#I’m just so sad and frustrated

[ein-shtink]

Sometimes I think about the fact we’re neighbors. There are more things that bring me and a Palestinian woman living in Gaza together than things bringing us apart.

We grew up watching the same sunsets, the same sunrises. If there were no borders, it would take about an hour for us to go and visit one another. We grew up listening to the same music. Our parents did, too.

Our grandparents read poetry in the same language, watched the same Egyptian movies. The foods are similar, the hobbies are, too. When I was in high school I met a girl my age, who grew up in Gaza but relocated with her family to an Arab village within Israel, a five minute drive from where I used to live. We made movies together. We joked a lot. We were one and the same, more often than not.

I can’t stop thinking about the Palestinians in Gaza. I can’t stop thinking about the horrors they endure. I can’t stop thinking about Palestinian men, women and children, having to fight for food. For hygiene products. For water. I can’t stop thinking about them having no time to hide before a bomb hits, about them not being allowed to evacuate. I can’t stop thinking about the ones who died protesting for a better life, long before this war started. They are my neighbors. We watch the same sunsets.

I can’t stop thinking about the hostages, either. I can’t stop thinking about the desecrated bodies of innocent women paraded around Gaza’s streets. I can’t stop thinking about the sisters who were raped and murdered together, aged 13 and 16. The older one was my sister’s friend. I can’t stop thinking about Shlomo Ron, the art-loving 80 year old man who sacrificed his own life to save his wife and grandchildren. He looks just like my grandpa. I can’t stop thinking about Thomas Hand, who was told his little girl was dead and cried tears of joy, because being dead is better than being taken hostage. I can’t stop thinking about the fact Emily Hand didn’t die, and actually was taken hostage. Ever since she was released, she only whispers, too afraid to speak up.

I can’t stop thinking about the suffering. About the loss. About the mothers on both sides of their border who had to watch their children die. About the pain.

Their faces haunt me.

I don’t understand why the West is calling for a ceasefire when they should be calling for peace. I don’t understand why the West is calling for the destruction of Israel when they should be calling for a solution that will allow both people to live side by side, in peace. I don’t understand why the existence of Israel is a bad thing. I don’t understand why the West refuses to call out Hamas, for the crimes of October 7th and their gross mistreatment and neglectful leadership of the Palestinian people ever since they rose to power. I don’t understand why the West views this decades old conflict through a one sided lens, amplifying the voice of one people’s crying and shutting down the other’s.

We deserve better. Palestinians and Israelis deserve better. We deserve to prosper, we deserve to live long and proud of our heritages in the land we both call home.

Maybe one day nations around the world and our own corrupt leaders will stop making us paint one another as the enemy. Israelis and Palestinians, we’re not each other’s enemies. We’re each other’s neighbors.

We deserve to let our children play.

#israel #palestine #gaza #i/p war #I don’t know. just had to let it all out #I’m sad and I’m angry and I’m frustrated and I’m so fucking scared #I just want this war to be over already #am yisrael chai #non Palestinians/israelis can rb but as I mentioned before idc about your opinions on the matter

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

me: sits down to write feeling full of inspiration

chronic pain: no 🙃

#sorry i just needed to vent #UGH #i mean obviously having a chronic pain condition is never fun #but when it decides to sink its teeth in when i just want an evening to capitalise on the inspiration that’s been building up all week #it’s just so frustrating #getting to sit down in the evenings to write is one of the few times i get to feel peaceful and comforted #and i’m just so done with my body taking that from me too #sorry i will resume my usual flaily milex posting soon i’m sure #but tonight i’m just feeling sad and a little bit scared of my own body #and my flatmate and best friend are otherwise occupied #so apparently i’m venting about it here instead #chronic pain #lulu posts

[eldritch-thrumming]

i saw that review on letterboxd of all the rhetorical questions for barbie and like… the more i think abt it, the more i’m certain that the review’s author fundamentally misunderstood the film. barbie land is not a utopia in the way that adults would think abt a utopia, like the author seems to imply… barbie land is canonically shaped by little girls playing with their dolls. that’s why we see a supreme court. thats why there are nobel prizes and authors and lawyers (also because that’s how the toys are marketed… would there be a mermaid in ur utopia??? there would be in mine!). that’s why barbie and ken don’t necessarily know what a boyfriend and girlfriend are “meant” to do (not to mention that the author’s assumption that sex is fundamental to a romantic relationship is problematic at best). that’s why barbie is indifferent to ken (i personally had the life size barbie and my sister had the barbie dream house—we had the working woman barbie game, i had the genie barbie gameboy game, we had countless barbie dolls; we didn’t own a single ken doll lol). barbie land is a world created by and for little girls as they play with their dolls (she says in a comment on the original post “don’t little girls play with their dolls in a sexual way?” and yeah, sure, some do. but i didn’t and i’m sure there are others who didn’t… just like there are some girls who completely mutilated their own dolls and made them into horrifying creatures)… that’s why stereotypical barbie starts having an existential crisis—because a grown woman begins to play with her doll again and starts reshaping barbie land… we, as the audience, are meant to understand this as an outlier to how barbie land is canonically created. the author also calls ken “crass” and “slovenly”… maybe after he builds the patriarchy in barbie land he becomes “crass” but i wouldn’t call him slovenly at any point in the film (i suppose this is just semantics tho).

also, please stop saying that barbie land is a reversal of the real world. it isn’t, even if that may have been the filmmakers intentions. again, barbie is indifferent to ken. she does not abuse him, she does not treat him like he exists to service her by cooking or cleaning or providing other favors for her… barbie does not oppress ken in the way that men oppress women in the real world (we have no idea if he owns property or where he lives and she doesn’t seem to particularly care—extremely different from the fact that women couldn’t have their own bank accounts or credit cards, get a mortgage on their own or divorce their husbands through no fault divorce until the second half of the 20th century in the us… within a lot of our mothers and grandmothers lifetimes!!!!) and it is a complete disservice to conflate or equate the two. we actually see barbie drawing clear boundaries around her time and space in regards to ken—this is not a reversal of misogyny as women and girls experience it in the real world, by any stretch of the imagination.

is the film perfect or revolutionary or radical? of course not. it was produced by major studios and corporations in hollywood. of course the barbie movie is a fucking commercial for barbie, like… to expect anything different is just extremely dumb on your part if u saw the trailer, saw the marketing, saw the interviews, bought a ticket, and sat ur ass in the theater, like be fuckin serious. but don’t do women and girls a disservice by discrediting the world and thoughts and ideas it could open up for them by seeing themselves be taken seriously on screen in a major summer blockbuster with stupid fucking questions because u want to feel superior to everyone else because YOU and ONLY YOU see through the capitalist marketing of lipstick pop girlboss feminism (especially when juxtaposed with the way the female characters are treated in oppenheimer, which we cannot help but compare to the barbie film with the viral marketing of barbenheimer).

#i had to block a bunch of people so their barbie takes would stop showing up in my for you tab lol #i just wanna read steddie fanfic and reblog cute barbie gifs not see ur lame ass takes abt how barbie is evidence that both patriarchies #AND matriarchies are bad #there is not a society on earth where women treat men the way women have treated women for millennia… even the matriarchies smh #the way men have treated women*** literal smh!!!! #barbie spoilers #tagging this as barbie spoilers but not using the barbie tag bevause i don’t want to get into all that tbh #i’m just frustrated… esp as someone who teaches film #every time a female led film comes out we have to have these same convos over and over #let’s talk abt how oppenheimer glorifies the atomic bomb and doesn’t acknowledge the indigenous populations that the bomb was tested on!!!! #let’s talk abt how oppenheimer doesn’t even acknowledge the japanese experience of the bomb!!!! bevause oppenheimer is the real victim #let’s talk abt how christopher nolan repeatedly uses the trope of mentally ill suffering crazy woman to propel his male protagonists story!! #he’s just so sad :( that he killed thousands of ppl :( #anyways i’m over it lol #ok wait making this non rebloggable bevaude i don’t wanna argue w anyone i literally jus wanna say my piece into a void 🙏

[tricksterlatte]

Guys how did we cycle back to mean-spirited or passive-aggressive comments on fanworks not only being normalized but also as something people should accept lying down for literally any reason? If I wanted unnecessary concrit, I’d go read passive aggressive sticky notes left on the office fridge. It is rude to randomly critique or downright insult someone’s hard work done out of love for a fandom, actually!

#saw another post about it in p5 fandom and I’m so frustrated and sad #it IS easy to be kind actually! trying to say it’s not will only excuse bad behavior and fan the flames idgaf #it only stirs up resentment. more than one of my friends has been hospitalized for this!! even in this fandom! #I self admitted during tales fandom for this crap please don’t make this common practice to be randomly mean #stop. I’m so done. what happened to don’t like don’t read #if you’re gonna be rude don’t get mad when fans have you blocked #hell I’ve started blocking even if it’s about a ship I don’t like. it’s not cool! #I’m just so tired of people even within the same shipping spheres acting like this #why is it my friends’ fault if they literally get hospitalized. are you ok???? maybe consider your impact instead of blaming them #no one has to put up with callousness but it’s impossible to change people’s minds I guess #I’m so tired. I’m so tired #venting done but I’m so sad

[milk-lover]

Today kinda depressed me more than I was expecting it to. I’m still really going back and fourth on if I am aro or not and as much as people are trying to push a narrative that “Valentines Day is about all kinds of love!” and “Valentines Day can be about self-love!” it doesn’t change the fact that. No? It’s not? It’s a day for idolizing the Western conception of Romantic Love. It is a huge symbol of amatonomativity and the way it’s intrenched in our culture and I suppose it’s cool that there’s a gradual movement to take it away from that conception but that hasn’t happened yet and so in the meantime the whole ordeal kinda just makes me sad.

#aromantic #i had a very frustrating convo w a covolunteer abt this #after i explained that i was aspec she played the whole ‘well have you tried a WLW relationship? you might just be gay!’ #like no. you are gay? I’m aro? your experiences are not universal #then i was like ‘yeah I’m kinda bummed out by Valentine’s Day’ and she was like ‘oh but you’re aro you don’t care about being single!’ #and like. no i still do care. it still is uncomfortable to be single in a world built for couples even if you’re aro #and then she was like ‘oh well it could be for platonic or self love and I’m just like. YES! it could! but it’s NOT??? so I’m. sad? i guess? #just AHHHHHHHH

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Just applied for a summer childcare position (like for a camp type thing) that pays 20–28 dollars an hour based on qualifications (I should be towards the end of that scale because I work in a school; and the only requirement the job lists is to be 16 and have experience with children). So hopefully they’ll consider me. That would be wonderful.

#I hate applying for jobs so much. Everyone uses a different website that makes you sign up for newsletters that clog your email #that you have to manually unsubscribe to #But yeah that’s way more than I get paid as a para lol #which is kind of sad because being a para or teacher is a lot more strenuous and complex than supervising kids during structured play #Because usually the kids enjoy stuff like rock climbing and swimming #so you don’t have to guide them through ten different layers of mental gymnastics to complete their work #or sometimes physically keep them from leaving the learning area after every problem they complete #(of course I do the last thing very gently; and I don’t like having to carry kids from under tables back to their seats #but they’re not going to learn anything if they stay underneath tables all day long… that kind of defeats the purpose of being in school. #I give a lot of verbal warnings before too. Some kids just refuse to learn all the time regardless of their mood because it’s funny to them #Anyway: Kids should not be playing video games past bedtime on a fucking Oculus Rift #Like seriously the tech withdrawal in some of these babies is palpable #Horrifying #Anyway this summer job will be a breeze if I get it #Hopefully no one will be begging me for chromebooks during rock climbing #(I know it sounds like I’m irritated with the kids; and I am. But it’s more irritation with their parents letting them become addicted #to iPads for the sake of convenience; and also frustration directed at capitalism that makes the parents so tired #that they let the iPad babysit their kids so they can rest. It’s the whole system man. It’s fucked.)

[driftingballoons]

Sometimes when your parents are angry they’ll say something that gives light to their own childhood and you realize Holy Shit a) that explains it and b) that’s so sad. 

Thinking specifically about one story my mom would always proudly tell when I did something wrong about how “easy “ I have it. As a child a great grandparent was asked to get something from a drawer—specifically the bottom drawer. They went all the way upstairs, checked the drawer, couldn’t find the thing, then came back down to report to their mother. And this woman apparently hit the fucking roof. The reasoning being that the kid “didn’t think” to check the other drawers when they couldn’t find it in the first one. The kid in question was 5 years old. This is an age where if you put the same amount of water in a short wide cup and a tall thin one, they’ll say there’s more in the taller one because the level is higher. And the fact that this story was passed down from generation to generation as an example of how the child was in the wrong and as a guide on how a kid’s mistakes should be handled is infuriating and incredibly depressing. Anyway I always took it as she said until one day, after having learned a tiny bit of developmental psychology, where I took an incredibly calculated risk and said something like, “that’s really sad. A 5y/o can’t necessarily reason at that level—their brain development isn’t physically there yet. For their mom to get so irrationally mad at them because she forgot where she put something was really low. She should have been able to own up to her own mistake.” And I’ll tell you normally a comment like this would’ve got me murdered, but I don’t think she’d ever quite…thought about it that way. She went quiet and changed the subject, and since then it’s never been brought up with that same haughty “see how good you have it! People deserve to be treated like this!” energy. 

#Idk didn’t mean to ramble so much just sometimes people are a product of their surroundings #and don’t even necessarily realize how their behavior might be harmful #Not a pass for those behaviors or anything #It’s just sad that THEY were also a victim of them from their own parents #Anyway it’s interesting reflecting on your childhood as an adult #I mean I don’t have kids I’m no parenting expert #But sometimes you just know something was….wrong #Like when making a small mistake becomes the huge thing to be feared of instead of just a learning opportunity #And then you get criticized for not wanting to own up to the mistake or for getting frustrated for making it in the first place #And it’s like hey! Thanks to you I’m TERRIFIED of making a mistake! #Bc when I do all hell breaks loose! #And I get accused of doing it on purpose to be passive aggressive! #Anyway thinking abt this bc recently made a tiny inconsequential mistake #And it turned into a three hour yelling lecture about “you can’t be trusted with anything ever” #Comparing it to a huge mistake like leaving a baby in the car #angery

[greghatecrimes]

why is it that every time without fail, the “easiest” options are the ones that are the most painful? i don’t want to put myself through hell anymore. but it’s so fucking tempting sometimes to just let myself suffer if it means the path is a little smoother in the long run.

#i know i know it’s not worth it. it’s never worth it. #i’ve taken the hard road and so far it’s been worth it every single time. i’m just tired and sad and frustrated #not to be dramatic but: universe. have i not suffered enough? #i want to rest soon. please. #vent #probably delet later

[killmymind]

i don’t think i’ve ever felt this lost in my life. tbh

#feeling sad? sure. hopeless? been there done that. anxious as hell? at least once a week. but lost? no. not really #and that’s really fucking scary because i’m not familiar with it and i just don’t know how to deal with it #i can’t stop thinking that i’m running out of time because i’m 25 and i don’t think i can afford feeling this way #taking a break from uni sounds good in theory but in reality? again. i’m 25. i need to at least achieve one thing in my life holy shit #it’s SO hard to see the good even when it’s right in front of me or someone points it out. like having a job or studying or getting to #travel or even just having friends ARE achievements but i always want More More and More i am addicted to wanting more cause it feels like #nothing i do is ever enough. and now i’m adding feeling lost because i’m finally acknowledging the fact that i don’t know what i want to do #with what i’m studying or how to get a different job in the future when i almost have no experience and everything is just so frustrating #because i simply don’t fucking know. i just don’t. i can’t afford not knowing!! everything is so messy rn you would think i’d be thriving #after seeing louis and meeting aria and traveling to germany and i am genuinely so happy those things happened but fuck man there is always #the Bigger Thing taking over and it makes me feel like an ungrateful brat i just don’t fucking know man. maybe i am an ungrateful brat #but it’s just so hard to be happy when you’re feeling so lost with everything in your life and yourself #anyway i just. needed to let that out #negative #effie talks to the moon

[chibishortdeath]

I cannot explain how often I think about this part of the Simon’s Quest story. Ough I wanna try to explain every tiny line of this in detail, but I can’t think of words rn aaa, so I’m gonna dump random disjointed thoughts in the tags for now.

I’m putting the links to the English translations of the first two games’ Japanese manuals because their stories are so much cooler than what the western releases got. The second I get everything I can or have thought about this guy together I’m doing in depth story and character analysis for some silly whip man NES games tho—

#castlevania #castlevania games #text post #simon belmont #oahsjfkwuwhflshdjdka #I can’t words rn #and I’m so frustrated about it #like I had multiple points I was gonna make but I just can’t put them down at all for no reason #I should rant about how they mention decay in this one tho— #decay is not fun and would be very horrifying to experience while alive fun fact! #Simon is not doing so great— #the American manual describes is as more of a soul effecting curse but like #slowly rotting alive is so much more horrifying #i imagine that was probably not mentioned in the American release for the same reason why they censored blood in some games tho lol #also the ominous last line in this screenshot #that’s given a little bit more sad implications when the mysterious woman tells him something about courage afterwards #the ‘please remember bitter memories in Transylvania’ at the end of the whole thing #implying that 7 year gap may have been him just avoiding fixing the curse because of the trauma of what happened there #that also implying he was initially gonna give up and die without actually doing anything about this #it’s so interesting that the few insights into Simon as a character that we get are like #he highly doubts that he’ll be as good as his ancestors #and then he gets cursed and his first response is to give up and slowly let it kill him #like WOW those are some important character details for sure #it’s so hard to talk about him without immediately being like ‘oh no poor guy’ #theory posting #kinda not like whole theory but a small piece of speculation material lol

[nicholasnelsons]

the worst part of the entire ticketmaster fiasco is just,,,,,, where else are we supposed to buy tickets from? i want ticketmaster to burn to the ground. i want them to suffer and face the consequences of dynamic pricing, canceling general sales, insane fees, and allowing resales to happen. i want them gone. but also i really want a fun and unique concert experience and that fucking sucks because there’s no where else i can get concert tickets anymore thanks to the monopoly that is ticketmaster. my heart is beyond broken right now and i hate that going to concerts have become insane migraines instead of exciting moments in life. this is just so gross and the worst part is it’s not like anything is going to be done about it yk. i hate it here i truly do

#i have tried so many times for tickets and have come up empty handed every single time #and at a certain point i was just like yeah lol it’s not happening #but now i’m beyond frustrated and sad because. what is even happening rn #taylor swift #ticketmaster

[deputyash]

Ugh it’s been such an icky day 😞

#I’m just so tired and sad #my doctor’s appointment didn’t go so well #didn’t get much info which isn’t necessarily bad but it’s frustrating #I just want a hugs and to be warm and want happy soft things… #.personal #to be deleted

[titsthedamnseason]

my roommate cut my hair for me tonight and at first i was (secretly) sad because it is wayyyyy too short but then i realized. i literally just got the 1989 chop. like this was all meant to happen this way

#nooo bc like 😭 it is NOT her fault. it is entirely my fault #i have curly hair (maybe i should start straightening it just to fully live out the aesthetic lmao) and i made the rookie mistake of showing #her where i wanted it to fall when it was DRY #and on top of that obviously when it comes to hair cutting everyone is always doing too much #but my friend is soooo cautious and gets anxious about these things so i honestly thought she wouldn’t do enough #and would kind of ask me while doing it in increments #like last time when i had my roommate cut my hair i couldn’t even tell that she did ANYTHING #but anyway yeah she definitely went shorter than where i pointed which already was faulty in the first place because i forgot how much it #would curl up #i mean i’m actually happy because it’s been frustrating me how absolutely tangled it’s been getting so that’s a relief #but i’m mostly sad because it’s about to be halloween #and i wanted my dead ends GONE for halloween because i am being barbie. who has notoriously perfect hair! #and they definitely are but i also lost all my length #like i’m trying to tell myself it’ll grow back soon but the last time my hair was this short was maybe like two years ago #and i’ve missed my long hair so bad it was finally starting to come back #but now it’s gone again and i have to start all over ☹️ and my barbie hairstyle options are severely limited #i will probably do braided pigtails #mine

[parabiota]

I keep getting yelled at about EXTREMELY minor things at my job. Like stuff that is absolutely not a problem and is just me working casually. Like I was hosting and one of the owners (who also works as a server, it’s a small restaurant) takes over and leads them to their table. And after he’s done sitting them I said ‘hey was that the 8:15 reservation or was that a walk in?’ Because I needed to mark them as here. And he literally shrugs his shoulders and rolls his eyes at me. And then my other coworker yelled at me because I was getting the plates ready before I wiped down the table that just left. Instead of wiping it down first. And then getting the plates ready. I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing wrong, I’ve only been working there for a month and it’s my first job in the service industry. I don’t understand why they don’t like me when I try extremely hard every day. And it’s so frustrating when you’re doing your absolute best and somehow that’s not good enough. And on top of that I can’t even tell them that I have arthritis and I’m hard of hearing because I know exactly how it goes, where they’ll consider my disabilities to be proof I can’t properly do my job, and they’ll find an excuse to get rid of me that isn’t directly stating it’s because of my disabilities. It’s happened to me before. I’m so tired and exhausted and burnt out and all I care about is working enough so I can have enough money to support myself. It’s the only thing that really matters to me because it’s all I have. And I can’t even do that correctly. I hate my body in indescribable ways because it’s not how i look, it’s about how it’s failing me so fucking young and how I’m slowly losing my ability to walk and use my hands. At 20. I was diagnosed at 20. Everything is stacked against me and no matter how hard I try, it’s all falling apart because america isn’t designed to help disabled, poverty ridden young women. I just don’t know what to do when my best isn’t good enough.

#thoughts #vent #I’m so sad and frustrated I just relapsed into smoking again #which isn’t bad because I know I’ll stop soon since I’m only a stress smoker #but my heart is so heavy. it’s so hard and I do all of it alone with no support.

[alexa-crowe]

oh i’m in a pickle now, guys. either this is a mini phase that will die down in a few days or i’m already beginning a xena hyperfixation and need to watch the show pronto to minimize suffering.

#oh this is so frustrating bc either way for the next few days at least #i won’t be able to think about anything else much #so i can’t even focus enough to work on the mlim script #ughhhhhhhhh #and i was so excited to work on it too :( #that’s really the downside. i’m always sad to move fandoms #anyways i know it’s dire bc now i can’t even muster up the interest to finish the episode of mlim i’m on #i instead spent a few hours reading up on greek mythology ;_; #and feeling guilty. which is probably the biggest indicator that i should give in and just watch it #instead of following random rules i’ve made up #ok. psyching myself up. i’m going. #rambling

[peach-pot]

ANON WHO SENT ME THAT ASK WTF. WTF.

#LIGHTHEARTED BUT. WHAT THE FUCK. #YEAH WE WERE IN THAT WRITING CLUB TOGETHER #that story is mostly just bouncing around my brain because I lost a lot of my work on it :-: #had a punch of plot stuff outlined in a notebook I straight up lost #and it was too frustrating trying to continue it based only on memory so #sad day #but anyways. what the fuck. #you can message me if you want I’m curious about how you found me #I assume you stumbled upon my account and then realized it was me #I HOPE you weren’t able to find this account just based in a few months in a club together #if so my internet safety must be abysmal #anyways. fun club! loved my time in that club! #hannah talks sometimes