#also when people call things male or female anatomy. Like there ARE terms for those things that dont require gendering them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

johannestevans · 10 months

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Hi, this is the anon who was asking about the afab term stuff 👋

Firstly thanks for the longer explanation, I hope it wasn't too frustrating for you, I really don't mean to bother you, so if this is too many questions feel free to ignore it

Secondly, this has actually kinda explained a couple things about my own experience with the terms, like how people asking if I'm afab/amab (which doesn't really apply to me in a binary/dyadic sense) has always felt a little like someone asking my deadname. So thanks for making me consider that more from a different perspective

Thirdly, my experience from having my identity heavily medicalised (intersex healthcare in the UK is a mess) and from being raised by a doctor is that female sex vs female gender were two separate things, and that one doesn't always correspond to the other. I never really approached the idea that female/male sex weren't useful/real categories because their meanings to me were entirely anatomical definitions of a collection of parts that are usually found together. To me it would be completely the same to refer to them as Sex A and sex B, with the understanding that there are people who fit neither category. Intersex anatomy is often talked about as if its the crossover in a Venn diagram of characteristics, between the two categories of 'male sex' and 'female sex'. For this purpose having those categories for communication purposes, is somewhat helpful, e.g to say that an increase in my testosterone will cause my male characteristics to become more prominent. The categories serve a purpose for communication more than anything else.

If the categories weren't using the words female/male do you think it would be any better of an experience for you? Aka if the terms used to describe them had no relation to any gender identity, but there was still two prominent categories.

Of course I can see the issue with when people assume that you fall exactly into one category or another, so regardless of name/language no number of categories should ever be assumed to be a universal set, but that doesn't mean that the terms don't have positive uses. Our language exists for us to communicate, so if terms to describe a category of anatomical parts help us do that, surely they still have meaning/usefulness?

Nope, don't worry about it, Anon! If anything bothers me so much that I don't want to answer it, I'll say or I'll just delete the ask.

I absolutely think that some people do ask after ASAB because they want to just find out what people "really" are and whatever, have just internalised the whole gender aspect and do think of some trans people as being female (good) and male (bad), and there's so much transmisogyny baked into it, but also just... misanthropy, you know? Like a real distaste for the variety in humanity and a desperate desire to force everyone into particular categories.

The thing about current medicalised perceptions of intersex identities is that there are dozens of so-called "intersex conditions", but we literally have 0 way of knowing how many people are the "pure" standard of female with the exact female anatomy and the "pure" standard of male with the exact male anatomy without like, MRI-ing and later dissecting massive swathes of the population and comparing them all, and we don't do that because people want the male/female divide to exist when like.

It doesn't, not in the way people want to imagine it does.

These are broad categories people have projected onto people, and while I agree that medical professionals knowing someone's physical anatomy is valuable, I actually think that the M/F binary actually is more likely to harm them than otherwise.

Many doctors will meet someone who they assume was AFAB, and therefore they must have all this anatomy, and then they'll just put any abdominal or even chest pain down to their period, on top of not really caring how much pain they're in - and then they won't even check for shit like appendicitis or gut problems or even more significant uterine problems like endometrioisis, but also like... testicular torsion.

I frankly don't agree that "female sex" and "male sex" are genuinely useful categories. They're just weaponised too much for me to believe that - I think we should do away with M/F categorisations on birth certs and medical records, and that doctors should have to fucking, God forbid, examine people to see what their problems are.

I'm so sorry that you've received shitty treatment for intersex medical issues, several of my friends are intersex and experience just roadblock after roadblock - even as a probably dyadic trans dude with a few chronic issues it's just painful to navigate, and I just get pissed off because it's complicated by doctors religious devotion to a cis medical binary that's not nearly as important as they desperately want to believe it is.

#musings #anonymous

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sexandloveforlife · 2 years

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Guide to LGBTQIA+ Safer Sex

It is shameful that just that many American states mandate that LGBTQIA+ people be fully included in sex education curricula.

Instead, the majority of sex education programs make the assumption that the audience is heterosexual and cisgender. That kind of homophobia and transphobia is the only thing less attractive than clogs.

To make a safer sex guide that recognizes the genuine complexity and diversity across gender identities, sexual orientation, attractions, and experiences, we collaborated with GLSEN, Advocates for Youth, and two queer sex educators.

This manual is intended for the 95% of students whose numerous sexual health queries went unanswered in class.

Those who identify as LGBTQIA+ and have ever wondered:

or anything else associated with sexual well-being, pleasure, and play.

Learn more about your body, if you haven't already. According to Andy Duran, a queer sex specialist and the education director for Good Vibrations, "the notion that someone is going to come along and introduce you to out-of-this-world experiences produces good fantasy." The films "Call Me By Your Name," "Moonlight," and "Below Her Mouth" provide as examples.

However, in real life, no one can miraculously figure out what makes you happy. According to Duran, "Our partners are most equipped to please us when we can tell them how to please us."

The act of being comfortable with your own body is called body mapping. It's all about discovering how your body functions in terms of appearance, taste, smell, and sensation.

According to Duran, this is particularly crucial for queer and trans people because it enables them to discover the types of touching that they find the most gratifying and affirming.

Despite similarities, masturbation tends to be more sexual. It's a method to discover what makes you feel good, what makes you climax, and what doesn't," he explains.

Following is a partial list of possible activities for your alone session:

Bees and birds, but make it strange.

Aida Manduley, LICSW, a trauma-focused therapist and sexuality educator, states that two conditions must be met for pregnancy to occur:

Manduley explains that sperm must go down the urethra, which is why one individual must have testicles (where sperm is created), the prostate, and bulbourethral glands.

A second person also needs a uterus and an ovary to generate eggs (where the sperm meets the egg).

The most important aspect of this, not your gender identity or sexual orientation, is your body and the anatomy of your partner(s).

Manduley asserts that women who are taking testosterone may still be able to become pregnant.

In a similar way, people who were born as males who are now taking estrogen or another hormone replacement therapy may still be able to become pregnant through their partners.

Manduley continues, "Unless a medical professional has told you are sterile or unable to get pregnant, assume pregnancy is a danger."

What about STIs (sexually transmitted infections)? No sexual orientation or gender identity is immune to STIs. Testing is the only method to find out if you have a STI.

There are excellent websites that can assist you in locating a nearby testing facility, like Get Tested.

For those interested in at-home STI kits and testing, STD Test Express, Nurx, Everlywell, and SH:24 are excellent options.

Keep your vaccinations, prescriptions, and screenings up to date. The best medicine, as they say, is prevention. There are several steps you may do to lower your chance of contracting a STI while pregnant.

Maintain current immunizations The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) now suggest HPV vaccination for everyone between the ages of 11 and 26; previously, it was only advised for those who were assigned female at birth.

Some adults between the ages of 27 and 45 who have not yet had the vaccine may also elect to do so after consulting a healthcare practitioner to determine their HPV risk.

Think about PrEP An HIV-negative individual can use the drug preexposure prophylaxis (PrEP) every day to lessen their chance of getting HIV while engaging in sexual activity with an HIV-positive person.

Speak with a clinician or other healthcare expert if you belong to any of those categories.

Note: Postexposure prophylaxis (PEP) can be used within 72 hours if you are not on PrEP and believe you may have recently been exposed to HIV in order to lower the risk of transmission.

In this situation, visit your neighborhood STI testing facility, urgent care, or primary care physician's office. (Just give them a call ahead of time to confirm that they have the medication on hand; some offices don't.)

Contraception Once more, Manduley notes that "pregnancy is a risk when the involved parties have the anatomy for it." Consult a healthcare provider about your birth control alternatives if you want to prevent pregnancy.

If you're not using birth control and recently engaged in unprotected play with a partner who could become pregnant, you have 3 to 5 days (depending on the technique) to use an emergency contraception to prevent pregnancy.

Raise your hand if the scant sex education you did receive involved your teacher rolling a condom over a banana as you avoided eye contact.

Spoiler: Safer sex involves much more than condoms.

Additionally, just so you know, you don't need a banana to wear a condom. What you should know is as follows.

exterior condoms For oral and penetrative sex that involves the penis, outside condoms can be used to keep bodily fluids contained (e.g., semen, ejaculate, and pre-ejaculate).

For simpler cleanup, sex toys can also be used with outside condoms. They are essential for sex toys made of porous materials, according to Duran.

How to use a condom outside Use lubrication that is compatible with the devices or barriers you are employing, advises Manduley.

For instance, they claim that latex barriers and oil-based lubes are incompatible. Additionally, silicone toys shouldn't be used with silicone-based lubricants.

Inside condoms Inside condoms are intended to line the vagina, anus, or front hole.

In the US, there is only one brand available, but health clinics frequently carry them. Woot!

For the purposes of this book, we've decided to provide readers with additional terminology for their genitalia.

Every time we refer to the "vagina" in a medical context, we'll also refer to the "front hole," as has been clinically advised by researchers in the BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth publication.

How to use a condom inside Dams Utilizing a dam Get a new one, advises Manduley, "if during play you can't determine which side was touching what body part, or it gets totally covered with bodily fluids." Because if the barrier is broken, it is ineffective.

Note: Dams can be expensive and difficult to locate. Fortunately, by slicing apart an outside condom, you can create your own dam. You can get started by using this step-by-step manual.

finger cots and gloves Finger cots keep that finger clear of bodily fluids and shield genitals from germs found on your finger or nail during one-finger fingering.

How to apply gloves or cots Manduley's advice is to "get them in a color that feels fun or seductive to you and your partner(s)." "Many people's sex toolkits include black nitrile gloves, for example."

Consensual and communicative sex is the finest sex. What you should know is as follows.

101 Consent Before a sexual act occurs, sexual consent is the passionate, continuing consent to engage in that act.

Checking in with your sexual partner(s) before and during a "sexual contact" can assist create a secure environment where sex can be a mutually enjoyable and positive experience based in respect and understanding, in addition to being legally and ethically needed. adore that

Examples of how to request consent

You may be asking whether nonverbal consent is possible. It can be difficult to get implied permission. Why? because it is simple to misinterpret cues.

The best kind of permission, according to Duran, is verbal.

the importance of communication Beyond just consent, communication is necessary for the most enjoyable interactions.

Some questions you might ask prior to getting down:

The majority of safer sex manuals will state that sobriety is a need for consent. Manduley points out that it is unrealistic to expect people to avoid hooking up while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

Harm reduction can help with it.

Manduley claims that harm reduction can take the form of any combination of the following:

Manduley continues, "You might consider postexposure prophylaxis or emergency contraception if the following day you can't remember what barriers were utilized.

You don't want to remove your clothing? You can still put it on, no problem!

The activities of dry humping, kissing, and over-the-clothes grinding, according to Duran, are extremely delightful, sensual, and intimate and should be experienced by people of all ages.

To improve outercourse:

Because there is typically little risk of STI transmission during outercourse, many people find that orgasm comes more naturally to them, according to Duran. After all, pleasure is severely hampered by tension and anxiety.

concerns for safety STIs are not a problem as long as all partners wear clothing and there is no bit-to-bit contact or bodily fluid exchange. Pregnancy is also not.

Consider changing afterward because continuing to remain in your own fluids can raise your chances of developing bacterial vaginosis or a yeast infection.

It's tremendously intimate to feel your partner's body with your hands, according to Duran. Additionally, depending on the types of strokes and pressures you apply, it may feel incredibly amazing for them.

After all, the hand is the original sex object like in jav.

Pro tip: Lube will improve all of these. pornsexzone.com

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coochiequeens · 3 years

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CA — . Endometriosis affects an estimated 1 in 10 women, which equates to approximately 200 million women worldwide. According to the Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology Canada, “endometriosis is a chronic inflammatory disease that predominantly affects women of reproductive age and is characterized by the growth of endometrial-like tissue outside of the uterus. Women with endometriosis experience a range of symptoms, including pelvic pain and cramping during menstruation, non-menstrual pelvic pain, painful intercourse, heavy menstrual bleeding, and chronic fatigue. Subfertility or infertility is also commonly associated with endometriosis. The chronicity and severity of endometriosis-related symptoms considerably affect all aspects of women’s quality of life.

Most women with endometriosis resort to the internet to learn more about their diagnosis from those who are further along on the road of understanding their disease and its treatment options. Peer support groups have sprung up on social media, often providing the only source of comfort and specialized information for women who are desperately trying to cope with this debilitating disease. However, what were once safe spaces to discuss the very intimate details of one’s female anatomy associated with endometriosis amongst other women, have now become police states of compelled speech.

The Endometriosis Network Canada (TENC), a registered Canadian non-profit organization, has adopted the controversial practice of policing gendered language. Their Facebook group, which boasts over 7,000 members, no longer permits any member to address the group by feminine terms such as ‘women’, ‘ladies’, ‘girls’, ‘sisters’, ‘gals’, etc. Admins are quick to correct anyone who posts or comments using these words. And yet, it has become evidently clear that usage of the word ‘guys’ to address the group goes by without reprimand from the admins, who, in the case of feminine terminology, remind members that this is an inclusive space and we mustn’t use gendered language. Oddly enough, I don’t identify as a ‘guy’ and don’t feel included at all in those conversations. Apparently, masculine terms do not count as gendered language. The group’s administration launched an attack on gendered language with this directive published on June 25th, 2020: It’s Time for the Endometriosis Community to Drop Gendered Language. It was preceded by an earlier version that came out on March 8, 2020, and this narrative has been pushed from as far back as 2014. Despite a resounding cacophony of “NO!” in response to this announcement on Twitter in June 2020, the objections of over 100 women fell on deaf ears. One wonders if the actual founders of the group are even on Twitter and Facebook, or if they just don’t care what women who don’t identify as men actually think.

Even more disturbing than the policing of language is that TENC has also told its members how to think! Start thinking ‘people with endo,’ and be okay if someone calls you out when you use gendered language – unlearning takes time.” Sadly, the only thing that this group is unlearning is their critical thinking skills and self-respect. Cutesy emojis and charmingly colourful graphics do not make up for a loss of common sense. But, apparently, it takes only one man, or trans-man in this case, for over 7,000 women to have to change how they reference themselves.

‘Women’ is NOT a dirty word.

Since the Endometriosis Network Canada (TENC) has been discouraging its members from thinking of endometriosis as a “woman’s” disease, let’s unpack that, shall we? Within the international medical community, there have only been about 20 cases of endometriosis reported in men (adult human males). These extremely rare cases have shed some light on the underlying pathology of the disease, which is a chronic inflammatory response exacerbated by estrogen. All reported cases in men had elevated estrogen levels. Putting those 20 cases into perspective, comparatively to the 200 million cases of endometriosis in women (adult human females), men make up approximately 0.0000001% of the incidence of endometriosis cases.

So, why the demand not only for inclusive language, but also a reluctance to call endometriosis a ‘woman’s disease’? Gender ideologists and their allies will argue that “trans men and non-binary people can also have endo”. Fair enough; however, regardless of how those individuals identify, they have endometriosis precisely because they are female.

The catchy slogan of an endometriosis support group created exclusively for gender non-conforming individuals, “Endo Knows No Gendo” is true enough. That’s because endometriosis is completely dependent on your biology, and not your gender ideology. Biology doesn’t care how you self-identify. This is a medical community that has no business erasing established scientific terminology.

Woman is not a dirty word! Amongst the over 6000 members of the Endometriosis Network Canada (in 2020), there were only approximately 10 members that self-identified as trans-men, non-binary, gender-fluid or queer, equating to approximately 1 in 600 members, or 0.0017% of the group’s population. The other 99.9983% accept themselves as women. And yet, those who identify as ABF (anything but female) make up a grossly disproportionate number of group admins and moderators, also known as the gendered-language police. The issue is that it’s not just about how they themselves are identified by others, but about how we, as natal women, are expected and compelled to identify ourselves as individuals and to address the group. One cannot help but wonder, ‘is this an effect of internalized misogyny from growing up in a culture where female oppression is the norm? Or, is this an effect of feminophobia so intense that some adult human females not only reject the reality of womanhood in themselves, but also in others that resemble themselves (i.e. other females)?’. “

‘We’re not asking for special treatment,’ A. says.”

But really, they are, aren’t they? When someone demands that thousands of women change how they think, speak and interact with each other because it doesn’t suit their personal narrative, they actually are asking for special treatment.

If we removed the word “gender” from that sentence it would read the same as every other woman who suffers from the debilitating pain of endometriosis. Dysphoria is defined as a lack of ease; the opposite of euphoria.

Personally, I have often referred to my ovaries as “pure evil” due to the sensation of my own flesh tearing inside of me every time I ovulate. During the most desperately excruciating moments, when all attempts to quell the pain of ovulation or menstruation have failed, I have fantasized about taking a paring knife from the kitchen and removing the offending organs myself. That is dysphoria too! Who amongst us doesn’t feel dysphoric when our own bodies turn against themselves, when we bleed internally causing peritonitis throughout our abdomen, while referred pain radiates throughout our body, or when we experience inflammation pressing on the sciatic nerves causing unbearable pain in our legs, or when we experience menstrual cramps severe enough that we vomit from the sheer pain?! Endometriosis causes inflammation and bleeding as a response to estrogen, as though we are being poisoned by our own femaleness. Relating to the very bodies that are essentially poisoning us, interfering with our daily functioning, rendering us unable to meet the normal demands of life, career, and relationships is beyond distressing to all of us. So, why is one person’s dysphoria, or type of dysphoria, somehow more valid than another’s? A critical question, and a growing concern amongst gender critical feminists is – why would so many women pander to the demands that tell us how to refer to ourselves? In a word – misogyny.

Trans-men have adopted the overlord role of that of their counterpart, biological men, that men will decide who and what women are allowed to be called, as they always have.

The women in The Endometriosis Network Canada are primarily vulnerable women – they are chronically ill. Having endometriosis, a debilitating disease, costs its survivors more than just their health – it costs them their jobs from having to take time off due to intolerable pain and the side effects that accompany its treatments, and it costs them their personal relationships. Because endometriosis often results in infertility, many women experience rejection by their male partners, sometimes resulting in divorce. It is not uncommon for women with endometriosis to feel like a burden to those around them. And so, they make themselves as unproblematic, empathetic, kinder, and as flexible as possible. They feel a need for acceptance, and so will sometimes bend over backwards to gain approval. They place the feeling and demands of others above their own needs, even if it means giving up their own identities or safe spaces, whether physical or virtual. Acquiescing to these demands is an act of affirming the subordinate status of women. Those who perpetuate it amongst other women are traitors to the female sex, complicit in our erasure. Denying the language used to describe women is an act of denying our existence.

It is psychologically distressing, to say the least, to see that the language of pronouns is being policed and enforced across the board in liberal communities, non-profits, social media and professionally published media. Most disturbing of all is to see this trend sweeping across feminist groups, women’s health care and other support groups. Those who raise concerns or questions are automatically expelled from such groups, or worse, documented, doxed, harassed, accused of bigotry, de-platformed, fired from their jobs, and in rare cases, even assaulted. Freedom of Expression in Canada has become a disheartening joke. Gender ideology is advocated by male rights activists who seek to break down our boundaries, infiltrate our autonomous groups, and dismantle our sisterhood. How exhausting it is to see the same old misogyny, reinventing itself, disguising itself, pushing us back from whence we came.

#Canada #The Endometriosis Network Canada #Gender id #just say woman

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adenei · 3 years

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Hogwarts Sex Ed.

There’s an extreme lack of Sex Ed at Hogwarts fics out there so, as a result of yesterdays HP Collab Chat, here’s a fun little one shot of Dumbledore teaming up with Madam Pomfrey to deliver ‘the talk’ to our favorite Gryffindors!

**********************

The Gryffindor students were entering the Transfiguration classroom on the second Saturday of term.

“What do you think this is about?” Seamus could be heard asking.

“Dunno, but I hope it doesn’t last all day. The weather’s brilliant, and I want to go outside,” Parvati pouted.

“Hermione, don’t wake me up if they’re going to teach us about how to study for our NEWTs, I don’t think I could take another class like that,” Ron groaned.

“Oh, come on, Ron it wasn’t that bad,” Hermione admonished. She sat down next to Ron in one of the two-person desks in the middle row. Neville and Harry sat across from them. It looked like they were paired with the Hufflepuffs for today’s special lesson.

Madam Pomfrey was at the front of the room, speaking with Professor McGonagall and Professor Sprout. She seemed to hand them a stack of parchment and quills. Professor McGonagall came around and handed the parchment and quills out to each of the Gryffindors before using her wand to pass out the ink.

Some of the students picked up the quills and McGonagall said, “There is no reason for you to write your name on the parchment. Nothing is being turned in.”

“Good morning, students,” Madam Pomfrey began, taking the attention from McGonagall. “Please forgive us for not telling you what this class is about. We like to keep it a surprise for you. Today we’ll be speaking to you about-”

“Ah, good, I’m not late!” Professor Dumbledore had strode into the classroom.

“Professor Dumbledore, I assure you we can handle this,” Professor McGonagall intervened.

“I’ve no doubt you can, Minerva, but as Headmaster I do feel it is my duty to make sure our older students are informed so that they’re safety remains intact.” Dumbledore turned to the sixth years. “It is no doubt that you are all getting older, and may be experiencing certain...feelings that are beginning to develop. I will not, as they say, beat around the bush any longer. Today we will be talking to you about safe sex.”

A pin drop could have been heard in the classroom, as it was deathly quiet. Some students had sunk down into their seats while others stared wide-eyed, not quite believing what they’d just heard. Hermione felt her face grow hot, and she was suddenly hyper aware of how close Ron was to her. Why hadn’t she chosen to sit next to Harry, or even Neville this once!

“Oh, come now, come now. Sex is a completely normal act in life, and you’d be barmy to believe that we teachers are unaware of what likely goes on in empty classrooms and broom closets. This is why we are thankful for our Prefects and their patrols. We figure you’d much rather be caught by your peers than us. But I digress.”

Dumbledore looked around the room, the familiar twinkle in his eye. “You should, of course, be aware of the implications that may arise should you choose to engage in such activities. First and foremost, consent is of utmost importance. Do not do anything your partner is not comfortable with. If it is not a clear yes, it is a no. Am I understood?” This was the most sincere part of Dumbledore’s lesson, and he wanted to make sure it was addressed first.

“I would like you to write down the following sentence on your parchment: ‘I promise that I will respect my partner if I choose to engage in sexual actions.’ All of the students obeyed, and looked up as they watched their ink disappear before their eyes.

“Not to worry, students,” Professor Sprout explained, “ The ink disappears and reappears on our parchment up here. That way, if you have any questions, you can write them down anonymously and we can answer them to save you some embarrassment.” She chuckled.

“Wonderful! Now that we have the consent understanding out of the way...love can be a beautiful thing, and should not be mistaken with lust, which in your hormonal teenage bodies, can run amok. This is all completely natural of course, so don’t be afraid of it. Make sure you trust the person you’re fooling around with, and use protection.

“I trust that your families have gone over the contraceptive spells, but for the sake of our Muggleborn students, Madam Pomfrey will demonstrate the appropriate male and female charms.”

He gestured to Madam Pomfrey who stepped forward. She first went over the male charm, and required all the boys to practice. Hermione did her best to remain looking forward so that she wasn’t clearly watching Ron practice the spell. She could tell how red and blotchy his face was from embarrassment out of the corner of her eye. Madam Pomfrey repeated the same process for the girls, and this time it was Ron’s turn to try and look away.

“You’ll do well to remember that it is most effective when both charms are cast, but it still is not foolproof. Pregnancy is a very real thing, and can happen to anyone engaging in sexual intercourse, even if both charms are cast. Your mind must be in the right spot to successfully cast the charm, or you risk conception, whether intentional or not. The charms also only have a thirty minute limit, so please do not fall under the impression that you can cast the charm hours in advance on the off chance you may engage in such activities.”

“Not that we condone any of these activities in the slightest,” Professor McGonagall expressed sternly.

“You’ll also do well to know that you can transmit disease through sexual acts if you are not careful. Hopefully, this should not be an issue for you here, but nonetheless, we must discuss it. The most common STD, if you will, is called Hag’s Nose, where painful bumps appear on a specific part of the male anatomy. I will not speak on the female equivalent, but do know there is one.”

Ron, along with the rest of the boys, looked absolutely mortified. “Not to worry, it is not as common now as it was hundreds of years ago. Madam Pomfrey will be testing each of you to ensure you do not carry any disease at the end of today’s lesson. There are healing potions you can take should you come down with the ailment.

“My last bit of information to share with you is to be aware that there are always eyes watching. Whether it be the teachers, prefects, or even the portraits, you are never as stealth as you may think you are.”

“While we do not condone these activities, we cannot prevent you from making your own decisions. But do know that you will be punished accordingly if you ever get caught,” Professor McGonagall reminded them again.

Dumbledore seemed satisfied as he looked to Madam Pomfrey. She waved her wand, casting a silent spell that no doubt was determining the presence of possible STDs. She nodded curtly as she observed the results. “At this point, we ask that you write down any questions that you have, and Madam Pomfrey will answer them for everyone. There is no question too silly. Chances are if you’re thinking it, someone else probably is, too.”

Everyone sat there quietly at first, but then a few people could be seen writing. For once, Hermione did not have any questions. She noticed Ron didn’t write anything down either.

“Ah the first question!” Professor McGonagall said. “How often do students at Hogwarts become pregnant?”

“At least once every five years,” Madam Pomfrey stated simply.

Professor Sprout stated the next question. “If we take the monthly potion, do we still need to use the spell?”

“It is recommended, yes.”

“How often are couples caught?” McGonagall was trying hard not to look disgusted at the question, which got a few sniggers out of the students.

Dumbledore answered this one. “Judging on the house points that are taken in the evenings, several times a week. I should say that Madam Pince strictly prohibits any fooling around in the library, as well. Those who are caught tend to lose more house points than those elsewhere.”

Hermione felt her face flush hot as the quill slipped out of her hand. So much for some of those dreams she’d had over the summer. Not that she was any closer with Ron that would even allow them to become a reality.

Madam Pomfrey snapped her out of her reverie. “Are there any other questions?” She waited a beat, but no new questions came in. “Thank you. You are dismissed, but please know you can come to me should you have any additional questions.”

“Enjoy the beautiful day outside,” Professor Dumbledore said as he watched the students get up and scamper off faster than you could say ‘expelliarmus.’ Once they had all exited, he looked at the other teachers. “Ah, it never gets old,” Dumbledore said as he chuckled.

“You are incorrigible, you do know that, Albus?” Professor McGonagall said.

“Oh yes, but it does them good to know the implications of their actions.”

“Not that it will stop it,” Professor Sprout commented.

“Ah, but it will help them think twice about their actions, and that’s all we can ask for. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some business to take care of before our second session in an hour.”

#tw: sex #hp fanfic #hp hbp #Ron Weasley #Hermione Granger

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kyidyl · 3 years

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Kyidyl Explains Bones - Part 3

Well, I had this halfway done and then TUMBLR ATE IT, so let me start again. UGH.

(These posts are collected under the KyidylBones tag. Do with that information what you will, lol.)

So what are we getting into today? Sex determination!

Ethical Note: I’m adding this bc not everyone who sees this post saw my post yesterday and this is important info, especially on Tumblr. Anthropologists of all stripes are well aware that sex and gender are extremely complicated. Trust me, we know. But we still do sex determination for a few reasons. First, because missing persons databases are arranged on a male/female binary, and if we’re comparing a set of remains to that database to identify the remains then we need that info. Second, demographic info for populations that have disappeared is important, even if those populations are historical. This might shock you (<--sarcasm), but written records are usually either lacking or inaccurate. Third, if we know the sex of the skeleton we can compare that to the grave goods and learn some interesting cultural things, including possibly being trans, because none of the signs of being trans survive physically in the skeleton. So I am going to be using male/female binary language, but it isn’t to exclude the wide variety of sexes and genders that don’t exist on that binary, it’s because it’s what I’ve got to work with. And if you have questions about this, feel free to ask, but please be respectful.

Alright, so there are some vocab words for today’s post and I had them all nicely written out in an easy to read paragraph, but it got eaten, so I’m just gonna present them in list fashion this time:

Characteristic - All physical markers of human variation exist on a spectrum because humans are varied and we invented the categories to begin with. If something is characteristic of, say, a male? It means that it is very, very distinctly male. It matches the stereotypical expectation of what you’d see in a male. It’s a standard for an obvious example of a given thing.

Landmark - A landmark on your bones is a feature of the bones that is always in the same place. We use this to help us identify a bone and to help us know what side it is on. IE, your lesser trochanter is a bump on your femur (thigh bone) that is on the inside towards the back. It’s always in that spot, so we know which direction it should face and ergo which side it would be on. Landmarks are unique to the bone in question.

Foramen - A hole on a bone. The big one in your skull that your spinal cord goes through is the foramen magnum and it literally means big hole. But there are a lot of little ones all over your skeleton so your nerves and blood vessels can do to your skeleton what the weirwood did to Bryden Rivers. I said what I said. ;)

Bilateral - Both sides. Humans have bilateral symmetry and so one side is symmetrical (externally and WRT your skeleton, but not always your organs.) to the other. You can split us down the middle and the two sides are basically the same.

Ok, so there’s another set of terms that you need to know, but I’m going to be copying and pasting this into every post going forward so I’m making it separate. Anyone who works with any kind of anatomy uses these terms to be very specific about the location of something on the body. They are:

Anterior/Posterior - Front and back respectively. I remember them because my mom used to say posterior when she didn’t want to say butt, and because A comes before P the way front comes before back. Sometimes people say dorsal and ventral, and I remember that because a dorsal fin is on a whale’s back.

Proximal/Distal - Near and far vertically in relationship to the center of your body. I remember it because one end of the bone is in close proximity to me and the other one is distant.

Medial/Lateral - Near and far horizontally in relationship to the center of your body. I remember it because medial is closer to the middle of my body, and lateral isn’t medial. Also, if you are reading left to right L comes before M and you’d get to a lateral body part before a medial one.

So, where to begin? How do we know what sex people were assigned at birth from just their skeleton? Let’s start with what everyone is most familiar with:

The Pelvis

The pelvis of an adult human is a really common thing for an archaeologist to find. And by the time we find it, it’s usually in three pieces (excluding your tailbone aka last vertebra). Your left and right hip bones, called the innominates, and your sacrum. Mind you, the pelvis is made up of a number of bones, but they all fuse in adulthood except these three (fun fact: I’m so used to using the individual names for them that I had to *google* the word innominate.), so this is what we usually find. If it’s a kid, they still survive well because they’re thick, heavy bones, but they aren’t fused. Another fun fact, the bumps of bone that you feel under your ass are called your ischium and I’m only telling you that because I think it’s a fun word to say. Your hop bones, like the actual entirety of the flat bladed part at the top, that’s called the Illium. I like that word too. Aaanyway, here’s a human pelvis:

(Source)

These are actual bone specimens in the top down view, both are women, but they are of different ethnic origin.

(Source)

This is a cast (IE, plastic), front view of a male pelvis.

You can see those 3 pieces I’m talking about. The only joint there that remains unfused is the sacroiliac joint, IE, where the two halves of the pelvis join the sacrum. However! You sacrum is technically a series of fused vertebrae and your spinal cord runs almost all the way to the very tip. There are some conditions which cause these not to fuse, or to not fuse properly, or to not properly encase the spinal cord and it causes all KINDS of issues. But anyway, yeah, your sacrum is a really tough hunk of bone because it carries a lot of weight. The bit in the front is called the pubic symphysis and, despite what certain tumblr posts would have you believe, having children does NOT leave a notch on the inner side of it from the muscle tearing away tiny chunks of the bone. In fact, it is hotly debated whether or not pregnancy leaves behind any skeletal evidence at all.

Alright, so basically speaking, females make da babies and males don’t, so the different equipment is differently shaped......

.....wait, no, that’s not right. Let’s back up. Male and female humans are differently proportioned and their center of gravity is, on average, different. This is the whole thing about men having upper body strength and women having thighs that can crush watermelons. This is on *average* (I will be saying a lot about averages in these posts.) true. And so the physics of the forces exerted on your bones is different. Males are top-heavy, and so their pelvis is shaped in response to their gate and muscle structure because the pelvis supports and distributes the weight of your entire body. And bipedalism means that the shape of the pelvis is very, very different depending on the weight distribution. These changes to the pelvis are really obvious, which is why we can tell from just a few bones whether or not a hominin was bipedal. It changes the *entire* body.

It is true though that the pelvis of a female is different than a male, because a female pelvis has to be able to support the weight of a developing child while still allowing the individual to walk. So the interaction of average size, a uterus, and the bipedal gate means that male and female pelvises are a different shape.

Here is a comparison:

(Source)

So firstly, that angle is called the sub-public angle, and because a females pelvis is wider and flatter than a male’s (when viewed from the front) it’s wider in the front. This also gives any babies more room. Secondly, you can see the difference in the tilt of the sacrum - in the female you can’t see the tailbone. This, again, is due to the confluence of weight distribution and the necessity of passing a baby’s head through that space. It would be a lot harder to push it out if you had a tailbone in the way. Lastly, you can see that the shape of the circle when you look top down and bottom up are different - wider on the woman because of the same reasons I’ve already mentioned. There is one more major difference between the male and female pelvis, and that’s the sciatic notch:

(Source)

Characteristic of male on the left, intermediate in the middle, and female on the right (and dang, she was young, too.). Thinner is male, wider is female. Usually you can fit your thumb in a female’s notch but barely or not at all in a male. I personally find the subpubic arch and the sciatic notch the easiest to use because, fun fact #2, those 3 sections are a bitch to hold together with your hands and that makes it hard to see the other shapes. The amount of sacrums and pelvic bones I’ve accidentally dropped while trying to determine sex....it’s a lot, ok? It’s a lot. I only have two hands and pelvises are big.

There are also several less obvious ways of determining sex from a skeleton, so you guys should definitely visit the source for the above image because they go into it deeper and there are several excellent images of public bones.

So how else do we determine sex? The next easiest way is from the skull, because the features are distinct and skulls survive well.

The Skull

In my opinion the easiest landmark to use on a skull for sex determination is the jaw. There are several features of the jaw that can be used here - and, mind you, when determining sex we measure every small and large sex-linked feature according to a scale and then average it all out. We never look at any single thing (although sometimes the individual has something so characteristic that you can’t help it. The individual in my position has a brow like a neanderthal, so it was pretty obvious.). Anyway, there are several features here but the easiest is to look at the shape of the lateral distal posterior portion of the jaw. It’s called the masseteric tuberosity. Basically, it’s a little bit of bone that sticks out of the back of your jaw. It’s one of the attachment points of the masseter aka chewing muscles attach. Because males have stronger muscles pulling on that part of the jaw and exerting more force, it flares out further for them when you look at it from the front, like this:

(Source)

It’s that sticky-outy thing thing that I circled in red. Here is an example of the same thing on females:

(Source)

Female jaws are rounder, and so that bit is less defined, flares out less, and is not as sharp as it is on males. And this is a reminder that these measures aren’t absolutes - humans have a lot of variance in them. The female asian and the male on the right both have somewhat atypical structures, while the female european and the two other males have a very characteristic structure.

The two other easiest to identify are the shape of the brown line and the shape of the chin (the mental protuberance). Here is an image of the comparison:

(Source: Pinterest, but this images are from the Human Bone Manual text that I use and I used this image so I wouldn’t have to make my own. :P)

You can see in the profile that the female skull has a higher, more vertical forehead with less pronounced brow ridges. If you look, you can also see that her chin protrudes less in profile, and is softer and less pronounced in the frontal view. The angle under her teeth is less severe.

So these three things, the chin, the brow, and the jaw, are the easiest to identify the most likely to be characteristic of the sex of the individual. But, if you compare the images I’ve used here you’ll also notice that there are other differences in the skull. Females have more of a slope to the bottom of their jaw, the bump on the back of their heads (the occipital protuberance) tends to be far less pronounced; and this is the case for all muscle attachments generally speaking. On average, males are more easily able to build muscle mass and are larger, and so their muscles pull harder on their skeletons and create larger muscle attachments. The round, blunt thing to the right of the back of the jaw that sticks out from the skull (the mastoid process), is also at a different angle and is larger in males. This is another case of the muscles being bigger and stronger - the mastoid process is where several of your jaw and neck muscles attach.

There you have it, then. The easiest ways to tell the sex of a skeleton. :)

This post has been approved by Gage the science doggo:

#science #anthropology #skeletons #human remains #human skeletons #education #KyidylBones #archaeology #bioarchaeology #humans #bones #human bones

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khali-shabd · 3 years

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Gender Theory

Readers, let us begin with a simple question- what is gender?

The Biological Theory Of Gender, and a majority of society, would say that gender is defined by biological sex, namely hormones and chromosomes. If you release estrogen and have XX chromosomes, you are female, and if you release testosterone and have XY chromosomes, you are male. However, this is an extremely flawed vision of gender for two reasons: one, that whatever proof of hormones altering gendered behaviour has been found only in lab rats1, which possibly will not exhibit the same extreme change in behaviour if the hormones were administered to them naturally in their own environment- and rats are not human- we have far too many differences as species for this study to be considered valid for homosapiens as well. And two, chromosomes are not strictly XX or XY- around 1 percent of the world population is intersex (and a similar percentage is redheaded, so its not inherently ‘anomalous’ or ‘unnatural’) , which means that they can have chromosomal variations such as XXY, X, XXXY etc, all of whom develop differently as compared to people with the traditional chromosome combinations.

Further, there are far more things that define ‘biological sex’, namely:

chromosomes

gonads

sex hormones

internal reproductive anatomy (such as the uterus)

external genitalia.

Out of these, in humans, genitalia and internal reproductive anatomy can be changed without there being a significant change in gendered behavior. Sex hormones, when administered to bodies change secondary sex characteristics more than any sort of behavior; with the exception of testosterone increasing sex drive and sometimes increasing ‘ego’. Every single part of this definition of binary biological sex is challenged by the existence of intersex people, henceforth proving that sex is not binary and never has been, unfounding the existence of a sex-based gender binary in itself. Further, transgender individuals have a completely different gender identity as compared to their biological sex, and it has been scientifically proved that this is because their brains develop in the same way the brains of the children of the gender they identify with do. That essentially means that the brain of a transgender woman develops similarly to the brain of a cisgender woman, and the brain of a transgender man develops in the same way the brain of a cisgender man develops. All in all, there are far too many differences in the experience of biological sex to confine it to a binary, hence unfounding the theory that gender is based on biological sex.

Then how do we define gender?

There are a number of theories, but the most logical one at the moment would be Judith Butler’s Theory of Gender Performativity. Butler says that gender, as an abstract concept in itself, is nothing more than a performance. We ‘perform’ our gender by carrying out actions that we associate with it. They further say that this does not mean that it’s something we can stop altogether, rather something we’ve ingrained so deeply within us that it becomes a part of our identity, and it's the part of it we call gender identity. Gender, hence, is created by its own performance. Butler also implies that we do not base gender on sex, rather we define sex along the lines of established lines of binary gener, i.e. male and female- despite the fact that more than 10% of the population does not fall into this binary sex, and has some variation in their biological sex that does not ‘fit’ into either category. Gender in itself is so culturally constructed by western society that anyone who does not perform their assigned gender ‘correctly’ is punished- this applies to not only queer individuals but even men who do not ascribe to or criticise predefined ideals of masculinity. They are made social pariahs and excluded as outcasts, leaving them to find and create their own communities and safe spaces. This is shown in the way society ostracises queer-presenting individuals, makes fun of ‘soft’ men, and forcefully tries to ‘fix’ intersex children whose variations in biological sex cause no harm to them. I quote:

“Because there is neither an ‘essence’ that gender expresses or externalizes nor an objective ideal to which gender aspires; because gender is not a fact, the various acts of gender create the idea of gender, and without those acts, there would be no gender at all. Gender is, thus, a construction that regularly conceals its genesis. The tacit collective agreement to perform, produce, and sustain discrete and polar genders as cultural fictions is obscured by the credibility of its own production. The authors of gender become entranced by their own fictions whereby the construction compels one’s belief in its necessity and naturalness.”

One of the criticisms of Butler’s theories is that it does not seem to apply to transgender individuals, whose innate gender identity is not the one that they have been assigned to perform at birth; whose brains develop the same way that their cisgender counterparts’ brains do from birth. Butler themselves have responded to this, saying:

“I do know that some people believe that I see gender as a “choice” rather than as an essential and firmly fixed sense of self. My view is actually not that. No matter whether one feels one’s gendered and sexed reality to be firmly fixed or less so, every person should have the right to determine the legal and linguistic terms of their embodied lives. So whether one wants to be free to live out a “hard-wired” sense of sex or a more fluid sense of gender, is less important than the right to be free to live it out, without discrimination, harassment, injury, pathologization or criminalization – and with full institutional and community support.”

Later on, Butler goes on to say that the main point of their theory is that identity is constructed, which means that it allows us to change how we view it as a concept. It leaves room for us to subvert gender roles, challenging the status quo on what it means to identify as someone of a particular gender, and re-structuring society such that we rally for change not along gender lines, rather on the basis of what’s right.

Further, if we combine the work of the psychologist Sigmund Freud with Butler’s theories, the latter does actually apply to transgender individuals. Freudian theory states that we internalize concepts of gender based on our parental figures at birth. That is, if you are born female, you begin to look towards the person who closest resembles your gender identity; which in this case would be your mother, to be your role model for your behavior as to how women are meant to act. Your mother would be your guide to how you perform your gender. If she crosses her legs, you cross your legs. If she dresses in a particular way, you would too, until you were exposed to the exterior world and allowed to develop your own sense of style. As such, you create your own gender identity within your mind, and perform that identity the way you have been taught to by your maternal figure. When you are transgender, you view yourself as innately as the gender you identify with, hence you base your gender identity off the parental figure of that particular gender. This means, if you are female to male trans, you would base your gender identity on your father, and accordingly perform your gender in that way.

Now the question arises: How do we create gender identity outside of gender roles? How do we identify anywhere on the gender spectrum while abandoning the performance that comes with that identity? Why is it important?

Well, the answer isn’t simple. For its importance, I allude, once again, to gender performativity theory- Butler even uses some evolutionary stances to support her views, saying that gender performance stems from gender roles which stem from the fundamental differences between the prominent male and female sex at the very beginning of evolution. Now that 'evolutionary' behaviors don't matter at this stage of societal, cultural, and psychological development, it renders gender roles and hence the performance of gender redundant. However, we still perpetuate these ideas regardless of their importance, or rather their lack of such. And in this process, we end up defining and segregating far too much on the basis of gender- from small things like friendships to even the feminist movement, which is majorly perpetuated and held up by people who identify as female. Other groups like men end up purposely excluding themselves from a movement that can benefit them as well(through deconstructing and eradicating ideas of toxic masculinity) just because of how strongly it is divided on the basis of gender lines. And as for how we create gender identity outside of gender roles; it takes a lot of work, at first, to unlearn all the biases you have internalized about what it means to be a certain gender. You have to actively work towards deconstructing what gender and gender identity means to you, and how much of it comes from societally misguided stances about the ‘role’ of a gender is. It may mean ridding yourselves of the school of thought that women belong in the kitchen and men belong in workplaces or even identifying and removing hidden biases such as those of toxic masculinity and/or toxic femininity. Lastly, it takes an understanding that often, gender expression is not the same as gender identity; and also that most gender expression is how people show how they feel the most comfortable viewing themselves. Once you’ve managed to deconstruct your biases, it’s just a matter of how you feel comfortable viewing and expressing yourself; and what label, among the myriad, you identify with the most. That would be your unique self-expression and identity.

#gender theory #gender #trans #trangender #lgbtq #judith butler #writing #essay #article #write #writers on tumblr #gender identity #theory #sociology #psychology

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coepiteamare · 3 years

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2020 in fic

2020 was terrible year but an okay year of fic considering i didn’t really write till october.

STATS: fics: 1 fic; i wrote drabbles because i can’t write long fics. but i wrote 8 drabbles? female pov: 8 male pov: 1 (i thought i had more but nope, they’re all wips) both pov: 0 (i haven’t written anything long to justify both pov) total word count: (lol, i’ll update this later but i know it’s absolute shite) OVERALL: Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? both! i started this blog in january, wrote two things, then forgot about it because life kind of took over. because i didn’t write for so long, i didn’t intend on coming back, but i realized that i had a couple wips for the dictionary of lovers that i never uploaded so i came back sometime in october? (i published one and then kind of tucked away the rest because i wasn’t sure what i quite wanted to do with tdol)

i started off this year intending to write and finish tdol (26 drabbles), but that didn’t end up happening, so less. but when i stopped, i also didn’t think i would ever come back to posting, yet here i am! and i’ve posted drabbles and have a bunch in the wip folders, so more! tl;dr: less than i thought but also more than i thought. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? i don’t write cross fandoms anymore (though that was my start in ff, my peak poetry days), but i never thought i would write 2nd pov/memberxreader because i started off writing memberxmember fics for bangtan, so i suppose that! Did you take any writing risks this year? most definitely. i never thought i would write 2nd person pov, but here i am. and i didn’t think i’d write memberxreader, but here i am! (a bundle of surprises i am) 2nd person pov is actually a lot harder for me to write, but i’m getting better at it.

pens and paperwork actually has a lot of dialogue and less purple prose: i think it’s the one piece i wrote that was less emotion based and more plot, which is very out of character for me. it’s also a little (a lot) different than what i normally write, so that was also a risk, but i enjoyed writing that one so much: it’s definitely one of my favourite pieces and i want to flesh out that universe a little more. Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year? write! longer! fics! i want to rewrite “the dictionary of lovers” and put it together into a long fic. i have a multiverse fic that i’ve been planning out, and i want to finish 9,719km and make it at least 10K: i want to practice fleshing out characters and worlds. my goal in general is just to write a long fic (9,719km, i’m looking at you). and also return to writing memberxmember fics too (i have a namgi fic in the works and there are def taekook ideas). get better at writing openings and closing and titling fics. god, i suck at titles.

also, i would very much like to publish most of my wips. so, future violet, here’s to hoping you do that. What were last year's goals? this is my first year, but last year, my goal was to just start a writing tumblr and write! and i’ve managed to do that! so yay 🎉 BEST AND WORST: My best story of this year: nine thousand, seven hundred nineteen kilometers. i love it to bits and pieces and i had it in my drafts for a while? because i wanted to publish it as a full fic but who knows when that will be, so i published it anyways. also this part was so much better than the other parts, so no regrets, i suppose. i think it is my favourite piece i’ve written, along with pens and paperwork, because it’s so different from what i’m used to writing? (both are also yoongi fics, funny enough) i definitely think it’s less purple prose (though 9,719km def has elements of that still; can’t get it out of my system) so hs me would not have approved, but i love it to smithereens. i try to not read any of my fics after posting them though because i’m incapable of letting it be: i have to perform autopsies on it, pick at the bad parts, cut open the good ones for flaws, until it’s virtually unrecognizable and ruined, so i can’t bring myself to reread it, but as of now, from what i remember, i think it’s my best story. My most popular story of this year: love is a losing game (we played anyways): i’m so flattered and in awe that people actually liked this story because it was so hard for me to write. it’s only 1k and it took me a good week before i could publish it because i kept tripping over the language. and i felt (still feel) like pre-dialogue and post-dialogue are two different stories, which was extremely frustrating for me. i think i can write dialogue (this story is a different beast, just because of the nature of the beginning) but it’s really hard for me to combine poetry/prose with dialogue. i feel like it throws it off but the only other way to write it would be in a short bit compilation (i’ll write fics like that again someday) and i didn’t feel like it would work for lialg. (funny story: it was actually a royalty!namjoon fic where he wants to give her the world but it turns out she was a spy and she essentially burns his kingdom to the ground) i’m honestly not too happy about how it turned out but i’m still glad people enjoyed it! Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: none! i really didn’t expect to have an audience, so people stopping and reading my fics? wild. Most fun story to write: pens and paperwork. that drabble was so much fun to write and i loved the characters. also gave me the least amount of headaches, probably because it kind of wrote itself once i started. i really do want to expand on that universe, just because i want to revisit it and explore 007′s background (maybe write about 005 and 006 as a spin off though whether i want to make it taexreader or taexjimin is to be determined) and yoongi’s journey in the MI6/NIS as well!

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: probably pens and paperwork? i’ve always known that yoongi was a dynamic and versatile person but that fic really did it for me. i can totally see him being this sarcastic, dry person, but also someone with a lot of love and care for others, like he does with 007 by bringing her alc when she’s in pain and generally trying to distract her as she’s getting stitches. someone who’s as loud as they are quiet. i definitely want to write more soft yoongi though.

Hardest story to write: i am your ocean (your little mermaid). hands down. i don’t know if tae is just really hard to write (for me) or if that fic was a monster of it’s own, but i spent two+ weeks working on it. it went through so many storyline revisions and changes and then even after i had a decent idea of the final plot, it took me another week to write fucking 1.4k. absolutely awful. do i like it? i don’t even know. but i don’t like hoarding fics, so it’s out there for the word to pick at, to dissect it’s anatomy, to taxidermy it. Biggest disappointment: the movietheaterworker!oc x marvelnerd!jk fic that i never published. i don’t know if it’s just bad or it’s just not what i wanted but i haven’t touched it since october (and idk if i want to look at it) so that says something.

in terms of something i published, probably “heart” from tdol. i re-read it recently and it just felt really bleh to me? i should have more attachment to it considering it’s my first drabble on this account but nope. some parts of it are cute but it’s so clunky. i don’t like it. Biggest surprise: pens and paperwork or monsters under the bed. pens and paperwork because of how much i loved it/how fast it wrote itself and how much i liked it afterwards, even though it’s written in a much different style than i normally write? monsters under the bed because it was written with no direction and honestly feels like a fever dream (though i did have a backstory to jk’s character and his relationship with oc), yet it still was well liked! i kind of posted it as the start to the “things you said” drabble collection and was like here goes nothing, but people seemed to really enjoy it!! which was very surprising. and my butterfly, noor, called me the bob ross of fanfiction (that still cracks me up) so! Most unintentionally telling story: hmmm...probably anything from tdol. i’ve been so fortunate to have such beautiful, healthy, intimate platonic relationships, but the one (two if we’re being generous, which we most def are if counting it) romantic relationship i’ve had was quite awful and extremely toxic. (ask me about it if you want to: i like to rant about it from time to time) so tdol is a creation of wishful thinking, of what i think a healthy relationship should look like, through the ups and downs, the highs and lows. because i don’t have experience with healthy romantic relationships, i def put a lot of my friendships and bits and pieces from those into tdol. and it’s not published yet, but there’s an unwritten piece from tdol where oc talks about how she doesn’t believe in love but jk very much is a hopeless romantic, and that’s me writing me into a fic so.

HIGHLIGHTS + WRAP-UP: Favorite opening lines:

(god, i suck at opening lines)

tdol “perfect” + coming back home to you would always be one of the highlights of my day. whenever the sun shined for a little too long, a storm would hit, but this--coming home to and closing the day with you--was one of the few things in life that was completely and utterly mine to have, out of the reaches of whatever was out there that made sure the road was never too smooth. [note: this isn’t THE opening line but we’ll ignore that]

9,719km + paris is much quieter than the places you’re used to, but it’s not a bad thing.

Favorite closing lines: (i struggle so much with these) i’ll be your ocean (your little mermaid) + the enfilade of rain continues and pelts against the windowpane, against your balcony floor.

monsters under the bed + but when he opens his eyes again, to the blaring 1:01AM of his clock, you’re no longer by his side.

9,719km + p.s. did you miss me? + maybe he’s just as potent as a habit, just as hard to kill.

Favorite lines in general: i’ll be your ocean (your little mermaid) + you let the words fall from your lips, dribble down your skin like water droplets, and dissipate in the ocean of your feelings. watch them dissolve into the seafoam of your being and sink down, down, down. + it feels a little like that now as you card your fingers through his sweaty locks, dyed red like ariel’s, bright red against the blue of both your feelings.

love is a losing game (we played anyways) + he looks at you like you hold the secrets of the universe, even as he tears through the valley of your breasts with the claws of his ambitions and devotion. + (the summary line: he builds cathedrals in your name, whispers prayers into your skin, and you shatter the stained glass windows of his dreams.)

9,719km + nothing has been able to keep him out: not the gallery treasury in newport beach with its earthquake proof alarm system, not the cartier vault in new york city with its impressive randomized laser grid, and certainly not the flimsy, fickle alarm system of your heartbeat.

LIST OF COMPLETED STORIES: [note: does tdol count? i’ll put it here anyways. also i suck at titles] the dictionary of lovers: heart the dictionary of lovers: confirmation the dictionary of lovers: perfect love is a losing game (we played anyways) monsters under the bed pens and paperwork i’ll be your ocean (your little mermaid) nine thousand, seven hundred nineteen kilometers you feel like a holiday

WIP TEASERS: welcome to wonderland (we’re all mad here) (aliceinwonderland!au) summary: queen of hearts!jk x alice!reader

excerpt: be careful in the woods, they whisper. so many girls have gotten lost and made it out with just their bodies intact, bones rattling hollow and mind astray. the girls mumble about tea parties with madness, about croquet games with the heads of the executed, before they are wheeled off to hospitals, still talking to the wall.

be careful in the woods, they warn. it preys on your fear and feeds on your sanity, if you linger too long.

i know you (i’ve walked with you once upon a dream) (dreamwalkers!au) summary: oc works for the department of dreams: bureau of night terrors as a dreamwalker. jungkook has chronic nightmares.

excerpt: They tell lucid dreamers to look down at their hands, notice the garbled image to recognize they’re in a dream. Your brain backtracks to what it last remembers. A click of the seatbelt, Jimin’s soft “sleep tight,” the cool air inside the tank. Darkness. You grip the wand a little tighter.

Dreamscapes are weird, you think as you conjure up an ironwood table and a cup of earl grey. The fabric of reality is so thin, so permeable and malleable with the right amount of knowledge. If you think really hard, slip a hand through that curtain, you can still feel the cold air lingering on your skin from the tank. You look down at your watch. 8:44. Eight hours and fourty four minutes left to wander through other people’s nightmares.

if the world was ending (you’d come over, right?) (au where the world slowly comes to a halt and you find yourself calling your ex. inspired by “if the world was ending” by jp saxe and julia michaels) summary: ex!tae x female!reader

excerpt: The world starts to freeze over when you’re on the bus ride home.

Pedestrians pause in the middle of the sidewalk; cars decelerate in the middle of accelerations. The chatter in the bus groans to a stop, like a radio after the plug has been pulled, as everyone slowly freezes. Your hair, which once fluttered in the breeze, gently falls back into place.

The traffic light is red.

You pull your earbuds out. It’s quiet. Too quiet.

“Hello?” you whisper, shaking the arm of your neighbor. No response. The silence is loud, almost deafening.

“Hello?” you walk down the aisle to where your driver sits. His face is still. Annoyance clouds his eyes, chest puffed like he was about to take a deep breath. One he’ll never take again.

You shuffle your feet back and trip on the stairs, back slamming against plexi glass and metal.

The light never turns green.

untitled (mermaid!au)

excerpt: Jungkook loves the sea, but he thinks he might like you a little bit more. You, with the sea breeze in your hair and summer storm in your eyes. There’s something about the way you sparkle like the ocean top, sun skimming across skin, that makes him think you might be more than human, a trick of light, an optical illusion.

untitled (desert princess x pirate!jk au) summary: i love you the way ocean clings to shore, the way the horizon wants the sea, but, darling, we were never meant to be

excerpt: you’re pretty sure the ocean is enchanted, bright blue waters glimmering with magic. nothing else could explain how jeon jungkook, notorious pirate and thief, owns eyes that twinkle like the night sky and a face that puts the sunset to shame, unless he managed to somehow steal those too. you wouldn’t put it past him. + they name hurricanes after girls, he tells you. a prayer for gentleness, a hope for small casualties. huh, you reply, whoever came up with that idea must never have been caught in the storm of a girl.

IN CONCLUSION:

wow, could i be any more conspicuous about which drabble i like the most? why do i use so many parenthesis? also, i suck at titles and opening and closing lines. but hey, i’m trying, and sometimes that’s all i can ask from myself. i wrote a lot less than i thought but also more than i thought, so cheers to that. maybe next year will be better, maybe it’ll be worse. who knows? hopefully it’ll read easier though. p.s. if you’ve read this and if you’ve read anything i’ve written, thank you for reading. thank you for sticking through the calamity of my thoughts, through the hurricane of my mind. you have no idea how much it means. i hope i’m able to make your day a little better, a little brighter, a little light in this time of darkness. p.p.s. i’ve made a few friends on tumblr. i won’t tag them because i don’t want to put them through this awful clusterfuck of words, but if any of you read this, hi. you’ve really shaped my tumblr experience and i’m so glad to have met you all. noor (papillionsgf): my butterfly, i adore you. you were my first tumblr friend and you’ve been nothing but sweet to me. thank you for talking to me and thank you for our lovely conversations, for letting me squeal about tfua, for i absolutely adore you. hana (cutechims): the two of us are awkward potatoes, and i still need to rewatch batman begins, but thank you for always being so sweet, so kind. i love talking with you and reading everything you write. you make me smile when i see you on my dash, with every response you send. jlin (bratkook): i slid into your tumblr dms because you’re so talented and so awfully pretty. i absolutely enjoy our conversations about rich folxs and karens, and i really hope the pandemic comes to an end because i would love to meet you in person and teach you aerial! (also i will bake you lots of cookies) erin (yeojaa): hi lovely. i adore you to the moon and back and to be honest, you still intimidate me because i love your writing so much, but i wanted to say how much i adore you and how i love talking to you. i hope you’re taking care of yourself and staying warm and i hope to get to know you better in 2021!

notes: adapted from lj, where i started writing! i used to see this a bit on lj (or maybe it was the circle of writers i followed) but i figured i’d bring it over here because it’s a good reflection piece and tumblr feels like a good place for that.

#violet thoughts on the horizon #violet sunsets: a year in review

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obviouslyelementary · 4 years

Text

About They/Them (About Us) - Daforge

I do not tend to post my DaForge fanfics on tumblr but since this one hit close to home, I decided to post it here so anyone can see.

Tags: Non-Binary Geordi LaForge; Binary Data; talk about gender; gender identity; genderqueer.

Warnings: none, this is soft.

Words: 2k

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The alarm rang, signalizing that someone was outside his quarters. Data looked up from his painting, turning his head to face the doorway, tilting his head as he wondered who would be visiting him at such late hours.

"Come in."

Placing his brush and pallet down, he turned his whole body to the door, tilting his head once he saw Geordi coming inside. Geordi was always one to sleep late, or sometimes not sleep at all, but considering the hard work he had put on in the last few days, Data was slightly confused as to why his boyfriend was in his quarters instead of sleeping as he should.

"Can we talk?" he asked, and Data nodded, nodding to the table and sitting down. Geordi did the same, sitting across from Data and looking down at his hands, seeming quite uncomfortable for some reason. Knowing that to be a sign of comfort and affection, Data laid his hands over the table with the palms up, so Geordi could reach out and take them. And he did, squeezing Data's hands gently.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked, in a tone that could be considered worry. Geordi gave him a shy smile and shook his head, before sighing lightly and squeezing Data's hands again. That was a sign that he was nervous, but not yet sad or happy.

"No... not exactly" Geordi whispered, and sighed again. He had been sighing quite a lot, a human sign of anxiety and uncertainty. Data squeezed his hands back to show security, but it only caused Geordi to sigh again. "Sorry I'm very... nervous about this."

"Take your time" Data assured, watching Geordi and all his nuances. It was not usual, to see the engineer so out of his element, so Data made sure to study and observe all his reactions, how his brows furrowed, how he bit his lip without realizing, all the small twitches and flicks on his muscles. He was quite the sight, and also a very fun human to study.

Eventually, courage seemed to flourish in the engineer, and Geordi looked up at Data, his visor meeting with the android's eyes.

"Okay... remember when we visited the J'naii? Five months ago?" he asked, and Data nodded in agreement. "So, since then I've been thinking... quite a lot."

"About what?" Data inquired, trying to make this as comfortable for Geordi as possible. He was still perfecting his ability to calm humans down, it did not seem to be his forte, but he was trying his best. Geordi sighed once again, and shook his head, his head lowering down once more towards their hands.

"Well... about gender" he said, and Data tilted his head. Many theories rose in his mind, but he remained quiet to give Geordi space to formulate his next phrase. "I mean... about a society with no gender... genderless... sexless... sounds almost... crazy to me. I believe it sounds crazy to everyone in this ship."

"They were quite different, yes, but I believe a lack of gender identity is not the strangest characteristic we have found in different species" Data said, and Geordi chuckled lightly, in a nervous but also quite relaxed manner. His posture seemed to change, turning more relaxed, and Data made a personal note to try and make Geordi laugh more often.

"Yeah I mean you have a point" Geordi said, and sighed (again), squeezing Data's hand one more time. "But... never before I have been faced with... so many questions about myself before."

"Did our encounter with the J'naii made you question your approach to your gender?" Data asked, tilting his head and blinking as he accessed all the files available to him connected to human gender. Geordi would not know he was making that search, but perhaps it could answer some of Geordi's questionings. After a nod from the engineer, Data gave one of his own. "I believe most of the ship's personal was left with inquiries about gender identity after that encounter. It did seem to make most of the crew highly uncomfortable, although those feelings did not last for over two weeks."

"Yeah well mine has been lasting up until now. Not that I have talked to anyone about it" Geordi whispered, and seemed to become even more uncomfortable and unsure than he was previously. With a deep breath and another squeeze of Data's hands, he lifted his head again and looked at Data's face. "Data... what do you know about earth's twenty first century... non-binary term?"

"Non-binary. A person that does not adhere to binary gender conformities. A generalist expression to encompass all genders that do not align directly with male or female, or that align to both at a similar time. Examples are agender, genderfluid, gender-neutral, demigender, genderqueer, bigender, multigender-"

"Okay Data thanks" Geordi said, looking away, and when Data focused on him again, his face indicated a higher heat than the rest of his body. "Yeah... that's what I saw too. Apparently the idea of lack of gender has been used by us before... but abandoned for some reason."

"From what I can gather, the usage of non-binary terms was abandoned soon after space exploration began, to avoid confusion among other species" Data said, tilting his head. "Although it does seem to be an extremely narrow and unnecessary change, considering that many other species were found to have more than two genders during the Federation voyages."

"It's like racism Data. People just didn't like differences" Geordi mumbled, looking away and sighing. "Well... yeah. Turns out we once were open to the idea of many genders and that thought just... drifted off into space."

"However, I believe there are still non-binary people in Federation space" Data said, and Geordi looked at him again. "Even if it was abandoned by scholars, there are still pronouns and gender identities being used over at colonies and even Earth itself. So perhaps it is still not fully lost."

Geordi nodded slowly at that, looking around Data's room, squeezing his hands every now and then, seeming both tense and relaxed. After a long time in silence, he turned back to Data, and looked at him, pressing his lips together.

"Data... I think I'm non-binary" he said, as if it was crime confession. Data blinked slowly and tilted his head before he nodded.

"Very well."

Since Data did not know what else to say, they were in silence for quite some time before Geordi let out a nervous, restrained chuckle, shaking his head.

"God what else did I expect" he whispered, and sighed, pulling his hands away. In an act of instinct, something Data was not aware he had, the android held Geordi's hands tighter to keep him in place, and the engineer looked to him surprised.

"Forgive me. You believe you are non-binary. Go on" he said, and Geordi frowned.

"I don't think... there is anything to go on about."

"Of course there is. Tell me what you wish to tell me. How did you come to that conclusion? How will that change our relationship? Should I call you by a different pronoun?"

"Ooookay Data calm down" Geordi laughed and sat down more comfortably again, to Data's own relief (although technically he should not have felt nervous when Geordi moved). After fixing himself on his chair, Geordi hummed and looked at him. "I think... I might be non-binary, because of how much I related to the J'naii, in a way. I mean I know I still have the body of a man... and all that stuff, and I don't want to change it, but gender... the male gender... it's not really my thing you know?"

"I do not know, however I would like you to continue" Data said, honestly, and Geordi chuckled.

"Yeah okay. Honestly I just felt different my whole life... Not in a sense that I didn't wish to do what men did but... just... I don't know how to explain I just feel different. Like I'm not... a man. Nor a woman for that matter. I'm just... not."

"I believe that by the way you are describing your feelings towards gender, that you would meet a closer approach to the agender identity. A lack of connection with gender all together. Am I correct?"

"Yeah I guess so" Geordi said, and chuckled lightly. "It's... hard for me too, I never had to think about this until the J'naii... but like it feels so... clear. You know? Like it has always been inside of me, I just didn't see it."

"I, in fact, do not know" Data said and Geordi ended up giggling.

"Oh no? How do you know you're male Data?"

Data caught himself surprised by that question. He knew he was male, as he always felt comfortable with that approach, but how did he know? He had never questioned it before.

"Perhaps... it was the way I was programmed" Data suggested, in theory of course. "I was built with male sexual organs, and with a male anatomy. I was programmed by a male, and during my conversations with most of the crew I realized that I certainly act closer to a male than a female, even if sometimes I can act more feminine due to my looser approach to gender normality. I believe that doctor Soong programmed me to his image, the image of a male human, and therefore I have the characteristics of a male human, making myself a male."

"Would you care if people referred to you as madam Data? Or she?" Geordi asked, and Data furrowed his eyebrows.

"I would not emotionally care, however I would know they are wrong and correct them. Like I do whenever someone refers to me as an it."

"Yeah... so I guess you understand a little bit about gender too" Geordi chuckled, and squeezed his hand gently. Data looked at Geordi again, and nodded.

"Perhaps I do. More than I previously thought" he said, and leaned slightly over the table. "Geordi, from my researches, humans from the twenty first century that considered themselves agender usually used the pronouns they them to refer to themselves. It is considered a gender neutral pronoun, although there are also neopronouns that could be used in this case. Would you like me to refer to you, from now on, as they them?"

Geordi blinked slowly, clearly in a surprised manner to an unexpected event, and after a few seconds of consideration, he gave Data an unsure nod.

"Yes... I think I would like that" Geordi whispered, blinking slowly. "I mean we could try... I could be overthinking all of this. But I would like to try... as long as you don't tell anyone yet. Okay? Let's try among ourselves first."

"Sounds reasonable. Should I also refer to you as my partner, instead of my boyfriend, in all circumstances?" Data asked. He usually referred to Geordi as his partner anyway, but sometimes people required knowing Geordi's gender. Not that Data ever saw that as an important part of the relationship.

"I would like that" Geordi said with a new smile on their face, and Data squeezed their hand gently. "Thank you Data... I mean this could all be for nothing but..."

"It is a part of human experience to explore and discover more about themselves during their lifetime. If you realize this is not what you wished, I will go back. However if it makes you comfortable, I will do it. And I am glad you told me" Data said, and Geordi smiled wider, standing up and walking over to Data, shamelessly sitting on his lap and wrapping their arms around his neck.

"Thank you. I love you" they whispered, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Data's lips. Of course Data would never say it back, because he could not feel, but he responded to the kiss and held Geordi's waist to maintain them from slipping away, considering their lack of attention at their current position.

It truly did not matter to Data, if Geordi was male, female, or non-binary. All that mattered was the human experience, and how well they fit together, as friends and as partners.

The rest were just... human intricacies.

#my fanfic #geordi laforge #data #data tng #daforge #daforge fanfic #daforge fic #genderqueer #non binary #nonbinary #non binary character #non binary geordi laforge #star trek tng #about me #soft #sweet #no angst

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fake-wizard · 4 years

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different anon, but do you define "sex" purely by chromosomes, and not include hormonal makeup, gonads, reproductive anatomy, and external genitalia? Most of those can be altered, removed, or reshaped. Can a person make themselves identical to someone born with different chromosomes? No, of course not. But it feels erroneous to me to say what we perceive as "sex" can't be changed at all.

I define female as “of the sex capable of producing ova” and male as “of the sex capable of producing sperm.” And that normally sparks things like “what about infertile women? Women with hysterectomies?” But the thing there is, in order to be an infertile women, or in order to have a hysterectomy, you have to be of the sex that produces ovum. As in, you have to be of that sex in order for a disorder or surgery to alter your sexed functions. Not every woman has her period, but only women are capable of doing so, and when a woman cannot do so, there is a reason. (That reason is not “being born with a penis”).

To make this clearer let’s return to genitals in a sec. Is a woman with high testosterone male? No. Is a woman who’s had a mastectomy male? How about a woman with a beard? No, or a woman with dysphoria? Nah. There are plenty of women who have those things and don’t identify as trans at all.

So it depends, at what stage do you think a transman becomes male? It can’t be after any of those above things, otherwise breast cancer survivors or women with PCOS would also be considered male. And gay men aren’t attracted to women just because they have PCOS or have had their breasts removed for any reason.

That brings us to genitals. Is a vagina a hollowed out lower portion of your body, that you need to dilate to prevent from closure, that isn’t connected to anywhere else in your body, can’t self lubricate or self clean, contains bowel tissue, and has no biological purpose in the body beyond aesthetic and sex?, not really. I actually find it offensive to call a neo-vagina a real vagina. Similar things can be said about a penis, though that is a less complex organ so if males think a neo-phallus is close enough... alright, we can call it a penis. But is a male, “a female who had a surgery to get a penis attached”? That doesn’t sound like it makes sense either. And in my experiences talking with gay men, there are many ways a neo-phallus is lacking, and that does not mesh with their innate, biological sexuality

People will always say, “but what about trans people who’ve had bottom surgery?” My response is: so are you saying trans people are not the sex they identify as until they’ve had bottom surgery? That would at least make more sense than saying they “have always been” the sex they identify as, or that simply identifying as such makes it so. Because gay men don’t like vagina and lesbians don’t like dick, I can see how it’s more understandable to say that after getting genital surgery, then someone should base their sexuality on what their genitals most resemble. But if you do think only post-bottom-surgery trans people can identify that way, you are very literally the only trans person I’ve seen who thinks that.

Also, beyond genitals there’s plenty of other differences between the sexes, the biggest one in my opinion being bone structure. Just because trans people think gay people should be able to overlook those many little differences, doesn’t mean they can.

Furthermore, I still think it’s wrong for someone to call themselves homosexual after bottom surgery if they are biologically heterosexual. This is because their entire life up until that point has been spent living a heterosexual life, maybe in a world without homophobia I would feel differently about the significance of that. Homosexuals deserve a word that defines their experience, and trans people should just come up with their own terms instead of stealing those terms from homosexuals. Instead of trying to make a word fit you when you don’t fit the definition, just find a different word. Ultimately, what are homosexuals supposed to call themselves if trans people keep muddying the word gay? Is there any word for someone who is only attracted to the same sex? there should be, and it should be homosexual / gay.

Hope i didn’t miss anything.

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seasonson5th · 4 years

Text

The G-spot doesn’t exist

There is no magic button. We’re here to correct the record—and to apologize.

Once upon a time, that time being 1982, there was sex. And then, suddenly, there was sex.

The difference? A teensy half-inch ribbed nub on the upper front wall of your vagina. Scientists—and magazines (hi) and books and sex-toy companies and movies and TV shows and your roommates and your sex-ed teacher—reported that it was a universal key to The Mysterious Female Orgasm. And thus began the era when you were supposed to be able to say “it blew my mind” to your girlfriends at brunch.

Or was it three inches wide? Farther down, near your vulva? Slick instead of ribbed? Kinda springy to the touch?

Whatever, it was it. And fuck if we all didn’t work hard to find our own. Back in 1982, Cosmo told women to get there by “squatting” so it would be easier “to stick one or two fingers inside the vagina” and make the necessary “come-hither motion.” A 2020 Google search turns up thousands of road maps (“where is the G-spot?” has been searched more times than Michaels Jordan and Jackson). That cute-adjacent guy you slept with in college tried the classic pile-drive maneuver, to middling success.

🩸THE G-SPOT IS ALLEGEDLY… 🩸🩸“One inch in.”  🩸🩸🩸“Three inches in.” 🩸🩸🩸🩸“Barely in.” 🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸“Near my cervix.” 🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸“The roof of my uterus.” 🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸“The back right of my vagina.” 🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸“In a little pocket of space up near my belly button.”🩸

But it must not matter, because the G-spot economy is booming: G-spot vibrators, G-spot condoms, G-spot lube, G-spot workshops, and, for the particularly daring and/or Goop-inspired, $1,800 G-spot shots meant to plump yours for extra pleasure.

Hell, even Merriam-Webster is in on it: The G-spot is a “highly erogenous mass of tissue” in every dictionary it prints.

So then why, when we talked to the woman who helped “discover” it, did she tell us we’ve all been obsessed with the wrong thing?

THAT WOMAN IS BEVERLY WHIPPLE, PHD. SHE AND A TEAM of researchers officially coined the term “G-spot” in the early ’80s. They named the thing, which they described as a “sensitive” “small bean,” for German researcher Ernst Gräfenberg (yeah, a dude). And just like that, your most frustrating fake body part was born.

Honestly, it all got out of hand from there, says Whipple. Her team wasn’t saying that each and every woman has a G-spot. (“Women are capable of experiencing sexual pleasure many different ways,” she insists to Cosmo now. “Everyone is unique.”) And despite that bean analogy, they didn’t mean it was a spot spot. They were talking about an “area” that could simply make some women feel good. But the media (hi again!) preferred the neat and tidy version and ran with it like a sexual cure-all.

Researchers did too. In 2012, a study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine proclaimed that of course the G-spot was real. It just wasn’t a bean. It was actually an 8.1- by 3.6-millimeter “rope-like” piece of anatomy, a “blue” and “grape-like” sac. This revelation came from gynecologic surgeon Adam Ostrzenski, MD, PhD, after his study of an 83-year-old woman’s cadaver. (He went on to sell “G-spotplasty” treatments to women.) Over the years, lots of other researchers found the G-spot to be lots of other things: “a thick patch of nerves,” “the urethral sponge,” “a gland,” “a bunch of nerves.”

For the most part, though, the thing that women were supposed to find has remained a mystery to the experts telling them to find it. Dozens of trials used surveys, pathologic specimens, imaging, and biochemical markers to try to pinpoint the elusive G-spot once and for all.

In 2006, a biopsy of women’s vaginas turned up nothing.

In 2012, a group of doctors reviewed every single piece of known data on record and found no proof that the G-spot exists.

In 2017, in the most recent and largest postmortem study to date done on 13 cadavers, researchers looked again: still nothing.

🩸🩸THE G-SPOT IS ALLEGEDLY… “Really deep in there, not close to the opening of my vagina at all.” “IDK.” “My clitoris.” “By my butt.” “Behind the clitoris.” “Right inside my vagina and to the left.” “In different places.”🩸🩸

“It’s not like pushing an elevator button or a light switch,” asserts Barry Komisaruk, PhD, a neuroscientist at Rutgers University. “It’s not a single thing.”

“I don’t think we have any evidence that the G-spot is a spot or a structure,” says Nicole Prause, PhD, a neuroscientist who studies orgasms and sexual arousal. “I’ve never understood why it was interpreted as some new sexual organ. You can’t standardize a vagina—there is no consistency across women as to where exactly we experience pleasure.”

Sure, she says, some women might have an area inside their vaginas that contains a bunch of smaller, super-sensitive areas. But some women say that when they follow Cosmo’s old two-finger come-hither advice, they feel discomfort or like they have to pee. Others feel nothing at all. Because for them, there’s nothing there.

NOW FOR THE TRICKIEST PART OF this story—and, TBH, the reason this is even a story at all. Despite the lack of scientific evidence, there are still lots of G-spot believers, many of them super-smart, well-meaning sex educators. They’re a pretty heated group (one hung up on us when we called for an interview) and not...entirely...wrong. Their point is: If a woman believes she’s found her G-spot, that should outweigh any lack of science. And specifically, if someone claims to have experienced G-spot pleasure, it seems “bizarre” to shut her down, says Kristen Mark, PhD, a sex educator at the University of Kentucky. “That feels like going backward.”

Fair. It’s just that, as Prause points out, “women deserve accurate information about their bodies.” Can’t we have our pleasure—and the truth too?

As Prause said (and this bears repeating), for some women, there is sexual sensitivity where the G-spot is supposed to be. But for others, there’s none. Or it’s to the left. Or it’s in a few places. And that’s kind of the whole point. It’s all okay. It can all feel good.

What everyone can agree on is that we need more research. Women’s sexual health is vastly understudied, and the scientific hurdles are borderline absurd. In 2015, Prause tried to get a trial going at UCLA that would study orgasms in women who were, you know, actually alive. The board heard her out but wanted a promise that her test subjects “wouldn’t climax” because they didn’t like the optics of women orgasming in their labs. (As you’ve already guessed, the study wasn’t approved.)

So yeah, a new kind of thinking about female pleasure is going to take a minute for certain people to get on board with. Like those brunch friends who go on and on about G-spot rapture. And like men, who might love the idea of the G-spot best of all. A G-spot orgasm requires penetration, which just so happens to be the way most guys prefer to get off. “If you’ve got a penis, it would be super convenient if the way the person with a vagina has pleasure is for you to put your penis in their vagina,” says Emily Nagoski, PhD, author of Come as You Are, a book that explores the science of female sexuality. Related: 80 percent of the men in Cosmo’s survey said they believe every woman has a G-spot; nearly 60 percent called it the “best way” for a female partner to achieve pleasure. (“Once you rally enough experience like myself, you can find it on every girl,” one supremely confident guy told us.)

Just like it did for women, the G-spot gave men a universal performance metric and the “cultural message that pleasure for women happens by pounding on their vaginas with your penis,” says Nagoski.

Things were this close to going in a much better direction. “In the early ’80s, there was research that was really putting the clitoris front and center,” explains Nagoski. “Then along came the G-spot research, creating this pressure for women to be orgasmic from vaginal stimulation even though most women’s bodies just aren’t wired that way. And if you really think about why vaginal stimulation matters so much, it’s because it puts the focus on male pleasure.”

GO AHEAD AND LET THAT SINK in while we gear up to talk about the fallout. Not only the sexual frustration (although that, definitely that) but also the giant emotional burden the G-spot unwittingly dropped on all of us. Turns out, the thing that was supposed to awaken and equalize our sex lives came with a really shitty side effect: shame.

More than half of the women in Cosmo’s survey reported feeling inadequate or frustrated knowing that others are able to orgasm in a way they can’t. Eleven percent said this made them avoid sex entirely. “I have friends who say they always climax from intercourse alone and they’re like, ‘You just haven’t found it yet,’” says Alyssa, a Cosmo reader. “It’s like they’re the lucky ones.”

That’s why on one recent Tuesday, another Cosmo reader, Beth, found herself sitting in a room that looked oddly like a vagina—low, pink light, a candle burning softly nearby—getting her first round of G-spot homework. She and her husband had hired a sex therapist to help them feel more in sync sexually. Basically, he wanted it a lot more than she did, probably because she was still waiting for something...bigger. “I can have a clitoral orgasm,” she says. “But knowing that there’s something better, I wanted to experience that.”

🩸🩸THE G-SPOT IS ALLEGEDLY… “Just go up with your finger and make a G.”  “Slightly out of reach.” “It depends.” “On the outside of the labia.” “Part of the lady parts.” “A secret place.”🩸🩸

The couple’s take-home tasks were a checklist of “sexy” moves, designed to help them find Beth’s G-spot so she could have The Orgasm. “The night we did doggy-style, it felt...god, there was the sound of skin smacking and my husband asking me if it was working. It was terrible.” (We fact-checked this with Beth’s husband. Oh yeah, “it sucked.”) After that, they gave up.

Other couples are still searching: 22 percent of guys say that finding a woman’s G-spot is the number one goal of sex, which helps explain the 31 percent of women who say they’re dealing with exasperated partners. Prause worries about that. She says: “You’ll hear guys say things like, ‘My last girlfriend wasn’t this much work,’ or ‘You take a long time to orgasm,’ or ‘This worked for the last person I slept with.’ That makes women question if they’re normal. And that, we hate.”

WHICH IS WHY WE’RE CALLING OFF THE SEARCH. WE’RE done with the damn “spot” and we’re sorry, again, that we ever brought it up. And actually: Unless sex researchers make a surprisingly major breakthrough, Cosmo won’t be publishing any more G-spot sex positions or “how to find it” guides.

“What would truly be revolutionary for women’s sex lives is to engage with what research has found all along: the best predictors of sexual satisfaction are intimacy and connection,” adds Debby Herbenick, PhD, a professor at Indiana University School of Public Health and a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.

The science world is revolutionizing, too, trying to figure out how to rebrand the G-spot into something more (and by “more,” we mean actually) accurate. Whipple stands by her “area.” Italian researchers have suggested renaming it the somewhat less sexy “clitoral vaginal urethral complex.” Herbenick has her own ideas: “First of all, it should not be named after a man. It’s a female body we’re talking about, and just because a man wrote about it doesn’t mean he was the first to understand or experience it.” But anyway, she’d go with “zone.”

As for us, we’re going to kick off this new era with a 100 percent G-spot-free piece of smarter, wiser sex advice, courtesy of Nagoski: “If it feels good, you’re doing it right.” Call that whatever you want.

WELL THIS IS A BUMMER...

YEAH, IT FOOLED US TOO

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odaatlover · 4 years

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I transitioned from male to female when I was about 19. I have gotten top surgery but not bottom. I don’t wanna get rid of my dick though because I like it and it feels right. Sometimes I don’t feel like a girl because i still have it and the girls I date ( I’m a lesbian ) say that I’m weird and I should want bottom surgery, because of this I’m 26 and still a virgin. Maybe I’m non binary idk, how did you know you were non binary.

First of all, I disagree with those girls wholeheartedly. You’re not weird, and your anatomy doesn’t define your gender. If you like your dick, then keep it! There’s no rule that says you can’t be a woman with it. You’re your own person, not just a statistic or a label. Live your life the way that makes you the happiest!On that note, there’s a fic I recommended not too long ago called ‘Not an Illusion’ that features a transgender Nicole that feels almost exactly the same way you just described. Like, nearly word for word, which is so crazy! You’ve probably come across it, but if you haven’t, you can read it here...https://archiveofourown.org/works/22471156/chapters/53694157

Now onto your question. Figuring out my gender took me a very long time, but not because I didn’t know what I was, but because I didn’t know that anything other than woman or man existed. As a kid I never felt like a girl, but I also never felt like a boy. And it wasn’t just about my body or my hobbies or anything like that, but about how I felt. Saying that I was a girl or boy felt just as wrong as saying that I was Jewish (I’m not at all Jewish). And when I was with a group of girls, I felt like an outsider because I didn’t feel like one of them. And same when I was with a group of boys. I just never felt like I fully fit in with any of them. Had I known that it was possible to be somewhere in the middle, that would’ve clicked right away for me. But sadly, it wasn’t ever talked about, and there wasn’t any representation anywhere, so I was very unaware. I was very fascinated by TV characters and youtubers that were trans FTM, but I didn’t quite feel like I related. I wanted some of those changes, but I didn’t want to be a boy, and that confused the heck out of me. But as soon as I discovered the term non-binary when I was in my early twenties, it was like this “Aha!” moment. Buuuuut I told my friend about it and she was very confused because it still wasn’t a widely known thing, and that kind of made me just push it all down and ignore it because I was afraid of being “weird” ...up until recently, when I made this blog and discovered a lot of people were similar to me. I even found out that I can take testosterone and have the changes I want, which was a big deal for me because I thought you had to identify as a man and it would make you look completely like a man. But now I know that’s not the case and it’s an option! So, that was a game changer for me, and I accepted who I was.

I don’t focus on my label much, because when I do that I find out that I try to look like other people and I start to doubt if I’m “non-binary” enough. So instead, I focus on how I want my body to be and how I want to be perceived, and that makes everything so much easier. So that’s my advice to you, just be who you are and don’t let anyone tell you that you’re wrong. If you feel like a woman, you’re a woman. If you don’t want bottom surgery, don’t get bottom surgery. It’s okay to question your gender, but do it because of how you feel about yourself, not because someone else is causing you to doubt yourself just because you don’t fit into their definition of your label. Just be happy and healthy! The right person will come along and they’ll love the heck out of you ❤️

#asks #gender asks

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theaetherhealerffxiv · 5 years

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Hey everyone! Swath and Mun here, I wanted to address something that I get asked a lot in game - and wanted to turn it into something educational! So here we go on a instructional lesson about the differences between the fetish F*ta and Intersex/FTM (trans) characters!

Please know I don’t want to create any discourse I just want to educate!

Now, Let me preface that I am a (mostly) CIS female (uh, moogle I guess.) I have tendencies to lean toward intersex things even though biologically I am fully ‘female’ and am rather happy with being such. So, I in no way speak for anyone that is trans or truly intersex. Everything I know is from educating myself, and having wonderful people around me.

“Wait Mun, We’h get asked ah lot if I’mma ah, whatevah tha fetish ish, wha is it?”

HOHOHO I’m glad you asked my lovely boy, lets start off with some definitions!

Just a warning: As these are definitions I will not be censoring the word for them, my apologies!

Futa, is short for Futanari: specifically a fetish that is accounted to the Anime/Manga [Hentai] industry. It features a character [usually female presenting] with female bodies and a penis.

Usually the term used in these cases are hermaphrodites. But in essence they are not true hermaphrodite.

Intersex in contrast is: when a person is born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that does not quite fit the usual societal definitions of male or female. [Please note there are categories within intersex for simplicity sake I will not go into here.]

These people can grow up feeling like their assigned gender is incorrect in various cases they at birth are put under the knife to ‘correct’ their genitals to ease the parents/doctors concerns. These people can also have varying conditions/genital combinations which I will link below in my reference section.

Transgender is when: a person whose gender identity does not correspond to that persons biological sex assigned at birth.

I’m sure by this point you are saying ‘mun this is great and all but why is it so bad to call a intersex/trans character f*ta? Isnt that what they are? If they have a penis + female form?’

My answer to that is no! Please do not call a Trans/Intersex character a f*ta. Those who participate in the fetish will usually clearly have it in their tags. While trans/intersex characters will clearly state it in theirs. While participating in the fetish f*tanari is not a bad thing many people within the trans community feels that it is a slur and thus we come to the next portion of my talk manners!

Please do not send a tell straight out to someone who’s tags say intersex/trans asking if they are a f*ta.

Not everyone is kind online and for the safety of everyone it is truly best if you work up to the question differently: or at least politely ask.

Proper way: “Excuse me, is your character a f*tanari?”

Incorrect way: “You a f*ta?”

Generally if their tags do not state it the answer will be no. Or, there is a possibility that they will out right block you straight away. Usually for their mental health. Not everyone is say as kind as I with these things, people can get offended, people will ignore you, f*ta’s are a clear community in the RP community and that’s fine, but again I have to reiterate that it will likely 100% be in their bio/tags.

Now I’m sure you are saying “Yeah mun thats great but why are you bringing this up all now.”

Mostly because I constantly get asked this in game rather rudely.

I don’t mind answering. But Swath is not a fetish character: he is a character with real health conditions (that have been slightly fantasized so that his model can be how he actually looks for my sake). His plights exist in the real world, real people are born with his conditions and they are not something to turn into a fetish.

By all means enjoy f*tanari, if you enjoy the fetish please don’t think I condemn you. Far from it, but within the spectrum of rp/the online world fetish’s are often looked upon in a rude/demanding fashion. I am all down for a conversation but I will not take kindly if you demand to have sex with my character because he has boobs and a penis.

That being said here are my references if anyone is curious and have a wonderful day/evening! If anyone has anything constructive to add please do so in the comments!

Definitions:

https://www.dictionary.com/browse/transgender

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sexual-orientation-gender/gender-gender-identity/whats-intersex

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/futanari