but for some reason it was much easier to imagine Kakuzu taking your life. You can picture Kakuzu killing, you know he’s done it before, and his aura alone was stifling and intimidating. But … kissing? Being intimate? Your imagination stops there but it doesn’t keep you from wondering. From wanting.

You never thought you would fall for a mountain of a man after spending a good portion of your life afraid of men, but here you were. Falling for a monster. Your monster. Who, by all accounts, should scare the absolute living hell out of you.

But he didn’t.

You’re able to check out without issue and start your walk home with two small grocery bags. It’s a nice day and fall was coming, leaving a nice breeze in the air to help clear your mind. You switch your bags to one hand and hold your sweater a little closer, managing to nod and smile at a gentleman walking by. Every day your confidence grew around strangers, and every day you’re thankful for Kakuzu. For your deal. Your spine felt harder, straighter. You rarely had panic attacks anymore, and found yourself leaving your apartment without constantly looking over your shoulder. You were stronger, self-assured, and self-reliant. You felt good.

A low whistle catches your attention and just like that, your courage fizzles to nothing. It was a catcall whistle, something meant to be derogatory, and it reminded you of your ex-husband.

“Wow.”

There’s a very male voice coming from behind and you stiffen, heart jumping to your throat. You don’t want to turn around but you stop walking, listening intently as footsteps approach you.

“I think I get it now.”

You blink, now confused and nervous, and turn your head to see who’s talking to you. Maybe they weren’t even speaking to you, maybe you misheard. Your rampant paranoia was still present and maybe —

Nope. He’s looking directly at you.

You’re visibly shocked by him, mouth parting muted awe. He looked … not like any man you’ve ever seen. Vibrant lavender eyes hold your own with an intensity you’re not used to receiving from a stranger, and his mouth is twisted into a cocksure grin that showed teeth. Silver hair was slicked back with a few strays curling slightly on his forehead, and the open jacket he wore revealed way more chest than you wanted to see. Your eyes immediately flick down to watch his hands and your anxiety kicks up a notch when you see them stuffed into his jacket pockets.

Hidden hands meant trouble. Your ex was proof of that.

It’s the first time in awhile you’ve felt trapped; cornered like some animal. The stranger’s posture was relaxed but the look on his face was anything but. You tried to keep your breathing calm, but your gut instinct was telling you something was off about this guy. He didn’t seem totally crazy, he just seemed … abnormal. Intense. Unpredictable.

“You checkin’ me out, girl?”

Your back stiffens and you snap your gaze back up to his face. Girl. Kakuzu called you that and it never bothered you, but coming from this man? It felt like an insult. Like you were beneath him.

Still … the way he said it. The tone reminded you of your monster. Something about how he said it. Like you were different from him, like you were in a category of your own.

“Do you need something?” you ask, attempting to keep your tone level. Not quite friendly but not quite scared. You were extremely aware of the fragility of the male ego and didn’t want to set this guy off, but you wouldn’t cower. Your question seems to ignite something in him and you frown as he throws his head back and laughs. It’s loud, boyish; and when he snaps his head back up his eyes find yours immediately. The wicked gleam there has you fighting off the urge to bolt, but somehow you know running would make things worse.

“Nah I’m just,” he pauses, taking another step toward you; to which you respond by taking a step back, “curious.”

“About?”

Something about you must amuse this guy a great deal. He’s grinning at you now, assessing you like you were an exhibit he didn’t quite understand. You glance to your right, only to inhale nervously when you realize you’re completely alone. You could have sworn there were other people on the sidewalk with you, and the street you were on was typically a busy one. But there wasn’t a soul in sight, just you and this man.

You suddenly wish Kakuzu would appear.

“Couldn’t fuckin’ believe it when I heard. Had to make a trip back just to see …” he trails off, taking a step to the right to start circling you. It reminded you of a wild animal, circling their prey.

“I don’t understand.” You breathe, body twisting to keep him in your sight. Lavender eyes once again meet yours.

“Don’t suppose you would.” His tone is light, and you can tell he’s having fun. You’re thrown back to being in elementary school, watching other kids participate in game you didn’t know how to play.

“What do you want?” You ask, some of the carefully hidden irritation making it’s way into your tone. Amusement falls from the stranger’s face and you blink when he’s suddenly in front of you. You could have sworn he was just standing behind you, how did he -

“As much as I’d love to ruin that bastard’s day, a deal’s a deal.”

You hold your breath and fight to not visibly shake. The playful demeanor he held was now lined with something dangerous and the air around you seems thicker. He bends his head towards you and your spine stiffens when his next words are whispered directly into your ear.

“Tell the old man Hidan says hi.”

Your mouth parts, more questions forming on your tongue, but just like that he’s gone. A gust of wind hits you and you jump, the sound of cars and people bustling on the street hitting you all at once. The once still and silent street was now full of noise and life; and you blink helplessly as it all washes over you. Where had everyone gone? You were sure the street was just empty.

You tighten your grip on your groceries and decide to just book it back to your apartment. You felt breathless and a little dizzy, no doubt due to some of the leftover fear and adrenaline in your system. You start moving, keeping your head down as you make your way back to your apartment.

Just get home, you chant to yourself. You purposefully move the command around your brain, even going so far as to silently mouth the words to keep from thinking about what just happened.

Just get home.

Soon you’re back in your apartment and quickly putting your groceries away. The next thing you do is check to make sure all of your doors and windows are locked, and then you check again. You're shaken to your core and now that you’re back in your home, in a space you consider safe, your mind is reeling.

Who was that?

You immediately start listing off people you knew, to try and figure out who he was talking about. He said the old man, you didn’t know any old men -

Except your ex.

Was he - did that guy know your ex-husband? Was he sent to you, as some sort of sick joke? You didn’t know anything about your ex-husband’s whereabouts, you just knew he was alive, and that was enough for your panic riddled brain to latch onto.

The anxiety you feel is building and you move to your bedroom while trying to do the breathing exercises your therapist had taught you. Inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds. Before you know it, you’re in your bed, back against the headboard - trying to just breathe.

Inhale for four seconds.

Hold for four seconds.

Exhale for four seconds.

It calms you, after awhile, and you swallow against the dryness in your throat. You feel heavy, emotionally drained, and you just want to sleep. You move slowly, changing into shorts and an oversized shirt that's warm but comfortable. Your bed welcomes you back and soon you’re under your blankets, mind still doing a slow tumble through your day. You can still hear the stranger’s laugh, a loud cackle that sends a shiver down your spine. You shut your eyes tight and try to think of something else.

Someone else.

Lavender eyes and silver slicked back hair are replaced with green and black. You think about Kakuzu, about what happened last night, and soon you’re drifting off; thoughts of inky black thread and unfinished promises sending you into slumber.

You wake with a gasp and sit up, throat sore and wetness pooling in the corners of your eyes. You had been with your ex, he’d cornered you, he’d been drinking and had come home and -

It takes you a moment to realize it was a nightmare and the next breath you take is ragged. You were home. You were home and that was years ago, you were safe now, you made a deal with -

“Calm yourself girl.”

Your head snaps up and stiffens when you see Kakuzu standing in the corner of your bedroom. The streetlights from outside along with your blinds shine an interesting pattern on him, and you’re surprised to see that he’s uncovered. Black hair hangs freely around his face and his arms are crossed across his chest, his stitches straining against his muscles. Swallowing thickly, your hands fist in your sheets and you frown when they start to move underneath you. 

When you glance down, you’re surprised at the black threads that are tangling around your fingers. There’s so much of them and you carefully turn your hand over, watching intently as inky strands continue to dance across your palm. More investigation reveals that his thread is covering both of your hands and moving carefully up your arms, stroking back and forth carefully like a caress. It clicks suddenly, and you bring your head back up to look at him.

“You woke me up.” You murmur, throat still dry, and Kakuzu’s eyes narrow, confirming your suspicion. You look away to glance at your clock and frown when you see it reads 3:47am.

“Thank you.” You whisper and Kakuzu shifts his shoulders, his arms unfolding and resting at his sides. His thread starts to pull back and you turn to watch as they slide away from you, off the edge of your bed, and disappear into the darkness that cloaks him.

“Anything to cease your endless whimpering.” His confession is sneered at you and you have to drop your chin to your chest to hide a fond smile. Ever so grouchy and grumpy.

You lift a hand and rub at your eyes, fighting back a tired yawn. Kakuzu steps closer and you still your movements when he speaks again.

“You met a man today.”

Your head snaps up, tiredness forgotten, and frown. Inhuman eyes hold your own, and there’s an edge to his tone, to him that you’ve never seen before.

“H-how did you - ”

“Did he touch you?”

What?

You blink once and then twice before opening and closing your mouth. You were trying to find the right words to respond, trying and failing to come up with something to say. Your brain, poor thing, was still lagging from being woken so suddenly, leaving you somewhat slack jawed and intelligible.

Kakuzu snarls in response to your silence and leans over, hands coming to rest at the foot of your bed as he looms over you. 

“Answer me, girl. Did he touch you?”

Your brow furrows in response.

“How did you know I met a man today?”

Judging by the incandescent glare you receive, you answered wrong. Even so, you feel none of the fear you felt earlier, none of the anxiety or panic. Distantly you register that the protective streak you’re witnessing is causing molten heat to stir in your belly, but you’re tired and agitated from your nightmare and being abruptly woken up.

“I won’t ask again.” He snaps and you swallow, eyebrows pinching together in frustration.

“No, he didn’t. How did you know?” You snip back and Kakuzu pushes himself off the bed.

“That is none of your concern.”

You bristle in response.

“None of my - how is it none of my concern?”

Green cat-like eyes stare at you impassively and you’re hit with the childish urge to throw something at him. If you weren’t so disorientated you might have.

And then -

“Wait, is he like you?”

Tell the old man Hidan says hi.

You feel the sudden urge to move and start to slowly uncurl your legs from your blankets. Kakuzu doesn’t answer but it doesn’t deter you.

“He told me to tell the old man hi. Are you who he was talking about?”

Your feet meet the carpet and you stand, fingers drumming against your bare thighs. Details from your encounter start to resurface and everything slowly clicks into place.

“He ... he made everyone on the street disappear. Told me he was curious, wanted to see for himself. He’s like you, right?”

Kakuzu’s mouth twists into a snarl.

“Don’t ask stupid questions.”

Your hands tighten into fists.

“I wouldn’t have to if you just told me the truth.”

You watch as what you can only describe as irritation flashes across his face. He moves towards you and you dig your heels into the carpet, ready to stand your ground.

“I don’t have to answer to you, human.”

Something visceral burns through you.

“Why are you mad at me? I didn’t do anything, it was your friend who just showed up —” A low rumble similar to a growl warns you to stop but you keep going, your hands emphasizing your frustration as your voice rises, “it’s you who’s snapping at me, I don’t even know what’s going on —”

“You are the one who cannot answer a simple question. Idiot girl.” Kakuzu’s sneering at you, now close enough to bend his head to look down at you. You throw your hands in the air and let out a humorless laugh before going to shove him back.

“It’s not my fault, it’s four in the morning and you’re fucking yelling at me!”

You don’t expect him to so much as budge when your palms meet his chest, but it feels good to make contact with something. With him. You know it wouldn’t hurt, you know he’s probably laughing cruelly at you, but you couldn’t take him standing there looking down at you when he had all the answers and you had none.

What you don’t expect is for him to grab onto your wrists and pull you closer. You immediate reaction is to flinch, to protect your face by ducking down, and the breath in your lungs stills. You wait for something, for him to yell, to shove you off, but nothing happens. The weight of his hands is heavy, and your brow furrows in confusion when you feel him lift and turn your wrist. You chance a glance upwards and watch as his eyes skim up and down your hand, your arm. When his inspection is complete, he turns to the other one, once again lifting your hand away from his chest. When he speaks, his tone is deeper, and the heat that you’ve come to associate with him once again makes it way through your chest.

“There is no one like me. Hidan is merely an immortal who uses blood magic. He would just need a drop ...” His sentence trails off as he finishes inspecting your arms, only to lightly push you away to cast his gaze down at your legs. Your toes curl in your carpet under his scrutiny and when he drops your wrists you tangle your hands together.

“I’m fine.” You try but Kakuzu cuts you off immediately.

“You wouldn’t know.”

You bristle again, still buzzing with frustration, but the gravel in his tone digs up under your chest and starts to break it up.

“It presents differently, in humans. You wouldn’t even have felt it, if he pricked you.”

Oh. You exhale through your nose.

“So ... he’s like a vampire?”

Kakuzu snaps his head up to meet your eyes and lets out a snort. You blink at the foreign noise.

Did your monster just laugh?

“Idiot.” He scoffs, straightening to his full height. You narrow your eyes and fight a smile.

“What? Demons and immortals are real. You’re real. But vampires, that’s stupid?”

You’re rewarded with an arched brow and finally feel all the anxiety and frustration from earlier fizzle into nothing. The warmth in your tummy starts to kindle and you glance around your room as memories from the previous night start to hit you.

I broke my rules for you.

“He will not bother you again.”

You nod and turn back to look at him, meeting his stare head on. You had other questions about your encounter with Hidan but you knew the answers he’d give you would do nothing to satiate your curiosity. You're not sure how much times passes, all you do know is neither of you are making any sort of move to leave. It makes you bolder, knowing that something kept him here. That he wanted to be there.

Next time, girl.

So instead -

“So, is this the next time you were referring to, or ... ?”

The air around you changes and a thrill shoots through at the way Kakuzu tenses. Like a coil, almost. His eyes somehow burn brighter and he takes a step towards you again, large hands flexing at his sides. Your chest heaves with effort and the smirk that curls across his face is anything but friendly. Dangerous.

It's consuming, how much you want him.

"You know not what you ask, girl."

You tilt your chin up to hold his gaze as he looms over you. His hair falls from his shoulders, surrounding you, and you feel the telltale trickle of his thread around your ankles.

"Just a stupid human girl." You murmur, and those green eyes narrow at your tone. You feel thread in your hair and let your head be pulled back, baring your throat to your monster who seemed to be wrestling with something as he looked at you. His gaze trailed from your neck, to your eyes, to your mouth; as if he were looking for something. Waiting for something. You don't move, you don't speak and finally he stills his movements completely, eyes boring into yours as if to burn you in place.

"You understand what you're asking of me?" He hisses and you blink. He waits for your answer and you swallow before finding your voice.

"Yes."

"You understand that I am not like them." He sneers the last word in disgust, as if even needing to state the fact that he wasn't human was beneath him.

"Yes." You breathe, the warmth from your tummy spreading. You were beginning to feel light headed and your hands twitch with the need to touch him.

He pauses, taking you in, and then you feel it. Strands and strands of inky black thread coiling around your thighs, your waist, your neck. You close your eyes and part your lips with a gasp at the way his thread move across your body. They're under your shirt and skirt the edge of your shorts, feather light strokes becoming bolder and bolder with each touch.

Your eyes fly open when you feel his hand curl around your chin and stutter a breath as thread moves just under your breasts. His thumb strokes your bottom lip and wetness begins to pool between your thighs. Your heart beats a furious rhythm under your chest and Kakuzu inhales at the sound of it.

"Open." He commands, voice deep and unwavering. Your mouth parts slowly, and you shudder as the tip of your tongue meets the pad of his thumb. The thread around you tightens upon the contact, flexing against your thighs and pushing up against your breasts. He presses down, holding you in place, while simultaneously tilting your face up. He's so close now, hair tickling the sides of your face, and you swear you see a triumphant glitter in his eyes.

"So pliant." Kakuzu taunts, nose nearly brushing yours. Your eyes narrow and before you can think better of it you close your mouth around him and suck.

Your reward is a snarl and the wall meeting your back.

He's quick about manhandling you, large firm thigh slotted between your legs, thread tightening enough to keep you still without hurting. He presses his thumb further into your mouth, eyes now transfixed on how it disappears, and you glide your tongue along the ridges of his knuckles before sucking him in deeper. He hasn't actually touched you anywhere else, hasn't even kissed you like you wanted him to, but that doesn't stop your body from reacting to everything. To him.

The whimper you let out is pathetic and needy.

He opens his mouth, no doubt ready to degrade you or boss you around even more, but something on his face changes. You pinch your brow in confusion as his head turns sharply, eyes unfocusing as if he's thinking. When he cocks his head ever so slightly you realize he's listening and you strain to hear what he heard.

Only there's nothing.

Kakuzu pulls away from you sharply, taking his thread with him, and you hear him growl in a language you'd never heard before. You take a step forward to regain your balance, only to be once again manhandled to look up at him. You can still feel your saliva on his thumb as he grips your chin, and you're taken aback by the intensity you receive.

"We are not done here."

He spits the words at you, eyes narrowing until you nod in agreement. His gaze flicks down to your overly wet mouth and you're once again introduced to a language you don't understand. He sounded angry, strained, and he meets your eyes once more before taking a step back and disappearing completely, once again leaving you alone.

#show of hands - who thought i would never publish this #anon if you see this please know that i am so incredibly in love with you ASDFGHJKL #kakuzu x reader #kakuzu x you #kakuzu fanfic #daddy K is BACK #ONE MORE PART TO GO before i'm done with this series #and then i'm never touching this man again he is MEAN to me #he doesn't let me WRITE him #he's RUDE i love him but imma leave him for the experts #xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooooooxoxoxo if you still follow me you are braver than any US marine