#I was genuinely shaking by the end.

[bloobydabloob]

Alternative hairstyle ideas for Roxy

#homestuck #homestuck fanart #hs fanart #roxy lalonde #I need to upload my drawing of all the alpha kid faces #it’s one of the only “old” pieces of art that I still like #(and also agree with) #Also no DirkJake week past couple days #I could not think of anything good at all #I really should have known in advance. I have no idea how I didn’t #Also finally buckled down and completed space channel 5 today #game is hard as F (can I swear on here) for no reason #I was genuinely shaking by the end. #Maybe I am too easy #blooby posting

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

not "i ship these characters" or "i want them to bond platonically" but a secret 3rd thing (I want them to be forced to interact by the Narrative bc they would HATE that)

#who needs romance when i can watch two narrative foils painfully tolerate each other's existence #bonus points if they are forced to Work Together To Solve A Problem #and they end up working surprisingly well together! #they make a surprisingly effective team! #they even confide some backstory with each other & bond a bit & understand each other better #and when it's all over they shake hands & amicably agree that they still cannot fucking stand each other #'this was an interesting sidequest & I'm glad we got to experience it. #but all things considered i genuinely never want to see your face again' #Enemies to Chained-Up-In-An-Abandoned-Bathroom-Together #to Enemies #two stray cats forced to share a cat carrier for a trip to the vet

[lunacias]

of five people, three must pay a price

#honkai star rail #hsr #dan heng #jing liu #jing yuan #bailu #blade hsr #high cloud quintet #hoyoverse #artists on tumblr #digital #“this update already passed though” time isn't real to me!! #perpetually slow artist syndrome strikes again!!! #anyway! jing liu's story quest genuinely had me shaking by the end of it i cannot believe the theories were right #also love that it released at the same time belobog's update did #march and stelle off doing sillies while dan heng over here having the worst afternoon imaginable

[icewindandboringhorror]

Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!

#cats #holiday #OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few #days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below) #My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart #rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart #so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag #and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day #last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few #hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent #ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect #because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make #me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these #'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a #few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is #getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better #and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo #I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm.. #pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c #Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after #like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread... #I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was #doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally #ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully #whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos #ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever. #And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely #though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart #stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive #things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***

[johnslittlespoon]

it's almost time. when? idk, when i stop being a coward LOL

#would be kinda funny if i waited to post it on 4/20 like haha happy bday curt *lights blunt* #genuinely can't bring myself to hit post tho been staring at it all day #it's so much scarier than posting a oneshot i want to do this right and i want to do the way i see them in my head justice #posting my writing never gets less nervewracking for me #like oh hello strangers and friends i just poured my heart out onto a page and now i'm offering it up with shaking hands #and i'm trying very hard to be normal about it because it's not that deep but also i care very much SJDGJK #but i think i'll post it before tonight i just feel NAUSEOUS #still need to write an end note anyway #i'm fr just yapping to stall atp LMAO #dog coded bucky fic #johnslittlespoon yaps #i'm also like what if it doesn't live up to expectations. LIKE YEAH WHAT IF. the world goes on. but i will be so hard on myself bruh

[jayktoralldaylong]

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF RAPE

CAPTIVE PRINCE SPOILERS

You know what? This is.... Paces the room and slaps the wall with an open palm. No, this is definitely..... Punches a hole through the wall.

At this point, at this point, if I was Laurent, I would just let my uncle kill to be fucking honest. This is the height of things that have happened and I am losing my mind. It's not like I'm surprised, it's just the overwhelming audacity and endless betrayal.

I'm the one with unnatural feelings? ME?? YOU'RE the one who f*cking RAPED ME at the vulnerable age of THIRTEEN!!! I would lose my shit.

Not only has the Regent let this stupid believable rumour foster because everyone is well aware of how much Laurent worshipped his brother Auguste, but now he raises it as a countermeasure against Laurent ever revealing the truth. Like who the fuck are the people going to believe? Their bitchy prince or their seemingly benevolent leader with a heart of gold (he goes around fucking children!!! He's been bedding Nico since he was TEN!!! SCREAMS IN UNDILUTED RAGE!!)

I can't! I can't stand him. How?! Omg. Hoooow can people lie like they speak the truth? How can they do it without a shred of remorse? He took advantage of a young child at the time he needed him the most and he's flaunting that vulnerability, he's using it to his advantage because no one knows he likes children, because those who do know would never fathom that such a good man would do such a thing to his fucking nephew! He turned his nephew into a viper, he is the reason Laurent has no friends, no allies, betrayal and betrayal and yet another betrayal. And when the truth about Damen comes out everything is going to fall apart and I can't stand it. I can't stand any of this! I'm losing my mind. How? How has Laurent possibly put up with this for nearly ten years? I would have just given up and let the Regent take me, this is madness!!

#Please ignore how incoherent this whole thing is #reading this book has been an.... experience #It is so good #omg #not the dynamic I expected but i #genuinely adore every single narrative choice that went into the creation of this book #I'm just losing my mind because I've got to one to talk to and the happy moments are coming to an end and the slow is finally burning #but nah #some people are just shamelessly despicable. #I hope the Regent's balls rott off from the same diseased poison he keeps in his heart #Laurent would have been so small and slightly naive and so very trusting at that age. His brother being the only thing standing between him #and the Regent #and Damen took him away #the revelation will shake him #I feel like I'm going to cry #captive prince #damen of akielos #damianos of akielos #laurent of vere #the regent #The fucking asshole

[eggs-can-draw]

UDG was pretty good if I ignore the parts that made me wanna rip my eyes out

#eggs can art #danganronpa #dr udg #drae #drae:udg #komaru naegi #toko fukawa #tokomaru #izuru kamukura #kokichi ouma #shuichi saihara #genuinely the ending was pretty good #choosing to look at it the same way I looked at v3 #in the MACRO I enjoyed it #the dynamic between tokomaru was so cute and so so so gay #and I ADORE what they did with Toko #and KOMARU MY BELOVED #absolutely adore how much of a dumb ass she was #also I lost it at the like. half second of Izuru #shakes my little bowl PLEASE SPIKE CHUNSOFT PLEASE SOME MORE #miss he....so inch resting #r3 did not satiate my need for Izuru content I actually need to put him in my mouth #also also also teeny widdol shuichi real because he has become my default doodle

[archduke-enver-gortash]

mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW

#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again. #sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does #like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful #while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child #like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all. #imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child #only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you #his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you #agree deep down #and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept #but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide #and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke #and you discarded it and got a new one #and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow #and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it #until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly #and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different #and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child #and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da #and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand #but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs! #so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee #his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing #and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately. #but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when. #like. imagine that. jesus dude. #like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love #or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do #with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here. #but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like

[willowser]

lol bakugou is so openly POSSESSIVE even on national television its almost ridiculous but i wkajdisiwi i like it.......

love island genuinely must be so taxing bc i could not sit on the side and watch someone i like talk to and get to know someone else LOL i would. cry smfnskal he means well ! 🥺 he wants to be good 🥺 but he knows how wonderful you are and he doesn't trust these shit heads not to try and SNATCH YOU FROM HIM !! he hopes you understand 😭

#i do like to think though #in order of events in our little au here #someone steals you from him and couples up with you #— and he genuinely tries not to lose it LOL bc he doesn’t want to blow up like he did before #he's PISSED AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT #but he's like *gritting teeth hands shaking nostrils flared eyes wild* 'it's fine.' #LOOOOL #still spends most of his time with you bc he's *gritting teeth hands shaking nostrils flared eyes wild* trying to woo you #now he's got to really put in the effort so you dont end up liking this other JACKASS #sleeps with the blanket over his face akfhdkal #✿ willow writes #✿ ask willow #✿ thoughts: bakugou #✿ theme: love island bakugou

[blueskittlesart]

I AM MENTALLY FUCKING UNWELL

#finsihed totk. holy fucking shit #that ending was. genuinely incredible. the final battle. JESUS. #give me several minutes to leave the crying and shaking phase and i will have real thoughts but. wow. what a good ending #holy shit #totk spoilers #totk liveblog #i did cry and my entire family was watching me. btw

[trashboatdax]

Do you ever read anything that makes you have to put the book down for a minute

#the lost metal #mistborn era 2 #mistborn #brandon sanderson #mistborn spoilers #mistborn era 2 spoilers #the lost metal spoilers #tlm spoilers #sazed #harmony #waxillium ladrian #wax and wayne #*shakes fist* SANDERSOOOOOON #call me Hoid cause this line punched me in the face #I genuinely had to set it down and put my head in my hands #and I'm still so upset about the ending #Sanderson you magnificent bastard I read your BOOK #the well of ascension #the hero of ages

[perenlop]

this is gonna sound so backhanded but after 3 letdowns in a row from pokemon (followed by a game which isnt terrible but i dislike because of how much it fucked up the plot of sm), then a game that i genuinely really love and want more in the style of and largely because of how it deviates from the main series, im genuinely so shocked that i love scarlet and violet as much as i do. like when i was going through that tutorial i was just cautious and waiting for the other show to drop and be bored at best, but like, graphic glitches aside, it never came. it stayed really fun and charming

#like is it acceptable that it came out so glitchy when its a $60 console release? absolutely not #i think the game has a lot of issues and i dont blame people for not being happy with it #but i think what makes this better than swsh to me is like. swsh sorta feels like it was made out of obligation sometimes #like. tpci and gamefreak treated galar like a kid would treat an art project in a medium they werent interested in #but they were being harassed for that good grade so they powered through and hated the result #and sorta just tried to hide it when they got home from school that day #not that there isn’t anything to like about galar or it has no substance whatsoever but when i played it i couldnt shake the feeling #that gamefreak was embarassed of it. like they did not want to linger too much on this game #i think the anime switching format was a good idea in the end cause just putting ash in another gauntlet after he won the alola league would #would have been weird but its veryyyy telling to me that they changed the format so drastically #that we didnt even spend all our time in galar. their home base wasnt even in galar #and in the game they emphasize that kantos got better pokemon and everyone loves them better and theres not a whole lot to do #and there was always just this feeling of insecurity and dissatisfaction with it #and for all its faults- i cant say the same thing about scvi. this game oozes with charm and care #the writing feels like someone genuinely cared about these characters and wanted the best for them and the story #the gameplay feels more involved and confident. they got more experimental with the format #idk it feels like people LIKED working on this game to a degree and wanted the player to have fun #echoed voice

[rollforjackass]

i truly and honestly believe that it would have been much funnier if snw had spock just. 100% miss out on anything crazy that happened. time travel shenanigans? he was in the lab. ship invaded? meditating. gets split into two separate versions of himself? no wonder reports were getting done twice as fast!

man has the most normal and boring starship tour of his life up until the events of the cage happen, remains totally unimpressed with humans and the federation in general, and then hops aboard with kirk and experiences the most batshit five years of his whole life

#of course he still considers pike a father figure #but that's because pike always checks up on him after something suitably bugnuts has gone down #(partially to see if he's okay and also just to see if he even noticed) #spock of course having no idea that anything happened at all: 'wow he genuinely likes me! and cares about me!' #'i'm sure no one almost died :)' #meanwhile the rest of the crew is shaking as they pour their morning coffees bc mirror sam kirk tried to blow up the universe or something #and spock's like 'that was a fascinating treatise you wrote on interdimensional diplomacy uhura :) if only it were plausible' #uhura: buster if you don't get your fancy lyre and play me a soothing little ditty right now i will end your career #idk i think it would be VERY funny if he just had the most normal time before he met kirk and that's when it all fell apart #also we'd get more episodes to focus on the characters we've never actually gotten any material for. what a concept #(i love spock but he's had Movies about his life by now. give me la'an in the roaring 20s i dare you) #star trek #strange new worlds #spock #oxly hollers

[trainingdummyrabbit]

Tell us about The Guys what's their dynamic like

ok thats kind of on me for starting with the hardest character dynamic first

so. cocoa and luci. they're both characters that, narratively, are barely expected to be characters at all. let me explain. im entering unskippable cutscene mode. sorry <333

luci takes the role of the silly lil ai assistant... kinda. shes not supposed to be. shes Supposed to be just a basic guide/support mechanic, but she sure. Isn't. it was an accident. dont worry about it. nobody else did.

cocoa is cocoa. she wasn't always cocoa, but now she's all there is. easypeasy ^w^ she's like if an npc was a person, mostly. she just kinda stands or wanders around until shes needed, rarely speaks beyond basic preset responses, she just goes here :] shes just a silly lil thang, kinda confused but got the spirit, etc. And Also She Happens To Be The Highest Ranked Agent Here. dont worry about it. nobody else did.

they also happen to be, most likely, the two characters to change the most across the entire throughline. with like one exception, maybe. which is what makes this hard. im not going to waffle about too long, dont worry. probably. ill try.

so for a while it seems like...

...aka they dont seem to notice each other much at all. and it stays that way for pretty much the entire throughline! bbbecause everyones too busy running about to worry about The PA Voice and Their Shockingly Chill Coworker. unfortunately, The Problems.

see, they're both burying the lead. Hard.

because luci is The problem. Capital. as something that Super isnt supposed to be conscious (let alone alive,) she has a Lot of shit to figure out. and a Lot of issues. it takes a while for her to figure out her bearings (no thanks to everyone else, who was too busy squabbling about a "data compromise" and ""trying to find a new manager"". eyeroll.) but more or less, she's decided:

1) humans are fucking annoying. they worry about so much mess, care about all the wrong stuff, and insist on shoving it on other people. unfortunately, they're also deeply entertaining. theres 100% a superiority complex going on there. 2) she has Got to become something else. she wants something. deeply and desperately. its just... well, she's still figuring out what that is.

luci, as a character, is obsessed with Character and Relevancy. the deepest throes of passion and hatred, desire and purpose. to know for certain what your place is. (this doesnt say anything about her.) those that burn brightly like that never seem to die. not truly. (this says absolutely nothing about her.) to become a single, unshakable, irreplaceable star. (this means absolutely nothing about anything to her.)

and one of those things that grabbed her attention the most was that of abnormalities. irreplaceable, undying, bastions of Meaning. That was what it was. unfortunately, as Emotion isnt one of the things that she's inherently built with, it becomes a bit of an issue.

thus begs the question: how do you bring out that spark in something? and well, that's not a question she has the information to answer. however, if theres one thing shes good at, its Fucking Around And Finding Out ! and well, if there's some collateral damage or casualties about it, well. oops. not like they ever cared about death and the like here before. soooo whatever ^w^

and well, she has to practice her ominous dialogue with Someone who won't rat her out, soooo...

cocoa, on the other hand, is... well, she's different, for sure. that wasnt always her name, for one. or i guess, it always was. if i tried to explain her entire deal id be here another 10 paragraphs or so, but to make a long story short... living under the specific pressure that the city pushes onto its residents is taken better for some than others. cocoa is not one of these. the constant pressure of needing to provide and prove your worth to forces beyond your control put a ridiculous amount of strain on her, and even still, it could decide to snuff you out without a moments notice on a whim. and well, there's little you can do when you're someone like her.

its something she tried to bottle up for a long, long time. unfortunately, making it into Lcorp did not, in fact, help with this At All. and all of that dread and paranoia, the misguided self loathing, and the sheer inescapability of it all... well, of course she snapped. it wasn't anything loud, bombastic. just quiet. quietly, whoever it was that she used to be had vanished in an instant, snuffed by her own hand, before anything else could get the chance to do it first. and what remained was cocoa! a name to an absence. more Function than Person, she simply... became what was needed of her. and nothing more. and unfortunately, with how everything else was... this change slipped completely under the radar. for all except for one witness.

it doesnt mean anything to her. (it cant mean anything to her. not yet.)

all of that happens before the story even begins.

unfortunately, a superiority complex + the inability to process your own flaws + being allowed to be in control completely unchecked for an extended period of time allows luci to. spiral. to put it bluntly.

it becomes a horrible little race to figure out what exactly is going on before too many people end up dying in horrible ways. luci simply watches them run in circles like little mice. by the time they manage to scramble together enough to confront her, its a tiny group of maybe 4 against luci... and also cocoa. who, in trying to avoid thinking too hard about the meddling that luci was doing and the holes poked in her persona by the rest of the cast over time, has once again completely shut off in favor of simply doing whatever was asked of her. and well, luci was technically the one who had the authority to be dealing out directions, so... well. not gonna think about it too hard. shes had to suppress other agents before, so...

this, ultimately, becomes where cocoa's arc comes to a head. as stable as she seemed, turns out she was constantly teetering on a very dangerous edge. that edge between allowing outside influence, the bravery and will to push, to face uncertainty and risk... and erasing yourself entirely, forgoing the harms of failure and performance in favor of becoming something more akin to a tool, unable to perceive, but also unable to be hurt.

luci believes she knows cocoa. she's seen the depths of her-- she thinks-- has seen the dissatisfaction, the fear, the rage, the desire to reach and tear what she wants from anyone she can reach. for just a brief moment, she'd seen all of it, just before cocoa became... cocoa. and she sees herself in that. sympathy was not something that was afforded to her. it was not in her capability to feel that attachment. (it doesnt mean anything to her.) they were the same, werent they? held back by things out of their control. (it means absolutely nothing to her.) so it would be a kindness-- no, an act of pity, to grant this one the ability to truly Feel that, to Understand the self in its entirety. grant her that freedom. (it means absolutely nothing about anything to her.)

but to cocoa... this was just another will overriding her own. the reason something snapped-- she wanted to do good. to be good. but this world does not allow it. shes angry, yes. more than anything. but shes angry because of her own perceived uselessness. more than anything, she's exhausted. that buildup of anger and resentment-- it was something she desperately didn't want to inflict on others. so instead, she turned those teeth inward, and tore herself out for the crime of feeling. she doesnt want to act. she doesnt want to run. she doesnt want to be anything. she just wants to rest.

luci, insistent on her correctness but inherently oblivious, convinced she is giving a gift to someone she has done nothing but harm. and cocoa, afraid to let down the veneer of distance, to allow herself to want and hope-- afraid to take on the responsibility of being a Person again. but these two werent the only players in the game.

and well. cocoa makes her decision.

#piktalk #pikocs #projmoon #LONG ASS POST OK <333 they drive me fuckig insane ok 👍 #anyway originally luci didnt feel much of anything towards cocoa other than the opportunist instinct #but she just. Decided. that she really liked this one. about as much as she could. and well. ok. Ok! Sure! Okay!!!!!! #given the time she couldve genuinely come to care about her i think. or smthn synonymous. unfortunately; the god complex. #and the unable to process emotions thing. and the inability to listen. and the hardcore projection. and-- . #cocoa never really Cared about her. she simply did her job. it took until well near the end for her to start getting annoyed tbh #she just. represses everything so goddamn hard she doesnt. notice. luci crossed Way Too Many Lines though-- #--it was what pushed her into starting to try again. kind of. it was a final; desperate 'this cant be all there is.' #luci honestly barely even processes she's Particularly upset about it-- its. its a long ass story ok. she is so much All The Time. ok 👍 #anyway luci is kind of me taking some of angela's thematics and shaking them around violently until some new freak came of it #and cocoa is cocoa. Shes Cocoa !

[animalcrossingnewhorizons]

not my. grandmother telling my autistic ass that i don't like them, because i said i'd rather eat in my room and not w/ the whole family visiting over 🙃

#clicks! #genuinely made me so mad i can feel myself shaking #i hate eating with so many people #and the times i have decided to eat dinner with you just the 3 of you guys you always end up arguing #so of course my traumatized ass does not want to be around that

[osmanthus-dandelion-wine]

genuinely shocked at the amount of people that think character death = good story. In most circumstances, character deaths seem like an easy way out for shock value rather than meaningful development (Signora for example). Some of the best character arcs are those where the writers had to figure out how to develop the character in the arc of the story rather than just killing them and moving on

#genshin impact #genshin impact spoilers #xiao #la signora #criticism #hyv has done good jobs when a character had to die and it was a satisfying end to their arcs (himeko or otto more recently) #and they flubbed it before with signora #the whole point of the quest was for xiao to shake this mindset of a warrior's death and that he has to be alone and die alone #that is exactly why yelan was there to challenge that point since she hates the idea of self sacrifice and being the only one to survive #both suffered survivor's guilt and had two completely different ways they went about coping #and the end of that quest was genuinely one of the only times xiao did not degrade himself as a slaughterer #and he was proud to be a yaksha #because his duty was to protect the people #so why set all that up for him to die #it would have been sadder but after a while you'd think 'that made no sense' #ffs he didn't want to die either he tried to bring a rock to make bosacius' shrine #idk i guess getting older just made me see how much harder it is for writers to write development than killing the character off #and another series did initially kill their character off and it was not satisfying #so when they redux their game and had that character finish their arc what do you know they had one of the best character arcs