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pinkseas · 2 years

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for the ask game!

The Egg did this to you, you know. You hate it more than anything. You want to tear it to shreds, want to watch it bleed and wither and rot into nothingness. You want to dig your way to its core and settle yourself in its warmth, to infect it from the inside out and watch it shrivel and die around you. You want to make it hurt the way that it hurt you.

But you miss it, too. You hate it more than anything and you miss it, even though you know you shouldn't, even though it makes you feel sick, disgusting, ashamed. What kind of person loves the thing that killed them? What kind of person loves the thing that hurt so many people?

The Egg loved you at the same time that it made you unworthy of love. It gave you a purpose, a home, at the same time that it made sure you wouldn't belong anywhere other than by its side again.

You want to rip it open and crawl inside of it and never feel cold again. You want to tear it apart with your bare hands. You want to sink your teeth into its flesh and consume it until the hole it left inside of you has been filled. You want to hear it scream. You want to let it rot your heart until there's nothing left of you. You want to eat it alive. You want bloodvines to wrap around your throat and drag you back into the earth. Do you want to kill it, or do you want it to kill you? The line blurs, and blurs, and blurs.

Not that it matters. It's already dead, and you think you are too.

ANONNNNNNNNNN god this scene was so. it was so. it was very Interesting to write this is one of the ones where half the time i look back and im like "god i love that for me" and half the time i look back and im like "what the Fuck"

okay, so, heres the thing. i see a LOT of symbolism and potential with the egg, shit like addiction and dependency and especially abuse. and that aspect is what i was really trying to highlight here. i wanted to express how difficult the aftermath of a heavily dependent, abusive relationship is- feeling like it shaped you yet wanting nothing to do with it, wondering if you know how to exist without it, feeling like you owe it everything and like it killed you all at once.

and those feelings get intense. whether one way or another they can get VERY extreme, which is a lot of what that first (and second to last) paragraph is, trying to highlight how vicious those thoughts are. "You want to dig your way to its core and settle yourself in its warmth, to infect it from the inside out and watch it shrivel and die around you." is pretty much exactly what the next sentence says it is- its how i picture what the eggpire feels the egg did to it, seeping into their very being and rotting them from the inside out.

but yeah this entire excerpt altogether was done to highlight the conflicting love and hate that comes during/after abusive relationships like that.

#mmmmmm putting this in the tags bc i am a COWARD!!!!!!#but most of this scene i was thinking about my own experience with relationships like that #i actually ended up telling my therapist about this fic and talking to her a lot about it #because writing it brought a certain level of emotional catharsis #ive almost ENTIRELY processed all of my own shit in terms of everything that happened and im largely passed it #past it* oops #but i see a lot of what happened with me personally in what happened with the egg and the eggpire #so writing this was like. a way to express that?#with obviously the first chapter focusing a lot on those darker thoughts and the isolation and the spiral #and the second focusing SO heavily on the healing because thats the aspect thats the most important to me #the second chapter was NOT based on my own experience emotionally but it was so fucking enjoyable to just. idk.#write people who'd gone through the same shit experiencing different consequences and struggling with different aspects #all coming together to help each other and themselves in the aftermath #the ONLY thing i know about the second chapter is that someone liked my skeppy headcanon i have no idea if it was good or not #idk how my characterization was if it was alright or garbage or swapped between the two #and that makes me really nervous but at the same time #it was so enjoyable to write that healing process that even when i DO get nervous about it i cant entirely bring myself to care #i sort of automatically seek external validation but at the end of the day i wrote this fic entirely for myself #and ill always be really happy with that fact #I GOT SO OFF TOPIC but yeah so a lot of those extreme thoughts were like #me drawing from my own experience and my own more extreme and vicious thoughts. and my own extreme and more vicious love #things that are very thankfully years past me now but that i still remember pretty clearly

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dumb-fictionkin-sideblog · 2 months

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This is meant to be informational, all of this is /info

I'm not sure if you know this but hyper-empathic people with autism aren't ableist for not liking people with narcissistic personality disorder. Yet, a lot of people who do have that type of autism (which is rare yet more common in the biologically female genome side of it), can spot people with narcissistic personality disorder very easily. This is because of common phrases which in turn make them feel unsafe. This may impact the autistic person negatively, and MAY cause long-term PTSD (C-PTSD for Complex PTSD), but that does NOT make the person with NPD an abuser. Its common for those with hyper-empathy to feel unsafe around people with NPD because they are two polar opposites of intentions on the spectrum and often get mistaken for each other by strangers. Like its common for you to immediately tell if someone is homophobic or not, its also common for people with NPD and people with HE autism to recognize each other even if those without it can't tell them apart easily. Its a common fear response and nothing more. The best thing you can do if someone seems to think that Narcissistic abuse is real and has HE autism is to tell them to talk or see a therapist, or at the very least to look up information online from credible sources. (Of course, its also good to deliver this gently as they will be defensive.) TLDR; HE autism and NPD recognize each other and don't get along well but that doesn't make it abuse or ableism. /info

This is ! a lot of great info that... does not contradict any of what I have ever said, so I'm not sure why you felt like you needed to say it (or even less why you felt like you needed to put big ol' info tone tags all around it as if it was going to be offensive)

(Guessing you're referring to that post where I said "narcissistic abuse isn't a thing and not every single person with autism is hyper-empathic")

It does sound, uh, strange to me that someone just existing would cause PTSD in another person, but I've never claimed to be an expert. Also seeing the points you're making I do think ASPD could be grouped with NPD in this as well (yknow, because of the low empathy and all) — but when I say "narcissistic abuse" doesn't exist I'm strictly talking about the term. Of course people with NPD can be abusers. People with ASD can also be abusers, but we don't call that "autistic abuse" because it'd be stupid.

I get the point with the fact that they can recognize each other more easily, but uh, no, I can't identify whether someone's homophobic or not without asking them. People have been wrong. Like, it happens a lot. You can't... say that it's a reliable way to identify someone with NPD/HE autism. Literally yesterday I had a friend at my house who has HE autism and we ended up talking about this exact topic because they called themselves a "victim of narcissistic abuse" and I nearly had a fucking stroke. When I told them I had low empathy, which happened years ago to be fair, they were surprised.

I'm very easily triggered by what you call "common NPD phrases" (if I understood that right, and if did then I'm assuming you mean something that sounds manipulative, which.... moving on) to the point that it's something I have to discuss with pretty much everyone I know because it always comes up at some point and I get triggered by something completely innocent. It's a really big problem for me. But I am far from being uncomfortable around people with NPD (or people who just have low empathy for that matter), usually because they tend to be very honest with me the moment I open up about having low empathy (usually in a "oh thank God I don't have to keep masking around you" way). I tend to feel more unsafe around hyper-empathic people, not because of "common phrases" or anything, but because I've heard them say so much shit about people like me that it's become automatic to feel wary of them (see: my best IRL friend telling me they're a "victim of narcissistic abuse" after I've already opened up to them about my own empathy issues; trying to listen to a podcast my friend is in and getting hit with a "yeah I'm a decent human being, I've got fucking empathy"; trying to explain to someone that people with ASPD aren't all serial killers and being met with "some things deserve to be demonized ❤"; etc etc.).

For these reasons I do not believe that HE autistic people feeling unsafe around people with low empathy or NPD isn't at least partially for ableist reasons, whether conscious or not. Feel free to prove me wrong, it'd be great.

#sunny #tw ableism #(for the mention. i dont think any of xhat you said was ableist in nature)#this is sad because it's generally something i like to talk about. im glad you were at least coming to me in good faith though #had an... experience a while ago talking to someone who explained that 'no no psychopathy in cognitive science is totally different-#-from the outdated term for aspd and its not linked to aspd at all! its a completely different thing!'#only for me to look it up and go on a .gov website and the first review of several studies that i see had a big intoductory disclamer #basically saying 'umm we're not sure because according to our MRIs what we have identified as psychopathy in the brain would-#-be more common than not having it with like over half of our evaluated population... but it could just be high IQ we didnt check :)'#im kind of losing faith in people who dont have low empathy just because they want 'psychopathy' to eb a thing so bad #i'd already lost faith in the field of psychiatry but. they want to separate good and bad people so bad. they want low empathy to be bad.#again im no expert but if you start your paper with 'we did this with only MRIs and the MRIs didnt have the results we want them to-#-so we're choosing to ignore it and pretend we're right anyway in this vague idea of a thing existing'... i'm not gonna believe you #just way you think people with low empathy are ~different~ and ~bad people~ but dont try to make a science paper out of it #im tired of people pretending the concept of bad people even exists and choosing that it's low/no empathy people actually.#--i do want to say that its completely valid to just feel uncomfortable around certain people for any reason at all #like we dont /have/ to all likr each other. thats not how humans work socially. some people just dont go very well together #but you cant convince me that saying ''i dont like people with this mental disorder because they make me feel unsafe'' isn't ableist at all #ask #anon

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softcells · 28 days

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Its insane seeing teenagers. Yes even 18 and 19 year olds. Posting about some of the most taboo edgeplay sadomasochism that clearly is some twisted combination maladaptive response to not loving themself and society glorifying sexual violence. And then when older adults, especially young adults who are simultaneously older than them but close enough in age to really remember and relate to this stage of life and sexuality, telling them that its unhealthy, its not progressive or counter culture, and that even in the most kink positive places people that actually do and simulate the things youre talking about do so in incredibly private enviorments and are typically 30+. Even then I wont say I personally find it morally right, but its behind closed doors, and its usually people sober enough with age and experience in BDSM that theres not much a point in stopping them. Theyve made their choice, and are grown enough that to each their own hecause ultimately edgeplay has and will always happen. I dont think creating spaces that encourage riskier and riskier play are healthy, but banning these practices pushes people who are dead set to do the extreme away from the safety of community and peer review.

But you? a 19 year old? who more than likely doesnt have a real life kink scene they engage with, running a public blog where you create feedback loops in your mind sexualizing deep trauma and abuse all while allowing strangers to eg you on and get off to your maladjustments, are not one in the same with that one insane couple that suffocates each other with plastic bags once a year at a privage dungeon you have to pay a member fee to be a part of. No. Youre ruining your relationship to sex, encouraging a rape culture, and feeding into the worst parts of society. You will one day wake up miserable that the only way you can cum is completely debasing yourself for anyone thats willing to take advantage of you. You will regret not having gentle first kisses and vanilla serious relationships. And ironically? You will never even experience healthy, safe, deeply caring and consensual kink, because youre behaving as an immature dirtbag whose legal adulthood validates pursuing the extreme, adrenaline, and the vapid attentions of those who do not love you and wont hold you in submission of body and mind. You wont ever know those relationships via the lense of kink because what youre doing is simulating abuse under the guise of fetish.

The way young people engage with online fetish rp and community reminds me of all the anorexia groups and blogs I used to be a part of. Everyones choosing to be sick, its okay that we all encourage each other all day long, its okay that we have rewritten how we view the world in pursuit of self harm. And truthfully whats most devastating is it all comes from the same sad miserable place in your heart and mind that decided if you amd the world cannot love you: let the body starve. Or in your cause let it be violated.

This message hardly goes out to my regular followers but I hope it reaches one young person with a public rape fetish and wakes you up. Start over tomorrow. Find out what it is like to be loved sweetly before you experiemnt with domination and submission. Allow people to buy you roses and take you on walks, and do so until you are wet at the idea of someone holding you gently and soeaking to you equally. Not them roofeying you over dinner. And then when that day comes if you still wonder what its like to combine pleasure and pain seek out grounded people who have your safety at heart first and not their cocks, and for the love of god, take it off tumblr.

Youll see theres a much brighter, healthier, sexier world

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celestialtarot11 · 5 months

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Your future spouse 💰💍💗 fears, how you’ll meet, etc! Collab 💌

Hey friends! Today we’re doing a lovely collab with the mystical and wonderful @julyourwitch ! This was honestly such a cool collab with her 🤗💘 Ya’ll might wanna sit down for this one…its juicy 👀 we actually had some telepathy going on between us too as we were channeling 🤣 anyway, pick your pile below and enjoy this reading brought to you by us 💘🤗 feel free to comment, like and reblog. Your feedback is appreciated 😍 Happy picking!! (The last pic could not fit properly 😭)

Pile 1 💰🤍: Channeled by the lovely @celestialtarot11 Hi pile 1’s! Welcome to your reading 🙌☕️ let’s get started. Your future spouse is someone who loves spending quality time with you and money💰 your first date could be during the winter season for some of ya’ll, or in the summer. It may involve ice cream as seen in the card 👀 this person may be at a physical distance from you and you’d probably drive a few hours to see them, or have to take the plane. They have no problem paying for the plane 💅🏻 This person mentally & emotionally has fears about the future when it comes to commitment, but I see they are open about this and are willing to work on this with you. They are sweet, reciprocal, open and very chatty 💘💅🏻 they love to sweet talk you and they have a very attractive smile and laugh. Something you’ll feel drawn to. They could have Leo placements and Sagittarius! This person before you meet could work through self sabotage issues, especially abandonment. They’re afraid someone will leave them first, so they’re afraid to show themselves to you but eventually your connection will grow wonderfully. Lots of mutual attraction, values, goals. This is a spiritual connection as well, how you two will meet will be spiritual. You may have visions of them, so will this person. You may feel them close by (their energy) and know they are coming to meet you soon. This is someone who can meet you at your level and show up 🙌 This person could be hesitant to show their feelings for you at first but this will be overcome. I believe spirit is divinely guiding this marriage, and you may actually manifest each other before meeting 💍☕️ this person may do it unconsciously, whereas you may have a whole sit down and journal everything you want in a partner. Honestly thats valid! Get clear on what you want before ya’ll meet, this is important spirit says. For some of ya’ll, ya’ll are ready for this marriage commitment now 💗 ya’ll deeply want this and know what it takes. Spirit is offering guidance and says you’ll get there. Thank you pile 1’s! Feel free to like, reblog and share your thoughts always 🤍 your picture below —>

Pile 2 💼💍: By the lovely @celestialtarot11 Welcome dear pile 2’s! This is your reading if you felt drawn to this. This person could interact with your social media before talking. They may heart your story, stalk your account, and try to know all there is about you before talking you up. They want to get a better sense of who you are, but here’s the thing, social media only shows a small portion of our lives. This person is deeply curious and wants to have a stable connection or idea of you. Eventually this person will text you, find the courage to speak up and start something! It may catch you by surprise but maybe you’ll know this stalking was happening already. For those who do not have social media you could meet them at a wedding, reception, or a regular event. They will be the waiter/waitress, and serve you. But their eye will be on you. They want to know all there is throughout the event. This person overthinks a lot and feels alone and scared in the world, they have a tendency to think they have to do it all alone. This person desires support however and someone to understand them. They want stability, for someone to take their time ❤️‍🩹 they have been through a lot. Its easy for them to get overwhelmed as you two talk for the first time. But they dream of you a lot, daydreaming. They have lots of fantasies of you, and they may even place you on a pedestal. This person does have self esteem issues, this is something that will be worked on through your marriage. There’s an awareness that they want an intimate connection, but also feel they aren’t worthy of it too. This will come up to be healed throughout your relationship. The Share Tenderness card tells me they are someone who is reciprocal, giving, gentle with their hands 😉 and loves knowing how you feel. They will constantly want to know from a place of care. I’m seeing lots of texts when you’re first dating, hows your morning going? Hows your night? How do you feel about xyz? Tell me what you think. Lots of that. Incredibly sweet, but is afraid of loss and rejection. They want you to send pictures of you because they find you beautiful 💘 and attractive. They love to admire you. It’s not necessary sexual in nature although it can develop, but this person has very genuine intentions towards you when they approach you. Not necessarily lustful. I think a part of them is spiritual as well, but it’s in the baby stages of developing. So when they meet you, an awakening will occur. Or many, as much as its needed to grow this person 🤗 i think you two will explore the cosmos together. This person is dreamy, romantic, and has a nostalgic vibe to them. But they won’t show this first. The more you know them, the more they are a softie. Cancer vibes are strong here, so is Scorpio and Virgo 💅🏻 thank you so much pile 2’s!! Feel free to comment, like and reblog 🤗🤍 thank you for your continued support! Your picture below —>

Pile 3 💪❤️‍🩹: Channeled by the one and only @julyourwitch ! Hello viewers, lovely souls and even readers(tarot or not) of the pile 3! Well, let's start with the energy that I feel most strongly from signs: Earth (mostly Virgo and Taurus) Fire (Aries & Sagittarius) and a bit of Air (Gemini & Libra) but I believe there are also some placements that dominate the following signs I mentioned above! I see here that the future husband (whether female or male is not something specific) has high self-esteem and knows how to take care of himself/herself, his/her values, his/her things, important people around him/her, knows how to behave and appreciate the other as well as be appreciated back! I feel like they like to wear good quality clothes and generally obsess about wearing things to feel good about themselves (they don't discriminate against any kind of quality clothes or anything, they've been through that 'poverty' phase too) I believe that respect and manners are everything for them and how much more they see it in those around them. But there is a little ego-pathy or beauty-pathy (I mean, they feel overly beautiful and even enjoy it, I wouldn't characterize them as narcissists anyway!) They appreciate what they have and acquire, mostly they are not ungrateful and this is very important for them not to be something they don't want to become or happen to them in a situation or people. I can tell that they have an obsession or tendencies to obsess over some object or person or something that they create and make it theirs! They really love stability, they don't want to rush at all or make rushy or sudden moves/decisions without properly processing and filtering them. They want everything to be on schedule, even their time off at home/work!Something I noticed now, they may want many other things, such as more money, stability, full schedule, clothes, household items, etc...but they wouldn't at all like to see the other person just like them. As if they'll get competitive or they might make a scene and leave without let you say a word ☠️ They enjoy and rejoice greatly in the positivity of life, the satisfaction and pleasure of what they have achieved and acquired/conquered! They are very optimistic people, they'll always want to help you with the honor and generosity in them (sometimes they will want to take something from you but not maliciously) it seems that they really went through a lot either in their childhood or growing up after puberty(or while they had puberty) and they had some intense situations with people who abused and manipulated them emotionally and physically. I heard very clearly "You know, I can read your mind and how you express yourself just by your facial/body expressions" No matter what they've been through, they know when to speak up if the other person is faking, lying, or trying to hide something. They are grateful for what life has taught them, because they always say "It's all in life, so with a smile and courage it gives you strength and peace within you" Their motto is like" I'll be stronger mentally and emotionally so why should I be scared or a coward?" WOA HAHAAHAH I LAUGHED HARD HERE I'M SORRY 😭😭

Omg pile 3, your future spouse has been really hurt, victim and in a tough situation indeed but they already know that it won't be temporary they're so self aware I can't 🥺🥺 As I said, they cherish and respect people that are honest and real with them,honesty and a stable psychological or mental state are everything to them because that is what they want to see in their partner or in the world. They went through a lot of transformations and they KNEW it would happen (not only self aware here but intuitive people as well) they knew that all these situations and the pain, the impasse all these unbearable and unexpected feelings would lead to a beautiful outcome/beginning, growth and acceptance for themselves and personal/emotional healing. Your future spouse also has been feeling also out (as if they're alone 😭) They also gotta need to understand that being happy or grateful with beautiful and unique appearance won't let you love yourself. (I heard "self love is needed too") Someone closed to them-some close person who played an important role in their lives, honestly treated them like garbage. It made them feel terrible about their bodies (which they are maintaining well so far) it made them think if they really know how to love and appreciate things and people the way they are (I felt a female figure here for some reason in this behavior ) taught them to believe that "If you want to have someone close to you or get married first and foremost you will look at appearance because that is everything, I don't want our image to be ruined". Nawwwww😭😭 they might overthink a lot because of all the shitty things they went through, they don't actually want to show fragile or weak in front of you, they really prefer to not talk about it(yet but slowly their feelings will exposed them once they feel comfortable with you) they'll also be/feel/show as if they're tired but no, not tired IT MIGHT BE THE FIRST GLANCE, but once you meet and understand them better they'll open their heart to you! (I heard" You know sometimes I need your attention.. "😭😭)

With the ace of pentacles upright and 6 of wands upright as extra cards I'm getting that they're open for new opportunities and new connections even professionally and personally too, also they really adore and admire people who value their life and respect their life and family too!

Take what resonates love and leave what it doesn't! Reblog&like it if you had fun &enjoyed!

Pile 4💘🤗: Hello viewers, lovely souls and even readers (tarot or not) of the pile 4! I didn't start yet and I heard very loud ("I do see you right away") AND I GOT CHILLS. I feel for sure that the signs here are fire signs, mainly Leo and Sagittarius, or these two strong fire signs may dominate their astrological chart and they may also have a little water sign here and there (or might have Scorpio or Cancer Rising or MC) That is crazy pile 4 cuz your future spouse is really REALLY interested or into spirituality, energies, reiki and you know when Isay intuition, right?? They ALWAYS FOLLOW THEIR INTUITION AS IF IT'S THEIR BESTIE! I feel that someone higher up has taught them about how to anticipate things or think without overdoing it I feel a motherly side or some feminine energy, it could be the feminine energy/divine feminine in them)! I feel like they didn't have enough friends or they didn't have a big circle of friends, probably just acquaintances and always a smile on their face wherever they go. Such crazy and dynamic energy first time Imeet/ sense. 0o They like to watch instead of talk, they prefer to observe instead of doing it(when it's needed tho) They're really really thoughtful and very wise with their words and how exactly can make you believe and count on them. (Not in a bad way obviously) They won't let you see through them first, they'll first analyze and read you first in oder to be open and free with you Iheard "You'll see if our energy matches or not boo") Sometimes though they make some mental or creative blockages LITERALLY OUT OF NOWHERE, they can have a mini breakdown with themselves and their feelings, but guess what.. THEY'LL BE BACK AGAIN! UNSTOPPABLE ENERGY HAHAHAHA Okay I'm not gonna lie but they might not have a program or some schedule for their plans and goals(as the pile 3) but they're visionary dreamers. Actually they changed a lot of places and traveled a lot and they're not lazy/bored to do it everyday! They're literally OPEN TO EVERYONE AND ANY OPPORTUNITY OR NEW PATH. Guys, pile 4 for real I really like this energy here They're ready for everything omg omg Iheard "Al or nothing. Nothing scares you more than doing nothing or leave it in the middle " I feel that nothing and no one scares them or stops them. They are fearless and want to convey to the world the message "Whatever you do in your life, whatever risks you take, never regret them. They make you strong both mentally and externally, take it as a victory and an experience!" They would like to have such a person by their side, but not quite like them. They're so open-minded and hardworkers for their goals and dreams(they also feel like young in their hearts 9(9) Why Ido keep seeing that they're connected with their higher self and very spiritual aware too? They also tend to be mysterious and secretive mostly their private life, they're so protective with those around them and with their partner(and their life too) but also open to see if the others have good or ill intentions towards them. Sometimes they might confuse their feelings with their intuition too. (They get so deeply in some things to get to know someone till they drain their energy which is very unhealthy) omg they often get misunderstood and disrespected- I CLEARLY HEARD - " I know, it's something from my childhood, it's fine it doesn't scare me at all. Everything is ahabit"

Pile 3,they might be extroverted but inside THEY'RE SOOOO INTROVERTED! I'm getting they have also an artistic way prolly dancing or singing or something related to. (I do see painting , music. Wow they wanna share&explore everything with everyone but sometimes their introverted shyness (not always tho) makes them freeze A BIT and think about it twice. Indeed they have real and few at least 2-3 friends max they trust a lot or dearly, They're so forgiving people and they not what they did wrong or right, they can also notice/find it very easily too. They like people who are outgoing, real and pure with their energy and soul&words too. They pay big attention to eyes and lips -

They currently have some kind of financial loss but Ido see them overcome it! PILE 4 THEY'RE S 0 0 0 0 0 ENERGETIC AND ATTRACTIVE ASF O M G THEY REALLY REALLY LIKE TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR BODY AND THEIR MUSCLES OSSJEJFIXJSJE They’re so active emotionally, physically and spiritually too! Not gonna lie but they enjoy being the center of attention too- HAHAHAHA

Once you meet them guys you won't regret it! They can also bring joy and love and support to others and those around them(even when they're with their partners too) THEY'RE SO ECSTATIC HAHAHAAH REALLY REALLY GOOD THO! They'll be there when you need them not only in the good times but also in your darkest times too, full of energy Iwish Icould describe more but I'm so happy and excited in, if you guys could see my smiley face you would understand!

With the 7 of cups rx and 4 of pentacles upright, it is telling me sometimes their choices or thoughts about their actions and in their love life might be chaotic and overwhelming cuz they confuse themselves and they need some clarity and some guidance and support from their partners) and must hear their inner voice too, and might be overprotective and jealous as well but not in a crazy stage/level of being jealous or possessive too!

Take what resonates and leave behind what doesn't! Reblog &like if you had fun and enjoyed!

Thank ya’ll so much for reading our post! @julyourwitch This was incredibly fun to do with you 🤗💗 Hope ya’ll enjoyed and feel free to like, comment and reblog!

#devi post #astrology #tarotcommunity #divination #astrology community #tarot #tarot deck #witchcraft #tarot reading #tarot community #pick a pile #pick a picture #pick a card #pick one #pick a card romance

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sizzleissues · 3 months

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Idk thinking about it maybe Adrien is not just totally blind to other peoples feelings for him but it’s again a product of the low self-esteem wherein he doesn’t think anyone would ever love him sincerely. His fans ‘love him’ but they love the image crafted by his father. His mother loved him but she was taken away from him. His father probably loves him but he definitely likes to give and take it away at a whim. So surely that ‘I love you’ was platonic, I am nothing to love and she definitely meant that in a friend way, because who even am I?

I think he’d easily twist every confession into something that fits the narrative he tells himself, and that he’d never want to make someone uncomfortable by misreading their intentions so he just doesn’t read them at all. Like marinette acts weird around me a lot, she does stuff I’ve seen people with crushes do but surely thats just the way marinette is and it isn’t my business to push myself on her in case she’s just awkward because I’m a drag of a person blah blah blah.

Idk if I articulated that well but do you get the idea?? Even if you want someone to love you that way, if you do not know/like yourself you will reject the possibility someone does like you that way.

And Ladybug is delightfully unattainable so he can place her as the person whom he can imagine loving him because there’s no way LB would actually love him. Sure she’s his partner, their love is totally platonic and so he’s safe to love that way. The other side of his low-self esteem, the side that craves validation is shown here. As a civilian he cannot believe love can be given to him without price or cost and it’s probably something else, he’s mistaken. But the moment the love square reverses, he can’t see her attempts at wooing him as sincere. They’re a test or a joke, or an affect of the miraculous. Nope, she definitely doesn’t mean it. And adrienette only happens because he gathers a little self-esteem and he knows marinette likes him, it all comes to together for him finally, there’s too much evidence now and he likes himself enough to take a shot.

LIKE COME ON

Anyway I think that is interesting

#sizzle rambles #I definitely wasn’t trying to write fic and then had this thought #And couldn’t insert it into the fic cause it was sort of out of no where #But also i kinda wanted marinette to be like #‘I realised the reason why Adrien never understood my confessions was not because #He didn’t like me or he was totally blind to it #But because he didn’t think he could deserve it if it were true”#miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste

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drchucktingle · 1 year

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mr. dr. chuck, i'm a few months ago i told a doc of mine that i believe i'm on the spectrum (after yeeeears of considering all the reasons why i thought so) and she agreed with me. then i came to some conclusions about members of my family. then i started melting down and haven't really recovered.

i'm in my 30's, but my life feels like it's been the mistake-addled 24th year for over a decade. people, choices, wants, they feel like things that were silly blips and not of much substance. i'm tired and my body hurts, so it feels harder to get to things i need. doctors don't seem like they can be trusted because of all the other ways i show up in the world.

i'm worried about my life and my future, and it feels like my magic is gone (or that i can't touch it right now). do you have any words of wisdom for someone who found out this really big thing about themselves kind of late?

thank you.

hello buckaroo thank you for writing. first of all i will say MOST IMPORTANT thing to remember is that it is okay and valid to FEEL the way that you feel. your reaction to this news or any news really is not wrong. that does not mean you cant wish for another reaction or WORK TOWARDS another reaction, but in grand cosmic sense this is just your way. YOUR TROT IS VALID and we all have our own unique way. sometimes that path is an easy path with sunny days and smiles and a glorious view, and sometimes it is through the darkness of shadows or crawling through the old bog. we can PREFER one path over the other, but neither is WRONG.

when giving advice old chuck tries to not PROJECT what i think YOU should do because that is not really the point. this is your trot to trot and i do not think it is my place to act like some authority of your way. what chuck can do is tell you MY story of diagnosis and how it made ME feel and maybe you can take little pieces of that for yourself.

chuck learned of way on autism spectrum when i was in early twenties by doctor who said 'yes this is your way'. when i learned of my spectrum way my reaction was: wow this is very very cool i am so lucky because all of my heroes are autistic and now i am in this RADICAL CLUB. we are special and unique and DANG what a treat wish i could have a membership card in my wallet to show all my buds.

now obviously this is not everyones reaction, but as starting off point i wonder what it would have meant to my future if the news would have HIT ME IN A BAD WAY. if i would have felt let a dang robot alien who didnt belong. maybe id be swimmin through the bog ever since.

thing is I LIKE ROBOT ALIENS they are very cool. doctor did not MAKE me different, i was different already, our talks just popped a nice little name on it for me to take or leave. i took the name proudly because DATA from stars trek (certified robot alien) is exactly how i already felt and dang what a cool character and dang what a great life. so was DAVID BYRNE. so was every cool buckaroo artist that i liked. cowboys are OUTSIDER HEROES and that is how my autism makes me feel.

so like i said, i do not know about YOUR way, but MY WAY of hearing this news was heaps of joy and excitement. i will also say that it is very DIFFICULT to find this reaction later if your first leap is feeling in a sad way about it. so maybe if you want to trot back in your mind to those first few steps it would be helpful. maybe mentally trot to where you were pushed off a dang cliff and think "well was i pushed off a cliff or was i just told 'hey bud youve been floating this whole time?"'

because if youve been floating then DANG thats a lot of power. thats not falling. you can float up, you can float down, you can float side to side.

the next thing i will say AS AND ARTIST is that years of toiling and feeling aimless are NEVER actually aimless when it comes to creation. and to LIVE in a human body is to be an artist, because you are CONSTANTLY CREATING the future. when i am writing and i dont have an idea for my next book that can be frustrating, but it is also PART of the process. if i walk to the store to rustle up my mind, or wander around the park, or spend a whole WEEK feeling weird because of writers block THAT IS ALL PART OF MAKING GREAT ART. that is not wasted time. in other words, your years of toiling are not wasted time, that is just the process we all have when we are creating a future masterpiece.

#love is real #autistic #tingleverse

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complete-clownery · 3 months

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Not me deciding that I wanna figure out how does Macaques dojo work, cuz I couldnt seem to find any ideas of it on the internet lol

Okay so long long LONG rant:

Ik that in canon the whole place looks kinda-- moldy and shit and I get the lot of hc about how Macaque probably doesnt even live there since its in a very industrial outer neighborhood of Megaplois, and also it probably isnt really decorated or looks like someone is living in there at all, but I like to think that he has standards and they put like 272636373 nois cancelation seals on their bedroom so he can sleep camly when he actually can sleep (since in my hc Macaque suffers from insomnia (its a pretty common hc tho, but you get it)) and I think the outer circle of Megaplois is even tho industral and under constructuion on most parts, its probably more quiet than downtown

And I also like to imagine, Macaque even tho if not commited to a place will make it more homy. But looking at my reference pictures, in the dojo there were also a lot of posters and paintings (and in MKAGC Macaque did mention he might have a poster of wukong soooo~~)

For the layout I went after whatever felt right, since I had like 4 pictures to piece together a two-story house with a gallery(??) so its actually just me deciding what I want and where I wanna put it

(Here are the screenshots from lmk s1ep9 I used:)

Okay Okay if you couldnt tell, for some reason im really hyped about this stuff so im going to lead you trough my thougtprocess, when imagining this whole thing, in order from ground level to gallery

1. Ground level:

Ahh yes ground level: the problem child

(Im going to keep it somewhat brief here cuz I wrote a shit ton of explanations for it, but that somehow got deleted which I am super pissed about btw)

So I saw that a lot of hc with Macaques place are mostly that first floor is the dojo and the second floor is the living area, buuut~~ based on the screenshots of the series that doesnt make any sense. My reasoning? Simple really, its bc you can see the ceiling If you are standing in the dojo. This could lead to the conclusion that:

"Okay maybe then there is no second floor just a gallery in there somewhere and thats it".

Sure we can say that, but then you would ignore the fact that you cant see the front door of the building when Macaque slams Mk into a weaponstand.

"Okay then its on the other side of the room that we never got to see in the episode"

I mean maybe sure but to me from an animation point of view it just doesnt make sense, just why would they flipp the camera angle like that (I mean anyone can think whatever they want, everyones opinion is valid, its not like anyone would ever argue me on this one ((or read this whole brainrot trough in the first place lol)))

Haha anyways regardless of anything, let's go back to talking about the first floor, shall we?

Everything is pretty self explenatory: when you come in on the front door youll see a little shoe rack where you can but your shoes, and one stair to seperate the ante-room from the rest of the house

Then theres a long hall that leads to the enterence of the storageroom, the random room and the staircase that leads to the second floor

I couldnt decide on what to put in that big room-- I had no clue -- I was thinking maybe Macaque could let other people rent it for a few days of maybe theres a shop with an owner whos ranting the place from Macaque (I think thats an interasting concept, but I didnt explore any of them) oh well thats that tho

"""somewhat brief""""

Second floor:

This was probably the easiest, since 90% of it is the dojo

But before that when you walk up to the second floor you can see a big boubel door that opens to the dojo, and a normal door that opens to the bathroom, which is strategicly placed there by yours truely. There is big brain logic behind it,, it might be inconvinient for Macaque to walk down the stairs from his bedroom trough the dojo to the bathroom (but also he can just shadow portal there--), but when ocasionally he mentors Mk, he might have to go to the bathroom while hes at Macaques place and I dont think Macaque would apritiate someone stomping trough his personal area, and thats why the bathroom is conviniently placed next to the dojo and not that far from the bathroom I know im a genius (**read everything in the bathroom part with a lot of sarcasm**)

Anyways, we couldnt even see all four of the dojos walls so that was also a 'gamble', but I went with a simple bouble door that I mentioned before and two weapon stands (yes those are weapon stands) and other than that you can see the rest of the room on the screenshots, theres also the staircase and that has some closet underneath it, but thats about it

The gallery (my personal favorit):

Looking at my reference pictures i could see that the dojo took up a lot of space almost taking up the 1/2 of the building, which I think is reasonable and kinda cool, but that means small living area which I think is even cooler (I am a huge fan of small practical spaces, they feel so so cozy)

So Yeah the living space: mostly two rooms that I also illustrated on top of this post, (you probably saw it) with a balkony thingy before the enterence of the rooms, where you can look down and see the entirety of the dojo, good for observing.

When you go in the door (actually havent decided if I want to put a door there or curtains for style but meh who knows who cares), youll enter the small but spacious kitchen. I dont see the Six Eared Macaque as a homecook, more of a fake cooking guy (only making basic foods like eggs or toast, maybe ocasionally pancake), hints there is no built in stove or owen just a portable stove, a kettle and a toaster and a small fridge that has MKs drawing (that he drew for them at the end of season 3) magneted there :]

Other than that theres a sink and an old television, he got from the randomest place ever, maybe he fished it out of the trash idk, but he put it on top of the cabinets (rarely watches anything on it)

On the baseplan you can see that there was supposed to be a small table next to the sink with a chair, but it didn't make it to the final drawing cuz let's be honest: drawing interior in correct perspective without a reference picture is just not my strongest artskill I posess, so I got pissed and put a trashcan in there, Macaque can eat in his bed

Talking about bed, let's move on to the Six Eared Macaques room:

It is very small but pretty comfortable with a small bed but a shit ton of pillows for a good nights sleep, other than that there are a nightstand that has the Lantern on it (I know it sorta got lost/destroyed after defeating LBD but I wanted to put it there) and a drawer.

The nightstand probably doesnt have a lot innit, just some nick-nacks and tissues and maybe snacks, or a book or something, the drawer stores some of his clothes, but since I like to think that Macaque is a fashion icon that wont be able to fit most of their clothes, so maybe he stores them in a pocket dimension of shadows, and only has some esentials there when he needs to get ready quickly.

And we could talk about the posters plastered around the room, but most of them are kinda self-explanatory, but there are the poster of his shadowplaly of the hero and the warrior, some drawing, a "Hang in there babygirl!" Poster with a cat on it hanging in there, a poster of the monkey king (heh), phantom of the opera poster and a-- well--- that ones for my bestie hope she'll notice it, its a spies are forever poster (really fun musical a of spies, go watch it its on youtube), and a drawing he brought( maybe)

And thats about the bedroom

And we are still not done, how are we feeling about that?? Huh?? (You dont have to answert, this shit took me about 2 hours to write :] )

LAST PLACE: the corner of the windows opposit the kitchen and the bedroom. Its just a chill little place with pillows and blankets, where someone can bundle up and enjoy some tea or read a book or brood, whatever the monkey prefers. The special thing about it, is that you cant access the place without knowing how to levitate, fly, jump high, or use portals, not that much of a game changer since more than half of the lmk cast could get up there, but still a bit of a barrier in my opinion

AAAAAND~~~ thats it omg

Hi hello if you read this trough could you please comment or reblog with this: "🐵" cuz I wanna know about the brave soilders who went trough this immense amount of clownery,,, holly mother---

If you read this all 👏👏👏 you are amazing thank you for appreciating my work this much, have an amazing day or night ✨🪲

#clowning ∆#clown does art #lego monkey kid #lmk #lego monkey kid macaque #lmk macaque #lmk six eared macaque #lmk headcanon #interior design

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zeravmeta · 10 months

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i want to talk about jeanne and jeanne alter. first off white woman (laugh track so loud it shakes the building) ok now that thats out of the way what I really want to talk about is how interesting i find the dynamic between the two because for all that jalter is this 2 kool 4 skool edgy jeanne born from a grudge the truth of the matter is that regular jeanne is far more insane than her. jalter is very much this tortured soul born from gilles’ agony but the fact of the matter is that shes actually quite easy to understand. The moment she and her anger are validated she immediately chills because yeah, she was someones idea of what jeannes anger would be, in every respect she is a fake of a fake because the regular jeanne is so insane and inhuman that she feels basically no remorse guilt or resentment for every wrong she committed and was committed against her. jalter is a counterfeit, a fake who unlike every other faker in the series doesnt really aim to surpass jeanne as “jeanne d’arc” (nothing says a faker cant surpass the original), but rather exist entirely independent of jeanne d’arc because her idea of surpassing jeanne is entirely rooted in being jalter instead. Its why in every subsequent appearance she went around jumping between hobbies, learning how to read and write and generally trying to ingratiate herself in every clique she could, she doesn’t want to be just the fake alter of jeanne, she wants to be recognized as her own person separate from jeanne.

and the reason thats so significant is because the original jeanne gave up every bit of herself without a single regret. it’s brought up by mephistopheles in her interludes but the reason why jalter was such an impossible idea to exist is because jeanne is so committed to god and her cause that mephisto considers her lacking in humanity. jalter refers to herself as a mercy born for jeanne because shes someones idea of jeanne having been avenged, jeanne having given in to human anger at being betrayed and thrown away. But jeanne in having never broken was also hollowed out, by her own hand no less. anyone halfway familiar with the apocrypha novels knows that jeanne is genuinely kind but also merciless when needed: she has no issue striking down the children jack creates because they are already forsaken and jeanne knows she cant save them alone, she tells atalante to her face that while god is merciful she very much isnt, jeanne freely admits that she believes humans are ultimately evil despite being capable of good, she doesnt even consider herself a saint because as much as she would have liked to remain a farmgirl she threw herself into a war knowing the death it would entail and was not even phazed by it. jeanne heard gods lament but she was not aided by god, she did everything because she was helping god, and had no issue having a cruel and pitiful death for that. which causes mephisto to call her fucking insane! mephisto in her interludes doesnt try to break jeanne by having her face every horrible thing in her life, what mephisto aimed to do was simply have jeanne admit that she did feel some kind of emotion about it, any anger, resentment, even despair, because jeanne at the very least deserved that. but she never does, which in turn terrified mephisto because he’s someone who ultimately values humanity and in his eyes, jeanne was freely throwing hers away. despite every atrocity she faced, jeanne still did hold hope for humans and was fine throwing herself away for their sakes.

But it’s also why jeanne is so kind to jalter in turn. jalter is the human jeanne wished she could be but ultimately isnt, the version of her who was allowed to be human. jeanne is too unshakeable in her principles to ever let herself break or be broken, but jalter doesnt have that commitment, that sense of duty or even that discipline. jalter, for all that she is an impossibility, is free to be herself, more than anything she allows herself to be free when jeanne never did. jalter might on the surface be the evil version of jeanne but truthfully she is the kindness that jeanne was never afforded, and while mephisto couldn't really break her, at the very least he was able to get her to admit that even if there was no resentment, she did hold a wish to live. and above all, there was nothing wrong with that wish. jalter forces jeanne to acknowledge her because even if jeanne didnt let herself stop and always ran towards her end, there were people who did grieve for jeanne, people who cared about jeanne d’arc the human and not the symbol. when jeanne first meets jalter in orleans, the first question she asks is if jalter has any memories of their past, because those memories of simpler days and simple happiness were enough for jeanne to fight for. and when jalter told her no, and yet in turn forced jeanne to acknowledge her, jeanne had decided to give that simple happiness to jalter.

jalter is not jeanne d’arc, she could never be jeanne d’arc and she doesn’t even want to be her, but jeanne wants to be kind to jalter, because it would also be allowing kindness to herself. and for all that jalter is abrasive towards jeanne, she also knows that her existence hinges on the fact that someone did care about jeanne on an individual level, so no matter how annoying she might find her “original”, the truth is that jalter existing and being happy as herself is also the wish and the validation for jeanne to be happy as herself. jalter might be the dark reflection of what jeanne could have been, but the dark reflection is not an admission of evil or the possibility of revenge, its the idea that jeanne could live for herself and have individual human happiness, and it ties back to what jalter always establishes about herself: once something is born, it cant ever be erased.

once the impossible idea of jalter was born, so too was the impossible idea of jeanne d’arc allowing herself to live as a human.

#fgo #fate grand order #zerav meta #jeanne darc #jalter #listen jeanne is a saber and jalter is a burning butterfly could i make it any more obvious

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