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#already been mentioned on this website
youremyonlyhope · 5 months
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Living with Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors
Me: *Is super stressed over life.*
Trichotillomania: Time to pull some hair! C'mon. You won't even notice you're doing it. It'll make you feel better.
Me: NO. *Spends 4 days putting hair in a mini twist protective style* There.
Dermatillomania: Hey. Your hands are free. And restless. And dry... Pick your skin. Bleed. Bleed.
Me: Stop! *Starts up a new crochet project to keep hands busy.* Ok cool.
Onychophagia: Hi hi. Your nails are.... perfect biting length... you should do that.
Me: Noooooooooooo *Paints nails.*
Dermatillomania: Oh look, you got some nail polish on your skin. Pick it off... now pick some more...
Me: SDJAKFDSJFKLDKAFDJKLAFJDKSAKLFDASL
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ectogeranium · 1 year
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Made this discovery on the Yourehere.gif page!
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By highlighting the entire page and using the text search, I typed in every key on my keyboard, and these blocks popped up as to where the corresponding letters would be if they were visible!
I combined them, and it spells out “Skip to main content”
I cannot tap on anything else, or on the ghost letters. Enhancing a screenshot of this page doesn’t reveal the letters either. (unless I’m doing something wrong lmao)
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icewindandboringhorror · 10 months
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I’m always paranoid of my tumblr being deleted or malfunctioning or something like that someday, so here’s other places to find me/follow me, just in case lol
~ instagram - https://www.instagram.com/lucalicatte/
~ main youtube - https://www.youtube.com/c/LucaLiCatte
~ games/sims youtube - https://www.youtube.com/@cloudycatte
~ facebook page (I rarely use this because I hate facebook but.. it at least allows text posts better than instagram does, so idk maybe I’d use it more if tumblr went away? lol) - https://www.facebook.com/cloudycatteart/
~ Other Links (stuff I don’t use often/isn’t Main enough to list here, like twitter, neopets, other tumblr sideblogs, youtube channels, etc.) are here - http://icewindandboringhorror.tumblr.com/otherlinks )
#An updated version of this since some of the links on the old one are no longer the same lol#I might make a website website one day (not with a custom domain since I'm not paying for that/dont have the money lol#but like a 'my name.weebly.com type thing lol) but I haven't had the time recently. If I ever get around to it I'll update the post and#reblog that version. ANYWAY.. I just like to have one of these written out to reblog every once in a while. During the once ever few months#when poeple are like 'tumblr is failing again! it wont survive!' which has happened like 80 times but I'm still always like :0c what if!#also love the ms paint art done with a mouse ghhj#ANYWAY.. also if you want to see the stinky game I made that's not actually related to my own worldbuilding really (why I have never#posted anything about it publilcy because it's like.. how do I talk about it lol) I have my itch.io linked in the 'other links' page#as well as my General Projects blog. which talks about all the ongoing and upcoming projects I want to do that are#actually set in my world and can give you previews of some of the things I'm working on. Currently resuming my Game after abandoning it#basically for the entire pandemic and a little before that - as mentioned before - so that's OUgh.. in terms of A Lot Of Work#Especially since while kind of 'revamping and updating' I want to add a few features which are mostly easy but every once in a while#I don't understand something and it's like....... hGGhh...... Ironically despite Blogging I just hate talking to people in public open foru#.. I love privacy and security lol.. and I always feel that ONE day I am going to have a question that has not already been asked on a foru#somewhere and I am going to have to post myself and.. no.. I shan't even imagine it.. It's not even really social anxiety it's just like..#efficiency.. instead of wating like days to get an accurate response and resolve the problem with the general public I would rather just ha#e a one time 30min conversation with an expert and resolve it quickly. PLUS then I also only interact with One stranger instead of Many Of#Them lol.. any 6+ yrs of experience Ren'py experts hmu so I can pay you like $50 to have a single 45min conversation#with me over an insanely simple question and then never talk to you again until a year later when I have a second question. hhjb#ANYWAY.. I still really don't like instagram or it's layout and I never understood how it works like.. if I should be tagging photos or wha#or how you really use it and I just... euGH... stimky.. but it is one of the most popular so I feel obligated to link it. I wish facebook w#sn't such a nasty poo poo because I do actually like the variety of posts you can make and how Pages on facebook operate. In the scense of#it being similar to tumblr that you can make a VARIETy of styles of post. not just Only Post Photos or Only Short Text or Only Video which#is still like.. how the funk does sutff like that even get popular lol.. the Limited nature.. hewwo.. but alas.. and NO way I'm touching#fucking Threads please do not make an account on there and don't let your friends do it and don't let that shit catch on lol.#BUT YEahg... links...... just in case.. i hope tumblr stays aroundin it's current format forever though lol..#I'm pretty sure even facebook doesn't have audio posts. or tags the way this does. or CHRONOLOGICAL FEED. custom html for pages.. aaaaa
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running-in-the-dark · 3 months
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daisywords · 23 days
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...
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alwayslostinfiction · 2 years
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Ok, alright, ok, so
A while ago I got this ring
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right?
And because my mind is obviously poisoned, it immediately went feathers -> wings -> angels -> cas -> destiel
And all I could think about, was cas making dean a ring from one of his feathers. Maybe it's an engagement ring, a wedding ring or maybe it's just a simple gift (Maybe it's his version of the mixtape). Who knows.
And maybe, just maybe the feather has a little bit of cas' grace in it.
Maybe dean can sense cas on the other end of it.
(It's not much. But dean always seems to know when cas is ok and when he isn't. And on the days they're apart, it almost feels like cas is there.)
Maybe it heals some of his minor injuries.
(He doesn't even really notice it at first. But then little scrapes and bruises fade faster then they should and his headaches seem to disappear out of nowhere.)
Maybe the ring becomes a source of comfort.
(On the days where everything he's been through catches up to him. A reminder that there is good in dean, in his life.)
Just something he can hang on to.
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swallowedabug · 1 year
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#.....this is a normal amount of headphones to own. right?#🎧👀💀#(not pictured: my beyerdynamic dt770 that i use exclusively as a tv headphone - the most comfortable one to wear for long periods of time)#i was just listening to some music from my computer now that i have my foobar all setup#i did manage to restore all the settings but the filepaths were all broken so. had to look them all up again#all my (digital) music is scattered over four external harddrives... not ideal lol#i was sure i'd lost the cd containing the drivers for my dac (can't find them online and the northstar design website doesn't exist anymore)#but i found it in an old acer envelope that had all kinds of installation discs#then i realized the new computer doesn't even HAVE a cd drive so i had to buy an external one lmao#basically i've been setting up my new computer for a week and i'm sick of it already#literally every fucking thing needs to be tweaked!! HATE IT#everything from mouse movements not being the way you're used to to the fucking monitor colors being fucked up#it's just. endless#but the reason i even bought a new computer was FASTER PHOTOSHOP and i sure got what i wanted!!#oh and did i mention i've actually had the computer for almost six months#but i've just been procrastinating making the switch#because i knew it would be a bitch to set everything up again. AND IT WAS#if i never have to do this again it'll be too soon 😤#keios#seduce me with audio gear#oh and obviously i don't use the headphones at the same time BUT#the headphone amp i'm using does have two outputs#so i can switch headphones on the fly#sometimes it's fun to compare the differences#the t1 is so a lot more clearer and detailed than the sennheiser and hifiman#but it's also the most sensitive one#if the source is low quality don't even bother#also ideally i would have a more powerful amp for the t1s but. it is what it is#okay i'll shut up about headphones now
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lorephobic · 1 year
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happy new year :-)
#i dont want to make a big long post because the idea of @ing u all makes me rly nervous#but if ur reading this at all thank u for making 2022 so baller for me#genuinely it was a rly good year for me both irl and online and u guys were a part of that!!#very very grateful that i got into this corner of the hc fandom#very grateful for peter cora and rio for getting me into this nightmare and even more grateful for everyone ive met along the way#idk if its weird to mention mutuals if we dont actively talk to one another but im particularly thankful for#joey for making me laugh and for skizzposting unabashedly#clay for keeping me (in)sane during double life#honey for. every single thing u have ever created. uve done so much for this community and for me personally SKDHDHKFG#august for actually probably radicalizing me with the scardubs agenda#creati for being my crafting buddy#and also grace and sadie who need no description#u two are so dear to me its weird to even put u on here LOL#thank u for letting me crash at ur places for concerts and also for being a part of this fandom I GUESS#this is rambly already but i do want to say that i hate like. assuming my significance in other ppls lives#which is 100% why i didnt @ ppl in this#bc im sure theres ppl i mentioned in these tags who maybe dont even recognize me a little bit#which is ok!!#if i am a speck of dust in ur life then i am lucky to have been a speck of dust ykwim#in a world so big it is amazing that i found so many ppl who impacted me here on the silly blue website#ok if uve read this far i love u <3#i hope this year is gentle to u i hope u find peace i hope u get rest and i hope u laugh a lot#<333
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micer2012 · 2 years
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(don’t rb) as someone who strongly dislikes 98% of shipping this season is gonna be AMAZING for me and my close friends to actually Watch but Hell for checking anything in the goddamn fandom. i’m blocking half of you before this is doneURWUSD. if you ship or joke about shipping imp n skizz actually please please get away from me and my blog. call that impcest
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snekdood · 1 year
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Damn well. One of the clear ways you can tell my ex is bullshitting about me being anywhere near conservative is the fact that i get along well w the left leaning portion of my family vs the right leaning portion whomst i Do Not get along with or interact with
#my gma is probably the most liberal irish old lady you could know#like can we stop pretending sbsjsbnsns#admit that i got into that dumb shit bc i liked the magic part and would have 100% left if i knew what the other shit was implying#there Wasnt. infact. other intentions.#i was literally 14 years old. my biggest intention was to sleep draw and smoke weed.#i did not have the brain capacity or mental capacity or planning ability to have other intentions behind it.#i was paranoid and i wanted to protect myself. im not sure where i got lost tho bc literally nothing ever said anything about jewish ppl#either its as i remember it- and no one mentioned it back then outright- or its always been that way and i somehow blissfully#walked past it interpreting it as something a christian priest would do.#i kinda feel like its as i remember it. krazy how my memory of things is oft correct#anyways hello random person who might be reading these tags. i used to think all those conspiracy theories were about christian#conservatives because loterally HOW DOES IT NOT SOUND LIKE SOMETHING THEYRE FAR MORE LIKELY TO DO.#i just liked the chakras and crystals and aliens n shit but literally its the alien belief that brings you over there AND LET ME BE CLEAR#aliens are prolly real but the conspiracy theories ppl come up w about them sure as fuck arent#regardless. somehow i walked through all of that w/o ever adapting the idea that 'jewish people bad' which seems to be an idea that was#pushed or more obvious later on as the years progressed?#idk. shits wack#idk how i missed that shit but i do think it might be because i avoided any conspiracy theory website that said anything with 'God' in it#all the gs in the page capitalized. i just knew i couldnt trust it then. youd think i wouldve noticed something was wrong if i was already#doing that. however. i was also paranoid and i grew up always feeling unsafe bc ppl would bully me and trick me and pick on me n such#which ironically made me more trusting of people? apparently its a thing that happens.#its apparently bc ppl who are too trusting but who are abused or whatever can become even less trusting of themselves and what they know#anyways i shouldnt have to explain every little detail of my life in the tags but oh well#the things i do to not get yelled at for shit i dont believe in unless i#clarify otherwise sdbjsks
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frostbitesjc · 2 years
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idk after reading the transcript of the interview with t*ffany g I feel like y'all are overreacting but it's just my opinion ig
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youremyonlyhope · 2 years
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Trichotillomania is weird.
Because just now I was reading a bit in the trich subreddit, and as I scrolled with my right hand I could literally feel my left hand want to pull hair. So I was like “No. Don’t.” and the feeling stopped. Then I put my attention back into reading whatever post I was on and the urge was instantly back the moment I stopped focusing on not pulling. I actually nearly pulled before I noticed and stopped.
I can’t tell yet if reading about other people’s experiences is helpful or not. On one hand it makes me want to pull, but on the other hand it makes me hyperaware of the urge to pull so I’m more likely to choose not to rather than absentmindedly do it. So I guess it’s neutrally good?
Anyway. I gotta go get box braids to see if this will help me fight the urge.
#trichotillomania#oh yeah i have trich#goes hand in hand with the anxiety and ocd#i thought i'd mentioned it before but i searched my blog and didn't see any posts so yay#i think a braiding place near me might be the way to go since their reviews look good and the location looks good too#since so many braiding places are holes in the wall that i'm sure do amazing work but i've never gotten my hair professionally braided#so i'd rather go somewhere that has an actual website and a large legit space#since i don't personally have the connections of 'my cousin works at this salon' or 'auntie works at that salon' or 'friend's sister braids'#since that's usually the reason you go to those hole in the wall places because you already know the braiders there.#i know that mini twists definitely help me fight the pulling urge but it takes me 2-4 days to do mini twists on my whole head myself#since i prefer having like 150+ twists in my head and i have to do my own parting and my arms get tired easily#having someone else do braids (or maybe mini twists) for me would be much easier and faster#also i've literally been pulling since i was like 16 or probably earlier but 16 was when i was like oh i pull my hair and acknowledged it#then 24 i think was when i was like 'ok this is a problem and not just a habit' because yay pandemic#making all my mental illnesses much more pronounced and the reason i started wearing mini twists more often#also i want to go so i can confirm that i don't have bald spots. that's my fear.#i should have known at age 20 when i was worried about a hairstylist finding bald spots that i had an issue. 24 was too late.#i can ask the braider if she notices any. but then again i think if i know i have any it will make me freak out... hmm...#anyway i'm posting this partially because i need to dye my hair with henna before i do anything to my hair#because my greys have like 2 inches of new growth. it's a miracle i don't pull my greys. i like them too much to pull them.#i'm actually sad when i see a grey in my hairbrush. i like that they're now all bright orange from the henna#i actually want MORE greys so i can make them be orange highlights#so yeah gonna henna my hair tomorrow after my therapy appointment and then figure out when/where i will get my hair braided#and i'll get that done either next week or the following week
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oh-look-car-horns · 25 days
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Wondering what boop count your 3 letter word corresponds to? I gotchu:
Using a python script I wrote, I booped myself 50,000 times, saving an image of my boop-o-meter every 500 boops. Before we get into the results, there are two important limitations to this study that I should mention:
Firstly, because I only recorded the boop-o-meter every 500 boops, if a message appeared for less than 500 boops it may not have been caught.
Secondly, every now and then my computer would lose a boop or two when a click wouldn't register. This is seen in the 500 and 1000 boop images below, which in reality read 498 and 994 respectively. Because of this, boop values are slightly lower than they appear.
With that out of the way, lets dig in.
0-999:
From boops 0-999, the boop-o-meter displays your boop count, and changes color as you boop
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Boop count: 0 Boop count: 500 Boop count: 1000
Boop fact: the colors do not change after 1000
LOL:
Between boops 1000 and 1500, the boop-o-meter changed to display 'LOL'. This likely took place at 1000 boops, but maybe it said 'MAX' or sumn for awhile at first? Idk this is already the misinformation website so not my problem.
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Boop count: 1500 (actually more like 1490 ish)
More results below the cut
OMG:
Between 1500 and 2000, the boop-o-meter changed to display 'OMG'. Again, this probably happened at 1500 but who knows. Maybe staff made it 1523 for the bit or something.
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Boop count: ~2000
WOW:
The boop-o-meter remained at omg until the 3500 boop readpoint, when it switched to 'WOW', meaning this transition happens somewhere between ~2980 and ~3480.
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Boop count: ~3500
Boop fact: 'WOW' is the second longest reigning message
*-*:
Between 5000 and 5500 the boop-o-meter switched to '*-*'. You get the idea at this point so I'll speed it up.
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Boop count: ~5500
WHY:
The boop-o-meter changed to 'WHY' between 6000 and 6500 boops. For science. That's why.
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Boop count: ~6500
PLZ:
Next was 'PLZ', switching between 7000 and 7500.
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Boop count: ~7500
AAA:
I'm not sure what bloody urine has to do with anything, but for some reason staff felt is was important to display, switching between 7500 and 8000.
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Boop count: ~8000
;_;:
Huh the colon makes that one look weird. 8000-8500.
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Boop count: ~8500
Boop fact: That fucking cat haunts me in my dreams
0_0:
I realized after I set my pyautogui script running that my computer wouldn't turn off its screen because of the clicking, so there was a strobing blue light in my room all night. This encapsulated my expression while trying to sleep (8500-9000).
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Boop count: ~9000
MAX:
After 9000 it displayed 'MAX'. This was cap. (9000-9500 switch).
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Boop count: OVER 9000 (9500)
<33:
I miss my wife. 9500-10,000.
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Boop count ~10,000
TUM BLR:
THE HOLY GRAIL. The boop-o-meter switched to displaying 'TUM BLR' between 10,000 and 10,500 boops. Because my actual boop count was slightly behind my theoretical, I'd guess that this change happened at 10,000 boops.
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Boop count: ~10,500 (likely switched at 10,000)
Summary:
When charted the boop curve looks as follows:
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Boop curve: 0 - 10,000 boops
My script continued to run until 53,000 boops, but no further changes were observed. Again, there were quite possibly more messages at lower boop values, but my ass is not checking. Maybe I should have scaled my sampling accordingly, but it is what it is. Thank you for joining me on this journey, and if you have any corrections or more information, please add it to this post.
Boop fact: Terfs DNI
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mul71v3r53-is · 11 months
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i should explore more of the hyperverse. like, not just our multiverse or our version of fellverse, i wanna look at all the other cool ones
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sexybritishllama · 7 months
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in further neopets discord news, oh boy is there drama in my awful virtual pet game website today. strap in if you want way too much information on neopets’ broken economy
for some context, an event has just launched called the faerie festival. this is the first event to be run by the ‘new’ TNT (aka. the neopets team aka. the staff) since the leadership change, and they've said in recent editorials that this year’s faerie festival is going to be a combo of two previous popular events:
the faerie quest event, wherein people can get a free quest from a faerie every day in exchange for a reward (something that’s normally limited to random special events and therefore quite rare)
the charity corner, a highly requested event that hasn’t run since 2020, where you can donate random items to get points that can then be exchanged in a prize shop
there’s a LOT of ultimately worthless items on neopets that people gather from doing dailies and things, but charity corner actually gave a use to hoarding all of these, so people have wanted it back for ages. people have been going out of their way to hoard extra junk items for like 2 months now, after TNT teased the event in an editorial
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this event was originally meant to start on 20th august, but got delayed 2 weeks, presumably because of issues behind the scenes. people were generally a bit disappointed but relieved if this meant they were going to get a proper, well prepared event without bugs
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flash forward to 2nd october, the actual start of the event. nothing actually opens up for several hours on the day- that’s somewhat waved off by the fact that staff presumably need to be in the office to launch everything, a midnight launch isn’t expected
but, eventually, it opens!
well… kinda. there’s one page with one dialogue scene available and a link to an event page for spending neocash (the premium currency that costs irl money). the faerie quest page is giving out free daily quests, which is nice, but literally just the same as they did back in 2020. where’s the item recycling part? did this really need 2 weeks of delay?
the next day, the FAQ page for the event is published neopets support site (but not announced via news). still no sign of the actual event starting- seems like that might not be until moday?
as well as multiple grammatical errors, the FAQ had a few… concerning elements. most notably:
only 10 items could be donated per day
points would be awarded based on the rarity of the item, with the maximum rarity being r200-500, worth 15 points each
this meant people's hoarding of junk items for months was... essentially useless
r200-500 items basically means either hidden tower items (rare, expensive items that can only be bought in an account age locked shop with a purchase limit of 1 per day) orrrr….. neocash items. In other words, players could either spend an exorbinate amount of their in-game currency to buy up items to donate, or they could just hand over their credit card and pay to win
people were Not Happy about this
not long after info spread and the outcry started (and a sizeable number of people cancelled their premium membership in protest), the FAQ was quietly updated to remove mention of donating neocash items. that took away to pay to win element at least
however, now there was a new problem. a tombola man problem.
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i mentioned already that the highest rarity items are pretty rare and expensive. one of the least expensive of these is an item called the Squeezy Tombola Guy Toy. you can probably see where this is going already
because you can only buy a maximum of one tombola guy per day from the hidden tower, your only option if you want to buy more than that in a day is to go to user shops. however, in light of the event, people had already started buying and hoarding tombola guy toys. equally, others were buying them purely to sell at a profit. this made the perfect storm and caused the price of the tombola guy toy, which was normally 110k NP, to explode up to 500k, 600k, even 700k within just one day
BUT THEN THE FAQ GOT UPDATED AGAIN. surprise, you can now donate 30 items per day! also they just got rid of the highest rarity tier altogether. the maximum you can get for an item is now 8 points, for rarity r102-r179.
this has now made the squeezy tombola guy toys useless. unless you’re a collector they don’t serve any function beyond that of a normal neopets toy (of which there’s thousands of much cheaper options). the price has now plummeted down to BELOW what it originally was and many users now have piles and piles of the dolls sitting in their inventory, mocking them
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so what now? well, because no one ever learns, everyone is now flocking to what is now the cheapest high-rarity item eligible for donation. most are going for omelettes, which have a few different options at r102+. these have also inflated by like 400% from before the event, but unlike the squeeze tombola guys, these are only worth a few thousand neopoints, so not as bad a potential loss in comparison
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it’s worth noting that while all this is going on in preparation for the recycling event, neopets is also experiencing insane inflation in a lot of other items right now, including those required for people to complete faerie quests. for example, a Griefer, which cost 5000 np just last week, is now worth selling for 1 MILLION
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So yeah. 3 days into the event and that’s where we are so far. who knows what tomorrow might bring
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literalgrill · 4 months
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Do NOT Support Hard Drive On Patreon
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You might see friends today suggesting you support Hard Drive on Patreon today. You know, the funny video games version of The Onion? As a journalist, I will firmly tell you DO NOT GIVE THEM A DIME.
The CEO has pushed out all former staff that have built the site up to its current greatness and has been pushing the use of AI. The staff begged to have a Patreon before basically all being pushed out, but the idea was refused until now, when it will only line the pockets of a single person instead of hard working writers.
I know they might have provided laughs before, but Hard Drive is a shell of what it was once. Let it die and support the people who actually made those moments of joy possible. Don't believe me? Check out what former employees are saying below:
Kevin Podas: Okay you know what, I would feel bad saying nothing about this, so here goes:🚨SAVE YOUR MONEY🚨
We passionately advocated for a Patreon at Hard Drive & were aggressively shot down. The talent & people who built the site were pushed out. To see this now is beyond upsetting. For the past few years or so I put a lot of myself into this website. I pitched a ton of jokes, got over 120 articles published, & met a lot of great people. I'm sure if you've been following me for some time you could easily see this.
However, there is a lot of misinformation. I was eventually promoted to Managing Editor of the site & was ecstatic. Grateful for the opportunity. Felt like all of my hard work in the comedy mines was finally paying off. But things took a turn for the worst, & each day there were new surprises that affected our livelihoods. These were all very avoidable surprises, mind you.
A patreon was going to be our hail mary, but alas, for some reason, the power that be did not want it. Causing us to leave a dream job behind. "At least we did all we could," we consoled ourselves afterwards. I put a lot of myself into this project. I pitched all sorts of ideas that could have helped-- we all did. Merch collaborations, Patreon-integrated YouTube content, so much more. And most of them were shot down out of sheer stubbornness and nothing more. To see lie after lie spread, and multiple big publications and YouTubers that I am a fan of promote this Patreon under these pretenses is incredibly upsetting. There are so many receipts.
Please share this and consider pulling out if you've already put money into this. On Hard Drive using AI, also from Kevin Podas: I can't personally confirm that part aside from some of the recent header images for articles on both Hard Drive and Hard Times are being made with AI. As far as writing, it's been mentioned in the past, but I personally do not know. Maybe others do, maybe not. MORE From Kevin Podas suggesting the owner denying a Patreon being set up earlier cost an artist a job that was replaced by AI: We had a social media person who was awesome! He made the images until this AI implementation. He had to leave because ad revenue was low and a Patreon was aggressively refused.
Luca Fisher: at the risk of burning some bridges, i have to back up kevin here. i've only been part-time, in-and-out of hard drive since i got in last year, but i can corroborate that management doubled and tripled down about not hosting a patreon/crowdfunding and that many other suggestions and ideas, including mine (and ones much smarter than mine!), were shot down in really long, apocalyptic threads of everyone left on deck desperately trying to come up with ways to keep the lights on. managerially it has been messy and sad
i've written for multiple publications that have long since died, ones that were in the process of dying, and ones that, in this case, are soon to be put in the ground. it is sad and sucks every time. i don't know what could have been done differently, but i do know that a lot of great writers and content creators were left shorthanded and unhappy by the way things have gone. and it is sort of puzzling to see the sudden championing of patreon after we were all told plenty of times that it couldn't work and we should move on also, just to add my own personal two cents here, i was really disappointed by the shuttering of many different article sections on the site over the past 6-8 months. i understand cutting corners in a deficit, and i know it had to be done. that said…
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all in all, i'm really sad to see this all happen. i don't fault anyone, if only because i don't really know enough about how this all can happen to make sense of it. games journalism is in a sad, sorry state, and will likely no longer be a thing in the next decade
VideoSealMan: I'm gonna say this because I think I deserve to. For months, MONTHS on end I was bugging Hard Drive management about a Patreon. Often I got ignored for a week+, but when I actually got a response I was encouraged to - of all things, write up a Google Doc pitching the concept I did it regardless. I wasn't the only one trying to sway management on a Patreon, but so fiercely was I fighting for it that last night, I was accused of making this comment directly by the CEO! With no evidence whatsoever! After I'd been gone for over a month.
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I vouched so hard for Patreon because I wanted all the writers and creatives working with Hard Drive including myself to get paid better. When I actually got a response, the idea was often shut down. Eventually due to the state of my company, my pay was cut for a second time I confronted management alongside a couple other important figureheads at the org and told them that if we couldn't do a Patreon - I could no longer financially justify staying there. The answer was still no, so I left. Baffled at the decision, but whatever.
It is unendingly frustrating to know that myself and many other people who put their soul into Hard Drive LEFT because of management's absolute refusal to compromise on a Patreon, to then see them launch one anyway a month later and get over 1000 people pledging money. I'm seeing a lot of things float around about greed and people being fired. No one was fired. Everyone who left, left because they were sick of management's decision-making. And honestly, management is a lot of things but I would not call them greedy. (From my experience.) They did genuinely make an effort to pay people as much as possible. I found the pay very fair for a while. I am not disputing that I was paid what I was owed - yet management frequently feels the need to remind critics of that. Lmao, yes. I was paid what I was owed. No one is disputing payment. You did the bare minimum a business owner should do and paid everyone their due, very well done. I make no allegations of greed, cheating or foul play. I make allegations of poor management and incompetence that has fucked over other people.
Basically the only people left at Hard Drive have been there for about 2 months. They will reap the rewards of this successful Patreon I and so many others passionately fought for for so long. We will not see a dime.
I do not know the new people at Hard Drive, But I feel bad for them. They were haphazardly thrust into Hard Drive's workplace with little to no explanation on how anything works, or given any context on the state of the place. Even now managements feeds them half-truths and misinformation about other people's grievances. I am broke and have been for a while. I had to move out of my flat in Reading and back with my family because of how little money I was making. This has basically doomed my flatmate to moving back in with abusive parents, which is something I feel guilty about every day. If we had gone with the Patreon I worked myself hoarse over back then, this could have been avoided. Some of my other good pals could also not have been fucked over.
It was a bad judgment call, but it's not a crime. It's just management getting it wrong.
So should you give to the Hard Drive Patreon? I don't know! I don't think any of the new people working there to patch up the holes left by the recent mass exodus have any bad intentions. Maybe they deserve it! But it is not the same site you knew a year ago, or even a month ago. Myself and many people who were there far longer than me and did far more for it than I did are all gone now because we could not deal with management's terrible decision-making and dogass communication any longer. That's what you should know, imo
I had an agreement in place with management that I would receive the next 8 months of revenue from the Hard Drive YT channel from my leaving in November. This was a deal I appreciated, and thought was very fair on management's behalf. So far, the deal has been honoured for 2 months. However as of last night I was removed from the Hard Drive Slack without warning, and as an editor for the YouTube channel. This means I no longer have any way of verifying how much I am owed, I just have to take their word for it. I'm sure management will make their own statements full of half-truths and weird language on the many cases being brought against them - I'd take everything they say with a pinch of salt if some of the screenshots I've seen of them talking about me are any indication lol
To management; I do not want to talk to you. I want you to DM me a screenshot of how much I'm owed every month and then send me the money per our agreement until June, then we can go our separate ways. Do that and admit to your mistakes, and maybe you can recover your reputation! That's it from me, lol. If they pull out of the deal and fuck me over I'll have more to say, but most of what I know is other people's stories of incompetence and poor decision-making, lol. I genuinely get no pleasure out of doing this; I do not think management is evil - I just think they're really bad at what they do and it's cost other, more talented people, lol. You should believe the writers imo
One last thing I wanna say btw, management did often stress that no one should try to make Hard Drive a full time thing. They were transparent about that, and that is fair. I was working on it because at a few points, I was lead to believe we actually were doing a Patreon. Many other ppl have similar stories of being strung along by management changing their minds and stop-starting shit every 2 weeks. We all made the fatal mistake of overestimating our manager - who would tell you one thing one day and something totally opposite the next week lol
Hunter R. Thompson:
I'm not your dad, but speaking as a Hard Drive writer, I don't know that funding Hard Drive on Patreon is worth it
The driving talent on the back end—behind the kickass site I joined in 2019—have peaced out over the years as the site's been (in our view) increasingly mismanaged. Mismanagement like, not setting up crowdfunding before the ship sank and all its best crew failed; or publishing a screenshot of Andy Ngo pedojacketing a trans writer, complete with her deadname; or a disgruntled ex-writer getting falsely accused of shit-talk, by actual staff. I'm grateful for the writing I've gotten to produce for HD (and will forever be kicking myself for not writing even more, in the four years I've had to do it!! i'm a dumbass!!!) but it is very much no longer the site I signed up for.
I don't want to resign as a contributor altogether, because I'm open to the idea of the site recovering and bad practices being retired as finances level out-- it would just be dishonest for potential backers to not be Aware Of The Circumstances, I think.
Jeremy Kaplowitz: i truly don't want to start shit, but feel compelled to say: i want to see Hard Drive succeed w/o resorting to throwing former writers & editors, myself included, under the bus. surely there's a way to save the site without building it over the corpses of those who left. my $0.02 i don't blame anyone who wants to sign up for the HD patreon and i support the website, but that includes those who worked on it for years, have complaints, and don't deserve to be treated like bitter assholes like this kind of stuff is just objectively true, meanwhile there's these new writers who joined the site after i left (meaning, in the last ~3 months) claiming people are liars. decide for yourself if you care, but this is what happened! [Quotes this Tweet]
Seth Finkelstein: Writing for Hard Drive has been a privilege the past few years, and it makes me so angry to see people I looked up to get jerked around behind the scenes. The amount of grenades the editors jumped on our behalf is immense, and I don't think the way they're being treated is right.
Other Bits On AI: We do know for sure however that AI art has been used by the site. Its fucking owner confirms it here:https://twitter.com/MattSaincome/status/1743040541603123622. Seems the owner pushed AI written articles as well! TayFabe: My vaguetweet is making the rounds & these made me apoplectic. - owner regularly lobbied using ai. Once he tested it & said ai was writing better satire than 25% of the HT/HD writers. - ai images were used on the site & socials w/o consulting the team or disclosing it publicly I found the ai bit relevant to include bc 1) it illuminates a stark change in HD's current direction & leadership, 2) ai images have previously been used on the site and (since deleted) ig posts, 3) ai content fucking sucks, and repeatedly pushing to use it is a telling quality The "handful of writers who chose to leave" includes 2 editors-in-chief (both cofounders who wrote a combined total of >1,000 articles & defined the voice of HD), & at least 3 other editors. These guys put in WORK since 2017, so cool to be corrected by ppl who joined in Nov 2023 [Link to mentioned vague tweet from post.] More from TayFabe: owner continuously lobbied for using ai in every possible way. No one else wanted to do it, but he kept on, saying ai was writing better satire than 25% of the HT/HD writers. Also, ai images were used on the site & socials without public disclosure or consulting the team.
The owner has responded now multiple times in a private discord... Thank you for people sharing screenshots! First Screenshot:
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Kevin's Response: He banned me from the server for speaking out, so no, I didn't see it. And he gave no indication of a timeline, it was just "we'll do one when *I* say so" and gave every inclination he was totally against it. It bred an environment that pushed our hands to have to leave. Screenshot Round Two:
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Kevin's Response: "Starting one in 3 months" is an absolute lie. He denied it, I have screenshots and others who can confirm. No timeline was given. Just "this is what it is now" and like, I couldn't live off of that. I wanted to do more but he was allergic to good ideas from others around him.
Matt, owner of Hard Drive, responds publicly on Twitter.
Matt: Kevin, the patreon launch was delayed because I didn't think it would work. Everyone is happy that it did work. Everyone who left the site because we didn't have money to pay for creative content which didn't revenue is welcome to return home. But unclear why the hostility.
Hard Drive paid out literally every dollar it had, then a bunch more, to creative people who worked on the site. When we ran out of money, we couldn't pay anymore. We did our best.
Kevin: Right, and my point of this thread was that it was completely and totally avoidable. This is reasonable to be upset about. How could I have been any more clear?
Matt: If we knew with 100% certainly that the community would have supported us via patreon, we would have done that. We didn't know. We had tried 4 years ago and got no support. We were wrong this time. We did our best to figure it out. We paid all the money we could.
Kevin: So you knew with 100% certainty this time? Or you took a leap of faith?
Matt: It was a last gasp panic effort after ad rates got cut in half on january 1st due to seasonal spending changes. We didn't know it would work. We were embarrassed to ask for support. We wanted to figure it out.
Kevin: Every site has a Patreon. Every YouTuber, comedy group, etc. But you insisted that nobody cared about Hard Drive. Which is wildly untrue. I know you see that now, but again, I think you can see why I and many others are pretty upset. A last ditch panic effort was long overdue. A couple more things from Matt:
It was about the size of the hole we needed plugged budget wise, the time I had left of personal resources, and the past data I had about us trying a patreon (which turned out to be a bad indicator). I didn't think the Patreon would help us fast enough. I made a bad estimation
aka "if we make $1000 more dollars a month via patreon, which would be 10x what we got last time, we will not solve any of our problems. If instead we try to plow down path B, we might make it out in time." That was the thinking. I chose the wrong path, but didn't mean to Kevin also retweeted this comment from the user Matt was responding to: So you're saying that you're bad at running the business, didn't listen to any of your employees until after they were forced to leave their jobs, and now you're going to get more of the money from the Patreon that was their idea in the first place? Matt's Response: Respectfully, I made a mistake delaying the patreon decision. But keeping a comedy site alive for 9 years is not easy, there are lots of potential ideas, and think overall we've done a good and honorable job. Will leave this thread in peace now to allow people their space.
Sorry for linking to Elon's hellsite (derogatory), but sources need links so...
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