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#also happy b-day to me :^3
jackie-kawaii · 2 years
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10th Anniversary!
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mel-loly · 5 months
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-Happy Birthday, Lela!🤍
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@lelaloly
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astrxealis · 8 days
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i will return on tumblr soon bcs i'm graduating hs soon and acads r done so i have a Lot of time on my hands for now Anyway can i just say am very proud of myself. got into the Top 1 school in my country, top campus, and a vv competitive stem course. yay 😁💝💘❤️‍🔥✨
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#it's hilarious bcs i got waitlisted for compsci#which i'm actually rlly proud of bcs i didn't take the exams that seriously and most of jhs was online#compsci competitive af man#but i prove my worth both online & onsite ^_^ always straight As baby! even this gr 12 LOL <3#i got into my 3rd choice (2nd choice was psych i am So glad i didn't get in i ended up not wanting it anymore. also competitive asf so i'm#ok w that) WHICH IS the best possible outcome actually bcs it Is my dream course.#i will reveal more another time tho ... >:)) Anyway am just super proud hehe. also of my twin (we both passed & all that <3) ^___^#also my friends !! barely any passed actually and even then i know only like 10-15 of ppl in my whole school who Did pass#and less so for their first choice/dream course or their preferred campus#MWHAHAHAHAHA >:))) ok i'm not shitting on anyone tho i'm just so so so proud and happy#gbye i am busy tho relaxing LMFAO i've been getting 12 hours of sleep the last 3 days. god. school was tiring af#but i'm a weirdo so it's fun B) Amen. i like saying amen despite being this rlly agnostic/atheist person LMFAOOO#upcat i love u. ty for loving me LMFAOOAOAOAOAOAOAO#so proud idk ig. i knew i'd make it (i hope thsi doesn't come off as pretentious) but i didn't know exactly Where#but the universe did its thing and i got into my dream school dream campus dream course#unsure abt dream school really but it's upd or not up. and also def my dream course ^_^
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drumlincountry · 2 years
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My stance on the murderbot #hotbot or #notbot debate is:
Murderbot in a crisis situation: HOT
Murderbot in a social situation: *secretes defensive slime*
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deus-ex-mona · 4 months
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starting the year ✨wrong✨
#(this is about work ok. long rant in the tags bc auauauauauauauuauauauauauauauaaaaaaaa)#i’ve worked for just t h r e e (3!!!!) days this year and i think im already all burned out lmao#first i was stuck doing 2 workstations bc this freakin’ b o z o of a coworker decided to take the week off without prior notice#and *t h e n* the internal components of one of said workstations kicked the bucket and was only replaced today. sads.#rip to our wasted time and futile fixing efforts though. flashtag wetried#that’s not all t h o u g h i was told that i have to jump to the other work shift bc one of my coworkers is resigning#b u t the thing is. all of the other dudes in that shift are from [insert bordering country] and always speak in their nation’s language#so i won’t be able to communicate well with them for the most part ​esp s o bs#and if [insert country here] has a national holiday and a l l of them decide to take the day off..#well. um. ahahahaha. im ✨screwed✨#(but speaking of taking the day off… one of said guys on that shift has an approved leave for cny. which is funny bc he’s not even chinese)#(rips if the actual other chinese dude on that team has his leave request rejected bc of that guy lol. happy cny to him ig)#a n d also i was made to (sorta) teach these two new coworkers (of sorts) the workstation i’m at for the week#b u t the thing is. i do everything here by left (didn’t receive formal training either lmao sadge)#and i also couldn’t explain anything well in general bc it seems like my flow of thoughts can’t streamline itself ig#so i think i confused the poor guys more than anything. but like. why me??????? aaaauauaaaaaaaaaa#idk why one of them came back for more ‘education’ from me thoughhhhh#i’ve tried teaching ‘em stuff at another workstation before this and my feedback was ‘wait slow down you talk too fast’ s o o o o .#ig i’ll have to guide them though again in the morning though. sighs. this wasnt in my job description :(#speaking of job descriptions though… this h e l l a annoying guy no one likes who resigned a few months ago (to much rejoicing)…#is!!!!! coming!!!! back!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#w h y. like. w h y. why is he so attached to this company he l l o? why is our manager so attached to him helloooooooo????? why him???????#our workloads literally t r i p l e when he’s around bc he’s just the way he is. auauauauauauauauaaaaaaaaaaaa#aaaaaaaaaaa i dont wanna work aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#science industry (derogatory) questionable laboratory conditions (derogatory)#felt cute; thought about retiring early idk
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luciana-silentstar · 1 year
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I decided because I love suffering that everyone gets their own halter.
#-pops on once in a blue moon to update and dip-#like what it's been. ten years since I've basically said 'hey life is crazy but I really wanna try to be active again!!' lmfao#somehow life keeps getting crazier in good and absolutely abysmal ways#have been sleeping on my floor for the past week due to Fun Health Issues which will probably be a thing for the next month+#and I would b*tch about that but today is the first day in the past week that I have not been miserable so#I'm on a 'I do not feel like sh*t! :DDDD' high lmao#I'm good!! life is just funny and I really need to do standup tbh#when I suffer apparently I am hilarious so silver linings 💕#chaotically toggles between emoticons and emojis bc f*ck the police no one can stop me#this is me a week *not* taking my prescribed amphetamines ahahaha#on them I am actually relaxed and chill which is funny#off them I'm either a sloth or nighttime kitty zooms basically#my body may b falling apart but you cannot stop my chaotic little mind apparently#ANYWAY broken record babey but I do... want to be more active.... if it happens I'll eat my hat but.#can I just say how elated I am that MORE SNOW#Winter Riders was my first SS game so. snow in game is v special to me and I literally dreamed about this and they MAGICALLY DELIVERED#I have a million critiques but clearly I still love the game and I am very happy with how they handled this lmao#anyway I hope everyone is healthier and a little more mentally stable than I <3#I love this stupid game a lot it is still my comfort... n0n-object. sldkfj.#also everyone must know I am f*cking OBSESSED with the unicorn oh my god#still a ponygirl at heart ig 😒 owell#also ye Dragonheart got an update!! heeeee#Dragonheart#Illusion#Brilliant Vision#Myth#Chocolate Dream#mostly sticking to two part names but ngl. for certain special horses I'm enjoying the single name options#also the halter thing is to sorta discourage me from impulse buying horses lmfao#I am 99% positive it will have 0 effect lmaooooo but everyone looks fancy now
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#it is truly so wild to go from feeling miserable and hopeless all the time for... lets look at my excel sheet#the last 23 days. then to suddenly rocket up to smiling to myself all day. the world is so fucking beautiful#for no rational reason aside from what i have to assume is a chemical shift in my body#like is this what happy ppl feel like all the time? its truely so crazy. have i always been like this?#did i not notice this was a thing? like ive definitely noticed it in the last year but like ???#my suspicion is that it doesnt actually last long enough to b considered hypomania but like idk i should see a doctor probably lol#u would think being happy would make it easier to do things but i just keep forgetting to do them and just like spacing out lol bc rn i#feel chill. even tho i need to make a list of the shit i gotta do by Friday. bleh. but idk it makes being in thr lab so much nicer bc i#mean. i still dont give a fuck abt what im doing but im like fuck it this isnt gonna b my problem in like 2-3 months. even tho im sure ill#still have to write up everything. but idk. it also makes it easier to b like. ok so i kno what my problems r lets plan yo make things not#so horrible so u dont just live a miserable life and then like die having lived a life of fear. like its so crazy how much easier thst is#to do rn??? well see how long it lasts but yea v strange. wish i could control my fucking focus tho. like that would b great#its like the fucking painting of hypnose. my focus is like a lighthouse wildly swinging its light around until it sometimes blasts me in#the face. like not helpful. i need to b able to do things.#i guess the weird thing rn is thst while i feel happy. i also have this like simmering fear of irrational things. like when i used to live#in my parents basement and i was terrified of the dark rooms down there at night. like that kind of childish baseless fear#but like im in i tiny tiny apartment lol like bro what r u scared of??? silly silly silly#idk hopefully it holds out the whole rest of the week and then i can travel and see my parents like !!! yo !!! happy vibes :-D#that would b kinda unhinged lmao. i doubt itll last thst long. its already slipped from this morning so we shall see#unrelated
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iero · 1 year
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Halloween costume is backfiring already…. One of my fangs is refusing to stay on and I’m out of adhesive. Girl help.
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scrawlingskribbles · 8 months
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oof, I finally bit the bullet & re-pierced my one closed-over ear today, but I ended up having to push the stud in from the back to be sure I lined it up correctly so now my ear looks Quite stupid for the time being and is in fact Very angry at me for stabbing her so brutally lmfao
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faggotician · 8 months
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Feeling a little troubled ...... last night (a few hrs ago ig) my nana (whom i moved in wit bc the tenant she was renting the upstairs 2 died n i needed 2 get out of a shitty roommate situation so the stars aligned etc) mentioned in passing that she was in my apt while i was gone, she mentioned she was looking 4 something bt then changed it 2 checking 2 see if i caught the bus.....i told her basicly i loved her n ment no offense bt my privacy is rly important 2 me n so could she pls not go into my pad when im not there bc it gives me anxiety (which she has also so i was tryna rel8 a lil bit) n she just kinda shut down n started feeling bad abt herself n getting upset tht i thought she wld go thru my stuff . Idk i jus had 2 put this down sumwhere n i havent gotten a new journle yet sigh
#i mean she is. Very ancient bless her in evry way shes 81 so im sure shes just . kinda losin it 4 a lack of a better way 2 put it n . Aughgg#Life is very intimid8ng n i wanna take care of her bt shes so afraid of Everything ever n its stressing her out so much she cant sleep#So then shes coming up 2 my apt (btw i dont have a key 4 my inside door so i keep it unlocked) Late as Haell like 3 4 AM#Asking me 2 sit downstairs w her till she falls asleep . N i keep giving her advice on sleeping better like .#If u sit on the couch watching tv most of the day..when u go 2 bed n do the same thing u wont get tired frm it#Or rrlaxing yr body n focusing on yr breathing Dont put the tv on if yr brain is paying attn 2 wats goin on there#Then u cant focus on sleeping .#And i ask if she understands n if shes listening bt then Every Night doesnt change how her routine is n i just Dont .. I Want 2 Help So Bad#But what can i do when ur not even listening 2 the vry basic lifestyle cuanges u Need 2 make or yr gna worry yrself sick :((((#I dnt think impatronizing i try 2 be gentle n understanding but also like . Semi profesh like Boundaries need 2 b had if im here longterm#Bt she doesnt rlly get that bc shes Very insecure sbt herself i think she just ... Internalizes it into like#Thinking shes burdoning me or makes me feel rlly gulty 4 needing alone time i just . Idk how 2 have this talk w her cuz i feel like#I alrdy have a million times . God i do love her so so much n im scared 4 this future i just want her 2 b happy bbut#im still tryna figure out how 2 even Talk 2 Anybody let alone a very sensitive farm raised senior#Damn this is a vent post and a half#999
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sammyloomis · 11 months
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nothin like having to spend my bday tomorrow doing a bunch of shit i dont rly wanna do :V
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astrxealis · 2 years
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owhhh okay i think i'm p tired ... gn in advance y'all
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#tired not as in Sleepy i mean the other Tired but i'll be fine TvT#anyways aaa ebg ends soon !! like a day or two !! so uh :squints: to all those who have sabotaged me ily very very much and really#appreciate it sm TvT LIKE HELRPWJDJSJ ik i shld feel :(( <//3 yes but also knowing i was actually like. y'all make the game fun ... TvT#yes yes so uhhhhhh help im heating up IDHSIWJEKS (shy)#OKAY so to sam & lune esp bcs damn y'all hate me fr 💔 /nm n ofc cal lettē n that 1 anon im p sure is anoushka (embarrassed if im wrong but#yes <3 IDHSIDNS) tyvm friends TvT aaaaaaa ebg isnt over yet but im feelin a lil ack these days ehehhehehdhehdh so yeah#i feel like i havent rlly gotten much sabotages compared to my fellow mutuals who r playing JDUEWHIJWJS so ya just a rlly HUGE ty to u guys#it means a lot to me even if it prolly seems like smth small >< ✨ aaaaeeeeee#i prolly won't send sabotages as much anymore tho bcs i'm feeling tired now TvT wont elaborate but yes WHEEZEHWRWIDJSOSKAOSPAJDKANSOAO#nah idk maybe im just overhtinking again or wtvr i dunno man but just not feeling it rn again brrrrrrrrr#ill head to sleep b4 3 am !! yesterday was b4 5 so now will be b4 3 hopefully ehe#please Do Not perceive this post /nf /lh ODBWIDNWKDJSK now goodbye B)#dw later today when its actually proper morning or afternoon im sure ill be fine again B)) always am#tw vent ish#i hate feeling this way brrr i always try to focus on the good positive and happy but#yeah :')#if i start distancing myself again rirhwiwhdiehkde i'll most likely be fine so no need to worry at all abt me or wtvr ^^#i doubt anyonr will even see or read this post (?) but if u need pls know i rlly genuinely do appreciate it jdhsjd ilysm aha :') 💖#TvT i just bottle my feelings up a lot okay ORHRIEHEIEHKAJS and i feel like ive been doing that again for quite a long time so im just#kinda breaking rn again :') ill really be okay soon tho for sure 🫶🏼#tw vent#im like 90% sure no one will even notice this so its fine if i just post this ya rhe
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crowsandbass · 2 days
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take your time on the fic :D as someone who eagerly awaits the second chapter dont torture yourself through it . and heyyy if it ends up being 5k i know i dont mind 👀
Q^Q /positive
THANK YOU ANON! i am not torturing myself through it, i promise, im just very excited to work on it especially since i was so sick for a few days i actually couldn't work on it, so i had all that energy and motivation pent up. Really really hoping i'll be able to post it tomorrow, though i wont make any promises because apollo might be listening XD
if it ends up being 5k i'm blaming you :P
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clemencetaught · 7 months
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and we'll find some version of okay, one day ( ft. myungdae & hyuk || verse two )
a/n: did someone say hyurick? today is alex ( @jeoseungsaja )'s birthday SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRIENDO :DDDD thank you so much for the all the wonderful stories, muses, smiles, and laughs u've given me ( and all ur friends and ppl on dash ) over the years; i hope this trip around the sun will be a happy one for you!! care you lots <3 &lt;3 <3
Being in a relationship with Hyuk is surprisingly easy.
No, easy, isn’t the right word. ‘Easy’ implies a lack of effort to make what is between them now. ‘Easy’ implies what they have is intuitive when it is anything but. Hindsight is 20/20- it becomes more apparent to Myungdae that perhaps the last five years didn’t have to be as painful.
( He could have told Hyuk what was happening from the beginning. He could have revealed himself to Hyuk when he arrived in Seoul. He could have taken a moment and realized that perhaps keeping this undertaking to himself was only going to cause more grief for all parties involved. Maybe then, Hyuk wouldn’t have gotten fatally stabbed. Maybe Hyuk wouldn’t dissociate, wouldn’t be considered invalid in the eyes of the public, having ‘lost the plot’. The should-haves and could-haves echo in Myungdae’s ears like his ghosts and if Myungdae thinks too hard about it, they’ll start piling the guilt one on top of another, like the stack of essays he still hasn’t graded. And when that happens, the stacks will climb higher and higher like Icarus until it inevitably burns and falls- )
So being in a relationship with Hyuk is not easy.
But it is simple.
Their relationship reminds Myungdae of a heist, except not as nearly meticulously calculated. But the principle is ultimately the same- watch your back and watch your partner’s back. If your partner needs help, even if you can’t do anything, be there for them. Or in Myungdae’s case, in the aftermath.  Wounds are like cats- easy to see, harder to catch in the moment.
Of course, simply being there is a plan too vague for the Black Knight’s standards. It’s a concept with one too many external factors and one too many uncertainties to consider.
And yet somehow, their relationship works.. Actually, it might be even more painless than any heist. Sure, the obstacles come unexpectedly, but the solutions don’t require nearly as much finesse. As a matter of fact, the most effective solutions to their obstacles are much…simpler. Less thinking, more doing in the moment.
For example, Myungdae needs to bolt? Well he can do it, but Hyuk’s going to have to follow him or at the very least find his hiding spot once the smoke bomb has cleared up. Hyuk needs space after an episode of derealization? Catch Myungdae lingering just around the corner, waiting to be let in. Myungdae doesn’t mind the wait either.
He’s always been good at abiding for time- most times.
There’s still more to figure out about each other though. It’s not like they can go back five years. And no single conversation is going to give Myungdae everything he needs to know about his dear…friend? Partner?
( Myungdae decides he’s not going to think about that right now- he’s also not going to say anything about it to anyone. Nell and Alfred already have their suspicions, and god forbid if Quinn and Taiyang found out. Myungdae already wants to stab the latter two whenever they cross paths. And he doesn’t need one more tempting reason. Not that he thinks Hyuk would mind too much- okay, maybe Hyuk would. A quirk of being part of law enforcement, but no one’s perfect. )
Besides, Hyuk reveals himself in layers- like a book, one page at a time. It’s an incorrect metaphor, the open book one, Myungdae can’t help but think. An open book implies all the facts and details laid out, plain and easy to interpret. That’s no book. Or at least not a novel- to read a novel and understand it in its entirety takes more than one read-thru. It takes turning one page at a time, studying every scene and word to comprehend how it contributes to the whole, making careful annotations in the margins, and recalling the most vivid of phrases and moments to truly know a book.
And isn’t that what Myungdae and Hyuk have been doing all this time?
Granted, once more, that isn’t to say it’s been easy. Old habits are, well, the cliché could not be more accurate- old habits die hard. Like how Hyuk still zones out for hours on end without saying a word to anyone and how he’s given up on art in favor of reading and rereading files with yellowed papers on cases that have lost relevance years ago. Or how Myungdae refuses to show skin in front of anyone and how he barely reads and  reads only for necessity.
Or how they both still have nightmares. 
Sharpened teeth need to sink in somewhere. If not someone else, then themselves. Maybe those habits will never die. Maybe even if they have each other, they’ll never be okay, never be whole once more.
Nevertheless-
“Your hair’s getting long,” Myungdae murmurs, hand carding through Hyuk’s hair. It’s a Sunday at an hour too early to be awake and of course, they’re in Hyuk’s office. Myungdae didn’t sleep well the previous night and he suspects it’s the same for Hyuk, from the way he couldn’t stop moving. Or the way Myungdae heard him gasp in the middle of the night, only to curl a little tighter against him on the sofa bed.
( Of the new couch- the old one, that two seater with deflated green cushions and scratchy fabric that must have been repurposed from a potato sack, Hyuk had replaced not too long ago. Myungdae won’t admit that he likes the new one- a three seater with chenille fabric that can fold out into a bed- more now that he’s had time to get accustomed. )
Hyuk grumbles, head in Myungdae’s lap. “It already is.” His arm loosely draped around Myungdae’s waist, Hyuk peeks up at him. Myungdae can see the lines under sleep deprived eyes.  “Do you like actually being a pigeon? It’s too early, Dae-yah.” A warm hand finds purchase on Myungdae’s hip as Hyuk groans, groggy. “Lie down.” 
Next to me, Myungdae can hear from the breeze blowing in. The lilies of the valley on the window sill jingle, tinkling and singing.
“You should get it trimmed.” Myungdae says instead, fingers tangling themselves between the strands of hair. They’re smooth. Fresh-smelling too like his shampoo. “It’ll get in your way.”
Hyuk flips to his back and looks up at Myungdae. “Don’t need to.”
“It falls over your eyes when you’re reading.” An observation, on Myungdae’s part. Hyuk grumbles.
“Doesn’t matter.” Which is translation for ‘I’m fine’. But Myungdae knows this is Hyuk’s way of saying, ‘I don’t want to.’
‘I can’t.’ 
Myungdae tilts his head, thinking as his fingers knead down to the scalp. What would make Hyuk steer away from hairdressers? How does this connect to the full picture of his dear friend now?
There are still so many things he has to learn about Lee Hyuk.
“...What If I did it?”
Hyuk raises a brow and suddenly, the window where the lilies of the valley sit looks very tempting to jump through.  It would take him, say, eleven seconds to through the window if he doesn’t grab his jacket with the smoke bombs along the way. 
“Do you even know how to cut hair?” Hyuk asks. It’s not a ‘yes’ but it’s not a ‘no’ either. 
It’s a silly overreaction, Myungdae realizes he just had. Myungdae could ask Hyuk a question and Hyuk would give him the truth. This is the way it’s always been- they don’t, or rather they can’t lie to each other. Sooner or later, the truth comes out and that’s a lesson Myungdae has been learning the hard way. 
They probably need to have a conversation about that sooner or later.
But once again, it is a Sunday at an hour way too early to be awake. This time, they can take the detour. Hyuk might think there’s no time like the present these days, but Myungdae is more than content to take the roundabout way.
“If I can use a sword, a pair of scissors can’t be any worse.” Myungdae says. It’s a half-lie. Hyuk still looks at him skeptically. “I’ll cut straight- you won’t lose more than a few inches.”
Hyuk huffs, a loose strand still landing in front of his eyes. Myungdae tucks it behind his ear. “...I’ll think about it. But on one condition-” Myungdae yelps. Rolling off of his lap, Hyuk half-coaxes, half-wrestles him into the spot next to him. Alarm rolls in, only to recede once Hyuk’s hand presses against his back and Myungdae is once more face-to-face with his dear friend.
“We rest for longer.” Hyuk finally finishes, triumphant.
“We’ll have to get up soon.” Myungdae points out. “Nell is no good in the kitchen. Hiro’s going to complain.”
Hyuk huffs. “They can wait a few hours. Who gets up at six on a Sunday morning, huh? Huh?”
Myungdae snorts, a hand carding through Hyuk’s hair, his fingertips padding against his scalp. Hyuk leans into it and sighs in approval. “Okay. Just a few more hours then. We can get up later.” 
Yes, between the two of them, they still have a lot of problems and no actual solutions: ANACHRON is still at large, Hyuk’s caseload never dies down, and the Black Knight still has heists to execute. 
Hyuk still zones out and Myungdae still doesn’t relax for any occasion. But at the same time, Hyuk doodles more now and his derealization episodes come around less often. And Myungdae sometimes wears short-sleeved shirts and will even pick up a short story to read for leisure.
It’s not quite perfect, but it’s progress.
The lilies of the valley tinkle in the sunlight. Myungdae presses closer to Hyuk- maybe they’ll never go back to the way they were before, maybe they’ll never have something easy, but if they have each other, they can be something like okay, one day.
.
.
.
fin.
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scalpelsister · 7 months
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sungwoonha · 1 year
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#this week has been… just extremely …#as of last week mentally n physically i had just been drained…#was the week back frm spring break..had two meets one of which was out of town on a saturday taking 30 kids#it was A Lot n then it was also my bday that day so it somehow felt more of a drag bc it’s like … idk my bday doesn’t mean much nor do i#even do much but… it being on a saturday n still having to work n be around the kids it felt extra draining#it was nice tho.. kids had great swims it went by fast n we all went to get ice cream together after#so i’m not complaining but i’m super introverted so by this time of the season my social battery is just.. on the floor..#this coming up week is our most important week of the season for the team as a whole so i’ve just been stressed x9273738#and mentally i do feel exhausted and this past week has just been hard..#i am still in a state of disbelief n everything feels like a daze i can’t bring myself to even say his name …like i feel more than ever i’m#on autopilot it’s just all muscle memory taking me through the remainder of the season bc after this i’m rly just drained of everything#ik there was a reason for this post n me talking abt where i’m at but i can’t rmbr….#i’ve sat here for a minute n it came to me again#so that’s where i’m at rn and as usual sungwoon came n gave us the words i needed to hear#wnvr i’m at my lowest he just Knows somehow n tells us exactly what i needed to hear in the moment#he updated us saying he can’t believe that at this time next year he will be back home<3#only one more year to go and we’ll b reunited.. i’m sooo so happy#and then he said he’s been in deep thought these days and that he hopes haneuls are healthy both physically and mentally and that he misses#us so much#like….. yea… i just love him sm#anyway… i’m almost free frm the stress of our season n hopefully after i’ll make it through this long tunnel i feel i’m in and finally#Breathe…. i also have two cons next month so i’m excited to get a few weeks of relaxation before that n going w a light heart to the cons#seeing txt and wei<33333 like i’m so excited#hope everyone is hanging in there<3333#p
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