#and i just feel inadequate again

[failbrothers]

struggling tonight

#my sister n nephew are over #and shes pregnant again #and everyone is doing so many things #and i did nothing all day and im beat and i took a nap #and my sister is going out rn #and i just feel inadequate again #also im getting sick #i feel like ill never be able to have a family bc of how little i can take #physically and mentally #which depresses me #and yeah #i feel lonely #and empty #and sick #good night

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

I think the funny thing about my being a youth leader is that I basically just Hang Out with a bunch of middle schoolers. like I just pal around with them and play games and then sit down and ramble at the youth pastor when it's time to discuss the Biblical topic of the night and somehow this has charmed like half a dozen of them into considering me A Cool Person despite the fact that I'm actually Introverted And Awkward at all times

#actually part of my goal in youth leadership is to show that like... you don't HAVE to be all together and chill #like when I was in youth group (briefly bc I was only in a location where it was an option for like 6 months tbh) #all the youth leaders — especially the female ones — seemed so Cool and Calm and Put Together ALL THE TIME #and it made me (frumpy and 16 and trying so hard to make friends) feel REALLY inadequate and insecure #and like I still have to work through the insecurity that caused in me!! bc the girls a few years older than me #who were youth leaders all seemed so CALM and RESPECTABLE and MATURE #and I STILL don't act like that! and I'm certainly not cool and calm and put together skskfndksnf #so I just want to like... not hide my awkwardness too much with these kids. not try to project Coolness or Looking Put Together #because I want them to see that like... they're fine just how they are? I want to be an example of what it looks like #when you're NOT the naturally calm and organized kind of person! when you're Awkward and Loud and Goofy and Hyper sometimes #because if you're following God then that stuff really doesn't matter. He made us a certain way and that's fine #idk. I think about this every so often again though akdkdkfnsk #Lu rambles

[kyouka-supremacy]

Thinking about pre getting together sskk where Atsushi can sense Akutagawa is significantly more relaxed and affable with him when they're alone yet cold and mean every time there's other people around and he's deeply hurt by the change and them fighting over it and them telling each other “So you're mad I'm kind at you? What do you want Jinko” “I want you to hate me when we're alone too” because. yeah

#I don't have fanfictions in my mind I just have random line prompts that hit illegally hard #One could argue that Atsushi should be flattered Aktgw feels like he can drop the mean facade only when he's alone with him but actually? #I think that's exactly how Atsushi would react because Akutagawa being like that would trigger his terror of being– #inadequate / unworthy / not good enough etc etc #Let 👏👏 Atsushi 👏👏 be 👏👏 the 👏👏 immature 👏👏 one 👏👏 for once #But it's also specifically fitting for Akutagawa because for Akutagawa apparence really IS everything. #Especially where he was raised to think it didn't really matter how strong he was but whether Dazai recognized him or not = #how Dazai perceived him = how he appeared in front of Dazai = how he appears in front of everyone else for extension #They're so deeply fucked up... #atsushi nakajima #ryūnosuke akutagawa #sskk #bsd #bungou stray dogs #mine #Also au where I don't have to get a diploma where I would write thousands of sskk fics #Also I just feel like it'd hurt Atsushi so much because he'd feel deluded and betrayed‚ in the way #“once again it turns out that no one really loves me- at least not as sincerely as to show it in front of others” :( #3am trying really hard to study Hans Kelsen but I keep thinking about Them #Please may the next exam go well 😭😭 I actually care a lot for this subject #q. #10/09/22

[classical-vanity]

There’s days when I really feel like a failure/ disappointment because I think everyone had pretty high expectations of me growing up and I feel like I’ve done nothing with my life

#i feel like it’s always just been assumed I’ll do well in life #because I did pretty well in school early on #but that was always just because i had to #it just felt like my duty to do well so I did #doing bad in school was not really an option #i was also called ambitious when i was young #but I never felt ambitious #again I just did what i had to do in my eyes #to be ambitious i think you need to work towards something #and I never knew what I wanted to do #i think I’ve always been sort of lost #and i see people I grew up with that seem to be doing so much better #and it makes me feel very inadequate and mediocre #I think it’s mostly bad brain bc idk these people anymore idk how their lives are for real #i always feel like i have to do more and what I do is not enough #but like half of last year all i had energy for was surviving day to day #idek what i’m supposed to be doing really #maybe I’m just a boring mediocre person and it is what it is at the end of the day #this is too long but whatever #tbd likely

[goldensmilingbird]

Feeling extra unwell about Felix

#i cried like three times in the last 12 hours and i'm about to cry again and i can't really articulate why #i think it's “feeling lonely” + “feeling possessive over a hyperfixation” + “feeling inadequate 'cause why am i so obsessed with this” #i just hate when like #i can tell my emotions are kinda irrational but i can't stop feeling them anyway #does this make sense

[genderfluid-druid]

it sucks but you gotta try. it sucks but you gotta try. it sucks but you gotta try.

#this isn't about anything in particular I've just been feeling Blah #and self recriminating and inadequate #earlier this year i had found a groove where i was letting myself make mistakes and it felt really good because at least i was learning #ya know? #but it didn't last and I'm back on that “i can't ever mess up about anything” bullshit that just freezes my whole life #so! guess we gotta claw our way out of that fucking grave again

[unorcadox]

it’s kinda crazy how no matter how much positive feedback i get on my work, there’s one negative comment someone made that’s stuck in my mind like glue

#not edits #it probably doesn't help that it was from a fellow editor i looked up to #the way it unironically has made working on this less fun like. idk i don't even feel like posting my work half the time anymore cuz #idk i sometimes feel like. inadequate abt my art sometimes. like if i didn't have my platform people would be telling me it was shit #and ignoring it lmfao. but also i know that's like irrational? doesn't mean it goes away tho #and i wanna make it clear like this is not me fishing for compliments like. idk i felt like acknowledging it on here cuz i've been just #feeling Down about it without saying anything to anyone and it's just like :/ #wanna try actually talking on here more again so

[koko2unite]

#feeling inadequate #is that a word #today #for some reason #i got shadowbanned again on twitter yasss #its so annoying #i havent posted anything that weird like ive seen worse #its just a fat guy no pp all that #seems like the less you got followers there the more easily twitter to shadowban you when people report you #its disgusting #i wanna restart so bad but i have tried that #and it didnt work out #the new account is still sitting there shadowbanned for months in 600 followers #i heard that you gotta reach 10k or 20k before shadowban no longer matters #but how am i supposed to reach it if everytime i post a new art i just got hit with one? #and its much worse on instagram #i have stuck in the number of followers for months #my post doesnt even reach non followers anymore #i fucking hate it #tumblr too #the only new followers i got are just sex bots sex bots sex bots #and it always happens when i post art #if i shitpost or post screencaps #none of this would happen #its so fucking discouraging #and my patreon too #6 people left and its because i was too focused on commissions #well how am i supposed to pay my bills if i dont take commissions? #my work is min wage my patreon doesnt even reach 100 like ofc i have to take comms #i just want art and pay bills why is this so hard

[ohlovxr]

reader is on the couch sad bc of overthinking and Marc/Steve/jake come in and it’s very fluffy and they’re just trying to cheer you up. “why is my pretty baby crying?” And they’re cupping your face while wiping the tears away :(

there’s something about the use of “pretty baby” that immediately made me think of marc in this scenario. he’d do exactly that. and when you tell him that you’re “just thinking”, his concerned frown deepens because there’s not actual problem for him to fix to make you feel better. there’s nothing he can do other than just be there. he’d honestly probably try to cheer you up, or rather just to let you know that he’s there, by planting soft and slow kisses over your face with little murmurs of assurance.

steven kinda immediately tries to be helpful even when he knows your sadness is just a product of your own overthinking. he’ll crouch down in front of you and hold the hands resting in your lap with all the tenderness in the world and a sympathetic “oh, love,” on his lips before he’s asking you, “‘s there anythin’ i can do t’help?” (you take his helping offer in the form of cuddles; wordlessly wrapping your arms around his shoulders and pulling him onto the couch with you.)

jake wouldn’t really say anything. he’d kinda let you have your tears; let you let out what you needed while he’s kinda just giving you some comforting touches and letting you lean into him.

#i don’t know much about jake bc i don’t read the comics so i apologize to anyone who does if he’s not accurate like at all!! #i’m just going off the vibes i got from his two seconds of screen time lol #marc feels ooc lowkey but also not bc i imagine him like this??? #like super soft when you’re alone and especially when you’re sad #kissing also feels like his thing #like genuinely it feels like how he expresses his love sometimes #with the way he kisses you where he kisses you when and all that stuff #random but hey it’s the energy i get from him #also i feel like jake wouldn’t feel as though there’s much for him to do other than that when your sadness is a result of your own thoughts #yk #like if there isn’t some ass he needs to deal with #sad but i feel like he would feel inadequate in that scenario #<- again tho just the perception i’ve gotten from two seconds of screen time and what i know about him thus far lol i could be entirely off #so sorry #marc spector x reader #steven grant x reader #jake lockley x reader

[hwsforeignrelations]

Everybody learns at their own pace everybody learns in their own time everybody everybody learns at the time best for them everybody-

#.txt #AGONIZING #the desire to improve right.this. second to unattainable degrees is crushing me oh nature cleooo #so many skilled artists and writers to be inspired from and motivated by #I REALIZE its like. all 20-smiths but I just love their stuff so much TT #and look. I still have to do my yearly america cringe post redraw and I’m excited BUT LAST YEAR I literally preferred the previous #and writing again and realizing I might have REGRESSED?!?!? from 2021?!?!? well maybe not BUT #its a tough lesson to learn that just because you age you don’t improve things you associate ur identity with if. you don’t. PRACTICE #like idk #anatomy not good enough #dialogue not good enough #not doing trends means less acknowledgement and that HURTS but I just don’t like making shit idc about it so it doesn’t feel worth it #going to college and realize it ur gonna have to stop being a kid and being ok with inadequacy #loving talking to fandom ppl but thinking oh ill never be as charismatic never be as interesting or as knowledgeable about history and #lighting #PEOPLE SHOULDNT COMPARE THEMSELVES TO THOSE 5+ YEARS OLDER bc DUH they’re gonna often be better #I just. havin a creative bump where it feels like ill never bring my ideas to as good fruitation as others can #well. um. yea if that’s about it. I’m gonna go plan for tomorrows usual week comic cuz I’m flying to England at 5pm and wont have time/bars #ill be in Europe for the next three weeks and I’m very excited #just feeling all around inadequate if cuz Europeans often judge you REALLY harsh when they find out your American #I just need to POWER THOUGH and have a good time and make the comics and write the stories I wanna write #cuz that’s all I can do and the only way to get better at walking is to walk the walk

[peachteaships]

Fuck not again

#peach vents kinda #please dont reblog #upcoming vent in the tags #so anxiety is rising again because well like i said todya i stumbled across some information #that information was about a discourse #i got more information on what happened and i lowkey hate how it reminded me of how my ex gf and ex friend were #i think i got a grasp on what happened but also im just socked more than anything #and now im dealing with a bit of an art block #and well #more like some 'performance' anxiety #i keep seeing everyone else have better looking and more interesting looking tadc insert designs and mine #mine feels basic #it feels #like im just lazy #it makes me feel bad #especially because it makes me feel left out too #and i dont know how to handle it #i dont know if i should scrap everything and start over or just #drop it all #part of me is tempted to just drop it all together cause part of me is going whats the point #that part of me is telling me no one would care anyways #i dont know #im just #i hate this i hate feeling like this #i hate feeling inadequate #like everyone else is leagues ahead of me #im trying my best here #i try to interact as much as possible #i try to seem as inviting as i psosibly can #i dont know it sucks this all sucks and i hate it

[pepprs]

i will shut up abt this i promise but like. the concept of being in a stable safe mutually loving whatever relationship is INSANE . like how can you ever feel bad about yourself or wounded or whatever again. it’s like a superpower or somethi ng. <- doesn’t know what she’s taking abt bc she’s never experienced it or the absence of it after having it merely the negative space of it and is filling in the gaps w logic or something. but it’s INSANE to me. like of course i feel like shit about myself i am catcrumb unloved.jpg!

#purrs #imbeing insane about it i know it’s not that simple / reductive and i will still feel like shit abt myself once im in a relationshp (if i #get to be ♥️) and there are lots of other legitimate reasons to feel shit agtbyiurself. but it’s like no ficking wonder i feel inadequate i #am a 24 year old who lives at home and has never held a hand or whatever next to two 50sometjinf year old married men with pets and phds. of #course i am going to feel inadequate and stupid and lonely. like i canttttt 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 and th w worst part is you can’t just go out into #the world saying that and looking for that it has to find you so i will not join any dating apps or whatever but i don’t fucking go anywhere #so im not going to meet anyone and i knowi am so young and stupid and just having a horrible day that is reminding me of horrors. but the #way i am mentally shoving my whole fist in my mouth. OF COURSE I FEEL LIKE SHIT I DONT HAVE A LIFE PARTNER!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE THAT #SAFETY AND STABILITY AND TRUST AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!!!!!! AND I NEVER HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #delete later #like this is what makes me crazy abt parents and kids too and whyi don’t think ihave kids. bc i think (and i know this is wrong / unhealthy) #it is a primal human need to be mutually someone else’s number 1 person and when you have kids it’s like you’re gonna love your partner more #than the kids and then the kids (read: me) watch that and get fucked up over it. but also that could just be me reacting to the UNSPEAKABLE #psychological damage of being a twin. which again is ridiculous bc it’s n out like abuse i just had to share something with someone else si #since before i was born and ofc there was more like actually kind of abusive stuff on top of it LOL but that aside. idk what im saying i #just feel so crazy. the amount of composure it takes me every day to not start SCREAMING with frustration and envy when i see ppl being #RIGHTFULLY DESERVEDLY visibly confident and loved. like ok valentines grinch go sit in the drainage pond forever please. but it’s so crazy #like how are you supposed to go through the world unaware of how much love you’re missing out on because you’re young and then you realize I #it and then somehow you miss the train and you are scared you are going to d*e alone ♥️ im normal

[mwolf0epsilon]

Between the high temperatures, Unity shitting the bed, and my overall irritability from running circles trying to sort it out, I have managed to give myself a tension headache from clenching my jaw hard enough to crack open nuts.

#Eps Talks About: #I have done literally every single suggestion anyone has had to offer #From updating #to going back on older versions #to updating again because apparently older versions are borked #to disabling my firewall to see if that was the issue #to cleaning cache and cookies #you name it #a friend is having a look at it but urgh #I am over here angrily eating a banana and drinking some coffee to calm down #God now I know what my mom feels like working the support lines with people who are barely computer literate #I feel both inadequate at this and also like something is just off about the issue in general #vent

[vaguely-concerned]

Happy healing post-DA:I things for my Hawke and company

because if anyone ever deserved that soft epilogue it's these guys

Hawke giving Merrill a griffon feather from Weisshaupt

Hawke getting a new mabari puppy (maybe also kittens? can we work kittens into this as well?). Hawke and companions playing with and petting said puppy. said puppy falling asleep in people's laps. it dozes off on fenris' head once and he just lies there and lets it with great equanimity until it wakes again. varric and isabela try to teach it wicked grace. it's better at it than anders was.

Bethany can live at home now ;_______; the last of the Hawke family finally getting to actually live in their ancestral home together, after all their hopes and hard work in act one ;_________________________________; she could get married if she wanted to, she could have kids, she could have whatever part of a 'normal life' she feared she never would and her magic, not having to hide anymore ;__________________________________________; (a big thank u to leliana the murderpope my best homie <3)

Bethany bringing some of the apprentices she's taken under her wing and Merrill bringing some of the alienage kids who're in extra tricky circumstances, and the big empty house is not so empty anymore

Hawke training Bethany's apprentices and Merrill's wards in physical combat -- "My father always said that the real trick of magic is knowing when not to use it. Doesn't mean you can't throw a punch about it tho". the kids sometimes gang up on him when they're playfighting and bethany looks on like :') because he pretends to be vanquished & defeated, alas proud warriors your strength combined is too great, in exactly the same way he did with her and carver when they were little

Fenris and Hawke friendly sparring! Isabela watches while drinking rum.

Hawke hanging around the Viscount's office, pretending to be there just to make fun of Varric (and annoy Aveline let's not forget) but actually helping out unceasingly. don't tell anyone tho he has a reputation to uphold as a rich idiot with no day job even though he's been doing every fucking job in kirkwall for like a decade now, ssssh he has to feel like he's still fooling someone

First Wintersend party at the Hawke estate where most of the gang is together again. (My canon always has Hawke send Anders away at the end of DA2 and sometimes there's a romance involved for double heartbreak too so y'know. bittersweet there but at least the rest of the family gets to be together again.) Varric and Hawke mutually pretend they don't notice the other one getting teary-eyed during the dinner because sometimes that's what friendship is

kirkwall book club? kirkwall book club. fenris hasn't gotten to read a lot of books yet, so it sort of starts as people giving him recs, evolves to a covert war among the gang to get their fave books/series read first, and then it keeps escalating from there until they're all fully in it. isabela frequently derails it into friendfiction night.

what if merrill got to do some gardening. huh. what about that. I just think that would be nice.

varric writing some black fox stories just because he knows hawke likes them ;__; (you find the black fox codex entry in DA2 in Hawke's mansion and one of the DLC outfits you can get for them is said to have belonged to him as well, so I like to think Hawke has a weak spot for that Robin Hood/Zoro-esque thing deep down lol it would explain a lot about his life)

just varric and hawke hanging out honestly. varric writing while hawke lounges around in his room. every time he has to name a character or something and gets stuck he throws out the basic concept and hawke provides a name without missing a beat or indeed looking up from whatever he's doing. it's always brilliant or awful or brilliantly awful. varric does his shitty little he he he laugh and/or offers hawke his hand in marriage yet again and goes back to writing. all is right in the world, if only just for a while.

#my boy finally dodgeroll no hit run-ed his way out of main characterhood #and god good for him he gets to be with his family again #dragon age is one of those things I have so many feelings about I genuinely find it hard to talk about sometimes haha #unhappy that I am I cannot heave my heart into my mouth etc. #my chest just feels like an unending explosion in the fireworks factory #and all my words too clumsy and inadequate to let it out. alas #dragon age #dragon age 2 #on second thought let's not go to kirkwall; it is a silly place #hawke #I'm so desolate at having finished it again I just. never want that game to end. I want to see all of the rest of their lives. #I want to buy groceries with them and have a quest of varric pretending to do his taxes #solas fuck off you can't end the world. hawke and his family is in there.

[katatonicimpression]

Hmm OK this is kind of a weird one

So, I love it when people post panels from comics here, especially older comics (i.e. not from ongoing series). If you're posting panels with clear and accurate citations, then great. It gets people interested, and allows them to look up the issue and read it for themselves. Great. Fabulous.

But a lot of older comics are filled with racial caricatures in the art and dialogue, and I really don't feel comfortable with just dumping that shit in the tags with no context.

To be clear, I don't think posters should be running interference for Marvel and censoring it. The opposite, I think it's important to know how bad things used to be and still are.

So, if you're scrolling through Sam's tag, you see all this awful art and stereotyped dialogue (white writers idea of how Black Americans talked in the 70s/80s), and the person posting it gives no context and implicitly condones it.

At least, that's how it feels to me. Like we're saying: this is a space where we're cool with racist stuff because if we weren't, we would have said something.

Idk I don't think it's my place to declare what is and isn't offensive wrg to this, but it does bother me, because it looks like endorsement.

#it makes the space feel hostile to the character #on top of this #but maybe that's a whole other thing #hmm #unshaped thoughts but they're all unhappy #i do think just saying dont post racist old comics is inadequate #not least because the 00s is worse for Sam at times #but also because yes teach the controversy #but then again #i don't think these posters care

[rahabs]

My brain apparently picked “right before my sister’s birthday dinner” as the time to have a complete meltdown. I hate this.

#A lot has been going on guys I’m sorry #The job hunt is going like shit #My sister left her partner who has turned into an abusive shithead so now everything is a mess #I’ve been gaining weight again and so I hate my appearance and my body #And I just feel ugly and inadequate and like a Colossal Failure because that is what I am lbr. #I am nearly thirty and this is not where I thought I’d be. #I’m overqualified for the jobs I want and the only ones left are private practice family law which I might as well kms #But it doesn’t matter because no one is hiring anyway! #So I just sit and get fatter and uglier #And no matter what I do everything just gets worse. #I tried to curl my hair to look nice today for the dinner #Only for every single thing I tried to end up in failure as always. #I’ve never been able to curl my hair and I don’t know why #I tried multiple different curling wands and a straightener and tutorials and nothing. Just kinked ends as always #Which is story of my life. Every time I try to look nice I end up looking worse than if I hadn’t tried at all #Same with my bar call tbh I tried to have nice hair and now I can’t even look at my bar photos because my hair is so fucking ugly #My law grad photo was the same so I didn’t even buy them #Even my parents had to admit they were bad photos. I got hit with windstorm that ruined my hair #Again every time I try the universe just goes Haha You Thought You Could Be Pretty? #Please Remember You’re the Ugly One in the Family :) #The ugly one the failure all those degrees and nothing to show for it beyond an education that does nothing #Because I am nothing! Awesome #The only thing my law degree is good for is making my sister feel better #And I can only do so much because it’s a conflict otherwise. #Explain processes and likelihoods to her and support her as her ex fucks everything up and that’s about it #He threatened to come to the house and make things ‘ugly’ while I was the only one there (unbeknownst to him) #Then I dropped concealer on my leggings and it wouldn’t come out mmm #Just tired. Why do I try again?