#I've got some complicated feelings

[themthistles]

i think that while micro labels can seem useful and affirming ultimately they're isolating and kind of an obstacle to your understanding of self. that's because you can never find a word specific enough. there will never be a label or two labels or even ten, twenty of them to perfectly capture and describe all of your thoughts, feelings, experiences, preferences, needs, interests, identities, etc. because you learn more and more about yourself every day and then you change and your wants and needs change with you. having to hop between labels, fearing that you don't 'fit' into a label anymore (both in your own and others eyes), worrying how soon your current label will wear out, questioning if you'll ever fully fit a single one. all that causes a lot of uncertainty and anxiety which could be avoided by just picking a more general thing and molding it according to what it means to YOU. because words will always mean different things to different people, you will never be understood immediately and maybe never completely by anyone but yourself and that's fine

#another thing is that micro labels often feel like they fracture the community unnecessarily #idk how many times i've seen fighting over hyperspecific ace labels and what they mean and if people described in them even belong #and honestly i think this discourse wouldn't be so vile and neverending if people accepted the idea of falling under general umbrella #and accepted that you can't describe complicated weird and wonderful act of human existence with a couple of words #you don't need to explain yourself to anyone #i know in our present pronouns/sexuality/gender in bio carrd era it feels like you have to but you really don't #people aren't entitled to a short summary of your inner world and you can't speed run connection #also feel the need to say: i have nothing against people who use micro labels #if you feel like your micro label describes you perfectly? i'm really glad and happy for you #i'm just expressing my own thoughts and feelings that come from personal experience with exploring these things #at some point i started doubting if i could call myself a lesbian #i thought oh i'm not exactly what a lot of people generally think of when they hear that word #oh they'll misunderstand and i'm not being my 'true self' i'll find a word that fits me exactly if i just keep looking #and then i found out being aroace is a thing and boy did that add a lot of anxiety and confusion to the pot #i didn't feel like i fit in with both communities wasn't lesbian enough wasn't aroace enough #but at some point i just got tired of trying to justify myself to others and to myself #identities aren't houses you live in they're more like seas or rivers flowing into one another #and spaces where they intersect are vague and hard to define and they shift and change and this metaphor is getting away from me #basically #words are complicated #but they're the only direct way we humans can communicate #it is what it is #so make art #a lot of it #oh also unrelated but if you ever tell older queer folks that they're using wrong words to describe themselves i am going to jump you

[nyxorra]

"Excuse me, he asked for no pickles."

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3edit #bg3 oc #bg3 durge #wyll ravengard #userimogen #userrivensbane #userfae #userwaterdeep #I'M BACK BABYYYYY #been feeling the urge to gif so we play the durgeeee #every time you talk to mizora in camp and wyll shows up behind you this is what i think of #anyway hey yall hope you don't mind the tag #i got some gifs i've been working on that are far too complicated but this is to tide me over before i go crazy making them lol #game: bg3 #oc: yaska #⭐ mine

[bookshelf-in-progress]

How many times do I have to learn the lesson that I should start the story when the story starts instead of trying to tack on introductory worldbuilding?

Seriously. My instincts about when to start the story are almost never wrong. But I always assume the first scene in my imagination requires set-up that people outside of my imagination don't have. So I tack on an intro to set the mood and to set up the plot and characters and world. And it's boring. When I should have just started where I wanted to start so I could weave explanations into a scene where things are actually happening.

#adventures in writing #i decided to tackle that goose girl retelling i came up with earlier this summer #(the one that was supposed to be a simple short version of a fairy tale) #(but i got too attached to it and became paralyzed by the need to do it right) #it turned out that one big hurdle was the lack of names #so i finally just picked some and went with it #and then when it came to starting the story i thought that i needed to show how the mc feels lost and ashamed by her fall #and explain that she had a talking horse and it's dead now and all that complicated stuff #and then i remembered writing 'a day late' where i made sure the story started with the character *doing* something #which is a decent lesson but it wasn't quite enough here #the really important lesson i should have learned from 'a day late' is that you shouldn't start the story too early #i had tried a meandering scene of beatrice arriving at the castle and it was boring #and i solved the problem by starting partway through her frantic search #and then wove in the explanations about her situation #which is exactly what needs to happen with this goose girl story #i just need to start with her doing something and then weave in all the exposition bit by bit #start where i'd initially wanted to start and let the readers figure out all the backstory as i slowly reveal it #i feel like i've repeated myself five times so i'll stop talking now

[dreamlogic]

2024 year of charlie gets a fucking break (hopefully. maybe. tbd.)

#ctxt #i'm on medication that's reduced my post-hysterectomy pain by about 70% #i have an intake appointment with a physical therapist in march & a referral to start trigger point injections #to hopefully finally recover as completely as possible from the nightmarish neuropathy that's plagued me since uuuhhhh #going on 2 years ago. holy shit. genuinely can't believe i've been surviving & functioning as well as i have for this long #while suffering a disabling & extremely painful surgical complication. fuck my original surgeon for brushing me off during that time #but the new provider i'm working with is so responsive & thorough in her approach & seems genuinely committed #to helping me finally get relief after all this time. she listens to my feedback & is flexible in her approach #and her assistant is a great communicator who's been handling most of the logistics of care coordination for me #and what a huge fucking relief that is. to not have to drag my doctors kicking & screaming towards maybe treating me eventually #i wanna cry. i finally feel like i'm being taken seriously and cared for. and i'm not BETTER yet (might never be the same as i was pre-op) #but i actually feel optimistic for the first time in over a year that i won't just have to deal with this agonizing pain on my own forever #i might actually see enough improvement that i can start to get back to living my life instead of just surviving it #money is tighter than it's been since i got laid off during early pandemic and that's stressing me out #but i promised myself that i would put my health first in 2024 and that means only working the bare minimum needed to pay my bills for now #genuinely i so fucking needed a break. i felt like i was trying to swim through a meat grinder last year #and it wasn't until i ended up in the ER about it that i finally was able to take my own pain seriously enough #to put my foot down & make some necessary changes that are now letting me focus on Getting Well With Myself at last #in hindsight it's like. really freaking me out how thoroughly i was able to compartmentalize & dissociate from how miserable i was #bc nobody who had the ability to help me would take me seriously & my shitty boss was like. extremely textbook emotionally abusive #and on one hand that was a survival mechanism that kept me on my feet during one of the worst times of my life. so props to myself there #but it was also very maladaptive how long & unnecessarily it went on before i snapped out of it & escalated things for my own safety #it was the same helpless frustration i often felt as a kid of like 'well nobody is on my side but me so i gotta suck it up & help myself' #and i think the family trauma shit that was going on last year definitely contributed to that. idk sense of doubling across time? #and things had to get Extremely Bad before they were bad enough for me to realize that although i felt like it #i am no longer an isolated & parentified island of a child who is beholden to the whims of ignorant & indifferent adults #i actually can and should take action to advocate for myself bc i am an adult and i CAN now change my circumstances as needed #instead of just enduring them as if i'm stuck there with no agency or chance to change things #and i have a really solid support system who helped me feel like it was possible to stand up for myself to get the help i desperately need #chronic blogging

[icewindandboringhorror]

Very generic “”gothy” character in a children’s cartoon” type look just out of curiosity, seeing if I had enough stuff to put together a full outfit from a box of old clothes lol. I didn’t have an actual main shirt though, so it’s just a plain tank top with cat shape cut out of paper and safety pinned onto the front 

#Though not calling anyone generic if this is your style or something. I don't mean it in a bad way. I just mean like.. all of the steretypic #al elements are there. The choker thing. the 'fishnet shirt under a tank top' . the 'carefully placed slightly askew studded belt' etc. #the skirt + some form of patterned specially striped tights + platform boots combo. etc. Like from a character design standpoint #These are the elements usually present in a show when they want to portray 'this caracter is slightly edgy and alternative' #just missing like.. hair with straight across bangs in pigtails that's black with a few colored streaks in it. OR just like shoulder length #shaggy hair that's also streaky and has a sidebang. and like.. one lip piercing or something ghhjbjh.. dark eyeliner #black nailpolish. I'm not painting my nails just for one uoutfit though. I actually used to wear nailpolish more but I just hate the smell #so much now. I can't see how I ever was able to bear it. I think maybe because usually I had some bigger spaces with ventalation. I guess #I could paint them outside maybe. Still #It's still hard to beleive some poeple will like. full on #get their nails done on a constant basis. get hair done. etc.etc. Not even just becuase of the money but like. the sensory experience seems #ovwerhelming. I only have been to a hair salon like twice in my life and both times I HATED a person touching me. and having to like lay my #head back and get it rinsed. etc. I went to a nail slon literally once because someone else wanted to go and I happened to be with them #and the smell was bad to me and also I did not like them touching me even if it was just my hands. Also I've never had fake nails #and didn't want them so when I went in I just got them plainly painted a plain color with nothing special andit's just like.. I could have #done that myself for free lol.. I get going to a place with special tools and equipment if you want something complicated but like.. #why pay to have your plain nails plainly painted in a plain way #Hair thing if more bothersome though like. Maybe strangers can touch my hands i guess but like. letting someone near my head and face. #automatic bad reflex. Like an animal protecting it's belly or something. I think amplified by the fact that not only is a stranger touching #you but also there's like. so much. stuff. wet feeling on hair and then the feeling of hands and then so many smells and then other poeple #being there too. etc. etc. Though since my hair is so long now I have been curious every once in a while to like.. go into a place and get #an estimate. Not to go through with it actually but just like. hey if I theoretically wanted you to bleach my very dark extremely thick hai #r that is all the way to my fingertips. and make it like white.how much would that cost and how long would it take. I feel like it would tak #e froever and be very expensive since it'd probably use up a lot of product. I barely even keep up with coloring my own hair at home anymore #because it's always such a process. Instead of one thing of dye I need literally like 4 lol. etc. #Or maybe it'd be cheaper because they'd have bulk items instead of buying single package. But still. the man hours probably. cost of labor. #ANYWAY khjk... Another fun look just to be silly. Not really my style but it's all just playing dress up

[operat0r]

to move beyond its reach.

The Orbiter is, by rule, never truly quiet.

The Tenno read once of old earth-born technologies: of engines and thrusters half the size but twice as loud, unrefined and primordial in the way that metal and fire can be. They would burn bright as suns, roar and belch flame and smoke and, if everyone was lucky and the stars were aligned just so, they would just manage to carry those early rockets up and up and up past the sky, through the atmosphere, and into the vacuum.

He thinks of Lua and how in those days of rocket fuel and reckless dreams, it had been all but inaccessible; that there had been a scant few who had ever been able to reach it. He thinks of how people strapped themselves to these crude and treacherous things, more akin to bombs than proper thrusters, and touched down upon the dust of a place long dead. Never could they have imagined, he thinks, what would become of their sacred moon: what would hatch beneath its craters and seep out into the galaxy, or what would steal it away from its place in their heaven.

He thinks of Lua, the Tenno, somehow haunted by its image even as he stares at it through the viewport. Steeled and consigned as he is to the inevitable betrayal of heart and mind, the Tenno nevertheless feels the bile rise in him when thoughts of Lua become thoughts of the Lotus.

The Orbiter is never without its din, nor is the lander. If it is not the pop and grumble of communications leeching through, then it is not the perpetual hum of all the machinery that lives beneath its skin. If it is not the crackling of the foundry, then it is the creak and groan of vacuum trying to peel the vessel apart. If it is not that, then it is not Ordis chiming in with yet another inane thing. The Tenno knows he cannot be blamed. There is something splintered in him, something the Tenno understands even if he's yet to try to find its source, if such a thing could even be found.

He doesn't know. The lander hangs over Lua, observing its cracked face and great thorned shackle, and while there is the ever present presence of his ship all around him, the Tenno can hardly fathom it. If there is any love between them, it is decidedly one-sided. But for once, having just returned to his senses breathless and bewildered, the Tenno finds himself still and waiting, kneeling in heart of the bridge, fists balled and knuckles digging into his thighs.

The Lotus, wherever she is, wherever she has gone, is silent.

----------

The first time Ordis generates her facsimile, the Tenno snaps at him so viciously he swears he sees the lights flicker and dim. It cannot be helped. Ordis is a shattered thing. Whatever he reflects must also be a ruin.

The second time, the facade is only a little more refined.

#warframe rp #warframe oc #warframe fic #writing #i've been trying to put something down for a while to start actually catching my Tenno up to where I the player am in the story #yet another guy with some complicated feelings about the lotus who would have thought #last week? i got myself through the new war and i'm still chewing on it. what a doozy that was. and i need to get to whispers in the wall #so i might just drop little chunks of things. it's good practice besides not worrying about perfection

[nowendil]

nothing as stressful on this earth as being a guy who has a System for doing a thing that other people do all willy-nilly and then people try to be thoughtful and helpful by doing that thing for you but they just end up fucking up your System. and then you can't be upset about it because they meant well and you know that you're the weird one here anyway

#in other words my dad tried to help me by putting some of my clothes into the washing machine #but he put them on a wrong setting and it will be fine the clothes wont be ruined or anything but it judt Feels so wrong #Because I Have A System #but I cant even be like hey just so you know for future reference could you please use setting xyz when washing my laundry #because i have tried and he has just got upset with me because it's rude to nitpick things people do for you as a favor #and this is a bit my fault too for leaving my laundry next to the washing machine #i dont usually leave my laundry anywhere out in the open (i keep it in my room) to avoid these kind of situations #but idk. i just feel so stupid for feeling upset because i know that for most people this would be helpful why do i've to be so Particular #but also. it does hurt my feelings unfortunately. why cant people either respect the fact that i have a system and let me do it myself #or even be extra nice and try to ask what i want. that would be nice #idkkk i know i'm ridiculous with laundry but also i'm tired of people telling me how unnecessarily complicated and stupid my system is #it's important to me!!!!! why isnt that enough #disclaimer i am PMSing currently. so if i seem more upset than warranted that might be it. but i also i would be upset about this anyway

[vampirecatboy]

really should finish baldur's gate before i start plotting aus in my head

#stuff and things #college au got me feelin some kinda way #i've been thinking about it since last night #and i'm still stuck on the blasted vampire #he's /definitely/ not a student #but he doesn't exactly feel like a professor either #that would be so tasty though #i'm tempted #aja would be a student though not one of /his/ students #wyll would also be a student and possibly one of the vampire's students #so that would complicate my polycule agenda unless i wanted to get unethical with it #which i'm not ruling out but i also don't want to deal with that because it's supposed to be a sexy funtime not a moral dilemma #''oh just don't talk about it'' #perhaps you missed the part where i mentioned wyll #you know #Mr. Moral Compass McEthical #anyway #if you read all this i'm giving you a full size candy bar happy halloween

[seraphlin]

Thought abt taking a break from 🍏 bc the fandom is exhausting me to the core that whenever I see him in fanart, I feel tense and uncomfortable more than anything

But the moment I thought abt sitting him down to tell him I needed some space, having a panicked expression as his reaction and suddenly asking me questions in the calmest way that he can on what was I wrong, something in me breaks and I just. Can't

#I just. can't #I can't do that to him. I can never do that to him. not when it's things have gotten this far #I could never drop him but I feel like something in me dies a little whenver I see him these days /slightly neg #it sucks. it hurts. and it probably hurts him just as much to see me hurting #that hurts too #I know he's fictional but listen to me- I use these characters to cope with a lot of stuff #unrelated but I've always been immersed in my own fantasy world as a child and that has been the only actual place I've felt safe in #it's the reason Caelum (my imaginary world) exists. it's why Jayce still exists #it's why I treat these characters like they're real because in my head they technically are #maybe I sound crazy but I'll be honest now that some parts of the world has failed younger me in more ways than one #and these characters make up for those failures #that got off track real quick so back to the main topic already #🍏.... I feel like my feelings rn are just going dormant rn #I know I still love him. but sometimes things get so complicated #fortunately for him really- my feelings are rlly strong enough to keep him on the list #my sentiments on him are so deep that it's gonna take everything to get me to drop him #you're gonna have to pry him from my cold dead hands. #unlike a certain red hoodied gun loving someone else that I used to f/o #but anyway. that's all #the clouds cry too (vent)

[allylikethecat]

K, L, E!!

YES OH MY GOSH HELLO ANON thank you so much for indulging me and sending questions from the Fanfic Ask Meme!! As always, I LOVE chatting about fic (mine and other peoples!) and I get so excited when people send me these! If anyone wants to send anymore, or reblog it themselves, the list can be found HERE.

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

This is a hard question because I feel like all of my fics are pretty angst heavy? I know I published it anonymously, but I think Immoral in a Stranger's Lap was probably one of the most painful, especially because it didn't really have a resolution or a happy ending, the same goes for (Sometimes). It's still in the early stages of outlining, (and I'm writing it because I am firmly in the we need more mpreg in this fandom camp) but the Teen Dad Fictional!Matty fic is also shaping up to be pretty angsty - it's looking like it's going to be a split narrative alternating between 16 year old Fictional!Matty dealing with teen pregnancy and present day thirty something year old Fictional!Matty trying to get pregnant on purpose and struggling to do so which I know deals with a lot of really heavy and painful topics.

L: What’s the weirdest AU you’ve ever come up with?

I feel like all of them 😂 But I guess, since it's not really popular in this fandom I'm going to say omegaverse even though it was very common in my other fandom experiences.

E: If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it be about?

I'm choosing to talk about Small Bump because I was working on Make Way for Ducklings earlier and clearly have mpreg on the mind. If I were to writing a sequel to that one, it would be dealing with Fictional!Matty's postpartum depression.

Thank you so much for sending these in! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to send this ask, and for your continued support! I'm really grateful for the people who have not only taken the time to read my fics, but who have also taken the time to engage with me! I really appreciate you! I hope your Wednesday is going well and that you have a great rest of your week!

❤️Ally

#allylikethecat #ask ally #anon ask #keep it kind #fanfiction #matty fic #gatty #fanfic #make way for ducklings #mpreg #small bump #(Sometimes) #Omegaverse #On a Friday #Omega verse #Immoral in a stranger's lap #I feel like i just brought up all of my controversial fics and fic ideas and i apologize for that #im just having a lot of feelings about art at the moment #also fun fact ive published a few fics anonymously (guess which ones lol) and some of them i've included on my fics page #on my tumblr #also i guess if we were really talking sequels it would the the third and final part of the face down / in the dirt situation #but i really hesitate to talk about that one or post the third part #because it got some backlash #and i feel awful that i caused hurt and distress with those fics #its a very conflicting feeling because i also dont think we should censor our art and that people are responsible for the content #they consume and that if they are uncomfortable they should remove themselves from that piece of work #but idk its a complicated issue and i feel a lot of guilt #but then its also like why is someone elses experience more valid than my own? #anyway I hope those people are in a better place now and i am sending them lots of love #i hope i didnt get get myself cancelled with this one

[musicalfilm]

My absolute favourite thing about returning to this blog after a few years and getting into musical films again is finding out how many of the old ones have been released on Blu-ray in the meantime. There used to be so many movies that I never even attempted to gif because I only had them in potato quality. That’s still the case for some (especially if they don’t star one of the major performers) but... The Pirate! For Me and My Gal! Gosh I’m so happy. Not even sure how much I’ll get back into gif-making because I don’t have much time but even just rewatching these movies in good quality is such a different experience altogether. Anyway, just a random observation haha.

#i very definitely feel like making gifsets of a bunch of movies now #maybe i'll even be taking requests #gawd i'm excited #😭 #what high res can do to a b**** #(granted i'm happy to find some movies at all and i've got some truly obscure ones on my wish list) #(so watching them in any quality is better than none obviously) #the potatoest of all potato qualities that i recently came across was what's cookin (1942) #a movie starring donald o'connor and the andrews sisters and a few others who aren't exactly nobodies #but if it took this long for a judy garland movie like for me and my gal to get a bluray release... #well i'm certainly more hopeful re: restorations than i was even just 3-4 years ago #physical media >>>> #(like yeah it's nice if the movies are on streaming tho they usually aren't and i'm not in the US so that's another complication) #(but i put my bluray collection of old movies in my bookshelf next to my book collection and i don't get how ppl don't get the appeal) #(streaming is convenient and i use it a lot but some things you just want to own and know you'll have access to no matter what happens) #ANYWAY

[catboydan]

I finally rewatched Good Omens s1 and watched Good Omens s2 and I'm now crying, they've been pining since the very beginning of everything and they deserve happiness not that ending they got

you know what though? we're gonna get there. THEY are gonna get there. they're gonna get that cottage in the south downs, and all we have to do is harass the studios to pay their workers so the strikes can end and we'll finally get to see our ineffable idiots have a happy ending ;-;

#i cried SO HARD #and it took me a few days to get thru the funk but you know what helped? #knowing we're at the halfway point #and that s3 exists in some form regardless of the strikes. neil gaiman has said he'd write a book even if the show doesn't get renewed #i was SO ANGRY at aziraphale and SO ANNOYED at crowley but now i'm just. #sitting here daydreaming about their reunion 🥰 #because really i've rbed a lot of analysis stuff but i truly think they are miscommunicating on every level #it feels a bit like the bandstand scene in s1 now. like it hurts but it hurts SO GOOD #val comes out of hiding #anon #ask #good omens #gos2 #gos2spoilers #but really i can't emphasize enough how much ep6 got to me nonnie #my heart was literally racing for several days. couldn't get over it #getting into the analysis stuff of it all really helped tbh #like the how and why of the fight & kiss. the emotions & rationale & misunderstanding #i was sooooo angry at aziraphale at first reaction because 'i forgive u' SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPP #but now after some time to think about it. it's a lot more complicated than that #and i do think aziraphale is making the only choice he could possibly be expected to make in that situation. #which is try to make things better PERMANENTLY by gaining influence over all of heaven #because crowley's right. earth will die whether it's heaven or hell who kills them all #but a&c can't defuse another armageddon by getting even less involved #anyway. ep6 damaged my psyche and i am currently always thinking about it

[ghostzzy]

googles ‘how to stop feeling guilty all the time about everything’

#everywhere i turn i feel like i'm failing someone or myself #and every problem that arises out of oversight or neglect (which is a lot of them due to My Whole Deal) feels so huge and complicated. #like. my psychiatrist office sent me an email that if i dont make a followup appt by the end of the week they'll throw my file away. #the hospital from last summer is still sending me bills despite having paid them over 3k at the time #because my insurance is retroactively deciding not to cover things. #and now i've got debt collectors on my ass. #i need to order some things that will Help Me like a mini fridge and light sensitivity glasses #but i burned through so much money already this month and i don't know how to pick good objects so i Haven't. #i haven't called my grandma despite knowing she's going through hell with my grandpa still in rehab #because i haven't felt up to talking. #i don't see my brothers enough. i don't spend enough time with mishka. i don't spend enough time outside. #i don't read enough. i don't clean enough. i don't cook enough. #all because i am Tired. and Ill. and i have to Work for 8 hours a day. #uuruurgghhhhhh. i know if you do things they become done. but i am so overwhelmed and it'd be easier to just lay in the dark til i die. #chronic fatigue is a fucking nightmare from which i can never wake. it's not fucking fair. #izzy.txt

[girlscience]

finished Harrow the Ninth. Gideon is still the only thing I care about whatsoever (I do love Harrow, but it's different, Gideon makes me want to explode). Spent the whole book just waiting for her to be back (ya ya part of it was her pov watching Harrow but it wasn't Her her ya know) and she finally came back and I almost cried. Genuinely, she is EVERYTHING to me

#I didn't like God and then I was kind of warming to him and now I hate him thank fuck. I don't like liking God lol #I was pretty meh on the old lyctors. They got some funny moments but that was kind of all I felt for them #For the few paragraphs I've known her I like Pyrrha #Ianthe I have complicated feelings about. On the one hand I do really enjoy seeing a fucked up women just be fucked up #and she is so nasty and that's great.... But I honestly went into it thinking (based on fandom) that I would end up loving her and I don't #not even as a love to hate or grudging love. I actually think she sounds gross? Which I appreciate!! Don't get me wrong. I like a gross lady #but just the way she's described and the way she acts she almost makes me uncomfortable. like makes my skin crawl sort of vibe #which is super cool cause I honestly don't get that often. She feels slimy. Which is not a thing women are often #so like. I like her A Lot as a character. But I don't actually like Her. if that makes sense #also I think most fanart makes her wayyyyyy too attractive #uhhhhhh the ghosts were fun but I don't really have strong feelings about them in any direction #hmmmm other thoughts... these books don't help with my desire to get rid of all my possessions. being a nun of the ninth house sounds great #which i don't really think is a take away i'm supposed to be getting from this lol #other than that i am just spinning in circles in my head chanting gideon gideon gideon gideon gideon gideon gideon gideon gideon

[monstermoviedean]

highly underrated skill to be able to communicate with people who have different levels of technical knowledge without being condescending or shitty about it

#i think i'm a reasonably intelligent person most of the time but some of the jargon around here makes me feel so stupid #and most of the time it's not necessary! #using simple clear straightforward language will not kill you and will not reflect on your intelligence #anyway i just got done scoring this proposal and it gave me a fucking headache #and like. english is my first language AND i'm familiar with the content AND i've worked with these people before #and i still don't know what the fuck they are trying to say! #it makes me feel so stupid to say it but if i think if you're asked a direct question you should directly answer it! #I spent like two hours trying to read between the lines to see if they were alluding to/hinting at stuff but jesus. #call me old-fashioned but if we ask 'how is your work aligned with x' and you don't clearly say anything about it... #you don't get full credit. #I don't think that's unreasonable!!! #one of the most valuable skills i developed as a teacher tbh. #because if your shit is too complicated for your students they will bitch at you about it and they have every right to do so

[isitovernow-ootw]

beginning to wish i was exposed to queer internet spaces a bit later so i could have just existed for a while, its really hard to think about my gender when I haven't spent a single period of time not analyzing it since i was 13

#idk i think i could have used at least a couple years of just iding as a cis allo lesbian to see how it felt #like before even thinking about other possibilities #idk having id'd as aro for my entire teen years and never really considered my identity before claiming that term made it really hard #to realize that wasn't the case at 17-18 #and i wonde if i had just been gay for like a second if i could have skipped that #and now I'm re-questioning my gender and I don't even know #at this point i think even if i had had the possibility of being cis at some point my perception of gender is so fundamentally altered #from trying to fit myself into boxes for like 7 years #that it still would not be remotely the same as the gender of a cis woman #idk I've been consuming a lot of lesbian content #and feeling somehow detached from cis lesbian circles is weird because I'm getting to a point where lesbian is my primary identifier #so i want to fully connect with that #but my experience is so different from a lot of people #because i never got to be a teenage girl #or let myself be one? idk #idk if i even id as a girl or a woman now at all i just wish things were less complicated #feeling dyke feelings generally #*when i'm screaming at the sky