#and I may still be no where near out

[banished-away]

I honestly can't wait to get to generations bc i need the massive shotgun of the whole zak-drizzt father-son relationship to go off

#i love zak and he did the best he could #but when i see art of him being all cutesy with small drizzt all i can think of #is that one of the first things he did when meeting him was dislocating his jaw #which makes sense in context. physical punishment is near daily for male drow so it doesnt stand out as particularly cruel #its just what zak knows and he may even have been soft by menzo drow standards #but i think a lot abt that one passage in one of drizzt's thinkpieces #i cant for the love of god remember which book #where drizzt outright mentions how he was grateful that his father tried to kill him (twice!) #and how incredibly fucked up that is #zak's hand was forced to a degree. in his head the drizzt he knew might've been already dead anyway #and zak's life is all about kill-or-die. so he didnt know any other option. and if he did they wouldn't have mattered anyway #but it is still an incredibly fucked up thing to do. and imo erasing that part of him does an incredible disservice to zak's character #the zak drizzt remembers is not the full picture. its the image created by a young man desperate to have someone guide him #of a man that he had just discovered was his father and then was killed that very day #IDK. just. gestures vaguely. zak Do'Urden #bani.txt #legend of drizzt

[trash-can-sam]

Artemy should not have agreed when Andrey asked if he wanted a drink- horrible mistake rly.

#pathologic #pathologic 2 #andrey stamatin #artemy burakh #andrei stamatin #andretemy #? #I think that’s their ship name? #idk but I adore them so dearly #worlds most annoying man cannot stop flirt threatening the local town hero who destroyed his beloved creation #now Artemy is cursed to listen to Andrey talk… some say he still hasn’t shut up till this day… #Andrey may be annoying him but Artemy is far more upset that he’s actually having fun than anything else #they have sm potential fr I need more content of them always…. #ignore where the anatomy here makes no sense #I just needed to get it out of me I’ll be honest #my art #they’re near and dear.. #if you’re seeing me repost this because I wanted to fix a minor mistake no you didn’t

[robertleckie]

I'm here, crawling out of my little hole to say that I am currently in Melbourne (in fact, I've been in Oz for almost 6 months y'all, it's been a wild year), so guess who's gonna look up filming locations for The Pacific and sob about walking the same ground as not only Robert Leckie, but also my boy James Badge Dale and the rest of the cast and crew?

#This is probably going to be the closest I'll ever get to either of those people I am shooketh #I had forgotten like all of the show was filmed down here in Australia with Melbs being the backdrop for all city locations #So like watch me run down Flinders Street with the soundtrack playing and trying to figure out if I recognise anything #Spilling the peaches #Other people: Oh my god Melbs is so trendy and cool I love it here #Me: ROBERT LECKIE WHERE #I may not be an active member of any fandoms anymore but The Pacific is still near and dear to my heart #Also like not to be dramatic but I'm very emotional about this city for no reason #It's been a long day okay I just got here

[solvicrafts]

What gets me about certain people being so fucking pissy about Bob not writing much about Eilistraee (until the last fucking trilogy where EIlistraeans featured heavily) is that

a) Bob basically built drow culture up from almost nothing, and Eilistraee came after he started writing Drizzt

b) no you guys really don't understand. I own the first 4 modules drow appeared in. There's... not much there. And it hasn't aged well.

c) and the Big One: he has a specific vision for his specific characters when it comes to the narrative he wants to explore, from sexual abuse to religious trauma, both of which are fucking complicated and for most people just switching deities isn't enough to fix that.

I have religious trauma that I still struggle with to this day and probably will for the rest of my life to some extent, and it's fundamentally different in nature from what most people would probably expect, and the thing is even though I am happily polytheistic and very enthusiastically into it, I still struggle a lot with certain things because every time I get into my religious practice I have to actively force myself into (or out of) certain things because my whole relationship to religion and spirituality is complicated and messy.

It would be easy and frankly incredibly superficial for Bob to decide to just have them all convert to half-assed Neowiccan ~woo~ drow Jesus Eilistraee to *~*save their souls*~* and call it a day

BUT HE DIDN'T DO THAT

Partly because she wasn't his creation and other authors were writing her at the time so he really couldn't, and partly because it's a shitty message to send.

Sometimes people benefit from converting to a new religion or following a new deity. Sometimes people don't.

I benefited from gradually converting to my religion, but it's come with a whole different set of complications and hasn't been a smooth journey for me.

Just going from extensive religious trauma to switching deities does not fix your problems, and for a lot of people it realistically can make them much worse.

but also

you don't have to be saved by a deity in order to have value as a person

#I fucking WAS saved by a deity and while I'm grateful it wasn't an easy ride #and in fact the way certain people in my family treated me was very emotionally abusive #to this fucking day on a journey that's taken me 19 years I STILL have issues with this whole thing #there are some people I may never speak to again because of how they treated me over this #for a Lolthite drow I could easily see them struggling with switching to a new deity especially one like Eilistraee or Vhaeraun #who are NOT seen very positively at all in the society they were raised in #and for a lot of people the fear of being found out and punished is more than enough to prevent them from seeking out a new deity #to say nothing of the already existing religious trauma that would also just as likely make someone hesitate to embrace a new religion #and speaking AS a religious person I do not at all agree with sending the message that traumatize people need to be saved by a god #or by a religious fanatic #my case is extremely unique and while it more or less worked out in the end it was frankly hellish at its worst points #and it cost me a great deal in terms of my relationships with my family and my ability to trust other people #because the way society frames belief in the Greek gods as some distant thing in time like #'haha these people were so STUPID. they believed in gods that turn into swans and stuff' #has absolutely led to a situation where paganism is only cool and okay if it's the woo crystals and sage Neowiccan aesthetic #but actually being a historically based polytheist is conflated with mental illness #and it's damn near impossible to challenge when most modern people have NO understanding of polytheism and take everything literally #as someone who has had to FIGHT just to continue EXISTING as a polytheist I am still FIRMLY against the idea that people NEED religion #in order to have value as people or to heal #yes for SOME people it works. for others it doesn't. AND THAT'S OKAY

[youremyonlyhope]

why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up

#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director #and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production #and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out #but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again #i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately #so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me #i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me #i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added #and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad #anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much. #but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great #but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else #but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing #and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us #and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing #and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more #especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this. #and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not. #and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING #and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine. #but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad. #because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented #if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that. #but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent. #and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt #i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried. #and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over. #i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help #and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh #brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.

[orcelito]

Oh tho. Despite being at a concert at a bar with easy opportunity to have drinks. I looked at the menu as if I was gonna order anything, then thought to myself, "You don't drink anymore, hon" and went "Oh, right" then just got water.

So???? Given how matter of fact that thought was, maybe I really am fully sober from alcohol now. Interesting thought.

#speculation nation #cant say im fully sober all the time completely bc i may or may not have done a weed or two in recent weeks #but that's neither here nor there #well ok it is in fact here. in this conversation. bc it's relevant. #i just dont want to drink alcohol anymore. period. even when i was having a breakdown i didnt want to drink. #and even when i was at a concert venue having the time of my life. i didnt want to drink. #the thought of alcohol just does not appeal to me anymore. not with the connotations it has now. #but in lieu of that. i gave a little edible or two a try. since i already knew i fucking hated smoking weed #still wont do that. but a little recreational dabbling in a social setting... yea ok ive done a little #not interested in doing this kind of thing alone tho. or even regularly. #but for special occasions. in a social setting. since i dont drink alcohol anymore. this is a Way To Go. #alcohol ment/ #drugs ment/ #i think ill b posting about the drinking thing less now. bc this felt pretty conclusive to me. #ive been wavering on it for 2 and a half months now. unsure whether it was just the trauma and grief of it all. #i mean. it is. that's precisely why i am so suddenly no longer drinking. #but time is going by and ive had several opportunities to drink. times i wouldve taken in the past. #but my heart solidly told me No. i didnt want that. #and ykno what even with 0 alcohol i had the time of my fucking life at that concert. #26 going on 27 and suddenly completely sober because my dad died from alcoholism. #one of those things where. well. drinking isnt good for you anyways. #so if i dont wanna do it. well thats actually better for me in the end. so might as well lean into it. #idk whether this will be an actual longterm thing. but i suppose i'll find out! #for now at least. i have no interest in drinking. and so it shall remain in the near future.

[zhalar]

hate that i have to come out. i hate that!!! i hate that if i want to experience a modicum of gender peace for these upcoming two years i have to tell my new teachers that im nonbinary and would like to use [this name] even though none of my official papers have it on them, and probably wont, cuz its not A Name that i can confidently believe will pass the naming convention.. laws... of this country. I HATE THAT I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO PLEAD MY CASE AND EXPLAIN MYSELF. im trying to construct this message that i’ve got no idea will even be read or noted just to have it in my student record somewhere that “hey im SOOOO sorry but if its not a problem to you i would love to feel like a human person even on a name-basis during my studies and im MORE than fine to be otherwise (mis)gendered as long as its not a problem to YOUUUUU also i know that my legal name is literally on show in every school email and profile so whatever i say here matters none cause everyone will only see that clearly gendered name and not give a flying fuck about this “”nickname”” im trying to get going since its not my LEEEGAAALL name but thats also so fine with me if i could Just get the clear to sign my emails and whatsapp messages with my preferred name thankyouuu :)” 

sorry im always complaining here it gets ANNOYING. im mostly trying to get my own brain straight about this matter. uhggh BUT ITS SO AWKWARD TO WRITE THAT MESSAGE. i dont want to explain myself but i also dont! want! to make a scene!!!! im so pissed off at myself for not opening my DAMN MOUTH when the group-wide introductions happened this week. shoulda just bit the bullet and said ive got [this] name in official papers but would prefer to be called särmä. literally could feel the nerve escaping my body when it came to my turn. fucking hell

(EDIT ive calmed down. i didnt send the message fuck this noise, im just gonna hope that i’ll get it out face to face this next week [biting through glass])

#i dont know man. im like 90% sure one of the classmates is a trans dude which. poggers as hell considering where we are #(hes got trans-flag color beads in his shoelaces and i may have seen a binder but genuinely none of my business its just smile to me) #so me coming out nonbinary shouldnt be a big deal . hopefully. but being binary trans and nonbinary are still kinda different things #for some 50yo man to wrap his mind around. clearly. when they keep referring to our group as boys and girls (men and women) exclusively #this would all be so much easier if i'd just changed my name legally and come clean to anyone in my daytoday life. bet id be more confident #introducing myself as särmä to strangers that way #särmäs sermons #its always this flavor with me lol #ALSO YEAH LMAO FUCK. FUUUCK picking my name i didnt foresee that särmä is a Work Word that people in this field Use <3 #did not fucking occur to me that o yeah woodworking = maths = geometry I FEEL SO SILLYYYYYY AND NOT IN THE FUN WAYYYYY #i could just use the regular ol finnish almanac name that ive got for situations like this one but its so clearly Male that im even LESS #confident trying to get near strangers call me that in a work/school environment #i love you trans people who take up space and are upfront and loud about your transness youre literally everything to me. #one day im gonna be like you.

[bitchapalooza]

I’m thinking so much about how Cyllene is a daddy’s girl that I really wanna write about her dad visiting Jubilife and just totally embarrassing her ass 😩🥺

#‘now Cyllene may scare you now but wait until I tell you the tropius story…’ #‘you maybe my father and I love you dearly but I will kick you out of this village if you tell that story’ #‘no no keep talking I’ll hold her back!’ #while I do love the hcs where tough characters have angsty backstories I think it can be overused #so I’m not fully going into that for Cyllene #yeah she kind of did have a tough childhood but there was still a lot of good in it! #a loving father and grandmother and a mother figure and close friend-practically brother #certain events did happen to make her into the person she is now but I think they mostly happened in her mid teens to early adulthood #certain elements are due just her naturally being her #and other elements are due to trauma #I honestly tried keeping it a near opposite to my hc for Cyrus’ upbringing tbh :) #pokemon #pokemon headcanons #pokemon legends arceus #captain cyllene

[cryptideye]

MENTION OF MY HOMETOWN SPOTTED. ENGAGE MISSILE BLASTERS

#ive had multiple situations where ive had a mutual online and found out later we live in the same city months later #like granted this happened in the city i go to college in which is bigger than my hometown #BUT STILL... if it happens again i may die. the world truly is so small and beautiful #not that i am out here meeting mutuals in real life bc im WAYYYYYYY too shy for that lol. also i could be a serial killer u never know #but i still think its beautiful... also one time a girl who lived near me gave me faux fur i needed for a project which was very nice

[shiningstages]

Me lookin' at my lil content: d'aaaaaaaw it's so cute~

I wanted to do stuff before work, but I like blanked out since I'm sleepy (went to bed around 1? 2?? then woke up at 7:11; not terrible but not like Great) then did my required stretchies / looked up stuff for things~ Tomorrow I have my last PT session and follow-up, and then I plan on cleaning my room / generally just chilling out since it has been Forever, but now...I will try and schedule in time for OC thoughts today and tomorrow (still have to decide if Atlas would be primal or astral...and maybe compare some story stuff to make sure it's not stepping on any Canon toes...but maybe we also don't care about that second bit ghffjghfgvcccgkhf).

#;big bubble blowing baby! ( ooc ) #( i think...i'm gonna try and schedule my hair cut too. either saturday or next thursday #i love my long flowy hair but i've getting that feeling of just...can't take it anymore ghfjcghfcgkhgcjgv #BUT it's also supposed to get colder so i may wimp out because this hair Protects Me #i also have to talk with my workman's comp doc about specific restriction papers my store director gave me tomorrow (fear) #i don't really like feeling less useful at work; but i also have just accepted that i need to take care of myself #i'm hoping nothing Too Big happens with that because i still wanna bank a lot of money before going back to school #but also a tiny bit less hours a week (since i work around 37-39 rn) would be nice...maybe even an extra day off...more me time #in other news i've also had many vtuber thoughts GFDHGFHGFHJFGHF #the only important one is...accepting that i should just kind of Do It. instead of actively thinking of where i wanna be; if that makes #any sense #and wars gave me Big Incentive to clean my room in like a non-vtuber way; but also just like...the motivation!!! the hype!!! #i have a lot of steps in my mind to do my creative stuff; but my room Must be clean #not that all my stuff isn't on my dad's very nice desk but...i don't want any potential pc i buy to be there #it would be so much better environment-wise (aka not being in my kitchen where my dad always is and near the living room #where my bro always streams) plus it's a two-way street of i don't want to disturb them either #i thought about cleaning my mom's office but she literally told me no because she wants to clean it all herself #which her being like “i have to be the one to go through everything when cleaning” is just...i see where i get my attitude #BUT ANYWAYS #i need to get ready for work gfhgjfjgfhgkjgfcghfg being the closer so much is so tiring;; #hopefully tonight is good and i don't have to have Drama and anyone who freaks out )

[sinterblackwell]

me getting an email that my package was delivered so i happily skip down the stairs because i figured it was the special edition of mdzs that i preordered online, only to see a very flat parcel on the front porch that definitely isn’t a book. maybe it’s the extra fanart associated with tthe special edition that just came in before the book??? MAYBE??

it’s labeled with a message that says “extremely urgent” so it’s something important, but i didn’t order express delivery for this book…..what else can it be then?? it has my name on it so let me just open it and se—

MY PASSPORT(?(?)))?/)/€:&,&:8:829292915161

#❣️ #I GINALLY GOT MY PASPORT HOLY SUIT #GUYS #GUYS PLS UNDERSTAND #this isn’t just about the fact that i even have a passport in the first place now (although it is really cool) #but when i put in my application for the passport it was in a very critical time slot #the us is an absolute shitshow right now processing passport applications bc there’s been a huge influx in the past couple months #which naturally makes processing times stretch out a bit longer so #it’s very critical that if you have somewhere really important to travel you send in your application MONTHS in advance #because the processing times for regular applications are 10-13 weeks / expedited (express) applications are 7-9 weeks #because of my very poor time management and other circumstances i turned in my application at a time where #it was not guaranteed i’d get it in time for my class trip to ireland near the end of may #this was entirely my fault but there was simply nothing i can do but hope it came in in time #which it did thank the gods—but more thanks goes out to my professor because when i expressed to her my concerns #she went above & beyond to get into contact with people she knew who worked with the department of state and who work at the passport agency #that processes these applications #and i ended up signing this official form which was basically like an appeal letter (i have experience with this lol so it was pretty easy) #but even with all that there was just no way for me to know i would get it in time #the next option would’ve been that if i reached the 14-day window for my trip and still hadn’t gotten my passport— #i would’ve had to call this emergency contact and go to buffalo where there’s this other agency that helps out with issues like this #BUT I DONT HAVE TO NOW #again-this was completely my fault and i would’ve had no one else to blame but myself if #i wasn’t able to go on this trip #but because i had reached out to my professor about it instead of ‘hoping for the best’ (which i still kinda was) i’m able to go #so like….excuse me while i cry because i really wanted to go on this trip and now i will :’) #anyone who reads all this gets a gold star ⭐️ #personal

[thefatedbonechameleon]

Just wanted to share my EvaJacks laptop wallpaper while waiting (and dying) for ACFTL

What is your favourite quote that you think I should add?

Also, excuse that dotted line at the bottom, it is where my taskbar is.

#I hope that the second POV is Luc tbh #Why? #because he is like the next love interest after Jacks and Apollo #I also believe that Luc would be team Jacks #Plus he is a vampire and would be near where Jacks is since Jacks will likely go to chaos castle #He can also be near eva #since Luc is like the only person that Eva trusts #besides marisol #although at first I thought the second pov would be marisol #so that it follows caraval book 3 #Jacks would likely get all his info from Luc too #can you just imagine a worried Jacks trying to get info out of a smug Luc because Luc still kinda likes Eva #Luc can also enter the castle since he was the heir or something #and even if apollo does not let him enter #my vampire boy will likely find a way #plus eva may want to see luc #once upon a broken heart #ouabh #the ballad of never after #tbona #a curse for true love #acftl #EvaJacks #evangeline fox #jacks prince of hearts #jacks #the prince of hearts #the ballad of the archer and the fox #can't wait for book 3 #why isnt september here yet???

[intersectionalpraxis]

"If a pig catches both a human influenza A virus and an avian influenza A virus at the same time, it can spark a process known as viral reassortment — a genetic exchange in which flu viruses swap gene segments." "Those swaps can introduce dramatic changes, producing a new virus with certain properties of a non-human strain coupled with the capacity to infect and spread between people." "The death rate in humans may be upwards of 50 per cent, World Health Organization data suggests, though it's possible that milder infections are getting missed, skewing the case fatality ratio. Still, in a population that's never been exposed, the global impacts could be dire." "More human cases could also be happening under the radar among farm workers who've moved to the U.S. from abroad, don't speak English as their first language, and may be hesitant to seek medical help, he added." "So I think there's probably underreporting on both sides," Armstrong said." "If [H5N1] gets into a population where there's constantly animals going in and out … it might not ever leave."

I've been watching this develop for the past several days, and apart from being terrified most people will not take this seriously (I've seen a handful of people already shout conspiracy on social media and it's alarming to see, as always). What I wanted to point out is that pandemics are going to continue to be our 'normal.' I watched a great video on YouTube a while ago (I believe it was by Vice?) that touched base on how this is going to become our new reality because of multiple factors (such as our proximity to animals, and environments/etc). It was when Covid hit and they did a piece debunking some of the misinformation floating on the internet. If I can find it I will post it here because it was informative and relevant to pretty much any world crisis we will see around any virus that spreads among a human population.

This post isn't trying to fear monger anyone, I just hope more people are aware of what is happening because this is important to talk about. There are already cases (of cows getting this bird flu) in the US, and I won't be surprised if there will be instances in more countries around the world. As usual, keep washing your hands/keeping good hygiene practices, masking up (and if you aren't I hope you consider it), and taking precautions if you do happen to visit/work or go near a pig or poultry farm too:

I'll keep track of this here of course, but please stay informed folks. And also FU to any governments who will try to minimize this or try to diminish the severity until it's too late and community spread happens like Covid because their actions are influenced by capitalistic interests.

Update (April 7th, 2024, 9:32pm EST): to anyone wondering where some of the source information originates from -here is a link to the CDC. They are tracking documented avian virus outbreaks in the US and the public can access it here:

#current news #current events #global news #united states #cattle #cows #cattle farming #avian flu #bird flu #h5n1 #mask up #pandemic #covid #covid isn't over #covid conscious #covid is airborne #covid is not over #viruses #fuck capitalism #anti captialism #healthcare #public health #world health organization #cdc #news update #update

[spark1edog]

FUCK my shin hurts what the hell

tags are just bitching about the pain. disregard.

#it’s not new per se but this is the worst it’s done it. #i don’t know how to hold it where it doesn’t hurt like FUCKIng shit #i halfway thru my walks i usually get an aching squeezing(?) pain in my lower leg near the very front #idk what that is. about but god #do i wrap it up?? i think i have an ace bandage in here #i asked my mom to bring me some pain meds and an ice pack bc god Damn #but she’s washing the dishes rn #she said it was shin splints and i looked it up and it sounds like it #but it hurts si fuckingggg much #i checked and it’s a little swollen #it’s probably gonna be fine #i only have a few more days of school and i can cut out extraneous walking pretty easily #there’s still some non extraneous walking #but that’s should be fine probably #i think i can wrap it for the swelling (??) #but i really don’t want to get up for an ice pack rn god damn #punktalk #sorry i’m such a little bitch baby about pain lmao #i may be a masochist but i only like it when i can control it #punkvent #it does not help that i can’t take my testosterone bc im also susceptible to CRANPS. goody

[sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog]

It's still so weird to me that the guy who wrote the fault in our stars and experienced global adulation and then global reprobation from the backlash and everything from SNL skits to being soft canceled on tumblr ....

was me.

Like, that guy was me. He lived in the same house I live in. One time he walked down to the river and cried and then yelled at himself for crying because who cries about having such a ridiculously good life.

I guess my big takeaway from that whole experience is 1. past me gave current me a lot of opportunities and freedoms for which I am grateful, including the opportunity to support cool people doing cool stuff, and the freedom to write about whatever I want (a memoir in the form of five-star reviews! A book about tuberculosis and its discontents!).

And also 2. the actual experience of Proper Fame is so unpleasant that I do not know how anyone who lives with regular pop culturey fame continues to seek it after getting a good hit of it. I admire the people who do--they get to make a lot of difference in the world in many cases. I am just baffled by them.

I would like to write books that seek large audiences again someday, but I'm not sure I'll ever be able to. I may need to stay in these small happy places where I've been able to live over the last five years.

But the complicated and ever-evolving tension between on the one hand wanting to have my own life, a life that truly and fully belongs to me, and on the other hand wanting to make stuff that is beloved by people and useful to them and so on ... it's a hell of a labyrinth to navigate, and I'm nowhere near out of it.

[sophiamcdougall]

I am never going to complain about Greek Duolingo again

I mean, I am. But still.

So, as some of you know, my family has been coming to this tiny Greek seaside village for several years. Just over a week ago I came out here with my mum, under the impression that early September, after the height of the summer heat, would be a good time to have a holiday. ANYWAY Storm Daniel had other ideas about that. Locally things are improving (I'm actually really pissed off about the disaster-porn tone of most English-language media coverage, but that's another post). The power is back on, there's running water most of the time, and though the latter is not drinkable, a truck from the government came and handled out free bottled water yesterday. But we are currently kind of stuck. Can't do tourist things. Can't go home. There aren't any local flights out until Saturday and the road to Thessaloniki is still closed.

So this evening, feeling kind of aimless and depressed, I go down to the nearest beach with a couple of binbags and start cleaning up in an effort to at least do something positive. I always try to do this at least once out here and obviously, after the storm, there's a lot more plastic and rubbish than usual.

At some point I find this large, round bit of metal - some kind of machinery part, I think -- that's too big for the bag, so I take it to the bins on its own, leaving the rubbish bag on the beach. And when I come back for it, something among the stones beside it moves.

Specifically, it pulls its head sharply inside its shell

So, meanwhile I've been trying to learn some Greek with the help of Duolingo.

I currently have a 33-day streak and... I have questions. Shouldn't I be able to use the past or future tenses by now? Shouldn't I be able to say "x is like y"? I can't do those things. But one thing I absolutely can say all day long is έχω μια χελώνα : I have a turtle.

This is far from the limit of Duolingo Greek's turtle-related content. "An obsession with turtles" is my mother's characterisation. I can inform you that the turtle is not a bird, and, improbably, that the turtle is drinking milk. I can introduce you to a turtle in company with a horse and an elephant. As far as Duolingo is concerned, it really is turtles all the way down.

Now this, you may be able to see, is not a turtle. It has claws rather than flippers. It is a tortoise. I know there are wild tortoises in Greece: my aunt once rescued a pair of them shagging in the middle of the road -- but that was up in the mountains. I've even seen one myself, but it was also on a road and very dead.

I am 95% certain they don't belong on beaches. There's nothing for it to eat, except, unfortunately, a lot of plastic. Even if it gets off the beach it will immediately find itself on a road where it could get hit by a car. I'm pretty sure it must have been washed down by the floodwater and has been just sitting there, dazed, ever since.

Now obviously the first thing I want to do on encountering this unusual animal is to go and tell my mummy, so I do. The tortoise immediately brightens her day. She agrees that the tortoise is not happy on the beach and needs to be taken somewhere safe. it gets surprisingly wriggly when picked up so we put it in a carrier bag with some grapes and cucumber and go looking for somewhere to rehome it.

We find a path leading up between the houses towards a likely-looking field, but before we get very far a dog in a yard goes berserk and a man's head pops over a fence and demands to know what we're doing. He does this in English, as evidently we're just that obviously tourists.

"I found a tortoise on the beach!" I explain. "We want to find somewhere to put it."

"A what," he asks.

"It's like a, you know," I begin and then to my astonishment I find myself saying... "μια χελώνα"

"Oh! A turtle!" he says.

"But from the land. δεν είναι χελώνα", [it is not a turtle,] I say, as I am worried he will tell me to put it back near the sea where I found it. As it turns out it actually IS a χελώνα, Greek does not distinguish between turtles and tortoises, but I don't know that; I can't even name the days of the week or identify any colours other than pink yet, give me a break.

The man's entire demeanour changes and thaws. He does not worry about my turtle-that-is-not-a-turtle conundrum. He knows where οι χελώνες come from and where η χελώνα μας belongs. He leads us through a gate into a courtyard area.

"[somethingsomething] μια χελώνα," he explains to the assembled onlookers, of whom there are, suddenly, a surprising number.

"ΜΙΑ ΧΕΛΩΝΑ!!!" crows the throng of delighted small children, who are, suddenly, everywhere.

"μια χελώνα!" I agree, accepting that at least for current purposes, that is what it is.

"Μπορούμε να δούμε τη χελώνα σας; [can we see your turtle?]" asks an adorable little girl, shyly, and I understand??

The children fucking love looking at the χελώνα and showing it to them is kind of magical?

I finally put the tortoise down on the grass of this wild area off to the side of the courtyard, and marvel aloud that it is weird that I barely know any Greek except how to say μια χελώνα.

"I think she will soon run off," a kind lady called Aspasia assures me, seeing I remain slightly anxious about its fate. "I don't know why I'm saying 'she'. I suppose because χελώνα is feminine in Greek."

"Yes! I know that!" I exclaim, thrilled.

"Well done!" she says. And also she asks if we are OK for drinking water after the storm and if we need any help with anything and is just generally incredibly lovely and now we know more of the neighbours!

So "μια χελώνα" has just become, by a long way, my most-used and most understood and all-around most conversationally successful phrase in Greek. So I guess I have to admit I was wrong to doubt Duolingo's wisdom: it is correct to be obsessed with turtles. And I concede that prior to learning how to count to ten or to distinguish right from left, the simple ability to yell the word TURTLE over and over again is, it turns out, a crucial element of the responsible traveller's social skills.

(I am pretty fluent in Italian and turtles haven't come up in conversation even once?)

#story time