#I wish that was hyperbole but it is not. I've been working on other parts of the story in the meantime | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mihai-florescu · 28 days

Text

Putting a message i sent earlier under a read more, it has some thoughts ive expressed before tho. ES, of course

My thoughts as an EichiP... i view ! and !! as different stories in the way they're approached tbh, what i fell in love with enstars for was the character driven storytelling of one event seen through different perspectives, where you see the antagonist in one perspective become a protagonist in another story and can empathize with the entire cast like this. I fell in love with eichi's story of second chances, getting what you want and regretting your actions in the process, redemption, desperation, overcoming fate and asserting one's self into the story, saving a school in a dying industry that saved your life by giving you a dream; i consider it an arc fulfilling to the reader at the end of ! era. But we still had to continue... and it's not like we didnt get inklings of eichi's dreams of idol utopia, the idol soldier idea goes back to main story 1, but !! loses the charm of the original series through expanding the worldbuilding so much and shifting to a plot driven story that opens 10 cans of worms instead of offering resolutions. There's not really room to breathe if the stakes just keep getting higher and higher...

As for the colonisation plotline, it's been here since the beginning of ES2. The SS arc makes it obvious, but i remember even before, the talks about ES taking over from local businesses, trying to be seen as the standard, it was always the direction ensemble square as an institution would take. But the "antagonist in one story, protagonist in another" approach doesnt work anymore with such subjects. The guys responsible for this are your coworkers you share dorms with. I read the stories but cant empathize anymore, so i've been feeling disconnected from eichi for a while. I see enstars with eichi at its core but i didnt care for his center event, i read it, didnt like the ending, and overall felt off. Eichi becoming the villain of ! to attone for the war kind of loses significance if a year later he is a cartoon villain idol colonialist you can't even sympathize with anymore because of the magnitude of events. However i do think !! has done good things for some characters pushing them further or developing them in a way ! didnt. But for others...

I also have my issues with sci fi elements becoming the norm, even taken metaphorically or as hyperboles, when one of the central themes i love about enstars is humanity. Then again, i am a war era fan that relied on manipulating human desires and perceptions, and the fact that there were no monsters or gods, just humans framed as such, playing on people's fears and beliefs, it's a bit jarring to me to have them introduce AIs forming from escaped comatose brains (im minimizing the switch climax rn, i didnt even hate it as a whole, just this resolution im unhappy with)

It also feels like we've lost some of the meta aspects of the writing i liked, a certain awareness of being characters in a story and there being an audience. But im still struggling to word my thoughts on this matter. I felt it present in main story 2, even if it annoyed me at parts in its obviousness ("good thing we're not protagonists, no one would want to read about us" youre right aira you are not interesting to me. And yet i'll read your story to try and empathize nevertheless. I have other thoughts on aira too, perhaps for another time). I wish we explored a bit more what it means to no longer be the central protagonist, from trickstar's perspective...and brought back the successors topic. But i havent read every ts story yet so i'd be foolish to complain before really making sure i've checked everything. To me ! ended satisfyingly with room left for elaborations and imagination, but i dont feel like !!'s ending is really ending anything at all. Not necessarily bad since it's not like the game is shutting down, but overwhelming worldbuilding wise while underwhelming character wise...

Let's see... im not sure how to end this. Just a bit of a stream of consciousness as a ! fan who still loves enstars despite my critiques. Mainly, well, no one's gonna take away the stories that already exist that i do love and impacted my life greatly. And i do think !! had some really good things too it brought, or at least stories i hold dear too. Change is scary and i don't think it's always for the best, but it's also fun to see where it goes next...

#enstars

29 notes · View notes

satancopilotsmytardis · 1 month

Note

77 wish fulfillment? curious how you interpret this one

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Shigadabi

Contents: Daddy kink, feminization, praise kink, oral sex, come swallowing, grinding.

I decided that 'wish fulfillment' means to write whatever kinks I was in the mood for at the time of writing lol

You can also read on AO3 right here!

Dabi is not going to pretend that he can't be a cantankerous bastard when he bothers to pay enough attention to the people around him to actually express his emotions. But he doesn't think that necessarily warrants the entire PLF running in the other direction when they see him in the halls outside of meetings. He's never even set anyone on fire here. But fucking whatever. Maybe he's extra cranky because Duster hasn't been home in a month. Maybe he's extra, extra cranky because he's going to be gone for another three. Whatever. It's his prerogative to be a dick as long as he's getting his work done.

But apparently someone said otherwise because when he walks into his and Shig's room, Tomura is inside, waiting for him.

"Dabi--"

He immediately sets a fire in his palm. "Not fucking funny Toga, knock it off."

"Not Toga, firefly." He says, eyeing the flames. "I set this up with Twice before I went into the tank."

Ugh. Dabi clicks his tongue. "Set what up?"

Despite the fire still being in his hand, Duster, or at least the double of him, still takes a step closer to him. When he doesn't get set on fire, he moves in close and catches him by his wrist, pulling his hand to the side gently to keep the flames away as his other hand cups the side of his face. "I was hoping that maybe you would be missing me by now?" He murmurs, and Dabi kind of still wants to light him on fire. He just also really wants to lean into his touch and turn into a puddle.

"I miss you. You're not real."

"The only thing about me that isn't real, is that if I get hurt, I'd leave you behind."

And Dabi's resolve crumbles like his lover has wrapped his hand around it. He douses the flames, and the next second has his hands in his hair, pulling him into a hard, needy kiss. Tomura kisses him back and it's the same way he always kisses him, deep, and passionate, and full of his love-- something Dabi had grown addicted to even before Duster had ever told him the words. He kisses him and Dabi's chest tightens with everything that he's been trying so, so hard to push away, to not let himself think over the past month. But it strangles him now, barely leaving him with enough breath to croak,

"I miss you," When they part.

Duster doesn't hesitate, pulling him in closer and holding him tight. "I miss you too. Having to leave you is the hardest thing I've had to do, firefly." He strokes his hair as Dabi clings to him, overwhelmed by how badly it has hurt to be alone when he's not. The rest of the League is around. He has plenty of work to do to keep busy. But not having Tomura here has left him feeling like someone shoved barbed wire into the hollow place that opened in his absence.

"How long--"

"As long as you need me, precious."

Forever then.

///

Tomura, the double of him, wasn't being hyperbolic. Though there is a condition. The double is only around when Dabi isn't working, and he never ventures outside of their room. In part it's to ensure that Twice doesn't have to worry about not having access to his full quirk 24/7, and in other part, it's because if he starts with a new double every day, Dabi can't build a divergent relationship with any one double from what he has with the real Tomura. The double, affectionately, considers himself a toy or a trophy husband, for the most part. He, for the eight to twelve hours he exists when Dabi tells Twice he wants him, exists solely to give him non-stop love and affection that Dabi would never admit to needing, but that everyone in a ten mile radius can see he fucking apparently needs at this point to function. He still tries not to have the double every day. He doesn't want things to feel different with his Tomura when he comes back. But he does break down and let himself have him around once a week. And doing that is enough to get him through another month of his lover being gone.

His lover, also, apparently knew that he wouldn't take as much time with the doubles as he was offered, and came up with a backup plan to ensure that Dabi is always spoiled. Every two or three days a new present shows up outside of their door. Sometimes it's something as small as a few packages of his favorite snacks, sometimes bath products so he can soak in their tub and de-stress. Sometimes it’s bigger things, a new e-reader, new clothes, new toys for him to enjoy by himself or with a double. They're surprises that leave him with the knowledge that his lover never stopped thinking of him even as he moved forward with his treatments. They're a constant promise that he isn't being ignored.

When Dabi has two days without anything to do, he barely has to glance at Twice before he gives him a thumbs up. He doesn't know if the other has told anyone else about this arrangement, but he hopes not. He finishes up what he's working on as Twice departs.

///

Tomura is waiting for him in their room when he gets back to it and Dabi immediately chucks his coat onto the back of a chair and goes over to the bed, where his lover is waiting, tapping away at one of his games.

"You're going to be furious if you beat that level that you've been working on while you're not even here." He mumbles, losing his boots too and then climbing into the bed. Tomura lets him worm his way closer and rest his head on his stomach.

"I thought of that, there's a separate save file for the doubles."

Dabi snorts slightly and cuddles up closer. He just wants to be close for a little while, and getting to hear his lover tapping away at his game is more relaxing than he ever thought it would be. But after another couple of minutes Tomura saves what he was doing and puts the console to the side. Then his hand goes to his hair and he strokes it, nails scratching across his scalp until Dabi is a completely blissed out puddle. They stay like that for a while, and Dabi considers going to sleep, just letting Duster hold him until he slips under, but... there's a low curl of heat that is simmering in his veins.

Dabi shifts a little, turning his face into Tomura's stomach and pressing a soft kiss to the muscles he can feel beneath his thin shirt. The hand stills in his hair but Dabi doesn't look up at him. Instead he presses another kiss a little lower as his hands shift to rub up his thighs. That makes Shig's go from petting to threading his fingers through his hair, tugging at the locks gently until Dabi has to look up at him. His eyes are already hot on him when he gets his attention, and that only makes Dabi's need spike more.

"Daddy," he pleads, the word barely loud enough to be heard. He... doesn't ask for this very often. It's something that can go sour in him at the drop of the hat if he doesn't initiate it, but sometimes... sometimes this feels so good. And after a long week, knowing there are more long weeks before Tomura is really, really back, he wants something that's going to put him so deep into his subspace that he won't even notice how much time has passed.

"Oh? Do you want to be Daddy's princess this weekend, sweetheart?"

He nods weakly, moaning softly as he feels Shig start to harden a little against where their bodies are pressed together. He always loves it when Dabi gives up control like this so completely. He won't have to make a single decision for the entire weekend. All he has to do is listen to Daddy and he'll be taken care of. Tomura is always trying to take care of him, but he really likes it when he's allowed to just melt away to nothing but his sub.

"Okay, baby girl." His hand strokes through his hair one more time before settling around the back of his neck. "You look so cute there, but you're always cuter with your mouth full, princess."

Everything else slips a little sideways, and Dabi feels like there's syrup slipping through his veins because his movements all feel slow as he gets his hands in Tomura's waistband and extracts his hardening cock from the fabric. His mouth waters immediately, his clit starting to blush too because Daddy always tastes so good and makes his mouth so full that his head ends up empty to make room for him. He stays on his stomach, and lowers his mouth over him, being messy as he tries to make him wet so that he can have him inside as soon as possible. Daddy chuckles at how eager he is, but doesn't make him stop, and before long, Dabi is moaning as he gets his head on his tongue.

The angle isn't perfect for this and Dabi knows he won't be able to do as much as he normally does unless he shifts, but that doesn't matter because once he's in his mouth, Daddy takes over. He strokes his hair and gently coaxes Dabi lower and lower until he's stretching open his throat as much as he can. Daddy rolls his hips slowly, getting Dabi to bob his head in the same lazy rhythm, and Dabi just closes his eyes and lets himself feel good as Tomura fucks his throat more gently than he thinks anyone else has ever managed.

He's so far gone that he doesn't hear him give a warning, but Dabi doesn't care. He doesn't need one. Daddy can use him however he wants and he loves having his mouth full of his cum anyway. The taste of him overwhelms his senses and Dabi moans around him as he swallows and sucks to get every drop warming his stomach. But that just makes him notice how warm and tingly all of him has gotten as he weakly humps himself against the sheets with a whimper. His clit is blushing so much now, and his pants and underwear are definitely wet. Daddy takes his softening cock out of his mouth and Dabi whines, not wanting to be empty, and shoves three fingers between his teeth to stay a little more full.

Tomura chuckles softly. "My needy princess, come here, Daddy's going to help." Dabi reaches and Daddy makes him take his fingers out of his mouth, turning him so he's cozy between his legs and his back is resting against Daddy's chest. Then, he gives him his fingers to suck on instead, as his other hand reaches down to undo his belt. Dabi runs his tongue along Tomura's skin, moving it between his fingers, along every curve and bump of his knuckles. Other people are afraid of Daddy's hands, but he loves them. Daddy's never hurt him with his quirk unless he asked for it.

Not going to hurt him now as he reaches between his legs to his aching, leaking clit. Dabi moans loudly at the first light touch, only reaching inside enough to pull him out. But his fingers don't stay wrapped around him. No, he cups his hand over his pink clit so that he's held against his palm. Dabi waits, the edge of his pleasure right there, but he knows he has to behave.

"There, princess. Let Daddy feel you."

With his mouth full he can't thank him, but he thinks Daddy knows how grateful he is when he starts to rock and grind his clit into his palm. That friction makes his nerves sing and a blush go even hotter across his cheeks. Daddy doesn't wrap his fingers around him, doesn't stroke him, because little girls don't need that to make them feel good. They just need to grind their clit against something or have something filling their pussy to make them cum. He doesn't know how those thoughts, how being this for Tomura can be so humiliating and feel so good at the same time. He doesn't ever want to have to figure it out either. Not when he can just know that it's good enough that in a matter of just a few thrusts, he's gliding so much more easily against Daddy's palm because his clit is drooling constantly.

Dabi is drooling around his other fingers too, forgetting to swallow enough as he arches back, pushing his hips harder into the touch with muffled, needy moans. He clutches onto the sleeve of his lover's shirt, trying to get it harder than he can on his own, pulling at the fabric insistently, but that just earns him a chuckle and a kiss pressed to his temple.

"Just like this, princess. I know you can do it. I know how sensitive your pretty clit gets when you want to slip under for Daddy." He teases a little more, his middle finger pressing a little more deliberately between his piercings so that Dabi can feel every bump of the metal just beneath his skin as he moves a little faster. "You can do it, beautiful. You don't have to think about anything else while I'm here. I'll make sure that you have everything you need, baby girl. Just let go, firefly."

The sweet words pressed against his temple send him over the edge with just a few more twitchy, aborted thrusts, soaking Daddy's hand, and the mess immediately dripping onto his clothes. And Dabi manages to completely turn off his brain. His fog rolls in, dense and heavy, and all he can do is slump against Tomu and let him decide what needs to happen next.

Cuddles seem to be the first order of business. Daddy pulls him close and peppers his face with kisses, nuzzling against him and telling him how good he was, how pretty he is, how much he loves him. And Dabi soaks up the praise and affection like that alone could fill all of the broken places inside of him he keeps trying to shove embers in. but when Dabi starts to feel sticky and uncomfortable, he barely squirms before Tomura is shifting off of the bed and picking him up, carrying him towards their bathroom.

He takes care of him, of every fleeting need like he can read his mind, and Dabi floats. Tomura makes it so that he's not a lieutenant helping to command an army, he's not a ghost of vengeance come back to haunt his father, he's not alone again just waiting for the first person who's ever loved him to come back-- he's soft, and cherished, and safe. The double is real, and it's not, it's something like the plush moth on their bed that's there to help him cope, and he loves Tomura more than words can express knowing he has both to help take care of him while his lover is gone.

Thanks for reading! If you liked it consider leaving a comment!

#tanco speaks #ask #asks #shigadabi #my writing #mha fanfiction #fanfiction

23 notes · View notes

taylortruther · 1 year

Note

Alright this is gonna be wordy and a little all over the place but I love seven so much I will never pass an opportunity to talk about it (this is the first anon, btw)

first, I love anything piano based (my fav insturment <3) and I'm also a big fan of Taylor's head voice.

I think seven is the most unique song she's ever written. In terms of production, lyrics, storytelling and the subject of the song. She's never written anything remotely like this and probably never will. I don't think I've heard anything like it from any other artist as well. The song has a certain type of wisdom in it that everyone knows but few can articulate so beautifully.

I love the fact the production sounds like summer. I wish I had more knowledge in music to properly explain it, but something about that piano-based upbeat melody really takes you back in time to your first summer vacation from school.

I'm a big fan of words, storytelling and poetry so the main reason I love it so much is the lyrics

The "please picture me in the trees" to "please picture me in the weeds"

"I hit my peak at seven" and the little pause before "feet in the swing" because it's both literal and metaphorical. She swung so high she reached seven feet (obviously not really, but she was a kid and they only speak with hyperboles), but she also peaked emotionally at that age - she was the freest she's ever been, a ferocious child not bound by expectations and social norms and voices that implore she should be doing more. Everything in this sing is both literal and metaphorical.

I am so in love with the lyric "are there still beautiful things?" I want to tattoo it. I feel like this lyrics is the thesis of The Catcher In The Rye and I enjoyed the book and I love it when works of literature parallel. It's one of the most relatable lines she's written becasuse are there still beautiful things? Is there anything beautiful in adulthood? Is there still beauty in the world when you can no longer swing so high you fly above your hometown, or when you realize that fairytales and prince charming don't exist? When your life expand beyond the simplicity of drinking sweet tea and braiding your friend's hair, could you ever find this simple, unfiltered joy again?

I have a tattoo referencing "I love you to the moon and to saturn" it's just a very wholesome lyric.

I think knowing Taylor and what she's being through helps appericate this song more because "I used to scream ferociously anytime I wanted" hits different when it comes from the woman who had to sit quietly and politely, and be a good girl as people made jokes on her expense. It's also something she talks about in Marjorie, "Never be so polite, you forget your power / Never wield such power, you forget to be polite" I love the way this part of the song is phrased, the fact it's both "please picture me running through the fields as a child" and "when I was a child I could throw a tantrum in the grocery store". (I just love when Taylor does this, like with the line "your hometown skeptics called it - champagne probelms" it tickles something in my brain). She wants to be remembered in her freest form, rather than what she was forced to grow up into.

And then, obviously, there is the verse discussing child abuse. I know that spoke to many people and I find it beautiful.

I love that even this story within the song helps demonstrate her naïvete. She was so young, she couldn't fathom the idea that a father could be cruel to their child, she had to find another reason and the most logical one was ghosts. And that brings me back to "are there still beautiful things?" because when she was a child the thing that bothered her the most was whether snow white's house is near or far away, and now the questions she asks herself are more like "will I survive this?" "Would they believe me if I come forward?" "Will it be ok?" There is no going back once you learn and experience these kind of things.

I'm obsessed with "I think you should come live with me and we could be pirates, then you won't have to cry" because a. I love pirates and b. It's just so adorable! This lyric makes me wanna eat drywall.

I also really love "though I can recall your face, I still got love for you // just like a folk song, our live will be passed on" It's been so long since she's seen her friend she doesn't actually remember them but this love is still deep inside her and it's passed down onto everything, it's in the sky and in the trees and in the sun. It's the kind of love that never fades. I especially like when she sings "and just like a folk song, out love will be passed on" because I really love the way she sings it.

I've had a blast writing this lol

and i had a blast reading it! thank you so much for sharing, you articulated all of this very beautifully and i think captured why so many fans love it. hugs to you anon :*

#seven #this is probably one of my favorite anons ever #big brain

21 notes · View notes

fullmusicbardsquared · 2 years

Text

anasui rant 57

so, i admit i haven't finished stone ocean. i've only just now started the underworld arc. however, i'm still very annoyed by anasui and foo's death, and i think i may have come up with a genuine reason why: narrative potential.

one of araki's skills in character writing, i believe, is tying a group together. this is best illustrated in bucciarati's gang, but is present to some extent in prior parts. characters will have their own dynamics, own wishes, own goals to achieve that are often personal, but intertwined with the main one of the part. the main goals of part 6 are to defeat pucci and to escape gds, and all of the characters have had some miniature arc that includes this, save weather, which is probably coming up soon, and anasui. jolyne's is mostly survival, hermes's is to defeat the murder of her sister, and foo's is to live their own life and philosophy. weather's will likely circle around his connection to pucci and amnesia; emporio's is to escape as well. anasui, though, has only the motivation of marrying jolyne. this is iffy, and i really don't want to get into it due to how creepy and disgusting it is. the point is, anasui's whole motivation and a major part of his character is solely tied to another, leaving little potential to grow due to his entitlement (not the right word but whatever).

and THIS. THIS is why i hate how Foo Fighters died in his stead. Foo had an arc that, to be honest-but-hyperbolic, had the potential to fill its own novel. they grew from a very literal non-sentient creature to someone who would lay down their life for their friends. foo's status as plankton with memory access gave them a very unique philosphy and view of the world, which is shown even in their antagonist first appearance

this continues on in the form of curiosity once they reform, asking questions about various human/prison life facets, but also doing more philosophy, as in the memetic salmon-lunch lady interaction. even up to foo's death, they display their courage and love for jolyne, due to how she revitalized and revealed a whole new world to them.

whew. i probably got off track there. the point, though, is that foo fighters is unique among jojo characters, having a genuine philosophy and complex character. and with the later arcs focusing on pucci and dio's sons, who pucci also molded into tools? that could have led to some interesting exploration for foo's feelings on pucci as a whole!

as for anasui. anasui's backstory is quite clear. he has no ties to other prisoners, no mysteries connected to him; his only motivation is to pursue and get jolyne. that's it. in something like part 4, with yukako, a yandere works fine. admittedly yukako has weird girl swag, but she is introduced before the main plot; a weirdo freak character fits well. but anasui has no such potential. there is nothing motivating him, or keeping him around in story. it doesn't matter if he died in foo's stead; part 6 would likely have been MORE COMPLEX that way. for example, what if in the bohemian rhapsody arc, foo had been subjected to the fate of a character that atroe related to? there was really no use in keeping anasui around, and i view foo's death as a complete waste. this is probably badly written. lol.

#long post #talking in my head #jjba #stone ocean #stone ocean spoilers #character analysis #narciso anasui #foo fighters jjba

40 notes · View notes

theressomethinghappeninginparis · 1 year

Text

I've been in her place, now I am officially feeling the worst. It wasn't hard to get in with my knowledge of her and her work, yet I doubt anyone there cares much about others. It feels like we've gone back centuries and only watch our own backs. Entering her apartment felt like stepping over another boundary again just for some ghost I'm chasing. Which might be real. I won't deny that I have some clues that are...uhm, strange to say the least, and that don't add up with the normal explanations. I can't make up normal ones.

Transcript of the first and second page: The place was tidy, there were no open cupboards, no carpets moved, no desk messy. Even the expensive paintings were hanging at their places. Whoever was there and...murdered her wasn't interested in her belongings. It felt like she'd come in any minute to scold me.

Transcript of the third and fourth page: Her desk was tiny, only dust on it. Contrasting to the rest of her apertment the stains on the wall were dark, repelling and so out of place. I took a quick glance and then turned. I couldn't look at it again. This symbol above the floor though- I have seen it again. It's the same as at Werner's. Shouldn't the police have caught the murderer by now?

Transcript of the fifth page: I might have taken a few pages with me to answer more of the questions that have been piling up. I hope this is okay. I know they are personal belongings but I'm following a murder spree and trying to solve it. Maybe even clear Miss Croft's name if possible. I hope I won't attract unwanted attention though. What I took with me:

faxes of Carvier and Vasiley with photos of the Obscura Paintings and/or Engravings;

mails between her and a friend/colleague about the Lux Veritatis

diary pages, just some where she mentions Miss Croft and some things she found suspicious or strange

a paper containing books of "magic" used in Germany in the Middle Ages and

pages on the history of alchemy.

Think of that as you wish. I'm sure Carvier won't miss that and would rather help stop this killing spree.

Transcript of the sixth page: Here's the meat of this enty, the mail in between Carvier and a person named Fayolah. They seem to know each other and get along well, Fayolah jokes around about the mediaval chamber under the Louvre. She also knows Werner and went to a Dr.Jonessy for inquiries on the Lux Veritatis. He said that they were a council of the Knight's Templars (as I suspected) and absolutely anti-magic and anti-alchemy. The order didn't take in members but anyone with hereditary of a LV man was considered part of the club. Not sure if it's still like this today and if women were allowed, the Templars didn't have any. Their most important success was the murdering of Eckhardt which they refered to as "Black Alchemist". Additionally their weapons were Periapt Shards, blessed slinters of a talisman, which also could just be a hyperbole on their myth. She also claims the crypt could contain skeletons and suggests cleansing it with sage.

Then, she wishes Carvier to be safe and sound. There is another mail and more pages but I need a fucking break.

#tomb raider #angel of darkness #traod #classic tr #tomb raider angel of darkness #journal #aod #lara craft #tomb raider series

3 notes · View notes

tatiejosie · 2 years

Note

♾️

OH LETS GOOOO IT'S ONE OF MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE PERSONA OST????

🔫 I got Pull the Trigger from Persona Q2!

I'll embrace being the cringiest mf of the entire internet when it comes to this series, I legit don't give a fuck. It's not hyperbolic when I say that Persona supported me during my darkest hours, and P5 music is my unconditional comfort media when I need to remember why I want to live.

🎀 my favorite parts

There ain't the perfect time for any big change Especially when not ready More time seems more brutal 'till it catches you Either you go with flow or force it without Determination But you're not alone in this complication So come with me On your mark Y'all get set Then pull the trigger and go Make a move before they can make an act on you No one but you can change your own world Ain't nobody else will do it for you

Some of my regrets come hunting me 'til this day Choice I made, it was wrong How thoughtless to believe that I was alone I learned it harder way but you don't have to go through what I've been through Cause you're not alone in this frustration

I think that the overall vibe of the song is empowering and uplifting, but I can't help but focus on the parts of it that highlight the fact that we're in this together. It feels like you're awakening someone into the politics of their struggle - most likely, a struggle that you're also facing.

When lost, look around you For a sec, you may feel lonely But you are not alone in this world We're right here with you

Coincidence - nah I chose to meet you Destiny I sought and fought through Scarred up but I'm feeling good Move destiny I'm coming through Partner we can do this right You are the fire I'm the wind tonight Burn your dread haha that's right Baby baby baby we tight*

*When Lotus Juice makes little references to his previous Persona/SMT OSTs => 🥲😭🥺

I'm aspiring to work in the socio-medical field, more specifically in the mental health domain. I don't want to just listen and toss medication, I want to genuinely untangle situations and guide people towards a path of hope and strength. I don't want anyone to go through what I've been through and worse. I want people to know that they've been wronged, to know that they have rights, to reclaim justice.

With brightest rings Yo I pull the trigger Make it look flashy, even when it's bitter Cannot defeat me even when I lose I stand right✫ Back to the spot go figure You don't see What I see But you don't have to see what I see Just see eye to eye Despite my differences We are still tight

✫I'm generally sloppy, but I still like to save face. I just like these lines.

I enjoy encountering different profiles and opinions, some that I wouldn't agree with, and allow them to understand me through my understanding of them. Discussing with people who think differently and disagreeing respectfully while working together towards a common goal, is probably one of the healthiest interactions you can have. People have different upbringings, cultural beliefs/opinions and humanity cannot align on one specific line of morals. What matters is that we respect that, and stay comprehensive and united. [this does NOT apply to bigoted views. I'm referring to intersectional discussions among oppressed groups]

So, uh, yea

This is the vibe that saved my life. All the depressive nihilism and despair was turned into anger and energy towards the real culprit - the system. Hopelessness is not an option when your suffering is caused by injustice, when your loved ones and all the other people who go through similar pain are also fighting to change the world. And I sincerely hope that what I'm trying to convey here has an impact on you, no matter how small, because I really wish I could pass this hope on to people who need it. ❤️

also please listen to Persona OSTs they're really good

#you think THIS is a long post?? you think this is infodumping???#just imagine if it had landed on Persona Q2's Road Less Taken or Persona 5 Strikers' Stronger.#i have so many stronk feelings about these songs omg #thank you for your ask!! <3 #and sorry about the long text

3 notes · View notes

permanentclawgrip · 10 months

Text

okay this was originally part of my roommate rant post but imma do it separately because its more of a critique of a mindset:

I do not understand rapid completionist collecting culture

i know what youre saying, "eve, what the fuck are you talking about that makes no sense" let me explain

theres probably a proper term for it but I've noticed a worrying trend specifically in online spaces recently of rapid completionist collecting culture. basically a subculture of wider collectors which focuses on the attainment of a "complete collection" as fast as possible and often with a disregard for the actual content of what they are collecting. i have seen posts about this in comic collecting forums. ive seen similar kinds of posts on video game forums. my experience with it has been through my roommate though, who i will kind of vaguepost about (nothing new for this blog tho).

My roommate, who we'll call Adam (not his real name) for the sake of brevity, has a real strange relationship with these cultures. I first noticed it soon after i moved in with him, when he decided to watch every publicly available tv show and movie that marvel has made,,, ever,,, including every ,,, single ,,, saturday ,,, morning ,,, cartoon. this small feat took months. all catalogued in a nice tidy spreadsheet noting the runtime of them, the episode count of the shows, which storylines were adapted (iirc), and his overall rating (again iirc). this was not a months long project because oh he only watched an episode or two a day, no not at all. i would leave for work with some x-men cartoon playing in our living room and come home to fantastic 4 playing instead. every day. hours upon hours. it was not a simple, "oh one day ill watch them all eventually". it was a dedicated marathon of back to back to back marvel. it honestly completely burnt me out on all things superhero just being in proximity to it.

so what is there to take from this? "let people like stuff!" "its just a show why are you so mad?" well its hard to put my finger on it to be honest without sounding pretentious or hyperbolic. ill try my best...

in just a second...

first lets get pretentious!

i personally find this style of engaging with content to be very shallow. ive always kind of had a bone to pick with background watching, having a show on while doing some other task, but this is different. while background watching is annoying imo, most of the time people are doing so with shows that are kind of built for that (think sitcoms or light dramas) where you can kind of tune in and tune out on a whim and the point is more on the other activity that the show is the background stimulation for (i.e. homework, sewing, cooking, hanging with friends, etc.). in short, when background watching, the point is not to really watch the show. so that should be the polar opposite to what my friend was doing, right? nope! all these stats and all this time, just to usually be playing destiny or scrolling through DiscussingFilms' twitter posts for most of it. this is a recipe for not really getting anything from these shows.

secondly, the binge model is kind of horrible for story engagement or thematic understanding. there are very few stories in long form media which adapt well to binging. it has been discussed before, so im not going to re-litigate those arguments here, but suffice to say that binging is bad actually. pair that with these shows mostly being background fodder and it just strikes me as profoundly pointless.

Maybe I just have different wants from my media than others, but i usually like my media to have a point beyond just "it looks cool" or "it belongs to an ip i like". spin offs dont really excite me unless theres a reason for it to exist beyond just "hey look at this cool side character! guess what? theyre a main character now!" yes a lot of good stuff has come from "spin off" series (look at puss in boots: the last wish as just one example), but their mere existence will never excite me. i prefer to really watch movies or tv shows that im interested in: dim the lights, grab some popcorn, and set aside time to really engross myself in every detail. its not for every show and it is a little time consuming, but the depth in every piece of art that you learn to see is so worth it. but maybe thats not everyone priority.

okay now lets get hyperbolic!

im not going to sugar coat this and itll sound weird, but i see a lot of similarities between this kind of hyper obsessive yet shallow fixation and some very very disgusting subcultures online. and i dont mean that because i dont understand them. i mean that because i am sadly referencing many of the boys and young men who fall down the alt-right pipeline through porn fixation. if you do not know what i am talking about, youll have to trust me on this because i do not think that anyone should look these things up on their own because good god every trigger warning possible applies if you look at some of these peoples accounts. they make my stomach churn and i am pretty resilient to things. basically for those who dont know, what im referring to is a subculture of predominantly young men who become obsessed with porn and porn stars to the point that it is all they can think about. if this is giving hints of incels, it should because the venn diagram is actually just a smaller circle within a larger circle. their obsession and incel nature leads them to the expected political and social beliefs: misogyny, transphobia, grooming, forced marriage, etc. truly some of the worst humans.

now is this a leap? admittedly yes. but i dont think the comparison isnt without merit. the initial actions are the same and both lead to heavy levels of social isolation. sure you have your in group that understands every reference you make, but beyond them, you become stunted. that social isolation is the most dangerous fuel for a man to have.

overall thesis

i could write at length about this topic (and who knows i might one day) but ill keep it brief for now. in short, this trend of hyper obsessive binging that ive seen is extremely confusing to me at best and potentially dangerous at worst. i wish i had a way to break people's habits with this kind of thing but sadly i do not know how.

0 notes

depresseddistraughtdisillusioned · 2 years

Text

Marijuana Maintenance #1

Been a bad couple of days after a hard weekend of drinking. A bit shaky and having a rough time focusing. That withdrawal is never pleasant. Plus, I'd been slipping down slowly. Then went hard in the paint for a couple of days. Well, hard in the paint for 40 and not drinking regularly.

Anyhow, the withdrawal didn't go the usual way. For those who have never been through alcohol withdrawal, it's normally shaking, sweating, vomiting, loads and loads of anxiety. It feels a little like an anxiety attack, on the lower end of the spectrum. The problem is, it lasts all day. There isn't a lot of feeling like your heart is going to burst or terror you're going to die. Frankly, you often wish you'd just go ahead and die. Get the silly bugger over with. The anxiety just drags on and on. Then there's the loneliness. Especially bad when you're a chap of middle years who couldn't hold on to a relationship if it were coated in tar.

Those are just the initial parts of withdrawal. It's often like a bad stomach flu. It even comes with a dash of fever that brings on those sweet malarial chills. Incidentally, Malarial Chills is playing the Almost Acoustic Christmas. During withdrawal, you might get some hallucinations. Mine were auditory along with things shaking and bending slightly. Frankly, I've always thought those who start claiming that they saw "pink elephants" or the like are making things up that they heard somewhere. Though, I admit I could be wrong. My issue with claims of vivid hallucinations comes from a lifetime spent around alcoholics. They're prone to embellishment in service of a tale. Especially if it's a tale about them. People in recovery are often honest in the ways that matter, but hyperbole and colorful illustration often frequent their speech in a way that can be misleading.

Whatever the hallucinatory case may be, there is certainly the possibility to see, hear, or feel things that aren't there. I tended to hear mumbling or music, as if someone was listening to the radio in the other room, but you couldn't make out any words. It was just this variable mumbling drone. The first time I heard it I didn't quite realize it wasn't my roommates until I heard the sounds coming from the dryer.

Tactile hallucinations aren't as common with alcohol as they tend to be with stimulants. Meth, cocaine, Adderall, and similar drugs in the "upper" category tend to give the sensation of bugs inside the skin. Very common, from what I've heard. With alcohol, there's not so much the sense of bugs in your skin as it being extremely sensitive. This is because your body is producing stimulants. The natural stimulants are what your body uses to help reduce the effects of alcohol. Take the alcohol away if you've been drinking for a while, and your body doesn't know that it doesn't need to produce the stimulants anymore. So, while you're curled up on the bathroom floor, you're also going to feel uncomfortably aware of your skin.

There's another facet to alcohol withdrawal that doesn't get mentioned very much: a strange libido. I don't know if this is a male peculiarity, or if it's confined to just me and perhaps a select few. However, with the body being denied dopamine, and being flooded with stimulants, I end up wanting to have sex. This is largely because at that point I want just about anything that will make me feel better. Luckily, porn is always there, or I can find a shower and work with the data stored in my fantasy fucktage. I will be barely able to walk, shivering like a newborn in a snowstorm, and unable to eat anything more solid than purified water. Yet, dehydrated as I may be, I can still conjure forth the nectar of life.

I don't mention this to be crass. It's an interesting phenomenon to literally be so sick it could kill you, since alcohol withdrawal can be fatal, yet you're still such an addict that you're looking for a dopamine hit anywhere you can get it. If we couldn't satisfy our carnal desires, I bet you'd see alcoholics going through withdrawal who were skydiving or bungee jumping just to get their body some kind of rush.

That's what addiction is. It's so entwined with your personality that it can drive you to fits and feats of madness.

Once the major physical ailments wear off, you go into a sort of twilight stage between true withdrawal, and what was called "Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome" or PAWS. The name may have changed. Anyhow, during PAWS, you're going through a lot of physical, mental, and emotional changes. However, most of these changes are subtle. Before you really get into PAWS, you're going to have completely chaotic emotions. Those can crop up during PAWS too, but frequently the latter stages of withdrawal are an internal storm. Part of you wants to use again, part of you wants to ride it out, part of you hates the whole world, part of you is so lonely you think you've been not only hollowed out like a Jack-o-Lantern, but carved up for someone's macabre amusement, as well.

For me, since my withdrawal was fairly mild, I basically jumped into the latter stage. It's the agitated, depressed, irritable part where everyone is your enemy, no one understands you, and murder with a suicide chaser starts to sound like the only rational choice for a reasonable person to make.

It was a bad mood day, in the most extreme sense.

I didn't smoke any pot today, until tonight. Thank god for that drug. Look, it might drag me back to the booze, but it really eases the emotional suffering, and likely some physical symptoms. I need to at least try CBD to see how it impacts me. That might be a healthier solution.

I know going back and forth between cannabis alone and then cannabis with booze isn't the best choice, but trying to ride the cold turkey nightmare was really becoming painful.

As I was walking out to get high, perhaps to justify the behavior, I kept thinking, "The most common emotion I feel is pain. Then fear, or anxiety. Then comes rage or fury. I think there's actually another layer of pain before any other emotions come up. However, those miscellaneous emotions only show up a tiny percentage of the time. Pain, fear, fury. There's an increasing number of people for whom those are the totality of their emotional tableau. They prevent space for compassion or empathy. It's impossible to feel wounded and abandoned and wronged by the world and then want to be compassionate towards it.

Perhaps monks can do it, but I say turning the other cheek is for cowards, like me, often, who are too afraid to fight back.

The major issue is using a substance to alter one's mood. That's always why addicts use. Granted, to a degree that's why everyone drinks or uses, to feel differently, but it's often the only thing an addict uses. Tonight, I exercised, which helped a little, but only made me realize how miserable I was, and how it really didn't matter if I went ahead and got high. There was no upside to that breed of sobriety. That cur was going to be nothing but hate and insomnia. At least now I don't feel all alone and at war with the world. I can at least partially realize that other people have internal lives similar to mine and shouldn't be treated like disposable chattel, and maybe if I didn't judge them so harshly for the innumerable ways in which they let me down, I wouldn't have to harbor such an ire quagmire.

That's a cute little saying. Dumb, but cute.

Boy, howdy did I feel bloody terrible. Trying to manage all those feelings, and function in any minimal capacity is beyond anything Hercules could pull. Feats of strength are simple mechanics. Managing the monsters we have in our heads, who wear our faces, and know how to bait us to trouble is a game of endless knives.

I'm liking the writing more if I focus on actually trying to make it halfway decent, and don't worry about things like how many words are being put down. Easier to just explain it until you've explained it the way that sounds proper. It takes focus, which feels good, but which I never have. I'm always bent over some resentment, or thinking about money, or worrying about where I live, or merely watching the clock or counting the words until I can be done. It's a lot more gratifying to merely rest my attention on the words and keep them flowing together. Hold them front of mind.

I can virtually guarantee there's no way I will be able to do that tomorrow when the mental ghosts have been ressurected and my host of neurotic parasites can glut themselves tearing me apart with pain and discord, discontentment, and loathing to spare.

There's always the worry about the future to get back to. More fantasy house shopping. Counting how many hours I can work to make the absolute bare minimum, because I do have aspirations of developing some of my actual projects. I just can't motivate stone sober. Which is in part because my emotional state, financial state, socioeconomic state, and social state are in such disarray that I'm barely keeping it together. I hang by the thinnest of threads.

Which is why so many of us who are addicts struggle so hard. Trying to juggle anything resembling life, while trying to cope with a lifetime of shame -- I forgot about shame in my emotions list! -- fear, regret, failure, trauma, and turmoil while trying to actually run a life is more balls to juggle than we can handle. It's why rehabs exist. To give them a chance to get internally stabilized, because that's where stability must be found.

Therefore the question is whether or not cannabis use can be used to help stabilize patients. So far, I've had a lot of failure at making that work. That's not to say it can't. It's to say there's some method necessary for the maelstrom.

Bong therapy turns into daily need, cravings, and ultimately failure of the drug as the requirements of the addiction grow. Synergy to alcohol, cycle repeats.

Maybe medical intervention? I'm barely limping along, and doing it without much hope of righting again.

#addiction #marijuana #cannabis #alcoholism #withdrawal

0 notes

16ruedelaverrerie · 3 years

Text

The nonsensically recursive formatting now present in tumblr askbox messages is a bane for people who tend to let things pile up before getting to them, i.e. ME, IT IS A BANE FOR ME, but in this as in all things, we must make do. Anon I'm so happy that you enjoy that particular piece of art! ~Psycho-religious Catholic kink~ is a mainstay of the way that I exist in fandom, and it's a delight to have the two of us join hands as we skip through this apse. At this precise moment I'm physically running around a bit doing errands, but I will put it up on Twitter very soon, keep an eye out!

Truly, anon, I have never deserved a blessing such as you :'((((( First of all, you absolutely should not feel compelled to come up with any kind of reason for why you have not done a thing yet, when you would only do the thing at all out of the incredible goodness of your heart! You never had to put a well-organized comment together, and you never have to do it in the future! I know that I make a big whiny fuss out of how much I love comments -- and it's also true that part of why I put off answering this askbox message is because I needed to hang on to it in order to let it motivate me to meet my word counts as I wrote this last chapter of Fata Morgana (AND IT WORKED, I THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR MESSAGE AND I MET MY WORD COUNTS EVERY SINGLE DAY) -- but, like... If I understand anything, it is that a thing only becomes exponentially more stressful as you expect more and more out of it. Whatever it is that you want to say doesn't have to be huge, or magisterial in any way (though I'm certain that your thoughts are brilliant and thoughtful beyond anything I could offer in return)-- it's honestly just wild that you've already put so much of your time into staying with these stories!

Sorry that I've snuck your messages in behind the cut, but you know, it is very embarrassing to be unworthy. Thank you for KEEPING ME GOING, no hyperbole. Even though I think I tend to consume and enjoy fanworks about Gavin and Nines across a pretty wide range of interpretations, I am PAROCHIAL IN MY PRODUCED OUTPUT AND SOMEHOW ALWAYS END UP WRITING THEM INTO FAIRLY SIMILAR PSYCHOLOGICAL STANCES..................................... is it that I am a big fucking sap at heart... anyway what I mean to say is, I wish I had more range but mAYBE I DON'T WISH THAT AT ALL, if you enjoy what I am doing I'M JUST HAPPY TO BE HERE. As best as I can tell, the mysterious comment in your notes is probably in reference to the fact that OJ Simpson is mentioned multiple times in Fata Morgana for absolutely no reason at all, because "What? Yes. What? No." is precisely the reaction I had when I realized that I was incapable of steering A FICTIONAL CONVERSATION THAT I HAD COMPLETE CONTROL OVER away from the subject of, once again, just to stress the absurdity of this, OJ SIMPSON

I'm endlessly grateful for you. Thank you for writing this note v v v

Oh this is a public Food Network shindig cook-off, is it not? I have more respect for Gordon Ramsay than I do for a lot of other celebrity chefs (and to be honest, I love the restaurant industry so much that I love even the celebrity chefs I hate)-- and even if I too want Chef Gavin to do Les Mignardises proud in this battle, it's probably also true that he doesn't necessarily have the experience that Gordon Ramsay does in navigating spaces and occasions like these! BUT THAT HAVING BEEN SAID, I'm 100% fully convinced that what ends up happening is that right in the middle of this Iron Chef spin-off match-up, just as the tension and chaos in the kitchen are building towards the climactic final few minutes before the buzzer goes off, Gordon Ramsay happens to look up and sees, in the stands, Nines sitting with his arms crossed, glaring an absolutely MURDEROUS glare of daggers right into Gordon Ramsay's very soul. He doesn't rattle for nothing, Gordon Ramsay, but... in that moment, he knows beyond the shadow of a doubt that this android is ready and willing to leap down from the audience and throttle him to death on tape, and he is TERRIFIED. He burns a gratin, fails to plate one of his courses, and narrowly loses the competition.

"Nines!" Gavin yells, leaping into his arms. "We did it!"

"Yes, Chef," says Nines. "Congratulations." Over Gavin's head, his eyes meet Gordon Ramsay's from across the kitchen. Today, he says without a word, you walk away with your life.

WHAT A PROMISING YET OMINOUS MESSAGE, ANON... OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN NEVER ASKED FOR THIS

#askbox #let me hear your fandom talk #this isn't writing #les mignardises

20 notes · View notes

ohkate · 3 years

Text

Bad neighbors

So I feel like there should be some kind of purge law where you are allowed to kill your neighbors as long as you can prove they are making your life miserable. I think i really would kill them if i didn't think I'd get caught. My upstairs neighbors fight non-stop. And when I say non-stop, that isn't hyperbole. It's from the minute they wake up in the morning and go to work, then again when they come home around 4pm until 11pm which is the cutoff time before the cops will arrest or cite them for disturbing the peace. They always manage to stop themselves before they know they'll get in trouble.

I keep wishing one of them would just kill the other one because I sware to god that would be preferable to what I'm dealing with. My landlord won't deal with it and I can't afford to move. I keep trying to find a new place but this area is crazy expensive and I need to be close to work. As it is I drive an hour each way.

And the girl is just insane. She screams like at the top of her lungs. They can't just fight like normal people. At least the guy will try to be quiet until he can't take it anymore. They've had the cops called on them multiple times. He'll say 'no I didn't' and she'll respond by saying 'yes you did yes you did yes you did....' over and over like a hundred times like a child. It's been almost a year of this. I can't watch a movie without headphones on. I literally can't sit in my living room because they just scream at each other all night and so I have to watch tv in my bedroom with my headphones on. And their kitchen is above my bedroom so they constantly bang drawers and cabinets because they're mad.

And if that wasn't bad enough, you think they know they cause this problem so they'd go out of their way not to cause other problems. They keep forgetting to turn their faucets off in the tub and it overflows and comes through to my apartment. It's happened 3 times. I've have to get rid of 3 rugs because there's a tsunami of water coming through the ceiling and they get ruined. My landlord paid for them but because I always have to wonder if it will happen again, I can't use that room. They also sit in their cars right outside our windows and leave the car on while playing their music. And yesterday morning at 630am, he's hammering something into the wall for 15 minutes. Like... it's 630 in the fucking morning on a Sunday. Seriously?

What happened to people? Why are so many people so discourteous? I'm not the nicest person but I understand that i live in a neighborhood and share walls with other people. People are so fucking selfish these days and then act like your a jerk because you can't take it anymore. I take a few minutes everyday and plot how to kill these people and it's the best part of my day.

#If you listen to your music so the whole neighborhood can hear #If you ride your little dirt bike up and down the street disturbing everyone's nice day #If you are making noise to the point where the people in the apt building can't enjoy their lives #Or if you tell people to mind their business while simultaneously making your business their business by screaming all day #Then you're an asshole #And if your a landlord who doesn't take care of these issues #Then you're a slumlord #Personal post

3 notes · View notes