#also dont read this im gross lmfao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

draculagerard · 1 year

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u asked for it so i am HERE to tell u about the netflix tv show never have i ever......except im not going to explain Everything super concisely bc i already have a hard enough time trying 2 explain the complexities of devi vishwakumar when my brain is Actually working but rn i am running on three hours of sleep, an energy drink that partially sprayed out of my nose, and some sour punch straws but i am going to do my best to like. idk explain it. apologies in advance bc this got so long im SO sorry. ANYWAY. never have i ever. its about a first-generation indian american girl named devi and she is like. well. not cool. her n her friends are called the "UN" which they thought meant united nations bc they're all woc but no it means unfuckable nerds. and the person who coined the term unfuckable nerds? one ben gross, aka devi's longstanding academic rival. do u see where this is going yet? great. wonderful. devi spends most of season 1 chasing after this jock paxton (who. we do love. just not with devi.) and imploding all of her personal relationships in an attempt to Not Feel the grief of her father dying. at one point she even tells her mom that she wishes her mom died instead of her dad (ouch, but also, been there). atp devi's friends, the other members of the UN, are taking a "friend break" bc she was. well kind of a bitch. so she moves in w ben (rival) for like a week and then he drives her, unlicensed, to where her mom is spreading her dads ashes and then she goes back up to the car and they go "you stayed" "yeah i just wanrted to make sure you were okay" and then KISS. KISS!!!!!!! but then paxton (jock) also likes her so she dates BOTH of them and then implodes on her and they both break up with her. and then she accidentally spreads a rumor around the school about ben's new girlfriend having an eating disorder which ends up being true. and then paxton (jock) dates her again. and then they break up after like 3 months and ben's new girlfriend (aneesa) also breaks up w ben same day and then ben and devi are like. besties for a bit. devi dates a new guy des who honestly should probably be in a relationship with his own mom instead and then he dumps her bc of his mom and THEN. after all of this. ben jokingly gives devi a "one free boink" card. (was it really a joke ben was it i dont think so!!!!) and. at paxton's graduation he sort of mentions devi but not by name and the narrator (which, i should mention the narrator for devi's inner monologue is american tennis player john mcenroe) says she doesnt get stomach knots!!! but then she and ben share an like an intimate moment in the hall and mcenroe says "there's the stomach knots" like!!!!! and THEN later that night!!!!! she goes to ben's house!!!!!!1 and redeems the one free boink card CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!! and thats where season 3 ends....

season 4 comes out in THREE DAYS and weve gotten SOOOO many spoilers for the first two episodes which (if anyone who watches never have i ever is still reading this and doesnt want spoilers please sotp reading) we find out that ben and devi DID boink and that they both thought iut was like?? bad foir the other person??? and ben just didnt know what to say so he asked if she needed him to call an uber like ben WHAT. as rae @ice-sculptures put it "can you believe that ben gross not knowing what to say after fucking led to the whole spiral of miscommunication lmfao" like they just DONT TALK devi tries to ask if he wanted to get coffee and he says NO because a basketball player at the gym told ben that devi wasnt serious about him because she put a period in the text or somethjing?? so instead he goes and dates this girl from art class margot and devi sees ben with her on the first day of school and gets. well upset. and then someone spray paints "STUPID BITCH" on devi's car and of course she thinks its margot!!!! (but shhhh it wasnt....it was actually this kid ethan....more on him later) and then like other stff happens im not super clear about that but basically at some point ben tells devi that margot doesnt want ben talking to devi anymore :( i dont rlly know much else past that i think thats where s4e2 ends??? but we do know that devi ends up DATING that ethan kid at some point but. sooo many things point to ben/devi endgame esp bc her other main love interest (paxton, the jock) is now STAFF at their high school so like?? i dont think they're going that route but im just. dsjfkhjsad SO EXCITED except i cannot watch s4 the day it comes out bc i will be seeing waterparks which. im so excitred for but also WHYYY do they have to be on the same day

i feel like i didnt explain this very well and left out a lot of like pivotal ben/devi moments but im sitting here jus.t typing and not rereading any of this im. So sorry that this is as long as it is jkhsddfsd thank u for reading this and. if u didnt read it i dont blame u szdkjhdfsakd

WOW OKAY HOLY FUCK A LOT GOING ON THERE HUH????? HELLO.

Okay okay key notes:

I already like Devi and I haven't even watched the show.

WHAT THE FUCK IS BEN DOING HELLOOOO. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM DSFJJFD

by boink im assuming it means fuck right. cause like i've never euphemism in my life

THEY END S3 LIKE THAT ?? FWERLJW

oh LORD devi's complex relationship with her mom okay i hear it

bro the miscommunication sounds SOOO bad... like they cannot communicate properly even once huh 😭

devi ends up dating WHO now???? first the guy who gave them the name un and then the stupid bitch dude?? HELP....

IT COMES OUT IN 3 DAYS??? oh shit good luck??!!

OMG youre gonna go to a Waterparks show????? have fun holy shit

anyways are you kidding ofc i read the whole thing i NEED media rants rn

#moose asks #spencer

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raitrolling · 4 months

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Cursed Drabble meta post because i cant help myself sometimes

while i dont think i nailed the vibe for the tumblr reader x celebrity self-insert fan fiction (mainly because i just Could not get through a single fic without dying of cringe. im sorry i do not vibe with this genre in the slightest for reasons that are probably evident in how i wrote that fic) and its probably more wattpad / quotev fanfic tier, i think i did pull off the standard tropes for those sorts of fics

like how the self-insert is supposed to be a blank slate for anyone to, well. self-insert into, but they're always very obviously written to be (cis) women. and the author can't decide if they want their self-insert to be meek and easily smitten, or sassy and genre-aware, as well as simultaneously living the fantasy of having a glamorous lifestyle that people would be jealous of, but she's also totally just an ordinary girl you guys. see, she's got average looks!

and also the combination of fulfilling the fantasy of 'what if my dream man saved me from a scary situation like gross dudes hitting on me', and the fact that the love interest is... often not written that much better than the bad guys lmao. the 'i saw you from across the room and immediately fell in love and wanted to protect you because you are so beautiful' seems to be popular in self-insert fics from what i skimmed through, but a lot of the time the dudes always come across as creepy to me. but in this fic sharle is using french terms of endearment so clearly he is sexy and romantic and not also a weird sleaze, duh

i died the most writing every single piece of sharle's dialogue but also the descriptions talking about how hot he is, btw. the line about the reader imagining his hands choking someone and them smelling his intoxicating scent in his bedsheets both made me want to hurl LMFAO props to people who can write that shit, id rather swan dive off a cliff thanks (tho the hand focus is also due to me listening to that read-through of the foxhole court and the video essayist mentioning how often the characters in that story grabbed each other by the chin. i was just like 'ok yeah i need more hand stuff in this people eat that shit up')

the warnings at the start are there solely because when i was scrolling through the tumblr tags for reader self-inserts i saw quite a few that warned for swearing which i thought was funny since like. this is a 13+ website. you can say the fuck word here and not get in trouble. apart from the cringy dialogue i wouldnt say anything in the fic actually merits a warning, but i felt like i needed to add the other stuff to keep it true to the formatting style that is common for tumblr self-insert fic

the bit with ropikk at the end definitely breaks the illusion and probably turns the fic into some 'lol well that just happened' marvel '''humour''', but tbh i just wanted to include a 'he would not fucking say that' joke and needed to write a palate cleanse LMAO you can pretend that last paragraph doesn't exist if you dont like the immersion-breaking

anyways uh. this was a lot of words i wrote to explain my stupid drabble i wrote as a joke and because people voted for something cursed. you can't say i half-ass anything lmao

#ooc #i drafted this post last night and its been sitting here waiting to be posted

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virgincels · 5 months

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im in love with ur blog cherry but damn, you be taking dark, dirty, and disgusting to a WHOLE other level. exbit A: when you got those vomit asks and answered them so passionately, my emetophobic ass would scream and run away and start crying and panicking. I CANNOT deal with puke, I wouldn’t touch Leon for another 10 months😭😭

Exibit B: DDLG is lowkey icky AS FUCK, but oddly nice but I be cringing and thinking what the fuck is wrong with me as I read it then I have to quit. I really only read it for leon, im that damn deprived and horny for his ass that I’ll put up with anything💀

Exibit C: When you stated your love for cannibalism, I can feel a fix coming up with cannibalism sooner or later.

But yeah, still LOVE your blog and I DONT mean ANY hate what’s so ever. I adore you and your blog, even if I don’t know you. Just saying that some of your content be dark, dirty, and disgusting ash and I be surprised and lowkey creeped out but I guess that’s the whole point of it🤷🏽‍♀️

But have a great day or night where ever you are Bubs, and please don’t take this ask as disrespectful in any way, I really don’t mean to be. And if you do then delete this ask, I don’t mean any harm what’s so ever😭😭

(in a way I’m kinda hoping that this is also a bit of a compliment to you in some type of way since topics that you write about and talk about are supposed to be icky and dark and shit like that)

honestly idk what to say but i giggled a little reading this LMFAO i get that the content is gross and im glad you stuck around despite that 😭😭😭 i think ddlg is the least icky of what I’ve written tbh but i felt the worst writing it bc i think it’s the only kink that could translate to real life

#inbox 💌

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lizzienaut · 2 years

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leaving the community

oh man, hardly thought i’d see the day when this would happen. i’m not really sure where to start this post to be honest, so apologies in advance for having to read my poorly thought out ramblings.

for those that don't wanna read, the tl;dr = i'm furthering myself from the sfw community, this blog is going on a permanent hiatus, you can find me @buntopiia or @kinkynaut if youre 18+, im just generally unhappy and tired here but im so grateful for all of the support and all the super cool friends i made here <33 its not goodbye forever!!

it’s been a good run, hasn’t it? but then again, it’s not like im going away completely — i'm still gonna be active on tumblr, just not in the sfw side of the tickle community. i'll also be active on my new main, which is @buntopiia, so if you aren't 18+ or just arent comfy with nsfw content, you can still find me there if you ever wish to talk.

so here comes the nitty gritty of it all; i just don't enjoy being here anymore. im sure its super apparent to everyone that the sfw community is always on the brink of tearing itself apart, barely being held together by its seams - and to be honest, i'm just completely over it. it seems that we can't go a day here without someone getting death threats or being told to kill themselves over the way they perceive their interest in tickling, which is such a stupid fuckin sentence to type out, but here we are.

the rampant hatred everyone seems to have for each other is draining. and this isn't about the anons that i've gotten specifically- i found those funny more than anything (i'm still a slut well denizen at heart), but a whole slew of other things as well. the constant drama feels reminiscent of high school, and come to think of it, it's probably because the sfw community is filled mainly with minors. mostly ones who don't know how to cultivate their own online experience and blame the adults for it, but i digress. every callout post is just a reminder of how toxic and shitty the sfw side of the community can be. lots of people hide behind the "sfw" title to seem innocent and approachable. lots of people demonize the nsfw community for everything that happens here. but in all honesty, when's the last time you've seen any big drama from the nsfw community?

lots of people stay in their own little bubble there, curating their own content and reblogging from each other solely. i find that (most) adults are very good at following their dni criteria and keeping minors away, even if they don't listen. and the fact that the kinksters are so harshly spoken about by the sfw community is another major factor as to why i'm leaving.

i have a tickle fetish. i see tickling as something both nonsexual in platonic scenarios and sexual in romantic ones (in my own life, of course). hearing people constantly saying having a fetish is gross or vile or whatever is genuinely upsetting, which is why i was in denial about it for the longest time. i felt disgusting for it. i was so ashamed and terrified of people finding out, because i thought it would make me some kind of "pervert" or something, which also sounds incredibly stupid when i type it out.

like seriously, this is a post about tickling. the fact that we have drama and community politics over here is the dumbest shit i've ever heard lmfao

but yeah. i feel safer in the nsfw community than i do here now. i'll post the occasional fluffy tickle art on my main, but other than that, all of my content will be posted onto my kink account. and you're more than welcome to interact with my main!! you dont even need to be on anon or a main yourself, im more than okay with tickle blogs interacting with me. it isnt something im ashamed of anymore, and being in the nsfw community has helped me overcome that fear. being unabashedly kinky is extremely freeing, tbh.

its been fun and ive seriously enjoyed my time here with you guys <33 again, i'm not gone completely! i'm just distancing myself from the "sfw" brand and moving on to other things. thank you for everything <3

#important #liz peeps™#tickling

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angelnumber27 · 2 years

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It’s a long shot that I could ever hate myself, I love myself — highly doubt you could say the same. You’re the one whose addicted, let’s not forget that. I see your posts and remember how fucking terrible you are. All you do is project, I wasn’t even talking about any subject matter; was literally just calling you a fiend, fentanyl whore.

awwww hahah ooooooookay lmfao whateeeeeever you say 🤣🤣🤣🤣 keep telling yourself that honey. if you loved yourself even in the slightest you wouldn’t send ugly hate anons to someone who doesn’t know you! That’s not how loving yourself works <3 you’re rancid and hateful and soooooooo MAD and that’s that :) I don’t do this gross childish shit like you and love myself more than it seems you could ever love anything. You have an ugly heart and a nasty ass attitude.

unfollow me if my posts make you remember how “fucking terrible I am” (false lmaooooooo) name one time I was “fucking terrible” baby girl.. if IM terrible what does that make you? Demented evil and irredeemable.

Would genuinely LOVE to hear what someone like you considers terrible and would LOVE to hear what you’re referring to. Because this is entirely unprovoked projection and I know for a fact I’ve done nothing to your random irrelevant ass. Clown.

I’m not the one projecting. My ask box literally says “don’t project” so I know you most definitely didn’t even know the meaning of that word bc clearly you dont have a very extensive vocabulary, so you just copied what my inbox said ☠️ And how dense are you that you cannot read the dozens of times I’ve mentioned that I am NO LONGER ADDICTED. You even got the drug wrong damn fool🤣 Haven’t been for almost a year and just watch, that’ll turn into several years. I’m so sorry (not) that that makes you SOOOO angry. But guess what? It has nothing to do with you. You have nothing to do with me. (Thank GOD) You’re someone who can easily be so UGLY even to strangers which makes me feel horrible for those who know you in real life and all of the other kind people/addicts in recovery you stalk and harass. You need to work on yourself a LOT, you need to try a LOT harder when it comes to reading comprehension and you need to start educating yourself (for once evidently) so badly and to find something better to do all day than taking the time and energy out of your day to do this childish immature ass shit. Are you nine years old? Have you never in your life known anyone effected by addiction? Id be surprised if you didn’t. Hope you don’t treat those people like you treat people on here. And do you just not have the mental capacity to understand that when someone gets clean from something, it means they’re no longer taking it? Like you really don’t get that???? LMAO. Do some extensive research and go to therapy regularly. You need it. This behavior is beyond disgusting, really hope you heal your ugly heart! 🖤 have a good life being horrible judgmental hateful bitter and jealous! None of that is my fault, or anyone else’s (it’s.. yours.) so you should stop taking all of that blatantly obvious self hate, pure ANGER and extreme insecurity out on people you’re jealous of or because of whatever disgusting urge you can’t control to attack people who don’t deserve it at all and are worlds better than you.

Why don’t you go try to do what I was on for four years and try to even go through 1/10000000000 of what I’ve been through. Doubt you’d survive in the first place. But keep speaking from a place of absolute idiocy and keep living your sad life of being unable to feel empathy :( You could NEVER do ANY of what I did, getting and STAYING completely sober from the most additive deadly substance on the planet at home by myself with no medical help. I did something beyond incredible and no matter what nasty people like you say, I’m so proud of myself and always will be :) as I should be. Clearly you could also never experience the extreme pain abuse and trauma I have and still be kind and loving to others (but you already knew that) you’d off yourself if you’d been through even the tiniest fraction of what I have. I’d hate myself too if I was like you :( so sad and horrid and SOOOO ANGRY. (Only difference is I wouldn’t take that out on other people who are doing better than me because I’m not an awful cunt) hope you don’t have anyone around you physically (I’m sure you don’t lol bc truly why would anyone want to be around that) because you obviously don’t have a shred of empathy or basic decency in that angry ass body of yours. I feel bad for you, it must be so hard to wake up this ignorant bitter and jealous every day.

I hope you get the professional help you desperately need to heal from your vile ugly heart and horrible personality bc this is so repulsive and so are you! If you need help finding therapists in your area I can send you links! :)

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wujico · 4 months

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first post.. wow hello void. this is a little more awkward than i thought. i know i should treat this like im writing on paper again in my little taco journal i got from my friend back in elementary, but... idk maybe its the thought that somebody might read this that puts me off. and also the fact that i just.... havent written anything in any sort of journal since i was 16 and making goodbye letters (ToT) what a life

anyway today is a saturday... well its sunday morning at 5am but im riddled with anxiety and cant sleep so :,) im trying to keep my thoughts busy. i work again tomorrow, only six hours which is usual for me, but its fucking -50⁰ where i live rn and I REALLY dont wanna force myself out of bed..... ugh

but ive been really good at never skipping work unless im throwing up all over the place so :,) speaking of that, i just got done being sick with the flu for the SECOND TIME within two months !!!!! i have a horrid immune system.. most of the time when im sick i spend hours rotting away in my bed and on the bathroom floor... these two times were no different

i genuinely was up at like 5am unable to sleep sobbing in my bed because it hurt so much !!! i gen wanted to die lmfao i hate being sick

but its whatever... at least i got to talk to 🍀 while i was high on meds and a 39.8⁰ fever... i said some funny shit but he just entertained me... i love looking back at our messsages.. he really seems to care for me.... crazy

neway yes saturday.. today.. what did i do- well i had work. i was stressing the entire day over being able to get my hw done for uni classes on time but then i just.. decided not to work on it at all. idk.. work was okay. i love working. even though its a a gross fast food restaurant with shady people coming and making a mess 24/7. all that bad cancels out when it comes to my cowokers. ive had so... so so so many people ive loved at this job. people ive loved more than i should and who have left me (WHATS NEW) BUTTT thats a story for another day

well anyway i got to see one of my besties who is always talking about her boy troubles ... i think everyone still thinks im a lesbian there since im not out to them as trans and have a gf 🙃 its kinda funny.. especially with all my male coworkers

who can just goof off and be close to me without the added stress of thinking its going to go anywhere (for the two of us).

wow this is already becoming so long shksjjsskjslk i have a feeling each post is gonna be like this... just a ramble about my life

anyway. i went home and immediately one of my headmates made himself know... his names nikki and hes... newish? hes been around since august 2023 but just recently showed himself. well we played sky together for a while, just the two of us. i sorta.. soft called out 🍀 on my discord status saying something like "chill cr w/ nikki!! anyone can join!" hoping theyd join my game LOL

well it was a call out to any one of my sky friends on disc (my new friend mochi actually ended up seeing it and we got to talk propery on sky for one of the first times... i was so happy)

i felt bad for 🍀 at first because he couldnt see mochis chat messages while we were having a whole ass conversation with 🍀 piggy on my shoulders... but they added each other a little later and i think the convo went well :)

🍀 's sky friend actually joined us as well.. i dont know her... nor do i really care that 🍀 seemed so close with her (well that was definitely a lie i told myself)

im so jealous LMFAOOOO definitely problems related to being stuck in a toxic friend group for 12 years BUT AGAIN thats a story for another day

anyway i was a bit sad at first because there are just things you cant say in a chat with your queer platonic partner when theres a random who you sort of know but have never personally talked to... so i shut off a bit... nikki tho bless him wtf was like- urging me to stop being so closed off towards sky friends sjhdksjsk especially because this person was really nice and even asked if she could tag along (which i said was fine because i cant say no to anything, no matter how hard i try)

it got better tho, when mochi joined

i really am a horrible person, because i felt i finally had equal grounds on 🍀 by being able to talk to mochi while they couldnt

curse being literally delusionally attached to 🍀 because he is my o n l y true friend !!!

i really am selfish for wanting to have all his attention. i am such a shitty human being

anyway... we went to eden (i lead everyone) and then sat and talked for a bit. being on equal ground with mochi about our interest in skz was super refreshing. its been a while since ive talked to anybody... but i recently joined the sky server and mochi and a few others dmed me

half way through i saw me and 🍀 's mutal friend come online.... ill call him 🌟 on here.... i only recently got to know him because i was online on sky alone and decided to join him.. he was doing quests by himself so i got some 1 on 1 time with him and omg hes so cool

i always have this habit of putting everyone else in an "untouchable" catergory, because everyone compared to me is just so much better. i guess i idolized 🌟 in a way because i never got to talk to him... he was only mutals to me through our sky friend group

anyway after that 1 on 1 i immediately felt so amazing and i wanted to talk to him every chance i get... so after mochi left and he hadnt joined our game (which was suprising because i was with 🍀 and the other person who are close to 🌟 and he likes them a lot better than me so i thought hed join one of them.... but he didnt) so i just went and joined his game immediately

i kinda ditched 🍀 but its whatever, i was still in a bad mood from earlier

i was kinda upset and sad all day so.... i was distant in my head and wasnt talking to anyone.. but that wore off the moment i got the chance to talk to 🍀 again

which was when my dad suprised me with mcdonalds !!! i really felt gross after eating it- and still do- but it helps sometimes. to eat that garbage.. ive always been a binge eater

where the hell even was i

yea i teleported to 🌟 to hang out with him and 🍀 warped to me... i didnt really mind because theyre both super cool and my idols but i got a dry ass greeting from 🌟 wheres as 🍀 got a enthusiastic one !! so yeah immediately i was like aight i see how it is

but 🍀 left to do a cr so i got more 1 on 1 time with 🌟 WHICH WAS SO NICE!! i feel like we are getting closer and closer everyday... anyway he was playing some music and i offered to stay and listen and it was gen so nice... i wanted to fall asleep just listening to him play hehe and after every song id complement him and we'd talk about what hed just played (if it was from a game or a movie) .... and well he seemed gen grateful for the compliments which made me fill up with pride

eventually 🍀 came back but i didnt really mind since i got my 1 on 1 time and i enjoy talking to both of them anyway

we had a nice convo going then 🌟 left

i always feel so prideful when i can make people laugh, even though it might even just be a lol or hahaha

then me and 🍀 had one on one time... which is what brings me to writing this

he mentioned he had a secret tumblr diary. this isnt the first time he mentioned it- back when we met irl he said if i could find it i could read it.... i tried to find it lol but couldnt so i just gave up

i didnt even think about it again until tonight.... i thought about trying to find it again but then i was like- yk what would be a better idea !!! make my own !!

so yeah i got the idea from him... a little secret vent diary place that i hope nobody can find (especially him, but if you do find it, im sorry LOL)

really i kinda wanna go looking for his but.... idk after making my own im just like how fucking awkward would it be for him to find mine and read it 😀😀 LIKE THAT WOULD BE SO BAD

so ive given up again

im gonna wait until he shares it with me.. idk when that'll be, but maybe when he does ill have wrote a lot on here and can share this with him as well

after all, i am kinda crazy. ill tell him every little secret about me if he asked.

i have so much to say but no brain power left. oh well

- ji

(1 / 13/ 2024)

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yellowbentley · 2 years

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dont read this im not 15 anymore i shouldnt be doing this

my fucking god the guy i like makes me want to tear my hair out. we hung out on saturday n the feelings are reciprocated so we cuddled and kissed alot. aloooooooot and i was over the moon with that but i swear every 10 fucking minutes he was asking to touch my boobs. im not exagerating. he kept saying he wouldnt do anything i dont want to do and im sure he wouldnt hurt me anyway but dude still. what part of im not interested in that dont you understand

not even just that but a few times he was on top of me and he pinned my wrists above my head which i didnt really want already and ALSO he put a hand on my throat not squeezing but still there and i REALLY didnt want that this is the least of my concerns here. i didnt think he had it in him honestly hes the dorkiest looking motherfucker. i could snap him in half. anyway.

hes so painfully my type i want to scream. he has it all. why did i give him my number why did i let us be friends im ace why does my type have to include having a dirty mind. i hate it here

we couldnt find the tv remote at one point n he reached between my legs and told me to take it out n ive told him to stop making gross jokes where im the focus ive told him im uncomfortable and hes not funny and he doesnt care I KNOW ITS A RED FLAG I KNOW I KNOWWWWWWWWWWW OKAY but every single other fucking thing about him is so fckng endearing. hes gorgeous. hes a genius. he likes anime and spiderman. his laugh lights up a room. when he talks in hindi i cant stop myself from smiling. he bought me pocky. he sleeps on an air mattress. ive never seen him in anything other then a turtle neck. he likes fruity smelling soaps and candles, its the only luxury he allows himself. he has the coolest fucking glasses.

yesterday he asked if we could put a name to this, i couldnt get the right words out and ask him to be my boyfriend properly, half because im easily flustered because I Dont Do This amd half because i dont want him to be. im a coward and i run from my problems so last night after chewing on it for 2 hours i texted him saying basically that i really wanted to date and be official because i like his dumb ass but i also know we arent compatible and its better we stay as friends. which sucks. im a coward and deleted snap immediately after so i havent seen if he said anything. i missed talking to him today. i got used to texting him all day so fast. i miss good morning and good night texts. last time we didnt talk for a day he tried other methods and asked if i was ok n if it was his fault and like it is but it isnt dude its complicated i hate myself i hate myself soooooooooo bad. did i mention this was the day after he saw me kinda cry out of frustration and sadness and he said it was one of the worst things hes ever seen/felt 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

he already said that if we dated it wouldnt be forever. he wants to fuck eventually and he wants it to mean something and not be with a hooker (i dont know if ive said this but if i dated someone i'd be fine w them getting a lady for the night LMFAO) which is fine! hes a cishet guy thats his right to want. im just so mad because now we've kissed and we've made out and i remember what cuddles are like and im SO MAD. this is the most ive felt towards anyone in the 3+ years and i cant have it because of my stupid sexuality. i wish i had said no to hanging out. i wish i had self restraint. i wish i hadnt hugged him. if he asks to hang out again im gonna say no. i want to show off my books and coins and wrap ourselves in blankets hes so fucking warm-

god damnit. God Fucking Damnit im not a teenager anymore.

im not ashamed of being ace or whatever im proud of it I Am Just Me im just a person but god it makes me mad sometimes because ive missed out on people ive wanted before and i will again and to be entirely fucking honest i dont know if i ever will. i dont think its even worth it. the older i get the harder it will be to say im not interested because people will assume im either waiting til marriage or im a prude and it will be more common place because everything is only ever sex sex sex and im tired of it man.

im like 99% sure he told me to stop texting him because he wasjacking it yesterday. ye gods.

tldr im so mad i like him so much and i cant have him.

im going to fucking bed

#🍓🧜🏾‍♂️#adventures

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ssigmas · 5 years

Text

office hours

hi this is literally the most self-indulgent filth i’ve ever written ever in my whole life its just like all my fantasies wrapped into one big fic

also im not a math major don’t @ me

tags: afab reader, professor/student, age gap, desk fuckin, stockings, first time, Guilt, professor kink 👀

Siebren tried not to have favorites. He really, really did. He took pride in his ability to remain as objective and unbiased as possible, especially concerning his students. No matter their walks of life, their intellectual capabilities, or their attitude in his class, he treated everyone fairly and with the same amount of respect.

But you. You were different. You, who always sat in the front row, who always asked insightful questions, who often came by his office just to chat - he considered you less alongside the notions of “student” but closer to “friend.”

And you were brilliant, too - the likes of which he hadn’t seen in a long time. You struggled with much of the math (which is why you started coming to his office at all) but you had an intuitive understanding of the concepts behind quantum mechanics, something most students lacked. They could do the math fine without understanding the real-world significance it held, but you? You didn’t understand why it worked, but you understood the how, and it made class discussions more enjoyable. You often provided another angle of viewing things, and Siebren had been pleasantly surprised the many times it had been an angle he’d never considered before.

His class wasn’t easy - not that he purposefully made it that way, but the subject matter was extremely difficult. The grade you held in his class was a testament to how hard you worked. On top of that, he knew you also held the same work ethic in your other courses - all of your professors had nothing but glowing praise for you.

You were a kind, hardworking student with just a little too much on your plate. Siebren had a hard time not admiring you. He saw a little bit of himself in you, which is maybe why he found it easy to give you preferential treatment. Not when it came to your grades; he graded blindly, so there was no chance that he’d add a few extra points just because it was you, but in other ways.

Like the time you came to his office well past his normal hours with your bag slung over your shoulder and shadows so dark under your eyes he’d mistaken it for makeup. “Please,” you had said, “I-I know it’s late, but can I study in here? The library’s too crowded for me to focus, and my roommate has her partner over and they keep being...gross, and I just… I promise I’ll be quiet, please?”

You had sounded so exhausted and so close to tears that Siebren literally could not turn you away. He knew he’d be there for another few hours before he headed home, so he had ushered you into his office with a kind smile and brewed a fresh pot of coffee. Working with you in his office had been...so nice. You weren’t draining in the way that so many others were, and he had easily fallen into a deep focus on his research, aided by the constant sktch sktch of your pencil against paper and the soft symphonies flowing through his speakers.

God, when he found out you listened to Schumann…who could blame him for crushing on you?

It made him feel pathetic, honestly. A renowned professor with multiple degrees, teaching at one of the most elite colleges in the nation, crushing on his student? What kind of twisted pervert had a crush on someone more than half his age?

Him. He did. He was a dirty old man with more than “just a crush” on his favorite student, and he couldn’t get you out of his mind.

You were so cute, even on the days you showed up to his 8 am class in nothing more than an oversized hoodie and joggers, coffee clutched in hand. He loved it when you smiled for him, those tiny secretive smiles that made your eyes light up, or when you giggled genuinely at his god-awful puns despite the fact that no one else did.

The things he imagined doing to you were more shameful than he was willing to admit. Many times he found himself waking with your name stuck in his throat and a problem that he had to quickly take care of. Cold showers, unfortunately, didn’t help him any more than trying to ignore it. As of late he found himself in hand more times than ever before; he hadn’t been with a sexual partner in ages, and you stirred up feelings in him he didn’t even know he still had - feelings he shouldn’t be having, not toward someone who was so young, and especially not toward his student.

He had tried to curb his infatuation, once, by resolving not to give in to his urges. It had lasted all of three days and culminated in something so disgraceful he didn’t even want to think about it.

(He had once masturbated in his office just moments after you left, your scent still lingering in the doorway. As he fucked desperately into his hand, he’d imagined you kneeling secretively beneath his desk, supple lips around his cock. It’s still one of his favorite fantasies.)

He should be ashamed to call himself your professor, and yet...and yet…

A knock sounded at his door. “Dr. de Kuiper?”

Speak of the devil, and he shall appear. He jolted out of his thoughts, casting a glance at his desk where unfinished diagrams and unsolved equations sat. How long had he spaced out for…?

Siebren swiveled in his chair and found you standing in the doorway, hands clasped in front of you. His eyes were immediately drawn to your attire - blazer unbuttoned over a white dress shirt, cute pleated skirt dancing just above your mid-thigh, black thigh-highs accentuating your long legs…

You looked like a goddamn schoolgirl. That should not turn him on.

Even as he struggled to keep his eyes at an appropriate level, he couldn’t keep the genuine warmth and joy from his voice as he greeted you. “Oh, welcome! You’re not having trouble with the problem set, I hope?” He slid his glasses off his face and set them safely on his desk, prepared to have a nice chat with you.

“Ah, no, not really.” You stepped into his office, surreptitiously locking the door behind yourself. “I just wanted to see how your research was coming along, if that’s okay?”

“Of course, of course!” You’re always welcome, sat unsaid on his tongue. He gestured you over to his desk where he pulled out a holo-pad. As he drew up the latest 3D model, he felt your warmth settle into his side, your leg pressing against his own. He tried not to think about it.

“This is still a work in progress, but I think I’m getting closer to a vessel that can act as an appropriate harness.” The hologram flickered to life and showed a geometric model in the center, equations that you couldn’t even hope to understand running below.

“Ohhh,” you breathed out. You leaned closer to get a better look at the diagram, stepping a leg in between his so that you practically hovered over his lap. “This is neat!”

Siebren willed his heartbeat to slow down. You were so close. “Y-yes, well, like I said it’s unfinished. This is only a prototype.”

“Still.” You flicked the hologram, causing the model to spin as you investigated it. “It’s really cool what you’re trying to do. I mean, control gravity?” You glanced back at him, a smile playing on your lips. “It’s hard to believe that it’s possible.”

He felt his chest swell with pride at your words. “It is. The theorems prove that much. Now, it is simply a matter of finding a practical implementation. If we take a look at the equations…” He pushed himself away from the desk with the intention of grabbing said equations, but his foot got caught around yours and pulled you back with him. You ended up falling right into his lap with a sharp yelp, his arms wrapped around your waist to keep you steady.

Well. This was turning out to be more like the plot of a bad porno, and Siebren hated himself for being able to name at least three that started out this exact same way.

The way you were sitting meant you were straddling his thigh. Which...okay, it wouldn’t have been good under any circumstances, but it was particularly awful now because he could feel your heat through your thin underwear.

He tried to find words to make the situation okay, yet his mouth felt dry, his throat tight. Your face - as red as his felt - was mere inches away from his own. You fit against him like a puzzle piece, like this was meant to be.

“Please,” he whispered, not sure if he meant to ask for forgiveness or for permission, but any and all thoughts halted on the spot when he felt your lips press awkwardly against the side of his mouth.

God. You were so cute.

His immaculately-pressed self control snapped, and he raised his hands to cup your face and kiss you properly. You sighed into the kiss, open-mouthed, curling your hands into the soft fabric of his shirt. Your lipgloss tasted like cherries.

“We shouldn’t,” he mumbled against your lips. “You’re my student,” he insisted. “This is a-a gross...abuse of power, I can’t…”

And yet, here he was, unable to pull himself from you for even a second. His hands slid up your shirt to rest against bare skin, and you shuddered against him as he moved to mouth at your neck. You tightened your grip on the armrests, willingly tilting your head to expose more of your soft skin for him. Siebren sucked with the intent of leaving marks, lightly scraping his teeth across a sensitive spot, and you moaned quietly in response - a sound he’d been imagining fondly for the whole semester.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he registered your hips rolling slowly against his thigh in small, concise movements, like you were trying to be secretive about it. The image of you doing the same against his clothed erection made him choke on a moan, poorly hidden into your neck. You squirmed in his lap, fighting to shrug off your blazer, and in seconds his hands were atop your own.

“Let me,” he asked - no, begged - and gingerly shooed your hands away. You fisted them in your skirt instead while he slowly undid the buttons of your shirt, sliding it off along with your blazer. They fell into a heap of fabric beside his chair. His eyes lingered on your skin, hand tentatively resting against the soft planes of your stomach.

“I-I, um -”

“Gorgeous,” he breathed, lovingly running his hands down your sides. “You are absolutely stunning.” He brought you in for another kiss, this one more passionate than the last, and slid one broad hand up your back. Deftly, he undid the clasp of your bra, and you gasped in surprise and moved to cover yourself.

“Wait, wait,” you begged, and he felt you pull away from him. Instantly, his hands settled onto your clothed hips. He felt guilt rise up into his throat at your expression - you couldn’t even meet his gaze, eyes flicking to the floor.

“Sorry, I’m sorry. I’m going to fast, aren’t I?” Horrible, horrible, he was absolutely

disgusting -

Your hands settled on his, even as you turned your face away. “I just...why am I the only one getting undressed?” You looked up at him coyly through your lashes, and a relieved smile spread across his face. Okay. He could fix that.

“You’re nicer to look at than this old man,” he teased, and watched some tension evaporate from your shoulders.

“It’s not fair.” Your hands moved from your breasts to his shirt collar, fingers twiddling the button there. “Please, professor?” you whispered, and god if that didn’t make his cock jump.

He breathed out slowly through his nose. “All right,” he conceded, and coaxed you off his lap so he could stand. Your eyes fell to his lap, no doubt looking at his straining erection. However, you suddenly moved to hide your face behind your hands.

“Oh no,” you whispered. “I’m so sorry, I-I didn’t mean…”

He glanced down, following your earlier line of sight, and found a nice little wet patch from where you had been sitting. “We’ve only been kissing,” he said, “and you’re already this wet?”

It came off a little meaner than he meant, but behind your hands he saw your flush extend up to your ears.

Holy fuck.

Effortlessly, Siebren lifted you onto his desk, sending the contents clattering to the floor. You squeaked in surprise, momentarily latching onto him as your world spun - literally. Even though you were sitting on his desk, he stood eye level with you. He leaned in for another kiss as he began undoing the buttons of his shirt. A moment later, he felt another pair of hands join his.

“Let me,” you mumbled, looking shy but eager. “Please?”

He let his hands hang down by his sides as you worked his shirt open. He helped you pull it from his shoulders, and when his chest was fully exposed you flushed a pretty pink again.

“Wow,” you breathed, hands skimming over his toned abdomen, up to his deltoids, coming to rest against his biceps. “You’re...really hot.”

It was his turn to blush, but he took the praise in stride. “What, didn’t think your dusty old professor could be smart and strong?”

You bit your lip, shaking your head slightly. “I mean, I always kinda figured you were, ‘cause you have really toned forearms and sometimes when you roll up your sleeves I...never mind.” You ducked your chin into your chest in embarrassment, and Siebren pressed his forehead to yours.

“No, no. Care to share with the class what you were saying?” He was trying to be playful, but instead you flushed hotter, a soft whine leaving your throat.

“You’re just super nice to look at all the time and I really…” Your voice dipped so low that it he had to strain to hear the last bit. “...really think you’re attractive as hell.”

Siebren couldn’t name the emotion that rose to the surface, so he instead leaned in and captured your lips in a kiss. At least this attraction wasn’t one-sided, and part of him hoped that you had been longing after him just as long as he had. “I’m glad,” he whispered against your lips. He wasn’t ready to confess that he’d imagined you naked more times than he could count, but just knowing that you thought of him like that helped curb some of his lingering feelings of guilt.

His hands settled at the hem of your skirt. “Up,” he commanded quietly, and you braced yourself on his desk, lifting your hips. He slid your skirt and underwear off in one smooth motion, leaving you bare and exposed for him - except for those damnable stockings.

Siebren stopped, stared down at the black fabric covering your legs. A bow sat neatly at the top of each one, tiny and white with black polka-dots. His fingers trembled at the band of your left stocking.

“Do you like them?” you asked, sounding hopeful. “I thought of you when I picked them out this morning.”

Oh god. Oh, Jesus. He was fucked. You wore them with him in mind? “Were you hoping for this?” he asked instead, thumbing the bow at the top. Your face flushed a shade darker, smiling sheepishly.

“I’ve been hoping for this for a while,” you admitted. Both Siebren’s cock and heart jolted at those words.

God. He was so fucked. So, so fucked.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he groaned. He couldn’t bring himself to take them off, not after knowing that. Instead, he slid down to his knees before you, your thighs framing his face.

“W-wait, professor, what are you doing?”

He pressed a kiss to the inside of your thigh. “What I’m about to do is called cunnilingus; or, in layman’s terms, I’m going to eat you out.” He relished your whispered oh my god and drew you closer to him, hooking your thighs over his arms, his hands holding your hips. He pressed a quick kiss to the top of your mound and went to work, laving the flat of his tongue across your entrance. You jerked in surprise, thighs attempting to squeeze shut.

“Professor!” you gasped, squirming. He stilled you with those strong arms of his and sucked mercilessly at your clit, causing you to arch up. Your words remained stuck in his head. Professor. Your professor. He was vile, incorrigible, a perverted old man, and you tasted so sweet.

Siebren pulled away just long enough for him to slide a finger into your wet heat, amazed at how easily it went in, aided by your juices and his saliva. “Does it feel good?” he questioned. Sometime between then and now you had ended up on your back, draped across his desk. His tongue licked a wet stripe from his finger to your clit and you answered him with a low moan, a hand finding purchase in his short locks of hair.

Your hips rolled minutely against his mouth as he pumped his finger in and out of you, voice filling the air with a litany of pleas and incoherent mumbles. He slipped a second digit in you and felt you clench around him, voice climbing higher by the minute as he pushed you closer and closer to the edge. He stilled, instead placing a kiss to your inner thigh. “Be quiet, or we’ll have to stop,” he murmured. “The walls are rather thin.” Part of him almost wanted to be caught, consequences be damned. To have others know that he’s the one that has you so debauched, wound tight with need...the hicky was risky enough, he supposed, but he couldn’t help himself.

You wiggled your hips, drawing him from his thoughts. “I’ll be good,” you promised. “Please, professor?”

He waited a beat just to make sure you hadn’t drawn any unwanted visitors, before he descended on you again. He fucked you with his fingers at a brutal pace, mouth latching over your sensitive nub, and he didn’t stop until you went stock-still, hips trembling as you came. Siebren pulled his fingers from you and cleaned up your juices, making the most obscene noises as he did so.

“Oh my god,” you mumbled. “Oh my god, oh my god. I can’t believe...holy fuck.” You supported yourself with your elbows, watching him rise and hover over you. He settled his hands on your hips, a smug little smile on his face.

“Feel good?”

“Yes,” you hissed. “Holy shit. That was...the best ever. Wow. Thank you.”

He leaned down to kiss you, slow and even, and his clothed erection pressed against you. After a second, you pulled away from him, hands finding purchase on his shoulders. “Um, but what about you?”

“Hm?”

You wrapped a leg around his hips, rutting against his bulge for emphasis. “You’re still hard.”

Siebren shook his head slightly. “Oh, no, no. I made you come, that’s enough for me.”

“But it’s not enough for me,” you said, almost pouting. “You’ve seen everything; it’s only fair that you let me see all of you, too.”

How could he compete with that logic? “You and fairness,” he said, but nonetheless stood straight and began to undo his belt buckle. You watched with rapt attention as he dropped his pants, letting them bunch around his ankles. His cock bobbed free from his briefs, long and thick and leaking, and your eyes widened.

“Oh my god,” you breathed out. Siebren wrapped a hand around his length and stroked it slowly, smearing precum. “I really - um, will that even...fit?”

He laughed quietly, grabbing your legs and lifting them over his shoulders so that your hips were raised slightly. “I’ll go slow,” he promised, “but we won’t do anything if you’re unsure.” He meant it to be comforting, but you shook your head wildly.

“No, no, please. I want this, I promise, please. I can take it.” Even so, you kept glancing at his cock, mouth pressed into a fine line. Your fingers tightened imperceptibly on the desk.

“Please don’t tell me I’m your first,” he said, putting two and two together.

You grew shy, suddenly unable to meet his gaze. “I-I mean, kinda? I’ve done some stuff, but I’ve never actually...y’know.”

His cock twitched and Siebren ran a hand over his face. “Oh, mijn God,” he breathed. You were a virgin. You were his star pupil, his favorite student, and he was going to take your virginity. Him. Somewhere, he felt incredibly honored to know that you trusted him enough to let him be your first.

“Is...is that a problem?” You sounded so small and self-conscious that he felt something inside him break.

“No!” He was quick to reassure you, running a hand comfortingly down your side. “No, no, not at all, I just -” His voice softened. “Are you sure you want your first time to be with your physics professor? In his dingy office, no less?”

You curled your fingers around the hand at your hip, and Siebren was struck by the realization that your hands were so small, so tiny in comparison to his. “I’ve wanted you for so long, Professor, that I think if you don’t fuck me now I might actually die of desperation.”

That, at least, earned a laugh from him. Siebren placed a kiss to your calf and rubbed the head of his member against your slit, rubbing moisture onto his cock. “Ready?” he asked.

“Please.”

Slowly, slowly, he pushed into you. He groaned almost instantly at the sensation, hands gripping the soft flesh of your hips. It had been too long. “You’re so tight,” he breathed out, resisting the urge to bottom out immediately. “Am I hurting you?”

You wrapped your fingers around one of his thumbs, heels digging into his shoulders. “No,” you said, though your voice drifted into a soft whine at the end. “It’s...it feels like you’re gonna split me in half,” you confessed. He slid another inch into you and you shamelessly moaned into the sensation, eyes fluttering closed. “I love it.”

After what felt like hours, Siebren sliding into you inch by torturous inch, he finally fit all of him inside your tight, wet heat. He had to stop and catch his breath, convince his body that he really didn’t need to come right away.

“How do you feel?” he asked. His hands went and rubbed along your stomach; if he pressed, he was sure he’d be able to feel the head of his cock bulging against your skin.

“Full,” you responded immediately. “But...it doesn’t feel bad. Feels good.” You twitched unconsciously around him, body adapting to the intrusion, and he cursed softly under his breath. “You can um...move, I think. Please.”

Siebren rested his hands on your hips again as he began to pull out. Going in the second time was a lot easier than the first as your juices slicked his cock, and soon with each thrust he was bringing his hips flush with yours.

“Okay?” he asked you, sliding a hand up to your chest. “Tell - tell me if it hurts, okay?”

You covered his roaming hand with your own, holding tight to his fingers. “Good, it’s good, please don’t stop - oh, Professor, please…” You were whining now, head lolled back against the desk as Siebren set a relentless pace. He was reaching spots inside you that you didn’t even know you had, and one particularly rough thrust had you on the edge of a scream, arms flying akimbo over your head, knocking over a collection of pens.

“Shh, shh,” Siebren urged, clapping a hand over your mouth. His hips never stilled, desk rocking slightly underneath you. “People can hear you, they can - oh fuck -” Siebren stifled a moan into the soft fabric of your stockings, hot breath warming the skin underneath. “You’re so tight, so tight, goed god -” He pulled his hand from your mouth to instead paw at your chest, pinching one pert nipple between his fingertips.

“Pro-professor,” you begged, reaching for him. Siebren dropped your legs from his shoulders and pulled you into his chest, shifting you until you were sitting on the edge of the desk. You peppered sloppy kisses along his cheekbone, searching for his mouth, and he gladly gave it to you. The kiss was hot and messy, an aching mess of teeth and tongues that brought warmth to your chest and heat to your groin

“Professor, please, please, I’m g-gonna -” You cut yourself off with a needy keen, clutching at his shoulders, desperately rutting into him.

“Going to come?” he offered. He snaked a hand down between your bodies and began rubbing your clit. “Come for me then, baby. Come for your professor.”

He felt you clench around him, and quickly he closed his mouth around yours, swallowing all of your little sounds as you came. He pulled out and quickly jerked into his fist, muffling a groan as his cum splattered your stomach and upper thighs. For a moment, you both merely rested together, panting in the afterglow.

“Here,” Siebren finally murmured, unwrapping your limbs from around him. “Lay back, and I’ll get you cleaned up.” He grabbed a half-empty bottle of water and a few napkins, and wet them down slightly. Your eyes followed his every move.

“How do you feel?” he asked as he began wiping away the...evidence of your activities.

“Sleepy...and satisfied…” You jolted a little as the cool napkin touched your skin, soothed a second later by Siebren’s large hand. “But mostly tired.”

“No pain?”

“A little,” you admitted. “But that’s normal, right?”

He stopped, peering at you. “Is it sharp, stinging pain?”

You shook your head. “No, it kinda feels more like...like a sore muscle. I think it’s just ‘cause you’re too big.”

Siebren smirked, running his thumbs along your hipbones. “You’re just not used to me yet.” Without waiting for your reaction, he pulled away and tugged his pants on, leaving his shirt crumpled on the floor. Instead, he grabbed your discarded clothing. “Here, I’ll help you get dressed.”

Somehow, having him pull your panties on, sliding one stockinged foot into them at a time, felt more intimate than him bottoming out inside you. He insisted on helping you with every piece, which made you flush in gratitude, and only once you were fully dressed did he grab his own shirt.

Searching for something to do, you cleaned up the mess you had made of the pens on his desk, a thought suddenly occurring to you.

“Hey, you, um, you know your favorite pen? The one you always kept in your breastpocket?”

Of course he knew what pen you were talking about. It was one he used to grade all his papers and sign important documents. The ink flowed well and it didn’t smudge or bleed through. It was an excellent pen, but he had lost it about a month ago and hadn’t been able to find it since.

“Yes, what about it?”

“Well, uh…” You turned your gaze away, fingers playing with the hem of your skirt. “I um. Stole it and used it as...to...y’know. So please don’t think that this is one-sided at all! Or that you’re taking advantage of me, or that I don’t want this...because I do. I really, really do.”

A soft smile crossed his features, and Siebren leaned in close to kiss you sweetly. “Thanks, sterretje. You put this old man’s mind at ease.” He paused, thoughts backpedalling. “Wait, you used my pen for what?”

You flushed a brilliant red and laughed nervously.

Well, at least he knows where it went.

#.txt #sigma #siebren de kuiper #sigma x reader #overwatch #writing #gravity grandpa touches all of my kinks #he checks all my boxes #let me be self indulgent #also dont read this im gross lmfao #sigma's ethical dilemma of sleeping with a student can be summed up as follows: i have tenure its fine #btw the flashback of u working in his office? yeah u fell asleep and he walked u back to ur dorm #my biggest kink is dirty old men so uh #also i feel like his voice and characterization changes every time i write him #Why Can't I Be Consistent #also yes he's comin home and jerking it to u almost every night #ur welcome sinners #(its me. im sinners)#me to me: can u stop using - i dunno - hyphens???

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quincytical · 3 years

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what if i was a cusper this whole time lol would that be fucked up or WHAT

#liiiiiike i. dont feel nonbinary. and i dont regret ANY of the changes ive made in my life transition wise #and i still want to get more surgery and i want to like live as a man and all that shit #but 😳😳 what if ???#idk i think its probably just bc of the stupid reductive way online bitches like to treat trans man like were Exactly The Same As Cis Men #but smth about me still really resonates with like butch identity ughhhhhhrrrrrrgg #also like still 9% sure im bisexual but :/ what if i dont rlly like men :/ like what if it was a trick the whole time #thats not true idk i just feel gross abt cis men lol everyone else is cool #and some cis men also. just. less of them #UGH whatever if you read this all kill yourself or hardblock me bc no one is allowed to know abt this #I MEANT 99% NOT 9% LMFAO

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foreverxdaydreaming · 3 years

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my tarot cards really just roasted tf outta me huh? did a reading for this year and every single one of the results hit so close to home.. i don't cry often but this is rly making me want to,,,lol

#thanks to mental health + uni stress + yknow.. the incoming monthly estrogen issues... *sigh*#did a reading in regards to personal relationships and stuff in 2021 and it read me to mf FILTH ;;;;;;#'you have being vulnerable & lonely and you've been betrayed before by your most trusted ppl #so you shut yourself off and drown in the possibilities instead of actually doing stuff / you dive in w/out thinking & get hurt again #there's potential for impvmt but you're holding yourself back & while there are possibilities you have to be kind to yourself to persevere.'#... that's the gist of it ig?? and anyway YEAH THIS HURT SO FUCKING MUCH LMFAO #while shuffling I kept thinking of so much and recalling all my past card readings and personal experiences and stuff and just dkdkfkf OUCH #they really picked up on every ounce of hesitance and told me to get my shit together huh........#anyway uuhh probably #delete later #personal #jj.tarotreadings #can't sleep & it's 5:30am so here i am just crying over tarot & watching anime and reaching for a snack & prob a drink.. bc i need one lol-#s i g h #life got me all sorts of fucked up again since last year bruh. like emotionally physically mentally im just...exhausted all the time 😪#anyway yeah def delete later i alr feel gross sharing absolutely anything about myself but also like fjdkdkf #i just really needed to vent and let shit out into the void bc.... i dont wanna talk abt this w/ anyone irl #seeing as this reading was both extremely personal but also kinda included them too so;;; hahaha...#yeah anyway ciao yall. peace✌#jj.tagrambles #jj.tagvents

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writingwithcolor · 3 years

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“Edgy” poetry by white person that includes slurs

@aliiziot asked:

a (white) friend asked this in our friend server: "I'm writing poetry, this particular poem is very violent and loud, I'm writing in to shake the reader, make them feel yelled at. How okay is it to use the n word in an artistic setting such as this? Its my belief that its okay to use in this context but I want to get a more general consensus." i find thatd be disrespectful and dehumanizing, like its just using the oppression of black people as a prop and i dont think its okay but im not sure how to convey that well?? the only other people who have responded so far are white and one person even said that people are too hypersensitive now and ?? ugh.a bit of help would be appreciated. ;; also i am one of the few POC in the friend group (im nonblack though) and this feels gross and i want to make sure i can speak up where i can :<

Yikes.

It seems like this friend is just asking for controversy and thrives on negative attention. Either that of they’re very ignorant, insensitive, gross, racist...all of the adjectives. This is extremely disrespectful of them. They have no connection to these slurs and are just using them for shock value. You can add depth and send a message without littering the writing with slurs that have nothing to do with you as a white person / someone outside of the marginalized group.

If anyone even bothers to read the poem, they will earn all of the backlash for this willfully ignorant idea.

~Mod Colette

Commentary (see the replies for more)

@mathieubellamont said:

It reminds me of using real child actors for the Cuties documentary or whatever it was called, just in the way of like..... There are many ways to communicate how bad something is without hurting the people involved. Casually involving these vulnerable (irt the subject matter) groups and putting them in the firing line to make a point is just carelessly neglectful at best and actively malicious at worst

You don't need to make a point about stranger danger by pulling out a knife and threatening someone with it, even if you're acting and stop before it "goes too far". You've already gone too far. Likewise, you don't need to make a point about pain by pulling out something that hurts people, even if you "don't mean it in a racist way, just to make a point" type thing...... Its too far

Not to reply three times lmfao but I'm thinking. Pains probably not the right word here to focus on, but you know. The intersection of slurs and being shaken and upset tends to be pain so that's why I say it

justalurkr said:

You can shake first-time readers without being a hateful shitheel.

@rebellum said:

It's not their place to use that word to shock people

kermitheechalamet said:

what would even be the point in using an anti black slur in a poem that, as near as i can tell, has nothing to do with anti black racism?

@dannyburke said:

there is literally no artistry in using a slur for shock value if you aren't a person targeted by it and making a statement about it?!? especially if the goal of the writing is to make the reader feel yelled at and targeted, literally all that would accomplish is making the piece specifically targeted at people who are *actually targeted by that slur* and why the hell would you want to do that

@pinkieloveheartpastel said:

*orange is the new black intensifies*

deepmocha said:

"...and one person even said that people are too hypersensitive now." You can add gaslighting onto this blatant ignorance of wanting to use the "n" word to add flavor or whatever it is they are trying to do with this distasteful poem. What OP said is right and conveys exactly what needs to be said to that wannabe poet and whomever agrees with them.

Op, please show this post to your friend and make sure they read the commentary as well!

#aliiziot #yikes on bikes #and rollerskates #racism #white writers #white authors #wwc replies #n word #slurs #racial slurs

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poppy-metal · 3 years

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I mean, your whiteness and your cisness and your preference for men (cishet men specifically) comes through in your book recommendations and no one really needs to read more of that or contribute to a culture that will produce more of it. Most everything you recommend is literally just white people porn made for cishet white woman. I don’t see you rec queer things or read against the grain. I mean it’s obvious you wouldn’t, considering your identity, but don’t act high and mighty as if it’s revolutionary for a who’re woman to like white people porn.

this is literally the dumbest shit I've ever had to read in my life LMFAO. idk if you're visually impaired but literally DID rec something that had poc rep in it and moreover other of the recs I'd made have plenty of their own rep in it anyway.

I mean? Yeah i consume alot of content with white protagonists because i am white? ???????? Like????? And when did i act high and mighty???????? For literally??? Just recommending books???? I also put warning FOR dark content if someone is not into reading toxic relationships.

Obviously if you're reading published romances it's different from fanfiction because yeah, there are physical descriptions and stuff like that but im pretty sure most people are aware of that when they go in. You read romance not to necessarily pretend that its you but follow two characters love story and enjoy when they come together like that.

And honestly, fuck the mindset that enjoying reading dark romance is misogynistic. Its not. And i don't like the claim you're making that poc can't enjoy that content as well. They can and they do.

This just reads as shaming women for consuming smut which is something i shouldn't have to defend to anyone. I'd get this argument if maybe i wasn't an 18+ blog and i was recommending some of these romances to minors but everyone who follows me is and adult and is more than capable of making their own decisions about the content they want and dont want to consume based on what i said.

Also my preferences as far as not recommending any wlw and stuff like that is gross and weird. Im literally allowed to enjoy and consume what i want without weird ass people like you questioning if im really bisexual. The stuff i rec'd was literally just the surface of what I've read and just some of my personal faves that i wanted to share.

Literally just talking out of your ass.

#ask #tw: misogyny #this is so fucking annoying #like #u OBVIOUSLY have not read a single of the books i recommended to say that to me #weird ass

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blookmallow · 3 years

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Can you do a rating on child animatronics like you did with the clowns

i sure can

welcome to animatronic nightmare preschool

theres a trend ive discussed about spirit before where all their female animatronics tend to be either the “old hag” type, or “creepy little girl” - and now that im thinking about it i actually couldn’t think of any boy characters ive ever seen. i dont know why this is exactly. theres something to analyze there but im not really sure what it is. i found a few but almost ALL of them are little girls. i dont know what to say about this but i did notice it

there IS a boy in this group though:

ring around the rosie

enter the ritual

just some nice kids having a fun time. it may be cliché at this point but i love the “spooky nursery rhyme” trope anyway (and y’know, ring around the rosie was already creepy to begin with. im not sure if the theory that it’s really about the black plague is actually true but its still highly questionable to include the line “ashes, ashes, we all fall down” in a childrens rhyme with no explanation either way)

for some reason the fact that none of them have hands and its just their sleeves tied together is really funny to me and i dont know why. they also dont have feet and im not sure if its a technical limitation for convenience purposes or if they’re supposed to be little ghost children but it definitely comes across like they’re little ghost children who tied their sleeves together to try to feel like they’re holding hands which is very cute. 10/10 big fan of this one

i already mentioned harriet hustle in this post, shes fantastic

angeline

i LOVE this one shes SO cute

i dont really understand how she's supposed to be scary, the description is like "she'll scare the lights out of your guests" or w/e but like, she's just. a kid who can see ghosts. she herself isn't even a ghost. i like her id adopt her i think she'd be a fun addition to a graveyard scene 10/10

abandoned annie

ok technically this one is a doll but im counting her anyway, shes one of my FAVORITE spirit animatronics bc A) i love creepy dolls B) shes cute and most importantly C) her entire fucking face unhinges i need y’all to watch the video on this one its so good 12/10 ive said this before but animatronics that do something completely fucking unexpected are my absolute favorite

broken girl

completely batshit. horrifying. shes actually initially standing upright and then snaps backward and screams and the image does not do it justice i highly recommend the video for this one. not much there as a Character but as “really effective way to scare the shit out of someone” its, i would imagine, incredibly effective. 9/10

there’s also menacing molly who looks similar and has the same kind of “facing away from you but then snaps backward” scare but is on a swing and sings “I see dead people, I see ghosts 💖i see the things that hate you the most” before she does her jumpscare which is incredibly funny to me

double trouble

creepy little girl trope meets creepy twins trope, at first glance i thought this was just like, discount grady twins (which it looks like they also have, in blatant knockoff form. they’re uh, not good) but it looks like their description backstory is that they killed their mother and disappeared with their rumored-insane father so its slightly different. one of their phrases is “daddy says we have to play outside :( he doesnt want any more blood on the floor” and i love it

they have a pretty good sense of personality and character to them even if its not necessarily groundbreaking. 7/10

ellie hatchet

i love this one bc so many of the creepy little girl animatronics are just pretty much standing there being creepy but not ellie. she’s fucking DONE with all of you. you come near her she will swing an axe at your face. 6/10 not really a big stand out but i appreciate her undying rage

lunging lily

shes spooky. she jumps out at you. thats about it. i dont really have anything to say about this one. that sure is a creepy little girl that jumpscares you. i like that she goes “help me... help me...” before she jumps out but i feel like it would be hard to get the timing right for that to actually work as a lure to make guests curious where the sound’s coming from since most of these are motion activated. anyway 6/10 shes just not very interesting

johnny punk

one of the rare boy characters, i have actually seen him in store and just completely forgot about him because he was that uninteresting. he doesn’t really do much and his backstory on site is just like, “He's got a nice house, loving parents and a severe attitude problem.”

like this isn’t an undead child back for revenge against those who wronged him or a crazed circus runaway or anything. he’s just a bratty kid. hes like a 13 year old who just saw Joker and has decided to make it his entire personality. this comes across less as a threatening figure and more just like some shitty kid who thinks he’s cool. i glanced at the comments on the wiki page and it turns out absolutely everyone hates him which is completely hilarious to me

2/10 nobody likes you johnny go do your homework and apologize to your mother

i also found limb eating zombie boy, who is considerably better

gross. bloody. would probably be pretty effective if you had him like, placed among some boxes or something so people dont see him at first and aren’t expecting him there. pretty standard zombie. i dont have much to say. He’s Fine. 6/10

mommy’s favorite

ive seen this one in the stores several times, I think we have her there now, and i just don’t. get it? she just moves back and forth with the “shhh” gesture and it’s like, ok, she’s vaguely creepy, but what’s going on here. she just says “don’t wake my mommy! she’s been sleeping for a long time!” so i guess the implication is that her mother is dead and she doesn’t understand, which is just sad rather than scary. the description says she makes mommy’s tea just how she likes it with five drops from the special skull bottle, which could imply she killed her mom, which would make more sense as a horror character, but if that’s How Mommy Likes It that implies the mother instructed her daughter to unknowingly poison her, which is horrifying but in a way darker sense than a spooky halloween prop lmfao

anyway if i have to go digging into descriptions to try to figure out what this character is or what shes supposed to be or anything i just dont feel like its a very effective character design. and i did read it and i still dont really get it. 2/10 i just feel like im missing something here

anyway there’s a bunch more variations of “scary possessed child” that are all basically the same, so im just gonna close this out with:

swinging skeletal boy

allo there, guvna

look at this dapper little victorian child im gonna cry he’s so cute

he just swings but has this surprisingly endearing soft little voice which COMPLETELY contrasts the weird shit he actually says. hes this precious little skeleton kid with a sweet little voice who goes “your skin is so nice :) can i have it? haha. that’s okay. I’ll take it when you’re sleeping”

absolutely love animatronics with that “wait WHAT did that thing just say” factor to them i love this guy 11/10 good boy my new son

i would also like to mention that people are also continuing to dunk on johnny punk in this guy’s comment section too fsadkflj people hate that shitty joker kid so much their hatred has bled into other completely unrelated swinging children

#spirit halloween #spirit animatronics #halloween #halloween animatronics #pinned

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