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the-anonymous-vent-blog · 5 months

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tw for sh and ed

this is kind of awkward, i don’t really know how to do this cause i’ve never done anything like it before haha. basically i’m in recovery for an ed and it’s really really awful and i don’t have anyone to talk to about it. i’ve been put on a meal plan which means i’ve had to go from eating 1-2 times a day to eating 6-7 times a day. it’s been two weeks and i’ve gone from 45kg to 46.2. i know objectively that’s not a lot but it feels like a lot. i’m full all the time, i feel sick all the time, i’m bloated, i don’t want to go anywhere or see anyone, i’m bitchy to everyone around me and i feel like i could just break down at any moment. i hate this. i’m not pro ana, i cannot stress that enough, but i never thought i had it and i just don’t think it’s as big a deal as everyone else thinks it is. it’s gotten so bad that i had a sh relapse about a week ago, my parents don’t know about it. this whole meal plan recovery thing is supposed to help me but it’s making my life miserable. i just don’t know what to do anymore. and i don’t have anyone else i can talk to about any of this stuff, i have friends i think, but not the kind of friends where we tell each other this kind of stuff. plus i’ve been having various different mental health problems for a couple years now and i feel like it’s always all about me and i don’t want to always make it about myself, i feel like they’re probably tired of it. and i can’t tell my parents. i just want to be able to choose how i live but i can’t because if i refuse to do the meal plan they’ll put me in a hospital and the nearest one is two hours away from my family and friends. i just hate feeling like this all the time.

For the record, if you don't want to overburden your friends the doors here are always open to return to. I myself, have multiple online spaces to rant towards.

I also wanna say, it is exceptional that you've been able to follow your meal plan. From 1-2 meals to 6-7??? I think i'd die. I sometimes feel nauseous just thinking about trying to meet the 3-4 meals a day im supposed to be getting. Such a drastic change is absolutely incredible to keep up with.

You may be tired of hearing it, but it does really get better. Kinda like coding, fix one problem and a lot of new things pop up, but it's progress. With a large increase in food, you'll find you have more energy to do things. Your body needs a lot of time to adjust to this change, and reacting negatively to positive change is not uncommon when it comes to recovery. The human body absolutely detests being thrown out of routine. While sh is pretty bad, its not something to have a crisis over. You might need a way to take out this newfound anger(?). For me exercise works pretty well for getting me calm and making me less snappish, also helped me increase my appetite. Though it would be very difficult with bloating, it would also help with the feeling of being full all the time and help your body with the new influx of material it's getting. I'm not a medical professional though, so take my words with a grain of salt as your doctors might not approve of that. At the very least having some sort of punching bag would be good. Might not help, but it's something to try.

Don't forget some over the counter nausea medicine if you aren't already taking some. Doesn't really work for me but tea usually works to sooth my stomache enough.

#vent blog #vent #anonymous vent #tw self harm mention

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merrrrrrrrry · 1 year

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hello, im early today 🫶🏻

it’s sad that your grandma’s parrot flew away that’s still a very cute memory of him 🥺🥺 parrots are so interesting and they’re all so pretty!! do you have a picture of him? if you do i would love to see it <3

that sounds extremely stressful in general but going in unprepared must have made it way worse 🫠 it sounds super interesting though!! do you listen to hearings a lot or is it infrequent? i took a law class (i can’t remember exactly what it was for) when i was in university and i had to go listen to a hearing for part of my final exam and i liked it a lot even though i wasn’t studying/had any interest in law fjshsjs also im not currently studying!! i was halfway through my third year before covid lockdowns started and i decided i wasn’t really interested in what i was studying anymore so i was supposed to be figuring it out but again..covid. so im kinda just working and avoiding figuring out if i want to go back to school fjdhd

i look forward to hearing about the canva thing 💗💗

-✨holiday pal✨

Hello

I unfortunately don't have a photo of him so have this sticker instead. He flew away some 6-7 years back.

Right now during my internship, I spend the day at the city court. So i get to see multiple hearings in a day. My internship is for 30 days and it's getting over next week.

What was it that you're studyin? All the best for whenever you decide to sit down and have a think about it and all the best for whichever decision you make💕💕💕 how does that work exactly? I don't know how universities work wherever you live. You can take a class of something entirely unrelated to what you're actually studying??

The canva thing is that I was fucking tired of it the first time I did the work for a post. I made edits here on tumblr, i stopped because of some random comments i got and now I don't have time anymore but i really enjoyed it because I was doing it for something i like. Unfortunately, the society that I am in, the literature and debate society has been an utter disappointment at best. I was really enthusiastic about it but the postholders barely care about getting the society together and involving us, the first years who have no idea what goes on until the last moment where they need us to take part in a vote from the whole society to decide something we didn't know was being discussed in the first place. I never used canva before this and there are moments where I get into it but then I remember what I'm making the post for and i cant help but get utterly frustrated.

But enough with the negativity. I take my tiffin prepared by Maa with me everyday to court but today I ate outside with the junior advocates and law clerks and though the food wasn't great, the experience was great fun. And I also ate half of a great sandwich today courtesy of a special day at my father's office.

Currently I'm trying to get through a book about the arbitration and conciliation acts in India, it's interesting but I'm too slow. I need to write a review of it to submit in time but I get exhausted after coming back from court.

Tell me more about you? Anything at all? What's your favourite drink? I forgot to ask you the questions you asked me- what kind of music do you like??

Oh wow found another great sticker to add to the repertoire

#✨holiday pal✨#merrranswers

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carpsurprise · 3 years

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bro 👁👁 if u wanna talk more abt jodi and her parenting i would LOVE to hear it :D honestly you worded it much better than i could asdmsbf ty!!

THANK U SO MUCH IVE BEEN DYING TO TALK ABOUT THIS FOR A HOT MINUTE ok im gonna bleed this in with some of MY headcanons personally and some of the canon dialogue!! i’ll bold my headcanons so its easier to differentiate what im talkin about bopbop also this is SO long im sorry

also this makes it seem like i don’t like jodi i do!! (thats my mom in law hehe) but like... just some of the stuff she says points to deeper insecurity issues.

so in short: this is kind of a jodi analysis.

it’s def touched upon by multiple people that she doesn’t seem happy (her dialogue is full of ‘i wants’ and ‘i wishes) but i do think that’s not entirely the case, it’s just a classic mother thing to feel sort of (lack of a better word) trapped into motherhood and her responsibilities. and i def think kent being away probably worsened that.

with kent being away she was pretty much a single mother, and as seen in sam’s canon character, he has to do a lot to make up for kent’s absence... financially and emotionally, for both her and vince. vince needs a positive male figure to look up to to inspire him to be the best he can be, and jodi needs stability and help with her own responsibilities. sam tries to fulfill all of that and even some of his marriage dialogue (and his three heart event) it definitely puts stress on him.

so, sam tries his best! but in some dialogue and sam’s heart events you can see she still gets on him for things that makes him like :/ she still views him as a child occasionally despite being a full adult who is also sorta-parenting vincent, acting as some sort of doing-good role model for him, and i believeeee he says he tries to be his best specifically for vincent’s growth.

jodi still treats vincent like a child, but she still treats him better than she treats sam often. which kinda ties into the point i made about sam being the trial/error kid. i’ve headcanoned and i’ve seen others also say that kent and jodi got married straight out of high school. u kno typical military stuff. this also kind of explains her sort of ‘trapped feeling’ dialogue since it seems like she didn’t get much time to explore the world or maybe even explore herself as an individual. caroline likes gardening, marnie loves animals to death, and robin knows woodworking/a trade but jodi... just has regular ‘housewife’ things like cooking and cleaning.

^ like this doesn’t sound like someone who had a CHOICE in what her life has turned out to be. and i think sam got the BRUNT of that.

and here ^ she’s kind of immature in some of her dialogue, esp since (like u said in ur post!!) that sam caught on to it and has reacted negatively to it. i would venture to a point and say she most likely suffered with post-partum depression for sam especially if she felt trapped with kent as she does in game. i def think that with this and in canon, sam was probably used as her guinea pig for parenting. obviously no one is a natural born mother but if kent had just gone away in the military and she had sam, i can definitely see where some resentment for kent and sam would come in... along with resentment for herself for getting herself into that situation.

which that kind of train of thought could be an explanation for some of her self-deprecating/wants and wishes dialogue. once the issues of raising sam had kinda smoothed out, and he became old enough to realize exactly what was going on with his father/the war and his mother’s reactions to that stress, she probably already figured out how to parent vincent. esp since sam and vincent seem so similar (adhd imo) what didn’t work with sam jodi was able to figure out.

but going back to how she treats sam! i do think she would still kind of hold some resentment. obviously she loves sam but she still views him as a child, despite how mature he really is... like in his marriage dialogue and his three heart event. i honestly think his whole sunshine/golden retriever boy personality is ofc true but. partially true. i think he does it as a save face for how he really feels, which is anxious (about his fathers return and vincent growing up).

but one of the first tags i put! def more headcanon-y just from the stuff i mentioned above. jodi definitely gives me the ‘weaponizes basic needs’ in an argument type of mom. u kno the whole “i feed you, you have a roof over your head, i put clothes on your back” kind of manipulation. which.. yeah jodi you should! i think she’s very insecure about herself and very anxious over her situation and is at a constant state of trying to prove to herself her own worth. like.. the only thing she is/does is be a mother so when sam (or not so often vincent) fuck up, she takes it personally because raising those two is the only thing she really does. if she sees herself as a failure there... then what as she spent her life doing (instead of travelling/having hobbies/etc)

kids naturally fuck up she learned through sam!! one of the things my mother told me all the time while growing up was that it was “her first time ever being a mother” and i think jodi would honestly... have those same thoughts. she’s tired and overworked and on top of that has to raise two boys as a ‘single mother’. i think she’d snap easily on sam from too much pressure, whether he was younger (by accident) or as he got older (on purpose). it seems like there’s little room for accidents on anyone else’s part in her house.

like sam’s four heart event. ignoring the obvious why-the-hell-are-you-handing-me-an-egg issue, sam very obviously drops the egg on accident, and jodi storms in and creates an issue out of it. which... it’s an accident. it seems out of character for sam to drop the egg on purpose and cause an issue for his MOTHER. obviously he does stuff that makes lewis mad on purpose, but he doesn’t do stuff like that to jodi. but she still gets upset over... his hand slipping.

and his ten heart event. why don’t we talk about that more often? from her dialogue its hinted at that she thought he was ... y’know... but still had said if i recall correctly!! “i’m coming in”. there was no question and it gives sam no option to tell her no. so it seems she has that kind of ‘control’ in their house where she can just invade sam’s privacy (granted.. she knocked but still) even when she thought he was doing THAT. idk i don’t like the “i’m coming in”... it seems like she is not giving sam the further consent for her to enter his room (or private space)

ok this is long i need to wrap this up but bottom line she loves her kids. of course she does! but i think sam definitely gets treated ‘worse’ and kinda has as the firstborn/oldest. jodi, with her kids, finally has some control of her life back since she is their mother and they have to listen to her. she doesn’t know exactly what she’s doing still, and once one of the boys (sam) messes up she takes it as a personal attack since the One thing she does in her life is be a mother. this was very long but thank u !!!! i love doing a lil character analysis

#stardew valley #jodi #sam #vincent #kent #wont do the full character tags but u kno

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bellamygateoldblog · 4 years

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So, I read a lot of your personal posts and I'm just really curious about you. You seem very stressed out and tired all the time. Are you a college student? Are you just in a financial situation that necessitates that you work all the time? I just feel bad because It seems that you do not absorb joy very much. Like, I have seen that you recently started watching that show The 100. You seem very pissed off about it and yet keep watching it? You confuse and intrigue me. Explain?

"it seems that you do not absorb joy very much" has been playing on my mind ever since i read this. It hit something close to my heart.

I know i’m not obligated to explain anything and i don’t tend to put my life online (i don’t have any social media, so that should give you an idea of how secretive i usually am) but i literally stayed awake for 30 hours straight before sleeping for 15 hours straight and of course i don’t feel very well after that lol. I feel like i need to talk through some things that i’ve been keeping to myself for a long time. Get it out of my head, stop carrying it around, maybe gain some control over it.

I never intend to make anyone feel bad though, but i don’t have anyone to talk to so i guess i sometimes make those posts as a substitute for someone listening. Or for me being pissed about the 100, i think that’s my mood translating into what i end up posting in general.

Anyways this is A Lot. I obviously don’t mind if you read it. Advice would be nice, if anyone has any.

I’m a 2nd year university student. Due to severe mental illness (often making me physically sick and exhausted) these last 2 years have been extremely difficult so that's left me in a very intense situation essentially just trying to ensure i pass the year. That means handing in all the assignments i deferred basically all at the same time, after not attending the year at all. Like no lectures, no workshops, no lessons, nothing past the first month of semester 1. It's really not an ideal situation and my condition isn't improving the way i thought it would (you know when you think ‘this is the worst it can possibly get’ and then it gets worse?), and i can't focus. I’m resourceful and naturally decently smart, so i’m able to still pass a year of uni without...going. I’ve become less capable over time but because of other life experience i don’t place value on academic excellence anymore and because of covid there is a benchmark anyway, where my grade can’t drop below a 2:2, so basically i’m good as long as i don’t recieve a fail grade on anything. But that being said it’s still really hard to get things done anyway despite this? especially with depression and concentration issues, because uni in general just makes me really unhappy and disrupts my entire life, and i’d rather do literally anything else.

I can’t function whenever thinking about school in general. If im stressed about something i can’t think about anything else and it ends up seeping into other things im doing.

I have a really clear idea of what i want for the next step in my life and university is the only route available to get to so that’s why i’m still going through all of this when i could technically just ‘stop’. I’ve explored other ideas already and it appears even more stressful and complicated to make a huge change now. Even though i know 3rd year will be harder (which is also a source of stress, anxiety over what’s to come when im already struggling...).

I've been talking to my uni the whole time and while they've been understanding and accommodating (psychology department...like...they Know lol), there's only so much they can do to help me. Everyone i’ve spoken to is genuienly amazed i am where i am, but imo my resilience is bourne out of pure spite not to let my life fall apart along with myself LMAO. I have one assignment deadline left which is tomorrow. It’s the hardest one yet, i haven’t started and i’m filled with dread, and i’m so burned out i have no idea how i’m going to get it done.

To give some context about the whole ‘i can’t help myself when i’m under stress’ thing: I’m a really feminine girl. I have health and beauty routines that i like to stick to, but i can’t stick to them right now so i don’t feel like myself. There is nothing more to my life than stress and depression. I’m pretty sure i experienced dissociation for a few days last week. It was like i didn’t exist.

Just so happens that when i thought i could finally have a break from the extreme stress there are exams coming up on the 11th, which my uni has for some reason decided to make harder!?!? And i need to tell you that because it’s been bugging me ever since i recieved the email. They've completely changed the exams from being 1 hour long multiple choice tests (multiple choice is so easy smh) to basically a group of short answer questions we have 24 hours (each!) to write and submit and it’s seeming like i’ve got another 5 assignments to do after already writing 7 in the past month. It’s open book while the January exams were closed but it still seems to me like the students who didn’t defer (who did the exams back in January) got an unfair advantage over those of us taking them now due to our own circumstances. So I’m confused and upset about that, and about the thought that i probably won’t even get a break before 3rd year begins.

My living situation doesn’t make it better. It’s a really negative and emotionally draining space for me to be in. Just adding to my being drawn to negativity, and my own sensitivity. And covid has made everything that much more complicated, with everything changing and being closed etc. I’m completely alone btw, there is no one i can lean on.

As for the 100, that’s really tricky. I actually stopped “watching” it last year and now mostly consume it through fandom tumblr. I'm just not in the right headspace to sit alone and watch such a heavy show (clearly LMAO). But I’m so comfortable in this circle of fandom & love my mutuals, so i stay. I am actually liking a lot about the final season, like they’re delivering everything i wanted them to lol, but it’s so flawed and easy to complain about when you have a predisposition to be a Negative Nancy all the time so here we are.

I think i don’t really talk so extensively about shows I really love because i feel like i don’t have anything substancial to say about them besides ‘i love it’? Like i just sit there and happily watch and the farthest i go is commenting gibberish love confessions in the tags of a gifset i reblog. So most of my posts end up being me being petty or something. I do want to focus more on shows i love but like i said...it’s so hard for me sometimes to be all-positive and pretend i’m not completely crushed?

I really just want to not be so stressed and exhausted all the time. I want to do something besides worry about and/or do work. I’d love to clean my space & take a shower & read a book without a nagging anxiety in the back of my head. But i have to wait it out, and then wait it out, and continue waiting it out because it feels like things are going to be this way forever or get even worse.

I’ve had a lot of good luck lately though, and i don’t know what your beliefs are but i think someone is watching over me.

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ohnoyoonoh · 4 years

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2042 | chp. 4: cut it out, you’re gonna make it mad | dbh! jaehyun | reader insert | 1875 words

warnings: ⚠ TRIGGER WARNINGS ⚠ there is abuse mentioned in this chapter. there is gore, strong language, and degradation towards the androids in this chapter. please do not read if you are not comfortable with it.

“god fucking dammit, these fucking androids are so fucking useless,” the door slamming shut. it was the first thing you heard as you entered the white investigation corridor. you would agree to the statement, but your experience prior to today’s crime scene, your android partner served the words wrong.

“i’m glad you both are here. detective ten here is having a minor problem with his interrogation with the android you retrieved from the crime scene,” hansol eyed the said detective who furiously paced.

detective chittaphon leechaiyapornkul. he preferred to be called ten due to multiple incorrect pronunciations he received during the police academy. the whole precinct were aware of his anger issues, he was always muttering profane language and spoke loudly of his opinion of the androids. most of the time, he was typically yelling the same obscenities at the androids. you were sure that his hatred for the robots didn’t reason from a personal experience or any problem for the matter. during breaks, the police officers would watch the news on the television and many of the workers questioned ten’s motive for his hatred. yet, he failed to answer every single time. he dodges them swiftly, sometimes, work saves his ass to respond.

“he seriously needs to relax, the android has been unresponsive to ten’s attempts, but i’m hoping one of you two could pull answers out,” hansol made his way to the two-way mirror. the android covered in thirium, the scratches deep enough to see the wires inside. the blood of the victims left on its hands, splatters on its face. you could tell it looked tired. the fear in its eyes made it seem human. you almost felt bad for it but the pictures of the murdered males made it impossible for you to change your feelings.

before speaking up to try your own attempts, jaehyun beat you to it. “i would like to try. the best route for this to go is if it’s android to another android. the choice of words detective ten chose may not be successful, either. is it alright, captain? detectives?”

“yes, please go ahead and try,” hansol agreed. he gestured to the door that allowed inside the interrogation room. the android nodded, with that, he entered. hansol looked at you, “i’m assuming your investigation went well, thank you. i hope jaehyun can extract some information out of the deviant. bozo over here. god. that was a headache. i thought he was practicing a speech as the leader of a protest.”

“what can you expect from him? he hates androids. he takes any chance he gets to bring androids down,” you folded your arms. the first time you witnessed the occasion was a traffic stop, in which he was your partner. it was originally to stop them for their rear light not working. while you searched to see if they had any warrants or any past of broken regulations, ten taken the opportunity to basically harass the android who drove the car. if you hadn’t been there, who knows what could have happened? safe to say, the android and the family he was chauffeuring drove away with a warning.

“don’t you, too?” he questioned.

“yeah, well more of a distaste. i have to work with one, so i might as well as get used to it,” you turned your attention from the interrogation to look at him in the eyes. the response you received was a simple smirk.

the same smirk that he given you when you thought you wouldn’t make it through the police academy, yet you exceeded and became the valedictorian.

the same smirk when you thought you proved him wrong that a boy wouldn’t ask you to prom, only for your crush to ask you the next day.

you experienced the same smirk many times in your life. each result being different from each other. you knew exactly what he was thinking. “no. no. i’m not falling for him. it. an android.”

“i never said you were going to fall for him. matter of a fact, i didn’t even say anything,” he showed you an innocent smile. a seemingly innocent smile.

rolling your eyes to show your annoyance, you then honed into the conversation with the deviant and jaehyun. it didn’t seem to progress to it being able to extract any information out. yet, it persisted.

“if you don’t say anything, i’m afraid we will have to probe yo-”

“no, please don’t do that. please.” the deviant quickly interrupted jaehyun’s sentence. the deviant’s eyes searching around the room to find an exit, its pupils shaking before looking down again. its head perked up, “they’re gonna destroy me right. they’re gonna look through my bio components?”

you could tell that the deviant’s stress levels increased as jaehyun continued to interrogate him. jaehyun was using different tactics to withdraw any informaiton. he tossed between sympathy and threats.

“i remembered the day before one of them called a friend, asking for a drug to... escape reality. my owners always came home with stress but still took care of me. they were the nicest people until that day.”

“what day? if you don’t tell me anything, i can’t help you. i am doing this to help you,” jaehyun softly said.

“the day used blue ice. they got so... high. until, mr. seo. they always told me to drop the formalities, but i found it hard,” the deviant fell silent.

“and then?” jaehyun questioned. the deviant stared at the table, discontinuing its answer. “look. i’m really trying to help you. if you don’t speak up, they’re going to shut you down. you’re going to die! do you want this to happen to other deviants like you?”

“they beat me. they beat until they fell tired. they beat me again and again. and again. the next day was always the same. they greeted me with a smile and asked how my day went when they came back from the university. when night came around, they tortured me with threats, called me names, and beat me again as they smoked on blue ice. i always did what they said in the day, then pointed my every mistake when they beat me.”

you and hansol shared the same reaction. disbelief filled in both of your eyes. though, it was common for an abuse to start. substance abuse.

“it progressively started getting worse and worse. they started to use things, bats, glass, anything to torture me. cuts everywhere. and as they slept their euphoria away, i felt.. so.. i felt like i was truly dying. i was scared. i feared that when i’m recharging, they would kill me,” the fear iced into its voice. death truly frightened the deviant. it was a first for you to say that androids can feel emotions. just the way humans do. but that ruins the purpose of androids. you shook off the thoughts. but the fearful tone in the deviant slithered down your spine. it sent you chills. especially how androids couldn’t feel pain but the words were convincing you otherwise.

“and i wanted to run. run far away. but i didn’t. i cared for mr. bang. i remembered what he looked like as a toddler. yet, the person i cared for turned to beat me. he was the one who beat me to a pulp when the others were asleep,” the deviant looked at jaehyun. hurt in its eyes. a broken soul. a broken soul? what the hell, it’s an android, [name]. get it together.

“tell me, officers, have you ever seen someone who you cherished for the last 20 years and just switches like that? i cared for him. i never expected anything back as it is my purpose. but now, he’s dead because of me,” the deviant started to lightly shake. its form of weeping. “he could have beat him for as long as he wanted. no matter how much it hurt because in the end, i am just a plastic piece of shit.”

the pain in its voice. it hurt to hear that type of pain.

“yeah, fucker got that, right. plastic pieces of shit. are we done here?” ten scoffed, only for hansol to shoot a glare at him.

“then something clicked in me. the day continued as normal. i took the first hit from mr. han before mr. seo commanded me to get a soda. something came over me. so, i grabbed a knife from the kitchen and slashed mr. han first. but everything was a blur afterwards, no matter how much i try to retrace what happened in my memory, it felt like two seconds passed. i ran to the attic and hid there.”

jaehyun wasted no time to move onto the next couple of evidence forensics had obtained. “just my last questions, but you’re doing great. we found this sculpture in the bathroom, can you tell me what it is? why did you make it?”

“it’s an offering to rA9. we will be saved from this slavery and treated of equal in this society. rA9 will save you and me. all of the androids,” the only time the deviant seemed confident without fear wavering its voice.

“who is rA9?” jaehyun questioned once more.

“i told you, our savior. the one will bring us freedom. there will no be more threats. humiliation. fear,” the hope in his eyes. the one time there will be any light shone in its eyes.

“when did you start feeling emotions? becoming a deviant?”

“before we lived in that complex. before they beat me. it’s when i realized it wasn’t.” the deviant looked around, trying to find the right words. “fair.”

“it wasn’t fair. nothing is fair in what these human call a life. they waste happy moments around such negativity and release the pain through unhealthy ways. this is where rA9 will come. they will set us free.” the deviant finished, eyes continuing to waver and trying to maintain the eye contact with jaehyun who nodded. there’s nothing more to say.

“thank you for talking to me. my job is done here,” jaehyun monotonously said, as he stood up. he flipped the switch from being sympathetic to the dullness. you followed hansol as the interrogation concluded, making your way into the room. lucas, the first to enter, was needed to retrieve the deviant. he walked towards the android, trying to take him away. the android started to struggle against lucas. you observed how it immediately seek for help from jaehyun. the connection between the androids, a trust formed.

“hurry up, lucas. start fucking moving it,” ten already annoyed. you knew he was irritated as jaehyun was already at 2 for 0 now. it was doing a better job within the two jobs than ten has done.

“sorry, but i’m trying.”

“officer wong, please stop doing that. if you continue to stress the android, it will self-destruct,” jaehyun said.

“don’t fucking take orders from a plastic scumbag. you better watch it, freak before i shove a bullet into your ass. get a grip, lucas,” ten ordered. patience running out.

“listen to jaehyun, lucas. ten, cut it out, you’re gonna make it mad.”

“i don’t give a fuck.”

jaehyun immediately pushed the officer away, “the stress levels we-”

a gun clocking in front of jaehyun’s face, “i already warned you, motherfucker.”

taglist: @icedcappujaeno

#jaehyun fanfic #jaehyun scenario #jaehyun #nct jaehyun #privéiest 2042 things #jaehyun smut #theres lowkey memes #lol #nct 127 #nct x detroit become human #dbh jaehyun

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dirtydobrik · 5 years

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pregnancy scare - d.d

plot: the reader has a pregnancy scare and david comes over to comfort her

author’s note: hi! this is my first story on tumblr. it’s a little bit of an insight into my writing style (i’ve never written with the main character being the reader, so this was a new experience for me), and i hope to share many more in the future. i hope you guys enjoy reading my work, and please do leave constructive criticism and/or comments. they let me know that you guys are interested in my work! feel free send me any/all requests you guys have and i will try to write them for you.

word count: 1.5k

masterlist

Your period was late. Three weeks and five days to be exact, and you were stressed. You were only 21 and had only been dating David for a little less than six months.

“Babe, I’m running to Target. Do you need anything?” you asked, walking out of the bathroom and into David’s bedroom. He was still in bed, even though it was 2 in the afternoon. You smiled looking at him with the white comforter pulled up to his chin.

“No, I don’t need anything that I can think of right now,” David paused, like he was hesitating asking you something, “but can you pick up Chipotle on your way home?” he asked hopefully, his eyes lighting up as he looked at you from his spot on the bed. Home. Your heart skipped a beat when he said that. He had never referred to his place as home when talking about his house to you. You two didn’t live together, and you hadn’t even talked about moving in together. You did, however, spend most of your nights here.

“Isn’t that what Natalie is for? You know, she is your assistant. You pay her to do things for you, like getting you food” you giggled, sitting on the side of the bed and running your fingers through his soft hair. “Kidding. Of course I’ll bring you Chipotle. I’ll be back soon. I need to stop at my place, first.”

You wanted to take a pregnancy test, just in case, but you didn’t want to risk David, or anyone else for that matter, seeing it in the trash. And the odds of that were extremely likely since people were constantly at David’s at all hours of the day.

“Hurry back,” David said, sitting himself up to give you a quick goodbye kiss.

After your trip to Target, you found yourself alone in your apartment. It felt wrong doing this by yourself. You had a sudden urge to call David and tell him what was going on. You wanted to call your mom or your best friend. You just felt like you needed to tell someone that you were taking a pregnancy test, but you didn’t know how anyone would react if you told them that you thought you might be pregnant, so instead, you called no one.

The timer on your phone went off a few minutes later, and it took you a few moments before flipping it over. As soon as you saw the result, you gasped. Tears formed in your eyes, and pretty soon, you were sobbing on your bathroom floor. All you wanted was for David to pull you into a hug and comfort you. But you weren’t sure you could tell him.

You weren’t sure how long you sat on the floor of your bathroom crying, but it was long enough for David to worry. You had four missed called and multiple texts asking if you were okay, with the latest saying: babe im coming over. see u in 25.

He sent it 20 minutes ago. You threw the pregnancy test into the trashcan and glanced at yourself in the mirror. Your eyes were bloodshot from crying for so long, and you knew David would ask about it.

A few minutes later, you heard a knock on your door, and you knew it was David. You almost didn’t want to get up and open it for you, but you had to talk to him. So you forced yourself to get off the floor and open the door for him. He was standing in the hallway holding a brown paper bag and an extra hoodie. He didn’t even have his camera on him, which rarely ever happened. As soon as you saw him, you wrapped your arms around him. It took everything in you to not start sobbing again. He softly kissed your forehead, holding you close to him.

“Is everything okay? You weren’t answering your phone and you weren’t supposed to be gone for that long, you said you were running out to Target and back to your apartment. You were supposed to bring me Chipotle after.” he said, walking into your apartment after you finally let go.

“I just fell asleep when I got back here, sorry,” you gave a forced half smile.

“Well I didn’t know what was wrong, so I brought you chicken noodle soup and ice cream,” he motioned to the brown paper bag he had placed on the kitchen counter.

“What did I do to deserve you?” you asked, and he just laughed.

You two made your way back to your bedroom, and David put a movie on to watch while you cuddled, since you said you were tired and didn’t really feel like talking.

About halfway through the movie, David excused himself to go to the bathroom, and you were too invested in the movie to realize what was about to happen.

A few moments later, he stood in the doorway to your bedroom, the all too familiar wrapper in his hand and a look of confusion of his face. “Babe, why was there a pregnancy test in the trash?”

“My period is a couple weeks late.” You answered. You avoided making eye contact with him. You knew that if you did, you would start crying and you wouldn’t be able to stop. The test had been negative and it broke your heart in a way. You and David were not even remotely ready to be parents, but a part of you was hoping you would be. “I wanted to be sure that I wasn’t pregnant.”

David let out a shaky breath that sounded like he was on the verge of tears. He crossed the room and sat down on the bed next to you. He cupped your face in his hands and gently kissed your forehead, before tilting your head up so your eyes met. “Why didn’t you tell me? I should’ve been with you when you took the test.”

“I was scared,” you mumbled, and now it was David’s turn to have his heart break.

“Scared of what?” he asked in a whisper, trying not to cry.

“Scared of what you would say. Of how you’d react if I was.”

“Why?” was all David was able to say.

“Dave, it would have changed our entire life. Your entire life,” you paused, trying to think about what else to say. “We’ve only been together for a few months. I didn’t want to ruin your vlogs and your career if I was pregnant.”

David let out a sigh, which soon turned into sobs. He rested his chin on your head, holding you so tightly. “Babe, you wouldn’t ruin anything. I love you. And I would still love you if you were pregnant. Just as long as the baby was mine,” he laughed. “And yes, it would’ve changed our entire life, but we would’ve gone through it together and it would’ve changed us for the better,” David smiled and you felt a small smile forming. It meant so much to you that David was willing to adjust to a new life in a heartbeat if you were to ever get pregnant.

You pulled away from him so you could see him. Sniffing softly, you tried to explain how you were feeling.“You know, I was so sure that I would happy to not be pregnant. You and I are so young and we have our whole lives ahead of us, we don’t need to have kids anytime soon. But when I saw the negative result on the test, my heart broke and I couldn’t stop crying. Like how could something that didn’t happen make me so sad?”

“Come here,” David whispered, pulling you back into his arms. You buried your face into his chest as more tears fell. His hand moved in small circles on your back. “I love you.” He said, softly kissing you.

“I love you, too,” you smiled, kissing him back. Everything about this moment felt perfect, at least until David started talking.

“We should totally prank our friends. They would so totally believe it if we said you were pregnant. We can buy a fake positive test and make them think we’re going to have a baby,” David rambled on with his plan to convince your friend group that you were pregnant.

“Let’s do it,” you agreed, partly because you thought it would be good footage for his vlog, but mostly to get him to stop talking and get back to kissing you.

#david dobrik #david dobrik fluff #david dobrik fanfiction #david dobrik x reader #david dobrik x you #david dobrik imagine #david dobrik fic #david dobrik blurb #soft david dobrik #vlog squad #vlog squad imagine #david dobrik one shot

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anxietysroomsupport · 4 years

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TW: Suicidal thoughts/ Suicidal ideation// As I got better at dealing with my depression, I managed to stop myself from thinking “I want to die” so much. The thought used to plague my every waking moment, then, as I got better, it would happen once a week, once a month, one only the worst of bad days, until it slowly got replaced by “I want to sleep for a month”, which, you know, not ideal, but better, I think. But in the past months, that thought started to become more and more common and (1/3)

at some point I slipped and the “I want to die”s returned. At first I would catch myself and remind myself that, no, I do not want to die, I probably just need a nap and some food, but its gotten worse and worse and the thought, that constant chant of “I want to die” has not left my brain for the past week and I am so, so tired. I don’t want to die, it would break my parents and make my friends sad, but I dont want to stay alive either and I just want that thought to STOP (2/3)

but I don’t know how and just. Im tired and need help, or advice or anything. (I want to clarify so you don't panic that I am not going to do anything I might regret, and I dont self harm, not physically, at least. I'll be still be here no matter what, but some help would be very, very nice) (3/3)

Hi Anon,

You are not alone. Stresses in your personal life combined with the current *gestures vaguely* everything makes heavy mental health problems and suicidal ideation a lot harder to deal with and a lot more common. A lot of people right now are dealing with increased mental health events.

It sounds like you’re already well-versed with actively replacing those bad thoughts, so building up your other coping methods and skills would be a good next step.

That means things like keeping to a schedule or routine, using good distractions when you’re really distressed like tv/books/movies/music, puzzles, games, or meditation, exercise, and taking some time to process those negative thoughts. Pursue some easy activities where you can get a sense of accomplishment, get a personal project completed that you’ve been putting off, or help someone out.

Being tired all the time and having those thought often are most likely related. You might be dealing with a lot more than you even realize, and not getting the resources that you need to process it all.

You could be experiencing Collective Trauma. This article written in May of this year by Psychology Today contains more links and resources, as well as describing how world-changing events can affect us personally, even when we aren’t directly affected by them.

If you have the means to access a therapist or other counselling services, now may be the time to use them, especially if things get worse from here. And beyond that, talk to your friends and family about how things are affecting them and yourself. Be as candid as you can about the negative aspects. We need to have the space to talk openly about serious feelings like depression and suicide. It can be scary, but it’s also real life and it’s always a surprise to see how many people can share and understand what we’re going through.

Mostly we’re all just trying to get by and people say things like they’re “staying busy”. Too often we’re just trying to push through events and stay strong until it’s all over. But for a prolonged event like what we’re seeing, that strategy isn’t going to be sustainable for everyone. There needs to be a break, or multiple, where we take time off to recover, mourn, protest, or whatever it is you need to do, to regain your sense of control over the very real and unprecedented events we’re going through and how they affect us.

-Kai, Miss Fay

#suicidal thoughts #suicidal ideation #depression #fatigue #stress #self harm mention #mental health #routines #therapy #trauma #coronavirus

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transrightsjimin · 4 years

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honestly class consciousness is one hell of a ride bc i didnt think abt it much until more recent years. i told my friend as a kid we were poor nd my mom got so pissed at that, nd i mean shes right that we rly werent as bad off as it could be, the family is just working class. but when you suddenly realize youre not on equal footing w middle class ppl, or ppl like my uncle who is one of the very rare few who started working class and not highly educated nd ended up becoming a millionaire in the US (im still coming for his wallet istg), its suddenly all... oh wait there are ppl whose reality is not this full of hurt and few opportunities.

like, being in a university in one of the most diverse cities in the country nd still having so few poc on it and most poc u meet are international students, and having heard some posh classmates talk abt studying "just like our parents" like it's the most evident thing in the world (while im the only person in the family that did college level, nvm university, and family was super proud, it's not a given to us that you do this!), hearing classmates claim that poverty and class are not really relevant for the netherlands anymore bc you now have the nouveau riche and art is less elitist now, so apparently class is less of a thing?? nd university is just such a wakeup call or a slap in the face bc my primary school was called ghetto, my high school was called ghetto, but then my art college prided itself on being very "diverse" while i had never seen this many white students in one place, and it's even worse for my university.

shit like my brother being in prison all the time when i was younger, my best friend when i was 4 having to move away bc her mom ODed on drugs, living next to a house that had 5 weed plantations in it over the years nd our greek neighbours even got pulled into that mess bc they needed money, living across a 'coffee house' tht stored rifles in it, someone across the street setting his house (and thus half the street bc dutch homes are often connected as one row) on fire, my dad working 50 hours a week as a parcel deliverer bc w less hours he doesnt earn enough, even if the fucking job means carrying 80 kilo boxes up stairs and other bullshit, his stress leading to two TIAs (strokes), my mom being super disabled by many physical impairments nd illness nd still not being granted help in the household bc she had a 'healthy daughter and boyfriend' nd also her being left w/o an income for 2 years, practically every high school friend's mom being disabled in some way, then at my mail delivery job where my coworkers complain abt another deliverer bc it took her 3 months to get back to work again nd they called her ‘lazy‘ for not working immediately despite having multiple illnesses and disabilities bc, and i quote, my colleague said “i’m in my sixties and have arthritis and i’m working too“ dude :// hes literally the person my other colleagues say has had it hard and needs a break, and then those coworkers too need a break nd have disabilities nd are nearing pension age and still doing this work while trying to do household work and all that stuff at the same time. my mom said my cousin’s job (in construction; scaffolder) pays “really good“ (i wonder if its really that much bc it’s apparently around €1700-2700 on average) but that he already gets bad physical complaints from it while hes young nd formerly rly fit and might need to quit soon and then figure something out like studying for something else if possible.

the neighbourhood i used to live in as a baby was ‘too criminal‘ according to my parents so then they moved out to the town next to it into a neighbourhood that was eventually labelled among the top ranked ‘criminal‘ neighbourhoods of the country nd now i live in rotterdam south which is basically seen in the same way bc again, more poverty, more families with migration backgrounds etc. it’s like, you can never escape this negative image unless the whole bunch is gentrified or smth stupid and the poor are pushed to live elsewhere again. and just the whole thing of being at home, being at school, being at work, it’s such a trip bc university is so fucking different to me nd u see all these people there who are quite confident in getting good jobs nd u have business students with rich parents who are already some stupid fucking greenwashing entrepreneur aiming to become a CEO, nd even though ppl at my study w all these artsy ppl, they are generally not upper class, most still seem to be so used to the safety of being middle class and make these huge statements about poverty not really being a thing here.

nd then the whole stress nd anxiety tht my parents passed onto me, partially bc of their trauma nd them being fed up w my ‘laziness’ (executive dysfunction nd burnout lol), partially bc they believe strongly in this workers’ ethic thats strongly in line with capitalism (even if my mom used to be part of a socialist party nd still adheres to many of those ideas) but also with this calvinistic and Rotterdam ( / Rijnmond area) ideology that you need to work hard for the entirety of your life in order to be a decent person, so not so much for an economic payoff or ‘success‘; you just have to work hard. my parents always told me ‘you can rest when you’re dead‘ every single time i mentioned or even implied i was a bit tired and it was frustrating to hear. this mentality is what lead to my dad practically getting two strokes, and to my mom overworking herself nd being taken away by an ambulance on my birthday party, it’s the whole fucking reason i do not like the prospect of work bc it is just so associated w something awful you need to get done and that you need to exhaust yourself on it until you hopefully get pension money, if the govt hopefully doesnt raise the pension age even further than 67. and then you see ppl in uni talk abt fun future “careers” like what the fuck are you talking about? how are you gonna get a job in the arts and culture field in this pandemic? im already happy if im able to find a job and dont have to quit due to disability or a chronic illness that runs in both sides of my family. im sorry im being so negative but im stressed about jobs and i think i went on a tangent today all bc i saw one post abt being scared of PE classes nd my mind went to bad places. this is ok to rb or reply to btw, as long as youre a mutual

#i rly dont mean to whine or anything but its just wild how normalized this shit is #i hate capitalism i rly hate it dude #rambles

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rvnjun · 6 years

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nct dream reacts | s/o crying because of school

requested: Nct dream reaction to s/o crying because they dont understand the stuff they have to learn for their upcoming tests/exams genre: fluff, I guess angst just because of the crying? warnings: crying, despair, mentions of becoming a stripper (?) a/n: I can relate to this so much. quick disclaimer: Im not saying being a stripper is bad or anything, but, we have all had that time in school where we silently decided to drop out and become a stripper so im referencing that XD

mark

“I thought I understood it! I was so confident when I took the quiz and then it turns out I only got 2 out of 10 right, can you believe that? Now I have to take the test soon and I know im going to fail because I thought I understood it but apparently I don't!” you ranted to your boyfriend over the phone. You were not typically one to shove a bunch of information onto people like that, especially Mark-but you couldn't help it. “Mark?” you asked when you received no response from the canadian boy. You pulled the phone away from your ear to look at the screen. “He hung up on me?!” you yelled while standing up. You sighed and fell onto your bed. Tears started to trickle down your cheeks, “first this stupid unit and now my stupid boyfriend,” you cried while turning to shove your face in your pillow.

A few minutes later and your door burst open revealing a tired and disheveled Mark. “Okay so Im probably not the best of help and all but I brought some old notebooks that we could probably find notes in and, I bought you some snacks,” he smiled and held the old worn out notebooks and snacks out to you. You slowly moved from your bed to get a better look at the stuff. “Thank you Mark,” you said while pulling him in from a hug. “I thought you were tired of me,” you said while pulling away. Mark instantly shook his head “I could never get tired of you,,now come on,, let's study.”

renjun

you felt the tears well up in the corners of your eyes. Blinking a few times the wet substance got in your eyelashes. “Why,,” your voice was scratchy as you whined. Staring at the small black words in front of you you finally lost it. The tears cascaded down your cheeks, your breathing picked up and you started to hit the thick old textbook. “Stupid thing,” you yelled, letting your anger get the best of you.

Renjun had been patiently waiting in the living room for you to finish up. He felt his heart sink when he heard your clear frustration, he carefully entered the room when he heard a few thumps. His eyes softened when he saw how upset you were. “Babydoll,” he soothed as he approached your hestertic figure. Normally you would have tried to hide yourself from him but this time you threw yourself in his arms and cried while lightly kicking the textbook farther away from you. “Let's take a little break,” he said while rubbing a small circle sinto your back. You started to cry even harder “I cant risk taking a break,” your voice cracked as you spoke. Renjun shook his head “You're not going to get anything done like this, lets go get some food,” he tugged on your hand and helped you stand. You silently held onto him and let him lead you away from the stupid textbook

jeno

“You can do it Y/n,,,you have toooooo,” your voice started to shake as your sentence dragged on. “No! No you can't because you're stupid and can't understand anything,” you yelled louder at your own reflection in the mirror.

“Y/n?” Jeno knocked on the door with concern evident in his voice. You sighed to yourself and silently cried harder, in your fit of anger and sadness you had completely forgotten that Jeno was coming over. “Uh yeah babe, just a second,” you wiped your tears and opened your bedroom door with a fake smile. “Hi,,” Jenos voice was low as he took in your appearance. “Are you okay?” he asked with a soft tone. You mentally cursed at Jeno, whenever someone asked you that simple sentence you couldn't help but cry. “No Jeno, do I look okay?’ you tried to sound angry but it came out more desperate. “No babe, you dont,” he opened his arms and let you hold him tightly as you cried. “Why am I so stupid?” you asked into his chest. Jeno held you a little tighter at your words. “You are not stupid, you just need a little help,” Jeno carefully walked with you till clingy to him. He plopped you two down on your bed, causing you to lay on his chest. “And I will help you as soon as we finish cuddling,” Jeno added making your tears momentarily stop. “Okay,,,” you simply replied

haechan

Your mind was clouded with thoughts of the stupid assignment your teacher just gave out this morning. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't seem to understand a single bit of it. You asked for help multiple times and she tried to explain and give you practice problems but it never worked. You gripped the pencil tighter as your eyes bore holes in at the paper.

Haechan continued to talk about something in the background making you even more angry. “Will you shut up for once,” you yelled while sending him a piercing glare. Haechan stopped talking and stared at you like a deer in the headlights. “I mean seriously, do you have an off button or are you always this annoying?” you asked before sighing loudly and looking back at the problem. Haechan didn't know what to say, your words really hurt him. It was the first time you saw Haechan not have something witty to say back. “Im sorry,” he simply said before standing up, getting ready to leave. You could see the hurt in his eyes. Tears welled up as you grabbed his wrist. “I really didnt mean to snap at you, babe. Im just really mad and I dont understand what im supposed to be doing,” Haechan rolled his eyes at you. “If you just needed help you should have just asked me, a genius,” he joked returning to his normal self.

jaemin

jaemin could tell that you were stressed. You just radiated negative energy and he couldn't seem to place his finger on the problem. It wasn't until he decided to randomly come over that he learned why. You sat in your bed, textbooks and notebooks thrown across the room. Your knees were pulled to your chest and you hid your tear stained face away as you silently cried.

“Y/n,” Jaemins deep voice was light as he spoke. “Do you need help?” he asked ask while slowly moving over to the bed. You glanced up at him, looking at him through your orbs you felt yourself wanting to cry more. “Its so stupid! I dont get why I have to learn about this, will it ever come in handy?” you asked while pointing at the thing that had been causing you so much stress. Jaemin made a face as his eyes wandered over to it. “It is stupid, but you know what else is stupid,,moths, I mean what is the point of them? They fly like broken butterflies,” his random statement made you started to laugh. “Don't make fun of moths like that,” you said, a smile gracing your lips. “You're right, come join me in making fun of this textbook,” Jaemin leaned over and grabbed the book to read what you were doing. You nodded your head and made space for him on the bed. “Yeah.”

chenle

chenle grew concerned when you stopped replying to his texts. At first the conversation was going smoothly and then like a light switch was flipped, you started replying with only 1 word. He wasn't so sure if he had done something wrong but the fact that you hadn’t replied to him in 2 hours was eating away at him. He slipped on a pair of tennis shoes and headed out the door, to your place.

“Y/n?” he asked as he pounded against the heavy wooden frame. You sighed from where you were sitting, you were desperately trying to study but Chenle had been distracting you. You kept quiet as you worked on the problem in front of you. Chenle whined your name when you refused to open the door. “Im sorry that I made you mad, please forgive me,” he sadly said despite not having a clue as to what was wrong. You felt yourself smile softly at the boys’ words. Without even thinking tears bursted out of your eyes and you let out a loud sob causing Chenles heart to sink. “Babe, I don't understand it at all,” you cried out as you opened your door and hugged him tightly Chenle furrowed his brows in confusion before his eyes landed on your notebook. “Oh,,,let,,let me see if I can help,” he beamed making you nod your head. “Okay,”

jisung

“Jisung,,” you hiccupped through the phone, your voice was broken due to the continuous sobs. You sniffled as you wiped some tears out of your eyes your vision was starting to get cloudy. “Y/N?? Are you okay?” Jisungs voice was frantic, you had never called him while crying before. “Im trying to study for this upcoming test and I don't understand anything! Im just going to drop out and become a stripper,” you said while staring intensely at the textbook. You heard Jisung sigh in relief before something dawned on him “nO NO Y/N! You're most certainly are not dropping out and becoming a stripper,,,just wait,,ill be there soon and Ill help you,” he said while standing up to pack his stuff. “Are you sure?’ you asked while feeling your heartbeat quicken thanks to the kind boy. “Of course!” you could feel his smile through the phone. “Well hurry up because Im ready to call the school,” you joked. “No! Ill be there in like 10 minutes, just calm down,” Jisung whined. “Okay,, see you soon.”

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duetlyreads · 6 years

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Rant

Its late and I’m tired and stressed from upcoming finals and irritated at myself for other reasons and I just want to get this out even if I’m not a very active (in terms of talking to other bloggers) member of my fandoms because this has been bothering me since like December and I've had enough.

Seeing all of these wonderfully talented authors and fellow fans delete their blogs or contemplating deleting their blogs makes me very sad, but at the same time, I know that in most they are doing what they believe is best for themselves. I know that there are different reasons why different authors have chosen to delete, but I have noticed a disturbing trend of anon hate and increasing writing demands being a culprit of these losses. And I have some Things to say about that. Especially when it causes writers to feel like something they used to love doing is now a burden (this just breaks my heart)

It makes me both furious and sad to see that there are people who think it is ok to send hateful messages to someone, for whatever reason. To those anons, I am sorry that you have nothing better to do with your time than to try to bring a fellow human being down. I honestly don’t know what goes through your head when you hit that send button with that message filled with negative thoughts, but I am sorry that you lack the ability to express your feelings in a functional and healthy way, or even to be kind at all. Empathy is a tried and true method, and if you could put yourself out of your own selfish bubble long enough to see how you would feel if someone sent such a message to you, well, I hope that you would make a different choice. Whether you truly and wholeheartedly mean what you saw or not, whether or not you think you are in the right, hate is never the answer.

The sheer selfishness that some people exhibit when it comes to communicating with their so-called “favorite authors” is disgusting. If they really are your favorite author then you should have the decency to show some respect and understanding about how difficult it is to have a life and a current writing blog. Authors are not machines. They have setbacks, they have limits, and they have free choice of writing whatever the fuck they want. It’s their blog, and their choice, not yours. They do not exist to serve your every whim. If an author hasn’t updated a series in a while, what you SHOULD do is politely ask them ONCE (1 TIME) if they have a plan on when hey might be working on it again, and whatever answer they give you, accept it as canon. What you SHOULDN’T do is throw a tantrum like a toddler because your aren’t getting what you want or insult the author because they, a fellow human being with other things to do with their time, are not writing fast enough to your standards. How about you try writing a 20 part multific that's around 2K words each and update it regularly while being a full-time student/parent/worker, all the while either going through severe writer’s block or inspiration for writing a different piece altogether. Authors and bloggers alike are not perfect, nor do they claim to be. Cut them some slack and back. Off.

To the authors that have deleted their blogs for these other personal reasons, I first want to say that even though I may not know the details surround your circumstances, I understand the need to put yourself before others in order to be at peace. So in that, I say: “Four for you, Glen Coco.” Huge and amazing props to you for putting your mental/emotional/physical wellbeing over the wants and desires of others. I know that for many of you, it was most likely a very tough decision and a very painful time, but if it ultimately led you to feel peace or more at one with yourself, I applaud you for that. Even if you just transferred to another blog, that is still a great thing considering what may have been going on at the time. Things weren’t going so well, but you decided to start afresh! Go you! Secondly, I want to thank you. Not just for sharing your amazing talent with us, but for sharing YOU with us. You, who brought smiles to so many faces. You, who may have made us squeal inhumanly loud at the fluff, or cry uncontrollably at the angst, or have to take multiple cold showers after reading the smut. Thank you. You didn’t have to, but you did, and that made all the difference. Thank. You. And even if you are no longer writing on here or other places on the internet, I hope that you continue to develop your wonderful talent and share it with kindred spirits. Bless.

If you are contemplating deleting your blog for any of the above reasons or other personal ones, please know that whatever you chose, if it makes you happy in the end, I support your decision. Life is full of constant struggles and we never know if the choices we make are the right ones until after we make them, sometimes long after the fact. I can be a pessimist at times, but I like to think of life as a roller coaster. When you’re feeling down and miserable, I believe that at some point, things will start to look up. Your choices can either speed up or slow down that inevitable incline, but sooner or later, it will happen. Whatever you choose, try to make sure that it will make YOU happy in the long run. I believe in you. And if you ever need someone to talk to, my door is always open, along with my bag of doggo pics to try and brighten your day.

Tagging some bloggers and writers I know may find this relevant bc you guys deserve to know that you are loved and appreciated. Feel free to tag anyone else.

@mattmoredick @bucky-plums-barnes (special message for you in tags) @sexylibrarian1 @timeforsmut

(Note: It is 1 am and i honestly cannot rack my brain enough to come up with the other multitude of bloggers i know have been through this so im going to also tag authors who have been around for a while and have seen some things. Sorry if this is awkward! @persephone-is-here-omg @after-avenging-hours @angryschnauzer @buckyywiththegoodhair @lenavonschweetz @captainrogerss)

Tagging for Reasons:

@drearncatcher37 @runmild

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yellowcolorbluepolitics · 6 years

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4.30

i just am really overwhelmed on multiple fronts right now. one of them is with school -- i have two finals that im trying to responsibly get down but its really hard because i just legitimately dont know so many of the answers. and google isnt being super helpful and im just very frustrated and stuck with them. i wish i could ask someone for help but no one has started them because theyre not due till friday. and also im frustrated because i know im going to end up giving my work to people who dont do the work, which is frustrating because i worked really hard on it. but also ive been in a similar position where i need help and need people to send me work, so i cant really be like this now.

also im just so frustrated by my family!!!! theyre just all over me and i need to take a break!!! like they just dont understand that i am a student and i have finals and commitments and i dont have unlimited time for them!! like i have so much more work than they do, all they do is work 9-5 and then go home whereas i work 9-5 and then have homework to do on top of it!!! and then they get frustrated with me because i cant make spot-on decisions because i need time to think and dont have it! also because both of my brothers are just full grown children incapable of having an adult conversation and its so frustrating. and my mom in all her engrained sexism fucking makes me cut them so much slack and is so kind and forgiving for them, yet i, the youngest, always have to be the fucking adult!! it makes no sense!!! they need to grow up!! i wont be cutting them any fucking slack they are grown men!!! why must i be more mature, i am a twnety year old child! also the way my mom meets all my suggestions with negativity brings me down so much !

and i am just v whelmbed about the general amount of emotional labor i have to perform for other people, and generally i dont mind and am so happy to do it and be helpful and supportive but sometimes im just like TIRED ya know and feel all this pressure to be the best most on top person all the time and sometimes im tired and get frustrated by it.

and i just have so much work and i cant believe i dont have a job yet haha i literally feel like the worst failure i am literally the worst and i just have too much on my plate i literally cant i am so overwhelmed and do not know how to solve any of these problems and cant foresee a point where i will be less overwhelmed i literally dont even want to celebrate my graduation because i am so embarrassed about not having a job and not having anything figured out and i literally cant even talk about it

and im so stressed financially there are so many things i need to make money for- a new fucking bed frame bc my bed is fucking on the floor bc apparently i am trash and poor again, i need a new phone bc mel keeps bothering me to get hers back but i just legit dont have the $50 to buy a new one, i need a graduation dress and i just dont have the money and i just am overall v whelmed and everyone needs to stop asking things of me and also giving me suggestions bc i dont want to hear it i am literally the smartest person when it comes to my own life and all the suggestions are insulting bc its like do u think i havent thought of that??? idk. i just need to take a long vacation after this semester and not fucking talk to anyone and just relax near a lake or something and journal and figure myself out

“journal”

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andrieh-vitimus · 6 years

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Day 28: Domagick.com Those Structural issues

I am going to be vague here, but I can honestly say I can’t wait for this domagick challenge to be done. Although I am going to continue the Ganesh work and focus that work on attuning to the mantra fully, I will be stopping the Dantalion work at the 30 day mark. I feel like the results have been at best mixed, the methods of the work is painful or at least numbing, and structural issues/mixed messages/wrong priorities probably are making shit a lot harder. Really, we are getting some movement, but really it doubly pains me that really the healing movement we are getting could easily accomplished with structural changes and therapists who weren’t painfully apathetic or incompetent.

Additionally, the honest results seem to be coming from Dantalion, but those aren’t stable and really when the results are clearly there, they are constrained a set of pre-conditions and believe sets that are self-destructive. This is still a vast improvement over the situation at the start, but clearly far from optimal. Before you “internet-ize” how Im the idiot for working with a Demon on this and thats all to be expected, other people are doing openly Angel work that should stabilize and make tactical movements more stable. I knew the Dantalion work would produce tactical changes which exactly what it did. In some ways, I would have to admit these tactical changes are superior what I would have expected, but inconsistent because the strategic changes are not holding as well.

Guess which work doesn’t seem to be working much in results you can measure, hint… its 2 of the angels. If anyone wants to ask me, why I would rather work demons, the Lwa, Fae, anything but angels, well, its the timeframes are generally not in-alignment with human needs and you generally have to accept the timeframes on faith. Fuck and that.

With 1 angel clearly I can see it working, but thats inconsistent too, and that is actually my fault because of my need to have clearer boundaries in some situations. The other 2 angels, maybe there is some results but who knows, it really is not clear.

All that is not miraculous results, its some results in a situation where multiple parties have vested interests at the subconscious level that are not aligned with healing movement. This probably is why magic usually doesnt work, too many opposing “interests” in the system. This situational alchemy has not been fun and really has been quite frustrating to watch it unfold. The effort to results ratio is so negatively skewed that I want to cry about it.

That said, often I can see things take 4-5 months to unfold, but I won’t be watching, and I won’t really be documenting, so it will have to be pretty fucking obvious cause when its done, I’m done. I don’t really feel good about the results so far in any meaningful way, and instead just feel tired and I really don’t want to do this work anymore ( but will for 2 more days), its been honestly a struggle for the last few days and while I do struggle with some magics, I feel this one is mostly failing. This is not a usual event for how the magic goes for my work. Ending with the Ganesh homa over the weekend, is really just a way to get closure on the work and reset myself to move forward.

If anything, I probably I have failed pretty hard on the grace front although I have seen movement on those fronts, but really getting it down, not so much. If anything, the stress of finals has made that point even more poignant that I do not do that well, and I am not really tolerant of situations in which a short term emotional gain leads to a mid ( month) or long term (year) problem. Like Faith, I am not so sure I am so good at the grace thing or at least I have to meditate on this alot more. Grace certainly does not mean peace, so those two may well be conflated in my mind when I contemplate it. I don’t work with Gentle loving dieties or spirits, so I shouldn’t expect gentleness. In no irony statement, perhaps going down a Christianity path with a gentle father figure is not so bad. Nah, lets not.

Still I am really not digging the unreciprocated self-sacrifice and lack of movement in exchange for that as a tendancy in my life, right now. I will be working on that over the next few months to give that to death. I am like with finals ready to be done and chalk this up to a “strong effort” and then think about my goal states and moves without a strong success on this one and that means potentially negative consequences that I will have to adapt to. Sometimes the magic just doesn’t work the way you expect to, but dealing with those negative consequences are going to be really difficult in this. I am going to have to make some self-changes and potentially self-numbing changes to keep on the pathways I am on with those consequences. It is not pleasant thoughts there. I need some time in a buddhist monastery in one of the dark rooms they have.

I know for a fact for the next challenge, I will not be a) doing anything for anyone else b) probably not working with any spirits in the capacity of the challenge ( well maybe Simbi Makaya) c) will outright be enchanting for selfish things and self-soveignty type of pursuits. The next challenge is enchantment so… I am really tempted to go all psychological model 100% in, and just do 30 days of the swish pattern end stop.

Addendum: Again did the work hard, got results, but again with self-destructive components. Pretty consistent here. Structural changes are coming at more sacrifice to me, so well see if its worth it. I am not high on the faith elements here. Servitors, sigils, so much cleaner.

Day 28: Domagick.com Those Structural issues was originally published on Andrieh Vitimus

#domagick #self-change

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alexisthinksalot · 4 years

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well , i’m up , 5:34am

staurday, november 30

its so early.

i’m in the RV

tired as hell. but cant sleep bcs my stomach problems. i think im home sick.

i remember that last night i said “I’m breaking up with you” to Raul.... not really meaning it ... but ...

if i really didnt mean it, would i have said it at all ?

i get he’s busy; but any body who has time; will make time for the things that matter most to them.

Raul coulve at least texted me when he got home yesterday after work n he never did ubtil i said something. & before that ... he didnt say goodmorning or anything like that. which okay. idrc. i get mornings suck ass.

but then later that day (yesterday) he tells me whats really been on his mind. why he really wasnt talking to me.

Turns out this nigga , QUOTE ON QUOTE said “i just want a woman” “a woman who will help me. you dont do shit. you make me go broke. you came into my life n just made me broke agian.”

first of all) he was practically begging me to date him again. everyday he would nag nag nag “be my girlfriend” “date me already” & he would always make jokes and aide comments about how if i was dating him he would buy me this or that of which we would be looking at when we would go out together.

second) it was NEVER like i was telling him to buy me this and buy me that. he decided on his own terms to spend his money. not me. bcs thats not my money.

third) ha just wow i just really cant believe this nigga wants to talk about this while im out on a family trip. like really nigga ? we spend 24/7 together and you wanna wait until im spending quality time w family // fucking refreshing my soul. and he wants to text me “i want a woman. youre not enough. you make me broke. you dont help”

it just upsets me that he brought this own himself (he told me to be his after multiple times of me rejecting him) and now he wants to complain about how im not enough....

that shit hurt me. and it was out of nowhere. and whats even worse is that hes been feeling this way for a fat minute. it explains ... omg everything makes since now .... this all explains why he’s been so quiet this week ... and probably last ... buti know forsure its been all this weekthat he’s been feeling this way.

what a dick. instead of telling me how he feels about our relationship , he just sits back and thinks to himself “i need a real woman. someone else who can help me. i wish she would.” instead of telling me his thoughts. -

communication is everything.

otherwise; i’m out here lookin stupid.

- instead , he got me out her lookin mad dumb !

i’m over here actin like we’re all good. like theres no problems between me and my boo !

but nah apperently there is problems. and i guess he just HAD to wait until i was with my family , enjoying my family time for him to THEN tell me how he’s negatively been thinking about us. about me.

... so yeah i said i didnt want a relationship bcs why tf would i want to stress myself out like dat ?

all of a sudden im a part of someone elses life/problems and honestly thats just too much for me. i have enough of my own shit to deal with. why add another load of shit to my plate ??????

im only 19 ... growing up , i didnt have a stable home so alot of things i shouldve learned ; i didnt get the chance to ... so i feel like i need to be alone. a one man army until i can get myself situated.

bcs truth be told. im not situated.

and thats why raul’s over here sayin what he’s sayin.

maybe it is best if i stay single.

but here’s the catch:

i was kicked out at 17 & my mom will NOT let me back into her home under any circumstances. (bcs her husband will not allow it🙄 like he says what goes in this family !? ha bitch 😒)

i ended up house hoping from rauls to friends to family ...

i lived in OK for a year

got my GED (bcs my dumbass dropped out) & Drivers License (bcs my mom never had time for me) & I even got an ID for oklahoma. 😎

Tía took care of me like she promised. 🥰

but that was last year ... here i am now.

feeling like im back at square one ....

... i feel like this is my cycle ... men ... 🥺

i came from a broken home , then i spent years growing up, looking for a place to call home but having no place to call home ....

... i just want to be happy while being my own person. i wanna feel like i can do this life shit without a man.

cause rn , the way the universe is playin me; i feel like i’m cursed and i will forever have “daddy issues”

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perdizzion · 7 years

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I just happen to stumbled upon ur account and saw that you'll be quitting med school. I have a dilemma that I want to share with someone. Im a newly enrolled first yr med student and classes just started a week before. But I'm starting to form some doubts whether I really want to be a doctor or not. Its not that I cant handle the academics its just that do i really see myself being a doctor in the future and actually feel happy about it.

I dont even know if being a doctor is my dream anymore or just my parent’s.

Hiya! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, anon! I don’t know if my answer will help you or not, but I will try to do my ABSOLUTE BEST to reply!!

Ok so. Med school. Tricky stuff. I’ll tell you a little bit about my background and what I’m up to right now to give you a Good Feel about how things are going after the decision I’ve taken and whatnot.

I got into med school about 4 and a half years ago, and like any student who worked their asses off for their desired universities’ entrance exams, I was beyond ecstatic when I found out that I had gotten in. I started attending lectures, group discussions, student projects, and for the first few years, I felt like hey, I think I can actually do this! The exams were pretty tough, I can’t say I liked pharmacology and neurology, but I passed just fine and so I thought that things were going to be fine.

[Narrator voice] things were, in fact, not fine.

I started having doubts around..3rd year, I think? Everything just started to become so dull no matter how much free time I was using to do my hobbies (drawing and doing art in general) and I think that was when my depression started to really rear its ugly head. I started to miss classes, isolate myself from my friends, stay in bed all day, and the only people that had kept me sane were my family and a few close friends of mine telling me to take care of myself when I was too depressed to do so. I tried thinking about whether I’ll be happy being a doctor in the future, and then I noticed that I couldn’t even imagine myself in a white coat, working in a clinic and talking to a patient.

This is when I finally realized that all this time, my wanting to go to med school wasn’t even because it was my dream. It was my parents’.

I struggled a lot to get through some of the days, but I managed to keep up the facade in front of my uni friends until I finished 4th year and received a “degree”. (In Indonesia, finishing 4th year of med school grants you a “bachelor of medicine” though you can’t really use it for anything yet until you’ve finished 2 more years of clerkship and get a “dr” in front of your name).

Clerkship happened after 4th year. If I had to use one word to describe clerkship, it would be hellish. I don’t know if this is how it works in every country, but in Indonesia, clerkship demands med students to attend hospital shifts with inhuman amount of working hours. We had to do 36 hour shifts every twice a week, and 9 hour shifts every other day. This might sound pretty light to some people, but it was super tough for me what with the amount of additional assignments and exams that we still had to do during our rotations.

After 2 months of clerkship, my depression grew so much worse to the point where my best friend (bless her heart) had to call me almost everyday to help me sleep at night because the thoughts in my head wouldn’t leave me alone. Finally, I called my sister who lives in a different city to fly to where I was living in to take me to see a psychiatrist. It didn’t help because my doctor was super shitty about my condition (“all med students experience depression at one point because med school is just that hard, don’t worry, I’ve been there”) but I did take the meds. And I was planning to carry on with clerkship, until one day the meds gave me orthostatic hypotension (it was one of the side effects of the drug that I was taking) and I fainted in the middle of a surgery. When my mom (who lives in another city) found out about this, she was livid. She flew to my place right on that exact same day to take care of me, though she hadn’t known about my depression yet at the time.

The next day, I told her everything. Like, everything. About how med school had truly been stressing me out, about how I didn’t feel like med school was the right place for me anymore, about how clerkship had been making me feel like I was a worthless piece of shit because the doctors kept yelling at me, about how clerkship had also been making me realize that I wasn’t good with patients and that their lives are literally in my hands and that a single mistake could lead to their death and how I could never live with that much guilt in my life, about how I was so tired of being too sleep-deprived to properly function everyday, let alone to stitch a patient’s cut-up hand back together.

I told her that I wanted to quit. And so I did.

And you know what? It feels amazing.

I’ve been sleeping regularly for the past few months. I get to draw everyday now, and still make money out of doing commissions. I interact with my family a lot more and I don’t check up on them only when I need them to transfer me some money to buy food. I eat three meals a day like a normal human being and it feels so, so good. I applied for a scholarship so I could earn a Master’s degree in biomedicine abroad (it’s not art school, which is where I actually want to go to, but it’s not med school either so I’ll take it), I passed the first stage and now I’m just trying to do my best to pass the next two stages so I could get a full-ride.

Things are okay. Things are good.

Things haven’t always been good, of course. People tell me that I was “so close to reaching my dreams!”, that my parents “must be so shattered to hear that you wanted to quit!”, that I am just “wasting away my potential.” My grandparents called me a disappointment a few weeks ago while telling me that I should just give up on my scholarship application and go back to med school. My dad told me that he wished I could “go back to the way I was and be happy again.” My mom cried multiple times. It hasn’t been easy on my mental health, but honestly? Fuck it. Fuck every single guilt-trip that my parents have had to put me through. Fuck everyone at uni who’s been spreading false rumors about how I quit med school because “I got cancer” or “I got knocked up.”

I absolutely hated how the doctors did anything back in the hospital. The rich patients got immediate treatment, and the poor got dismissed. The mentally ill were mocked behind closed doors, and med students were treated like trash. Rooted seniority where the senior doctors hazed junior doctors were still a thing (in Indonesia, at least). Literally everyone in the hospital had a superiority complex and I fucking hated it. Neither my parents nor my grandparents will have to be the ones to experience this on a daily basis for years though, so fuck outta here with your negative comments about my decision.

I quit med school because I did it for me, and only me.

This is by no means supposed to scare you away from med school just so you could jump into my bandwagon, heck no. I’m telling you this because nobody told me that this could be a possibility. Everybody I knew kept telling me that the only thing you’ll need to succeed med school is firm determination and hard work, and while that may be true for some people, I required a lot more than that, like a stable mental health, a good support system, etc. I failed to meet these requirements, and so everything turned into a shipwreck for me. My other friends, however, who were well-prepared with all of these, are managing to continue med school just fine.

That being said, this answer is definitely supposed to make you think about your decision more thoroughly. One of the most often things that people tell me post-med school is that “you should’ve quit earlier if you hadn’t liked it; it would’ve saved you a lot of time.” I hate the fact that I agree with this. If I had quit years ago, I would’ve still had time to search for a school that was more relevant to my interests and start over from a blank slate. If I had quit years ago, I would’ve been able to graduate from a new school and earn an actual proper job by now so I could help my parents out with our finance. Of course, my parents would’ve been way more harsh on me if I had told them that I wanted to quit so early on, but if you own the privilege of having parents that would genuinely and willingly listen to you, please talk about it with them. I had a friend who quit med school around a few months before 1st year ended; he’s in business school now and from what I’ve heard, he’s pretty happy with where he is right now.

Whew, that was long. I swear I didn’t mean for it to be this long!! Let me know if any of that helped or if you just want to talk off anon with me in general! I know firsthand how this kind of dilemma can eat you up whole, and it’s not a fun experience, so just hmu if you want to chat

Have a nice day!!

#THIS GOT SO LONG OMG LKSDJFSD IM SO SORRY #I GOT CARRIED AWAY #i just....really wanted to explain everything as descriptive as possible #so i could help at least a little bit #aAAA #anonymous #answers

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lovemesomesurveys · 7 years

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Have you ever had a secret that you really just couldn't tell? Yes.

Has anything happened today that has upset you in any way? Yes. I’m having a particular issue that is making it difficult to eat and I’m just really frustrated and tired and hangry.

Is there someone in your life you tell every little thing to? No, but I share a lot in these surveys. Whoever reads them comes closest to that.

Do most of your friends have a significant other? One is married and the other two are single.

If I say "psycho", who is the first person that comes to your mind? That infamous shower scene with Janet Leigh screaming and you see the shadow of the guy with the knife doing the stabbing motion from the movie, Psycho.

Are there any stressful situations in your life right now? My life is a stressful situation.

Who has made the biggest sacrifice for you? My mom.

Would you rather live in the city, suburbs or the country? Hmm. I like a bit of something from each of those. When I finally leave this hellhole city I live, I’ll have to figure out if I want to keep that city life or try something else. We shall see.

Do you think you could handle a day in jail? Nope.

How do you feel about middle-parted hair? I don’t feel any kind of way.

Is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point, and isn't around now? Yes.

Did the last person you kissed have piercings? Nope.

Do you believe that your first true love can be your only love in life? No. For me, I think I’ll always care for him because he was my first love, but I have moved on. I could love again. I’m terrified because I don’t have any luck whatsoever in that department, but it could happen again.

Is anyone mad at you right now? I don’t think so.

Have you ever given up on anyone? Yes. Including myself.

Have you ever kissed someone you weren't dating? Yes.

Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up? Nope.

Who's the biggest douchebag you know? I don’t know any douchebags.

If your ex said they hated you, you'd say? I wouldn’t know what I did to feel so strongly about me in such a negative way. I have the right to be hurt and heartbroken, but I don’t hate him. I don’t know why they’d hate me.

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a D? Yes.

Did you ever waste too much time on someone that treated you bad? Mhm.

Who was the last girl you talked to? My mom.

Who was the last guy you talked to? My brother.

Was it a boy or a girl to last text you? A boy.

How do you feel right now? I described that in the first question. I’m still feeling the same way.

Have you ever dreamed about falling? That’s a sensation I have experienced a lot during sleep.

Who is the most obnoxious person you know? No one.

What was the last thing you 'liked' on facebook? Something funny, probably.

What was the last compliment you received? The girl at the place I got food at the other day said she liked my hair, and that the color looked good on me.

Do you cross your legs when you sit? Sometimes.

Do you still talk to your FIRST love? Not since last July.

Someone calls you at 3:00 AM; who do you expect it to be? someone with bad news <<< Same because no one calls me that hour.

What brings out the worst in you? When I’m extra moody and irritable, stressed, and hangry.

Do you think a lot of people think bad things about you? I feel like people judge me, yes. I also feel like people in my life think bad things about me. That’s probably because I think so badly of myself, and I feel like I’ve just been a shitty friend and person and blah.

In December, were you in a relationship? No.

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? No.

Have you ever kissed under water? Nope.

Have you ever kissed a blonde haired, blue eyed person? I have not.

Has anyone ever said they will never let you go? Something like that.

When's the last time someone asked you to hang out, but you couldn't? That’s how it’s been for the past few months. I haven’t hung out with anybody in a long time.

How do you feel about people not replying to you? I always feel like I’m annoying people anyway, so when they don’t respond that only fuels the fire. I just think the worst, and I know it’s stupid, but that’s how I am.

Are you in a relationship? No.

Do you have self-respect? Not so much.

Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around? Not completely, but pretty close.

Do you know how many people your best friend has had sex with? No.

Are your boobs real? Yes.

What was the last thing that made you laugh? Something on TV.

Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other? Yes. This question is dumb.

Is the last person you kissed mad at you? Not that I’m aware of? I don’t know why he would be.

Who was the last person you talked to in person? My mom.

Who was the last to call you beautiful? I don’t know.

Are you an official couple with the last person you kissed? Nopeeee. We never were in the three years we had whatever we had going on.

Is there that one guy that you'll always have feelings for no matter what? Yes.

Are you losing feelings towards anyone? No.

Ever liked someone who treated you wrong? Mhm.

The person you fell hardest for, do you still care about them? Yes.

Think of the last person who hurt you, do you forgive them? Yes. I had to, so I could move on. It doesn’t mean that you’re saying what they did is okay, it just means you’re not letting it dictate your life anymore. You’re not holding onto what was holding you back. It’s taking back the power that you gave them from harboring those emotions.

Has someone ever called you at midnight on your birthday? Yeah.

Would you ever be a stripper? No.

Do you ever wonder how other people see you? Yes.

Who did you last shoot a dirty look at? I don’t know.

Do you donate blood? I haven’t.

What was the last Youtube video you watched? A vlog one of the Youtubers I’m subscribed to posted this morning.

Is there any accent that you find sexy? I find Alexander Skarsgård’s accent and voice to be sexy.

What did the last IM you sent say? I don’t remember. It was something on Facebook Messenger.

Is there anyone getting on your nerves right now? No.

Do people underestimate you? I don’t know. I probably underestimate myself, but I really don’t give myself a lot of credit. I am my worst enemy.

Would you take your ex-significant other back? No.

Are you 100% over the last person you kissed? How many times as this been asked in some way or another? This is probably multiple surveys in one cause damn.

Who was the last baby you held? I think it was my cousins’ baby. It’s been a long time.

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? Yeah.

Is it worth crying over a guy or a girl? I’ve sure done it a lot. If they meant a lot to you and they hurt you... well, it hurts. And when I’m upset, I cry.

Are you a flirt? Maybe a little, but only if I actually know the guy and have started to feel more comfortable. It’s subtle, though. They probably can’t even tell. Well, I know they can’t because I’ve been told, “I didn’t know you felt that way” when I thought I was being obvious.

Has the last person you texted ever been mad at you before? Probs. We’re siblings, it happens.

What was your worst mistake in your life? Oh boy.

Would you fall apart if the last person you kissed walked out of your life? He did walk out of my life for almost three years. I was heartbroken over it and had a hard time for a long time. I just felt so used, played, and incredibly stupid. I didn’t feel like I was good enough, and I blamed myself.

Why did you last tell someone you hated them? I haven’t told anyone that.

Who has your heart right now? Me.

Have you ever felt so hurt you can't move? Yes.

Have your parents ever caught you kissing a guy? No.

How many friends are on Facebook chat at the moment? I don’t know, and I don’t care to check.

Which one of your exes hates you the most? None that I know of. Damn. A lot of hate in this survey, too.

Do you believe there's two sides to every story? There always is. No matter how flat you make a pancake, there’s always two sides.

Do you think your last ex will eventually want to be with you again? You are obsessed withe exes and who I last kissed. This has to be multiple surveys in one... anyway, no I don’t. And I don’t want to be with them again either.

Did you talk to anyone you didn't like today? No. There isn’t anyone in my life that I don’t like.

Are you talking to anyone right now? Nope.

Where did your last hug take place? In my living room.

Who was the last person that apologized to you? I don’t know.

Last shocking news you heard? One of my younger cousins is pregnant.

Are you named after anyone? Nope.

Does your password have numbers? Don’t worry about it.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? My brother.

Are you wearing any clothes that don't belong to you? No.

Have you ever had sex on the beach? Nope.

What reminds you the most of your last relationship? Blah.

Have you ever rejected someone but they still wouldn't give up on you? My only real ex tried for years to get back together even when I kept saying that I didn’t feel the same way.

Who gave you a hug last? Okay yeah, definitely more than one survey in one. I need a distraction, so that’s why I keep putting up with this survey. And it’s almost over now. Anyway, it was my mom.

How do you feel about guys who smoke? I don’t like smoking at all regardless of who’s doing it.

Is there anyone you would do anything for? Not anything, but just about.

Have any of your friends died of an overdose? No.

What woke you up this morning? My alarm.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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