#Much less thrive

[amerasdreams]

the more I move toward reality the more I realize how inadequate I am for it.

#Nonperson #How can I possibly survive #Much less thrive #HAHAHAHAAHHA

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

*tries to organize my thoughts*

*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*

*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*

(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next

#i marie kondoed my thoughts and *i* feel great. but now my stream-of-consciousness has escaped containment #so many innocent bystanders at stake #every time i try to organize my thoughts i run out of plastic bins and have to make a trip to the container store where i get even more dis #racted so. you can't just hand me THIS brain and NO catalogue OR library classification system #and expect me to single-handedly sort through all this nonsense? bad form but fucking form not in my job description #aNYways. formal education sure did a FUCKING NUMBER on us huh #(a number i measure not in gpa or dollars of student debt. #but in the number of therapy sessions & medical debt it will take to recover.) #seriously folks. our education systems are...innately traumatizing for a huge number of students. and we NEED to address this. #the fact that it is culturally common for adults to have anxiety nightmares about school/exams...even decades later? #that is not cute. it is Alarming. #no one--much less entire generations--should be spending their developmental years in an environment of chronic stress & pressure & strain #and yet that is the reality for millions and millions of pre-teen and teenage and young adult students #this isn't healthy and it serves and empowers NO ONE #...except of course the many exploitative educational & financial & debt-collecting institutions thriving from the current balance of power #and of course it's a nefarious and powerful way to sabotage/erase the middle class #which billionaires and the wealth-inequality creators they finance couldn't possibly have any noteworthy interest in whatsoever #it's not like there's an elite group of people with huge financial incentives to drain/steal resources from the masses... #anyways sorry for going all Conspiracy Theory on you. #obviously the billionaires who control the vast majority of our resources and news and political campaign funding #are not tied to every single itty bitty social issue and i'm a silly billy to imply it #please tell elon musk to ignore this tweet i am so subservient and acquiescent #mr musky u r so good at inheriting slavery-built mining fortunes & buying other people's companies #& building rocket ships & fancy cars that do NOT explode/catch fire & also NOT running billion dollar companies into the ground #mr musky u r so talented genius billionaire playboy with 10 kids and ex-wives who find you creepy af babe u r basically iron man

[hangmanapologist]

in Lord Jesus name himself and all the saint, Marvel please stay away from Lewis Pullman

#I have threatened to kill my self over much less #I want to see him thrive but….. #please just give us Salems lot #lewis pullman

[anarchy-and-piglins]

On that same note: I MISS TECHNOBLADE

#i always miss him but the last few weeks I've been hit with even more missing him #and yes I do know that a lot of bad stuff going on lately would still have happened whether he died or not #like the state of world politics or the rise of AI art or the alt right taking over or the LITERAL GENOCIDES #nor would he have much influence on other CC being terrible people #but maybe I just relate Techno being alive to things being calmer #and the fandom being thriving and active and SBI making content #and just all that stuff that made my life a little less bleak...

[teeth-draws]

Hhhhighschool au bus ride with trouble from @shepherds-of-haven ;;;; haha

#shepherds of haven #trouble alder #halle beren #if you were wondering why red and the others had such different styles it’s bc this is the missing link #thought I’d try and paint aka no lines! and a background! wild! #anyway in a hs au where their respective single parents are alive #trouble is supported and thriving as the king of social butterflies #she is less feral but also less confident and she pines for him night and day #she is positive he can’t be that thick and he just wants to be friends - every time she tries to ask him out he invites a group #hang in there girl #this will all come to a head where she swears off her feelings for him and finally starts dating the guy from her smart girl class #and trouble who has always kinda liked that tall redhead or whatever suddenly wants to crack his head in the door #-what’s he got that I don’t got?- but all the girls just laugh at him so he sulks #what do you mean you’re going to the library with him what about our Tuesday night taco tradition??? bruh #the vibe as always is energetic extrovert x introverted baddie #teenage trouble punches walls and that’s a shame but also can’t be untrue #here ig he’s like 17 and she’s 18?? they both live in the poorer district of the city and she uses his mum’s laundromat #it’s a fixture in the community and part of the reason he’s so nosy and earnestly involved with everyone #her ears are pierced so much to mimic THE halek prince of whom she has a picture of in her locker #she is overthinking which music to play on their shared earphones even though he’s off with the fairies #this is why AirPods suck like the intimacy of earphones is unparalleled it’s all about the lean #anyway no doubt years of on and off infatuation vs his obliviousness culminates in dating someone else and avoidance #until either his dad shows up out of nowhere and he bangs on her door in the rain OR like her dad does something extra depresso #and she goes to him straight away #then there is a dramatic confession at the school festival or something #or his mum whacks him over the head ig and makes him walk her home when it’s still awkward between them and he can’t stand the weird mood #also they were going to be wearing their school bags but I got tired lmao so they’re on the ground while they commute it’s fine #he ate her up though tbh lmao #as usual the tags are nonsensical there is so much moisturiser in my eyes I’ve been writing reports for hours and have met so many weirdos #her phone is the shiny drampa that rotted my brain enough for me to create her in it’s image when I was shiny hunting

[ackee]

man instagram art community loves an 'aggressive dark skinned (but not black, neva that!) dude' x 'super shy pale girl' oc ship like...... will never be free from colorism i swear

#i think if insta oc artists were made to make a dark skinned female oc theyd explode #much less allow her to be in love w someone #they pateons be THRIVING though maybe i need to make one 🔍 #txt

[thedevotionaltour]

even for period typical ableism it still drives me nuts for karen to go oh poor matt how can he deal and get around as if he hasn't been blind most of his life at this point and living on his own by himself as an adult for his entire adult life after college and has also lived in the city his whole life like girl use your damn brain he can get around by himself just fine. good god. like take five seconds to use your brain. literally adult man who lives by himself if nothing else that should tell you he is fine and when he needs assistance has the knowledge and ability to go get it you act as if he can't even walk on the sidewalk by himself. he literally shows up to work by himself. it drives me up the wall sometimes how she sees proof of him functioning fine independently literally witnesses it on the daily and still thinks these things. like again foggy isn't great either bc again the period typical ableism (and just general ableism in the world outside of this period as this is a common attitude of viewing disabled people as helpless and unable to function even if they are people who do live independently (and im not touching on people who do need extra support and caretaking in this context. as this post is about these characters in the context of a story. so im talking about what we see there instead of any truly meaningful nuanced way) but the writing here is like. Particularly this way due to the time) he has a modicum more of understanding that matt is literally a capable grown adult man. literally told karen matt is a big boy who can handle himself and then karen went b-b-but you forget he's blind as if foggy hasn't known him for years of his life and is his best friend like PLEASE SEE HIM AS AN ADULT. I AM GOING TO GO INSANE. PLEASE RESPECT HIM IF YOU LOVE HIM SO DEARLY. AND EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T. JUST RESPECT HIM AS A PERSON!!!!!!

#i think it's particularly maddening bc we have seen characters be able to understand civillian matt is like. more than just Blind Man. #i am always highly aware of period typical writing and can remember the context etc etc but sometimes. #sometimes it truly. truly does drive me up the wall. especially when other characters have been capable of not being That Level #of infantalizing. again foggy still isn't much better in a lot of respects he is just as capable of and has been as infantilizing #and insulting as karen has been. for sure. on multiple occassions. no questions asked. but i dont think he does it to the extent karen does #as in we dont see it on page just as much. it's just a bit less. so we see karen focus on it far more. to an almost exaggerated extent #part of that is the romance plot of ohhh i cannot possibly love a blind man while foggy is matt;s best friend of many years #so of course it will be in the way of the stan lee and old romance comics schools of writing that this goes down and is written like this. #of course we see her focus on it a touch more in a different way bc she's still getting to know matt and hasnt witnessed him #for about like a decade(? they met in undergrad right?) function on his own the way foggy has. but jesus christ man. good god. #at a certain point even with the period time context it does just still leave a bad taste. at certain points it becomes less eye roll #and far more maddening and hard to push down. bc it is gross. no matter what time period it is. #again. both of them are pretty disrespectful towards matt about it at this point even if mostly in their inner monologues or dialogues #with each other and not super to matt's face about it every time. but still. sometimes karen drives me far more crazy about it than foggy. #becase at least foggy can in fact recognize every now and then. matt is a perfectly capable grown man who can function and thrive. #and is someone who lives independently but also can know how to get assistance when needed. #while karen at this point has never really once given matt the benefit of that assumption despite witnessing his capabilities. #because even with his act of trying to fit the image ppl have of him. he still functions within that! and shows he can do things! #and ask for help when he needs it! even within his act of making himself smaller and quieter for others. #he's still like. adult man who lives his life. and does stuff on his own time. #i cant really speak about matt on any more deeper level than that in regards to his disabilities. i am not disabled. #i only speak as a reader and someone watching what these characters do and have proven to be able to do and how they act. #so i can only talk about karen and foggy's behaviors and attitudes in that regard. #and also as a person with like. basic understanding of other ppl living their lives. that all ppl live their own damn lives however it is #like most ppl on planet earth. #i apologize if any of my wording here is bad or if i dont talk on it well as none of this in the real world stuff is my lived experience #and you are free to go hey. incorrect. think about that or word that differently. #ok i promise im done now it's just. EUGH. UGH!!!!! #static.soundz

[sysig]

Ohh I would love to request a redraw of one of your strangels sketches ♥♥♥ if it's not too much trouble hehe, thanks!

Day 19 - The privilege ✨

#Requestober #Vargas #Edgar #Scriabin #Depending on your time zone it still might not be tomorrow yet! It's tomorrow for me tho #I just had no energy today lol I could not get my brain to focus on drawing at all #All that fun data - here's more! #Anyway lol #This happens to be the first redraw-request! Nice #Also for the record Brusk did specify this drawing behind the scenes lol I didn't just pick a random one #Lots of Scriabin resting his head in Edgar's lap around these parts #This was actually a way more challenging redraw than the ones I've done in the past :0 #Since it's only been a few months - considerably less than half a year even! - my style hasn't developed much in the meantime #You'd think that would make it relatively easy to translate from paper to digital but no actually lol #Not me thriving on novelty and recent art is too familiar lol #It's good to know though ♪ #And I'm still rather proud of the original so I was half like ''What can I improve here'' - I did improve some stuff! So that's neat #Plus I got to do weird stuff like with Edgar's halo and Scriabin's horn and tail! Neat #And kind of finally drew his wings digitally! Ah! #Still definitely want to return to that when I have time to dedicate to them properly haha

[robinsteve]

“lucas, i’m scared. i’m so scared. i’m so scared. i don't wanna die. i’m not ready. i don't wanna go! i’m not ready.” if the duffers kill max in s5 after that we will be having words.

#not only would it destroy the message of hope and perseverance in the face of personal struggles- the message that’s been a consistent #thread through all four seasons- it would make max’s first “death” scene incredibly pointless when it could have been #so impactful had it been real #obviously i very much want max alive and healthy and happy but there’s something so cinematic and so awe-inspiring about that #shot of max in lucas’ arms with el by her side and the blue light bouncing off their blood-and-tear-soaked faces #before the camera draws back and begins to spin over them... anyway. my point is: #i will be very angry if they end up killing max via coma when they had OPTIONS. well. one option. but it was a really extraordinary option. #her death in s5 despite /everything/ would cheapen the final season immensely and would come off as almost laughably #desperate- but above all so so CRUEL to max and her friends #if she can't live and she can't just die in the attic don't prolong her and her friends' suffering for a far less impactful departure #and furthermore if she can’t live don’t purposefully degrade the meaning and remove the consequences #of a visually and emotionally stunning moment to string along viewers who want to know if max is going to be okay either!!!! #they're already on thin ice from the whole 'el revives max' thing (which i will expand upon in another post) but i've made my peace with it #because it kept max alive and it would actually tear me in two if she died for real but even so. thin fucking ice. to drag max over to #another season after all of that fragile ice walking- only to pass on resolving her arc in a careful way- would be devastating. #in terms of emotional and visual impact we have ‘max actually dying in the creel attic’ up /here/ #(imagine my hand hovering slightly above my hairline) #‘max pulling through the coma and learning to survive and thrive’ right /here/ (hand at eyeline) #and ‘max dying at the hospital’ allllll the way down /here/ (hand at stomach) #which would really fucking SUCK #to be clear i think she’s going to pull through the coma (thank god) because a) the duffers are cowarddddds and b) narrative reasons that #i don’t have enough time energy or tag space to elaborate on #but i also have trust issues from this season so i can envision a scenario in which they metaphorically pull the rug out from under #us and we all riot at dawn together <3 #max mayfield #stranger things #s4 spoilers #** #millie talks #st 4

[starbuck]

i have so much love in my heart it’s unreal

#thank GOD i’m going to visit my family in a couple days - i need a BREAK it’s getting overwhelming #but also i love my coworker so much #in a platonic way - she’s like a little sister to me #she’s so motivated and she has SO much potential and i am so proud of her and excited to see her learn and grow #and i want to help in any way i can #i hype her up to my boss and our other coworkers and upper management whenever possible #because she deserves it and nobody else is gonna do it #my boss is nice enough - but she doesn’t talk us up much which is a shame #so it’s up to me to make sure my coworker is being appreciated properly #because she is doing a TON of good work and i need to make sure she knows how incredible that is #she is too hard on herself and needs to take more time for herself to rest because she doesn’t get nearly enough #me and our other coworker have made it our personal mission to ensure that she takes care of herself #and she’s actually doing meaningfully better since we took an interest and - again - i am SO proud of her #i’m currently trying to convince her not to take too much on this summer and i *THINK* it’s going well #ultimately she’s going to be limited by reality regardless #but it would be better for her to plan less rather than try to do everything and get burnt out #i think she thrives on intense pressure just like i do - but that’s also wildly unhealthy to endure for long stretches #so i’m gonna keep working at it

[fraye-complex]

I'm trying to get the information I need to apply for disability assistance and the more I read the more I feel like I'm going to be sick

The fact that I already have to rely on people and suck away their resources means I don't need about 30% of the help they might have considered giving me.

I'm not surprised, I know the system is a fucking nightmare, but I was clinging to the delusion that these systems were put in place to help people like me, but I just get to be reminded it's really just there to keep me busy fighting until I keel over, and only consider giving the bare fucking minimum I need to maybe survive.

I'm so fucking tired. My world is disintegrating around me and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

I don't even know where to go for help trying to figure this out anymore.

#disability #disabled queer #disabled #queer cripple #angry cripple #cripple posting #fuck the government #i'm so tired #i just want to live #I'm not even aiming for thrive anymore #I just want to worry less about how much I'm suffering and what I'm going to do about it

[cicerosfavouritelistener]

morthal, solitude and markarth for the skyrim ask game >:)

Morthal - Do you enjoy exploring dungeons and ruins? Why or why not? I doooo! I LOVE dungeons and Ruins! They're fun! I do get lost in them which bothers me but I love goin around Blackreach with Cicero, it's so so so pretty.

Solitude - Who's your favorite Jarl? Who's your least favorite? Why these? Hmmm! I'll be honest I think they're all pieces of shit and hate them all lmao, Ig I'll go with Elisif because her castle is where you can do the Sheogorath quest.

Markarth - If you could rewrite one questline in Skyrim, which would it be? The Dark Brotherhood. Make it so that you have more options such as being able to find that Astrid is sellin the Sanctuary out to the Penitus Oculatus; maybe by rifling through Her belongings or Maro's. I wish there was a way to be able to convince the others to also join Cicero, or that there was a way for the Listener to be able to like go Against Cicero without the killin him section as well for people who refuse to realise the Old Ways are better like Astrid. Perhaps there could have been a way to allow Astrid to realise the error of her ways and repent to the Night Mother and Sithis!

I also wish there was a way to rebuild the Dark Brotherhood properly aside from the Two Random Initiates who don't even have names. Like I wish you could recruit more people, fix up the Falkreath Sanctuary, set up More Sanctuaries (Like how Oblivion's got apparently over 200 sanctuaries in all of Cyrodiil), Have Speakers, Silencers. Also perhaps a way to reinstate Cicero as an Assassin assassin rather than a Keeper who's allowed to kill just because the Listener says so. And maybe Listener can marry the Keeper.

#Old-Skulls #Listener's Commands #I *Really* love the Dark Brotherhood questline #It and the Sheogorath quest are the two I play in EVERY run of Skyrim #That all said about my rewrites of the Dark Brotherhood quest I would still kill Astrid #and Probably Arnbjorn #Those two in my eyes are irredeemable #But because I know some people would wanna have them hence the option #Tho I feel like Arnbjorn's redemption would be tied to Astrids #Fuckin Lapdog #I would gladly become a Listener Keeper so that Cicero can go out and kill as many people as he wishes #Plus I feel like he would feel so much better seein the Dark Brotherhood thriving once again #I suppose I'd Have it be something like a mix of the mods Your Choices Matter - A Dark Brotherhood Expansion #And Become High King Of Skyrim #I wanna marry Cicero so bad #maybe also let the Listener marry like Nazir/Veezara/Gabriella/whoever survives/has been accepted but I'm less into that I jus wanna marry #Cicero let us be the Power Couple

[helennorvilles]

fun fact: deciding on progression points for each student with school reports is actually really hard???

#god just all the DATA i am losing my sense of self over here #okay i kinda love the data. but not in a 'i have to get this done super quick way' #the stress is making the data not fun like normally i'd thrive on these facts #the one thing i will say tho is as stressed as i am rn #i already feel like next go around i know how i'd do things differently??? and i feel like i could do so much better?? #like these reports are still scary but i feel like next year me with my own class from the start will find them a hell of a lot less scary #so that's nice! #my post tag

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

Bro how do I show up as one of the top Mythic Quest blogs 😭 I’ve made like 8 posts for it total spaced out over a whole year, the show has been on for 3 years, everyone come post about mythic quest with me, get over here now and experience the wonder and beauty of Dark Quiet Death, Backstory! and Sarian and silly and flawed and occasionally awful but human characters at this video game company just trying to figure out their place in this world

#mythic quest #it’s not even my favourite and it takes a minute to get its footing but something about it is so !!! #when they allow themselves to focus on the characters rather than some of the less successful jokes they really thrive #emotions felt over what can be done with the medium of television here like !! #the backstory episodes especially are masterful works of art on their own #the rest very mixed feelings but they still make me care so so much about them

[shittywriterbrain]

hehehehe i just cracked 29k on my current wip, that's the longest i've ever kept something up ^^

#i cracked the 28418 while i had a little christmas tumblr break of no less than (checks archive) 11 days #but that was very important for me since my longest project until now had been 28418 words long #and i loathe it. i hate it so much. its so bad #but now im thriving. more or less #writing

[mainfaggot]

tw eating disorder talk, pt.2 to the last post in the tags (once again, no mention of numbers that could be triggering, just a heartfelt rant bc I've been so afraid of talking about these things on here, but i really just need to get everything out bc . I feel crazy)

#so basically it was bad. this past summer the relapse was so sugarcoated in the sense that #i was telling myself it was fine. it didn't look the same as it did at my very worst #it didn't even feel the same #but it wasn't fulfilling either. it was stressful. it was exhausting. i was using my anorexia as a way to distract from having depression #i needed to feel a sense of achievement and i got it! but at the cost of my physical health #and my mental health was all over the place like less depressed sure. but way more anxious #it was weird. because even now i have to tell myself it wasn't okay. it wasn't fine. it's not worth it it's not WORTH IT #part of me keeps romanticizing it bc i was so in control and i was still working a little and still functioning in a socially acceptable way #but i know how much anxiety it gave me on a daily basis. only i know how my body ached and how low i felt from my immunity going to shit #only I know what it's like to have horrible circulation and constant weakness #no one else will live my life for me #I'm sure there are people who can live the way i was. im sure there are people who thrive like that #but they only thrive for a short time before it all comes crashing fown #and it's not worth the comparison bc when im suffering theyre not going to help me out!!!!! #when im struggling with the weight of it all. the people that promote tiny little portions and academic excellence with no room for #self compassion #they're not going to nurse me back to health #i won't feel a sustained sense of satisfaction from restricting and studying until i pass out from exhaustion. I've done that before #perfectionism is a parasite and this is a disease. it's a fucking mental illness and it's not even about vanity for me like thats just a #fraction of it #anyway #z.post