#Oh my goodness Iove this so much
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Oh, I Iove your thoughts and the overall approach to the analysis of the intimate (and not so) scenes. I would like to read your take on Simon/Marcus scene. Everyone avoids it like a plague or just blames the actors for the lack of chemistry, but I’m sure we were meant to feel the uneasiness between them. What would you say? No pressure though, if it’s not something you want to discuss.
Hi anon! I'm so glad you like my analysis and I'm really happy that you requested that I look at this scene! Rewatching their almost hookup was a bit of a challenge (the second hand embarrassment! it's so much!) but it's a really interesting case study. I think you're absolutely right; this scene is meant to make us feel uneasy. Let's take a look and try to figure out how it accomplishes that.
The first thing I noticed about the scene was the music. This scene doesn't have original scoring or a needle drop. Instead it has diagetic sound. The only thing we hear is the tinny, distant sound of music playing out of Marcus's speakers, and we can't even distinguish what song is playing. I think this is really significant because of how crucial the music is in creating a sense of magic in every other intimate scene. When Simon and Wilhelm are together, I would describe the music as shimmery, bright, and warm. It wraps them up and transports them into their own special world together. But with Marcus, we are firmly grounded in the real world, where things can be awkward or embarrassing or uncomfortable.
The second thing I noticed was the way the scene is edited. Most of the time when two characters are having a conversation, the editing will go: shot (on character A as they speak), reverse shot (on character B as they speak). But sometimes in this scene, the camera lingers on Simon even as Marcus starts to speak. There are a lot of close ups of Simon's face; the camera examines him a lot more closely than it does Marcus. I think it's pretty clear that Simon is the POV character in this scene. We're supposed to feel tuned in to his feelings of discomfort and embarrassment. Omar does a great job of conveying this and the camera gives us time to take it in. This is also in contrast to Wilmon scenes, where the camera pays equal attention to both characters, emphasizing their connection.
Marcus's little apartment is warmly lit, but there are no shafts of light or lens flares like in some of the Wilmon scenes. And while some of the close up shots of Simon have a golden tint to them, the shots of Marcus are more cool colored. They're disconnected, not in the same intimate space together.
I haven't talked a ton about costuming in my previous posts, but I think it's worth thinking about here. In the scene immediately preceding this one, Simon puts on the orange sweater he stole from Wilhelm. When he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he immediately feels sad and annoyed to see himself immersed in this visual reminder of Wilhelm, and takes the sweater off and texts Marcus as a response. But when he goes over to Marcus's place, he's changed into his orange sweatshirt. He's still wearing Wilhelm's color, even as he tries to engage with Marcus.
Simon calls Marcus's place "cozy", in what I think is a deliberate call back to Wilhelm saying the same thing about Simon's room in season 1. I think this makes sense from a character perspective; hearing his space called cozy made Simon feel good, so he's mirroring that back to Marcus in an attempt to make Marcus feel good. But it also reminds the viewer of that season 1 scene, and helps us notice the contrasts.
The last thing I noticed, and the thing that makes me most uncomfortable about this scene, is the way that the blocking (shout out Sara Arrhusius and their great work) puts Marcus in control. In some ways this feels like a further emphasis on how much of an adult Marcus is in this scene. Marcus is so mature that he has his own place, a rarity for a high school student (even if it is just in the backyard of his family's house), and Simon is totally on his turf. Marcus is dictating the pace of their relationship, without input from Simon. And he's also placing Simon in a subservient physical position, by pushing him away, holding the back of his neck, and putting his arm around him on the couch. There's nothing wrong with those gestures in and of themselves, and for some couples those motions would communicate care or be a part of a positive sexual dynamic. But so much of Simon's character revolves around his outspokenness, his fearlessness. His scenes with Wilhelm are filled with physical give and take. They read as equals. But Marcus's body language here feels like he's trying to silence Simon, and assert himself as the dominant partner in the relationship. Simon is so embarrassed at his advances being rebuffed that he goes along with this without protest, but I think you can tell that it makes him uncomfortable. And it creates the beginning of a pattern where Marcus sets himself up as the more mature partner who has to educate Simon which continues throughout the season.
(This is more of a personal headcanon thing, but I know a lot of fic writers interpret Wilhelm as the more dominant one, or the one who initiates more in the relationship with Simon. But I have the opposite read of their dynamic/roles. Simon's discomfort in this scene is one of my reasons for that. Not to be too self promo-y, but if you agree and need a palate cleanser after thinking about this scene I might suggest the end of chapter 23 of Heart and Homeland for no particular reason 😉)
I hope that makes it clear that this scene was absolutely supposed to create maximum discomfort and second hand embarrassment. The blocking and technical elements all reinforce this. Omar and Tommy were doing their jobs well, and the lack of chemistry isn't a flaw, it's a feature.
Thanks again for asking anon! I love writing these. If anyone else has a scene they want me to examine, my ask box is always open! 💜
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Halazia~ Hongjoong
Pairing- Hongjoong x Named Reader
Word count- 2.3k
Includes- Dom Hongjoong, wall sex, sex from behind, riding, squirting, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, fluff
Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa
@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi
@lovekeeho @abby-grace @wubbster @pondysselth @azeret98
Masterlists- check out for more fics
📝Series Masterlist 📝Masterlists
📝ATEEZ Masterlist 📝Hongjoong Masterlist
Gifs from Google (@cruellajoong, @starhwaz - not sure if they made the gifs but link led to their Tumblr)
Hongjoong Halazia Facecam
Hongjoong Halazia Fancam
She watches her boyfriend in awe as he performs
The way he dances, the looks on his face, the way he goes so hard
He's amazing and so freaking hot
He looks in the crowd, his eyes on her, performing for her, to make her proud
Yes he performs for ATINYS too, but everything is for her
His whole life, everything he does is for her
The love of his life
And he's hers
Everything she does is for him
To support him, to help him
They found each other while they were young, still in high school and they know how lucky they are
He moves so fluidly, his face angelic as he waves his arms and turns his head, showing off his sharp jawline that she loves to kiss
She knows how well his angelic face can change into complete sexiness in mere nanoseconds
She sees it so many times when she's under him or on top of him
She watches him get into position for the chorus, smiling as he does the moves, the demon coming into him as ATINYS say
She's so proud of him for all the hard work he does for Ateez
Yes he is busy a lot of the time, yes they don't spend as much time together when there's a comeback but she accepts it, knowing he's working hard to make ATEEZ a success
But no matter how busy he is, he comes home every night, she sleeps in his arms every night and she's grateful for that
The performance ends and he stands on stage breathing hard, his eyes darting between her and the rest of the crowd, trying not to stare at her and give anything away
He fails, his eyes on her, holding her gaze before forcing himself to break it
She smiles as they walk off the stage, the security guards in front of her indicating for her to follow them
🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁
Hongjoong POV
I eagerly wait for security to bring her to the dressing room
I couldn't keep my eyes off her the whole performance
It's rare that she's in the crowd and she's all I could stare at
Seeing her smile, singing along, cheering, is something I don't see often and will never tire of
"Baby!", she calls
I turn as she enters the dressing room, running to me
"Jagi", I smile, catching her, picking her up
Her arms and legs wrap around me, hugging me tightly
"I'm so proud of you Joongie!", she gushes, "You were so good!"
"You think so jagi?", I ask, knowing full well she does think so
"Of course Joongie", she says, pulling her head back to look at me, "You're always amazing baby. The way you rap and the sexy way you dance. You're the best baby and the best captain ever! You know the guys think so and I do too"
"Thanks jagi", I grin, feeling my cheeks heat up a bit
Her praises always make me blush
Her fingers run through the front of my hair a few times as she smiles, "You're the best Joongie. I love you"
"I Iove you too", I answer
She leans down, pressing her lips to mine and I eagerly kiss her back
I live for her kisses and there's never a time I won't kiss her
"Oh god, here we fucking go", Wooyoung sighs
"They at it again?", Yunho asks
"Yup"
"Let's just go", Seonghwa says, "You know they're gonna fuck, so I'm out"
"Yup, me too", Jongho says
Breaking the kiss, she looks towards the door
"You guys! You don't have to go"
"Yeah we do Jo", Seonghwa says, "Use the time we're giving you before we have to get ready for Cyberpunk"
"You're all jerks", I snap, hating how they're calling us out and potentially embarrassing her
I don't care about them making fun of me, I care about her
The door closes and we're left alone
"Jo, I'm sor-"
I'm cut off when her lips crash into mine, my mouth immediately moving against hers
Her hands push against my jacket, shoving it down my arms
"Baby-", I ask, breaking the kiss
"Shh, they're not gonna stay away forever. Hurry baby"
I raise my eyebrows, "You wanna? After they called us out?"
She rolls her eyes, "C'mon Joongie, you think I care what they say? There's no way I'm giving up a chance to be with you. Unless you don't want to?"
I snort, "Of course I want to. I always want you"
"Then shush and fuck me"
I smirk, putting her down, both our hands undoing each other's pants
Mine drops to the floor, while she kicks her shoes off, taking her pants and panties off, our shirts flying off right after
Grabbing her, I turn her around, pushing her against the nearest wall, "Open your legs for me baby girl"
She spreads her legs as I pull her ass out a little, thrusting right into her tight, wet, waiting hole
She swallows my cock perfectly, clenching hard around me, her cunt drenching me like a waterfall
"Oh fuck Joongie!", she cries
"Fuck baby. So good. Nice and tight", I moan
"Fuck me Joongie, please", she begs
Pulling back, I slam inside her, making her take my whole cock and I start moving at a hard pace, splitting her hole open
Keeping her body against mine, I move my hand in her hair, wrapping it in a ponytail
Then I pull, her head tilting back as I fuck into her pulsing cunt
"You like this huh?", I growl, moving my other hand to her clit, rubbing harshly, a loud moan escaping her pretty lips, "You love my cock fucking you like you're my personal fuck toy huh? My personal cock sleeve. You wanna be worn all the fucking time huh?"
"Yes", she cries, her hands leaning on the wall, "Yes baby"
"My little cock slut", I murmur, thrusting up into her, my head hitting her spot, "Such a perfect pussy, meant just for me"
"Yes Joongie. Just for you. I'm just for you", she whimpers, her eyes closed, tears running down her face
"Aww jagi, crying for my cock already? I've barely fucked you and you're already crying?", I tease harshly
"Yes", she whines
Plunging in her cunt harder, her pussy throbs so quickly around me
"Aww baby. Gonna cum already?"
"Yes. Please Joongie. Let me cum"
"You're lucky I have another performance in a little while or the answer would be no"
"Can I?", she asks and I can feel her cunt trying to loosen around me, trying to hold her orgasm back until I say she can cum
"Yeah baby girl. Go ahead"
Her body shakes, pussy coming in my cock, clenching my dick in a death grip, her moans right in my ear
The familiar pleasure that I absolutely love hits me hard and I close my eyes feeling her orgasm on me
"Good girl baby. Feels so good", I praise her
I wait until she completely finishes before I pull out
"No Joongie!"
"Shh baby", I say, spinning her around to face me and crashing my lips to hers
Picking her up, I quickly move us to the floor with her in my lap as I lay back on my elbows
She follows, still kissing me
"Mmm baby", I say between kisses, "Ride my dick"
Her hand moves between us, her pussy engulfing my cock right away
Pleasure flows in my veins as she pushes down, getting my entire cock inside her
Her hips move in a circle as she grinds on me, her arms around my neck, her tongue moving against mine
Her pussy is so warm, tightening over and over when my head rubs her spot
Her hips move faster, rocking back and forth, feeling so good
She pulls away from my lips, her fingers traveling into my hair, pulling my head back
Her lips press a kiss into the spot she knows drives me crazy, her tongue licking my skin
My body shivers and she laughs so fucking sexily that I get more turned on, my cock twitching inside her
"Mm Joongie. I feel your cock moving", she murmurs, kissing by my ear, sending shivers down my spine, "Feels so good"
"You feel good", I pant, "Fuck cum on my cock. I need to feel it"
I want the pleasure from that now
Right now
Her hips pick up speed, moaning against my neck, her cunt spasming so pleasurably
"Hongjoong", she whimpers, keeping her body against mine as she cums
"Oh shit", I whimper, closing my eyes, feeling her
"Joongie", she whines, rocking on me through her orgasm
"Good baby?", I ask, when she finishes
She nods, "Yes baby. Want more"
"More?", I ask
She sits up, facing me, looking at me shyly while I raise my eyebrow
"Yeah more. Please Joongie. Your cock feels so good. I don't want you to leave yet"
"Jagi, I don't have time-", I start
"One more. Please baby", she pouts
I can't tell her no
Not for anything
Anything she asks I'll give her
I'd give her the world if she asks
"One more", I say sternly
She smiles and I can't hold the serious face, smiling slightly
She gives me a quick peck, then sits up, her sexy body hitting me right in the face
She pushes me down, then reaches behind me to pull my legs up, bending my knees
She leans back against my thighs, her eyes on mine and she starts bouncing
I bite my lips, watching her boobs jiggle, the pleasure on her face
She's so fucking beautiful
I thought so from the first time I saw her in school
Just a beautiful girl who didn't know she was beautiful and who wanted me
I'm so lucky she's mine
"Fuck Joongie", she moans, hopping on my length, slamming her spot on my head, squeezing the life from my cock, "So hard baby. God, best cock ever"
I smirk, watching her move
I love how she says I'm the best even though I'm the only guy she's ever been with
And she's the only girl I ever been with
But I know what she means because she's the best too
She moves her legs, keeping her feet on the floor as she rides me, her legs spreading wide open for me
I can't help but look, moaning at seeing her swollen pussy lips wrapped around my cock so perfectly
"Fuck jagi, look at this pussy creaming my cock so much", I praise, my eyes on her cunt taking me in, leaving a huge mess with every move, "My pussy's hungry huh? Eating my cock so well"
"So hungry for your dick baby", she whines
Apparently as there's so much fucking cream everywhere, dripping onto my lap
Her little clit is throbbing, begging me to suck on it
I can't right now but I'm definitely eating her cunt until she's numb later tonight
For now, I move my hand, rubbing her clit with my thumb
"Joongie!", she moans, bouncing harder, "Fuck! I'm gonna cum!"
I am too
As soon as she does
"Go ahead baby"
Her eyes lock on to mine as she says, "Fill me up after?"
"Always baby girl"
Her eyes closed as her body leans back against my bent legs, dropping her cunt down my length hard
She cries out in pleasure as her pussy bursts liquid, completely soaking my lap and the floor as she squirts
"Yes baby, don't stop!", I cry, grabbing her hips and moving her up and down my length, feeling the blissful vice grip she has my cock in
Liquid splashes everywhere but I don't care
I'm gonna cum into her squirting cunt
Ecstacy takes over as I slam her down and hold her, coming deep inside her as I yell wordlessly
Oh my fucking god, it's fucking amazing
So fucking intense, giving her everything I have
And her cunt takes my cum so beautifully, spasming around my cock to get it all
"Baby", she moans as I slowly come back to my senses
Glancing up at her, I smile softly as her loving gaze
She leans over me, pushing my sweaty hair from my face
"I love you Joongie"
"I love you Jo", I tell her, "So much"
"So much", she agrees
A pounding on the door scares the shit out of both of us
"Are you done? We need to get ready!", Seonghwa yells
She rolls her eyes while I yell, "Give us a minute!"
"Time to get up jagi", I tell her
"Wah", she pouts
"Don't worry baby. I'm gonna eat and fuck your cunt all night tonight"
"Promise?", she smirks
"Oh I promise", I assure her
"Ok then", she says, then stands up
Her hand moves to her cunt, holding my cum in while she runs and grabs tissues
Both of us clean up and rush to get dressed before they come back
I just pull my shirt on when another bang sounds through the room
"Yeah yeah come in", I yell
The door opens as they file back in, most of them avoiding eye contact with us
Not Seonghwa though
"Uh why is the floor wet?"
Both of us immediately look down to where we were fucking and yeah, the carpet is wet
"Uh.....", I start
"She squirted?", Seonghwa asks
"Hey!", I snap
"Oh please!", Seonghwa snorts, "You constantly brag about how much you can make her squirt"
"Really Joongie?", she rolls her eyes
"I...that...you", I say, flustered
"Whatever, you should wipe it up", he says, then passes us towards the clothing rack
"Jagi-", I start but she just shakes her head, "Whatever Joongie. It's not a big deal"
"Are you sure?", I ask, gaping at her
"Yeah", she says, coming closer to me, her arms around my neck, "I don't care what you tell the guys about us. My friends know you're a sex god with a massive cock"
Uh what?
"They do?"
She nods, "So I don't care about what you tell them unless it makes me look bad"
"I would never make you look bad baby"
"I wouldn't do that to you either", she says
"Thanks", I chuckle
"You're welcome", she smiles, "Now kiss me then get me some paper towels"
"Yes ma'am", I smile, then lean down and press my lips to hers
#halazia mini series#kim hongjoong smut#ateez hongjoong smut#hongjoong smut#kim hongjoong fanfic#ateez hongjoong fanfic#hongjoong fanfic#ateez smut#ateez fanfic
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Hiiii!! This is my first time talking to you besides being asked to be put on the taglist! Anyhoo I had something to say but first
I am literally in love with your ask thing saying “ask away sweetheart” and with the apple??? How freaking cute!!
Hehe now I wanted to send bundles of praise! Your Two Sides of the Same Coin Fic… it’s freaking gorgeous! THATS really the sum up of my feelings I have been fantasizing about the directions you could take this story in between every time you post! It’s so freaking good!
And Iove how you made the characters so true to themselves but still adding your own creative flare to them too like Lucifer! Oh my golly… I’m literally obsessed!
Now that I have said what I said thank you for your time! And I hope you have a very nice weekend! Sending lots of love and comfort 🫶🏻
Helloo to you too:> and for the ask button, I'm glad you liked them^^ I was actually having second thoughts on what to put as an an ask button:3 and ended up with "Ask away, sweetheart 🍎" cuz I thought that's a very Lucifer thing to say hehehe.
I'm glad TSOTSC ended up being one of really good fics, even though I didn't really plan out how I want it to go and I'm just making things up each chapter hahahaha but I clearly enjoyed writing it:> I'm trying not to make the characters ooc as much as possible._. as of the moment, I don't know how many chapters the story will have but all I'm sure of is that it's far from ending, still so much emotional baggage to unpack between the family and I'm planning to make the genre even darker^°^! [Happy]
This is a journey that both you readers and I will take together cuz I'm just randomly adding stuff to it hehehehe. I'll have to do even better when it comes to world building because the story around the heavenly beings is chaotic and unplanned aahh...
Still debating whether to add a certain twin as a love interest;)
Anyways, thank you for taking the time to send this ask^^ hope your weekend was enjoyable too:)
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Ok, one more! Desunity ! <3
5. What was the moment for you that made you ship them?
7. What are some good fics for this pairing?
11. do you have a song that reminds you of them?
yeah this is a rec bait 😂 so to balance it out:
What are some headcanons you have? Dealers choice on topic! OR! What do you think Desire first appeared to Unity as? And did Unity start seeing that there's more to Desire than meets the eye before the whole vortex business? and also still dealer's choice
Ah @mashumaru my dear..You always come up with the most amazing array of asks. Thank you ❤️
What was the moment for you that made you ship them?
Listening to Sandra James-Young say 'My golden eyes man' with such softness, such fondness... Such devotion. That made me sit up and pay attention. Up until that point I'd considered Desire and Unity's realtionship similar to the comics. Aka, so beyond not healthy!! But hearing that made me question why Unity would have such love for her 'man' under the circumstances. Why she talked about her beautiful little girl with such a sense of familiarity. The series had changed the dynamic, it intrigued me... And the rest is history.
What are some good fics for this pairing?
Family Matters by Anchanee. I cannot recommend this fic enough. It was one of the very first Desunity fics that didn't make them a side plot to Dreamling, but focused entirely on them. And it is soooooo good! That end chapter will melt you.
Also Miranda by imaginationisrainbowcoloured. God that one hits you right in the feels!
Do you have a song that reminds you of them?
I'd love to be deep and interesting with this answer... But my ultimate Desunity song is 'A little Party Never Killed Nobody (All We Got) by Fergie, GoonRock, and Q-Tip. It was the feature song for the Great Gatsby 2013 remake. And what can I say, the Gatsby is strong with this ship. 😅
Also, also.... And most ironically, Once Upon a Dream. I mean listen to the lyrics,
"I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream
I know you, that gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream"
I won't take credit for that one though. @ibrithir-was-here pointed out how much their tale is so Sleeping Beauty coded.
What are some headcanons you have? Dealers choice on topic! OR! What do you think Desire first appeared to Unity as? And did Unity start seeing that there's more to Desire than meets the eye before the whole vortex business? and also still dealer's choice.
Oooooo fantastic questions. I'm a ridiculous advocate for 20s 'The illusion of time kept moving' Dreaming courtship for Desire and Unity. So I think when Desire first appeared to the Unity is was in the guise of a dashing, 20s male, bright young thing. Aka, Unity's ultimate 'desire' in a romantic partner at the time.. It also one of my favorite personal headcanons is they went by Epi. (Short for Epithumia... Their Greek name. It's so frikkin adorable to think of Unity calling them that.)
Oh Unity's as sharp as the Corinthian's blades. She definitely caught on Desire was more then meets the eye. Maybe she thought they were a dream or nightmare? Part of me thinks by the time Unity awoke she knew exactly what Desire was, and was purposely vague with Dream to protect them. Did she support Desire's plan... Absolutely not. Was she most likely livid with them... Yup. Did she want to see them hurt, especially once the danger was passed... No. But to back track, yes, I Iove to think that slowly, Unity started to see Desire, accept Desire as their true self. And Desire began to drop the act. And wouldn't that just be a novel experience for Desire, to be loved, not for what they can be... But for themselves.
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My struggles with the kittens really sums up how I make life harder for myself 🥲
They're perfect little floofs, Genuinely couldn't ask for better and Iove them so much. But baby animals stress me the fuck out, There's so much doubt about are you doing things right or if it will be okay in the end and routine changes. It gets overwhelming sometimes but I'll be fine in a few months no doubt. it's just this initial "Oh god this baby is relying on me to raise it correctly and I don't feel good enough" 😭
#I was doing better until yesterday?#the vet set me off for some reason even though they're healthy#it just somehow triggered that “am I doing things wrong” part of me#but still this is nothing like how I am with puppies#i genuinely don't think I'm ever getting another puppy as much as I love my current ones
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Letters From The Heart (They Spell Out Love)- Marelliana
Word count: 4.7k words
to avery @skylilac !!! your late birthday gift is finally here!!! and also now the last of these bday fics is done! marelliana pining angst... iove letters... (also minor keefitz)
warnings: swearing
enjoy!!!!
•~•~•~•~•~•
It was no secret that Biana liked Keefe. It was as clear as day. The longing stares that contained awestruck eyes, the truth or dare that ended in a near-kiss. It'd been the case for years, so really, Marella should have known better, but, she couldn't help but fall for Biana anyways.
Whenever it was just the two of them hanging out together, she could live in her own delusions. But of course, fantasies couldn't last forever.
It was during English class, when their poetry assignment had been returned.
"What'd you get, Marella?" Biana asked, putting her own paper on Marella's desk. High eighties, a good mark.
Marella herself had always been average at English, but she proudly took out her paper that had been marked with a 98.
"Oh, damn," Biana said, "can I read it?"
She let her read it, taking a delight at the impressed smile that graced her face.
"I didn't realize you were so good at poetry," Biana remarked.
I wanted to be good at poetry so I could write letters to you, Marella very carefully did not say. I wanted to be able to put my feelings to words, she also didn't say.
Instead, she said, "It was a recent hobby."
Biana looked at her with a complicated expression that she couldn't decipher.
And she wouldn't be able to figure out why until later that evening, while they hung out in Biana's room.
"Marella," Biana said, looking at her with a serious expression. "I want you to help me write a love letter to Keefe."
They'd had never had the best friendship, they'd gotten off to a rocky start, making petty jabs and insults, and when they got along it didn't take long before one of them would say something to let them drift apart.
But no matter what they'd say to each other, they'd always come right back to each other, they'd never truly leave the other's orbit.
After all of those years they've known each other, at this moment, all Marella could think was, you have never hurt me more than you have now.
She shook off the thought. Obviously it wasn't intentional, and obviously she didn't even know. Still, it doesn't hurt any less.
Any delusions that she'd had were shattered like glass. Biana wasn't in love with her. She probably never would.
"Marella? You don't have to if you don't want-"
"I'll help you with it." The words escaped from her own mouth before her brain could even think.
Biana's face brightened. "Thank you! I'll do as much as I can, I don't want it to feel disingenuous, and I'll even pay you for it if you want-"
"You don't need to pay me."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm your friend," Marella told her, "I can do this for you."
Refuse to do this, it wouldn't be too hard. Aren't you the one who usually ends up having to be the one to give in, to suck in your pride? a traitorous part of her brain told her. Why do this to yourself? You'll only get yourself more hurt.
Marella held back a sigh. I love her too much.
Biana pulled her in for a hug, and her damned heart beat rapidly in her chest as she tentatively returned the embrace.
"I'll start writing it later tonight, I guess," Biana said, pulling away. "I'll text you when I share the doc with you."
"Alright," Marella said with a nod of her head. She probably just got rid of her last chance of backing out of this.
•~•~•~•~•~•
-- I shared the doc with you! Biana texted.
"Dear Keefe Sencen,
From the very moment I met you, I've fallen in love with you. Not just for your looks (though I can admit it definitely doesn't hurt), but your fun personality, for the jokes that I hear that bring a smile to my face. For your presence which lights up the room whenever you walk in. I just couldn't help but fall for you. Maybe I'm a coward, for not being able to tell you this straight , but I wanted you to know.
Love,
Biana "
-- for someone who reads and watches so many romantic dramas, youre surprisingly shit at love letters, Marella texted.
-- What's wrong with this?
-- not charming enough
-- too forward
-- want something that captures attention. have an air of mystery
" Dear Keefe,
I'm sure you get letters like these all the time. Maybe to you, this piece of paper will be like all the rest. But to me, this mere piece of paper holds my heart and soul.
I'm a fan of yours. I have been, for many years. From the moment you walked into my world, it's been lit up in a kaleidoscope of colours . I can't help it , my heart is drawn to you, I can't stop myself from looking your way, seeking out your smiles, listening to your jokes.
You're as warm as sunshine. Your presence is blinding, I'm captivated. And like the sun, you're so high up in the sky , it feels as if you're unreachable. I'm too much of a coward to tell you all this in person, I'm much too afraid to come too close. All I can do is bask in your radiance, and hope that this letter might mean something to you , even just a little.
From one letter alone , I don't expect you to make a decision, or to even fall in love immediately. But if you'll allow me, I'll offer you my heart, again and again, until you are sure that you can make your choice, whether it's to accept me, or reject me.
If you should wish to write back to me, in the back of the field is a tree. On that tree is a piece of flaky bark, and underneath is a little cranny large enough to fit a letter. Deliver it before 3:30 pm, and every day, I'll check there. Any letters I write I'll slip into your locker at 8:30 am, so I request that you please do not try and uncover my identity.
Your greatest fan,
Anonymous"
-- Isn't this also extremely forward?
-- You took out my name? Why? And also this was... more than I was expecting
-- I thought it'd just be one letter
-- you think hed fall in love with one letter???
-- dont be naive
-- its not a romantic drama
-- the anon is to prevent any bias
-- if hes gonna fall in love it needs to be done right
-- trust me
-- I guess. It makes sense
-- Thank you Marella. Ilysm
Marella smiled despite herself. She had Biana's love in this way, it was fine.
-- ilyt
•~•~•~•~•~•
"Huh?" Keefe asked as he opened his locker.
"What's that?" Fitz asked, pointing at the envelope.
Marella snuck a glance at Biana, who was standing on her toes, fidgeting with her fingers.
She elbowed her. "You're being too obvious," she hissed.
"Is that a love letter?" Tam asked. "For you?"
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean? Who can resist the Keefester?"
"I can," both Marella and Tam both said in unison, and then they smiled at each other and high-fived.
"Uh-"
"You sound very cringe when you call yourself that," Sophie said, a hand over her mouth.
"Foster!"
"Are you..." Fitz said, "are you going to read it?"
"It'll be rude if I didn't. I'm wondering if I should read it now or at home."
Before Biana could do something like get more nervous and give herself away, Marella replied, "Read it here. In a hallway with no one else, and we'll be quiet and respectful towards whoever wrote the letter."
As they settled down and began eating in one of the school's hallways, Keefe took out the letter from the envelope. He read it out loud as everyone else stayed silent.
"So..." Fitz began once Keefe finished reading, his voice slightly off, "what are you going to say?"
"It's quite the heartfelt letter," Keefe said, "I like that they're willing to respect any boundaries that I might set."
"Are you going to write back?" Biana asked, eyes shining.
"I think I will. What do you think, Fitzy? Should I write back and see what this person is like?"
"It's... your love letter. Do what you want."
"I think I'd like to see how it goes. Who knows, maybe I'll fall in love with the person who wrote the letters."
Marella felt her heart writhe, her nails digging into her palm. She never actually got the vibe that Keefe had a crush on Biana.
Who could resist her? Of course he'll fall in love. That was the whole point of this.
•~•~•~•~•~•
It was decided that Marella would send and collect any letters, just in case anything happened. She knew a lot if people, and even more of the gossip, so it wouldn't be unreasonable if someone had asked her to help out. And unlike Biana, Marella was very good at lying.
At Biana's place, they opened up Keefe's reply letter.
"Dear Anonymous,
You're right, I have gotten a few love letters. But none quite like the one you've given me. It read as very sincere and heartfelt, and I like that.
To have your heart offered to me like this, to trust that I'll either treasure it or return it to you back safely, it's an honor. I'll continue writing to you, I hope to get to know you a little better.
Sincerely,
Keefe"
"Damn, he can be really eloquent when he wants to," Marella said with an impressed whistle. "A shame that he ends up talking the way he does."
"Hey, it's charming," Biana defended. "Besides, you're the same. I've never seen you write the way you did."
"You also have barely seen the way I write in general."
"That's true, I guess."
•~•~•~•~•~•
Marella read Biana's next reply, this time, on paper, since they were with each other.
"Oh my god, you're so lucky you have me here to fix this."
Biana made a half irritated pout, one that Marella had to admit looked really cute. "What's wrong with it?"
"The stuff you say is fine, but the tone, the tone is just lacking," Marella said, crossing out some words in favour of some better synonyms. "Did you just pick words out of a thesaurus?"
She huffed. "And reuse basic vocabulary?"
"You're going overboard. You've gotta write like you're actually in love."
"Are you in love, that you can do that?"
Fuck. She walked right into that one.
It seemed that she didn't mask her panic fast enough, because Biana noticed.
"Wait, Marella. You're in love? And you didn't tell me?"
"I didn't think I needed to," Marella said, and even she knew that it sounded way too snappy.
"We're best friends, Marella," Biana said, taking a hold of her hand. "You let me talk about Keefe, what about you and your crush?"
"It's unrequited," she said, hoping Biana would then drop it.
"Oh. Seriously? Are you sure?"
"The person I love is in love with someone else."
"Who wouldn't fall for you?" Biana asked, looking at her with a strange expression.
Marella clenched her jaw at the irony of such a question. You. You wouldn't fall for me.
"So, who is it? Is it someone I know?"
Hesitantly, Marella nodded. After a few seconds, she sighed. "Let me fix your letter."
"Dear Keefe,
Words cannot explain how happy it makes me to know that at the very least, you're willing to give me a chance. My heart will be safe in your hands, I know it will."
Marella paused, eyes wandering to Biana for a moment.
"I feel as if for the first time, I might be able to stand level to you. That maybe, you're not so unreachable. It's so warm by you, I can't stop myself from drifting closer and closer. Maybe, by the end of this, you'll be within arm's reach.
There's so much I want to say to you, but I don't know how to say everything it is that I feel. But maybe , we should go slow about this, until I can finally figure out just exactly what to say.
You like art, and from what I've seen, the art you've made is breathtaking. I make little crafts on occasion, maybe I'll make you something."
"What are you doing?" Biana asked.
"Helping you woo him? Who doesn't like gifts? Besides, it doesn't have to be much, just a little bracelet. I know you love making them."
Marella would know, she was wearing one of the bracelets that Biana had made at the very moment.
"Would he wear it?"
"Probably."
"If I ever make you a bracelet, I hope you'll like it.
Love,
Anonymous"
•~•~•~•~•~•
"What is that?" Fitz asked.
Keefe held up his arm proudly, a bracelet made up of colourful beads on his arm. Marella hated just how easily this was working. "My secret admirer made it for me!"
"And you're wearing it?"
"Why not? It's really pretty!"
Fitz's voice was slightly off again, but once more, Marella couldn't pick up on what was off. Marella looked towards Biana, who was giving Keefe incredibly obvious heart-eyes.
"I'll go make sure our eating spot isn't taken," Linh said, taking Biana by the arm as they started chatting away.
The others followed, and Marella turned to follow.
"Hey, Marella," Keefe called out.
She turned around to face him, and Fitz was also there too.
"You wouldn't happen to know anything about the secret admirer, would you?"
She forced on a grin. "Even if I did, I wouldn't tell you."
"Of course, of course," he said casually.
"Do you... want to meet this person?" Fitz asked.
"It'd be nice to meet them, whenever they're ready. My heart is quite moved by the letters I've been receiving."
•~•~•~•~•~•
Even though Marella would read through Keefe's replies with Biana, she couldn't stop herself from trying to catch him whenever he was writing back. She needed to know. That love-struck expression, was it on his face whenever he was writing?
Sometimes, Biana would slip the unedited copy of her letter in Marella's locker, because she said that handwriting made it easier to think.
Biana and Marella actually hung out more than ever because of this whole thing, Biana seemed insistent on trying to write the letters herself, despite Marella telling her that she'd be able to do it better.
"If you had to write a love letter to your crush, how would you write it?"
"The things I helped write to Keefe, many of them are my genuine feelings. My crush is unreachable, I long to see them smile at me, I want to be the reason why they're happy. All sappy stuff."
"You say your crush is unrequited, but how come you won't tell me who it is? It's someone I know, you confirmed that much."
"Don't feel like saying, that's all," Marella said casually.
"I haven't even seen you flirt much lately," Biana pointed out. "This person, are they a serious crush?"
"Head over heels."
"How long have you had this crush?"
"A long time," Marella admitted. "But I only realized it recently."
"I hope this person gets to realize how much they mean to you. You're really fun to be around, they're missing out."
•~•~•~•~•~•
"The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that you know the identity of my admirer," Keefe said to her, later.
"And why would you say that?"
He shrugged. "Just a feeling."
The two of them were walking through the hallway together, and she expected him to say more since he seemed so enthusiastic, but instead he kept his mouth shut, humming under his breath.
They passed by Fitz and Biana, and it was only then that Keefe spoke up again.
"Ah, can't get the idea that I have such wonderful admirer after my heart," he said, grinning. He leaned over, using her as an arm rest—damn his tall genes. "I wonder what I should write this time."
Marella was honestly just willing to let him do his thing, but Biana's weighted look at them had her shoving his arm off.
•~•~•~•~•~•
"Dear Bia—"
Marella sighed, scratching out the name. Biana's desk was right beside hers, she couldn't risk something like that.
" You're in my mind, more often than not. It drives me crazy, but I like it. I like being crazy for you . Just being near you, just being able to see you has my heart racing, it's exhilarating.
Sometimes I wonder if I should just stop hiding, and just tell you my feelings, consequences be damned. To tell you that you're the most beaitiful person I've ever seen. To hold you close in my embrace, to run my hand through your hair, I want to have a life filled with soft moments with you.
What do I do? What do I say to make you look my way, even though I'm so close to you—"
"Marella?"
Her heart leapt, and she scrunched the paper in a ball, pulling it toward herself.
"Class is over—what's in your hand?"
Marella glanced up at the clock, and shit, class really was over, had she been doing this for fifteen minutes now?
"Helping you," she said confidently.
Maybe too confidently, because Biana raised an eyebrow. "You looked lovestruck. That wasn't for my sake."
She sighed. "Fine. Yeah. It wasn't."
"Can I read it?"
"No," she said, trying very very hard to not sound defensive. "It's too raw."
She grabbed her backpack from off the floor and shoved the crumpled ball of paper in. She ignored Biana's stare and instead walked with her out of the classroom and to their next class.
•~•~•~•~•~•
"Hey, Marella, let me do it this time."
Marella briefly glanced over the words that Biana had written down this time.
"You still need my help."
"Am I not doing better?"
Marella reread the words again. "You are." She really was. Biana was quick to learn. "Still, it's not enough."
It's easier for me, if I do this. Anyone would fall for you if they received a letter like the one you just wrote.
"I have to be able to do them on my own at some point, I think you know that. Why are you so insistent on writing all of them for me?" Biana asked.
"This is for your sake."
"They're my letters. I can't deceive him forever and use your words. I want him to fall for me, not you."
Before Marella could laugh at the idea that Keefe would fall for her, Biana continued on.
"You enjoy writing letters to Keefe, don't you?"
Marella blinked. "Wha—"
"That's it, isn't it? You're in love with him, right? You said your crush is someone you know, and I saw a little bit from when you were writing that letter. You want him to look your way, even though he's so close to you."
"Wait wait wait," Marella said, taking in a breath to calm down the irritated feeling that was building up in her chest, only for it to grow more. "You think I'm in love with him."
"I've seen the look on your face. Maybe you started this for my sake, but I know you're only continuing to be selfish."
She'd been trying to keep the irritation together, but she snapped, and irritation turned to anger. "Are you kidding me? Are you actually fucking kidding me? I took my time go help you out and this is what you have to say to me?"
You're right! I'm being selfish! She wanted to say, almost manically.
Marella picked up her backpack from the bedroom floor and turned to leave.
Biana caught her arm. "Explain, then!"
You, damn it! I'm in love with you!
"I don't owe you anything," she said with gritted teeth. "I am done. Don't talk to me."
"Marella—"
She wrenched her arm out of Biana's grip, and left the house. She practically stomped her way home, because what the hell was that? Did Biana seriously think she'd jeopardize everything over a guy?
She just couldn't believe this. They had their fights, but this? This was just nonsense, and the fact that Biana believed it for even a second...
She wasn't going to go crawling back to Biana.
•~•~•~•~•~•
Biana had sent a few messages, but Marella wasn't having it, so she blocked her. She sat with the friend group at lunch, meaning that she still did have to see Biana's face every day, feel Biana's stare on her every day. The others probably noticed that something was wrong between them seeing that they weren't talking, but Keefe's questioning gaze on hers was the most obvious.
A few days later, Marella opened her locker and found an envelope. A familiar patterned one that she knew Biana owned.
She had the urge to open it, to read it, but really, what was she going to see? All that would ever be contained inside those letters would be Biana's words to Keefe.
What did Biana think she was doing, giving her another letter to read? Marella held the envelope in her hands, ready to just tear it apart, but instead, she shoved it in her bag.
•~•~•~•~•~•
The letters persisted. Day after day, no matter how many times Marella kept shoving them in her backpack without reading them.
How many letters were Biana going to write? The pile on her desk at home was growing larger, almost concerningly. She wasn't going to read any of them though. Biana had crossed a line.
•~•~•~•~•~•
Marella was walking down the halls and into the stairwell to get to her next class, when she saw Keefe. She only saw the back of him, only saw a brown hand tangled in his blond hair. She couldn't see the other body, hidden behind the stairs, but that position was obvious.
Keefe was kissing someone. And it was pretty obvious who it was.
They were so absorbed in it too, that they didn't even notice that she'd opened the door. Or that she was climbing up the stairs.
Wasn't this what you expected to happen? Of course it'd turn out this way. Who'd reject her?
"Keefe," a voice whispered, echoing in the stairwell, and what the hell, that wasn't Biana's voice—
"Yeah yeah, I know, you gotta get to class," Keefe said with mock irritation.
Marella looked down from the railing above as Keefe came out of the little alcove behind the stairs.
—and then Fitz followed.
Marella practically ran to her next class.
Unfortunately, Biana was in this class with her, sitting in front of Marella.
Keefe kissed Fitz. Had feelings for Fitz.
Did Biana know? Was she heartbroken?
Then she fought off those questions. Doesn't matter. We're not friends anymore.
•~•~•~•~•~•
The letters still kept coming. Whenever she looked to Biana, she would've thought that she'd continue to send those longing glances towards Keefe, but Biana was never looking at him every time she'd looked.
No. Biana was looking at her. Every time.
Almost as if Biana had moved on from Keefe already.
Why are you looking at me like that? Are you just gonna sit there and stay silent?
When the next letter came, she wasn't sure why, but Marella opened the envelope, holding the paper in her hands.
"Dear Marella Redek,
I know you won't read this, like I know you haven't read the rest. You said for me to not talk to you, so I won't . So until you tell me to stop sending you letters, I won't . I've realized that I can't give up on our friendship, I can't give up on you.
I'll keep writing, I'll keep desperately hoping that one day, you'll read one.
I've taken you for granted, Marella. This isn't our first fight , but this is the one I've felt most guilty for, because I've really disrespected you. I want you to know that I miss you. That I never realized how much your lack of presence makes me feel lonely . It's not the poetic letter I've been trying to write all this time, but these are my feelings, pure , raw, and unfiltered.
I miss you, Marella. I hope one day you'll forgive me.
Love,
Biana Vacker"
Sitting alone in her room, Marella felt her eyes water. Without thinking, she grabbed at the pile of envelopes and started reading through each of them.
"I revealed myself to Keefe. I thought that'd I shouldn't hide behind your words anymore. Keefe told me that he's in love with Fitz. It hurt to hear, but somehow, it didn'thurt as much as it did when I watched you leave.
I'm sorry, for what I said. I'm so, so, so sorry."
So many letters. Just how much had Biana written to her?
" I've done a lot of thinking. Part of me wonders if I'd ever been in love with Keefe, or just the idea. I think I probably was, maybe I'd be more heartbroken if I hadn't lost you. But I've done a lot of thinking , and I've decided on something.
I love you. I've told you this before, many times , but it might mean something different this time . I'm not entirely sure yet . It just feels different, compared to when I usually say it. I can't get you out of my head, I want to hold you close. I want you to look my way."
Tears were falling as she kept reading, a hand at her mouth to muffle the sounds of crying.
"I thought about things some more. You've been in love with me, haven't you? I'd thought that you liking Keefe would be weird, but I was too blinded by jealousy to see it.
I'm not sure how I came to that conclusion, but the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. And that's why you acted the way you did. Someone would probably say that it was an act of self-sacrifice, to give it up to help your friend. I don't disagree, but I'm sure that you helped me so much because you were scared.
And that's fine. I'm scared too. I'm terrified, that the time when you left could be our very last conversation with each other. I'm terrified of losing you. I'm terrified of telling this to all of you in person, which is why I'm sending letter after letter ."
A sob came out from her, her hand had been long dropped. She rose to her feet, blindly grabbing at her desk for a paper and pencil.
•~•~•~•~•~•
Marella stood there, frozen at Biana's locker, envelope in hand. After a few moments of deliberation, she slipped it in through the gap, then waited nearby.
Biana opened her locker, and while Marella couldn't see her face, she could see her her freeze, gently pick up the envelope, open it, then bounce on her feet. She could see Biana look around, but Marella pulled her head back.
A mere sentence was what her letter contained.
"Meet me by the tree where the love letters were delivered after school."
•~•~•~•~•~•
Biana had gotten there first, pacing around, and Marella could see her fiddling with her fingers. When Biana saw her, her face lit up with a gorgeous smile that made her heart flutter, even if she wanted to be mad for a little longer.
"You read them?" Biana asked, voice quiet.
"I read them," Marella replied. "That conclusion you came to, you were right. It was—" no, that wasn't right, "—it has been you."
Biana reached out and slowly grabbed her hand, gripping loosely. "I'm glad, that it's been me. I'm sorry."
"I know. You said it a lot in your letters."
"I know," Biana agreed, her thumb brushing against Marella's knuckles. She couldn't figure out whether to look up at her gaze or look down at their hands. "But I'll say it again, because you deserve to hear it."
"I missed you," Marella said, and she was sure that Biana could fill in the rest.
I miss you, I want to continue staying by your side. I forgive you.
"I missed you too."
"Where do we go from here?"
Biana smiled. "I don't know. But I want you with me as we figure it out."
Then she brought Marella's hand to her lips, a gentle brush, but even that was enough to leave her breathless.
"Okay," she said, heart pounding, "okay."
•~•~•~•~•~•
Kotlc taglist: @stellarune @my-swan-song @impostertamsong @subrosasteath
Want to be added/removed from the kotlc taglist? Just let me know!
#marella redek#biana vacker#keefe sencen#marelliana#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#kotlc fanfiction#ravi writes a thing
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The Cruel Prince
4.5/5 stars
This book ruined me for fae books and I'm not even sorry. It also doesn't help that this was my first literary introduction to fae (Midsummer Night's Dream doesn't count). The prose is so lyrical and beautiful and had me feeling as if I were utterly lost in Elfhame / an otherworldly, fae-filled realm. (Also funnily enough, I read this series while I was down with COVID, so maybe the delirium added to the otherworldliness of it.)
What I Ioved about fae was that they couldn't lie. And Cruel Prince really does work that in parts - seeing Cardan use wit and cleverness and lies by omission to sidestep that "weakness" in him. Even until now I haven't quite seen a book execute that to the degree Cardan displayed. Books like ACoTaR just eliminate the inability to lie in their fae, which is a huge step down, in my opinion.
I also adored Jude, which is very rare for me because most heroines in fiction annoy me or they're either too bland for me to care. But Jude - JUDE - she was hardworking, ambitious and determined without being a special, overly snarky Mary Sue about it. She actually showed her smarts, imo best demonstrated when she outwitted Balekin (that exchange with the poison made me SCREAM).
Speaking of poison - she poisoned herself everyday, trying to build an immunity to poison. It was painful, and I cringed for her, but she did it. And throughout it all, she never had any special ability until the third book, which barely showcased said ability. Jude got through the trials and tribulations by being clever and cunning and human. She wasn't half-fae; she wasn't given special gifts in combat like Feyre - she was just herself in a world of immortals, and she worked her ass off to compensate for it.
But what makes the book for me isn't really Jude, though she's a big part of it. It's Cardan - whom I fell so deeply for; cruel, pathetic drunkard Cardan.
Was he a little too weak for my tastes? Yes. Was he a little too drunk, to the point that I found it repulsive at times? Yes. Was he kind of sucky in bed? Yes, though that's more because it's YA and they weren't going into detail about the spice.
And yet the way he spoke - how he could wax poetic and make it sound like a dagger or a kiss - OH MY GOSH. I also just love a boy who was able to be socially adept when he needed to, and manipulate people to his advantage. I loved how he had to teach Jude at the end of the first book to win allies over, and how he once (very exasperatedly, might I add) told her that murder (brute force / violence) wasn't the answer to everything.
I loved how cruel he was at the start and how he slowly became kinder, more trusting, more willing to love himself and accept that he loved Jude. And if there is one trope I hate in books, it's trauma-bonding, but there wasn't that. Jude's past was nowhere as wretched as his, and they never once felt like (... for lack of a better term) edge-lords pretending they were more special than the world because of their childhood histories. Cardan slowly came into his own without needing Jude to "fix" him.
I don't often feel my heart beat for male leads in books anymore, not for a long while. I've become very jaded, or something. I don't know. But I did for Cardan.
Shut up 😭😭😭😭
That's not to say this series is perfect. I have my gripes with it. The last book was meh and too short and could have done with more Cardan instead of him as a snake. I think there was a lot of potential wasted with that book. The first and the second are much, much better, though I still reread the third the most because they were far more certain in their love then. Also I do wish Jude was a little weaker just to seem more human, and Cardan a bit stronger.
I'm still mad at this series because it put me in book slump for a good bit. I couldn't get over it. It wasn't until some time later that I finally managed to start reading and enjoying books again. Even until today, I haven't read any books that portray fae as wonderfully as Holly Black did, and that is a problem because fae are everywhere, which makes my Cruel Prince hangover even worse.
Also, Holly Black can write her fucking ass off. She's one of the prettiest writers I've read. If there is one thing I hate, it's modern slang in a fantasy setting (to be honest, I just... despise modern slang in any setting... lol), but she nailed the prose for this book. It was so pretty and enchanting without it being too purple.
I need to get to Stolen Heir and I don't know why I haven't. I thought Oak was really cute in the Cruel Prince series, though I heard he becomes a real piece of work in the new book and I am very, very scared.
- Read in April 2023
#the cruel prince#cruel prince#booktok#book recommendations#the folk of the air#bookworm#booklr#books#jurdan
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Naw thanks for asking, I went for a 10 days work-study trip… and connection wasn’t always good
BUT BACK TO IT!!! Thank you for all your lovely uploads you spoil us
Ohmyloed C25 and C26 had me absolutely reeling.
Okie so I don’t wanna say I knew but OF COZ POCKET WAS CARRYING A BABY BARNES. I almost shelved the idea because of the undercover two month time lapse, the spiral and the dugs and nothing happening but BABY 😔 BUT Buck’s reaction and Pocket’s initial reaction and subsequent breakdown oh my heart
The turmoil between all the what ifs, could have beens and should have beens have already torn me up… AND I’M JUST A READER. Oh dear Pocket and Bucky…
These two have so much to work on but there’s still so much Iove and my soft heart can’t take this!!!! WHYYYYYY 😭
and finallyyyyy her who shall not be named… yup no surprise there. Frustratingly irritating deranged woman with her slimy tentacles can go back to HYDRA. I’m just glad she’s finally somewhat gone… but I know you’re going to bring her back for a showdown… 👀👀right?????!? Coz I need someone to give her a good whacking, maybe destroy her face? 🤭
The end is so near… and all your teasing for UNBROKEN… I don’t think I can go through ‘canon’ IW and EG… with UNWANTED as its background… Pocket’s gonna lose everyone again? 😩
I can’t. I can’t. I just won’t do it.
Thank you I love you I love your writing okie thanks bye
- 🌗
She's gone from the Tower, but Bestie, where did she go???
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a moment of appreciation for u off anon. i sent an ask on anon for your ask game yesterday but i'm here just to say i think you are so cool. I love your writing, and I love learning from you - in posts you reblog, or in posts about life, things you type in the tags. I'm inspired by you and the fact that you have these amazing passions, hobbies, and creative talents, and you're a working adult and parent as well. It makes me really emotional to see women of many ages interacting in fandom spaces -- especially when socially, women are so often encouraged to leave their interests behind as time goes on. you're so fucking cool and badass and lovely and intelligent and kind. i hope you have a great day.
and I hope your uncle is alright - I have some antivax friends and while I think they're idiots for not getting vaccinated, I Iove them and don't wish any ill on them - sending healing vibes your way.
oh my goodness. i am feeling so many things right now. I'm not sure how coherent this answer is going to be.
I've spent a lot of time lurking in fandom spaces before there were fandom spaces, I used to read Farscape fanfic when all we had was geocitities. I've fallen down various fandom black holes over the years but always as a lurker, I wrote fic but always for myself. I didn't work up the nerve to interact with fandom until what? Three years ago? IDK, the whole pandemic thing has played hell on my sense of time.
what I'm saying is, I didn't get up the nerve to write fanfic and share it with the world until I was over 40.
The way fandom treats middle aged women is fucking disgusting and hypocritical. 20 years olds can say the nastiest shit imaginable about (insert middle aged celebrity here), but when an older woman *checks notes* expresses any sort of sexual interest in (insert middle aged celebrity here) oooooh. ewwww. creeper.
And its like, ok, I was not the one on tik-tok saying (insert middle aged celebrity here)'s cum would make good lipgloss. You all want to be his problematically young girlfriend.
And don't get me going about the whole subset of people who think that anyone over 25 in fandom spaces is automatically some sort of creepy groomer. How dare women over 30 write about sexual desire. HOW DARE.
Sorry this turned super ranty. It's good to know that there are people out there who welcome my presence.
You don't cease to exist once you turn 30 or 40 of 50. Once you become a parent you don't cease to be you. I wish people understood this and stopped punishing women for having interests other than fucking child-rearing.
This ask makes me feel so much hope.
thank you for the well-wishes for my uncle. I will never forgive Trump for politicizing a goddamn plague.
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Why I like Reagan
"Who's an antisocial weirdo now? Not the girl who invented robot arms to hug strangers- Oh, my God, I sound insane..."
When I heard about "Inside Job" for the first time I have to admit it didn't really sound like something that would interest me that much.
It seemed like it would be some sort of story heavily focused on jokes about bureaucracy and conspiracy theories and paperwork and all that stuff so I stayed away from it for a while. But then I saw this clip of Reagan screaming at some random guy and my first reaction after it was "I have to see this show, now!"
youtube
Something about her personality, mannerism, and way of talking just instantly clicked with me, and the more I watched the show and got to know her, the more I liked her character.
Reagan reminds me a lot of characters Like Sherlock Holmes, House, Scrooge McDuck, Entrapta, and so on... She's the kind of person that is really good at what she does, knows she's good at it, enjoys being good at it, and thus ends up developing a giant ego because of it, making her feel like she's always above those around her and thus being a mess at socializing and making friends.
She's what I would call a "miserable genius," always happy when in her comfort zone doing her own thing but absurdly unprepared to deal with anything else.
And that's what makes her so interesting. As I said when looking at previous characters, I love analyzing how happy a character is from the way they choose to live their lives.
Despite being aware that she's brilliant, Reagan still knows that she isn't really that happy, and what's more you can see that she's trying her best in her own way to change that.
You would think a character with a giant ego would be obnoxious to follow and watch but she manages to be very humble despite being at the same time so arrogant because she understands that while she's good at some things she isn't good at everything and knows when its time to accept help from others.
I think this fine balance is what makes her so likable. Reagan knows which parts about herself she likes and knows which parts about herself need work.
She loves being a genius, she loves inventing, she loves coming up with clever solutions for complicated problems, and she always acts like an adorable dork about it doing things like asking for a hi-five or screaming "booyah!" as if she was a kid at school.
She has a strong confident side in herself, and confidence is a very charming trait in a character for me when it feels earned.
But she also shows that she needs her friends whenever things get too hard for her to deal with alone, particularly Brett or the destroyed robot that she keeps locked in her basement voiced by Mickey Mouse that likes to binge-watch "Friends", and she appreciates their presence and support.
Usually, this archetype of character likes to act like they don't need anyone, but Reagan seems like she knows when to be ready to accept others and let them into her life.
She's just a very nice and likable egomaniac. I don't fully know how they managed to do that, but they did. She's so confident and yet so insecure. Both sides feel earned and both sides are somehow really fun to watch.
It's funny to watch her act like a mad genius, but it's also funny to watch her behave like a loner who just wants friends.
The show managed to make both of her strongest character traits feel incredibly charming, and that's why I Iove her!
(Sidenote, I went to look up some clips of Reagan on Youtube to remind myself of her scenes cause I haven't watched this show in forever... And I find it interesting how so many of the comments are about how the series tried to make her seem "undesirable" and how badly they failed at it because everyone loves her.)
Favorite character list>>
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hiiiii!! i have been dead but its ok bc mental health and college is demanding asf 😭 on a lighter topic (bc im still sad asf) is anyone else absolutely obsessed with the what it is haechan tiktok edits?? like dayum man, how do you move like that?? haechans dancing us sooo smooth and so underrated 😭 also i am having a slight sexuality crisis bc im attracted to literally every pretty girl i see but only like kpop boys or fictional ones :( or the really pretty boys, like i have never had a crush on a dude i knew irl, then again i grew up in a place filled with with white trailer trash. ooh i did just move for college tho so we'll have to see if that changes. rn either im just into femininity or im bi?? or?? im confused, we'll say that. anyways, how are you doing? hows life? i hope you're doing ok <333 lysm 💓💖💘💕💞🩷💗
Hiiii, well it's almost summer so you'll have a nice long break soon. And yes oh my gosh and he looks so good for like no reason, like lately he's been looking too good like him and Renjun, it's too much. But I think I'm just finally out of seeing them like babies. Finally they took way longer than Jeno and Jaemin. And I Iove how every few months there's one song used for everyone but it just becomes Haechan's song cause it's literally perfect for him.
I think it is pretty common to be solely attracted to women but only really be drawn to unattainable and pretty men. I see it talked about a lot. Because I'm Bi my experience is a little different also since after something happened I'm slightly afraid to date women at this moment but I still love women but my main focus has been men for like three years so I can't exactly provide any proper insight. But I do know preferring just feminine people is definitely a thing. That's what it is for me I love women and pretty pretty boys. But I think being in a new environment might change your perception of things. But also it's normal to be attracted to one gender but find people in the opposite gender aesthetically pleasing. There's so many possibilities it will kind of work itself out while you're remaining aware of all of your feelings and putting it all together.
And I'm doing fine, a lot better than I was last week, Mercury being in retrograde really got me, mercury retrograde hasn't really got me like that since I think 2019 but it was during Scorpio season. And last week the moon was in Scorpio. So I wonder. Plus I was expecting my period which finally ended today yay! so ya know the planets, stars, and hormones just got the best of me. But I did start reading oracle cards again and I'm just using them for inner healing more than divination. They're just telling me I did all the hard work already I just need to wait, take care of myself, be nice to myself, protect myself and realize what makes me special. And it's actually kind of calmed my mind and I'm not crying every night. Also read a comment on a psychiatrist reacts to A&W by Lana del Rey video. A&W is already a song that I relate to but that comment was something I really needed to read. because it was exactly what I've been going through and feeling and it was really what I needed to read.
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Just finished volume 3 of Heaven Official's Blessing and even though the first half was a little hard to read for me, I Ioved it. There's such a great mix of humor, trauma, fighting, and love.
I'm going to post my notes/ all the random shit that popped into my head as I read from volume 3 below the cut so don't read below if you don't want spoilers.
Also, before my notes, I know who Jun Wu is and more or less his roll in XL's journey so I make references to him in my notes when I shouldn't know what's going on with him at this point.
I would try to block out the whole your country dying and literally nothing you do helps thing too XL
Xianle state preceptor really got to the point with the whole you "ascended too soon because all your people are still alive" bit. I get it where he's coming from, but damn that was a lil harsh.
I love that XL is of the mind set of "what the fuck is the point of being a god if I don't help my people?" I was kinda wondering the same thing my dude.
This is the first series where I am having to put the book down and walk away after every 10 pages. Poor XL is making every possible bad decision he can even with everyone screaming at him not to.
JFC the land of tenders was NOT what I was expecting 😬
I understand why HC is such a snarky prick to FX and MQ lol they were always such assholes to the poor lil guy. He just wanted to make heart eye and protect his crown prince.
Ok so Lang Ying is obviously working with white no face (jun wu), but he's obviously gotta be someone in present day right? I feel like he's too prominent at the moment to not come back in the present.
I'm fucking stupid lol Lang Ying -> Lang Qingqiu. Lang Ying is obviously going to be the first king of Yong'an
Lil soldier kinda disappeared?
Man body horror is gonna be an ongoing theme throughout this huh?
XL is really too pure for this world.
Damnit Qi rong. You and your big mouth
FX - "that brat will definitely grow up to be a good man" bro aren't you the one that kicked him out of the army lol
Oh it's because he's just happy not everyone hates XL 🤣
Hoo boy. 1st half of volume 3 is a doozy. Everyone is getting a big ol helping of trauma and suffering. Hong'er/ Lil soldier breaks my heart when he's telling XL he won't forget him.
Lmfao XL threatening QR with siccing HC on him
I do not like Shi Wudu 😡
Lmfao HC being so extra for his man at the festival he wrote a play and sent up 3k lanterns. Pei ming being all I told you guys HC didn't take XL to be mean 😏
Pei Ming is like that himbo that everyone doesn't like cause he's fucks around, but then you talk to him and he's kinda funny.
Hahahahahaha HC and XLs "first kiss" is killing me. XL pretty much saying he'd stab anyone who did that to him but HC and he's confused about why. Hmm I wonder why XL?
Oh this poor boy lol getting so flustered he's trying to run away only to be caught because he's bleeding from his foot. Poor guy is panicking over his cursed shackle on his ankle isn't he 🥺
I'm so glad the second half of volume 3 is not quite as traumatic as the first.
Dying at everyone thinking that ghost baby is Pei Ming's
I don't like Jun Wu's sword. That's icky
☹️
And then on the flip side, Rouye and E-Ming fighting for XLs attention is adorable lol
Poor Qi Rong being subjected to the torture of watching XL and HC flirt. Maybe if they laid it on a little thicker they could get him to leave the body he's in.
#tgcf#heaven official's blessing#Heaven Official's Blessing vol.3#mxtx tgcf#tgcf spoilers#i wanna highlight this book so bad but i refuse#they are too pretty to do that
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AHHH OMG A PIC FROM YOUR CLASSROOM 😭 bestie thank you for sharing that, it’s so cute!!!! 😭 we can be crazy together 🤪
Not your dad calling you hahah it’s cute! omg Iove that for you honestly! I would be surprised if your students knew who 1D was because they were so iconic yet THESE KIDS DONT KNOW THEIR IMPACT! Like when 1D started my MOM knew who they were bc of how they were just EVERYWHERE! I was more obsessed with Big Time Rush at the time and yet she didn’t know who they were but she knew 1D like????
ANYWAYSSSS can’t wait to lose my mind over Ding Harry lol and bestie you’re so right no one will ever be able to replace my hot professor 😔 I am just a girl yearning lol kinda hoping I find another hot guy in my new set of courses just so I can romanticize class for a bit lol
Oh no :( that’s not fun at all! Hopefully you’ll be able to get what you need to get done, DONE! But of course maintaining your sanity is the most important part Sam! I’m hoping your week gets better!!!
ALSOOOOOOO the committed extra?!? IT WAS SO GOOD OMGGGGG!!!!! I AM A SUCKER FOR FRIENDS TO LOVERS SO OFC I LOVE THESE TWO! I kinda love how natural it felt between them two! Her just admitting her insecurities with having sex with him bc it’s HIM is so relatable! And it makes sense due to her mentioning her “inadequacy” when it comes to being with Harry. But I loved how he comforted her and the fact that he didn’t have sex for three years is kinda WILD but sweet too lol And idk why but when he said “Your body s’all mine now,” MY MIND WAS LIKE OH 😵💫 idk I guess the possessiveness of it all lol I really enjoyed all of it tbh!!! I re-read this series I think a few weeks ago and honestly it still hits! LOVED IT!!!
Thank you for constantly feeding us! Thank you for being you and you know how much I care for you Sam! Really hope you’ll find some time for yourself and give yourself a treat, you deserve it!! Love you lots!!!-💜
It was around this time last year when I wrote the original parts so it’s nice to revisit them. I thought maybe the 3 year thing was a little unhinged/unrealistic but that’s what fiction’s for ya know? I thought I mentioned he hadn’t dated much if it all in one of the other parts (that was my note warning about inconsistency) but I didn’t see anything that would have it be CRAZY unbelievable I guess. I think cute possessiveness like that is 🫠 I’m so glad you liked it 💕
🤞🏻a calm week and a hot boy in all your classes so they all fight over you next quarter
I hope Ding Harry exceeds your and mine expectations! (that sentence was a very tough for me so please don’t judge those plurals look wrong)
Talk to you soon bestie! 💕
Xoxo
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MAG 47 The New Door
yes! an in person statement! from helen richardson (': its so sad at the beginning TT you can tell how desperate she is to rationalize, to understand, to be believed. she does not want to be insane
spoilers-
and she isnt insane. thats just what the Spiral does. its so tragic *and real-* TT.
and like sure the ooh new door and the weirdness are very Spiral, the complete unremarkability of the house itself is also an amazing way of using the Spiral.
omg michael the distortion mentioned?? i Iove him so much hes so tragic and cool
awe the distortion michael tape disappeared? i guess of course, sashas real voice was on it but still TT
spoilers overr
the description of the strange man (michael) is so good?? like genuinely the non human laugh or slightly off things like looking but not seeing not really and MMM its so good.
and oh my god?? the door?? and the way helen gets more intense as she describes it, because as i said earlier, she so desperately knows that she isnt insane and wants to prove it to herself. she knows it couldnt be there.
and omg the obvious distortion of time is such a good detail to add with the distortion of space. and her phone getting affected too hihi
MICHAELS VOICE>> MICHAELS LAUGH>> this is a hill i will die on
also hes just generally so cool!!
there has never been a door there, archivist. your mind plays tricks on you. i am not a who, archivist, i am a what. a who requires a degree of identity i can never attain.
GOD I AM NOT SANE ABOUT HIM hes so real- hihi
oop jon has been stabbed- whoops :p i love how passive aggressive he is about it. like isnt yelling or crying or anything, just "urgh whyd you come and stab me dude"
anywhoo im really gonna have to draw a physical traumas sheet for our poor jarchivist
have a beautiful day!
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4.10.23 Monday
2:14 pm
I feel bitter....I wanna leave the hometown....I feel frustrated... I feel hurt for 16 years... Hating church of christ....
I hate some Cavite-Nose/ Filipi-NOSE! Hating some relatives as well who are traitor at my back...
2:43 pm
Hating some old friends who were and are together since 2007 having their own plan against me and stealing my boy friends...
I feel bitter....I can't meet new men's friends with stability and maturity and sanity...
I still have the windblow trap and I feel bitter... I wanna buy starbucks everyday and I need a job and group of new men's friends with maturity...
2:55 pm
Finding one true good soul or probably will have an incest with a family member my cousin....If my cousin is matured....I have an american cousin my own blood and flesh , my 2nd degree cousin...Linking on my biological father...
3:23 pm
I still have pelvic pain.. I wanna leave the hometown... I miss being center...I hate being a supporter for 100 years... Too much of me being so kind to some bad monkey'Z...
I miss going to gym and I wanna do gluta....Wanna see donkey and camel... 16 years too much of my dying moment... I need a revive somewhere... I feel hurt for what they did to me those Cavite-Nose and some Filipi-NOSE!
5:55 pm
I still have the windblow trap....Just wanna share this food of lalah here,our aspin... Hmm...
Guess what? The real history of lalah was the dog of our 1 of our villagemates here named Kuya Gary Chua... I thought it was the dog of uncle Jun but later on just lately,he unzipped that lalah is the dog of their friend, our villagemate here who went inside the jail coz of drugs... It is just funny...
Then I'm also taking care of her these days while waiting for me to leave the hometown...
My personal case:
I still wanna leave the hometown....I feel fat and ugly... I saw a cane corso on youtube oh! GOD... Iove dogs so much...
10:38 pm
This Uncle Jun is a fake person... Not my ideal life... He is reacting on the rice, why did I cook a rice again that we were already done eating our dinner me,John,him and grandmother... I told him that RV and Janna are here and RV is paying the wifi... This fake Uncle Jun commented I'm supposed not to buy a 1 sack of rice but only 2 kilos... Uncle Jun is fake on everyone... I'm just being fair....I said RV is shouldering the wifi, what's wrong if they ask for a small amount of rice...Still, I want him dead angels, seriously!!! I don't like plastics people,angels...
I don't like Uncle Jun or to stay here forever or to be here in Cavite forever... I wanna leave the hometown...
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merryyyyyy!!!! hello my dear 🥹 idk why this is so nerve wracking (i think just bc im so excited) but this month flew by so fast and it’s so surreal to be sending this off anon but its me ur holiday pal ✨💗🫶🏻
please djshsj i can’t remember how much of teen wolf i’ve actually watched bc it was so long ago but i’ve been reading sterek fic since then djshsn genuinely have no idea what actually happens in the show and what doesn’t at this point 😂 i’m glad yuri on ice lived up to ur expectations 🫶🏻 realistically i won’t ever end up watching it (im horrible at watching new things) so u can spoil it if u want!!
your cake sounds soooooo good!!!! im not a big fan of chocolate or cranberries but i for sure would eat that cake!!
i’ve said this a million times but im so excited!! like now u can send me asks/messages and share pictures of crafts etc whenever and i can do the same and im just 🥹🥹🥹 i was kinda nervy about doing this bc it’s a little outside of my comfort zone but im so glad i signed up and got paired with you 💗💗💗
Briannnnnnnaaaaaaa oh my god i don't know how long I've been following you. Fuck i posted this too early by mistake. Everytime I'd read your description and think omg, that is so funny, this person is so cool but worked up the courage to actually talk to you and I'm so so so glad i finally got to talk to you. I'm so happy you got paired with me❤️
Please PLEASE! share stuff with me . And I'll share stuff with you whenever I can. I'm finally here at uni. I reached in the afternoon today and unpacked my stuff. i just ate dinner and it sucked ass. I got too used to the good food my mother makes.
Reading fic like it's plain old original work is elite!! What is canon? Who cares wkjdkesk
I Iove you i love you i love you ❤️💕❤️💕 may this year be as magical as you made this month for me
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