I totally am not considering Empires Season 1 AUs
Jimmy, pouting: “Why do I have to get married for the treaty.”
Lizzie, eating breakfast: “Because the Wither Rose Alliance refused anything less than a marriage and I figured you would rather marry one of their allies than one of them.”
Jimmy, sulking: “So obviously I should marry the one we know nothing about bc his brother keeps him home under lock and key.”
Lizzie, spreading jam on a fish filet: “Well if the worst comes to worst and he’s absolutely terrible, at least you can just outlive him. Elves only live like four or five hundred years anyway.”
Jimmy: *opens his mouth*
Jimmy: *closes his mouth*
Jimmy: “How did that plan work out for you, then?”
Seablings: *look at each other*
Seablings: *look at Joel*
Joel, a perfectly normal, garden variety human. Who has inexplicably been married to Lizzie for ~600 years now: “is there something on my face?”
Lizzie: “Point taken.”
Meanwhile, in Rivendell
Scott, who has been relying on his brother’s lava magic to keep him from freezing their whole kingdom over for a long time now: “Oh yes this is going to go so well. We’re going to end up going to war with the Ocean because I accidentally turn the swamp kingdom into an ice skating rink. Excellent diplomacy, brother. You should get a prize.”
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Oh my god. The choir class I’m in is heavily weighted toward lower spectrum voices in general, something something, tech school being predominantly male. But we usually have enough tenors to hold our own.
Today we’re down like four tenors and I’m like. Deer in the headlights. Those of us remaining are trying to compete against tenors, bass, and baritone with several magnitudes more singers than we have. The director is making so much eye contact with me because there’s just no one else to look at over here and the other alto is dying under the pressure.
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the way i want to call her good girl and tease her, and text her dirty things has me dizzy. like, the things i’d do to her, oh god.
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Dabi / Todoroki Touya & @medusashima
How you meet.
You look completely fuckable in your outfit, and he’s not the only one that’s noticed it. There’s guys that stop mid-conversation to follow your movements as you walk by, childish wolf whistles like you’ll come on command (and maybe you will, but not like this Dabi thinks) or the ones that make an absolute fool of themselves by trying to talk to you. Those ones piss him off even more, because they think they actually have a chance with you. Dabi is far more subtle, and even with absolutely no game he’s still better than all these fuckers.
What’s worse is they always try and do it during a set, trying to shout in your ear over the loud riffs of music that blast through the speakers. Not that you’d want to talk to them anyway, but they could at least have some fucking etiquette right?
Dabi wasn’t jealous, he never got jealous— or at least that’s what he was telling himself as he decided to cut in. Crushing his plastic cup beneath a steel-toed combat boot as he made his way over to you. He was just doing his community service for the day, being a real philantophist— he was a fucking saint.
You stumble in shock as a guy twice your size barges past you with no regard, knocking your— very expensive— drink to the ground with no care. You’re already prepared to cuss the asshole out for having absolutely no manners a tatted hand reached out to grab his forearm.
“Better watch where you’re going, asshole.” Dabi speaks smoothly, his voice carries even over the loud music as the guy, who was preparing to fight, takes one look at him before backing down.
“What were you drinking, sweetheart?” Dabi motions to the plastic cup that now lay empty and lifeless between you as you tell him your drink of choice, “And I’ll take a beer since you made me miss the last fuckin’ song.”
You can’t hide that you’re grateful, even if you could’ve dealt with that guy yourself this was certainly much quicker. The drunk loser didn’t seem to know how to take no for an answer, even though your pretty much told him to fuck off it seemed far more affective coming from the broody male standing beside you now.
But what you don’t expect, is for the large, hulking brute of a man to actually come back with two drinks in his hands. Handing them off to the tatted guy before practically scampering away.
The guy hands you the drink with a smirk as he continues to stand beside you while the band plays, at least having the common courtesy not to interrupt their set.
And that’s how you find yourself waking up in your hotel room with a complete stranger and your fishnets ripped. And it works out for Dabi too because he scored a pretty girl, and he definitely didn’t book a hotel room.😭
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me: *politely expresses a single opinion in the aftermath of some light discourse*
me: they are going to flay me alive drag my corpse through the streets and kill my mother so they can spit on her grave
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