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partycatty · 4 months

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DUDE THE DARK JOHNNY FICS ARE KILLING ME you ate them up please write more pookie!! It can be any concept but if you can’t think of one I was thinking, Johnny went to go shoot a film and just wanted you sitting at home being pretty, until you decided to pack everything that was yours and leave like entirely(let’s say to a different state or smth) clothes,shoes,bags, everything gone and he goes bonkers trying to find you or whatever LOVE YOU POOKS😘😘😘😘

OOOOHHHHHHH LOVE U MORE POOKIE BEAR

dark star!johnny cage > i'll find you

you hit your limit with johnny and abandoned the life he trapped you in. to say he isn't happy is a major understatement.

warnings: yandere johnny boy, abusive relationship

notes: i love how collectively mentally ill we are, love you babes

part 1* / part 2* / part 3* / part 5* / part 6*

*parts are one-shots, this is not a consistent series.

masterlist <3

• things were going okay, so johnny thought. gifts were pouring in, the media seemed happy, and you were quiet. quiet was good to johnny. it meant you ran out of energy to protest. what he didn't realize, though, was that you were quiet to avoid raising suspicion.

• "i'm locking the doors, baby, so no parties for you," johnny would tease often about you running away or hosting parties while he was gone, but regardless he always remote locked the doors when you were left on your own. to him, you were like a puppy that was raring to leave at the crack of an open door. "they've got me filming a night scene and i told them i'd rather kill myself than film in a fake night studio, so we're gonna be out late. remember the rules?"

• johnny had rules with you, to make sure you stayed in line. you nodded and recited them. no leaving without permission, call before bed, and to not cover the security cameras. johnny nodded with approval, kissed your cheek, and was gone with a quick "good girl. love you."

• your smile faded away when the door shut. you instantly sprinted into the master bedroom, locking yourself in the joint bathroom. it was the only place without cameras.

• he had a habit of searching through your personal spaces and devices. however, one of the places he didn't check was your sink cabinet. he found feminine products gross. remember when i said he was immature? yeah. this was the best time to take advantage of that.

• behind the wall of pads and tampons was a large duffel bag cramped between the sink pipes. in it was all of your necessities and then some you purchased with his credit card. you'd sneak them into the bag using one of the designer purses he once gave you after cheating on you.

• after removing it from the cabinet, you set it atop the toilet and squeezed in one last shower. lord knows when the next one you'll have will be, or if hotel bathrooms are as luxurious as the mansion. perhaps it'd be the one thing you'd miss truly.

• when you get changed, you put on three layers of clothes and stuff the rest in the empty gaps in the bag. the expensive clothes and absurdly elegant jewelry stays behind. nobody needs that to be happy. freedom would make you happy.

•you had been periodically depositing money from johnny's account into your own secret checking account, one you opened without his approval. he needed to monitor your purchases, so he instead just gave you a credit card in his name. over the last year you'd move small quantities over until you had enough to run away and sustain yourself. sure, it was stealing. but is a multi-millionaire going to miss a few thousand?

• when you were sure everything was packed and ready, you squeezed yourself through the small window in the bathroom and took off as quickly as you could, careful to stay in the blind spots of the cameras you'd studied prior. you then climbed onto a long distance bus, showing the ticket you purchased weeks in advance, and you were off.

• it didn't feel real at first. you watched malibu fade from the bus window, glancing around at the ordinary people sitting alongside you. you were so disheveled and definitely not dolled up, people probably wouldn't recognize you. you purchased the first ticket available, one that was taking you to arkansas. hundreds of miles away, and loads of people to blend in with. nobody would think to find you there, since it had nothing awaiting you. you managed to stabilize yourself and recollect your plan you meticulously planned in your head while the hills rolled with you.

• after a couple hours of shooting, johnny sat in his little diva throne and opened his phone to his surveillance app. tapping through his home, panic set in when you didn't appear on a single camera. maybe you were in the bathroom, he thought. after waiting, you never emerged. the house was empty.

• one new voicemail.

• "hey-y-y," johnny's nervous, gritted laughter played through your phone. "i'm not seeing you on the cameras. call me."

• one new voicemail.

• "seriously, woman. where are you? this isn't funny."

• one new voicemail.

• "i'm coming home. you're making me leave work early. i'm gonna call the fucking cops. you think you're so smart? you've got two hours to come home, and if not, i'll find you, whether you like it or not."

• you snapped your phone in half, discarding it at the bus's front trash can.

• johnny arrives home, slamming doors open and turning every piece of furniture around. chairs fly across the room, your once neatly organized closet is torn to shreds. he finds your belongings short of his usual counting and puts it together. you ran away, you—

• johnny sinks to the ground, gripping his hair so tight he's nearly pulling chunks out. he's laughing so hard from mania that drool is rocketing from his mouth with the Textbook Crazy Eyes.

• he texts and texts, probably well over a couple hundred times. the messages remained undelivered, yet he kept barraging the deactivated number in hopes that the next message would come through. surely he couldn't get the police involved. "hey guys, my girlfriend ran away from me because i controlled her entire life!" yeah. that'd end in handcuffs.

• so instead, he lies. it's his specialty. he dials 911, and channels the mania into a false desperation. he sobs into the phone, claiming that you're extremely mentally unwell and must be returned to him ASAP.

• johnny spends the next week posting your face everywhere on social media. you and him become, yet again, the talk of the country, but for once it seems like a genuine concern. with the way he painted things, you were insane and in danger if you were away from him, and you needed him to protect you. johnny painted himself as the savior, making charity campaigns to raise money for search parties. his home is full of gifts in your honor.

• he'd drink and smoke, something he didn't usually do, just to relieve this insane stress. he felt like his other half became untethered, like his entire world was falling apart. as much as he controlled you, he really did love you in his own fucked up way. he needed you, more than you needed him. you were the one person that would agree with him no matter the situation. he loved how you made him feel.

• meanwhile, you're basking in the sun by the hotel pool as you browse nearby apartments. it felt foreign to make your own decisions, and you had zero concern over whether or not the place would be up to his par. it was up to you now, and you loved it.

• you just had to hope that johnny wouldn't find you himself. lord knows what he'd do to you.

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat x reader #johnny cage #mk1 #johnny cage x reader

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arcade-writing · 1 year

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Little lamb

NSFW 🍋

Pairing: Bob Velseb x trans male! Reader

Warning: penetrative sex, pet names, some objectification (calling you a Fleshlight), feederism themes, size kink, cream pie, light bondage, brief semi public, sex in a meat locker, before Bob went to jail, probably ooc, minor cum inflation, belly bulge, fem and masc terms of readers bits, degradation, hints to cannibalism, minor knife play, Marking kink, oral, fingering, minor spanking, spit/drool kink

...... don't look at me......I don't need to explain myself .....

You were finding yourself visiting Boys and Grill's more often; it wasn't anyplace too special. Just a simple dinner with lights that always fuzzed and flickered and the same classic 19's hits playing over and over again. But there was something that did give this place it's charm - Bob Velseb. The grill and cook of this simple dinner.

To be fair if I wasn't for him you doubt you'd come here so often. After all everything always tasted vaguely like pork even the burgers and the fries weren't even that good. Bob made it worth while - always finding time to make pleasant conversation even if it was often brief. You'd try to come in near the end of his shift to see him more; he always worked the latest out of everyone. It worked with your own schedule so it was great!

But lately he's been starting a habit with your orders-

"Here you go, one Big boy burger and your grilltastic fries." The waiter forced enthusiasm as he played your order down. A large milkshake soon placed after.

"I didn't order this-"

"Bob says it's on the house."

That made your lips seal shut, a soft blush painting your cheeks. This is what you meant. Giving you free food or drinks - always coming over when the place started to die down to make sure your plates were empty. You've gotten in the habit of not eating lunch just to make sure you could; everything was stupidly sized and their milkshakes more so. Thick and full of flavour but filling all by themselves.

You remembered the countless times he sat with you whilst you ate, encouraging you to take another bite when you felt full. He said it was just to make sure, after all it's a shame to waste his efforts. It made you squirm the more you thought about it; happy tbe poor waiter was already gone when you finally escaped your thoughts.

Mindlessly chewing your food as you glanced over to the kitchen window. Able to spot the very man you were being plagued by walking past. Carrying a large bag over his shoulder as he hummed a tune to himself. Just able to see he was wearing a tank top under his apron. It hugged his figure tight showing off the handsome curves of his body. Your heart rate spiked at the sight and you immediately refocused on your food. Suddenly, your phone was the most interesting thing on earth and you distracted yourself by scrolling through the web.

"Enjoyed ya meal, sugar?" A familiar deep voice snapped you away from your phone. Looking up to see Bob wiping his hands with stained rag.

Your eyes flickered around you to see the place was empty. The lights weren't all on and the music was now a soft melody in the background.

"Just the two of us, told the boys I'd lock up for 'em, you don't mind that, do ya?"

"Oh-! No-! I don't mind, should I wait by the door?" You began to stand up. Even now he was towering over you. You pocketed your phone as you gestured to the door.

"You'd do me a real favor if ya helped, speed things along."

"Sure! But I can't say I'll be much help, I'll do my best though!"

He sent you a wide grin as he picked up your plate and cup before trudging to the back. You hesitantly followed as you fiddled with your shirt. He handed you your stuff and explained he just needs to check the back. You offered to do what's left of the cleaning since that'll be easy.

Washing plates didn't distract you from your thumping heart as much as you hoped it would. Alone with Bob? Usually he'd walk yo to the bus stop but other than that, you two have never really been alone. Not truely. Not like this.

Curse this damn summer heat! Making it so hot he's wearing that damn tank top. Damn him for looking so good-! And that voice! You just wanted to kiss him! Hear every filthy desire he had - did he need you the way you needed him?

"I think you're gonna drown the poor plate like that."

You whipped around to see him adjusting his belt. Chuckling as he nudged his head towards the sink. You looked down and instantly stopped clutching the hose that was practically power washing the none existent dirt on the plate. Quickly turning off the water.

Before you could even turn again you felt him behind you. His breathing uneven ever so slightly. Large hands finding their place on your hips. Your body instantly stiffened as you gulped. Eyes glancing down to see how easily his hands engulfed you, making you look tiny. "Really appreciate you helping me out, doll."

His breath fanned the back of your neck. His grip tightening as he leaned against you. "You're so good for me."

"B-Bob...?"

You wanted to hit yourself for stuttering. Clutching the counter as one of his hands started to drift. Now cupping your sex through your leggings, two rough fingers pressing lightly against your core.

"Always so sweet to me." He huffed out. You felt something hard press against your lower back. "Just want to eat you up."

You didn't know your face could even get this hot. The low growl now in his face made your knees buckle. Bob pushed at your back, pressing down until you were bent over. Your hands now clutching the sink as you peered over your shoulder. He was staring at you with wide eyes, drool creeping from the corner of his lips as he began to grind against your ass.

His hand still glued between your legs as he began to make circles against your dick through the fabric. Able to feel the growing wet spot form as you let out little noises.

"Bob...." You whined but there was a noise at the front. You instantly went stiff as footsteps entered the building - how? It's closed!

"Yo! Bobby! Left my jacket in the back, have you seen it?"

The large man just shrugged. Still smiling as he began to slow down his grind. All his co-worker could see was his upper half as he leaned on the window counter. Pushing his weight on you as his dick was flushed against you.

"Can't say I have but I'd be careful, I started to mop back here."

"It's real wet and slippery." He chuckled to himself, you didn't see his co-workers face but you could tell he was confused. You couldn't deny it. You were absolutely soaked.

There was luckily a wall that separated the kitchen from the other side of the back. Just a box room with a coat hanger and the small bathroom. You wouldn't be spotted unless he came in. There was some rustling as you timidly rolled your hips back, meeting his grinds as you chewed on your lip. It wasn't long before the coworker declared he found it and waved Bob goodbye.

"Hey- didn't you have someone waiting for you?"

"He's waiting outside."

Bobs hold on you grew tighter. Becoming inpatient as he wanted nothing more than to pound into you. Doing his best to keep on his usual smile as you kept teasing him.

"I won't keep you then, See ya!" Finally the door closed and you let out a breath of relief.

Suddenly, you were yanked back. Forced to stand as he grabbed at your body. You mewled at his man handling as he groped and squeezed.

"Such a fine piece of meat....." He shivered as he continued to feel you up. "Tender and soft......so warm..."

He sniffed at your neck as he licked a long strip up it. "Getting all hot and bothered - why don't we cool down?"

You couldn't even respond as he spun you around before chucking you over his shoulder. Slapping your ass as you squirmed. You looked back to see him grab a knife from the drying rack. For a moment your heart stopped; fear flashing through you but arousal overpowered it. Letting him carry you over to the metal door as he hummed.

It was freezing! The meat locker greeted you two with nothing but a chilly embrace. Bob easily stalked through the rows of hooks and meat as his hand gripped tight to the plump of your ass. As soon as he reached the very back he let you slide down. Wobbling back onto your feet as you took a few steps back, eyeing the knife he held. Your back hitting the wall as you rubbed your thighs together.

He was just staring down at you with a wild look in his eyes. His hand reached out and pushed your legs open, prompting you to widened your stance. He hummed as he grazed the knife up your thigh.

"Still want me?" He asked, taking a small step back to give you room as he grabbed your face. Forcing you to look at him but his grip wasn't tight - you could easily pull away.

"Yes- yes I want you." He didn't move. Looking at you expectantly. You licked your lips, tongue grazing his hand as you slumped. "Please! I want you!"

There was a sudden rip and you felt the cold air sting at your warm skin. Squealing as he ripped at the new hole more with his hand, making a perfect spot to access you. He didn't stop there, shredding your poor leggings so now chunks of your thighs were now exposed. Ripping the worn underwear as well. Completely exposing you. His strength made you let out a needy whimper, wanting to see what else he could ruin.

The knife he held slashed at your legs leaving small holes that caused your thighs to spill from them. Bobs breathing became heavier at the sight. But he pulled away, grabbing a nearby chair from the corner and placing it by an empty hook. You raised as he patted the chair. You wobbled over with a confused expression. He laughed through his nose. You wanted to retort but your brain was going stupid. it was easier to just go along and see what he had in store. Bob yanked at the hook, pulling it down making the chain rattle. He tugged on your shirt and sliced through the fabric. Turning it into a makeshift rope. His knife clattering to the floor soon after.

"Bob-! It's cold-!" You cried out. Now even more exposed to the freezers cold nipping.

"I'll keep ya warm sugar, don't worry."

He bound your wrists together and attached the hook to it. Watching it go back to it's original place now weight was added, you let out a yelp as you were now dangling. He was sitting down now and guided you to step on his thighs. Tugging you along until your crotch was level with his face.

"I'm starving." He gripped your thighs, licking what was exposed. You screamed as he bit down; hard enough to leave a nasty hickey as he sucked on the sore flesh.

Leaving many up your thigh until he finally got to your sex. Licking his lips before diving forward. Capturing your dick between his lips as he harshly sucked. You choked on your moan as he let his tongue poke out and lick strips against it. His fingers prodded at your hole, easing two inside as you whimpered. God it felt like there a dick already inside you - you know his hands are big but he's already completely stretching you out.

"Oh god....YES!" You cried out as he thrusted his fingers. Each wet squelch made your head grow dizzy as stars clattered your vision. He was licking and sucking on you as his fingers curled and stroked. Your orgasm speeding forward as you heard his muffle groans grow louder.

His fingers came out causing you to whine but you weren't left for long. His tongue now replacing his fingers as the thick muscle wiggled against you. Finally tasting all of you as you rocked against his face.

"I'm gonna cum- please Bob-!"

He used his thumb to roll your clit as he slurped up your juices. Finally sending you over that edge as your legs trembled. Strained gasps leaving you as you struggled against your bindings.

"Tastes so....good.....so sweet...." He was panting now. Giving your cunt little kitten licks as you rode out the high of your orgasm. Kissing up your sex as he chuckled breathlessly.

When you stumbled back you were able to see his face. The lower half coated in your slick mixed in with his drooling smeared across his chin. His eyes half lidded but trained on your sex, already wanting a second round. Loving how sweet you taste.

You looked down at the tent in his pants. Straining hard against the soft material with a wet patch already there. It was huge - just from the outline alone you couldn't help but let your knees lock. Hiding away your throbbing cunt as you gawked at the size.

"Don't tell me you're scared." He leaned back into the seat as he tugged at his belt. Pulling himself out from both layers; he was huge. Thick, girthy and slapped against his round stomach. You were no mathematician but it had to be atleast 8 inches long and at most 4 inches wide. It was fat like the rest of him.

"Don't be shy, take a seat."

You sucked in a shaky breath as he helped you twisted around. Lowering yourself down with his help until you sat on his lap, his cock rubbing against you as you got comfortable. The resistance from the hook made you want to go back up but he kept you grounded. Bob using it as leverage to angle you properly as he kept an arm around your stomach. Lowering you back down onto his cock as the fat tip pushed through your folds.

You couldn't stop the whimpers and gasps at left you. Slowly taking each inch as you grinded against it, trying to help ease yourself meanwhile he moved his hand from your stomach down to your dick. Rubbing it in tight circles.

"Good boy, you can handle it, you want to take all of me, don't ya?" He didn't wait for you to respond. You doubt you even could.

"You're just a slut who'll ride anyways dick even if it's too big for your little cunt."

You moaned as you felt yourself slip down his cock with more ease finally getting to the base. The outline of his dick nudging at your stomach. His hand pressed down on it as he continued to pleasure you. All these sensations made you tremble as began to drool.

He grabbed at your thighs, hugging your legs close to your chest as he began to thrust up. Lifting you up and down his cock with ease. You stop yourself from clenching around him.

"So tight - hugging me like that-"

"You're so big-!" Was all you could cry out. You could barely think. Your brain focusing on the sensation of being completely stuffed over and over again. Even when only the tip remained you felt full.

Up and down. That's all you could do, it was difficult to move yourself but you rolled your hips as he moved you. Each slap echoing through the freezer as your head fell back.

"Good Fleshlight - that's all you are." You immediately moaned at his words. Clenching harder as stars began to appear. "Oh, you like that? Want me to just use ya? Huh, Doll? Fuck you whenever I want~?"

"Please.....want to....." You struggled to speak through your moans. Forgetting your hands were tied above you as you attempted to reach for his face.

He raised a thick brow as his scruff scratched at your cheek. "Kiss-" you whined as you tilted your face. Hoping he'd understand what you want as you left open mouth kisses just on the corner of his mouth. He moved his arm so it was holding both your legs and grabbed your face. Keeping you still as his mouth crashed against yours, teeth and all. His tongue prodded into your mouth, testing it out before he fully delved in. You didn't even have a chance to retaliate as the wet muscle explored and tasted each corner of your mouth.

He groaned as your spit mixed together. The taste of your juices still lingering. His thrusts up grew more aggressive. Desperate. The slaps of skin becoming louder and louder as the head of his cock slammed into that sweet spot. Bob parted from you and bit down onto your shoulder. His eyes rolling back as he lapped up the bite.

"Gonna feel you up, nice and good."

His voice was raspy as If he could barely catch his breath. You sobbed as you tugged on your restraints, doing your very best to bounce on his cock as he kept his insistent pounding pace. Your second orgasm getting closer as he cooed in your ear.

"Desperate? Choking me down there, you really want it, don't ya?"

"B-Bob! I'ma cu-" you didn't get to finish as your back arched. The world going white as you let out a strangled scream. It was enough to send Bobs climax hurdling forward. Warm sticky cum filling up your soaking heat as he slammed you down. Keeping you in his lap as each thick squirt painted your walls.

Through glassy vision you could just see a peak of your stomach. A bulge only getting bigger as he stuffed you completely. It felt like hours; waiting for him to spill load after load. You could feel it dripping down to your ass from how much there was. You tell if you were shaking from the sex, the strain or the cold finally getting to you. Your body felt a heavy rag doll as he let out a husky groan.

Finally, he stood up. Keeping your back flush against him as he had one arm around your middle. Your legs limply hooked at his sides, barely able to latch on. He undid the meat hook and your arms fell to your front. They were completely numb. He carried you like that out of the meat locker and back into the warm kitchen. The sudden change In temperature made you hiss.

"Such a good boy, took me so well."

He placed you ontop of the prepping table. All you could do was lay there as he shifted your position. Moving you so you were on your back as he easily undid the makeshift binding. Cum was leaking from your oversensitive sex, getting all over the wooden top. Slowly warming up as he traced lines into your skin. Sectioning each part as he licked his lips.

"Delicious." He purred to himself.

You could barely process what he was doing as he tucked himself back into his pants and stalked off. Weakly pawing at the air as a silent plea not for him to go but it went unnoticed. Rustling was heard and thankfully he was back at your side. An oversized top and sweats were in his hands. Peeling off your clothes before helping you into new ones. They were far too big for you but you smiled regardless. His scent thick on the fabric. His stuffed your tattered clothes into his bag.

Bob carried you out, bag on his shoulder and you bridal style in his arms. Smiling as he put you into the passenger seat and buckled you up. Your eyes fluttering as you leaned on his shoulder, sleep overcoming you as he began to drive.

If only you knew what he had in store for you.

#bob velseb #spooky month #bob velseb x reader #trans reader #transmale #sr pelo #bob spooky month #spooky month devil #spooky month tender treats #Bob x reader

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thistransient · 4 months

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I'm only in Macau for one night, and to be honest it's not popular for visa runs because there's no budget accommodation. I came here for the day when I was living in China in 2017, and went back in the early evening for this very reason. As such, I had never seen Macau properly in the dark (the quest for McDonald's with the Taiwanese kid at 3 am in October doesn't count), and was very curious. Man, it is shiny.

I took the public bus from the airport because the fare was 6 MOP and I had exactly 6 HKD in coinage lurking in my closet from previous voyages (they're interchangeable in Macau). My fellow bus-riders did not appear to be tourists. I took the risk of trusting google maps regarding the bus route, and only felt betrayed for a moment before I realised it was making a detour because of construction, and still headed in the general correct direction, even if it took a bridge that didn't seem to exist on the map yet. Spellbound by the glittering lights and the thrill of being somewhere new, I was finally enjoying myself (having been anxious for days previous already).

Between my hotel and the bus stop was more neon signage than you could shake a stick at, I was enthralled. Check in went smoothly, and I hastened back out to walk around and take pictures. The old city side of Macau was quite hopping considering it was nearly 10 pm on a Tuesday night and cold out, Taipei feels a bit sleepy in comparison (or maybe I'm not going to the right places). I had very sensibly looked up a bunch of restaurants in advance in an attempt to divert for once my usual fate of walking around forever and not eating (although I had brought a lot of bananas with me to the airport after realising they weren't going to survive a week at home, so at least I wasn't running totally on empty). As usual, even the best laid plans can go awry when there are too many things to look at (by things I mean giant crabs in the window of the seafood restaurant). Somewhere around 22:30 I realised I needed to consume something before bed.

The go-to late-night food in Macau appears to be...beef offal. Now, I'm not opposed to offal, I like some grilled intestines at the izakaya, but this was a boiled affair and there were an intimidating amount of bits on display at the kiosks. Afraid I was running out of options before reaching my hotel again, I stopped at a takeaway stand that had a picture of a 煎餅 (fried pancake wrap thing) and inquired with the guy as to whether it could be obtained. (All the signage and menu was in Chinese, so I had started with Mandarin from the get-go.) There was no 煎餅 to be had. I could, however, have a box of rice accompanied by...[here we had many of those silver trays in a bain-marie, filled with various soupy things]. I asked him what one was. He told me "Lú lòu". I was baffled and told him I didn't understand. He said it again as if I'd misheard him. No, I really don't know what that is, I insisted. He said it again more loudly as if I were daft. Finally I remembered that [n] often becomes [l] for Cantonese speakers and he was saying niú roù 牛肉...beef 😑 Well then. I asked if he had any vegetables, which appeared to be an offensive request, so I resigned myself to 50 HKD of rice and meat chunks. Shortly after I discovered if I'd just kept walking, there were plenty of other options, but either way, I had dinner. When life gives you meat chunks...you start chewing.

Tomorrow my return flight is not til 4, which means I should mosey to the airport a bit prior to 2, so if I go to bed within the next 15 minutes I might make it for breakfast and some more trotting around looking at things (an activity that was cut short in 2017 on account of it being mid-summer and the heat rendering me somewhat delirious). These days going places often feels like a heinous exertion while in the planning stages, but once I'm out there I start getting into the spirit of it. Enrichment. Outside of my enclosure, even!

#on the airport train to taoyuan i was ruminating on how disenchanted i am with said airport train to taoyuan #but guess what this time i am flying into kaohsiung #and then going on a little train trip #my christmas present to myself i suppose #before i need to really work on the stressful thing I've decided to do at the last minute

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an-aroaces-harem · 1 month

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Ivy Chapter 15

DISCLAIMER: I just deepl and google translated my way through this because I wanted to know what’s going on, so there are definitely mistakes but I believe I managed the general gist of the story. Anyway, it’s just a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes. Morganatic Idol belongs to Cybird and ABC Frontier, Inc.

A few days after deciding to support Ivy-san by reducing his workload, the team was ready for the next step.

This time, I was taken to Macau on business for the office.

The photo shoot will take place for an international music magazine.

The weekend schedule was a bullet train ride, making full use of airplanes, helicopters, and location passes.

Ivy: I'm glad it's sunny. It's a great day to be on location.

Hugh: The sunlight ... so sweet.

Jace: It's a little windy, I need to adjust my hair more often.

Finn: It's a pity that we can't swim as we like when we come to the beach, isn't it?

Xeno: It's natural. We're not here for fun.

The local staff joined us, and the shooting began at last.

I actively supported the team members during the filming.

Jace: ... I'm running out of hairspray.

Ivy: Is the spare hairspray on the location bus? I'm just going back to the bus. I'll get it.

Jace: Don't worry, she has already brought it. Aegis-chan, get the spray!

Rina: Yes, I'll get it right away!

Ivy: Huh ...?

Hugh: Waiting, long ... makes me sleepy ...

Ivy: Hugh, don't sleep in the shadows.

Rina: Hugh-san, why don't you listen to some music while you wait? I've brought some earphones.

Hugh: Yeah, I will ... Thanks, Housekeeper-san.

Ivy: ...

Xeno: Is the atmosphere of this photo a little too bright? Does it fit the theme of the shoot and the image of the magazine?

Ivy: I'll just check it out on the proposal. I have it with me ...

Rina: Yes, Xeno-san, here is the most important proposal. I also have a back-number for the magazine.

Xeno: All right. ... You heard it, Ivy. I don't need a hand.

Ivy: Ah ... hm.

Finn: It's hot by the sea. I'm thirsty.

Ivy: Maybe we hould take a short break. Bring us some drinks too ...

Rina: Everybody, I've asked the photographer to take a break!

Rina: Here is your drink. Please drink it and keep yourself hydrated.

Finn: Thank you, Rina. Drink some too, Ivy.

Ivy: ... Ah.

Jace: Aegis-chan, help me out here!

Rina: I'll be right there!

... And it continued like that, running around with everyone's support.

(Hah ... It's a lot of work, even if they're only small things ...)

It is mind-boggling to think this is what Ivy-san was usually doing while keeping up with his busy schedule.

(I hope I'm easing your burden a bit.)

Ivy: ...

Sakura Eito: Get back on the bus. We're moving into town next.

We moved to a new location and started shooting with Ivy-san, Jace-san and Hugh-san.

(This kind of thing is also new to me ...)

As I was watching the preparations from a somewhat secluded spot, one of the local staff members spoke to me in Chinese.

He's rambling on and on about something in a panic, but he doesn't understand ...

(What should I do? I have no idea what he's saying!)

Ivy: !

Jace: Ivy, what's wrong?

Ivy: Rina-chan seems to be in trouble. I'd like to help her, but ...

Jace: Aegis-chan will be fine. ... See, he's gone.

Ivy: Eh? Ah ...!

I was so embarrassed that I couldn't communicate with the staff member that I looked around in a panic.

(The other staff is in a remote location. Could be trouble, I have to do something ...!)

And then.

Finn: What's wrong?

Finn-san approached me.

Rina: This person is trying to tell me something, but I don't understand Chinese ...

Finn: I see. Hold on a minute.

Finn-san turned to the staff.

Finn: What's wrong?

Chinese staff: Important call for you.

He began conversing in fluent Chinese.

(Wow! I remember that Finn-san's language skills are outstanding!)

After a few moments, the conversation ended and the local staff left. Finn-san turned to me.

Finn: I heard that the time allowed for filming on the street here is less than planned.

Finn: We have room in our schedule, but we have to make sure that the whole thing is rolled up and we don't go overboard.

Rina: Well, I didn't know that's what he meant ... You're very good, Finn-san.

Finn: It's no big deal. I mean, shouldn't we tell the rest of the staff.

Rina: I really appreciate it! Thank you very much!

(Thanks to Finn-san for the help ...!)

With a pang of relief, I ran out to relay the message.

Ivy: ...

Jace: She was fine. You can count on Finn at times like this.

Ivy: ... I see. Rina-chan seems to appreciate it.

Ivy: ...

Jace: Eh, what's wrong, Ivy?

Hugh: ... You not feeling well?

Ivy: No ... it's nothing. Nothing like that. It's normal.

Ivy: ... I think we're ready to shoot. Let's go.

Jace: ... No, no. It's definitely out of the ordinary.

Hugh: ... very strange ...

Jace: Is it because he feels inferior to us?

Hugh: ... Maybe ...

Jace: That's definitely true. Oh man, if things continue like this, it's bad. We have to do something!

... After a successful shoot in the city, it's time to move on to another location.

Jace: Aegis-chan, come her for a second.

Jace-san called me in a whisper.

Rina: What's wrong ... woah.

He pulled my hand and four serious-looking people surrounded me.

Rina: Wha-what's going on?

Xeno: Keep your voice down.

Hugh: Ivy ... notices ...

It was somewhat strange because everyone was speaking in hushed tones.

Finn: I heard that Ivy was really depressed just now. I couldn't leave it like that.

Rina: ! Really?

(I didn't notice it, but something must have happened. I certainly can't leave it like that.)

Jace: So we're going to have an emergency meeting. Meet us at Xeno's room tonight at 10.

Xeno: Why in my room ...!?

Finn: No one would guess we're all gathered in your room. It's a good place for a secret meeting.

Xeno: Tch ...

Hugh: And Housekeeper-san ... comes too ...

Rina: I understand.

(I didn't expect a meeting on the road, but I guess everyone is that worried about Ivy-san.)

... and just then, a voice called out to me from behind.

Ivy: Don't you guys get on the bus?

Rina: !

Xeno, Jace, Finn, Hugh: !

Ivy: What are you so surprised about? What's wrong?

Finn: I-it's nothing!

Jace: That's right. We were just talking about how hungry we are. Right?

Rina: Y-yes.

Hugh: I don't know ... either ...

Xeno: Don't worry about it. Just get on with it and let's get to the next location.

The members quickly boarded the location bus.

Ivy: Oh, hey! What are you ... what were you saying?

Rina: Umm, I guess I'll run, too.

I ran to the other staff members, feeling Ivy-san's suspicious gaze on me.

(I hope he doesn't find out ...)

(We're meeting tonight at 10. I'll try not to forget.)

After that ... the filming finished safely until late into the night.

After the entire group, including the staff, has finished their meals, we arrive at a luxurious hotel.

Sakura Eito: Good work, everyone. Let's break up here for today.

At the order of Sakura-san, everyone disperses to their room. The clock says it's past 9:30.

I was about to go to Xeno-san's room to be inconspicuous when I was approached by Ivy-san.

Ivy: I wonder if you'd like to come to my room with me afterwards.

(Finn-san and the others said he was depressed ...)

Rina: What's wrong?

Ivy: Oh, it's not like I'm in trouble. Don't look so worried.

Ivy: I want to talk business.

(I have a meeting ... but I can't turn him down if it's about work.)

Rina: I understand.

Ivy: Thank you. Let's go then.

As soon as I entered the room, he offered me a seat on the sofa.

Ivy: Make yourself comfortable. Do you want a drink?

Rina: Eh ...

Without waiting for a reply, Ivy-san opens the refrigerator and starts making drinks.

(Drinking? I thought we were talking about work ...)

A glass was offered to me in front of my bewildered eyes.

Ivy: It's a champagne cocktail. You liked it before, didn't you?

It must have been when I had dinner with him.

Rina: You remembered it?

Ivy: Of course. How could I forget?

His smile and thoughtfulness make me feel happy.

(I shouldn't drink it, considering what will happen afterwards, but ...)

Rina: Thank you very much. Okay, just a little bit.

I couldn't refuse, so I accepted the glass.

Ivy: Good. It's a special night in Macau, so let's relax together.

Ivy: But I'm not going to drink too much and get drunk like I did the other day. Don't worry.

Rina: O-okay.

I remember his drunken hug and almost kiss, and my hearts starts pounding.

Ivy: ...

He sat down next to me, not across from me, with his glass.

Rina: ...!

The unexpected close proximity makes me concious of the fact that I can't help but be aware of it.

(... Ugh, how embarrassing.)

I couldn't bear the staring eyes, so I looked away and took a sip of my glass.

Ivy: Delicious?

Rina: Yes. Very ...

Ivy: Yeah? ... I'd like to try it. I'd like to have a taste, too.

Ivy-san clutched my glass in his hand.

Rina: !

He took my breath away and brought the glass straight to his own mouth.

Ivy: ... Mmm, it's sweet. It's fragnant and delicious.

... When I realized that my hand had been released, Ivy-san's glass was now in front of my mouth.

Ivy: Please try mine, too.

Rine: Eh, I couldn't possibly ...

Ivy: You don't have to be. But I think it might be a little strong for you.

Ivy: That's what happens when you drink just one sip of a cocktail mixed with juice.

Laughing, he lightly patted my arm.

Rina: ...

... Even without being told, I could see that my face was turning red.

(What's wrong with him? I've never had anyone touch me like this before.)

My heart is loud. I'm so embarrassed, I can't stand it.

Rina: ... Um, didn't you say we are talking about work?

I couldn't take it any longer and asked deceptively.

Ivy-san then said "Oh", and opened his mouth.

Ivy: ... You did a great job at the set today.

Ivy: I was amazed at how well you were able to work as a staff and how well you supported the members.

Rina: Really?

Ivy: Yeah. I always do that kind of thing, so it was a lot easier today.

I'm happy to hear that, but ... his face is clouded.

Ivy: To tell you the truth, it was a little less than fun.

Rina: What? Why?

Ivy: ... because you're always taking care of the others.

Rina: !

Ivy: They're relying on you. They seem to get along with you ...

Rina: Ivy-san ...

(Does that mean ... you're jealous?)

(No way. But if you put it in such easy-to-understand terms ...)

... My heart beats faster and faster.

Ivy: It's nice of you to take your job so seriously, but it's a lot to take care of the members, isn't it?

His arms gently pulled my hips closer.

Ivy: So take it easy and focus on supporting me ...

His beautiful eyes look into my eyes. His voice, as gentle as the calm sea, makes me feel as if I can't help but to fall in love with him ...

(Ivy-san ...)

... It was then that I heard a commotion outside the room.

Note: The parts in green are spoken in Chinese.

#morganatic idol #morudoru #morudoru ivy #resa translates something for once?

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a-guy-named-e · 2 years

Text

the states as weird things my directors have said

alabama: you have so much school spirit i almost forgot you don't know how football works

alaska: why can't you all shut the hell up every once in a while

arizona: you're the only person i'll let complain at this point. i don't think you're right, but i do think it's funny.

arkansas: you're still here? i thought you graduated. leave already, dammit.

california: i thought i was ready for the pronoun question but clearly i was not.

colorado: i don't know why he hangs out with you, all you do is smoke weed! [turns to me] you haven't started smoking weed have you?

connecticut: i will pay you seven dollars if you can get the tenors to stop giving me stupid nicknames.

delaware: yes. i know you were the first to reset. that's because you don't move.

georgia: do you know where the disembodied cougar head is? no? well then i don't know what to tell you.

florida: i never thought i'd have to say this but please do not pick up any more squirrels.

hawai'i: your disregard for authority is only funny when it's [band director], not when it's me.

idaho: i don't care what you call it, i want to know why you were arranging a marriage on the back of the bus.

illinois: i need you to do me a favor and make sure [friend] never wears that packers jersey again because next time i might strangle him.

indiana: why is it so hard for you to march slides? just turn and look at the damn cornfield!

iowa: alumni, i appreciate you coming out to watch, but please do not turn our rehearsal into a field of dreams moment.

kansas: if you make one more comment about the scenery i'm kicking you off the bus.

kentucky: you were a horse girl in a past life, weren't you?

louisiana: i know you can't dance worth shit but i need you to play like you're trying to convince someone that you can.

maine: i can't tell if you're agreeing with me or just acknowledging me but i like being agreed with so i'm going with that.

maryland: i don't trust anyone whose only experience with crab is imitation crab meat

massachusetts: i'm not technically allowed to swear around you but that was fucking terrible.

michigan: so are you just emotionally invested in awful sports teams or what?

minnesota: i know this is the midwest but can someone please bring anything other than a casserole to the pitch-in?

mississippi: i don't care who was talking, i'm telling all of you to shut up so i know i get the right one.

missouri: i know dark humor is in and all but i feel obligated to tell you that i'm a mandated reporter, so can you please make your jokes about jumping off the arch where i can't hear them?

montana: no, you may not run laps in the enchanted forest.

nebraska: it's almost the 4th, right? okay, if you can play three notes better this rep i'll run to the cornfield and check if it's knee-high for you guys.

nevada: oh my god you did not just start a poker game.

new hampshire: i don't care that it's 101°, i'm not allowed to let you be shirtless.

new jersey: the way some of you march makes me so scared of you becoming drivers.

new mexico: this should be sultry! be sultry!

new york: i don't pay $5 for my coffee. i like it black. like my soul.

north carolina: you're acting like a whiney little brother. i should know. i am the whiney little brother.

north dakota: all things being equal i'd love to agree to disagree. however all things are not equal. i'm smarter than you.

ohio: buckle up kids, this is going to be the only interesting thing you see for the next several hours.

oklahoma: trumpets i am begging you to get a personality other than metaphorical dick measuring contests with the tubas

oregon: i don't care that we used the bridge last year, we're using it again. it's our thing now.

pennsylvania: i often get sad about the fact that we border ohio but then i remember that ohio also borders us

rhode island: one more wrong note and i'm putting the piccolo on a high shelf where you can't reach it.

south carolina: i want you to play like $40 peach sweet tea.

south dakota: i wish i were an only child too, but not all of us can be that lucky

tennessee: if you hear me blasting dolly parton in my office shut up and mind your business.

texas: we don't have much going for us, but i can guarantee no one else is dumb enough to cram 90 horn players on a gym floor and make them march.

utah: i don't know why you have seven pictures of jesus taped to your face and honestly i'm a little scared to ask.

vermont: alright folks, practice is starting late today. someone put seventy two bottles of cracker barrel maple syrup in my office. yes, i counted.

virginia: i hate to be a buzzkill but unfortunately murder is still very illegal.

washington: i'm sorry, you're now legally required to get starbucks before all of our competitions. i will buy it for you if that's what it takes.

west virginia: you may have noticed country roads is in our pep band binder. please note that i will be using this as leverage for the rest of the season. if you cross the line, it gets cut. consider yourself warned.

wisconsin: i have a lot of questions honestly, but i think the two most pressing are "why are you eating a whole block of cheese" and "aren't you lactose intolerant"

wyoming: you know what? i think i'm with you on this one, i would've preferred sexy cowboys to sexy firemen too.

#these have been collected over the past six years #some of them are very recent and some not so much #but all of them are actual quotes from my band and choir directors #wttt #wttsh #deja queue

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urie · 1 year

Note

do you mind going more in depth about why you don’t like dallon weekes

sure

besides in general being boring and a bit of a wet blanket, which i guess isnt a crime necessarily, dallon is a ridiculous narcissist

when i was 19 dallon used to check my blog all the time to see what i was saying about him. he knew i didnt like him and he would often formulate replies to posts i specifically was making about him, and post them on fb or twitter, not tagging me directly but essentially quoting my criticisms right after i'd post them

dallon recognized me at shows and directly called me out in public and at a m&g once for not liking him or making jokes about him online. at the time it felt playful or whatever but as time goes on i feel more and more like it was a display of insecurity and ego, to be so concerned by what some teenager was saying about him on the internet that he checked my blog often and felt he should respond to me publicly, or in person, about it

and im not the only person who experienced this type of shit with dallon, there was an incident way back in 2014 or 2015 where he and breezy essentially went after a group of teenage fans because they criticized them. thats the type of behavior that was normal for him at the time. he was a man in his 30s, theres no excuse

beyond all of that i think dallon is a little slimy coward. he will not and has not definitively publicly said anything truly staunchly negative about brendon, but he went back on posts from like 7 years ago to change the captions and allow people to infer he was somehow a victim

but anyone who was around during too weird or doab era will remember that dallon's behavior at that time othered him from both the fans and the rest of the band. he acts as if he was being bullied by brendon, but brendon didnt do anything to him that he didnt do to kenny or zack or dan or, previously, spencer. why is it do you think that dallon is the only person who has ever tried to imply that brendon was a bully? everyone else that has worked with him publicly, from dillon francis to every time i die to fucking TAYLOR SWIFT, has sung his praises, said he was humble and kind and gracious, and you will be hard pressed to find a fan interaction where he was rude, cruel, whatever

dallon is so obsessed with victimizing himself, when its obvious to me that he was never going to be comfortable around the guys because 1) he didnt drink and 2) he was the only one of them who was a father and had that level of responsibility and 3) he is a practicing mormon and brendon himself has very complicated and valid reasons for being against the LDS faith and how it affected him growing up. the themes brendon often wrote about were about religion, his feelings about it, whatever. there was so much religious and subsequently anti-religious themes in the music and that was inevitably going to be offputting to dallon. keep in mind this is the same person who would get upset if brendon was singing songs from the book of mormon on the bus

dallon would talk shit about brendon to fans while he was literally on tour with the band. theres recorded evidence of this. how does this dude get lauded as mature and reasonable when his actions are often so petty and immature?

dallon could not hear about an islamophobic attack without making it about himself. dallon regularly has tiptoed around homosexuality or feminism. and i dont even give too much of a shit about that because obviously i stan brendon and i recognize when people fuck up and grow or whatever, but its so funny to me that dallon gets that pass when brendon doesnt

dallon making these sideways comments about being poor or not paid enough will always annoy me too. 1) he was a touring musician, 2) brendon urie himself was not cutting his checks, fueled by ramen was, 3) he was receiving royalties off of too weird airplay and streaming and live performances (and he still is), 4) HE AND BREEZY LIVED IN BEVERLY HILLS AT THE TIME, like talk about willfully living above your means. and beyond that he got to travel the world playing music and staying in expensive hotels at no cost to him while receiving exposure for his former projects and any that he might be involved with in the future (which is how idkhow has had its level of recognition). he had adoring obsessive fans sending fanmail and gifts and he is now, years and years later, biting the hand that fed him

and its not lost on me that dallon started changing these ig captions and making these nebulous, purposefully-vague comments right when the public shift on brendon started going south for whatever reason

because hes a coward, and he knows that any issues with brendon are simply personal grievances. if he had anything on him, if brendon was truly this evil guy who did him direct harm, you know he'd fucking say so, but he wont

he is an ungrateful narcissist who wants to be the victim sooo bad, sorry a bunch of guys in the band were messing around with airsoft guns and you willingly played along, not just amongst them but on social media, as if these arent the same guys who tazed each other multiple times on camera just bc they thought it would be funny

dallon deliberately othered himself and is now quietly and surreptitiously trying to claim he was bullied without actually SAYING it. hes still getting FBR checks. notice how it isnt just panic that doesnt fuck w him anymore, its practically the entire label, including fob, people they literally toured with multiple times

just a coward. an absolute loser of a man. i thought god told you not to gossip. you fucking dick

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wahbegan · 7 months

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what’s an unexplained event/conspiracy theory/urban legend you can’t shake the feeling that there might be something to it? one you can’t believe anyone gives any time to at all? a notorious “haunted” location you’d like to check out? any you’d be willing to spend the night in? what’s the first famous murder or disappearance you remember hearing about and how old were you? what’s the creepiest/most malevolent instrumentals-only piece of music you can think of? what’s a horror movie from the last decade you think is overrated? what’s a trope or concept in horror you think is really effective and is underutilized (books movies tv, any or all)?

SOPHIE I COULD KISS YOU ON THE FACE OKAY SO

i'm replying to each question like i'm greentexting because idk it's funnier

>Most hauntings i can't believe anyone gives any time to at all, i'm naturally a Scully so it takes a lot to convince me and it's usually so obviously fraud. Anything investigated by Ed and Lorraine Warren i especially hate >It depends what you mean by "something to it" like the death of Cecil Lam, suaimhneas siorai di, i fully believe she was fucking murdered and the cops fucked the investigation and i'm still angry about it, but i don't believe anything supernatural was involved. The Valentich Disappearance had me going for a while, but i guess it turns out he probably faked it and was an avid UFO enthusiast soooo shrug emoji >I would love to go on a ghost tour of New Orleans. There's no one specific location that i'm like YES GIVE IT TO ME but i'd love to go to New Orleans for haunting type shit >I will spend the night in any haunted location i'm allowed to that wouldn't be insanely disrespectful i'd love that honestly >First disappearance i ever remember hearing about i was 7 and it was The Blair Witch Project so like lmaaoooo but noI think the first real urban legend/murder/anything i remember hearing about was The Bunnyman Bridge, since i actually live right nearby it so that shit was SCAAARYYY. Basically some guy who may or may not have been in a bunny mask or costume and may or may not have been a crackhead ran up on a couple random people and screamed at them for trespassing and menaced them with a hatchet. And of course that turned into a story about an escaped mental patient who killed people with an axe and hung up mutilated rabbit corpses in the woods and shit. I must have been...what, 7 or 8? Maybe younger? I can't remember. The first real crime i REALLY remember was the D.C. Sniper when i was 9 cause again, right near me. That shit TERRIFIED me as a kid i didn't wanna walk home from the bus stop cause i thought i was gonna get shot lmao >Most malevolent instrumental i can think of jeez that's a hard one i know the Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs soundtrack there are a lot of songs on that that are....there are some songs that are kind of beautiful, some that are tragic, but there's a lot in that game's soundtrack that's creepy as fuck >Horror movie i think is overrated...A Quiet Place. I mean don't get me wrong, i liked it, but it wasn't...y'know AMAZING. Left a lot to be desired. Also Bone Tomahawk which is more of a cult thing but like everyone who's heard of it loooooves it and i'm like okay it's really just that one scene though. One-scene wonder of a movie. Also racist. >PEOPLE DON'T USE ELDRITCH ABOMINATIONS ENOUGH or they don't use them right. Also i love the concept of never showing exactly what the monster is. It's often done poorly, which i think is what turns people off, but like At the Mountains of Madness, when the whole story just in the background there are these carvings of SOMETHING bad behind the mountains but the ancient aliens refuse to talk about it yeah it's a weird story and not much attention is drawn to it, and then at the very end the guy is in the plane and looks back and sees....................something and immediately goes stark raving screaming mad like that shit is haunting. Oh, there aren't enough movies like Underwater. I want sea monsters god fucking damn it.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

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yearningandpatheticaboutit · 2 years

Text

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF

CHAPTER 10: YOU SHOULD BE SCARED OF ME

warnings: suicide mention, drugs mention, sa menton

word count: 7111

previous chapter

***

San

when i wake up from my suffocating nap, yaera is tugging on my arm for us to get off the bus. i jump in my skin, looking out into the kind of neighbourhood i only pictured in movies.

my family was never really wealthy, but i know we always tried to do nice things. the houses and the clean streets and palm trees, everything around me just reeks of tax evasion.

"its not a long walk from here," yaera says, her voice sounding muffled. did she sleep in the bus too?

i cant hide my staring as we walk, feeling completely out of place. yaera's been hanging around my shitty apartment so often i forgot where she actually comes from.

it bothers me. i dont know why. sometimes i cant believe this partnership is real. there'd just be so much i'd overlook if all my needs were taken care of like hers are.

if its one thing im tired of, its surviving. just that. i dont remember the last time i had a good day that wasnt ruined by the impact of my fathers decisions.

we reach a white house that looks like something out of old hollywood. yaera stuns me by walking through the gate like nothing. i look around like a kid at a carnival, lost in the fantasy of how nice it must be to grow up around a functioning neighborhood.

yaera takes her shoes off in the front of her door, giving me some home nostalgia. i didnt realize a lot of people did that. i do the same thing, gazing around her sunlit foyer.

"no ones really home besides the maids so we can go straight to my room," she says, then turns around to look at me. "can i get you some juice? water?"

"do you have coke?" i ask.

"im not allowed to drink gas in this house. dont ask."

"juice is fine then."

she leads me to her room. her house has a lot of clocks. everything so simple and white. i pass by a wall on the way to her room, spotting a few baby pictures.

her room is even more bare than the rest of her house. everything i see...i never expected. nothing about yaera ever told me she has such a simple room.

it looks like something out of one of those modern home magazines. no posters on the walls, no pictures, no stuffed animals, nothing at all that showed her personality. not that i was an expert on that. but still.

"go ahead and make yourself comfy, ill be right back," she says and tosses her bag onto the bed. the weird sound it makes reminds me of the things she stole. she wants to sell them yet shes so careless.

i get up and walk around slowly. her room carpet is soft on my feet, better than the rough wooden floor at my apartment. because nothing in her room tells me anything, i go back to that wall.

im nervous because i dont like walking through the homes of others, but something intangible tells me to do it. theres a bunch of pictures of yaera as a preteen and a kid. she looks like a mess in all of them. her curly hair wild and her clothes hanging off her body like she played a rough game. and next to her is the girl identical to her, wearing the biggest smile.

it feels eerie to look at almost. knowing what happened to her.

the two of them are so tight knit, theyre inseparable in every photo. even though yaera is almost never smiling, she always has a hold on her sisters clothes or arm, while the girl looks so out of place next to her brooding twin.

i feel bad looking at it, feeling like im intruding. i hear footsteps coming up the stairs so i quickly run back and pretend to take my books out. yaera comes in a few seconds after, holding a tray of juice and a bowl of chips.

i shift awkwardly as she sets it down on the bed and sits down, roughly pulling at her school tie. her shirt pops open at the top, and i immediately divert my gaze when i catch a glimpse of her black bra.

dont. dont do this to me today. im begging my body to stay in check so she doesnt realize how starved of human interaction ive been before i met her.

"lets leave the studying for later," she boredly says and starts opening her bag. i frown at her, remembering what mrs evans told me.

in one of earlier periods, she basically begged me to tutor yaera, saying she was on the verge of failing and doing pretty much horribly in all her other subjects because she didnt try. if she didnt do well for the next few months, she wouldnt be able to go to any college.

"i dont think thats a good idea," i say, finally looking her in the eyes. her tie is around her head for some reason. "i was serious about tutoring you. it sounds like you really need help. we should get it done."

yaera rolls her eyes. "so im guessing evans spoke to you?"

"i think most people know you arent doing well in school."

"fuck you, san."

i almost smile because of the bland look she gives me.

"im just telling you the facts. what exactly are you going to do in italy?" i ask her. with the lengths shes going to, i know she has to have a plan.

"my grandmother from my mother's side, shes still alive. im going to stay with her. she owns a bakery and will take me in without saying anything."

"didnt you say you wanted to fall off the grid? away from your parents?"

yaera takes a handful of chips and throws it back into her mouth, exposing her chest yet again. i wince internally. i dont know where to look at this point.

"my mother got disowned by her mom a long time ago, when she left the country with my sister and i," she mutters, her tone quieting at the mention of her sister. "my nonna's family immigrated to italy from south africa years ago, so my mom was born in italy. my sister and i were born there too, so my grandmother was really upset when she left with us. they never talk, so i know im safe with her."

"how old were you when you left italy?"

"eleven," she answers, smiling fondly to herself. shes pretty when shes not plotting or wearing her insufferably sly smirk.

"we still go back and forth a lot. because of my parents business. i stay here for school and go back for vacations and holidays."

it must be nice, i think. im surprised shes handing out information so freely. i guess she does really trust me.

"maybe we can visit each other," she suddenly says, the smirk ive seen too many times hanging on her lips again. "when we're both wild and free in europe."

"you know england and italy arent down the street from each other, right?" i laugh slightly, wondering to myself why she would say that.

"so? you know what they say, in europe everything is walking distance."

i chuckle, i dont know why. shes not funny. its embarrassing how a week ago she was blackmailing me and now im eating chips in her room, listening to her life story.

wooyoung would be fuming if he could see me now.

he'd ask me why i was letting in a girl so notorious, so much of a fiend. someone so shady, who isnt at all afraid of danger. and even if she is, thats not gonna stop her at all.

i wont have an answer for him when he does question me. because i dont know why either. maybe im just letting myself have something for once. even if its not the smartest or sanest thing in the world.

yaera takes out the stuff she stole from her bag, snapping pictures of a shiney watch. "people will buy anything online, its crazy," she tells me slyly. "all i have to do is say free delivery and they come crawling like rats to a pizza slice."

so this is what shes been doing for money. "how much does it make you?" i question.

"a lot. i recommend it. even if there isnt a fixed amount, theres no way youre going home with coins."

she leans in to me suddenly, her bra poking open as a gold cross necklace hangs from her neck. i gulp hard. what is she doing?

"and i was thinking...if you cant get rid of all the rosies on time...maybe you can just give Miss A the money?" she continues on as if she doesnt realize how hot she is. or maybe she does, maybe shes doing it on purpose.

it takes me a few seconds to digest what she says.

"what?"

"we can dump it, or sell it ourselves for an even higher price," she says excitedly. "we pay off your amount and then just make double it. you know?"

i dont like the sound of it. im not good with finances, which is exactly why i do the rough stuff. its why im known for being the muscle. i still dont know why miss A gave me this shitty job, knowing i had no expertise. maybe she wants to get rid of me.

"lets play it safe for now," i say, stuttering slightly. im taking a lot of risks so this is going to have to wait. especially because i have enough to hide from miss A.

yaeras proximity is so close to me i cant ignore it anymore. her skirt is hiking up as she sits, her long knee highs distracting as fuck. im biting hard on my lip, the strain tugging in unmentionable places. i cant do this anymore.

"your top is a little...wide," i say suddenly.

"huh?" she looks down and realizes. i expect her to go as red as i feel, but all she does is grip her shirt closed and smile crookedly.

"my bad. i didnt mean to give you a show," she jokes. "wanna stand in the hall for a second? i'll put on something else."

i can never tell if shes being serious when she flirts with me. it feels like everything is a joke or a lie. no ones ever acted the way she does towards me before. i dont know how to deal with it.

i get up and leave, hardly making eye contact. my skin is prickly and hot. i cant be getting affected like this. im such a loser.

my imagination tries causing my downfall while her door is closed. the clocks in her house are ticking and im trying to focus on them instead of picturing her getting undressed. fuck, what is wrong with me.

i reach for my phone, hoping to get distracted. but when i reach for my pockets it isnt on me. i go back into yaera's room, without thinking at all and her back is faced toward me.

luckily it isnt her bare back. she has a pink tank top on. i lose my sense for a few seconds when she turns around, her top still dangerously low, and my phone right in her hand.

its open.

i fight my glare, i probably just left it open by mistake; but shes looking at me like she wants to kill me. her jaw is clenched, her dark eyes narrowed at me like i kicked a puppy.

"why do you have my phone?" i ask her cautiously.

"why do you have this picture on your phone?" she says back, cold as ice.

my mind goes blank. "what?"

she smiles but its nothing sweet. "yeosang emailed you. he wants to meet you for drugs. now tell me why he sent you this picture?"

oh. the picture of her with that older guy. the colour feels like its leaving my body. oh fuck.

"i-i can explain–"

"i noticed you got it a day after we met. were you trying to get leverage on me?"

im embarrassed. i dont know what to say. but my brain tells me to just be honest. theres no way they can look any worse.

"yeah, i was," i admit. she scoffs and rolls her eyes. "i wanted something on you the way you had something on me. but i dont plan on using that. ever."

"thats supposed to make me feel better?" she questions angrily.

"well, you still have that video of me dealing drugs. do you think that makes me feel better?"

she clamps her mouth shut and bites her lip in frustration, tossing my phone to the bed. i want to approach her but i feel like shes about to kick me out of her house.

she cant be mad. i know its fucked up but i was just getting even. i hope this doesnt ruin everything we tried establishing a day ago. that would be so exhausting.

she drops onto her bed, pushing her hair back as she glares onto the ground. "fuck that asshole, yeosang. that picture is useless anyway."

i frown and finally get the courage to move to sit next to her. "what do you mean?" i ask.

she scoffs again, a forced smile on her face. "because that isnt me. its my sister."

my blood pauses in my veins as i look at her. yaera sighs, the look on her face distant and pained. what?

"but yeosang–"

"is a fucking idiot," she finishes off coldly. "he leaked that picture of her days after she went missing. everyone thought she ran away and was rebelling so brands started dropping her. my parents threatened to sue and he swore to delete it. my parents made me step up and announce that i was the one in the picture so that yasmines name would stop getting slandered. so they called me a whore instead."

she chuckles darkly. "i guess it was easier to believe i was the whore and not her. they werent expecting her to be a bag of bones at the bottom of a canyon."

what the fuck. i bend my elbows on my knees and rub my face because i dont know what to say. yeosang is such a fucking asshole.

"i'll delete the pic," i say heavily. "i didnt know. yeosang said it was you."

"most people believe it is. to this day. but nah, thats my innocent sister in the arms of some guy."

"what the fuck is that angle?" i ask her in disbelief. "it doesnt look like she knows she was being watched."

"i dont think she did," yaera admits frighteningly calm. she reaches for something in her bag, and pulls out the camera she stole.

"i think my sister was being stalked. and i think that person is stalking me too."

"what?" i raise my voice. shes dead serious.

yaera holds the camera towards me, showing me a folder. when i look at the pictures inside, my face goes icy. hundreds of pictures of her at school, smoking, sitting around, completely unaware that a camera is on her. then as i scroll further down, i see the exact same picture yeosang sent me.

the original.

"what the fuck?" i whisper and shake my head. "we have to take this to your parents. or the police. what if this is the same person who killed your sister?"

yaera nearly drops the camera and i swear she looks like all the colour has drained from her face. she feels her head and shivers. "i-i think im going to be sick."

"i'll go get a cold rag. hold on."

i get up but she pulls me back by my shirt, shaking her head. "no please. just stay here," she almost begs.

we have to do something about this. this means the stalker is a student, or even worse, a teacher.

it cant be the guy in the picture, hes older and hes being watched too. it has to be a student, and it has to be someone part of the soccer team.

"did yeosang ever say where he got this picture?" i ask her.

she gulps and shakes her head. "no he said it was sent to him. and because he knows everyone, he was told to leak it. so he did. he thought it was from her or someone else saying that shes safe and alive. but...then..."

she takes a deep breath, and it sounds like theyre getting smaller. her chest is rising and falling harder than usual, a slight whistle in her breathing. i reach for her bag and rummage through it, finding her asthma pump.

"take this," i tell her and hand it to her. she takes two puffs, her breathing harsher than before. shes almost shaking.

"ill go with you," i tell her firmly. "to the police, or to your parents. we can show them this. you might be in danger."

"they wont do anything," she says defeatedly. "the police buried the case and i would just be bringing up old wounds to my parents. so much has happened...they wouldnt believe me."

"but we have evidence right here!" i groan, unable to believe what im hearing. "youre just going to accept this?"

"what do you want me to do?" she snaps her head at me. "do you want us to find this guy? then what?"

i clench my jaw thinking of it. hes probably some sick fuck getting off to pictures of yaera and a dead girl. how fucked up do you have to be to still hold onto this?

"we kill him."

"what?" she looks at me horrified. "what the fuck are you talking about?"

"okay fine, we dont kill him. but lets fuck him up, or get him in trouble. because this is messed up. i can find out who this belongs to. just give me your word and i will."

yaera nods with difficulty, looking like shes choking down sobs. this day has taken a completely different turn, we havent even gotten to studying yet.

my phone rings and buzzes again. i look at it. its the thirtieth call yeosang has given me. i pick up in annoyance and nearly growl into the phone. "what the fuck do you want?"

"fucking finally!" he screams, making me pull the phone away from my ear. "you asshole! ive been tryna reach you all day? you finally out of marino's ass? can i fucking talk to you?"

"what do you need?" i grit out because unfortunately i need this fucker and his money.

"i need you to give me like four bags before saturday. ill pay you today, okay? this shit is addictive im literally shaking and if you dont deliver im gonna fucking beat your ass, okay? im thirsty!" yeosang demands, his voice unhinged and feral.

"when do you need it?"

"did you not hear me? today asshole! drop it at the rockstar cafe near school. one of my girlfriends work there. give it to her."

"fine. ill send wooyoung to drop it."

"fucking thank you. god, was that so hard?–"

i hang up on him and turn my attention back on yaera. shes looking at me with a closed off glint in her soft brown eyes, her lips slightly pouted. i stare at them a little too long, against my will.

"how do you know yeosang?" she asks me suddenly. "or more, how did you start selling drugs to him?"

i cant for the life of me find out why she wants to know that. i did tell her i would let her know anything she wants, so i guess i should be fair.

"he knew one of yunho's guys," i say. "he used to sell him drugs when he went clubbing. long story short, the guy died and yunho asked me to start supplying yeosang instead. he was surprised when he found out we were at the same school."

"and he kept quiet?" she asks in genuine disbelief. "yeosang? the guy who tells everyone with whom and where he has sex? the guy who cant keep a secret for shit? that guy?"

"yunho warned me about him. i have a little leverage on him to make sure he doesnt squeal."

her eyes suddenly light up with that dark, mischevious flare she uses when she wants something. "what kind of leverage?"

"before i tell you, whats your relationship with yeosang?"

"he tried to fuck me," she says crudely, making my mouth nearly drop open. "and he knew my sister. he tried to fuck us both actually. and when i didnt let him he went around spreading rumors about me. he still does it to this day."

okay so she has it out for him. and rightfully so. everytime i hear about yeosang hes out disappointing his parents.

"his scandal is kinda fitting then," i chuckle humorlessly. "he had sex with this girl at one of yunhos clubs. he drugged her drink. yunho has it all on camera."

yaeras face morphs into disgust. "thats not fucking sex thats...he literally...oh my god."

"i know," i sigh. "hes a real piece of shit. yunho had his hands on that. and now it belongs to the gang. he knows if he speaks, his life is over."

"how the fuck did yunho record it?"

"he used to record everything in his club. hes was one sick fuck. there were cameras in every corner of that club. every single one. its how the police busted him. luckily for yeosang, his video already made it out of there beforehand."

yaera shakes her head and grips her hair. "this shit is fucking crazy."

thats my life. shes horrifed. i can feel it. but she wanted this. she wanted to be a part of it. luckily it wont be her forever. i dont know when it will end for me.

***

i tried my best to tutor yaera after the revelation of all the upsetting news. she struggled to pay attention, i could tell. her answers were all delayed and she kept zoning out on the diagrams.

at some point i accept we wont get any work done today. i look outside and see its getting late. yeosang is ringing my phone again, as well as wooyoung. i realize i have stops to make.

i close my textbook which happens to be open on the diagram of the heart. yaera blinks slowly, then sits up when she realizes we're done.

"oh. sorry," she mutters. "i wasnt really a good student today, huh?"

i shrug, its not a big deal right now. "we can try again tomorrow. you have a lot on your plate."

"thank you." she says in the smallest voice. its humble coming from her.

i open my bag and shove my books in and she helps me pack. eventually she hands me the camera.

"you take it," her voice is tired and flat. "do whatever you need to with it. i dont want in the house, im going to stare at the pictures all night and its gonna make me sick."

"ill take it away tonight," i tell her. "you remember the mongols? those guys you met when you followed me the first time?"

"yeah?"

"theyre my dads old gang. they do favours for me sometimes because they feel bad for ruining my life. i can get in touch with mao's niece. shes a hacker. i'll take the camera to her and see what she can do."

"thanks. i'd go with you but my parents are gonna be home anytime soon," she sighs. "be careful."

i swing my bag onto my shoulder and we walk out of her house. we schedule to study sometime on the weekend again, right before yeosang's party.

when we get outside the sky is almost pitch black, except for a faint line of blue over the roofs of the mansions. its going to be a nightmare to get transport this time around. i decide to call an uber.

"i wanted to ask you," yaera says as we wait in silence on the pavement. "theres this thing coming up with my family. like...an event for that photoshoot i did. and i need a date."

i raise an eyebrow. is she seriously asking me to go to a fancy event with her family? me? the poster boy for poverty?

"dont look at me like that," she punches my arm lightly, scowling. "im not into you or anything. i want you to meet the models im dealing to. theyre going to be there."

i narrow my eyes at her. "you want to deal at your parents party?"

"no, san. i wanna see you in a suit and drool over how hot you look."

my mouth hangs open at how completely serious she sounds while saying it. i nervously look away and wipe my face with a sigh, irritated by how easily she affects me. she bursts out laughing and my embarrassment worsens.

"you keep asking me dumb questions. obviously! and dont worry about the suit, ill get you one myself."

i dont meet her gaze even though i can feel her staring at me. "so you didnt mean what you said before that?"

she comes to stand right infront of me, that devious smirk on her lips once again. goddamn it. i fail to look away, not wanting to be intimdated except i am.

"about wanting to drool over you?" she asks lowly, her smirk dripping with smugness. "you want me to mean that, choi san?"

my body is abnormally fucking hot. i hear a horn beep a few feet away and see a black toyota waiting. thank god. i clear my throat awkwardly and tighten my hand on the strap of my backpack.

"i gotta go. i'll text you." i say and scurry away as fast as i can.

yaera waves slowly to me when i get into the car and look at her through the window. i need to keep myself in check, no matter how difficult she makes it.

on the way home i get texts from wooyoung complaining about yeosang and about me taking my sweet time at yaera's house. hes convinced we're having unprotected sex everytime hes not in the room.

my face warms again as an image appears and quickly vanishes from my mind. that wouldnt be the worst thing in the world, right?

no. what the fuck san. get it together. what the hell did you just think.

it was the grief and trauma from seeing yunho get sliced up. im convinced. no way would i be having these disorderly thoughts unprovoked.

the uber drops me off infront of a tattoo parlour, aespa. mao's niece is a tattoo artist here. ive only visited a few times, mostly doing errands.

its evening so the place is shut down, but i know shes here. i slam my hand onto the door and peer through the glass waiting for her to show up. it takes me a few aggressive policeman knocks before she eventually comes strutting out through the dark shop, scowling at me.

she unlocks the door and glares at me. "what the hell? do you pay to knock down my door like this?" she snaps.

"hey, ningning, right?" i say. "im san. you know me right?"

she squints her eyes at me and then clicks her fingers. "ah...that guys kid. i dunno his name. tekken?"

"yeah. can i come in?" i sigh.

she opens the door and flicks the lights on, allowing me to pass through. her hair is bright red and she has two full sleeves on both her arms. last time i visited she only had a few tattoos.

"im guessing youre not here for a tattoo appointment?" she says and goes to sit on a spinning chair. it accidently slides across the floor and she tumbles out of it. she gets up and smiles awkwardly.

i take off my bag and pull out the camera. "i need a favour. can you help me find out who this belongs to? its urgent."

"mmmmm did you steal it?"

"not important. i just need a name or an address."

she crosses her arms and nods. "that'll be easy. depending on how long this takes me, ill give you a price after."

i scowl. "please dont be unreasonable."

ningning gives me a nasty look. "hey, my uncle owes you favours, kid. not me, i didnt ruin your life. this is not a charity."

i sigh and nod, giving her the camera. i follow her to a backroom that ends up leading to a basement under her shop. she unlocks nearly four doors to get to her station, and i see massive monitors and a sick computer set up that i know costs more than my apartment.

she lets out a sigh and jumps into her chair, taking out the camera. im curious because i didnt even know cameras could be traced back. the police do it, right?

"so how do you do this?" i ask when she starts typing abnormally fast.

she chuckles, and my eyes widen when a bunch of alien code appears on the screens. "come on, even if i explained to you, do you really think your dumbass would get it?"

i scowl. damn it shes right.

"you couldve just said no," i mutter pathetically under my breath.

"serial numbers kid. serial numbers. theyre a godsent gift. also photos. does this camera have any photos?"

"yeah, a ton." my anger returns just thinking about the creep and his 'hobby'.

ningning pulls up the pictures from the camera and puts them onto the monitors. i bite my lip awkwardly when she turns and side eyes me.

"are you stalking someone?" she asks me dead seriously.

"no," i scoff. "im trying to find the stalker. and even if i was, you'd have no grounds to judge me with what you do."

"i may steal and sell peoples information but at least im not a weirdo," she rebuts and sticks out her tongue. seconds later she pulls out a piece of paper and starts writing shit down.

"theres an account attached to the camera. heres a name and address." she hands the paper to me. i frown looking at the name.

"Apple?" i scowl. this feels like a prank. and severely underwhelming. but at least ive got an address. im going to break this fuckers legs.

ningning smiles, sighing as if bored. "too easy. i was actually hoping this would be a challenge. that'll be 50."

i groan in the back of my throat, feeling like im giving out more money than im bringing in. yaera better pay me back for this. i dig into my wallet and give her my paper and it turns out its my last. broke.

ningning sends me a wink as i make my way out. "good luck, Lucky. or whatever they call you nowadays."

wooyoung picks me up a few minutes after, a new license plate on his van. hes honks obnoxiously for me to get in, nearly waking up the entire neighbourhood.

"never send me to plug that yeosang fucker ever again!" he immediately whines when i slide in passenger. "i cant stand that guy. how does he have that many girlfriends and i dont?"

"youre not a rich sexy creep i guess," i tell him and then sigh. "woo, we need to kill someone."

"what?!" wooyoung screams like the human loadspeaker he is. "who? the blackmailer?"

"no!" i snap and glare at him. i pull out the address and show him. "this is the address of the fucker thats been stalking her. including her dead twin sister."

wooyoungs jaw nearly drops. "woah. yeah thats fucked. when and where?"

i look out the window, thinking back to how she said she didnt want me to hurt anyone. i would probably piss her off and scare her. who knows what would happen. she doesnt want me to do things behind her back.

"let me tell her first. but tomorrow after school, we're paying this person a visit."

***

Yaera

it feels like everyday i wake up i feel more and more like trash. the nights feel long. the day feels too early. i know whats coming. its getting bad again.

ive been called depressed by my therapists and teachers. then it quickly became an excuse. an excuse to them i constantly use to be bad at school and everything else. all i know is everytime i think my happiness will last it doesnt.

when i dont feel my emotions, i dont remember them. they become foreign to me, like nothing. but recently ive been feeling a lot. san has made me feel a range of emotions.

sadness, fear, anger. excitement. fucking arousal. he makes me feel the way a cigarette does. which is crazy. i never thought i'd feel anything for anyone like that ever again. not since jongho.

i sit with silent admiration as he approaches me in the parking lot the next day. of course he has his resting bitch face on, but its one of the things i look forward to these days.

my hands are shaking inside my blazer pockets as i lean against the wall, my nicotine addiction not fulfilled for the day because i spent money on hairdye and forgot.

sans eyes shift to my now black hair and an awkward smile (i think its a smile?) sits on his face. "hey. did you get my texts?"

"my phone died," i say. i actually passed out after doing my hair last night, completely exhausted and terrified by the information that hit me. all that and i forgot to charge and bring my phone the next day.

"oh. i guess i have to say this in person then," san frowns. "i got an address and name for you. of the stalker."

my blood feels like cold sludge in my veins and i immediately feel more lightheaded. my stomach churns. "oh," i try to keep a straight face. "thank you."

he sighs and takes out a piece of paper. "before i show this to you. i want you to know wooyoung and i are planning to go to this address after school. you can come with us to confront the bastard. are you okay with that?"

my mouth is dry and i dont even know what to say. i didnt think he would actually find the creep. i dont even know if i can face him.

i nod with difficulty and san gives me the paper. my stomach immediately plunges like a fucking roller coaster.

no fucking way.

"i couldnt get his actual name. this is all thats available on his account." san sounds disappointed. his face drops further when i meet his eyes.

"are you okay? do you know this person?" he asks, hands hesitantly reaching out as if hes afraid im going to fall over.

i just cant believe it. after years and years i didnt ever think this could happen. but it makes sense, doesnt it? everythings starting to make sense.

"this is jongho's nickname," i utter lifelessly. "and this is his address."

"what?" san raises his voice. his eyes turn into planets. "the annoying prefect?? the one that hates you??"

i nod and almost start laughing. i almost start crying too. jongho is my stalker. he was my sisters stalker. i guess i shouldnt be surprised, he was literally in love with her. but me?

why me?

i cant fucking breathe.

it all gets worse. i reach for my asthma pump and it falls out of my blazer and plonks onto the cement. san picks it up and wipes it off, placing it in between my lips.

he pumps it for me, and i would almost consider this romantic if not for the fucked up circumstances we're always in.

"do you want me to hurt him?" san asks me seriously. "because i will."

i shake my head and scoff. "and face a lawsuit? you have nothing and jongho has everything."

san has a terrifying look on his face. "it doesnt have to be me. you know i know people that would make him pay for this."

i dont want him to pay. not yet. i just want him to be honest. i want this to fucking make sense.

"i knew he was fucked up but wow," i laugh to myself, making san more concerned. "imagine he did actually love me all this time? imagine he loved us both?"

"yaera." san sternly says. "process this and lets talk later. we have class. dont say anything to him or breathe near him. he could be dangerous. he couldve harmed..."

the sick feeling sweeps through me and i find it hard to digest. i gag and nearly throw up, but luckily nothing comes up. thinking of jongho, the asshole i cant stand but also one of my first loves throwing my sister off a canyon after strangling her is making me want to off myself harder than i thought.

and the image never leaves me.

even when we get to class, i find myself

lost in my own head thinking about it. i cant enjoy history for the life of me because im thinking of the past. im thinking of my parents that trusted him. yasmine trusted him too. so much. she thought he was fine with just being her friend.

no, im lying. she knew choi jongho wasnt fine with being just friends. i know she teased him with a relationship that would never happen. i know she kissed him a few times, maybe did something more. i know she led him on for years and he never really gave up because he thought they were perfect together. she could be cruel about it, the way she kept him on a leash.

now shes fucking dead.

"choi san!" someone screams, tearing me out of my thoughts as the classroom door roughly swings open. everyone stands up as our headmaster appears in the doorway, with...jongho behind him.

my breath hits a wall when i look at him, and hes glaring straight at san. the soccer coach is standing in the doorway as well.

san stands up awkwardly, confusion lined in his features. "yes sir?"

"it has come to our attention that items have gone missing from the boys lockerroom yesterday afternoon. choi jongho stated that you were the only one he saw hanging around that area at the time. can you confirm?" our headmaster asks, making the entire class fall into hushed whispers.

no fucking way. san is going red out of panic.

"i-i mean i was there. but i didnt steal anything. h-how or why would i?" san asks.

"you're a scholarship student," jongho spits at him like hes filth. "its not farfetched for you people to get carried away at a school like this. youre already here for free."

"excuss me?" mr grüne, my history teacher interrupts with a glare. "choi san is a good student he would never do such a thing. you can ask anyone of his teachers."

jongho lets out a spiteful laugh. "an expensive camera and watch have gone missing, i dont care about his reputation i care about my team. and choi san is the only person i saw at the lockerrooms yesterday!"

"i didnt steal anything," san defends, clenching his jaw as he grips his desk.

"then surely you will not mind us searching your locker?" the soccer coach says. san's face drops.

i hold my breath. i hold it because i know san has the camera hidden in his locker. we were supposed to confront jongho after school.

"i-"

"you cant search his locker," i say, scoffing and bringing the attention on me. "thats an invasion of privacy."

"its school property," headmaster corrects me. san is looking at me like hes internally begging me to stop. but i wont because i need to save him from himself.

"if you think he stole your shit, call the police," i say. jongho clenches his jaw at me.

thats right. you wont call the police because once they find your camera youre fucked.

"this doesnt concern you, ms marino," headmaster tells me sternly. "choi san im going to need you to come with us to give your locker combination please."

oh fuck. oh no oh fuck.

san slowly leaves the classroom and i can see jongho smirking evilly to himself. no way i cant let san go down like this. they'll destroy him. he doesnt know how to verbally defend himself.

"sir i need to be excused," i say and immediately bolt after them. i pull jongho to the side, making him glare and rip his arm from me. i grab him again, digging my nails into his skin.

"what the fuck are you doing? let go." he hisses at me.

"call the search off," i grit through my teeth. "call the fucking search off right now."

jongho chuckles. "and why would i do that?"

"because if you dont i'll take your camera to the police and let them know youve been stalking me and my dead sister," i say. his face crumbles.

in seconds jongho's smug grin shatters into utter disbelief. hes taking too long. san is going to get caught.

"go fucking call it off!" i snap. "tell headmaster your parents found it, say something or else im letting everyone know what a fucked up creep you really are."

jongho runs and nearly trips over his feet as he chases after our headmaster. my skin is pricky because im scared he wont get there in time. im scared san will go down for this. for MY doings.

i let out a sigh of relief when all four of them come walking back and san isnt in handcuffs. but jongho is giving me a terrified look. good, he should be fucking scared.

"i want to apologize to everyone here for interrupting your lesson and also choi san for the inconvenience," our headmaster says. "it was simply a misunderstanding."

mr grüne looks like he already knew san was innocent and san shrugs it off like nothing. he looks at me wondering how i did it. i mouth to him that we'll talk later. jongho drops something on my desk before he leaves, a note.

meet me on the soccerfield after break. i'll explain everything.

A/N: AYEEE NINGNING CAMEO ANYONE? AESPA X ATEEZ CRUMBS?

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#ateez angst #ateez imagines #choi san angst #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez scenarios #choi san #choi san fluff #san angst #gang au #ateez mystery #ateez thriller #ateez ot8 #ateez au

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jeeliean · 2 months

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A letter and a story, addressed to someone who will never read it. (also titled 'donuts')

when i think of my grandfather, i can only bear to think of the man i knew when i was younger.

he was many things - a baker, an entertainer, a chainsmoker, a man of many gifts. he laughed, clapped along when i would dance in their house on chinese new year for an angpao; never forgetting to give me a new toy or stuffed animal whenever i visited.

how long ago were those days? when the sheer amount of stuffed animals collected dust that triggered my asthma. when they had to be bagged up and donated to a nearby orphanage. and in the blink of an eye, all my minnie mouses, winnie the poohs, barney the big purple dinosaurs - all gone in bags to be enjoyed by other children. i dont remember my parents ever telling him they were given away; all that remained were my barbie dolls.

i fondly remember us baking together. we made donuts, loaves of bread, and my favorite: chocolate, cheese and cream baked all in one heavenly loaf. he'd prepare the dough, and i'd top it with ingredients (rather haphazardly... i was five). i helped use the hot press to seal the bread in the plastic packaging, and by nine he'd don that red velvet hat of his and bike to the morning market to sell his creations. oftentimes when my school bus would be en route home, my friends would point out,

"hey, who's that old man on his with donuts in the back seat? and in that funny red hat, too!"

those leftover, unsold donuts he'd often take home to share with the rest of us. i used to love riding my bike to his house and bring a few back as a little treat after dinner. it became my after-school ritual. id say my hellos to my grandmother, eat a little bit of her cooking, and be on my way back, with at least three donuts in tow.

in primary i'd beam with pride and tell everyone he was my grandfather. he wasn't like most grandfathers in our time - he didn't have any memory or mobility issues, he was a cool granddad. he fed me donuts and let me have as many chocolate sprinkles i wanted, often giving me a spoon to dig into the can. most of the stories i heard from my friends were that their grandfathers were distant, detached, or just gone. in a way that i knew was morally wrong, i felt superior to them knowing how i could share how comfortable i was with him around.

in middle school, i started felt awkward, as most teens do at that age. the people on the bus were new and as a result, most of them didn't know who he was. at times they'd be watching people on the streets and point him out because of his fire-truck red hat, but i'd always keep my mouth shut. i felt embarassed about everything at this age. who didn't? but God, i wish i still maintained that childlike pride of calling him my grandfather. month by month, clubs and homework began to consume me. no longer did i have the time to bike around my neighbourhood, visit my grandparents' house. i didn't even feel the rift growing between us. i was too caught up in superficial friendship drama, being used, and manipulated.

i dont remember exactly what year it was - i think it might've been my first year of high school when he fell. he hit his head on the floor at home. my dad and uncle were there in a flash. right from the get go, they told me and my brother it was bad. he slipped into a coma for a while and woke up with 20 years of his memory wiped. he could barely speak, walk, or even look up.

i never visited him while he was in the hospital. i tried to make myself feel better by telling myself it was pandemic regulations, but i knew in my heart i was just neglecting him. i still played the dutiful granddaughter in helping retrieve his lab tests, brain scans, and the like with my mother when needed. i was completely checked out. i thought i was so important in high school, with my responsibilities volunteering, being a part of the student council, etc. how stupid i had been. instead of going to visit him when my brother, mother and father did, i waved it off or said "next time" in favour of going to meetings and hangouts with my shiny new high school friends.

thankfully he had gotten better, but never to be able to make a full recovery. on top of his head trauma, his chainsmoking over the years had further deteriorated his physical health. once he was home i visited him once - and he didn't even remember my name. i felt my younger self shatter into a million little pieces, desperately searching for the warmth that glowed from behind his eyes.

"kamu anak siapa?" he'd ask, a thousand-yard stare boring into the wall behind me.

i laughed it off. too many of my extended family was there for me to look hurt. "aku anak aming, kongkong. jilly," i'd say with a light chuckle, like i was just letting him off easy. he's old, i'd tell myself. he's just old. not demented.

he'd cough and wheeze, with that signature smoker's rasp inflected in his response. "oh, jilly. anak aming."

he pretended he remembered, but do you know how people feign recognition when they try to recall how they know someone? that "oh, them!" tone. maybe it's his age, but there was no "feigning" his recognition of me at all. it was monotone, and my name didn't invoke a sense of belonging anymore. i felt crushed.

after that incident, we'd only ever visit every chinese new year. my brother kept going because somehow, my granddad remembers the sons. typical traditional chinese family mindset. however, i couldve put in more effort. i couldve taught him how to remember in the hospital, like everyone else did. i was so stupid.

last year, he finally passed. i didn't have much to say. most of my affection for him i deemed insignificant when compared to the actual effort shown by other members of my family.

i was there for the funeral. i couldnt make it to when they spread his ashes in the sea. from kongkong, i learned one thing. this was a lesson i thought i had learned long ago, something i kept stored away in the back of my mind. the universe reminded me to keep it fresh with his passing. never take people for granted.

after his fall, i checked out of our once-strong bond entirely. it was too painful to see him in that state and i thought myself unworthy to try and make amends when it had already taken such a bitter turn for the worse. i felt powerless at the hands of fate. i didn't even try. i was fighting other problems then - boys, my own mental health, my grades. my demented grandfather was barely a priority until he wasn't there anymore.

now, his loss still strikes a chord within me. it resonates everything i couldve done better, everything i shouldve been grateful for. instead, they're all regrets.

every month or so id think about him. nostalgia would always wash over me followed by a crashing wave of guilt. then id move on to my next thought, with the guilt being too much to bear while i was doing other things.

i wish i had done more. i wish i never let us drift apart in the first place. when i think of you, i still smell the golden, crisp donuts fresh out of the fryer. every time i eat from a bakery, i think of you. in every chocolate sprinkle, in every chocolate-cheese bread loaf.

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dorefasolsido · 8 months

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17.

How are you doing today?

Not bad. I always feel a little meh in the morning, but today hasn't been so bad.

What is the last song you listened to in a car?

Oh I have no clue, must have been something on the radio.

Do you like prefer apple cider warm or cold?

Warm.

When did you last feel misunderstood?

I feel like that once in a while. It's no one's fault, really, it's just my brain.

Have you ever visited The Louvre or would you like to?

I have when I was 16, on this student exchange thingy. It was cool, but I'd probably appreciate it more now. Or if we hadn't literally zoomed through it at the speed of light.

Have you ever accidentally locked yourself out of your place of residence?

Hmm, I don't think so.

Do you remember your favorite songs as a kid?

I feel like I didn't have a really favourite song then. I had songs I liked, but I started really appreciating music as a preteen/teen.

Do you currently feel calm?

More or less.

When did you last lace up a pair of shoes?

Yesterday.

What's your go to comfort meal?

Chocolate isn't quite a meal, but that's my comfort.

Do you enjoy cloud watching?

Yup, when I'm in the bus and listening to music, it can be really relaxing.

Do you currently have any candles lit?

Nope.

If applicable, what's your favorite sports team?

Don't care about sports very much.

How many cardigans do you own?

I used to have a few, but now I don't think I do. Maybe only one or two are left from that time.

How much is too much for clothes?

Depends on the clothing item and the income. For me personally, I'm not gonna pay over $70-80, and even that's a stretch.

How soon do you normally decorate for holidays?

I don't exactly, but my mum starts around mid-December.

Are there any important things happening this week?

Only meeting with friends on Sunday.

Do you know anyone who is terrified of dogs?

I think so.

What scent was the last soap you used?

Idk, didn't check the scent.

How old were you when you made your first big purchase?

I think I was 25. Got a new laptop with my own money.

What last made you angry?

I don't remember.

What's a color you think is underrated?

Lol I'm not sure, I'm generally a fan of the colours everyone likes.

What are you usually doing when midnight comes around and you can't sleep?

Well, I never sleep around midnight. That's usually when I'm in the middle of my work.

What is your favorite way to eat rice? (white, steamed, fried, brown, sweetened...)

Fried?

What color is the top you're wearing?

White.

When did you last laugh so hard you cried?

I don't exactly remember.

What's your favorite horror movie?

Get Out, probably. It's horror, but it's super fun at the same time. Also, I recently watched Hereditary for the first time and I have to watch it again.

What's your favorite and least favorite fast food restaurant?

I'm not a big fan of KFC here, and as for favourite, idk. McDonalds? But I don't really eat there either.

How many pictures can you see in the room you're in?

Ten of me and my sister (it's like a collage) and some random decorative ones.

When did you last sign your signature?

Probably when I was renewing my driver's license.

What cover do you think is better than the original song?

Hmmmm, well Johnny Cash's Hurt is absolutely brilliant. Now, hard to say if it's better than NIN's since the vibe is so different, but I'll go with that.

Are you currently listening to music?

Not right now.

What do your favorite pair of pajamas look like?

I like the Christmas-themed ones I have lol

What is something you've been working on?

Book translations.

What's something that excites you about the future?

Tbh, nothing in particular. I guess I'm looking forward to potentially going to a BTS concert once they do a European tour, but other than that, there's not all that much that I'm excited about right now.

How often do you drink smoothies?

Extremely rarely. My sister got a smoothie maker and we used it exactly once.

What's a TV show you have gotten into recently?

All of Us Are Dead was actually really good. I'm not super into zombie shows, so I didn't watch it when it first came out. But now my sister was watching, so I tagged along, and yeah, I was totally sucked in.

Have you ever had to have a tooth cut out?

Kinda, my wisdom tooth.

When did you last rush for something?

I don't remember, my week was so chaotic that I feel like I was rushing the whole time, but I can't think of anything specific.

How many blankets do you own?

Like two or so.

Have you drank enough water today?

I just woke up and haven't left my room yet, so not even a single sip lol

Do you prefer apple pie or pecan pie?

Apple pie.

What color takes up most of your wardrobe?

Black.

What makes you feel alive?

Concerts, late night walks, driving

Who is your last missed call from?

I don't know, I don't have the number in my contacts.

Do you have any unusual pet peeves?

People who want to call me on the phone. << lol same, I despise phone calls.

What is a food you think is nasty that most people enjoy?

Tomatoes.

Would you rather never be sick again or be rich?

Probably never be sick again, although I feel like being rich is a bit more tempting right now. I'm generally rarely sick, but the money could be cool for travelling the world.

#surveys #personal

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savventeen · 10 months

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🎧 for the ask game please? i'd like some song recommendations because my playlist is like 80% kpop help-

but also!!! hihi savv i hope you're having a good day today ily ♡♡♡

OMG HI XANTHE!!!! 💙✨ i hope ur having a good day too!!!!

okay im gonna go ahead and give u a few bc ur the only one to send one in so far and i have So Many songs i want to write fic for sjdjdkkddk (narrowing it down to three was actually really hard lmao)

first up i'm gonna give you i will by mitski

so stay with me / hold my hand / there's no need / to be brave and all the quiet things you bear / seal them up with care / no one needs to know they're there / for i will hold them for you 'cause all i've ever wanted is here / all i ever wanted / all i want is / always you / it's always you and we're not out of the tunnel / i bet you, though, there's an end and while you sleep / i'll be scared / so by the time you wake / i'll be brave

this makes me want to write qpr reader x member emotional hurt/comfort. like, just them being vulnerable with each other and holding each other (both physically and emotionally) and reader knowing that while they worry for member, member worries just as much over them and. idk, being brave for the people you care about and having it not automatically equal romance :')

(also mitski's one of my all-time fav artists so if u like this song u should check out her entire discography, her songs make me Feel Things, in like, the experiencing the human condition kinda way)

[putting the rest under a readmore bc i apparently have a lot to say OOPS]

okay next i'm gonna give you sweet time by porter robinson [cw: death mention]

and i feel so stupid / 'cause i wasn't scared of this before / but since i met you / i don't wanna die no more so take a long time / 'cause, oh, the world is lucky to be your home, i know / i need a next life / 'cause i'm not satisfied to know you just once / so take a long time

this makes me want to write some kind of reincarnation/reality-hopping au So Bad. just like, the idea of meeting someone and wanting to know everything about them, and not just the them of now, but every them that could and would have been. idk what the plot would actually be, but [member of choice] needs to find you in all these different realities for Reasons and in getting to know all these yous, comes to love all these different parts of you. sometimes it's romantic, sometimes it's platonic, but it's always with the same dedication

but yeah. "i need a next life, 'cause i'm not satisfied to know you just once" ughhhh. love this so much

(also another favorite artist of mine, specifically his album 'nurture'. listen to that shit on repeat so often lol)

okay lastly im gonna give you it happened quiet by aurora [cw: blood mention]

feathers falling out of the pillow / as if time is standing still / i can’t remember much more / but i know it happened quiet / so quiet you fell apart / like a stone can be broken into sand / a thousand pieces / spread across a crying land / and you can’t remember that day / but you know it happened quiet / so quiet / words falling out through the window / all that remains is a silent call / is the earth colored red? / as i land like a flower on the meadow are your dreams as dead as they seem? / don’t you speak over my voice / i will return from the shadows / and i’ll bleed in your bed / turn it red / like the ground outside your window / love is wild

i would love love LOVE to write a dark fairytale/fantasy fic for this, like!!! god, the vibe of this song feels like those stories that start off soft and fairytale-esque but by the end you realize it's actually a dark kind of warning and not a happily-ever-after.

so the basic idea i have would be something along the lines of: reader was once like, a forest guardian or something, and at one point a human came along and was like "let me live in ur forest pls" and they were skeptical but eventually let them as long as they didn't hurt the forest at all. so the human builds themself a little cottage in the clearing and doesn't hurt the forest and so reader lets themself start to get to know the human and oops! they end up falling in love (bad idea) and in a moment of vulnerability, the human attacks them, nearly kills them, and curses them so they can't protect their forest anymore. bc lo and behold, little human is actually a greedy bastard from the nearby kingdom wanting to take all the resources here.

fast forward a bit, and [member of choice] who has some magical abilities, starts getting really weird dreams about the forest on the other side of the kingdom. cue member being enlisted to help reader enact their revenge plot to save their forest (and also maybe reach some righteous havoc while they're at it) and they become best 'villain' bros the end :')

(once again, love aurora so much, i highly recommend checking out her discography haha)

send me a “🎧” and i’ll give you a non-kpop song i want to someday use as fic inspiration

#i wrote so much i'm so sorry sldfjsdlkjfsldkjf #i hope you like the songs at least!!#savv answers #ask game #xanthe 🐢

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thedaveandkimmershow · 11 months

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It doesn't happen often... but since my car caught a massive roofing nail on Saturday and no one was open Sunday to fix it (including the Walmart Automotive Center on Airport Way that I discovered is unfortunately and permanently closed), I had to leave my car at the house whilst we went back to the apartment in Seattle. Kimmer had to use her car during her lunch hour on Monday which meant I had no car for getting back to the house. So fine.

Public transportation.

Actually, the way it worked out was walking a half mile to the light rail station, taking the light rail to Northgate, catching a bus right there to the Lynnwood Transit Center, catching a bus directly west to Highway 99, transferring to the Swift Blue Line to a little over a mile-and-a-half from the house, then walking the rest of the way to the house.

It was that kind of morning.

Now, my plan was to do some writing or reading along the way but, right as I left on my travels I called a friend and we stayed with that conversation (catching up, really) through my walk, through the light rail to Northgate, while waiting for the bus, then riding the bus to the Lynnwood Transit center where we had to wrap it up 'cause I had to figure out my next bus and my friend had to hit the grocery store.

So far, the public transportation commute had gone without a hitch with pretty tight connections. Now that I was faced with local buses, however, the schedules were not so tight. There's no need for them to be so tight, of course, except for the fact that the first conceivable connection for me was close to forty-five minutes away and I needed all the minutes I could get to take care of my car as well as meet up with people who wanted to pick up furniture we posted on Craigslist and OfferUp.

Google Maps was helpful inasmuch as it provided variations on routes to the house including ones that started with buses yet somehow ended with a Lyft ride, each iteration of the trip maddeningly eating more time than the previous ones. At some point in there I remembered a long time ago I'd made it to the Lynnwood Transit Center in the midst of a snowstorm and had begun walking toward highway 99 where hopefully the road was clearer for transit. Halfway to 99, I caught sight of a bus heading my way from the transit center on its way to (or in the direction of) 99. So, fast forward back to the present day where I know about that bus, I look it up, and discover it's in a nearby bay three minutes from heading out.

Bingo.

The bus drops me near a corner along 99 where there's a Swift Station with a bus due in five minutes. I swipe my card and wait... wait... then get on the bus when it pulls up. I enter the rear section since it's basically right in front of me, taking the bench seat across from the door. A minute later, someone's standing pretty close to me in this not very full bus so I look up.

It's the transit cops!

Good thing I swiped my card 'cause they really do check who paid and who didn't once you get outside, you know, Seattle.

Anyway...

It's a Swift bus so I'm at my stop in no time which also happens to be the stop for the transit cops, the pair of them. I ask them a little about their job, by the way, and the kind of day they're having which, it turns out is so far thankfully uneventful. I was most curious if they had a list of buses and places they had to be... with the answer being they didn't have a rigid agenda for the day, just a number of buses they needed to ride in both directions. So having ridden up to my stop, they made their way across the street to catch the next bus back. Before parting, they wondered if my interest in their work indicated I was interested in getting a job with transit because, you know, there are jobs available.

I politely denied interest and we went our separate ways.

As I crossed the street, it struck me that I hadn't run into any kind of transit authority on bus or light rail for years now.

Seriously.

Years.

Ain't that somethin' ?

At this point, I checked to see what time a connecting bus would come to take me to the closest point to my house.

20 minutes.

I checked to see how much Uber and Lyft would cost.

8 bucks.

So I walked the rest of the way for the steps. The 12,000 steps I'm aiming for each and every day.

Apparently.

By 'n by, I'm at the house. I beat the bus, by the way. Never saw it pass as I walked. After dropping a few things at the house, I turned around, jumped in my car with the massive roofing nail in its front tire, and drove to Les Schwab where their techs fixed it for free.

For.

Free.

I was outta there in about forty-five minutes, part of which was the techs finishing up previous jobs before getting to mine. They confirmed the no charges nature of the day's work, they gave me a heads up about assessing our rear tires at the end of summer, beginning of fall, and I was on. my. way.

The rest of the day was pretty nothingburger. Coordinating with Craigslist and OfferUp clients, a bunch of shopping at the end, the drive back to the apartment, followed by dinner and The Diplomat on Netflix.

The big deal about the remains of the afternoon is that it was my first opportunity to work in my new edit suite.

Oh... it's not an edit suite yet. All my gear's still at the apartment. However, Kimmer has been working on the room, transforming it from its former glory days as Linzy's bedroom. The brightly colored walls that were really scrapbook design writ large... were muted way, way back, painted over in what experts in color, especially the color brown, call "tope". The curtains Kimmer hung actually hold most of the outside light at bay, leaving the room quite dark. Darker than its ever been in broad daylight. Darkest at the wall against which my workstation will be.

In the meantime, there's a small couch in front of the window, a couch once use at her office in Ballard once upon a time before the pandemic. In front of the couch is a faux leather storage bench coffee table which, if you flip the top over, serves as a table, a super convenient desk/work area for producers when they come up to work, is what Kimmer's thinking.

Speaking of producers, the space that was formerly dedicated to being Linzy's closet, is now an open space with a pair of cabinet drawers painted like Harry Potter luggage with the drawer handles doubling as the "suitcase" handles. The tops of the cabinets combine to form a tabletop upon which rests a coffee pot and other items in preparation for a place for drinks and snacks. Because yeah. Kimmer completely knows what she's doing. And it's exciting to see this space, my future edit suite, take shape.

Even Linzy's a little jealous. 😉

#public transportation #light rail #bus #swift blue line #les schwab #nail in tire #google maps #community transit #sound transit #walking #steps #office remodel #edit suite

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scuttle-buttle · 3 years

Text

Chapter 11

WC: 2077

Rated: E

Chapter Tags: full on angst, discussions of emotional trauma, mild depictions of blood/gore, mentions of self h*rm & su*cide, mentions of child abuse, discussions of physical disabilities, institutionalization, some dialogue & plot canon to TV show, hurt/comfort

🧠

The rest of the conference went by much like the first day did. Both you and Laszlo bought a few books for your collections. An ease had settled over your conversations with the help of Sara and John's presence; you spoke more freely with each other. You tell yourself it is not because he's going soft on you or vice versa, but rather that you have found yourself in this imaginary bubble where you happen to get on well. It's inevitable that it will pop once you’re back at school and Laszlo will revert back to his usual callous state.

Laszlo. It still felt odd to think of him like that, rather than by his title. You couldn't lie, it gave you a sort of thrill. Even in your dreams you had only called him by his honorific. Thankfully you didn't have another dream after Friday. You couldn't escape the feeling that you'd said something incriminating in front of the man in question. So you chose to pretend it didn't happen.

Monday morning came and you headed to the train station. Once again he had secured a private cabin for the journey. This time you came prepared with a book since you had yet to replace your broken phone.

"Thank you again for inviting me to this, I really enjoyed myself. It was really nice of the department to foot my travel expenses, the hotel was really fancy. I may have helped myself to a mini-bottle or two," you joked.

"There is no need to worry about the department's finances; they were not involved."

You pause. He paid for you? Laszlo did say he would take care of the arrangements; but the four-star hotel, the private compartment train tickets, the admission to the conference, and every meal? Shit, that must have been a fortune, hundreds of dollars at least.

You don't know what to say, so you settle for an awkward "oh." A moment passes before you add "I appreciate that, um, I can pay you back. Might take some time but I can."

The professor is flippant in his reply. "There is no need, it was well spent for the research and knowledge acquired." He opens his book signaling the conversation is over.

You lick your lips. Fine then, I'll just consider it payment for emotional suffering and damages of the last eight weeks.

The first few hours of the journey were spent reading one of the new books you picked up at the convention. Occasionally you would peek over the pages at the professor. He was engrossed in his own selection; sometimes he would pause to write down a thought.

Around the seventh hour of your journey you had given up on reading anymore in favor of looking at the fields outside. The silence was comforting.

Laszlo had trouble concentrating on the book in his hand. He saw you as a conundrum. One minute you could be sociable and teasing with your comments, then next you were biting at his throat with your quick wit and fierce ideals. He decides that he wants to know what made you into who you are today. Now is as good a time as any.

His eyes on you cause a tingle up your spine but you ignore it. Laszlo breaks the silence; "may I ask a personal question?"

"You just did," you answer, still peering out of the large window. He huffed once, amused. At his following silence you face him. You raise your eyebrows to signal him to go on with his question. Curiosity grows at the thought of what he intends to ask.

"Twice now you have made implications of a traumatic past," he begins.

Bubble popped.

Interrupting, you snark "is this the part where you psychoanalyze me, doc? Because trust me, I've been through enough of that." You pick at the lint on your jeans.

Laszlo tries to choose his words more carefully the next time he speaks. "What I mean to say is, the first afternoon in the classroom where you defended that student you implied you had been witness to a trauma. You then displayed signs of anger and embarrassment before leaving prematurely. Yesterday you mentioned having entered a psychiatric facility. As an alienist I can't help but find myself curious about your experiences."

You slide your eyes to meet his from across the cabin. Your face is devoid of any emotion. "We all have our demons. Even you can't argue with that."

Your jaw clenches. Everyone had warned you. They all said he would try to worm his way into your head to figure you out. All the reviews, the gossip, everything. It was a big fat 'I told you so'. You give a pitiful laugh at the situation. "You know, everyone told me that you would pull this stunt."

He seems confused by your statement. "And what is that?"

"That you'd get inside my head and try to figure me all out or whatever. You already know I googled you beforehand, what everyone says about your methods. By now I assume you've done a little research yourself. I promise you there is nothing exciting here," you scoff and point to yourself.

"You would be correct in your assumption." You chew at your cheek as he starts. "I do know some of what happened in your past. Yet I also know that society likes to dilute the truth into something either more palatable, more entertaining, for people to consume greedily. What I want to know is what you have faced. How you have not allowed the experience to overcome you so much so that your humanity is erased like the characters I lecture on."

Eyes closing of their own volition you are thrown back in time to that night so many years ago. You didn't talk about it anymore. Bitsy knew of course, but that was the extent.

Laszlo waits. He knows this is likely to push you over the edge if your history with him means anything. Quite frankly, anyone would be tossed to their limit at his interrogation had they gone through what you had. John always told him that he needed to work on his bedside manner; that he had a habit of coming on too strong in his pursuit of learning the intricacies of the human mind. But your earlier comment about being sent to a so-called 'nuthouse' rubbed him the wrong way. It left a bad taste in his mouth. He needed to know. He needed to understand.

Laszlo can imagine the reprimand that he would receive from John and Sara for this. Just as he considers apologizing for his intrusion you open your eyes.

"She was fine. None of us suspected anything was wrong. I came home from having dinner with some… boy, and she had locked herself in the bathroom. She- she must have started over the sink and moved to sit on the side of the tub. She was hunched inside it when I got the door open. I pulled her out. Blood was… everywhere." Your voice is clinical as you explain.

"After, I shut down. So I checked myself into a psych ward a few days later when I couldn't get the feel of her blood off my hands. It's slippery, you know. And it smells. You wouldn't think so but it does." You clear your throat. "I did the therapy, took the meds they prescribed, all the standard treatments. Later I started watching true crime documentaries. I'd heard about exposure therapy so I figured the more I saw the gore, the less the image of my dead roommate would bother me. And it did help. The nightmares stopped after a while, I came back to school. I was better, just not the same.” You had watched the passing landscape as you explained. Turning to face him you speak again. “That's why those pictures didn't bother me. They weren't anything I hadn't seen before."

He contemplates you. The discovery and subsequent loss of your friend in this manner would no doubt cause lingering effects to your psyche. A stain that would forever remind you. "I offer my sincerest condolences. I do not presume to know what that would be like to experience, but I am glad you sought help afterwards. To make the choice to alleviate yourself of your own suffering where possible.”

As he says this he realizes that your anger towards the idea of being enslaved to unconscious impulse makes perfect sense. It explains why you focused so much energy on defending your belief in free will. That you have the power to choose how you carry your joy, your anger, your healing. It reminds him of how he held onto his own guilt and hurt, ignoring how it festered within him for so long. He feels as though he needs to share a piece of himself with you.

“I played piano as a child, quite well too. My mother hoped I would someday make a career of it. I vividly remember playing Mozart’s Concerto for Piano No. 20 in D Minor at a holiday party when I was seven years old. It was my favorite to play.... It requires two hands." You finally look at him. "My father...” He pauses to gather himself.

Now it is the doctor that cannot meet your eyes. As you listen you feel your confusion grow. How could he have been a talented pianist if he only had full use of his left hand? Unless..., the realization dawns on you just as he continues, his words slow.

“My father had two sides. One loving and the other brutal, the two often coexisting. It was something as trivial as putting me to bed, I recall... A game of tug of war. We were laughing…” He inhales a sharp breath. Already you can feel the tears begin to blur your vision. “I don't remember if he was drunk or if I said something that offended him. He must have pulled my arm behind my back.” Laszlo exhales shakily. “In small children, fractures can often affect…” he trails off, unable to finish. You can hear how he barely holds himself together.

Your heart aches for the broken man that sits in front of you. He never let on how much his arm bothered him, at least not within your presence. Suddenly you don’t see him as this rude, insufferable, obsessive man, but instead as someone that spends his life trying to protect himself. He projects his own anger and hurt so that he may, just for a minute, forget about his own demons. He wants to help others even when he feels he cannot bear to help himself.

But unlike you, he has to live with the physical reminder of his past every day of his life.

You stand and move to sit on his right side. Before allowing yourself to think too much of your actions, you place your hand atop his own, curling your fingers around his palm and squeezing delicately. You don’t bother wiping away the tears on your cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Laszlo;” the whisper is barely heard above the sound of the train. A second passes where you fear you have overstepped and offended him by touching the affected limb. When his thumb tightens against the backs of your fingers you know he is not. He holds you in place.

“You asked me how I kept my humanity. How does anyone really? We learn to take what we get and we carry it in a bag. Sometimes you have to drag the damn thing behind you. But eventually the weight gets less and less if you allow yourself to move forward, even if it’s still there with you all the time. I dealt with what happened years ago and it does still haunt me. It’s easier now than it was, but… I- I suppose I’ve learned from you too. Sitting in those lectures and hearing you talk. We can either let it haunt us for the rest of our lives… or we can accept it… and use the memory of our pain to help ourselves and others.”

“I’m not sure the choice is entirely in our hands.” His tone is mournful.

You turn to smile at him through your tears. His own eyes are bloodshot. “I disagree. If it weren’t, if we didn’t have the freedom to choose that, we’d all be murderers.”

Tag list

@hardlyinteresting @lorna-d-m @livvyshmiv @somethingthatsaysbubbles @greeneyedblondie44 @unbeatablecurlgirl @apparrio @marchingicenotes7 @anteroom-of-death @bruhidaniel @lemairepstuff @thehuiabird @zemosimp05 @alindeluce @iamnotthecatladynextdoor @laura-naruto-fan1998 @trelaney @boneheadduluc @i-am-dead-inside-666 @fictionlandslanddreams

#the interpretation of dreams #laszlo kreizler x reader #laszlo x reader #laszlo kreizler #the alienist #the alienist angel of darkness #daniel brühl #daniel bruhl #laszlo kreizler fanfic #laszlo kreizler daniel bruhl #scuttle-buttle #tw self harm #tw suicude #tw child abuse

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bondsmagii · 2 years

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Yo i heard you take statements so here's a couple weird little moments i would like to remove from my memory permanently

-Had a short conversation with my sister through her bedroom door, went downstairs to say goodnight to my parents and found her sitting on the couch with them. Everyone still swears blind that she'd been down there for hours already, and when I went back upstairs to check her room, the lights were off and nobody was there.

-Same sister! Was sitting downstairs home alone while she and my dad were shopping, and I saw her get off the bus outside without him. Waved but she didn't wave back. After a couple minutes I realised she'd slammed the gate but hadn't came inside yet, so I texted her to say the front door was unlocked. Almost as soon as I hit send, my dad calls to ask if I wanted anything brought in and I ask why my sister came home without him. He asks what the fuck I'm talking about and insists she's with him, and puts her onto the call. Hung up, went outside, nobody in the front or back garden. I still don't know who I heard opening the gate.

-My mother used to look after an elderly woman with dementia, and got pretty close to her family and went on holiday with them a couple times. The woman dies, pretty upsetting but I personally didn't know her that well. Couple years pass. My mother tells me the old woman just died and asks if I'd like to go to the funeral. I get really worried about her memory failing but everyone acts like she's right and this woman just died recently instead of several years ago, and thinks I'm playing a really fucked up joke.

-My cousin gets married to her boyfriend, which is great news and everyone in my family is hyped because he's apparently a very nice guy. I've never met him because they've only been together like 2 years and both of them live in England so we don't visit very often. While everyone's chatting about the wedding my gran asks if I'm looking forward to seeing him again and I remind her we've never met. Assuming it's just me misremembering, my gran reminds me about the trip my cousin and her family took to see us last year, where I apparently got on really well with her fiancé, and she even has pictures of us all together. I cannot fucking comprehend how I got in those pictures with a man I've never seen before on a trip that didn't happen.

None of these are especially spooky or scary so forgive me for that, but I thought they were out of place enough to mention :3

I am absolutely declaring you as being stalked by the Stranger, anon. something out there is probably wearing your sister's skin. maybe yours as well. good luck with that.

in all seriousness, though, you don't suffer from ADHD, do you? I ask because I do, and I've experienced some similar things. can't explain the times you saw/heard your sister's doppelgänger (that's probably just good old fashioned energy imprints, nothing to worry about) but the forgetting entire people and trips? I've done that, even after viewing photos of myself on the trip or with the person in question. you like to think "surely I'd remember that", but nope 😂

another fun fact for your consideration: I'm mildly face-blind, which for me means I have trouble recognising people I don't know well, even if I see them frequently. cashiers or baristas I see all the time will greet me as a regular, but I will not know who they are unless they have some distinguishing feature, like a scar, a piercing, a tattoo, etc. this lead to me introducing myself to my own aunt at a family funeral once, and saying "pleased to meet you", and wondering for several weeks why she laughed awkwardly and looked so puzzled. unintentionally flexed hard on my aunt at a funeral, whoops.

#statements #anon #asks

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turinn · 3 years

Text

Train Station

Koga Oogami x GN!Reader

Summary: Koga develops a... little crush on someone he sees every time he's at the train station. Shame he's so fucking awkward. Not that his unit mates are any help there.

Tags: Fluff, pining, first meeting, trains

A/N: Real sorry about how my fics are gnna be formatted for a while but I can't sit up to do it on my computer so it's gotta be on on mobile for now. Sorry!

Adonis raised his eyebrows at Koga, waiting for him to respond to the question he'd just asked him. He didn't. Kaoru and Rei were both smirking, looking in the same direction as Koga, and Adonis followed their gazes over to you. Ah. Of course.

Every time UNDEAD had to go somewhere together, they'd get the train at this station, usually just after school, since two of their members were still in their third year. And every time they arrived at the station, it didn't take long for Koga to malfunction. Adonis was still unsure whether you were a student nearby or commuting, but one thing that was for certain was that you always took the same train at this station- or at least you had every time they'd been here.

Koga's little crush had started the first time they'd decided to take the train rather than the bus, it being quicker and usually cheaper. You'd been leaning against the wall next to the ticket machine, laughing into your phone. He'd been sent to buy their tickets and he'd dropped all his money when he heard your laugh. Rei had come over to 'save' him, much to his underclassman's embarrassment, and he'd spent the whole journey positively glaring at Rei.

A couple weeks later they'd gotten the train again (Rei had insisted, his tone of voice making it clear he had an ulterior motive. Bastard.) and sure enough, there you were. That day you'd had a friend with you, and Koga seemed to short circuit as he caught sight of you animatedly relaying a story to them. He'd stopped mid sentence, choking on the words and then insisting he needed to buy a drink from the small store situated at the other end of the station. He'd almost committed a murder when he walked out of the store and saw Kaoru talking to you, leaning against a signpost and smiling flirtatiously.

"They dropped their phone." Adonis had reassured him.

"Don't be surprised if he comes back with their number, though." Rei interjected unhelpfully. Whether it was luckier for Koga or for Kaoru that he didn't, none of them could be sure.

When they took their fifth trip by train since he'd seen you first a few months ago, he was feeling confident. He'd finally talk to you today. As soon as he remembered how to walk.

"Fuck it. Today I'm gonna get their number!" Koga announced proudly, before he took one step in your direction and tripped over his shoelaces. He wished he could say he handled it smoothly, but to do so he would definitely have to lie. He'd landed face first on the ground, and Rei had not held back on laughing at him. It must have been a goddamn miracle that you were facing away from him when it happened, checking the announcement on the board that your train had been delayed. Setting himself to rights (and making sure his shoelaces were firmly tied), he regathered his somewhat bruised confidence and made his way towards you.

"Hey." He'd tapped on your shoulder, and you'd turned around quickly, your face scrunched up in confusion, but still plastered with a friendly smile.

"Oh, hello! Can I help you?" The grey haired boy standing in front of you hadn't answered. He'd just sort of... stared, awkwardly.

15 odd feet away, Adonis could see his friends face going redder than the tomato juice Rei was drinking, and he couldn't help but feel a little bad for him.

"Are you... okay?" You tilted your head, confusion fading away for concern. This boy had just... frozen in front of you, and he looked like hewas wishing he could disappear into the ground right now. This was an astute observation, because that was exactly what he was wishing for. You gently placed a hand on his upper arm, hoping to snap him out of whatever odd stupor he'd fallen into. The boy coughed and ran back to his friends. ".... Okay then? Weird."

Back with his unit, Koga felt awful.

"You didn't get their number, did you?" Rei asked, looking apologetic. He already knew the answer

"...No."

"Did you at least learn their name?" Kaoru offered, hoping to help him see the bright side.

"I said 'hey'. That's kind of where the conversation stopped."

"Oh my god..."

"They said hello and I... forgot how to speak."

Adonis put a hand on his shoulder comfortingly and he brushed it off, growling. "I'll get it next time. Stop looking at me like that." He didn't speak for the rest of the journey.

The next time UNDEAD take the train, Koga gets... a different kind of distracted. You're nowhere to be see. He finds excuses to walk up and down the platform several times, and he doesn't catch a glimpse of you once. It makes him antsy.

"Will you relax? You're driving me up the wall." Kaoru, sat next to him on the train, could hardly focus with the incessant bouncing of Koga's leg in his peripheral vision.

"Now, now, it's not his fault. Someone didn't get to see his object of admiration today, did he?"

Koga bares his teeth at Rei, pissed off at the teasing lilt in his voice.

"Piss off."

"Didn't anybody ever tell you to respect your elders?"

"Sorry. Piss off, please." Rei simply rolls his eyes and settles in his seat, presumably hoping to nap. Koga goes back to glaring at the floor like it had caused him some personal offense.

He doesn't even know your name, why the hell does he care? Sure, you're cute but that's not enough reason. And yeah, your laugh is the nicest sound he's ever heard but neither is that! He thinks constantly about how concerned you'd looked when he froze up in front of you, how gently you'd placed your hand on his arm to try and shake him out of it, how soft your voice had been when you'd asked him if he was okay.... Oh, Jesus Christ. What the hell have you done to him?

On the return journey home, he's still tense. He'd managed to shake the feeling off during their shoot, but it had returned pretty much as soon as he'd gotten back on the train. It was starting to give him a headache.

He was just considering buying a bottle of water from the lady with the cart next time she passed by when someone slumped down on the seat opposite him, and Adonis nudged him gently.

Looking up, Koga felt like he was about to choke. You were sitting in front of him, headphones plugged firmly in your ears and an exhausted look on your face. Whether you recognise him or not he can't tell.

Kaoru clears his throat, making some garbled excuse for getting up and going to the other end of the carriage, dragging Rei with him. Adonis quickly follows, offering Koga a small smile before ditching him. Alone with you (well, alone as one can be on a crowded train), Koga attempts to catch his composure. He's still staring at his shoes when he feels a tap on his knee, and looks up to see you smiling at him.

"D'you have a bad day? You look like you wanna set the world on fire." He furrows his brows at you, but your smile is so warm he forces himself to settle down and responds.

"Something like that, yeah."

"I'm headed down that alley pretty fast myself. I'm L/N Y/N. I see you around fairly often, you and your friends who just ditched you. I'm uh... assuming that was to give you a chance to talk to me again?"

"Honestly, I don't know what they're thinking. But probably."

"You didn't seem like you knew where to start, so I figured I'd start for you. That's okay, right? I mean- if you don't wanna talk I can leave you b-"

"No!" Koga blurts out, and then turns red. "I.. I wanna talk to ya." You smile at him again, your own cheeks heating up.

"Great! Can I know your name, then?"

"Oogami Koga."

The two of you talk the rest of the way, and he almost misses his stop, saved only by Rei sauntering over to inform him. You have to wait at the station for another train to get you home, but before the rest of his unit can drag him away, you write your number on his palm and grin at him.

Your receive a text less than two minutes later.

#♣writing #ensemble stars #enstars #ensemble stars x reader #ensemble stars imagine #enstars imagines #enstars x reader #koga oogami #oogami koga #koga oogami imagine #koga oogami x reader

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