I fed myself and cleaned myself and watched a little dropout tv. I cried when I needed to and was as gentle with myself as I could be. I guess I’ll figure out some other last ditch effort to survive tomorrow. I just can’t believe how bad I feel and there doesn’t seem to be any change or comfort on the horizon. But mostly I need to remember not to eat tomorrow. I finally go in for my 3 month blood work. I know it is fasting but it sure would have been helpful to be given some instructions with my appointment reminder because I have never done this before and all I have to go on is a vague rushed conversation from 3 months ago. Free shrugs. I googled general guidelines for fasting bloodwork.
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So, without getting too deeply into it. There has been a medical emergency with a family member. They had to be admitted, and I didn’t get home until 4:30 AM. Didn’t get to sleep until 5:30 at least.
I am just exhausted. I have an assignment due today.
Things suck right now. There’s so many things going on and it’s all happening at once.
I know things will get better, but damn.
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My favourite part of MDZS is how cool Wei Wuxian is.
Like, we don’t talk enough about how cool he is. He performs Empathy three times. His ability to use a flute is so powerful, the song doesn’t even have to sound good for it to work. He brought a dead guy back to life (kinda sorta).
But especially, I love how Wei Wuxian treats ghosts and corpses! Wei Wuxian just hangs out with corpses, for FUN!! He scares away low-level corpses just by existing! He hears the voices of the dead to the point that he can’t enter a place too full of resentment without getting a headache from the constant chatter.
I also really like the Extra where Wei Wuxian is just like “Well, the ghost will go away when he’s done screaming. I’m not worried about it.” And he just leaves a screaming ghost at some guy’s house so the ghost can move on peacefully (as peacefully as is possible when one moves on by screaming).
I love all of this so much because Wei Wuxian is constantly saying that people have too high of expectations of him. Xue Yang telling him to put Xiao Xingchen’s soul back together is just one example of this. Someone will tell Wei Wuxian to do something and he’ll be like “How powerful do you think I am?!” And it’s like… Wei Wuxian, you spent six hours hanging onto a cursed sword in the Xuanwu’s mouth, you survived three months in the Burial Mounds and then returned to make it into a semi-livable place, you killed at least a thousand people that one time, and you came back from the dead, just to name a few.
Wei Wuxian is so strong. He’s so cool. He is terrifying. He is unstoppable and unflappable if only because he gets over his embarrassment in about fifteen seconds! He just rolls with it! He rolls with anything that happens! He remains Shocked and Apalled by Lan Zhan’s behaviour for all of five minutes before basically going “lol okay”! He told Lan Zhan that he wanted to sleep with him in front of Lan Xichen, Jin Ling, a handful of Jin disciples, and the literal bad guy of the novel!!!
(I’ll never get over that scene. It is so funny.
WWX: “I need to say something, it can’t wait.”
JGY: “Then just say it right now as you are.” (Referring to the fact that Wei Wuxian has a wire wrapped around his throat that can kill him in seconds)
WWX: “Good point! Lan Zhan, we should’ve fucked.”
This scene is so fucking funny, I will absolutely never get over it)
I love powerful protagonists and honestly, Wei Wuxian is at the top of the list when it comes to overpowered protagonists. The only thing that phases him is dogs, and even then, he himself admits that he can get used to their presence as long as they aren’t barking.
TLDR: Wei Wuxian is so powerful and I totally get why Lan Zhan fell for him.
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currently thinking about Satan in nightbringer vs in the original
thinking about how in nightbringer he's always outside HoL when he wants to be alone since the others are always in the library + they keep chaining him to his bed, so he most likely doesn't feel safe in his own room to begin with
how Asmo keeps trying to invade his personal space (asking to do his hair, nails etc.) and doesn't take the hint, and how Lucifer casted a spell on Satan so he physically could not leave his side for a while, and how he's never really allowed the time to properly work through his emotions
that dinner party where the others all started talking about the Celestial Realm until Satan eventually stormed off
the way he describes being in their presence as torture and refuses to see them as his brothers, yet he's instantly calm around MC because they treat him decently
how the others kept complaining over how the demons of the Devildom were treating them-how they were discriminated against because they're fallen angels-yet they keep on treating Satan, the only full-fledged demon of HoL, like some feral animal that has to be put down in two days
currently thinking about how the very first thing we learn about Satan in the original is that he masks his emotions
him saying that he loves to go on walks alone and how he gets to meet all kinds of different people that way
thinking about how he's usually in the library instead of his room
when they were all up in the human world and the other brothers were outside stargazing, meanwhile Satan stayed inside. And when asked about it by Lucifer, he claimed it was because he wanted to read before offhandedly mentioning that they're reminiscing about the Celestial Realm and he won't understand any of it anyway
he now gets along better with all of his brothers and yet, when the two of them got lost once, he told MC that there's no need to worry, because his brothers would come looking for them, making it a point to add that they wouldn't search for him
that time Satan ran away to the human world and Levi, Asmo (arguably the two brothers closest to him) and MC came to bring him back. How he started getting angry at one of their questions, so they opted for running away instead of even attempting to comfort him in any way
how his first response after Lucifer told him to leave HoL was to actually pack his things; how he was fully intent on leaving, and how when MC comes to check on him, he instantly tells them that his brothers would never stop him from leaving, that they think it's funny
the way he seemed genuienly surprised when MC accepted after he asked them out to the dance, and then admitting he actually thought that they wouldn't want to go with him
MC being his main source for comfort, and Satan even calling them his sanctuary. How before MC it was books and cats; his room being filled to the brim with books, to the point it's become a safety hazard, and him always carrying cat treats with him
currently thinking about how Satan's first instict whenever he gets angry is to isolate himself, if possible even lock himself up in his room for days on end and how his brothers don't seem to pay it much attention (Levi once said that they already had a shut-in, they don't need another one). And how he doesn't even necessarily need to give into his wrath, how simply getting worked up over something someone else said is enough for him to isolate himself
also thinking about the whole idea of 'you become the person that would have saved you when you were younger' and how Satan in the og game is literally so full of love and very kind, patient and compassionate when given the chance to fully be himself
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