#IN REALITY he is just a very pretty lesbian that is also sometimes butch if u get to talk to him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cowboyjen68 · 3 years

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did you know any trans people back in the old scenes? any trans men or women? or those who were more androgynous presenting? I'm just curious :))

This is going to be long because this story has meaning to me and I think it is important that I share my friend’s story, even if our connection was temporary.

I did. And she had an impact on me, although I didn’t know it at the time. I used to go to a bar called the “Dead Wood” in Iowa City. It was sort of a townie and college student bar. I was newly out and while we had a well established gay bar it was specifically a night club so we did our day drinking at the Dead Wood. We could play pool, pinball and see familiar faces. My memory is a bit foggy, this would have been around 1994, so I would say we drank together a handful of times or so over the course of a year before I moved to another city and bought a house with my girlfriend.

Her name was Cindy. She was maybe in her late 40′s but it was hard for me to tell. Every one over 30 looked 40 She was thin and blonde and always dressed in mini skirts and lacy tops. Her face was pale, in retrospect it was maybe make up, maybe not, and gaunt and I was always worried she was not eating enough.

She and I talked a lot about her life. I was young and curious and we were often drunk. The kind of day drunk where you talk about personal details, high 5 stupid jokes and say things like “I love you man” over and over. I never saw her outside the bar.

The first time we met, I was ordering a beer and she invited me to sit at the bar with her. She was way ahead of me on drinks so she ordered me a couple of shots (that I paid for) and she told me that i should “buy the lady a drink”. So I did. A beer and a highball glass of whiskey I think. After I was drinking for a while, we had been talking about our names, where I worked etc, she leaned over and whispered “You know I’m a man, right?, a transexual man.” I was a bit taken aback. I knew Cindy was was not female, but I didn’t expect her to say that. I sort of recovered and said “I didn’t think I was supposed to notice or say anything”.

She put her hand on my knee. I remember it so clearly because she was so funny and different from other people I had met in my 24 years. She said “why wouldn’t you notice? “ I really don’t remember having a response. She told me that she was proud of who she was and it had been really hard because she liked men and some gay men didn’t like her being in skirts but she loved her skirts. And loved being seen as woman in public.

Through the next year or many months we ran into each other she told me about being transexual and explained her feelings. What she went through. Cindy told me about being drug addicted and the times she was homeless. I learned, through her words, the struggles she faced. She said she had no family and, although she never told me she was a prostitute, she hinted to it many times.

She told me that being a man was okay, but it was easier to look like a woman and love men than to look like a man and love men. Not to others she said but it felt better to her. She told told me she appreciated that I used “she”. I didn’t see why I would not, to me it was clear she wanted to be treated as if she was a woman.

I am paraphrasing a bit since it was many years ago, but the words in quotes are still clear in my head.

I had been around many drag queens and the 80′s was a prime decade of gender bending with fashion and dance and pop music. Androgyny was a norm for men and women, straight, bi and gay. For some of the gays and lesbians knew it was a way to get as close as they could to how they wanted to present without “outing” themselves as butch or a twink or gay in anyway. I knew many gay men who were feminine and flamboyant by nature. Cindy was different. I understood that she felt better about herself in “feminine” clothing (by American cultural standards). I had never met someone quite like her.

I can’t say how Cindy would feel about the modern language (transgender vs transsexual) or if she would have (or did) eventually take hormones or use any medical transition methods that would not have been available to her then. When i moved away my new job kept me from Iowa City and day drinking. I never saw her again, but I certainly never forgot the talks we had.

Part 2.. At women’s festivals I attended there were always women, who at the festivals were comfortable or at least okay being referred to as women, and used lesbian and female to talk about themselves. But in the “real world”, they passed as men. I can’t say if they used “trans man” to describe themselves. Many of them used more traditional male names but that is also not unusual in the lesbian/butch world either.

Frankly, I would only know they “passed” as men outside of the festival if they told me because the spectrum of women was so varied and diverse that there were certainly very masculine appearing women (whether they used butch or not) who were quite content in being perceived as female and quite unbothered if not.

The first time I heard the term “trans man” was in a 2001 article in the magazine “On Our Backs”. Or at least that was the first time I remember reading about it. I had no trans men in my broad circle of close friends of my generation, and that is still true. My trans man friends are all 30 or under. I remember the article because 1. I still have it and 2. it was pretty honest about the unique relationship and reality trans men have with and share with butches and being a lesbian. It was the first time i saw the complexities of the relationships between lesbians and trans men. Prior to that, it had never occurred to me.

All of the trans men I knew through the years, either friends of friends or in passing were same sex attracted and all were still very much apart of the lesbian circles I was in. There did not seem to be a disconnect or chasm between trans men and lesbians at all, which seems sometimes different than now, at least according to the internet. We unspokenly seemed to understand that we shared some history and a unique connection. My closest trans man friend is younger than me by 20 years and he and I definitely share a close bond, unique to our past.

I have been active in LGBT activism for 26 years and so my circle of friends widened as I grew older. Now I have friends on all parts of the LGBT plus spectrum. Meeting Cindy all those years ago taught me to listen and helped fuel my desire to befriend people who don’t look or act like me or share a similar past. Sharing each other’s stories is the most important power we hold as a community. Actively hearing each other is what strengthens us against a world that often is hostile to us and is uninterested in our struggles beyond pity for who we are.

#lgbt #stories

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pompadorkery · 4 years

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What do you mean you find it hard to relate to female characters. It's a fictional universe, you can make them anyway you want. Lucy is pretty feminine and Anglo too. I realize almost all the moms of your ocs are bad or thier children hate them. I understand that you have an abusive mom but do you really have to projected on every character you have. Do you have something against women or your just not attracted to them. Probably the latter because all of your ocs are sex dolls.

Wow. Where to even start with this one.

Why do you think the majority of Hollywood action heroes or video game protagonists are cis white males?

It's because it's the easiest to relate to for the biggest demographic of their audience.

Many anime have just a boring plain normie male protag for the same reason. They're supposed to be easily relatable, and like a blank slate that you can project on.

For me, female characters are hard to relate to.

Growing up, I never cared for female protags or love interest characters. And usually actively disliked them. (Much of this is because female characters are generally poorly written in alot of media, but that's besides the point)

I have never felt "in touch" with womanhood. I could never relate to female characters because none of them were like me, or had the same thoughts or struggles I had.

The female characters I like now are generally mold breaking. They don't fit in the typical box. And they give me something I can relate to.

For example:

Mako Mankanshoku from Kill la Kill. She's an absolute idiot and a total bimbo. She eats alot, she's loud, she's kinda useless at times, and she cares alot about her friends.

Satya "Symmetra" Vaswani from Overwatch. First of all, she's on the autism spectrum. She's rigid, stubborn, and can often come across as mean- but in reality she's just very goal oriented and likes things to be orderly.

While these are very different characters, I find alot of things in them that I can relate to and identify with. Not every aspect is true at all times, and there are plenty of things in their characters that I can't relate with, but regardless, there are aspects of myself that I can see in characters like them.

I've always related better to male characters. And like I said, much of the time female characters aren't written well, while the male characters are. I just always found them cooler. I liked their designs more, and they had more interesting stories. Whereas many female characters entire plot revolves around getting with the protag.

I've struggled with gender my entire life. I never felt like a girl. Even the people around me would say that I was such a "tomboy". I would often get told to dress more feminine, or that my haircut made me look like a boy, etc. One of my happiest moments as a teenager was when I got to play a male character in my high school's spring musical and during that entire time everyone referred to me in character, as a boy. I had a great time playing this character, and it really showed through in my performance. I was comfortable for once.

I identify as non-binary now, and I still have alot of questions about my own gender, and I'm still figuring alot of things out. But what I know for sure is that I'm not a girl.

Now, getting into my OCs.

You claim that all my OCs have troubled relationships with their moms, because I have a troubled relationship with my own mother.

2 of OCs.

2 of my OCs have mommy issues.

Out of all the characters I have, only 2 have issues with their mothers. So like, are you just pulling things out of your ass, or?

Lucy was abandoned by his mom at a young age and has alot of bitterness towards her because of this. Which is perfectly reasonable given the situation.

Sanka is just a brat. He still loves and cares about his mom, their relationship is just strained due to his own insecurities and self-loathing.

All my other characters either have no mother in the picture at all, or have perfectly fine and normal relationships with their moms.

Neither Sanka nor Lucy's moms are abusive. So it's pretty yikes of you to bring up my own abusive mother in this conversation. What are you trying to prove? In your concocted narrative, I'm writing characters with abusive moms because my mom was abusive and that's the only mother figure I know. So.... I'd be writing from experience.... in what world is that a bad thing?

You also mentioned Lucy and Angelo being feminine. "Feminine male" does not equal "woman". Those are two very different things. Just as a butch woman is not the same as a man. Experiences are completely different. Equating them is extremely sexist, and could be incredibly transphobic if you also think this way about real people.

And claiming I'm not attracted to women because my OCs are 'sex dolls'. Literally what are you even trying to get at? You do realize that real women and fictional characters are different, correct? Plenty of lesbians create stories or art about mlm characters. Plenty of lesbians draw gay porn. Are they not attracted to women because they draw men getting fucked?

I am bi. I also fall somewhere in the ace spectrum, due to alot of my own dysphoria. Of course I'm attracted to women. Real women are so incredibly sexy and beautiful and interesting. What isn't there to like? Just because I like making male characters doesn't somehow mean I hate women. I just haven't been able to create a fictional woman I find as interesting and captivating as real women are.

Also. I just enjoy drawing men. So a majority of my characters are gonna be men. Sue me. Sorry for enjoying myself.

And the whole "sex doll" comment. I answer the questions people ask. Which happens to be alot about sex. What can I say? People have cumbrain.

I'm also an nsfw artist. So obviously alot of the art I create is gonna be porn.

Is that the entire story of the characters? No, of course not! Do you think me and Ren would have enough storyline for an entire book if all the characters did was fuck? There's so much more to it than that. There's so much more that people don't see.

I mean, what's more interesting to see a drawing of:

Two characters in the heated embrace of love making

Or two characters sitting on the couch doing completely different mundane activities

There's a time and a place for everything, and sometimes drawing something simple and mundane is a fun look into a characters life.... But also I just like drawing dicks and the faces of people who are thoroughly wrecked.

Tl;dr- It's not that deep, fam.

#longpost #sorry

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bluinary · 4 years

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gag anime that you need to watch maybe

hi hello my name is juli and i will now gently guide ur attention to some top-notch shows, please pay attanetion

(this list is for people who don’t watch much anime or who are new to it. if ur a fucken weeb youve probably seen it all. dont @ me i want to help the kids)

ONE PUNCH MAN (the obvious 1st choice lol)

Genre: Action/ Shounen

Expectation: OP protagonist with riveting backstory fights to become the strongest hero, makes many friends along the way who recognize his talents and pure heart, big bad scary villains make him stronger

Reality: OP protagonist is already the strongest hero. His backstory? After fighting a lobster-man with nipples drawn on him with a Sharpie, Saitama decides to do a workout routine every day, and somehow ends up becoming the most powerful known being in the universe. His main issue is that now, he literally can take down any villain with a single punch, and he’s very bored of it.

Best Qualities: Animation is bomb, music is dope, humor is funnie, and Best Boy is a man whose superpower is riding a bicycle. Also Saitama egg head

If you were in a coma for all of 2015, this is the main thing u missed. Moving on.

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun (Monthly Girls’ Nozaki)

Genre: Romance/ Comedy/ Slice of Life

Expectation: Smol shoujo protag girl grows closer to her oblivious crush through a fated, if awkward, incident which reveals an embarrassing secret that has to be kept at all costs. Through one another they gain more quirky friends, help each other grow, and, eventually, the male lead realizes that what he needs has been beside him all along.

Reality: The crush writes romance manga, and that is literally all the man cares about. It’s not a secret, but when he told people they didn’t believe him. Nozaki and Sakura grow closer, but only because he confuses her confession with a request to be his Beta. They gain quirky friends through one another, but there is zero character development throughout the entire fucking cast. Every episode is run by Idiot Plot. All the characters share a singular brain cell. There’s a tall butch lady turning every girl in the school gay. Please watch

Best Quali-teas: Everyone is baby, lots of gay shenanigans, and toxic masculinity does not exist, the OP is pretty nice, too

I literally heard about this damn show, like, two months ago. This shit was released circa 2015. Pleeze watch

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. / Saiki Kusuo no Psi Nan

Genre: Shounen/ Supernatural/ Fucking Everything tbh

Expectation: Slice-of-life supernatural where protag has psychic powers, albeit limited ones, and has to keep them a secret at all costs for fear of his safety. He has a few friends he loves and cherishes, and at least two girls who are in love with him that he has to choose between-- all of which are people he wants to protect from his double-life.

Reality: Kusuo is very aware that he is the protagonist of an anime, and he does not want to be. Born with pink hair? He rewrites the human genome to make colored hair normal. End of the world looming? He just keeps rewinding time so he doesn’t have to deal with it. Harem situation? He actively uses his powers to avoid all love interests at all times (see the above). The plot of each episode is him trying to stop the plot as quickly as possible without killing anyone. The main issue is that everyone around him is either dumb or just generally attractive to plot-driving circumstances, and they all, for some reason, want him to be in on their adventures.

Best Qualities: Heavy “me and the boys” energy, plenty of Idiot Plot, so funny that my 47yo mom who hates anime admitted that it’s funny, meta as fuck, occasionally sweet scenes, equally good dub and sub, Saiki is babie

The fandom for this shit is like. Nonexistent. Apparently it came out the same season as Mob Psycho 100, so that might be why. I almost didn’t watch it, but I got bored and it turned out to be a serious gem. Go watch if ur having a bad day, it will make u cry laughing

Sakamoto Desu Ga/ Haven’t You Heard? I’m Sakamoto

Genre: Slice of life/ Comedy

Expectation: God I don’t even know. I’d say a typical slice of life where the quiet kid is bullied but makes friends, there’s a love triangle as they grow up together through high school, yadda yadda, but look at this dude. I can’t imagine him being anything other than what he is-- a legend.

Reality: The entire show is just a question of how extra one man can be, and how well he can pull it off. Sakamoto is an “average” high school senior (in the sense that he has no supernatural abilities), but he’s....far more than that. He’s Sebastian Michaelis if he’d never been a demon. Everything always works out for him in the most ridiculous of ways-- he’s just that good. He makes a McDonald’s uniform look like Prada. He’s so smooth his bully ends up having a crush on him (and yes, it is a gay crush. no heteros in this show).

Best Qualities: lots of homo content. the side characters, inspired by Sakamoto’s grace, all become better people, and you root for them. The circumstances are always average, but the presentation is fucking riveting. Watch to send ur depression into remission.

Another one no one talks about????? U all were so busy with ur broku no hero macadamias and ur Nartoes that you slept on this. Now’s the time to take back what was lost. Love yourself and binge this shit.

Nichijou/ My Ordinary Life

Genre: Slice of Life/ Comedy

Expectation: Cute girls do cute, girly things and have fun with Their Close Good Friends (TM).

Reality: Cute girls get into very bizarre situations with extremely manic energies. Sometimes, the situations are normal, but the girls react in a bizarre, manic fashion. It will make you alarm-laugh.

Best Qualities: Adorable art style, little continuity, relatable as fuck

A nice little watch if you’re bored. I think the eps are on YouTube.

Pop Team Epic/ Poputepepiku

Genre: Only God Knows

Expectation: Probably a cutesy 4koma-type thing with 2 schoolgirls having shenanigans.

Reality: A regular acid trip with lesbian icons Popuko and Pipimi who are not schoolgirls, but gods. Like if Eric Andre and Hannibal Buress were turned into omnipotent anime icons. Watch at your own risk.

Best Qualities: Lots of unexpected parodies and references amongst a shitpost of a show. The OP is a bop. Popuko terrifies me, but also empowers me as a young woman because she will not hesitate to kill a bitch. She and Pipimi love each other a whole lot, so it is LGBTQ content, which is always a plus.

I’m sure you’ve seen this one floating around. It will make you feel fear, and then laugh. Now, finally...

Ouran Highschool Host Club

Genre: Romance/ Comedy

Expectation: The protagonist is a girl who is mistaken for a boy and must be the servant of six rich, handsome young men, all of which are in love with her, and her secret must be kept at all costs. A reverse harem anime with plenty of fanservice.

Reality: Haruhi is a genderfluid queen who doesn’t give a fuck what others think she is. Because she broke a Conveniently-Placed Vase and is relatably poor, she has to pay off her debt by being a host herself-- which means male-presenting when flirting with her female classmates to make her dough. The six rich, handsome young men all share three brain cells, and most of those cells go to the character who has one line per episode (usually, it’s “Yeah”. I hope that VA got paid well). The only love interest-- the “leader” and most popular of the six men-- is so dead-set on their club being his Found Family, he confuses his romantic feelings for Haruhi with paternal ones. This is obvious to everyone but him. He never gets the brain cells.

Best Qualities: Trans characters!! Lesbians!! Extreme “me and the boys” energy, except they’re all rich, so shenanigans skyrocket. Many 4th wall breaks. The most powerful Host looks like he’s 5. Any “fanservice” is never played straight. Takes the Found Family trope to a whole new level. Nice Parks & Rec-quality balance between hysterical and sweet. Everyone is in drag at some point.

I know all of us senior citizens grew up on this shit, but you younguns need to watch the classics to appreciate the newfangled stuff. I recommend watching when you’re in a cheesy rom-com mood.��

Honorable Mentions:

I can’t count these as gag anime, but they’re still ridiculously funny.

Mob Psycho 100

Scissor Seven

Kill la Kill

Cells at Work!

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure

Ones I haven’t seen but have heard a lot about

Osomatsu-san

Himouto! Umaru-chan

Azumanga Daioh

Gin Tama

Sgt. Frog

Okay that is all just limke put this in ur feel-good tag because these shows will make you happy and donut for get to like and describe to my channel, where I post literally nothing at all ever good night.

#anime rec list #shows to watch #anime #shitpost #tumblr memes #pls rec me similar ones in the replies y'all i need another hyperfixation #rn im just using saiki k jokes to get me through the day #also this took me so long to make???????????#i have no clue why. but pls reblog just for that reason #i feel like there's a whole wave of neo-weebs coming in from bnha and stuff and they must be....guided #oh and yes. jojo is a fucking comedy to me okay #i dont think many people actually take it seriously but if you do please know #i cannot. i fell on the floor laughing trying to explain one scene to my coworker #spring break ideas #too #if u need something to fill the time with #most of these are pretty damn short #my posts

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serenagaywaterford · 5 years

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Hello, I really don’t know who to talk to but I’m realizing I’m a lesbian after identifying as bisexual since 2016, I came out to my parents and they’re both supportive and happy for me. I’m a highschooler and it’s awkward being gay and no one knowing as ppl tease me to date my guy friends. Any tips or advice in general on being a lesbian? It’s still so weird to talk about but I wanna grow to be very open with my sexuality

Been there. (I used to insist I was straight (for YEAAAAARS I was with the same guy), then bisexual cos I thought I had to be since I was “straight” and not particularly conflicted about it for so long. So it’s a process and a journey getting here no matter what, and everyone takes different routes.) And I’ll be honest, you’re way ahead of the game already. Good for you and you should be proud and happy with yourself for being so self-aware and in touch with yourself. That takes a lot of insight and courage.

I think generally… people will say a lot of things but until you are comfortable being around your friends and family as yourself, it’s never going to be easy. It’s not easy when you’re out either but at least you’re not stuck hiding who you are and adding that level of tension to every interaction. To be honest, I was never particularly comfortable with myself. Not even when I got married to another woman. (My issues with the institution of marriage aside…) But in my job I basically am forced to come out daily to complete strangers, constantly, with the words “my wife”. It gets way, way easier and I’m lucky enough to be in a place and a position that affords me that freedom. Not everyone is.

Are the people teasing you your friends? I mean, high school fucking sucks. I don’t even care how people want to romanticise it after the fact, or in media, or whatever. Even the best experiences are littered with a bunch of drama. We’re all idiots in high school and we all treat our friends like shit half the time, even our best friends. I didn’t have a bad time in high school. In fact, I’d say it was pretty good overall. (I wouldn’t do it again, mind you.) But still, the shit you put up with from friends is just excessive, and also the shit you give friends–or at least the shit I gave my friends lol. It’s just so… ugh.

So, I mean, without knowing much more about the situation, I would confide in my good friends. Unless, for some reason that endangers you in some way. And yes, unlike some hardcore people, I do think social ostracization in high school is damaging. I don’t buy into the whole “Well, if they don’t like it fuck them, all you need is you!” cos that’s bullshit. You DO need friends in high school, even if they’re not perfect friends, even if you won’t stay friends with them in a few years. Having social support is incredibly important and to be alienated completely is lonely and leaves you vulnerable, and you miss out on stuff too. I mean, if your friends are complete total assholes, then by all means, drop them cos that won’t help and you may be better off alone, but if they’re only sort of annoying, well… That’s life, lol. Until you get out of the fishbowl of high school and people being to calm the fuck down about every tiny drama, there aren’t a lot of options. I found my best friends annoying af sometimes, and some of them had views on certain subjects that fucking pissed me off. But hey, at the end of the day, we still got along and had a bond, and worst came to worst almost all of them would be there for me, and me for them, despite some differences.

Are those the type of friends you have? Or do you think your friends would turn on you if you confided in them?

It’s so lonely to hold onto a secret like that, and constantly put up with what I’m sure they think is harmless teasing about boys. It can hurt you, and god, it’s fucking irritating on top of everything else. And, I hate to say this, but that sort of thing NEVER ENDS. It gets less and less, but I’m literally married to a woman for like 2 years now and a dude friend of ours just last week asked us if maybe we both just hadn’t found the right men yet. And on the subject of sex, he said, “Well, how do you know if you haven’t tried it?” to my wife. Interestingly, she is not a gold star and knows very well what hetsex is like (she fucking HATES it on every imaginable level), but she’s just never volunteered that information for public consumption. Still, as you can see, you’ll always have stupid imbecile friends who say stupid ass comphet shit to your face, even when you are blatantly a lesbian. Unfortunately, it one of those things you just have to… learn to deal with. I hate that we must.

I know that’s not exactly helpful or hopeful, but it’s reality. So these dumb friends of yours, maybe they’re not doing it to be hurtful or annoying, they just genuinely think you like boys. There’s only really one solution to get them to stop (and even that isn’t going to be a guarantee) and that’s to come out to them–only if you can. Tell them how it makes you feel. Share with them what you’ve said to me. It’s hard enough to exist as a lesbian right now, let alone having to hide and be shamed for it. Friends should get that. But all of them may not…

I had one friend who was super open with her “sexuality” (she’s an attention whore, lbr.) who, when I told her finally that I think I wanted a girlfriend, she was super supportive. Then when the group of them were going to a gay club, I said I’ll tag along and she told me no. And her exact words: “You look too straight. Nobody will talk to you and I don’t want people to think I’m straight too.” (SHE IS STRAIGHT, just for the record. But she likes to steal girls’ boyfriends by doing threesomes, pretending to be into girls, threesomes, and poly, and then manipulating the boys into dumping their gfs. She also likes to breakup girlfriends just to prove she can. She has NEVER been in a relationship with a woman, only breaks lesbian couples up and then fucks off. She tried it with me and my girlfriend once. Nice friend. Just so we all know what she’s like.)

Note: These were my high school friends, and I was in my mid-20s at this point. We’d been friends for over a decade. And they still said shit like that. (And I mean, in some way, I get it cos when we’d go out to non-gay spots I’d get picked up by men CONSTANTLY, and women never looked at me that way. It was super aggravating.)

Which, it turns out, was her way of saying “You’re competition and I don’t want you around.” (and she’s obsessed with stereotypes), cos when I started going to gay clubs and parties with other friends who weren’t douchebags about it, NOBODY judged me like that. And I remember meeting my wife for the first time and telling her that story and she was just like “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR FRIENDS?! You do look super straight but I like you and I’m super gay”. And then she took me to a lesbian bar, and I didn’t change a thing about myself, and was picked up by all sorts of girls, and really hit it off with the cutest butch girl I’ve ever seen to this day. (It didn’t end up going anywhere but still, it was nice to learn that sometimes your friends are just insecure assholes.) It really is dependent on who they are, where you live, etc. etc. And those are only things you know. I can’t comment on what the best course of action is without knowing the nitty gritty.

SO, that’s a long way of saying, people suck. Even your friends sometimes. It’s going to be difficult for a while as you weed those sorts of people out of your life. Being an open lesbian is rocky, especially at first when everything is sorta all over the place. But it does settle down, and you make better friends. And since your parents are supportive that is a HUGE hurdle you don’t have to deal with, which is absolutely AMAZING :) It’s so nice to hear.

But if you’re not able to come out and get support IRL, that’s fine too. My advice is what you’ve already done :) Come online and reach out to older lesbians. They’re the ones with the experience. If it wasn’t for the older lesbians in my life (either online or IRL that I met, including my wife), I’d be so much more insecure. I would probably still be walking around feeling a lot of shame, embarrassment, anxiety, shyness, confusion, etc.

But there’s something comforting about talking with women who have lived the same struggles, and hear about all the paths they all took and the ways they’ve dealt with specific issues. And they’re generally more calm, more realistic, and more compassionate than other baby dykes who aren’t in a privileged, secure position yet. Not that there is anything wrong with bonding with others of the same age. That is also INCREDIBLY important because those experiences will directly reflect your own, and there’s built-in support with peers. The things older lesbians have been through may not translate as well for you. A lot of us didn’t have the same pressures of social media, etc. But we also didn’t have the same online resources available either. So, it’s an interesting balance. I will say my friendship with my best friends from university (one is a lesbian too, one is straight as an arrow but a huge ally) are just as important cos age is a factor.

You can get insight from older women, but you need peer bonds too.

Online I think is very important nowadays, especially when you’re not able to go to spaces like gay clubs and bars yet. And surround yourself with positive lesbian representation. If that whole soft cottagecore thing does it for you, keep that in your orbit. But also never be ashamed or fearful of the sexual part of your sexuality. Just like it’s natural to romantically love women, it’s natural for lesbians to physically love them too.

I feel like as toxic overall as tumblr is, there are corners of it that have been incredibly supportive and nurturing even to me. Especially lesbian positivity blogs and women’s arts, etc. Poetry written by lesbians is beautiful and inspiring to me. It’s a whole genre I had no idea existed, and that has given me a great deal of peace because I can finally relate to words. Music, written and performed by gay and bisexual women is the same. It may seem trivial or cheesy, but it’s powerful to hear about women like you in songs. I have to say Mary Lambert, for one example, helped so much. I remember listening to Alix Olson in secret too when I was much younger (maybe that should have been something of a hint to myself, lol.) King Princess and Girl In Red are current faves, Saara Aalto, Shura and Brandi Carlile are a constant faves I always love (not that I even knew that about Brandi’s sexuality til recently cos I apparently live under a fucking rock lol), but I have whole lists now and it’s wonderful to have taht access.

When you’re all alone, seeking out lesbian musicians and writers can make so much difference in easing that isolation, and confusion, and fear. They speak to you and about us, as a whole. It’s affirming and less lonely.

Same goes for well-written fanfiction. Things that avoid the drama of fandom (cos there’s so much drama even when you have canon f/f pairings), because fandom is really just microcosms of society at large with all the same morons in it. But fanfic was such an escape where I could learn and explore all the things that most everywhere wouldn’t show me. TV shows touched on it (especially back 10 years ago there was like nothing), but fanfic made it real.

Even when you’re feeling secure, I think it still helps to have all the representation we can, and just… you know, revel in it.

Do not watch porn. Don’t. It’s awful and horrible and not at all realistic. A well-written fanfic by actual gay or bi women is way more helpful. Avoid porn at all costs. It will never teach you anything your body doesn’t already know about how to be with a woman (although I’m sure for you this isn’t a pressing concern at the moment). I just know that I made the mistake of it, and also stupid ass magazine/how to articles. Ignore ALL that junk. When you get a girlfriend there’s only ONE thing you need to know how to do, and that is communicate honestly. Everything else falls easily into place.

When you say it’s so weird to talk about it, I feel that. It took me YEARS to even really be able to comfortably say the word, especially in relation to myself. That feeling will pass. It’ll take time and don’t push yourself into any sort of thing you’re not ready for. You’ll feel weird about it probably, and that’s on society, not you. “Lesbian” still does have a stigma attached to it that a lot of people are afraid of or dismissive of. Just… try your best to tune that out. That’s all you can do. You’ll feel comfortable eventually. :) Give it time. You’re already doing well. The fact you can say it to me, even as anon, is beautiful.

You’ll be very open one day if that’s what you want and being a lesbian, and being seen as one, will be second nature. I mean if I think about myself at 20 and now, there’s a very big difference. I used to shy away from so many things, and dress particular ways to avoid things, now I’m definitely not giving nearly as many fucks. Also, I’ll say here that I own a bar. It’s not a gay bar, but almost every day we’re open, at least one lesbian couple will come in. And honestly my heart grows so big and warm every single time. (Gay men come in too, ofc.) But there’s something particularly ecstatic in me that I get to see that everyday. (I don’t actually have many gay friends at all.) I love the openness and acceptance and comfort. And I love telling people there that I own it with my wife, and see people’s faces light up. (Some don’t… but, meh, that’s real life too. I’ve had a few shitty fucking people come in too.) There are a lot more lesbians and bi girls around than we probably know. :)

You are not alone. Even if it’s only talking to people online, you’re never alone.

And never get discouraged that other people seem to having an easier or better time at it. Everyone moves differently, and for some it is easier, some it’s way more difficult but that doesn’t mean you need to pressure yourself, or change. I took my way exceptionally slowly and awkwardly, but ya get there eventually if you surround yourself with genuine people.

It sounds cliche but it does get easier talking about yourself as a lesbian as long as you surround yourself with positive lesbian content/people, and it takes practice (sometimes a lot of it as I’ve learnt), especially dealing with internalized stuff. But you’ll get there. You’re still super young and you have so much ahead. :D

I don’t have specific personal advice about how to handle it all in high school cos I didn’t have to deal with that. Just that there’s a whole world outside high school, even though it may not feel that way sometimes. If you’re in a small town or in a country where it’s not accepted, you’ll have a harder time finding love but it is ALWAYS possible, somehow. Never feel like there is nobody at all. There is. There’s some cute, hot, smart, interesting girl somewhere that will be into you as much as you’re into her. It’s just a matter of time til you find each other. If nothing else, in the mean time, you can form friendships and bond with people online in various ways.

I wish somebody had told me in my teen years that it’s possible to be in love with a woman, that I’m going to kiss girls one day and suddenly everything else is going to make sense and feel right after so long of things not quite fitting together, that it’s just as possible to be fulfilled with a woman as it is with a man. I wish someone would have told me I’d be loved by a woman in ways that nothing else would ever match. That I’d touch women and feel at peace with myself, and being intimate with them will change my whole life, and it’s something I was meant to do and feel. That loving women will help me love myself in a way that I never realised, and that just goes back and forth forever cos if you love yourself, loving other people is so much easier. And not to fight that cos I’m too scared to face the not so nice parts about being out. Bad shit is gonna happen no matter what, but better stuff will make up for it. I wish someone had told me that “lesbian” isn’t a bad word (I grew up with a lot of homophobia everywhere, including my family), and that I will cringe when people call me that initially but that should force myself to use it at first, cos it’ll get way better and feel right the sooner that happens. It is what I am, and I can’t avoid it forever. Own it. Cos as soon as you do, the sooner they can’t use it against you the same way anymore. But nobody said any of that to me.

And never, ever let anybody ever guilt, shame, manipulate, or pressure you into anything you don’t feel is right for you or your body. You’ll feel it deep down what you want and need, and what you don’t want and don’t need. Don’t ignore that. Don’t let anybody talk, guilt, scare, or shame you out of that. It may be hard but you already seem very strong and self-aware.

You’re not thinking wrong, you’re not made wrong. There’s a lot of that around in our society and lesbophobia is very alive still, everywhere.

You don’t need to find the “right man”. Ever. There’s no perfect high school boyfriend waiting for you if you’re a lesbian. There’s a girlfriend waiting for you. More than one, probably! You’ll love many women throughout your life and they’ll return it back to you. You’ll have friends that love you and support you. And when you say, “I’m a lesbian” it’ll roll off your tongue as easily as your name. Or your wife’s name. :) And you won’t feel any twinges of awkwardness or shame.

I wish you nothing but love and kindness, anon. Xx

And, also, anybody can ask me anything, btw. I generally really fucking suck with advice but my askbox is always here, if anybody needs it.

#Anonymous #baby lesbians are my fav precious beans and i am here for you 100000%#tho i am hardly an expert tbh. just an idiot finding her way through it all too.#long post

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revengeisalwaysanoption · 5 years

Text

Skam Meeting @ Gaystatale - Part 2

In PART 1 I forgot to write that, when Pietro was asked how much of himself there is in Filippo he said that inevitabily, since he is part of LGBT portaying a gay man, there’s a bit of Pietro in Filippo.

Back to the where we left off:

- So basically the question was if Ludo thought Italy was ready for S2, and he said that yes of course, there have been LGBT characters even on Rai (Italy’s national broadcaster)

- So Izzy (the girl interviewing Ludo and Pietro) praised how down to earth and real the language feels in Skam Italy. Ludovico was glowing as said it was the best praise he could get, because making his characters sound 17 and from Rome when he 35 and from Milan... Then he admitted that he got there, to deliver that ‘realism’ thanks to a long process that he and his crew have been taught by the Norwegian team, through interviews and meetings. Still, the realness has also been brought by the actors themselves who had room to improvise (and Bessegato downright refuses to write “ao’ “ and “daje” on his scripts) and showcased their talent (ALL of them).

- For the Pride speech, since he is a straight man, he felt that the best solution was to simply translate from the Norwegian and then let Pietro act it out as he saw fit.

- The only one for whom it is a bit different is Beatrice, because Sana is very far from who she is as a person, so she needs a bit more guidance and to stick to the script.

- A lot of the moments and quotes that we love the most are improvised, a part from “zozzoni” who came from Bessegato himself.

- He concluded by saying “c’è tanto dei miei ragazzi in quello che sentite” awwwwww.... (”there a lot from/of my kids* in what you are hearing”)

*kids as in a gender neutral version of ‘guys & girls” *

- Then the clip with the Gay Test was shown, and he repeated what he had already said in Rome: he got a 2, so he had to take the test a couple of times to get a 0 and direct Fede to do the same.

- The clip was used to introduce a question about stereotypes and how much Bessegato felt the need to go against them and if he felt like he succeded.

He said that he felt like he did and it’s one of the aspects he is most careful about in Skam Italia (avoiding stereotypes) especially because all S3 by Julie Andem was about breaking the stereotypes concering two guys falling in love and how a gay guy is supposed to be.

That led him to the choice of having the coming out while the boys where playing FIFA, because it felt like the symbol of “a hetosexual friendship between two guys”... But he is aware that now and then “qualche cazzata l’avremo pure detta” (we probably ended up saying some bullshit).

The stereotypes can be true, after all, but it’s important to show some other aspects of reality as well.

And of course Filippo (and Pietro) listen to Britney Spears ;D

- And that’s where Pietro added his bit about not fighting the stereotypes by marginalizing/hurting/insulting those who fit them. If the message you are trying to deliver is meaningful, you need to handle the way you communicate with great care or it will get lost.

A gay guy who is a effeminate or a lesbian who is a butch, for example, should be admired because they feel comfortable in their own skin and by the way who are we to judge others without knowing about their journey towards acceptance.

And what’s wrong by the way, about challenging some heteronormative macho behaviour (he used manspreading as an example: if one wants to be a decent human being and sit properly, he should, without worrying about not looking straight enough or something). No man really fits into the ‘alpha male’ stereotype, but straight men probably feel less bound to challenge it. And whilst his straight friend only cries when no one can see, in his own room, he feels free to do it in front of everyone, after spending two years crying his eyes out towards self-acceptance

- Bessegato knows how important it is for the audience to feel that the characters are relatable (then why doesn’t he get the need for rep? who knows) so, unless it’s a reality that he knows well by himself, he always speaks to people belonging to that community so that he can give a realistic picture. He referred to Sana again (which made us start wondering if he’s currently writing her season, huh ;) ?), saying how he is consulting with a Muslim friend of his.

- Pride clip, and Pietro underlined again how making it resonate so much as has been a team effort from everyone (writers, director, Federico, etc.)

- S2 has been written AFTER the 4th of March 2018, when we had the elections that would lead to the Salvini-Di Maio government. Izzy asked why they left Italian politics out of the show, he basically said it’s more important to show people something about worlds/realities they didn’t know about before, making them deep and meaniful so that people can empathize. He got loads of messages from people saying that thanks to Skam they had the courage to come out to their friends and family, that’s the kind of response he wishes for.

That’s what bringing politics into a series like Skam means to him: affect the society around you by showing and encouraging virtous behaviours (one of the reasons he decided not to change the coming out scene, though he was tempted too). Showing good people, instead of wasting time critizing the bad.

“I want to inspire, not to destroy” . And by the way, having a character insulting Lega (Salvini’s party) doesn’t do any good: who was already against him will say ‘yeah, I think so too’ and who supports him will go like ‘oh great, now they’re insulting me’ and it will only serve to radicalize the latter.

Again he talked about Sana and how to show a true friendship between her and the girls can come to be is more important than giving a judgement about our current political situation (giving how islamophobic Italian society can be, I do agree with him that Sana’s season is going to be quite important for our country)

- Pietro stressed that in our society, the coming out IS a political act. Trans’ bodies are a political act. Our identities, our lives... Just telling our stories is a revolutionary political act. Every day we do politics just by being true to ourselves, not choosing a way that would be more comfortable and reassuring. Which doesn’t mean you are an asshole for not coming out of the closet, though.

- I don’t really know why he digressed by complaining about how we insult him and the cast when the clips don’t come out or things were better in the og and such, but he did.

- By the way they had Filippo saying “fascisti di merda” because Rome has a big problem with neo-nazis from Casapound beating people up in Gay Street, it wasn’t a jab to the government itself.

- Effettivamente: it was really important and meaningful clip for him. He was tempted to give it a dramatic turn, with Giovanni not accepting Martino straight away. He said ‘you generally use this trick: I’m not mad about the matter itself, but about you not telling me: it’s Fiction 101.’ and that it’s the kind of conflict that would be resolved pretty soon.

(Personally: I said that when Yann went to Lucas and said “tell us what’s wrong or solve whatever it’s going on and then come back to us” he gave me the vibe of someone who would make a coming out about themselves, not necessarily in a bad way, but more like ‘why haven’t you told me before, am I such a bad friend???’ and I could tell without watching the show, but just that one clip... because it’s the way storytelling works)

- He praised David for changing the scene. He personally hasn’t seen Skam France - all directors basically mind their own business and take care of their own remake - but he gets that after SkamOG and SkamIT it was wise to have changes and that if it worked for Yann as a character then why not? The fact that we were still talking about it on Monday afternoon meant David’s change wasn’t that bad after all, huh?

He couldn’t go through with his idea because it would have been OOC for Giovanni to react that way, given how Ludovico Tersigni fleshed him out through S1 and S2 up to this clip.

Moreover, he felt like ending ep 6 on a sad note after all that happened to Martino at the end of ep 5 and up to Effettivamente would be too much.

Like Nicholas in the bloopers he said “He saw Rocco kissing his girlfriend”, instead of ‘Niccolò’, which made us all laugh ;D

- He said that he wants every remake of S3 to be loved and appreciated, given how important it is, that we shouldn’t make it into a challenge. The Norwegian team gave them Skam so that the message of love and acceptance could reach as many people as possible and that’s what all the directors care about (they sometimes give each other advice). So he personally will never take part in any feud against and back up who disses other remakes.

- Pietro: “there isn’t a ‘right’ formula. Personally, I cried while watching this clip. I wasn’t there when they shoot it so I saw it when it came out, just like you. Because its message is about the importance of communicating: Martino gets into a fight when he doesn’t know how to express his emotions, or he can’t, but then he bravely takes that little step that opens new scenarios to him... So, do we want to tell people that they are allowed to come out to their best friend and that the worst it can happen it’s telling them to fuck off? That sometimes people, even those you would never expect to, when they see that there’s something deep there, there’s a history behind it and a feeling and when you can get those emotions across to the ones you’re speaking to, then maybe it won’t result in being beaten up?

- Then every reaction, even a negative one, is still meaningful: it gives me more info about the person I came out to. Communicating opens the door to emphathy, which is also the reason why Filippo doesn’t take it to heart when Martino says those things during the Pride clip, because he knows Martino is in the middle of his journey and sees the potential in it. It’s about showing the shades of emotions that can happen while interacting.

- Ludovico said that we should be forgiving with Martino’s dad, since his reaction wasn’t that negative from an estranged father who doesn’t really communicate with his son. He said we shouldn’t stigmatize reactions that are not immediately 100% supportive and ideal.

Thanks Ludo, but no thanks. He might not be homophobic, but he still feel like an asshole to me.

- To him the crucial message of Skam is: people need people. Talk to them, you’ll find them more ready to listen than you’d expect. People are the solution, not the problem.

- Yes/No question to Pietro about Emma’s words to Martino in the last clip of episode 5... He said no, of course. People still care if you are gay in 2018/2019.

- How do they choose the music for Skam Italia? Well, it a lenghty and expensive (in terms of royalties) process and sometimes the songs we hear are not even their first choice but the 4th or 5th. Some of the proceedings became urban legends, like going to LA to get Britney’s approval to use one of her songs... Some are chosen by the music consultants, some are suggestions from Bessegato himself or the cast.

- Question about MI: he approached it with care, as Julie did in the original. He got some pointers from a psychiastrist on what he should modify to tell his story... He still ended up receiving a letter, recently, from an association of doctors who deal with these MI (he said ‘doctors’ not psychiatrists) telling him that he mixed elements from BPD and the bipolar disorder (and pointing out the inaccuracies of the OG as well, before someone uses this to diss on SkamiT) but that the end of the letter they thanked Skam because, apart from the inaccuracies it is good that someone talks about MIs a bit more in depth and that it doesn’t label people with MIs as ‘crazy’, people that you don’t wanna hang out with because they aren’t right in their heads but it’s rather a situation that can be dealt with, that can be managed and that have different levels of severity...

I also walked up to him later on to personally thank him about changing Nico’s MI, because after we discussed it and complained about the inaccuracies - he smiled when I said that - it led us all to get some more info and a deeper knowledge of BPD.

Okay, now that’s all X°D

#skam italia #ludovico bessegato #pietro turano #gaystatale

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boojersey · 5 years

Note

VIC DO ALL THE ASKS BC I LOVE U AND WANT U TO HAVE FUN

*SWEATS* AYE AYE CAPN

cw for like some common lgbt+ topics such as dysphoria violence discrimination etc just. tread carefully if u get triggered easily by bad lgbt experiences

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? -im a gay trans man and my pronouns are he/him but they/them is also acceptable!

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?-oh wow i originally thought i was a lesbian because i didnt even know what transgender was i just thought wishing i was a man meant i was butch and then i met my friend donnie in eighth grade who told me he was trans and it was kinda a huge slap in the face but with a sack of gay bricks? and i found out i dont like women through actually having sex with cis women and finally realizing it. really wasnt for me so now im just a gay man as opposed to queer as an umbrella term but i periodically refer to myself as such

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?-oh yea i literally was misgendered today i just kinda brush it off but it can be hard sometimes especially when people know im trans and do it

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?-i first told donnie about my gender, it was a thing where i went to bed the night i met him and was like .. wait holy fuck and then the next day i was like BRO HOLY FUCK but sexuality? i dont really know???? it was so long ago it was honestly probably my group of friends on kik that i had in 2013 (u were included in that mister!!!!)

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?-im not actually fully out but the first time someone who was an adult knew about my trans-ness was what really set in for me the fact that i could come out one day; my friends mom referred to me as seance (and like. obviously she respected my gender she has a trans kid) but it was just super jarring bc no adult had known yet abt my identity in any way and as a result i was rlly glad it was nighttime in that car bc i cried almost immediately; the first time i came out on my Own was to my cousin and he laughed in my face so that was pretty damn awful and its kinda funny cuz the bastard is bi so u would think hed have been accepting but n0pe!

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?-im out to my friends now ! and the reception was generally positive bc i think i do an ok job at picking ppl to be around in terms of morals so there was little bad reception

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?-i hate when ppl ask if im gay as in for men or gay as in for women because im trans, i am a man so when i say im gay i feel like that should be easy enough to put 2 and 2 together but when they ask that i feel as if they still view me as a woman

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.-emo of the gods themselves it is absolute scene and emo vomit and i love it; its seriously hard for me to wear dresses and skirts without dysphoria and just general discomfort but i own a couple anyway bc theyre cute i just. never wear them

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?-my main thing at the moment is gerard/frank/grant morrison bc i love poly fics very dearly and gerard/bert because bert mccracken deserved better than gerawrds internalized homophobia lol

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?-makeup to me is an androgynous thing so i wear eyeshadow a lot and lipstick sometimes, eyeshadow is easier on my eyes than eyeliner bc im allergic to a lot of makeup thats on the heavier side so if i put on eyeliner my eyes will water and burn throughout the day but with eyeshadow im mostly ok; other opinion is that makeup on Anyone can be sexy as hell if they do it for fun and wear literally what they truly want and not just what they think is accepted or what they Should wear

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?-oh yeah my dysphoria is pretty debilitating if im gonna be honest; i used to have very little problems with it because my hold on reality was loose at best (before i was medicated to clarify) but now that i am almost completely Here my dysphoria is pretty bad and even just like. the knowledge that i have breasts is pretty awful; a few weeks ago i put on an outfit that i have to wear a victorias secret bra to fit properly in and just one look in the mirror had me sobbing and i had to change my clothes before i could leave the house and i havent worn a bra since because just the thought of showing off my chest makes this stark fuckin dread shoot through my veins but i also have dysphoria in regards to my voice that i discussed at my last trans therapy group meeting actually ; my voice has a tendency to bounce around my octave range so sometimes ill be like. excited then hear what i sound like. and ruin it for myself immediately u kno? im not even gonna talk about my dicksphoria bc thats just. awful.

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?-ohhhhhhhh my god u know what? ive heard..so much .. that im gonna instead take this opportunity to mention my mother genuinely thinks dnd is satanic

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-the fact that were so strong. we are so fucking strong we deal with violence and opposition constantly and at staggering rates yet we stay strong and we continue loving through all of it, whether its in dark corners in secret or loudly in the streets we continue loving and do so with all of our beings because we know its our own truth and well gladly go to hell if it means we got to love on earth (not that everyone believes in hell or the idea that us gays go to hell but my point stands)

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-we have this audacity to create divide (to the fault of mostly cis white gay men thank u very much) when what we need to do is love each other because we are different but at the end of the day we all need to remain in tandem and as a family or we will never get to where we need to in terms of acceptance and that means being uplifting and protecting our trans sisters of color, our disabled lgbt members, our autistic lgbt members, our anything past cis white gay man because we all need recognition, we all need love, and to exclude any letters of lgbt is to tear ourselves down and set ourselves on fire

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?-no :((( no one would drive me in the past and i dont think ill have a way to get there this year either

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?-brian molko! my bisexual, androgynistically-inclined father who birthed me at the tender age of 16 when i found placebo

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?-ya theres been a few and i dont rlly like to talk abt my relationships with anyone unless theyre online relationships so im just gonna leave it at that

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?-pantomime by laura lam! its one of if not my favorite book to this day

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?-y a every damn day bitch ! example is when i was deadnamed by my psychiatrist while she knows full well what my name is the other day; another is the countless times i get called a lesbian ???? and when strict lesbians ask me out i get a very bad taste in my mouth (i understand full well that sexuality is fluid, these are lesbians that spit the ‘penis is gross blegh’ rhetoric)

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?-uh im just gonna say preacher bc its my favorite show altogether n cass is bi/pan/something similar

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?-@ble3dmagic is my boyfriend in crime (not rlly thats a joke) and @musicalsense is my sunburnt Brother

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?-queer! i also use f*ggot a lot when talking about myself and my friends that are ok with it

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?-i went to a drag show and it was so amazing and one of the first times i felt accepted in my own community that i cried

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?-well i identify as a man with no leaning towards womanhood or nonbinaryhood in any way, its just . man . but in terms of Expression i am quite androgynous bc i can rlly appreciate femininity (NOT the same as womanhood) and being a man to me means just that ive always wanted to grow up with that “gender role” like i always wish i was raised as a stereotypical parent would raise a son and ive always been more interested in stereotypically masculine things and people since i can even remember and i feel like puberty was just this unpreventable spiral into something i didnt want. i didnt want it at all . this is tmi but when i got my first period i cried my eyes out bc the idea of being called a Woman repulsed me so much and since i didnt even know that being trans was a concept i was just this scared puppy full of confusion and fear aimed at myself because all the stuff i heard i was supposed to be proud of the change but i wasnt i was so ashamed of it and the idea of being called a woman made me sick to my stomach and i just wish i could go back in time and hold myself and tell me itll be alright

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?-absoLutely not i hate kids (and by that i mean i hate being around them and the culture that surrounds having children; i do not treat kids like shit and i do not act like hating children is a personality trait; i get migraines and usually the second a child starts screaming or crying i am on the floor of my brain writhing in dire pain and i have absolutely no desire to support another human life when frankly i cant even support myself; its also just not a lifestyle i want to live)

What identity advice would you give your younger self?-god so fucking much. so fucking much. so many things i wish i could say to myself

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?-i think if someone wants to adhere to them then hell yea go ahead just dont expect others to do it or try to tell other people its a Norm or something; theyre for the most part christian in nature so i dont have any desire to follow them myself, i want a relationship (if any) thats more of a coexistence if that makes sense, like. roommates plus dick

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?-i always used to anxiously chew on the idea that my chest dysphoria is just me holding disdain for the shape and size of my breasts but let me tell you. the second i put on my binder for the first time i immediately started crying because i was so overwhelmed by the fact that i was looking at something one step closer to myself and i know full well i am never going to have that doubt again. this week has been exponentially cathartic and therapeutic for me

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?-i want the cisheteros to know that nothing they learn about us is new. everything about us has been around for so so long but has been silenced and erased to the point where a lot of us dont even know many things about our rich and beautiful history

Why are proud to be lgbt+?-honestly? its hard for me to not just straight up say im not proud of my identity. its taken me years to stamp down the plain grieving toward my identity and wishing i could have the easier path but frankly? the fact that i am choosing this path of hardship and hell on earth just to be who i truly am i think speaks volumes of my pride in my identity at this point; further back in my archive by a few years my posts are littered with sentiments of bitterness wherein i stated that i hate being trans and not just cis but i like to think ive finished hating myself for my identity. i like to think im proud now. to ask me why is to ask too much of me, all i know now is that i am proud and thats enough for me right now.

#LONG POST #KAY I LOVE U BUT HOLY SHIT MY FOLLOWERS ARE GONNA GET MOTION SICKNESS FROM SCROLLING PAST THIS AT LIGHTNING SPEED #saltwaterfox

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femnet · 6 years

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So I’m just going to say this: confusion sucks. Regular confusion in all its vague and non-understood glory is bad enough, but then when you have a Confusion Genre to deal with it’s like walking into a dream world from Inception and not knowing how you got there and, even worse, not knowing how to get out. I do think confusion is normal, though; I think it’s just one of those things in life we’re all destined to experience at least a hundred times before we turn three years old. But what isn’t “normal” or just a run of the mill life experience is confusion surrounding gender conformity.

It should be simple: we should be born, grow up, and that entire time our brains and sex organs (body bits) should be in cahoots. Afoot with cohesion. Colluding. Fused. There shouldn’t be any confusion or miscommunication or a broken wire somewhere along the path and, for some, there isn’t. For some there’s that utopia of understanding between brain and organs, and there’s never any need to sit down and be like, “okay. So, today, we felt a little strange, huh? We felt a little out-of-place in our body, right? It wasn’t just me? It was all of us?” Because, for some, their assigned gender at birth matches the gender their body believes they are. For some, though, that’s not what happens. For some their parts say they’re female, but their brain says they’re male and for some it’s the opposite (male parts, female brain). But, and yes there’s a but, for some there’s not even that level of Confused Yet Understood confusion. Because for some, our parts say one thing and our brain just...doesn’t really know what to think. Some days our brains are like, “yes. We match the parts today,” and some days our brains say, “you know what? No. Not feeling that today we are feeling Different.” And that’s confusing. And hard. And isolating. How are you meant to understand yourself and who you are if you...can’t? What happens when you sit on the fence between male and female because you can’t grab onto either hard enough? What happens then?

Four years ago, I came out as pansexual. And then a year or two after that I decided that bisexual fit my sexuality better as a label. And then this past year I decided to shove the middle finger at definitive labels and cover myself in a Queer blanket so that my heart could take a nap and stop feeling so restricted with its love. It works for me. It doesn’t work for everyone, but that’s okay because labels like bi and pansexual don’t work for me. Anyways. When I finally settled into queerness, I thought the problem was solved. I was like, “YES. I KNOW MYSELF.” And then one day I woke up and wanted to be so far removed from my body that I couldn’t remember who I was. But, see, that day didn’t come after my “final coming out.” That “day” wasn’t even a “day”; it was a series of moments and situations where I would suddenly find myself not attaching to my body and seeing myself from the outside instead of sinking from within.

When I was in high school I cut all my hair off into this sick ass pixie cut. And that was just because I wanted to. I’m chunky, I get hot, and long hair was not working for me anymore. So, snip snip, said the scissors. I loved it and I felt really badass. But then people started saying that I was a lesbian because of my haircut. And they started calling me like, “dyke” and “butch league” and other ignorant shit like that. I was like, “sexuality =/= haircut,” because what kind of stale bread mentality is that? And it’s true. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I enjoyed the androgyny of my look. I enjoyed the nonconformity that came with it. I could wear like track pants and a sweatshirt (which I did. Everyday) and kind of be....anyone without having to stand on either side of the gender line. It felt right to be nothing and something all at once even if that something wasn’t very concrete.

Because I think the hardest thing, for me, growing up and being bigger was having to still be pretty at the same time. And that “pretty” took a lot more work than it did for other girls. Skinnier, smaller girls could just wear anything they wanted to and it would be cute. They could work a constructed messy bun as if it was an accident and wear sweatpants or have a “lazy day” without problem; would even be written into songs for “prettiest” when wearing “sweatpants, hair tied,” and “chilling with no makeup on” but I digress. Because that wasn’t me. I had to wear cute outfits all the time. Always do my makeup. Always have my hair fixed. Always go that extra extra so that I could not only be cute, but also accepted. If I stopped doing that or stopped “trying” then I got the teasing, the shaming and the bullying that came with being bigger and being a bigger girl. And that was hard because I’m….not….someone that really….puts effort into myself like that. And not because I’m a “tomboy” (although any girl that is a tomboy is valid, cute and wonderful); I just never felt beautiful like the other girls in my grade, and one day I realized I didn’t have to be beautiful like them to be beautiful like me. And I think that was the day I said f-you to society for creating these beauty standards that are impossible to match or even reach and telling women/girls they aren’t pretty if they don’t look a certain way.

But that was only a small part of it. Because I could still be a girl and identify as one and still dress however I wanted. The big part came from the attachment I had to the vague, gray area of gender instead of the actual, defined areas. It’d have been “easier” or less confusing if I’d have been like “I feel like a boy inside even though I have girl bits.” But, instead, I said something more like “today feels like a boy day, but yesterday was a definite girl day, and last week was a very ‘neither’ day where I didn’t feel like anything but me.” There were days when I wanted to do my makeup, wanted to get dressed up and wanted to feel like a girl/woman. And that was fine and nice. But then there were other days I just wanted to slide on my boy shorts and do things that took my away from the girl aspect of myself (being bigger also meant boy clothes fit better sometimes). And then other days I just didn’t want to think about what I was wearing and what it meant and whose side it fell on; I just wanted to be me.

It also manifested into this obsession I had with the name Wyatt for a brief period of time, and I almost wanted to be called that name. I was so close to asking people for it, but I was afraid of what that would create as a result. Because the reality was that sometimes I felt like “Wyatt” and sometimes I felt like “Madi” and then, more recently I’ve realized, I’ve felt like a “them or we” which encompasses both sides of myself. I’ve started using we/they/them a lot more when talking about myself, along with she/her. I don’t use he/him because while there are my Wyatt Days, I don’t really solidify with the male persona; it’s just not female, in my mind. And that’s another thing that’s hard to navigate; I’m not transgender and I don’t really grasp onto a full nonconforming mindset. I feel much, much more female than male, but there are times when I want to be removed from that female identity and be the complete opposite. And then there are the times where I want to be nothing at all; my “we” moments. And those happen a lot more often now.

I’m what the new kids on the block like to call genderqueer, a little term that covers those who express a combination of masculinity and femininity, or neither, in their gender expression. And it feels good. I’m queer and genderqueer. I’m ~queertastic. Loud and queer. It took me over three years to navigate my mind and body to see what all was going on inside. There were times when the confusion and lack of identity or attachment made me want to leave my body completely, and that still happens. Sometimes that genderqueer-ness will seep into my anxiety and make me want to just….disappear so I can not be inside my body anymore. And while my sexual identity was limited with a label, my gender identity thrived under one. It’s a really complicated situation going on all up in here, but at the same time it’s a sort of organized mass chaos; it might look dysfunctional, but it all makes sense to me. And that’s all I’ve ever wanted.

#love & sexuality #real life #gender and sexuality #by madi #june 19 2018

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adventurefuntimefoxy-blog · 6 years

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who wants PHANTOM HEADCANONS

shawn (springtrap) - hes a gay demiboy and based off of an arctic hare (also a bit of jackrabbit too). hes very tall (11ft in fact) and very grumpy. he acts like he wouldn’t care less if his phantom friends died but in reality he fucking adores them and he would 100% kill for them. hes the boss of the phantoms so they normally just refer to him as boss. he looks like he can kill you instantly (to be fair, he can) but hes not that bad once you get to know him. due to having a child murderer torturing him, he has depression and suffers from ptsd and nightmares. he also makes a lot of self-depreciating jokes about himself and the other phantoms watch him like a hawk to make sure hes okay

forrest (phantom fred) - hes gay and based off of a kodiak bear. hes as grumpy as his boss and almost as intimidating. he acts like he hates affection but this bear is actually very cuddly. he does love his friends and he shows that love by grumbling at them. he doesnt know how to show affection very well tbh. on rare occasions, he can, in fact, smile

bentley (phantom bon) - hes a polysexual trans boy and hes based off of an american sable rabbit. this bun is kinda punk rock and he tries his best to be smooth/charming but it usually doesnt end well. hes very quick-witted and he can move incredibly fast too. hes fairly good-natured but he likes to joke around and be annoying, especially to forrest and his big bro shawn

robin (phantom chica) - shes a butch lesbian and based off of a golden eagle, due to her beak shape and large talons. this girl is hardcore and can and will beat you up. she loves her friends though and enjoys giving them big hugs. shes caring and also fun to be around. like her fellow phantoms, she is a killer of nightguards and she sometimes gets knives and other sharp weapons from the kitchen for maximum fun. shes the third strongest of the gang, after shawn and forrest. shes always getting on to shawn about not looking after himself and she makes sure he gets enough sleep and that hes feeling alright

rian (phantom foxy) - hes a gay demiboy and based off of a cross red fox. hes the happiest and cheeriest phantom! hes almost like a tall lanky puppy and hes highly affectionate. he loves his friends a lot and makes sure they get plenty of hugs. rian can have a little trouble understanding others but he tries his best. hes missing a lot of parts and fur, specifically on his torso. this makes him a bit vulnerable to the cold so the others always watch out for him. he still kills guards however, and he uses his furless tail as a dangerous whip. his missing arm is no disadvantage when killing, as he as a large hooklike claw that springs out of it

maria (phantom mari) - shes pansexual and based off of a black-and-white satin rabbit. shes probably the quietest of the phantoms. shes more antisocial than the rest but she still enjoys their company. shes a bit pessimistic and cold but she can be nice and caring. like robin, she also assists in making sure shawn’s doing okay

pete (phantom bb) - hes gay and based off of a brown hooded rat. pete is the smallest out of the gang. hes very chill and he can be smooth too. he likes fiddling with things and trying to make stuff. hes very nimble and smart. he sometimes sits or sleeps like a real rat and he often twitches his nose/whiskers. for a bb, hes very tall, standing at 5′7″. to show affection he often curls his tail around his friends’ arms or hands. hes a pretty nice guy and he loves his friends

fang (phantom mangle) - theyre an agender femme lesbian and theyre based off of a leucistic red fox. theyre the happiest along with rian. they love love LOVE affection!! victims of their love include shawn and their gf robin. they have a lot of arms that come from their back so their hugs can be overwhelming. they often clutch to shawn since hes the only one big enough to carry them around. they are just filled with love and affection. they can be a little scary upon first meeting them

#long post #au rambles #fun fact: while in the fright the phantoms slept in a big pile #they called it the trash pile

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izzyovercoffee · 7 years

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Rambling about my favorite novel series under the cut. Deals with refuting transphobia and writing about ugly topics.

So my favorite series of novels that I read when I was younger left a pretty powerful impression on me. I was already fairly ... uh, I guess we can say progressive (flaming genderqueer pansexual) in high school, but these novels really solidified things for me that I hadn’t really ever seen elsewhere. I still haven’t seen really? wrt one of the characters.

That is, these books are part of a series of really gritty, violent, pulp-noir vampires-in-NYC books that have a very punk-fuck-authority-hell-fuck-everyone tone to them, and you wouldn’t expect them to (at first) deal with complicated themes that specifically LGBTQ marginalized communities face, including nonwhite members within the community. But they did.

And I still remember that throughout all five books, this one character who was very clearly described as a pre-op black transwoman (who couldn’t transition due to the dangers involved in the surgery, the cost of it, and then the issues of vampyrism revealed to the common populace) never, not once, had her gender questioned or undermined in any way, not even by the Biggest Fucking Villains and Assholes in the novels.

She was very clearly maintaining her physique, too. Always described as the big butch girlfriend that can bench press her girlfriend with one hand. And yes, she was a butch lesbian --- the word lesbian was always used. As it should be!

I think the biggest thing is I was always tensing and prepping myself for her to be misgendered and she just never was. Or if she was, it was only once and that person was Dealt With so swiftly and with such brutality that I just don’t remember it happening.

And I think about these books a lot, bc they were very important to me when I read them, and they really informed my worldview moreso than I already was heading --- or, rather, they pushed me to continue in that direction with the sheer blunt “of course she’s a woman, fuckhead. to suggest otherwise makes you worse than literally the worst person on the fucking planet.”

I mean they’re nowhere near perfect, obviously. Towards the end so many people (major MAJOR characters) died, and it was super fucked up in every which way possible, but even then like ... looking back on it now, literally a metaphor for how the upper class crushes marginalized communities and forces them in a position where cannibalizing each other becomes the obvious "only option” than attacking the people responsible (the upper class rich) and the collapse of society soon after ... ie capitalism at its conclusive extreme.

The entire series never shied away from the ugliness of everything, though. I think that was really important. You can write about very, very ugly things. But when writing about ugly things, it’s important not to glamorize them --- instead to take care to be as brutally honest about just how ugly the ugliest things really are. Don’t romanticize them, because it takes away from the impact, and it takes away from the reality, and it does a gross disservice to everyone. And these books were never afraid to show just how ugly everything, and everyone, is and are.

Even the main POV character was just a fucking asshole. An unlikable, unsympathetic, asshole. His bull shit was never glamorized, his piss poor lone wolf choices were never romanticized --- people got hurt because of his shitty decisions, he faced some serious consequences for his selfishness, and they were real, and brutal, and everyone made sure he was fucking aware of it.

But that’s what made him interesting. That’s what made the story interesting and compelling. Nothing he did was glamorized or romanticized, but he was still somewhat sympathetic because you knew where he was coming from, even though you still rightfully criticized the shit out of him for making the selfish fucked up choices that he did.

I mean one of the major villains was also a spoiled white nerd Nice Guy with too much power. Like ... these books were way before their time, I think sometimes. lmao.

I should go back and reread them when I have the time.

The Joe Pitt Casefiles, in case anyone wants to take a look at them. Just keep in mind that a lot of this is from memory, and every trigger warning you can imagine does technically apply to the series, bc as I said ... they dealt with some really heavy shit.

These books are really white btw, but I think that’s also from like ... the main character being white w/ the novels being in 1st person, and the author himself being white, as well. But there were so many important women in the books, and they were all so radically different people with motivations that had nothing to do with the men. I remember that really having an impression on me too --- bc when? When do you ever really see that?

#izzy.txt

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latinalesbi · 7 years

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you don't know maybe we'll see long-term lesbian couples on tv in the future. people are sick of lesbian shows with crazy, convoluted love polygons (the l word) and getting sick of ones in all-female environments (oitnb, wentworth). we're sick of queerbait couples in ensemble cast scifi or action shows getting killed off. we want stability, permanence.i see sitcoms, dramas with older lesbian protags, even a disney channel or nickelodeon show with 2 moms being made.

Of course I can’t read the future. I can tell you that it’s not likely. Shows with 2 lesbian leads are not terribly popular. And you’d have to have 2 leads to even believe they could last 5 years. Lesbians say they are sick of this and that, yet they don’t watch the fosters. We have some of them believing nonsense about no long term monogamous lesbian couples on tv, um, The Fosters. And queer baits? There are still more swan queen fanatics than fans of Stef and Lena. IF they were sick of it, they quit watching.

I’d love for that future that you paint. Unfortunately, it doesn’t sell.

Anonymous said:

Teri seems very open and honest about sex. Then you have Stef who she plays so well being so shy about it. It’s great Stef doesn’t want to talk about it at all. It’s brilliantly done

Teri’s an amazing actor. Look at how she has butch Stef down. I don’t think it’s all direction, though I’d love to know if she’s gotten tips from anyone. Teri is far from butch but she does the tiniest things to make Stef the character come alive.

Anonymous said:

What are your thoughts on Sherri Polo fanfic?

Don’t tweet it to sherri or teri! Um, you know, it’s harmless fun.

Anonymous said:

do you think teri & sherri kiss on the lips when together? we saw them kiss at HRC & during one panel but when they're just alone taking selfies they won't share with us (lol) do you think they cuddle & hold each other & still kiss each other? sherri always says teri is her wife & of course we see how close their friendship truly is, but i wonder if they act the same in all aspects on & off camera. wish we could see everything! but i love they have selfies just for them, i love that even more

Gonna pair these questions together. Yes they kiss on the lips all the time, we’ve seen it. Obviously, they are not making out. I also think we have good proof that they cuddle all the time. We have enough casual, unplanned proof that these things happen off camera. They have something special that they like to keep to just themselves, as Sherri herself has said.

Anonymous said:

Oh poor Stef sex is bought up and all she wants to do is hide under the table and hope no one notices. Poor baby

It’s funny, she can be all like here are condoms, use safe sex, but don’t give her the gory details! I always thought it’s hard for her to be vulnerable and all that sex talk makes her feel too open, it’s too personal. However, Stef 2.0 can talk about her feelings more openly so I’d like to see her be able to talk about this more.

Anonymous said:

Stef being like this now makes me wonder what she was like when she first met Lena! Could she say the word sex? Because she’s yet to even say orgasm

I think the great thing about early Stef would be that she was completely a lit candle when it came to Lena. I think she was dying for sex so it wouldn’t have been a problem. I think she just didn’t talk about it.

Anonymous said:

I love that Stef is still finding herself even in her forties if the story line is right (which in this show is hard to follow at the best of times) she was twenty nine when she meet Lena and has spend all her thirties with her. I love her character development. I would just like her to throw caution to the wind and start sexy time with her wife, who as well all know is hot as hell. What do you think?

As a woman in her forties, I can tell you there’s so much to find out about yourself. I love her character development. She’s had the most growth, it’s so well plotted out. It’s taking seasons to see it. To see Stef in the last episode, so confident in herself, she’s never looked better. It’s time for that to translate into the bedroom. If I am right, the show has to go there. It is what they have been writing. This is the path.

Anonymous said: Hopefully Lena isn’t gonna yell at Callie next week. I’m sure we won’t be happy that Callie changed her project. I hope to see her angry at Monty or whoever makes Callie take it down.

Yeah, it might be the new acting VP. We’ll see. I am only into this as far as Lena really finding her voice and getting the job she deserves. She shouldn’t play second fiddle to any of these idiots.

Anonymous said:

Why are they always wear striped shirts on the show ? Mostly Jude

He’s a clown?

Anonymous said:

Callie record could ruin her chances of getting into colleges. I hope see Callie angry and upset about it. Worrying if she will ever get to go. I feel like her and Lena could bond over it. Since she’s the one telling Callie to apply. Callie’s doesn’t seem to care for collage and that needs to be the reason.

The reason Callie does anything, she doesn’t believe she deserves good things like her moms, like a nice boyfriend like AJ.

Anonymous said:

My wife & I love your blog. The kitchen scene with Stef & Lena putting up groceries from the last epis, it would have been more organic for them to just kiss very briefly on the lips and go into that nice tight body hug. We are not ones to really harp on the kissing, but this episode & that scene seemed so weird without a very brief kiss flowing into a comforting hug. So much so that we beginning to wonder if there is a network mandate about the moms’ kisses. Know showrunners may not admit it

There could be. There’s no denying that they gay nothing by throwing a network under the bus. That’s why I trust that they are doing everything they can on that front. I do believe that. The last hug was awkward. It’s definitely setting up conflict for Stef and Lena. Would I have liked a kiss? Of course. I just refuse to get worked up when this was an episode that had over 21 minutes of Stef and/or Lena. I just can’t. I definitely understand people’s frustrations. I still get a lot of joy out of an episode like that, character development and such. I could have used some more touching, but really the first few eps, I’ve had a hard time even giffing all the times they’ve touched. I’ve had to not gif some of them, that’s how many we have had. I don’t feel that kissing is the only way to show that these women are in love. We’ve gone through droughts of very little touching, hugging, never mind kissing.

Anonymous said: You’ve said many times the show has earned your waiting on a kiss from Stef & Lena. But we don’t understand why the fandom, which is a small fandom & very frustrated with this, has to wait on something that should be quite natural for a married couple who’s in love as they say Stef & Lena is. We don’t want/expect full make out every episode, but when scenes naturally call for a kiss (peck on lips/brief kiss) it’s really very ridiculous to say the show is waiting for 1 big episode for kisses.

You’re preaching to the choir. I don’t think they’re doing this to frustrate us though or to seem unfair. I do think that this is story for them for the most part. I also do believe that they want to build up to big moments, for dramatic purpose. Stef and Lena have kissed so much by now that it is hard to build dramatically to big kisses. Other shows do this by breaking couples up or having them cheat (i.e. new relationship kisses). Stef and Lena aren’t breaking up, they’re not gonna cheat, so how do they build up to big moments, this is one way. I don’t have to like it. Someone earlier mentioned a sitcom and that might be the only kind of show where we could get casual kisses all the time. Comedies aren’t building towards big climatic moments so it would just be casual and funny. I’d like that show, I’d watch that show. However, I’d also miss the big dramatic moments. So, I feel like this show has given us both. And we still have a long ways to go. I trust that this isn’t being done maliciously, that’s all I am saying.

Anonymous said:

[1 of 2] “Bradley was clear on twitter, it’s not censorship or the 8pm hour. It’s a choice they’re making and that we aren’t patient enough.” One of the most ridiculous things I’ve read about the Fosters. They write & portray a couple very much in love, some of their scenes obviously & naturally called for a kiss, but the people who watch the show aren’t patient enough? Really?!!! Not enough time or space to express how arrogant and unreasonably/irrationally ridiculous that is. [1 of 2]

Anonymous said:

[2 of 2] “Bradley was clear on twitter, it’s not censorship or the 8pm hour. It’s a choice they’re making and that we aren’t patient enough.” The fandom has been very patient & loyal to the Fosters, in spite of many fan’s frustations (storylines, balance between drama/crisis vs triumphs, timeline, etc), we kept watching. It’s one thing to say be patient to see how a storyline will play out, but to say we aren’t patient enough when a scene naturally calls for a kiss is unfair & unjustifiable.

Put yourself in Bradley’s shoes. He has been hearing about the kisses this season from episode 1. Yeah, the fandom is impatient. I get it. We don’t have a lot of choices as lesbians. We crave it, it’s important to us. No show is perfect, show me a show where no fan complains? it’s not just us, Brad replied today to a frustrated Brallie fan. In reality the best thing he could do is just not answer any of us but he does. I appreciate it sometimes because while he refuses to reassure others, he reassures us. They are never breaking up, they’ll always be in love and he’s the biggest shipper. I believe him.

I am telling you, fandom can get pretty mean-spirited. I am not speaking about you, I am talking about the things fans have said to showrunners that I have seen. If I like a show, I don’t really follow online fandom, unless I am shipping lesbians. I break my rule then because there are tons of things I can enjoy in fandom and try to ignore all the other things. However, shows without lesbians, I don’t want spoilers, I don’t want fanwars. I don’t want any of it.

Back to the question at hand, everyone knows, I am not afraid to call anyone out when i feel things are unfair or what have you. There have been times when the lack of kissing has led me to complain. And part of it for me is feeling like the show would be cancelled suddenly and we wouldn’t get their payoff. I am fairly confident at this point that they have the show plotted out through season 5. Whatever is going to happen will happen. I have accepted that. I’ve also been given many gifts, patience has paid off.

Again, I don’t know the reason why they are doing it (to divulge on their part would be to spoil) but I do know with confidence that it is not malicious. Period. No doubt. So, i am not going to angrily demand this and that. It’s not going to happen at this point because for the most part, the dry spells have been plot related. The dry spell right now has been countered with some kick ass affection and kick ass communication. They seem more like a healthy couple than ever. If there’s no payoff or it’s lame, I will complain. I do understand that they try to build towards these great Stef and Lena moments and there are limited ways in which they could do that. I’d love next season to see that plot line where they can’t enough of each other but keep getting interrupted. That would be an amazing build up full of moments all along the way. I would write that in their potential last season. Will they? Who knows.

That’s my opinion, considering where we are. I totally respect yours.

#Anonymous

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fashiontrendin-blog · 6 years

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Four Multifaceted People Unpack Their Biggest “Contradictions”

https://fashion-trendin.com/four-multifaceted-people-unpack-their-biggest-contradictions/

Four Multifaceted People Unpack Their Biggest “Contradictions”

Looking for people whose lives encompass some form of duality seems like a ubiquitous, almost easy task. Most of us engage in some daily form of shape-shifting: abstaining from the candor we’d use with friends when speaking to a grandmother; moving between professional polish and the soft, unglamorous realities of parenting; projecting or subduing aspects of our innate or acquired identities based on who’s standing in the room.

25 PHOTOS click for more

To close out Man Repeller’s Duality Month, we talked to four individuals whose true sense of selves are divided in ways that appear to be at odds. Whether they chose their worlds or had no say in the matter; whether they embraced their disparate personas or negotiated them with difficulty and pain, we asked these people to explain the intricacies of how and why they move between multiple identities.

I live between worlds where the people in each of them can’t fathom me in a different way. I have a doctorate in nursing from UCLA, where I teach, and I do research on foster youth as they transition out of the system. I grew up in and out of foster care in Compton. My dad sold drugs, my mom was a heroin addict, and they were sometimes incarcerated.

Around high school, I started to hang out with gang-bangers — I was really just trying to survive. On the inside, I was very academic — taking AP and SAT prep classes — but I was in an urban environment where you have to have a certain amount of external bravado. Going to Howard University was a game changer. I thought, I’m going to a black college because I’m from the hood and all I know are black people. But I was not ready for upper-middle-class blacks who were like, “You said Tupac? Who’s that?” In general, I’ve found these black “elite” circles not very LGBTQ-friendly, so I didn’t really come out until very late in college, and even then I was still wearing skirts and dresses. I was trying to fit in. I didn’t want to attract attention: I was poor, struggling academically — my friends knew where they were staying for Christmas break and I didn’t. I think coming out as a lesbian happened later because it’s hard to figure out that identity when you’re like: where is my mom, dude, I haven’t talked to her in a year.

My sexual identity is probably more of an issue now that I’m on a nursing faculty whose average member is probably white and 52. I’ve fully embraced my sexuality at work, but I do dress ultra conservatively. My ankles are out; I’m in little loafers and blazers; they call me Dr. Miller. I also definitely tone down my blackness; I have to code switch. I play Erykah Badu in my office, not NBA YoungBoy. I speak and articulate differently because I think society has ingrained respectability politics into black people. I grew up with my parents saying things like, “Don’t embarrass us in front of these white people,” implying I needed to act a certain way to fit in with them. But when I’m with the black nurses, I can be more relaxed. With them, however, I’m less open about my sexuality.

When I leave work, I go back to my mostly white neighborhood, where they’ll call the police on me if they don’t recognize me. I wear basketball shorts, a backwards hat, a white tank and Jordan sandals. I party on the weekends, take Hennessy shots, go out at the clubs. I feel comfortable in both environments. I could be at a research conference sitting at the table with other PhDs, and I’m right in the middle of the conversation and feel good there. I need to sit at that table because I have great ideas. But I also feel good being with my hood friends; I feel connected to that world because it’s genuinely who I am.

Before I became a mother, I was more masculine and caught up in being a stud, which is what the black community calls a butch. Now I feel motherly; I’m very tender and gentle with my two-year-old. She brought a softness to me. I’m all about intentional parenting and I want to provide stability for her.

Now I don’t care about hiding anything. When I graduated from Howard — which is my pride and joy, by the way — I was like, “That’s the last skirt I’m wearing; I’m not going to be unhappy for anyone.” I can’t hide anymore; I have to be happy.

Paige Eden, Finance Business Analyst

I got a Bachelor of Science in business administration because it was practical, and I minored in math for fun. I then combined these skills in my Master of Science in business analytics. I really like the computational aspect of finance and that I can leverage my ability to work with large datasets to go beyond what most analysts can do in Excel. Because business analytics is an emerging field, I have a lot of freedom in terms of how I can arrive at an answer.

My work is intellectually challenging, and it tickles the logic part of my brain. That said, I don’t really have any room for creative expression, so nearly 100% of that comes from my life outside of work. I’m a radio DJ at an independent, student-run station, and every week, I play music from a different year on my show. I’m a dancer and have performed with different squads; I love tarot and the metaphysical.

It’s not that I can’t talk about my some of my interests with coworkers — like DJ-ing, for example — it’s just that I feel like even “mainstream” hobbies can make me feel uncomfortable because of the intense work culture. (My interest in tarot, however, I keep secret; I feel like it will lessen my credibility.) I’m lucky that my position gives me a good work/life balance, but most coworkers my age work at least 70 hours a week. It can make me feel guilty talking about what I do outside of work to people who don’t have the same amount of free time.

The most obvious difference in the way I live in my work and personal lives is my appearance and my scent. I love patchouli, but it won’t fly in a finance firm. Outside of work, my style is funky or grungy: a lot of bright colors and patterns, combat boots, crop tops and sleeveless shirts. At work, however, I have a “uniform” that consists of a button-down, long sleeve shirt and tailored slacks or a long skirt with stockings, heels and loafers. Everything is navy, black, white, beige or gray. I don’t remove hair anywhere on my body, so I have to keep my legs and armpits covered. What affects me the most is the undergarments I have to wear. I hate wearing bras, but at work, nipping means I have to wear a cup bra daily. It’s super uncomfortable. But I actually do agree with the thinking behind the spoken and unspoken policy that informs the expectation of my appearance at work. Someone dressed too flamboyantly sends the message that they’re not taking it seriously.

When I talk about work to my friends, it can get pretty awkward. What I do is specialized, and it can seem like I’m speaking another language. Some people straight up look at me like I’m evil when I say that I work in finance — it’s got such a bad rap. I have to remind myself that it’s not any different from working in advertising or being a model. Each of these vocations contributes to capitalism and inequality just as much as the others.

My parents emigrated from Mexico to Long Beach, CA, where my two older brothers and I were born. My father was an orphan and managed to move to the U.S., work in the restaurant industry, learn how to read and write English in his spare time and then start investing in properties. What I got from him is his work ethic, the fact that he keeps pushing. What I try to emulate from both of my parents is how caring they are. They’re super respectful and loving and genuinely care about their community.

They always treated me a little differently than my siblings, who are more masculine than I am. I started dressing in an eclectic way in high school, but I didn’t come out to my mother until I was 18, and it arose out of tension. My parents are Catholic, so their feelings stem from what the church has told them and also what it meant to be gay in their rural town in Mexico: being ridiculed and ostracized. It was intense when I came out, and my mom and I didn’t speak for several weeks. I think she associates any form of femininity with transitioning into a woman, even though I am comfortable in my identity as a man. Now, when I go home on the weekends, I avoid dressing in a flamboyant way to avoid going back to that place.

I’m probably the realest version of myself in West Hollywood, where I live. I dress in pieces that are more form-fitting; I wear a little more color or clothing that exposes my skin. I wear thicker heels, snakeskin boots, more feminine sandals. At home with my parents, I wear baggy jeans, sneakers and T-shirts I’d wear to the gym. I speak only in Spanish. I don’t flail my arms and I’m not as expressive or bombastic. We talk strictly about family and work, and I never mention my boyfriend. I don’t say “Peter and I went to this art show,” I say, “I went to this art show.” Part of my life gets omitted.

Honestly, when I’m there, it feels performative and exhausting. When I’m in a queer space — produced for queer people, by queer people — I feel energized; like electricity, like I can move forward and gain strength. When I’m with my parents, it feels like an anchor, which is exhausting but can be a good thing — it keeps me grounded. The foods I grew up eating, the huarache sandals I love, the wonderful childhood I had — they’re really a part of me. I’ve decided to make it easier for my parents because my family is really important to me and I know that, underneath, it’s not so much a criticism of my character; they just don’t understand the fluidity. The way I dress makes me feel empowered, but it’s not going to change the core of who I am.

My late grandfather was a Russian Orthodox priest in Los Angeles, and priests in the Russian Orthodox religion are viewed like celebrities. He and my grandmother followed my parents to America in the 1980s. There’s a word in Russian — rodina — which roughly means “motherland.” It’s less patriotic than it is romantic, and it characterizes how my parents thought about their country. The Russian traditions my parents instilled in me have carried me my whole life. If I don’t know anything, I know that I’m a Russian woman. I know my traditions and my language. It’s a foundation of my life.

I went to church and Russian school every weekend, and I basically knew from a very young age that I was gay. Russian Orthodox is a very reserved culture; it’s about following the rules. There are so many beautiful things about its history and traditions and art, but I don’t agree with a lot of the rules against women. Women have to cover their heads and wear skirts; they can’t go behind the altar in the church. It makes me angry even thinking about it. They can’t take communion or receive confession when they have their periods because it’s considered unclean. I thought I was unclean. When you’re baptized, you get a cross, and I never took it off, believing that I would summon the devil if I did. I hid my sexuality. It took me a long time to understand that I’m not a bad person.

I think people who don’t know a lot about Russian culture are intrigued, but I am apprehensive about bringing up the fact that I’m Russian right now. I photograph people’s homes for a living, and I don’t mention it . I don’t want them to get upset or turn on me.

After my mom passed away four years ago, I made it a point to start photographing and spending time with my grandmother, who is now 92. I don’t bring up my sexuality — she justifies all of her opinions with the Bible, and when I told her I was gay, she was terrified I would burn in hell. I wear sleeves when I visit so she doesn’t see my tattoos. I have two dresses in my closet, and they are only for attending mass with her. People gossip. Even though I wear a dress, I still don’t look how they want me to look: I don’t put on a lot of makeup and I don’t wear heels (whenever I speak the language, Russians have a moment of shock because I don’t look the part). The fact that I’m the granddaughter of a priest means I’m supposed to be a prime selection of perfection and purity. My family is considered holy, in a way, because God selected my grandfather. People revere my grandmother; they come and give gifts to her so that she’ll pray to my late grandfather to pray for their family.

My mom really wanted me to be a part of this community; it’s where she went when she needed help. Now it’s just my dad and my grandmother, and family is important to me, so I want to hold onto it.

Photos by Maggie Shannon.

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