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intersexfairy · 3 years

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so like I dont know WHO to ask but recently I've been havin a crisis over possibly bein intersex. I'm not gonna detail all my exact experiences out in an ask because If I were to, I'd rather do so in a one on one conversation as its personal and gets into some uncomfortable talk.. such as regardin my own personal set of genitals... but a key thing thats been botherin me is that. every intersex person Ive ever met or seen n such has always had a definin medical proof, a definin experience of havin it directly there and unquestionable due to their medical experiences. while I am disabled beyond belief, I am kind of actively denied access to the doctor without a lot of fightin and possibly dangerous to me livin symptoms n proof of "needin" a doctor. I also have trauma and would probably get more trauma if I let someone else near my genitals even if things I know down there could be "concernin" for "abnormalities". most of what makes me question bein intersex (minus whatever is goin on Down There) is that socially, despite my agab, its like everyone I meet spins a wheel on how to perceive my gender. I literally didn't use the locker rooms for gym n changed in a private one. I can convince easily someone that I am cis male or cis female dependin on my mood. and overall feelin alienation from supposedly my agab and not in a gender way, but in a body way. Im transneutral and even other transneutral ppl who are perisex I find it hard to relate to their stories 100% and it feels like a mix between amab n afab I relate to but neither 100% on their dysphoria or their bein perceieved by society or anything. I literally get both masculine and feminine dysphoria from my own body? I also have a lot of experiences I "shouldnt" for my agab... I feel alienated from bein perisex due to this but Im also scared and feel like Im fakin to be intersex because I have no medicial experience or "proof" in that regard. and I don't know what to do because doctors arent an option but theres also the fear of bein wrong because it feels like bein intersex is the only explaination for what Ive experienced. help????

You don't need a doctor to sign off on whether or not you're intersex. You don't need a diagnosis. There are plenty of intersex folks out there without one, and some of the ones that do have one, their diagnoses are faulty or incorrect.

We don't exclude people for not having a diagnosis - at least, most of us dont IME, and those that do are normally very problematic otherwise so their opinion doesn't matter, since it's informed by bad things.

Intersexness isn't about what the medical establishment says about us. They are our oppressors, and to say that you need a medical diagnosis to be intersex would go against everything we're fighting for. It puts power in their hands, and pathologizes intersexness, which is the opposite of what we're going for. People not already diagnosed in childhood may pursue diagnoses to know more about their body, to get some kind of answer as to why they're different, or to have that groundwork to build on for if they plan to transition (which, for intersex people, transitioning physically can occur whether your cis, trans, etc.)

I don't feel comfortable having conversations with strangers about genitalia, however I can tell you that intersexness, to the non-medicalists of us, is primarily about experiences, internal and external - with ourselves, others, and our bodies.

What you've described here is an experience common to many of us. Alienation from your agab, alienation from cisness and transness at the same time, avoiding places like locker rooms, passing as cis male/female circumstantially, etc.

If it helps you feel better, not only do I relate to what you've said about your experience - I dont have a proper diagnosis either. I'm diagnosed with PCOS (which, for some people, is an intersex variation), but the doctor who diagnosed me with that did bloodwork which he never explained to me, told me "You could have PCOS, Cushings," paused uncomfortably, and then said "Something else. So, I'm diagnosing you with PCOS since that's what your mom has."

And that's the thing with diagnosis too - a lot of us get misdiagnosed with things like PCOS and can't receive a proper diagnosis because getting a doctor to admit you're intersex can be difficult. Because they dont want us to exist, and if they can pass us off as perisex and convince us to take hormones and change our bodies with a different diagnosis, they will.

So, yeah. I don't know my variation, outside the guess that I am hyperandrogenic XX. I'm disabled too, and have my access to medical care restricted. So I get it, I really do.

I used to feel invalid, like an intruder, but the more I listened to the experiences of other intersex people, especially those with similar experiences and bodies to mine, I accepted my intersexness in spite of medicalism.

I can't tell you whether you're intersex or not ofc, but you know who can? You! Keep exploring. Keep learning. Keep looking into yourself. Keep talking to intersex people or reading about us. In time, if you're intersex.. You'll know based off that.

P.S: I'm transneutral too! Also transmasc, but still. Figured I'd mention.

#asks #anon #genitalia mention #intersex #interasks #amiintersex

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penumbra-rp · 5 years

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Congratulations Akanksha, you have been accepted for the role of Bellatrix Black!

Her gaze flicked towards the interviewer, and the thin veneer of a post wave feminist boss slid over her skin “— I think it’s really important for me to be seen in this position. It’s rather odd that the fashion industry is catered towards women and yet most executives, and even designers, in the top fashion houses are…men.”

Admin Ash: Akanksha, I absolutely adored that Bellatrix was the feminist force of nature that the fashion world wasn’t ready for but she forced them to accept. You said that Bellatrix was a woman better suited to battle, wearing her skin like armor and possessing the keen readiness to obliterate obstacles in her path in whatever form they took. And as you go through the stages of her life, you can see that she’s in a consistent fight, grappling with numerous battles -- with her mother to take on less upper-class societal norms, with her father to be taken seriously as a business woman, with her volatile nature as it needed to be subdued without the proper outlet to put it. But now that the Death Eaters have given her that outlet, I’m beyond ready to see Bellatrix tap into her nastier self.

Please check out our checklist for joining Penumbra.

01. Out of Character

NAME: Akanksha

AGE: 23

YOUR BIRTHDAY: 10/31/1995

PRONOUNS: she/her/hers

TIMEZONE: EST

02. In Character

CHARACTER: Bellatrix Black

CHARACTER’S PRONOUNS: she/her/hers

FACECLAIM: Crystal Reed

CHARACTER’S BIRTHDAY: April 14th, 1988

PERSONALITY:

(+) EFFICIENT – Electricity followed the path of least resistance and Bellatrix was the same way; she saw her solutions in straight lines. Obstacles were removed not circumvented. In the business world, this garnered her praise – she had an uncanny ability to cut through bureaucratic paperwork. In the other matters, this trait was especially welcome. Deliveries were made quickly and discreetly. And those who interfered were eliminated at once, with little time spent contemplating the morality of it all.

(+) INTELLIGENT – Perhaps if knowledge wasn’t such a means to an end, she would have spent more time in academia. Nonetheless, Bellatrix actively sought to learn more, to know more. From languages to stocks, she kept an attentive eye on new trends. Developing a vast and in-depth repertoire of skills was what kept her far and ahead from anyone else, and she aimed to keep it that way.

(+) PROTECTIVE – Bellatrix protected what was hers. She’d learned at the foot of her father, strict but unhesitating when crushing those who would do his family harm. Those outside her family must work much harder to be considered one of hers. But once they’ve earned their place in her shadow, she will do whatever necessary to protect them and more often than not, their mistakes.

(-) VOLATILE – Bellatrix has always struggled to hide what she’s felt. This issue is greatly compounded by her mercurial nature. She went from calm to furious in a breath, and settled just as quickly. This made her rather unpredictable; some days she’d let a mistake pass and others she’d use it as an excuse to indulge in her more violent tendencies.

(-) CRUEL — Perhaps the most offensive aspect of Bellatrix was her particular brand of violence. She didn’t simply eliminate her obstacles, she obliterated them. For any perceived slight, her retaliation was ten-fold. She was quite simply mean, and rarely for good reason. Bellatrix enjoyed being cruel; it slaked some tormented creature inside her that she’d never been able to articulate.

(-) DOGMATIC — At the end of the day, you were either with her or against her, and she would interact with you accordingly. No one could truly be neutral in Bellatrix’s eyes. Her black and white worldview fed into her narcissistic notion that only she knew best. The only complicated relationships she had were those with her sisters; the differences between them were obvious, but there were striking similarities as well. Beyond them, Bellatrix didn’t allow herself the murkiness of gray areas.

BRIEF BULLET POINT BIO:

NAME – Bellatrix was born in the middle of a thunderstorm, screaming from birth. They named her for a constellation, as the Blacks had always done. They named her for a warrior, and it meant something when the Black family gave their daughter a title like that. Bellatrix was born with turmoil inside her, one that would haunt her for the rest of her life. Her skin would always feel stretched tight, like armor, and the first time her mother dressed her up for fun, make-up making a little girl seem older, she knew that femininity would only ever be war paint for her.

MIRROR – It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be a girl. She had no problem with her body, the budding curves, the slimmer face. It was all the expectations that came along with it. She fought her mother because she didn’t want to wear dresses. She fought her father because she wanted to be involved in the family business, not married off. She fought her sisters because maybe if Andromeda stopped being so difficult, maybe if Narcissa stopped being so perfect, maybe then her parents would turn their attention away and she could finally breathe. She wanted to shriek so loud her mirror would crack, and maybe then the jagged reflection would look more right to her than the dark haired, red lipped princess who stared back.

ACADEMIA – She somehow scored the highest marks in her class but very nearly didn’t graduate from secondary school due to the sheer number of transgressions. Her father’s lethal charm, both carrot and stick at once, ensured her graduation and there was something in his eye that told her he was proud of her. On the cusp of adulthood, she finally managed to prove to her father that her mind, her hands were worth far more at House of Black than as a negotiating piece. Bellatrix studied the right courses, spent her summers interning at the fashion house, and graduated from the Slytherin School of Social Science poised to take over.

CAREER – The moment she was initiated into the Death Eaters, the clawing, hungry thing inside her settled. Or rather, it was appeased with the promise of danger, with the deadly games and trades, with the scent of blood. Executive Director of House of Black itched less when it was meant to be a cover and not her reality. She did her job well, better even, once she had an outlet for the tendencies that made her blood simmer beneath her skin until she burned from the inside. For that had always been the struggle of a starry warrior – Bellatrix was fearless and bright, but she was at her best in battle.

OPINION – While Bellatrix appreciated the privileges associated with The Sacred 28, the gendered aspects of the culture grated on her. Being raised in that culture allowed her to slip in, seemingly one of them, but her family always knew better. Only the youngest Black had thrived in those spaces. She preferred The Death Eaters mostly because it was the first place she had been able to be her complete self. For the first time, she hadn’t had to shave off the distasteful pieces of herself to be seen as appropriate. The Death Eaters had provided her a true sanctuary, and Bellatrix would be damned before she let some upstart activists ruin that.

INTERVIEW:

i. How do you feel about your current occupation?

— Bellatrix didn’t bother smiling; she hadn’t been pleased about the interview in the first place. In fact, she distinctly remembered telling her youngest sister that as Marketing Director, Bellatrix expected Cissy to head off any and all journalists. She didn’t have the time or, quite frankly, the temperament. “I enjoy my work, if that’s what you’re asking,” she said, dark eyes still focused on the contract she was reviewing. “It’s a very high energy environment, which suits me particularly well. And—“ her gaze flicked towards the interviewer, and the thin veneer of a post wave feminist boss slid over her skin “— I think it’s really important for me to be seen in this position. It’s rather odd that the fashion industry is catered towards women and yet most executives, and even designers, in the top fashion houses are…men.” Her nose wrinkled in distaste. “There’s legacy and family here, yes, but House of Black continues to be trendsetting in more ways than fashion, and for that simple reason I could never consider a position anywhere else. I love this company and my job.” She smiled then, more bared teeth than grin — she’d never been able to truly hide the predator in her — and the unspoken for now became clear.

ii. What song would you say describes yourself?

— Bellatrix tilted her head in consideration. Lips curving into a smile that was relatively softer, more knife edge than blatant fangs, she turned back to her computer. Neatly manicured nails (she never bothered with fancy colors sticking to nude or black) tapped her keyboard with ease and accuracy. A click, and a thrumming beat began to fill the office followed by a rich female voice. We wear red so they don’t see us bleed… “Trouble by Valerie Broussard.” She didn’t offer any further explanation.

iii. Does reputation matter to you?

— She leaned back, chair tilting and arms folded across her torso. There was a quickness to her movements, something a little faster, slicker than Narcissa’s stunning grace or Andromeda’s serene gentleness. “Of course it matters, how could it not – businesses are built on reputations; but deals only come through when you have the knowledge, the skill, the competence to back your reputation.” She observes the interviewer for a moment. “I know I match up to my reputation.” Her quick up-and-down gaze seals her assessment and the interviewer can sense her judgement easily; they don’t even have a reputation, none that she’s heard of, so she doubted they had the competency either.

iv. What is your relationship with your parents like?

— It was the first time in the interview that Bellatrix was caught off guard. Everything in her felt jagged for a moment – being off-tilt was uncomfortable for a woman who prided herself on her preparation. But she was a Black. So Bellatrix straightened her spine, shoulders back, chin up, dark eyes even. “I suspect you’re asking due to the nepotism here.” She didn’t mince words, or care to lie. “Family always comes first; that’s how I was raised. My relationship with my parents is complicated and definitely improved once it became a more adult relationship, like anyone else. But I also know, that they will always have my back, and I will always have theirs.” A more honest answer would have been too nuanced for her to articulate to someone who knew her well, let alone an absolute stranger. Her family had been both cage and sanctuary, and her parents had always held the keys to the lock.

v. What languages can you speak?

— Unlike Andromeda, who only spoke a few languages because she didn’t study them further, unlike Narcissa, who pretended she only knew a couple, Bellatrix boasted her five languages with an arched brow and a smug tilt of her chin. “French, Italian, Russian, Japanese,” she listed, each word emphasized with another pointed finger. She added her thumb and gave a cheeky wave. “And of course, English.” There were a few more she could fumble her way through, strictly for business needs, but Bellatrix wasn’t the sort of woman to advertise in which ways she was mediocre. She was the best because to her, there was no other way to be.

vi. If your home was on fire and you could only save one item, what would you choose?

— The question felt rather silly to Bellatrix. She didn’t feel attachment to items, her loyalty was to her family. And even then, the material objects that mattered to her most was almost always kept close to her. “My work bag,” she answered with an artless shrug, angled to gesture the sleek black leather bag. “I keep my laptop, wallet and phone in it – in this digital age, my most valued possessions are all kept safe in cloud storage.” Besides, family heirlooms were more her sisters’ realm.

vii. Which Hogwarts University faculty did you study at? The Gryffindor School of Applied Science, the Ravenclaw School of Humanities, the Slytherin School of Social Science, or the Hufflepuff School of Art?

– Her patience was beginning to thin, each inane question causing her jaw to set. “I believe this is information you can find with a quick search,” her voice was dangerously saccharine, and the nervous stutter she received in response pleased her. “This time, I’ll save you the work.” Don’t let there be a next time, she said, not through words, but through the hardness of her gaze, the line of her neck the slope of her nose. “I completed an accelerated course of study to graduate with both my undergrad and master’s in International Commerce. From Slytherin.” What a quick search wouldn’t tell the interviewer was that in those five years, she very nearly also completed an Industrial Operations Engineering degree from Gryffindor. She’d liked applied sciences well enough, but not enough to fight her father on it.

vix. What is your social media username?

— “Another thing you can easily search, so this time I’ll let you handle it,” Bellatrix responded dismissively. “If you have any other questions, please email my assistant. Had I known what a waste of time this would be, I would have had you do that in the first place.” Her voice was cool and matter-of-fact, and before the interviewer had even stood, Bellatrix had turned back to her work. Fortunately for the interviewer, her username was easily found on her business card;@BellatrixBlack printed in neat font above icons for Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. It was clear upon further research that Bellatrix didn’t run her social media – they were highly curated business accounts. And no amount of research would reveal her extremely private personal tag that she only used for Snapchat & FlooNet: @bellatrixie.

#accepted

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besshirtstore · 3 years

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hopeandhamronyus · 3 years

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Overcoming loss after coming out

Since I’ve come out as a transgender woman I’ve learned a lot. Like It’s almost impossible to predict how someone will react, how someone reacts initially is not how they may react over the long term and that you are never done coming out. With these in mind I’d like to share some wisdom that I’ve gained throughout my initial coming out process.

A little background

I’m 30 years old and grew up in a rural community and my social circles consisted of mainly conservative Mormons. I started hormone replacement therapy while I was in the closet with the goal of never having to come out. I planned on moving far away and coming home in boy mode whenever needed.

When I finally started coming out it was because people started noticing the changes and asking me what’s going on. Now I need to clarify that I’m the least graceful person you’ll ever meet and that continued into my coming out conversations. The discussions were filled with me crying and struggling to explain what I’ve gone through and what I’m doing.

I tried, like most in the LGBTQ+ community, to plan what I’d say and drove myself crazy trying to predict how each person would react. I’ve come out one on one and in groups. Ive had truly beautiful reactions and reactions that couldn’t be more disgusting.

Understanding the fear

I would say that the biggest fear in closeted people is what those around them will think. If you’re trans your biggest fear could be not passing but that’s also rooted in what others will think.

I spent so much time trying to deny, fight, and then hide who I was that it put me into really dark place and I’d seek validation wherever I could find it. My validation that I was doing the “right thing” was the role that I played in my relationships. I was so dependent on my friends and family for validation I felt like not being true to myself was worth it if I got to keep them.

It’s a fundamental flaw in how we approach coming out. The perceived opinions of others keeps us from our being ourselves. Well when we come out its very likely that we’ll lose people. Hopefully not, but it’s rare that someone doesn’t have at least one person that struggles.

Coming out

When I started coming out I did it in one on one sittings and had pretty good reactions the first few times. It was a learning process that allowed me to become better at knowing what to share and what was most helpful to them. I started with friends and then moved into my family which I did more in groups than individually.

One of the big concerns that I had was the fact that most of the people I would be coming out to are conservatives and Mormon. I would think about these things before meeting with people. Are they more progressive? Have they said things for or against the community in the past? All of this comes into my mind and now that I’m out to everyone in my life I can honestly say that those factors are not indicators of potential rejection or acceptance.

I’ve come out to people who have said horribly transphobic statements in the past only to soften their tone, and even reverse their way of thinking once they spoke with me. You see, once something like being gay or trans hits someones heart, it gives them the opportunity to open their mind. For people in conservative or religious communities, like me, you may be the first LGBTQ+ your social circles have interacted with.

If that’s true then their experience is limited to what they see online or in the media. Having the opportunity to speak with someone who’s LGBTQ+ and someone whom they love can change their understanding and position on the community as a whole.

Now I have found myself in situations where someone is incredibly transphobic before and that comes out in the conversation. I’ve had lifelong friends walk away from my life only because I’m transgender. Even in these situations their initial reaction isn’t a permanent state of mind. They will often spend time thinking about it, evaluating how they feel and their position on the community. Sometimes they come around and sometimes not. You may just be the seed that starts their change of mind with someone else coming later to water it.

One of the more painful experiences is people who are incredibly supportive initially and then fall away as you transition. For some people it’s hard to watch you change. The irony is your becoming your most honest self, your best self and they leave before you can offer them that. I prefer people leaving initially compared to this because for people who slowly fall away you’ll spend months questioning your friendship.

Another thing I didn’t realize before coming out, is that there’s no “one coming out”. You’ll need to come out throughout your life. Once you’re “out” you don’t need to come out to everyone, most often it’ll be people you’re romantically interested in and medical staff. Unfortunately you may still lose people in these situations. A bigoted doctor or a transphobic person who won’t want to see or date someone with a transgender history or perhaps someone comes onto you and doesn’t realize you’re on different teams.

Overcoming loss

In all of these scenarios you’ll have to deal with loss. Honestly it sucks at first but it gets easier. When I started losing people it felt awful. I’m finally becoming my best self and they have no interest. It hurt. It still hurts, but it put me on a path to increased self acceptance and I will be forever grateful for the growth I went through because of it.

I never had much self esteem and was very dependent on my friends and family for validation and happiness. Losing those I lost, and even having to hear some of the ignorant comments those have stayed have said has been one of the best things for how I view myself. I spent months trying to overcome it and once I did it was like I was a completely different person. I learned that I have value outside of what those around me think.

Getting to this point was accomplished by 3 things. Being honest with those around me, transitioning and focusing on personal growth. Once I started coming out I slowly started loving myself more, regardless of their reaction. My self hate started going away and was replaced with self love. Just being honest about who you are pulls you out of denial and being honest with others takes the power they had over you away.

Transitioning is a very personal thing and everyone has their own definition of what that means, if anything. For me, it’s changing my body to match how I’ve always felt and to be able to be accepted as a woman in public. Transitioning was a big part in overcoming the struggles of loss because every day I could see myself more and more in the mirror and that came with a huge confidence boost. People calling me female when I was dressed as boy also had a big impact on my mental state. Being accepted for who you are is very empowering.

Focusing on personal growth is something that takes many forms. Coming out and transitioning are both forms of personal growth but for me I needed to add books based on improving your life to get where I needed. Explore all avenues of empowerment and see what brings the greatest reward.

I realized how far I’ve come after one of my previous friends came back after leaving. He started reaching out and I was receptive but once he saw that it wasn’t the same relationship he got upset. It was different because I was hesitant to trust and open up to him so quickly and that bothered him. He ended up saying I was the one pushing him away and that is on me not him.

At this point I pushed back, told the truth and stuck up for myself. He cut off contact and it felt amazing. I don’t like losing a friend but I wasn’t desperate for attention or needing of his validation anymore. Throughout my coming out process I fell in love with myself enough to not be dependent on others. I don’t care what they think of me because I’m finally okay with who I am.

Being able to gain that has been one of the biggest achievements of my coming out and its hard won.

To those in the closet

So much of coming out is telling people who you are, in the present. But coming out is just the beginning of you learning who you are and what you’re capable of. Don’t let the fear or rejection or pain prevent you from focusing on the future.

When you lose people it really hurts. But finding people who accept you for you feels so much greater than the pain feels bad.

When you come out you show people who you really are, and then they show you who they really are. Let people leave who don’t want to be there and don’t shed one tear too many for them. You’re worth too much to let some value you too little.

When you’re true to yourself your life will change, for the better. It’s a hard process that requires you to be honest and persistent and to never give up. It’s worth it. You’re worth it.

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jillys-bunnies · 6 years

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Hey, I just wanted to ask you a question please? Sorry for my english, but I saw you have 2 rabbits (female) and we have also 2 rabbits (female too) and we tried to put them together but they fighted, so I'm interested by the way you did to make them together without any problems, I would like our 2 rabbits being together and playing and all.. I hope you can help me that would be nice because its been months and I cant seem to find anything right Thank you! (Im glad your rabbits look so happy)

my rabbits knew each other before we got them, so i never had any problems, but ive put together a little cheat sheet composed of advice ive heard commonly and have researched. i hope it helps! (and your english is fine, dont worry!)

getting used to each other pre-bonding

heres what saveabunny suggests:

You should figure out housing and bonding areas before bringing a second rabbit home. You will temporarily need a second cage for the new rabbit and a place for that cage, preferably near your current bunny. You will also need to find neutral areas in your house [somewhere your rabbits don’t go and haven’t claimed as territory] where you can do the introductions ... I would have two cages set up for the rabbits side by side, about three inches apart. It is important to keep the cages slightly apart because they will sometimes try to bite each other through the wires ... You do want them in the same room so they can communicate with each other. I will often place the litter boxes on the far side, away from the other cage. Greens are typically placed in the side closest to the other cage. Eating is a social activity and this will force them to be a little social ... it is all right to start with them living as neighbors for several weeks.This gives them some times to get used to each other before you start the bonding.

ive heard very good things about all of these suggestions. heres an additional suggestion from the same article that i havent personally heard much at all about, but you might consider:

Lastly, I have the rabbits switch cages every night. This way they get used to living with the other rabbit's scent and neither gets too possessive about either cage.

pre-bonding health

ensure both bunnies have been fixed for at least 2 to 4 weeks and are in good healthy condition. bonding can be stressful, and if bunnies fight, you dont want them to already be injured or weak.

learn in advance what to watch out for and how to stop fights

its very very important to keep a close eye on bunnies to try to stop bunnies before they start fighting. heres more from savebunny.org:

Look for signs that your rabbit is in attack mode. Typically, their ears will be bent back at a forty five degree angle. What does their tail look like? A rabbit about to attack will raise their tail and appear to be on their haunches. When your rabbit does this, tell them to be nice, and push them a few feet away. Remember- ears back at a 45 degree angle, tail raised up mean your rabbit is ready to attack.

Now there is also the rabbit that will run and charge another bunny. This is fairly easy to read, but you need to intecept them quickly. Some chasing can be normal, as one may be chasing to mount and exhibit their dominance. Last, there is the rabbit that will lie there trying to look innocent, but will turn their head and quickly bite. Those are the hardest to stop, although they are less likely to turn into an all out fight. You will have to read your rabbit's eyes to figure them out.

some dominance establishment, as mentioned before, can be normal, like chasing and mounting (in less formal turns, humping), but should still be gently stopped to prevent bunnies from getting riled up.

its not always possible to stop things in time, so be ready with thick gloves and maybe a thick sweater so you can get in and stop them immediately. rabbits will bite blindly and this will hurt you if youre not protected. ive also seen people encourage the use of spray bottles to stop fights, but im not comfy doing so myself so i cant really speak on that. in the end, its up to you, but i urge you to only ever use spray bottles to stop fighting because its so dangerous for bunnies.

bonding

Find a small neutral area of your house that your rabbit does not use. Some options are the bathtub, a blocked off section of hallway, or an exercise pen in a neutral room. Get your supplies ready- the water bottle, gloves or old sneakers. Place the rabbits in the neutral space and watch them. It is easiest to have two people nearby- one with the water bottle and the other with the gloves or sneakers.

i also suggest not to put a litter box in this neutral space - one could get territorial over it.

ive seen some disagreement about when exactly you should separate the bunnies completely. my suggestion is the first 2 times in a bonding session they try to attack, move them apart but keep them in the same pen. after that, separating them for the day is good - you can try again later.

I would start by letting your rabbits spend 15-30 minutes together on their first date, depending on how it is going. If it is going well, then I would go the thirty minutes. During a normal work day, I would have them date only once. However on the weekends, feel free to try 2-3 dates, 6-8 hours a part. If the dates are going well, then gradually increase the time that they are spending together ...

While the rabbits may at time appear indifferent to us, the truth is they are sizing each other up to determine if they can trust each other. This is seen by observing the rabbits. They may lay about 2-3 feet from each other. If they weren't interested at all, they wouldn't do this. They are being coy- curious but not quite trusting enough. We've all seen humans play hard to get. Guess what- rabbits do too! With time you will notice the space between them decrease and eventually they will be sleeping next to each other.

If your rabbits are not interacting, look for other signs. Do they seem relaxed? Are they washing themselves? Hopping around like everything is normal? If so, then they don't perceive the other rabbit as a threat.

When the rabbits are curious about each other, they will go up to each other and sniff. One may bow his head, requesting licks. One may gently lick the other rabbit's face. These contacts are usually brief, lasting less than 30 seconds. This is the start of grooming and is an excellent sign. As trust continues to develop, these sessions will increase into true snuggling where they will groom each other. During the first meetings, the buns will often seem a little tense, but as time goes on, they will relax. The first signs of grooming may appear a little rough- almost like chewing or gentle nibbling at the hair instead.

When you see positive signs- whether they just seem comfortable in a pen togehter (while not interacting) or if you are lucky enough to see some grooming, you should gradually increase the time they spend together and the space they use. For example, increase their time together from 1 hour to 2 hours to three hours. Once they can spend several hours together, you might be inclined to move them into a larger room where they can run and play together. This is also an excellent time to put litter boxes in for them to use and feed them dinner together.

You should instinctively know when to move on to the next stage. There is the trust factor- you will find yourself trusting them more each day. The first few sessions you will be with them constantly. Then you may feel like you can run to the kitchen and grab a drink. After many sessions, you may feel as if you don't need to be with them, but want them within earshot. At a certain point you will feel as if they can be together and you don't need to be with them ...

Sometimes rabbits appear to be stuck in a rut and not progressing with their bonding. They have worked out a mutual agreement to coexist, but don't seem to be chummy quite yet. This is where you need to push them a little bit. Shake things up- try some of the tricks listed below. Move to a different location, try a smaller pen, try a larger pen. Try and get them over the hump. If both rabbits like banana, then take some and place banana in the fur near the base of the ears. Since most buns go crazy for this, they will try to lick it off each other. One will think they are getting a treat, while the other believes they are being groomed. Sometimes you need to gently push them forward.

closing remarks

i hope all of this helps you get your bunnies to be friendly! it may take a long time or go quickly. a lot of it has to do with interpreting your bunnies body language and following your gut on when its time to move forward. i quoted from saveabunny.org, but here are more resources if you need them!

sacramento house rabbit society

natalie sullivan and edie sayegs bunny bonding guide

good luck and happy bun parenting! and if anyone has anything to add, feel free. id love to hear from other bun parents!

#responses #text

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noctomania · 7 years

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Expression (please excuse the novel length)

I remember back in elementary school when my school district voted on whether to turn my school to uniform policy. It was a public school and i had never felt so attacked before then or felt such a strong opinion about something personally. Mind you, i was maybe...10-12 yrs old (if that). This was a time when my self expression was about to take off and bloom. Suddenly though it was halted by uniform policy. I had heard both sides of it and valid points existed on both sides but i still feel it was wrong to enact because i am an advocate for open self expression (i mean without encroaching on other's rights so like my self expression couldn't be to sit on stranger's laps without invitation for example), mostly because that is how i connect best with people. I can't easily just strike up convo with strangers (trust me i have tried). Back then, it was usually a snarky message on my shirt that would draw people in to talk ("good morning is an oxymoron" or any emily strange stuff for example) I've always relished in (and grateful for) having autonomy over my appearance, it's one of the most rewarding things to be able to almost turn yourself inside out and tell the world "see? Do you see me now?" Whereas uniforms...they felt like a prison, like the erasure of my individuality. It also made everyone else seem so 2-D. Schools sometimes had trouble with students showing up in tshirts advertising alcohol or with inappropriate language on them, which is where I think the uniform idea came through most strongly. The economic hardship was left to the families though. Luckily i was allowed to wear pants and not forced into a skirt. I highly doubt guys would have been allowed to wear skirts though, but i never experienced any situations of that at my particular school. I wasn't social enough though to be sure it never happened. Something similar did occur in my high school years later though but instead of a skirt it was my friend and he would wear makeup but was repeatedly sent to detention for it because it was "distracting" I remember also in high school when i was going to be getting my senior picture which I didn't want in the first place. The senior photos were binary traditional and you had to wear this funny neck garment according to your, or what they assumed to be your, gender. This was all before i knew trans and i just knew i preferred the tux one to the one that looked like a dress. The photographer refused unless i got permission from the journalism teacher and I think the only reason she allowed me was because i was a "good quiet" student. But she was sure to let me know she felt it was highly inappropriate. I remember when i got a free leatherman jacket from being in my high school book club (i am The Coolest™) and we got to choose what name we wanted embroidered on the back. I'm proud to say i have my current name, andy, on it because even though the book club leader/librarian did try to push back on my request and tried to sway me into putting my birth name on it, i was insistent. I still have it and still wear it and otherwise i may not have even taken it. (It was free so turning it down wouldn't have been a big deal to me though I woulda been bummed to not get one even though they kinda forced me to take one anyway? It's complicated and thats all besides the point) See I'm someone who craves expression. I bottle up enough shit. Some things i wanna wear on my sleeves. Or my face. Or my hair. My gender expression has been pretty strong since day one. Not to say I wouldn't or have never gone more feminine in my appearance, it's just to say that i have not been the type to adopt an appearance based on what someone else says i am or should be. I don't feel the need to be absolutely masculine 100% i dont fear that which is feminine or androgynous. And i still remain critical of the unnecessary binary that is forced in societies. The products "for men💪/for women🌼" the bullshit of women just cannot be as strong as men the bullshit that women are inherently emotional moreso then men the absurd concept that to be a woman means to have a pussy and tits and to be a man you needa have a package (because clearly you just lose your identity when you get breast or ovarian or testicular cancer). "SO DUH ABOLISH GENDER SO MEN AND WOMEN CAN BE TREATED THE SAME" To turn a blind eye to the differences and intricacies along the gender SPECTRUM (or any innate identity spectrum) is to pretend we don't all have our own distinctive experiences and issues and is in fact a rejection of them. My gender is expressed how i see fit. Perhaps it is quite masculine and yes i did in fact get some surgery but no surgery is going to turn me cis, no hormones will remove all the experience i had as a AFAB for 20yrs no surgery is going to change my interests. I didn't seek hrt or surgery because of anyone else or to spite anyone or to attack anything, i did it to achieve a sense of Self I had never experienced before due to the limitations of my physical expression. I did it because i know how my mind perceives my body and it's never fit right until now. Like ive been a mismatched set of Tupperware that's finally been organized properly. My lid fits, i am a complete set on my own now, as opposed to trying to fit the mold of other's lids. I didn't change to be someone else, i changed my appearance to match who I Am. FORCED gender roles/expression is detrimental, not because of the gender, but because it's forced; because it's someone exerting (or trying to) inappropriate control where they have no right. Are cisfem who choose to take on the ultimate 50s nuclear family housewife life/look any less valid than a cisfem who refuses to fit any gendered life/looks? Or should both be seen as equal and valid in their accession of and right to their autonomy to identify themselves and express themselves how they see fit without any external criticism/dictation as to what is "right" or "appropriate" based on antiquated and/or irrational factors/ideologies? The point of identity is nobody can tell you what/who you are. Perhaps they could guess, but that doesn't mean they are right or that they have authority over your identities. it's not a problem that gender exists. It's a problem that is has been monopolized and mutated and mythologized by people (yes of all varieties bc ideologies know no bounds) trying to dictate other's lives. It's a problem that it has been used as a tool to oppress rather than express. I've met just as many misogynistic women as i have men or even trans and non-binary folk. Everyone has the ability to be oppressive of someone else. When you have been oppressed, or fear being oppressed, you might take on an oppressive role yourself as a form of offense before you ever have to face bein on the defense, if you aren't critical of or moderate yourself. Though the effort may come from a place of self-preservation, it can still cause unnecessary harm and even be counterproductive, if not hypocritical. If we approach the problem for what it is (insertion of opinion where it is unwarranted and unnecessary) instead of attacking it's symptoms (gender expression), we will get to the real resolution with less inner-community squabbling. Don't pretend like you can tell someone who they are. You can argue your point without doing this. Don't pretend you are the ultimate source of knowledge for what you are fighting for. If it were all up to you there wouldn't be a movement, just you. Terfs and radfems may believe i should not have transitioned. Perhaps they feel I could have easily just continued to be a "tomboy", as i was frequently referred to as, and just bind my chest for the rest of my life and never feel a real connection with my Self. I would have remained in a state of self loathing and not only forever feeling less than i was meant to be (not because of my female form but because I wasn't able to be my Self) but forever having to face people identifying me incorrectly and always feeling that disconnect in communication when someone rejects or denies your identity. While being trans does still make me (only slightly due to passing standards and me being white) a target for hate crimes, before resolving my identity i was more likely to take my own life on top of still being a target for harassment due to being untraditional in my expression. Me being me, I've never had an issue with bein an untraditional person (very little about me is traditional), but when you have an inner war going on and you know you can do something good about it, I would never sway someone away from resolving that. Honestly i felt more a distance from feminism before transitioning because i never felt right if i tried to "proudly proclaim" bein a woman/womyn. i felt like a fraud which ultimately made me question if i was a feminist at all. Like I didn't not like women, and i was/am a proud feminist, i just didn't feel as if i was a woman and felt more like i was lying when the words came out which did to an extent feel like a form of betrayal to women and it wasn't til much later i understood it wasn't. I tried various forms of gender expression as a female but even in the best case scenarios it didn't sit right. Not knowing who you are foundationally makes it hard to know how you feel about others or how to accept others. Empathy and compassion require a certain level of knowing yourself so you can identify with another on our human level. If you're at fault with yourself it can be hard enough to love yourself much less anyone else. I feel trans-exclusionary feminists are stuck in that same stage i was stuck in when i was resolving my gender identity. But removing the issue from the context of gender kind of helps. Its not the identity itself that i hate, it's being forced into an identity i am not, never have been, and never will be. Imagine being forced to be a different person. How people identify you is all wrong and any time you try to assert your identity it is rejected. It's not an identity you can change (like a religion or a political leaning that may or may not change), but it's something not readily apparent, or is obstructed by the predisposition people may have about you based on what they see you as. You can call a bear a silly man who needs a shave and wears a fur coat but that's not going to change the fact that the bear is a bear, not going to change the bear's needs or instincts (reference from The Bear That Wasn't) I guess my point overall is: distinctive identity titles are born out of necessity, because thise identities exist. Identities also present the opportunity for us to recognize one another's differences and to learn how we connect and where we lack understanding of one another. Identities allow us short hand how to express ourselves verbally, yanno when interpretive dance is out of the question or inapplicable. Expression of identity is integral to feeling a sense of Self, to be able to trust yourself, and to be able to trust others. Identity should never be erased whether it be gender, sexual orientation, race, ability etc. Before I understood my gender identity i was compensating my lack of masculine appearance with overly-masculine attitude instead, which inevitably lent itself to toxic masculinity. I would catch myself acting that way sometimes and earnestly didn't know what was wrong with me. Now i know i was insecure. Now, I'm much more neutral and comfortable in my attitude since I'm not feeling the need to compensate for my appearance with my attitude. My transition was good for me and those around me. It allowed me to be a little less concerned with my issues and more concerned with the issues of a wider community. So I know this is long and I'm sorry. I don't expect anyone to have read this and i doubt that anyone who disagrees with me read it thoroughly (3 times top to bottom) as they should (to avoid making themselves look impulsive and irrational or cherry picking) before asserting their opinion, but here it is now and it's not goin anywhere. Thank god it's my weekend coming up... (Please if you respond do so respectfully. If you only wish to spit at me, do so in a direct message and leave the notes on this open for respectful conversation/debate, thank you kindly!)

#terf #feminism #gender #transgender #ideologies #identity #autonomy #self #perspective #community #radfems

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unluxuriant · 4 years

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i think the hardest thing about representing nudity in art is the choice of ‘existence’ vs ‘perception’. i can absolutely tell the difference every time i see a photo or painting of a naked woman if we are meant to perceive her nakedness or live in it with her. most of the times when i feel like an onlooker, like i’m not supposed to be watching but i am, like i’m meant to desire her, i come to find its artist is a man (though not always).

though, i am often comforted when i feel as though her nudity is not seen as something to stare at, but we are just living in this moment along side her. it’s in these pieces that i feel safe and have gained a certain confidence in my own womanhood- because i am able to simply be a person, rather than always admired.

as i’ve asked around, i find a lot of women don’t know how to seperate their bodies and their sexuality. it’s heavily entangled because of this notion that we are always being perceived. to become this onlooker when viewing art, it’s feels invasive- a feeling that women seem to have gotten used to. but to have an allowance to be comfortable and loved in nakedness is a breath of release. i find that men typically don’t make this distinction in women’s nudity in art, because they’ve never had to notice the difference in themselves.

there has always been an allure of the female figure. ive appreciated it just as much. i do believe we need to distincify in art and in our world if we are going to let women’s bodies continue to be a perception, or if we will allow such bodies to simply exist.

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winonaderham5-blog · 7 years

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Christmas Present For Girls That Affection Steeds.

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