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justalia · 1 year

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belief

this post takes inspiration from my journey and my unconscious “positive” manifestations.

i found manifestation back in 2020, didn’t think much of it to be honest and didn’t even attempt manifesting anything because the advice i found was to affirm and persist and laziness got over me. i couldn’t be bothered to do all that. i tried once ngl, i failed and never picked it up again until 2022.

in 2022 tiktok started to popularize this shit with weird quirky methods and at the time i started to think again about an sp. i randomly desired her but we had went no contact since 2020 and i wasn’t really that bothered by her presence/absence. i started to miss her and i would ALWAYS (i know you do this too) make up scenarios that implied we were together.

now this wasn’t conscious so i wasn’t thinking i was manifesting her, i didn’t give a shit mostly cause i did not wanna reach out to her and i just wanted to make up my silly little scenarios with no consequences.

putting the scenarios to the side i started to rediscover manifestation and found the whisper method on tiktok, long story short i did it and the next day she reached out to me all of a sudden. it was so random and it made no sense based on the method i did but i took it as a conscious manifestation because i had done that method.

spoiler: i was in the state of being in a relationship with her and the 3D reflected that.

this happened again in november, i set the intention to manifest something and i scripted it. i was constantly checking the 3D and then i decided i was done with it and i would just make up my silly little scenarios about it in my head.

i had so much fun with my imagination but i didn’t even think i was manifesting shit left and right because of it. i thought the methods were doing that for me. i thought that i just had to script it as it had already happened and it would manifest. i didn’t know what states were, i had no idea what law of assumption was in the first place.

this being said you can see that i always had the habit of experiencing my desire in imagination if i couldn’t get it in the outside. i always used imagination like a kid and to be honest that did manifest some good things in my life.

the fact that it wasn’t conscious tho didn’t allow me to maintain my manifestation when it came because i was focusing on the outside reality and didn’t recognize that it was my own doing, i didn’t recognize that i was the cause of everything.

this leads me to what i wanna talk about: belief.

reading edward art’s series led me to realize what was so difficult for me in the first stages of my journey of conscious manifestation.

i started studying law of assumption and everyone talked about belief: “believe it to be true” “believe you have it” “believe imagination”.

all these things confused me so much because i was like “what? that’s crazy, why do i have to act delusional, i manifested shit before and it wasn’t this hard”.

i was just finding out the mechanism of what i always had done in the past without even realizing it.

“give it to yourself in imagination”

i swear to god if only i understood before how easy this shit was supposed to be i would’ve saved myself from a lot of heartache and troubles. i was so stressed while learning and applying the law the first times that i literally didn’t get my period for a month because of how stressed i was lmao.

and it is crazy how i always used to do it yet i found the law to be so difficult to understand at first.

now my perspective is that belief is too strong of a word, belief is just a feeling, something you feel to be true IN IMAGINATION. it’s not about the outside. IT NEVER IS. it never was and it never will be. i thank edward art because he was able to put into words what i was struggling with and when i read his series i felt understood.

belief is to strong of a word. belief is just a feeling, something i feel to be true in imagination. nothing more nothing less. saying “in imagination” i do not want to imply there is a waiting period between the 3D and the 4D being reflected, cause to be honest i don’t believe it and i’ve not experienced all the time.

yes. all you have to do to “manifest” i know it is real in imagination and discard the outer world because why would it matter if you can have exactly what you want in imagination NOW?

all is mind, there’s no reason at all to want/need the 3D to reflect in order to feel your desire to be yours.

when i unconsciously manifested with fulfillment in imagination i did not think about believing anything, i simply felt what i wanted to feel. i satisfied myself with the only way i knew: daydreaming.

but alia, i daydream all the time why doesn’t it manifest?

because you daydream then wait for something to happen. when i unconsciously manifested something just by imagining having it i wad not EVER focused on getting it from the outside, i did not give a shit about the outer world and just enjoyed imagination because i wanted to and because i could. the key is: I HAD NO EXPECTATIONS. I WAS NOT EXPECTING ANYTHING FROM MY IMAGINAL ACTS. I WAS NOT DOING ANYTHING TO CHANGE ANYTHING.

i was simply feeling what i wanted to feel.

read that again.

i was simply feeling what i wanted to feel. i was craving an experience and i decided to experience it in imagination. i thought to myself “well i can’t do anything to have it physically i don’t give a shit at this point i’m just gonna satisfy myself with imagination”

was i worried about:

is imagination enough? is it gonna reflect? is it gonna manifest? do i have it? am i doing enough?

NO I WAS NOT.

why? because i wasn’t trying to get anything in the first place!!!

i accepted that i could only have it in imagination and that i couldn’t do anything to manifest it because “the universe” would take care of it. (those were my beliefs at the time).

now i’m grateful to have found the law because i was not aware of how limitless we are and of the fact that circumstances did not matter at all and i could manifest literally ANYTHING i wanted. ANYTHING. i was still tied to logic before studying law of assumption so i didn’t fulfill every single desire i got but only the ones that were “realistic” like an sp.

and at the end of the day what even is realistic?

is manifesting an sp realistic? i don’t think so.

if you put logic into the game is it even really realistic to manifest someone to be in a relationship with you? probably not.

so if logic doesn’t apply anywhere at all in law of assumption and manifestation why would i worry about “making it happen”? all i have to do is enjoy having it in imagination.

the rest will follow like everything does.

i do not believe in the fact that there’s a time lag, i simply accept that i cannot know how imagination will be expressed and that includes the when because i don’t know which bridge of incidents i will take part in, i believe the 3D reflects imagination instantly in ways we don’t know anything of.

redirecting to the main topic:

belief is not something you should struggle with, you just have to FEEL what you want to be true in imagination, feel that you have it now, imagine yourself to have it/be it and imagine it in the most amazing way possible so that you WANT to go back to it, not because it manifests but because it is exactly what you want.

it is not your job to make anything happen on the outside, you can’t and you never will be able to.

you cannot experience it on the outside. accept this now and fulfill your desire in imagination now.

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andikenpachi · 10 days

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JUST RELAX, abby x top!reader

"oh my- fuckk..."

abby fisted the sheets in her large hands, her left cheek being squished against the old pillow under her head. her eyes squeezed shut, her mouth falling open to let out soft sighs that released the ecstacy building up within her large frame.

"please," she whimpered. WHIMPERED. abby anderson was surely not one to whimper, but the way your soft, yet unyielding hands deftly moved across the muscles along her back made her act in ways that were sort of out of character for her.

at least, out of character in the eyes of most... but never you. you were the only woman, the only person in all of Seattle that was permitted to see the abby anderson in such a state, teetering on the verge of losing her self-control, all in the name of physical pleasure.

and yet, you didn't even remove her boxers yet.

"shh, no need to beg, baby," you cooed. "you're just so tense, my love. just let me help you relax, 'kay?"

abby hummed, your words flowing through her ears like a siren's song. the base of your palms made one long stroking movement up her back, causing you to press your hips further against hers. she pushed back against you with a gasp.

"sh-shit... you're such a tease..."

"me, dear? a tease?" you questioned. "i'm just trying to make you feel good, baby. you work too hard, and you know it."

it was true, your intention for the night was to help your girlfriend relax after a hectic few weeks of constant missions and meetings with Isaac... but the strap-on you adorned under your shorts may have an effect on you you went about doing that.

you leaned back, holding abby's hips in place as you watched the bulge in your shorts press against her boxers. abby whined as she forced herself back against you, a display only ever present during her most dire moments of sexual frustration.

you hummed at the sight, ghosting your fingers over her low back until you hooked them in the hem of her boxers, pulling them down only halfway to partially expose the swell of her ass. you could hear her exasperated sighs as you peppered soft kisses against her flushed skin, forming a path up along her spine until you reached her shoulder blades.

"you think you can take all of me in one go?" you whispered sensually. "it's pretty big, you know."

the blonde nodded desperately, eyes lidded and barely focused.

"I wan- I need it," she replied breathlessly. "all of it. please..."

you smiled against her skin, kneeling upright once more to finally pull abby's boxers down to her knees. you grasped the back of her thighs, pulling them apart to expose the physical manifestation of her desire. her pussy was soaked, tendrils of her wetness webbing between her folds and oozing down her thighs.

you released a shuddering breath you didn't know you were holding, your heart pounding in your ears at just the sight of her desire for you. your clit was throbbing, your entire body vibrating with nothing but the urge to pound into abby's perfect pussy, again and again until you fucked every bit of tension and stress out of her.

"damn, baby... did I really get you this pent up, hm?" you teased, finally pulling your boxers down to expose your fake dick and gliding the tip through her folds.

abby sobbed at just the feeling, you were right there... she just needed you inside...

"please," she begged once more. "please... I need it, need youOHH~"

your cock stretching her walls out caught her by surprise, her words dying in her throat as inch after inch entered into her, filling her up like nothing ever has before.

fuck, this toy could get deep...

and when you finally bottomed out inside of her, hitting that spot that made stars dance behind her eyes, it happened.

abby melted; every bit of tension she held within her finally being released, visible in the way the muscles of her back softened and relaxed in your hands like putty. her fingers loosened their vice grip on the bed sheets, and her body seemed to fall deeper into the mattress you had her splayed out on.

"shiiitt~" she groaned lazily, a small tendril of drool slipping its way past her lips and onto her pillow.

finally.

"there we go, baby, just like that," you muttered softly. "I'm gonna take such good care of my girl, 'kay?"

a/n: i'm sure y'all would've preferred a full one-shot of reader strapping abby but when you're a nursing student time is not your friend... dw, I do have plans for abby x top!reader again, but that'll be for a later date. lmk what you thought of this one!! :D

#abby anderson #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson drabble #abby the last of us #abby tlou #abby x reader #abby anderson smut

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mewtwo24 · 10 months

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MAWS - An Allegory for Autism, too?

God like…there have been so many amazing posts about maws right now, and I don’t want to detract from any of them because I absolutely agree with how powerful an allegory the show is in regards to being an immigrant/alien.

But at the same time I just. I have been literally losing my mind at how autistic Clark feels. And at this point I can’t tell if I’m seeing things that aren’t there or he really is just so god damn ‘tism it makes his experiences of being othered two- and triplefold.

Like. Okay. He keeps acting on what he thinks is just or morally right in the moment, but sometimes struggles to see the social signals (or bigger picture) that might indicate somebody is deceiving him. If he does realize he’s being deceived, he does the right thing anyway even if it’s to his detriment--because he can’t accept looking away from a problem he might have resolved. Helping someone, no matter how difficult or unreasonable.

Okay.

When he’s trying to protect himself from Lois. He tells the truth in the most evasive way humanly possible, and because he thinks she’ll find him dashing from saving people he comes off as dissembling. He is convinced that he has charmed her to no end with his alter ego since he’s Such A Super Cool Strong Normal Guy as Superman, and that she couldn’t possibly be suspicious any longer because he told the truth. Lois wants to throttle him for lying. He has no idea as to why that is--and is openly surprised that she’s upset.

This is not even touching the fact that he lived for YEARS with Jimmy and literally destroyed stuff in front of him by accident, and never once thought Jimmy knew some shit was going on with him. Jimmy, being subtle and considerate, didn’t snitch because he was a homie. Clark does not notice in the slightest. ‘IT COULD HAVE BEEN THE SCREWS’ ASS.

This also not touching on the “How did you know you were bulletproof?” “I didn’t. I just knew you weren’t.” Despite pervasive signs that his powers weren’t operating as they should in that area. Despite knowing Lois was still upset with him and may not forgive him, could hurt him with what she knew.

Okay.

I'm going to put the rest under a cut because I never go on short tangents:

In a lot of New Age illegitimate medicine and psychological constructs, autistics are often conceptualized as people with ‘special powers’ or religious enlightenment in accordance with some manifestations of their disability. Clark’s superspeed and strength and heat vision can EASILY be seen as an extension of that. However, what I really want to talk about is the latest episode’s super hearing.

Most autistics have sensory issues, both with textures but also with hearing. A very common surprise for undiagnosed individuals, for example, is that they use music and headphones to stim in a more socially acceptable way. Particularly loud noises or constant loud chatter can cause distress otherwise, and having constant meltdowns/catatonia reactions isn’t feasible for survival.

Of all his powers that might be a weakness I think it is a fascinating--and honestly, deliberate--choice that speaks volumes (please pardon the pun). Because that’s the horrible thing about having sensory overload with your hearing; you don’t always have a choice as to what you’re subjected to. Ear-piercing alarms can flare at any moment, people can play what they consider harmless pranks, or day to day fighting to focus can make every sound feel like nails on a chalkboard from the overstimulation.

While Clark is able to distinguish voices if he knows what to look for, lack of sleep and rest tremendously weaken his ability to focus. I noticed that as the episode wore on, there was a distinct and exponential progression. At first, when he overdid it and didn’t sleep for a day or so, he still managed to operate without hurting himself or risking others. But as he kept pushing himself without rest to answer every cry for help, he grew progressively and sharply overwhelmed. He quickly became overstimulated by the mounting flurry of oncoming stimuli (e.g. the truck about to hit someone, dodging people around him, the relentless super hearing flooding in) and began to react in ways that were careless and random.

Though his powers appear supernatural and inexhaustible, we are forced to face the fact that he still possesses hard limits. Even if autistics seem more capable than NTs at points, there is a reason “high-functioning” became an obsolete terminology with which to differentiate people on the spectrum ‘who seemed to be above average’. Because just as we see Clark forcing himself to exert his superpowers until his body collapses to prove he is good, autistics also push themselves to be useful/helpful/amenable/inobtrusive in order to be accepted as something not other/monstrous.

(Please note, by the way, towards the end of the newest episode--his power comes out in a flash of blue, overpowering light as the last of his strength begins to wane. A surefire sign that he was truly at the end of his endurance before he’s knocked unconscious.)

The fact that Clark starts to learn how to listen in for people so fast, but also doesn’t think to tune them out (if he can) adds even more to the first point too. Because he can’t turn it off in full, it means he has no way to ignore people who are hurting no matter how small--and for him that places the cognitive burden of making a choice. And he can’t choose not to help people.

Okay.

Clark’s incipient refusal to discover more about himself, the sheer overwhelmed look he had as a child--but also as an adult--at the prospect of having to rewrite and re-evaluate everything he thought he knew about himself. There is no excitement, no positive anticipation. When he chooses to face it, it’s because he perceives a kind of responsibility to better understand/control his powers to help more people. And it’s because his friends support him that he ever finds the will to do it. He has no desire to acknowledge or define his otherness head-on. (Once again, he can only act with courage on behalf of others and/or to ultimately win their acceptance.)

GOD. AND. AND how he tells Lois how much she made him “come out of his shell” and forced him to face the world, to stop living in his formerly simple bubble. How autistics instinctively hate breaks in routine and the unknown and the horrible ordeal of change, especially if they have trauma linked to it. But he was trying because yeah, as people we need new and varying stimuli to be happy and healthy. To be alive is to change, whether one likes it or not.

How part of the reason Lois is so dear to him is because she makes him feel capable and safe when he has to face the truth of his difference and change. (THIS IN THE CONTEXT OF THE LATEST EPISODE. “CLARK, JUST TRY TO BE NORMAL”. I’M EATING MY SHIRT. THE ENDLESS OSCILLATION BETWEEN HIS DESPERATION TO BE NORMAL BUT ALSO STRIVE FOR MORE, AND HOW LOIS ANSWERS BOTH THOSE WARRING CALLS WITHIN HIM JUST BY BEING HERSELF.)

SCREAMS.

Okay.

The most recent episode being a direct result of Lois and Jimmy’s acceptance of his alter ego Superman. Because of course Superman is the preferred variation of himself. Everyone loves Superman. Everyone finds him cool and heroic and dazzling. Jimmy gets social media acclaim that he enjoys from it. Lois has a Cool Guy Boyfriend, and she told him outright she thinks he’s amazing in the last episode when he complained about being weird.

Why go back to being Clark? Under the unending burden of his new super hearing, he seems to be so drowned in voices that he forgets a very important one: Lois. She loved him as Clark long before Superman existed, the lumbering gentle giant who always treated people with dignity and respect was more than enough for her to fall in love. And that’s why it’s so poignant, but also so unbelievably devastating when she asks him to be normal in the newest episode.

Because what she was trying to say was “Please stop overexerting yourself, you’re hurting yourself. This is only going to end badly if you don’t rest and think about how you want to move forward. You’re enough as you are. You’re enough as Clark Kent.” She was trying to tell him that Superman isn’t all that matters, that Superman is a person with feelings and needs and vulnerabilities, just like anyone else.

What makes this miscommunication so powerful to me is that it’s clear Clark’s ability to differentiate has become confused ever since Lois and Jimmy accepted him. How much of him is Clark, how much of him is Superman? Before, when he had decided Superman was too much for him to handle and something that needed to stay hidden, he knew how to behave day to day. But now that the aforementioned operating precept has been dismantled by their acceptance, what is his blueprint now? To be freed of his chains, but to be too afraid to leave the cage--he becomes so openly and rapidly lost. It was easier when he didn’t have to choose or think about it.

Okay.

Like. I can see how it could be construed as a result of his inexperience, right? He’s never met intergalactic beings, so how would he know? He only just unlocked his powers as Superman, so of course he’s clumsy about it. He wasn’t a born fighter or a trained one, so of course he’s going to be a little green when he’s in combat.

But that’s the thing for me. It’s not that he doesn’t always have the time to re-evaluate, or strategize, or notice he’s being deceived. He just has such an unwavering sensibility, this one-track sense of “I am strong. So I must protect. And to do that I need to act.” And a lot of times this is as far as his thinking goes. And if that isn’t the most autistic shit imaginable, I’m really not sure what is.

The overshot clumsiness of his movements and occasional awkwardness, how he’s learned to smooth that over by being helpful to people or meek to be accepted. Like. I swear to god this show is going to kill me.

So much of the reason he tanked so badly in this episode was because he was using a broken coping mechanism to its absolute extreme. And instead of listening to his bodily and mental signals that he could no longer sustain helping every single person in the world, he just forces himself to push through. He’s so desperate to prove he’s a good person and belong, he doesn’t notice that it’s literally destroying him from the inside.

The mask that is Superman, and the unmasking that is the mindful and imperfect Clark Kent. That everyone adores Superman and wants him to fulfill their every need, no matter what it costs him to be that person. The fact that the moment they learn he’s an alien or see the raw extent of his power (pushed to unsustainable limits in desperation) he becomes a horrible, inhuman threat and a monster. The fact that it’s his friends and his family who see him unmasked as Clark and love him just as he is, that they care little for what Superman can give them because Clark is already enough. That they love Clark precisely BECAUSE he is somebody with weaknesses and flaws and imperfections, that adore his quirks and endearing fumbling.

The horrific reality that the more he leans into his masking out of desperation to be accepted, the more he estranges and incites violent rejection in the people around him. Even if he wants to do the right thing, he is so staunchly and too openly opposed to the malice of others that they hold grudges from the stark, exposing contrast. How choosing to be Superman can endanger and estrange the people who love Clark, isolating him even further. And yet when he is unmasked and acts like himself, he is hardly ever taken seriously or people take advantage of his meekness/willingness to help.

The first episode. When he just keeps chanting ‘be normal be normal be normal’ and the more pressure he puts on himself, the more he hyperfixates and the less his actions align with his intentions. The way he can never do both and can only manage to sustain one at a time. The core conflict that’s ever present; the desire to be ordinary under the reality that you are extraordinary, with the agonizing knowledge that you never had the choice to live under so much difference and scrutiny.

The never-ending autistic battle of being socially acceptable to the detriment of your greatest virtues: your passion and your honesty. To be left feeling empty and drained despite your success, no closer to self-satisfaction or feelings of human camaraderie. The reality of being always forced to choose between one bad option and a worse one, that the only choice you have is what you’re willing to sacrifice. That people will toy with your vulnerabilities no matter how desperately you try to conceal them, how your weaknesses will be a game or a spectacle to the rest of the world.

How one has to wonder to what degree the Superman witnessed in Lois’ memory capsule was pushed to the very brink. Or the pointed lack of context: what brought him to such extremes, what could inspire so much indifference to the pain of others? How, while it is frightening, he is a person just like anyone else--who possesses the potential for raw good and raw bad. Why is it that everyone so easily believes that his potential will be negative? Why is it so difficult to have faith in someone who is trying so hard to be good?

The irony of Clark’s predicament, that the sincere fulfillment he feels upon helping others is precisely what inspires fear in those who insist on their comparative self-serving normality.

“What’s your angle!? What’s in it for you?” “Trust me, kids. Nobody puts on that big a show of being good. Unless they’re hiding something…All he wants is to pull cats out of trees? Yeah, I’m not buying it.” “He’s not normal like you and me….If he really wanted to hurt us, what could we do about it?...Just him having a bad day could spell the end for us…Well, not all of us share your faith.” “You want to be number one? You don’t get there by writing fluff. You go for blood. That’s something Perry never understood. Do you?”

The unbearable but inevitable fact that being autistic is a perpetual experience of loss. If you are not selfish or egocentric like the rest of the world, you are naive and weak. If you exhibit an ounce of self-centered desire or emotion, you are something that must be eradicated for the greater good. No amount of good that you accomplish can ever balance the scales of what has been lost or spent to sustain you, because at the end of the day your life is considered one without value. It is irrelevant that entire military regimes have collectively decimated and endangered thousands for their so-called “results”, because you as a sole actor are so much easier to blame and trample.

The enduring fact, especially in a culture so absorbed in easy answers and harsh binaries, that the human mind does not care for the struggle of truth.

Anyway if you need me I’ll be clawing at the walls thanks

#my adventures with superman #maws #i just haven't been able to stop thinking about this #its like the newest episode made it impossible to question any longer #i hope this made sense to someone???? other than me #is it obvious that this weeks episode made me cry a little haha #stares into the distance So Normally #the way experiencing maws clark kent can be something so personal...

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iapislazuli · 1 month

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nightheart, finchlight, and pre-verbal trauma

(sorry, i ramble a bit here lol)

im surprised i havent seen any discussion or analyses on nightheart / finchlight and pre-verbal trauma, since that's like, exactly what happened to them? (And nipping this in the bud right away no, I'm not saying this is Sparkpelt's fault btw, she was suffering from grief and PPD, and she made the best posible choice by having sorrelstripe foster her kits! for her situation, she was the best parent she could've been). but finch and night were so young, they couldn't understand what was happening. they were newborn kittens who couldnt see or hear, the only thing they knew was their mother's scent, and they got taken away from her, and thrust into a new space wholly unfamiliar to them with no warning. yes, it was for a good reason, and yes in the long run it likely benefitted their health physically. and yes, it was for a comparatively short amount of time, too. but them experiencing that at such a young age, having all they've ever known taken from them when they can't even open their eyes yet is, well, traumatic! young children experience the world so much differently than teenagers and adults. everything happening to them is basically happening for the first time. how did they knew sparkpelt would come back? they didn't! they had no way to understand the idea of PPD and grief. the effects of pre-verbal trauma sticks with you for life even if you can't remember it. this is such a huge misconception about child psychology it makes me crazy. a baby being so young it can't talk doesn't mean it doesnt have feelings!! and this leads to my next point...

which is how the differences in their adolescences led to their abilities to cope with this trauma being different. pre-verbal trauma causes abandonment issues and trouble regulating emotions among other symptoms; something nightheart very obviously struggled with. but what about his sister? finchlight is seemingly way more well-adjusted. this is likely because she chose to follow her mother to exile. wether knowingly or not, she didn't reinforce the abandonment issues caused by her pre-verbal trauma, which led to her being a more well adjusted adult with less glaringly obvious emotional issues. it could have also caused her to become unhealthily clingy to her mother, leading her trauma to manifest in a different way. maybe she also has empathy issues, not understanding why her brother cant just "get over it" like she did (she didn't just get over it tho, lol, she's just coping in a different way). there's lots of room for interpretation with finchlight, i think. while the authors' choice to apply this experience only to nightheart is frustratingly arbitrary and follows warrior cats' very protagnist-centric narratives, i do believe that following an analysis based on the idea of pre-verbal trauma and finchlight's choice to follow her mother into exile, you can explain why these two siblings reacted to the same situation so different. and i think looking to it that way, it's pretty damn interesting!!

#dia noises #a starless clan #sparkpelt #nightheart #finchlight #this is a spark night finch loving household #long post sorryyyyyyyy </3 #warrior cats

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mylifeisactuallyamess · 2 months

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Sanctuary part 2

Chapter 1: After

A/N: Oh hey guys! It’s been a while! I’m finally ready to delve back into this, I needed to know more of what Hemlock had going on and now I do so…here fucking goes. Sorry it’s only short for now. More, so much more is coming.

Prefer AO3? I got you.

Warnings: 18+ written from Tech’s pov. Mentions of what happened in the previous, awful, cliffhanger chapter. Sorry about that.

Word Count: 1355

Masterlist

Tech? If you’re listening to this, they found me. Tech. I used the button but I know you can’t come and get me. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m hiding in the supply cupboard, they landed not that long ago and I know they’re here for me. They know w-who I am. Wh-what I am. Don’t come after me, Tech. I’d never forgive myself. They’re here. I know we never said this in person but I can’t die and not have said it. Tech. I love you.

I love you. — Stitch’s full message.

3 days after

Days. You had been gone for days. It didn’t seem real. Logically Tech knew he was doing everything he possibly could to find you, but he could feel the frustration creeping up on him. He tried to shut everyone out, as grateful as he was for them trying to ground him, he didn’t want it right now.

He had to find you.

His eyes closed when he heard light footsteps on the ramp, knowing exactly who was coming to come and check on him. Phee visited the same time everyday so Tech didn’t get a shock, she always tried to talk to him which he shut down until all she did was sit there. Usually he forgot she was there.

“Hey, brown eyes.” Tech’s fingers paused his eyes not leaving the console screen. He was about to slice into a highly protected Imperial system and he needed no distractions while he did it. Tech had written the programme himself, masking his signal so he would appear invisible to the Imperial network. Hopefully slipping in and out unnoticed.

His fingers curled, caught between the urge to tell her to go away and doing the socially acceptable thing. Whatever that was.

“Omega made me bring you some fish that Wrecker caught and cooked. That brother of yours is settling in nicely.”

“Wrecker has always been more laid back and adaptable to social situations than the rest of us.” Stars, his throat was dry. In that moment Tech decided to take a break. Standing up he rolled his shoulders and stretched his arms, wiggling his fingers as he tried to banish the aching sensation in his entire body. He wasn’t sure if it was a mental manifestation, but since you’d been taken he found his joints aching more than they should. He had contemplated the cause was the accelerated aging, even though the age he was now, he should still be in his prime. By human standards.

“You’re talking today?” Phee sighed and sat down in one of the seats, crossing her legs, handing him the package of food and a bottle of water.

Tech worked out if he drank the water and ate the fish he could have her satisfied and out of here in approximately 10 standard minutes. Then she’d report back to the others he had eaten and he’d be left alone until the sun set. He took the water, gulping it so he didn’t have to respond. Most of the time he found Phee easy to be around, she allowed him to empty his head when they were working in the Archium and theorise without debunking any of his ideas as nonsense.

He was highly aware of your reaction to her less than a week ago. Less than a week ago. The despondent feeling settled in his chest and he became blank once more. He had to fully detach from the pain your loss created or he’d never have the brain power to find you. He had spent every night tossing and turning in his bunk, replaying over every second of dropping you at Ord Mantell. If only he had gone with you, if only they hadn’t let you come, if only, if only.

“I don’t think you’ve heard a word I’ve said.” Tech glanced up from staring at the bottle of water in his hand, shifting his goggles as he cleared his throat quietly.

“Apologies. My mind is elsewhere,” Tech murmured.

“Eat, you need to keep up that energy if you’re to find her,” Phee told him. Good idea. He really should research the fish here, if they were rich in oils they would contain docosahexaenoic acid which would help. He needed all the help he could get. Tech began to tuck into the fish, realising the pains in his stomach were because he was hungry. He suddenly registered Phee was talking about something and again he wasn’t listening. It wasn’t important anyway, she had no idea about the inner workings of an Imperial computer, prison or had any new information that could help him.

He finished eating and automatically handed her the wrapper which she took, trying to catch his eye. Tech avoided that. He didn’t want to look at her, he only wanted to look at you. Your eyes were something he had committed to his memory, the way they danced when you smiled, the glow of hyperspace in them as you stared with wonder out of the viewport. He remembered the way your panic faded the longer you looked at him, realisation and wonder in your features had made his chest ache. Not that he knew it back then.

He missed your hand in his.

“I have things to do and I need all my concentration to do them,” Tech announced, not caring if he was being abrupt or rude. He needed her gone now.

“What you need, brown eyes, is sleep,” she told him with a hand on her hip.

“I will get some.” When I exhaust all current avenues of investigation.

“Don’t make me get your brothers up here,” she threatened and Tech had to hold back an irritated tut and sat with a stoic expression on his face. “I will be back to check on you later.” But she listened, finally leaving him alone.

Tech’s fingers flew over the console keys, about to thread his own coding in with the Imperial coding so he could slice into their network when the ship com went off. At first he was going to ignore it, but he decided to answer it. Heading into the cockpit he accepted the transmission.

“This is Havoc-4. Do you copy?”

“Loud and clear Havoc-4.” As Tech responded he remembered vaguely Hunter had said something about Echo making an appearance but it didn’t attach to anything to do with you, so he had dismissed the useless information.

“I need your expertise, Havoc-2. I have something you might like.” Tech leaned forward in his chair, not even aware he was doing it.

“Is it a lead?” He asked eagerly, his mind racing ahead with all the possibilities no matter how outlandish they were.

“We need to decrypt it to find out. I’m coming in now. Havoc-4 out.” Tech jumped up, putting aside what he was doing so he could step outside at the sound of the ship.

“Hunter, Wrecker. Echo is here with some intel,” he announced eagerly into his com.

“On our way,” Hunter responded.

“What have you got?” Tech demanded as soon as Echo descended the ramp, awarding him a raised eyebrow.

“Good to see you too, Tech.” He sighed a little and pulled a datastick from his pouch. “I pulled this from an Imperial ship loaded with clones. We have no idea where they were being shipped to or why.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Tech only had eyes for the datastick, for the information it could possibly hold and he saw it as a lifeline to you. He turned back to the ship, pausing when Echo called his name.

“We’re doing all we can,” he said, running a hand across the back of his neck while he gestured with his scomp. “To find Stitch.” Tech flinched at the sound of your name, concentrating on the datastick once more. What could he say? He knew they were doing everything they could.

Thankfully, Hunter and Wrecker arrived with Omega and Tech turned away to disappear into the ship. He inserted the datastick into the console, setting his programme to run the decryption code and waited for the information to reveal itself.

#tech x reader #tech x f!reader #tech x you #tech tbb #sanctuary #the bad batch #sanctuary part 2

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public-trans-it · 2 months

Text

Figured I would make a post of all my various FFXIV OC's.

Warning: There are more than just these 4, those are just the big ones. Also, this is like 5 years' worth of weekly RP with my FC, and we very much leaned into the absurd over-the-top fantasy of the FF series. So, like... boy HOWDY is this gonna be a lot. Edit after finishing writing this draft: it was far more than I thought oh my god I forgot how bullshit all of this was. However I added a clear indicator of where you can skip the most bullshit parts.

(All infoblocks are how the character would describe themselves. Summaries are (mostly) my own words, unless I think its really funny to not do so.)

I also have redacted a lot of info about other people's characters cause I'm not entirely comfortable sharing all of them here. So the names of other characters, and also my FC's name, are entirely removed. I've also tweaked some of the details slightly, mostly just the timing of certain events, and combining/removing a couple of the T'alia's (yes there used to be more). Also spoilers [ARE NOT IN THIS VERSION, YOUR WELCOME MISHA].

If you don't want what is basically a summary of a four year long RP campaign, you can get the short version by just reading the entries for the four characters listed above.

Name: T'sraetn Slein Race: Miqo'te/Garlean (Mixed race) Clan: Seeker of the Sun Gender: Cis(ish) Woman (She/Her)

T'sraetn was born in the capital city of Garlemald, child of a garlean scientist, Varrick lux Slein, and a miqo'te conscript-engineer, T'alia Raio. Her father was researching the Echo, trying to find ways to replicate its effects with a garlean soul. When the Garlond Ironworks rebelled and fled for Eorzea, T'sraetn's family fled with them, though Varrick was killed in the process, [REDACTED FOR MISHA REASONS].

T'sraetn became fascinated by all forms of magic in Eorzea, following the paths of the Arcanist before branching out to other fields. She continued to find stronger and stronger opponents to test her magical prowess against, eventually awakening to the Echo and being recruited to the Scions.

The events of 1.0 through Stormblood happen relatively the same as they do in the game, though T'sraetn went missing after [REDACTED FOR MISHA REASONS]. She reappeared once again after the events of Shadowbringers 5.3 (sort of, see below), now sporting several cybernetic augments throughout her body, with all of her limbs being fully cybernetic.

She initially had no issues with her augments, barring a few exceptions. However, after the events of Endwalker, she grew to hate them. She believed these augments were the only thing that allowed her to survive her fight against [REDACTED FOR MISHA REASONS]. She eventually underwent a dangerous procedure to remove her augments and replace her limbs with vat-grown cloned organic transplants.

T'sraetns version of the Echo manifests it in a bizarre temporal distortion. Time feels as if it passes differently for her, with her experiencing weeks or months in the span of time that others claim to only experience days. In combat, she experiences her own death over and over again until, eventually, she survives the fight. The way that [REDACTED FOR MISHA REASONS] experience [REDACTED FOR MISHA REASONS] makes her feel a kinship with them in this regard, and has lead to her developing an unhealthy obsession with both of them.

T'sraetn has grown disillusioned with the life of adventure, and now spend much of her time drinking and reliving [REDACTED FOR MISHA REASONS], hoping at some point she will discover her life since that point was just a very long vision, and if she just did something different [REDACTED FOR MISHA REASONS].

The rare times she is sober, she spends studying [THIS ENTIRE FUCKING PARAGRAPH REDACTED FOR MISHA REASONS HOLY FUCK].

She funds these expeditions by selling her services to the goblins of the Wolves Den, helping them refine and test their designs for human pilots.

(Here she is, Ms. Warrior of Light herself. I do find it hilarious that 'Mech Pilot' is a lore friendly profession to have, so I had to go for it. I technically have two versions of T'sraetn! (Well... 3) One is the version I used in my Free Company's weekly roleplay for about 4 years, who is not actually the Warrior of Light, and the other is, in fact, the Warrior of Light herself. However, everything canon to the FC version is more or less canon to the WoL version. We won't be getting into the third version on a SFW blog. [REDACTED FOR MISHA REASONS])

Name: Killer Kweh Race: Unknown Clan: Unknown Gender: Unknown (They/Them)

Killer Kweh is a vigilante who began to harass T'sraetn's FC around the events of late Shadowbringers, keeping tabs on the various villains and scoundrels that the FC let slip away, thinking the power of friendship would be enough to save the day. Together with their chocobo, Wark Warrior, the two would track down and kill those the FC had spared. They eventually began to confront the FC, trying to pressure them into no longer forgiving those who wronged them.

Their identity remains a mystery to this day, and will likely never be discovered, no matter how often the other FC members says things like "T'sraetn the mask doesn't even cover all your hair, and we can clearly still see your tail." or "Can you hide your chocobo's costume somewhere else? We need to clean the stables."

(I kept this glam and now use it for PLD/RDM. Originally I was actually planning to have Killer Kweh be an entirely different character, but the FC kept making jokes about the tail showing, and I decided to roll with it cause having it just be T'sraetn the whole time was FAR funnier tbh, and we needed something light hearted at the time.)

If you don't want to read a whole boatload of FC lore, you should skip all of this. (Scroll down until you see the quest complete)

Name: T'alia Raio Race: Miqo'te Clan: Seeker of the Sun Gender: Cis Woman (She/Her)

The first of the many, many, MANY faces of T'alia, who served as one of the central antagonists for much of the FC's life.

As mentioned above, T'alia was an engineer working in Garlemald before her family attempted to flee alongside the Garlond Ironworks, her husband being killed in the process. Wrought with guilt over his death, T'alia vowed to attempt to continue his research once they arrived in Eorzea, studying the soul and how various things could affect it.

Where her husband turned to the Echo, T'alia instead turned to the void, and to the tempering effect of primals. She made a pact with a voidsent, offering it not her own soul, but the soul of her research subjects, in return for studying its effects on them.

She eventually joined a Free Company, finding them to be perfect test subjects and developing an obsession with helping them grow stronger. She carefully examined and documented the effects on them and their aether after various fights with primals and voidsent, all under the guise of helping them grow stronger.

The idea of the FC needing to grow stronger became more and more compulsive, culminating in her trying to graft the soul of her voidsent into the aether of an injured FC member, an act which was the last straw and resulted in the FC turning on her.

She harbored no ill will against the adventurers, and continued her experiments from a distance, using facilities within abandoned garlean bases to construct various monsters for the free company to "train" against, frequently against their will.

(The FC I was with from 1.0 up to Stormblood Launch had a lot of drama. I originally made T'alia as a way to shop around and play with other FC's. When I joined my current FC, they mentioned not having any real dedicated antagonist for their RPs, and so I decided before the first RP I joined that T'alia was eventually going to make a heel turn, and played her as friendly but also very clearly having an ulterior motive. Also T'alia is still my MCH glam!)

Name: T'alia Raio Kime Race: Disembodied Soul Chimera Clan: Specter Yeah :) Gender: Monster (It/She/He)

T'alia's research into metempsychosis culminated in the preservation of her soul, at the cost of the willing destruction of her own body, obtaining a state not unlike those of the Ascians. She began growing multitudes of clones of herself, experimenting on them, merging them with beast men, and creating terrifying new chimerical bodies with which she continued to 'test the potential' of the FC.

However, these bodies and her soul mixed like water and oil, and she was never able to fully utilize them. While each one was quite powerful on its own, under her control they were exceedingly frail, and she would find her soul being ejected from them long before the point the body itself failed. This eventually forced her to turn back to her original field of engineering, augmenting these bodies with cybernetic enhancements.

Eventually, she invited the FC to one of her most ambitions plans to date, which she referred to as "The Merger", a combination wedding ceremony and business merger between both herself, and another rival of the FC's who also was heavily proficient in the field of engineering. This event was, in truth, an experiment where she splintered the timeline and merged it together again. During one timeline, an FC member was killed and replaced with a cybernetic replica crafted by T'alia and her new wife, while in the other timeline the FC member lived on as normal.

T'alia's plans for all of this were seemingly lost when her corpse was discovered in some ruins, impaled by a chunk of white auracite that kept her from escaping the vessel she was inhabiting. This drove her wife deeper into despair, and the widow blamed the FC for allowing this to happen, becoming a far bigger threat to them in the process.

(It was a running joke in our RPs that T'alia would keep getting called an Ascian, only to respond, "I still don't know what that is..." While she did achieve a similar form, it was elusively through her own research, and she never had any affiliation with the Ascians)

Name: Tali Race: Various Clan: Various Gender: Nonbinary (She/Her)

Shortly after T'alia's death, one of her augmented clones began interacting with the FC. She revealed she was the one who killed the 'real' T'alia, an action she had no choice in taking. Several of this clones augments allowed T'alia to control her remotely, and she had taken control of her body to kill herself. These augments still remained in place, and even with no one controlling them now, they still prevented certain actions, such as revealing what T'alia was planning.

This T'alia clone continued to work alongside the FC, eventually being welcomed with open arms as a full fledged member, with the FC renaming her 'Tali' to differentiate her from her creator.

While Tali already differed significantly from her creator, she felt a deep unease about being compared to her. She took up the gunblade and began to dabble in various shape changing magics in order to further differentiate herself from T'alia, resulting in frequent damage to her body and need for replacements of her various artificial limbs. All the while, unfamiliar memories began to surface in her mind, revealing that the memories of T'alia's own past that she had planted in Tali weren't sticking.

While she was unable to reveal T'alia's plans to the FC, she was more than able to be reckless about leaving around too many maps about where T'alia's various facilities were located, leading the FC on missions to shut them down and uncover more details about T'alia's plans, with Tali quickly piecing the details together and becoming both more distressed and more frantic to get the FC to uncover the rest.

Over the course of these expeditions the FC found T'alia's main base: a facility located in a rift in spacetime filled with a massive number of clones. Thousands of clones of T'alia, as well as hundreds of clones of every single FC member.

This facility housed enough clues for the FC to realize two things: first, that T'alia was being coerced into her actions by some other entity that she had been plotting against, and second, Tali's differences to T'alia came not from her augmentations, but from the the fact that she was never a clone of T'alia at all, but her own daughter T'sraetn, augmented and brainwashed into becoming a pawn for T'alia to use.

(Yes the DPS symbol on the blue background is intentional. It's a joke about me always off-tanking at the time, and being a 'Blue DPS'. The name Tali was actually a typo from an FC member addressing her, but everyone immediately realized it would be a great way to differentiate this other version of T'alia, and so we kept it. Also, we had a running joke in our RP's that Tali's arms just fell right off about once per RP night.)

Name: T'alia Allengray Race: Miqo'te Clan: Seeker of the Sun Gender: Cis Woman (She/Her)

Pouring over T'alia's research notes, T'sraetn and the FC eventually found the source of what T'alia had been pushing them all towards, the entity that had plagued her for her entire life: T'alia.

This other T'alia eventually made her presence known by possessing a shape changing quicksilver construct that the FC had defeated, forming a new body for herself. Taking the old T'alia's role as antagonist (though never posing anywhere near as much a direct threat), she was happy to monologue to the FC, and even gave them a linkpearl to answer any questions they might have.

This other T'alia (who the FC simply refered to by her surname, Allengray) was a copy of herself from a different timeline, who had trapped herself in a perpetual timeloop that lasted from the moment of her birth, to the moment of her death. Her original self became nothing more than a disembodied specter within the loop, forced to observe the same events play out over and over again. Over the course of the more than 5 million years she spent trapped in the loop, she slowly gained the ability to subtly influence the members of her FC, with a far bigger influence on each loops iteration of herself.

In her original timeline, Allengray and the FC had fought a devastatingly powerful primal, Lich. As they began to realize their conventional methods of killing primals would not affect it, they eventually chose to build a temporal cage, crafted from the remains of Alexander. The device would contain one aetheric being, and one mortal being, binding the two together. Lich would be trapped within it, and bound to the lifespan of whoever activated the device. While Allengray was not the one selected to bear that burden, she stole the device in the dead of night and sacrificed herself to it, rather than watch any of her friends suffer. Instead, she was left to be tortured for millions of years, watching Lich kill her friends over and over again while she could do little more than watch, and whisper to each version of herself to beg them to find a way to stop it.

(Another kept glam! Allengray is my BLU glam. I actually introduced her as a palette swapped version of another FC members 'Monster of the Week', which was the quicksilver construct that Allengray possessed. She was a bit of an amnesiac trickster for a bit, as her soul adjusted to her new body.)

Name: T'alia Allengray Lich Race: Primal Clan: Aetheric Parasite Gender: Primal (It/Its)

Eventually, Allengray revealed Lich's true nature. Unlike other primals, Lich did not exist as a body. It was more of a parasite that existed in the lifestream, devouring the souls of those who died, which is why it had been so difficult to find a way to stop. And over the course of hundreds of loops, it had grown and adapted to exist within a person's aether, feeding off of them.

Specifically, that of Allengray, where it had latched itself into and fully consumed her. While the timeloop was still connected to the lifespan of each timeline's T'alia, Lich was free to wreck whatever havoc it wanted on the FC, manipulating the timeline to ensure they would suffer over and over again to amuse itself. Even if they found a way to kill it, which the FC occasionally managed to do, the timeline would still be reset on its death, meaning the most the FC would ever be able to do to it is doom another timeline to be the victim of its wrath.

Moreover, with this timelines T'alia now trapped in white auracite, she could never truly die, allowing Lich to remain in this timeline indefinitely.

This timelines T'alia (which is T'alia Raio, in case you lost track. Very understandable if you did.) still managed to get the last laugh. Through their various interactions, the FC of this timeline had become a force of abominations. Fractured primals, artificial constructs, temporal anomalies, and voidtouched avatars, all untouchable by Lich. A fierce battle ensued, Lich toying with FC with the knowledge that killing it wouldn't stop it, even as it clearly grew frustrated.

In the final moment of the battle, the FC revealed their ace in the hole, one of their enemies who had a far bigger grudge against Lich than anyone in the FC. The wife of this timelines T'alia, holding a recreation of the device that trapped Lich and Allengray in the timeloop in one hand, and the white auracite that held her wifes soul in the other. Binding the device to herself and her wife, the two became banished from this timeline to spend eternity with one another, replacing Lich and Allengray in the loop.

Lich did not have time to make its feelings on this development known, as the FC shredded it apart and destroyed it for good.

(I've always fucking loved the concept behind Lich, because in case it wasn't clear by now, I am ABSOLUTELY FASCINATED by death and how we relate to it, and wish Lich had a bigger role in Final Fantasy (I love you Stranger of Paradise). In XIV in particular I felt it had so much potential as a primal. Plus "Killing the embodiment of death itself" is such a final fantasy ass final boss.)

(Additional fun fact: this timeline is the 72,323nd loop that Lich and Allengray were trapped in. Since I'm going with a dumb quest formatting for this, I'll say first person to correctly guess why I chose that number gets... idk... a trust banner of their character and/or a wallpaper made of them? This post contains all the information an FFXIV player would need to guess why I chose that number.)

Name: Noraliene Haillenarte Race: Elezen Clan: Wildwood Gender: Cis Woman (She/Her)

Despite all appearances, Noraliene is an elezen born to House Haillenarte in Ishgard. A member of House Dzemael dosed her drink with a fantasia during a banquet, and when she awoke the next morning as an Au Ra, she found herself the target of a horrible campaign to undermine House Haillenarte by claiming they are heretics, as well as an attempt to use her as "proof" that Au Ra are companions to dragons and must be purged from the city.

She was exiled by her family and escaped the city the next day, being pursued by several members of the Ishgardian Church seeking to kill her for her supposed heresy. Cold and exhausted, she eventually collapsed in the snow, where she claims she froze to death before being resurrected. In truth, she was rescued before that point by Ysayle, and her blue skin is a result of being tempered by Shiva.

After Ysayle's death, Noraliene took her place and helped lead her followers in reintegrating into Ishgard. She had no desire to return to the place of so many bad memories, however, and decided to join up with T'alia's FC shortly after T'alia revealed her true colors, granting them her aid as the new avatar of Shiva.

Despite her tragic past and icy aesthetic, she actually has a very warm and bubbly personality, eager to share her love of Doman Romance novels with anyone who will listen, and excitedly prying into the love life of anyone who was willing to share. She eventually grew tired of the constant stress and drama of being an adventurer and married another Ishgardian exile, choosing to move far away from Eorzea with her new wife.

(Did I make this character just as an excuse to spam the Diamond Dust emote during RP nights? You can't prove that. She was actually made so that I could join the RP easier when other people wanted to host an RP, instead of trying to bullshit together another reason why the FC was just willing to team up with T'alia again. The Diamond Dust spam was just a bonus. I also have a 26 page screenshot comic about her origin story that I've written out, and just need to actually take the screenshots for, but EFFORT...)

Name: Muddied Glory Race: Au Ra Clan: Raen/Xaela (Mixed race) Gender: Cis Woman (She/Her)

Muddied Glory is the orphan daughter of a Raen and a Xaela who were both killed touring Eorzea while she was just an infant. She was placed into the foster care of a Hellsguard woman, who gave her the name she has now.

At a very young age, Glory was adopted by the Church of Halone, where she became a devoted follower of their doctrine. As she grew, she would eventually find herself blessed by Halone with visions into the lives of those she would grant absolution (Its just the Echo), and very rarely, she will wake up in the morning with no memory of the previous night, the events of her own life falling away so her memory could instead be filled with the knowledge of a killer who must be brought to justice, delivered to her through the eyes of their victim.

Her conviction of faith is never stronger than when she faces on these killers, and from the moment they lock eyes with her, before even a single word is said, they are filled with the terrifying knowledge that she is there to bring them to justice. (This is the usual reaction people have when the woman they killed last night shows up in front of them.)

(Glory is me going "Hey remember that one Sahagin Priest in MSQ? Where we learned what a fully realized Echo was capable of? Yeah we need more of that", with the additional silliness of the character in question having no idea it's happening to her. Once again, I was very excited when [REDACTED FOR MISHA REASONS])

Name: Ifrit's Bride Race: Tempered Clan: Thrall Gender: Seemingly Trans Woman (It/She)

While there has not been a cure until very recently, being tempered has never been a 'one and done' affair. A primal is fully capable of tempering a single person multiple times, corrupting them far beyond the point of recognizability, as seen most commonly in Leviathan's drowned.

Ifrit's Bride is an example of that. It is unknown what rank or purpose she served among the followers of Ifrit, only that it was far more aetherially corrupted than was the norm for the followers of Ifrit.

After plaguing them for years, she was eventually captured by the Brotherhood of Ash where they worked with the immortal flames and the new anti-tempering magics lent to them to attempt to see if the process could be combined with the Brotherhood's Sacred Ash.

(Technically, she wasn't given the name Tempered Lass until after she was cured, so I should have used a different name for the trust banner. But also fuck making another one, I'm almost done with this post. Also I can't do tribal dailies on this character anymore, because I refuse to complete 'Losing One's Tempered' so that I can always keep some Sacred Ash on hand.)

Name: Tempered Lass Race: "Prefer not to disclose" Clan: "Prefer not to disclose" Gender: So Fucking Much (She/It)

The result was... mixed. While they managed to cure the Bride of Ifrit of her tempering, she had no memory of anything prior to the point of being cured, and her body remained warped.

She was given into the care of a Hellsguard woman who gave her a very... on the nose name, and there it was discovered that without regular treatments of the Brotherhood's Sacred Ash, she would once again begin hearing the whispers of Ifrit compelling her. She is also particularly gullible, but it is unclear if that is a result of the process that cured her, or simply a natural character trait for her.

While the Brotherhood of Ash welcomes her with open arms and is happy to provide her with Sacred Ash at no cost, Temmie prefers to try to live in Ul'dah. She is frequently found among the refugees, helping them for far too little coin for what she needs to sustain herself.

(The reason she can't remember anything is cause there is nothing to remember. Despite appearances, Temmie is not an Au Ra, she is a Miqo'te. Specifically, Temmie is a clone of T'sraetn created by T'alia to test the effects of tempering. Also, if it wasn't clear, her and Muddied Glory are foster sisters.)

Name: Gyococo Gyoco Race: Namazu Lalafell Clan: Namazu Dunesfolk Gender: "Depends on how much you are paying." (She/Him)

Gyococo is a lalafell adopted and raised by namazu. Once the Far East started becoming a more popular tourist destination for Eorzeans, she began seeing more and more lalafells, eventually growing curious enough to wish to visit and explore the land her real parents hailed from. At least, that's what he told people.

In truth, Gyococo cared little for pursuing his ancestral culture and just saw what she assumed would be an ignorant and unassuming market she could swindle as a merchant. What she found when she arrived in Ul'dah, however, was a society of cut throats and swindlers worse than any namazu could ever hope to achieve.

After months of barely scraping by, he eventually turned over a new leaf. She befriended an illiterate playwright and now acts as her scribe and editor. While he is far from the rich woman he was hoping to become, she lives comfortably and is happy with where her life is at.

(I don't touch Gyococo much, mostly because the playerbase is really fucking weird about lalafells and really fucking weird about trans women, and the overlap is... not fun, honestly.)

Name: Gaeli Cat Race: Gaelicat Clan: Gaelicat Gender: Gaelicat

Gaelicat.

(Gaelicat.)

[GAELICAT FOR MISHA REASONS]

#FFXIV #ffxiv wol #ffxiv rp #People are gonna see this and then give me a sideways glance and go 'So uh... hows your relationship with your mom Ceetee?'#to which I reply 'My mother is the coolest person I know and also I am never speaking to her again after all the pain she has caused me'#'and also I'm fairly sure she was starting to suffer from dementia and beginning to lose her own identity to it.'#but I don't see how any of that is relevant to my FFXIV OC's #why do you ask?#[REDACTED FOR MISHA REASONS]#(no i didn't actually redact anything in the tags I'm just being a dork)

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lover-of-mine · 2 months

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Is it weird that when I read The coming out storyline was suppose to be for Eddie, I just got extremely pissed. Like... we finally could have had a good storyline for eddie after seasons of basically nothing and half-assed stuff. Only for it to go to Buck, a character that always has a front-centered storyline. It just bothers me. It wouldnt have killed the show to have just kept Buck on the downlow for a season. But no he gets the storyline, that even tim agrees made more sense for Eddie and Eddie gets whatever the f*ck is happening with Marisol that is just the a non-storyline really. I don't know. It just pissed me off. Maybe Eddie will finally get his due in Season 8, but with the history of this show, I'm questioning and doubting everything when it comes to Eddie. The character deserves better. Ryan deserves better. I'm happy for Buck fans and for Oliver who clear thought Buck was Bi too, but this is just shitty for Eddie fans, cause we're stuck with another bland girlfriend (A homophobic actress at that) and no guarantee that Eddie will every get a storyline like this, if ABC says no. Not to mention a lack of prospect for an actual good season long arc for Eddie if this is already Tim's idea of good writing for him. I just need to vent somewhere, and maybe you understand some of what I am feeling. Bottom line I guess, I'm just tired as Eddie fan of getting the short end of the stick on this show. But maybe I need to have more faith in everything.

Baby really, I think you're super valid for feeling like this, really, I love Buck, I do, but it does get annoying to watch him get yet another huge arc, even more with the amount of focus there was on him last season too. And to hear this storyline was studied to be about Eddie did make me feel some time of way. Especially considering Eddie has yet another girlfriend he didn't want to get he's moving too fast with that adds nothing to the plot because I still don't know anything about Marisol besides the fact that she has a brother, she owns a house, she was a nun (?????) and the actress playing her is a homophobe. I am choosing to believe they decided being grabbed and kissed wasn't the best way to spark the revelation for Eddie and that there is some plan because I don't see how they would greenlight Buck being bi and not buddie going canon and that we are going to see Eddie get his own queer arc. Maybe it will annoy you a bit too because so far I keep seeing this being sparked by Buck and Tommy, so his arc would be attached to Buck in some way, but I think we are getting there with the both of them. The fact that there was conversation about how to make Eddie queer, means they are thinking about how to make Eddie queer, so the idea is there, they could turn into it at any time. I do so so so feel you on the Eddie not getting a season arc, I think I could've enjoyed the catholic guilt angle, because honestly, that's a huge opening to see what else that guilt might be making Eddie do, if it wasn't for the Edy of it all. The focus on saying Eddie is still chasing Shannon, and a mother for Chris, and thinking about who it would be expected for him to date aka a nice latina woman, not someone he actually wants to be with also gives me some hope they realized they have my boy trapped in a closet made of glass. Again, they didn't have to take the "I'm having erectile dysfunction at the thought of having sex with my girlfriend" route, like, that's straight up the gayest thing they could've done to that man and they legit had him have panic attacks about dating a woman, like, who even thought of that? And he could be on his way to learn more about himself considering the "learning his place in the world" comment, he could be about to do some exploring and we could get some satisfying payoff here. I'm hoping for it. Praying and manifesting for it. But Ryan has been too giddy about this season for me to believe nothing is gonna happen for Eddie, yk? So, maybe, we should just keep the faith I guess. But, you're not alone in your feelings, and they're super valid, it is upsetting.

#im choosing to believe they have a better plan on how to make him queer #for my own piece of mind mostly #911 #911 spoilers #i really need a tag for asks #anon 😌

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beevean · 6 months

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Something happened that lead me to think.

Yesterday, I read a long message that was left to me on November 24 (it was on Messenger and I don't use FB anymore): an old friend of mine, that abandoned me 10 years ago, wrote me a long, long letter of apologies for her past behavior.

We were close, although long distance, friends. I was 16-18, and she was two years older than me. She was a very intelligent, studious girl, and we could relate to each other for our shyness and lack of friends among other things. But she suffered from OCD and depression, things I honestly did not know how to handle at the time, and they interfered with our relationship. She was extremely insecure, constantly doubting that I cared about her, acting up if I invited my classmates over to study together, making me feel responsible for her staying alive.

Long story short, she eventually found herself a boyfriend and decided I wasn't worth the effort anymore. I think she said something like "being together with you isn't stimulating anymore".

(btw, in her letter she offhandedly mentioned that now she has understood her sexuality better, which doesn't surprise me - I can believe she had a crush on me and it manifested in a terrible way. I myself sometimes consider her my first girlfriend :\)

She and my father "abandoning" me at the same time caused me suicidal thoughts that to this day I'm battling with. But I eventually forgave my father: I think he paid enough for what he did. With her, I honestly thought I'd never hear from her again. I tried to learn my lesson, and honestly I strived to never become like her. Which I failed to do, sadly.

And I haven't responded to her yet because I honestly don't know where to begin. It's been ten years, and while I'm in a better place than where she left me off, I'm not exactly in a good place either. But... just the thought of contacting me after a decade to apologize? Was the guilt really that strong?

And then, today my boyfriend made a surprise visit to talk face to face.

I thought he was also done with me after we spent a month essentially making each other sick. I was trying to move on, because really, I'm not going to cry again for the umpteenth person who gets tired of me (a mentality I "learned" from this old friend of mine, that eventually I'll bore everyone away), but yes, I was thinking all this time "man, five years down the drain, what a waste".

And what does he do when he showed up? He apologized to me. He realized that I was right about some of the things I told him. That he gets passive-aggressive when angry, that he's excessively proud, that sometimes his advice got too insistent. He thought about it, and he drove to my house (it's an one hour drive) to speak to me with his heart in his hand, fully knowing that I could have said that I don't love him anymore or I found someone else.

We made up. I have made my mistakes, I need to change as a person, but I honestly, honestly appreciated that he made the effort to actually examine himself and ask for closure.

So... I guess the takeaway from this is that I, too, deserve to be apologized to. I always feel like I'm a screw up and everything I do is wrong and I need to constantly apologize myself. It's what I argued with my boyfriend over. So, as self-centered as this may sound, yes I do feel better about myself now.

But also, I'm constantly afraid of reaching out to people for fear of rejection, or that it's too late to make amends or anything. And yet look at this. An apology after ten years. I really should take this to heart.

#beev stuff

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pzyii · 7 months

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Refrence sheet (aka an excuse to talk about details and scars)

all the details are under cut (tw for small self harm mention)

First just short. Yes she’s a lesbian, Idc that if btvs was made today they would’ve written her as bi, that’s not how it is, she’s written as a lesbian, she’s just comphet.

Secondly, I hc her as enby because well I want to, she likes using the trans flag too cause she thinks it’s pretty. (Tara’s a trans woman btw. And Dawn is transfeminine, a hc I can talk about a lot too if prompted. They are a family of trans lesbians)

And she goes by she/they/it with no special preferences cause I say so, tho I only used she in these rants for simplicity.

And yeah she's autistic but we all already knew that.

gonna go by detail by detail for these closeups

Chest scar: so personally I headcanon that Willow (without thinking) took Tara’s pain as she died. Partly because of how she describes being shot to Warren so- personally. And just cause historically she haven’t been the best at controlling her powers. So that combined with everything that happened during her Dark Willow arc combined and I guess manifested a scar. It partly represents just how shattered and broken her heart became when Tara died.

Stomach scar: pretty self explanatory, she got it from the Gnarl in Same Time, Same Place. Because I think when you heal something using nature-healthy magic it leaves a scar cause it’s really just a sped up version of the natural process. This is especially true for when Willow heals herself cause of guilt that is always in her head trying to convince her to not heal. Also just like- she had strips of her skin eaten, that’s bound to leave a scar. And just the whole episode is so great and everything about it is so important so I think she needs a reminder of it.

Thin scars: a few are scratches she’s gotten over the years but most are sh scars. There’s not much to elaborate with that for now, I just think it’s something she did/does.

Big forearm scars: these are from when she resurrected Buffy. She has 2 alike ones on her other forearm. Another headcanon I have is that when wounds are caused by like really dark magicks, like the ones Willow used, scars don’t tend to heal normally, so they took a lot longer to heal than normal wounds their size, and also left clearer scars. Also yknow more scars that work as reminders for her guilt.

Rings: she’s gotten them from a bunch of different people, I don’t have the specifics for that, but the one with green is one is Buffys (in Who Are You? Willow is wearing one of Buffys rings that she and Tara uses for the spell)

Braclets: there’s nothing special about the beige one but the blue one is one of those braided friendship braclets. Dawn made it for her.

Burn scar: it is what I just said. She got it in Gingerbread (she screams like “Buffy I’m on fire!” During it). Not only is Gingerbread one of my favrouite MOTW episodes but it’s really important in understanding Willows character because of her relationship with her mom. So I thought if I had the opportunity to give her a physical scar to remind her of the time her mom tried to kill her i just had to take it. In my personal headcanon of the show she walked with crutches in Helpless (since that only takes place one week after Gingerbread). (Also funfact, in my mlp au i haven’t posted here(if anyones interested send an ask) the burn caused chronic pain and she uses a pony-wheelchair)

Hair: her hair used to be fully the same mid ginger colour but after Dark Willow it was permanently darkened at her roots.

Eyes: her eyes used to be green but turned pink because of the Buffy resurrection spell. And this is very much partly cause I’m an artist who just wants to have fun with my design. But it’s also the complementary hue to the one I use for Buffys eyes. Plus to me when you resurrect someone your soul and essence is kinda torn apart cause you need to kinda go to the afterlife to get them back in a way. So yeah her physical body was put through trials but so was just her psyche and well soul i guess, and because of that her soul is weirdly connected to Buffys, which also was torn apart and put back together. So complimentary!!! (Buffy didn’t notice the the change in colour until their conversation on the curb in Gone, she thinks they’re pretty)

Scars under eyes: these are also partly cause of stylistic choice (to be fair all are). But my design of Dark Willow has veins under her eyes, like tears. So they left scars, scars that also in theory looks like tears.

#i dont have much to say in the comments for once #prett long post to be fair #anyways anything youre wondering about just send me an ask!!!#willow rosenberg #btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #willow Rosenberg fanart #btvs fanart #also yeah i took the hair from the comics cause its more fun than s7 #cause its more fun to draw than s7 #plus semi hippie outfit all day every day #buffy art #buffy fandom #headcanons #buffy the vampire slayer fanart #pzyii arts #refrence sheet

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eyesteeth · 8 months

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just finished my third playthrough of tangle tower. have some fun details.

(spoilers for TT and SotS, long post)

Grimoire jokes about “what came first, the house or the tree” and the entire house has egg motifs

According to the family tree, Fitz’s mother is Emily Everstone. Echo Everstone was the person who killed Richard Remington in Secret Of The Swamp, doing so to protect Boggy, the mystid who lived in that swamp.

The family tree features several Mystids on it, including the Inkdip (right), the Amphobi/Boggy (bottom right), the Soulcrab (bottom left) and the Silversnake (bottom).

“Do you think she/he still lives here” is asked every time you click on a family member on the family tree, and the Ambassadors are later described as “a bunch of people who don’t live here anymore”.

The music on Poppy’s cassette to Freya is the music room theme with the piano isolated. It corrupts right where it loops.

Each of the four tunes for the harp puzzle are four musical motifs found in the Tangle Tower soundtrack.

The Opened Letter is Hawkshaw's shade of red.

133 hours is indeed 5 and a half days if you round down.

Penny’s room contains detective novels, romance novels, and romantic detective novels. This makes all of Sally and Hawkshaw’s interactions feel intentionally coded.

Freya spent most of Hawkshaw’s investigation of her room looking up at the sky. Likely didn’t want to look the physical manifestation of her worst nightmare in the eyes.

“More so than at any moment prior, I felt like quite an intruder in the house.” A line from Hawkshaw, later echoed by Penny.

“Three brightly colored birds in a heavy, ornate cage.” This incredibly loaded metaphor comes back several times.

In the aviary, there’s a writing desk with a page torn from the middle. This is the paper Penny used for the “NOW I’LL GET HER” note.

Penny is such a lonely character, and I think what really brings this home is when her own *goddamn uncle* doesn’t recognize her as the detective he hired. like, holy shit.

The way Penny refers to Hawkshaw (unsavory, said nasty things about her appearance) and how Hawkshaw refers to Penny (immature 27 year old) is very telling of her internal conflict.

Because this is an open point and click game, you need to be able to do things in any order, which means that you can have some bombshell revelations (like Percival hiring Hawkshaw or Hawkshaw looking for the golden beetle) less than 20 minutes in the game.

The Mysterious Girl’s theme ends up being used as Freya's theme in Tangle Tower.

The dusty violin in the music room sends the impression that a missing resident used to play it. My hunch is Primrose.

Penny remembers Poppy, Fitz, and Fifi standing next to each other in the crime scene, while Poppy remembers her and Fifi investigating Freya’s corpse when Penny shows up.

Poppy says who the killer is in her poems.

Poppy mentions Freya seeing “beneath our pond” in her poem to her. Freya did do that.

Sally’s comment about being a murder suspect “falling short” is an obvious reference to SotS.

Poppy can tell when someone’s touched the piano and Fitz can tell when someone’s touched the greenhouse.

Percival claims to be unconcerned with petty drama, as above it all as the stars - but he is not an astronomer, and is knees deep in family drama.

Flora specifically had a falling out with her brother and sister, who later ended up being Ambassadors. Flora’s attachment to the Inkdip likely caused the conflict with her siblings.

The sheet music is nearly accurate to what Poppy plays - however, she carries a few notes too long.

The eye on the floor of Poppy's room is the same eye can be seen on the ceiling of flora’s tower.

Each of the library shelves are worth investigating. Birds, nature, space, insects, geography, and ancient history are all elements of Tangle Tower and the interests of its residents.

Felix leaves out a very crucial part of the DNA mutation cycle - “the animals eat the plants”, but then the humans eat the animals.

In the relationship chart in Fifi’s room, the only person with two arrows pointing to them is Percival. Those two arrows lead back to Penny and Hawkshaw.

Fifi’s room is one of the original rooms in Mystid Manor, hence the glass chandeliers - it wasn’t built specifically for her, so it doesn’t suit her tastes.

Primrose was a floriculturist, likely the source for Poppy's interest in flowers.

“What happened to all the non-ordinary [birds]?” “That… is a very good question.” Grimoire theorizes the Inkdip flew away instead of dying, perhaps some mass event caused the birds to leave?

When shown the painting, Penny describes it as “overbearing”, which lines up with her opinions on Hawkshaw when asked.

When examining Flora’s tower from Pointer’s telescope, it’s noted that her tower is above the rooftop garden. Given that the “NOW I’LL GET HER” letter is forged, it’s possible that it was used to obfuscate the yellow feather.

Penelope says in her confession that she planted the blood to give Poppy and Freya something to fixate on. This means she somehow acquired a pot’s worth of blood.

In Fifi’s notes about the suspects, Penny’s dislikes are noted to be insects.

Felix says Tangle Tower was built by “Lord Remington and his… associates”, implying that he knows about the Ambassadors.

When shown the birds in the cage, Felix says “I’m sure they could leave if they wanted to.” This is indicative of how little he understands Fifi’s plight.

Felix mentions Boggy on the harp statue being “part of the Remington family history”. This leads me to believe that Richard and Primrose are the ones who thought up the Ambassadors.

Grimoire’s smirk when asked about the feet of the horn statue is a nod to Boggy’s feet being a key plot point in SotS.

Nearly every time Hawkshaw does something that contradicts her strict detective persona, it is a lie.

One of the key points of Freya’s character is the supernatural - her ghost gives us the Soulbearer toy, and she has a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy with Hawkshaw and the painting in red.

Any of the cracked items (paints, gramophone, or cassette tape) can be presented in the Machinations of Murder sequence when Grimoire asks for physical signs of breakage. Fun little game design thing.

Penny asking to have her hands tied is probably a result of her love for detective novels. The good guys always tie up the bad guys.

Penny describes Freya as “being possessed by a great energy to create something from nothing”. This is alchemy, and alchemy is referred to many times in the story.

Penny mentions her father, Buck Brackley, being one of the Ambassadors. Buck Brackley was also present in the original concept art of the Ambassadors. In her speech, the fifth ambassador is Buck and not Lord Fellow, but this contradicts the Ambassadors portrait. This is likely a development oversight.

Percival got the beetle in the post. Perhaps this mysterious sender will show up in the next game…

“Specifically… what you’d done to them - when they refused to help you.” This line implies that Penny killed the five Ambassadors. However, we know that Echo was responsible for Richard Remington’s death, so this may be a retcon or an uncorrected misconception.

Fifi's two chalkboards, the clipboard found in the greenhouse, the papers in the basement laboratory, and the menu screen all have the same set of mysterious symbols. This could be a greater unsolved puzzle, or just set dressing.

#long post #tangle tower #detective grimoire #today i learned tumblr has a character limit. i guess i just got shit to say about this game

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the-martyrfication-of-the-matron · 3 months

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Sorry if you already have a post on this or smthn! But I’m really curious as to why Aph would cannabalize people in MyS? And also is this a trait that’s in ur MCD rewrite? 👁️👁️

Can u maybe plz ramble about this bc I love the concept and I’m curious

(idk how coherent this is it was 1:30 when i wrote it and i haven't reread it lmao)

TW: Cannibalism, auto-cannibalism, sacrifices, blood magic etc

okay

mmhm i can do that! i do have like 800 posts about cannibalism, but i don't think i've spoken much about it in my MyS rewrite.

Okay, basically, all of the aphverse series are somehow connected in my rewrite. Aside from maybe MID since it's set on earth… but like, MCD, MyS, A Royal Tale, Mermaid Tales, etc, all connected somehow. Every version of Aph is a reincarnation of eachother, aside from MCD Aph, who is a slightly more complicated case.

BASICALLY, Irene is an asshole. She had a lot of power, which she gained through sketchy means, and used in the form of sketchy magic. Particularly, she used a lot of blood magic, which was the form of magic which predated even her and Shad. It's a particularly taxing form of magic, and it requires a lot of sacrifice (literally). Blood magic requires blood sacrifices, and lots of them, which Irene was lucky to have from so many many people, giving her a lot of freedom with her usage of it. However, specific sacrifices held a certain… magical value. Due to the emotional aspect of human sacrifice, it was the form that gave the most power. All that to say, with all the magic that Irene had left after the war, she decided to pulverise herself completely. She knew that she couldn't die properly, as a god, but she could destroy every speck of her physical form (save her heart, which remained intact).

However, from the immortal pool of gore and viscera left behind by her death, Avra (my version of Aphmau) was born. This would be fine, if not for the fact that blood magic was what bound Avra into form (an SK got hurt moving through the temple, and the blood landing upon the stone did count as a sacrifice, even if accidental). This melded blood magic into her very being. The only other relevant occasion where blood magic is melded into someone is THE SHADOW KNIGHT TRANSFORMATION PROCESS. And that is complicated bc technically the SK is the sacrifice… its weird, Sks are weird. ANYWAYS, my point is that force-joining a living entity with blood magic causes them to have a very, very strong desire to consume juicy, juicy meat. For Sks, this often manifests in the form of craving the meat of the creatures they fear eating the most (Sks who have a fear of rats will want to eat rats, Sks who have a strong moral compass will want to eat people). However, as Avra's body was constructed from the immortal blood of a goddess who received a whole lot of human sacrifices, wow she now craves human meat (especially human hearts) above all else. who is surprised? but she will settle on others. This is because creatures of blood magic do not oft receive sacrifices, and so have developed to instead hunger for meat, and such, gaining their power from consuming the hearts of their prey.

This hunger is given many names. The Calling, The Hunt, it's a whole thing. It's all-consuming, and painful, and Avra struggles with it often.

ONTO MYS, this hunger carried over through reincarnations. I've made the small decision, pre-poll completion, that her first displays of cannibalistic qualities happened when she was young. She would bite other children often, and chew very aggressively at the skin of her fingers, and inside her mouth, and such. Her fingers are scarred from this, and she keeps her nails short bc the longer they are, the easier they are to tear off with her teeth. that said, she likely wouldn't actually eat anyone until much later on, even though she would frequently have intrusive thoughts about doing so throughout her life.

other characters who are Blood-Bound will also experience some displays of auto-cannibalism, biting tendencies, extreme love of meat, etc, though most are not as severe as Avra. They were merely transformed with blood magic, she was born with it connecting her every fibre.

#aphmau #aphverse #aphblr #tw cannibalism #tw auto-cannibalism #tw sacrifice

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trans-wojak · 7 months

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Cool so if misandrist anon gets to be a hateful bitch to all men do i get my get out of jail free misogynist card? I've been sexually harrassed as a 10 year old by both, but men were forced to apologize to me by other men and women, while if i was harassed by women, they thought they did absolutely nothing wrong even though i felt way more violated. I was only ever groped by women in my whole entire life. It heavily affected how my sexual orientation manifests (my attraction to women can be uncomfortable because of fear of them breaching my boundaries and treating it as an innocent joke). Men are always friendly and speak kindly to me at work but women keep taking out their anger from home at me. My boss is completely ostracised by women at work because she (yes, my boss is a woman! And her boss is a woman too!) reminds them of company policies when they get ridiculous with their demands, like wanting to have double break time compared to other departments and do no extra work to make up for it. We have one other man in the department and they keep emotionally manipulating him into working second shift in the evenings week after week because they don't want to do it, despite it being literally part of their job to be on rotation for the second shift (he shouldn't be doing this because it breaks worker safety laws).

Radfems are so fucking stupid it's unreal

Literally, like I’m technically bisexual but I have a preference for men. But I also find it’s just too hard to date women, I always constantly got put down for the same behaviours THEY do (being open about attraction and talking openly about sex). One time when I lived in shared housing, it was predominantly with women and we had music videos playing. A chick appeared wearing short shorts and I said “hell yeah” - I immediately got attacked by the girls in the room, along with my ex girlfriend trying to tell me I don’t need to be a womaniser to “act like a cis man” to be a man. While those same women would sit around discussing in detail how much they love big cocks, eating ass and licking out pussy.

I’ve been groped by a woman before, and when I tried to tell people in the friend group they told me it was my own fault for not speaking up when it happened and she didn’t really mean it. But if a man did that, they would have called him a violent rapist. Like, I wasn’t even trying to get her to be “cancelled” I’m pretty sure some of it was a misunderstanding cause I went into freeze mode but when I told her about it, she blew me off and tried to say if I don’t speak up it’s my own fault.

Also, whenever I rejected sexual advances from ex girlfriends cause I wasn’t in the mood they would start accusing me of not thinking they’re pretty/hot and I’m like no I just don’t feel like it. I wasn’t given any gentle affection, it always was assumed I wanted sexual intercourse if I was affectionate when really I just wanted to cuddle.

I swear some women will use the fact they have kids to get out of doing their part at work. It’s one thing for people to be courteous and help out but to basically force others to take all the “bad” shifts is so frustrating. Especially when these days, both parents work. And women are allowed to be verbally aggressive and no one thinks is wrong, but if a guy does it everyone acts like it’s the same as physical violence. Whereas for me, I see it the same way. At the share house, one of the women and me got into an argument. She started yelling, screaming and throwing things. I told her let’s stop please, this is scaring me. She started laughing at me and got even MORE aggressive. Like I had to threaten to call the police to get her to stop.

I try very hard to be conscious, I’m on the spectrum and at times I don’t realise the volume of my voice. Especially when I feel strong emotions. When women have told me it’s making them uncomfortable, I ask why (cause I don’t realise my voice volume) and they accuse me of pretending to not know.

Being an autistic man is harder than an autistic woman. Autistic women are seen as cute, quirky and shown sympathy for mishaps in social interactions. People assume the best intentions from them. But autistic men are seen as creepy and full of ill motives. My life was easier when I was a girl cause no one treated me with all these rigid boxes. Now I’m treated as a fucking creep automatically.

I see women as people and people can be crappy. They aren’t special. They shouldn’t be granted special treatment just for being a woman.

#personal #thanks anon!#just ranting #sorry for the rant #tw sa mention

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ljdoublecc · 9 months

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Carrying Baskets

Milium x Reader:

I hummed as I walked through my home city, Rimuru. I smiled and occasionally waved at the other monsters that acknowledged me. I readjusted my hands on the basket of picked fruits because they were losing grip.

'I need to ask for a new basket soon,' I thought staring for a brief moment at the loose straw seems, 'It is getting too worn out especially nowadays.'

"Oh (Y/N)!" I heard a bubbly and cheerful shout behind me.

My head rotated 90 degrees to discover the one calling me. I smiled a little with a short sigh recognizing the pink-haired, blue-eyed, demon lord herself. She was running with those huge aqua eyes and an all-too-sweet smile. I turned my head forward as she approached me and I resumed walking. She caught up to me not too soon after.

"Hello, Milium," I greeted her when she was walking beside me, "How are you today?"

From the corner of my eye, I watched her pout, "Rimuru wouldn't give me a treat for doing a great job!"

"Really?" I was thrown off guard at her statement, "Why wouldn't he give you a treat for your hard work?"

She huffed, clearly frustrated, "These humans were picking on one of my besties' subordinates and tried to hurt him so I hurt them back."

I could feel the sweat-drop manifest itself on my forehead. I should have known that it was her own doing that she didn't get a treat rather than the Great Rimuru being cruel.

"Well, it was--no, is a rule to not mess with humans. You should have scared them not hurt them. They can cause heaps of trouble later." I said sternly.

"You sound just like my bestie," Milium cried.

I stayed silent for a bit. I felt cold when she said that. Do I sound like her bestie? Can we not bring up that I am like him? I am not like anybody but me. Don't talk about this or that reminding you of the guy that I am in a rivalry with for your affection. Pushing that aside I need to raise her spirits.

"Here," I tossed her one of the fruits in the basket.

I heard her fumble a bit to catch it but she did. She didn't even ask me why, she just devoured it. Thankfully, there were no seeds for her to accidentally swallow.

"Hm! Delicious!" She raved.

My lips' corners rose up at the compliment. Then it was back to silence between us as we walked. My eyes were focused in front but the bricked road was replaced by the demon lord and forced me to halt. I stared at her happy face in question, quietly asking her why she had stopped me.

"I'm going to help you carry the basket," she beamed ripping the basket from my hands and running off with it. I also watched with horror as some of the fruits flew out the basket!

"Wait, Milium! Please slow down!" I chased after her while also catching any falling fruits.

All she did was laugh and continue running. It must have amused the others too because her laughter wasn't the only one I heard. She probably didn't even know where to go.

"Milium, please slow down or you'll hurt yourself!" I exclaimed fumbling with the fruits in my arms while running.

Too bad my warning was a little late. I heard her scream in surprise and saw her fall backward. Time felt slower as I discarded all the fruits in my arms and lunged for her. My arms wrapped around her waist, tugging her to my chest to prevent her from hitting the ground. Unfortunately, the momentum and force of her falling on me caused us both to hit the ground but at least I was her cushion. After that, the world resumed at normal speed.

I groaned sitting up with her in my lap, "Are you okay, Milium?"

"Yeah," she murmured.

"Oi, are you both okay?" I heard Rimuru say.

"Yeah! We're both fine!" I called back getting up with Milium in my arms.

"Are you okay, Rigurd?" Rimuru asked, who I'm guessing is the one Milium ran into. When Rimuru affirmed that he was fine, he turned to us, "What happened?"

We had already separated from the embrace but I wish we hadn't. I shouldn't think of that right now. Milium was already being punished for fighting today, I can't let her get into any more trouble.

"It was my fault, Great Rimuru," I bowed my head, "I asked Milium to help me take these in and when I noticed we were running late I forced her to run faster. She got distracted because I was telling her to go even faster. Please forgive me, Great Rimuru. And most importantly of all, please forgive me for forcing you to do my work, Milium."

It was quiet, too quiet. I was worried he saw right through me. Please forgive me for lying, Great Rimuru! I picked up on a sigh.

"Alright, as long as you are all okay then it's all good but you are still picking all this mess up, and be careful next time." Came his response.

"Yes, sir. Right away, sir." I got on my knees to pick everything up.

I heard footsteps walk away from me and I let a sigh of relief out. I'm glad he didn't get mad and that he believed me.

"(Y/N)," I registered Milium's voice, "Why did you do that?"

"You didn't deserve another punishment when it wasn't your fault. I should have carried my own basket," I stated throwing her a grin then got back to work, "Now, go enjoy the rest of your day."

A few moments passed before she too walked away.

"Oh no," I frowned holding the unwoven straw that was once my basket, "This is what happens when you complain about a few seems."

I sighed, now having to find a way to carry all the fruits.

****Late afternoon****

"Finally!" I huffed.

It took me an hour to gather all the fruits because they got scattered all over Rimuru but now it was done.

"Now all I need to do is carry them," I dreaded.

There were so many! Just as I was about to roll up my sleeves and just do it I heard an ahem behind me. I turned to see a sight. Milium holding a basket similar to the old one but newer and she was blushing.

"Here, this is for taking the blame. Even if it was my fault," she spoke, "I'm also going to help you this time."

I was confused at first but then I grinned at her, "I would love that. Thank you."

She blushed more as she came to sit beside me. We sat very close, our thighs touched, but I didn't mind. We gathered the fruits in comforting silence.

#that time i got reincarnated as a slime #Milium X Reader #Milium

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