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raaorqtpbpdy · 6 months

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Okay I’m thriving on all the Marie/Jordan posting, it is absolutely deserved, they’re amazing together, but I wish there was a little more love for Emma/Sam too because “I don’t remember you, but I do believe you” fucking broke me.

Imagine you’ve spent years questioning reality, surrounded by people who constantly remind you that you can’t believe your own eyes. You finally meet someone outside of that group and you’re convinced she’s a hallucination, except she passes your test, and she’s sweet, and she laughs at your jokes even though you have a really off-beat sense of humor, and she matches it, and you love her like you’ve never loved anyone. And she promises to stay with you after everyone else you’ve ever loved has abandoned you, whether intentionally or not. And then you start to freak out and you know your scaring her, because she’s seen you rip people apart with your bare hands, but she’s not running. She’s not even trying to make you calm down or be rational or stop. Instead she asks “How can I help you?” She wants to help you. And you run. And she saves you. She stops you from doing something you’ll regret. She’s the first one who’s done that without violating your mind.

And then she loses all her memories of you. She looks at you without an ounce of recognition, and you think you’ve lost her, even if you swear to get her her memories back. And you’re alone again, and you’re hallucinating. You’re hallucinating her. You can’t trust reality. You can’t trust yourself. You can’t believe what you see or hear or touch. Then she comes back again, but this time she’s real and you ask if she remembers you and she says no. “I don’t remember you, but I do believe you.”

I can’t even, okay, I’m losing my mind over here.

#gen v #sam riordan #emma myers #gen v spoilers #I could do a whole post from Emma’s side too #the way they both effortlessly validated and comforted each other #the way she broke her promise to her mom and got big for the first time in years just to save him #the way he only got the courage to leave because of her #the way they talk to each other and care for each other and naturally click #the way she went to find him based on a t-shirt and a half-remembered conversation even when she had no idea who he was #I can’t okay I just can’t #I’ve seen people talk about the ‘i don’t remember you but I do believe you line’#but no one has brought up ‘how can I help you’#which hit me SO hard ngl #anyway #I’m normal I’m normal about them (lying)

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friendrat · 16 days

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The problem with the church today is that so many "Christians" do not actually believe in redemption.

#unironically christian #i say this because of all the people who make comments about people's testimony #like saying they don't believe that only fans girl who was saved and baptized was really saved #like... reading through the comments it becomes clear that the “Christians” don't actually accept her #like... my brother in Christ... your good deeds are as worthy as my used pad #that is straight up in the bible #you are not better than her and you do not deserve redemption more than her #her salvation is between her and God #and yes... you say that time will reveal her fruit and you are correct #but guess what #ananias was called to extend a hand to paul *before* his fruit showed #and he was a frigging serial killer who was out for ananias's blood the week before #you do not get to pick and choose which converts you get to except #you are not God and thank heavens for it because if you were we would all be doomed #*deep breath*#i am just so sick of this... farse... that Christianity has become #Christians need a wake up call #oh! and and when you act like its impossible to accept that she could be saved you belittle God's power #you call into question Jesus's blood and it's ability to cleanse and if that is false your salvation is worthless!#also also you go against the things clearly written in the Bible while wearing the title of Christian #which means you are misrepresenting God's nature and intentions which means you are breaking the command to not take the lord's name in vain #wow... i thought i was done at the deep breath... guess not😅#rat rants

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cerise-on-top · 2 months

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Hiiii how are you doing love bug? I wanted to request something where farah notices spouse readers anxiety is high while there out at a celebration party thingy after a successful mission and helps them calm down

(Sorry if this is badly explained it’s my first time requesting something + I have adhd🫶🏻🫶🏻)

Hello! Don't worry, I got you! I hope this is what you wanted! I don't particularly know how to calm someone down, I can't even calm myself down usually, so I just swallow it all down until it goes away ^^;

Farah Senses Reader’s Anxiety

She would likely sense your anxiety as soon as she looked at you. Your eyes were wider open than usual, you’ve gone quiet, giving the occasional nod and smile and that’s it. Something was up, Farah knew you well enough by then to be able to tell. Yes, she may have been a highly coveted person at parties like these, but she could always make time for you, even while she was in the middle of a conversation with someone. As soon as you don’t seem to be doing well, don’t seem to be having fun anymore, she’ll take you somewhere quieter so she can talk to you and maybe help you calm down a bit.

Truth be told, Farah won’t particularly know what to do with you. Sure, she gets anxious at times as well, she leads an entire force, after all, but she usually calms herself down by taking a deep breath and sweeping all those negative thoughts under the rug. While it would be ridiculous to assume the same thing would work for you, she tries anyway. She may be good at building connections with other people, but she doesn’t particularly know how to calm someone down from severe anxiety. However, she will take your hands gently in hers, if you allow it, and will talk to you in the most tender tone you’ve ever heard from her. Her voice is audible still, but quieter than usual and she requests that you try to tune out everything else and only listen to her. While she won’t know what to say, she tries, talking about anything that comes to mind. The small lizard she saw on her way to the party, how she once was able to pet a bunny when she was small. Nice things that would take your mind off of the party. You will be leaving it soon enough, naturally, but before then, you need to calm down first.

If her distracting you doesn’t help, then she’ll try to breathe with you, gently asking you to breathe in, hold your breath for a few seconds, before breathing out again. This will be repeated a few times. If that doesn’t work either, then she will try the 54321 method. Granted, she doesn’t exactly know how it works and will mess it up. But who knows, maybe that will get you to laugh. Farah asks you to tell her what you’re seeing, hearing, feeling and so on and tries to crack jokes here and there to maybe get you to smile. Her attempt at distracting you from your anxiety still hasn’t ceased. Talks you through it all. However, if that doesn’t help either, then she’ll ask you what the source of your anxiety may be. If it’s the party then you’ll be going home immediately. Or, at the very least, get away from it as far as you can. If it’s something else then she’ll still try to help you somehow, reassuring you that she’ll do whatever she can to assist you. If it’s alright with you, then, after the party, you’ll go stargazing together. The vastness of the universe has always helped her calm down, and maybe she can tell you some stories she’s heard about the different constellations as well. Either way, she’ll be taking care of you as well as she can during the evening, until you calm down. And then you’ll be cuddling the night away, if you’re calm enough to want to be touched. Farah will hold you to her chest, hum a little lullaby and run her fingers through your hair.

#cod #cod x reader #farah karim #farah karim x reader #I don't really have to say much today either #except I probably have to get surgery soon enough to which I say boo #I'll have to go on sick leave again soon and I really don't wanna but it can't be helped #but that has time until after I've gotten my driver's license #Farah is a real sweetheart. she tries her hardest even if she doesn't know whether or not she will succeed #you're one of the most important people in her life so naturally she'll do what she can to make sure you're doing well #if a hug is what usually helps you then she will hug you don't worry. but anxious people don't always like that so I didn't write it #again Farah just distracts herself whenever she gets anxious. although she doesn't get as anxious anymore as she used #her anxiety used to be far worse when she was a kid but she's got it handled these days

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nhaneh · 2 months

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Miqo'March 13, Colour

The most challenging aspect of the photo-aether-ographic tomestone had been a question of colour - how to best depict the many shades and nuances in a way that made sense even to eyes that no longer saw light, but aether.

(bonus larger shot of the image they're looking at below the cut!)

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dykeinthedark · 10 days

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venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me #like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes #and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her.#but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style #like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting #like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core)#but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to #which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own #it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke.#like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch #but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to???#everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those)#i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way #what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian #like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me #i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women''#which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively #people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation #but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc #(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either #bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme #idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love)#i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance #even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do #that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes #like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it??#even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses??#that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger???#and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16 #because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem

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bookwyrminspiration · 1 year

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ELYSIAN BIG NATURALS! (might need to turn up your brightness)

I shouldn’t be allowed to have procreate

(disclaimer: this is all a joke, and if you're uncomfortable, block the tag "elysian big naturals". If that's not enough, talk to me! I have anons on and would love to help solve the problem.)

#kotlc #stellarlune spoilers #elysian big naturals #kinda nsft #quil's quill #(added a disclaimer because i am well aware my fintan drawing was the extreme one last time and I do not want an incident)#i put more effort into this than I should've #also i know we don't know if elysian has light skin I just wanted her chest to pop against everything else. that's the only reason #that her skin is light #anyway! stellarlune huh?#can't believe at the end there the clap of her big naturals kept making people gender her :/#i'm writing tags to stall posting this because i don't know what to do with myself #tw caps

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puppyeared · 9 months

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footnotes arent enough I need you to talk to me like im fucking Amelia Bedelia

#this isn’t about anything in particular btw. I just have to add a lot of memos when I’m doing things because some things are done a certain #way and it isn’t explained well in the instructions. like my mom has instructions on her baking recipes right #but when it says stuff like add dry ingredients to wet ingredients it also means you don’t dump it in one go you add it slowly by portion #this is probably why I find videos and demonstrations the most helpful when I learn something. like I almost always ask someone to show me #how they do it because there could be something they do that’s already second nature and wouldn’t really be considered in an explanation yk #I don’t think I’m an exception either. when the rice is done cooking I divide it into 4 quarters to bless it #but there are a million ways to divide rice and it makes me think that one persons way of doing it or not doing it all is just as valid #theres also technically no wrong way to divide rice afaik. this means either all ways of dividing rice is safe or valid until we find some #universally terrible way of dividing rice. until that happens nobody really thinks about specifying HOW you divide the rice #source: I have anxiety starting and doing things for the first time because I got way too many people yell at me NONONO WHAT ARE YOU DOING #THATS WRONG while I’m in the middle of doing the thing. I would rather have people think I’m either very stupid or overly specific #than go thru the panic inducing fear of ‘YOURE DOING THIS WRONG OMG WHY DIDNT YOU ASK AHEAD OF TIME THIS WILL BE FUCKED UP FOREVER’ 🧍#nothing wrong if you don’t give something a second thought because you’re so used to it. but I can and will ask about it and I don’t think I #really should feel bad about it if I don’t know enough to dispute it. idk #the other way around I try to be as specific as possible and word things in a way that people who might not get where I’m coming from will #understand. but the problem with that is my explanations tend to be lengthy and I lose them either way 🗿#Im. trying to work on that using examples and stuff because they seem to work the best #but if I could write everything down on a word doc and beam it into your melon that would save both of us time and embarassment #im rambling the short version is I have adhd #yapping

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impossibledial · 6 months

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you hate clara in series 7? not a clara stan.

you hate clara in series 8? not a clara stan.

you hate clara in series 9? not a clara stan.

you think clara’s farewell in hell bent is bad? not a clara stan.

in conclusion, if you can’t take the time to understand her arc then you are not a clara stan.

#clara oswald #yes i’m gatekeeping #the transition from series 7 to 8 is a bit wobbly because of matt smith leaving when a plan for another series with him was being considered #but clara is still clara.#clara in series 7 has just begun travelling with the doctor. clara in series 8 is experienced in travelling with him.#that’s the difference.#and as for clara being a lot more bubbly in series 7 #she admits that’s a way of masking her bossy control freak nature in time of the doctor #AND SHES STILL VERY BUBBLY AND CUTE AND CURIOUS IN SERIES 8 #okay this isnt well thought out so excuse any typos or over dramatic use of words but #i’m tired of people acting like clara’s character did a complete 180 after series 7 when she’s still very much the same in my eyes #that’s not to say i have no problems with the transition from series 7 to 8 but that’s nothing to do with clara’s personality #i’m just disappointed we didn’t get to see her family as much and i think that’s one of my issues with danny.#i like his character but i think some scenes with him would have been better if they had been with clara’s family instead #okay i’m rambling i’ll stop now.

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elizabethrobertajones · 6 months

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Started trying to put together a lightning charges build for Karlach and ended up obsessed with the non binary gnomish inventor who broke up with Lenore who owned the arcane tower and the whole thing ended in tragedy, and after I read all the tooltips and letters associated with them I'm just sitting here like... ooof.

Yrre - Baldur's Gate 3 Wiki (bg3.wiki)

I ended up looking Lenore up because when you go in the tower and look at the book on the first floor Gale's like "Hurr blurr man with impeccable taste in literature" just assuming the wizard is a man, so I looked up Lenore because I could have sworn Blurg told us she was a cleric and we'd know who owned the tower from that, and then I realised that the wizard stuff was probably all Yrre's and they are the wizard in question, dating a cleric of Mystra, so actually Gale isn't just being presumptuous about wizards being men, he's also misgendering my new favourite character... Anyway gonna push him off the tower*

*lying about that because this is alas the Gale origin run I have been poking at to get Tara's POV on things and all my games further up the storyline are suffering hilarious but impractical bugs so I'm just exploring and learning more about the sides of the story and now I'm down a rabbit hole. Bulette hole. Lenore kept the bulette as her pet. I guess after her dog died she got really really weird.

#bg3 #bg3 spoilers #this playthrough has me wondering if Elminster once also explored Mystra's body #and this is something that he and Gale deliberately have never talked about ever #thinking about this cleric of Mystra (and how on my game with my brother he re-specced Gale to one after the tower)#has me really feeling the 'Mystra is one of the more dangerous gods out here' vibes again #since she definitely seems to be waaay too interested in her wizards #and they all end up very very weird people #like do wizards just naturally get the Wizard Hubris because of the magic #or does the Wizard Hubris get fostered by Mystra #and perfectly normal non-wizard powerful spellcasters just statistically are more stable and less Hubris-y #simply because Mystra is not always around you in the Weave bothering you to impress her #like if Wyll is as aware of Mizora when he eldritch blasts at least he's full-body shuddering and doing the ethical maths on it each time #you know???#there is a mad sorcerer in the sewers in the city but he has understandable circumstances and rather less Hubris

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raspberryjellybrains · 11 months

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its been a billion years since I posted anything meaningful about mcga but I'm thinking about Alex helping Magnus with clothes.

I think Blitzen would love to help style Magnus, but I think he might accidentally end up being a bit overbearing, albeit with good intentions. He wants to help, but would probably end up tripping over his own fashion opinions more often than not, and Magnus would want to make his friend happy too much to actually voice his own opinions consistently. But Alex would understand that identity through fashion is something slow to be discovered on your own. It's not instant, it's a slow process of trying things and finding out what makes you feel good physically and emotionally. You can't pressure a person finding their own style, especially someone who's never had much room to do so and will likely feel guilty about making that room. She's gone through the process, and she'd probably be more than happy to help someone with it too.

I'm thinking about them going around to different stores and finding that Magnus likes second hand and low-end boutique stuff more than anything. Alex letting him onto her etsy account and buying his first piece of jewelry, taking him around to all of her favorite stores where she's greeted as a friend. Yeah, they could do all this in Valhalla, but where's the fun in that?

I think Magnus would like earth tones and dark, muted colors. He would avoid synthetic materials for their unnaturally soft textures and blue would make rare appearances. Alex would parade him around in his first pair of White Guy Khaki Shorts in five years, glowing with a silly sort of pride and Magnus feeling something kindle back to life in his chest at a growing collection or flannels, just like his mom. I'm imagining Magnus learning what it's like to live with his body, rather than despite it, and feel comfortable with himself in his surroundings for the first time since he was a little kid, taking a hike in the woods. And I'm thinking of Alex holding his hand the whole time.

#feeling sooooo sos normal rn #and i dont mean to make this post and trample the people who feel clothing has no bearing on their comfort or self perception #i just want to talk about how much it can mean to someone trying to find who they really are and come to terms with that person #and when i say style i dont mean aesthetic or fashion. i simply mean personal preferences for comfort and look (if that matters)#your personal style can literally be cheap graphic tees and basketball shorts and if that makes you happy then have fun!! live your truth!!#this is just me noting that magnus seems to almost intentionally avoid clothes except to mention discomfort and i think he should get a #happier relationship with his outer appearance than he has especially considering the royal fuckery thats happened with his bodily autonomy #and confidence within the context of the series #i might be crazy and projecting but i just want to give him something kind. as a treat.#and alex does seem to enjoy sharing her passions with those she cares about!! its quality time without any kind of social expectations #regarding the nature of their attachment. she can just spend time with someone she likes doing something she likes no strings attached.#im sure its qlso fun to gently heckle things throughout the process with someone whos gonna just nod along 💀#im thinking way too hard about this #but im gonna hit post and know. i am still thinking.#magnus chase #alex fierro #mcga #mcga headcannon #raspberry rambles

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flowerflamestars · 5 months

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(Part two)

2nd there’s Feyre’s sisters, who she loves dearly but doesn’t know if she likes all that much. Nesta HUGS her. Nesta breaks Cassian’s nose. Elain STABS Azriel. They know about the war. They know about Valeris. They hatehateHATE their father with a ferocity she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t understand why titled nonsense matters. They don’t like Rhys so they must still hate faeries (the problem can’t be RHYS so it must be faeries. Never mind that Elain is perfectly fine having tea and small talk with Cassian and Azriel and, you know, the whole Lucien Thing).

She doesn’t understand why they’re so angry she wrote to the queens. It’s important that they talk to the queens. Don’t her sisters understand that? The queens will meet with them. Why wouldn’t they? Feyre was human and understands humans. The queens will understand how important this meeting is. (Never mind what the laws about consorting with faeries are. Never mind that Feyre knows absolutely nothing about the political climate of the Human Lands.) Rhys will protect them from anything anyway (and there’s absolutely no reason Elain needs to MARRY LUCIEN).

But her sisters give her the cold shoulder for a few days. Elain eventually forgives her enough to take her on a tour of their new house. Feyre tries to be interested in the life her sisters have built (even if she doesn’t understand it) and ask about tapestries and things. Then Elain opens a set of doors to some of the most beautiful perfect rooms she’s ever imagined and the ART STUDIO and the paints and the windows and then Elain says it’s all hers. The sisters she loves but doesn’t know if she likes built a place in their new home for her even knowing she might never be coming back (like they were hoping she’d come back). And they still say it’s hers, even though she’s a faerie now and they hate faeries (never mind how easily Elain talks about wards and blood magic and the Lucien Thing).

Then there’s a wardrobe full of dead birds on the front lawn and Nesta and Elain are even more furious. Then Nesta is shouting and Rhys is telling her to back off and then all of a sudden Elain IS HOLDING CASSIN’S KNIFE TO RHYS’S THROAT, like he’s a threat and she tries reassure her that Rhys would never hurt Nesta and he would protect them from whatever was happening, they can trust him. Everything is happening so fast and Cassian says he called a legion.

She doesn’t really understand what’s happening but she knows Rhys will make it better. Right?

(End babble)

Right EXACTLY

So, when writing Feyre I always end thinking about how...SJM really doesn't know how to write believable siblings, actually? Feyre has a lot of that youngest sister brattiness hiding in her, but she's also possessive of people in a way that feels...like she maybe never had siblings at all? She doesn't really like her sisters, even if she mostly loves them, but they matter because they're HERS

(please picture here Feyre wrecking peoples lives like a toddler stomping on sandcastles)

And that carries through! She's so surprised when they show any sign of their personalities!

To Feyre, I think, having money again was just supposed to wipe away any pre-existing issues within the family. Obviously, this does remove the biggest stressor in their lives. But in comfort (if not necessarily safety, Feyre, bringing FAERIES TO THEIR HOUSE, FEYRE), all those festering things still exist.

Their dad? Still the worst. Their childhoods? Still fucking trash. The entirety of sexist society? Still, in fact, an issue.

And like the money, Feyre applies the same minimizing logic to magic. To transformation. To the Night Court.

Her death? Doesn't matter because she lived, never mind that she never bothered to tell her sisters that until she needed something. Fae historically kill and own humans? No, NOT HER FAE. The war? Won't touch her sisters because Rhys won't let it. The Queens? Will just talk to her...because she was a human?

She doesn't understand what's happening but she mostly thinks she does.

She also wholly believes Rhys will fix things, Morrigan will lighten up the situation and get along with Nesta (lol), the Queens of multiple countries will just...believe some random letter in the post and show up to a provincial manor to meet a High Lord of Prythian everyone says is a monster, and oh yeah, trust him.

I don't think it's even a spoiler to reveal that the Archeron sisters relationship is complicated, and frankly, about to get a lot worse.

#Feyre yelling in the back of her head for days: SHE DOESN'T NEED TO MARRY LUCIEN!#LUCIEN?!#LUCIEN #if Feyre's fatal flaw is anything it's that she's so young she has not yet learned to see things from literally anyone elses pov #and like Nesta is the most stubborn person alive #so naturally just.#will not LISTEN #Archeron stubbornness also about to be a cataclysmic plot point frankly #Elain standing in front of her big hot husband in a pink lace dress: WHO THE FUCK SAYS I CAN'T KILL PEOPLE? huh RHYSAND? HUH?#Archeron most likely to kill: Elain #Archeron most likely to destroy someones entire life on purpose: Nesta with time #Archeron most likely to do both by accident: Feyre #Babes she's not an idiot but SHE IS in over her head taking really bad advice about shit she knows nothing about to start with #effloresce meta

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aroaessidhe · 10 months

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2023 reads // twitter thread

Love Letters For Joy

YA contemporary Cyrano de Bergerac retelling

an ace girl with cerebral palsy who’s determined to be valedictorian, with only her academic rival to beat

when her friends start pairing up, she starts to wonder if she wants something like that, and emails the anonymous romance advice email going around her school

#Love Letters For Joy #aroaessidhe 2023 reads #hm.#the good: so many disabled characters!#main boy has asthma; side characters in wheelchairs and two others incidentally with CP;#and like every other character is wearing glasses #(which tbh. is probably just a normal amount of disability i any given group of people but how often do you see that much in a book lmao)#(I also just noticed the BG characters on the cover too)#but it is very…….doesn’t really explore anything in depth and also the drama got pretty comical at the end?#i forgot it was the CDB retelling.#feel like it should have taken the concept and then ran with the natural possibilities for the characters instead of trying to stick to tha #no more YA where the secret anonymous person keeps their identity secret for no reasonable reason and it only causes problems pls #near the end the dude is outed to his parents and kicked out. and like holy shit it does not explore that in depth??#one of her ‘friends’ is in love with her and after kissing her without consent goes on this aphobic tirade and becomes like a comical vilai #neither of those things are handled very well #also just little things like joy tells her friends that over the course of the book she’s realised she’s pan -#which was not mentioned a single time in her internal narration. there's tons of that kind of thing. telling not showing.#asexual books #while she mentions she's ace a lot she doesn't talk about specific experiences a lot #(which is not an issue but damn i wish it would have done that with Something in the book)

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softshuji · 4 months

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y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.

#i was thinking abt it earlier #but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why #actually i do kinda know why.#i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me #earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject #too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i #was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often #especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d #everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just #cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even #consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural #but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other #peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something #something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they #move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less #sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can #always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response #and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone #it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything #not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i #feel like im not actually being heard or listened to #and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you'#or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore #god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it #for everyone else all the time #is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say #this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice #god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover #and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel #like they actually like me

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arklay · 1 year

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tagged by @leviiackrman to fill this out for some of my ocs, however, i did add a lot more options to it – thank you so so much jess! ♡

tagging: @aartyom @aceghosts @aelyosos @brujah @calenhads @cultistbase @denerims @faarkas @florbelles @girlbosselrond @indorilnerevarine @jillvalcntines @lightwardens @morvaris @narshadda @nocticulas @nuclearstorms @prometheas @qverida @reaperkiller @risingsh0t @shadowglens @shellibisshe @snowthroat @solasan @steelport @stormveils @swordcoasts @voerman @wrymbloods & anyone else who'd like to do this! as always, there's no pressure! ♡

OC APPEARANCE SURVERY.

BODY

Long legs. Average legs. Short legs. Slender thighs. Thick thighs. Muscular thighs. Slender arms. Soft arms. Muscular arms. Lean arms. Toned stomach. Flat stomach. Ample stomach. Soft stomach. Six-pack. Beer belly. Lean frame. Muscular frame. Beefy frame. Curvy frame. Voluptuous frame. Petite frame. Lanky frame. Short nails. Long nails. Manicured nails. Acrylic nails. Dirty nails. Small breast. Average breast. Big breast. Flat ass. Toned ass. Bubble butt. Thick ass. Small waist. Straight waist. Thick waist. Narrow hips. Average hips. Wide hips. Big feet. Average feet. Small feet. Soft feet. Slender feet. Calloused hands. Soft hands. Big hands. Average hands. Small hands. Long fingers. Average fingers. Short fingers. Narrow shoulders. Average shoulders. Broad shoulders.

HEIGHT

Shorter than 140 cm. 140-150 cm. 151 cm to 160 cm. 161 cm to 170 cm. 171 cm to 180 cm. 181 cm to 190 cm. 191 cm to 2 m. Taller than 2 m.

SKIN

Light. Tanned. Brown. Dark. Rosy. Neutral. Olive. Golden. Pallid. Blotchy. Albinism. Vitiligo. Birthmarks. Freckles. Moles. Wrinkles. Stretch marks. Scars. Burns. Acne. Smooth. Dry. Oily. Combination.

EYES

Small. Large. Average. Dark brown. Light brown. Hazel. Green. Blue. Grey. Violet. Gold. Other. Heterochromia. Doe-eyed. Close-set. Wide-set. Deep-set. Protruding. Narrow. Monolid. Almond. Round. Heavy eyelids. Upturned. Downturned.

HAIR

Thin. Thick. Fine. Average. Oily. Dry. Neutral. Soft. Shiny. Curly. Frizzy. Wild. Unruly. Smooth. Straight. Wavy. Cropped. Pixie-cut. Bob. Mullet. Mohawk. Half-shaved. Under cut. Buzz cut. Shaved. Bald. Hair extensions. Weave. Afro. Waves. Dreadlocks. Box braids. Braids. Twists. Faux locs. Jaw length. Shoulder length. Armpit length. Mid-back length. Waist length. Hip length. Past hip-length. Middle part. Side part. Blunt bangs. Curtain bangs. Wispy bangs. Short bangs. Side bangs. Dyed bangs. Ombre. Dyed. Grey. White. Platinum. Platinum blonde. Golden blonde. Dirty blonde. Blonde. Strawberry blonde. Ginger. Red. Auburn. Light brown. Mouse brown. Chestnut brown. Caramel brown. Chocolate brown. Dark brown. Black. Jet black. Clean shaven. Stubble. Sideburns. Moustache. Goatee. Beard. Thin eyebrows. Average eyebrows. Thick eyebrows. Plucked eyebrows.

TATTOOS/PIERCINGS

Full sleeve. Half sleeve. Forearm tattoo. Wrist tattoo. Hand tattoo(s). Ankle tattoo. Calf tattoo. Thigh tattoo. Hip tattoo. Neck tattoo. Chest tattoo. Rib tattoo(s). Back tattoo. Shoulder blade tattoo. Face tattoo(s). One tattoo. A few here and there. Multiple. No tattoos. Nose piercing. Septum. Nipple piercing(s). Genital piercing(s). Prince Albert piercing. Industrial piercing. Helix piercing. Tragus piercing. Conch piercing. Earlobe piercings. Stretched out ears. Eyebrow piercing(s). Bridge piercing. Tongue piercing(s). Monroe piercing. Angel bites. Snake bites. Labret. Navel piercing. Inverse navel piercing. Cheek piercing(s). Smiley. Nape piercing(s). No piercings.

COSMETICS

Eyeliner. Light eyeliner. Heavy eyeliner. Cat eyes. Mascara. Fake eyelashes. Light eyeshadow. Neutral eyeshadow. Smoky eyes. Colourful eyeshadow. Matte lipstick. Regular lipstick. Lipgloss. Lip liner. Lip balm. Red lips. Pink lips. Neutral lips. Dark lips. Colourful lips. Bronzer. Highlighter. Blush. Light contouring. Heavy contouring. Powder. Matte foundation. Dewy foundation. Concealer. BB cream/tinted moisturiser. Wears make-up regularly. Wears it from time to time. Rarely wears make-up.

SCENT

Floral. Herbal. Earthy. Fruity. Fresh. Perfumes. Aftershave. Cocoa. Moisturiser. Shampoo. Cigarettes. Leather. Sweat. Food. Incense. Marijuana. Cologne. Whiskey. Wine. Fried food. Blood. Fire. Metal. Rain.

CLOTHES

Jeans. Tight pants. Cigarette pants. Cargo pants. Khaki pants. Harem pants. Sweatpants. Yoga pants. Leggings. Tights. Stockings. Overknee socks. Pencil skirt. Tight skirt. Loose skirt. Ballerina skirt. Long skirt. Miniskirt. Maxidress. Sundress. T-shirt/Sweater dress. Tight/Form-fitting dress. High slit dress/skirt. Cocktail dress. Gowns. Tuxedo. Suit. Tie. Waistcoat. Sweater vest. Sweater. Hoodie. Leather jacket. Denim jacket. Bomber jacket. Parka. Peacoat. Trench coat. Cardigans. Tunic. Turtleneck. Blouse. Button up shirt. Cuban shirt. Flannel shirt. Polo shirt. Camisole. Bustier. Tube top. Crop top. Tank top. Muscle T-shirt. T-shirt. Band T-shirt. Sports T-shirt. Basketball shorts. Pleated shorts. Jean shorts. Hotpants. Bodysuit. Jumpsuit. Overalls. Corset. Nightgowns. Robes. Lingerie. Bra. Sports bra. G-string. Thong. Panties. Briefs. Boxer briefs. Boxers. Loose clothing. Tight clothing. Revealing clothing. Designer. High street. Thrift. Patterns. Florals. Polka dots. Stripes. Sequins. Cotton. Linen. Silk. Lace. Leather. Velvet. Fur/Faux fur. Light colours. Pastels. Neon colours. Bright colours. Dark colours. White. Black. Heavy armour. Medium armour. Light armour.

SHOES

Bare feet. Slippers. Sandals. Gladiator shoes. Flats. Slip-ons. Loafers. Oxfords. Sneakers. High tops. Ankle boots. Hiking boots. Combat boots. Cowboy boots. Knee-high. Platforms. Wedges. Stilettos. Chunky. Kitten heels. Slingbacks. Pumps. High Heels. Stripper heels.

BODY

HEIGHT

Shorter than 140 cm. 140-150 cm. 151 cm to 160 cm. 161 cm to 170 cm. 171 cm to 180 cm. 181 cm to 190 cm. 191 cm to 2 m. Taller than 2 m.

SKIN

EYES

HAIR

TATTOOS/PIERCINGS

COSMETICS

SCENT

CLOTHES

SHOES

#tag games.#oc: diana #oc: reina #tw: body image #hi um i added A LOT to this to just include more (especially masc options) as well as just fix the ordering of some things cause it was #doing my head in <3 but yeah!! this is fun and i love seeing like styles and such so i wanted it to be a bit more detailed!!#i also changed a few adjectives because one specifically under skin made me recoil :) case of leah being oversensitive but still #also i did reina's hair naturally but she does straighten it and put treatments in it and such so like it's all over the place. it's #straight and wavy sometimes but just like... naturally it's curly okay? same with the parts lmao it depends what's she's doing #also fun fact with reina's piercings as well. those are the ones she currently has but she also briefly had a monroe for a few months at #one point and she had her belly button done for a while until rosa came along. but a lot of her piercings she's had to get re-pierced a few #times. gestures vaguely at the coma. you know how it is? got blown up and everything. anyways.#if i missed anyone i am so sorry i was tagging so many people my brain literally lost track of wtf i was doing but please tag me!!!#and if you've already done this then just ignore me <3

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