#also despite my dad doing this thing

[soggypotatoes]

I think it's just genuinely so difficult for me to comprehend that people are affected by me attempting suicide

like, the first time, when I was 11, I told my dad a few days later and he said that's normal... a few other times, my suicidal feelings were brushed aside, and even tho I've lost someone to suicide and I fully understand how much it changes you and how painful it was I just can't, on a deep level, understand that it would affect other people like that if I died? it's that.. understanding it rationally but not emotionally. I still don't rly take seriously the fact that I attempted a month ago and almost succeeded. if they hadn't called the ambulance, I might not be here. my therapist keeps trying to convince me on a deep level that it matters and that people around me would rather me take up their time than take up their whole lives (for a while) by dying. it's so hard to understand!

#ed mumbles #like i dont feel affected that much #also despite my dad doing this thing #when i was little #where hed hug me and tell me #nobody would miss me #over and over again #and id be upset bc didnt he think id miss him? #but also numb to it #and knowing that he wasnt thinking abt how him saying that affected me #i rmb the last time he did that cause instead of comforting him #i awkwardly left lol #and he didnt do it again #anyway yeah #i know how it feels to be told by someone you love that they dont think youll miss them #why do i do the same thing to my friends?

[dimeadozencows]

I have endured what no one on earth has ever done before

I put my lips to the hands of the man who killed my son

#deltarune #gaster #deltarune player #i love still headcanoning gaster as sans and papyrus's dad despite knowing that he saw everything that happened in undertale (including #the no mercy route) and seeing how friendly he is with us in deltarune #you would think he'd hate us and want do nothing to do with us or to hurt us but. he wants to create a new future with us. #he thinks that our search for him is a wonderful thing. he thinks we created a wonderful form. hes thankful for our time. #knowing this while still believing he's the father of characters we've killed makes him such an interesting character #we know he's tied to undertale so regardless of if he's actually their dad or not we have hurt people he knows #and he still treats us with so much care #i love this guy. i wanna know him already #this was fully inspired by a gorgeous drawing by WolfyTheWitch on twitter #of. actual priam jskdjdk #this was drawn using my poor poor pilot pens during classes over three days. i need to buy new ones now lol #i need to use this technique more often #its super time consuming but it looks so cool. and the paper has such an interesting texture now :]]] #i also LOVE drawing gasters hands all melting and barely even like hands #and brown paper packages tied up with string #my art #*i edited this a bit in digital i forgot to mention that gdjdjfk

[moeblob]

I am really tired of a situation rn.

#fe three houses #felix hugo fraldarius #me using felix on my angy days because he is my angersona? you bet! #anyway if you want to try to get someones money or something bc you hurt your own car banging into mine #can you try to be a bit more timely with it buddy come on you hit me on feb29 ! #why am i getting your insurance company calling me today ! #also i would like to point out i didnt do it and neither of us were hurt and i filed a claim with my own insurance comp #and also filed a police report bc he didnt even suggest calling the cops to the scene #so like yeah hey man maybe you and your insurance company can move a lil faster or smth #literally everything that happened the day of is - according to my dad - an intimidation tactic #i look like im 15 and he probably thinks he can take advantage of a new driver but ya know! tough luck! #im just really tired and stressed over multiple things not negative so getting this on top of it was like #bro .................... anyway my phone didnt pick up for some reason so i called back and then nothing got resolved #cause the person who actually called me wasnt around to connect the line to from the guy who answered #idk man just its a lot despite my v minimal energy #got a job interview on monday tho ! and then also next week is an eye exam #and you might be thinking isnt that a good thing to get your eyes checked? you are correct but i am horrified #there are two body parts that give me absolute anxiety and eyes are one of them #and i know my eye sight is declining and im just v anxious #its fine im going to be fine i just have to be anxious about it

[scintillyyy]

robin iii: cry of the huntress #4, robin #74, robin #92

#me @ jack i feel like i've been too chummy with you lately. #jack: my son is acting up and misbehaving and being cagey what should i do try and get to the root of the problem? #jack: no i'll instead send him away for his own good that'll fix him #*insert long meta about how tim still loves his dad despite this but it's probably one of those forgive but never forget things* #like tim in his head esp after they died probably lionized his parents so much and decided to make peace with the failings of his parents #because he's not a grudge holder #but he's also going to remember stuff like this forever

[hand-face-chan]

I'm only halfway though Hbomberguy's new video and I dont know if this is a universal experience but my main horrified takeaway from hbomb's plagiarism video so far is that one of my highschools TAUGHT AN ENTIRE CLASS OF 13 YEAR OLDS TO PLAGIARISE. LIKE, ON PURPOSE.

I ended up moving to a much better highschool, but my first highschool essentially taught us to "write" essays by reading what someone else had written and then write what they said again but putting it "into your own words". Which in practice was teaching us to change, for example, "the works of Shakespeare were regarded by many as the first popular art form" to "Shakespeare's plays have been said by some to be the first example of popular media". One teacher actually told us that the process of writing an essay was "saying what the people you've researched have said, in a way where it sounds like you said it".

Like. The tactics that actual plagiarists use to hide the fact that they were stealing. An actual teacher tried to teach me to do that.

#hbomberguy #im so glad i left that school early the next year. it definitely would have gotten worse. #i literally didnt learn what a bibliography was until grade 9 because of how shit my first highschool was. #at the same time if a student wrote a paper that was 'too good' even if it was orginal theyd accuse them of stealing without proof #like i wrote a completely original paper and got the note 'this is very good - did you write it all yourself?' #fuck you man. yes i did. despite you trying to teach me to do the opposite #they accused me of getting my parents to write it for me. i had to show them everything i researched and my dad lost it at them #this was also the same school where they took every kid with a disability out of maths regardless of if they were good at maths or not #and taught them shapes like they were fucking three years old #i remember hanging out in the maths with all the other autistic kids and prentending to have never seen a triangle before for a joke #and while thats really bad and abelist. the non-disabled kids were still being taught addition and division like they were 8 and not 12 #the whole thing was a massive fuck up shit fest. it took the year 7 maths teacher leaving for us to all get the same maths class #and we STILL werent being taught to an age appropriate level because we missed so much grade 7 maths it had to be caught up in grade 8 #i would burn it down but its not a highschool anymore lol

[babacontainsmultitudes]

[just venting a bit into the void you understand you understand 😌] Lately I've been feeling very caught between "I have a lot of thoughts on Sparrow and Normal and all that with the ending and teen talk and feel like I need to get them out and voice them for my own piece of mind and resolution" and "I am lacking the strength and energy to actually sit down and write it all out and kind of really just want to fully move on to other things (AUs, fics, anything else)" but my brain can't seem to commit to either and that's quite frustrating cause it's just left me very restless. *Sigh*. Idk! Just needed to complain about that a bit ig, it's silly but this is what has been ailing me as of late.

#Then there's also a part of me that's like “does anyone even care at this point? haven't I already talked about them too much?” #but I have seen many a take that irk me... #and perhaps at the center of it all nagging at me is that persistent conflation of love and pride #Less about that in Normal's mind so much as in Will's and the fandom's 🤔 #Also that reoccurring issue of the fandom going ''Normal thinks this therefore it is The Truth'' though I believe I've discussed this befor #And... Hooks Will could have grabbed onto but didn't... Quite a few of those... #And the double standard/negativity bias in fandom of ignoring that Sparrow says both that he loves and likes Normal while doodlerized #But not treating those with the same legitimacy we do the pride thing. And ignoring Sparrow's demonstrations of love and change... #And what the love wolf scene actually implies about Sparrow (as I see it) with his own explanation of the pride thing in mind #But also!!! Also on Norm's epilogue and how despite everything taken at face value (i.e. no teen talk influence) I don't actually hate it #and I think it's plenty salvageable #And gah also that like *regardless* of how things turn out with Normal and his dad- #Well I haven't listened to much of the teen talk just the directly Sparrow-relevant clips #so I don't know quite how cynical Will is or isn't about Normal's future #But like. UGH. What I'm trying to say is even if things didn't find resolution vis-a-vis his dad #(which tbh I could go either way on- it's the meta misinterpretations of Sparrow that Bother me not so much Normal's) #(Well that's complicated. Again it comes back to the love vs. pride thing gosh this is so vague of me lol) #With all the positive influences in his life (and just the fact that life is long? and therapy is a thing?) I just don't see Normal- #being Miserable for the rest of his life. Like. I mean I won't elaborate here really but damn it no he can absolutely turn out alright stil #blugh #BUT YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN THAT'S A LOT OF STUFF AND THAT'S ONLY VAGUE RAMBLINGS ABOUT *SOME* OF IT #Like I'm proud of a lot of my essay posts (which I'm hoping to eventually compile in a masterpost eventually actually) but they take a whil #And if my heart wants to do other things... Ah idk... #ANYWAYS a vent to vent a vent to vent

[astrxealis]

merry christmas btw i kinda forgot to say it ere at all oopsies >_< i hope you all had/have a wonderful holiday season or week or day or month regardless of your religion and if you celebrate christmas !!!!!

i got 'the end of everything' by katie mack for xmas (i begged my parents lol) bcs i finally saw it in a bookstore after months of looking for it that i just Fell to the ground ..... i love astrophysics i love space i love science. i also love u all

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #:3 :3 :3 meow #urgh. tired! i wish to ignore my responsibilities but i should not cannot #i actually got genshin again yesterday which sounds unreal. i just want pretty blonde girl navia LMFAOOO #but also i've actually been making progress w quests and shit so yay ^_^ also playing again bcs i lov my friends. nini u will not see this #but ily. also u berry even tho we are on wholly different servers bcs i'm on na haha despite the fact i am literally asian & in asia but ok #i miss ffxiv ... :(( i meant to make my theme vincent valentine and reference hit song valentine by hit band mäneskin #but i was like i do not think i can live long w this. and then thought hard. and then. ryne/gaia... my darlings <3 #also idk if i've said but i'm finally. heading and delving more into dnd finally !! tis meant to be lmfao i love my friends wow #and also my dad had his own dnd set back in the day he never used unfortunately and doesnt hav anymore but Yes <333 #bg3 ocs are tasty! you have apollo erebus and thanatos there is an obvious theme in names going on! #funny there is one silly bard (my guy ever. obviously) and then the other two are durges on opposite ends #pretty boy draconic sorcerer who tries to be good but honestly he's romancing astarion too so he's kinda Yeah #and then you have than who is. what a pretty enby he/she ladyman! romancing minthara ofc <3 they are my evil girlie #evil girlies more like. Two of them yay!!! w opposite color schemes (quite intentional but also i Just Love Red) #haven't watched pjotvseries bcs i will cry throughout the whole thing (probably not an exaggeration) so i am obviously not ready #yeah. ^_^ <3

[anaalnathrakhs]

btw my mom said it. she said it to me looking me in the eyes. i told her about how difficult it was for me to get through those family reunions, and she admitted it was very important to her, important enough that she was just going to do it anyway.

#i know there are compromises out there #and i'm not going to live w them my whole life so i'll be out fairly soon all things considered #and i'm trying to be understanding when people's priorities aren't the same as mine #but i uh. would be lying if i said it doesn't hurt a little wittle bit. #i'm gonna keep handling it because i've been an asshole to my parents for long enough #i largely owe them that. cooperating and spending time with them and engaging in what matters to them. #but then she's says things like ''but whenever you move out you'll still be part of the family and invited if you want uwu'' #it's just ?????? okay thanks ???? perhaps you could also try seeing things from my point of view perhaps???? #it's all circling back to that. they have a very weird way to ''help'' me #throwback to them trying to cure my depression with amusement parks #when i would have liked a little less of that and a little more help and understanding #it feels like they're trying to put bandaids on a cancer #''you don't ask for help'' okay no help is coming. i am not being helped. #the system can't help me cause there's no damn beds no damn professionals no damn time to help everyone #the people around me can't help me because it's not their job or within their wheelhouse to help me #and they've got their own shit to deal with #on that note #i was discussing stuff with my mom #and i mentionned it was indeed pretty difficult to manage your time when you had to deal with school and friends and your parents #and she was like ''deal with your parents???? what do you have to deal with????'' #oh i don't KNOW maybe that i'm officially an associate of my dad and i have to help out w events and some accounting #or maybe i have to pay back the fucking years i spent being an ungrateful child now i do everything you expect me to and it's exhausting #maybe that you constantly remind me i am living in YOUR house by touching my shit instead of letting me deal with shit at my own pace #maybe the fact that despite everything i care about you and i want us to have a good relationship and that takes WORK and i'm exhausted #maybe the fact that you keep giving me advice that is unproductive misguided misunderstanding etc etc #and cold comfort after you did something you knew to be difficult for me #how you keep encouraging shit that i don't want and am unhappy with because it's the ''normal'' way #how you raised me from childhood to be an empty shell in a family of empty shells #broadcasting my misery #vent

[chronic-ghost]

this isn’t even about pedro pascal just a series of thoughts i’ve had about rising media trends and perhaps the unintended impacts of evolving cultural perceptions as the pendulum swings back and forth between progressive ideas and conservative agendas that ultimately puts the boundaries of individuals (not just celebrities) on the altar of capitalism 

(also i’m bad at graphs so excuse the background i thought it looked pretty)

#i was the Charlie Day conspiracy meme today with my boss and i had to do something about it #cultural trends #media analysis #its not a coincidence that as processing trauma in a healthy way becomes more of a cultural talking point #we also get all these narratives about parents who despite not being perfect will literally do anything for their children #examples lie in #tlou #everything everywhere all at once #the mandalorian #look at the 2023 oscar nominations #so many of them involve a parent-child relationship #especially the winners #meanwhile we've got people who have taken the body positive movement #that suggest women are allowed to exist in human bodies #and men with huge fucking pectorals are weird and upsetting (another cultural reaction against the declining trend of mcu/dceu) #everyone remember the dad bod craze a few years ago? that was a significant reaction #but then BECAUSE OF CAPITALISM #the joke went too far and now we have #pedro pascal #who unfortunately and fortunately has just become the focal point for all of these things #anyways #im tired #i did this instead of doing actual work at my job for which im paid #whoops

[hella1975]

i don’t think my mum appreciates my bargain hunting

#JUNE IS ACTUALLY COMING TOGETHER IM BITING MY FUCKIGN FIST #like not to deep it but seeing the hours and hours u clocked from ur MINIMUM WAGE waitressing job finally pay off #is actually so emotional like i suffered more than jesus working the holiday season #and I’ll have to work reading week and easter despite exams again #but it’s actually starting to be WORTH IT #like america on its own is the first big thing I’ve ever saved for #but doing newcastle AND london in the DAYS leading up to it? to say sam fender and harry styles in concert? #*see #like that is so spenny I don’t DO shit like this but i AM bc I worked hard and will continue to do so #v proud and excited <3 #also if u don’t know the context of these texts #when me boom and hannah went to london together we got a dirt cheap Airbnb by CROYDEN #and the police got called on someone else staying there 😭 we literally locked our door and were trying not to make any noise lmfaoo #and my londoner dad was just like ‘wahey that’s the big smoke for you 💪🏼🍺🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿’ when I told him like ZERO fucks given #rwbt 2.0 #<- not rlly but oh well #more like the pres for rwbt 2.0

[meatmensch]

The people that have abandoned me really need to stop talking to me like they have any right to tell me what to do, or I swear to God, I'm gonna get the FUCKING hammer.

#inspired by my bitch of a mother sending me a text that basically said u need to get ur life together #as i always say! LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE! #this woman's life is a dumpster fire #and she specifically said 'i won't financially support u. i'll always be there for u but that's a conditional statement' #which is INSANE because that don't make no sense AND she has NEVER financially supported me? genuinely why does she think she has any #fucking right...😭😭😭 #meanwhile. my dad. during the shitstorm that has been my family's existence lately. is being way more lax about me getting a job and moving #out than he has been in the past. because some fucks despite being shitheads aren't total assholes #this post is also inspired by my insufferable sister who fucked off to another fucking continent when i was 7 and treats me...well. exactly #how u would expect an upper middle class dumb jock to treat her awesome nerd little brother. and is always telling me i'm making #the wrong fucking decisions and judging me. #these ppl r so funny bc they think this is normal and that i will endure it bc the power of love or what the fuck ever. wrong! i have been #on the brink of cutting off my entire family since i was fourteen. now that i actually have the power to do some cutting off i'll be honest #i feel pretty great #it is all of course a horrible nightmare and i wish things were different etc etc etc. but in the words of supernatural. i was always going #to end up here. #while i am thinking about such things what's my other sister's deal? she has not reached out to me for years. it was like i turned 18 and #she was like ok who cares abt this dude now #which was incredibly bizarre and makes me feel like a stupid idiot who did something wrong but i know i didn't. and she was always the most #supportive of my siblings. i don't know what her problem is #in her defense her life has been weird lately. but 'lately' has lasted long enough that it's just her life now. and whenever i try to be th #one to reach out she basically gives me...nothing. #while i am thinking about such things i will acknowledge the slays. my one totally kickass sister who is the only other one of my siblings #who understands anything. i am rly grateful for her and she has been so good to me for so long especially during the recent shitstorm #she is moving very far away and that has brought up my abandonment issues but i genuinely am so happy for her and her family and she is ver #adamant about me visiting and PAYING for the visit (or at least doing the scamming that pays for the visit so i don't have to pay lol) and #making sure i'll be ok. #it's not all bad! i am going to be ok! there r so many people in my life who love me and love me in a way that makes sense to me and doesn' #make me feel like the world's worst man #personal log

[stuffyflowers]

“The park dads are just the gay background dads trope”… to YOU!!! I understand them completely though.

#out of any episode we could’ve got I would have LOVED an episode focusing on willows relationship with them. there’s so much to be explored #there #like Harvey being an abominations student from an extremely competitive school who decides to enrol willow in the abominations track despite #her struggles with it. #I also wonder how they would have felt about the whole amity situation. as willows only friend during that part of her life (that we saw at #least). they definitely would’ve picked up on certain things about her and her parents #so when amity suddenly turns her back on willow… I have no doubt they’d suspect there’s other forces at play there #I don’t know I just. eeeerrrgrhhjdhdhd park dads. I need to write that fic I keep saying I’ll write bc they’re so under-utilised it makes me #sad :( #the owl house #Gilbert park #Harvey park #this isn’t meant to dismiss criticism against the parks being the only mlm rep in the show I just really wanted to dump my rant somewhere #willow rotates in my brain 24/7 and thus they do as well

[francisforever2014]

my dad did something to fuck up the whole family so now i’m trying to convince him (subliminally) to come down here to help me move in summer . you know as reparations

#he decided to move back to texas . and told my little sister (14 years old!!!) that she could go with him . without telling my mom . yknow #the person with primary custody . who’s been her primary caregiver (technically 😐) for 7 years now . #and put the entire decision on my sister . and the burden of telling my mom on her too . #anyways that’s been a shit show for the past like month and i’ve been dealing with the brunt of it ofc despite not even LIVING THERE #bc my sister can’t talk to either of them about it and my mom is being actually unhinged and delusional and talking about moving too now #despite my sister begging her not to but she had a ‘vision’ that it’s the right thing to do #so anyways . i’ll always be dragged into this it seems but i don’t mind as much anymore like i’m just glad my sister can come to me #bc i’m just helping her and not even having to talk to my parents #but i will be yelling at them when i go home for break #but anyways!!!!! i’m trying to convince my dad to move when i also need to move out so he can do swing by here on his way to texas 😭 #the least he can do imo

[shekeepsmeworms]

Had some wine feeling good made a really shitty bowl in ceramics class this morning that I’m really worried has a bunch of air holes in it and had a really crappy therapy session where I didn’t talk too much but was honest about some other stuff which is good overall I guess but now I’m doing drunk crochet and watching the Duggar family documentary and probably going to stop watching soon once they start talking about the awful stuff but yeah day in the life of a woman doing her best I guess

#like both sides of my family are either Irish catholic. converted assimilation catholic. or part Jewish but raised catholic. #but my mom read the Boston glob report so I wasn’t baptized or anything and despite her born again phase I’ve never really been religious #so the thought of growing up in that environment is like I can’t imagine the pressure oh my god #like I’ve had Mormon friends and have some friends who were raised homeschool Christian married young and all and like #i don’t know it’s just wild how different our lives are like I’ve got a problems and def inherited the guilt complex thing for sure but like #I also never got told to submit to anyone or that god was watching #or to be modest or any of the purity stuff beyond normal patriarchy stuff #like I’m not saying my life is better but I didn’t do church after age 5 and only go to funeral masses so I like the comfort of like #doing sign of cross and saying Hail Mary and all bc it provides structure for grief but beyond that I can’t imagine living with all of that #these are very long tags with no real point beyond wow. that’s literally bananas to me. but did I mention I’m a little drunk #and even then my family isn’t like hardcore catholic. my grandma and her siblings skipped church to get donuts bc no farm work on Sunday #and my dad grew up like doing fasted mass and everything but heard the 2000s Harvey milk speech and realized gay ppl are okay #and then rest of extended dads side is like catholic but vote blue and think human rights are good and all #my mom has a student who’s like very traditional catholic like she was trying to teach him math and whatever #and the live coverage of waiting for pope confirmation was on tv the whole time #and he fights with her about evolution and learning about the existence of other religions and everything #so I guess even in my own family like. everyone’s down with basic science and civil liberties which is even weirder for me I guess #like not even among fundamentalists like just regular Catholics I’ve had a pretty liberal upbringing re faith. it’s just wild to me #to see the differences of worldview #and even non religion stuff was pretty liberal overall despite living in pretty red area. idk it’s just wild how different life can be

[lynxgirlpaws]

>dad gets home >immediately shits on me neat

#AvieRants #my dad after a long hard day explaining why I need to sweep first thing in the morning despite the fact that I prefer doing it at night #and nobody is even home until like 6:00 on most days #[he does not give a shit about my personal preference nor any perspective on anything other than his own] #also thanks for the passive aggressive little tidbit about how you dislike me showering at night! I spent like four hours convincing myself #to even go shower . thank you for that #>:T #i am apparently not even allowed to choose when I go on the walks he forces me to go on #he doesn't want me out at certain times or some bs so I have to walk at 2:00. i prefer walking near sunset/when it's dark out. #fuck me ig #uhg #literally spent some time last night so happy like “YIPPEEE HE SPENT TEN MINUTES WITH ME LAST NIGHT :D” and he immediately- #whatever #I can't complain . It's free housing and food - so. whatever.

[todayisafridaynight]

what do you like specifically about Kiryu?

the fact he has a laundry list of dumb things he's done throughout the games

#snap chats #LMAO LIKE IS THIS THE SAME ANON OR IS TIMING HILARIOUS #anyways to actually answer the questions #What Do I Like Specifically About Kiryu idk :) i say he reminds me of my dad a lot and that is true #mostly when it comes to fatherhood tho. and when i say that ima get people sayin 'im so sorry' but no my dads great 😭 #and ik kiryu aint a saint and he aint perfect but he gives me the same vibes as my dad does #beyond that tho he's just silly :) i like how despite being an intimidating guy he's still very cute in a way #he's also very earnest about things- in his Cool Kiryu way of course #he doesnt shirk learning about things and he's always open to new experiences and that's so sweet #and sometimes his goofy philosophical speeches do get to me. Again it very much reminds me of my dad he does the same A LOT #and kiryu's just dorky i like how he likes manga i like how he likes pocket circuit #and even if he was reluctant to be ono michio it was very sweet that he took the role seriously #and wanted the successor to ono michio to be a perfect one #he's just a very sincere guy and i love it #now for the DUMBEST thing he's done. every instance he's tried to have someone else take care of haruka #off the top of my head this happens twice but its like kiryu youre DUMB #STOP ACTING LIKE YOU CAN'T BE A GOOD DAD TO HER YOU'RE MAKING THIS A SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY #also kiryu just dumping the tojo on daigo. i mean it worked out I Guess but still that was the craziest gamble for this organization #and tbh poor majima for kiryu dragging him back into the tojo to watch over daigo #not really 'dumb' but inconsiderate so yeah that was p cringe #this was The Kiryu Post thanks for reading everyone i love kiryu