Trevor’s Body (fic)
I wrote a little bit of a different ending for Thursday’s episode. Spoilers. Starts with Jay POV and goes to Trevor’s POV as he deals with his death.
AO3
***
Trevor’s Body
Despite understanding exactly why Trevor and Sam are so gung-ho about getting Trevor’s parents back together, Jay still can’t help thinking that it’s a bad idea as he makes breakfast the next morning. He and Sam had actually argued about it since she seemed to think that he didn't understand why it was so important to both of them.
Hence, why he’s up early, having not really slept. He doesn’t like to disagree with Sam, it reminds him of the event that started this mess and the reason that no matter how much he loves their eight idiot kids he has a very difficult and different life to the life he imagined with Sam when they got married. Sometimes, he wonders if it wouldn’t be better if they’d never inherited the house, but then again, they have given some closure to the ghosts and their families... which is good, even if they also come up with hair-brained schemes to get their parents together.
Why do you hate me?
The question rings out in the air of the kitchen, causing him to jump about a mile. “What the fuck, No Pants?!”
Why do you hate me?
Given that Trevor is clearly wants an answer to his question, Jay sighs, “I don’t hate you. Why would you think that?”
Besides the obvious?
Jay frowns, “If this is about your hair-brained scheme, I’m not rejecting the idea because I hate you because I don’t hate you – you’re one of our eight idiot kids – I love you as much as I love all of the ghosts (even if you annoy me sometimes) –, but I don’t think you’re considering the repercussions of trying to get them back together.”
Eight idiot kids?
“You’re going to ignore the rest?”
Yes. It’s just – I was the cause of their divorce - well, my death. And it’s bad enough that they didn’t know that I died and why I suddenly went missing. But for that to cause them to split up - I just feel responsible for getting them back together.
“You are not the cause of their divorce – there’s obviously other factors at play here, divorce isn’t something that is caused by one thing.”
Even if it was just a factor, what if it was the one factor that pushed things over the edge?
Jay wishes he could actually see Trevor for this conversation but settles for giving him a soft look in the direction of the iPad. “Look, T-dog, I understand your impulse, but you have to think about what they want. Okay, so your plot for the perfect date worked out and they got back together last night - how long is that going to last back in New Jersey? Do you think that one night is enough to make things last when it ended twenty years ago? Twenty years is a long time.”
Look, I get what you’re saying - really, I do. I just - maybe they didn’t divorce because of me. Maybe I should be thinking of them rather than myself, but I don’t have a lot here and I just want to see them be happy. Don’t you understand how hard it is to be so close and so far at the same time? I mean, it was just heartbreaking to hear them talk about not knowing where I was or what happened to me and they went through that because I was a dumbass – because I trusted my bros, who turned around and threw me in the lake. I just...
Jay sighs, he can see now what Sam says about Trevor being like a kicked puppy. He sounds like a kicked puppy and Jay can’t even hear his voice or see him. “Okay, alright. I can see this means a lot to you and I did make that special dinner you asked for for them because as I said I do love you, and I still don’t get how you knew that. I don’t know that kind of information about my parents, but I want you to promise me that that’s it – if they wake up this morning and decide that was it, one final hoorah, you let it go, capiche?”
I know it’s weird. It’s just I always loved hearing the stories about it. I always wanted a relationship like theirs and instead, I wasted the only time I had to find that. Then to find out that they divorced... but I promise that I won’t do anything else – it helps that it appears to have worked, and I am sorry if it’s been making you and Sam fight - I just had to try at least and I couldn’t have done it without either of you.
“I’m sorry, bro. I am. Sometimes, I think I forget how much it must suck to realize that the world kept turning in a world that you’re only partially a part of,” Jay states. “A world that you can barely interact with and a world that your family is still a part of – unlike the others, you’re one of the few whose family is still around.”
He really does feel bad for Trevor now. It’d been just like Bela had said at Christmas that he really was a good guy underneath all that false douchey frat bro stuff. That maybe he’d judged the surface rather than get to know him despite living with him for the last year and a half. Not that Trevor made it easy, but Jay could’ve tried harder.
Yeah. Not easy.
Before either of them could speak again, a new voice speaks. “What - what was that?”
It is Trevor’s mother. She’s staring at the iPad very concerned and confused, but before Jay could even think to ask what she’s talking about and pretending that he hadn’t just had an entire conversation with her ghost son, the iPad speaks again.
Hi, mom. It’s Trevor.
Jay throws his hands in the air in frustration as he sees Esther looking very confused, but oddly accepting. “This is why I called you one of our idiot kids.”
“I - I don’t understand.”
“Well, it’s kind of a long story, you see apparently about five percent of people stay behind as ghosts, and you don’t see them, but we - my wife and I - know about them because Trevor was playing around with his power, which is to touch things, and knocked over a vase. Sam fell down the stairs and was technically dead for three minutes and when she woke up, she could see ghosts,” Jay states. “Including your son.”
I just happen to be one here at the estate. I was here partying with my ... friends and it made my heart explode. Since we were doing drugs, they didn’t call an ambulance and instead threw me in the lake - I didn’t know for a long time. Only when Ari showed up at the mansion last year did I find out what they did. I was rather distracted by suddenly being a ghost to know what happened – Sass told me when we heard Ari being all suspicious during the visit.
“Why haven’t you written to us if you’ve had this ability the whole time?” Esther asks, entering the room and moving by the iPad where they are both assuming Trevor is standing.
Given that Trevor’s been the one to encourage interaction with Pete’s family and Flower’s brother, Jay can’t help wondering this himself.
Well, I - I guess I was afraid to reach out... besides, what I was I going to say - hi mom, I’m the ghost of your dead son, maybe you should visit the B&B sometime?
“What is going on here?” Sam asks, jarring their attention to the doorway.
It’s quiet for a minute until... Jay and I were talking, and my mom overheard so ... now she knows.
Sam looks very stunned, so Jay offers, “We weren’t really thinking about being overheard, and it just makes more sense to tell the truth.” He pauses and turns to Esther, “And now, I’m sure that you’d like some time alone with your son. If you’d like, you can take the iPad into another room... I’d offer this room, but I’m cooking so...”
Esther smiles. “Yes, I’d like that.”
***
Getting to talk to his parents had not been something he had ever expected, but he was far more thrilled with that than getting them together for what would definitely be one last time. His mother had explained that they had been on the verge of divorce since he’d been a preteen since his father was always busy with work and wandering eyes (clearly he inherited some bad traits from his dad) and only stayed together until he and his brother had left the house (only Jeremy never left) and they decided to divorce once Trevor went missing.
Knowing that it really had nothing to do with him or his death had helped him a lot. He just wants them to be happy, and his mother assured him that as long as they could talk now, they’d be happy.
After their talk, they had the memorial before they packed up to leave.
Seeing them leave was not as hard as he thought it would be since he would be able to talk to them whenever he wanted, but it still hurts a little bit. It hurts that he couldn’t hug them goodbye. It hurts knowing that he might never properly see them, again. It hurts knowing that they’ll move on with their lives (even if they should). It just… hurts realizing that he couldn’t go with them, no matter how much he wishes he could. He didn’t want to watch them drive away – he wanted to be in the car with them, pretending that this this was all a bad dream.
But it wasn’t a dream. He was dead – he’d be buried soon and that was it.
Deciding that he needs some space to deal with the overwhelming emotions coursing through him, he goes for a walk by the lake. The place that had been his watery grave (only he didn’t know it) for so long. Now, it isn’t. They would bury him in New Jersey when they arrived home.
He can feel a sense of closure but loss as well. He still can’t believe they spent twenty years not knowing anything about what happened to him, at least now they knew.
He wishes that he hadn’t let them down because whether or not they think it, he feels it. He let them down by dying stupidly and trusting the wrong people with his life. He let them down by not reaching out and even though they have closure now, he’s sure that they’d rather he’d not be stuck as a ghost.
It’s just so much that he’s dealing with right now, so much that he doesn’t want to deal with.
“Trevor?” A voice calls to his left.
He turns and sees Sam standing there. “Hi, Sam.”
“I just wanted to check on you,” Sam says, offering him a soft smile.
“I’m fine,” Trevor lies. He didn’t know if he was fine exactly, but he didn’t want to worry her. He knows that she and Jay had fought a bit over the parent trap situation, and he feels guilty about it. He doesn’t want to cause problems for them because they might actually be the one couple that could be aspired to.
“It hasn’t been an easy couple of days for you – I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now and…”
“You don’t have to worry about me, Sam,” Trevor states, sincerely. “Despite Jay saying that I’m one of your idiot kids, you don’t have to babysit me. But I do appreciate you trying to help me this weekend, even though it caused you and Jay to fight. I didn’t want you guys to fight.”
Sam chuckles. “We weren’t fighting about you – exactly. It’s more that I tend to go a little crazy when it comes to situations like your parents or …”
“Or Bela and Eric?” Trevor offers. He should’ve figured that after how crazy she’d been over the holidays that she was really crazy about romance ideals.
“Yes, them, too,” Sam admits. “I think it’s because my parents divorced when I was young enough to keep hoping that every time there was an event that they could’ve gotten back together at and kept being let down.” She pauses. “You’d think I’d be a little less idealistic instead, but all I want is to make people happy.”
Trevor gives her a small smile that he knows probably doesn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah, I could see that.”
“And you don’t really look very happy…”
“I told you that I’m fine.”
“Really? Considering how things have been last month or so, I’d be surprised if you actually were fine.”
Trevor shakes his head. Yeah, it had been a rough month or so – almost getting to be with Bela, the entire situation with Hetty, and now the situation with his parents and death. He had a lot more going on than he ever believed possible, but he’ll figure out – he’s got an endless amount of time.
“Alright, you’re right. I’m not doing great, but to be honest, I think I just need some time to figure things out on my own.”
Sam nods. “I get that – I just wanted you to know that if you ever wanted to talk, Jay and I are here for you.” She smiles, “Because you’re one of our idiot kids.”
Trevor laughs. “Thanks, Sam, I appreciate that and thank Jay for me – he, uh, was actually helping a lot this morning before my mom interrupted.”
“I will.”
***
When he finally heads back inside, he doesn’t go to his room that he shares with Thor. Choosing instead to go his old room since there weren’t any guests and it would give him a chance to not have to talk to anyone as he really didn’t want to talk. He just wanted to cuddle with someone and pretend that everything was fine – and maybe it will be, but he knows that’s not to be as no one usually likes cuddling with him.
He makes it to his old room only to see Hetty standing by the window. “Hetty, I’m not in the mood to argue with you –”
“I’m not here to argue with you, Trevor,” Hetty states as she moves towards him. She’s so quick that he can’t manage to ask what she is there for before he suddenly finds himself being hugged by don’t-you-dare-touch-me Hetty.
He doesn’t react at first, but as she tightens her arms around him, he finds himself melting into her arms. It’s exactly what he’d been craving – just someone to hold him. He’s just surprised it’s Hetty.
Not that he minds.
He closes his eyes and just enjoys the feeling, especially as Hetty runs one hand through his hair. It feels good, surprisingly comforting and he’s not sure how long they stand there before they both loosen their grips although not letting go completely. He brushes under his eyes (because even though he can’t cry, he can still feel as though he has been crying).
He clears his throat. “Uh, thanks.”
“I am – not – the best at being comforting, Trevor, but is there something that I can do that would make you feel better?” Hetty offers.
“Honestly, I don’t want to ask anything of you that you wouldn’t want to give – I know cuddling isn’t really your thing and that’s all I really want right now.”
Hetty smiles at him and grabs his hand before leading him to the bed. “One might be surprised how much cuddling I could enjoy.”
“Really?” Trevor asks as she gestures for him to lay down.
“Yes, really. I have recently discovered that I am more than okay with it,” Hetty states as he lays down and offers his arm, so that she can cuddle into him.
As she cuddles into him, despite feeling content, he can’t help asking, “Why are you doing this – for me?”
“Trevor, we all care for you, but after our little dalliance, I find myself caring for you quite a bit differently than I imagine the others would care for you. I wanted to be the one to be there for you, but I do not know how to be that person.”
Trevor smiles, softly. “Well, I think you’re taking a step in the right direction. Just being here – like this and silently supporting me through my parents visit. Although I never want to hear about you watching them ever again. Maybe if you want – we could just say what we need and it’s okay if one of us doesn’t want to do whatever it is.”
“I believe that is acceptable.”
“Good – then, let’s just … relax here for a while – maybe fall asleep.”
“As you wish, Trevor.”
It’s quite for a few minutes as Trevor realizes just how comforting it is to have someone so close after so long and for it be Hetty after the last few weeks means more to him than he can say.
“Hetty?”
“Yes, Trevor.”
“Thank you for being here.”
“Of course, Trevor. Always.”
Trevor smiles. “Always, I like the sound of that.”
“Good.”
And just like that, he feels a lot better and can put this whole messy last month behind him, and hopefully onto a better future. Only time would tell.
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